#elliott s c r e a m s into the void
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kinda gay to be a woodworker ngl...whose wood are you working 🧐
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Here’s your guide to the complicated conditions in the Kevin Shattenkirk trade
Our brains are now broken.
You might’ve heard that the St. Louis Blues traded Kevin Shattenkirk to the Washington Capitals on Monday. It was kind of big news.
What you didn’t hear was that the trade was absolutely bonkers complicated. I don’t even care if that’s a good grammatical sentence. My brain is broken after reading the conditions involved here.
So we’re going to go through them very slowly, piece by piece, so our brains don’t start bleeding out through our noses like a late-season episode of Lost.
These are all via Sportsnet reporter Elliotte Friedman, by the way. Give the man a hug.
St. Louis sends Kevin Shattenkrik and goalie Pheonix Copley to the Capitals.
Doing okay so far.
Washington sends Brad Malone and a first round pick in 2017 to the Blues.
Deep breath.
Ready?
Here comes conditional chaos.
If the Capitals re-sign Shattenkirk OR advances to the Eastern Conference Final and he plays in more than half of the first two rounds of games ... St. Louis receives Washington’s 2019 second round pick.
Go get some water. Walk the dog. Fresh air.
Okay.
If the Capitals trade Shattenkirk on or before July 1 (free agency opening day), St. Louis gets Washington’s seventh round draft pick.
HOWEVER (this is when things get really weird)
IF said trade by the Capitals gets a pick higher than the fourth round (i.e., between the first or third rounds), then St. Louis gets the “next available pick two rounds later than the earliest pick received by Washington,” in Friedman’s words.
f a l l i n g t h r o u g h s p a c e t i m e l i s t l e s s l y
what
so
So if the Capitals trade Shattenkirk for a third round pick, St. Louis would get Washington’s fifth round pick. A second round pick would result in a fourth round pick. A first round pick results in a third round pick. A zero round pick results in a [ERROR CANNOT COMPUTE]
potatoes are like the orange slices of the root vegetable family
And St. Louis will retain 39 percent of Kevin Shattenkirk’s salary.
Thank you for reading along. And thank you, Blues and Capitals, for this simple trade. We will now go outside and stare into the void.
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i hate job interviews. just trust me bro
#i have one at starbucks tomorrow and god help me#ive only done maybe two interviews before n like. ok i do NOT think fast AND well in social situations#and i definitely interview better w/ women and this is. a guy. 🧍#plus i know the location and its usually always super busy ahaha#luckily that disorder can Manic like i should be fine but PLS#ok to rb ig#elliott s c r e a m s into the void
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the hottest thing a man can be is a socialist
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i love that when covid first kinda hit the news i was like ‘lol i hope they shut us down’ for a couple of weeks, and then they did and i was like ‘yes this is dope’, but when we went to full quarantine i was BEGGING to go back to school...
and now that i'm fully face to face again for literally less than a week i'm back to ‘lol i hope they shut us down again’
#like yes i have no missing work and i finally get to be Around People but also...#i have to be around people :/ and with minimal sleep#i forgot how much anxiety it was and how exhausted i got#elliott s c r e a m s into the void
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takeaways from free guy: capitalism is the enemy, love wins, be bisexual, joe keery
#posts targeted specifically at one mutual#but fr...Art <3#there wasnt a second onscreen i wasnt like 👀😳👉👈 at SOMEONE#movie was amazing but it was a nightmare for bisexuals#uhhh#i lost my track#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#free guy
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oh you think i'm neurotypical? watch this ;) *hyperfocuses on a project so hard i completely dissociate from reality*
#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#fr got whiplash earlier doing this i#tw dissociation#dissociation tw#dissociating tw#tw dissociating#adhd#neurodivergent#autism
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rip van gogh he would've loved fall out boy
#look me in the eyes. look me in the eyes and TELL ME that man wouldnt have lost his mind at any given fob song#this definitely isnt me trying to reconcile two completely unrelated hyperfixations w/ each other i swear#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#fall out boy
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girl help i am staring out the window marvelling at the natural beauty of the world again
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alright guys let's be real if we had gotten a deancas kiss it would've just looked like this
#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#im sorry but like...u know it wouldntve been great 😔#supernatural#destiel#spn#idk whether to tag this as spoilers 🤡#i was like what if tho ahaha and then i realised...#alleged homophobe jensen ackles kissing ?? a man ?? on tv ?? in ur dreams sweaty ahahaha 💀#the office
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georgia is so funny bc you'll turn on the news and they'll be like “omg covid cases rising in georgia 😨" and then a minute later they're talking abt music midtown and announcing the lineup for shaky knees and talking about parents protesting school mask mandates like...hm.
#woman on the news had the audacity to say music midtown would 'be a good step forward'#meanwhile vax rates here are like 40% fully vaccinated for the entire state#i dont understand it i do not#it's so funny to me when they show our governor (derogatory) talking abt not mandating masks or whatever...#and then cut to a story about the delta variant or rising covid rates in atlanta like 😭#elliott s c r e a m s into the void
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i wrote such a good essay for my standardized practice test why is no one kissing me on the lips right now
#i love academic jargon i love commiting absolute incomprehensibility. it is not okay for other people to do it though then thats a crime#adhd is like no i cannot understand formal words in the slightest yes i am going to use them unnecessarily in every assignment#i am obsessed with myself if it isnt obvious#elliott s c r e a m s into the void
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mental illness
#🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩#i think this is the first year bastille didnt completely obliterate everyone#and there were probably at least 5 other fob songs tied at 44 plays because let me tell you i cycled through those bitches#different songs were on repeat for entire months i shouldve known fob would take it#ralphie was my most binged song too 😳#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#spotify wrapped
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ok the new pete wentz gabe saporta video thing. why does pete look so comfortable. like he's always been just a Guy to me but he looks so cozy in that video especially for no reason i can't explain it. i want to hug him
#this has been bouncing around in my head all day thanks to the mccoy person on twitter that the little#blue bird keeps bugging me with rec notifs. he just looks so soft leave me alone#we talk about full blown emo pete but we dont talk enough about full blown dad pete. i want him#to give me a hug i want him to call me champ. sweater#maybe its my hashtag daddy issues#fobposting#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#fall out boy
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why is b minor such a bitch chord on guitar
#starting to remember why i keep abandoning/picking it back up in like cycles#the guy who created barre chords like this did not have human hands mfer had elastic bones or some shit#elliott s c r e a m s into the void
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biden: *makes a good point*
trump:
#elliott s c r e a m s into the void#debate#i need. A minute ..#lookin like he's bouta steal joe's lunch money
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