rooting around the archives, sometimes an image gets stuck in your brain, it is one that you see and keep going back to... you make stories that maybe only make sense to you. This was shot in a public/not so public location. Maybe that drives the emotion, carves that moment into your memory... what is the story that you make up in your mind?

hair pose

translated from a @elementoftheeye photo

pact  

translated from a @elementoftheeye  photo

Maybe this is more appealing. It is another of the freelensing. A bloom on the Bradford pear tree. Coffee...Trying to decompress from the Easter weekend. Wondering where I fit in. It is easy for me to stay home and mess around the house, or go to a park and walk around the woods. It exhausts me to socialize with other people, be it family or friends... I do question if I really have friends, I mean I am not asked to go with anyone to do anything. I don't think I could be a hermit, at least I wouldn't question if I had friends, or if people were just pretending. Anyway, the dogs are asleep and I am working. This is where I am pretty happy, feeling like I am earning my money. What do I need?

My latest acquisition. Going to send this one away and get it Cleaned, Lubed and Adjusted. Of course after I hospital bills get paid. I mean until them I will be using it is a sweet HEAVY camera. I will probably look for another lens too.

Tears

I sit here, thinking how much I miss one of my friends that passed some years ago... Really missing you Dan.

Inspire weekend, a professional photographers of Pennsylvania conference. I am on the board of governors, which really doesn't mean much to anyone other than me. Our 1st program was "Facing the Fear of Failure" whish was really appropriate because Kristy talked about her life and how she deals with print comp when she enters... meaning even if you don't get a great score you had the balls to enter and now you can learn from the situation. The above image is thumbnails of the images I entered... so I needed 2 merits, or scores above 80 out of 100... mind you these are professional photographers judging. Image1 was the first image of the print competition... not always a great place to be. It scored a 78, I cheered because of the speaker, and I want the viewing room to not be so serious that no one enjoys themselves... we are not competing against each other we are competing against 12 elements, there is still a shit ton of subjectiveness but... so everyone laughs and cheers along. Good time! The rest of the competition, we are all talking and chatting, cheering each other. ANYWAY, my camera image does lack a WOW factor... but it is really a good image and I am sure some other shit is wrong too. The judging is randomized, so they don't judge all of mine at once... next was image3 the flashbulb, my 1st time entering in a commercial category... scores 81... Merit! I make a joke about that being easier to cheer than the 78... more laughing... Next is Money for Nothing image2... 78... that one actually hurt a little I spent the most time with that image... the comp continues, people are chatting, pointing out things that they see or things that the juror sees but we can't because we are watching on a projector...starting to worry a little... I really want 2 merits and only have 2 images left. my next one was image5, "The vulnerable" my last minute entry... I really don't think it will merit, and I really want to leave the room. It got an 81, merit! cheers.. everyone was rooting for me, everyone was cheering each other! My last image pops up toward the end of the category, image4 "Where's the soup" dumb title, but I thought I was being a little cheeky... Freaking 83!! I got 3 merits! Still a ton of room for improvement but YES... the room cheered and I got congratulations... we still cheered everyone... we were awestruck by some of the entries... they were so good, and shit yes we are all in the same room cheering everyone that had the guts to enter... Now I wait for critiques, and see if I want to do anything else with these images.... OH, I also got my service award and a Best Commercial image with my flashbulb!

Pinhead shot.. well pinhole shot It was still light after work last night so I grabbed a preloaded can and went out on the deck... 3 cans actually, this was the best exposure, and actually the shortest. The light was miss leading and I didn't bother with the light meter because I don't know the hole size anyway. I stood the can on end and pulled the tape off of the hole and tried to stay still as I could for 1 minute... the others that were over exposed were 2 minutes and 1.5 minutes... this is better than expected especially since it was a little breezy and I figured the can was moving a little bit. The paper gets a little dirty inside the can, probably from removing the tape... I can do better. Bottom line... I am doing something with photography...

Working with cyanotype... still needs some work...

Feeling lost Still grinds me to say that this is sexual themed.

So many years ago... as I come down from my weekend high... I am bombarded with so many emotions... I do get a huge lift from these weekend conferences, but when they are over I feel loss, maybe more lost. I feel like I need to go out and shoot, create and loose myself in my art. I chat with other photographers that enter into the competitions and they say they just shot their image a few days before the deadline... while I struggle to find something maybe from 10 or 15 years ago... ever since I got to shoot in Texas with the art nude models that always felt like my calling. I did do it for years... but the outlay of money was crazy, crazy for little return. Maybe I changed, maybe the world changed... I'm not sure, it got to a point where I could not afford the model fees, the locations became harder to find... maybe these are straight-up excuses. I miss it, but I am truly afraid to try it again... and the result would be the same. I think for the time being, I might ask around and see if I might hang some prints around somewhere... Again... not adult content but kind of stuck with this general situation... I will comply.

Mystery solved... I think... Assuming that I bought it this way, the previous owner or someone playing around with it, flipped the frame release handle all the way over. There is no reason to do that, but now at least it seats properly in place... maybe I will have time to give it a try tonight.

Calumet 4x5 monorail... maybe the most challenging camera I have used. Friday evening, I probably should have been doing something else, but honestly, I was expecting a very challenging weekend and thought I would at least make something for me. I have been collecting and cleaning these Kodak Instamatics for some years now and it is time to do something. I did a very quick setup, I did meticulously focus the camera, checking the lettering on each camera with a loop. I metered the lights, knowing there would be fall off from right to left. I am also guessing at the ISO of the paper negative. However, since I have never used this camera before I wasn't sure what to expect. It is old and wasn't kept with much care, it stinks badly of that musty smell, but it does seem pretty clean. I have left it air out, I have misted it with Febreze & a solution of water and vinegar... but it still smells... I did notice that the focus glass was separated from the back of the camera but I was hoping that it was the way it was designed.... apparently not. Nothing is in focus and it is even worse from side to side. I am not hating the exposure honestly, that is within what I was hoping for. Not sure how to adjust the glass, it is on a spring and maybe it is just well... sprung. BTW, the weekend was a whirl wind, of good and bad... but I will try and dwell on the good.

The hair cascades ever so gently, the warm breeze whispers, fingers tips touch

Eclipses, multi exposure image. 5 second time separation. Amazing how fast the clouds move...

This mornings irritant Donor Covered Fees: $1.26 I don't mind paying for a program, but you force me to use a credit card, then add the extra fee.