#erens long lost freedom
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❝𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐔𝐏!❞
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ eren armin jean reiner n levi ☆ various aot men as dads!!
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ fem!reader (referred to as mom or mommy), black aligned reader but as per usual anyone can read
⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ notes: y'all thought i was playin when i said had 2 other pieces huh...well anyways heres my 2nd official revamp entry!! erm i hope u guys like it cause i lost like 3 hours of sleep over this. (its bhm you have to like it or else) stay hot!! 🎀🎀
eren yaeger 🌸
2 words. girl dad.
this man was born to have an army of girls surrounding him at all times (but he's not necessarily complaining in this case)
you two's daughter is a very passionate and outgoing child and eren totally embraces that
he's deeply involved in his child's life, sharing stories about the world and instilling a sense of curiosity (aka giving her bad ideas)
he was an outside and play in the mud kid so he is all for letting her have free range to express/play how she wants
and he's a sucker for your little girl so he usually gets roped into her shenanigans
when you come home and the house is quiet you know those two are up to something nefarious 😭😭
"eren, why the hell does my kitchen look a hot ass mess?"
"she wanted to make a cake, babe!"
i can see your daughter playing sports (soccer specifically) and he is 1000 the dad that yells at the ref.
"did you see that [name]!? that brat just pushed her over l, why didn't that bastard call it!?"
will get down and dirty for his girls. no matter what
emphasizes the importance of freedom, encouraging your to pursue her dreams no matter what.
actually the most supportive ever??
your daughter wants to play 10 different sports? he's buying all the equipment no matter the cost. she wants to be the next picasso? he'll buy her brand new art supplies and be her model.
just hes so just....*sigh*
armin arlert 🌸
my man, loml, my day 1, my soul mate my everything (he was my first anime crush i will be projecting on this one argue wit ur mama)
he is definitely a gentle parent to your little boy who's just a shy little dude
armin knows what it feels like to be that shy and quiet kid so he's very patient and understanding
him and your son are practically carbon copies of eachother minus his curly hair (which he got from you) but you think its adorable
speaking of hair HE TOTALLY LEARNS TO BRAID/DO TWIST
he knew taking care of your son's hair was going to require extra effort because of his texture but he doesnt care and learns anyway (sob sob)
him and your son are attached at the hip and wherever one goes you typically find the other.
they spend many quiet moments together and obviously armin reads him multiple stories before bed.
i can totally see y'alls son being an artist/artistically gifted
you can find him and armin sprawled out on the floor with paper and various art supplies as armin nods along to the nonsense coming out of your son's mouth
"mhmm, oh i see! i think that color looks great there too."
meanwhile you're in the corner just sobbing and dying of cuteness in your house
much like eren he teaches his son the values of curiosity and freedom, even if his son is a little more reserved
he wouldn't ever force him into doing anything he doesn't want to, but encourages him in the small things
i also fantasize about living by a beach with armin so ik he takes y'all to the beach at least 3 times a month.
every single time he goes he carries his son on his hip as the explore the beach in search of shells and other treasures to take home.
"you like this one buddy? why don't we give it to mommy as a nice present, yeah?"
i can't write too long or imma short circuit but i will be expanding on this because i love armin so much
he's so neat :]
jean kirstein 🌸
jean, as a dad, is like a mix of cornyness and seriousness
on the one hand i can totally see him making the stupidest dad jokes while you and your daughter are just like 🧍🏽♀️🧍🏽♀️
like the irl personification of "im not a regular mom, i'm a cool mom"
but on the other hand he's just like my dad where he can turn anything into a life lesson and you have to sit while he scolds your daughter for at least 30 minutes
it's all out of love tho
he thrives in a lighthearted atmosphere at home and spending time together is a huge thing for him
he is a bbq/camping dad and no i will not take criticism on this
jean takes pride in teaching life skills, from fixing things around the house to imparting practical wisdom (even though it isn't always wanted 💀)
your daughter will likely be well-prepared for the challenges of the world. he likes to think he's the reason she has a good head on her shoulders.
speaking of which, your daughter is very much sassy...(jean swears she gets if from you but we know the truth)
shes the first one to have something smart to say and its gotten her in trouble quite a few times with jean...but theyre besties.
balances tough love with genuine affection, cause he definitely mellowed out as he got older but knows when to put his foot down (unlike eren. what who said that??)
your daughter knows she can always count on him. ♡
reiner braun 🌸
AURGGYGHH I LOVE THIS MAN
anyways as soon as your son was born he only knew one word.
panic.
specifically timeskip!reiner. i can only imagine him as a worrier and a helicopter parent up until your son is like 6-7.
"rei, if you don't let that boy go play with the other kids!" "[name], i read that a slide has 82 times more germs than a kitchen sink. i won't let him be exposed to that."
it's just like *sigh* but thanks to you he eventually mellows out.
y'alls son is a really kind boy. like stupidly nice. damn near a pushover. (but we love him)
while you're ready to fight the other parents (or kids) who hurt your baby, reiner is actually more gentle in his approach
he's clearly a big strong guy but he's very gentle in his approach when it comes to seeing his son cry or just in general
reiner, as a dad, is the protector. he's vigilant and caring, instilling a strong sense of security in your home
your son feels safe knowing reiner is there to shield him from any harm.
seeing talk all soft to y'alls son makes you go sksmwkwmwka he's so man...
"hey, me and mom love you very much. you got that bud?"
balances strength with gentleness. offering a listening ear and encouraging open communication.
he wants his son to know he'll always be there for him since he never really had a father growing up
safe to say your son grows up feeling understood and supported by both parents ♡
levi ackerman 🌸
for sure the strictest dad on this list.
from the moment your daughter was born he had her on a schedule that was planned meticulously.
like hour by hour he knows what's going on and you're just there like🧍🏽♀️
"i read a consistent schedule helps with her brain development." "...."
as she gets older he calms down a little. but like only the smallest little bit.
however! levi, although strict, is a fiercely devoted dad
this just came to me but he's the dad where if you our your daughter syas you like a snack one time he'll buy a lifetime supply until you tell him otherwise
despite his stoic exterior, Levi has a soft spot for his child's well-being and takes pride in their achievements, no matter how small
your daughter is a dancer. fight me.
even if you can't make it, you see him in the audience at every recital with a soft smile.
"you did great. yes, i recorded all of it for mom to see too."
ngl he is very rule oriented but 9/10 he bends begrudgingly for your daughter (she looks like you, so he can never say no.)
he values discipline and order but also knows the importance of showing love and appreciation.
like reiner he didn't grow up with the best father figure (if one at all) or anyone to really give him confidence growing up.
your daughter never doubts that daddy loves her and thinks she's the best ♡
he also is so skilled at doing hair?? probably better than armin.
ponytail, bun, twist, braids, you name it, he can do it. (has put you shame on multiple occasions)
teaches self-reliance and responsibility, ensuring his child is well-prepared for life's challenges.
expects excellence but also provides unwavering support
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⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ 2nd piece done!! why was i fighting for my life during jean and reiner's....but i actually really wanna expand on dad!armin and dad!levi so maybe i'll give all the kids names sometime in the future. i tried to finish this is my ap chem class and my teacher almost took my phone 💀💀 but expect more soon cause i am on a roll! 🏃🏽♀️💨
𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐚𝐲 ♡
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𝙧𝙚𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚!
𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙮𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙡0𝙫3𝙝𝙖𝙨𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙖143 2024
#Words of the Love Hashira 💗#aot x reader#attack on titan x reader#snk x reader#shingeki no kyojin x reader#eren x reader#armin x reader#jean x reader#reiner x reader#levi x reader#black writers on tumblr#x black fem reader
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it is hot (with you; love you)
description: eren and mikasa make love in a hot spring… that is all…
pairing: eren x mikasa, eremika (aot, snk)
universe: og/original
**smutty**
Eren found peace in the hot springs, often spending his free time hiking well within Wall Maria to the hot spring, sauna and spa resort in the mountains.
A small cabin complex for weary travelers, wedged into the side of the mountain, small pools of hot water scattered, isolated. The long trees and tall rock structures surrounded the spring like a cocoon, wooden planks imitating walls creating roof-ed structures.
Eren would sit naked on the smooth wooden surface, let the steam tickle his skin with a warm embrace. The hot dewy air made it easier to breathe, easier to bear the reality and responsibilities of this world. The bright shine of the near-setting sun on the water highlighted what little beauty was left to enjoy, made it more difficult to close his eyes on it.
He heard a splash and ignored it, keeping his eyes closed and breathing meditatively, spacing out his breath into three intervals of five seconds: five second inhale, five second hold, five second exhale. He was always alone here, the splashes always being a small animal or a twig falling in.
Being lost in the crystal-clear air of the mountains had its perks, one being that rarely did he encounter anyone. No one to ask who he was, why he was there, where he was going to, who he was running from. He never had an answer for those questions, or at least never a good one.
Never having to introduce himself, never having to actively be himself... The feeling erupting in his chest, like he had been uplifted from the ancient curse, like the weight of eternal and immortal expectations had dissolved like acid kissing skin... A taste of freedom.
It could only be made better with the company of select friends, the presence of certain family, the close shared proximity with the love of his life.
He thought of her... of leaving her behind. It was inevitable, and he was searching through his dreams for some solution to stop it, to live on by her side. His attempts felt futile, and as he sat in the most beautiful place alone, wondering if maybe he’d end up wasting the rest of his time cluelessly searching for a way to extend it, instead of spending it with her and everyone else too.
He used his forearm to wipe the water droplet from near his chin. Another perk of the sauna is, if it was hot enough, the sweat was indistinguishable from the tears.
*********
Eren had been feeling particularly dirty today and he'd had an awful premonition that were getting more horribly more vivid and despite Erwin and Hange's disapproval Levi still used Eren as titan-target practice. So it was a long day, and he really wanted nothing more than to hurry to the hot springs.
But Mikasa had insisted on visiting the replacement graves for their parents today, citing that it might be the last time in a while before they can visit again, and only Eren knew just how correct that statement was.
They were silent on the walk there, their bodies actively fighting the magnetic pull between their fingers as they walked.
At the grave site, they had become aware of the temperature drop, and Mikasa started shivering slightly, her muscles too fatigued from training to resist the cold.
He draped his sweater over her arm, his hands lingering on her shoulders as he thoughtfully placed the fabric in a way to keep her warm. The touch from his hands was warm enough, the area instantly heating up her skin and radiating throughout her body.
It was the walk around the cemetery, no particular destination, when Mikasa finally broke the silence: "How are you doing, Eren?"
He stopped walking momentarily, the question catching him off guard. He thought about what he was doing all the time; never how he was doing. Did he even want to burden her with that?
Was there any point in lying? This was Mikasa, she knew so much about him she could likely tell if he were lying from the sound of his voice.
And yet she trusted him so deeply she’d also reject that.
She stopped a couple paces in front of him and turned to face him. He debated how much to divulge. The details were long and nuanced and boring and he was still sorting them out.
“I'm... adjusting," Eren answered neutrally after pondering. Mikasa eyed him carefully, squinting as the final ray of golden light struck her face, lighting up her eyes.
He smiled lightly as he stared her, heat erupting from the center of his chest and spiraling out like an untamed fire. He suppressed the forming tears in the corner of his eyes, blinking them away. He always did think she was beautiful. He never told her that.
Maybe he should tell her that. "I'm happy right now." He smiled softly. With you.
She turned around to face ahead. She was skeptical, but she also doubted that skepticism, leaving her at a crossroads. He felt the stinging signal spread to his tear-glands, forcibly swallowing to take his mind off the sensation. "That's good. Maybe we should visit here more." She started walking again.
Maybe it was because deep down he wanted her to know that despite everything, he was still human, and he still needed joy and relief to survive; maybe it was because he wanted the most serene place in the world to be her surviving memory of him; maybe it was because the weight of the world was crushing him and the strongest soul in existence stopped in front of him and he so desperately didn't want to be alone.
Eren took a rushed couple steps and grabbed her wrist, pulling her to a stop and causing her to twist her body to face him. "I want to take you somewhere. Come with me."
He didn’t wait for a response, just started leading without looking back to see if she truly stayed. She followed Eren to the mountains obediently, asking questions at first but stopping after becoming frustrated with Eren's cryptic answers. This place was sacred, exposing this place meant exposing his remaining solitude, his last freedom. Or maybe she'd be the spoon making it easier to taste.
When they'd finally arrived, Eren quickly rushed Mikasa through the main entrance and out the back. Mikasa was confused as there was little time to process her thoughts and surroundings, but she was amazed at how comfortable Eren was here, that alone was strikingly obvious.
He brought her to his most frequented spring, his favorite because of how isolated yet comforting it was. The enclosure was small and warm, moss covering the rocks and wisteria--fake, maybe--hanging between. He stopped in front of the open door and held his arm out, gesturing for her to enter. She did, glancing around in wonder, still taking it all in.
"A hot spring?" Mikasa asked, turning around to face the doorway. "This is where you come every day." It was more of a processing statement than a question and it didn't necessarily require an answer, but Eren nodded anyway. His future and dreams were cloudy and ambiguous; he didn't want tonight to be.
He started taking his shirt off, already warming up from the steam accumulating in the loosely closed-off room. "I love it here," he answered quietly, eyes gazing around the room, noting the small differences from yesterday. He moved on to remove his shorts.
Mikasa's face erupted into various shades of pinks and reds, her eyes widening slightly and fixating on Eren's eyes, biting her lip to relieve the tension from holding her gaze above his sculpted collarbones.
He shifted slightly to pull the short off his foot and Mikasa's eyes glanced at the glistening sweat forming on his sharp collarbones, pointing like an arrow towards the tough ridges that make up his abs.
She licked her lips, catching glimpses of his firm ass as he stepped into the spring, wading to the middle where it reached his naval. She gulped harshly as the water kissed up his thighs, instantly hugging his skin.
"I can't describe it," Eren sighed, running his hands over his face and letting the hot water forge different trails to his chest, his brown hair turning black as it absorbed the water. Mikasa's eyes followed the sweat traveling down his chest, watching it culminate into the reflection of the same site and watching the process in reverse. "You have to try it, Mikasa."
She pursed her lips, hesitant, before complying by slowly undoing the buttons on her shirt. She could feel Eren's eyes on her, intensely watching the finite movements of her fingers caressing the button, and she felt the heat rising to her cheeks. The thought of asking him to do it for her crossed her mind.
She shrugged off the top and her hands moved to the buttons on her pants, surprised at the increased breathability for her skin. Mikasa briefly caught Eren lick and bite his lip as he kept his eyes trained on her hands.
Eren waded closer, the water line settling now just above his hips. The water lapped at the paler skin, inching threateningly closer to where his cock was starting to harden. His breath hitched at the sight of her bending over to pull the pants over her knees, her cleavage rounding and the weight of her boobs distorting the structure, starting to fall out of the bra.
He kept his eyes fixed on her chest, fully aware of her gaze on him, as she started to stand up and stepped out the pants, leaving them on the floor.
She placed her hands delicately on the thin straps of her lace panties, and she was secretly psyched at her bold choice this morning. Eren stepped forward, the water loudly splashing out of the way, a splash lapping at her feet.
"Wait," he said quickly, "wait." He looked up at her from in the pool, the water to his knees. He held one hand up to her. "May I?" There was a hopeful rejuvenation sparkling in his eyes, an unspoken promise on his tongue.
His hands were inching towards her hips, giving in to an unseen magnetic pull, like he already knew she'd say yes. She'd paused in disbelief, her body becoming unbelievably warm. "Mika?"
As soon as the breathless "Yes," landed in one ear, Eren's hands snapped to her hips, holding the thin delicate fabric so tightly in his rough hands. His palms and forearms rested against the length of her thick thighs, the fading light still highlighting the muscle.
Eren took a slight step forward, disturbing the peace of the water and pressed his face to her crotch, still clutching onto the panty straps, like he'd drown if he let go. Eren inhaled deeply, a shiver ran down his spine and pulsed right to his cock because she smelled so, weirdly delicious.
He swallowed the saliva building on his tongue and rested his chin just above the top panty line. He stared up at her to find her staring at him, both hands reaching to his hair for stability. He could feel her heart beat to the pelvic muscles; she could feel the panty fabric dampen.
His throat was dry and he was at a loss for words as he stared at her and slowly started tugging down the straps. He stopped when the fabric had bunched just above the lips, letting them teasingly peek out at himself, and he licked his lips. Eren bit the fabric quickly, pulling back, looking up to make eye contact with it in his teeth before abruptly letting it recoil back and roughly yanking the rest of the panties down.
His hands immediately wrapped to her butt cheeks, grabbing one in each hand, like they were his new life support in the still pleasant waters. Mikasa moaned as he fondled the skin, grabbing and folding the soft flesh in his strong, rigid grip.
Meanwhile his mouth pressed kisses like it was paying a nonexistent fare as his mouth ventured lower, lips meeting lips. Her soft gasps served as conductors, waving him on. He sucked firmly, licking out exploritorily, smirking as his tongue registered the taste of her.
Eren lowered one hand from her ass cheek to between her thighs and swirled his thumb in the fluid. She was more wet than the steamed air.
He smirked at the gasp Mikasa released as his thumb cautiously pressed between the labia, his tongue following his finger and his mind making mental notes of where he'd touched that she was the loudest.
His thumb slid easily on her wet skin, alternating pressure with light thin tongue flicks or hard flat licks. Butterflies and extreme heat erupted in her stomach, spreading across her body like wildfire instantaneously.
"Oh, Eren!" she moaned loudly, clutching onto his scalp and pushing her weight onto him slightly, her knees wobbling from the pleasure.
Eren firmly grabbed one thigh in his hand and guided it to rest on his shoulder, his other hand supporting her standing leg. He supported her weight and she pressed into him and tightened her thigh to his face as he continued to lick hungrily at her clit, happier with this angle, with the weight of her thigh against his cheek.
After a few moments he smacked her cheek and pulled his head away, staring up at her with shiny eyes and a moist mouth. “On the ground,” he ordered.
Mikasa instantly obeyed, scampering onto the cold stone ground and sitting down. She hummed as the strangely cool rock soothed the hot stinging of the smack.
He leaned over her a heart’s beat later. Within seconds he was hovering over her legs, manhandling and kissing up her thighs, biting at the skin and licking to make up for it.
Eren moaned when he tucked his nose to her pussy and delicately touched his tongue to her clit again, his hands gripping her thighs that squeezed together, blocked by his head, pressing against his cheeks instead.
The pleasure went on for minutes, the sound an ungodly symphony, before the skin became too raw and too sensitive and Mikasa had to push his face away.
She was aching to catch her breath, her chest heaving, her heart racing, her pulse electrifying. He was smirking at her, also breathing deeply, like he were willing to sacrifice air to drink more of her. His eyes sparkling like he were staring at an angel; she was shining with a halo of sweat and condensation.
Mikasa opened her mouth to say something, barely got the semblance of an “I” out when Eren had lunged to her, the magnetic pull becoming too overwhelming to ignore anymore. Their mouths collided, his hand reaching out to hold her in place, and it felt like the steam from the sauna had penetrated their barriers.
She had moved to hover over his lap, lower thighs kissing but upper thighs barely touching, yearning out and aching to close the space. Eren’s hands were too busy exploring her breasts and upper back to pull her closer, and he was too overstimulated to focus on the drops landing on his hard cock, the mixed droplets of his saliva and her discharge.
Eren’s brain was short-circuiting: there was too much of her to focus on, and there were so many sensations of her skin of his to process. She was overwhelming.
Eren loudly moaned when her hand shyly reached for his cock, confidently gripping it yet stroking it coyly. The contradictory strokes sent electrifying waves of pleasure to his brain, pumping more blood back to his cock so he could feel it more.
The noises blissfully slipped out of his mouth as she tugged on him, kissing and nipping softly at the skin on his neck while bouncing lightly on her knees, letting her clit just grace his tense thigh, the ghostly friction teasingly divine.
When the heat boiling inside became too much and the heat from the moist air made the sweat stick to his skin, Eren roughly gripped her bum with both hands and pulled her onto her lap.
She fell into him, yelping at the sudden motion then quickly moaning at the friction between her wet clit and his thigh, the moist sheen between causing her to slide towards his crotch, his hard cock upright wedged between their abdomens.
He waited until she made eye contact before kissing her, brushing a strand of hair from her eyeline then holding her neck. He used his other hand to guide her hips as she rocked back and forth, both of them moaning softly into the other’s warm mouth.
Mikasa used her hand to lather his cock in the wetness that had gathered between her legs, the mixture of sauna steam and sweat and saliva and fluid. Eren’s eyes screwed shut and his face twisted in pleasure at the movements, pulling away from the kiss and softly moaning her name, his grip on her skin tightening.
The steam was infiltrating his mind, he could feel the water lift the weight of everything despite the very real muscular weight shifting in his lap. He felt the buoyant feeling in his chest, lifting the shackles.
“Mikasa,” he started softly, tears welling into his eyes, “whatever happens…” He tucked his nose into her neck, unable to look at her. A hot tear slid down his cheek. The words choked in his throat, making it hard to breathe.
Her hand firmly gripped his cheeks and forced him to look at her. She was smiling so softly, a look that made the warmth of the sauna air around them feel cold. Her thumb unknowingly wiping away the tear.
“I know, Eren,” she replied soothingly, rubbing her thumb once or twice against his cheekbone. “Me too.” He returned her smile before she kissed him gently, slowly, so slowly Eren wondered if time had been paused. “Always,” she murmured against his lips.
“Always,” he whispered quickly in agreement, foreheads pressed together, eyes closed.
She lowered onto his cock, the explosive burst of electricity inside drastically drowning out their quiet tones, amplified the feeling ten thousand-fold.
Eren’s lips hovered over her chest, panting, periodically pressing kisses or nips to the goose bumped skin. He pawed between her bum and hips as he rocked his hips in rhythm with her bounce, drinking in her loud moans.
The motion was slow, not greedy like before. The kisses were softer and more tender, the touches were longer and warmer. The pleasure felt amplified somehow, like the crowded steam air made it impossible for it to evaporate, keeping it condensed inside them, making every touch and every movement and every kiss feel so much more powerful.
He gently rolled them over, carefully placing his hand behind her head to prevent it from hitting the hard rock.
Her nails clawed into his back, breaking through the steam-heated skin but stopping at the strong muscle, leaving raised red reminders for tomorrow.
He thrusted in and out, slowly, taking his time, like he had all of it in the world. Mikasa’s fingers clawed at his pecs with one hand and the other grabbed a fistful of Eren’s overgrown hair, dragging him closer.
When the sensation in her pelvis spread to the rest of her body and her toes started to curl, she wrapped her arms underneath Eren’s shoulders and held him close, eliminating as much of the distance between their skin. The sweat acted like magnetic glue, pulling and sticking their bodies together with intricate forces.
She moaned loudly and unapologetically, taking each thrust as he whispered compliments and novelties in her ear, telling her she looked so gorgeous like this, being fucked by him.
She was too breathless to tell him he looked and felt godly, hand crafted by a higher power. She worried he’d laugh at her anyway.
Eren was rapidly approaching his climax, and from the way her thighs clenched around his waist—so tight practically preventing him from moving—he could tell Mikasa was too.
He pushed deeper, fighting against the strength of her thighs around him to pull out ever so slightly and using even more force to push deeper inside. Only two hard pumps and he came inside her, Mikasa still grinding herself against his overstimulated cock, causing him to choke out her name and jerk his hips back, which her hips instinctively chased.
Her thighs loosened around him and he slipped out. He layed onto the cool stone and pulled her into his arms, resting her head onto his chest, her skin hot and red and sweaty.
He stared at the wooden ceiling, wondering if his vision was so blurry because of her or the steam. He closed his eyes. He didn’t even care if it was blurry. He was in his favorite place with his favorite person, living in his blissful freedom.
She lifted her head a little to look at Eren, their eyes and lips aligning. “Mikasa… I…” She stared at him with a happy, cozy smile, like the ones they’d wear when they snuggled with his mother by the fireplace when they were kids—at home.
The words choked in his throat. Tears welled in both their eyes, but her expression didn’t waver. He kissed her instead, mouthing the words into her mouth, etching them inside with his tongue.
He relaxed into her touch, fell into her intoxicating kiss all over again, when she carved the reciprocal sequence of letters into his mouth.
Love you.
#erens soft bc he loves saunas and he loves mikasa#imagine sharing something you love with the one you love#and then literally having sex on it lmao#eren jaeger#eremika#eren x mikasa#mikasa ackerman#aot#snk#jjkeremika#i have to tag myself bc i wrote it lmao#eremika smut#eremika fanfic#eren yeager#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#eren jaeger smut#mikasa smut#eren jaeger interview#not a sauna but still steamy so im counting it#i really love the idea of him calling her mika too#eren attack on titan#mikasa attack on titan#eremika attack on titan
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Your mine
Eren x reader
A/N: COMMISSIONS ARE BACK OPEN MESSAGE ME FOR ONE
TW: Yandere themes, threats, forced sex, obsessions, dark themes and metioms of cheating
“So your just giving up on us?” You watch how anger slowly filled your ex-boyfriends eyes how his hands began to ball into dust and shake the slightest bit.
“Yes…my stuff is already packed I just thought I’d tell you first.” silence filled the air as Eren began to stare at you with it the the deepest amount of hatred you had ever seen from another human being.
He began nodding his head and took one large hand and rubbed across his face . A deep low chuckle interrupted the silence “Your dumber than I thought y/n, You ain’t going no where.”
“… I-I don’t have time for this I want to get situated in my new place before nighttime” You snatched your purse off the kitchen table and began to take long strides towards the door.
“No” Eren stepped in front of the door and stuffed his hands in his pockets. You immediately stoped not wanting to get too close. You knew you couldn’t get passed him for one and two you knew better than anyone when Eren got anger he got physical.
Eren began to slowly walk towards you closing the distance and with you not began the type to run from anyone you stood there trying to look as unfazed as possibly.
“Eren please j-just get out of my way.” Your pleads went unheard as he wrapped his large hand around you neck putting you in a death grip. “I could choke you…leave you unconscious, throw you in the basement.” A wicked smile began to creep onto his face “Then you’d have no freedom or choices at all.”
You’ve spent 2 long years with Eren. Waking up to him, going on dates with him and sleeping with him. You know more about this man then anyone else. And from as far as you can tell…he’s very very mental unstable. You wanted to do everything in your power to not piss him off which was really easy to do.
“Eren let me go, I’m leaving”. The grip on you neck grew stronger and you could resist the urge to claw at his arm. He pushed you onto the counter island and grabbed one leg resting it in his shoulder.
You continued to basically fight for your life and claw at his arm as he began mumbling nonsense.
“There’s someone else, you’ve been cheating on me huh?” He suddenly paused and let go of you your neck leaving you a shaking and coughing mess. You gripped at the spot Eren’s hand just help trying to smooth away the pain.
“You’ve been fucking someone else.” Realization struck his eyes as he look down on you. “N-no I no I didn’t” you frantically shook your head and tried scooting yourself away.
“Oh I see how it is, well when you go see him tell him how good I fuck you. You know what why don’t I just show him?
He yanked pulled up your skirt and raised the other let on his shoulder. He unzipped his pants releasing his semi hard cock and spit on his hand stroking it to get it fully prepared.
“Eren no move Eren”
He moved your panties to the side and began to enter his cock with as much ease as he could. “Ouch Eren!”
A hand was quickly placed on your mouth as he began moving. Short and fast thrust moving faster then you could process. The pain you felt was quickly replaced with pleasure as he began hitting all the spots that made you toes curl.
“Damn, Your always so tight. I’m never letting you go you know that right? I will never allow another man to have you.”
His words fell on deaf ears as you couldn’t even process the fact that he was speaking English. Moans was and pleasure was all that filled you mind as he began to push himself deeper.
You orgasm ripped through you like a hurricane and all you could do was stare at the ceiling lost in the clouds.
“Bet his dick isn’t half the size of mine”.
He pulled himself out, ignoring the fact that he hadn’t yet cum and spread you legs even wider watching as your cum fell onto the counter top.
You felt him change positions and get on his knees. He dipped his head inside your cunt and began licking you clean. Sticking his tongue inside you, licking all around your cunt and not giving you a chance to get in a breath.
Finally he let up and stood placing his hands on either side of you.
“Hurry up and clean this shit up, I need one of your friends to come suck me off.”
He moved his hand towards your face and grabbed your jaw, spitting on you face.
“And remember…your mine”.
#eren x reader#eren x black reader smut#eren x y/n#eren aot#eren jaeger#yandere#yandere eren#yandere eren x reader
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a sip of sunshine - chapter one (A)
!! minors dni !!
pairing: levi ackerman/reader
word count: 22,458
sypnosis: Life is not easy, and Levi’s made peace with the fact that it never will be.
And, yet, as the days pass and he comes to enjoy the company of the baker across town, he learns that the sun will always continue to shine, no matter how unworthy he feels to bask in its warmth.
-
or, Levi learns to be okay with drinking shitty tea.
tags: postcanon, canon universe, birthday, angst, fluff, friends to lovers, slow burn, found family, survivor guilt, eventual romance, eventual smut, character study, grumpy/sunshine, hurt/comfort, bakery, tea, meet-cute, no y/n, pov levi ackerman, not beta read
a/n: no smut in this chapter, will be in chapter two. also sorry this took a while to crosspost www. this chapter is also being broken up into two parts because it exceeds the text limit, this is the FIRST half (,,>﹏<,,)
accompanying playlist || ao3
chapter one: white peony
beauty, bashfulness | shame, apology
Though Levi never imagined ever making it past 20, nevermind past 30…
If Levi ever had dreams of what his life would be like when he’d turn 40, he certainly never would’ve imagined this.
This where his days are occupied by nothing.
All his life, he’s had to fight for more—for more resources, for more time, for more freedom. Between fiending for food and fighting to keep himself from crumbling, never was there time to even think about nothing.
And, now, with the War finally laid to rest alongside his fallen comrades, Levi finally has the time to do what meaningless things he couldn’t during his time as his mother’s son and Kenny’s mentee and the Underground’s most notorious thug and Humanity’s Strongest Soldier.
For the first time in his life, he’s free.
And because he doesn’t know how to be that, he does nothing.
But that’s fine with him. He’s hardly concerned with the fact that he’s as boring as he always was, and there’s plenty of other parts of this life that hardly make any sense to him.
This where the weather—the sky—is equally as tranquil as the morning birdsong.
He tips his head back to gaze at the sun above often, but he seldom ever finds the clouds he expects to be blocking it.
Instead, he’s met with a sky so painfully big and bright and blue, he fears he may tear up if he looks too long.
Yet, all he does is stare.
The breeze is never still, nor is it harsh, and the air is never as disgustingly muggy as he grew to believe it always was. He’d breathed fresh air when he first came to the Surface, but that feeling doesn’t hold a candle to the now crisp, everchilling wind that clears his sinuses and blows his hair in every which direction whenever he steps outside of the quaint farmhouse he now resides in. There's a weathervane perched atop his roof in the shape of a horse that points him in the direction of the stars, and Levi'd painted it black to match the stallion he'd trusted with his life so long ago.
Though, even if he has come to enjoy the presence of birds as they fly overhead to the south, he’ll never truly get over the stains their shit leaves on his outdoor tables and chairs.
Fucking bastards.
This where the sea meets that same sky he once dreamed of seeing.
Scarcely ever does he ever go to the ocean to view the sky from the sand, but in the rare moments that Mikasa requests his presence at the shore, Levi lets himself get lost in the way the clear blue fades to red and orange and purple and pink as the hours pass. The colors bleed into themselves, yet Levi can still discern where they start and end. Even with only one fully functional eye, he can see the pigmented stains in the sunset.
Sometimes, he’ll see green, but that might just be because Mikasa speaks castles about the emeralds she finds in her memories of Eren’s eyes.
They’d always reminded him of Isabel’s, though, so maybe it’s her that he sees when the sun falls in the west.
Where the sea meets the sky, the waves brush up white water, leaving salt marks on the treads of his wheelchair, and while Mikasa holds her scarf to her eyes as she weeps, Levi wishes he had more time to dream with his friends of what life would be like along this very shoreline. Whether or not they’d enjoy the crisp salt air, he has no idea, but he has no doubt that they would’ve spent all their free time watching this very horizon, waiting for the night to find excuse to take themselves to the bar and drink their hearts away.
He supposes that’s why he refuses to come to the sea alone.
Mikasa shoulders his grief, just as he shoulders hers.
This where carrots and cabbages and all other crops are growing just outside his house, and are brought to life with his own hands and those of his loved ones.
When he’d first moved in, he refused to tend to the plants already there. He was exhausted enough after hauling all of his shit in (which, admittedly, wasn’t much to begin with, but you try to move furniture in a new house with fresh wounds), and he’d be lying if he said he craved responsibility after all his years of leading soldiers to their deaths in the Corps.
But as time went on and Levi realized his hands weren’t as marred by blood as he thought they were, he opened up to the idea, and, one day, he found himself simply accustomed to watering sprouting stalks, taking note of the seasons, and planning his meals around what he could harvest from the earth in his backyard.
It’s hardly easy, mostly because he can barely stand to be hunched over the garden for longer than a few short hours at a time, but he holds himself to it. He hasn’t been as strict with upkeep lately, as it’s hardly worth the effort to keep the plants from browning in the winter, but he already knows what he’s going to plant in the new year.
In particular, Springer forces Levi to keep at it, constantly threatening to buy out the extra farmland from him. Levi knows that piece of shit isn’t rich enough to even own his own property, much less buy out this farm, but it’s motivation enough to know that the soldier-turned-ambassador will risk his safety to push Levi to be consistent in his farming duties.
Gabi and Falco help, too. Those kids are over at his house during practically all hours of the day, fussing about and asking Levi to regale what parts of his life he’s found joy in while they help carry buckets of mulch and water.
He’s grateful that they don’t ask about anything else, but the fact remains that they fucking suck at making marks in the soil, so don’t get it twisted and say that he’s gone soft.
He takes care of this garden because he has to, not because he feels any personal desire to do so.
Besides, Onyankopon took fucking forever to build up all the furrows a bit above ground level to allow Levi the ease of not having to fully squat to reach the earth. Levi refuses to let that labor go to waste and leave the heightened dirt barren.
This where he can lay in a bed that’s always comfortable and clean, never sullied by the sinking weight of the grief he carries with him in the daytime.
Sleep doesn't come any easier now than it did before. When he can’t get his mind to rest easily (which is more often than he’d care to admit), he sits in the chair at the corner of his bedroom with his eyes closed, burdening the wood with the weight of his blood-soaked soul. His mind runs wild in the nighttime nearly every day, replaying memories he only wishes to remember in memoriam of those he’s lost, but Levi refuses to lay between his sheets until he knows he will not dirty them with his sorrow.
He’d already ruined the dirty cot he had as a child with the grief of his mother and her work, the bed he had occupied during his time as a hardened criminal with the blood of his adversaries, the bed he was given in the Corps with the guilt of not being able to protect those he loved. This bed, the one with white sheets and the smell of lavender sprigs, Levi decides, will not be laid in unless he’s sure he won’t ruin it with his memories.
To everyone else, it’s foolish, but after all is said and done, he knows his bed will be there, and though he seldom gets to sleep in it, that is enough for him.
To have a bed, unmarred by the parts of his soul he wishes to save for his conscious self.
This where his tea is always warm, always the same.
Prior to this life, he never thought he’d be afforded the luxury of having something familiar. War changed far too much for a man like him, burdened with the heartache of the world, and to think that he has hot water, the same tea leaves he’d enjoyed in Paradis, and a kitchen where he can sit and watch the steam spill out of a ceramic teapot he’d brought with him from across the sea.
It’s more than enough.
And perhaps it's because, apart from his own memories and the scars that follow, he’s lost everything else reminiscent of his life before all this.
He never dare venture into new blends, new ingredients, new anything—his tea has, and will always, remain the same, because the fear of letting go of the one thing that’s stayed the same is far too great for him to part ways with the mundane routine.
Besides, there’s no guarantee that he’d be able to have another cup of tea to begin with, so he’s better off sticking to what works. All else has changed—why steer from that and disrupt the harmony of what remains of himself?
And, right now, this where he’s forced to take a seat at his dining table during high noon, and Gabi and Falco put two boxes in front of him. On the left, one that’s smaller and wrapped in golden paper, and on the right, a plain, white box that’s about the size of his head, and held together with slotted pieces.
It’s probably housing some sort of baked good—Braus used to sneak back boxes like this when they’d all first arrived in Marley.
All this isn’t to say that Levi is ungrateful in the slightest. The routine, the sky, the sea, the garden, the bed, the tea—all of it, is finally his. He never would’ve imagined they’d one day belong to him, but he’s here now, and this is his life, even if all these things don’t feel like they’re his.
It’s just that he never would’ve imagined that he’d be here, especially as he’s faced with the daunting sight of two children, now taller standing than he is sitting down, looking to him and waiting for him to open… whatever it is that they’ve brought him.
“What are these for?”
“They’re your birthday presents!” Gabi exclaims, a bright smile on her face. The slight movement of her hair as she speaks makes a flower fall from where it’s tucked behind her ear, and Falco rushes to pick it up from the floor and put it back in its place.
After a bit more shuffling, the boy then clears his throat and looks toward Levi, a nervous smile on his face. “We hope you like them. Happy birthday, Levi.”
Levi hasn’t celebrated anything, never mind his birthday, in years. He didn’t even realize it was today himself.
How they even know his birthday, he has no idea, but he supposes that word gets around when you’re Humanity’s Strongest.
More likely, before he’d set sail to tend to his ambassador duties, Arlert found his date of birth during the latest file restoration, and told these two to get Levi something.
Good call on his part. If he’d sent anyone else, Levi’d be quick to turn them away and tell them to spend their money on better things than him.
Not that he doesn’t still think that, but he doesn’t have the heart to tell Gabi and Falco that he doesn’t need anything for his birthday, much-less that he wants to celebrate it in the first place.
He isn’t even sure if he can unwrap these presents on his own—trying to peel away the clear tape that gleams underneath the kitchen light doesn’t exactly sound easy or pleasant, especially considering the fact he’s never tried doing anything like this since losing his right pointer and middle fingers. Hange used to wrap his birthday presents with the strongest industrial tape they could find, and even when he’d had full use of both his hands, he could barely pry the tape off those fucking things.
For a brief second, Levi imagines that if they were still alive, they’d have jumped at the chance to do this for him. To unwrap his presents for him and force him to celebrate his birthday, just like they and Erwin used to before any of the three of them even knew there was a land across the sea. Maybe they’d even joke that they’d be his replacement digits, or try to design something to be that for him, and Erwin would scold them for forcing their ideas onto Levi.
He misses them both a lot.
Levi curtly nods at the offerings on the table, and at the children’s continued and insistent encouragement, he caves and reaches for the first present.
Picking up the smaller wrapped present on the left, from the shape alone, he knows that he’s been gifted a canister of the black tea he buys at the market on the other end of town. It feels exactly the same in his hand wrapped as it does when he holds it barren in his kitchen, and he can feel the faint impress of the metal engraving through the wrapping paper. He brings up the gift to his ear, gently shakes it, and his suspicions are confirmed when he hears the faint rustling of loose tea leaves, a sound more familiar to him than the creak of the wooden floorboard in front of his bedroom that he refuses to fix.
An appropriate gift. He’s nearly out of his current stock of the tea, and with the current winter wind, he’s been too sluggish to get himself all the way to the market across town.
His fingers trace along the edges of the wrapping paper for where it’s folded over top itself, but as he searches for the seam to start trying to pick at it with his fingernails, against the skin of his left wrist, he feels a small ribbon. Holding the box up above his head, he sees that it hangs from the bottom of the gift and seemingly comes from within the wrapping itself.
How odd.
“What’s this?”
“You have to open it! We can’t tell you!”
“Not the gift. This ribbon.”
“Oh! The lady who wrapped it for us told us that it’s so the person opening it doesn’t have to struggle with the paper. She said to pull on the ribbon to open it.”
“Where did you find someone to gift-wrap these for you?”
“Uh,” Gabi looks to Falco, who shakes his head for her not to tell. “She just saw us struggling to wrap it, and she helped us.”
Levi’s best guess is that saying who she is would give away some part of the gifts they’ve brought back for him.
Levi hums as he tugs on the white ribbon gently, holding the canister with his left hand and pulling with his right thumb and ring finger, and the paper comes undone quickly, the ribbon tearing through.
Huh. That was surprisingly easy.
It looks that the ribbon had been attached to the canister itself, and pulling on it brought apart the paper which kept the gift hidden.
He sets aside the wrapping paper and ribbon, both of which are in one piece and will save him the trouble of having to clean up the half-town pieces of tape he expected to collect in his hand, and stares down at the tea canister. He turns it to see that it is, in fact, the black tea he always gets, and there’s a slight tug at his lips at the sentiment that the children take enough note of his tastes to make sure they’d gotten the right blend.
“Thank you, kids.”
They’re hardly kids anymore, both of them fifteen years of age, but he can’t help but see them as the young children he’d met when he’d first reached this land.
They grow up too fast.
“Now the other one!”
Levi carefully sets down the canister, and with his both his hands, he reaches for the other gift they’ve brought him.
Instead of picking it up, he simply slides the box closer to himself. Just as when he ran his fingers over the wrapper canister to find where he could start unpeeling the tape, he feels a ribbon just barely peeking out from the backside of the box. He pulls at it, and as it comes away from the box and takes away torn tape with it, Levi internally thanks whoever it was that packaged this all up.
Gabi rushes to take away the trash in Levi’s hands and from the table, rushing off to put it in the bin underneath Levi’s kitchen sink. She comes running back, holding the flower in her hair in place as she hurriedly takes her seat again, and she motions towards the box again.
Even with his eyes downturned, Levi can feel the excitement radiating off the children, so he smiles to himself as he pulls the top compartment of the box halfway-open, revealing an ornately decorated cake. In curly piped frosting, reads Happy Birthday, and all around the border is a ring of cream that smells of lemon and faint notes of mint.
What odd flavors for winter.
He pulls up the top compartment all the way so he can take out the cake, but before he can take his hands away from the cardboard to start trying to get the cake out, he sees a small pink ticket attached to its underside.
He squints to try and read the words printed on it—Good for one free item! In the bottom right corner is a small logo, picturing a bow, as well as some other lettering that’s too small for him to read.
“So, what do you think?”
“What am I supposed to do with this?”
“With the cake…? You eat it,” Falco politely clarifies.
“No, I know what a cake is,” Levi says gently, trying to take out the ticket from the board. He struggles a bit, his nails too short to pull at the tape initially, but he manages to pull it away and holds it in front of himself, reading the words again—Good for one free item! The print he couldn’t read earlier lists the exact address of this bakery. Looking at the logo again, he recognizes it as belonging to the corner shop he crosses to get to the market where he buys his tea. “What’s this?”
“The lady working at the bakery said it was an extra treat for you! We wanted to get you a tea-flavored cake, but she said she ran out for the day by the time we got there, and gave us a ticket to make up for it!”
“Is she the same person who wrapped the tea for you too?”
They both nod.
Levi sighs.
Whoever this woman is must be either too kind for her own good or too stupid for the same purpose. In the first place, a local bakery definitely isn’t well-off enough to be giving away free inventory to people who aren’t regulars to begin with.
Levi puts the ticket into the pocket of his pants, and he tells himself that he’ll stop by to return this to the bakery later today. He has nothing better to do today, as he doesn’t have to water the plants with the expected night rain, so he might as well just make sure that whoever it is that’s foolish enough to give away free shit knows that he won’t be taking advantage of that.
He supposes that today is the day he finally ventures back to the hustle and bustle of the city. It was about time, anyway, so he’s glad he has a reason to now.
It’d be worth it to give thanks for how she’d wrapped his presents, too.
Gabi and Falco both get up from their chairs to go over to his side of the dining table and help him take out the cake from the box, taking more hands than Levi originally thought necessary, and Levi excuses himself to grab cutlery and plates.
As he opens the cupboard to fetch just that, he can hear the two children fussing about, trying to get the cake placed in the dead center of the table, arguing over where the first cut should be made, untying limbs after they help straighten each other’s shirt collars, shouting to tell Levi he needs to start thinking of an extraordinary birthday wish to make up for all the birthdays he hasn’t celebrated.
It’s heartwarming—that they can finally occupy themselves with things other than the perils of war. That they find not only the sea, the sky, and the earth beautiful, but themselves as well.
Levi wishes he could be the same.
The dinnerware and serving utensils he needs in his lap, Levi wheels back to the table, and with the help of the two who’d so graciously brought him this cake, the three cut themselves neat slices of cake. Even though they’d forgotten to bring candles with them for Levi to blow out, they push him to ask for that wish they’d asked him to come up with just minutes prior, and even though Levi doesn’t think the universe is that forgiving, he begrudgingly tells the children that he did.
It’s almost as begrudging as the way he lifts the half-spoonful of cake that he brings up to his lips.
Earnestly, Levi doesn’t have many sweets to begin with. He enjoys candy well enough, especially lollipops, but he himself doesn’t care to learn how to bake or ever make use of the honey that’s been collecting dust at the back of his spice cabinet. He prefers the milder flavors that he knows are safe, that he can’t fuck up.
Which is why it surprises him that he enjoys this cake so much, even with the taste of sentimentality that he knew would be carried along with the spoon.
The taste of lemon is surprisingly faint, only made prominent by the smell of the cake itself, and it doesn’t eat at his taste buds in the way that harsh citrus usually does. Hardly ever does Levi get the chance to taste vanilla, as it’s far too expensive for him to excuse as being a reasonable purchase, but its presence here is welcome as the sweet cream dissolves in his mouth. The mint, which he’d expected to taste like his toothpaste, leaves only a small twinkle dancing on the tip of his tongue.
Yet another reason to go to that bakery—to give his compliments to the baker, whomever they may be.
Though he wouldn’t dare dream of taking advantage of the ticket, maybe he’ll look around, see if there’s anything he’d like to treat himself to. Seldom ever does he have the will to do such, but whatever magic touch this baker has… Levi has to at least try something else of theirs.
With summer having long since passed in the year, it’s been a while since he’d felt so… refreshed, even if just by taking a single bite of this cake. So eager to take another bite, to feel the soft cushion of sponge cake against the roof of his mouth.
Gabi and Falco are both quick to continue digging into their pieces, eating quietly as to not disrupt the quiet that Levi typically prefers during mealtime, so they don’t take notice, but Levi sits with the spoon in his mouth for a long while, waiting for the flavors in his mouth to stop prompting joy in his heart.
They don’t, and Levi only has himself to force open his mouth and pick up another morsel of the dessert.
After everyone finishes their helping of cake and Levi listens to Gabi and Falco regale their past days spent together, both his stomach and his heart are full, and he sends them home with their own pieces of cake to bring back for their other loved ones, as Levi knows that he wouldn’t be able to finish it all on his own anyway. They’re reluctant to go, not wanting to leave Levi by himself on his birthday, but after he insists that they’ve done more than enough for him by spending the sunniest parts of the day with him (and that he’s too old to be taking up their youth), they’re happy as can be, and the two skip off to go bother whomever else their hearts desire.
With his house now empty apart from himself, he goes looking for his winter coat, preparing himself for the decently long trek over to the bakery to return the ticket. It doesn’t take long for him to find it and get it onto his frame, and after taking a pair of fingerless gloves hanging from the wall near the door, he’s ready to go. He checks that he still has that ticket in his pants pocket, and when he feels the rough texture of the fibers, he knows it’s there.
As Levi wheels himself down from the elevated foundation his house sits on top of, he looks upwards towards the sky, and when it’s as beautiful as he’s come to accept he’ll never be able to fathom, he wonders if his birthday wish could be granted.
Was it a waste to wish for something as impossible as peace? To yearn for something he’s never known, even in his dreams? To ask for a life that’s more beautiful than what he can see with his own eyes?
It’s been so long since he’d had to even consider the mere notion of an act like that—perhaps dating back to when his mother would sneak rolls of bread for him and tell him to wish on the singular red-hot coal she’d stolen from the brothel’s kitchenette. Even when he did celebrate his birthday in his years with Furlan and Isabel, and later in his years with Hange and Erwin, he’d never been pressed to want more than what was there.
Maybe he’ll figure it all out someday.
Maybe he’ll suddenly come to know, and, at that point, he’ll only have to reflect to see the beauty that’s become of his life.
Maybe he won’t, and that’d be okay too. It’s not like he knows anything but what he’s lived through, thus far.
But, right now, that’s not what’s important.
What’s important is that he finds this bakery, and he returns this ticket to the woman who was so kind as to wrap his things with ribbon, even if she didn’t do it for him intentionally.
Maybe, then, he’ll have the headspace to know if dreams, just like his to see the clear sky, can come true.
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
By the time Levi reaches this bakery at the corner, the sun has fallen halfway to the horizon, and he can only barely see it above the tallest building in this part of the city. He’d have gotten here much faster if he’d asked someone for a ride by car, but he didn’t think it necessary with how unimportant this errand actually is.
But, because he has truly nothing else of importance he needs to attend to, this is what’s most important to him right now.
No matter, because he’s here already, and though he’d thought the complete opposite would be true, this place is… quite quiet.
Perhaps it’s the weather, or perhaps it’s the time of day, but there’s hardly anyone here, as Levi can only see a handful of people through the large, barely-fogged out glass windows. With how good just that single piece of cake was, Levi had thought it’d be packed.
On the contrary, there’s no line, no hurry, no rush.
When Levi’d been more young and naïve and stupid, he had dreams of opening a tea shop. Something just like this, with huge windows and enough sunlight to read the morning paper from a register that’s spilling over with receipts and drink orders. Even though he’s impartial to people themselves, he’d imagine that, if he had the chance to be anything but who he’s been at every stage of his life, he’d be talented enough with his craft that there’d always be a line out the door, an abundance of people to appreciate what he’d have to offer them.
Maybe that’s why his heart drops, seeing how empty this place looks.
The door stays propped open with a large potted plant, unusually healthy and green for such cold weather, so Levi doesn’t have to fuss around with finding a way to get inside with his wheelchair. He gets inside easily enough, only just barely struggling not to crash into the plant or get any of its leaves caught on the wheels. Now, without the faint fog to cover its interior, he sees all sorts of plants and decorative teaware lined up on a shelf perched against the side wall of the bakery, definitively marking the space as some sort of garden.
No one pays any mind to Levi as he looks around, them all occupied by their own objects of affection, and Levi finds himself going over to a large display case, near empty and only filled with a few stray pastries, of which they all look appetizing and worthy of the money he’d brought along with him in case he’d wanted to buy anything to bring home.
He decides that he’ll get everything that’s left, as he feels compelled to support a business such as this, so undeserving of its low-traffic patronage. It’s only a handful of things; he knows he has enough to afford them all.
At the back wall, he sees that there’s some sort of drinks menu, but that hardly is of any importance to Levi, so he ignores any of its writing and downturns his eyes, going back to imagining how to make use of all the sweets he’s about to bring home with him.
The ship is returning tomorrow. Maybe he can round up those brats he used to call his soldiers, and they can run their mouths about whatever political business they’ve found themselves entangled in (or, more likely, about whatever memories return to them upon visiting the island they’d once called home).
He gently lifts himself up from his wheelchair, trying to peer over to where the front display meets the back kitchen, when he catches sight of a flash of pale yellow, rushing between what seems to be opposite sides of a room he isn’t in. Whoever it is, they turn back and look from over the door frame, and Levi finds himself locking eyes with the stranger, her own eyes blinking in surprise in reaction to his steeled gaze.
She then rushes off to put something down, and she emerges from the back room, a bright smile on her face as she waves at him, meeting him from through the display case.
She’s wearing a pale yellow apron over a plain, long-sleeve white dress, her hair tied away from her face with a ribbon that’s the same shade of white as what’d been used to wrap the gifts the kids had brought him, only hers is thicker and seemingly made of a satin material.
She looks to be about his age, if not only a few years younger, her smile lines and the faint crow’s feet at her eyes being the only signs of aging and a life well-lived. They add a lot of character to her face—her features show love, romance, in a way that’d ordinarily only be made visible through the soul.
Still, her youth is undeniable. Her mannerisms are endearing in the same manner that the sun is bright—unfathomable, unrelenting, without shame.
She’s… beautiful.
Definitively so, with the slight tilt of her head as she greets him, taking his breath away in tandem with his sanity.
“Hello, sir! What can I get for you today?”
Peeling his eyes away from her, he clears his throat, feeling an unusual pause for a second before regaining his composure. “Could I have everything in the display case?”
Her eyes widen, and she blinks. “Are you sure?”
He nods.
“Really?”
He nods again.
She smiles once more, the shine overwhelming even through the frosted glass which separates them, and she crouches down to gather a box, similar to the one that’d kept his cake earlier. She uses steady hands to grab the sweets with tongs, and she motions Levi over to the register once she’s gotten everything in the box.
She reads the total amount to him without needing to input anything on the register, letting on that she’s knowledgeable enough about the price of all the stock in the bakery, and she pulls out a spool of ribbon and a pair of scissors from underneath the counter. Levi hears the quiet snip of scissors as he gathers the money from his coat pocket, and he watches as she laces the ribbon through the openings of the box.
She puts away her ribbon in exchange for a small roll of tape, and when she sees that Levi has already set all the money on the counter between them, she nervously smiles. “Thank you! I’m sorry, just give me one more second.” She focuses her attention downwards again, placing the tape in various spots to keep the box sealed, and she holds it out for Levi to take when she’s finished.
He does, and he places it on his lap, careful to make sure that it’s level and won’t fall off.
She takes the money he set down, and she counts it to herself quietly before inputting something into the register, placing the money inside, and outstretching a silver coin in change to him. “Have a good rest of your day!”
He nods, taking the change, but just as he’s about to leave, he remembers that he has that ticket in his pocket, and before the woman can leave for the kitchen again, he takes it out and sets it on the counter. “I don’t need this.”
She hums in confusion as she looks down at it, then her eyes flicker up towards him. “I don’t recall ever seeing you before, where did you get this?”
“My kids said someone gave it to them as an apology for not having a specific flavor.”
She lights up. “Oh, those two! About this tall?” She motions, showing how tall they are relative to her own height. Levi nods. “They were here in the morning to buy a birthday cake. How’d you like it?”
“It was good,” he says gently. “And thank you for wrapping up their gifts for me.”
“Of course! They’re incredibly sweet, you and your wife must’ve raised them well.”
Levi splutters, and, in surprise, he nearly drops the box from his lap. “They’re not my kids in that manner, I just look out for them when I can.”
She giggles, shaking her head. “Well, no matter, if you have this ticket, you might as well use it, right?”
“It’s alright, I don’t need it.”
“I’m insisting, then.”
“Isn’t your boss going to be upset with you for giving away stock?”
She hums, shaking her head. “I own the place, so I wouldn’t say so.”
Levi frowns. “Can you even afford to give things away for free?”
She laughs, this time without qualm, and she looks off and out the window, scratching at her cheek with her pointer finger. “I guess it does look pretty empty today, huh? I’d sold out of most of today’s inventory in the morning, so if you’re worried about my business, don’t be.”
That’s certainly a relief.
“Besides, I rarely ever hand these out, so it’s alright. And today’s a special occasion!”
“What’re you talking about?”
“It’s your birthday, isn’t it?”
“Right,” Levi muses, kissing his teeth.
“Just think of it as another gift, then.”
“I still don’t feel right accepting anything for free. Besides,” Levi eyes flicker back to the now-empty display. “There’s nothing else to take.”
The woman turns around, leaning back against the counter to be further eye-level with Levi as she points to the written menu up-top in front of them. “You could have some tea! I’d like to think I’m pretty good at brewing a cup.”
As eager as you sound, that offer doesn’t sound enticing to him at all. He has no doubt that it probably tastes fine, but he has no intention of trying any new tea right now. Possibly ever. “Thank you, but I’ll pass.”
She picks up the ticket and looks, again, between it and Levi. “Well, I can’t force you, but now that I know it’s your birthday, I can’t just let you go home without something special for yourself.”
“Who said all these aren’t?”
She rolls her eyes. “I know they aren’t.”
Levi deadpans. “And you know this, how?”
She hums, leaning forward and putting her elbows on the counter. “You seem like the type to save the best bite for last, but that just means you appreciate your food. You’ll probably invite some friends over and only eat what’s left after everyone picks what they want, right?”
When Levi doesn’t reply, instead only briefly looking down into his lap, she laughs again, standing straight up again.
“Got you, didn’t I?” She teases, winking playfully. “Take a seat at one of the tables, I’ll bring you something from the back.”
“Wait-”
Before he can tell her that he had only planned to come and go, she skips off to the back, and Levi can only watch as the ribbon in her hair trails behind her and leaves behind a white blur.
Well, he guesses he’s stuck here now. He’d feel even worse if he just left, and that poor woman came out and couldn’t find him.
He supposes he was right to think she was both exceptionally foolish, and, more-so, painfully kind.
Levi sighs, and he looks over his shoulder to assess the tables. There’s one at the corner of the room, away from the few patrons here, and he makes his way there. He passes by the shelf of greens and ceramics to get there, and he gets struck by a strong smell of… freshness.
Just like he was when he’d had his cake earlier.
He puts his box on the table and moves himself from his wheelchair to the plush of the seat provided, and he sighs at the change of cushion on his thighs. He takes off his gloves and leans his head on a propped-up left hand, breathing warm and slow to watch the cold air cloud with a slight gale. He faces the window as he waits, watching as people covered up for the winter walk past the bakery, and he pulls his coat tighter as he feels the cold wind as it blows in through the open door.
The baker comes back to the table before he can think too harshly about anything in particular, and with her, she carries a tray with a small packaged sweet and a steaming cup of tea. She places it in front of him, careful not to spill anything, and she smiles down at him.
“Happy birthday! It’s on the house!”
“Thank you,” he replies, awkwardly nodding, and he waits for her to be safely faraway enough from him before he stares down at the tray, watching as the warmth of the tea bleeds up into the air.
Through the clear top of the package, Levi sees a slice of cake, with speckled vanilla cream and berries strewn about. On the side of the package, tied with ribbon, is a small plastic fork. He lifts the slice up, and as he saw earlier with the tea she’d wrapped, there’s a small ribbon hanging from the bottom too.
Next to the teacup, there’s a smaller dish of sugar cubes, as well as two small pitchers of cream and honey. Even more captivating, there’s a small sprig of what looks to be mint. The point where the small stem has been split off looks wet, as if it’s just been plucked from its shrub.
She must’ve broken it off on her way to his table.
He has no intention of drinking the tea, nor doing anything with the additions she’s brought him, so he carefully lifts up the cake slice and pushes away the tray.
Better to leave it noticeably untouched. Maybe she can drink it herself when she returns to clear his table after he leaves.
He peels away the ribbon at the side to get his fork, then at the one on the bottom, and the box unfolds into a sort of plate where the cat sits neatly at the center. A blueberry nearly rolls away and off the surface, but he manages to stop it with the edge of his fork.
He sets the berry back on top of the slice, atop the dollop of cream at the cake’s edge, and he cuts away a piece to pick up with his fork.
Once more, his mouth is greeted with a symphony of flavors, none too familiar to him.
He can’t be bothered to even try to make sense of the way this new sensation feels. It’s divine in a way he doesn’t know how to describe, and his rational mind gives way for his mouth to blindly enjoy the sugar and spice that’s in front of him. Around him, people slowly leave, himself being the last person lost in this cold paradise as he savors the baked good brought to him, but at least he has the shared, lonesome company of the baker running this shop.
She had come out from the kitchen a few times to clean tables and bring dishes to the back, but for the most part, she’d left him alone entirely. He didn’t think anything ill of that—he’d just assumed she was busy taking care of things for the following day’s opening, or whatever else it is that bakers have to handle at the tail end of their day.
Once Levi finishes his cake and gathers his things on his lap, she emerges from the kitchen once more, sending him a smile before going over to flip the bakery’s open sign and move the plant keeping the door open.
He wheels himself over to the trashcan near the door, tossing in the remnants of the cardboard he’d just eaten off of, and he meets her gaze halfway as he goes to leave.
“Thank you, again. For the cake.”
“Don’t mention it,” she muses, going over to hold the door open for him to leave. “I need to close up now, but come again sometime, yeah? I’m open from Tuesday to Friday!”
He nods halfheartedly, and she smiles as she tilts her head towards the direction of the street. He leaves, needing to be careful as to not bump into her hair ribbon as he passes through the door, and he’s off to find home again. The sun, now, is nearer to the horizon, but he knows he’ll have enough time to make it back to the house before dark.
Before he can get too far, though, he hears the bell of the bakery doors reopening abruptly.
“Wait! I didn’t catch your name!” The baker calls after him.
From across the street, he looks over his shoulder and at her, her hair blowing alongside the zephyr. Her hair’s white ribbon flies higher, as its light weight makes it catch wind more steadily, and her cheeks turn pink with the nipping cold.
“Capta-,” he hesitates, biting the inside of his cheek.
Even after all these years, he’s never fully been able to forget his formal introduction.
Maybe he was right to think it wasted to wish for a life simpler than what he’s been given.
“It’s Levi,” he says a bit louder, hoping the wind will carry his name to her.
“Levi?”
He nods.
She then smiles, and she waves at him sweetly, her other hand keeps her hair from blocking her vision. “Happy birthday again, Levi!”
He brings up his hand to wave back to her in polite gratitude, and her grin becomes ever-brighter at the returned gesture.
As he turns away from her and she retreats back to the bakery, he realizes that even with the sun now hiding between the concrete of buildings seemingly taller than the skies themselves, she was so like the sun. So blindingly-so, that he’d forgotten to ask her name in return.
Goddamn it.
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
It’s not too long before Levi returns to the quaint little bakery at the corner near the market.
Once the new year has begun and he’s needed to go stock up on more supplies for his garden, he’s back in that part of town, and after he’s exhausted himself by looking for new gardening gloves and new nails to repair a broken section of the trellis, he’s found himself back here again, looking through the display glass at various cakes and sweets, much more fully-stocked than the last time he was here, and through gentle breeze at the baker who’s currently giving a high-five to the kid in front of him in line.
As Levi waits his turn, he looks through the array of desserts carefully before he decides on a slice of black forest cherry cake. He hasn’t got any clue what that’s meant to taste like, but he doesn’t think he could be let down by anything from this place. Because he has plans at the house later with Onyankopon, Gabi, and Falco to start working on getting the dirt ready for the spring planting, he’ll bring them all back something too.
When it’s his time to get to the baker, her eyes light up at the sight of the man, now dressed slightly warmer with the now-present hot sunrise. She herself is still in that same yellow apron, but she’s now dressed in a long skirt and a frilly blouse.
“Welcome back, Levi!”
“Good morning,” he greets softly.
Still in her hair is her signature white ribbon, and she rests her head on her arms atop the display case as she follows along where Levi’s eyes go. “What would you like today?”
“Could I get a slice of black forest cherry?”
She points to it from above. “This one?”
Levi nods.
The baker hums to herself as she slides open the backside of the display, the pair of tongs in her hands hovering over the assortment of slices before remaining still above the flavor he’s asked for. She squints as she looks at all of them before choosing one awkwardly in the middle of all the others, and she takes an unfolded package box from underneath the counter to put it into.
“Anything else for you? Did you want to buy out the entire display again?” She teases, a playful smile decorating her features.
Levi feels a faint flutter in his heart with her exuberance, but he ignores it and clears his throat, looking through the glass again. “Not today.”
She laughs. “I’ll look forward to when you will, then.”
“Do you have any suggestions? I’m having people over at my house later today.”
She hums, clicking the claws of her tongs together a few times as she crouches down and looks at everything. She accidentally makes eye contact with Levi through the glass here, and she smiles sweetly at him before going back to looking. Her eyes are downcast, blocked by her long eyelashes, yet they still trace sunlight as they move across the sweets on display.
“How about an orange sugar cake?” She suggests, eyes flitting up to meet his. “I think they’re in season right now, they were pretty cheap at the market when I went yesterday.”
They are. Jean had brought over a potted orange treeling just the other day.
“Sounds good,” he says.
She gently tugs on the cakeboard of a pale orange cake, dusted with powdered sugar and decorated with thyme, before pulling it completely off the display and over to the counter, getting a second box that’s much bigger and without cellophane top.
She motions him over to the register, and she goes through the same remembered motions that Levi remembers her making from the last time he’d watched her wrap up his things.
As she pulls out her scissors and ribbon, she tells him the total of the numbers he’d already read on the cakes’ accompanying price tags, and Levi reaches into his coat pocket for the wallet that Onyankopon had gifted him for his birthday (him and the rest of the 104th ended up hosting a birthday party for him when they’d all returned from the Island, those fucking bastards).
“So, what brings you here today?” She asks.
Levi opens up his wallet, careful not to spill anything from his lap as he tries to gather up all the bills he needs. “Passing through to run errands. I figured I’d stop by.”
“Do you live far from here?”
“A fair bit away, but I’ve managed.”
“Well,” the sound of a snip of her scissors, “I’m glad to see you back! I was worried I’d scared you off a bit,” she jokes.
He raises a brow. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
At his usage of profanity, she giggles, amused. “I don’t know, I came off pretty strong when you were here. Sorry about that.”
That much might be true, but it’s not something that’d scare him anyway.
“No need to be sorry. You didn’t scare me.”
“That’s a relief,” she muses. reaching for a roll of tape. “Are you eating your slice here, or will you be taking that home?”
Looking over at the window, he sees too many people moving about. He’ll stay here to avoid the foot-traffic. “I’ll have it here.”
She hums in acknowledgement, and after a few snips, she continues. “No tea again?”
Levi lies through his teeth. “Not much of a tea drinker.”
She pauses to look at him briefly, but then goes back to lacing the ribbon through the folds of the box. “Right.”
. . .
“Do you garden?”
Levi blinks. “What?”
“Your gloves,” she says, pointing with her scissors at the new pair sitting on his lap. “I have the same ones.”
“Oh. Yes, I do.” His hands, already gloved to protect his palms from the grime of the street he wheels through, go to touch the newly bought gloves. He hadn’t ever gotten these specific ones before, but he hopes they’ll be alright.
“They’re a good brand, I like them a lot.”
“Never used these before, I hope they’re good,” Levi says, eyes following her swift hands as they cut tape. “None of them ever feel right.”
“Why do you say that?”
Well, it's kind of hard for gloves to feel comfortable when he’s missing two of his fingers.
The extra unused fabric just awkwardly hangs downwards as he works in the fields of his backyard, and even though he’s found that tucking them inside-out makes them less of a hassle, they still feel disgusting against the skin of the back of his right hand, so he usually prefers the inconvenience. He goes through his gloves quickly, though, as the overhanging pieces tend to get caught and tear on tools and trellis.
“They just don’t.”
Levi puts the money on the table, and he puts away his wallet as the baker counts it out and puts it into the register. She hands him back his change, but before Levi can get to trying to figure out how to fit all this and his other items from the market on his lap, she pulls back the boxes closer to herself and picks them up.
When he looks up at her quizzically, she just smiles softly and tilts her head towards the tables. “Gonna show me where you want to sit, or do you want me to choose for you?”
He feels his ears flush red as he bites the inside of his cheek to keep from saying anything stupid, and he looks away from her.
He clicks his tongue to feign indifference, and he brings himself over to that same, unoccupied table at the corner of the room. The baker follows closely behind him, and she places the boxes on the table for him. She excuses herself quickly to go fetch him a fork, as she hadn’t taped one onto the side of his smaller slice box.
Levi pulls the packaged cake slice closer to himself, and he pulls gently on the ribbon underneath to undo the tape and unravel the box, just as he did when he was here on his birthday.
The baker returns, with a fork in hand, and she sets it down carefully on a napkin she’d taken out from her apron pocket. “Enjoy, Levi! Let me know when you’re leaving, so I can help get your cake ready for transport.”
“What?” He blinks.
“You can’t just carry a cake in your lap all the way home, can you?”
He hadn’t thought it’d be much of an inconvenience, but she’s probably right. Getting to and from this part of town is difficult enough as a person with mobility issues, and trying to balance an entire cake on his lap without his hands sounds even more hellish.
“Alright, I’ll let you know, then.”
“Perfect! I’ll see you in a bit!” Right after she turns on her heel, though, she pauses and looks over her shoulder at him, and she turns around. “Actually…”
“What?”
She stretches out her hand to him, her palm-up. “Could I have your gardening gloves for a bit?”
He’s… confused.
“What do you mean, ‘can you have my gardening gloves?’ You said you had your own pair.”
She only smiles, the ribbon in her hair bouncing slightly as her spirit tries to convince him to believe her. “I promise, I’ll give them back to you.”
Well, he has nothing to lose here anyway. If she doesn’t give him back his gloves, he can just go over to the market and buy another pair, or just cut his losses entirely and accept that gardening gloves aren’t worth jack shit.
And, for whatever reason, he feels like he can trust her.
Whether or not he wants to think further about that, entirely up in the air, but for the time being, he picks up the gloves from his lap and hands them to the unnamed baker, who then excuses herself with another smile and leaves for the back part of the bakery.
What a strange woman.
He picks up the fork she’d brought back for him and starts digging into the cake, already knowing to prepare himself for the harmonious musings of flavors he’s about to take in, and he beams to himself when he’s finally got the cake in his mouth.
He’d expected as much, but he’s still going to be surprised anyway.
When he’s finished with the piece of cake, the small lace doily completely free of any residual crumbs, he cranes his head to look towards the kitchen where the baker had disappeared, hoping that she’ll meet his gaze halfway and just come out to help him as promised (and bring back his gloves, but honestly, he has no fucking clue what she’s doing with them, so maybe she doesn’t need to do that).
Lo and behold, as she’s crossing through the space visible from the front of the house, she looks out towards him, and when her eyes lock with his, she pauses, rushes back from the direction she came from, and skips over to Levi, gloves in her hand as well as a decently large cloth bag.
“You about ready to leave now?”
Levi nods.
The baker smiles as she holds out the gloves out to Levi, prompting him to take them back. “Try these on, okay? I’ll get your cake hooked up onto your chair, and you can be on your way.”
She picks up the larger box of orange sugar cake and places it carefully into the cloth bag she’s brought from the kitchen, and she disappears behind Levi to start attaching things to the back of his wheelchair. Levi cranes his neck to try and watch as she works behind him, but because he really can’t see anything even when his entire upper body stretches and turns, he resolves to just do as he’s told and try on his gloves.
He sighs as he lays them both out on the table to see which goes on which hand, but as his eyes regain focus under the morning sun, he’s surprised to see that the right side’s pointer and middle fingers are… gone?
He swears he had gotten gloves that were annoyingly both five-fingered.
He remembers having grimaced as he went to pay for them, knowing that he’d have to go back and try another brand at some point in the future when these would inevitably annoy the shit out of him. Onyankopon would try to cheer him up, the kids would make another joke about how he’s had to spend more money on gloves than on actual gardening supplies, and the cycle would repeat itself until Levi’s too old and brittle to keep tending to the fields.
He holds the glove up to his face, looking closer at the seam where the fabric should be, but he only finds a neatly stitched line which connects the panels of the palm and back of a hand.
It’s stitched in the same pale yellow thread as her apron.
“Did you…”
She laughs from behind him, and he hears a faint rustling of ribbon along with the sound. “Did I what?”
“Nevermind,” he utters softly, and using his left hand, he pulls off his right fingerless glove, picks up the gardening glove again, and tugs it onto his hand.
He closes his fist.
Opens it.
And closes it again.
The gentle compress of the thick fabric feels nice against his knuckles, as opposed to the loose feeling of air he was used to feeling there, of which would both irritate and overwhelm his senses.
“Okay, I’m done!”
Looking back again, he sees that the baker has now stood up, and there’s now a ribbon tied between both handles of his wheelchair, ornately kept together with knots he doesn’t know how to undo. The ribbons are interlaced with the handles of the cloth bag, and it seems to provide extra support for the cake to keep it from rocking about as Levi travels.
She points to the end of a piece of ribbon at the left handle. “Pull on that piece to untie everything, just be careful taking it off your chair because the bag isn’t the strongest without the ribbon to support it.”
Levi’s heart flutters at the gesture, but there’s a quiet sinking which keeps him from being as appreciative as he wants to be.
“Did you get that?” She asks, waving a hand in front of his face.
He blinks, and he dumbly nods. “Yeah, thank you.”
“Don’t mention it,” she says.
Before he can stop the words from spilling over, they come out. “Why are you being so nice to me?”
The baker looks at him with confused eyes. “What, do you think you aren’t worth it?”
Yes.
“No.”
She smiles warmly and tucks a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “It’s really not any trouble, Levi. I’m more than happy to help out.”
The bell from the door of the bakery rings, alerting her of another customer coming into the building, and she sheepishly smooths out the front of her apron before excusing herself to attend to them.
Again, before he can stop himself, his right hand, still gloved in the dense fabric of the gardening material, reaches out to gently hold onto her wrist.
She looks down at him, seemingly and entirely unbothered by his touch, and she doesn’t move away from his grasp. “Do you need anything?”
Levi’s heart gets caught in his throat, but he manages to speak once more. “Could I ask for your name?”
The question feels fiercely intimate, just as it did when she’d asked for his name, but, here, it feels like such a far leap.
And, yet, she still smiles at him, and she moves her hand so that she’s able to squeeze his palm gently.
When she speaks her name— your name—to him, he catches a peek of sunshine from the corner of his eye, caught on the reflection of the bell.
And he wonders if this is how the sea feels when it meets the sky.
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
“You’re a lot faster than you usually are, Levi,” Onyankopon comments, passing by him on his way back to the house. “Something motivating you today?”
Levi shakes his head. “Not really, no.”
The taller man smiles good-naturedly and hoists up the shovel held over his shoulder. “Well, whatever it is, you’ve been working long enough, so you should come inside with us to have some of that cake you brought back with you. It’s gonna get dark soon.”
Levi sighs, taking the small towel draped over his shoulder to wipe at the sweat that’s built on his forehead. “Yeah, sure.”
Onyankopon picks up Levi’s cane from the ground and hands it to him, the latter thanking him for the help. As Levi reaches for it, Onyankopon takes notice of the gloves Levi’s wearing.
“New gloves?”
At the mention of them, Levi looks down, and he finds himself having to push away the flicker of sunbeam that replays in his mind.
Levi nods, and he slings his towel back onto his shoulder.
“Something like that.”
The next time he sees you, he really ought to thank you again.
It seems this year will have an even better harvest.
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
The next time he comes to the bakery is in another month’s time, just as winter begins to fade into the very early beginnings of spring.
Mikasa’s birthday is tomorrow, and it’s about that time of year that she routinely asks Levi to join her at the beach to mull over life’s happenings. Even worse, Eren’s birthday is just over the horizon, and that’s a tough time for everyone, but for her especially.
Because he knows that it’s hard for Mikasa to even bring herself to eat during these times, her mouth only opening to speak from the heart and weep for love’s past, Levi figures that bringing something sweet for her to pick at as she watches the sun fall is enough gesture to tell her that he wants her to take care of yourself, so that’s why he’s made the trip over here.
It’s also Falco’s birthday tomorrow, and Levi feels so inclined to get the brat a cake to celebrate another year of living. He’s been asking for something new to try from the bakery, anyway, so Levi might as well indulge the kid and let him and Gabi both bounce off the walls with energy.
While he’s here, he may as well extend his gratitude to you, too.
He doesn’t think he’ll need to buy any new pairs of gardening gloves soon.
When he comes through the opened door, there’s a long line, and Levi sighs.
With all these people, he’s bound to only have limited conversation with you, and even though he still doesn’t think himself deserving of the compassion which is extended alongside your time, he’d looked forward to it during the travel over.
He gets in the line, and as it moves fairly slowly, he watches as the display case becomes increasingly emptied. It feels like forever before he’s finally at the front, but once he’s there, he finds it all worth it to see the way your face shines when you see him, warmth radiating from you in spite of the gentle early spring wind.
“Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while!”
He lets the very corners of his mouth upturn slightly, your aura too bright to even be dampened by Levi’s everpresent somber.
“Good afternoon to you, too.”
“Sorry about the wait, what can I get for you today?”
For Mikasa, “Do you have any strawberry cakes left?”
You nod, already starting to reach for one. “How’s this one?”
“That’ll do just fine,” Levi says. And for Falco, “Could I also get a cheesecake, if you have any?”
“You got it!”
“...And could you write Happy Birthday on both of them?”
You hum in confirmation, and while you get to doing that, already knowing to meet you at the counter to pay, Levi pushes himself forward and begins to take out his bills, eyes occasionally flitting upwards to watch as you tape together the box and lace ribbon throughout. Just as you’re finished packaging up everything, you take his money, bill out the change, and Levi’s now awkwardly looking between the boxes and his own lap.
“Hey, Levi,” you call to him, putting away your packing tools underneath the counter. “If you wait over by your usual table, I can get these on your chair in a few minutes. Let me just take care of this line first.”
His eyes widen. “It’s fine, you don’t have to-”
“Are you in a hurry out?” You ask.
No.
“Yes.”
Your face drops slightly, but you still keep the light expression on your features. “Oh, well, alright. Let me go grab a crate, then, that might be easier to manage than just holding onto these.”
You disappear into the back, and you return just as quickly as you’d left, a decently large crate in your hands. You put that on the table while you lower the cakes into it, and after slotting some ribbon through the panels of the wooden crate to keep the cakes from moving too much in transport and taping a few more things together, Levi’s on his way out the door with two birthday cakes secured on his lap, and you’re back to tending to customers with a bright smile, moving your hands as you speak.
Maybe he’s better off not thanking you again. You don’t have the time to be talking to someone like him, especially right now while you tend to other patrons, and even at his grown age, Levi feels too awkward to try and find a way to cooly express gratitude for an action taking place an entire month ago.
As he watches for the leaves on the plant holding the bakery door open, a little pink slip catches his eye from the inner wall facing him of the crate, a short stream of ribbon underneath the tape that holds it in place. He raises a brow, and he wheels himself to a stop just outside the large windows of the building to look at it more closely.
Good for one free item!
Levi looks at you from through the glass, catching your gaze already on him and waiting for his reaction, and he points at the ticket taped to his crate. You sweetly wave at him, but when Levi starts to turn his wheelchair around to try and return it, you frantically wave your hands out in front of you to tell him to just keep it.
And, well.
Considering the fact that he does eventually want to return, this is a good enough excuse to.
He wonders if that’s also what you want, and he can’t help but feel like, maybe, it is; because after he turns to go back on his way home, he can practically feel the warmth of your smile from the sun itself, even when there is an incessant, unrelenting voice at the back of his mind telling him that he’s not allowed to be happy like this.
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
Not even a week later, in the middle of February, Levi is back in the bakery.
The sun is starting to still in the sky for a bit longer than it has been for the past several months, and that means that there’s soon to be many more insects crawling around, of which try to eat at the leaves of the plants Levi tends to in the fields. He’d came to the market with the excuse that he needs to buy insecticide spray that the kids always beg to use (and, no, they aren’t allowed to use it anymore because Levi knows they’ll get so carried away with watching the dispensed mist that they won’t properly use it, and lord knows the tomato plants have suffered enough).
With the pink ticket in the silk of his pants pocket, he comes in through the propped-open door, and he greets you with a wave when he catches your eye from behind the counter.
Thankfully, there’s not too much of a line right now, so maybe you’ll indulge him and keep him company for a bit.
“Good morning,” you greet, meeting him at the display, a bright smile on your face. “What brings you here today? Another birthday?”
“Not today, just stopping by to use that ticket you gave me.” He tears his eyes away from you to look at the assortment of slices available. “Are you busy right now?”
“Not really,” you muse. “Why, do you want company while you eat?”
Levi freezes.
. . .
Is it that obvious?
You laugh, resting your head on the glass top of the display case. “Relax, I’m just messing with you.”
Right.
“I’ll have a slice of the raspberry cake.”
“Sure thing!”
You hum to yourself as you pick out the prettiest piece for him, and Levi meets you at the register with the pink ticket. You take it from him, making a bit of a scene by checking its “validity” before laughing and putting it into the pocket of your apron, and you lean forward with your elbows on the counter.
“No tea for you today?” You ask.
“No tea. Sorry.”
“Would you mind, then, if I had some while I sat with you?”
His eyes widen.
“You’re actually…?”
You playfully roll your eyes as you turn to go back to the kitchen, presumably to fetch yourself a cup of tea. “You’re pretty easy to read, you know that?”
No, he didn’t know that.
“Sure.”
“I’ll meet you at your table, don’t wait up for me!”
Levi lets out a nervous breath as he picks up the packaged cake slice, and he wheels himself over to that corner table by the window. Once he’s there and has taken a seat in the plush chair, he undoes the ribbon wrapping on the box, and he peels away the fork from the side to rest it on the table as he waits for you to return.
When you come back, you bring back a tray to his table with two teacups in it, as well as a mint sprig between your fingers. You gently pull out the chair for yourself, and you follow Levi’s gaze out to the window as you take sips from your tea.
He looks down at the other teacup there, accompanied by that same small dish with sugar cubes and two small pitchers of cream and money.
“I’m not drinking that.”
You blow away the steam that wafts from your cup, looking up at him through your eyelashes. “I know, but just in case.”
Levi’s eyes turn to look at you, waiting for you to start talking as he expects you to, but when his gaze meets yours, you only smile at him before going back to looking out the window, a meaningful, yearning look on your face as you watch city life go about itself.
In the end, he does the same, sitting and soaking in sunlight through the glass. Leaves fall from upper canopies right outside, and Levi watches as they hit the ground softly. Some of them fall onto people’s hair and hats, in which case Levi will hear you giggling quietly to yourself at the charming ignorance of a new accessory, and he feels a quiet flame start in his heart when he sees the way the sunbeam brings glow to your bright eyes.
But that’s not really that important.
You do have to get up at times to quickly tend to customers and get tea brewing for those who order it, but it’s hardly even noticeable to Levi when you do leave because of the trance he’s in as he watches the sunglow.
When Levi finishes his cake and you’re finished with your tea, you get up from the table and smooth out of the front of your apron. “It was nice sitting with you, thank you for letting me.”
He looks up at you and nods. “Likewise.”
“I’ll leave you be, but even though I can’t always give you free inventory, I hope you’ll come back,” you tease, a knowing smile on your face.
Against all better judgment telling him that he’s not meant to be living his life like this, “I will.”
The answer seems to surprise you slightly, as you still for a second, but you just laugh and shake your head, leaning your hand on the table as the other goes to take away his trash and the undrunken tea. “I’ll hold you to it, then. See you around, Levi.”
“Bye,” he says softly.
You wave at him as you begin to leave, but there’s a nagging at Levi’s mind to do what he’d wanted to the last time he was here.
Well, no time better than the present.
“And thank you for altering my gloves!” He shouts after you.
At the sound of his voice, you twirl around to meet his eyes halfway, and his heart just about stops as he watches the ribbon in your hair reflect soft lampglow as it follows the spin of your head.
And it actually does when you beam at him, a dusty pink on your cheeks as your smile reaches your eyes. “You’re welcome!”
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
By the time April comes around, it’s practically routine for Levi to come to the bakery every week.
(He chooses to come on Wednesdays because that’s when it’s the least busy in the week, and he knows you'll be able to sit with him.)
The weather’s been perfect for him to be awake for the entirety of the day, and now that the breeze and temperature have settled enough to afford him a stable harvest without needing much effort on his part, he’s free to do nothing with his time.
Though, he isn’t completely sure if it amounts to “nothing” if he spends his nights either silently sharing grief with Mikasa (and, nowadays, Arlert too) on the sand or turning about in the lounge chair in the corner of his room, trying to find way to bring himself to clear his thoughts to even lay in his bed.
But, he can’t say for sure whether or not it’s worth anything otherwise, so it’s nothing.
Nothing much has changed, anyway, so Levi’s fine with the monotony that follows him around. His weekly visits become intertwined with the routine he’s engaged with in this life, which, then, leads him to spending part of his free time in this little bakery, just barely an hour’s walk away (not that he’s tried to actually walk that distance yet, but the pain in his legs has gradually subsided over the past months, so he’s satisfied enough knowing that he probably could if he wanted to), yet seemingly in a world so different from his.
He sits, watching as the world passes by him in seeming slow motion as he relishes in the serenity of this room. The smell of herbs, freshly picked from the shelf near him, travels alongside sugar and spice, and he’s left to forget that he’s not entirely his own.
In similar manner, it’s practically routine for you to have a cup of tea with Levi with he eats whatever it is that he buys from the display case (or, sometimes you’ll bring out something from the back for him to try—you insist it’s on the house, but he always manages to shove the exact legal tender into your hands anyway).
You also always bring out two cups of tea—one for yourself, one that’s meant for him—but he never drinks from it. It changes every week. Never is the tea the same color as in the previous week, almost as if you’re trying to gauge what it is that he enjoys.
It’s too kind.
He hates it.
And what makes it worse is that you don’t even seem to mind, even though Levi does tell you that he isn’t going to have any, every single time. You wave him off, only to resume sharing the sunlight with him, waiting for your own tea to cool enough to sip.
And he hates that he’s touched by that.
On this particular day, he’s having a slice of apricot cake, you’re having a cup of citrus tea with mint leaves, and there’s that gentle silence that hangs overhead every time this happens.
And whether or not it’s because it’s become so painfully soothing to just sit in silence with you, he doesn’t care to know, but today, by the time he’s finished savoring his piece, there’s a gentle pouring of rain outside.
He’d came much later than usual, as he’d met up with the 104th in the late afternoon to have lunch for Kirstein’s birthday (Kirstein, who’d begged for Levi to stay fully into the evening to join the lot for a night out drinking, but everyone else in their right mind at that luncheon (meaning, everyone but Kirstein and Springer) scolded him for asking that a poor old man like Levi stay out late), so, by now, he knows that even if he were to start heading home right now (in the pouring rain, mind you), it’d be nearing nightfall until he reached his destination.
And, of course, it’s nearing closing time for the bakery, so he’s bound to get kicked out at some point soon.
You excuse yourself after you finish your tea, just as you always do, with a smile and a joke about him coming back the following week, and Levi’s left to awkwardly wait for his mind to come up with a solution to this… relatively minor dilemma, but one nonetheless. The rain only seems to get heavier with each passing second, and his decision to not just brave out the light downpour seems to be hurting him now. Levi’s the only person left in here, everyone else having already left to escape when the rain was light enough to bear without an umbrella.
He supposes that he could find a nearby hostel to stay at for the night. He’s brought his wallet with him, so he’d have enough to get a room for the night, maybe for a hotel if he’s so inconvenienced.
He’s just going to (try to) sleep in the room’s chair, anyway. Doesn’t really matter to him where he spends the night.
When the sun finally falls low enough in the sky to only be seen looking sideways, you come out from the back part of the bakery, go to flip the open sign, and move the potted plant keeping the door open. You wipe your hands, wet with the rain that’d dripped onto the rim of the plant pot, on the front of your apron, and look over at Levi, who feels like a deer caught in headlights.
“...I swear, I’ll be on my way out soon.”
You scrunch your eyebrows. “What’re you talking about? You can’t get home in this rain.”
“It’s not so hard to get a room for the night around here.”
“Sure, but that’s really stupid when you could just stay here.”
He scoffs halfheartedly. “Right, like I could do that.”
When you don’t bite back with another joke, he recoils into himself.
“Right?”
“You’re more than welcome to.”
“Actually?"
You nod, going over to behind the display case to start cleaning. “You’ve been coming here for the last four months, I don’t mind helping out a friend.”
A friend.
You consider him a friend?
His heart feels caught in the downpour, but in the way that it’s swept away without disregard for its intentions.
It doesn’t feel… right.
Is it even fair for him to let himself get entangled like this? To let someone like you , befriend someone like him?
What could he possibly give you?
And, yet, even with the flushing away of his heart, he wishes to find it again, if only to feel the gentle spark he’d felt in it.
“Don’t you need to get home yourself?”
“I live in the apartment upstairs. Not to mention, the nearest place to stay the night is a couple blocks away, I wouldn’t want you to get lost looking for it.”
Oh.
“Are you sure?”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.”
“...But are you sure?”
You laugh from behind the display, and after having cleared everything from the shelves, you peer at him through the glass. “Yes, Levi, I’m sure.”
Levi balls up his fists in his lap, unsure of what to do.
In the first place, Levi doesn’t enjoy the rain, so walking through it for that long of a distance, especially under this heavy downpour, is entirely out of the question.
Prior to being named Captain, he liked it well enough, and its drip and drop was soothing enough to lull him to a half-sleep even if he was unable to clear his head. He’d experienced his first downpour with both Isabel and Furlan, out in the streets of Mitras scarcely after being coerced into the Survey Corps, so rain was precious to him in the sense that it’d represented what forces had pulled him from his doomed life in the Underground.
But after so many expeditions gone wrong in the rainstorms of Paradis, he’s avoided actually being in it for too long to avoid stirring up painful memories of those times. The splash of rain, the thundering of clouds overhead—they’re the rare pieces of that life that haunt him in this one, even with their objective and sentimental beauty.
But he’d rather that than have to be fussed over by a woman he’s come to enjoy the company of. He couldn’t stand giving the rain yet another moment to ruin.
““I really don’t mean to be an inconvenience, just point me in the direction of the nearest hostel.”
You sigh, shaking your head. “Please, don’t worry about being an inconvenience.”
He frowns. “Really, I mean it.”
“I do too.” You get up from your position bent over to clean the display case, stretching your arms upwards.
“Do you seriously trust me not to completely ransack your home?”
“Hm? Where would I get that impression of you? You seem pretty normal to me.”
. . .
That’s right. You didn’t know him in that life.
You know him in this one.
The one he doesn’t feel is his to begin with.
“Nevermind.”
You yawn, and you crouch back down, cleaning cloth in your hand to wipe away condensation on the glass. “Tell you what, I’ll let you help clean the kitchen, and that’ll be worth my ‘trouble’ spent letting you stay the night here. Sound good?”
No.
Yes.
He doesn’t know.
“I’m not an indentured servant, you can’t barter like this.”
You laugh again, the ribbon in your hair bouncing as your body splutters. “Right, I shouldn’t.” Another wipe at the glass. “But, really, Levi. I’d rather you here than out in the rain.”
“You do realize that this means I’d be here the entire night, right?”
“Of course I do, what am I, a fool?”
“Maybe.”
Or, more likely, it’s him that’s the fool.
“Do you need to be somewhere tomorrow?”
For once, he’s honest.
“No.”
“Then what’s the harm in staying?”
Glancing out the window again, he sees that sunlight has nearly disappeared, blocked by both the horizon and the clouds thick in the sky. Looking back and forth between your humming figure and the door, its frame wet with the rain that leaks through the cracks, he realizes that you’re right.
He gets up from the cushioned seat and moves over to his wheelchair, admitting reluctant resolve as he wheels over to you, stopping between the front and back of the house.
He knows he’ll regret this later, when the moon has replaced the star in the sky, and he’s forced to confront the fact that he’s not deserving of this sort of compassion.
But, for reasons unrealized by both him and the gods above, he can’t bring himself to deny the sun, even if he is undeserving of its warmth.
“Where do I start?”
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
Quite surprisingly, the ensuing night is silent.
Levi supposes that he shouldn’t be startled that you don’t talk much; you are still working, to some capacity, and he’s already settled into the fact that you aren’t all that talkative when you’re in his company.
The kitchen is dirtied in fresh flour and dirty dishes—obviously, a mess regardless, but one that doesn’t particular irk Levi, especially considering the fact that you’re the only person who works here—so Levi gets to work on cleaning that, and you’re sat at a table in the front of the house, handling finances and other paper tasks. You have half a sandwich with you at the table, and Levi is given the other.
Thankfully, his legs decide that today isn’t the day to curse him with excruciating pain, so he’s quite quick in getting everything sorted out and cleaned. There’s some things he can’t do, like put away large basins of flour or sugar, but other than a few stray items which only need to be put back in their proper places, the dishes get done, the perishables are put neatly into the fridge, the floor is swept, and kitchen is spic-and-span.
When he finishes, he gets back down in his wheelchair, and he goes to report to you that nearly everything’s done. However, you don’t seem to notice the sound of his wheels as they glide across the tile flooring, seemingly enamored in whatever it is you’re reading while you tap your pen against your lip.
The way you’re sat, one leg bent over the other, face propped up with one hand as eyes follow arcane words on the page, reminds him of how he’d sit at his own desk when he was in the military.
Whatever it is that you’re looking at, you pull your pen away from your lip and sign on a line, then slumping forward and sighing as you turn your head to put it down comfortably.
And, of course, Levi just had to be already looking at you from that position, so when you open your eyes to sit yourself up again, you make eye contact with him through the window of your arm and the ceiling.
Not expecting him to be there, you’re slightly startled, and you immediately straighten your back and sit up. “Oh! Are you finished in the kitchen?”
Levi nods. “I didn’t know where some things were supposed to be kept, so I left them on the counter. Nothing perishable, though.”
“That’s alright. Thank you, Levi,” you yawn and twist your upper body back and forth, holding onto the back of the chair as you turn. “And good timing, I’m about done with bookkeeping, so I’ll head up with you.” You gather together your books and pens and papers, putting them all into a folder, and you motion for Levi to follow you back through the kitchen and through a door which leads to the larger building’s hallways. There’s a set of stairs at the end of the hall, and it seems that’s where you’re leading him.
Levi’s about to comment on the fact that he’s really not sure he’s willing to haul both himself and his wheelchair up an entire flight of stairs, but you stop before you can, and you turn to walk another corner, and the two of you find yourselves in front of an elevator.
You press the button to go up, and you smile down at Levi, your papers tucked underneath your arm. “Sorry I’m not all that talkative after hours, I’m probably not as fun as you thought I was.”
That’s not a problem at all.
“I don’t care.”
When the elevator doors open, you let him on the platform first, and you follow inside to stand beside him and click on the button for the 2nd floor.
You close your eyes on the ascent, and Levi takes this as chance to glance at you from where he is.
Your ribbon sways as you do, humming to yourself as you wait for the elevator to reach the upstairs. There’s a soft smile on your face, flour slightly caught on your nose, and a bit of ink staining the parts of your lip where it’d met pen.
The yellow of your apron is brightened here, white lights of the elevator much more harsh than the natural light of the downstairs bakery. The frills on the edge of its skirt are more starkly defined here, and with the slight movement of your hips, they seem to blow like they’re in the breeze.
In a way, watching you here, he feels the way he feels when the sun starts to go to sleep.
When the system beeps to tell you that you’ve reached your level, Levi pulls his eyes away from you, and he listens carefully as you yawn once more and tip your head where he’s meant to follow you.
When you’re at your apartment door, you take out a key from the pocket of your dress, undo the lock, and you hold it open for Levi to come in first. He does, nodding as thanks, and you close it behind you.
“Make yourself at home, I’m going to take a quick shower,” you tell him sweetly, slipping past him to head for the bathroom.
Levi nods, and he takes a second to just comprehend the fact that he’s even here at all.
Looking around, he sees that your apartment is very… you.
In the past four months that Levi’s known you, he’s hardly learned anything personal. Though he’s gradually become more comfortable in your presence, very little words are exchanged apart from poking fun at each other or talking about things more paramount than life itself. All he knows about you, at this singular point in time, is that you’re incessantly kind, wonderfully talented at baking, and hard-working, but that all seems to show up here, in this little capsule you call home.
From what he can see from his view at the entrance, everything is spotlessly clean. On the dining table, there’s a few potted herbs growing from sprouts, and on the counters of the kitchenette adjacent to the door, there’s an array of various teas, one of which is the kind he himself drinks at home, as well as a dish-drying rack latent with measuring cups and utensils.
Further inwards is a couch with a neatly folded blanket and several pillows, all dyed with pale colors of the sky. There’s a coffee table in the center of the living room, the glass seemingly well-loved with faint stains of hot metal and water spots that won’t fade.
And, just outside your window, there’s an assortment of all sorts of plants, strewn and wrapped around the railing of your balcony. That very first time he’d sat and had his cake while you had your tea, those very leaves fell from there and landed like slow on people strolling through the street below, and, underneath the rain, the greenery reflects moonlight onto the pale, wooden floor.
Levi, conscious of the fact that his wheelchair would ruin the floor if he used it to get around, gets up as best he can and walks over to the couch, planting himself in the cushions and staring up at the ceiling.
He breathes slowly, too cautious to make even a sound, and in the distance, he hears the stronger sound of shower water hitting porcelaine. His mind’s hazy as he’s still forced to listen to the falling rain, pitter-pattering just a few feet away from him, and he has to completely abandon his head to give himself way to not think too hard about what the rain carries with it.
Both fortunately and unfortunately, he’s mastered the art of turning minutes into seconds for himself, and he has no meaningful thoughts between the time you’ve started your shower and now returned with a towel draped over your shoulders.
You’re dressed much more casually here, in a loose-fitting shirt and shorts. It’s the first time that he’s seeing you with your hair down, always used to seeing you with a ribbon tying it away from your face.
He already thought you were pretty enough during the daytime, your hair ribbon blowing in the breeze and the thread of your apron matching that of the stitch on his right gardening glove, but even with how muddled his mind is here, his breath is stolen again by the sight of you here, fresh out of the shower, your hair wet and dripping water onto your garments.
He can only be thankful that you seem too nonchalant to pay any mind to him, blindly walking over to the couch from the bathroom. Once you reach him, you hand him a spare towel as you take a seat next to him, pushing your back up against the couch. “I’m so tired,” you yawn once more, stretching out your legs. “Did you want to freshen up before bed?”
He looks down at the towel, rubbing his thumb against the fibers.
Yes.
But he knows he’s already taken advantage enough of you even allowing him to stay the night.
“I’m alright. You should go to bed.”
You hum next to him, joining in his ceiling gazing. In his periphery, he sees you flutter your eyes closed and relax your face, but he refuses to look too hard.
“Is this about you not wanting to be an inconvenience again?”
Yes .
“No.”
“Somehow, I doubt that.”
Is he that easy to read?
Levi gulps. “Really, you can just go to sleep already. I’ll be fine on the couch.”
“Well, I wasn’t going to offer that you take the bed if you weren’t going to shower,” you jest, chuckling next to him. There’s a shift in the weight on the couch as you slowly get up, and when you turn to face him before heading off to your room, there’s a quiet, shy smile on your face, framed perfectly with moonlight. “I’m going to bed, then. You’ll probably see me in the morning, but if you miss me, I’ll see you next week.”
And with that and a wave goodnight, you’re gone, and all that Levi feels is a soft towel underneath the pads of the fingers on his left hand.
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
After several hours of complete silence wherein Levi only stared up at the ceiling, trying to escape his mind as he forces himself to reassess the feeling of the couch fabric against his aching bones, he hears the opening of a door.
More specifically, your bedroom’s door.
That’s odd on its own. The sun isn’t anywhere near out, and he hadn’t heard any stir from your room to assume you’d had a bad dream.
Levi closes his eyes to feign sleep, but he’s (very) apparently bad at it when he feels a faint breeze as you wave your hand in front of his face. His eyes flutter open, and he’s met with the sight of you, hands now behind your back as you tie on your apron over a long dress. You haven’t turned the lights on, so there’s only pale moonglow to light your apartment, yet his eyes trace your features like a moth to a flame.
“What’re you doing up?” He whispers, his voice scratchy.
You raise a brow at him. “More like, why are you up?”
Couldn’t sleep.
“I asked first.”
You hum to yourself, looking between him and the door. “I have to head down to the bakery soon.”
He looks to the clock on the wall. 3:45 AM.
“This early?”
“Yeah, all those sweets don’t make themselves,” you sigh airily, leaving him at the couch to grab your bookkeeping items at the kitchen counter. “I’m used to it, though, so it’s alright.”
“It still sounds like torture.”
“Your turn now.”
He waits until you’re headed for the shoe rack by the door, faced away from him.
“Couldn’t sleep.”
There’s the faint sound of fabric on fabric as you slide on your shoes, then a slight jangling of keys as you go to the hook by the door to put them in your pocket. You open the front door, and you look back at him over your shoulder, smiling sadly for him.
“Want to come with me, then? I can get you something to eat, if you’re just going to be awake anyway.”
When Levi hesitates to answer, you immediately perk up and wave your hands out in front of you.
“You don’t have to, I just thought I’d offer!”
. . .
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
The when I’m who I am is left out of the question, just as it was the last time he’d asked this, but he’s still afraid you’d heard it anyway.
You groan, throwing back your head as you do so. “You’ve already asked this before.”
That’s because he still doesn’t understand.
“Then you can answer it again.”
“Ok, well now you have to come with me,” you sigh. “Come on, old man.”
He frowns halfheartedly, but he starts to pull himself up from the couch, unable to do away with your offer. “Who are you calling old?”
“Gee, I wonder,” you sass, scoffing. “You’re, like, what? A thousand?”
Maybe it’s because you can tell that he’s upset about something, or maybe it’s because he’s so exhausted that he thinks anything that anyone says is funny.
Whichever reason it is, he’s thankful that you’ve got him smiling, even if only in spirit, and that he’s got enough strength to walk over to you, lightly knock the back of your head, and go put on his shoes.
Might as well just tell you now.
“40.”
“Wow, I knew you were old, but I didn’t think you were that old,” you playfully prod, reorienting his wheelchair so that he can sit in it easier from where he’s already standing. “You certainly don’t look 40, though. Good for you!”
You hold it in place for him, and he rolls his eyes as he sits down. “Yeah, right, and you were born yesterday.”
“If 36 years ago counts as ‘yesterday,’ then, yes, you’d be correct.”
Levi sighs. “Let’s just fucking go.”
You laugh, lighting up the room with sunshine as you shake your head and open the door wider for wider to go through. “Whatever you say, old man.”
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
In the kitchen, Levi’s earnestly caught in a daze as he watches you get everything in order for opening.
It’s calming in its own right, that he gets to watch you do what you love and see the passion with which you move with in your own space. There’s a window just above the sink, and the moon is right there where the sun will rise in a couple hours.
True to your word, you give him something to eat. You set down a loaf of bread, some butter, and a bowl of fruit in front of him for Levi to have as a makeshift breakfast, and while he chips away at it, cautiously taking bites to be polite even if he isn’t all that hungry, he tries to think of how to ask you how he can help.
He wants to help. He really, really does. If for no other reason, his conscience is screaming at him to try and be of help, to find himself reason to say that this could be his in this life.
But you work quickly—too quickly—and Levi barely understands what’s happening as you pull out basins of all these ingredients he can’t name. Things get put in the oven, back in the freezer, covered in thin cloths. You mumble instructions to yourself as you hold what looks like an inventory card in your left hand, doing things with your right, and all Levi knows to do is watch and try to figure out what’s happening.
In a way, he’s not surprised to see that you’re not as talkative as he’d imagine, all with everything that’s seemingly on your shoulders—having to bake an entire day’s worth of inventory all on your own, taking care of bookkeeping, being swarmed with company all hours of the day.
And even though you don’t ask for anything, only smiling at him when you accidentally make eye contact with him between searching for appliances and ingredients, Levi can’t help but feel like he’s bothering you by being here, burdening you with an unuseful presence.
“Is there anything I can do?” He asks, now having finished a decent amount of the bread and butter you’d given him. It tastes divine, even in its simplicity, but he doesn’t have the heart to finish it.
You hum, not looking up as you turn on the culinary scale on the counter and set a large bowl on it. “Nothing I can think of in particular. Antsy to keep your hands busy?”
No, he just doesn’t want to be dead weight.
“Sure.”
You turn your face away from the counter, yawning before looking behind where you’re standing at some labeled glass containers of tea. “Think you could make some tea for me?”
Would he even know how to make anything but the bitter, boring black tea he sips in the nighttime?
He ought to at least give it a try.
“Alright.”
Your eyes scan the containers before your hand reaches out to grab one, and you lean over the countertop on your tippy-toes to push it across to Levi.
He catches it, and he turns the glass around to read the label. White Peony.
Well, he’s fucked.
“There’s a kettle over by the stove,” you tell him, settling back on your feet and walking over to the refrigerator. “Make some for yourself, too, if you want. I have plenty of other blends on the shelf”
He most definitely isn’t going to brew anything for himself, but he appreciates that, even after all this time, you still extend the offer.
He hates the fact that he still can’t accept it, though.
And he hates that you’re still wasting your effort in getting him to.
He wheels himself over to the kettle, remembering where it’d been last night when he was cleaning the kitchen, and he fills it with water from a faucet marked for drinking. Going back to the stove, he places the kettle on the heated rings, and turning the dial, he lights the flame.
He waits, staring at the flame as it licks the underside of the metal, and he follows it upwards as the water steams from the spout and draws wisps in the cold, morning air of this kitchen. The kettle whistles, and he takes it from the heat to keep it from boiling over.
Near where he’d found the kettle, there’s your personal teaware set, composed with a teapot, two cups, and a tea infuser on a tray. He stands briefly to pull it closer to himself, and after lifting the lid to the pot, he opens the container of tea you’d given him, and he holds it over the pot and the infuser.
He hasn’t got any clue of how much you’d need to flavor a pot, so he takes his best guess and puts in about as much as he would at home with the black tea leaves he uses. He tips it into the infuser, careful not to let any dried petals spill, he closes it, and gently drops it to the bottom of the pot.
He pours the hot water from the kettle over the tea, tipping the spout slowly so as to not splash it onto himself, and he puts the lid back on. On the panel above the oven, just right next to the stove, there’s a small clock, so he watches and waits for the five minutes he thinks it’ll take for the tea to finish brewing.
He looks over his shoulder to see you now, shaping buttery dough and placing it onto trays on the countertop, biting your bottom lip in concentration. There’s a swipe of flour on your brow, as well as some that’s caught on your cheek, but you look so focused that he can only assume that you’re unbothered by it.
He clears his throat to get your attention, and the furrow at your brow disappears as you look up at him. “Your tea is ready.”
“Thank you! I’ll be there in a second,” you singsong, smiling at him. “I hate to ask, but could you pour it for me? My hands are a bit preoccupied.”
He nods. “Sure.”
As he moves the teacup closer to him to remove the infuser and pour it, he hears you finish up with the bun and go over to the sink near him to wash your hands, flicking off the excess water before reaching for a paper towel. Levi’s hands are careful to not spill any tea, and when the teacup is filled he slides it closer to where you are.
He watches as you pick it up to take a sip, and he crosses his fingers in his lap that you like it.
. . .
And, because the universe is out to get him, it’s painfully obvious from the sudden downturn of your smile that you don’t.
You pull the teacup from your lips and cough, putting it back on the counter and burying your face into your elbow.
Levi has no idea what to do, the horror of the situation freezing him in place, and all he can do once the initial shock passes is reach for a napkin on the counter to give to you. “Shit, I’m sorry!”
You take it hastily and wipe at your mouth, pulling it away from your face to see if it’s collected any color. You clear your throat aggressively, and you sniffle. “Wow.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” you cough again, “it’s just really strong.”
“I’m sorry, I put in as much as I use when I-”
Fuck.
He catches himself in his lie, and he’s grateful that don’t seem to notice his pause.
“When I make it for houseguests.”
You sniffle again, and you slide the teapot to yourself, opening the lid to see the rest of the brew. “Well, you better stop putting so much, or no one’s ever going to come back,” you laugh.
You pick up your cup again, and before Levi can speak up to tell you that he’d be more than happy to try again under your instruction, you take another sip, wincing afterwards.
“Why are you still drinking it?”
You take another sip before taking it with you, going back to the dough and portioning off another piece to start shaping it, your hands delicately handling it as you pat it down on the countertop. “I might as well, right?”
“I can try again, you don’t have to drink it if you’re worried about me being offended. I know it tastes like shit.”
You giggle, shaking your head. “It’s not perfect, but I don’t mind.”
. . .
You don’t?
Surely, you do, and you’re just not telling him.
He can barely stomach the thought of anything but the tea he knows—the one that’s boring, painfully strong, always the same—how could you be fine with yours being brewed so completely wrong?
“Just tell me how to do it properly, and I will.”
“It’s alright, you already went to the trouble. I can tell you put some love in it, too,” you wink, putting another piece onto a baking tray. You split off another portion of dough. “I can always make another cup for myself later, anyway. It’s not a big deal.”
“But, still, if you could just have a better cup now-”
“Ah, ah, ah,” you tut, holding up your index finger at him. “ I am the king of this kitchen right now, not you, and what I say goes.”
“But your tea-”
“And I say that this tea is completely fine, so shut up, and come help me put these trays in the oven.”
Levi feels a hiccup bubbling up in his throat, telling him to fight harder to make sure that you’re actually fine with the tea he’d brewed for you in his morning stupor, but with the way you’re looking at him, eyes shining with playful willingness, he forces himself to swallow it and just accept that he can’t force humility onto you.
Fuck.
“Fine.”
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
It takes Levi nearly two cycles of the moon to come back to the bakery, meaning he returns in no more than two month’s time later.
Why he takes so long to return, you might ask?
Well, after having completely made a fool of himself by making your tea incorrectly (and the banter which took place in the thereafter), you and him worked in near silence as you got ready to finish getting ready for the day. It’s with conviction that he says he cannot remember most of it, in a rush as you gave him orders to do miscellaneous things around the kitchen and clean up little, unimportant messes.
That much of the morning was normal enough.
And, truthfully, the rest of it was too.
He’d helped you clean tables in the front, loaded up confectionaries in the display case, watered the potted herbs on the shelf with a small watering can you’d kept underneath an awning that collected rainwater. You’d given him a slice of plain cream cake, and he ate it at the table in the corner as you got to putting the potted plant by the door and finishing up with some things in the kitchen. When he’d left, you’d sent him off with a smile, a wave, and a box of chocolate tarts to bring home for the kids, secured to the back of his wheelchair in a cloth bag with white ribbon keeping it stable, and he’d tried his best to tell you in his own way that he was grateful for you affording him shelter for the evening.
Of course, he’d been nervous as all hell all throughout, but he was fine.
Everything was fine.
And you’d never force it out of him, but it was the most at peace he’d felt in a long time, even if he did ruin your morning pot of tea.
So, really, it wasn’t anything that had happened that kept him from you.
What’d kept him from coming back was his own conscience, and its insistence that he needs to distance himself from you, for reasons he can’t name other than the nervous feeling which reaches the tips of his fingers when he thinks of you. He’d done a decent enough job at swatting away the feeling before, but it’s been gnawing at him recently in a way that’s too troublesome to ignore.
In that kitchen, with you, the clock had ticked slowly, just as it always did at that time of day, but it wasn’t at all forlorn in the way he’d learned it to be.
4 in the morning, in his world, is when his eyes will burn, and he has to force himself to search the labyrinth of his mind for happy memories to subside those less so. When his chair starts to feel uncomfortably stuffy, and he has to bear the pain until it’s too much. When he has to take a walk around the fields outside to clear his head, and he has to do it all over again when it’s 4 in the morning the next day.
4 in the morning, in your world, is when you fill the bakery with the homely smell of fresh bread, when cakes get decorated and pastries get put together. When your ribbon blows in the swift morning gale which comes through the lone window—when you’re most at peace, and, surprisingly so, when he is too—, and you get to do it all over again when it’s 4 in the morning the next day.
The evening following that time spent with you, when it’d became 4 in the morning, he had thought of you; tying on your apron with warm hands, watching the moon through glass that’s frosted over in cold, morning fog, wiping fingerprint smudges off of windowpane.
It comforted him—the thought that you were awake, too, only doing things that made you happy.
The thought that somewhere, not too far away from the world he resides in, you’re there in your own.
And he feels like he isn’t welcome there—in your world—even at your best protest.
He’s not supposed to be happy at 4 in the morning, for that’s nothing he’s ever known to be at that time of day.
Or at any time of day, really.
In the ensuing mornings, when the clock would click into place at 4:00, it was all he could think about, all he could remember, all he could feel.
And it feels wrong.
He’s supposed to be acting in remembrance—half-alive and fully-awake as he forces himself to remember his lives past lived, gripping the armrests of his chair and feeling the leather start to peel underneath his fingernails. The solace he’d found in the knowledge that you were also awake when he was eroded in the same manner the moon crescented, and it became something he’d felt shame for.
And he has no idea what to do about it—the comfort which gives way for light to reach his empty heart. He’d already experienced enough while in your presence alone; how could he allow you to do the same and worse to him even during the hours of the day reserved for only the darkest parts of himself?
Levi’s not an idiot. He knows all too well that he’s getting attached.
Which is why he chooses to stay away.
It doesn’t do much. He still thinks of you in the wee hours of the morning, how your hair had fallen over your shoulders when he’d seen it down, how you’d always leave a cup of tea out for him to try, how you’d smiled at him when he’d left that morning. He goes past the bakery every so often, seeing it in passing after going to the market for miscellaneous items he needs for the house.
But he keeps at it, willing himself to stay at his quiet little farmhouse, spending his days doing nothing of importance.
He has his tea, he gardens in the fields and sprays the insecticide he’d bought so long ago, he tries to find sleep in his chair. He makes spinach soup for the kids because they refuse to eat vegetables from anywhere but the garden they help pick from and water, and he’ll send Gabi off with some of the day’s harvest for her cousin. He’d celebrated Gabi’s birthday with her, Falco, Onyankopon, and those tarts you’d given him before he’d left, lit a candle for Moblit on his, and was forced to join the 104th at a bar for Springer’s.
So many things, all amounting to nothing.
But it’s not like he has anything else to do.
And it’s not like you would’ve missed him, anyway, now that he’s stopped coming.
What’s there about a man like him to miss?
But, in the end, he’s bound to routine and its troubles all the same, and his hands eventually find themselves pushing forward the wheels to take him back to the bakery. And maybe he could blame his heart, telling him that he needs to see you again, even if he’s sure he isn’t detached enough yet to brave the sight of you, but it’s truly without intention that he finds himself back here.
He’ll come, say a brief hello, order, and leave. That much should keep his mind at ease, his heart satisfied.
And, besides, today is his mother’s birthday.
In years past, he’d simply pour out an extra cup of tea to share with her spirit, but with how its seemingly become more commonpractice among himself and his friends to celebrate birthdays and other events more formally, he thinks he ought to get a cake for her, and he can’t imagine anywhere else he’d go to fetch that but your bakery.
As he approaches its spot at the corner of the road, he feels a squeeze in his chest, telling him for the thousandth time that he’s not supposed to be here, but there’s a tug on his heartstrings which tells him to suck it up and just brave the worse parts of his conscience.
But before he can even begin to question why, the windows are blocked with curtains he’s never seen closed before, the door isn’t propped open with an annoyingly large potted plant, and there’s not a trace of the life there’d been in the months prior before he’d stopped coming.
He remains still in his wheelchair in front of the closed door, staring up at a small sign hanging from it.
Temporarily Closed!
. . .
He feels no breeze as he rereads the words, over and over again. He knows there’s wind—his hair blows with it, prickling his eyes—but he feels none of it. He only feels as if he’s stuck there, trying to fool himself into thinking he’s misreading the sign.
It’s closed?
Maybe this is the universe telling him that he should’ve found another, more shitty bakery to get his mother’s birthday cake from.
That he should’ve stayed at home in the first place, and that he should’ve just steeled himself for long enough to lose the desire to come back.
That he wasn’t meant to come here at all.
That he’s not wanted here.
That he’s not supposed to be here.
The feeling is nearly as painful as the thought that you’ve closed shop.
What happened to the bakery?
How long is “temporarily?”
Where are you?
What’re you doing now?
How’re you doing now?
Are you okay?
He knows that he has no right to be asking in the first place, especially given the fact that he’s been absent for long enough for this to even transpire.
But-
Actually, no.
He does have no right to be asking those questions.
It’s none of his business anymore. He’s been gone for so long that he has no right to be worried.
He’ll go home, pour out two cups of that same boring black tea, and he’ll mull over all the ways he can try to salvage the faint heartbreak he feels here. It’s of his own doing that he’s found himself having missed opportunity to come here again, and it’s too late.
Just as he’s finally gotten back control of his body and is about to leave, there’s a leaf that falls in front of him, and he takes his hands off the grips of his wheelchair to catch it between his fingers. It feels crisp in his hands, like that pink ticket that’d brought him back here in the first place.
Looking up to see the plant from which the leaf had fallen, there’s long leaves of the plants above the awning and on your balcony that sway with the wind, drawing in sunlight and dripping with water. There’s a glare from a window from across the way, but because of the rust that’s lightly coating the railing, it doesn’t burn his eyes.
And he sees a white ribbon, moving alongside the zephyr.
And because his soul speaks for him, he calls your name.
The two tails of the ribbon get pulled in by hands that’re familiar to him, even after having not seen them since two moons past, and from over the raining, you appear, looking down at him.
There’s an expression he can’t read on your face as you and him make eye contact.
And you disappear, just as you’d came into view.
God fucking damn it.
He knew he never should’ve come here.
He should’ve listened to the better part of his conscience—the part that thinks with his brain, not his heart.
He should’ve kept at building the distance he’d try to foster between the two of you. The one-sided attachment he has to you should’ve been enough to tell him that he’s better off just trying to forget the last five months ever happened.
He should’ve known better.
He lets the leaf in his hands drop to the stone road, and he looks back at the door that’s still just as closed as it was seconds ago.
Well, there’s nothing else to do but go back in the direction from which he came.
He can’t even bring himself to sigh the breath of loss as he grabs hold of his wheels again, reorienting himself to head home.
He’s slow as he moves, pushing forward across stone that’s a bit bumpy and covered with strewn green. He keeps his eyes downward, shame surely evident on his features as he waits for himself to fully gain control of his body and mind again.
It’ll be okay.
He’ll find another shitty bakery to get his mother’s birthday cake.
He’ll stay home.
He’ll not come here again.
He’ll know he’s not wanted here.
He’ll know he’s not supposed to be here.
He’s broken out of his thoughts when he hears the echo of a bell ringing, and before he can look over his shoulder to see what’s the source of that sound, he feels warmth around his chest.
Arms from behind are wrapped around him, firm yet gentle, and there’s a weight on his left shoulder as a head gets placed there. He can hear labored breaths, as if someone had just come running down the stairs. There’s the faint smell of sugar and tea tickling his nose, and he feels the satin of a ribbon falling over into his lap.
”Levi!”
It’s you.
For just a second, his body tenses up, unsure of how to react to the feeling of yours against his.
And, just as soon as he’s finally begun to even comprehend the idea that he could relax into your embrace and let himself crumble under the weight of relief, you pull away from him and move to stand in front of him, your hands on your knees as you bend down to meet him at eye level.
He only knows how to stare dumbly at the you who now beams at him with a smile that reaches your eyes.
“It’s good to see you again, I missed you!”
. . .
You…
missed him?
Levi’s heart drops. “You did?”
“Of course I did!”
. . .
“Why?”
You look at him with confusion. “You came every Wednesday, why wouldn’t I miss you?”
“I’m sorry,” he manages to whisper.
You wave him off. “Don’t be, I’m just glad to see you. What’ve you been up to for the past two months?”
“...Nothing.”
“Oh, come on. An old man like you has nothing to do?” You tease playfully. “No grandkids to take care of?”
He deadpans. “Ha, ha, very funny.
“They liked the tarts you sent me off with, though. They said to say ‘thank you.’”
To the pretty lady who works at the bakery, they’d also said to pass along, but Levi isn’t going to say that.
“Tell them it’s no problem, I’m glad they liked them.”
“I will.”
You chuckle, shaking your head and standing up straight again. “So, what brings you back here today?”
“I was going to get a birthday cake, but the bakery is kind of,” he kisses his teeth, “closed.”
You hum, looking over to the blocked out windows. “Well, you’d be right about that.”
“What happened?”
“What happened to what?” You ask sarcastically. “You mean to the bakery?”
He nods.
You laugh, putting your hands into the pockets of your dress. “Funny story, it got broken into.”
Levi’s heart drops even further. “What?”
You wince, nodding. “Yeah, it was a while ago, not too long after your last visit. The bakery was closed, and some people came through and wrecked everything looking for money. Everything in the front is basically torn to shreds, and there’s still glass on the floor from when they broke the display case.”
“What fucking idiot breaks a dessert display to look for money?”
You chuckle. “The ones that robbed me, I guess. They did some real damage, though.”
“But did they find it?”
“What, the money?” You sadly smile. “Yeah.”
His heart falls to the pit of his stomach.
“...Are you okay?”
“Well, I’m here right now, aren’t I?” You laugh. “But I was out shopping for something when it happened, so I wasn’t hurt or anything.”
Thank fuck, but that's what he meant.
"But the money-"
"It wasn't all of it, just what I kept downstairs. Really, don't worry about me."
He's still going to, anyway.
He frowns. “I’m sorry. That's all horrible.”
You shrug halfheartedly. “I’ve cried about it plenty already, no real point in staying upset. I’ll be able to reopen eventually, so it’ll all be okay in the end.”
How could any of this be okay?
He frowns, hearing that you’d cried.
And it makes his heart heavier, knowing that he’d spent all this time thinking you’d been awake in the mornings baking when you weren’t doing that at all.
Knowing that he’d wasted his time being selfishly obsessed with distancing himself from you, to the point that you had missed him, even when you had plenty of other, more important things to worry about than him not coming back to the bakery.
And he only has himself to blame for him not being there for you when this’d all happened.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” He asks cautiously.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
Maybe because there’s a grief in losing your work?
“Having to close, even temporarily, sounds hard.”
“I wouldn’t lie to you, I swear I’m fine,” you say, looking up at the sky.
You’re lying.
You don’t say anything else, so Levi’s eyes follow yours to the sky. He himself doesn’t really know what else there is to say, given the gravity of this, so there’s a silence, but it’s not the one that hangs overhead when Levi would come on Wednesdays. This quiet is only there because you don’t want to talk or even think about the bakery, and it’s painfully obvious to Levi that there’s something wrong.
It feels wrong, to say the least, but at least he’s not the one to confront that when, after what feels like a lifetime of cloudgazing, you clear your throat.
“Who’s birthday is it, if you don’t mind me asking?”
He keeps his eyes trained above, speaking slowly. “My mother’s.”
You hum. “It’s nice of you to think to get a cake for her. You’re a good son.”
Is he?
“I should let you go. I wouldn’t want you to be late meeting her.”
Levi doesn’t want to go, but he knows he has to, if for no reason other than the fact that he knows he’s wasting your time by being here.
“Right,” he sighs. “Do you know any bakeries nearby?”
“I hope you know you aren’t allowed to be a regular customer anywhere else,” you joke. “When I reopen, you better come back and sit at that corner table every Wednesday again.”
He can’t say that he’ll be able to fend off the devil on his shoulder, but he’ll try his best if that’s what you’re asking of him. “No promises.”
“I guess that’s good enough for me,” you smile goodnaturedly, now looking at him. “Well, if you’re looking for a cake somewhere else, what flavors does she like?”
Did like.
In any case, he isn’t sure she’d ever had a cake in her life in the first place to have a flavor to call her favorite.
“I don’t really know. I suppose anything would be fine”
You hum. “You could try the shop three streets down. They have a bit of everything, but it’s kinda expensive.”
He hadn’t brought any more money than it’d cost to get a cake from your bakery because he didn’t want to be tempted to get something for himself while he was here.
“Anywhere else?”
“Um,” you look around, tapping your index finger on your cheek. “There’s a bakery by the clock tower at the center of the city, but I think they’re also pretty expensive because it’s owned by a company.”
He frowns. “Is anything around here affordable?”
You snort. “No, absolutely not.”
“And that’s all the bakeries?”
“...Yeah, at least all the good ones.”
Well, he certainly isn’t going to disrespect his mother and get her a bad cake.
He sighs. “It’s fine.”
Levi can just go back home and do what he always does when it’s his mother’s birthday.
He supposes that it’s tradition begging to be kept, if he can’t get a cake for her. Maybe he can stop on the way back home and grab some flowers instead-
“Actually, when do you have to meet with her?”
“What? Why’re you asking?”
“Ah, well,” you look up to your balcony, “if you could wait a few hours, I can make the cake for you. The bakery kitchen might not be available for business, but the one in my apartment works just as well.”
“What? You don’t have to do that.”
You have better things to do with your personal time than do this for him.
“Well, it’s not fair to your mother that she doesn’t have a cake on her birthday just because some small-time criminals decided to rob my bakery.”
It’s also not fair that your bakery was robbed in the first place. You don’t need to be downplaying how much it’s hurting you to have to close shop.
“It’s alright, you don’t have to-”
“You still haven’t answered my question,” you raise.
Because there is no answer. He’s not going to see his mother, and he’s never going to be able to again.
“...It’s subject to change.”
You smile. “Then it’s settled.”
“What is?”
“I’ll make you your cake.”
He frowns. “What choice do I have if you’re just going to insist anyway?”
“Well, I can’t force it into your hands, but if you came all this way already, then you must’ve really wanted a cake from me, right?”
And what’s he supposed to say to that?
No, I hate your baking, and I would rather go home empty-handed on my mother’s birthday than accept your help.
So he stays silent, and you take that as him giving in, and you flash a smile at him.
“That’s what I thought,” you start, making your way back over to the bakery door. You remain looking at him, one hand of the door handle after you’ve opened it, and he just stares back.
“What’re you looking at me for?”
“Do you want to come up and help? It’s okay if you don’t, I don’t mind delivering it to you.”
His heart breaks.
Why are you trying so hard?
“You’re really not going to change your mind, are you?”
You tilt your head in confusion, ever-oblivious to the storm in his mind. “Uh, it’d be really mean-spirited if I told you I’d make you a cake and then not give you one at all, so no, I’m not going to change my mind."
“I meant about-” he pauses, unsure.
About helping him all the time.
“Nevermind.”
“So… are you coming up or not? I can’t hold this door open forever.”
“You’re really going to waste your time like this?”
He’s sure you have other things you could be doing right now, you don’t have to do this for him.
“Levi, it’s just a cake. You don’t have to worry about the trouble.”
He finds any defense he can.
“But it’s cake for someone you don’t know.”
“I may not know her, but I know you. That’s enough reason on its own, isn’t it?”
“I just don’t think-”
“Levi,” you call, “enough of feeling sorry for me. Are you coming up, or do I need to collect your address to bring this to you later?”
Levi purses his lips.
He has no right to come up to your apartment again, to spend even more of your precious time.
Regardless of whether or not he wants to, he doesn’t know you.
All he does is stare outside a window with you, take advantage of your kindness, and will himself to come there every fourth-cycle of the moon to give himself some semblance of purpose in this life in the form of yearning and cake. He’d stopped, and now he’s back to only find himself begging his soul for the freedom to to feel his heart.
But, in the way you speak, you make it sound like you know him.
And even though he knows you don’t know him any more than he knows you, there’s nothing more he could ask for that could compare to the compassion of your heart, given to him forlorn in the way he’s never learnt it could be, even if his mind and soul are in such discord that they can’t decide whether or not that’s allowed of a person like him.
And, in the way you’re looking at him here, practically holding out a hand to him, he can tell that you need someone.
Even if he doesn’t think he should be that someone, he’ll try his best.
It won’t be worth much, but it’s the least he can do to at least try and justify this decision to the part of himself that tells him he’s better off accepting the fact that he’s so unwholly a person deserving of even trying.
He puts his palms to metal and pushes forward, slipping past you through the gap in the door that you hold open.
He’ll put aside his own selfish, meaningless tendencies, but he can only hope to begin to accept the warmth of someone like you, who shines as brightly as the sun.
“I’ll help.”
｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ☀︎｡ ⋆｡ ﾟ
continue chapter one!
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Anon: May I please request Eren, Mikasa and Armin with a scientist female s/o who is a scientist and half-human, half-robot from a futuristic, dystopian world where everything has advanced technology? The s/o was sent to other planets to explore and discover new life forms and ended up in a whole other galaxy.
Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, toxic relationship, possessiveness behavior, obsession, delusional thoughts, manipulation, threats, isolation
Otherworldly Scientist s/o is half-robot
Eren Yeager
👊It's all jumbled in his head. Past, present, future... It has become all the same to him and Eren is barely able to navigate through his own knowledge and perception of the paths. Yet you... Where do you come from? He can not see you there, inside his head you don't exist, have no spot in the timeline. So what exactly are you? Where do you come from? For the first time in years, Eren can not determine the present not the future as you are a mystery, a phenomenon even the Founder Titan can't see in his abilities. An otherworldly being from a place he can't perceive nor predict. Obviously this imposes a threat on his plan as he can't tell what will happen now since your presence has already changed the future he thought was set in stone. Yet despite all the Yeagerists viewing you as a threat to their plan, as a threat to Eren, Eren himself can't help but feel something different. Obviously initially he doesn't trust you as much as you are something that defies the laws of what should be possible, your body partially made of highest technology.
👊You aren't part of the timeline in his head so you become a pillar, a sign that when he is around you, he is in the present as you've not been part of his past nor are you within the future he sees in his head. You defy his abilities and despite all the fear and caution surrounding you, Eren can't help but suddenly feel a sliver of hope. Hope that maybe the future he thought was unavoidable isn't set in stone after all. You possess knowledge and technology far above what this world has to offer and despite his best attempts to push his hope down, he can't help but wonder if you could help him, save him from his own mind and impending death that crawls closer and closer. Around you the future seems to be still changable instead of one big prediction he has to obey like a slave. The future surrounding you is painted in black, unpredictable and for that full of chances and different ways to go about it. There are options. There is freedom because of your existence in his world.
👊Listening to your stories of your own world, the advanced technology and the fall of your own world in chaos and the end of humanity as he knows it are engrossing and his heart aches when he sees the sadness and defeat in your eyes. Eren's world is filled with life and death, natural things that your planet has lost long ago so despite the terror of his world, you are amazed with everything. This world must look like paradise in comparison to your own world and suddenly he has an idea, a change of heart. He begs you to stay here, help him with your knowledge and the technology you brought with you to create a world where everyone can live a better life free of the fear of war and sudden death. You could stay here with him, live a life worthy of living instead of returning to the hell that your own planet has become centuries ago. He wants it, Eren wants a future with you where he can stay with you for his entire life and suddenly the acceptance he thought he had developed for his own death crushes his soul and heart. He's scared, desperate. So stay with him. Help him. Save him from a fate that was forced upon him and that he has been carrying around all by himself for so long.
Mikasa Ackerman
🧣Imprisoned upon discovery, you are a well-kept secret within Paradise Island as you are an abnormality, something that shouldn't exist. Your body made of flesh, blood and metal and your flying ship with which you ascended from the sky all defy everything they thought they knew. Whether you are a friend or foe has yet to be decided and for now you're kept isolated and imprisoned in the cells. You possess a vast amount of knowledge and inventions far above what Paradise Island has so many try to convince you to work for their course, under them the fraction surrounding Mikasa. They plead for your help to assist them with their task yet your eyes are drawn to Mikasa, the woman who is fairly quiet and often just observes you. Looking at you is sometimes hard for her as your body is human yet also not human, some parts of you modified for scientific purposes as you've told her on a couple of occasions when she came to visit you alone to ask questions she couldn' ask in front of the others.
🧣It surprises her to discover how much human-like you still are and you catch her within her surprise when asking her if she expected you to merely act like a machine as parts of your body have become one. She never admits that to you but you sense slight guilt as she acts a bit more friendly around you after that. Still cold and quiet but a welcoming presence nevertheless in your life which hasn't been this peaceful and quiet in a long time. When you confess this to Mikasa she can't help but wonder what must be going on in your world to describe hers as tranquil and the mere imagination of what your own planet might be like resorts in a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, a lump of nervousness and concern for you. You notice an increase in her visits as both of you often just sit in silence with you occasionally telling her a bit about your own world whilst Mikasa just sits there. It's alright though, you know that she's listening to every word you're saying.
🧣Out of the blue, she promises you one day to make sure to release you from this cell you're locked in, her dark eyes looking at you with an emotion you've never seen anyone expressing in your world before. Infatuation. Suddenly the woman who has been keeping it quiet in regards for you for such a long time suddenly grows active and demands you to be freed. No one knows where this sudden burst of desperation to get you out of that place came from but Mikasa isn't backing down. Hell, she'll break you out of there herself if she has to. The only reason why you haven't done so yourself is because you've come to this galaxy for peaceful purposes and she's boiling with anger on the inside when seeing the Yeagerists coming up with all sorts of excuses why you can't be released. You have more humanity inside of you than all those delusional bastards combined. It's going to be alright, she promises this to you often whilst looking at you through the prison bars separating the both of you. She's going to free you, is going to protect you from anything that tries to label you as a monster and tries to take you away from her.
Armin Arlert
🐚He's send to talk with you when you first land on Paradise Island, ascended from heaven itself as some people rumor. Armin is polite and friendly yet also observant and careful around you when he meets you for the first time. He has no plans to harm you though as he wants to discuss what your purpose is for coming to Paradise Island. It quickly becomes clear to him that you aren't associated with Marley nor with anyone else on this planet. You confess everything to him rather openly in exchange for him providing you with information on his planet. It's hard to believe at first but after considering it and you showcasing him the mystery that is your own body and some of the inventions you have on your starship, it doesn't look all that ludicrous anymore. You've come from an entirely different galaxy and have just gotten lost on your mission of researching new life on other planets. Instantly the chance if you were to stay and support them becomes clear and Armin gives it his best to convince you to stay here a bit longer.
🐚You're fine with it. In exchange of letting you research as much as you want, you provide information yourself and actively get involved with leveling their weapons and technology up, fascinated and bewildered with some of the stuff you find there as this would be ancient for you and far too inconvenient on your planet as it has evolved to high technology. You sense Armin's blue eyes on you though, sense his curiosity and so you invite him to join you on your starship as you spend hours in your laboratory, collecting data and examining plants and animals there, even Armin is being made a bit of a test subject but you promise to not hurt him so he carefully agrees as you use machines on him to measure his brain activity and circulatory system. To your delight he isn't only curious but also smart as he memorizes what you tell him and asks you questions of his own which you gladly answer. Soon Armin even decides to lead you to some places outside of your starship as he hears that life and nature have ceased to exist on your planet in favor of technology.
���Astonishment of what you and your planet are capable of gradually fade away to horror as you reveal more and more about yourself and your world. Life doesn't exist, even the concept of emotions has been deemed unnecessary on your planet as only technology and science are what makes the world. It helps him understand why you are so fascinated with the simplest of things in his world and his heart beats faster in his chest when he manages to amaze you with something and sees the childish thrill in your eyes. You can sense it, his accelerated heartbeat, his dilated pupils and the hormones his body is releasing which triggers feelings of euphoria when he as much as lays eyes on you. Armin is in love. With you. You don't tell him for now as that may change his behavior around you, you want to observe for a while longer. You notice his cheeks blushing, how he stumbles over his own words when you're physically too close to him. Yet you also notice how he often talks with you about staying longer, carefully choosing his words to convince you to just stay and never return to your old home and seems awfully anxious when not around you, his body in distress. You wonder if love is supposed to work like this.
#yandere attack on titan#yandere aot#yandere shingeki no kyojin#yandere snk#yandere eren#yandere eren yeager#yandere mikasa#yandere mikasa ackerman#yandere armin#yandere armin arlert
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all my love is for you… | e. jaeger
it is a rare occasion of having a peaceful night inside the survey corps. commander erwin smith formally dismissed his soldiers to enjoy the calming ambiance the night brought.
you choose to lay under the blanket of stars on the rooftop. you reflect on how your life changed these past years and mold you into a better person and made you a fighter. you remember enduring grief and madness as to why something like tearing awat your loved ones happened to you. you remember promising yourself to be the strongest so you can protect the family you have found in the army.
your fellow cadets choose to eat their night away with what sasha has stolen (a large slab of meat—smells fresh and crispy it makes your mouth water), but you decided to be alone.
“you’re not joining them?”
not anymore.
you don’t turn your head as you heard eren’s voice. the wind whispers against your body and you welcome it.
you hum as you close your eyes. you feel his body heat beside you and you accept all the warmth he emitted.
eren jaeger. your childhood friend. your closest friend in shiganshina. the first time you two met, you already hated him. he was brash, impulsive, short-tempered, and always, always running from you (you’re afraid he will run away from you—forever). and, you can’t help but be drawn to him. his eyes that held fire whenever he talked about slaughtering all the titans. he always screamed and screamed of wanting to have freedom. whenever you look at him, he feels so far away. you are like the moon; wanting to meet the sun that gives light to you, but no matter what you do, you can’t seem to reach him. eren can only give you a portion of him before turning away from you to give others a part of him. sometimes, when you stare at eren, you think of the word freedom. he is the freedom. look at connie who initially chose military police as his option, now he’s here having a laugh with sasha. he has this effect to people, no wonder, someone is in love with him.
“what are you doing here, eren?”
it’s really obvious that mikasa is really in love with eren.
you’re not blind. you always knew that the ackerman woman see eren in a different light. she’s overprotective, passionate, and territorial. she wants to be by eren’s side forever. she will follow eren wherever he goes, even if to the depths of hell. she devotes herself to him to the point that all she could see is eren. jean sulks whenver he glances at her following the green-eyed boy.
however, you don’t know what eren feels for her.
“i…” he pauses, “i just want to see how you’re doing.”
you raise an eyebrow at him. you look at him under your lashes. “i’m doing just fine, eren. you can go back inside.”
you observe him as he observes you. you watch him slowly change from a boy into a man. his messy hair is growing, reaching his neck. you notice how he looks tan, which is not a bad thing (he looks good). his eyes that held hatred for a long time seems dull at the very moment. he is also growing, towering you with his structure. the eren who screams and screams revenge, now looks exhausted.
you exhale a tired sigh and slowly blink your eyes. “lay with me, ‘ren.”
you don’t notice since you go back to watching the sky, but his eyes light up like the stars above and glued his body against yours.
“what are you thinking?” he whispers, afraid he’ll destroy the peaceful atmosphere the two of you created.
“i’m reminiscing.”
“about?”
“how much i grow as a person and how many people i let in in my heart.”
you feel his entire body stiffens. even if he slowly change into a nonchalant man, he never represses any emotion when he’s with you. he feels like the eren in shiganshina. like the boy who never lost his mother. like the boy who never lost his innocence in war. like the eren who always admire you.
“… and what do you think of those memories you’ve created with them?”
“i feel grateful.” you smile, so bright and warm, and it envelopes his heart like a hug.
you have always been pretty. the prettiest girl he has ever seen. he remembers the time when he started to grow admiration for you. for your brave soul—when you didn’t hesitate to punch the bullies who pick on armin. you looked like a warrior, bringing hell from the ground with those fiery eyes, chubby cheeks, and a stern punch. you fussed on armin like a doting mother and he couldn’t help his admiration to increase over the years.
you never notice but armin always blushes around you. eren observes from your side as he watches his bestfriend with enchanting eyes longingly stares at your form. he can’t blame him. you’re strong, kind, intelligent, and all the wonderful words he could think of.
when the four of you entered the cadet corps, more admirers lined up behind you. there is jean who constantly compliments you. from your hair down to your toes, he never fails to make you smile. there is reiner with muscular structure who protected you from an assault during your mission. when you gave him a hug, he didn’t know how to handle your softness. there is connie who always makes you laugh with his jokes. your aura seems to lighten up the room with that angelic laughs of yours. there is marco whose kindness draws you in. he looks like an angel with those sweet words and cute freckles. you couldn’t stop looking at them. there is also his bestfriend, armin, who talks like the world is ending if he never manages to let out his thoughts. the two of you theorizes what the outside world will be, what it looks like, if it’s like in the books. armin always stares at you like you have all the answers in the world.
all of them makes you bring out the best version of yourself. but what about him? did he make you smile? laugh? blush? did he make your heart beats faster when you’re with him?
he can’t help but think that you deserve them. you deserve the best, after all.
“eren,” you call his name. he is brought back to reality when he hears your voice.
your finger taps your temple. “you’re thinking too hard. what is it?”
he can feel his face heating up and his hands being clammy. he can hear the pounding of his heart against his lungs. the world is spinning and he blurts out the words at the tip of his tongue:
“how many people have you given your heart to?!”
shit. he’s embarrassed as hell. he mentally punches himself as he asks the dumbest question? what the hell is he thinking? is he insane? now that you know he’s the stupidest man you’ever known, are you going to avoid him? ignore him? forge—
his rambling thoughts stop because of your giggle. and wow, what a heavenly sound. he wanted to hear it for the rest of his awful life. if only.
your giggling has cease as you sit up. he panics for a second and follow you, but you force him to halt and bring your hands to the side of his face.
“silly, silly eren! what do you mean? i’ve never given my heart to anyone! it was always in your palm, taking care of it. didn’t you know? all my love is for you, eren, cause i got nothing left to lose when i took the risk of loving you, yeah?”
right there and then, eren knew—hell, he always knew that he willingly placed his heart inside your lungs just so you can always have a part of him forever. no one can take your place in his mind, heart, and life. you will always be the number one, the first priority, his girl, his always and forever. because with you, he’s always gonna be yours—for eternity. his love for you transcends the meaning of love itself and beyond.
he knows the power of the meaning of love more than anyone else.
#[🌷]—美.#eren 🫶#eren jaeger#eren x reader#eren jaeger x reader#eren x y/n#eren fluff#attack on titan#aot x reader#self indulgence time
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ANOTHER UNIVERSE
ꕥ Jean x female reader
ꕥ Words:- 4.6k
ꕥ Synopsis:- you've always had a little crush on Jean but afraid of losing him, you never confessed it to him. However one night, things take a turn..
ꕥ Genre:- Romance, Sad, Angst and a little suggestive.
ꕥ Type:- Oneshot
ꕥ Warnings:- mentions of blood, death scenes and fighting scenes.
ꕥ Disclaimer:- This is based on the end of season 3. I apologise in advance if some things are incorrect. Even though, I'm a big fan of aot, sometimes it's hard for me to go with the storyline.
Edit:- 53 LIKES?!?! 😭 TYSM GUYS🫶
"Even if the fates unraveled our destiny. I would find a way back to you..."
Another day went by.
Another 24 hours of bloodshed.
It was beginning to get exhausting.
Your horse guided your way back to the cabins. Back inside the walls. If you were being honest, the inside of the walls were much terrifying than it's exterior. Fear was more prominent when you found yourself here. With population. Humans.
What was so terrible?
Everything.
Every person that has dedicated their life to eradicate titans from the world, they feel it more than anyone around. Survey corps. The name feels like such a high status. It might be...but what would we do of the status when we won't be here to celebrate and enjoy a free life?
Going outside the walls and everytime, every goddam time, coming back with absolute no success. Leaving so many friends, companions, family...behind. Then returning with a heavy heart, with bodies of the people we once used to train with. Only for the people to question our ability.
Maybe...we weren't worth it? Maybe, it was because of us, we hadn't had any success yet. Even though, some of us were already at the edge of Paradis. It's confusing right? But it's our reality for now.
We grew in this depressing, fowl place. Not a lap to put our head on, not a shoulder to cry on...not parents to caress our cheeks and give us hope. How long could we possibly survive.
And that's the funny thing...we did. Mikasa, Sasha, Armin, Eren..his mere name makes your heartache. That freedom crazy bastard. Connie, Annie, Jean.
Down the path of this whole 'end titans' agenda, we lost more than we could've imagined. Bertholdt, Marco...Reiner, Commander Erwin.
Your eyes had started to pool with tears. You knew deep down that we were mere pawns, being played here and there because our ancestors couldn't manage themselves. So, even if you knew the other side held the enemies, you knew they were just like you in the end.
You wanted to see him. Jean Kirsten. That idiot. He made you fall for him. By literally doing nothing. You don't know why, you don't know how. But he seems to attract you for some reason.
Although, he's always crazy about girls and showing off infront of them. You don't particularly like these types of guys, who act desperate but he...you just find him cute. At first, you thought you were going crazy because that's how it seemed. Eventually, when you grew up with him...it all made sense.
He looked different now. His hair were longer, he had slight facial hair which was a cherry on top. He grew taller and his shoulders became broad. Tch, it's weird you even noticed all these things.
So you decided to invade Connie's cabin today, because jean and him were roommates. You realised it was his weekly smoke sesh which consisted of smoking, drinking & chatting absolute shit about the pricks we call the police, military and people we genuinely hate.
Jean would be manspreaded, sat on the uncomfortable bed, you besides him, exhaling smoke into the air as he'd tilt his head back ever so slightly- the stuble on his face prominent and his mullet abit messy.
"you wanna smoke?" He'd say with a slight chuckle passing you the blunt. How sad, the smoke made you feel suffocated. You didn't like it one bit. However, you needed to be by him tonight.
"I despise it." You say, eyes still on the table infront of you. Connie was on the sofa, sleeping like a log.
"You're no fun... " he'd say with a smile "so, how was ur week y/n?"
You leaned back on the bed, your arms supporting you, "pretty shit honestly...killing titans, cleaning their filthy blood from my swords, watching my mates...loosing to some of those gigantic idiots."
The sorrow was dripping out of you at this point. You had to control it. Keep it in a jar. However, Jean didn't make it any easy. Your eyes gazed at his perfect side profile. A high bridged nose, piercing light brown eyes and his soft lips. You sighed, and went back to staring at the table. Escaping the feeling he made you feel just by looking at him.
Jean chuckled, "I feel you." His lips were stretched in a smile but you could feel the pain in it. He'd nod his head in a comforting way, as always. And somehow, you had gotten used to this. "So, why the depressing week? Titans? Losing? Or just generally?"
His arms curled around your shoulder, sending goosebumps on your skin. He touches so nonchalantly, not knowing the effect he has on you.
"...just..generally." A heavy exhale escaped your lips. "You wanna talk about it?" He said while staring at you from the side. God, you have to control yourself so much around him. And he doesn't make it any easier.
"Nah it's fine...i wouldn't wanna burden you with it. Besides..." you paused and walked to the window. "The weather is beautiful today." a wave of breeze makes your hair dance as you close your eyes, feeling easy.
It didn't go unnoticed by him as he took steps to join you. The light breeze causing your hair to flow. His heart rate had increased, was it the booze? But..maybe he has always felt like this? He doesn't know and nor does he care. "Wow, your hair looks stunning." He whispered, as his fingers tuck a few strands behind your ear.
The surroundings were dead silent. You were afraid he'd hear your heartbeat. Or he might see your red cheeks. God, why'd he have to be like this? You turn your face away.
"I guess the weather is pretty good" he chuckled. "It's also a pretty good time for a kiss." He gave a cheeky smile, teasing you.
This basta- Oh my god! You kept chanting in your brain 'calm down', and you ahve no idea if it was working or not. In fact, you even held your breath, trying to maintain that poker face. A few beats later you yelled "...Connie!! Jean wants to kiss you!"
He laughed aloud, "Y/n! I was joking! Don't do that!" When both of you turned behind to see Connie, he was still asleep. He must've been really tired. Meanwhile Jean, pretended to pout and crossed his arms as he glanced at connie.
The awkwardness faded away for a few seconds. You both kept talking about different things but somehow Jean managed to bring the 'ideal boyfriend' thing in between. Question. How do you tell your crush that they are in fact your ideal type, subtly so that they never suspect a thing?
"But if u were single and were to hypothetically want a handsome guy to kiss u.. I wouldnt mind it being me." He'd chuckle again. He knew he was being a pain in the ass, "I'll be quiet now I promise." But it was also evident, he wanted an answer.
You couldn't help but chuckle, "have you always been desperate?"
He tried to laugh it off nervously, but get slightly embarassed, "Desperate? Nooo.." he paused for a few seconds. And on god you just wanted to pounce on him. Respectfully. Not that you would ever in real life, maybe you had started to get drunk? But..did you even drink? Your eyes trailed down his neck, the first few buttons were undone, exposing his collarbones and chest.
"It's not desperate to let a girl know you like them." His deep voice reached your ears and your eyes went to his at lightening speed. You realised he was looking at you while you were gawking at him shamelessly. Jesus Y/n. So you immediately looked away, flustered.
"..I thought you liked Mikasa.." you had to get that out of your system. He smiled, nudging your shoulder, not answering your question "y/n, I like the way you blush when you're embarrassed" he then laughed, finally coming back to the point, "Also Mikasa is great. I just also find you to be great as well."
"You're spouting nonsense..." You started to walk back to the bed because there was no way you were letting him see this side you. You were sure a few more minutes and smoke would start coming out of your ears. Besides, who taught him to talk like that anyway? When he was younger, he'd always get himself embarrassed infront of others.
He started to follow you. The atmosphere had become tense yet again. He came to a pause behind you, getting close as you stood near a drawer. "I think you're quite the catch." He leaned it to whisper it in your ear. This is unfair. Your breath had started to tremble. He truly makes you feel things.
You felt his hard front on your back, " ...jean.." you managed to say, more like murmur. His hands were now on your waist. "Yes y/n..?" He did it again, he whispered it in your ear. For a moment you felt his lips brush over your neck and god you wanted to lean on him, let your hair fall on one side and let him devour you.
He noticed you're slightly flustered. He shouldn't do this..he still isn't able to figure out if this was due to the drink or you. He knew he was getting hard. His nose was by your forehead, and he could smell you. It intoxicated him. But at the same time he felt like embracing your tiny body in his.
As much as you wanted his hands on your body, you decided to gently remove them, "don't say the words you don't mean..." Your eyebrows furrowed, it was just so painful. He could be saying all of this under the influence of alcohol.
It felt disappointing to lose your touch and yet Jean still smiled, nodding slightly. Placing his hands on your shoulders, "You're right. I was just, trying to be cute. It's probably too early to say that kind of stuff..."
"So, y/n, will you let me try again..? Cause I genuinely do think you're a catch." The way he calls for you, make your heart ache. But...you can't. In fact, you wouldn't want to make this into something more. Because, this world you're living in isn't...gentle at all.
But you can't help it. You are sure you didn't even let a drop of alcohol touch you and yet you feel so high and drunk. It might be his aura or his eyes in particular. So you don't know what's best to do right now...go with your desires or leave him hanging.
After staring at him for a good 30 seconds, you chose the first option.
Using his collars you pulled him close and placed a soft, brief peck on his lips. Then running away for your life to the other room.
He looked shocked. More like perplexed. But it's sad you couldn't see his face. As you think you were getting away, you heard footsteps behind you, realizing he was running after you.
"Hey! That was my first kiss!... And I liked it!" It took a while but he was eventually able to catch up to you, grabbing your hips and pulling you close to him, "I'd like a 2nd one, if I'm being honest."
I'm in trouble. All because of this horse face. He leaned in a little closer, cornering you to the wall, flustered, you say, "that was my first one too..." But the butterflies in your stomach just won't stop fluttering. You tried to escape from his embrace.
He'd chuckle, trying to kiss you again. Your attempts of escaping futile as Jean had quite a strong grip, "Now, y/n. Don't be like that... Give the guy who stole your 1st kiss a 2nd one huh?" he'd smile, blushing a little.
He's so cute. You have no idea what he might be thinking right now. However, it was spontaneous of you to just kiss him out of nowhere. Then it dawned on you that he's drunk. All of this is just because he's drunk. None of it is true. Right now, he's looking at you like you're the only girl in the world and...it makes your heart beat 10 times faster.
You look away, "you're drunk....you won't remember any of this jean..." You take a deep breath, clenching the little fabric of his shirt, "But, if someday, i got the courage to finally confess to you while you're sober...then you can get a second kiss. You hadn't realised but your tears were already dripping down your cheeks, "until then...please don't get my hopes high...and please..stay alive."
A pang. That's what it felt like, seeing you cry. Jean, has always been a soft person. Heck, even the idea of admitting in the survey corps terrified him. But his mother always told him that he was brave. Maybe, that's what drove him to be there with everyone else.
Apart from the negative aspects, if he hadn't took that step, he would've never...never found you. How miserable would he have been then. He takes a step back, dropping his shoulders.
"You're right.. I probably won't remember this once I'm sober... But, when I do forget.. remember this... Drunk or sober... My feelings don't change for you. You're the best girl I've met and whether you accept it or not, I don't just want a kiss"
He smiled again. A bright one this time. Where his eyes turn into crescents and you can see the obvious blush, not knowing if it's because he's drunk or... flustered. "You are amazing."
If anyone still hasn't figured out why he attracted me so much. I hope...it's much clear now.
You tried to calm yourselves down, " ...I have an early...meeting tomorrow with Levi and hange-san.." ,sniffles, "I'll go sleep..."
He'd wipe your tears away, kissing your forehead gently. "Dont you worry now... You go to your little meeting, and when you come back, we can talk."
He'd smile again, getting close to you once again as he looked into your eyes, "You.. Me.. Together.. No alcohol needed."
That night you had a hard time falling asleep. Jean's words kept coming back to you. You, me together, no alcohol needed. And a smile would appear everytime. In fact, you didn't even want to sleep.... probably because, reality had started to feel better than dreams.
Oh, you fell, it was so evident. And you've fallen so deep that if you tried to come back up, you'll lose yourself with it. He was your first love..but at the same time you started to have second thoughts.
The anxiety, if that's what you can call it. There were so many things you were afraid of. But, the number 1 was losing him...so you prayed that night. If any one of us had to leave this world for good, then let it be me first. Let it be me...
The next day you're back to training in the backyard with Mikasa, eren and armin. It's the same old thing but something turns on when it's you four together. There's a touch of comfort and warmth. Armin tells so many facts and stories we three wouldn't even understand, Mikasa would blush seeing eren all motivated to defeat the titans and you'd catch her.
She doesn't seem to hide the fact that she likes him... it's just that, she's afraid to admit it vocally. Just like you. Your eyes get downturned but you turn your attention back to the training.
Jean watches you from a far. It's quite obvious Jean likes you, and that's pretty obvious to him as well because right now, a tinge of jealousy can be felt in his chest. He just wishes, it was him besides you. He was the reason you'd smile like that, where your dimples appear, you didn't even know you had. Although, he'd pretend to look away each time Armin or Eren would catch him staring.
"Eren could you teach me the swing you did that day?" You request the dark haired guy. Eren came behind you. Ok, maybe you should think ahead for the future before you ask for something. Because you thought he'd teach you by doing it himself but apparently he decided to hug you from the behind, and hold the sword, while your bodies were so close together.
He's still watching from a far, his eyes following you. Eren is being a bit flirtatious by placing his arms around you, which Jean notices. Or maybe he's just seeing things because how would Eren, the freedom crazy bastard possibly have the time to flirt? In fact, he won't even know the purpose behind it?
"Ugh... What a flirt" He murmured being a little disgusted. "Hey Mikasa, you wanna tell me about your week?" He'd say in an attempt to distract himself from the jealous feelings of watching you with Eren.
A minute later he finds you ruffling Eren's hair who's on the ground and you're laughing, probably,because eren made a joke. This is all in his brain because that's not true at all, you were laughing because Eren tripped on thin air. And it was funny, to see a guy who can literally turn into someone so huge and crush millions, fall on the ground while making a cute sound.
This time Jean doesn't bother hiding his jealousy and anger. He has a straight face as he watches you play with Eren's hair, his hand clenching the handle of his 3D maneuvering equipment sword.
"Oh you think Eren is so cute!?" He'd say in a mocking tone, trying to get your attention. You turned yourself to him and realised he had been watching you. Wow, he was...watching me? He slowly got closer to you, "What about me?.. I haven't really even got the chance to show you how cute I can be.."
Your eyes go wide for a second. Because A) he's too damn close and B) he just said that aloud, in front of your friends. Which was even more embarassing. But he seemed to not care. You take a step back, "what..are you talking about?" Your cheeks are so red right now, why did the weather have to be clear today?
"Me?... Why, I simply thought you seemed to be getting a little.. flirty with Eren." He'd chuckle nervously before stepping closer again. Your poor heart was in no way ready for this. "I just thought I'd show you what you've been missing out on when you've been hanging out with that hot headed idiot.."
In no time, you're literally corned to the concrete wall behind and he slightly tilted his face. If it wasn't for the support of the wall you bet you'd fall down because just the way he's talking right now is making you go crazy enough to even let out a moan. Jesus..
You look away, trying to come up with something. You know damn well he looks majestic right now but unfortunately you don't have the courage to look straight at him. So you say, " ....just so you know ...it's hard for me to talk to boys that I find attractive..." Your cheeks go even more red, " ...ahem...captain Levi is calling me." And you walk away.
Jean was quite literally stunned. Shocked. Perplexed. And whatever else you can say instead of 'surprised'. He doesn't move an inch from where he trapped you while you walk away, "y/n...!" He finally yells. "You find.. Me.. Attractive?" He'd ask. His face would go red as he'd look after you.
"Well, when you get back we are gonna have a talk.." yeah sure whatever you say pretty boy. Was what you had in mind but no way you were ready for that 'talk' yet. You thought you were the only with a bright scarlet face when on the other hand, Jean is literally dying of shyness. So you just raised a middle finger in the air, trying to run away without any words.
He frowned as you flicked him off, "Well I hope your happy now that you got that out of your system.. Just wait until you see me when you come back" He'd put his middle finger up as well, and stick his tongue out at you. But then quickly rethink what happened and get flustered again.
Meanwhile the people around you were....well..not surprised.
"Finally..." Mikasa let out and Eren follows, "I thought they'd already be married or something." And continues with his punches in the air. "Eren.." Armin says as if to scold him, "what? You can even ask the infiltrators, they thought the same..."
*
A while later you're under a tree, looking off into the setting sun. Jean appeared behind you, resting his body against the tree as he watched you sit there.
"What you doing over here y/n? You look deep in thought.. I'd hate to distract you." His deep voice, which had now quite frankly, started to sound like honey, reached your ears.
"It's not a thought but..I find sunsets so pretty." You say, not breaking your gaze from the sky. But then you turn around and signal him to sit besides you. He smiled before sitting down next to you, leaning his head against the tree as he kept his eyes on you.
"They are indeed quite pretty.." his eyes move to the sunset then back to you, "but I think you're more beautiful than any sunset."
"..you're cheesy as ever." You chuckled. And... Something shifted in Jean's eyes as he looked at you. Maybe even in his heart. It made him content, that it was you who was smiling next to him.. because of him. The orange and golden hues of the sun reflect perfectly on your skin. As if you already didn't look like a goddess, the dipping sun made you look etheral. Your eye color now more visible because of the bright light. You're just so...pretty. And..Jean can't get tired of watching and observing you. Its like everytime he finds something pretty in you.
"I can't help it.. I'm a sucker for romance." He sighed, staring at the sky with you. "I'm also a sucker for beautiful girls.. you are the perfect combination."
A gush of butterflies fill your gut, and you smile, "you know, I must say... you're the reason I've stopped feeling insecure."
"I am?" He intentionally made a surprised look and when you chuckled while playing with the grass, his eyes became soft once again, "You know.. seeing you smile like that is always a great sight for me. It makes me believe maybe just maybe... I also make you feel something."
He stretched his arms and legs out to stretch contently while he inhaled sharply and your eyes fell on his built physique. His structured face and brown hair. You wish to play with them..style them in cute hairstyles and bows. The thought made you smile, but then...he turned to you and said, "It's quite a beautiful night isn't it.."
"Yeah.." you said not looking at the sky but him instead, "Its..beautiful." The sun had set entirely and it became darker than before. Just at the right time, as though the universe was playing it's cards, a wave of wind blew your hair prettily.
Jean watches the way the wind blew through your hair, before opening his eyes and looking at your face. He'd tilt his head, placing his hands on your shoulders and gently turning your face to him. He'd hold eye contact with you before moving closer.
"You have the most kissable lips y/n.." He chuckled before leaning in closer and brushing his nose against yours. You could feel his breath, and it sent goosebumps all over you. Your stomach was doing sommersaults. And again, his scent, a mix of an earthly smell but at the same time a fragrance that intoxicated you.
"...jean... you're too close.." you breathed out heavily.
"Too close?"
"And if I get closer?" He leaned in.
"Do I get to kiss those beautiful lips?"
Your throat had beginning to feel tight and you chest...it felt like a drum as of now. What should you even do right now? Your mind went blank, until, you hear a voice calling from a distance, "s-sasha is calling me.." you whispered.
He smiled and then gently turned your face towards him again,"hm?" Gosh that was so hot of him...he pressed himself against you and pulled you closer so that both your bodies were touching. He'd hold your chin gently with his hands, "I know you want to kiss me. It's the only thing you can think about right now.. I can feel it"
You didn't have the confidence to even say something let alone look him in the eye. Meanwhile you felt his gaze on you, with each second a pool of desire growing inside both of you and just..a fuzzy feeling inside you couldn't quite point out.
He kissed your neck gently, his lips soft against your skin. He'd move his head up again to look at your lips, "Don't fight it anymore..." You flinched at the touch, it was like an electric shock. You still tried with all your might, to turn this situation into a normal one, "J-jean....Sasha's calling me.."
"Sasha can wait.. " was what he said. And when he did, you felt vibrations on your nape. A pathetic sound could leave you any time if he didn't stop. He chuckled as his jaw started to clench a little, a small amount of frustration and jealousy in his tone, "It doesn't matter who calls you... I just.. wanna kiss you for gods sake."
Your raised your hand to slowly caress his hair, "..jean." you whispered, "I'm... I'm scared." Eyebrows furrowing as a sense of pain arrived in you, "I'm scared that I'll end up losing you. The world we live is not...gentle. it's cruel...and to love a person truly in this world is...scary."
And you meant it.
You meant every word of it.
Because you've seen it. You've experienced it. You didn't wanna bear that pain anymore. You agree you're weak... because if another person close to you died, you'll lose yourself with it.
"Listen y/n. I may be an idiot sometimes, but I'm not that stupid. I know this world isn't gentle.. Hell it's more cruel than anything I would ever have imagined.. But that's all the more reason to be with the people we love.. What good would it be to survive this nightmare if we can't spend it with the people we love?" He'd move his hand to yours, gently taking your hand, "I'll protect you y/n...I'll keep you safe."
It was just how your mother used to tell you how your dad made her feel. A feeling of comfort, so comfortable that I wanted to cuddle him everytime he was near. And for some reason, my heart rate was always high near him. His eyes...were like an ocean. And I was willing to drown in them.
"Promise?" You extended out your pinky.
Maybe that's how I feel right now.
He'd take your pinky finger and wrap his own around it, "I Promise." He gave a little smile before looking back up at you. He still held your hand, gently rubbing the side of your finger with his thumb.
So, I'll trust you.
You leaned in to reach near his face, a little nervous but wanting to feel his lips. Feeling his breath on them. He watched you as you got closer to him, his eyes trailed down to your lips and then back up again. He moved his head closer to yours, leaning in close before he finally pressed his lips against yours. He wrapped his arms around your body in order to pull you closer. His lips were firm, yet gentle. He'd kiss you for what felt like an eternity. Like that comfort your mom told you about. Your hands were in his hair while his held you close.
At first, it felt like just a touch of lips, but then a desire evoked in you to feel them again. That soft feeling. He sucked on your bottom lip and you enjoyed every little bit of it, moving back to kissing where his tongue explored the insides of your mouth. You didn't even knew he could kiss like that. He's...perfect. But he eventually broke the kiss.
"God damn.." He'd chuckle, pressing his arms close. You mirror his reaction by smiling, "...guess I do have kissable lips." "More than kissable, they are perfect lips"
He'd give you a little peck on the lips before gently rubbing your neck again, looking you in the eye again, "You really are amazing y/n... You really make me feel things I've never thought were possible, and you probably don't even realize it."
You rested your forehead on his while your hands held his neck, "..I felt the same when I saw you for the first time in the survey corps." You trail off the memory lane, "I was young..and so were you. But..you seemed to be intrigued by Mikasa...not that I can't relate but..I felt a little pang on my heart, so I just kept my distance." You were surprised you even let it out your system.
"Hearing you talk like this makes me feel like I should've came up and made my feelings known much earlier.. But, I'm here now. Let's make things right."
How does he know what to say every goddam time?
His eyes softened as he looked into yours. He would slowly take his hand out from your neck and move it to rest on your leg, slowly rubbing your thigh. You knew this wouldn't end at a kiss if you didn't stop this man, "You know that sasha was calling me right?" You murmured.
"Now I have to wonder.. Just what is sasha calling you for?"
"probably because the food is served and getting cold..."
"So food is more important than me?"
"Mhmm.." you said in a teasing tone.
"Alright.. But when we come back from eating, I'm probably gonna have to kiss you again just to remind you of what you have when you aren't eating." He got up to face you properly again, "don't be surprised if I try and steal another kiss"
"Jeez..." You took his hand in yours and chuckled, "we'll see about that later.." as both of you went in the dining room.
He slowly started walking, while looking at you with a smile, "I'm sure I won't let you escape me so easily." He whispered, "We'll see about that horse face." You winked in his direction, "Horse face?" He acted as if he got offended, "What have you got against horses anyway?" He'd nudge you lovingly, gently squeezing your hand, "I think horses are beautiful, majestic creatures. And a little bit of a compliment, sweetheart."
Your eyes automatically go wide on the use of the nickname, "stop..with those nicknames." Guess you're already a thing huh?
"Sweetheart?" He chuckled and look at you, "Do you not like nicknames then?"
"I..I do.." you say, red as a tomatoe, "let's go" upon entering the room you give him a peck on the cheek and sit next to sasha while continuing eating your food.
Both of you were fools in love.
"I'll make sure sweetheart that I give you as many kisses as you can handle from now on. Just to make up for all that I've missed out on." He whispered to himself. Throughout the dinner he kept looking at you after every bite. As if, you were gonna fade away from his sight.
*
You just came from a meeting again.
The same people, stressing over the same thing. But each time, there was a new hurdle. With a solution that would cost one of us our lives.
And this time it was eren. I knew it. Maybe...others knew it as well.
With all the new information in mind, we, the Eldians, have to clear the remaining titans of Paradis Island before traveling to the coast for the first time in centuries.
Will I be able to join them? Will I finally see this sea Armin keeps talking about?
But what lies ahead of that Island? ... it's, nothing but enemies, and it doesn't matter which version of history proves to be the correct one — because either way, Marley is gunning for us, and we must fight back.
Will I be able to join Jean?
You walk out of the room. Knowing you have more titans to fight. An emergency had arrived. And you volunteered to be the first one. As you're walking out, you find a figure walking towards you. A good 6 feet of a man.
Oh, that's my man.
His eyes would trail off, thinking about something "Hmm.." you sighed, "what's your pretty head thinking?"
"I was just thinking about how much you smile, you're such a beautiful girl, sweetheart." And you don't know if it was meant to be sarcastic because you do sure look the opposite of what he said right now. He'd let out a sigh of content as he leaned his head against the tree, "I like this tree. I think it helps me forget about everything for a little while though.. So it's nice to just relax like this for a minute.."
You scoffed. There. He managed to break that shell of negative energy around you, "Look at you sweet-talking me."
"Is it working? I'm not exactly a master at this kind of thing."
'not a master' sure. As if he doesn't know the things to say that make your legs weak. He nudged you playfully, "But it is working right, cause if yes, then I have some extra flirting lined up for you." A smirk appeared on his lips.
"We have titans to fight, and Levi and hange-san are literally like a metre away. They'll hear."
"So you'd rather flirt in private in the trees, hm? Because I can make that happen." He said with a shit-eating grin and his eyebrows raised. "Or is it that you're shy?" He laughed a little, "Please tell me that you're not shy, I can't take that"
You raised your eyes, staring into his, "it took me so many years to be honest about my feelings, do you still think I can be confident?" You start walking towards the horses.
He'd follow after you and look into your eyes as you did to him, "Aww, y/n.. You're so adorable like that. I don't know how you expect me to get any work done when you're looking at me like that and plus I don't think you can be confident. You are confident, whether you like it or not"
He'd smile softly and gently caress your cheek with his hand, "You're perfect y/n."
You don't even realise that your eyes are getting filled with tears. All you can think about right now is being with him. In fact, you don't even want to go fight those stupid huge things, you just want to...stay besides him. As if on instinct you open your arms and hug him, embrace him tightly. And you guys just stand there for a while, Jean's hands caressing your back, as though he knows the rush of anxiety you're going through. His "shhh" and "it's alright's" actually impacted you. But you think...now you'll always need him. You'll always require him and only him to comfort you.
"Now go, go on. They're all looking at you waiting for you to do something." You wipe your eyes before he can see your tears and just look at him. Wih a clear vision. With a deep breath you walk down to the stables to fetch your horse.
He'd lean against the tree again and watch you, grinning as his eyes trailed down your body gently. He'd watch the way you walked, from your ass to your legs. Eventually he'd look back up at your face and smirk before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.
Sasha comes by him, "who're you staring at?"
"No one" He'd smile slightly "Just enjoying the view, that's all."
He'd then open his eyes to look up at you "What are you doing here though Sasha? It's not time for your training yet is it?"
Sasha narrows her eyes, "horse face, I've been a little too suspicious of you and y/n..." she looks between you two, "what is going on with you two?"
"If you must know, y/n really is beautiful, so why shouldn't I be interested? She's funny, charming, and she's an amazing kisser...."
Sasha cranes her neck so hard that she hears a 'crack' "Ow!" Jean stops to look at her, "woah easy.."
"Then.. that'd mean you..you kissed her?"
And all he did was give a wink. But Sasha appeared rather worried. Maybe, it was just like all those times. Jean just wanted attention, someone to be with him. She was worried you'd end up getting your heart broken. But when she stared at Jean for a while, she realised...the way he looked at you, was similar to the way Mikasa looked at eren...and that said something. Because Sasha has only ever seen her being so devoted to someone. "You're in love Jean..." Sasha says.
"You're damn straight I'm in love with her. I don't think I've ever felt like this about anyone before."
Sasha smirks and pats Jean's shoulder, "good luck getting your angel..." And leaves.
He'd groan as he realised that Sasha was right, before he'd turn back and look at you once more before walking, his hands into his pockets, "...angel though." He'd smirk as he leaned against the tree again, thinking about what Sasha said. "Y/n... My angel? I like that. Maybe that'll be one of her nicknames.." He'd sigh, smiling faintly as he thought about different nicknames he knew you would definitely like or hate.
You walked up to him with your horse. "I believe you might've seen Sapphire but never had a good introduction." You bring her close with the leash to Jean, rubbing the bridge of her nose, "Say hi Sapphire,...this..is my lover."
He smiled at the name you gave the horse while gushing over how you called him your lover and pet her head gently before turning to you, "...Be safe y/n, okay?" He looks into your eyes gently and makes a promise to you before climbing onto the horse with you, "And when you get back, I'm getting that second kiss. You better remember that, cause I know I do.."
You blush at the proximity of you two on the horse. So close, it was just like the night it all started. His hard front upon your back, his warmth on your arms and his breath felt on the crook of your neck.
"...now get off i have work to do."
"Alright, alright", He'd hop off and watch as you rode out of the training grounds and off towards your mission,"Good luck y/n!" He called out to you as you started riding further away. He'd then take one last look at you, blushing a little for a moment before looking away, "I'm gonna need that kiss next time I see you." Yes. He yelled it. Infront of everyone. And he knows the kind of expression you'd be making. And how you'd scold him once you get back but then melt away with his touch.
*
Those were the last words i heard.
Before the echoing roars of these monsters.
You were frozen. Seeing the horrendous conditions of the village. You thought the titans were finally eliminated at least from the villages, because the only ones left were around the Paradis island.
Your feet didn't let you make a move. Besides, Sapphire was injured in her back limb. Everything around you happened in slow motion. From the blood splashing everywhere, to the head of titans being slaughtered to the ground. Or the fellow soldiers being ruthlessly handled by the titans.
You...should do something.
"Now go, go on. They're all looking at you waiting for you to do something."
Even in this battlefield, his voice sounded clear. It echoed throughout your brain. A moment later, a fellow corps member came by you, informing you how the the person who was supposed to call for back up was crushed by the titans. Meaning.... there's no way this can end easily.
Maybe...
Just maybe, this might be the end.
'If any one of us had to leave this world for good, then let it be me first. Let it be me...'
With a deep breath, you whipped sapphire's leash and she was obeying while running towards the titans. A deep rage had awoken inside of you. A deep,..desire to..fight!
You rode all across the biggest Titan which seemed to be crushing everyone around. As soon as you reached it, it tried to kill you by using its feet but you dogded it successfully, thanks to Sapphire.
With that being said, his feet once stomped right besides you, that's when you took the chance to use your sword as a support for climbing it's huge body. When it pierced it's skin, it tried to yank you off of him but you kept hanging. Grunting, it was hard... you were sweating all over and your clothes were splattered by blood.
With much power you managed to climb till it's arms which was a bad idea, it's big hand came hovering over your tiny body. However, you hung yourself on to the finger and used the 3D maneuvering gear to reach till it's nape and slash it.
The cut was successful, you hung yourself on a tree branch, panting heavily. Tears flowing uncontrollably. You screamed. You screamed your lungs off because this was exhausting. You were wailing. Don't know for what?
Freedom? Love? Death?
Something..that gave me peace.
You let your guard off too soon.
You hear a crack, and when you look down, it's the same Titan, using its body to cut down the tree. Your wide eyes looks at it in horror. Fear was creeping inside of you....was it? Because you didn't try doing anything on instinct. You...just wanted to fall.
"Be safe y/n, okay?"
His voice still lingers on. His touch as well. His warmth...
You were going to fight. If not for yourself then for Jean. The tree began to tilt and you used your gear just in time to cling on to the another tree. Another Titan had started to hover over you. It had enormous eyes and it's hair were crippled and messy. Your hooded eyes looked at it and while grinding your teeth, you used all your strength to slash it's nape. Your other injuries were starting to act up. Especially, the one where the titan threw a big ass rock at you.
This time, it was successful. However, the gas in your gear had started to decrease. To the point...it went empty. You fell off in mid air...
Half unconscious because of the previous injuries.
Somehow, this felt...quiet. and nice.
It was like all your worries were gone. Just you sliding down, like in your dreams. However, this time you weren't gonna wake up with a jolt.
The tears prickled at the corner of your eyes as the memories of your teammates, your friends, your family started to appear. You smiled nonetheless. And the last memory before your blood started to run cold, was of that horse face. That idiot who made you fall for him. Called, Jean Kirstin.
And before you knew you were gasping for oxygen because you had hit the hard ground. As the last tear fell, your eyes closed...for an eternity.
*
Jean would turn around to see Armin running with a worried expression. "Wh-what happened Armin?"
"The village where the titans attacked..." He paused and hunched over to pant, "The bodies..they brought the bodies!"
His eyes automatically grew wide. Just thinking that you were also involved in this. He ran with Armin as both of them went to the group of survivors that fought. All of them injured, Captain Levi, could be seen near a man, his clothes also spoiled with blood spots. Somehow it relieved him to see Captain Levi, he thought if he was here then that'd mean you were safe.
His head moved in every direction to look for you. He even called out for you in the crowd. Until a man responded, "are you perhaps looking for..Y/n?" And Jean immediately shook his head. However, the expression of the man made his anxiety act up. He saw the man shuffle something in his pockets, "She clenched it hard in her hands.."
"Y/n?" He'd say, his eyes widening as his heart stopped. He'd take the pendant and look down at it, not knowing what to say or do, "I-I don't understand.. She was just here.. It can't be.." He'd mutter, placing his other hand on his head in distress. His other hand would hold the pendant to his heart, staring at it with a dead expression "y/n.."
Armin who was standing beside Jean, was stunned. "It can't be.." he whispered. Captain Levi from a distance walked over to them, "I caught her before she could hit the ground..." Levi's hoarse voice informed. "It couldn't be helped.." he said and left.
Jean knew deep inside Levi was beating himself for not being able to save you. The man spoke up once again, "You can..see her body."
He took a step back, feeling the world around him spin. His body felt like it was going to crumble any minute now he was so shocked. "No.." He said, softly as he looked down at the necklace "I-I want to remember her when she was alive.. And I don't think I could handle being near the body without falling to pieces.. He'd take a pause, letting out a sigh as he tried to compose himself.
For the briefest moment, he felt proud that you had been able to protect everyone from that titan before he quickly realised the truth.
"...She's dead now..." He'd murmur "We have to tell everyone else.. Especially Eren and Mikasa.. They.. They were the closest to her.. And... She was gonna kiss me..."
He'd take a deep breath, feeling the pain of the loss all too well "..She'll never kiss me now..."
Eren, Mikasa, Connie and Sasha come running towards you. This time Sasha spoke, "Jean... where's Y/n?"
He kept quite. Not saying a word. He just couldn't. He couldn't say that you were gone. His eyes would lock with Eren's, staring right at him with tears in his eyes, "She's... She's gone..I couldn't do anything.." His voice broke at the end and he looked down at the ground, closing his eyes, "I-I couldn't save her Sasha... I couldn't save her..."
It was not something new. It had happened quite a few times before. Then..how come it affected them so much this time? Everyone's voices would seem quiet to Jean as he spoke. All he could hear was his own thoughts at this point, "I couldn't save her.. Why.. Why couldn't it have been me? She should be here now..."
Connie put a hand on jean's shoulder, "it's not only your fault...we..we couldn't do anything as well." tears trickled from his eyes.
He looked at Connie, "But I was supposed to be there with her.. I was supposed to protect her... I don't understand.." He'd place his hand on his forehead as he looked back up, "I should've been able to save her.. That's what I should've been able to do.."
this time Mikasa spoke, "jean...she would've wanted you to be strong." she wiped her tears, "..let's start with burying her..." He'd sniff slightly and nod gently
"That's.. Right.. She wouldn't want me just standing here mopping.. We need to move..". He'd then turn to everyone and motion for them to follow him, "Let's get moving, I know where she wanted me to bury her."
He started walking towards the forest, waiting for the others to follow him before continuing through the trees, away from the military grounds.
It was the tree, under which you both shared your first kiss. And a confession as well.
"Alright... This is the place.. y/n and I would come here a lot whenever we got a break from training. She loved it here, so this is where I'm gonna bury her."
He'd take a deep breath, trying to calm himself down before starting to dig the grave "It shouldn't be too big.. We don't wanna attract any mindless titans."
He'd say this to explain himself more than anything else. Connie, Levi and eren help in digging the ground. A while later, your body is shown to them. He looked at you with tears in his eyes once again. He took in your face, running his eyes over you.
He noticed every mark on your face, all the little things that made him love you so much and he physically winced at your state. He'd sigh again heavily, putting a hand on your cheek. Eyes closed, he brought you closer to his chest, like you were just asleep and he wanted you to keep being like that.
A small tear rolled down his face as he held you gently, taking in your warmth one last time.
Everyone went silent. The atmosphere was sad, a few raindrops fell. It was as if the sky cried for you. Levi, finally told jean to bury the body.
He gave your face one last gentle kiss before slowly laying you down gently inside the grave, "I got the kiss...i guess." He paused and sighed before covering you with the soil, tears rolling down his face as he did so.
"I'll miss you.. My angel..so much.." He wiped his eyes gently "...I love you y/n.. always."
Love...funny thing isn't it?
His eyes looked up at the sky, as he began to think, though it seemed more like he was speaking to himself.
He would take a deep breath, still looking up at the sky "..Yeah, it's a funny thing, even when it hurts..."
I'll always love you. So, let's meet in another universe. Where I can be embraced by you peacefully, where I won't have to worry about losing you, where we'll talk about all the silly things. Where I'll give you your second kiss.
"I'll always love you y/n too, my sweet angel"
He smiled gently as he began to imagine a place where he could hold you once more, feeling the love he had for you deeply as he looked up at the sky.
"Maybe in another universe I'll be able to hold you.. And kiss you once more, a sweet kiss with no regrets or anything holding me back..."
"...maybe there's one where you're still alive, and where I could have a chance to hold you one more time..."
The end.
#shingeki no kyojin#snk#attack on titan#aot#aot x reader#snk x reader#snk x you#snk x y/n#aot x you#aot x y/n#aot x female reader#jean kirstein#jean kirschtein x reader#angst#aot angst#anime ffs#attack on Titan fanfiction#shy y/n#aot oneshots#jean Kirsten x female reader#horseface x you#jk#i love him#weeb blog#anime scenarios#[ chaerssss ]
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Mikasa's ending
I don't know if it's because it's younger people or just really big shippers, but I find it so disheartening when people say that Mikasa didn't find love again or that, even if she did get married, her heart was only ever truly with Eren and not with whoever it is that she married.
All the aot characters have trauma that will never be fully healed, but that doesn't mean that they shouldn't be allowed to move on and live their lives as fully and happily as they possibly can.
Of course Mikasa will love Eren for the rest of her life and will think of him and miss him and long for him, but she also can love someone else. She wasn't even 20 when it all happened, when it all went down, why do you wish for her to spend the rest of her life alone, without ever getting the opportunity to experience falling in love and being in an actual, real, romantic relationship.
What you are saying is that real and true love only happens once and if they die and you mange to move on and live an happy life with someone else, it means that you didn't love that person with all of yourself, because if you did you wouldn't have been able to move on.
But that's not true. You can romantically love more than one person, it will be different, in many ways, but it doesn't make it lesser.
Mikasa lost her parents, murdered in front of her.
She lost Carla and Dr. Jeager who were like a second family to her, Carla getting eaten in fron of her own eyes.
She had to kill Eren herself.
Does she not deserve to finally have peace and a family?
That's what Eren wanted for her, even if it hurt him, even if he longed to be with her, he still wanted for her to move on and build a family for herself at last.
I understand that some of you shipped them a lot, but Mikasa was more than half a ship, she was her own character and her drive had always been to protect who she considered her family in my personal opinion. In my eyes, family had always been a crucial part of her character so, for me, her getting a family is the best possible outcome she could've ever got.
Her getting a family and a husband doesn't erease her love for Eren, it doesn't make her love him any less. If anything, it showes how much she loved him, the fact that she managed to move on even if it hurt, making it so that his sacrifice to give his family freedom didn't go to waste.
Eren bacame a monster, made himself into a villan and died just so the people he loved could get that freedom, Mikasa living the rest of her live in sadness and only ever thinking about him without ever moving on would've put Eren's sacrifice to waste.
#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#aot spoilers#attack on titan spoilers#eren x mikasa#mikasa ackerman#mikasa aot#mikasa#eren jaeger#eren yeager
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Number 28?
This ask game
When Optimus had decided that the Survey Corps were his new family. (Because I have him call them his new family in chapter 13. I just thought that I would add a pivotal moment. Say...in chapter 8 after Eren starts crying his heart out and Optimus comforts him.
"Optimus...why is the world so cruel?" Eren asked.
Optimus wished that he could give Eren a proper answer. One that would give him comfort and reassurance, but he just didn't have it. He's experienced a slew of cruel moments in his lifetime, and he's never had the proper answer as to why that happened in the first place. And the only thing he could do was answer Eren honestly. "I do not know."
Optimus continued to hear Eren crying, muttering to himself about why everything happened the way that it did, and it broke his spark. The Prime had activated his holoform and placed a gentle hand on Eren's back. He rubbed it up and down to try and soothe him, but it didn't seem to be helping. Optimus found himself doing something he never thought he would never do in a long time. He pulled Eren into a gentle hug and placed his other hand on Eren's back. He felt Eren cling to the fabric of the holoform, and he let him. He let this child cry his heart out and grieve over his lost comrades.
...By the Allspark, today was filled with nothing but grief and tears and he hated it. Even with his help, even with his ability to reduce casualties, even when he was able to help capture Annie Leonhart, it still wasn't enough. Levi's squad was now dead, and he had to help prepare the bodies with Hanji, who was devastated at the loss. Levi had grieved silently. He had cried earlier in his alt mode before shutting himself off completely when the two had returned to base.
Part of him thought...maybe he could have been past this. He genuinely hoped he would. The war had taken a toll and the losses were so great. Part of him thought that things would be easier, but this strange world was getting more and more complicated by the second. And the people he now fought beside needed him now more than ever.
Optimus noticed the way that Eren's breathing slowed and looked down to see the boy had cried himself to sleep. Optimus let the boy go before carrying him on his back and out of his alt mode. He was met with nothing with crying faces today. Nothing but tears, and he hated it. He knew it was wishful thinking, but he never wanted to see those faces like that again, so full of anguish and heartbreak.
Optimus opened the door to Eren's room in the basement before walking inside. He shut the door behind him before setting Eren down on his bed. He stared at Eren's tear stained face and sighed. He knew there was no way for him to return home now. The Walls were his home now. His ties were to the Survey Corps. They were his comrades. They were his family, and he would do everything in his power to protect them all, even if it meant sacrificing his own life to ensure they get a life of freedom.
Optimus sat down on the floor next to the foot of the bed and crossed his legs. He waited and waited, guarding Eren until he needed to deactivate the holoform.
(A simple one. Everything else is free game.)
#attack on prime#transformers prime#attack on titan#snk#aot#asks#tfp#send me asks#shingeki no kyojin#ao3#tfp optimus#optimus prime#eren jaeger#eren jeager#survey corps#levi ackerman#maccadam#macadam#dialogue prompt#dialogue#dialogue prompts#tfp optimus prime#optimus
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Smile
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When confronted with the vast expanses of the sea for the first time, the 104th and their captains get to see just how large the world around them outside the walls truly is.
For most, this is a thrilling discovery. But for some, it’s daunting, and they need a little support grasping it all. And for Eren, that support comes from you.
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Pairings: Eren x reader
Warnings: angst-to-fluff, S3, Eren and reader are the same age.
SFW, Angst-to-fluff, xReader
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A/N: Just a short Eren fluff drabble before he heads off to Marley :/
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"Gah! It's SALTY?!"
"Jean! Don't drink it! I tried it already, it tastes like ass!"
You giggled to yourself listening to Jean and Connie awkwardly splashing around in the surf.
Ahh, the ocean. Something you had heard so much and yet so little about, now laid before your very eyes. The salty breeze brushed through your hair gently, making you smile as you basked in the warmth of the sun.
Was this what freedom felt like?
You watched as your companions all spread out on what Armin had informed you all was called the “beach”, exploring all the new sights and wonders of this strange terrain. Even Mikasa had taken her boots off and was ankle deep in the water, looking over Armin'a shoulder at a beautiful blue shell he was holding.
Hange had found some small, strange creature they were now poking at with a stick, while Captain Levi scolded them for not being more careful of the strange thing from a safe distance near his tethered horse.
Sasha jumped onto the backs of the still struggling Jean and Connie, knocking all three of them down into the surf. When they emerged, they all rubbed at their eyes complaining of the burning the salt in their eyes was now causing.
If only Commander Erwin were here to see this...
You sighed at the thought, then suddenly perked up, realizing there was one person in their group missing from these explorations.
Where's Eren?
Scanning your immediate surroundings with squinted eyes against the sun's glare off the water, you were quick to spot him.
Eren was knee deep in the water, a scarred hand shielding his eyes from the blistering sun as he stared intently at the far away horizon. You were quick to remove your boots and socks and run out to join him after rolling up your pants to your shins.
Only, you hadn't realized how difficult it would be to run against the crashing waves pressing against you.
You started to stumble and let out a noise of panic, but just before you fell face first into the water, two strong arms caught you and hoisted you up.
"Careful, Y/N."
You quickly looked up, only to meet Eren's green eyes staring intently right back at you.
Only, they seemed so…blank? Emotionless?
"Eren! Thanks!" You breathed a sigh of relief. You took a moment to curiously examine his expression. He looked lost, devoid of any emotion. Almost as if he wasn't even there with them on the shores, but rather far away in a dark corner of his mind…
You knew him well enough to tell. After surviving so many perils with him, spending sleepless nights by his side, training with him for years until they became the best versions of themselves they could be for the Corps....You’d been there for it all. You’d learned long ago how to read him. And how to help him through times like these where he retreated into his mind.
"What's wrong?" You muttered softly, only for him to hear.
Eren didn't respond for a moment, but he seemed to snap out of whatever daze he had been previously in. He removed his arms from around your waist and turned to face the distant horizon once more, and it was only then that you realized he had never removed his arms from around your waist after catching you minuets before. A light blush coated your face at the revelation.
And if he had stayed turned towards you for a second longer, you would have seen the matching pink dusted across Eren's face. Alas, he hid before you could.
"Nothing. It's just...a lot to take in. We finally made it, the ocean is real," he spoke just above a whisper, but you heard him over the crashing waves.
"Yeah....Armin was right, all of those years ago." You chuckled lightly, and Eren couldn't help but crack a small smile of his own.
"I suppose so, yeah..." Eren started to drift off once more, his face returning to that monotone expression he wore when you had first reached him. All was silent for many moments, only the distant sounds of the others fooling around far behind them and the waves overlapping and splashing against the shore echoed against the hills they had come through to get here. Gulls circled and soared overhead, crying out as they searched for food or a safe place to land.
Finally, Eren broke the silence.
"So this...This is freedom? We've saved Paradis, yet our enemy lives safely across the sea, far away from us?"
You were taken aback by his suddenly cold tone, but once you took a second to process his words, you understood his meaning.
"I suppose so...It sounds rather like a restricted freedom, don't you think?" You asked.
Eren nodded, his gaze firmly fixed on the horizon. Suddenly, you understood his somber mood. Everything they'd learned, everything they'd seen, everything they'd experienced and had been forced to live through, only to learn they weren't the only ones in this world. Yet they were the ones who had suffered for over a hundred years....
You sighed and lowered your gaze to stare at your bare feet through the clear water lapping around your knees. Looking back up, you decided your next move and walked closer to Eren to gently take his hand. He snapped his gaze first to their now intertwined hands, then up to your face. His expression broke away from that sullen, depressed look once again as he met your eye curiously.
"Right here, right now...This is what we've been fighting for. For now, let's focus on our victory. Our achievements. Our newfound freedom, even if it's limited…For now at least." You squeezed his hand. "We've made it this far, let's enjoy today, yeah?"
Eren was at a loss for words, but nodded his head in understanding.
"A frown doesn't suit you, Jaeger." You teased Eren to lighten the mood. He in turn playfully scoffed and reached the hand that wasn't now firmly holding yours up to ruffle your hair lightly.
"Y/N L/N, always the optimist," he cracked a small smile.
"There it is! A smile! C'mon titan boy, give me a REAL smile," You giggled as you couldn't help but tease him further.
Finally, he smiled. A true, genuine smile you loved more than any other. Your favorite smile.
And little did you know, the smile on your face just so happened to be his favorite smile, as well. In his mind, all he had done up until now was worth it, just to see you smiling so carefree in this newfound freedom.
Our, newfound freedom.
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#aot x female reader#aot x y/n#eren aot#aot x gn!reader#aot fanfiction#aot#aot x reader#aot fluff#aot x you#snk anime#snk eren#snk fanfiction#snk x reader#snk#shingeki no kyoujin x reader#shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction#shingeki no kyoujin eren#shingeki no kyoujin#shingeki no kyojin#shingeki no kyoujin manga#aot eren#eren yeager#eren x y/n#eren jaeger#eren jeager#eren jeager x reader#eren x reader#eren x you#eren jaeger x reader#fluff
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Hi
What are your views on Eren and Mikasa's relationship. I am not a big eremika shipper but how crucial thier relationship was for the conclusion of the show really fascinated me.
I get Mikasa's feeling for Eren but I really just don't get Eren's treatment towards Mikasa from the very beginning. Thier relationship was quite toxic to me.
Do you think Eren loved Mikasa as much as she loved him? Is it a well written ship in your opinion?
Hi there,
Well, Eren's and Mikasa's relationship is very complicated, for sure. I know a lot of people don't particularly like it, or they think Isayama only "confirmed" it at the end to appease the fans, which I think is an absurd accusation. Eren and Mikasa's relationship was, in many ways, the lynch pin at the center of AoT. It was always there, literally from the start, from the very opening panels of the manga.
I think Eren did love Mikasa, genuinely. But Eren's always had this problem of being self-absorbed, lost in his own head and in his own fantasies, of always "running ahead" and leaving the people who care about him behind. That was always a motif between Eren, Armin and Mikasa, from the start. We see Eren do this repeatedly throughout the story. Obviously, when they're children, and Eren is always running off and getting into fights, with Mikasa chasing after him. And after they join the Survey Corps, their first real fight against titans, Eren runs off without the rest of his group and nearly gets killed, in fact, seeming DOES get killed, until his titan power manifests. We see Eren get kidnapped repeatedly throughout the story, usually because of his thoughtlessness, charging ahead without thinking of the consequences, or of how his actions impact those around him. We see Mikasa at one point trying to convey her feelings to Eren, only for Eren to basically blow her off, too consumed with rage and anger at himself for being unable to change anything, as the titan that ate his mother looms before him. And finally, of course, it culminates in Eren enacting the Rumbling, charging off ahead in pursuit of "freedom" and leaving his friends behind.
Eren's inability to acknowledge or accept Mikasa's love is, I think, emblematic of his inability to acknowledge or accept the world he lives in. He's perpetually unsatisfied, forever searching for something, forever longing for something, always feeling as if he's being denied something, kept from something, always feeling caged. And so, he never sees what he actually has. He's unable to see the beauty around him. He's never able to fully appreciate his friends. He's never able to fully appreciate their love, until finally, it's too late.
I do think it's an extremely well written ship, just like all of the relationships between characters in AoT are. But it's not meant to be romantic, really, it's meant to be tragic.
A big theme of AoT is the importance of being able to let go of ones dreams. Those who can let go of their dreams are those who can actually change things, and find freedom. Dreams are, in many ways, portrayed as a prison for the characters of AoT. They become trapped by their dreams, controlled by their dreams, etc... Eren wasn't able to let go of his dream for freedom. Mikasa, eventually, was able to let go of her dream of being with Eren, and it freed both her and Ymir. It was Eren's inability to let go of his dream that, ultimately, doomed him. Ironically, it was Eren's inability to let go of his dream for freedom which turned him into a slave.
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I feel like I should start this post by saying that I greatly enjoyed the final episode. I love all the improvements made from the manga and that Eren/Armin specifically, I did not expected it to hit me so hard (the new dialogue is amazing and there's so much to unpack there. Armin's voice actor delivered like she had never before. I could feel all the disbelief and pain).
With that being said, I do undertand why many people don't like or feel satisfaction with the ending. AOT really brought in three different ideologies for solutions to a world conflict that is too complex. At the end, all of those ideologies won some but not all.
The Rumbling (Eren) did succeeded. Maybe it didn't kill all humanity outside the walls, but it did kill 80% which is HUGE. Paradis island survived for many decades but it ultimately fell due to human conflict (this conflict is very vague. Was it the world taking revenge on them, or was it a war caused by anyother conflict, maybe due to resources?). Eren won in a way, yet lost the freedom he craved the most.
Then we have the Euthanasia plan (Zeke). Eldians did continued to reproduced but the problem of the titans was eradicated. Eldians are now humans with no special powers to either oppress or defend themselves. Now, this is not exactly what Zeke wanted to do but it is as close as it gets to his wish of eradicate Eldians. He kinda won but not really. And in his final moments, he found the relief he thought about.
Then we have the Peace Talks (Armin). Althought we don't know with persuasion what happened after the Rumbling, the anime as left us with a hopeful (if not canon by the last images) end where Historia and the Alliance are on the same page of seeking out peace withouth murdering each other. Absolute peace will never be accomplished but that idea shouldn't undermine doing their best to keep peace for as long as possible. Armin won in a way too.
And maybe this was the best way to end the series. The conflict is too big and too complex and one absolute solution would never be accomplished because there are so many opinions in the world we can't all be on the same page. Just like the fandom with the ending.
#making only one idelogy with in its entirely would have been too idealistic#attack on titan#shingeky no kyojin#armin arlert#eren jeager#zeke jeager#attack on titan the final season#aot meta
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Granblue Fantasy x Attack on Titan Collaboration Eruri Moments
In the game Granblue Fantasy, Levi's homescreen speech is: "Erwin... What you wanted to see, what you wanted to know in the outside world, I will learn everything and take them back to you."
LEVI - I'M TRUSTING YOU SCENERIO
Levi: I see... The world beyond the walls... Like the skies above, this place is unimaginably vast. Erwin... The world you imagined is right here before my eyes. Not a bad sight.
Levi whispers as he stares at the sky.
Erwin: That is an order.
Levi: I said no.
Erwin: ...
Levi: Wasn't it your dying wish to see the world beyond the walls? This is your chance. Right before you... I shouldn't be going. You should.
Erwin: I have to carry the burden of the dead on my shoulders... I must stay and know what becomes of the dedicated hearts. My responsibility lies here. This is what I must do as a Survey Corps commander. Levi... Do it. Gather every piece of useful information and bring it back to me.
Erwin puts his desires second and his duty to protect the country as commander first. Levi stares at Erwin's tightly clenched fist.
Levi: (He's trying to control himself...) I understand. I will go in your place.
In need of supplies, the crew stops on an island populated with mountains. Seeing another island for the first time, Levi's eyes wander with excitement in all directions.
Levi: So... This is the world beyond the wall.
....
Levi: I guess Erwin's choice to send me was no mistake.
Levi vows to learn as much as possible on this trip and tell Erwin everything.
TITANIC YEAGER - THE WALLED COUNTRY SCENERIO
Levi: If you don't have a plan, it'll only be a matter of time before we have to hand over Eren and the Survey Corps is disbanded.
Erwin: Things are already in motion.
Erwin elaborates no further.
Neither does Levi question Erwin any longer.
There's only one thing left to say.
Levi: Understood. I'll trust in your judgment.
Given their history, that is enough to bring about a mutual understanding through unspoken words.
...
Erwin and Levi, two people who have overcome death at every step. Their experiences have forged a genuine bond of trust.
...
Levi: I trust you, Erwin.
TITANIC YEAGER - CHANCES AND CONSEQUENCES SCENERIO
Eren: Commander Erwin?
Levi: Shut up, recruit.
...
Levi: Every soldier in the Survey Corps believes in the commander, including myself. Whatever the outcome may be, we know that believing in Erwin gives us the highest chance of survival. That's all we can do—put our faith in the commander and advance.
...
Eren: Captain? What was the commander talking about?
Levi: ...
Eren: Captain?
Levi doesn't answer.
After a long pause, he finally speaks.
Levi: I said to trust him.
TITANIC YEAGER - COUNTERATTACK ON TITAN SCENERIO
Levi: While you guys were fighting, my squad was bringing repair supplies to the Grandcypher. Not a bad plan, but you were treading on thin ice. We could've lost everything if we were even a second too late.
Erwin: It was a big gamble, one that relied on perfect timing. You did well, Levi.
Levi: Save it.
Rackam: Is your boss always like this?
Levi: Yeah. Always. But you have nothing to worry about.
TITANIC YEAGER - ENDING SCENERIO
Erwin: Levi!
Levi: Sigh... Being a failsafe is such a nuisance.
Erwin: Haha. Good luck.
There is still hope yet for this oft cruel world.
Travelers from the sky have planted the seeds of light within the dark hearts of confined humanity.
Erwin and the Survey Corps salute the crew for what they provided—a chance meeting in a sea of despair.
Erwin: All the best on your journey, hope of the sky! To humanity's freedom...
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You said something about Levi feeling grief at the fullest once he kills Zeke. KEEP GOING PLEASE, IM LISTENING
i love your character analysis, please don’t tease me like that🧎
i think you sent both of these maybe?? hopefully!!! and thank u :D
yess levi did go back by himself to retrieve erwin's skeletonized remains so that he could be laid to rest properly. though in all those other cases, that privildge couldn’t be afforded to him (for hange, isabel+farlan, and his old squad).
i'm thinking about hange's speech to mikasa during midnight sun about what being a scout entails.
"You understand, don't you? Everyone you meet will be parted from you one day. I know it's hard to accept. It's hard to stay sane living like that. It's painful. So painful. I know that. But even so, we need to keep moving forward."
that in mind, it's honestly staggering how levi never lost his mind or ever seemed to even waver despite every single death of a loved one or friend he's experienced - sometimes because of his own choices. the easiest explanation would be that levi simply doesn't feel much for his friends or loved ones - which of course is a joke.
so really, how does levi deal with so much loss?
1: most obviously throughout the series, levi is distanced emotionally - at varying degrees - from every single character in the series. he is never open about his feelings (although he’s earnest and unapologetic in expressing his ideals and convictions). instead he expresses his strong emotions in roundabout twists and turns that he tries to put in an objective lens.
like in his convo with eren after his squad died. levi simply told him that "no one knows how things will turn out" - to reassure eren that he shouldn't dwell on it. in fact what levi doesn't say also matters. he gives off no impression whatsoever that he resents eren or blames him.
levi is also quite liberal with thanks and praise, he's unapologetically himself, but you still couldn't describe him as even remotely the sort of person who wears their heart on their sleeve.
levi keeps himself emotionally distanced, and vigilant to the slightest sign of vulnerability (like eating around others) in order to protect himself from the inevitable pain of loss. as a result he has very few close emotional connections (although he has compassion for everyone).
2: i think that - similar to erwin and hange - levi believes that his dead are watching him from somewhere. except, different from them, he finds comfort in it more than judgment. all his life, either loss or willing abandonment has followed him, so it's really no wonder in my mind that he would believe in some sort of an afterlife to cushion the blow of so much loss. (i understand that an afterlife is confirmed in the manga, but before that, im sure levi believed in it regardless.)
he chooses to believe that his loved ones (but especially his comrades) are always watching him. the reality of that loss then doesn't feel as final, and he doesn't have to feel as much alone.
in fact i think that's where most of levi's strength comes from that he uses to move forward. it's his responsability to carry the hope and will that his comrades died for forward, but it's reassuring for him to believe that they're encouraging him even from death.
that said tho, levi is probably the furthest thing from religious.
3: we know that levi had his mother's dress fashioned into a shirt for a very long time in the underground, and (tho i think it's fan rumor that i just agree with) that he later had it fashioned into the cravat he wears. considering just how little he probably remembers about her in later adulthood, and the fact that she must've literally been his whole entire world when he was a kid, then it makes sense.
we don't know if he kept anything from kenny, although he might have the first knife he gave him. but really it'd be understandable if levi just didn't.
as for his comrades, it's canon that levi collects the wings of freedom patches from their jackets to hold onto. he did the same for petra before he generously gave it away to someone else who was grieving, and lied about who it belonged to to reassure them.
so i believe he has little knacks or keepsakes from people he loves - including stuff that we don't know about in canon.
4: otherwise the way levi deals with death is just... avoiding any and all emotional reminders as much as humanly possible. after erwin died, he never even spoke his name and just used 'he' whenever he spoke about him.
levi buries those negative feelings (especially regret) as deep and dark down as possible. if the pain he feels can't teach him anything (like he referred to in s1), then he's better off not letting himself feel it. in his mind it's probably an automatic coping mechanism to feel absolutely nothing about his griefs, because if he does, then the weight would try to break him.
so that said, he definitely dissociates a lot. i don't bet that his memory is very good either, if you want to get into the psychological side of things.
oh and i go much more in-depth about levi being forced to deal with all his grief at the fullest after zeke dies (specifically after the war ends) here!!!
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So... do y'all remember that time I said I wanted to write smth featuring EreHisu x YumiKasa?
Welp, it's finally here lol
Took me really long to deliver it huh
I tried to do them both equally right, but since I did this as Hisu-centric I think it ended up mostly as EreHisu with background YumiKasa 😅
Maybe I will try to give it another go in the future, this time more centered in Ymir, whether I get too bothered about it or whether I get asked for it, whatever happens first lol
Anyways, not proof read! Hope you enjoy!
CW: Swingers/EreMika Open Relationship
.
.
.
Ever since she met Ymir back in high school, Historias has always thought of her as a carefree soul that wouldn't let herself be caged down by anything or anyone, the kind of person who always took every decision for their own contentment and nothing more
And in a way, it attracted her, it made her feel down bad for her in a way that no one was able to, she was everything that she desired to be after all
It was the reason why when she hit rock bottom and she went out of her way to raise her with just the mere use of those damn words, she couldn't help but see her as the only person she would willingly live life with
No matter how her life changed in ways that could never be undone, no matter of much her father loathed her for defying his will, nor how much she had to endure for becoming the "worst girl in the world", nothing mattered as long as she was along her side, not even how wild she was as a person and partner
And yet, she can't help but think about how come she let Ymir convince her to try foursome swingers
Now, this wasn't the first time they have ever brought someone else to their bed, quite the opposite actually, it has been quite recurrent ever since her lover came out with the idea for the first time a few months ago
It was certainly shocking at first, though, nothing she has ever thought about before at all, but it wouldn't be a lie to say that she started to get more interested in it the more she pondered about it, sooner than not ending up with the two of them bringing this girl from Ymir's workplace to their bed and having their first ever experience with someone other than each other
The more the merrier, right?
Still, she can't help but think about drawing the line at some point
As much as she loves this side of Ymir that brings her freedom and a nice 180-degree turn to her life as a whole, there is so much mess she was willing to let her girlfriend drag her into
Especially when, instead of calling it a day the moment she realizes that said girl won't make it to their monthly night, Ymir decides that it would be a good idea to invite Mikasa out of all the girls they both know
The fact that Eren, her boyfriend, came along too, heightened things to the next level
She can only blame Ymir's fixation on the Asiatic girl here, her desire strong enough to make her agree to drag her into this madness regardless of Erens presence, something she knows Ymir wouldn't allow even if her life depended on it
Nonetheless, here she was, her queen-sized bed creaking in pain at the combined weights of four people on top at the same time, the main event coming in the form of tosses and turns from Mikasa's and Ymir's bodies fighting for dominance, making her fear it will break to the ground at any second, at the same time it provided her a sight to behold, the performance they both seemed lost into sending shivers through her body
It was simply too mesmerizing spectacle, to see Ymir subdue herself to someone else's will in a way that she never saw her do even once, the very snarky persona that she showed off on her daily life and every time they were in bed crumpling down at the mere intrusion of Mikasa's fingers in her nether regions, the nasty sound of wet slippery skin being stirred mixing so well along her breathy moans, the ones she tried so hard to cover up and yet managed to blurt out of her almost as a plea of mercy
Maybe it was because it was so foreign to her, how unusual it is for her to see her lover's toned, glistening legs twitch so hard by the furious finger pumps Mikasa forces on her bottom to the point it starts to make her concerned of her well being, to see her make those huge gasps of air that show just how desperate she was getting
Whether from wanting her to stop or keep going, she doesn't know
-Not so tough now, huh? - She hears Mikasa say, a soft whisper that didn't match the intensity of her gaze on her, the intensity in which he stirred Ymir's insides as mere putty in her hands, the intensity in which she overcovered all her senses in every way she could, from sneaky hands tearing her down to hot scorching hickeys on her neck, all the way through a hot embrace that served more as a way for Mikasa to be in full control, rather than a show of affection - So much of boasting about showing me "how to please a woman properly" -
- S-shut up! - Ymir fought back, or at least tried to, her attempt to respond coming short and instantly threw down, Mikasa's instincts snapping instantly at the slightest hint of rebellion Ymir seemed too fond of, her skilled fingers caressing all the right spots for Ymir to let out the loudest moan she made so far, her opened mouth offering an invitation for Mikasa to take, her tongue already savoring everything she had to offer
She really can’t point out when this tension between the two started, for all she could tell from their interactions, it almost felt like it has always been like this, ever since she met both in High School a few years ago, the brunette already well-known by their current group of friends for taking a liking in the Asiatic girl and making it know with bold innuendos and daring suggestions that were responded with mere indifference by her part, making everyone wonder whether she enjoyed being the object of her attention secretly or maybe just she didn’t want to bother giving her the satisfaction of getting a reaction out of her
Still, she just knows there was something about them two that just started to unfold right there, and the more she thinks about it, the more It turns her on in such a powerful, terrifying way, beyond what should be the norm, quick, sharp jolts of pleasure coursing through her spine all the way up to her lustful drunken head, lithe fingers rubbing her aroused core in other to get rid of this hellish feeling that starts to grow stronger the more she dwells into the marvelous sight they offer.
The sight in which moonlight collides with her lover's tannish, sweat-shinning skin, landing perfectly on her shaking bosom, erratically moving by the combined effort of her laboring breath expanding her chest, struggling to send oxygen up her head, Mikasa’s bottomless hunger for her lips taking the best out of her, lips so flushed together to the point it starts to get swollen bright red, teeth clashing together occasionally as they do so
It makes her close her thighs on reflex, her gummy walls tightening at the phallic-like obstruction settled right on her deepness in hopes of relieving themselves in any kind of way, and it’s only when she hears a - Jesus fuck - muttered right against the shell of her ear that she suddenly realizes that she wasn’t alone here, Eren’s presence making itself present as the hold of reality she seemed to lose so long ago
- Enjoying the view? - He mocks, words once again muffled against her skin, this time basking itself in his hot breath, a cheeky bite right on the crook of her neck that sends shivers down her spine, settling right where he is buried inside her and increasing her arousal to limits that shouldn’t be reachable, his hand rubbing soothing circles right on her core, worsening her state
It embarrasses her just how much she got lost in the flow of the moment to the point where she forgot about his presence altogether, the sudden realization of his proximity raising goosebumps all around her body, the sudden itch of where he is stabbing her coming stronger than ever, toes curling just at the mere movement of his hips trying to reposition himself robbing the air out of her
Truth be told, it’s not like Eren made any effort into participating at all, instead choosing to be a mere spectator and dragging her along as he did, piercing her on his shaft as he forced her to sit down on his lap, the initial thrust sending her into a blissful turmoil that sooner than later became pure torture
The kind of torture that raises your hopes up to deliberately shatter them down right after
The kind of torture that has her enjoying the wonders and unique experiences that brings sharing herself with other people outside her partner, but at the same time not really fulfilling those fantasies yet
The kind of torture that is all about teasing relentlessly, to arouse her from the inside, his manhood reaching so deep in her guts and stirring them with such an ease that it bothers her just how little he has to do in order to make her lose her mind, the sole notion of his possessive hands roaming around her body turning her nerves on fire and the blood running through her veins boil like molten lava, slowly melting her alive from the inside to the point where it destroys all her walls, the restrictions she put herself crumpling down and caution thew to the wind as she decides she can’t take this anymore
That’s why, the moment she sees Mikasa make her downtown, wrapping her hands around Ymir’s quivering thighs as she does so, she has to turn her head away, face pressed against the wall of hard muscles right behind her as she hears the sharp moan her girl made, her own doubts becoming true as her deepness becomes moister at the sound of her girlfriend being serviced, the sound of her moans making her shudder on reflex, just as she is used to
There is simply no way she is enduring this anymore, at least not without finding some kind of comfort in hopes to bear with it, her own hips moving on their own as they decide that there is nothing stopping them from getting what she wants, wobbly legs trembling as she unsheathes herself from Eren and-
- What are you doing? - He whispers once again against her frail skin, turning it rosy pink when it meets the warmth his mouth emanates, voice so eerie calm and gentle it contrasts so well with the blazing hold that his hand pressures on her jaw, snatching her out of her hideout and forcing her to look just how much of a mess she did on her own
To make her witness just how wet she made him, his crotch swallowed in a puddle of her release, so shiny in her arousal it makes his manhood so red in lustful rage, perfectly aligned with her slit despite her quivering legs threatening to fall at any second, the whole thing making her ponder whether even all of this was too much for him to stand anymore
- Eren… - She whines, her legs rubbing up and down on his shaft and getting a breathless moan out of him, and for a second it feels like she has gone back to her old Christa self again, the one that was good at playing pretend, and the one that made (almost) everyone fall for her, sending him a pleading gaze as she did everything she could just so she can get what she wants - Please… -
- Please what? - He asks right back, yet again playing oblivious as one of his hands plays forces her bottom half down, the tortuous ache she feels on her crotch worsening the more he starts to pressure it down, stealing the very breath out of her - Use your words, sweetheart, tell me exactly what do you want -
And she can’t help but find herself at a loss for words when confronted about her desires, the very tone of finality that send his voice making her aware now more than ever just how much she wishes for Mikasa to make her feel at least a fraction of the mind-blowing bliss Ymir must be feeling at the moment, with her half libbed eyes and her labored breath and her sweat-slicked skin and- Jesus fuck, she would kill if that meant letting her feel something- anything at this point
Would do anything to be in Mikasa’s position, to be oh so gracefully collected and yet so wrapped up in endless desire, to make her love feel the things she is always used to doing for her, to make her crumple down in the same way she did, to be able to stare at Ymir right in the eyes and make her choke on her words with the slightest flick of her finger, to dwell herself in the heightened ego she would cause with her little whimpers and her throaty moans
But most importantly, right now, she only wants Eren to give her the best dicking she has ever experienced, just wants him to make the last half an hour's worth of teasing and foreplay successfully end in the aching legs and the fuzzy mind that she deserved getting for bearing with him for this long
Because even if it meant to beg him in the most adsurdly theatrical way possible, just in the way his sadistic ass can deem decent enough, she just can’t bear any minute if this torture anymore, her mind just filled with the thought of him finally holding her by the hips hips and mercilessly spearing her on his manhood once and for all
The last thing she wants is to get nothing out of this experience after all
- …Please - She couldn’t hide the want in her voice even if she tried to, her mind state just bothering to let her true thoughts come out for once, her sweat covered body spinning easily against his own, hands placed firmnly against his pecs and back arching so dexterous it make her hips raise once again, careless of the view she must be creating for their partners right in front of them - Please fuck me, Eren -- Fuck me Hard -
And for a moment it seems enough, the wicked smile he dedicates to her making her blood run through her body faster, the hold he forces on her rear making her flinch and the way he spreads her lower lips apart deluling her into thinking they were finally getting started, the tell tale of his engorged tip finally meeting her moist and-
- What do you think, Miks? -
She can’t help but feel her heart stop for a second when she hears him call for his lover's attention, suddenly all the shame and embarrassment she was so foreign to moments ago washing over her as an ice bucket that suddenly brings her back to reality, the air impregnated in a deadly silence as she can tell perfectly the slurping and smooching sounds dying little by little until there is nothing, only her heart beats drumming against her ear and the tell-tale of Ymir’s panting lungs recovering their breath
And even when she tries to delude herself into thinking that Mikasa and Eren were probably just locking gaze into each other and that Ymir wasn’t totally seeking her exposed self- losing herself in the sight of her exposed center, her slit oozing already in lustful want and denied desire as his hands ever so slightly knead her mounds, prying them further open, she can’t help but feel a certain kind of arousment the moment she is placed in the spotlight like this- Harshly, out of the blue, without her intake taken in consideration at all, but at the same time a new kind of hot scorching sensation filling her to the brim
And against her better judgement (and against her own mental estability, for that matter), even when she is aware that it would be a terrible idea if she were to do it, she can’t help but to turn her head back in their direction again, being met with the sight of two pair of eyes looking right back at her, the mix of uncertainty and curiosity both combined with something akin to eagerness, Ymir’s gaze once at the verge of tears and exhaustion softening cutely and shinning bright when it met hers, at the same time Mikasa seemed to fan herself into her attention, rosy pink tongue licking the remnants of her doings right on the outer lines of her plump lips, a solid gulp from her part preparing her for what she was about to say
- You heard her, Eren - True to herself, her voice betrays no emotion, always straight to the point and stutterless as she says what is on her mind, a small fire kindled in her eyes as she locks gazes with her for a flash of a second, enough to send the message
- Fuck her, Hard -And it takes no time for him to fulfill her request
It takes him nothing to grab her by the hips up like she weighs less than the air, and shove her right back down
It takes him nothing to make her beg to be more gentler, to make her beg him to let her take a break- to make her beg him to have mercy for her
It takes him nothing to make her lose all the strength- to make legs shake like jelly and to make all the muscles in her body go taut at the same time
It takes him no time to make her lose her voice, making her scream for more whenever she felt she was starting to slack and making her beg him to stop once he was overstimulating her on purpose
It takes him no time to make her addicted to him in every sense of the world, the sheer power of his experience showing in the several times he has made her get off, making her go delirious on his cock, drool coming out of the corners of her mouth as he mercilessly pounds her from below, ballsack constantly clapping on her entrance and arms constricting her like a python, her small hands no match to his unyielding force, only feeling like loosening his hold once he makes sure she is fucked up in the only way he deems right, with her limbs scrambled all over him and her minds in only occupied with his name, way too exhausted to lift a single finger or let out a single word
And it's only there when she is so high and drunk in lust, that she is soo making sure to convince them to give it another go
Hopefully, sooner than not…
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@lausticzt asked:
❛ nurse . give my muse company in the hospital .
𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃 & 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐅𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄
‘ He’s dead. ’ He was still breathing. It took all his strength just to keep on breathing. Didn’t they know he was listening ? He wanted to speak, but his body had shut down, only his conscience remaining. Witness to a familiar scene — he’s seen it happen before, laying helpless, his life at the mercy of others (and there was none). ‘ We got lucky. Our biggest threat covered in his own blood ’, ‘ I'll send a shot through his head ’. Oh. They wanted him dead.
The absurdity of human behavior could no longer surprise him — the soldiers he’d sacrifice himself for in a heartbeat, would turn their guns on him at the first chance given. Neither could the absurdity of his own nature — he held no resentment against them. He wouldn’t raise his blade even if he could still move his body. They still were his soldiers. Fighting in a world gone mad, desperately trying to make sense of their insignificant lives and all their efforts. An innocence he could relate to and gave up on many years ago — a painful transition he had to undergo, accept the futility of it all, in order to become strong enough to fight for a ridiculously hopeless cause. A few years ago, he could have been the one holding the gun, and pulled the trigger with no remorse whatsoever.
Suddenly, his body grew cold, and heavy. He was sinking, his body surrounded by water. He heard the faint sound of guns firing in the distance. Alone, running out of air, slowly losing the last of his senses, his consciousness (his existence) fading. It was peaceful. He wouldn’t feel any pain, or regret, a comforting numbness. Maybe, it wouldn’t be that bad for him to go– Zeke. He had to kill Zeke. Fulfill the vow he made on that day. Wait— Hadn’t he killed him? Hadn’t they killed Eren? Was it all a nightmare? Which was the real nightmare?
He couldn’t breathe. His throat closed, water filling up his lungs. He had to get to the surface. Even if he could move, he didn’t know how to swim. He was drowning. This wasn’t a dr—
Levi woke up in a violent coughing fit. He’d sit up, covering his mouth with his hand, trying to catch his breath. After long, he’d calm down, confused, still in a haze, trying to take in his surroundings. He was at a hospital. How many hours, how many days had passed, since they stopped the rumbling? He had been sleeping for the most time, beginning to lose track of time. Years of insomnia were his body’s defense against the cruel fabrications of his mind. Without that defense, sleeping longer would mean, nightmares he couldn’t escape from. Yet, there was no worse nightmare than the reality he had woken up in. A foreign place, his body damaged, the pain insufferable (physical or not). The purpose he had dedicated his entire life to serve was fulfilled. They had won, but lost everything along the way.
Feverish, they said he was. His body fighting some infection with a funny name. Quite ironic, the moment he allowed himself to rest, his body collapsed, gave up on him completely. He had been pushing his limits for far too long. Far too many years. The time for all scars to heal had come. A painful process he was forced to undergo, in order to stand back on his feet, and move forward.
In a lifetime of war, how was he supposed to find peace? His entire life he'd fight — for his life, for the life of others, for a cause — as if born to become a soldier. His edges sharpened, shaped into a tool. How was he supposed to turn back human, embrace the nature he was forced to deny for so long? When any future he used to dream of ended with dying on the battlefield, how was he supposed to accept the life ahead of him, ahead of them ? They weren’t soldiers anymore. They didn’t serve anyone, but themselves. They could only make choices for their own life, shape their own future. A different kind of freedom and the most dangerous of all.
In the short distance between them, lay an ocean of emotions, of everything they wouldn’t say. What were the exact feelings that brought her to his hospital room? He knew her heart, better than his own, better than anyone else’s, for he had been observing her closely for long, a challenge to understand, and a knowledge conquered kept close to his heart, valuable to keep. Still, despite claiming to know her, he couldn’t explain her presence here. Had she sensed his silent call for help? His shield had gotten damaged along with his body in the explosion, cracks making their appearance, ice blue eyes revealing the heartache within.
He wished to speak, but he was feeling weak. Not the same kind of weakness of his wrecked body, but an all-consuming heaviness of heart. ❝ You're here. ❞ He could start by acknowledging her presence, and maybe, he could later find the words to ask her to stay. ❝ How long have you been here? ❞ Had she been looking after him? What for? He wasn't strong enough any longer, nor was useful in any way. Fighting was over. There wasn't any reason for anyone to stay by his side.
Especially NOT for his heart, kept at distance, away from everyone's reach. A conscious choice he'd pay for. He should have been alone. Yet, she wasn't like anyone else. She wouldn't comply with reason. A sense of relief flooded within, calming his nerves — since when could the presence of someone ease the suffocating pain of everything he's lost? Those eyes of hers. Piercing, clear as if staring in a mirror, as if to clear the storm clouds his own carried.
#( my heart )#lausticzt#—◆ tba. ask.#—◆ ic | that means i'm abnormal. . . probably because i've seen far too many abnormal things#—◆ tba. v. post war.#—◆ tba. laura adlyn alexander (lausticzt).#—◆ tba. levi & laura.
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