Wish of Silence

Am I worthy thy torment?

@alionalley

04.04.2024 - 2128 - King of Losers

Yes, thats me. king of the losers. i lost everything. i lost. im the loser. i have this aching pain in my chest, now that i accept, i lost. im a loser. i lost so hard in love. i even lost count of how many times i lost. am i ugly?

i'm listening to karma police now. i couldnt find a song named king of the losers but maybe i should make that song myself. as soon as i got my dj set, i will make a song named king of the losers.

im horrible, horrible, horrible, feeling horrible, horrible,horrible. why why why.

no answers, no help again. im back to my 16. i was seeking for help desperately, no one came to help me no one came to save me. now im 24, again im in need of big help. now only difference is that i know no help is coming, no one will save me, now i know so my pain is colder. not as hot as 16. but still hurts. and people make babies. retarded people. who wants to live through all these pain? why would i sacrifice my beloved child by giving birth to it. why would i create another human. to get through all these suffering? cruel and im not gonna be cruel to my own child. so no babies.

im listening radiohead. arabesk rock. lol.

this year, i think i failed 15 relationships. im not sure about the exact number. first one lasted 4 months and i left him in a random they where i understood we're not compatible.

then i find a few narcicst psychos, each lasted 1 month max. then i left them all.

then i fell in love in june, hardest love of my life. i was sure he loved me back, but he left me. then i went to him again, just to see he has a girlfriend now. my heart shattered. why did you ask to be with me again if you have a girlfriend, why do you touch and hug to my soul and rip inside my heart, if youre not gonna love me properly. people are so cruel. im so soft. i tried to kill the soft in me, sometimes it comes back to life. but my soft has to die, so that i can live. i can't survive in this horror world as a kindest softest soul.

then this asshole, i just learned that he has a girlfriend too and wants to be with me as well, this asshole is someone i know for 5 years. i left him too. i dont think looking back after this point ever.

no body deserves my greatness. but im so alone. so alone. im okay with being alone, but im scared of myself. my mind is trying to drive me crazy. my mind wants to be lost. my mind is scaring me. im scared of myself. im scared of my capabilities. all therapist are retarded losers and they all suck. i couldn't find a threapist that i trust. i couldn't find someone to be with. i couldn't find good friends. i always thought im the issue but i dont think this anymore. im truly great. maybe i did mistakes, but this is not what i deserve.

is everyone this lonely? do i have to suffer all my existence? i had suffered from my own thoughts since the beginning of my conciseness. i'm strong, very strong. but its so hard. its ripping me apart. this is so so hard.

i keep praying, but god never answers. im not sure if someone hears me, i keep talking to myself. there is no one in and out of me. i keep falling and falling, getting up and falling again. getting up just to fall back again. im so tired of gettin up myself. so tired of holding my own hand. even tired of eating drinking sleeping and breathing. this life is a prison. my mind and my body is a prison. existence is a torture. i can but i cant at the same time. im so sad. so sad. so sad.

my heart is burning like a fire

Why do we sadness in our heart region?

you wore my shirt countless times back then

now as I slip it on

memories rush in

and I can’t help

but think of you

What is the worst thing about breakup?

Hey there! Breakups can be tough, and they can affect us in various ways. In my experience, the worst thing about a breakup is the emotional pain and heartache that comes with it. When you invest your time, love, and energy into a relationship, it’s only natural to feel a sense of loss when it ends. It can leave you feeling empty, betrayed, and questioning your self-worth.

One of the most challenging aspects of a breakup is the process of letting go. It’s not easy to detach yourself from someone you once cared deeply for. Memories of shared experiences, the feeling of being understood, and the companionship you once had can linger long after the relationship ends. Moving on from a breakup requires time, self-reflection, and a lot of self-care. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve and heal, but also to remember that the pain won’t last forever.

On a personal note, I remember going through a difficult breakup a few years ago. It was a relationship that I had invested a lot of myself into, and when it ended, I felt like my world was crumbling. The worst part for me was the constant replaying of memories and wondering what went wrong. It took time, but I eventually realized that dwelling on the past wasn’t helping me move forward. I focused on rebuilding my life, reconnecting with friends, pursuing my hobbies, and working on personal growth. Gradually, the pain lessened, and I began to find happiness within myself. The breakup taught me important lessons about self-love, resilience, and the importance of letting go of what no longer serves us.

For more depth, interest and support, click here

Remember, healing takes time, and everyone’s journey is different. Surround yourself with loved ones, seek support if needed, and be patient with yourself. You deserve happiness and love, and you’ll find it again when the time is right. Hang in there!

Stress. That's what I cause.

Stress. Am I thecause of theirstress?Is his bloodpressure highbecause ofme?Does she havechest painsbecause of me?I am anabandonedchild, loved byparents whose bloodis different frommine, but I lovethem, too. Nowthey’re thinkingabout leaving,parting like thesea when Jesusspoke. Theythink they’ll beleaving each other,but they cannotseethat they areleaving theirchildren, too, whowill be confused…

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Kanye West's New Wife Bianca Censori Shuns Spotlight as Kim Kardashian Exposes Emotional Pain

Img Source: https://i2-prod.mirror.co.uk/incoming/article30083756.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/0_Kim-Kardashian-slams-ex-husband-Kanye-West-for-starting-Drake-affair-rumours.jpg Introduction In a private ceremony held in January, the renowned rapper Kanye West tied the knot with Yeezy architect Bianca Censori, just two months after finalizing his divorce from Kim Kardashian. While Bianca prefers to maintain a low profile, Kim Kardashian has recently spoken out about the emotional distress caused by her ex-husband's actions, shedding light on hurtful rumors and condemning his offensive racist outbursts. Bianca Censori: Embracing a Life Away from the Spotlight Following his divorce from Kim Kardashian, Kanye West found love with Bianca Censori, the creative mind behind Yeezy's architectural designs. Despite being seen together on affectionate outings, signs of trouble have surfaced, prompting Kim to share her experiences and pain caused by her former spouse. Kim Kardashian's Accusations and Strong Condemnations Publicly, Kim Kardashian has accused Kanye of spreading hurtful rumors alleging her infidelity with Drake. She has also strongly condemned his series of abhorrent racist outbursts. The reality TV star expressed her deep dismay at Kanye's comments, which not only triggered anxiety attacks but also inflicted severe emotional distress. Kim firmly believes that the impact of Kanye's behavior on their children is far more detrimental than any controversies she has faced, such as the release of her infamous sex tape. Bianca Censori's Instagram Account Disappears In an apparent attempt to distance herself from the ongoing drama, Bianca Censori has deactivated her Instagram account. Previously accessible through the handle @bianca.censori, her account can no longer be found, displaying an error message that states, "Sorry, this page isn't available. The link you've followed may be broken, or the page may have been removed." This move by Bianca further emphasizes her intention to stay away from the public eye and avoid unnecessary entanglements. Controversies Surrounding Kanye West Kanye West faced widespread criticism last year due to a series of racist outbursts manifested through offensive and erratic tweets. Among his controversial statements, he repeatedly praised Adolf Hitler and expressed admiration for the Nazi leader during an extensive interview with US conspiracy theorist Alex Jones. These comments sparked outrage and further tarnished Kanye's reputation. Kim Kardashian Addresses Kanye's Hurtful Remarks During the premiere episode of her family's new Hulu show, Kim Kardashian candidly discussed the impact of Kanye's hurtful remarks. She revealed experiencing anxiety attacks as a result of his behavior and highlighted the potential long-term damage it could have on their children. Kim expressed her frustration with Kanye's persistent belittling of her due to her sex tape, which he frequently brings up in public and the media. She emphasized the harmful effects of Kanye's actions on their kids and stated that his behavior is far more destructive than any previous controversies she has faced. Accusations and Betrayal Kim Kardashian also confronted the rumors that Kanye propagated during their marriage, emphasizing the sense of betrayal she experienced. Despite publicly proclaiming to be her protector, he was the one spreading rumors about her alleged involvement with Drake, insinuating an ongoing affair. Kim expressed her disbelief at Kanye's actions, particularly because he continuously accused her of infidelity throughout their entire marriage. She struggled to comprehend how he could perceive himself as a protector while subjecting her to such baseless accusations. Conclusion As Kanye West embarks on a new chapter of his life with his wife Bianca Censori, the lingering effects of his relationship with Kim Kardashian continue to captivate headlines. While Bianca opts for a life away from the public eye, Kim courageously addresses the emotional pain caused by her ex-husband's hurtful rumors and offensive behavior. As the narrative unfolds, the public eagerly awaits further developments in this ongoing saga.   Read the full article

“An injury to physical tissue repairs with time and rest, while mental injuries require a new vision and viewpoint.” ~ Polarity Therapy, Vol. 2, Bk. 5, Pg. 23 Dr Randolph Stone #polaritytherapy #quotes #drrandolphstone #bajaglow #healing #emotionalpain #seacummins #grandmotherseasea #randolphstone #polarity https://www.instagram.com/p/CrZ6rm9uFiW/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=