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#enjoy the little guys hangin out
hinata-boke · 1 year
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small bkak in jumpsuits
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b4kuch1n · 4 months
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I found your Spirou art, sorry for the spam, I have just found out he existed at all and I'm very in love
hey no need to apologize! I don't mind that stuff haha. hope u have a good time on BD tumblr!
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hufflepuff-n-fluff · 10 months
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Just Hangin' Out
A/N: This is the first of my fics that I've ever posted to Tumblr so I am a little nervous Just a little dad!peter x reader blurb based off this adorable tweet I saw. Hope you enjoy!
w/c: 551 words
~~~~~~~
You woke up to a hand shaking your shoulder.
"He's not going to sleep."
By "he", your husband meant your four-month-old son, Ben. Peter must've gotten up to feed him instead of waking you up.
"Why?" You sat straight up in bed, fearing the worst. It had taken three weeks and the installment of a nanny cam for you to finally stop worrying about your son choking on his own spit in the middle of the night or waking up to find him crawling on the ceiling. "Is something wrong with him?"
"No, no, no," Peter rushed to assure you. For someone who had been woken up by his screeching son at three a.m., he had an amazing amount of energy. "He's fine. I fed him his bottle and changed his diaper and everything, but he's still awake. What do I do now? Do I just hang out with him until he falls asleep?"
You sighed in relief, a hand over your heart.
"You scared me half to death there, Pete. If he's not crying, I don't think that there's anything to worry about. He'll go to sleep eventually." Satisfied with your answer, you laid back down and turned over in bed, only for him to shake your shoulder again.
"Yeah... but we can't just leave him in there all alone in the meantime, can we? And aren't they just supposed to just go to sleep after you feed them this late?"
"No? Where'd you get that idea from?"
"I raised a baby on The Sims once and they usually fall asleep right away! I was hoping this would kind of be a similar sort of situation."
You rolled back over to face him.
"Good luck with that," you said, rolling your eyes. "You're lucky I love you."
Peter held up his hands. "No argument here. But what do we do about Ben?"
"'We?' I think we should go to bed."
"But Y/N, what if he gets scared?"
You sighed.
"Peter, you can stay in there with him if you want. But I'm gonna go back to sleep because I'm sure that he's fine."
You heard his footsteps retreating as he retraced his steps back to Ben's room.
"Hey little guy," his voice crackled through the baby monitor, "mind if I hang out in here with you?" A little gurgle followed his words, almost as if Ben was trying to respond.
"What about Mommy? Mommy went back to sleep. She's not cool enough to hang out with us anyway."
You grabbed the baby monitor and pushed the green button on the side.
"Stop feeding my son lies."
Peter laughed on the other end.
"I thought we agreed that before sunrise, he is my son."
"Mmm hmm," you hummed absentmindedly, close to drifting off again.
"Okay, say goodnight to Mommy, Ben," Peter prompted. Ben gurgled again and babbled something.
"I love you too, baby. I love both of my babies."
As you placed the baby monitor on the nightstand, it crackled to life again: Peter was telling his son a story, and Ben was chattering away right back. As you drifted off, your final thought was that you were sure that once Ben learned to talk, he would give even his father a run for his money with his ramblings.
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jakeyt · 2 months
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Covet: Chapter 9 (Part 2 of 2)
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Pairing: Jake Kiszka x f!Reader
Covet Summary:
Life was good. No, life was great. 
Was. 
Until.
Jake Kiszka crashed into the picture.
You welcomed him into your life—your home. 
Yes, he was your best friend’s twin. But, he was also the one who would end up disrupting your whole world with his attitude, his troubles, and the annoyingly natural way he lured you in. 
Jake Kiszka came with so much you really didn’t want.
At least that’s what you tried to convince yourself.
Warnings: MINORS DNI (18+); angst; fainting; regurgitating profusely; nausea; extreme feelings of stress and anxiety; extreme feelings of sadness; abandonment issues; allusions to a dark, forgotten childhood; therapy; mentions of EMDR therapy; prenatal visits; arguing/raising of voices; heart issues addressed (POTs); use of heart monitors; hemoglobin kits mentioned; emergency room visit and all that might entail (e.r. visit is a longer one, so strap in); revisited, vivid memories of sex; jealousy; body changes as a result of pregnancy; negative self-talk; looooots of baby talk; pregnancy hormones (and this is nothing compared to what's to come - that's all i'll say); reader still being sad while she checks Jake out; oh! and Joshua Michael Kiszka being the perfect angel he is <3 (as usual, PLEASE lmk if i missed anything that is triggering to you!)
Chapter Word Count: 32.6k+ (what the actual-?)
a/n: hi my lovely readers <333 i am deeply apologetic for the time you waited to receive this chapter, but i hope the length (holy fucking shit, btw) will make up for it. i really will try my damndest to not take almost a month next time.....
BUT, as you guys have learned, my chapters are very rarely "short" in length, so you can rest assured i'm quite literally busting ass trying to write the chapters in the near-month span of time between updates. lol <3 (while also doing real-time life w a job and family to tend to every single day)
this story is my baby that has been outlined for months in a google doc and i refuse to release chapters until they're completed with everything i deem necessary to include. i promise it's all for the good of the story and for the ultimate enjoyment of the readers (you!). <3 i'm never purposefully leaving you hangin', babes <3 ily all more than i'll ever be able to properly express. 🫶🏻
special shout out to my sis for being my go-to beta, ear, advice-giver, helper, AND EVERYTHING IN-BETWEEN when it comes to all of the silly little stories i write. @joshym. you are my favorite. you know that. and i love you. so fucking much. forever the daniel to my samuel :)
and another shoutout to my wonderful pal @welightthefire - GOD, i love you. y'all, this lady has been my main source for all things baby related and i'd be hurting without her help on alllll things baby and pregnancy. <3 babe, you are the bomb and you better KNOW IT.
Please enjoy the playlist as you read 🖤 (fr, i listen to it nonstop when i write this.... all of the songs are pertinent to the story and aid in telling it - either already or eventually.)
Covet Masterlist
-🌼🌼🌼-
“The covetous person is full of fear; and he or she will who lives in fear will ever be a slave.”
-Horace
-🌼🌼🌼-
Your stomach dipped all the way to the heels of your feet, your body feeling a rush of equal parts cold and hot. 
There were no words spoken for several moments, and almost as soon as you’d said it, Josh had turned to face the front. Jaw clenched tighter than you’d ever seen it, he put the car in drive as his hands wrapped tightly around the wheel – 10 and 2. His back was ramrod straight and his jaw didn’t stop flexing as you swiveled to sit to look out the windshield alongside him.
Your stomach was churning— for multiple reasons. On top of the anxiety in the moment, you also hadn’t been eating much as of late. Your appetite was almost nothing — save for pickles and Cosmic-fucking-Brownies. 
It had blossomed seemingly out of nowhere. 
After your night of Mac and Cheese with Jake, you had started borderline craving it afterwards—alongside the brownies and pickles. But, when you’d made some for yourself, you came to realize, with the first bite to your mouth. . . That Mac and Cheese was no longer your friend. 
Although, it had made very close friends with the toilet, as you’d bent over it hurling until every last bit of the yellow food deposited in front of your sweaty face.  
Surprisingly, you’d still been hungry after puking. . . but unfortunately, everything else you’d tried to eat either ended up in the toilet or in the trash from the smell alone. 
And, to your utter demise, Cosmic Brownies had been ruined that day, too. Their contents eventually met the toilet when you’d tried to snack on one that same evening to fill your empty stomach.
Suffice to say, the nausea had started to kick your ass and this particularly tense situation was doing you no favors.
All you could do was steal glances at him, awkwardly, for the thirty or so minutes it took to get to the women’s clinic. He wasn’t talking at all which was so unlike Josh. You’d never gone this long being in the same space as him where he wasn’t talking. The man loved to talk. And you loved to listen and engage.
But that was not the energy that was transpiring between you two.
You would have normally put on music to fill the hollow, painfully silent space. But, you couldn’t bring yourself to move, much less put on music that would just add to the discomfort that you’d created with your confession. And, honestly, it felt like you were already making too much noise every time you took a deep breath. 
Besides stealing the occasional peek at him, you watched the multiple semis that passed you, and the forests that lined the highway, full of leaves with changing colors. 
And Josh just drove. Just fucking drove. And, even worse, he drove normally. Better than normal, actually. Unlike ever before, he was following the highway’s speed limit, all while not getting emotional anytime someone pulled an asshole move on the road. 
He seemed to be putting every bit of his energy into three things: focusing on the road, keeping his jaw clenched tight, and not moving his hands from 10 and 2 unless he had to look over his shoulder to switch lanes.
Once you pulled up to parallel park on a busier street in SoHo, you’d made up your mind to tell Josh to just drive back and that you could hitch a ride with an Uber. 
You didn’t want to make him feel any more uncomfortable than he apparently already felt. 
For one, he didn’t need to be here if he didn’t want to be. And secondly, you couldn’t fucking handle any more right now. The whole point of him being with you was because you were already fucking stressed before you’d ever even told him. And at this point, it seemed you’d been correct in your assumption of him being angry. 
But right now, his reaction didn’t fucking matter. This appointment mattered. Your baby mattered. You needed to be in some sort of decent mind space before you stepped foot into the place. And whether or not that included him was relative to his response when you informed him of this.
You breathed in and out heavily, shutting your eyes as you did so. Once you opened them, you pressed the unlock button on your door, signaling to him that you were ready to get the show on the road. You didn’t have time to fucking sit here and let him sulk. 
Releasing a deep breath once more, you finally turned to look at him once you’d unbuckled. Then, once facing him, you mustered the firmest tone possible at that moment. “Josh,” you started, sharply. He blinked slowly and flexed the muscle in his jaw once more before he turned to make eye contact with you. 
Fuck. His eyes. . . Was he angry? Sad? Indifferent? You couldn’t fucking tell. You’d never seen him so guarded. God, you shouldn’t have invited him to this. You really had started to hope that he would react more like Elsie and Gia thought he would. 
But he hadn’t, and you were faced with whatever the fuck this attitude was that he had chosen to wear. 
Once it was obvious he was going to look at you as you spoke, you continued. “You don’t have to go in there with me,” you began, firm yet empathetic. “I won’t make you. I will go in on my own. I have to. For my own reasons, I have to keep this appointment today. But you don’t have to come in if you would rather not,” you stated, steady and sure. He was free to fucking leave if he wanted. “You can fucking leave. I will not make you go in if you’re angry or upset or uncomfortable. I’ll get a damn Uber and you can drive back to the complex to get your car.”
He seemed to come back to the present, blinking several times and shaking his head. He rubbed one hand down his face, just as Jake did when he would get stressed. 
The similar reaction made your tummy feel fuzzy and desperate for the security you needed at the moment. You needed someone right now. Even if you were willing to do this on your own (which you were), you could really use his support at the moment. 
You unlocked the doors once more, making sure they were ready to go before you reached for the handle. 
Resolutely, you looked over your shoulder before you addressed him once more. “I’m sorry that I made you angr—.”
“I’m not angry,” he finally said softly. After clearing his throat to talk properly again after not talking for so long, he continued. “I’m shocked and— I’m just feeling a lot of things,” he iterated, his eyes begging you to understand. And, you did. “But I am honored that you wanted me to come with you today,” he said, his face transforming to once again show you your Josh. He was back. Grabbing your hand, he finished his thought. “And I would love to go to this appointment with you.”
The tears that filled your eyes and trailed down your cheeks one by one couldn’t be helped. 
“I couldn’t have done this today without you,” you said, voice cracking with emotion. You popped the glovebox to get a napkin to wipe your face, not looking at him as you kept on. “I’ve been so scared for this, and the only person— besides Elsie— that I wanted here with me, was you.”
He reached over to hold your hand, and you tucked the napkin into your lap for backup when you caught his eye again. Before he spoke again, one tear escaped his eye. With one hand lightly squeezing yours, the other dashed up to wipe at the new wetness under his eye. 
Then, after shaking his head, he raised a curious eyebrow to address you. “Wait,” he said wetly before clearing his throat. “Is this your first appointment?”
“Yes,” you blinked, a blush skirting over your cheeks. “I’ve been in denial of it all until super recently.” You sniffed, feeling a couple more tears escape your eye at the topic of conversation and finally talking to Josh about it. It was, admittedly, a lot. “It took me a hot fucking second to come to terms with all of it, so I’m just now at the first appointment.”
He nodded, brows still furrowed as he looked down briefly before finding your eyes again. “How far along are you?”
“I think I’m technically like eleven-ish weeks,” you replied, doing quick math in your head. “I would need to look at my app to give you an exact number. Normally I have it right at the front of my brain, but my nerves are fucking wracked right now,” you bashfully swept your eyes over your hands, interlocked on the armrest. “For obvious reasons.”
You heard him hum and took that as your sign to look at him again. He was watching you carefully, quizzically. His eyes squinted as you, yet again, flushed under his stare. 
“What?!” You hastily spit out, nervous. 
“Does he. . .?”
Knowing exactly what he was asking, you quickly shut down his train of thought. “Jake doesn’t know,” you informed him, tucking your chin as you quietly repeated yourself. “He doesn’t know.”
“Alright,” he responded, not questioning you in the slightest. Your eyes flashed up to meet his: the color of cocoa and sparkling. “Does Elsie?”
Without any words, you gave him a look that answered his pondering thoughts. 
He chuckled, and you joined him by huffing a little laugh, just under your breath. You felt your cheeks loosen with an easy smile. Your shoulders were relaxing more and more by the second. The familiar, natural sense of joviality with him was settling your frazzled nerves.
You eyed the clock on the dashboard and suddenly realized that you were cutting it very close to your appointment time, with no more than a few minutes to spare before you would be running late. 
Sensing your sudden shift in mood, he took the keys out of the ignition just as you unlocked the doors once again, and opened yours. 
“Let’s go inside,” he encouraged, mimicking your action as he opened his own door behind your turned back. 
When you were out of the car, and waiting (sort of) patiently on the sidewalk for him, you physically shook out some of the anxiety that had made home in your bones for the last several months. 
He officially knew that you’d had sex with Jake. He knew that now. And he knew that it had resulted in a baby. He knew enough for now.
And it actually seemed like things were going to be okay. Maybe Elsie had been right all along (though you’d never tell her that).
Your thoughts were affirmed when he came up beside you, pulling you into a hug as soon as he was at your side. A full-on Josh hug: arms wrapped securely around your shoulders. You did your best to hold back tears, so as not to soil his stark white sweatshirt.
Pulling away before you could let any inevitable tears take over, you looked up at him to see his dimple, present in his cheek. You couldn’t help the single tear that trickled down your cheek at the overwhelming feeling of normality. He was warm. He was real. He was Josh. 
He wrapped an arm around your shoulder, bringing you to him once more before taking your hand in his and wrapping it up tightly. 
Peeking up at him through wet lashes, you saw his face was still turned up in his signature grin, his eyes, slightly playful as he gave you a knowing look he’d given you a thousand times before. 
“You’ve got this, mama,” he reassured with a wink, opening the door to the clinic for you.
-🌼🌼🌼-
The place was fucking amazing. The pictures you’d seen on its website hadn’t done it justice at all. The environment was trendy and relaxing and comfortable. Soft music, similar to that of a lullaby played in the open space, only illuminated by the natural light of the day. No overbearing fluorescent bulbs.
Thank God.
As you made your way to the front desk, you decided to let go of Josh’s hand. 
For some reason, it just felt right to do this on your own. Felt right to make this stride on your own. You could handle the front desk.
“You go sit down,” you offered, motioning to the couches that filtered the chic waiting room. “I think I can do this part.” 
“You sure?” He asked, brows dipping to show his genuine concern. “I’m with you every step of the way. I mean it.”
Your eyes drew wet at the words, but you sniffled and cleared the emotion from your throat when you went to grab his arm through the soft white material of his sweatshirt. “I love you so much for that. I can’t even tell you, Josh,” you told him, a tear escaping despite your efforts. “But I’ve gotta take this step on my own.”
He nodded, needing no further explanation. “I’m over here if you need me,” he threw a thumb at the couches behind him. 
You watched as he walked to the couch nearest to the front desk, sitting comfortably on the blush pink velvet that covered it. You tipped your head at him once, showing him and yourself that you were starting your trek to the counter. 
Once there, you were greeted by the kind smile of a woman most likely in her fifties or sixties, her thick black-framed glasses taking up more than half of her face. Her tanned complexion was flawless and her lips were full with red lipstick as she stretched them over perfectly white teeth. Her jet-black hair was half-up, half-down, haphazardly thrown up with a claw clip, but looking flawless nonetheless. 
She matched the modish aesthetic of the clinic to a T. 
“Hi, babe,” she cheerily greeted you with an out-of-place Southern accent in SoHo, her voice still low to keep the room quiet. “You have an appointment today?”
You froze. The reality of it all suddenly came barreling towards you.
Fuck. Shit. Yes. I do have an appointment today. I’m pregnant. I’m standing here, waiting for an appointment because I’m fucking pregnant.
Dammit. What the fuck? I’m. . .?
You standing here suddenly seemed completely astronomical and unreal– was this truly what life was for you now? While thinking about it nonstop, you’d also not been thinking about it to the extent that it would’ve taken for all of this change to click. This was real. Real life. 
You were carrying a human child. 
And you were at your first appointment for it.
Goddamn.
Blinking several times, you tried to keep your grounding firm as your eyes traced her features a thousand times– searching your suddenly static-filled brain for the most simple word in the English language. 
“Y-y-y–,” you shut your eyes tightly to reset. Come on, y/n. You’ve got this. It’s just one word. 
But you suddenly weren’t sure if you ‘had this’. Your hands began to shake uncontrollably at your sides; you wiped them repeatedly on your leggings. 
But before you could moisten the fabric covering your thighs completely, you went to place them on the counter, touching your current surroundings to center yourself. To hold on to what was real. 
Gia would be so proud.
But then your brain raced right back to the true reality of it all. The reason you were freaking out in the first place was because of the real you couldn’t escape–not that you wanted to, by any means. . .right?! You wanted this. You wanted this. 
You DO want this, y/n. Deep breaths.
The voice sounded so eerily similar to your therapist’s that it helped you to grasp onto a flicker of stabilization. 
This reality was not new. You’d known it was real. You had known there was (probably—hopefully) a kid in you for the past few weeks. And being in this place didn’t make that anymore different than before— minutes before when you’d stepped through the door of the clinic. 
Then you’d walked up to the counter and had one simple question asked of you.
You shook your head once more before blinking open your suddenly-wet eyes. 
But you couldn’t look up from the floor. From your high-top, white Chuck Taylors, now off-white and stained from years of wear. 
And swirling before your eyes in ways they shouldn’t be from the amount of nerves encapsulating your brain. . . Your stomach was rolling.
All of a sudden, you felt a familiar arm wrap around your trembling shoulders, strongly holding you to his chest to keep you stable. The cologne that came from the person, along with the overwhelming rush of relief that came with his presence was a dead giveaway for your new company.
Everything settled.
“Yes,” Josh stated, clearly, for you. “Yes, it’s her first appointment. Y/n? Y/l/n?”
A couple of beats and a few clicks from a mouse followed his words. Then you heard a clipboard clack lightly against the counter and a pen getting clicked open before she sat it on top of the board. 
“Whenever she’s ready,” her voice assuredly spoke, so soft and warm. “I’ll get y’all back there when the time feels right.”
You’d effectively curled tighter into Josh before you looked back up at the sweet lady, meeting her eyes with embarrassment laced through every feature on your face. The muscles in your jaw relaxed when you met her eyes, finally speaking. 
“Thank you,” you muttered. “I’m so sorry.”
She tilted her head at you, sending an understanding wink your way. “No need to apologize, sweet pea,” she calmly hushed, her voice sounding reminiscent of any old Southern woman you’d ever seen in a movie. “It’s a whole lot to deal with. We get it.”
Your lips quivered up into a small smile, eyes watery. “That means a lot,” you sputtered, fresh tears making their way to your jaw. 
Dear fucking God. The tears had to stop at some point. You’d always been a crier, but these motherfucking hormones were just bringing out the absolute most. Pulling out all of the stops. Your emotions, pre-pregnancy, were already shaky, at best. . . and they were apparently just getting progressively worse with the damned baby hormones.
The anxiety was understandable. But the crying? It was almost nonstop. And it was getting old already. 
Though, you knew–you knew–that it wasn’t even fucking close to being over. If everything today went accordingly and you officially found out there was a whole ass baby growing inside of you, you knew that this spike in emotions was only the beginning. 
Sharing one more smile with the lady behind the desk, you walked with Josh back to the waiting room couch he’d been occupying prior to your blessed meltdown. 
-🌼🌼🌼-
Unashamedly, you let Josh fill out all of the paperwork. You were still tense and uneasy, but the way you’d handled answering the questions, with him right by your side helped more than you’d intended it to. The process had just been an easy ebb and flow, answering basic questions about yourself. 
And questions about Jake—but Josh answered those with zero problems. Basic Father-Of-The-Child shit that Josh could ramble off in his sleep. You couldn’t help peering over his shoulder as he answered those. You couldn’t explain the intrigue— you just thought it funny seeing him answer questions about his twin. . . Like it was nothing. 
Then came questions about your menstrual cycle. Which were not your favorite to have Josh write the answers to— but you didn’t want to put pen to paper, so you continued to let him write even those, too.
The rest of the process went easily. He’d rattle off a question, and you’d answer it. That was how it’d gone for roughly thirty minutes. 
He’d clicked his tongue, drawing a line down the section about past pregnancies. And then he’d come to a question that made him give you a look. He had one eyebrow raised as soon as he’d read through the last question. 
The last question. The last question that had been slightly unwelcome and less than wonderful to have him fill in for you. 
You didn’t know why you hadn’t thought of it being on the sheet. Your mind had been too focused on other things for the past several days. Like hopelessly depressing scenarios involving your baby’s wellbeing and telling people and eating fucking pickles. . . you just hadn’t really given much weight to possible questions on this initial patient questionnaire. 
You pulled your body back slightly, your own face morphing to one that mirrored his. “What?”
“The last question— they want to know if you’re sexually—,” he cleared his throat, shaking his head once before before continuing. “If you’re sexually active.”
You blushed deep crimson—your cheeks, flaming hot. You knew exactly where his mind went because it was where yours went with the question. 
Are you still having sex with Jake?
You coughed briefly, clearing the awkward air before you responded. “No,” you divulged, your eyes flitting up to his: big, wondering and deep chocolate. “No. We’re not— fuck. I’m not. I’m not having sex. I don’t know if he is,” you rambled, bringing a hand up to slap your forehead. Your heart rate even accelerated the slightest bit, hurting your chest. What in the fuck? That's unnecessary. It’s one question, y/n. Quit being nervous—there’s no need. “But—I’m not having sex. Not sexually active, no.”
Josh brought your hand away from your head, which was suddenly breaking out in a cold sweat. You found his eyes: open and willing to listen and understand. Your heart rate slowed considerably at his expression. “It’s okay, y/n. Either way, I don’t care. It’s your life.”
You blinked away more tears—god, fuck. Not trusting yourself to speak, you simply nodded in response. The response was what you’d needed to hear from the beginning. Would things be different if you’d heard those words from him at the beginning of all of this? 
It was no use to imagine. You hadn’t heard his affirmation before now, and at this point, it was officially too late. You’d hurt Jake. Jake had moved on and proved to you that you really weren’t that important to him.
And, the sad truth: even if Josh was okay with it, you had plenty more reasons to keep your title with Jake strictly roommate—friend at most. 
Also, officially, the mother of his child.
Clasping your hands over your tummy, you watched as he checked the “no” box. Then, you watched his eyes scan the sheet quickly to check for any missed questions, clicking his tongue against his teeth all the while.
Thankfully, it seemed you’d successfully answered all of them when he got up to walk the sheet back to the counter for you, where a nurse now occupied the seat, you’d observed. Scrubs, making that apparent.
You had been too busy spacing out on the many questions Josh had asked of you, per the sheets. You hadn’t the mind to pay attention to where the receptionist had gone.
Josh came back over to you shortly to get your driver’s license from you, along with your insurance card. 
“They’ll need these on file,” he said, flashing both at you once you’d given them to him. He brought them back after they’d scanned them into the system, but went up to the counter to answer any questions they may've had as you waited on the couch. 
He was seriously the best. You, proving to be completely useless, didn’t hinder him from being the most incredible friend whilst you sat, doing nothing. 
Before too long, once (you assumed) the general information from the sheet had been entered in the system, you heard your name called from the door to the side of the desk, and you were steadily ushered to the back by a nurse. (With Josh in tow, of course. He wasn’t going anywhere.)
“Nice day outside?” The young nurse, blonde hair pulled into a sleek ponytail, asked politely, as you stepped off the scale she’d weighed you on. 
“Yeah,” you responded, glancing over your shoulder at Josh. “Nice fall day. But a little warmer than we like it, huh, Josh?”
He nodded enthusiastically. “Oh, yes,” he responded. “Definitely not enjoying my choice of clothing today. . . Not the day for a sweater, I’ll say.”
The nurse hummed, taking in the information as she grabbed a cup from the counter with your first initial and last name on it. “How long have you guys been together?” She addressed you once with a smile, looking between the two of you with a twinkle in her eye. 
You didn’t mean to squawk with a laugh. 
But thankfully you didn’t have to worry about it because Josh did, too. 
The laugh was, once again, exactly what you needed to calm you down. Your shoulders, still releasing their tension from earlier, became more and more relaxed with each giggle you released. Josh was holding his mouth and shaking his head, his smiling eyes closed while you answered the question. 
“We’re not together,” you explained, the laughter dying down as you caught the nurse’s wide eyes sympathetically. “He’s my best friend. Dating my sister, actually.”
“Oh,” she grinned shakily, eyes jumping back and forth between the two of you. “You both just–he’s here with you today—and you two just seem to fit so well together.”
You smirked, throwing a sideways glance at Josh who was watching the woman with the same sympathetic gaze as you. He must’ve sensed your staring, though, because he quickly threw a look your way. 
He winked at you before adding in his two cents. “I mean, you weren’t wrong. We do mesh incredibly well, but her sister’s had my heart for a helluva a long time. However, I am the uncle,” he informed her, pointing to himself before throwing the same pointer at your tummy. 
It made your heart flutter a thousand beats per minute at hearing him say, for the first time, that he’s the uncle. Josh being bound by blood to the little bean growing within you is another reason you feel assured in your decision to keep it. It’s part of Jake, and part of your closest confidant (aside from Elsie) for years. You’ve obviously thought about it plenty of times before now, but finally hearing Josh acknowledge it was something your heart desperately needed.
“My brother is the father. I’m just her best friend–don’t know what he is to her, though," he finished.
Your eyes widened as you were still getting used to hearing Jake being referred to as the father out loud. . .
Better get fucking used to it, though–nothing you could do about it. 
You also weren’t sure what to make of Josh’s last statement–was he still upset with you that he didn’t know anything about Jake’s role in your life? The inflection in his tone sounded a bit more sneering than you would have liked.
Whenever she spoke next, you were able to snap out of it, recovering quickly.
“Whoa,” she said, blowing out a breath. “That’s. . . wow.” Shaking her head, she looked at the cup in her hand, handing it over to you before she continued. She seemed to be done with the conversation, and ready to get back to the task at hand. “Every woman that comes in for her first appointment gets her blood drawn and urinates in a cup,” she motions to the plastic container she’d handed over to you, then taps at her arm as she watches you carefully for her next spiel. “We draw the blood so we can use it to identify your blood type and to look for other conditions we may have to monitor or treat during your pregnancy.”
Damn. That was a hell ton of information. What do I even make of all of that?
It was your turn to just stare blankly at her and offer a simple okay before she was pointing to the room with the open door, across the hallway, for Josh.
“You can wait in that room for her,” she stretched a little half smile over her delicate features. “She will be there shortly.”
He gave you two thumbs up and a reassuring grin before going in the direction she’d told him. Then she was leading you to the nearest bathroom so you could pee in your fucking cup. After giving you a few instructions, along with a sterile wipe, and informing you on how to get an uncontaminated urine sample, she was letting you in to the single-person restroom. 
It definitely matched the trendy environment of the rest of the clinic and was cleaner than probably any other public restroom you’d ever been inside. You did exactly as she’d instructed and made your business quick before handing off the sample to the same nurse from before. She sat it in a window where someone behind immediately grabbed it. 
“Going off to the lab,” she half-smiled, but quickly tipped her finger to signal you to follow her further down the hallway. “Now I’m going to draw some blood real fast, and then you’ll be free to go wait for the doctor in your room.”
Sitting in a chair in a room towards the back, a couple of other nurses went about their business as your nurse cleaned your arm, using a cotton ball with her now-gloved hands. 
“Does getting your blood drawn freak you out?” She apprehensively questioned before she went to insert the needle. “Or these?” She wiggled the needle in the air to emphasize.
You shook your head, pursing your lips. “For some reason, those are two things I’m totally fine with,” you spoke, your voice tilting up at the end. “I don’t know why they don’t freak me out—everything else fucking does.”
God, shut the fuck up, y/n. Let her do her job.
The blonde gave you an odd look, as if you’d spoken too much for her taste. 
And that pissed you off. You no longer felt bad for talking too much. 
You fucking asked me, bitch.
Thankfully, you were able to get rid of her in minutes-time. As soon as she’d bandaged your arm over a cotton ball, she pointed you to the room she’d sent Josh. 
“Thanks,” you mumbled with a small, semi-annoyed smile before making your way to the room where Josh waited. 
His eyes were huge when you made your way into the small exam room. 
“Holy shit,” he breathed. “You’ve got it cut the fuck out for you, huh?”
You gave him a look that said Seriously? and rolled your eyes. “Duh, Josh,” you replied, taking in the small room with pretty pictures of babies all over the walls. “I kind of already knew that. Since I am the one carrying the fuckin’ baby and all.”
God, that was harsh, y/n. He doesn’t deserve your anger like that.
Both of his hands went up to guard him as he crossed one leg over the other. “Jesus, y/n,” he sighed, eyes huge. “Give me a damn break. I didn’t even know until today that you were pregnant. Didn't fully know any of it. It’s a lot for a guy, I guess.”
“Damn, I’m so sorry that it’s so much for you as a man, Josh,” you scowled, your voice not hiding any of your irritation with him for his last comment. 
Seriously, y/n?
To be fair, as amazing as Josh truly was, he was still a man— and half of the time men didn’t know their heads from their assholes. Didn’t ever know the proper times to say stupid shit. (Or, to not say it at all.) 
You had to put it in perspective, though . . .because you kind of sucked at saying ridiculous shit, too. So you could only get so angry with him.
“That was a stupid thing to say,” he admitted. “Sorry.”
You tried to laugh it off. You didn’t want there to be unnecessary tension right now—it was the very last thing you needed. “It’s fine,” you encouraged. 
You propped yourself to sit the best you could on the edge of the beige-matted table. The thin paper that covered it crinkled underneath you– made you feel like you were making way too much noise for the tiny room.
“I’m sorry for being short. I need you. For multiple reasons. But right now. . .I just need you to be with me when I find out if this bean actually exists in my loins. . . If I’ve been imagining it the whole fucking time, or if I’ve lost it. . .,” you swallowed. You had to blink back the tears gathering in your eyes as you trailed off at the dreaded possibility. “I just need you to see with me if there’s anything sad to be seen,” you added, voice suddenly wet. 
“Hey,” Josh spoke, softly. “Look at me.”
You swiveled to do as he said. The attempt to not cry was useless. The tears were drenching your cheeks. The fear that had settled so deeply in your bones since the day you’d heard that podcast was coming to light, as you’d just uttered the worries aloud for the first time. 
Barely seeing Josh through the wetness that clouded your vision, you replied the best you could, albeit extremely pathetically. “Yeah?” 
“Why are you worried about those things?” He asked, so quietly, eyes gleaming to bring light. Grabbing your hands, his eyes became suspicious slits when he addressed his next question. “Y/n. . . Have you given yourself any time to feel excited about this appointment? Or have you just focused on the anxiety you’ve built up, surrounding today?”
You bowed your head out of embarrassment. “I’ve been excited, Josh. . .,” you muttered, completely aware of the lie. 
“Mmm,” he responded, rubbing his chin with one hand as the other still grasped both of yours, sure and comforting. “I suspect that’s untrue. . . I know you, my love.”
Gasping on a sob, you closed your eyes to stop crying, covering your face with your hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Hey, hey, hey,” he said, squeezing your hands, down and away from your face. He held them still with one of his own, the other helping to slide his chair closer to you. “Don’t you dare be sorry, mama— there’s no reason. This is just the beginning; you’ve got plenty more opportunities to be excited. . . I’m sure plenty of women get worried before this first appointment. There’s a lot up in the air before the first time you see the little thing on the screen.”
You opened your eyes to look at him. And though they were still wet, nothing else was coming from your ducts— thank god. “Yeah?” You asked, desperate to know he actually might understand, tone begging him to tell you you’re not crazy. “You think?”
He nodded with his lips pursed, his new mustache squiggly with the action; his brows, tied together, and eyes, serious. “Oh, yes. I know it. You are not alone, love,” he reassured you, helping your heart rate slow to normal for the millionth time that day. “But that’s why I hope every single one of those women has a person who is there for them on days like today.” He paused, setting his eyes firmly on you before continuing. “Because, today, we are going to discover and conquer whatever we find out from that screen—,” he tilted his forehead toward the monitor screen, “Together.”
Your eyes welled, lip sticking out with a pout. God, you loved him. You truly couldn’t have done today without him. “I really need a hug from you.” 
Without question, he was up and out of his seat, wrapping his arms snugly around you. You tucked your nose into his neck, breathing in his cologne— the familiar smell of his patchouli exactly what you needed to feel secure in the moment. 
You were busy focusing on his breathing, in and out, in and out, when the door received a knock and creaked open behind his back. He must’ve heard, too, and moved away from hugging you and back to his seat as you both watched for the doctor to walk through the door.
But the only person you saw was. . . the receptionist? What was she doing in—? 
“I’m Dr. Rose,” the beautiful lady—who was a doctor apparently, not a receptionist—greeted you with that same, thick Southern accent. “It’s nice to see you doin’ better since I last saw ya, babygirl.”
You blinked several times, feeling immediately at ease with the familiar face. “You’re a doctor? Not a receptionist?”
God, stupid, y/n. Duh. She just said that, you moron.
She chuckled. “Yes ma’am,” she replied, as she clicked on every button on the monitor needed to complete the appointment. Afterwards, as things whirred to life, she went to open the laptop she’d carried in with her, sitting atop the counter. “I’m your doctor, sweet cakes,” she twanged in her western tone. “I’ll be with y’all until the very end of this wonderful journey we call pregnancy.”
You grinned, appreciative of the fact that you were already familiar with her—even if it was from the tiniest interaction earlier. But you couldn’t hold onto that feeling for too long before you got nervous of the impression you’d made earlier with your anxiety attack (or whatever the hell that’d been). 
With concerned brows, you cleared your throat before offering up some words of your own. “I’m so sorry that the first time you met me I was acting like a basket case,” you apologized, extremely self conscious. Crossing your legs tighter, you tucked a lock of hair behind your ear. When that still hadn’t been enough to contain the nervous energy, you let your hands rest on your belly. 
Tapping away at the small bump, skin tight under your sweater, you waited for her response. 
She gave you a look that immediately eased you. Her brow, raised, and beautiful red lips quirked up in a small grin. “Now, little missy, I told you earlier that we get it and I meant it.” Dr. Rose sat on her rolling stool, wheeling over to the table. And once there, extended it to be higher so she could talk better with you closer to eye level. “You are not the first one to get all nervous at your first prenatal appointment—or any OB appointment at all— and you’re certainly not the last—far, far from it,” she smiled wide, close-lipped and completely empathetic. Her deep set, big, brown eyes— lashes so long and curled to perfection— showed you how much she cared, behind her big black frames. “Now, how about we get to the good stuff?”
There were obviously a couple tears dripping down your cheek, and you pushed them away as you nodded. Your tummy did all of the flips and tosses and turns—your skin was practically buzzing with nerves. 
You were so close to seeing the truth.
Facing this head on.
“Go ahead and lay back for me,” she instructed. You did as you were told, bending an arm behind your head, trying to get comfortable in skin that felt restrictive. As she stood up, clicking a few buttons to get the monitor screen situated, she asked some questions. “Now can you give me a small debrief on your health history? Anything you can think of? Don’t worry about digging too, too deep right now. We have your blood samples and urine sample that will also aid in indicating any abnormalities.”
The word abnormalities wasn’t your favorite thing to hear, but you didn’t let it sit tight in your brain as you pondered anything she might need to know. 
“Um,” you dipped into the more current issues you’d faced. “I guess. . . anxiety? Depression? Do those count?” 
Dr. Rose hummed in approval and gave a small grin as she went to get a few materials from the cabinet.
“I think the anxiety is worse than the depression, but they’re both persistently just. . . there,” you contemplated what else. . . nothing much was coming to your mind. “I also got my tonsils taken out when I was like 12 years old. . .?”
“You say that as a question,” she commented, a lilt in her voice and a smile on her face, showing that she found it funny. 
“I did have them taken out,” you huffed a laugh, rolling your eyes at yourself as you pushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen out from behind your ear. “I’m just kind of. . .blanking. I know there’s more, but I’m just–just fucking nervous.”
“That’s understandable, sweetie pie,” she assured, her thick Southern accent making your heart rate settle just a bit.
“I know I’m probably missing a few things. Like, there are parts of my childhood that are hazy at best, so there might be things buried back there that I can’t tell you today,” you informed carefully, hoping she understood. When she nodded, you took that as your sign to continue. “I’m seeing a therapist right now who is actually helping me dig up some of it, so I might have a few more answers for you next visit.”
There was a moment of silence as Dr. Rose continued to prepare the sonogram machine, the obnoxious clacking of keys and buttons covering the dull electrical hum that surrounded you. However, that singular moment of time seemed to carry on and on as the nerves in your body seemed to twist your gut to the point that your organs felt close to pushing out of your belly button.
It was as if simply mentioning your mental health – and whispering of your past – was enough to send you into a mini spiral. The muted lull of the clinic didn’t help anything. . . the almost soundless environment, wrapping you up in its emptiness and choking you.
Tap, tap . . .  Tap, tap . . .  Tap, tap . . .
You tried to focus on the thrum of your fingertips along the tender skin of your swollen abdomen, hoping and praying it would keep your thoughts at bay.  
She was taking a long fucking time–which you were sure was normal and warranted. 
But, God. The room just started feeling smaller and smaller as the thoughts got bigger and bigger. You were in the room that was about to tell you the truth of the matter and you still seemed so far away from finding out. . . You weren’t sure what to think. 
Were you even ready to see what the ultrasound was about to show you?
Josh must have noticed the nervous energy you were exuding as the stoppers on the legs of the chair made a sharp scraping noise against the sterile linoleum tile, making you cringe the tiniest bit. He moved his chair closer to the side of the table next to you, opposite of where Dr. Rose sat on the other side.  His dark eyes made contact with yours and his brow raised as if to say, ‘are you okay?’.
All you could manage to do was nod in response, brows knitted.
“Alrighty, I’m going to put some of this gel on your belly and then you’ll feel a bit of pressure once we start.”
You were half expecting a chill to make you jolt with the application of the thick gel, much like you'd seen in movies - you know, where it’s freezing cold and uncomfortable - but as it fell against your skin, you were surprised to be met with a warm temperature that relaxed you.  The clean scent of the gel overpowered your nostrils, but not in a bad way.  It gave you something else to focus on as a slight pressure from the head of the wand, came to push lightly against your belly, just above your pelvic bone.
The black and white image appeared on the screen and. . . showed you nothing. 
Nothing. 
Emptiness. Empty stomach.
Amidst the gray static on the screen, there was nothing but a big black spot that resembled a the shape of a bean.  You had to force yourself to look away, an all-too familiar stinging feeling in the corner of your eyes, showing up again.
All this time, the acceptance of your pregnancy and the effort and hard work you’d put in to create a better life for yourself (and this part of him inside you). . . had shown to be completely pointless.  The feeling of hope that you'd begun to welcome into your life was on the brink of shattering and it didn’t help that Dr. Rose wasn’t saying anything. . . wasn’t doing anything aside from sliding the wand against your empty stomach.
God fucking dammit. All of your worst fears were coming to fruition and every moment you stared at the bleak screen you felt the emptiness on the screen envelop your heart until—.
Thump thump.
You felt your breath catch in your throat as Josh gently grabbed onto your arm, reassuring, and pointed at the screen above you. On the screen, displayed clear as day right in front of you, was the outline of a baby’s delicate profile.
The soft curve of its forehead, the splotchy spikes of a tell-tale spine, a little belly, the slightest movement of four tiny limbs protruding from the sides and bottom. . . and the tiniest flicker in the center of it all.
You couldn’t tear your gaze away as Dr. Rose started to press more buttons and a bunch of small dotted yellow lines showed over the image of your baby, measuring from point A to point B. She was speaking, but you couldn’t be bothered to listen to the words she was saying. All you cared about was the miniscule movements on the screen as a leg kicked up or an arm pushed out.  
It was beautiful, striking, amazing, wonderful, unbelievable, and real. . . so very real.
What you had found yourself questioning for weeks wasn’t just a thought, but now cemented reality. The concerns you had and the voice in your head doubting you were silenced to nothing - because the life growing inside you, the product of you and Jake, was right in front of you.  
The product of the best night of your life was finally proven to be the best part of you and it was real.
Thump thump.
The steady sound of a little racing heartbeat drew you back to the present and to the words your doctor was saying to you.
“Profile looks darn good, placenta is anterior, there’s the umbilical cord. . .,” She spoke as she pointed with her finger to each shape of white that was mixed into the static. “Heartbeat is 160, there’s the bladder and the kidneys, oh!” Dr. Rose exclaimed with a chuckle as she seemed to record a movement. Upon playing it back in front of you, she explained the movement as a little hand with five fingers moved up towards a space by the baby’s nose. “The little angel is wavin' at you, mama,” she looked down at you with a knowing smile. 
Your heart swelled more than you’d ever felt in your entire life. This was . . . otherworldly. Absolutely earth-shattering. There were not any words you could string together that would do this moment justice.
“Wow,” you muttered, voice officially clogged with the tears that relentlessly poured down your cheeks. You sniffled. “It’s. . . moving?”
“Sure is,” she winked. “Has been for a while. You have an especially active little one – already. Prepare for some monster kicks here in a couple months, mama.”
“Wow,” you repeated.
“Gets it from their uncle,”Josh said, sniffling behind you.
You smiled over at him. You felt the joy he did. All around. More. This was your baby. Yours and Jake’s. God.
“Exciting, huh, babe?” She asked knowingly. 
All you could do was nod. You weren’t sure you could stop smiling. . . it was hurting your cheeks, but you welcomed it. This was. . . this was everything. Everything you could have ever wished for.
“I know it, honey bun,” she agreed, her red lips perked with joy for you. “Also, according to the size of the baby and the start date of your last menstrual cycle, I would say you are at right about 12 weeks, little missy.”
Once she’d confirmed the gestational age, you saw her scoot the cart back a bit and wipe the wand she’d used with a sterile wipe, putting it back in its slot. Then, she cleaned your belly of any leftover jelly. You just watched from where you were still leaned back, head resting on one arm behind it. She stripped her gloves and tossed them in the nearest waste bin.
“Twelve weeks. Yep,” you breathed, pulling your shirt down. Your cheeks lifted even more at officially knowing (relatively) how old your little bean was. “Based on my last period.”
“Yes. Because, oddly enough, that is technically when the pregnancy started,” she explained. “On the first date of your last menstrual cycle.”
Dr. Rose went to grab a packet, a pamphlet, and a few free-flying papers, all paper-clipped together, from the counter. You sat up as she clicked her way back to you on her stilettos. She kept talking as she handed them to you. “I don’t wanna clog up our time today with all of the technicalities – unless that’s what ya want?” She offered. 
You shook your head no. Today, all you’d come in wanting to know was that your baby was alive. And you knew that now. And fuck, it felt nice. Better than. 
Except . . .
“Is the baby healthy?” You asked worriedly, needing to hear her tell you.
“Positively. One hundred percent, mama,” she confirmed, her teeth sparkling behind her red lips. “From what I could see on the scan, you’ve got a perfectly healthy baby squirmin’ around in there.”
You internally and externally let out a sigh of relief that had needed released for a fat second. The baby was okay. Healthy. Moving. Alive. 
Everything was going to be alright.
You looked down at Josh, his face glowing, cheeks glistening with tears. “I’m so proud of you,” he choked. 
Another tear slipped down his cheek as you felt one well in your eye. You didn’t know why he was proud of you, but the words made your emotions spike. You were proud of the little life inside of you. . . already doing its best to live its best life.
“Back to what I was sayin’ before,” Dr. Rose went on. Your eyes found her, clicking off the machine. “In that paperwork you’ll find all of the technicalities and logistics about the pregnancy. Which vitamins you should take. Prenatals our clinic suggests. Recommended foods to eat. The baby’s size week by week. When I say everything, sweetie, I mean ev-er-ything,” she emphasized in her twang. “You can find the same information on our clinic’s website. There is a help tab on there for our mothers-to-be, but I always provide physical copies for my girls. I also recommend downloading at least one pregnancy tracker app to get notified with updates – it’s just convenient and fun.”
“I downloaded one recently, actually. It’s been amazing. Thank you for everything,” you weakly offered. You also had to know. . . “Will you be the one delivering the baby?”
“Sure thing,” she affirmed. “With ya till ya want rid of me. Speaking of that day, our partnering hospital is Cedars-Sinai, so that is where you’ll end up having the baby,” she paused, bringing her eyes to you. “Since you indicated on the form that you would prefer a planned hospital birth over a planned home birth.”
“Correct. Hospital birth for me,” you affirmed.
“Now, we are going to schedule your next appointment for four weeks from now,” she continued, opening her tablet and typing out the information for her calendar, presumably. “How does December 8th sound, honey bun?”
You didn’t check your calendar, because you would make that day okay. Anything you needed to do to make it happen. “Sounds perfect,” you replied, practically jittering with excitement for the next one. “When will I find out the gender?”
“I always have my girls wait until week 18,” she responded, turning buttons off on the machine before scooting it back where it had started. “So, when you come in for your next appointment, we will actually have ya schedule an extra lil appointment in there to see what our little buddy is in there.”
“Got it,” you told her. 
“Your sonogram pictures will be waitin’ at the front desk for ya,” she said, washing her hands. Then, after she dried them, she grabbed her laptop. “And finally, your due date is–at this point, according to what we know–May 23rd.”
The date was suddenly the most important you’d ever heard. 
It was the day you now felt you’d been waiting for your entire life.
Without ever knowing it. 
This baby was already changing your heart for the better and everyday, it seemed like all the little (alive and moving) bundle of hope did was bring you unadulterated joy. 
The most precious gift that you’d made with someone so precious to you.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Once you’d finished the appointment, Josh had asked if you had any plans. And when you’d said no, he ended up driving you both to a cute little cafe he'd heard about in SoHo. A place that, even from the outside, oozed with a charming aesthetic. 
The two of you sat there, pointing out every single detail of the sonogram pictures, ooh-ing and ahh-ing over the tiny feet, tiny hands, and the itty bitty, adorable body that belonged to your baby. . . You had never seen something so beautiful. You were sure of it.
And after that, you’d taken some time to catch up. You’d talked about him and Elsie, Elsie and her travels, and the fact that you’d started going to therapy. (Next to the baby, he was most excited about this.)
All you’d ordered was a Sprite since you weren’t feeling the most hungry as of late. Josh had followed in your lead and only ordered drinks as well. Honey tea and a glass of water. He’d made sure to tell the waitress to grab you a water, too. 
And after a quick trip to the bathroom to relieve your ever-aching bladder, you were back at the table. 
Back at a table where Josh was giving you a look. His eyes were narrowed, a mischievous grin turning his lips up to show a dimple in his cheek.
Just as you’d sat down, the waitress was bringing Josh a new, piping hot tea, since he'd (apparently) already finished the first. 
And then, as soon as she was gone, he was talking.
“I sort of had a weird inkling of something going on. . .,” Josh noted as he stirred, then took a long swig of his tea, steam still emitting from the top. “Goddammit!” He gasped, a pained expression painting his features, as he coughed over the warm temperature of the beverage. “Hot hot hot hot,” he repeated to himself, finding his ice water and taking an even longer swig.
You couldn’t help the burst of laughter that bloomed in your chest, flying past your lips as he continued to down the water. All you got in response was him flipping you off with one long digit, and a wrinkle, knitting his brow.
The sinking feeling in your stomach couldn’t be ignored, though. . . you’d heard what he initially said. How had he known? God. . . how long? Your mind was a frenzy as you forced yourself to stop laughing to focus on the serious subject matter at hand.
“How?”
“Well, y/n,” he replied smartly, motioning to the cup. “It just came from the pot, I’m sure. Don’t you see the damned thing is steaming? Why did I even take a–?”
“No,” you stopped his rambling to clarify your question. “How did you . . .? Did you seriously know?” As you were still air-quoting the last few words, he was already nodding his head to answer you. “How? Why? What did we do wrong? I-I mean- God. Do Sam and Danny know, too?”
“Now, I didn’t say I knew,” he corrected you, feeling at the sides of the mug to test the temperature. And, yet again, he was met with the scorching temperature, thus hissing and placing his hands around the plastic of the water cup. “In essence, I said I had an idea. And you didn’t do anything wrong. I just– he’s my fucking twin, y/n,” he set you with a stare that said ‘Remember?! Can’t fool me!’, before he continued. “And where you’re concerned. . . I know you very well. You’ve been my best friend for several years. . ." he reminded you. "Oh, and I’m also a fucking empath. Which you, my dear, were the first one to ever point out my empathic tendencies. . .,” he winked at you with a grin on his full lips. “You should’ve known you couldn’t keep that shit from me. Not without me getting suspicious as hell.”
“Are you mad?”
He stuck his lip out, looking down at the tea, running his finger tip along the rim of the mug before he wrapped his hands around it again. Apparently not at a burning temperature anymore, he decided to bring the cup up to his lips, pinky up as he gripped the handle. This time, he closed his eyes in relief at the taste of the honeyed tea on his tongue. When he placed it back down, he continued watching it, lips still pushed out in a pout as he shook his head, brow wrinkled.
“Nah,” was all he supplied, his eyes hyper focused on the white ceramic mug.
Of course, you were not convinced. “Josh. Look at me.”
When his eyes slowly slid up to find yours, you found at least one reason he hadn’t been looking at you. There were wet pools accumulating in the ducts of his deep brown eyes. He breathed in deeply, his chest expanding with the giant breath before he blew it out, a lone tear making its way down his cheek. 
“I–,” he started, shaking his head and messing with the front of his curly mop of hair. He dropped his hand to tap against the table. “It’s not that I’m mad. It’s really hard to make me mad. I’m more mad at Jake. He makes me mad very easily when he wants. Because I know he can do better. . . Like starting this with you and not having the balls to see it through and leaving you with a baby in your belly.” It was as if the steam had been transferred from his cup to his ears, his nostrils were flaring as he shook his head and squinted his eyes shut. 
Damn, he and Jake look very similar when they get angry, you suddenly discovered.
“And now, he’s just been fucking Maya while you’ve had to deal with–.”
The tears came instantly. Your vision was blurry before you were even able to process that the tears were there. 
“Oh my god, y/n. I’m so– fuck. I’m sorry,” Josh tried, his tone willing you to hear him out. 
You blinked furiously, covering your eyes with one hand. But, finding it useless to try to hide the tears, you just let them fall freely as you now took deep breaths, your eyes piercing through the window of the cafe. “Can we please not–?”
“Y-yeah, Goddammit,” he nervously fluffed the front of his hair. “Y/n, please look at me.”
Forcing your eyes away from the clear autumn sky, you found his eyes, earnestly begging for you to listen to him. “He wasn’t– he hasn’t– I don’t–,” he growled under his breath, reaching forward for your hand. Which you only stared at until he spoke next. “Please, just take my hand.”
So, you did as he asked and looked at him with desperately sad eyes. 
He watched you carefully for a few minutes, letting the tears leave as he reassured you and apologized a couple more times. 
He cleared his throat, blinking his eyes a few times before apparently deciding on a new conversation. “When did you guys begin. . .?”
You knew he was asking when you’d started fucking his brother. But he obviously wasn’t going to say it. 
Nice turn in conversation, Josh.
“It’s complicated,” you offered wetly, not in the mood to talk.
He hummed, before raising a brow with searching eyes. He was trying to get through to you. “Was it that night at Baby’s All Right?”
How the fuck did he know that–?
But, like you said, it was more complicated–because, no, it really didn’t start at Baby’s. 
“Technically," you sniffled, swiping a finger, then a thumb under both of your eyes. "It started before and after that night. It was a long, drawn out thing that shouldn’t have ever started.”
Instantly, you felt guilty. 
The words felt wrong to say. . .the first thing coming to your mind – the baby. 
If it hadn’t started, you wouldn’t have the baby. The sweet little bean in your belly with a beautiful, beating heart. You placed a steady hand against your tummy to make up for the harsh words. 
And the second thing. . . you couldn’t begin to imagine never getting to be that close to Jake. . . you were grateful it had started. . . But you also hated yourself for ever letting yourself get so tied up in Jake Kiszka.
Figuratively and literally. God. Stupid.
“Yes, it should have,” he affirmed, your eyes flickering to him. “For my niece or nephew alone.”
“You’re right,” you agreed, eyes filling with more tears at the conversation and the spiraling thoughts in your mind. “But, I guess, if we are getting technical. . .," you sniffed. "It started that night he left the venue so pissed and you were equally as pissed with him.”
He seemed to think on that for a second or two, trying to go back to the night to which you were referring. Once he finally found it, his eyes lit up with a twitch on his lips. 
“He was mad that night,” he remembered, his hand squeezing yours. You decided to pull yours away from his as you felt it beginning to perspire. Wiped them on your pants, waiting for him to continue. “And now I know why. You weren’t there.”
“Essentially, yes,” you confirmed with a tilt of your head. You couldn't help but snicker with the next part. “It started when I got home.”
Josh’s lips stretched to the point that his eyes bulged and his cheeks puffed out. He blew out a breath while his eyes stayed huge. “And that is all I need to know about that night.”
You couldn’t help but giggle at his expression and his words, to which he lightened with you, falling into a soft moment of laughter alongside you. 
When the humor died down, he took the initiative to speak. And you let him. You really weren’t feeling like talking. The smells of the cafe, for one, were starting to make your stomach turn. “I could’ve guessed that it started around that time,” he began. You quirked a brow, asking him to explain further. “He . . . he changed around that time.” You didn’t speak, which told him to continue. “You see, when he first got to New York, he was so fucking surly and rude. He wasn’t just like that with you, mama. He was short as hell with me, too. And the other guys got his bad side – especially Sammy. His heart was broken and he didn’t know how to handle his shit. He started coming back into himself around that time, though. . .Middle of summer. He sort of peaked around the middle of summer. And if I am doing the math right. . . that is when it was happening?”
You nodded an affirmation, impressed by the quick math. 
“Yeah, he was Jake again,” he expressed, eyes tearing up again. “He was joyful for the first time in years. I hadn’t seen him act so freely and fun since before he and Amelia started dating. There was always something stopping him when he was with her – she was stopping him. But you. . . you must’ve encouraged him to be himself. You didn’t turn down the challenge. You took a chance on my brother.”
After considering the words, the lightbulb appeared above your head. That conversation the day in the record shop. The same day you’d played over and over again to convince yourself out of being with Jake. You’d focused on the other words so much that you’d forgotten all about the positive things–the possibilities that had been discussed that day.
You remembered it now. You'd been talking about high school. And how Jake had sort of decided to fuck all when Josh hadn't. . . and it had turned into you bringing up your love of a challenge. 
Josh had nodded, lips turned down, his eyes still holding a little glint. “Yup. Get my point now?”
“Yeah, but like I just said, I’m not one to turn down a challenge. Just like you, Josh. And your brother. . .I’ve learned he is nothing if not a challenge.” 
He had nodded, knowing you were right. And he’d known you long enough to know that you did indeed enjoy overcoming any problem life may hand you.
God, what had happened to you? Where had the desire to accomplish challenges gone?
Why had you given up? Had you given him up? Or had you simply been done with that challenge? Had Jake just been ready to fly? Had you done what was best?
But, you sidelined those thoughts and decided there were more important matters at hand. Like Josh telling you more about how he was feeling.
“So. . . you’re not hurt?” You asked, your voice hoarse from not talking. You cleared it, and tried again. “You’re not hurt?”
“A little, I guess,” he nodded, eyes studying you.
“That’s fair,” you encouraged – glad he was sharing his heart. “I’m sorry for not telling you. But I just kept hearing your voice in my head–that same day we talked about challenges– that same day you’d told me something and it repeated itself over and over to the point that I tried to resist things happening with Jake. Mostly for you, Josh. I didn’t want to betray you. Didn't want him to betray his dreams. But then it just became something bigger that I couldn’t control. It was . . . different than anything else I’ve ever experienced. I couldn’t stop it from happening.”
“Did you want to stop it?”
“I tried to convince myself that I wanted to . . . but I never did. Not really. I wanted him the whole time, but I felt wrong for it. I was totally disregarding what you’d said to me. . . Going against your wishes for him.”
His eyes got big as he took another sip of his tea, that at this point, was probably lukewarm. But if it was, his face didn’t show it. He licked at his lips and peered at you pensively, curiously. “God, y/n. I’m sorry. What did I even say? I don’t remember,” he sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I hate that my words have been just fuckin’ tormenting you, mama. I’m so sorry.”
“No,” you said, pointing your finger at him, your eyes serious to communicate your point. “You don’t be sorry. I’m the one who was in the wrong. Not even Jake, necessarily,” you included the last part, just on Jake’s behalf. “I was the one who did it even after you’d confided in me that you were happy Jake was getting to live life for himself for the first time – without having to worry about being hung up on a girl. And, then I just let myself be that girl you didn’t want for him – I was the girl to get in his way while he should’ve been living for himself.”
“In the spirit of fairness, though, I told him that he needed to take a break from women. He didn’t listen to me either. Well, sort of. . . he actually did follow my advice, I guess,” he encouraged, his eyes searching yours. “Because I also told him that I wanted him to think of what he wanted first.” His tone lifted as he winked at you. 
Your brow wrinkled . . . what was he trying to say? 
He continued, “Which, I guess, my dear, after the dream . . . was you.”
Feeling suddenly lightheaded and loopy with Josh’s words, you let them settle for a minute or two before saying anything more. 
And, the waitress had perfect timing. She filled the open air by asking if you needed anything. First time she’d been back in a hot damn second. Josh asked for a new tea, and you asked for another glass of Sprite. 
All that you could think in that moment was that you really had been the opposite of the right thing for Jake. So, you decided to speak your mind.
“But. . . no,” you declined his words, shaking your head. “No, Josh. He didn’t put himself first – he had a woman – me – that he was focused on instead of learning himself.”
He took a bit to consider your words, his eyes squinted at you as he pursed his lips. The waitress came back to the table as the conversation lulled for his response. 
As soon as she left, though, the two of you were back to it.
“Y/n,” he began, his lips growing into a sure smile. His hands came to clasp in front of him, his hair bouncing with each disbelieving shake of his head. “He did. He moved here. He started pursuing the dream. He got a job he loved by teaching lessons.” Thus meeting Maya, you snarkily thought. “He did put himself first. Did all of that, and then he pursued you.”
. . . you hadn’t really thought of it that way. Not once had you considered that. 
God. What if you’d told Josh a long time ago? Chances were, he would’ve eased your fears and worries. . . but instead, you’d assumed he’d think the worst and let your thoughts derail. 
Would you even be in the predicament you were today? 
You knew the answer. The answer was most likely no. You wouldn’t have the baby because there would’ve never been a night - the night - to relieve your Jake-induced stress. Because you would have already taken the time to talk to Josh. . . He would have reassured you before you even had time to ever get to that depressive point.
Would he have convinced you to be with Jake? 
You didn’t know. . . but. . . it was too late now. 
You were where you were now and there was nothing you could do about it. 
And none of this ever worked in how Maya had already been in the picture – maybe she had been part of the reason he became happier in the middle of summer.
In the end, she could be the one to thank for this– it could most definitely not be you. The sad truth of the matter was, she had probably been filling his cup all along. . .while he was filling yours.
While you were letting yourself get tangled in him, he was feeling the same emotions. . . but for her. Because, in the end, she was easier than you.
You couldn't find it in good conscience to be with him anyway.
Because, well, you still wouldn’t have wanted to distract him from his dream with a relationship. His dream was too valuable to possibly table for you. You were too much of a mess that he could get distracted by, rather than taking the time to fulfill his dream.
She freed up his time with her carefree nature. And you only infiltrated his time with your darkness. She was sunshine, brightening up his paths.
You had to figure you out before you could ever make someone as happy as Maya made Jake. 
Before you had this baby.
However the tables turned, they had already turned. And it was too late to go back and change anything now. You weren’t even sure what you would change–or what you would think if you could turn back time. There was too much filling up your brain–your life– to make the wisest decision. 
It didn’t matter anyway.
So, you told Josh all you could think to say. The same words you’d thrown nastily in Jake’s face, you threw harshly in your own.
“Well, I guess I served my purpose.”
-🌼🌼🌼-
When Josh pulled your car into your space, Jake’s was nowhere to be found. As always, you couldn't help but wonder where he was. He hadn't worked today so he was probably with-.
“I really am most mad at my brother.”
“Try not to be,” you encouraged lamely. You really didn’t care too much about him being angry at anyone right now. . . all you really cared about was getting upstairs to your bed to take a nice, long nap. It had been a day. 
“I’m going to be for a whi–.”
Tap tap tap.
Both of your eyes turned to Josh’s window. Outside of the driver’s side was Jake. You could see all the way down his loose shirt. It was open and tempting his tanned skin and firm chest, while his necklaces hung loosely in front of him, as he was bent over to peek into the car.
But. . . you could see the heated glare from his eyes, even through the tint of his Ray-Bans. His nostrils were flared and his lips had curled into a faux smirk. 
When Josh rolled his window down, you heard Jake's breathy chuckles that had no indication of anything truly humorous behind them. They sounded more bitter than anything else. 
“What have you two been up to?” he questioned, the inflection on the word ‘you’ paired with his snide tone told you he was probably less than thrilled to see you and Josh together. Alone, at that. 
But why? Why the fuck would he care?
You were struck completely motionless and silent, feeling nauseous again, desperately trying to swallow down that all too familiar sensation. But this time, it wasn’t due to the hormones wreaking havoc in your tummy, it was Jake’s presence at this incredibly horrid time that had your belly flipping in slow motion somersaults. 
Josh huffed a laugh that nearly replicated Jake’s. Mimicking his twin to further his irritation, no doubt. You knew Josh was in no mood to put up with Jake’s piss-poor attitude, especially given everything he had discovered. You were tightly holding your breath at whatever the hell could possibly come from Josh's mouth, hoping that he would say as little as possible.
“Funny that you should ask, Jacob,” Josh retorted. He turned his head to the left to make eye contact with his twin, his fingers were still gripped to the steering wheel with a force that turned his knuckles stark white.
What was he about to say? Shit. He knew better. . . right?
“Because," Josh began. "I don’t exactly believe it’s any of your business what we're doing. In fact, I know it’s none of your business.”
Ironic. . . because it most definitely was his business. He just didn’t know it. Not yet.
He flashed Jake his classic Josh grin, extra wide with eyes squinted, an extra, added dramatic flair of his fluttering eyelashes to seal his condescending statement. 
You let out the breath you had been holding, thankful that Josh kept from saying too much. This was not how you wanted Jake to find out. Although, you still had no idea when or how you would approach that. 
All you knew for sure, was that this wasn’t the right time. 
Jake had stood firm the entire time, a brow raised with an obviously fake grin that held his lips in a tight line. His first response was a snicker through his nose and a patronizing simper, just shy of a full on scowl. 
“‘Kay, got it,” he sneered. Then, he was patting the side of the driver's door with his opened palm before swiftly turning on his heel to walk away. He forcibly shoved his hands in the front pockets of his black jeans as he sauntered off, and you couldn’t help but notice how it stretched the fabric even tighter against his perfectly, rounded ass. A sight you still fawned over, admittedly. 
How could you not?
But you broke your gaze quickly once Josh turned to face you once again. Even though he finally knew about the special addition that you shared with his brother, you’d still feel awkward (and a little guilty) as fuck if he watched you gawk over him so openly. Especially on a day so sensitive as today.
Josh had let out an exasperated sigh deep from his lungs, his jaw clenched and hard when he finally shut the humming engine off. “I have so much that I want to say to him,” he muttered, mostly to himself as his tone was hushed.
Yeah. Me fucking too, you thought to yourself. Don’t you think I get it?
Without the engine running, the car had become dead silent. The type of silence that allowed you to hear the rapid beating of your own heart clearly in your ears. (You even thought for a moment that you could hear Josh’s, too. That kind of quiet. Like earlier. Right after you'd told him.)
It gave you time to ponder. . . Despite his incredible response to all of this today, you still worried. Because, for the first time in the literal years of having Josh as your safe haven, you feared that things could have changed far too much for him to ever look at you the same again.
But then, your never ending train of overthinking was put to a halt when he placed a loving hand on your knee. When his warm eyes connected with yours, they reassured you that he wasn’t planning on going anywhere. At least not anytime soon.
“You ready to go inside, mama?” 
His sweet smile that you had loved for years lit up his once hard features. Seeing the signature grin lifted some weight off your heavy shoulders.
You nodded your head and unbuckled your seatbelt as he did the same. But as you lifted the latch on the passenger door, another thought began clouding your mind, a question that you felt you needed to ask someone. That you needed to ask Josh.
“Hey. . .,” you started as he already had one foot out the door.
He stalled his movements and promptly turned his head to face you. 
“Yeah?” he answered, the same smile still cocked in the corner of his mouth.
“When should I tell him?”
He situated himself back inside, resting his back against the dark leather. His eyes were cast on yours, soft and kind as you’d always known them to be, yet a seriousness found within them. 
“That’s up to you, mama. You have to decide when the time feels right.” His gentle hand reached to grab your shoulder in a reassuring gesture, effectively pulling you away from your burdening thoughts. 
Once you’d finally made your way out of the car, you heard him clear his throat and looked to see what else he had to say. He was squinting at you through the autumn day’s rays when he finished the line of thought he’d started in the car.
“But. . . knowing my twin, he’d want to know sooner rather than later. Don’t wait too long, love. He’s got a good heart, you know that. Give him the chance to step up like I know he will.”
-🌼🌼🌼-
Friday, November 11, 2022
You’d missed the show completely. As you knew you would. 
Josh had known you were going to show up later than usual since your school work was (quite actually) burying you. Specifically, it was thanks to a 20-page paper that was due tonight. 
Thankfully, you’d been able to finish it in time to at least meet the boys at the bar (smoke free, Josh had clarified on the phone) they’d decided to hang out at after the show. You hadn’t hung out with them after a show in forever. Hadn’t even been to a show in. . .well, you didn’t even know how long.
The reason could be mostly chalked up to your intense homework load this semester, but part of you knew you’d also been trying to avoid them due to the addition of Maya. 
It just didn’t feel the same anymore. And you knew you couldn’t force yourself to pretend. So, the extra school work turned out to be a pretty good excuse. At least you weren’t fabricating anything when you’d told them you couldn’t make it. (Although you would prefer if you didn’t have so much fucking homework.)
But you did miss watching Jake perform. You missed the faces he’d make while playing his guitar, the ones that so closely resembled the one’s he’d make with you. The way he’d thrust himself into his beloved instrument, or pull it close to his body with a force that left your head reeling and your body in dire need for him. 
As much as you missed all of that, something you missed even more was witnessing how his passion exuded through his entire body while he played. How his love for his art was so wonderfully evident as he put so much of himself into every song he played. 
And with the way your body kept betraying you – literally pulsing with desire for him anytime he was simply near you . . . to the point of needing to relieve yourself with your hands or a toy. . . You were weak as fuck. You figured it probably wasn’t the best idea to watch him perform like that with your hormones going ballistic.  
Too many factors worked together to make you feel rather uncomfortable about being near him in that capacity. But. . . here you were. Waiting at the bar for them to arrive. 
Putting yourself in a situation where he’d inevitably be near – sitting at the same booth as you, most likely. Admittedly, it wasn’t your most incredible idea. But Josh telling you the other guys had been missing you made you realize how badly you’d missed them. 
So. Here you were. Scrolling on pregnant influencers’ Instagram pages for helpful tips and testimonials (and occasionally Jake’s page, just to torture yourself) as you waited for them.
Just as you’d thought to send Josh a text letting him know you were at the bar and sitting at a booth near the back, you felt the urge to pee like no other. Your belly had sort of popped in the few days that had transpired since your first ultrasound. You were learning that twelve weeks on your body was the. . . rounder version of twelve weeks. . . Which was not working in your favor to hide your changing body. 
Thankfully, the rest of your body looked mostly the same as normal – save for your boobs which were still about as big as they were in your Shining twin costume (not growing too much more yet, but continuing to be sore as hell). They weren’t giant, per se, but they definitely looked noticeably bigger and felt fucking heavy.
So, you were officially having to wear looser-fitting clothing to avoid anyone looking at you differently. To be fair, to most eyes, it probably would've looked like some weight gain around your midsection if you wore normal clothing. But to you, it literally just looked like you were pregnant. 
You were definitely getting used to waking up every morning to a body that looked just a little different than the day before. Noticed every little change—but they didn’t feel little to you. . . Anything that changed felt massive to you.  
. . .Hence why you were being overly cautious with the giant sweaters. . . Because, to you, it looked so obviously different that you didn’t want to risk people thinking anything or asking any questions.
And, thanks to your newly expanding uterus and a spike in your progesterone (according to your Ovia app), you were beginning to actually wiggle in your seat from the urge to pee. It was all rather unkind on your poor bladder. . .  You had to fucking relieve yourself soon or you would be peeing your leggings. It would be embarrassing as hell to pee yourself and smell like it for the entire evening.
Though, you realized, as people started filtering in, that you couldn’t get up to pee. . . It was too much of a risk that you’d lose the one big booth to this hastily growing Friday night crowd.
Just as you’d started contemplating your lack of options, a particular laugh you’d gotten (unfortunately) used to, made its way through the crowded bar. Your eyes zoomed to the dark haired, caramel-skinned beauty who’d taken up residence in Jake’s life. 
Maya. 
Her laugh was just as beautiful as she was. . . Directing every eye in the front of the establishment to her as they joined in on whatever she was laughing about. She was a force to be reckoned with and it was obvious anytime you saw her. You were pretty sure you could see her chocolate eyes actually sparkling, all the way from across the bar.
Then, here you were in a giant ass Pratt hoodie with plain black, ratty leggings and your white Chucks. Feeling bloated and gross. . . And still needing to really fucking pee. So you had to put your insecurities to the side and get up from the spot you’d effectively heated up for the last twenty minutes because your one and only solution had just walked in. 
You didn’t want to walk away and lose your spot, so you did the only thing you could think to do. 
“Maya!” You called in her direction, tucking your phone into your hoodie pocket with one hand while the other waved at her. An incredibly forced smile was plastered to your face. 
Is this the first time I’ve ever spoken to her? You wondered briefly. 
Even though you knew the answer. 
Yes, definitely the first time I’ve ever talked to her. Weird. And funny fucking cause for it, too, you giggled to yourself, just behind your close-mouthed grin.
It was as if she’d already seen you, because she looked at you with a knowing look. She sent you a (stupid) wink and a (stupid, yet admittedly kind) wave, along with a wide smile—bright white teeth complimented by her full lips. 
Standing up had caused your bladder to go into emergency mode—a sensation similar to nearly bursting was the only way you could describe it. And, strangely, you suddenly felt sort of dizzy from the overwhelming pressure. 
That’s odd, you thought absently, brows wrinkling ever so slightly with the feeling. Ignoring it, you kept waving. And, the smile slipped from your face as you urgently motioned her over. Getting the hint, she said goodbye to the few patrons she’d been talking with and made her way to you. 
Long, wavy hair, inky as the night sky, flowed in waves around her shoulders as she sweetly pushed through people on the way to the booth. 
Every man she passed had to do a double take, watching her as she passed by them. . . You didn’t blame them. She was a fucking dream. (And you hated it.)
Body positively snatched and voluptuous in her all-black outfit. Her large breasts, exposed just right in her extremely low-cut black shirt. The shirt dipped all the way to the middle of her rib cage, exposing a lot of her perfect, perky breasts and tight abdomen. The tiny waist just below the dip was intimidating at best and had you feeling extremely self conscious of your nearly non-existent waist (thanks to the tiny friend living inside of you). You were glad you couldn’t see her ass, because you knew the exquisitely round part of her would have you heading for the door rather than the restroom. 
God, why did she have to look like a damn model? It was the worst possible thing for you. You were sure of it.
Once she was finally at the table, you didn’t want to stand there and stare at her. She had you feeling ready to jump out of your unfamiliar, changing body. Made you feel like nothing, just by standing there.
And, most importantly, you were nearing the risk of peeing with a singular movement at this point. You really weren’t sure how you’d make it to the restroom, but you had to try. 
You were already toeing around the table, out of the booth, when you spoke to her, averting your eyes and finding the restroom sign instead. “I’ve gotta pee really fucking bad,” you hastily said, taking the final step from the back of the booth. “Can you save this table for me so we have a place to sit?”
“We?” She questioned. “Y/n, I would definitely normally save it for you and your friends, but I have to work on finding my own place since I’m waiting here for Jake and the—.”
“Jake and the guys, I know.” You snapped, eyes flashing as you finished for her, not focusing on your facial expression. You were almost positive you rolled your eyes at her comment. 
Does she not know? Why? Did no one tell her?
Bouncing on the heels of your feet, back and forth, you quickly continued. Matter at hand. “I’m here to hang with you guys, too, but I’ve gotta—.”
“Pee!” She finished, a giggle that was probably supposed to be cute left her lips. “Go! I’ll save it. Go, go, go!” 
You were already walking away with her last sentence, hearing her from behind your back as you focused on not wetting your pants on the way to the ladies room. 
-🌼🌼🌼-
When you got back out, you were instantly met with the sight of all of the guys at the back booth you’d saved.
Your eyes, sadly, found Jake and Maya first – sitting practically on top of each other in the back corner of the booth. She was wrapped up in Jake, while engaging in a conversation with Sam. And, even though she seemed to only be halfway listening, Sammy kept on talking like she was interested in only him. 
But with the way Jake’s hand toyed with the hair over her shoulder and eventually traveled to squeeze (and hold) her waist. . . you knew why she wasn’t fully listening. Sammy would not be getting her full attention any time soon, and you knew that from personal experience. If it were you Jake was playing with like that, you would have tuned Sam completely out. 
Pushing any emotion down that threatened to boil up to the surface, you kept on walking to the booth. 
And when you got close enough, all of the attention was suddenly on you. The first one to notice you was Danny, who got up from his end seat on the booth to greet you with a giant hug. You sank into him, feeling all of the love that he was emitting sink into your sore body. 
Then, Sam was loudly exclaiming your presence, telling you that he was waiting for his own hug. 
You went around the three brothers who wanted to give you a squeeze. 
Sam hugged you especially hard, making your boobs ache like no other when he pressed hard against you. Gratefully, Josh had been paying attention when you caught his eye with a pained expression and had loudly determined that it was his turn.
After Josh had grasped you from Sam and given a loose hug, you stood awkwardly. Waiting. But for what?
But. . .you knew what. . .knew why.
It was Jake’s turn. 
Though, all you got was a little close-lipped smile and a half-wave with a head nod from his spot next to his supermodel girlfriend. 
You reciprocated with essentially the same response, your stomach falling to your feet as you did so. It was ludicrous to think he’d get up for a hug, too. Especially with Maya sitting next to him with her perfectly-fucking-manicured hand clutching the inside of his thigh. 
God, you needed to feel him close to you, though. You needed your hand on his inner thigh, dangerously close to a place on his body that’d been so accustomed to yours. You couldn’t help the way you yearned for him to be inside of you again. . . It was fucking embarrassing as hell.
And, then there was an incredibly intrusive thought. 
It told you that, for some (strange) reason, the idea of his pecs pressing into your sore breasts. . .sounded extremely appealing. (And the thought of his hands or his warm, wet mouth on them? Fuck.) 
But— you knew at this point, there was a fat chance of that ever happening.
He didn’t want you near him like that. And definitely not his hands or mouth on you. So you were sure he did not want a measly hug either.
And right now? In this bar? At this exact time? Obviously-fucking-not. Why would he move away from perfection? For you? In your frumpy-ass outfit? As you glanced down self-consciously, you even noticed one white sock peeking way higher than the other from your high-tops. 
Small details. Small details that showed how much of a fucking mess you were in comparison to her.
When you heard his laugh cut through the wave of emotion you were feeling, you looked back up at him. Only to see that he was engaged with Maya and Sam in some (apparently) hilarious conversation. 
He didn’t give two shits about you that way anymore. Why would he?
The terrible things you’d said to him in the kitchen were the first reason that came to your mind. Haunted you everyday, reminding you that you didn’t deserve his attention. 
You bet she, in her utter perfection and 'sunshiney' ways, would never tell him the things you had. He was probably relishing in the mental break she provided him. A break from the emotional thunderstorm that was you. 
But what the two lovebirds didn’t know was that you were carrying a part of him within you that she couldn’t do a thing about. No matter what she was to him, she didn’t have what you did. 
Though, the depressing truth of the matter was even if you were carrying his baby, Maya was still the one falling asleep next to him more nights than not. You had a piece of him, yes, but she had all of him. 
Fuck. That felt selfish. Without even thinking about it, you brought your hands up to your stomach as an effort to apologize to the little lemon-sized baby in your tummy. 
You are enough for me, you desperately thought, looking down, hoping to translate the words somehow to your unborn bundle of hope. You give me plenty of joy. 
“Y/n,” Josh spoke, breaking you from your reverie. 
“Mmm?” You hummed.
Then he was leaning over, whispering so quietly in your ear. “You’re about to give particular notice to your stomach.”
Shit. You instantly dropped your hand, looking around to make sure no one had noticed. 
Thankfully, no one had. 
You mouthed a ‘thank you’ to your best friend, and scooted into the space he and Daniel had left for you, between them, on their side. 
Sitting again helped to balance you, as the dizziness from earlier kept coming back in tiny spurts. You didn’t know what it was all about, but you knew it was probably something attributed to pregnancy. It was probably something normal that you didn’t need to be worried about. 
But, you figured having someone to lean on would help to keep you steady. So, you found Josh’s shoulder, pressing against him. It was more than necessary, so you let your shoulder lazily lay against his arm. The closeness to a safe person felt overwhelmingly comforting in the otherwise emotionally-wrought headspace you were experiencing. 
-🌼🌼🌼-
About an hour later, you found yourself humming along to the music that had gotten progressively louder over the time you’d been sitting with the guys. Getting lost in the melodies felt nice. And you’d noticed, walking in that night, that it was soul music night, according to the sign on the front door of the bar.
Your favorite.
After sitting with them for only a few minutes, making small talk with Sam and Danny to catch up, you’d essentially let yourself become an observer. You’d just listened to them talk about all of these new, sudden opportunities that were coming around for them.
So much was changing. 
They were essentially done with the smaller gigs. Their label’s management had put their foot down that they were done with those. They wanted them going to more popular, reputable places to get their name out there. The label had taken it upon themselves to work with their manager to put them in bigger venues. They’d even begun advertising the boys with promotional pictures and posters all over active streets in Brooklyn.
“We’ve had photoshoots, y/n,” Sam had boasted in wonder at one point, making sure to involve you in the conversation. “Photoshoots! Like, real rockstar things.”
“‘S fucking nuts,” Daniel agreed, nodding beside you, sending you a small smile. “People working on wardrobe for us and all that shit.”
“Well, you are rockstars,” you told Sammy genuinely, letting your eyes skate to each of the boys (save for one). But, when you finished your statement, you let your eyes find him. And his eyes literally melted into yours. Like he’d been waiting for you to acknowledge him. “You’ve been ready for this for a long time. I’m just glad you are finally getting to live it.”
But you tore your gaze away before it could become too much. Though, the snicker you heard from Maya made your eyes cut to her. You forced yourself to hold your tongue. Didn’t trust yourself with what might come out of your mouth. What had her feeling all bitter and shit? She didn’t get the fucking half of it.
That particular thought had your hands falling to clasp tightly against your tummy, thankfully hidden by the table. 
They’d also begun working on their first album (which you knew about), but its release date had officially been set in stone for May. It was daunting for you and felt huge to you, so you couldn’t imagine how it felt for them. 
It was all moving so fast. . . Which, if you were being honest, terrified you for what was to come in the near future. The little bean that was set to arrive around the time of the album’s release. Because of all of your recent . . .changes, it just felt like a terrible time for things to feel so unsure and abnormal. 
You knew it was selfish to feel that way. You did. It was just impossible to not feel worried and anxious. 
The stress inevitably started climbing up into your upper back, creating tension. And, Josh, being Josh, must’ve sensed a change in your demeanor. He’d wrapped his arm around your shoulders when you started feeling all bunched up and jittery. You’d leaned into it, needing the incredible amount of comfort in his embrace and presence. 
The music was setting your mind at ease from the tension you felt in your body. It also helped to alleviate the awkward air you felt with the proximity of Jake’s guest. Who sat there looking so beautiful all night. Jake’s arm hadn’t left her shoulders all night, twirling her long waves between his long fingers. You had to look away at several points. It didn’t take long for the sight to become too much. Your ever-present nausea only increased by watching them. 
So you didn’t watch. Didn’t allow yourself to look at him.
You breathed in the music. The music saved you. You just listened to the music. The world was a blur. 
But, when they all joined in on mutual excitement, all smiles and voices getting louder, you tuned back in just slightly.
And when you did, they were talking about one particular thing they were all looking forward to: a special event of sorts that was coming up. 
Apparently it was a huge thing for this event to take place. One final step before embracing the stardom. It would happen in a few months’ time — once the label execs heard a few songs, and released them as singles. Then, they would get to preview them to the public. 
It would be an intimate type of event, more like old times, but for a few semi-important people who worked for the tour management team and whoever else wanted to come. It would be a listening party where the boys would play their new music. And according to the boys, it was the label’s attempt to get an idea of touring being a possibility. 
A lot of it was pinned on if the turnout was good. On how the guys interacted with the crowd. How the performed. . . It would be a sort of audition for the tour management team. 
“I have faith that they’ll love us,” Sammy said, buzzing with excitement. “I’m speaking that shit into existence.” 
The rest of the guys agreed.
Your eyes inadvertently snapped to Jake when he spoke next. “And once we start touring. . .,” he said, grin huge and his eyes shining at the other guys. “That’s when it all becomes fucking real. And it’ll be here before we even know it.”
Your stomach fell.
Josh squeezed your knee after he’d said it, knowing exactly what you were thinking.
Your thoughts were fucking spiraling. Looking down, you closed your eyes to will the tears away— tried your best to be subtle with your bundled up emotions. 
You felt so excited for him. You wanted it for them—for him. All along, you’d wanted him to live his dream. The one he’d had for so long. But the idea of him going off and away. . . All of them being so far away, all of the time, right at the time your life would be inevitably changing for the rest of forever. . . It was a lot to wrap your mind around.
It had your stomach tied in fucking knots—the idea of Jake being a dad, but not getting to be one. Leaving you. Leaving the baby. It wouldn’t be a bad thing, per se, but it was going to hurt like hell. 
You swore, right then and there, that you would not let him give it up for anything. Not a baby, definitely not you (not that he’d want to abandon it for you) — it was the last thing you wanted. The last thing that would happen. 
He would live the dream. Even if you had to force him to do so.
No matter how badly you already knew you’d  want him around during that massively  transformative time. . . You were capable of doing it on your own. And Elsie would help. She would most definitely be around, you already knew. 
But. . . Jake. 
You shoved the thoughts down to the tresses of hell, literally planting your feet flat on the floor to center yourself to present time. Shifting a bit, you laid your head on Josh’s shoulder, letting your eyes drift closed after a while. Didn’t sleep, no, but you felt like you could have. Your body felt loose and weak from the night’s stress slowly leaving your body as you focused on Josh’s steady breathing and the music. 
As the night wore on, the volume had ended up getting so loud that everyone practically had to yell at one another to have a conversation, even within the close confines of the booth. 
So, you had to blink your eyes open at that point. It was too much. The over-stimulation was soon approaching. You could feel it. You felt. . . heavier than normal. Like, you were being pulled down to the earth with exhaustion. Which was new, but probably just over-stimulation.
Even with your eyes open, they were hooded. You were so tired, you felt as though you couldn’t open them much more. And the dizziness from earlier was back with force. 
So you focused on swaying your body a little to the rhythm of each song, tapping out the beat of each on the table. Josh had instinctively begun humming along with you while still managing to keep conversation with everyone else. He’d sneak the occasional smile to give a sign of him remaining loyal to your company as well as the others’.
The melodious harmonies of Stevie Wonder’s "Please Don't Go" had been a surprise, as it was a more unpopular hit of his. It was a welcome distraction to listen to a song you knew well over the speakers, for all ears to hear. Nothing beat hearing songs you loved, playing in public spaces. 
Oh, Stevie. His songs had historically been known to bring you peace. Always had. Always would. Stevie's music never failed to meet you where you were emotionally. This song, not being an exception, and hitting extremely close to home for the present time. . . But still, the tension you’d felt all night began to dissipate, sizzling out almost completely with the beautiful ending of the track.
Just as the heavy weight of your anxieties you’d carried all night had lifted, the next song started to ring throughout the building.
Only this time, the feeling it gave you was a far cry from the previous. 
You knew it instantly. You’d be able to hear this song even if it weren’t blaring throughout the building. 
As soon as the first note sounded, it sent a vibration straight to your heart and a swarm of butterflies (that actually felt more like bees) to your tummy. 
You hadn’t looked at him yet, but you felt Jake’s eyes piercing through you. 
You didn’t want to look at him. Not yet. 
Your hormones had been far too out of whack for that. You knew you’d cry instantly upon seeing his face while this song played at a volume that you now wish was much, much lower.
Aretha’s powerhouse voice repeated it over and over again. 
You’re all I need to get by, you’re all I need to get by, you’re all I need. . .
No, you weren’t looking at Jake. But he was still the only vision clouding your mind’s eye. 
You were back on your living room floor. . . his eyebrows bunched together with each heavy thrust into you, the sweat that accumulated between them, the perspiration and exertion that could only come from real intimacy. . .passion.
And it was plain to see that you were my destiny. . .
His coffee colored eyes that bore into you as his body connected with yours in the most intimate way that it could’ve. 
And when I lose my will, you’ll be there to push me up that hill. . .
How he filled you so completely, stretching you the only way you ever wanted. . . How, in that moment, it felt like he was made to fit you. Your body, your heart, your life.
I don’t know what’s in store, but together we can open any door. . . 
Without even meaning to, your eyes met his. 
And while Maya was going on about whatever she felt the need to talk about, he was watching you. His eyes were extremely thoughtful. . . So much being communicated behind them. 
If you were delusional, you’d even go so far as to say he was admiring you. . . The way his eyes flashed a bit as you watched him, too. 
But you weren’t delusional. 
Though, you just knew that he was thinking the same thing as you. . . He knew. He knew this song was special. 
And as much as you attempted to not wear your emotions, with your condition, it was impossible.
You felt your eyes prick with tears as the song came to an end, and you quickly put your head down for what you knew was coming. And when the small drop hit your cheek, as soon as it appeared, you wiped it away. 
You looked back up, sniffing once and shaking your head.
Why did I have to fucking look?
“God, I wish they’d play music from this century here for once. Or at least something halfway decent,” Maya snickered, her attention on Jake, pulling his gaze away from you with her ignorant remark. “This song could put me straight to sleep. Music like this is meant to be left in the past where it belongs.” 
What the hell? What was even the point? 
What she said had your blood boiling with red hot rage. Of course she had to pick this song to insert her disgusting opinion.
And how was Jake, of all people, in a relationship with someone who thought so little of older music? How did he put up with that shit? It would be really fucking hard to hear things like that all the time if you were in his shoes.
A look of pure disgust washed over Josh’s face, and you knew he wouldn’t take her shit laying down. Not when it came to good, classic soul music. Not to mention, Aretha was one of his biggest vocal inspirations. “How can you not appreciate the Queen of Soul? She paved the way for singers of every genre, her voice is timeless and immaculate. To criticize her is to criticize all music.” 
His defensive tone had everyone silent for an almost uncomfortable amount of time.
You wanted to chime in and let her know that you agreed with everything he said. But you felt it best to keep your mouth shut given the real reason you were so pissed. Didn’t trust your emotions to stay steady enough to get your point across. 
This was personal.
To your shock, it was Jake that ended up breaking the awkward silence at the table. “You know, babe, some of us have some pretty significant memories tied back to music like this,” he asserted, sharply, pulling away from her, dropping his arm from her shoulders to look at her better. “This song specifically. . . At least for me.”
Your heart leapt into your throat at what he was implying. Significant? He couldn’t mean. . .? But then he flashed his eyes to you. And you knew. 
Fuck, Jake. The butterflies let completely loose in your tummy at the implication. At the look. 
He continued, his voice growing softer, while staying assertive. “And it could very possibly be hurtful to others when you say surface level shit like that.”
Maya scoffed, rolling her eyes. This was the first time you’d ever witnessed the woman be something other than a dream. “So I can’t have opinions, hm?” 
“I never said—,” Jake tried, getting interrupted by her continuing. 
She was piercing him with a glare, tone biting. “Did you ever stop to think about how it hurt my feelings when you refused to see 21 Savage with me? And after I got us the tickets, no less?” 
You didn’t mean to snort a small laugh at her words. 
But. . . 21 Savage?!
Thankfully, you weren’t alone in finding amusement in the words as everyone else had a similar response. Sammy spit out the drink he’d just taken, some of it even coming out of his nose. Daniel had clapped a hand over his mouth and dragged it down his face, closing his eyes in the process. 
And Josh turned to you as soon as you turned your sights to him. He made eyes at you, raising his brows with a grin threatening to turn into a laugh. If he could’ve spoken, you assumed he’d say something along the lines of ‘oh, shit.’
Sam was the next to speak, barely able to catch a breath as he wiped the leftover drink from around his mouth with a napkin. “Maya, my dear,” he giggled, the words distorted a little by the wipe of the napkin. “You surely can’t have an emotional connection with his music?”
“Maybe I do,” she retorted, scooting away from Jake a little. Crossing her arms over her cleavage, she eyed Sammy, judgmentally. “Maybe it saw me through some really hard times.”
“Did it?” Danny tried, his face seeming earnest in pursuit to find sense in her music taste. 
“Well,” her eyes found Danny’s, but darted around a bit, still. “Not necessarily. . . But I do enjoy his music. . . Which is my prerogative.”
Josh’s brow was quirked. He stared her down, his face a mixture of amusement and annoyance. “Maya,” he cleared his throat. Her eyes found him, hard and defensive. But it was obvious she was losing some steam. “There is a difference between enjoying music and having it change the entire trajectory of your entire life.”
Before she could sputter out a response, the waiter was back at the head of the table with the two pizzas the guys had ordered. 
“One pepperoni pizza,” she said, placing one giant tray of pizza on the table. 
Your nose immediately picked up on the overwhelming scent of cheese and pepperoni. You had never smelt something so greasy. This was even worse than the greasy smell at Waffle House on the morning you’d gone with Elsie. And where there, you could find some sort of nostalgic comfort in the smell of it. . . there was nothing that could make this pizza’s smell appealing. Fuck.
“And. . .,” Sammy’s excited tone broke through your nauseous reverie. 
You didn’t look up, only watched in near agony as the second pizza, filled with every vegetable in the book, was sat right in front of you. Every fucking vegetable had it’s own special, rancid smell that you hadn’t ever noticed until now. 
Goddamn. And it just got worse as you let your eyes follow a slice that Sam took off the tray, cheese so disgustingly stringy, to his waiting mouth. The way his teeth sunk into the pizza and the oil slipped down his chin. . . You felt the bile rise in the back of your throat at the sight. The dizziness set in again. Then there was the cheese that came to the corner of his mouth as he chewed his first bite with an open mouth. 
Closing your eyes, you tried your best to will it away. 
But you couldn’t. It was too late. Behind your closed eyes, all you could see was the sight again, but this time, in slow motion. . . more and more repulsive with every flash of the image. 
You found Josh’s leg, hitting it repeatedly to indicate that you needed out of the booth. Your other hand, held tightly over your mouth, which felt as though it could explode with projectile vomit at any moment. 
That would be real cute. A really effective way to make Jake look at you. . . but not for the reasons you’d want. 
At. All.
Thankfully, Josh got the hint and quickly scooted out of the booth to allow you out. 
And as soon as your feet hit the concrete floor, you were speeding to the bathroom once more. This time, immediately landing on your knees over the toilet with a hand clutching your hair, as you retched the (very little) contents of your stomach into the toilet.
It was alarming, to say the least, as you saw only clear saliva goo floating around in the bowl. . . no food accompanying the sickness you’d just produced. 
I haven’t eaten today, you thought suddenly, wiping your brow of the sweat that had accumulated. Nothing to puke out because everything sounded vile.
And then the dizziness was setting in again as you rose from your place on the ground.
You really hadn’t been eating much at all. And pickles, being the only thing you could stand to eat, did not give you proper nutrients. You knew that. 
Have to figure something out, you decided as you washed your hands. Disturbingly, you saw four hands instead of two and it was daunting at best. Need to go home and do some research so I can figure out how to fucking eat something.
By the time you got back to the booth, you already had your keys out of your belt bag. 
Josh gave you a sympathetic grin. He mouthed an ‘I’m sorry’ and you just shook your head, reassuring him with a mimicked ‘It’s fine’ in response.
When you snapped your head up from Josh to say bye to the others, you realized that Jake was watching you closely. Pensively. Unsurely. 
You gulped, setting your eyes on him. If only you knew, Jake. . . But, suddenly, anger was flaring in the place of any butterflies. Lack of food and pregnancy could do that to a person. But you don’t know. So quit looking at me. 
“You feelin’ sick, Baby Dragon?” Sam said, breaking you out of your staring contest with Jake.
“Yeah, noticed you weren’t drinking tonight. . . you okay?” Danny interjected. 
“O–Oh, yeah. No, yeah,” you shook your head, which only caused your head to throb. Shit. “Just tired. Exhausted from school.” And from carrying a human life in my uterus. “I wanna get home and rest.”
“I forced her to come tonight,” Josh added. He looked at you before exchanging looks with the other guys, emphasizing his point to help you out. “She has had her nose to the fucking grindstone. I insisted she needed a night out.”
“Forced her?” Jake scoffed with a roll of his eyes. “God, y/n. If you don’t want to come, then don’t come.”
You fumed at his words. What the fuck? Just minutes ago he was jumping to defend your song. “He didn’t force me,” you growled back at him. Don’t test a pregnant woman carrying your goddamn baby, Jacob. “What he meant was that he encouraged me to come since I haven’t been around for a while.”
“And why’s that?” Jake pushed, continuing to jest at you. Is this a game to you, asshole? 
“Jake,” Josh snapped, tone sharp and heated. 
“School,” you asserted (with a partial lie), shutting your eyes when you started seeing two of him. When you opened them to stare back at him, you focused hard as you continued to see four brown eyes instead of two. “But that’s not really any of your business is it, Jake?”
He was silent, his jaw clenching. Then he looked back to Maya, starting a conversation with her, effectively shutting you out. 
You weren’t sure how long you could put up with the hot and cold act from him. You knew that he was hurt, but you preferred the moments in recent times where he’d shown the soft side of his heart. The Jake side of his heart. 
The one flashing through your mind at this moment was on the night of the Halloween party. When he’d picked up the dropped brownies for you and then offered to help you carry stuff to your room. . . albeit he had been drunk. It’d still been him. You knew it. It was something he’d do. . . you knew him. 
And you knew him well enough to know when he was acting like an ass, it meant he was hurt. You weren’t oblivious to the recent hurt you’d inflicted on him. . . but why was he suddenly reacting like this again? Why now?
When another wave of dizziness took you over, you had to once again shut your eyes to keep your balance, and you held tight to the strap of your bag. Your head was also, once again, pulsing.
You opened your eyes and tried to stay steady, as you didn’t want to worry the three who cared. Pulling your phone from the pocket of your oversized hoodie, you shook your keys at the guys who still watched with concerned eyes. 
“Be safe,” Danny offered sympathetically, reaching a hand out. You grasped it, rubbing your thumb over the back. 
As soon as he let go, Sam was up and pulling you into a hug. Once he’d succeeded in killing your boobs again, he held onto your shoulders. “We miss you,” he said, breath thick with alcohol that was making your stomach turn. You held your breath and tapped at his hand politely before scooting back from him. “Love you, y/n.”
You repeated the phrase back to him before Josh got up, presumably to walk you to the door. “I promise I’ll start coming around more often again,” you told them. “I miss you, too.”
And just before you stepped to head toward the exit, you found Jake’s eyes again. 
They were softer now, showing concern he couldn’t hide at your current state. But there was still that fire behind them that you’d learned was purely Jake. And it made your heart thump a little harder in your chest.
-🌼🌼🌼-
The tiredness was unreal. You honestly couldn’t remember the last time you were so fucking exhausted. Everything that had been happening recently–the therapy, telling Josh that you were pregnant with his twin’s baby, being pregnant with said baby (and worrying that you weren’t), taking sixteen-fucking-hours of classes. . . it had been a lot. That much was obvious as hell. 
And tonight had been emotionally taxing for sure. . . and knowing you, you knew it was more than extremely possible that the emotions alone had been what’d finally done you in. Drained you for all you were worth.
Well, that, and the lack of food in your system. And the persistent barfing.
You'd been poring over the resources that Dr. Rose had given you access to. And, one of the links on their site had informed you that it was extremely possible for the fatigue to peak around this point of the pregnancy–ten to twelve weeks.
And considering you were right about at 12 or so, it was on the mark.
But when you’d read that, you hadn’t been expecting the feeling to be similar to that of being weighed down to the Earth by heavy-ass lead. You were dying to fall into bed and sleep off the exhaustion–right after taking a measly Tylenol for the pounding headache that’d been burgeoning for the past several minutes. 
All you could do at this specific moment, though, was focus on driving–and pulling into the apartment complex with as much precision as possible. The pain in your head was beginning to make your vision blurry and the things around you waved in ways you knew they weren’t supposed to. Goddamn. 
You finally made it to your parking space–by the grace of some higher entity. But, as soon as you tried to move to get out, everything around you began to spin at an accelerated speed. Moaning, you brought two shaking hands up to your eyes as you closed them. You started to count to ten, trying your best to take deep breaths–but even that was getting hard to do. Fuck. 
Finding your motherfucking bearings was proving to be a task and a half. 
And your head was just fucking throbbing relentlessly. 
“Dammit,” you groaned again, the words slurring just a bit. 
Somehow, though, you were able to make the trek from your car to the complex’s staircase–so close, yet so far, from your place. But you could feel the way your heart was thrumming quickly in your chest—just pounding against your ribcage from the basic action of walking.
Everything began waving around you again. You felt like you were floating and your head was becoming lighter and lighter by the second; the only reminder that it housed a brain was the raging, convulsing feeling in your skull. 
Your vision was incredibly blurry at best, as you looked from the base of the stairs, all the way up to the top. The top of the stairs was hardly visible. 
Shit. How the fuck am I going to climb these steps like this?
But, you weren’t able to contemplate it for much longer before everything started fading more and more, until you felt yourself falling and all you saw was a black abyss.
-🌼🌼🌼-
The hand you felt holding yours was the only thing that weighed you down to the white room. The other things that you immediately noticed: the sound of steady beeping (which was incessant) and the smell of antiseptic and bleach wafting from the bedding. 
The bed itself felt reminiscent of high quality cardboard, but the sheets were warmer than you would’ve expected. 
Letting your body relax back into the warm, polycotton sheets, you began to drift back to wherever you’d been. But you felt something hold you to the present. It was the someone with the hand who was helping to keep you conscious. The thumb that swept purposefully across the back of your hand tied you to the real world before you could escape to the one behind your eyelids.
Then you felt the hand holding yours squeeze the slightest bit tighter. Your lids were heavy when you squinted them open–immediately hating the way the fluorescent lighting assaulted your irises. You didn’t know if it was possible, but you were damned sure you could feel your pupils adjusting to the overbearing beams from the bulbs. 
Moaning, you reached your free hand up to cover your eyes. And when you did, you noticed the influx of tubes, taped to and sticking out of your hand. Specifically, the needle connected directly to your vein. What the fuck was going on?
Amidst your confusion, you finally processed who the hand was connected to as you heard his voice.
“Yes, yes,” Josh said in response to something. You noticed that he was seeming to squeeze your hand in little pulsing intervals. When you squeezed back to indicate you were awake, his eyes were immediately on you, abandoning his conversation. “Y/n? Oh, fuck,” his voice was thick with emotion. His gaze became wet as he checked your face over. “I was so worried about you.”
You didn’t know what to say, since you weren’t really sure why you were here or what had happened to get you here. . . All you could remember was being tired and dizzy with a pounding in your head. 
You tried to speak, but it was in vain, as your throat was dry as fuck. All that came from your lips was a measly croak. But, thankfully, Josh was immediately coming to your rescue with one of the hospital’s giant plastic cups, filled to the brim with water. He held the straw to your lips and you sat up a little to have better leverage to take a drink. To your surprise, the pounding in your head was gone, and there was no dizziness accompanying your movements. 
And no nausea – best part of all.
As soon as the water slipped past your lips, you shut your eyes in utter relief. Water had never tasted so good. You weren’t sure if water even had a taste, but at that moment, you swore it did and that it tasted like liquid gold would. 
Once you’d had enough for the moment, almost draining the large cup, you backed away and leaned into the pillows that awaited behind you. 
Sighing in relief, you tried to say words again. And this time, it worked. “What’s going on?” You slowly spoke, your head still feeling slightly airy. You let your eyes trail to Josh’s, questioning him. “Why am I here?”
Then, you started panicking. You shot up from where you’d settled against the pillows, clutching your stomach. The IV’s connected to your hand pulled at your skin, stinging. You ignored the pain though, and felt your tummy. It was still round, but obviously that didn’t mean– oh no. Your deepest fears came to life in your head, piece by terrifying piece. The baby. 
“Oh, fuck, Josh,” you said, your eyes were wild and immediately drew wetness, which ran steadily down your cheeks. No no no no no. “The baby? Is the baby–? Oh–.”
“Yes, yes,” Josh shushed you, running his free hand over the top of your head. “The baby is fine. Already checked and looks the same as it did a few days ago,” his eyes shone with reassurance. “Nothing is wrong with the baby.”
“Heartbeat?”
“Steady as can be.”
You felt your lungs fill with air again. “Okay,” you breathed out, leaning back into the pillows once more. “Okay.”
“But you on the other hand,” he started, his brow raising and eyes burning into yours. “You need to be giving yourself proper attention, mama.”
“I—?” You shook your head. You knew you weren’t the most attentive to yourself, but you’d tried very hard to be more self-serving recently in some regards. Longer showers, Friends, Cosmic Brownies (RIP) and pickles, therapy (if that counted). . . “I’ve been trying. . .” 
But the vomiting is proving some of that to be impossible, Joshua, you thought silently, snidely.
“What your friend is trying to tell you,” the doctor began. Your eyes shifted to her, an older woman with delicate features whose gray hair was pushed back by a pair of readers. Then her brows wrinkled. “Well—friend? Father of the baby?”
You both spoke at the same time.
“Oh, no—.”
“Not me,” Josh corrected with a laugh, his smile bright and humored underneath his new mustache. “That’s my brother’s baby in there.”
Ridiculously, you began to blush at hearing Josh say it out loud. You were learning that any time it came from his lips, it made your breath catch in your chest just a little.
Jake’s baby. 
“Oh, my apologies,” she smiled, her crows feet wrinkling, voice wise with years of experience. “I just wanted to proceed using the correct title to address you. Speaking of which, I am Dr. Stevens. It’s nice to meet you, Miss y/n.”
“Same to you,” you answered with a tiny, unsure smile and nod. “Thank you.”
Dr. Stevens hummed, then came to sit on the end of the bed, same side as Josh. You eyed her curiously as her expression turned a touch more serious. “Miss y/n,” she said, sounding like you’d imagine a caring mother would. “You are here because your iron was frighteningly low,” she said, concerned and checking your chart. “If it had gone untreated one more night, you would have been incredibly ill and unable to function properly at all come morning.”
“What?” You asked, shocked. Anemia wasn’t a new thing to you, you’d always had it. How had it intensified so quickly? “I mean, sure, I’ve always had mild anemia. Just kind of a thing that’s been there . . .haven’t thought about it in years, actually,” (because of some damn triggering, buried memories attached to it). “But I’ve never had – it’s never been as. . . Intense as this,” you held up your hand that was covered in tape and inserted tubes.
“Well, honey, you’re carrying a baby now who also needs those vital nutrients to help it develop,” she counseled. “And proper hydration,” she reminded. You nodded, eyes zoned in on your hands, full with pieces of plastic and tape, and not her face. When Dr. Stevens spoke next, her voice was the most stern it’d been so far. “And prenatal vitamins– those are essential for you and the baby.”
Your eyes flicked up to hers. The way she pierced you with her stare made you lean back like a scolded puppy. Your tail would have been between your legs if you had one.
Why hadn’t you bought any damned prenatals yet? Fuck all.
“Yes ma’am. I don’t know why I haven’t been taking–,” you tried, huffing. You were ashamed of yourself. “God, I feel bad,” you placed two hands on your tummy and looked down at it through the hospital gown you’d been changed into. “How has all of it not harmed the baby?”
“Well, again, tomorrow would have been a completely different story had you not been rushed in tonight,” she reminded, talking you through it slowly. “But we’ve got fluids pumping through you to get you back to normal.” She motioned to Josh, you looked at him with a small smile that he reciprocated. “And your friend has promised to take you for a prenatal run tomorrow morning. To find the ones that you feel might suit you best.” Dr. Stevens smiled, looking over at your bedside table. Your eyes followed, seeing the small medicine bottle sitting there, waiting for you. “For now, I have a couple ready to send home with you,” she assured.
“I’ve never been the best at prioritizing my health,” you mumbled, messing with a loose thread on the hospital gown. Josh held the hand that was anxiously picking at the material, making you stop. You looked over to see his kind, encouraging eyes. “I have ingrained my brain with several unhealthy, learned habits,” you admitted, finally looking at Dr. Stevens again. “So I guess this was a reality check of sorts. That it’s not just me anymore. I can’t just ignore what I need to acknowledge.”
You didn’t know what was inspiring the constant flow of transparently deep emotions to all of these unknown people in your life, but you weren’t totally opposed to it anymore. 
Dr. Stevens’ face contorted to show that she had sympathy. You were relieved. But when she spoke next, her voice was firm. “You’re right. This baby is forcing you to take care of yourself so he or she can survive and come out healthy and happy. I believe this baby is teaching you some proper life skills. But you need to be eating well to help this child have a good, healthy time in the womb. . .help him or her thrive at this vital stage in its life.”
God. She was right. You had seen the words Failure to Thrive on multiple sources you’d checked out about pregnancy. . . .always just skimmed past them, as it didn’t seem to pertain to you. But, of course it did. The vomiting. Not taking prenatals (seriously, what the fuck, y/n?). The lack of eating anything (save for the baby pickles). . .
You’d been so in your head about the present state of your health that you hadn’t taken nearly enough time to consider the baby. 
“I’ve just never been bad about eating. This is new,” you confided. “And it’s just gotten worse this past week or so. . . I haven’t been able to eat. Everything has made me want to vomit.” Then you decided to add, “Well, everything besides pickles. They’ve been my only source of any nutrients – which I know is pathetic, by the way – I just–just can’t even be in the same room as most food, much less eat it.”
“You’re experiencing a severe case of hyperemesis gravidarum, which is just a fancy way of saying that you’re excessively vomiting during your pregnancy. It’s due to a drastic change in hormones. Your HCG levels are through the roof, where they’re usually not. Most women just have to suffer through it,” she said in response, handing you sheet with the fancy medical term at the top. “That is an information sheet. Keeps you informed on the ins and outs of why you might be experiencing it.” She sighed before going on. “It will pass, honey. Give it a few more weeks and you should be over the worst of it – if not before. But being anemic makes it that much worse,” she explained, flipping her readers over her eyes and looking through the papers on her fancy clipboard. “You’ve just gotta stay on top of those preexisting conditions.”
“And not taking the prenatals. . .,” she scolded, making you look up from scanning the sheet. She gave you a look. “Is what has you in this condition. You should also be taking an additional iron supplement. I’m. . . sure you didn’t tell your OB about your previous anemia?” She wondered aloud. 
“No,” you murmured. “I really haven’t seen it present itself since I was really young. And it wasn’t really severe. . . at least I don’t think,” you rubbed your forehead, suddenly experiencing several sad moments in time. From a long time ago. So, once again, you bared your heart and explained.  “There are things from my childhood that I’ve forgotten. And even though I do actually know I experienced bouts of it during that time, I haven’t ever really acknowledged it because I just kind of forced myself to forget about it.”
Really, for some godforsaken reason, thinking about your anemia only brought back very unwelcome flashes of your mother’s house. . . and other dirty places you didn’t want to think about. Hence why you’d blocked it out.
Josh squeezed your hand– tried to bring you back.
Thankfully, Dr. Stevens continued before the thoughts could take over. “I am sorry, honey,” she said, empathetic. But, she continued on professionally. “The hard truth is that some of the things that have always sort of laid dormant can come back with a raging force during pregnancy. . . simply considering that the pregnancy is essentially a revamp on your body,” she paused when you chuckled at the word ‘revamp’. Yeah, right. She smirked at it, too. “I know, funny word choice. Doesn’t always feel like you’re revamping,” she flipped to the next page in her chart. “What I mean is, things can come back up and be bigger–stronger–than before. One more thing that is changing and increasing in your body. Medical conditions from the past may come back and get more ‘intense’,” she winked at you, using your word from earlier. “But, it’s important: now that the anemia has shown itself again – so aggressively –  at a time that your body is already very vulnerable. . .” She sighed, flipping her readers back into her dark gray hair before unclipping a paper from the chart and handing it to you. “It’s time we get a handle on all of it before it possibly shows its ugly face again.”
The sheet she handed you included several foods that you could eat to remedy the morning sickness. Some of which had made you feel like puking – or actually puke. But, there were a few things you didn’t have at home. Boring, bland foods. Things you just never bought. A few fruits and vegetables. . .
And a shit ton of vitamins.
“A lot of plain Jane stuff on there, I know. And vitamins, vitamins, vitamins,” she acknowledged. “But those supplements and bland diet are what will see you through the dark ages of this morning sickness. We need to treat that first. And then, you should be able to ease yourself into other foods and get your iron levels healthy again for you and your baby. Please focus on following that guide of foods and vitamins and just call my extension – which I attached to the top of that sheet – if you have any issues.” 
She then passed one more sheet over to you and added one more piece of information. “This sheet will include the Hemoglobin Kit I’ve ordered for you and it will be sent to the address your friend provided for us within the next few days. Please be using it to check your hemoglobin levels. Hemoglobin is the main component of red blood cells–a protein– that we need to see at normal levels. I’ve included where your levels should be on that sheet. They should never be too low or too high. Please read the information on the sheet and in the kit to answer any additional questions you may have. This will help you to track of how your levels are doing and if your anemia is spiking again,” she said, her voice seeming to drone on and on in your ears. “And again, call if you have any questions or concerns.”
As you continued reading through the paper, she unclipped another and handed it over to you.
You really were thankful for the documents, really, but dear god there were a lot of them. Virtually and physically. From your OB visit and tonight. It was overwhelming . . . made your skin feel tight and overheated.
It was also a lot of information for you to over-fucking-think. 
I’ll have to take them to Gia. She’ll help me sort through them, you reassured yourself, taking a deep breath in and out to calm the nerves. 
“And the morning sickness should. . . pass sooner rather than later?” Josh’s question broke through your reverie. Your eyes shut to refocus on the present moment and not the papers.
“It should, yes. For most women, it does,” the graying doctor confirmed. “You’re. . .how far along? I’d estimate about eleven, maybe twelve weeks?”
“Yes,” you nodded. “Twelve weeks according to my OB.”
“Yep. You should only have a few weeks – or less – left. Just try the foods on that sheet. The vitamins. Stay hydrated. There are several recommended supplements the sheet provides. You can find most all of them on Amazon.” 
You handed the sheets over to Josh, needing them away from you for the time being. You needed to be in the now. Needed to focus on anything else the aging, wise doctor may need to say. 
To put it plainly, tonight’s event landing you in the hospital had you scared shitless. And learning as much as possible from her would hopefully wind up putting your mind at ease. . . though, at this moment, it just had your heart rate increasing rather quickly.
She eyed the monitor next to your bed, moving closer to it as she observed something. “There goes that heart rate again,” she squinted at the vitals once more before pushing her glasses into her hair. She looked down at her chart, her lips pursing and readers going back on as she checked it over. “That’s another thing I want to address,” she hummed, sitting next to your legs, facing you and Josh from her seat. “Have you been under a lot of stress lately? A major change? Besides the baby? Mentally, perhaps? Emotionally?” She questioned. “Because while your iron levels were scarily low, your heart rate was also dramatically high. Which, yes, is related to the iron levels. . . but, I thought I’d go ahead and check as more often than not, it can pertain to an extreme amount of stress your heart is under from other sources.”
You stuttered out a response that involved you beginning therapy for the first time in years. You tried to touch on how you were experiencing a lot of emotions around what you would eventually be talking about in therapy. . . how you’d already bared your heart to Gia and opened up every single gate possible to effectively begin therapy. 
“I wanted to do it. Still do," you explained, needing Dr. Stevens to know that. “I would do it all over again right now if I needed to. She’s already helped me so much – after only one session, just with me basically projectile vomiting my past and emotions all over the room.” You took a breath, before finishing. “It doesn’t make it any less difficult though. It hurts. Physically, it hurts to talk about it all. I know it will all come together in the end. I trust the process–I trust my therapist. But it was extremely taxing – on top of everything else I’m feeling right now.” You glanced over at Josh before adding, “The baby’s father is. . . he’s just. . .”
“A lot,” Josh finished with a half-chuckle. “He’s a very good guy. He’s just a lot.”
“I have a lot of feelings about everything happening in my life right now, I’ll just say that,” you ventured to tell her. “And I had somewhat of a handle on my anxiety and depression before I got pregnant, but it’s also been something to resurface in a brand new way with the pregnancy hormones. Without me even knowing it sometimes. And before I know it, my heart is actually hurting my chest from the amount of pressure I’m putting myself under.”
Josh scooted his chair over closer to you and wrapped one of your hands in two of his, holding on tightly.
“It hasn’t all really clicked until now. . . that all of it might be related to my. . . issues,” you confirmed aloud, peeking over at Josh just briefly before looking back to Dr. Stevens. You’d just spilled your entire heart and it was making you feel extremely uneasy. God, she hadn’t asked to hear all of that. “I’m so sorry about spilling all of whatever that was,” you waved your hands around before combing them through your hair, trying to breathe deep breaths. You found her eyes, which you now realized were green. “I really–god, fuck. I’m– that was a lot for you to hear and you didn’t ask for the whole–.”
“I needed to hear it all,” she consoled you, tapping a comforting hand on the top bed sheet, rather than your leg. “It helps me assess the situation. . . and from what I’ve heard, it sounds like the most probable cause of you fainting tonight was due to the iron deficiency and your heart.” She assessed the numbers on the blinking monitor yet again. “It just hasn’t slowed much since you’ve been here, sweetie. Even with the medications we’ve given you to temporarily alleviate it, it’s still been sitting at around 120 beats per minute. And since you’ve been awake, it’s spiked enough to cause some concern to this doctor.”
As she expressed her concern again for your thrumming heart, (which you had noticed an increase in it’s pounding as of late) it began beating a little harder once again, causing an unpleasant tightness within your sternum. You winced. 
Josh noted the change almost as quickly as you did. His hands that held onto yours began squeezing even tighter, the skin of his palms now wet and clammy. He brought your hand, wrapped in his, up to his chin. The hair on his chin was unfamiliar to the last time you’d touched his face (who even knew when you last did that), but it still felt familiar enough against your knuckles to calm some of your nerves.
You couldn’t help but look at him with wide, fearful eyes. His eyes were steady on you, his attention only breaking from you to look at Dr. Stevens with a nonverbal note of worry for you. 
She stood from the bed and came to stand beside you, inserting the buds to the stethoscope around her neck, and held the circular part to your back. “Cough for me, sweetie,” she told you, her calm demeanor forcing you to come back from your momentary freak out. “Make it a big one.”
You found it to be an odd request, but you weren’t in any place to question this doctor who had shown you nothing but kindness. And offered help when you, apparently, so desperately needed it.
You did as she said, and forced the best cough you could muster. It instantly relieved the tension in your chest, even lowered your heart rate a bit as you watched the blinking numbers begin to drop on the screen. 
“Wh-what was that? Am I having a heart attack?” You felt silly asking her that. . .but you didn’t know any better, it may as well have been your body plummeting straight into a cardiac arrest. 
This was all a lot, and now you were very hyper aware of every little change in your heart that you felt, saw, or heard from the screen.
She chuckled softly, taking the stethoscope away from her ears, hanging once again around her neck. She watched your vitals intently as the blood pressure cuff attached to your left arm (that you hadn’t noticed yet) began squeezing you rather uncomfortably. 
“You’re not having a heart attack, my dear. Not even close,” she reassured. Although, you still felt the worry present in the pit of your tummy that you were unknowingly clutching again. “I am no stranger to the intense effects of anxiety. I’ve seen it time and time again. I think that was a big part of the palpitation episode you experienced a few minutes ago and the persistent increase in your heart rate I've seen so far tonight. However, I would like to conduct a little further testing. Just want to be sure your heart is nice and strong – for you and for the baby.”
You felt the air from Josh’s lungs release against your knuckles as he let out the breath he must’ve been holding, squeezing your hand just as tight as before. As terrified as you were, his presence provided the safety net your spirit needed to not be thrown back in a massive panic attack. 
She sat down on the bed next to you once again, her kind eyes offering little comfort right now as you start to feel overwhelmed with the sudden discovery of so many things that were apparently wrong with your body.
“If you can remember, have you ever been rather sensitive to the heat? Maybe suffered from heat strokes during your youth?” 
Her question had your mind yet again returning to your past that had been kept securely behind a locked door with no key. A place you didn’t venture often. 
But it did bring forth some hazy recollections of your days as a child, playing outside in the thick,  dry summer heat. How you couldn’t stand to be out in it for very long without feeling. . . faint. And dizzy. So fucking dizzy. 
A long since forgotten trait of yours that you never thought to pay any mind to. 
“Um– yeah, actually. Now that I think about it, Summers were always a challenge. I couldn’t stand being outside for much longer than a few minutes some days without feeling like I could pass out or throw up,” you huffed a humorless laugh at the memories playing back in your head. Miserable times. “It was. . .fucking awful.” 
You’d suddenly started to remember all the times you felt faint as a child. But it wasn’t always from the rise in temperature. Sometimes, it was from the stresses your mom tossed your way, the fights, the troubles that brewed in your home. It became more and more clear that fainting was most definitely not new to you. You just couldn’t remember. 
“Okay,” Dr. Stevens continued, her hand now patting your shin as she seemed to pick up on the unease of remembering your past. “What about when you go to stand up after a period of being seated or lying down, does your vision become a bit obscured at times? Like you’re seeing stars? Tunneled vision, maybe?”
“I mean, y-yeah,” you stuttered. “Sometimes. But it doesn't last for very long. Doesn’t everybody experience that, though?”
You had no clue where she was going with all of these questions— questions that she seemingly already knew the answers to. Of what it all meant, you weren’t sure. But you knew you needed her to cut to the chase soon before you began plummeting even further down the anxious path you’d started paving. 
“What does it mean? Is this something I should be worried about?” You asked through newly developed tears you had no control over. 
Your mind was running rampant with only one singular thought: the baby. What does this mean for the baby? 
“You don’t need to worry, sweetie. This is actually a lot more common than you think.”
She stood up from the bed, unclipping one more piece of paper from the board she’d been holding prior to sitting down. She handed it over to you, the paper weighing your hand down with what you were to find on it. 
But before you could begin to worry about what was on it, she was explaining it to you.
“That sheet is going to inform you on the ins and outs of Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, most commonly referred to as POTs,” she seriously informed, her eyebrows dipping to show concern for your worries that you knew were painted all over your face. 
“That’s a funny name,” Josh giggled, the breath from the laugh he’d let out fanned against your knuckles. “Like pots and pans. . . you know?”
You wanted to slap him because, shut the fuck up, Josh, now is not the time, but. . . try as you might, it actually calmed you down a bit. You couldn’t help the tiny ghost of a grin that floated over your lips.
Dr. Stevens glared at him, causing him to stop his little joke, before she continued on. “POTs,” she enunciated the name while flashing her eyes to Josh, “is nothing to be concerned with, but it is a valid heart condition that does require a bit more testing to confirm if it’s present or not. Just to be safe.” 
You peered down at the sheet in front of you and the bolded print that you tried so fucking hard to not be too overwhelmed by. It wasn’t the worst possible condition, but it was still a fucking heart condition that you could possibly have. And with everything else that’d happened tonight and your current life predicament. . . it was causing your head to spin.
Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS) is a condition that causes a number of symptoms when you transition from lying down to standing up, such as a fast heart rate, dizziness and fatigue. While there’s no cure, several treatments and lifestyle changes can help manage the symptoms of POTS.
As you read the small print across the page, she told you exactly what it was she suspected you had. “To put it plainly, your heart can’t pump blood quickly enough to your body, resulting in a higher heart rate and a lower blood pressure that can sometimes cause you to faint.” She came close to your bedside again, “If you don’t mind, I am going to need to listen to your heart again.” 
It took you a bit to come to, but when you did, you finally nodded in response. She placed the cold end of the stethoscope against your chest while securing the buds in her ears to listen to you.
“This, combined with your lack of eating that caused the extremely low iron levels could have developed from your pregnancy. Although, I’m willing to bet they’ve been present your entire life. Certain instances can trigger them. Stress, severe anxiety, or pregnancy. In your case, dear, I’d say it’s all of the above. A bit of a trifecta, you could say. The ingredients for the perfect, terrifying storm.” 
“Jesus, mama," Josh breathed, his lips faintly brushed over your knuckles as he continued to hold your hand close to his face. “You have got to start taking care of yourself. I can’t stand to see you like this.”
You knew that. God, you knew that. It had always been easier said than done. But it was no longer all about you anymore; the moment the life began growing within you, it gave you a newfound motivation to take care of yourself for the little life you were now responsible for.
“What other testing needs to be done?” You asked. You were hesitant of what her answer would be, but if it provided a step in the right direction towards becoming the healthiest version of yourself that you could possibly be, you were all ears.
“There’s a specific test, a tilt table test, that must be done to provide us with a little more insight to the specifics of your case. However, it’s not safe to perform it while you're pregnant,” she explained. “So for now, I’m just going to send in for a heart monitor that will be delivered to your house in the next week or so. You’ll wear it for four weeks and that'll give us plenty of information in the meantime. I’m also going to refer you to one of the best cardiologists we have on staff here.”
A heart monitor? That sounded utterly terrifying to you. 
“I am also going to insist that you keep track of your hemoglobin levels daily,” she continued. “You can also buy your own blood pressure cuff to partner with the hemoglobin kit we have set to deliver at your doorstep. You should be able to apply your insurance to the purchase of the blood pressure cuff, if you decide to include that step as well,” Stevens took a deep breath before going on. “Keep a daily journal to log your numbers. Just a notebook to track your blood pressure and hemoglobin levels. It’s vital that you do these things, y/n. Fainting like this can not be a normal occurrence. It’s not good for you or the baby.” When she spoke next, you felt your heart leap into your throat. “The lasting effects on you or the fetus could be life threatening if you’re not careful. . . could be terribly detrimental to the baby’s development—specifically his or her little body or brain development.”
Life threatening. Detrimental. Baby’s development. Little body or brain development.
You heard your heart rate go up on the monitor, but you weren’t about to freak yourself out any further by looking at the changing numbers. You literally felt your pulse quicken and your breath become shallow in your throat as you struggled to take full breaths.
Focus on the now. Focus on what is real. What is right now. Baby is not in trouble yet. 
You have time.
You brought a thumb and middle finger up to your temple, rubbing away furiously to relieve the oncoming headache that had been simmering at the surface for the past several minutes. Your other hand found its home on your swollen belly.
It was all so overwhelming–staggering, really, and you weren’t prepared for any of it in the slightest. 
But, then again, how would someone prepare? You felt as if you were living in a brand new body, much different from the one you’d lived your whole life in up to this point. There was so fucking much out of your control and unknown. It was all pushing down, heavily, on your already-tense shoulders.
“Relax, mama,” Josh sensed your tension, and knowing you as well as he did, he knew it was time to start helping you articulate the right questions. He brushed his thumb across the back of your hand as he calmly asked, “What do we need to do if her numbers aren’t. . . normal? What are some measures we can take to get them to where they need to be?” 
The fact that he was willing to stand alongside you during this whole thing, that he wanted to, it was such a comforting thing to know at this moment. Not that you had any doubt in your mind, but hearing him say something as simple as ‘we’. . . it just warmed your heart completely. 
“Lots of fluids,” she answered through a sincere smile. “And an increase in your salt intake to help your body maintain those fluids.” She handed you yet another sheet and sat back down next to you, looking you in the eye with a stern, motherly expression. “That should help you out with foods to eat and fluids to drink, in addition to the sheet from earlier. But, honey, you need to change your diet. It’s essential that you incorporate healthy eating habits at this point in your pregnancy. After you’ve gotten your body accustomed to the bland foods on the other list I’ve supplied you, you need to start adding lots of iron heavy foods to your meals. Meats, leafy greens, rice. . . things of that nature.” She searched your eyes, hers kind and knowledgeable from years in the field. “Alright?”
You nodded your head in confirmation, wondering how the hell you were going to make that happen with the way normal food left you utterly disgusted at the present time. 
“We’ll make sure of that, doc,” Josh responded in your place, throwing a wink at you as he knew damn well how horrible your food aversions had been. 
“M-my therapy,” you found your voice. “It’s going to be intense. It will cause my body stress.” Dr. Stevens looked at you quizzically before you went on, “It’s called EMDR therapy. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing; although, I’m sure you’ve heard of it in your profession. I don’t know all of the logistics yet, but I know it’s not a conventional form of therapy. What do I do if I wish to continue that? Should I continue it?”
“It should be safe, as long as you make sure to have a thorough discussion with your therapist after each session. That is dire in helping your body and your mind process it all in a healthy manner. In order to have a healthy body, you must also take care of your mind, especially in those circumstances. I do want you to consult with your therapist over how much stress you’ll be able to handle at any given time. Don’t let your mind go too far. If you have a good therapist, they’ll know the signs if you’ve had enough, though, don’t be afraid to tell them.” 
If there was one thing you did know about all this uncertainty, it was that you could trust Gia to not lead you astray, or towards anything that would be detrimental to your mental health. 
Dr. Stevens smiled, her clipboard once again tight in her grip before she stepped further to the curtained room you were shielded by. “Do you have any more questions?” 
Josh glanced at you, waiting for you to say anything or waiting for you to communicate something for him to say on your behalf. You were sure you had questions, but you were just fucking flooded with stress to the point that all you wanted to do was sleep. . . just ready to get home.
Also, seeing as it was an emergency room, the idea was to get patients in and out. Wasn’t supposed to be the length of a standard visit. 
You’d taken up too much of her time.
So, you shook your head at Josh and then looked to Dr. Stevens to tell her no thank you.
And when you did, you glanced down at the name on her coat and the name of the hospital stitched into the white fabric. You hadn’t even noticed. . . .  Cedars-Sinai.
Same hospital I’ll have the baby at, if all goes according to plan, you suddenly realized, the thought bringing you a weird sense of peace. And it will go according to plan.
-🌼🌼🌼-
Josh went about gathering up all of the documents that had been handed to you and the prenatal pills provided as a nurse came in to disconnect all of your tubes and shit. He'd waited outside the curtain. and asked the nurse a few more questions as you'd changed back into your clothes.
And on the ride home, he’d put on peaceful music over the speaker of the car. He was used to doing it when you rode in his car as you hated riding in it. But tonight? Tonight you found comfort in the hunk of creaking metal. 
Because it meant you were going home. 
When you got home, Josh helped you up to the apartment and went about opening the front door and setting up your bed for you. All while you brushed your teeth, pulled up your hair that smelled like hospital, and changed into your comfiest PJs. 
Just as he’d tucked you in and was about to leave, you pulled on his hand and begged for him to stay. You really didn’t want to be alone for the night, mumbling as much to him. 
So, like the perfect friend he was, he set up a pallet on the floor as you tossed him a pillow from your bed. 
And to your solace, sleep found you as soon as your head hit the satin of your pillowcase. 
-🌼🌼🌼-
November 14, 2022
Every Monday being your therapy day was honestly the perfect way to start your week. You’d decided that on the way to the counseling practice on the chilly November afternoon of your second appointment.
You already knew it would be like it had been before. Before, (on your first and only other visit before today’s) it had just felt like a breath of fresh air to talk to a licensed professional like Gia. She was just fucking amazing. And you knew every week would be like before: a fresh start with a confidant who could give you killer fucking advice. A little date of sorts with a licensed professional who was positively eager to help you get through your week (life, generally) the best you possibly could.
Well, at least your therapist was eager to do that. 
Even as you sat on her trendy, camel-colored leather couch for your second appointment, you felt completely comfortable and at ease with Gia. She had already become one of your favorite people. 
You’d spent the first thirty minutes or so filling her in on telling Josh, your first prenatal exam (also showed her the sonogram pictures, which she’d loved), and the emergency visit. No details had been spared and you made sure she had time to give you any advice or words of wisdom she deemed necessary. But she’d really just let you have the floor and talk. 
Once you wrapped up your scary details from the night of the E.R., handed over all of the documents you wanted to sort through with her, and talked through them until you felt more ease about all of the anemia and heart shit, she’d looked at you seriously. 
Pinned you with a stare, her eyes sparkling like emeralds as she thoughtfully assessed you. 
She sat down her tea, and then wheeled herself over to you. Her oversized sweater was a turtle neck that matched the color of her couch, and the too-long sleeves of it touched your hands as she grasped them loosely in her hands. “Y/n,” she began, peering at you openly through her circular, wire framed-lenses, “We do not have to do EMDR. I want to remind you, it is entirely up to you if you choose to go that route. If you are fearful of it causing too much stress, I understand wanting to venture down another therapeutic route.”
“No,” you shook your head, a small smile curled the corner of your lips to reassure her. “I want to do it. I believe it’s what will work best to get to the heart of things. Don’t you?”
“Yes,” she agreed, brow knitted. “I just don’t want you to feel any unnecessary stress during this vulnerable time in your life.”
“As long as you promise to help me wrap it all up with a good talk at the end of each appointment,” you suggested with hope evident in your tone. “To wrap it up as much as we can for me to make it through the week.”
She grinned. “I can do that,” she affirmed with one certain nod, her loose bun, full of her soft blonde hair bounced with the action. “Did the doctor recommend continuing it?”
“Yep. Said it shouldn’t be an issue if we manage to discuss it all at the end of each session,” you offered. “Doesn’t want me carrying around anything unresolved that could make my stress levels increase.”
“Well, that’s definitely doable,” she confirmed with a wide grin. Scooting back, she grabbed her tea from the repurposed desk in the corner of her office before propping her ankle on top of her bent knee. “So, if you do wish to continue with EMDR, I’ll go ahead and explain it a little better than I have yet.”
“I do,” you said as a final agreement. “What should I know before we start?”
So, Gia proposed EMDR and all of the benefits that could come from the specific form of therapy. You listened to every detail readily. Were you scared? Yes. Were you anxious to begin? Also yes. It was intriguing and a little exciting to be so close to finally diving deep into the curves and corners of your mind and memories. 
Once she’d finished with that, she was rolling her chair back over to you and placing her elbows on the ends of her thighs as she bent to talk intimately with you. When she spoke, the smell of spearmint on her breath was oddly calming. “There’s something I feel I should mention before we begin. A bit of a warning that you should heed. Some clients experience this, some don’t. But something to be aware of, nonetheless.” 
Your eyes widened at her use of the word ‘warning,’ and her sudden change in tone made you believe this was something a little more serious. You knew there were risks involved with this somewhat unconventional form of therapy, but you hadn’t let yourself delve into all of them just yet. You had tried your best to leave the ball in Gia’s court to explain it all to you. 
And you knew that anything deemed risky, Gia would let you know of them before you agreed. Any online research wouldn't be nearly as viable as it would be coming straight from Gia’s mouth. 
Still yet, your heart beat just a little faster in preparation for whatever she had to tell you.
Deep breaths, y/n.
“Tell me,” you asserted. In search of some extra comfort, you placed a hand on your belly, the pulse vibrating in your palm also immediately triggered the fear in you that your heart was possibly over exerting itself.
Deep. Breaths. Gia’s got this. She won’t let you do anything too risky to your health. She wouldn’t let you.
“Some people report experiencing rather intense flashbacks that can come unannounced. And when I say intense, I truly mean just that, y/n. If they come, they can be debilitating.” 
This was the first you had seen her eyes downturned, a picture of worry painted within her emerald green irises. “There have also been accounts of severe nightmares—well, more along the lines of night terrors. The kind that can wake you up in a panic. I just want you to be aware of these possibilities before we begin. I need you to promise me right now, that if these things do happen, you’ll call me. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night or the middle of the day, you have to call me, and I will answer.” 
Middle of the day? They could come then, too? Shit.
“Is it. . .  really that serious?” You took a moment to ponder your question, not entirely sure what to make of it all just yet. (And you couldn’t help but wonder if Jake found out about these little occurrences during his research before bringing the idea up to you.)
“It can be,” she noted with a stern tone that sent yet another wave of anxiety through your tense muscles. “That’s why I need you to make me that promise. That isn’t something you should ever experience alone. As I said, it can be debilitating.”
Your mind began turning furiously with the thought of having to experience flashbacks. Would they be flashbacks to things you already remembered? Or worse. . . things you didn’t? Both?
If you were being honest with yourself, you knew the answer and it was honestly terrifying to you.
For a split second, you started to doubt whether or not this was the right solution for you. But, you couldn’t deny any longer that you did need the help. You had to be better. For you and for the life that was growing inside of you. The baby needed a healed mother. 
And you knew Gia was the perfect person to guide you through it. You trusted her, and that was something that has never come easily for you. 
“I’ll admit,” you began, still holding tight to your belly, reminding yourself of the growing reason why you needed to do this. “I’m nervous. But I still want to do it. I promise I’ll call you when— if— that happens. . . but, what if you’re not available?”
“Don’t be nervous. You’ve got this.” She flashed you her sparkling white teeth in a smile that put your spirit right back at ease. “And I do my best to answer. It’s my job as your therapist to see you through this. Some don’t take it as seriously as I do, but I know that you’ll need me in your corner and I’m happy to be there. I signed up for this, just like you did,” she grinned, once again using her feet to scoot her back to her desk, in her plush, light pink chair. “But, on the off chance I’m not able to answer, I would immediately contact someone you trust to see you through it. Hold you. Talk to you. Just be there with you. Whatever you need. Someone who would be willing to do that.” She opened her laptop before turning to you, an idea seeming to spark in her mind. “As a matter of fact, before our next session, why don’t you make it your assignment to think of the person you’ll go to in situations like that? Just one person for now and if you think of more, then double whammy.”
She winked, and you just sent a barely-there grin back to her in response. As she went about clicking open tabs on her computer, you knew you didn’t need until next session to think of your person. 
Because as soon as she started talking about that person, you were back in the hallway of your grandparents’ home – right outside your bedroom. And the person next to you right then and there. . . he was the one you wanted with you if the terrors hit. 
Not Josh. Not even Elsie. 
But Jake. 
Would he be okay with that though? Would it be worth asking him?
Gia was once again speaking as she clicked through a few buttons on her laptop. “Y/n? You okay, love?” 
You looked up, finding her eyes waiting for yours. “Oh–oh, yeah,” you stretched your lips to make the best smile you could. “Just being an overachiever and already brainstorming my person to contact.”
She hummed, giving you a sneaky smirk. “Does it happen to be a certain roommate of yours?”
Eyes bugging, you were shocked that she’d guessed. But were you really? She sorta kinda (definitely) knew the depths of your heart. She'd probably known who you’d want to pick as soon as you'd known it. 
Nodding sheepishly, you decided to ask, “Is that a bad idea?”
“I don’t believe so,” she assured. “From what you’ve told me about him, he seems like a pretty good guy and I think he’d be more than willing to help you if you needed him.”
“Really?”
“Really. It’s also super convenient because he lives with you,” she insisted with a final wink before she said, “Anything I might’ve forgotten will be in the PowerPoint I’m about to send to your email. But, I’ve gotta say, I’ve done it enough times with enough clients, I think I’ve covered every base for today.” A few beats of silence passed before she triumphantly pressed a button. “Aaand, sent!” 
Then, wheeling back over to you, her pristinely white Nikes made the smallest squeak on the stained concrete floor of her office. “Okay, so today,” she began. “How are we feeling?”
“Really good,” you confidently responded, wiping your palms against your leggings before a true smile fit to your features. “When will we start?”
“I think next session we will find your safe place,” she said with a raise of her brow. “I will explain what I mean by ‘safe place’ next time, and directly after, we will send you there. Try not to worry about it until then, okay?” She requested, eyes searching yours for an answer. To which, you nodded. She continued with a grin. “For today, I want to call it quits with the EMDR talk. . . Let you rest. Unless. . . you have any questions, of course. . . .”
You wracked your brain, and when you couldn’t think of anything immediately, you told her you didn’t have any questions. 
“Come with some next time if you think of any. And, my email is always open in between visits if needed–even if it’s just a minor inquiry you have,” she reminded. “Oh! And I’m not sure if I mentioned this yet. . . but, if we need to ever schedule an emergency visit over Zoom or in the office. . . that is also always, always on the table. I know that these things get heavy, and I want to be here for you through all of it, y/n.”
“Got it.”
Although, something did come to your mind as you were both standing to leave the session. You hadn’t given the question much thought in your own mind (shockingly). It had entered your wave of thought the day of your first prenatal appointment. When you’d asked Josh. 
But since then, your mind had been too preoccupied with everything else that had recently happened that this thought had been put on the backburner. 
But, you were curious what her opinion was on the matter, now that it had resurfaced. 
Right before she opened the door, delicate hand on the handle, you grew sweaty. But you needed to ask the question, because if you didn’t do it now, it would be tormenting you until next Monday. 
So, you asked her the same question you’d asked Josh.
“When should I tell Jake about the baby?”
She turned her shoulder, her eyes stern when she responded. “Soon. . . sooner rather than later. Just focus on what is real.”
Sooner rather than later. . . same exact words Josh had said.
-🌼🌼🌼-
It had been a long day of classes and the short shift at the Black and Gold after your classes had completely wiped you out. 
When you got home, all you’d wanted to do was take a nap to sleep off the exhaustion from the short day. Before pregnancy, you wouldn’t be hitting a wall so early in the day, but now that you were, you could hardly function after going nonstop for more than a few hours. 
Your body was functioning in overdrive, trying to produce enough energy to sustain two lives. . . and you were still getting used to it. Honestly, you weren’t sure you would ever get used to it.
But before your nap. . . you wanted to take some time to release some of the soreness in your changing body with a warm shower. You were sure to grab a towel from the dryer because, even though you knew Jake wasn’t supposed to be home for a few hours, you still didn’t want to risk him seeing you. The idea of him seeing any slight changes on your body made you cringe. You weren’t sure if you felt comfortable in your body yet, so you definitely didn’t want him seeing it. 
There was also the enormous, glaring factor of him seeing the changes and realizing what was going on. You really still just looked bloated (albeit very, very bloated). . . but you had a feeling that he would catch on. He’d gotten very used to what your body looked like for the better part of the summer, so you could see him noticing your stomach protruding more than it ever did before. 
He’d know. . . you just had a feeling.
After a day of trying to wear regular jeans, you’d decided it was a bad idea to wear your normal sized jeans anymore. The tight waistband had cut into your abdomen all day and squeezed you like a motherfucker. Thankfully, there’d been a lull in customers before the end of your shift, and the oversized sweater you’d worn had provided enough coverage for you to unbutton the jeans when you were alone in the store. 
But when you finally got to take them off, you breathed a sigh of relief to be out of the confines of the stiff clothing. And the big, fluffy sweater had gotten to be too warm by the end of your shift, so taking that off had also been extremely relieving as well. 
After you’d tied your hair back and heated the shower a little cooler than your usually steaming hot showers, you had to get used to the temperature as you stood and lathered up your belly, giving yourself your daily time to just observe how it was growing. Ever since your visit to the E.R., you’d become more conscientious of how it was growing.
You were new to this pregnancy thing. You didn’t know if it meant your baby was okay or not if your belly wasn’t growing at a certain rate.
To your utter relief, over the past few days, you had finally been able to eat more–following the lists of food Dr. Stevens had given you. You occasionally got nauseous, but the puking had limited significantly with the suggested bland, healthier foods and constant Ginger Ale (which you’d actually found much more delicious and helpful to your twisty stomach than Sprite). 
Then there were the Preggie Pops and the heaven-sent PregEase: both of which had been fucking life savers. (Both stayed safely locked away in your room, on a shelf in your closet, right next to where you’d pinned the sonogram pictures.)
Once you’d let the quick shower relax your muscles exactly like you’d needed, you took your time drying off. And once you’d washed your face and changed into bike shorts and a giant t-shirt, you weren’t so tired as before. So, you’d settled into the couch with your phone, a book, a fluffy blanket, and a delicious bowl of sweet red peppers and pretzels.
It had become a go-to snack as of late. 
You were looking forward to finishing the steamy romance that had popped up on your BookTok a few weeks back, but you wanted to look into BookTok reviews for the second book in the series before you finished the first. Just to prepare yourself. 
Though, when you opened your TikTok app, you didn’t look into the book. No, instead, you found your fingers searching ‘13 weeks pregnant’. You wanted to see how other women looked at this point in the game. You couldn’t help wanting to compare your progression to other women. It wasn’t a healthy course of action – you knew that. You just had to see. . . get an idea.
You saw a lot of videos of them talking about entering their second trimester. Which, like your Ovia app had already informed you today, you knew you had officially passed the first trimester. . . which was a massive thing to you. Passing the first trimester meant several exciting things. A few being: the chances of your baby surviving the pregnancy increased tenfold; the morning sickness started screeching to a halt (thank god); and you’d be able to find out the gender of your baby in a few short weeks.
Though, the other glaring thing at the front of your brain was how you needed to tell Jake. Because of the fact that you were already in your second trimester.
The main thing you were concerned about was staying healthy, though. . . you were really hoping you were doing okay at keeping yourself healthy; you needed your baby to be healthy. All of your numbers seemed to be getting back on the right track as you’d been tracking your hemoglobin for the past few days. It was all very comforting–-you felt better.
Just as you clicked on a video about symptoms at week 13, the front door opened to show Jake coming through. You quickly shut the app off and locked your phone, pretended to be reading as sweat accumulated in your arm and knee pits. (Lovely.) 
Though, you couldn’t help but turn your body to peek at him in his peacoat, with a scarf wrapped around his neck, and a beanie covering his ears. Much like he’d looked on the night of the macaroni and cheese and therapy talk. 
He had a little chill in his bones, it seemed, as he shook them out when taking off his coat and scarf. His hat was next, leaving his long hair staticky in its wake. He smoothed it back with one more chill before he was off to the counter, dropping off the mail and his keys. But he didn’t immediately go to his room. He went about opening a drawer, finding a pair of scissors and heading to the mail on the counter. 
You did notice a package now that you looked closer. And he was hurriedly going about cutting through the yellow protective packaging.
Out of nowhere, you decided to speak. No idea where it came from. Curiosity killed the cat was all you could come up with.
“Whatcha got there?” Whatcha got there? Okay, first of all, what the fuck?
He peered over at you, raising a brow before lifting the now-open package to display it to you. “New guitar part I ordered.”
“Oh,” you blinked, not sure what else you’d been expecting from him. Of course he wasn’t about to make pleasant conversation. Not when something had apparently climbed up his ass where you were concerned for the past several days. 
Once again, you were right back at square one at the most inopportune time. It made you question your idea to make him your go-to person for your expected night terrors. . . but you didn’t want to let go of the possibility yet. Not yet. 
“Have fun with that,” you offered, turning back around to the book you most definitely didn’t want to read at the present time. Instead, you took a nervous bite of a pepper. 
“Um, y/n,” he said your name with a question in his tone. “What the fuck is this?”
Your heart tripped over itself in your chest. What had he found? Without looking at him, you decided to just go ahead and get your ass off the couch to survey the situation. 
He was holding the box containing your heart monitor in his hands.
Fuck. You really didn’t want him to be privy to that part of your life. For whatever ridiculous reason, you were embarrassed by it. 
Deciding honesty was the best policy, you decided to just flat out tell him. “I went to the Emergency Room the other night,” you started. “And the doctor just wanted –.”
“The Emergency Room?!” His voice raised a decibel, obviously alarmed at the new information. “Wait . . . is that why Josh had to leave the bar–? The same night you were gone all night.”
“Wait. . .how do you know I was gone all night?”
“I live with you, y/n,” he scoffed, talking to you like you were an idiot. 
You felt your blood pressure rise, your heart beating in your ears. “Yes, Jake, I know this,” you matched his tone, the hormones working in your favor this time–making you angry rather than sad. “But why the fuck were you awake?”
“I was waiting for–,” he stopped, clearing his throat before starting over. He looked down, a crinkle in his brow. “I couldn’t sleep.”
He was waiting for. . . who? Waiting for. . . what? Your curiosity peaked, but you ignored it for the time being. 
“Well, not that you need to know, but yes. I was at the E.R. that night,” you explained. “Something happened that landed me there and it resulted in them wanting to track my heart activity. Nothing huge.”
And for once, you didn’t feel bad for lying to him. Your nerves were lit on fire with irritation towards him. 
He doesn’t need to know.
“You got a heart monitor in the mail,” he stated, not dropping the possible severity of the situation. "And you're saying it's nothing huge?"
Without a second thought, you were yanking the package from his hands. 
“It’s. not. your. business, Jacob,” you squeezed the package until the plastic wrap squeaked from the tight grip of your fingertips. Then, something else clicked. “Why the fuck were you not looking at the name on the package? Remember, like you said, you live with me. You know that not all of the shit that comes in the mail is yours.”
“I just wasn’t thinking–.”
“Kind of fucking invasive, Jake,” you interrupted hotly. “Don’t you think?”
“Well, it helped me to know something was wrong with your heart. You wouldn’t have told me if I hadn’t opened the package,” he argued back. 
“You didn’t need to know!” You said, your voice raising at the same speed as your blood pressure. “Still don’t!”
“But Josh sure as hell does, right?” He demanded, swinging his finger towards the door, his jaw clenching. “He needed to be your knight in shining fucking armor, huh?”
“Why the hell do you care?!” You fumed, the question exploding from your chest with the same emotion that had tears gathering in your eyes at the question. Angry tears. Confused tears. 
“I don’t!” He snapped, his beautiful, brown eyes, hard. His jaw, set and tight. 
His words sat in the air for a few minutes. Your stares were intertwined; swimming with tangled emotions. The air felt hot and heavy as it surrounded you. It was taut with newly spoken (and still unspoken) surmounting feelings and disequilibrium. Nostrils were flaring. Both of your chests heaved, the sound of his breathing mixed with yours in a way that made you want to slap and kiss his pursed lips.
You didn’t let yourself stand there much longer – needed to get away from him. Without speaking to him, you tore your eyes from his, gathered up your stuff from the couch, and tried to walk with as much dignity as you could to your room. 
Somehow, you were able to get the door open with your hands inexplicably full, and after you’d entered and before you could shut it behind you, you shot a glare his way. He was still watching you.
“Fuck you, Jake.”
-🌼🌼🌼-
November 17, 2022
The next night saw your ass in the shower again. 
Except this time, you were sitting in the tub, legs drawn to your chest as close as possible with your rounder tummy, and chin on your knees as you let the warm water soak you through. 
You’d already shaved and washed everything. So, now, you were just letting yourself be.
Your thoughts had been spinning since last night. So, in an effort to help your heart, you’d invited Josh over for a movie when Jake left to give lessons for the day. And, of course, he’d said yes without question. 
You’d spent the day drowning yourself in popcorn and Canada Dry (Josh surprised you with a new 12-pack when he’d arrived) as you’d watched all three Bridget Jones movies. Back to back to back. They weren’t Josh’s favorites, but he humored you by trying to indulge in the trilogy – even managing to laugh at the funny parts. 
Between movies, he’d let you cry on his shoulder. Or, intermittently, during the movies. . . By the time he’d left, your tears had positively stained the white long sleeve tee he was wearing. 
He didn’t ever ask what it was about – who it was about. And you never told him. But you knew he wasn’t oblivious to who caused your emotional episode.
Now he was gone. Had been for about an hour. And Jake wasn’t home yet. Not that you fucking cared. 
You’d meant it when you told him what you did. Fuck him.
Though, the devastating matter was that you couldn’t decide if you were more mad at yourself or him. Everyday was a replay of the day in the kitchen. And you were sure he replayed it everyday, too. . . and he was definitely allowed to feel hurt after the horrendous shit you’d thrown at him.
But what was with the back and forth? Hot and cold? How he’d been okay the night with the mac and cheese? How he’d spent his time researching therapy for you to try? How he’d been quick to defend your song to his girlfriend? 
And, just as quickly, he was snapping at you. Getting upset out of nowhere. Instantly angry with you when you’d come out of the bathroom at the bar. Getting pissed for no reason at you and Josh for sitting in the car. Telling you last night that he didn’t care about you. 
Was that true? Did he not? It fucking killed you if it was true. But you couldn’t blame him if he didn’t care. Why would he?
You took the moment to stretch your legs out in the shower, watching as the water painted your skin with droplet after droplet. Then, you looked down at your tummy, extra round after a day of pigging out. 
Placing a pruned hand on it, you looked down at the part of your body that housed your human. Surprisingly (not), tears clouded your voice as you spoke to it, rubbing the skin reassuringly. “I’m so sorry that your mommy and daddy are so fucked up.”
After letting a few tears fall to meet the tight, rounded skin of your tummy, you forced your legs to stand up. The feat was proven a little difficult as they’d fallen asleep, but you still managed. Regretfully, you’d turned the water off. You didn’t want to leave the shower but you were officially prune-y as hell.
And, as you gathered a towel to wrap up in, you realized you were also very fucking tired.
You carefully attached the heart monitor’s adhesive to your chest like the instruction manual (and multiple videos you’d watched) told you to, and followed it with the monitor itself. You then checked to make sure the phone you’d been given with the kit was ready to track what it needed.
Finding your phone on the counter after you’d washed your face and brushed your teeth, you decided Josh deserved a thank you after putting up with you the last several days.
Especially after you’d just rocked his motherfucking world . . . and he’d been so cool about it.
God, you just loved him.
You, 10:17 p.m.: I’m so glad I have you. I mean it from the bottom of my heart that I wouldn’t make it through this pregnancy without you. And your love and amazing fucking support. I’d be lost without you.
And after you sent it, you began towel drying your hair, then brushed through any tangles the best you could. 
When you heard a ding! sound from the living room, you spent a few minutes thinking it was your imagination. But when you heard it a second time, you realized it was most likely not in your head, and that Jake was home. 
So, checking your appearance once more, you wrapped the towel as tight as you could around your body before shutting the light off and opening the door. 
You glanced up to see if he was in fact home, and the sight that met you had you stop in your tracks. 
Josh’s white phone case with the little triangle symbol he’d drawn on it one day at the B&G. 
In Jake’s hands. 
Jake’s face, looking at the screen of said phone, mouth open in shock.
And as soon as you closed the door to the bathroom, the smallest sound of it shutting, made his eyes slowly slide up from the phone to your face.
He held the phone up, showing you just what he’d seen. Fuck. 
“You’re pregnant?”
You took a careful step forward, the blood in your veins frazzled and vibrating. Deny deny deny. As long as you can, y/n. “What gives you the right to be in Josh’s phone? Your invasiveness really knows no fucking bounds these days,” you clipped, voice shaking in spite of yourself.
He blinked a couple of times, a smile forming on his mouth. A wide, sarcastic one, which turned into an astounded scoff. “Really? That’s what we’re going to focus on right no–?” He shook his head, clicking the phone shut before taking a few cautious steps towards you. “His face I.D.; it opens to me. I’m his fucking identical twin.”
“Prove it,” you challenged. 
“Was already planning on it,” he snipped. And right in your line of sight, he opened the phone, putting his face in front of it. Then, it was turned to show you. The same tantalizing screen as before. “Proven.”
“Well. . .,” you faltered, scrambling. “Why did you have it?”
“It was laying on the counter. I went to grab it and my keys,” he jingled the keys in his other hand. “I was going to take it to him,” he explained, sounding exasperated and patient all at once. An anomaly. “But when I picked it up, I looked down, and it opened.”
He took two steps back, once again, holding the phone up to show you the text screen. The gray bubble had never looked so horrifying as it did in that moment. The sweat accumulating on your forehead proved your entire skin care routine pointless. You were shaking. Your skin felt like it was going to fall off from the vibrations taking over underneath it.
“Now,” he started slowly. “Will you answer my question, please?” 
His voice broke on the last word and it triggered a single tear to trickle down your cheek. 
“Yes, I am.”
“Whose?”
“Really, Jake?” You questioned, the question making your heart break. How could he–? 
His eyes went soft momentarily, pleading with you. “I just need to hear you say it, y/n.”
“It’s yours, Jake. The baby is yours. Who the fuck else?”
-🌼🌼🌼-
a/n: this monstrous chapter was a fucking doozy and you already know i wanna talk about it!! come to my asks and we shall chat <333
oh, but i'm just wondering........ what do you think reader's safe place will be? ;) a place? a person? both? hmmm....
ty for being the best readers in the world and pleaseee never hesitate to send in your wonderful thoughts! love youuuu <3
& as usual, it wouldn’t let me tag some of y’all. :( so please check to see that you’re down there because if you’ve asked to be on the taglist, i tried to tag you. buuuut tumblr wouldn’t let me do it for everyone 🙃 ugh. and if i somehow forgot to tag someone, please also let me know that! (i'm a NOOB and i have terrible memory)
Taglist: @joshym, @gretavanfleetposts, @alyson814, @fretaganvleet, @lallisonl, @writingcold, @gvfpal, @twinszka, @jessicafg03, @reesetrippingthelight, @sacredjake, @laurenlovesgretavanfleet, @gretavangroove, @222headedcalf, @dreamssingold, @carbondancingthroughtime, @raviolilegs, @way-to-go-lad, @jakekiszkasmommy, @katgvf, @objectsinspvce, @jaketlover, @vanfleeter, @thetroublegetssoloud71, @seditabets, @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface, @jaketlove, @ohgodthefeeling-gvf, @starcatcher-jake, @anythingforjtk, @lucimoo, @indigostreakmorgan, @gretavanbear, @katelynn-gvf, @alwaysonthemend, @aintthatapity, @bowievanfleet, @fwzco, @takenbythemadness, @cherry-icecreamsmile, @laneygvf, @hi-hi-hello11, @sinarainbows, @jakesbarbarian, @mybussyinchrist, @becinabubblegvf, @heckingfrick, @danigvf, @pinkandsleepy1934, @derrangeddumpsterfire, @klarxtr, @josh-iamyour-mama, @abby-gvf, @cassyface, @gretavansabotage, @torniturntomyarrow, @joshsbonnet, @llrosee, @starshine-gvf, @itsafullmoon, @gvfmarge, @creadliz98
(and, due to t*mblr’s shitass guidelines, i will be adding the other tags in a reblog of the story!)
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an-idyllic-novelist · 4 months
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Jax and tired!fem!reader scenario
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Hey guys and welcome to a scenario for the indie animation that has shaken up Youtube, The Amazing Digital Circus! If you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it! :) Special thanks to @thejester0897 , @ceoofdabicorpsensfw , and @selineram3421 for providing feedback and suggestions! If you would like me to write more TADC content please let me know in the comments section on here or on my other blog, @forbidden-sunlight.
So with that being said, sit back, relax, and let's see what's going today in the digital plane! :)
The adventures around the Amazing Digital Circus are stimulating and keep everyone from going insane, least according to Ragatha.
For you, though, there was nothing better than to end the completion of an adventure than taking a nap before going to find something to eat. Even when you required neither sleep or food, it was important to keep a routine.
Kaufmo had learned the hard way to not disturb you during your naptime, may his abstracted soul rest in peace. 
The only one who didn’t seem to get the memo was the residential asshat, Jax. Why? Well, unfortunately, you decided to give him one chance at this…whole romance thing with him.
For the record, you had no idea that Jax saw you as anything beyond being a fellow member of the circus, another person to prank on. So, imagine your surprise when he said that he liked your company in a round-about fashion. Or did he push you in one of the empty rooms and pinned you to the floor before stealing a kiss with that cheeky grin of his?
Eh, you couldn’t remember right now. 
You just wanted to close your eyes and take your mind off of things for a little while. Closing the door behind you, you slipped off your shoes and crawled on top of your bed. You were too tired to pull the sheets over you. Exhaustion swept over your legs and spine, your mind was throbbing from an oncoming migraine. Then you fell asleep. 
Clank.
“Hey dollface. Got room for one more?” 
Argh. 
Almost. 
You didn’t bother turning around to face the rabbit. “Bugger off, Jax. Not in the mood.”  You heard him chuckle, followed by the door being closed with a low click. You had hoped that he took the hint and actually left, but this is Jax. He won’t leave until he riles someone up for the sake of his own amusement. You curled your body into a small ball, anticipating him putting some centipedes on your bed like he did with Ragatha countless times. Instead, you felt the bed dip to one side, before an arm snaked around your waist, pulling you in. Jax buried his face in the back of your neck, his hot breath ending a small shudder crawling down your spine. 
“....What are you doing?”
“C’mon, can’t a guy spend some time with his gal? I barely got any today ‘cause you were hangin’ with Crybaby and Whoha.” 
You rolled your eyes. He might try to sound indifferent to the fact that he could care less about how you interacted with the other troupe members besides himself, you knew Jax liked being the center of attention. Well, your attention, that is. Knowing actions spoke louder than words with this jealous rabbit, you placed your hand on top of the one that was rested against your middle. 
“Quiet. Lemme rest or I’m kicking you out and taking away your key to my room.” 
Jax gasped dramatically in your ear. “You’d do that to the love of your life? You’re so mean!”
“Keep pushing your luck and you’ll find out sooner than you think.” You grumbled. “Now hush. Let me enjoy this cuddling session with my eyes closed.”
“I don’t think this qualifies as a cuddlin’ session when it’s one person doing all the work.” 
“Jax.”
“Fine, fine. Shuttin’ up. But I want a smooch when you wake up. Not one of those quick ones on the cheek, either. A nice, big, sweet one on the lips.” You almost jumped out of his grasp when you felt his mouth press a light kiss on your shoulder. “Night, night, toots.” 
It was a good thing that he couldn’t see your face right now or else you would kick the little rascal to save what little dignity you had left as a member of the Amazing Digital Circus who had the misfortune of being Jax’s sweetheart. Inhaling a deep breath, you try to calm your hammering heart and relax in the rabbit’s arms, to allow your mind to get lost in the void of blissful darkness if only for a brief moment in this wacky world that’s slowly driving you to the brink of madness. 
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josibunn · 3 months
Note
i can definitely imagine like twins euro and jack, where maybe, they’ve been bestfriends with a cutesy reader for awhile and they both like her and always argue over her and they finally come to an “agreement” and the agreement is just them playing hot potato with her and fucking her and keeping her to themselves <33333 like no you can’t leave??? you’re all ours >:(((( like her begging them to get alone and they’re like 😁😁😁😁 bet
thinkin twins+bestie reader where they met in high school and were just inseparable. first drinks, parties, everything together. they ridiculed all your boyfriends and scared away every date but you gotta love em ;3
also fuck I wanna give euro a tongue piercing so bad someone convince me not to.
oof and day, maybe when you’re all drunk hangin out together you guys have a spur of the moment threesome. just something silly, you’re all hammered, known each other for years, what could go wrong? and it’s good, you’re giggly and probably came more than you can count
what goes wrong is that it’s really good. too fucking good. and so is the morning sex. and so is the “guys I gotta go to work i’m gonna be late” sex. and hey, one of the boys-maybe øystein invites you over to hang which turns into his hands down your shorts making you grab at his shirt as you moan in his mouth and cum all on his hand, and you wanna continue but…it’s not the same without jacks sloppy, drooling mouth making out with your pussy, prying your shaky legs apart.
so you guys call him over, and sure he’s a little t’d off that you started without him but before you can apologize he’s messily pulling his hair back and getting started on you, licking you up like there’s caramel dripping out of you. øystein fucks your throat, whispering sweet praises of, “breath through your nose sugar, that’s it.” “takin’ it really well, hey-look at me, cmon.” while jack moans into your cunt, eyes soft on you as you caress your tits for him, giving him a show as drool falls from your mouth.
and once they’re both finished they’re arguing about who gets to fuck you first lol. “you were just in her throat how is that fair?!” “that’s the way it goes dumbass, foreplay, facefucking and then fucking!” they argue, and you sigh, sitting up on your elbows on the bed tiredly before you squash it-“jack, baby he’s right,” you breath, “that’s the order, you-you can go longer since we left you out, ok?” you calm him down, giving him a little kiss, which makes øystein roll his eyes.
so your heads leaning off the side of the bed, jack fucking your throat as øystein fucks you on your back, holding your hips up and pulling you back onto him as he fucks you, eyes rolling back as he watches your tits bounce, fuck, who coulda thought all this was hiding away from them.
“can’t believe we didn’t do this sooner, fuck,” jack huches over as he slams into your throat, one hand holding up his wife beater as the other leans onto euros shoulder. “fuckin right? knew you got around, but who knew you could take it like such a slut?” he asks you, knowing you can’t asnwer as your face gets stuffed full of dick. speaking off, “hey, stop goin so hard on er’. she’s not a fuckin’ doll.” euro tells jack, who rolls his eyes.
“you just worry bout that pussy, cuz’ when ur done ur movin over, so enjoy it while it lasts.” he glares at him before returning his attention to you, his fingers gliding down your throat, watching and feeling himself slide in and out of it.
when øystein is done, jack flips you over, you’re so out of it you don’t even notice until you feel his girth slide into your beat in, sensitive cunt, groaning on your ear as you mom out, gripping the sheets closer to you and burying your face in them. “so fuckin good baby, shouldve picked you out sooner,” he rasps, and he doesn’t give you any time to adjust, hurrying and fucking into you like it’s been years since he’s had you.
he’s so cocky lol, pulling your hair up so you’re not hiding anymore and pounding into you, he wants to make øystein jealous, even though he’s just in the bathroom across the hall. “fuckin good huh baby, yeah? love this dick?” he holds your hair in a makeshift ponytail as your eyes roll back, whines and squeaks of moans rolling off your tongue as your cunt spasms against him, not being able to take this much stimulation in one night.
“you’re so annoying,” øystein comes in with a towel draping off his v-line, hopping next to you two and watching your face. “so pretty,” he coos, grabbing your chin and making you look at him, tears falling and eyes obviously fogged over. nothing in that pretty head of yours :( “you’re doin so well little one, know that? bein so good,” he kisses your parted lips, making you smile as you fall back on the bed out of jacks grasp, airy moans coming off you as you feel him speed up, signaling his own orgasm.
after you both come down you’re sandwiched between them, back to jacks from, hand and head on øysteins bare chest. “you did so good baby, you feel ok?” jack asks, caressing your head as euronymous runs his fingers over every feature on your face. you nod, “she’d be really good if you didn’t use her like a fleshy,” øystein snaps, cradling your back.
“don’t tell me how to fuck her, ok? I don’t tell you what to do when your face is between her legs, do I? mr. can’t eat it?” jack snaps back, and it has you rolling your eyes. “what I lack in my tongue makes up in my dick, I dunno how you even work with that thing, don’t even think she can see it half the time without glasses.” he points, which has them pushing each other, which has you sitting up from being fed up, “neither of you are gonna see it if you don’t shut the fuck up and white arguing,” you say, and it has them nonono-ing and ok ok i’m sorry-ing you and pulling you back to lay down.
(also that was just some brother bickering. I can assure you jack is anything but small down there. ;3)
and after a while of doing this, you ask them one day while hanging out. “what’re you guys gonna do when I get a boyfriend?” you say as you sit between the two on the couch. “what? boyfriend??” jack says. “we’re gonna keep fucking you,” øysteins nonchalant, doesn’t even look away from the tv to answer.
“yes boyfriend, and you can’t do that. when I get a boyfriend you can’t fuck me and you can’t scare him away.” you tell them, cuddling up to both. “bullshit you’re getting a boyfriend, you don’t need anyone else, that’s dead.” jack shrugs, “yeah, like, you think any of these losers are gonna fuck you like I do?” “like we do,” jack corrects, but euronymous knew what he said.
“I know that, but what if I do start liking a guy?” “you’ll get over it. you’ll forget about it when i’m knuckles deep in this sweet thing,” he teases, motorboat kissing your cheek as he digs his fingers between your legs, making you giggle. “or we’ll take care of it, either way it’s not happening.”
and soon they exhibit that when you do later go on a date.
“ok, wait here, uhm don’t mind them, I just need to grab something, i’ll be right back.” you point to jack and øystein on your couch, and they’re glaring your date as you give them a look before heading upstairs. “you her date?” euro tilts his head, and he’s giving a sassy little head tilt as he looks the guy up and down.
“uh-yeah, yeah, you guys like her friends or something?” “somethin’ like that, you should look at this before you go out with er’ tho,” jack motions for the guy to sit between them before he’s showing him a video. it’s you, on your back, head tilted back as jack slams his cock into you, your moans tying in with his deep thrusts, and as video jack moans “that’s it mama, takin it so good,” video you puts your hand on his abdomen, which results in video jack slapping your thigh and telling you “move that fucking hand.”
the date goes pale in the face, “i-is that—” “that’s a good one, when’d you take that?” euro asks, “when you went to the store last night,” jack answered, making sure to add that “last night”. “sneaky, you should look at this too though,” euro says before he turns his phone to the date and jack, and it’s a video of euro fucking your throat in, his hand holding your hair up as your eyes roll back, saliva dripping down your chin and tears staining your face.
they’re just so talkative all the time, video øystein going, “good fuckin girl baby, love this dick don’t you, hm? love this fat cock in your mouth?” to which you nod, fucked out eyes looking up as him as you grab his tiny hips and pull yourself deeper, resulting in a low groan and chuckle from euro. “oh she looks so good in that,” jack nods and euro agrees before shoving his phone in his pocket and returning back to the guy.
“so where’re you kids goin?” he tilts his head, and thankfully you start to come down before he could answer, because his face answers for him. “you ready?” you smile, but frown when he says, “sorry, uhh something-my moms in the hospital, I really gotta go.” he says and hurried out the door before you could even say bye.
“that was weird,” jack says, acting oblivious. “what..what happened? what’d you say to him?” you pout, stepping out your heels and onto the couch between them. “nothing baby! in fact we didn’t say anything, he was just on his phone smilin’ n shit,” jack says, rubbing your thigh. “aww sugar,” euro coos, rubbing your chin as he kisses your pouty lip. “it’s ok, he’s a loser anyways I told you they’re not as good as us.”
“yeah, let’s make it up to you, kay?” jack says, rubbing your ass before he’s picking you up and carrying you upstairs. they’re so mean!!
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hehehe I love this au so so so bad!!! send more more more!!
join my taglist! @angelsanarchy @sugarinte @monkeyfart @444rockstargf @bambi-horror @auggiethecreator @wonkinoo @brithedemonspawn @yungbloodsuxca @weezinrnween
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neukdaez · 7 months
Text
say my name
rating: explicit
member: euijoo
notes: song-inspired fic, fem!reader, brother's friend, acquaintances to lovers, kitchen sex, praise, unprotected sex, creampie, maki is your younger brother, appearance by nicholas
a/n: my birthday fic for euijoo! i know his birthday's done both in korea and in where i live lol but it's still the 7th somewhere!!!! the song i incorporated into this is deny's say my name, which is a taglish song but i included translations for the lyrics i used here. this is my first full one shot on this account too aaaa so please enjoy!
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there's something inherently exciting about doing things you shouldn't do, in meeting people who are bad for you, in sneaking around behind shadows, ducking from sight as the adrenaline pumps through your veins.
your heartbeat is loud, but your footsteps are quiet.
hindi mo ba napapansin, kung ga'no kainit ang hangin? (don't you notice how the air's turned hot?)
we've all had those moments in our lives when we stare off into space, teetering on the edge of doing something incredibly reckless. a lot of us have these moments more than once. sometimes more than once a day. you've had your fair share of internal battles about a risky decision, but this is the first time you can actually feel the suffocation creeping up on you as you rattle off your internal monologue.
but first, you need to find maki and wring his neck.
your brother has a friend. nicholas. and nicholas, in turn, has another friend.
euijoo.
and maki being the outgoing person he is, quickly became euijoo's friend, too. nevermind that nicholas and euijoo are both four years older than maki and are in their junior year of college while your little weasel of a brother is still in high school.
he met them in dance class, apparently. and they're thick as thieves.
so much so that they're in your living room right now, hogging the couch while they watch dance video after dance video on the tv.
this isn't a particularly new scene to witness. maki invites them over at least twice a week, and thanks to your parents' taste for the grander things in life, your living room has more than enough space for a bunch of young men to do their thing.
again, what business two twenty-somethings have in casually coming to a seventeen-year-old's house to hang out is beyond you. but you digress.
because at least maki has the sense to make friends with cute guys.
euijoo stands out to you, in particular. you're not sure why but there's definitely something about him. maybe it's his eyes, round and cute, like little cartoon saucers. or maybe it's his height. tall men are always a plus.
whatever it is, it's what's causing your inner turmoil, the more rational part of your brain fighting it out with the part of your brain that just makes you want to throw yourself at him.
wait, what?
you're at the top of the stairs, in the tiniest tank top you own, and while your lower half is safely covered in your pajama pants, the tight fit around your waist might raise some eyebrows (or catch eyes). the reasonable voice in your head tells you to cover up. you have visitors, for god's sake! but the small, mischievous whisper tells you to fuck it, flaunt it all to your brother's hot friends.
maybe you're overthinking it.
except, you aren't, because you're not blind and definitely not stupid.
nicholas did a double take the first time you met them, eyes scanning over you quickly. he's been tame since then, only greeting you curtly, but with a friendly enough smile nonetheless. then he turns back to his phone, typing away furiously. probably texting a girlfriend.
but euijoo's eyes linger. and while that may not mean anything now, you know that men are simple creatures. sauntering in front of him wearing what you're wearing now will definitely have him looking.
maybe you want him to look.
kalamnan ay unti-unting 'di maramdaman, natitirang konsensya, 'di na rin nadatnan (can't feel my insides, can't find what little conscience i have)
you climb down the stairs, your footsteps emitting soft thuds on the carpeted floor. your eyes stay true toward the direction of the kitchen, but a movement by the couch makes you shift your gaze.
you catch euijoo's eye briefly as he cranes his neck to look at you. you're still walking, albeit a little slower now. you fight the urge to smile when euijoo lets his line of sight fall to your chest.
"hey guys," you greet nonchalantly, breaking eye contact with euijoo. you glance at nicholas this time, sitting alone on the single-seater. he smiles warmly at you, giving a small wave.
maki is too engrossed in his phone to witness anything that's happening around him, particularly with his doe-eyed friend beside him on the couch.
"can you get me a soda from the fridge?" maki calls out to you as you enter the kitchen. you roll your eyes. ugh, little brothers.
you throw the refrigerator door open, snatching the four-pack of sodas. you pull one out for yourself, kicking the fridge shut before heading back out to the living room.
you press your soda to your neck, exhaling at the sensation against your warm skin. you extend your hand between maki and euijoo from behind the couch, handing them the rest of the sodas.
euijoo takes them from you, hand brushing against yours, and god does it feel like a predictable spicy romcom moment.
"thanks," euijoo says in his sweet honey voice. his lips turn up in the smallest of smiles.
"you're welcome," you reply, keeping your expression mostly neutral, raising your eyebrows in acknowledgement.
you turn away, making your way back to the stairs. you start your ascent and just before you disappear into the second floor, you give one final peek over the banister.
euijoo smiles once more as your eyes meet.
---
you still want to wring maki's neck. but maybe also reward him with a fat wad of cash.
it's late into the night and you're sure euijoo and nicholas have left. you heard the front door slam open and shut about an hour ago and you're certain you heard maki enter his room a little after that. so you practically frolicked down into the kitchen, in dire need of a midnight snack. your parents are conveniently off at an overnight business function so no one would give you shit for banging around with the pots and pans.
you're in the process of rummaging through the ramyeon drawer, scrutinizing the different flavors, when you hear a noise behind you. your heart seizes up in your chest as you spin around, bracing yourself against the counter, eyes wide in shock.
"euijoo?!"
the young man stands in the kitchen doorway, clad in what you can only identify as sleepwear of his own. his face mirrors yours, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.
"sorry, just wanted to get some water," euijoo quickly apologizes, holding his hands out defensively.
you exhale, stance relaxing as you watch him shuffle uncertainly towards the other side of the kitchen. the only thing that stands between the two of you is the kitchen island.
"maki didn't tell me you guys were sleeping over," you point out, ramyeon long forgotten behind you.
"then again, he never tells me anything," you add. euijoo chuckles.
he's retrieved a glass from a cupboard and before you can think further ahead, you reach over to the fridge beside you, ducking to get the pitcher from within.
it's now that you realize that you're practically sticking your ass out for euijoo to ogle at. you nearly giggle at the thought.
you straighten up, turning to place the water on the island. euijoo is leaning over the marble, eyeing you. you're not quite sure how his expression reads, but you smile politely, sliding the pitcher towards him.
"where's maki, anyway?" you ask.
"with nicholas. nico brought his car and they, uh...," euijoo trails off, silencing himself as he pours the water into his glass.
you cock your head to the side. "did you just send my underage brother out to buy alcohol?"
euijoo purses his lips, not saying a word. he clears his throat, seemingly suppressing a smile.
you exhale, pinching the bridge of your nose. opening your eyes, you see euijoo is looking at you over the rim of his glass as he drinks. you stare back, crossing your arms.
"well, i had my suspicions," you declare. "i started around his age, too."
euijoo nods, setting his glass down. "i see where he gets it from."
you narrow your eyes and euijoo looks back at you innocently.
"why didn't you go along with them?" you question, leaning over the island casually. you're still wearing the tank top from earlier and euijoo doesn't hide the fact that he's still looking.
to his credit, there seems to be the faintest blush on his cheeks. so, he's not completely shameless, at least.
"and leave you here alone? come on, i'm more of a gentleman than that," euijoo says, tone easy. he plants his hands on the island, mirroring you as he leans closer across from you.
i wanna do the things i never tried with ya', i wanna hear you say my name now, won't ya'
"that's very thoughtful of you," you supply appreciatively. euijoo smiles.
"the pleasure is mine, _______."
the sound of your name leaving euijoo's lips sends you back to the hypothetical edge, standing over a steep drop into shame.
are you really this kind of older sibling? flirting with your brother's friend, dressed in ridiculously thin clothing, practically laying yourself out on a big, wide, flat surface? you might as well spell it out for him at this point.
"when are they coming back?" you ask, resting your chin on your palm. you're properly bent over the island now. if euijoo had no idea a few minutes ago, he sure as hell knows what's up by now.
euijoo turns his back to you for a moment, placing the now empty glass in the sink. he looks down at you from where he's standing and glances away briefly as if thinking.
"in a bit," he begins, coming around the counter. your breath hitches as you follow him with your eyes, heart thumping as he stops behind you.
you turn, leaning back against the marble now as euijoo watches you. every blink, every time you shift your weight, every breath, it feels like he's taking it all in.
"it's a friday night, so the traffic might be hell out there," euijoo points out. "i'd say that's another twenty minutes or so. give or take."
baby, hindi na makahinga, i'm suffocating pero hindi masama (baby, can't breathe anymore, i'm suffocating, but it's not bad)
"what do you wanna do till then?" you press on, batting your eyes at the man in front of you. one side of his mouth turns up in a smirk.
he's cute enough that it looks almost endearing. but the sparkle in his eye points to something else.
"whatever takes twenty minutes or so to do," euijoo suggests with a raise of his brow. he steps closer and you're almost toe to toe.
i kinda like it, adrenalina'y tumatakbo, dibdib ay kumakabog, sa tubig kinakapos (i kinda like it, adrenaline's running, chest is pounding, running short on water)
you reach out but euijoo beats you to whatever you're trying to do. his hand circles your wrist as he moves even closer.
kalamnan ay unti-unting 'di maramdaman, natitirang konsensya, 'di na rin nadatnan (can't feel my insides, can't find what little conscience i have)
euijoo's other hand lays on your hip. he ducks his head so he's level with your face. you breathe in and euijoo grins.
isang utos mo lang, hindi na mahindian, bae (just one command and i can't say no to you, bae)
in your head, you're cursing how he's so stupidly hot and cute and charming at the same time that you'd have no problem doing whatever it is he wants you to.
"kiss me," euijoo dares, eyebrows rising for a second, as if in challenge.
it's embarrassing how loud you moan once euijoo's lips are on yours. your hands immediately come up to cup at his face and his own palms smooth around your waist, up your back, before descending again to ultimately rest on your ass.
euijoo is a damn good kisser and you can barely keep up with every slide of his tongue on yours and every pass of his lips over your parted ones.
euijoo's hands move to your shoulders, pointer fingers hooking through the thin straps of your top, pulling them down. you gasp against euijoo's mouth, your chest exposed in its near entirety.
you pull back, watching with labored breaths as euijoo tugs the front of your shirt down, letting one of your tits hang out. you bite your lip as he takes ahold of it, squeezing gently. his other hand maneuvers itself beneath the waistband of your pajamas, wriggling under your underwear, before finally finding purchase against the heat between your legs.
it's pathetic, really, how quickly you turn to putty under euijoo's touch. a man you've known for barely a few weeks, pulling at your every string, playing you like a fiddle.
"cute," euijoo murmurs, leaning in to plant a brief kiss on the side of your mouth.
euijoo draws small, tight circles on your clit and you squirm, knuckles white as you grasp onto the counter behind you. you tuck your chin against your chest, squeezing your eyes shut when you feel euijoo tease at your entrance.
euijoo's hold on your breast disappears and instead, he gently handles one side of your face, tilting your head up. you meet his eyes just as he plunges one finger into you.
your eyes flutter shut and euijoo kisses you again, hot and messy and slick with both of your spit. he adds another finger and you whine, hips stuttering against his hand. your knees feel weak and you're convinced they're ready to give out.
euijoo pumps in and out of your slowly, letting your wetness coat his fingers. he curls his digits just as he pushes up and you clench down, a pleasurable heat spreading across your body.
"fuck, euijoo," you whisper. he pulls back slightly, observing your expressions.
"tell me when you're close," euijoo instructs. his voice has dropped, making you shiver.
euijoo picks up his speed, curling his fingers periodically, movements almost calculated like he's done this a million times before. the thought of euijoo being experienced, mastering the ins and outs of this, makes your whole body prickle with excitement.
"c-close," you manage to whimper out.
euijoo maintains his speed but presses harder and harder each time against your spongy walls. you clamp a hand over your mouth as you feel your belly tighten.
"euijoo, i'm gonna—oh my god!"
your orgasm wipes all coherent thoughts from your head, knocking the air out of you in one fell swoop. euijoo wraps an arm around your torso, keeping you upright as you ride your high out on his fingers. he presses his lips to your temple as you start to calm down, chest rising and falling rapidly.
euijoo pulls his hand from your pajamas, holding your gaze as he licks his fingers clean of you. your face burns but you can't look away, mesmerized by the way his lips and tongue move.
don't gotta get emotions if it's okay with ya', but I might fuck around and catch feelings for ya'
euijoo smiles, eyes raking over your disheveled form.
"we better hurry," euijoo speaks up, dipping down to kiss you. you taste yourself faintly on his mouth,
you tug your pajamas and underwear down, letting them fall to the floor. you kick them off to the side, pulling back as euijoo does the same. your eyes travel down to see his cock standing red and angry against his stomach.
"like what you see?" euijoo asks playfully, a hand coming down to stroke at his shaft a few times.
you bite down on your lip, trying to suppress a grin. euijoo chuckles, large hands taking hold of your hips. he maneuvers you to face away from him, your front digging into the marble of the kitchen counter.
you lean forward, letting your front squish against the surface, back arched perfectly. you hear euijoo whistle lowly, a hand smoothing down your back.
"looking good, _______," euijoo compliments, knees knocking against your thighs, signaling you to part them. you adjust your stance, exposing more of yourself to euijoo.
"that's it," euijoo mutters and you feel something poke against your waiting hole.
you let out a mix of a sigh of relief and a choked-up sob as you feel euijoo push in. you crane your neck to see what euijoo's doing and his eyebrows are knit together, concentration on his features as he fills you all the way in.
you see his eyes roll into the back of his head as he bottoms out, hands automatically gripping at your waist, keeping you steady.
euijoo starts moving and your head drops onto the counter. the stretch feels euphoric, euijoo's cock dragging deliciously against your walls.
"euijoo," you whine. his hips snap up repeatedly, pace starting to pick up as he loses himself in your cunt.
"so good," euijoo whispers. "you feel amazing, _______."
you preen at his words, burying your face in your folded arms. the angle lets him hit that spot deep within you perfectly and you already feel the beginnings of your second orgasm creeping up.
you gasp softly as you feel fingers tangling themselves in your hair and you cry out fully when you feel euijoo tug your head back by your locks.
"fuck, come here, angel," euijoo implores, an arm around your midsection as he pulls you against him.
euijoo's holding you up all by himself and you let him, too weakened by the way he's fucking into you.
euijoo's movements quicken, thrusts turning shallow as he ruts against you. you wonder for a moment if it's possible to go mad over cock. the thought is a ridiculous one, but with the way euijoo fucks you, harsh yet contained, with all the finesse and enthusiasm combined, you start to think it might not be too much of a stretch.
euijoo presses his mouth behind your ear, sucking lightly and you shiver, his breath tickling your sensitive skin.
"where?" euijoo asks, voice strained. it's obvious he's holding his release back.
it takes you a second to register his question and euijoo grunts softly, movements now erratic.
"where do you want it, angel?" euijoo repeats.
"inside," you say, walls clenching down as you feel your own orgasm approach. "please, inside."
it doesn't take long for euijoo's hips to stutter, fucking into you at a brutal pace for a few seconds before he stills, spilling himself deep in you. the feeling of him finishing inside sends you over the edge in turn, euijoo's name falling loudly from your mouth.
euijoo lets go of you and you slump over the counter, sweaty and spent. he slowly pulls out and you wince, pushing yourself upright with shaky arms.
"put this on, quick," euijoo reminds, handing you your underwear and bottoms. "before you, uh, make a mess on your kitchen floor."
you blush violently at his words, hurriedly pulling your clothes back on. euijoo does the same, wordlessly putting on his pajama pants.
you make eye contact and a second goes by without either of you saying a word. a moment later, the two of you burst out in silent giggles.
"i'd say that was about twenty minutes," euijoo comments, rubbing the back of his neck, a sudden shyness overcoming his demeanor.
before you can get a word out, you hear the front door slam open, hushed voices carrying through the house to the kitchen.
"_______? are you awake?" maki asks.
you and euijoo exchange a look.
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viiiiiiiiiin · 1 month
Note
Hiii viiiiiiiiin hope your day is going good your writing is really good😍😍💖💌❤💗🌹💋💞👍👍😭👏 so I was wondering if I could please request red hair pirates x reader(gender dosent really matter do what your comfortble with😊) and the reader has really cute personlity always giving everyone a hug/kiss to comfort them if they are having a bad bakes a almost all the time. Can be navie and too quick to trust people lol so innocent...always to the scenario i would like to request the reader makes a new friend brings them to the red force to meet the red hair pirates but later on the readers so called new friends starts to become mean often saying rude/mean comments to reader when reader crew mates arnt around their(red hair pirates) in readers innocent mind dosent really think or even tell them and tries to comfort their "new friend" but things only get worse. One day the reader new friend betrayes reader(does somthing really horrible) and makes reader cry and when the red hair pirates found out they ofc take action. By the way can you make this story end happliy?
Thanks so much for your hard work have a amazing day viiiiiiin!💗💗❤
Really appreciate you❤💌🥺😭👏💞💋🌹💋⚘⚘🌺🌹🌷🌷⚘🌷🌷🌷🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
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Red Haired Pirates x Sweet / Naive Reader
Includes: GN Reader , Red Haired Pirates , and Reader's "Friend"
A / N: THANK YOU !!! I'm glad you appreciate my work lol ! I hope you have an amazing day as well <33. I'm comfortable writing any gender ! I usually write GN readers though so anyone can fit themselves into the situation ! I can write for male or female readers too !! I hope this is up to your standards !!! If you'd like me to redo it lmk <33 enjoy !!
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"Don't get yourselves hurt !!" You giggled while hugging Benn. You went to turn around to wander back onto the ship until you heard the clearing of a throat.
"Where's my hug , Reader ? You gonna leave me hangin' ?" You could recognize that voice from miles away. You turned your head , only for your gaze to be met with soft brown ones. You laughed again and embraced the red haired captain. Once you let go , he raised an eyebrow.
"Forgettin' somethin' , darling ?" He asked with a wide playful smile on his face. You rolled your eyes and scoffed , kissing his chin. The feeling of his stubble tickled your own chin , making you smile.
"Heyyy ! What about me !!" You heard from beside you. You turned your eyes to the pouting sniper next to you. "I'm sorry , Yasopp ! Didn't mean to forget you." You jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck. He laughed at your actions and put his arms around your smaller waist , swinging you around like a little kid.
"I'm not gonna put you down until you finish !" He laughed , causing you to laugh as well. You were beginning to get dizzy , so you pressed a kiss to his cheek. Once he felt your lips against his skin , he finally dropped you. You staggered on the ground for a moment , head spinning like crazy. "Come on , Yasopp ! That was mean !" You pouted , crossing your arms and huffing.
The crew started laughing at the pout that formed on your lips. You stumbled into Roux , who had ended up behind you. You were about to turn to him , but he picked you up. "And don't forget me , Reader !" He laughed as he squeezed your smaller form. You made a noise of surprise and laughed louder. You kissed his cheek and jumped out of his arms.
"Go on , boys. If ya don't go now , you're not gonna remember what you gotta get. Have fun !!" You cheered , jumping onto the deck and waving at them. You would join them soon since you had to get some new clothes , but you wanted to go alone. Because of this , you waited for them to go ahead of you.
You weren't worried about protection. You could protect yourself , that's why you're on the crew. Shanks trusted you to watch the ship until they got back. Though , you weren't gonna stay on the ship. Your little secret.
---
It's been over an hour since the guys left the ship. You walked out of your quarters (after your little nap) and grabbed your weapon. You thought you'd maybe grab a drink while you were out.
You snuck off of the Red Force with your weapon attached to your hip. You skipped into the vibrant town nearby , a goofy smile on your lips. Your eyes scanned the area in an attempt to find a clothing store or a bar. You noticed a lot of stands , weapon shops , and many people walking up and down the streets.
Just as you began to lose hope , you noticed a medium sized building near a food court. The place had mannequins wearing outfits in the front window , so you assumed it was a clothing store. You smiled and walked into the store with a slight pep in your step.
"No . . No . . Aha ! " You picked up a top that matched one of the old ones you had , and you thought about grabbing it.
"That top would look cute on you !" You heard from next to you. You turned your doe eyes towards the woman standing next to you. She had beautiful , slicked back raven hair with vibrant blue eyes. She had pale skin and rosy cheeks that made her look adorable. She wore a white crop top with a heart cut on her chest. It had a turtleneck top to it and tightened underneath her breasts. She had black shorts and long , white high heels. She also had a star pin in her hair and her right arm had a tattoo sleeve on it.
You giggled and twirled with the top in your hand. "You think so ? Thank you !" You blushed , heart fluttering from the compliment. "Hey , would you want to help me find a top too ? You seem like you'd have great taste." She said kindly , smiling softly. "Of course !" You threw your arms in the air and smiled wider. She chuckled and brought you over to a section that she seemed to like.
---
You two ended up spending 2 hours together. She even bought you all of the outfits you picked out and you bought hers ! After shopping , you two had went to go get some food. You learned that you two shared a favorite food , which made you two laugh. You two spoke smoothly to each other. It seemed like you both had a lot in common.
She was a pirate too ! She said her crew was a secret , however. You did tell her that you were part of the Red Haired Pirates , which surprised the hell out of her. Something about her reaction to that was . . odd. She asked you to bring her to your ship , which you obliged. You guys were gonna be docked here for a few days anyways.
As you got to the ship , you were surprised by a hug from Yasopp and Shanks. They squeezed you and said incoherent things. "Guys , guys ! I can't understand you when you're crying. What happened ? Are you guys okay ??" You asked like a worried parent , eyebrows scrunching.
"We thought you went missing !!" Drunken Shanks cried , smacking your head. The two guys finally let you go as you caught your breath. "I'm fine ! I met a friend ! We got some food and we got some clothes !! Her name is Rika !" You introduced as you walked over to her.
She chuckled and waved to your crew. "I'm Rika. It's a pleasure to meet you all." Some of the more drunken guys ogled at her beauty. Some came up to her , flirted , or just asked questions. You laughed and brought your clothes to your room.
When you came back out , you noticed Benn staring at you. You walked over to him and gently poked his arm to get his attention. "What's wrong , Benn ?" You ingeniously pondered as you stared at his serious face. "Also , what did i say about smokin' ? It's unhealthy. You're gonna kill yourself." You tried to take the cigarette from his lips , but he laughed and tilted his head upwards. Sadly , not even being on your tip toes made you tall enough. You grumbled and pouted.
"Fineee. But still , tell me what's wrong." You sat on the edge of the ship and swung your legs gently. "Nothin' , sweetheart. Nothin' you should worry about , at least." He patted your head and took a puff from his cigarette.
"I know ! Why don't I go make some brownies to make you feel better ?" You cheerfully jumped off of the ledge and smiled widely. As if on cue , Shanks walked up behind you and wrapped his arm around your shoulder. "Why don't cha make some for all of us , hun ?" He slurred , drunken giggles leaving his lips.
"Oh ! Sure ! I'll make some cake too !! A party for Rika , how does that sound ?!" You asked , causing the guys to cheer loudly. Rika chuckled and walked over to you. "I'm the baker on my ship , so why don't I help you in the kitchen ? It's the least I can do to help , Reader. You're my friend , after all !" She inquired with a strange look on her pale face.
"Are you sure ? I don't want to make you work !!" You turned to her and tilted your head. "Of course ! I insist !" The ravenette enthusiastically spoke. She put her hand in yours and you led her to the kitchen.
---
"You put too much water into the batter." She said as she used her hips to push you away from the bowl. "Oh ! Sorry . ." You didn't think you added too much , but you've never really had outside opinions. You believed her. She said she was a baker , after all.
As you wandered around the kitchen , Rika often bumped into you. Sometimes , you'd fall over or hit your hips on the counters. You thought she was either messing around or making mistakes , so you didn't mention it.
"Oh my god , how can you fuck up brownies that badly ? Just let me do it." She huffed , shoving you away from the rest of the batter. You fell into the counter and groaned. "I'm sorry , I didn't mean to. I don't wanna make you do it , please let me help." You pleaded with her , putting your smaller hands on her tattooed arm.
In response , her face turned into one of anger as she pushed you off of her. "Do NOT touch me !" She snided as she mixed the batter together. "Oh ! I'm sorry." You looked sadly at her , making her scoff. "Don't look at me like you're the victim. You just assaulted me ! I don't see why someone like Shanks keeps someone like YOU around."
At her words , you teared up and sniffled. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Is there any way I can make it up to you ?" You inquired , dejected. Your cheeks turned rosy from the face you were trying to hold back your tears.
"You can make it up to me by leaving the crew. They don't need you. You're such a nuisance , GOD. I bet they have you on here out of pity. Or maybe to use you as a scapegoat. You saw how they acted with me. They clearly like me better , and they've only known me for a few hours !" She raged , shoving you into the cabinet. As she spoke , she had slowly gotten closer and closer to you until you were against the wooden cabinet.
"But I -" You attempted to speak , but your throat burned. "You can't even take criticism from a friend. How sad. You're a pirate , act like it." She released you from the cabinet as she put the pans of cake and brownies into the oven.
You sat on the island counter in the middle of the room and twiddled your fingers. "Uhm . . I can watch them from here if you want to go back out to the party." You noticed the faint smell of alcohol on her clothes , so you assumed she was drunk. Maybe she'd apologize in the morning. "Good. Don't fuck it up , sweetheart." She said smoothly , clearly mocking the nickname thay the crew gave you. As she strutted out of the room , you couldn't help but think . . . Did they like her better ? Were they gonna throw you out ? Maybe they told her that. Maybe they're gonna throw you out in the morning.
You didn't realize that you started crying until a sniffling sound made its way to your ears. You used a paper towel to rub your eyes of the tears that threatened to fall. You smiled and stayed in the kitchen until the goods were done.
---
Now , the crew was sitting around the deck , eating the treats you and Rika made. You walked over to the ravenette. You tapped her shoulder and watched as she quickly turned around and glared at you. "Yes ?" She harshly spoke , finishing her piece of cake.
"I'm sorry for making you upset earlier. I went into town and bought you a necklace since I remember you saying that you thought it was cute." You pulled the gift out of your pocket and handed it over to her. She nimbly pulled it out of your hand and examined it. She smiled and put it around her thin neck. "Thank you , Reader. I accept your apology." She smiled again. To anyone that wasn't her , it was seen to be fake. But someone else noticed. A certain gray haired , cigarette smoking man caught on. His eyes slowly followed her as she walked to speak to the others on the ship.
---
It was now nighttime. Many crew members were passed out on the deck , and those who were able had made their way to their quarters for the night. You had brought Rika to your room and let her sleep in your bed. Instead of giving you some blankets , you slept on the cold wooden floor. You didn't mind , at all. What you found weird was how she kicked you out. Instead of being on the floor in your room , you slept in the kitchen.
---
In the morning , you were awoken by someone shaking you. "What are you doing in here , Reader ?" You heard someone ask. You opened your eyes and blinked , taking in your surroundings. You attached the voice to the appearance of the guy in front of you. It was Lucky Roux. You had assumed that he came to make breakfast for the crew.
"Oh , good morning , Roux. I'm sorry if I'm in your way." You lazily sat up and rubbed your eyes. You yawned and stretched your limbs until you heard the satisfying pop of your joints. "You're not in my way. I'm just wonderin' why you're in here. Why aren't ya in your quarters ?" He asked , the sizzling of pans feeling your ears.
You smiled softly and yawned again. "I let Rika take my bed. I didn't want to make her uncomfortable , so I slept in here." Speak of the devil and she shall appear. The ravenette walked into the room and smiled softly.
"Good mornin' , you two." She waved and sat next to you. "I'm guessin' you're the cook ?" Tika pondered aloud. "Yep ! The name's Lucky Roux." His smile widened , but he didn't turn to her. Strange. He seemed to be iffy about her , but neither of you noticed.
The door opened again and you felt someone put their arms on your waist. You knew who it was when you smelled smoke and feint cologne. "Good mornin' , Beck !" You said happily , kissing his chin.
"Good mornin' , darlin'." He replied , putting his head against yours. Unbeknownst to you , sharp blue eyes lingered on the both of you. Those eyes burned holes in your head , jealousy bubbling in her heart.
"I'm almost done with breakfast. Can you three go wake up the rest of the crew ?" Roux asked , not turning his head as to not get distracted from his job. "Sure !" You answered , gently detaching Benn from your body. You jumped off the counter and led the other 2 outside.
---
After waking everyone up and eating , you found yourself in the shower room with Rika. You had gotten undressed and in the bath while she took a shower.
"You know , your body is really . . Not interesting." She commented slyly as she washed her slick hair. You looked over at her and tilted your head. "What do you mean ?" You asked while you played with the bubbled in your warm bath.
"You got the attention of the entire crew looking like . . That. You must've done something. What did you do ? Are you some kind of witch ? I wouldn't doubt it , considering you look like one." She answered her own question while not even looking at you. Her words shot you through the heart. You were already pretty insecure and you thought you were getting better.
Even after the shower , her words replayed in your head. Did all of them think that ? Your thoughts were interrupted when you were tripped. "Oops ! Are you okay , Reader ?" Rika sarcastically asked , suppressing a laugh behind her hand.
"Yeah ! I'm fine !" You stood up and brushed your bottom half off. "Everyone makes mistakes !" You smiled and bowed your head gently. "You would know a lot about that , considering your parents made you." This time , she couldn't suppress her laugh. She walked off , swaying her hips as she entered the main area.
You stood there for a minute. Was she okay ? Did you upset her ? Maybe you should get her another gift.
---
You had decided to take a walk in the town. You wanted to clear your mind and get Rika a gift to see if she'd forgive you. You know , after kissing and hugging the entire crew.
When on the way back , you wandered around the ship in an attempt to find her. You smiled when you finally found her. You were about to show her the gift , until you heard her voice.
"They don't suspect a thing. That stupid little pirate's bounty will be ours , captain. I can't believe you made me befriend them , though." She leaned against your wall and scoffed. "They're extremely annoying. I can't stand their voice ! Anytime I hear it , I want to rip my hair out." She ranted as she slammed her fist on the wall.
Your vision was clouded by hot tears. You continued listening , even though you knew it was wrong. "I just need to get them out of here. Their face pisses me off. If I don't get this done soon , I'm gonna end up beating them silly. God , I hate this. Why couldn't you put Killeen up to this ?" You didn't know who she was talking to , since you couldn't hear the other end. Though , her words were enough to send you over the edge.
You walked into the bathroom and locked the door. You fell to the ground and began sobbing. You had a problem in the past with insecurities. The Red Haired Pirates had helped you , and you thought you were past it. Her words , oh her words. They tore down any progress you thought you made.
You didn't know how long you were in there until you heard a knock on the door. You hadn't realized you were sobbing until you saw your face in the mirror. You quickly wiped your face and sniffled. "Yes ?" You croaked out , throat burning.
"Are you okay ?" It was Benn. He knew. You didn't know how , but he knew. You unlocked the door and just fell into his arms. You sobbed into his chest and gripped his shirt. He didn't say anything. Instead , he held you and patted your back. He rested his head on yours and rubbed your back. He let you cry for as long as you needed.
The smell of smoke lingering on his clothes , along with his gentle touch calmed you slightly. You finally managed to stop crying and you looked up at him. "Am I really -" "No. You're special to us , Reader. We already took care of Rika. Turns out she was a bounty hunter. Don't let people like her tear you down." You sniffled at his words and pulled away. He gently pushed you towards the kitchen , where you met Shanks , Yasopp , and Lucky Roux. Oh ! And Hongo.
Shanks walked up to you and pulled you in with his arm. "It's okay , Reader. You're so , so special to us. You're a Red Haired Pirate , yeah ? I wouldn't have you here if you weren't just the way you are." He smiled and laughed loudly.
You started laughing too , along with the others in the room. "Yeah , Reader. We love ya !" Yasopp chimed in , ruffling your hair. You continued laughing and hugged all of them.
"Thank you , guys." You teared up again , causing them to panic. "Woah , woah , sunshine ! We didn't mean to make ya cry !" Shanks panicked , hugging you again. "Yeah !" Hongo hugged you as well.
"It's not bad. I'm just . . So , so happy to be part of this crew." You sniffled and pulled away from them. "What happened to Rika ?"
As soon as you mentioned the woman , the men looked away and whisled. Shanks looked down at his wrist and put his arm behind his head. "Wellll ! Would ya look at the time ! It's time for us to check out the bar in town !" He changed the topic , marching out of the kitchen.
"Shanks !!" You giggled and ran after him. Any feeling you had disappeared. You didn't know why you doubted them. You knew deep down that you were wrong. You were loved and had as special place to the Red Haired Pirates
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dutiful-wildcraft · 2 months
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Task Force 141 Music Headcannons
Price
-He has some significant influences from 70s/80s heavy metal, mostly influenced from his mum who was a rebellious metalhead (and a feral KISS fan) herself, but toned down her partying when John was born. That didn't stop her from showing him the good stuff. 
-John’s earliest memories are of him and his mother going on roadtrips, radio blaring. His mom giving him little music “tests,” urging John to guess the artists of the song before they ended. Being so proud of him when he got them right.  His mom had a huge stereo system, an outrageously pricey thing compared to the rest of their meager home. It could play both CD’s and tapes and it was his mom’s pride and joy. 
-They had “cleaning” days where they would deep clean the house. Taking turns between swapping songs as they danced and dusted. A trend that extended well into his teenage years until he joined up.
-John would later pick up more thrash and progressive metal influences from his older CO’s and later by his own team. John is a radio kind of man, and other than the stuff he got from his mum he doesn't bother much with collecting, but he usually can find a radio station or two that plays what he likes. He still blares music when he cleans or works out.  
-John also dips into a bit of blues, folk and country.  He’s fond of the acoustic elements, it’s easy listening and some of them tell a good story.  
-Absolutely owned a “Frampton Comes Alive” CD. 
-Price was a bit petty about it at first, but the rest of the 141’s music tastes aren’t terrible…he still shoves the foam earplugs in on the truck ride home once Soap gets ahold of the aux cord. Though it gives him one hell of a laugh to see Soap cut a rug.  
-Gaz downloaded a huge playlist for the man and crammed it on his phone. Price was tickled pink over the selections, and now this is the only mix he fusses with, throwing it on shuffle and letting it play while he smokes and does his paperwork. 
-Man actually loves to dance, he doesn't just bop around like Soap does but he will take you by the hand and groove a bit with you. He loves to feel a warm body moving with his, letting the music move them together. This is actually how he woo’s ladies at the bar. A bit of liquid courage, and smooth song. He has someone giggling in his arms in no time. 
Soap
-His library is mostly made up of funk/groove metal, metalcore, pop, disco and electronic. He can party to really anything really, he just loves anything that is fast. Something that has a bounce to it.  There is never a wrong setting for this. Has nearly slipped and busted his head open having a one man mosh in the shower.  
-Used to have several piercings, his tongue and eyebrow namely, as well as a couple more pieces in his ears and nipples. They unfortunately had to go when he joined up. But he will still throw the earrings in when it's time to party. Some thicker captive bead earrings from where he had them stretched just the slightest. 
-He's actually pretty solid with a guitar. Doesn’t talk about it because it makes him feel like a douche. But he and his friends did have shitty garage band as teenagers. (Anyway..here's Wonderwall).
-Tries to keep it heavier when hangin with the boys but don't buy his tough guy bullshit, the next song is Madonna. His shuffle will give you whiplash. 
-He and Gaz vibe the most, both crowding into the front seats to put on a concert the whole ride. Having a jam session while they cook together or having heated arguments on whether something is a cover or not (Gaz is always right). 
Gaz
-The most eclectic out of all of them. Pretty similar to Soap, he tends to gravitate toward alt rock/indie, r&b, pop, and psychedelic. While he enjoys the upbeat electronic stuff that Soap enjoys, he prefers the groove. Something a bit slower and well…sexier.  
-He is actually pretty knowledgeable (special interest you could say) about music. The man is like an encyclopedia for music. Can name songs by the first 2 seconds alone. He is a menace on trivia nights for this reason. 
-Has started collecting records in his free time. He has favorites sure, but sometimes he'll just snag a few with interesting covers and give them a spin. He has found some gems this way…and also some straight *trash*. These songs have turned into memes between he and Soap.
-Makes playlists as a love language.
-Always trusted as the trip DJ, takes his job very seriously and considers all his teams tastes to carefully weave a mix everyone can vibe too. 
-Sung in the church choir as a kid, absolutely hated every minute of it. He was always the star of the christmas cantatas until he quit going as a teen.
-He and his sisters would have knock down drag out fights over the sole CD player they had as kids. Genuinely can't stand boy bands due to his big sisters obsession with them at the time. (The shit was on repeat for months.)
Ghost
-absolutely uses the balaclava to hide a earbud when he's just doing paperwork in his office.
-It's his ritual after an op. Simon pops his earbuds in, leans his head back and rests. You don't talk to Simon during this time. He'll take them out when he's ready to talk. 
-He also keeps one in while on leave, focusing on his music in the grocery or doing mundane errands. But just one earbud, he keeps the other out to listen for anything sus.
-Simon's music is pretty precious to him, and something he's actually pretty protective of. He never listened to his music out loud, even kept it turned down low with his headphones to prevent any accidental overhearing. 
-He picked up a lot from his brother that he used as a springboard after that. Lyrics that gave him goosebumps, words for feelings he could never articulate. To him, there was music for anything. Anger, sadness, elation. 
-Simon Riley who's favorite past time was rooting through old used CD's with his big brother at old video rental shops.
-Tommy who would usher him into the bathroom, putting big clunky headphones over his ears to block the sounds of their father's abuse. Clicking play and mouthing a “Stay here” as he clicked the door shut behind him. 
-Simon Riley who scrawled his favorite lyrics onto the soles of old dingey converse. Colored them into the skin of his forearms in a mock up of the tattoos he would later get.
-And he would, Gaz finds them later, inky poetry weaved into the images along his arms, and on his collar. He subtly looks up the words later. Smiling as lyrics of old grungey 90s songs fill his screen. 
-Tool enjoyer, literally just plays the albums start to finish, he is actually really fond of the instrumentals
BONUS!! Alex
-very similar to Price though he leans away from some of the heavier stuff. He loves the easy yacht rock type vibes with some classic rock. As well as some 90s and outlaw country. 
-He is an absolute crooner when he’s drunk. He actually has a gorgeous singing voice, low and rich, reminiscent of Tracy Lawrence.
-He does know the dance to Copperhead Road, tried to teach Farah who does not have rhythm to save her life. 
Actual Playlists
Price Soap Gaz Ghost Alex
I'll be adding to all these mixes as time passes, I would love to hear what you have in mind too <3
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daisyblog · 11 months
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Will You Go On A Date With Me?
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Our Story Masterlist Summary: YN and Harry spend time together and their feelings start to grow. Warning: swearing Since YN's brother Louis auditioned on The X Factor and was put into a band with four other boys, she didn’t get to see him much which she found incredibly hard considering how close they are. They called and text a lot but it just wasn’t the same, so when Louis invited YN to go to Leeds Festival with him and Harry she was absolutely thrilled. Although YN had met Harry a couple of times before, she hadn’t got the chance to chat with him properly, so she was excited to be able to get to know her brother's bandmate. On the day of the festival, YN had agreed to meet Louis and his friends inside the field as she was travelling from their hometown whilst the two boys were going to arrive a bit later due to band rehearsals. Once YN had arrived at the field, she spotted some of her brother's friends that she knew including Oli and Danny. YN was chatting to Oli when she felt a pair of hands cover both her eyes and her brother's voice saying, “Guess who”. She immediately turned around and jumped into his embrace. “Oh I’ve missed you so much” YN expressed whilst she wrapped her arms around his neck with a tight squeeze. “I’ve missed you too, Kiddo” Louis said as he held her in his arms. Letting her go, he introduced Harry to his friends “Hey guys…this is Harry…Harry these are me mates...and you remember YN” “Hey” Harry spoke, whilst Louis’s friends replied with a nod of their heads or “Alright mate”. After having a catch-up with her brother about what he and the band had been up to and how he’s going to try and visit their family back in Doncaster soon, the group decided to move closer to one of the stages where the acts were performing. As the group walked towards where a band YN hadn’t heard of was performing, Louis was walking a little ahead talking to Danny and Stan, whilst YN kept Harry company at the back. “So..how’s living with my brother?” YN tried to make conversation with the curly-haired boy. “Uh..yeah it’s good…to be fair we’ve been so busy lately that we haven’t spent too much time in the flat” Harry explained whilst glancing down at YN. “I miss him..but I don’t miss his mess and dirty clothes hangin’ around everywhere” YN joked and Harry chuckled. “He really misses you..you know” Harry replied, whilst giving his head a shake to move his curls “You should come..maybe come up and visit us one day…we could show you around London or something” YN gave Harry a grateful smile “I’d really like that thank you…I miss just hangin’ out with him..we’d do almost everythin’ together”
“He’s told me some stories…you sound like a mischievous pair”
“You’ll just have to wait and see” YN stated with a cheeky smirk. YN was standing in line waiting to get a bottle of water with Harry and some of Louis's friends. Music from different artists was blasting through the open field and YN began to dance around, waving her hands in the air and singing along loudly to the music playing. Harry couldn’t help but admire her, he’d never got the chance to talk to her properly, only getting to know her through things Louis would tell him when they would talk amongst the band. Looking at YN, Harry could see the resemblance between her and Louis, they had the same shape nose and their eyes would crinkle when they both smiled. He’d never admit it, how could he, she's his bandmate's sister but he couldn’t help but think how pretty she is. Before he had the chance to advert his eyes elsewhere, YN caught him staring. “Whot?” YN asked whilst still jumping around, enjoying the music playing in the background. Sassy and full of attitude, just like her brother Harry thought to himself. Quickly thinking “I-I..was just thinking about how similar you and Louis are…like you're so carefree and..I don’t know..you just don’t care what people think about you..you just enjoy yourself” “What’s the point in worrying about what other people think?” YN asked. “It’s just..everyone seems to have an opinion about you.. don't they?” “And it’s just that…an opinion” YN quickly replied, she was now at the front of the queue so quickly ordered a few bottles of water as Harry stood behind thinking about the words she just spoke. --- It had been a few weeks since the festival and although YN spoke to Louis nearly every day, either on the phone or by messaging, she still missed him. Spending the weekend with him at the festival reminded her of the times when he was just her brother, and she didn’t have to share him with the rest of the world. But he had invited YN to visit him at his flat for the weekend because he wanted her to meet his new girlfriend, Eleanor and it was Niall’s birthday and he was having a party to celebrate and of course, YN said yes. It was the night before she was travelling up to London on the train to stay with Louis at his flat that he shared with Harry. YN was sitting on a stool at the kitchen island that was standing in the middle of the open plan kitchen and dining room, chatting to her sister Lottie and Mum whilst she cooked dinner. “So are you lookin’ forward to goin’ down to London tomorrow?” Jay asked whilst she stirred the pasta in the saucepan in front of her. “Yeah..I can’t wait..I’m so excited”
“I’m so jealous” Lottie said with a sad pout “Can I go to?” “When you’re a bit older” their Mum answered her. “That’s not fair” Lottie said and stomped out of the room. YN and their Mum looked at each other and YN rolled your eyes at her sister's dramatic behaviour. “So fookin’ dramatic” YN said. “YN! Language” her Mum scolded with a frown. With that, YN's phone buzzed in front of her with a Twitter notification. At first, she ignored it thinking it was probably another fan mentioning her in a tweet or trying to message her, but as she took another glance she saw the username @Harry_Styles, he had sent her a DM. @Harry_Styles Hey! Louis said that you are coming to visit this weekend and you’re coming to Niall’s birthday. It’ll be nice to see you again, maybe we could do that tour of London like we talked about :) She stared at the message for a while, unsure about how to reply. Did Louis ask him to message her, she wondered. After a few minutes of thinking about how to reply, she began to type a message back. @YNTomlinson Hi Harry. Yeah I’m travelling down tomorrow, I arrive around 5pm. I’d really like that but only if you’re not too busy x After pressing the send button, she realised she had put an ‘x’ at the end out of habit. Her eyes widened and she could feel her heart beat faster. But before she could overthink anymore, another message appeared.
@Harry_Styles We’ve got the weekend off so I’ll look forward to being your tour guide for the day. We’re gonna be the youngest at the party and the only ones not allowed to drink. So we’ll be the sober ones haha! X
He sent an ‘x’ back, maybe he didn’t find it weird as she had thought. Not wanting to keep him waiting she typed out a quick reply. @YNTomlinson I can’t wait! Waters on me x @HarryStyles Water? Aw I thought we could be a bit more adventurous and maybe have a lemonade x
She couldn’t help but let out a little giggle at his sarcasm. For a moment she had forgotten that her Mum was still in the room cooking. “Who’s got you giggling?” Lifting her head and looking at her Mum she panicked and said “Aww..I-I..It’s just Mia..she sent me a funny photo that’s all” she smiled as her fingers tapped against the screen. Her Mum eyed her suspiciously not quite believing her but decided not to say anything. @YNTomlinson Adventurous is my middle name x
--- YN had arrived at Louis and Harry’s shared flat, last night, around five o'clock after taking a two-hour train journey to get there. When she arrived Louis, Eleanor and Harry were all hanging out in the lounge area of the flat. Louis introduced her to his new girlfriend and Harry welcomed YN with a warm hug. “How was the train ride Kiddo?” Louis asked as he sat back down and placed his hand on Eleanor's thigh. Harry had gone to the kitchen to get everyone a drink and YN sat cross-legged on the chair close to the window. “Yeah it was alright…a bit boring on me own..but I just put me earphones in” “Well we’re gonna try and come down soon…I want Mum and the girls to meet El” Louis turned to smile at the girl next to him. “Please do..Lottie stomped out the room last night ‘cause Mum said she couldn’t come wiv me” YN explained “’onestly it was so fookin’ dramatic…so yeah please come down” which made Eleanor giggle. “I wonder who she’s followin’ ey” Louis stared at YN with raised eyebrows. “I wasn’t tha’ bad Lou” YN wined. “You fookin’ were…nobody could even look at ya without you bitin’ their fookin’ head off” YN rolled her eyes at her brother before he continued “I feel sorry for whoever decides to date you” he laughed as YN rolled her eyes again. With that Harry walked back into the room with drinks for each of them, he handed YN hers and she thanked him. He sat on the black sofa opposite and watched as YN took a sip..lemondade she thought. As she looked up, Harry gave her a wink which made her stomach flutter. The night passed as they spent it eating pizza, telling stories, and watching a movie. YN even got to know Eleanor a little bit more and learnt that she was an only child, so she was really looking forward to meeting the rest of the Tomlinson family. YN and Eleanor both chatted about what they were going to wear to Niall’s party, Eleanor explaining she still wasn’t sure and brought a few outfits to choose from as she was staying the night. She asked if YN wanted to get ready together and said she would even help to curl her hair and do her makeup.
That’s where they are now, both sitting on the bed in the guest room which is YN's for the weekend. Eleanor had curled her hair in loose curls as they chatted about make-up, and fashion and even planned to go on a shopping trip together soon. YN had decided on wearing a plain simple black dress with some ankle strap sandals. Whilst looking in the mirror YN couldn’t help but look at her stomach and legs and began to compare herrself to Eleanor whose tummy was flat in her dress and her legs just looked flawless. In the bathroom next door, Harry was dressed in a smart black shirt, paired with some black skinny jeans and brown Chelsea boots, he was brushing his teeth and he didn’t mean to listen but the door was slightly ajar and he could hear them both chatting away. He could hear YN quietly ask Eleanor “Uhh..El..can I ask you something?” “Yeah of course” “Do..do I look okay in this..it’s just I can’t help…but..but..I dunno..think maybe me stomach and legs are too big for it” Harry heard YN stutter. At her words, Harry couldn’t help but frown, he actually felt upset that YN thought about herself that way.  “YN..you’ve got to be joking babe..you look absolutely beautiful and your figure is just..well perfect” Harry smiled at Eleanor’s compliment and couldn’t help but agree. “Uhh..thanks El..I just..sometimes I get in me own head…ya know” “We all do babe..but I meant what I said” Harry had decided he had eavesdropped enough and moved into the lounge area to wait for them both with Louis as they needed to leave in the next ten minutes. As he was chatting with Louis about the football scores, YN and Eleanor walked into the lounge giggling together about something. Harry gulped when he was YN, wearing a fitted black dress that hugged her figure perfectly and her loose curls framing her face and lips painted a dark red. Louis interrupted his thoughts “Oi oi! Look at you pretty gals” and pecked Eleanor’s forehead.   YN walked behind the couple heading towards Harry’s car when she heard Harry’s voice next to her “I like your hair..it really suits you” which caused a blush to creep up onto her cheeks. Harry noticed the slight colour on YN's cheeks as she thanked him with a shy smile. He always thought she was confident and especially after their conversation at the festival about not worrying about what others think. But looking at her shy smile and thinking about the conversation with Eleanor, he concluded that maybe she hid her insecurities well behind a loud and sassy personality. ---
They had arrived at Niall’s party which was at the Sanderson Hotel and found Niall surrounded by a group of unfamiliar people, that Louis and Harry seemed to know. “YN!” Niall shouted as he noticed her standing between her brother and Harry. He had pulled YN into a tight squeeze. “Thanks for comin’ love” “’appy Birthday Niall” her Doncaster accent was heard “’ere’s your card..there’s a little something inside..I didn’t know what you liked so..” The Irishman interrupted her “Aww darlin’ you didn’t need to get me anything..thanks love”. He pulled her into another embrace and left a platonic peck on top of her head. Harry felt a little confused when he felt jealous of Niall being able to act so casually towards YN. When Harry welcomed her yesterday when she arrived, with a hug, he couldn’t help but think afterwards if it was awkward or if he had sprayed too much aftershave, but here the other boys were hugging her like they’d known her for ages. Why was he overthinking everything towards her, he wondered to himself. As the night went on, Harry found himself tucked in the corner chatting with James, as James was telling him a story about his recent holiday, Harry’s eyes couldn’t help but find YN in the crowd. She was dancing along to ‘I Gotta Feeling’ with Louis and Niall and his eyes landed on her hips swaying along to the beat. “Oooo…has our Harry got a little crush” James teased, making Harry look back at him. “Piss off Corden…she’s Louis's sister” “Didn’t deny it” James continued teasing and laughing at the young lad's glare. ”Ooo she’s coming over…I’ll leave you to it” and before Harry could say anything, James had disappeared into the crowd. “Alright…where’s the lemonade you promised then?” YN asked with a giggle. “They ran out…their most popular drink apparently” Harry teased. “Aww yeah, I can fookin’ imagine..must be flying off the shelf” Harry couldn’t help but noticed how similar YN and Louis were with your quick comebacks and witty humour.
The party had decided to move on to Movida and do a pub crawl to celebrate Niall’s 18th Birthday. Being the youngest member of the band and still being seventeen, Harry decided he was going to go home early. Louis had suggested YN go back to the flat with Harry as she wouldn’t be able to get into the pubs and clubs as she wasn't old enough. So YN found yourself back at the flat, and she explained that she was going to change into something comfy. After changing into some comfy pyjamas and washing her make-up off, she walked back to the lounge area where she found Harry sitting on the sofa scrolling on his phone. As YN entered, Harry lifted his head “Hey, I was going to watch a movie..and chill if you want to join” “Yeah..I’d love to” but Harry sensed she wanted to say more. “You alright?” he asked as YN awkwardly stood in the doorway. “Uhh..yeah..um..I was just wondering if..um I could make a cup of tea please?” She stuttered out, almost sounding embarrassed. “Only if I can have one too” Harry replied with a cheeky smile. “milk and two sugars please”. YN only smiled and went to the boys' kitchen and got two mugs out of the cupboard and switched the kettle on to boil. She carried the two mugs of tea back into the room where Harry was scrolling through the movie options on the screen in front of him. She passed him his mug and he muttered a thank you as he took a sip. “Must be a Tomlinson thing..you can all make a good cup of tea” Harry joked, making YN chuckle. “Yeah..we’re a bit obsessed with tea...can’t beat a good cup of Yorkshire tea” YN said with a smile. For some reason, she carried on talking about her love for tea and then let her secret out that only her family knew about “…yeah I can’t sleep if I don’t have a cup of tea before bed” instantly regretting it because he’s probably going to think she's a bit strange now. “I’ll remember that…maybe I should start drinking some before I sleep..see if it works” he thought out loud.
---
As promised, Harry took her on a little tour of London the next day before she was heading back to Doncaster. If YN was honest, she didn’t want your time in London to end, she has really enjoyed herself. Harry was already showered and dressed when YN walked into the kitchen on Sunday morning. He was pouring some milk into a mug and using a spoon to stir it. “Morning” he greeted. “Morning Harry” YN smiled. “I’ve made you a cup of tea…I’m sorry if it's not as nice as yours” he joked. YN laughed at his joked and took the mug from his grip “Thanks Harry…maybe I can teach you the Tomlinson way one day” “Letting me in on the family secrets” he said before taking a sip from the white mug in his hand “I was thinking maybe we could walk to Hampstead Heath..it is about an hour's walk but we could stop on the way for some breakfast” Harry suggested. “I did ask Lou if he wanted to join us but I don’t think he even lifted his head from the pillow..looks like they had an eventful night". “Yeah..sounds good” YN smiled as she took a sip from her mug “I’m goin’ to go and have a shower and get dressed". YN and Harry had stopped for a takeaway coffee and a breakfast toastie in a little cafe that was near the boys flat. Harry insisted he paid despite YN's effort of trying to swipe her card before he could. They were walking along the busy road of London, heading towards the park. “So..tell me all about YN Tomlinson” Harry began as they walked side by side holding their cups in your hands, taking a sip as they walked. “I’m sure you’ve heard enough from Lou” “Well..yeah he told me some things..but I want to know YN and not..I don’t know...what Louis wants me to know” he explained and took a glance down at her presence next to him. YN thought before speaking “Uhh..what do you want to know?..I think I’m pretty borin’” YNlaughed. “Boring is not how I’d describe you…you’re full of life and energy and you..you seem to just live for the moment” “Well yeah..you only live once so..you know…may as well live while we’re young ey” “See…you're good at giving life advice” Harry observed “Louis told me you’re studying at the moment..Business wasn’t it?” “Yeah..I fookin’ hate it” YN said with a frown “I didn’t know what to study so I just pciked that…I really like being creative and I wanted to do something with like hair or beauty or..I dunno something where I can show my ideas..you know” “It’s never too late to start…take your own advice…no point spending your time in a job or whatever that you don’t like” Harry spoke. “Hmm..true” YN agreed “I just haven’t got the experience you know and nobody wants to take you on or..like help when you don’t know what you're doin’” “Why don’t you speak to Louise?” Harry suggested “She’s going to be coming on tour with us..maybe she could help or something” “Yeah” YN thought “I could, couldn’t I” “Never know..maybe you’ll end up on the road with us now” Harry teased and bumped her shoulder with his.
YN didn’t realise how the time went so quickly, YN and Harry spoke all the way to the park about families, childhoods, friends, the band…everything and everything. Once they got back to the flat, Louis was laying across the sofa. “Hey..you two enjoy?” he asked. “Yeah…it was nice to just walk around” YN said “I’m gonna have to leave soon…me train leaves at three” YN said as she checked the time on her phone. Before YN left, Louis wrapped his arms around her “Let me know when you’re ‘ome safe alright…and look after Mum and the girls for me” “I will..thanks for letting me come down and stay wiv you” YN said “Thanks for showing me around too Harry…breakfasts on me next time though”. Harry couldn’t help but smile at the words ‘next time’, he had really enjoyed just getting to know her today and he was excited at the thought of doing it again. ---
Once YN got home that evening and spent some time with her Mum and younger sisters, filing them in on what she got up to on the weekend and all about Eleanor and how they're going to come and visit them soon, YN was laying in her bed, covered with pink covers, and of course a cup of tea in her hand. As she was taking a sip from her mug, her fingers started typing out a message to her new contact. Harry had given YN his number to send Louise’s number to her. YN Hey Harry! Just wanted to say thank you again for this weekend. I really enjoyed myself xx After sending the message YN began scrolling through Instagram and liking some of her friend's posts that they put up over the weekend. Harry Hey, glad you got home safe. I had a great time too! I took your advice and I’m having a cup of tea before bed x YN You’re in for a good night's sleep xx Harry Sweet dreams YN x
--- After Harry’s last message, YN didn’t think she would speak to him much after that. How wrong was she? They text every moment of the day they could, she found yourself checking her phone every few minutes to see if the curly-haired boy had replied, feeling instantly disappointed when she didn’t see his name on her screen. Little did YN know, Harry was doing the exact same thing, checking his phone every moment to see if she had replied to the funny video he had sent her or listened to the song he suggested she listen to. Louis had teased him about who he was constantly texting and who was making him smile like a giggly schoolgirl every time his phoned buzzed. Each time he replied “It’s just a friend”, because how could he tell his bandmate..and best friend that he was falling for his sister. Harry was back at his Mum’s house visiting before the Up All Night tour began in late December. He was sat at the dining table whilst his Mum cooked him and Robin some breakfast. Since coming home the night before, Anne noticed her son’s attachment to his phone, if he wasn’t typing on the screen he was checking it before putting it back in his pocket. She was about to ask who was making him smile like that but Harry interrupted her thoughts. “Uhh..can I ask you both something?” “Of course my love” Anne replied, whilst Robin said “Anything son” Harry paused and thought before trying to get his words out “I-I..What do you do when you..you really like someone..but shouldn’t” “It depends on why you shouldn’t” Robin replied “Like..you just shouldn’t think of them that way..because well you're going to upset people” “Darlin’ If you like someone..and I mean really like someone then…something you have to be selfish and if you and the person like each other..and you know want to give it a go then..go for it because you have one life, so don’t let other people stop you from doing anything you feel is right” Anne advised.
“Your Mums right, Harry” Robin spoke as Harry sat and listened to his Mum’s advice, thinking how YN had given him similar advice a few weeks ago. Before Harry could change his mind or overthink he began to type out a message. YN was sitting at the dining table, eating a piece of toast with her sisters when she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Harry I’m really scared to ask you this because Louis will probably kill me, but will you go on a date with me? X
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emma23 · 9 months
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The library:
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Steven Grant x reader
Y/n stand on a bus, feeling a bit squished since it was pretty crowded today. Suddenly, you feel someone lay their head down on your back. You glance to them, and you see its a guy...Steven. He jolts up with tired eyes, and then looks at you.
"Cheers." He says, holding up his cup of coffee.
« Cheers » Y/n smiles a little shy « do-do we know each other ? »
He thinks about it for a moment, and then shrugs. "Nope, not that I know of, anyway »
« You look tired do you want me to ask for a sit for you ? »
He shrugs. He definitely looks tired. "Nah, I think I'll manage. How 'bout you? You look like you could use it..." He pats a seat. »
« Only if you sit with me » so he sit with me.
He smiles slightly, and then looks around the busy bus. People chattering, listening to music, reading, etc. But, he doesn't seem disturbed by any of it, as he sips his coffee again.
« What’s your name ? » Y/n realize she didn’t ask
"Just..just call me Steven, if you'd like. But um...my...full name is Steven Grant." *He rubs the back of his head awkwardly, and then chuckles quietly.
« Ok just Steven » Y/n smiles and give him her hand.
« I m just Y/n too but my full name is Y/n L/n »
He shakes her hand. "Y/n L/n ? That's a really lovely name." He smiles.
"What are you doing today, Y/n ? Going home, to work, hangin' with friends?" He asks, taking a swig of his coffee.
« I see i new library as open so I m gonna check that and you ? »
His eyes light up. "Oh, wow. A new library, huh? I was just going to hang in the museum for a bit...but I think I'm going to come check that library with you." He takes another swig of his coffee, looking more animated since he mentioned the library.
« Ok cool i Will love some compagnie »
"A'ight! Lets go, then! This coffee's been sittin' a bit, anyway." He gets up, and grabs his things and coffee. He motions over to Y/n to follow him.
Y/n follow him « you from here ? »
He nods. "Just grew up here. London's a pretty chill place, if you don't count all the bloody, violent crime and street gangs...but yeah. It's nice. How 'bout you »
« No i m from (country) »
"(Country)?! Really?! That's awesome.." He smiles excitedly. "What part of (country)? I'm sure it's really beautiful."
« (city) i don t know if know it »
"(City)" He repeats the city. "Yeah, I know it. It's near the edge of southeastern (country) or somethin' like that right? I think I heard of it in...7th grade." He chuckles quietly. He's a big geography nerd.
« Oh WoW every time I say I from (country) everybody think that I m from (famous city from the country) » laugh
"That is SO irritating, isn't it? Like (country) is a big country, not just a city." He chuckles a bit. "People think just because I'm in London, I'm from Liverpool or Birmingham." He sighs.
« Yeah yeah but YOU got that cute accent » smile shyly
He is suddenly flustered, and he fumbles, almost spilling his coffee. "M-my w-what?!" He stutters out. His face is beet red in shyness.
« Your accent is really cute » Y/n chuckle
"Y-you...you think so?" He asks, his voice soft and quiet. He's still blushing.
« Yeah nobody ever told you that » seems choke
He shakes his head. "No...no one...ever." He swallows and then drinks his coffee. His face is still very red.
« Ok so i m gonna say it again I really like your cute accent »
He's suddenly speechless. He's blushing too much to reply. After a second, he just gives a shy thumbs up.
« Your blushing » Y/n smile
He buries his face in his hands. He's embarrassed. "I'm just...being a big dork!" He mutters.
Y/n push his shoulder with her friendly « hey don't be »
He looks up. "Hrmph! Fine! It's your fault for making me blush, anyway." He crosses his arms.
« Your cute your cute what can I say. Anyway we’re here » take is hand and go out of the bus
He doesn't seem to mind her grabbing his hand since he keeps his hand on hers. "Yeah, that's very true." He sighs. He seems to be enjoying holding onto her hand.
when they out of the bus, they walk hand by hand during a little time. Than she realizes she still hold Steven hand. So she stop
Steven doesn't seem to notice right away, as he looks around. "Hm? What is it?" He glances down at their intertwined hands, and his cheeks go pink yet again.
« Sorry I forgot » smile shyly « your hand is just so confortable »
He chuckles. "Oh...it's alright! And I...um...actually like holding your hand." He's blushing more.
« Oh. We-we can still hold her hand if you want. Only if you want of course »
He laughs and nods. "Y-yeah, we can. If you want to, of course." He smiles. He's starting to sound more and more comfortable around her.
She gives him his hand and wait for him to take it
He takes her hand back, blushing still. Their hands feel like they fit, in a way, as if it was meant to be.
She smile to Steven and walk to the new library
He continues walking with her, hand in hand, and the rest of the walk is silent. They walk towards the library, and it appears like it's a few blocks down.
She shows him the library and say exacted « wow that’s really beautiful. Did you know that before it was a bakery ? »
"Really? A bakery? That's some transformation! I mean, it does look really cool now with it...being a library..." He looks at the outside of the building, admiring it. "So, this is the new library?"
« Yeah, we go inside ? » say still exited
He nods and gestures towards the library. "Of course! I'm excited to see how this place looks." He smiles, and he pushes the doors open for her, allowing her to walk in.
Steven looks at the books on display with her. "Wow, this place looks gorgeous! Is there anything you plan on reading?" He chuckles, looking at her with curiosity.
« No no just looking and you ? »
"I think I'm just gonna look for any Egyptian-related books they have. Or really anything that catches my eye, I suppose." He smiles.
Steven browses the library...until he finds a section about Egyptian history. Then, he gets really into it, reading all the books and flipping through the pages. While doing this, he starts to not realize his hand is interlocked with Y/n.*
In the other side Y/n look at is own in her other hand she have one too. And here two hands or still together
He suddenly becomes aware of their hands intertwined again. "Oh..um..." He rubs the back of his head awkwardly. "I'm just...um, holding your hand...I'll stop if that bothers you at all..."
in silence still in the book in her hand and she takes back Steven s hand
Steven looks slightly shocked, but then smiles. This time, he squeezes her hand a bit, hoping she'll do the same.
She do the same look up to Steven eyes smile than go back to her book
Steven looks back at her, blushing slightly. He squeezes her hand again, gently. He seems happier and more...flirty.
Steven checks the time of his phone. "Whew...time sure flies, doesn't it?" He smiles, thinking back to their time in the library.
« What time is it ? »
"It's about to be 4..." He looks at Y/n, smiling and glancing at their hands.
« Oh I-I should go home… »
"Oh...ah...that's alright. But...you could take my number or something? If you wanted..." He looks like he's overthinking, now. She probably doesn't even care about him, Steven thinks.
exited and a little reassure « I will love your number Steven » she squeeze is hand
Steven looks surprised at first, but then smiles again. He takes out his phone, and opens up his contacts. "Just put your name in...um...here? And I'll put my name in there, too." He explains, and hands over his phone. As she does this, she can see that he has her name in his phone already, with hearts drawn into the contact name
She smile and put her number
Steven blushes and puts her number into his phone as well. He looks up at her, smiling and still gently holding her hand. "Well...thanks, Y/n. I...you really made my day..." He smiles more as he looks at her.
« You know I don t really talk to stranger or hold hand but with you it was a great idea »
He blushes. He also seems to still be overthinking this whole thing, as he's still clutching onto her hand with shyness and hope. "Y-you really think so? Y-you were...nice, talking to you as well." He smiles even more.
« do-do you think we could…you know see each other again ? I really like pass time with you »
He's suddenly completely flustered, but still nods. "I-uh....Y-yes! That'd be...fun...maybe...yeah? Of course, yes!" He chuckles nervously.
Once everyone returns home Steven texts Y/n "Hey, it's me! Had a really great day today. Can't wait to see you again." He grins and blushes, and then sends the text to her.
When she receive she can t stop smile and can’t wait to see him again.
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doubledyke · 8 months
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i think ed and double dee have a special bond that we see some of in the show, but in my head of course it goes deeper. for example, i really like the scene in "to sir with ed" when ed is over at double dee's house late at night and they're just hangin out. it's one of my favorite little scenes because i feel like it gives a brief but interesting view into their friendship outside of the trio's dynamic.
we can pretty safely assume that ed's parents don't give a shit about him and frankly don't want to be around him, hence the removal of the basement staircase at least once. they're (mostly his mom) so blinded by their detestation for their son that they forgot they'd need to do laundry at some point. and you guys know what i think of dee's parents. they don't give a shit about him outside of how good or bad he makes them look.
i think the two really connect because of their lack of caring parents and for being kids who spend a lot of time alone, and are probably comfortable with/used to solitude, but crave the company of another person. i imagine that on a lot of summer nights when the boys are parting ways, eddy goes home and does whatever he does. but the other two go to edd's house to hang out until they're ready to go to bed. ed's parents wouldn't notice he's gone and edd's parents rarely come home before midnight.
their time together consists of science experiments where edd gets to teach his friend about things he thinks are cool. whether or not ed absorbs the knowledge is another story. they build models together, and watch gory horror movies while critiquing the practical effects. edd gets his hands on a taped surgical procedure and they watch between handfuls of popcorn. i think they'd also enjoy doing their own thing while in the same room; ed drawing while dee is studying or compulsively organizing, etc. i wonder if they ever make fun of eddy behind his back... 🤔
in the show, i see ed being somewhat of a protector of dee. he doesn't process a lot of the things dee says or does, but cares nonetheless and sometimes anticipates things that might upset his delicate friend. whereas with double dee, he takes on an almost parental/motherly role for ed. he tries to guide and teach him, but also wishes to keep his innocence intact as much as possible. he's also sensitive to his friend's feelings and reactions, though he might not really understand them. i could see him wanting to mentor ed in things like hygiene and other basic life skills that his parents neglected. he's not very successful in his efforts though.
ed and dee do, of course, get on each other's nerves for similar reasons. ed doesn't always want to learn about quantum mechanics and the clinical quality of dee's house creeps him out, in a bad way. a little filth would really liven up the place. double dee really wishes ed would take a shower - why, he'd even provide the hypoallergenic soap! he also struggles with ed's one track thinking and tendency to (unintentionally?) disrupt and destroy. one thing i find hilarious in the show is that most of the time when dee is frustrated with ed, he calls on eddy to handle it. there's something interesting about that, but i'm not fully prepared to delve into that right now lmao. maybe it's because double dee doesn't know how to get ed to change behavior barring physical force and he's not comfortable doing that (aside from the band-aid method). but eddy'll do it! i imagine ed's response to being upset with dee would be to utterly zone out and forget about it entirely in five minutes. but he might also purposely continue to piss him off for shits n giggles. he secretly wants to see double dee's "dark side" really badly.
anyway, those are just some thoughts and hcs i had the momentary mental energy to gather in one place. nothing revolutionary, but fun to share nonetheless. thanks for reading!
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dorihey · 4 months
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Today is the birthday of the late Ed Asner. Many are familiar with him as the voices of Carl Fredricksen from Up, Santa from Elf, and Hudson from Gargoyles, as well as Lou Grant from the Mary Tyler Moore Show and the aptly named, Lou Grant (series).
Back in the mid 2000's, my family and I were staying at a very large expensive house that belonged to friends of my parents as guests. They had a larger cable package than we did back at home, and they had ToonDisney. I remember seeing Gargoyles while staying there, on the "Hangin' with the Heroes" block in the evening. I remember seeing this show very vaguely as a younger kid, but I must not have been older than 6 or 7 or so given the original air dates.
I was totally enamored with these characters almost instantly. I hopped on their upscale internet, and immediately perused various Disney media sites at the time and started going down the rabbit hole with what little material the internet had back in like 2004 about the show. I learned about the cast, Greg Weisman's blog Station 8, and somehow convinced my parents to upgrade our cable so I could watch it. I even made a Neopets Fanpage about the show, and I have no idea if it's still around.
I don't have a lot of specific memories about Hudson being my favorite, or even having a particularly verbose knowledge of the show back them, but I DO remember becoming familiar and fond of Ed Asner, seeing a teaser for Up, learning he was in it, and that detail making it NECESSARY for me to watch it on release day.
I remember the evening before watching Up, and enjoying it, but I rewatched it with my mom a few days later. I am not sure what was different here, but I became OBSESSED. I joined a Pixar fan site, became a highly active member, and began absolutely marathoning this film. I also spent 5 hours one evening with a mechanical pencil, very little drawing skill, and drew this. (apologies, the picture is 14 years old and washed out)
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To be clear, this was EXTREMELY out of nowhere. I had never drawn anything remotely this detailed before. So I (quite ignorantly, but still strongly) decided to change college majors and pursue art. Still workin' on that one...
Down the line, I ultimately watched Up in theaters 50 times, held movie nights for the fansite over Skype, made multiple forum signatures for myself and other members, and even got invited to Pixar, and met a lot of Pixar leadership (albeit briefly for most).
At the center of this though, Ed Asner was responsible for me gravitating to these characters. I've been pretty consistently enamored with his brand of wholesome curmudgeonry.
(I just made up that word, and I like it, so it's real now)
In any case, I've always felt a bit odd for having an attachment to an actor that hit his acting stride while being middle-aged in the 70s, 20 years before I was even alive - like I'm the only person my age that even knows this guy existed.
I had never gotten to meet Ed, but I did make an attempt shortly before he passed. It didn't work out, but his son Matt runs a charity organization called The Ed Asner Family Center that focuses on supporting individuals and families with autism and neurodivergence. I was fortunate enough to join an early screening of Dug Days before it released on Disney + thanks to a fundraiser by the center, including a Zoom Q&A with Ed. The thing I noticed during the call is that Ed was so immensely quick-witted, absolutely hilarious, and would not leave his piece unsaid. He had an astoundingly magnetic personality. It wasn't open mic, but I managed to get a question through - "What was it that got you into acting?"
Jonas Rivera, the Producer of Up was moderating the call and Ed about verbally trampled the guy by the time he was getting the last few words out, and he knew exactly what he wanted to say.
I don't have the exact words, but it boiled down to "escapism" - which was a bit shocking to me. You've got a former president of SAG, who'd been acting for longer than I have been a living person, and he was immediately compelled to tell everyone that the reason he got into showbusiness is to run from the world and its problems. It was remarkably humble.
Ed passed away exactly a week later. I couldn't eat for 2 days, I was so distraught.
I highly recommend that folks check out a lot of the acting Ed has done. He's absolutely brilliant, and one of the most fun people to watch. He was intimidatingly witty, and yet seemed like the guy who would talk to just about anyone. And then make them laugh their sides off.
I haven't shared my deep admiration for Ed too often other than with folks closest to me, but Ed Asner was a precious gem of a human being, and embodies a lot of things I think the world - particularly folks of the male persuasion - should have a bit more of.
Here's to you, Ed. Have a happy birthday up there for us, big guy. We love ya. <3
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(side note, the portrait at the top, I drew to commemorate his first birthday after he passed in 2021. The picture at the bottom was drawn, but not adequately finished imo, about 2 weeks before he left us. I need to give it a proper redo someday)
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HEAR ME OUT
Pavitr x F!reader: After School pavitr and the reader go to feed stray dogs together. pavitr is staring at the reader but the reader doesn’t realise he is staring, neither does pavitr 🥹
Ain't Goin' Away
🕷MASTERLIST🕷
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Pairing: Pavitr Prabhakar x F!Reader Summary: All he ever thinks about is you, even though he won’t admit it. Tags: Crush, Mutually secret crush
Also Read on AO3
🎶Something happened for the first time Deep inside, was a rush What a rush 🎶 Crush by David Archuleta
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School ended early today, so you guys had decided to stop for a panipuri and ice cream on the way.
“Haha, NO!” He laughs cheekily, speeding up just to give you a challenge. You chase him, finally catching up to him round the corner.
You guys laugh as you stop to take a breather, heaving as you pant. The ice cream is forgotten and has fallen somewhere behind, slowly melting away under the autumn sun. 🍂
You guys continue in a leisurely walk, quietly enjoying your hands brushing against each other’s, too shy to acknowledge it. Your body has started moving closer to his without your knowledge and when you do realize it, warmth spreads from your heart to your cheeks, painting a bright pink shade.
Has it ever crossed your mind When we’re hangin’, spendin’ time girl Are we just friends? Is there more? Is there more?
Pavitr loved this; spending time with you, laughing at inside jokes and simply hanging out, even if just in silence.
You’re pure radiance, the colour of the sunset making your hair glow and he could feel the love bubbling in his chest, overflowing through his eyes. If only you guys were more than just friends..
But the fear of ruining your friendship chases his confidence away. Such a pity.
He walks you through an alley to your usual spot to stand by the set of descending stairs. Pavitr whistles and a litter of cute, stray puppies rush to greet you excitedly. The little brown pup with a white patch around his eye who you call “milk choco” jumps up and down, circling your feet and wagging his tail enthusiastically.
Pavitr barks out a laugh as you get bombarded by the new furry friends that have joined the group. You giggle as they lick your face before finally managing to pull them off you.
“Peter Barker, stay!”, you say to one of them before immediately falling into a fit of giggles again making Pav chuckle.
Then, making sure they sit obediently, you crouch down to reward them with the treats you’ve brought. They pounce on you once again, those adorable, unruly little puppies.
Pavitr leans against the wall, crossing his arms as he watches you. A smile pulls on his lips -something he is unaware of- as his eyes follow you, your every action.
Why do I keep running from the truth? All I ever think about is you You’ve got me hypnotized, so mesmerized And I just got to know
Pavitr is deeply, undeniably, irrevocably in love with you; it’s a truth he can’t run from.
All he ever thinks about is you, even though he won’t admit it. Lying awake in bed at night, your contagious laughter and blushing cute face commandeering his thoughts. Oh, how his heart flutters!
Time is inconsequential when his mind is filled with you and many a times he’s caught himself smiling for no reason other than just the mere thought of you. The rush in his veins everytime your eyes meet, the thundering of his heart every time you shower him with attention.. Yes, that’s how deep in he is! You’ve got him wrapped around your finger without knowing and he is very glad to be.
But, he couldn’t help wonder.. what if you guys were something more? Have you ever felt the same thing? Could this possibly be.. going somewhere?
He knows saying It out loud may ruin your friendship and he’s tried to bury it deep inside, but it’s useless as he knows this crush isn’t going away. Not now, not ever.
Words spill out of his mouth on their own, eyes worshipping your dietic form. “I love you”
“Yeah, we know. You should tell her.” Gayatri has found you both, Hari Oberoi tagging her as they come to stand beside Pavitr. She smiles cheekily, sending a knowing look to Pav and leans in to his ear -rather threateningly in Pavitr’s opinion. “Either you do it or I’m gonna.”
Pav has a hard time shushing them up, but you’re too busy to notice.
You’re almost done feeding the dogs and you turn around, looking up to meet his eyes.
His heart stutters, his breath falters, the world comes to a sudden sharp halt for one divine second.
Do you catch your breath when I look at you? Are you holding back, like the way I do? ‘Cause I’ve tried and tried to walk away But I know this crush ain’t goin’ away
You gasp, though it is barely heard. Pavitr looks absolutely transcendental. The pink of the sunset highlights his raven hair in a romantic shade, the dying orange making his cheek glow like the sun itself came down to meet you. In this moment, he’s nothing short of reverent.
You’ve been crushing on him since forever, but too chicken to say it out loud. He draws you in like a moth to a flame. You’ve tried to walk away from this crush that is brewing, but find yourself incapable of doing so. Pavitr not only owns your heart but also your soul.
You smile at your friends in greeting, watching them mess with Pavitr, but your heartbeat is loud in your ears.
You know this crush ain’t going away.
------
Hope you like it <3333
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forgetmenots0250 · 1 year
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Hello! I was wondering if you woild do a Vance Hopper x male reader please. Something along the lines of fluff like hanging aroung the Grab n' Go/in school or hangin out together would be great. If not, totally understand. If u do do this request take your time and don't feel pressured to do it :) Thank you in advance if you decide to do this request
Male reader x Vance Hopper
Sorry for taking so long I got a bit distracted and now doing all of my requests :)
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You met Vance at Grab n Go when you were playing the pinball machine and beat his high score 
He burned his eyes through your head before you offered him to play next 
He was honestly surprised to see your calm response and attempted to put a quarter in just to see you already pop one in
“On the house bud!” 
You gave a wink and a charming smile 
That was the first thing that made his heart skip a beat, he immediately turned his head to the game as he hyper-focused on winning just to not think about these feelings he doesn’t know how to deal with and refused to at this moment 
You were impressed by how good he was and even encouraged him
“Holy shit! You are so good!”
“You’re great Vance!”
Vance was not prepared to receive praise from anybody no less from the boy who just winked at him and treated him like a person 
So when you continued to praise him he gripped the machine 3 times stronger as he tried to focus on the game as he slightly felt your breath on his neck
Why did he have to have his hair up on today of all days? You couldn’t tell how his cheeks flushed slightly when you got a little closer to see the score once Vance lost he looked up at his score to see he beat your score 
“Hell Yeah”
Wow you beat me!”
You almost jumped in place as you smiled 
“Cool, it's my turn isn’t it?”
You stepped closer to the machine being closer than comfortable for Vance making him step away to let you play 
After switching back and forth with the machine you two became close friends
After a while you became more than friends and more than having a friend with quarters to spare (you were this man’s wallet for a while)
Before you two would hang out near the pinball machine not even playing it but sitting on it and just talking and enjoying each others company
Usually grabbing a drink and play with the machine or sit on it and talk
Maybe grabbing a snack too if you guys felt like it
Sometimes Vance would just play as you feed him some of your snacks
You guys were comfortable with each other even before becoming more
You both confused to each other at the same time and made you both laugh and giggle for a while
You both accepted each others confessions and you snuck a quick kiss before you ran off
Vance quickly ran after you
Once you two were boyfriends it didn’t really differ from before, the only difference was that you two became even more comfortable with each other
Sometimes you sat on Vance’s lap or Vance sat in yours just melting in each others touch
Having sleepovers was a common occurrence and hangouts
Sharing gossip at school  whispering and giggling to each other
You like braiding Vance’s hair once he’s done brushing his hair 
Vance does not let anyone brush his hair, not even his mom
Vancve has one of those brushes with wooden bristles
Takes about 10ish minutes to brush it out
How Vance brushes his hair: Parts his hair in half them starts at the ends till he’s brushed it out a couple of times and adds conditioner 
You find it relaxing watching Vance brush his hair and you are absolutely bashful when Vance lets you even touch his hair for the first time
The first time you did Vance’s hair you put it in pigtails 
Vance then then threatened to never let you touch his hair till the day he dies if you do it again
Ÿou really hoped it was satire but you took it to heart 
You then braided his hair and he thanked you
You grew out your hair so Vance could braid your hair too
Vance likes running his fingers through your hair
You like to bake and Vance is on standby not really knowing what to do
He still tries to help (with your instructions)
Brownies and cookies are your go to when baking
Vance adores your browning but he really likes your freshly baked bread 
Vance has a sweet tooth but loves your fresh bread even if it doesn’t have sugar 
Some times you bake at 3 am and you’re just sitting near the oven staring into the oven window while crouching and Vance walks in and just stares at your shadow for at least 15 minutes before joining you on the floor not saying a fucking thing 
Even when you two were scarfing down the baked goods no words were spoken
Not even when returning to bed
Only after you two were settled in bed did Vance say something
“Why the fuck you up at 3:28 am making cookies?”
Vance said it so nonchalantly that you only responded when Vance nudged you 
“Couldn’t sleep, plus impulsiveness” 
Vance only thought for a moment before responding to you
“Reasonable”
That was his only answer as you both fell asleep in each others arms
At school you two almost always together talking and things of that nature
Vance even spends lunch with you since before he would always just leave school but he stays for you
There is a rumor that you two are dating but no one dares to confirm with THEE Pinball Vance Hopper 
You don’t really care for the rumors and besides you don’t get shit for it since you’re “friends” with Vance
Some people just approach you just to ask about Vance, mostly girls about wanting to date him and boys trying to get on his good side
You hate that you have to constantly test people then then you found your people
In the classes you have together you always sit next to each other
Always talking to each other
You two actually get in trouble for talking so much
Got detention together but it wasn’t too bad
Rainy season is your favorite but even so, inconvenient 
You always have an umbrella on you
You share your umbrella with Vance since he refuses to being one at all
Rainy walks with Vance always eases your mind 
You two don’t even need a specific destination you guys just walk around town 
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miso-sopas · 1 month
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Hummingbird
summary: You always wanted to see your favorite birds for the last time with Mikey.
pairing: RotTMNT Michelangelo x Reader
notes: References to Metro Boomin and James Blake’s ‘Hummingbird'
It’s up to you guys but when I was listening to the song and writing I was in love, happy, and sad at the same time LMAO
1079 words (not including the lyrics)
(ao3)
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Bathe in the world of pink and orange, you enjoyed the rare solitude the damaged world offers you. Your beloved beside you, form relaxed but still on alert as he accompanies you on your designated quiet cliff near the camp. It was open with damaged trees and rubble but the mysterious fresh air it gives you both does wonders to your tired forms. 
The air between you and Mikey is stilled with content, his tired arms wrapped around your shoulder and his hand enclosed between your hands, bodies pressed together as it could be. At any given time where he can be with you without stress and responsibilities, he insists on being close to you as much as possible. Your head rests above his shoulder, breathing the same rhythm and air as he had, almost more intimate than a kiss as it ensures you both that you are still breathing. Still living in this hellhole. 
You had each other and that's what matters.
“I know it's futile but I always wanted us to go to that bird sanctuary I’ve told you about before, to show you my favorite birds.”
From above, oddly there were few surviving flocks of birds flying over. Music that just makes both of your time now more special. “Birds?” You hummed as your free hand slowly caressed his cheeks up to his stray hairs, noting yourself to brush and fix his ponytail for him, "I always wanted to bird watch hummingbirds, y'know. They seem so cute and cool."
Your favorite thing in the world, his grin that never fails to lighten up anything, even more beautiful than the dusk itself in front of you. He eagerly gifts you this as it never fails to make you smile back, his favorite thing from you. Kissing the side of your head, he hums and smells the faint shampoo and soap from one of the camp’s supplies. It’s hardly detectable but with your scent and just feeling your breathing chest, it’s the roses and goldmine of this annihilated world. "Sure sweetness, I'll take you to see them someday," Mikey mumbles as you smile back towards the chilly evening. 
"Hummingbirds..."
Hummingbird, summer song
Has it brought my life back?
Hangin' in the balance
Have you brought the light back?
Where life becomes faded with pink and rust, there is still that sunshine warmth enveloping his skin. Despite being cold-blooded, in his arms you might say that he’s the perfect representation of the sun.
Your fingers never stop caressing his aging cheeks, stress lines drawing on his forehead and near his eyes but you always told him that he is beautiful. Not still but always. He never changes despite where the world forces him into. He remains a loyal warrior to the cause, a brother to his beloved and strong family, a lover who always cherishes your cuddles given the little time you two had. 
His hair growing out from his scalp, both of you trying your best to make it soft and bearable for him during his patrols. His braids were delicately sewn together from your calloused fingers. You make sure to kiss his hands whenever you have the chance, to remind him that even if his shoulders are heavy his hands are still capable of holding his world. You. 
“You know you can always share anything with me, right Mikey?” You once whispered to him, under the broken lights and thin cots, where mumbles of prayers and hidden crying can be heard. It was a bad night, nothing new but there was something terrible, but you want to be there for your husband. Him. Your life.
He didn’t say anything, but from the slight quiver from his mouth you proceeded to hug him tightly and softly scratch his calloused shell. The softness of this moment made Mikey’s heart softer and tougher for you, so maybe even in this world of death and anguish, there is hope.
But hope is for the people to crave for.
When I saw a cold snap
I wasn't with the season
Tag was on the ankle
And outside, there was a ceiling
In here, paper walls are
Pushin' back on you like
Eventually you push through
The moment that you realise
You are afraid that in every step, in every trust you each other have in maintaining order and survival, each loved one is sacrificed for the good.
Splinter.
Cassandra.
Raphael.
Usagi.
Now, in the medical cot lies Donnie where his chest is painfully rising, wanting to stay awake and live on. Wanting to breathe again to finish his projects against the Krang. Wanting to still be alive with his remaining family. Mikey was distraught, like dominoes falling one by one his family fell. He still hasn’t moved one from his father’s death and certainly never will.
He remains beside his purple brother, mumbling to someone that can hear his prayer for his brother’s survival. To make him stay alive and well, to let him get back in kicking asses again.
In the following day Mikey let out another gut-wrenching scream as you kept on holding him closer to you as possible. To mold both of your bodies, to remind him that you and his remaining family are still here. Your hands swim carefully to each thread of his hair, his snot and tears fall to you like honey, sticky yet warm from indescribable despair.
You felt another pair of arms encircling you both, a soft ‘Master Michelangelo’ breezes through your ears. Casey Jr. whimpered in pain and sought peace towards you, your arms now enclosing on two individuals that needed all the love they could get. You kissed each of their foreheads and hummed a lullaby. 
Leo and April watch you all three, with eyes still bearing tears they had a smile on their face. Warmed by the sight of assurance that there is still hope and love remaining. The blue warrior examines his right arm, tough limbs that once belonged to his older brother, and clenches his fist. 
The moment when you realise
There's someone there that needs you
Lap band on the feelings
I tax them for no reason
I added love 'cause love is unconditional
I count on love, I count on love
'Cause love is unconditional within reason
“Come back to me, Mikey, please…”
“I will, because I already planned a trip to go to that sanctuary.”
“Even if it’s likely just a dead land with no birds?”
“Even if it is… as long as you are with me it’s worth it.”
“And as long as you can hold my hand…”
Pieces of him dissolve in bright light, his final strength exchange for Casey’s survival to another world. He doesn’t regret it, better yet he was excited. As he last saw the dreadful world, he remembers your breath on his cheek the last time he ever cuddled beside you. The day where he came back to your camp all in despair and silent, your face sleeps in calmness in contrast to the apocalypse around. 
“We’ll be seeing those hummingbirds after all.”
And hummingbird (hummingbird)
I know that's our time (I know that's our time)
But stay on (stay, stay on)
Stay on, stay on with me (stay on, stay)
And hummingbird (hummingbird)
I can never unsee (I can never)
What you've shown me (you, you, you)
Stay on, stay on
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Can be read as stand alone OR an AU from RYWIA where instead of Reader ending up with our baby blue she fell in love with our sunny boy. PLEASE my boy Mikey is underrated, he deserves to be loved and cherished too, so as my way of showing it I wrote an angst :) (I think I need some help)
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