#either way. THE LYRICS. 'I think I knew you were dying I just didn't want the proof' h e llo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thepalmofyourfreezinghand · 11 months

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tbh you're losing me just made me feel sorry for both but also very empathetic toward joe. and this is coming from someone whose last relationship ended a lot like this and someone who was taylor in that relationship. back then i was just so hurt but over time i learned i also played a part in it ending and did things i shouldn't have. it sucks but truth is that they just weren't suited for each other anymore. and ik people will try and make this about how joe sucks and couldn't put in the effort but it's so much more complicated than that. from the lyrics taylor did what i did in my relationship and didn't really communicate. she sent signals, and kept waiting for him to see was "dying" and then was upset when he didn't see and didn't do anything to stop it. but at the same time this means joe actually didn't know she was hurting. he didn't notice and she didn't tell him and if at one point she did it ended up being a "i don't understand / i know you don't " type of conversation and if he just doesn't understand then there's not much to be done even if he wanted to do something. he can't pretend to understand to please her. seems like he genuinely thought they were okay where they were (maybe even because of taylor's people pleasing tendencies) and she just couldn't take it anymore and he didn't understand what was wrong or why she felt that way. i think that first break up news said everything it had to say. they worked when they were in a bubble but not outside of it. joe never really knew her and thought they were okay the way they were and taylor couldn't see a future together. again it sucks because it seems their very foundation is what tore them apart. taylor Trying all the time while pretending that's not the case and joe not wanting anything for her other than to just be together. the difference is back then he saw through her and they were able to make it work through miscommunication but apparently not anymore. and this could be for so many reasons. maybe his own anxiety/depression got in the way, maybe they both just changed and grew apart. maybe he did grow tired of some of her antics when he's a lot more chill and just didn't understand why she had to try so hard all the time and wanted everyone to do the same. i'm not trying to say taylor is hard to love bc that's not true at all but we all know how much she wants someone to choose her and look only at her and we have proof of the ways she'd make sure to get that (telling you to leave me just to try and scare you / im a mirroball / picking fights in afterglow and the great war).... maybe it got tiring and he just stopped keeping an eye out for The Signs and didn't even realize it... i don't thing either of them are the bad guy here. that said i hate how everyone is already like "she was there for him through everything and he couldn't even be there for her" when we know he WAS there for her a lot in the past. plus yeah "ik my pain is an imposition" hurts but we also have taylor saying "is it insensitive to say get your shit together so i can love you" and "if I would have known how sharp the pieces were you'd crumble into i might have let them lay".... like neither of them is perfect. just feels like they were both thought the other one would change and eventually be okay with things happening *their way* and ofc that just didn't happen. there was no cure.

Thank you so much for sending this thoughtful message, anon! The bottom line is really what you said: their foundation killed then. What worked so well in 2016-2017, what helped Taylor save herself, what made her think that he was the one… that was the same thing that tore them apart in the end.

#taylor swift #you’re losing me

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hobiebrownismygod · 5 months

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ooooh i just had a thought

what if while Hobie was part of the Spider-Society he fell in love with a Gwen Stacy (except they’re not Gwen Gwen because we already have a Gwen) variant that was Spider-Woman and then they got badly injured on a mission he was on with them? and he got the biggest scare of his life because of the whole “death loves gwen stacy” thing

and they actually turn out to be fine and recover fairly quickly

idk i think it might be interesting to explore a more vulnerable & sad side to Hobie

(none of this makes sense in canon but it’s a cool angsty fanfic idea!)

or maybe they actually do end up dying and it’s one of his canon events who knows

WAIT THIS IS SO CUTE WTF

I’m gonna write it

Hobie Brown x Gwen Stacy Variant Oneshot

Notes: Gwen Marie Stacy is NOT Spider-Gwen. She's a different Spider-man variant of Gwen that I made up for this prompt. She doesn't look like Gwen Stacy either, I describe her differently :).

THIS IS NOT A HOBIE X SPIDER-GWEN SHIP PLS DO NOT MAKE IT INTO ONE. I DO NOT SUPPORT GHOSTPUNK.

____________________________________________________________

No. No no no no no no no.

This is all my fault.

These were the thoughts that passed through Hobie's mind as he frantically sprinted through the Spider Society, pushing other Spiders out of his way, swinging toward the health center as quickly as he could, friends following behind.

It had been approximately 2 and a half minutes since Lyla had informed him of the incident. He'd been in his dimension, practicing on his guitar as he usually did. His fingers strumming the strings in complex patterns, producing a punchy rhythm. His dark lips would move just slightly as he quietly murmured little lyrics about her. The girl he never thought he'd find. The love of his life. Gwen Marie Stacy.

You see, Hobie wasn't your average guy when it came to relationships. He didn't like them. He found them overrated, boring. He'd never even liked a girl or guy romantically before, there was always something that didn't settle well between them. And besides, he didn't think he'd find a girl who shared the same beliefs as him, someone who was just as willing to stick up for what she believed in as he was. Someone he could really share things with, someone he could be vocal with, someone who understood him and vice versa. That was, until he met her.

She was like a flame, casting a warm glow onto everyone around her, striking blue eyes the color of perfect raindrops, and raven black hair, flowing down her shoulders as if it came from the very same place as the stars. The day he'd met her he promised he'd do everything in his power to protect that heavenly smile, to make sure he heard her sweet laugh every time he saw her. But now...she was hurt. She could die.

He couldn't let that happen.

He burst through the doors of the health center, desperately swiveling his head around in every direction, searching for those ocean-colored eyes, those soft pink lips that he adored.

Come on, come on, where is she?!

"Gwen! Gwen where are you!?" he called out miserably, his voice shaky with fear. He could feel his heart beating in his chest as he waited for a response.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Silence.

No...no...

He couldn't lose her.

Ever since he'd learned about the canon event. Ever since he'd discovered every Gwen Stacy's fate, he hadn't been able to sleep. He was plagued with nightmares, tormented by the fear of his love's death being by his hand. He know that if he fell in love with Gwen Marie Stacy, she would die.

And selfishly, he fell in love with her anyways. But how could he not? How could he not want to be with the girl of his dreams, that gorgeous face, that voice? He knew he'd be the death of her. But he wanted her anyways.

This is my fault.

He could have at least been there. How could he let her out of his sight? How could he leave her alone knowing she would get hurt? Knowing that she'd have to face a gruesome fate? A fate brought to her by his hands?

Gwen Stacy always falls for Spider-man. And it doesn't end well.

It doesn't end well.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

"Hobie?"

And it was like he'd heard an angel. And there she was. Her hand raised as she waved over at him, hair flowing down her shoulders like a river of ink, azure eyes slightly squinted as she beamed over at him. The breath was knocked out of him as he bolted to her side as fast as humanly possible, combat boots skidding across the floor as he collapsed next to her hospital bed and grabbed her hands, enveloping them in his.

"I-I'm sorry-I-I-This is my fault-I-my-fault"

"Slow down, I can't understand you." She shot him a smile, sitting up and squeezing his hand back. God those gorgeous eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to suppress his tears. "S'all my fault. I should've never left you alone, I got you hurt" He choked out, words slurring together as he blabbered, his voice wavering with his repressed sobs.

"What? I'm fine, Hobes. It was just a couple stitches."

He looked up, eyebrows furrowing as he processed this information. Fine?

"You-you're okay?" he asked quietly, chest rising up and down as he tried to catch his breath.

"I'm okay." her smile sent a wave of warmth down his body, and he returned one along with a quiet chuckle. It was like all the fear, all the terror just melted out of his body, those reassuring eyes of hers doing everything to calm him down. He was ecstatic, breathing slowly slowing down and regulating itself as he nodded at her.

"You-you gave me a real scare there" He said quietly, feeling a bit embarrassed at himself at this point.

"Yeah, Lyla was being a bit dramatic about it." she said sheepishly, giving his hand a squeeze. "Sorry."

"Don't be." He pulled her into a hug, wrapping his arms around her with a quiet sigh, breathing in that green apple scent.

"I'm just glad you're safe"

____________________________________________________________

A/N: I tried to do a bit of vivid imagery for my description of Gwen and Hobie's feelings but I'm not sure if it really worked out 😅. Hopefully it wasn't too wordy or difficult to read and if you have any feedback, please let me know!

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allamericanb-tch · 4 months

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you’re on your own kid

i just love this song. taylor swift is quite literally a mastermind.

lyrical analysis

the basic story of the song is about taylor growing up and the way that her desire to be accepted and loved manifests itself at different points in her life. it starts with her just wanting to be liked by her peers to wanting to be successful in her music.

verse 1 — the desire to be loved by a guy in her life, likely during her school years.

summer went away still the yearning stays

this is a response to the notion that something was just a "summer thing" (august reference??) and that after summer she would just get over the guy. but after summer ends, she still feels for him.

i play it cool with the best of them

this definitely isn’t the most important line, but it helps to paint the picture that taylor has idealized "the best of them" as a group of certain people and that she's trying to do the things that would make her seem aligned with them and how they behave.

i wait patiently he's gonna notice me it's okay, we're the best of friends anyway

this is a little “you belong with me” moment of pining after someone you're best friends with and telling yourself it's not a big deal because you're still friends but knowing deep down you wish it was more.

i hear it in your voice you're smoking with your boys i touch my phone as if it's your face

she's speculating on who he's with and what he's doing. he's on the phone with her but he’s high and with is friends. she touches her phone imagining what it would be like to touch him, but the only connection she has to him right now is phone calls where he isn’t presently engaged.

i didn't choose this town i dream of getting out there's just one who could make me stay all my days

this line parallels the song midnight rain (my town was a wasteland), and a little bit tis the damn season (the whole song). she isn’t satisfied with the town she's growing up in and would like to leave, but she holds back because of the possibility of being with this guy.

from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

i've heard a lot of different interpretations of this first line but it seems like it's basically just about the routine passage of time. from sprinklers in warm weather to fireplaces in cold weather, she's been on her own through it all. i think there could be some room for this idea of sprinklers being there to help things grow while a fireplace burns and destroys things, and life involves things being born and things dying. either way, life goes on, but no matter what point in life you're looking to, you (taylor) can't count on someone else to help her achieve your goals.

i waited ages to see you there i searched the party of better bodies just to learn that you never cared

very much "the moment i knew", of being in a crowded room looking for someone that you know well enough to care about being there but not close enough with to actually know if or when they'll arrive. taylor realizes the guy she's pining after never cared for her the way she did.

the better bodies line is pretty self explanatory but i think it's really impactful that it sounds like her body image issues started when she was younger, and group settings have long been a place for comparison.

you’re on your own kid

you always have been

(will talk more about this later)

verse 2 — discovery of songwriting and desire to be a performer.

i see the great escape so long, daisy may

so i googled the name daisy may of course, and there were some theories that it may be referring to daisy may cooper, or hinting at the name of blake lively and ryan reynolds's fourth baby. but neither of those really make sense to me in the context of that lyric. this specific line is intended to be something young taylor says back then, as in it was young taylor who bids farewell to daisy may, not the 2022 taylor. neither the actress/comedian nor an unborn baby of people she wasn't friends with then make sense in that context to me.

i think that it refers to margaret march from "little women" by louisa may alcott. margaret had two nicknames, meg for her family and daisy for her rich friends. (daisy was a common nickname for margaret in the 19th century). i absolutely love the 2019 greta gerwig film adaptation of little women, but i’ve never read the book and i know they have a lot of differences, so i’ve looked at some literature websites to aid with my research.

meg's character arc throughout the book is her dreaming of a rich husband, of the luxuries in life and her character development where she grows out of it. from all four of the sisters, meg is the most traditionally feminine - she's beautiful, and a proper good girl by the standards of that time, she's a romantic who wants to marry a man she loves, her rich prince charming. she has a phase where she mingles extensively with the affluent crowd who call her by the nickname daisy. however she soon realises the downside of that life, falls in love with a poor tutor and learns to appreciate the simpler pleasures of life, and has a happy married life with many kids.

i think the young romantic girl from this song relates to this arc, wanted the same things for herself. however the boy she loves loves her not (more on this later) and she realises that the only reason keeping her in town was moot. she finds a different path, her art, and through that her great escape from the original life she had imagined for herself. i'm not sure if her choice of daisy instead of meg has any significance. as in whether she's saying so long to the version of meg who wanted luxuries and to be in rich circles.

this is kind of a stretch, but daisy may also sounds a little bit like dismay, and she's bidding adieu to dismay by escaping the town like she always dreamed.

but outside that context it might just be a reference to a name that talks about a pretty flower and the month of may and this idea of always needing to seem happy a cheerful, but songwriting has given her a cathartic way of being honest and not always people pleasing. this is emphasized by the image of picking petals off a flower and defacing its beauty. or i’m just way overthinking it.

i picked the petals, he loves me not something different bloomed

this is the whole "he loves me, he loves me not" thing people would do with flowers and she's come to the conclusion that he doesn't love her, and realizes that something else was more important to her.

writing in my room i play my songs in the parking lot i’ll run away

very literally she learns to spend her time alone in her room writing songs. she also literally played songs in parking lots at state fairs and the like. "i'll run away" connects to "great escape" as the means for her to get out of her town.

i called a taxi to take me there i search the party of better bodies just to learn that my dreams aren't rare

you're on your own, kid you always have been

i think that the taxi is mentioned because she either wasn't old enough to drive to her destination or would be drunk. she's at a party full of other aspiring singers, and she again does the "better bodies" self comparison, but also realizes that there are so many other people out there who have the dream that she does. because she knows that every other person seems to want to be a singer, she's on her own in standing out with this dream.

the bridge/outro — basically this climax of her career success and her reflection/advice when she thinks about all it took to get there. i think a lot of these lines are just one off sentences and not necessarily continuations of one another. (think the bridge of champagne problems. "november flush and your flannel cure" doesn't lead into "this dorm was once a madhouse.")

from sprinkler splashes to fireplace ashes

i gave my blood, sweat, and tears for this

i hosted parties and starved my body like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss

the jokes weren't funny, i took the money

my friends from home don't know what to say i looked around in a blood-soaked gown and i saw something they can't take away

cause there were pages turned with the bridges burned everything you lose is a step you take

so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it

so, the first time i listened to this song, i thought each line corresponded with one of her eras.

from sprinkler splashes — debut

to fireplace ashes — fearless

i gave my blood sweat and tears for this — speak now

i hosted parties — red

and starved my body, like i’d be saved by a perfect kiss — 1989

the jokes weren’t funny i took the money — reputation

my friends from home don’t know what to say — lover

there were pages turned — folklore

with the bridges burned — evermore

everything you lose is a step you take — midnights

i LOVE the way that this flips the story just a bit. she's now the one hosting the parties, which you would think would come from a place of feeling established and comfortable, but she's starved her body to try to be good enough, and she's realizing that she did all these things because of some kind of distorted fantasy of what a relationship might be.

i think the ending lines (i looked around in a blood soaked gown and i saw something they can’t take away) go together as the "they" pronoun seems to refer to "my friends." the blood soaked gown is definitely a carrie reference, like blood was poured on her and she was embarrassed and her friends have no idea how to relate to her experience, such as the incident at the VMAs.

i also think there's a contrast she's making in that it seems her friends "don't know what to say" because of the "blood soaked gown" but meanwhile taylor is looking around and she's seeing something other than the blood soaked gown. this is back to "blood, sweat, and tears" where she has worked so hard that she's almost unrecognizable to the people she grew up with, but she's not concerned about the thing that's horrifying everyone else, since she can only see the accomplishments she's reached. the blood that makes people wanna look away is often what's necessary for us to reach our goals.

i love that she acknowledges that there were hardships (the aforementioned blood) but that with every failure or bump in the road it allows her to move forward and grow. "pages turned" as in your (her) story still progresses, "with the bridges burned," even when opportunities feel like they're closed. every time you feel like you've lost or fallen behind, that's just another step forward in your journey.

so make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it

this is probably my favorite line from this song. i just feel like there's such a tendency when you look back on your life, especially your youth, to roll your eyes and to feel like you wasted so much time being preoccupied with whatever thing. and someone hearing this song could definitely feel like taylor messed up by being obsessed with some guy in her town or telling bad jokes for a paycheck. but what taylor is saying here is that you don't need to live your life being paranoid about whether what you're doing is contributing to some ultimate goal, and if it isn’t, feeling like you’re wasting your life and losing so much time. she’s saying that everything that feels like a setback or a distraction at the time are the things that get us to where we need to be.

friendship bracelets are often seen as childish expressions of desires like "we'll be best friends forever!" when you're like 7 years old. and from someone like taylor who had a hard time making friends growing up, it could be really easy to say "yeah that doesn't matter just focus on your career." but what she's saying instead is do the childish things. do the stuff that matters to you in the moment. you don't need to feel like every decision you make is life or death. enjoy the journey, because the pages are turning no matter what.

you've got no reason to be afraid you're on your own, kid yeah, you can face this you're on your own, kid you always have been

turning the title on its head. being on your own seems like something scary and pessimistic but what she's saying is that's always how you're gonna be and you're gonna be okay because all you need is yourself to face the things you're gonna face.

she also talks a lot about this in her speech at nyu. there are so many parallels between this song and her speech.

final thoughts

this song is obviously a look back on her life, the disappointments and mistakes she's made over the years. from the first verse, it's very reminiscent to her debut and fearless eras. even in her singing style is nostalgic of her early days as a musician.

in the second verse, she alludes to escaping her hometown and shedding innocence. and apparently a “daisy may” is considered a nice and obedient girl (her apparent change of persona from speak now to red.) the picking petals from disappointment (being rejected) to something different blooming (her music) is just written so cleverly? i just love it.

i love how the instrumentation evolves along with the lyrics. at first, its so soft and simple. just the basics of an acoustic song. but piece by piece, detail and other instruments are added. you can actually chart this song and identify which era she's going through now with it.

in the second verse, more complex backgrounds are added, also more drums. in the chorus after that, the crescendo that they're building is more obvious.

i like to look at this song as one drawn out crescendo. you don't notice it at first because the changes are small and then it comes to a point where you can't ignore it anymore. this is the instrumentals before the bridge. we're so far away from the sound of the intro now that it’s almost a different song, if not for the same chords being used all throughout.

the drums in the instrumentals feel so reminiscent of out of the woods, just softer and less tribalistic. then the snare. it feels like a snap. we then get to the bridge and it feels so cathartic (we know taylor loves to write a cathartic bridge), like all of those pent up emotions are finally being released now. taylor's voice has also taken a fuller quality, her iconic layered background vocals that slowly gets louder. her tone is gradually getting more intense, and almost screaming in places, is really cathartic. everything at this point is now much louder than when we started. then it drops, with a peculiar buzzing sound. everything about this song is done so intentionally and so masterfully that it’s becoming one of my favorites from this album and maybe all her albums.

anyway, those are my takes. i love that supercut-esque jack antanoff synth before the final chorus.

actual final thoughts

you’re on your own kid isn’t for people with big friend groups. it’s for the people who felt like they never had a best friend, for people who have always struggled to make friends and keep them. it’s for those who cry on their birthday every year because they realize only a handful of people care about them. it’s for the people who have never been anyone’s number one and for the people who have never had someone be in love with them but yearn for romance so desperately. you’re on your own kid is for the people who have learned to be comfortable alone because they had no other choice.

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officialtayley · 6 months

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(long post allert)

Sorry but some people on twt piss me off. Yes, some people who went through trauma still feel affection to their abuser even after cutting them off, but it doesn't mean it is an universal experience, but some people really wanted that to be true for Hayley even despite her doing/stating multiple things basically denying it. She knew she deserved better while still being with him (she said so on that Bialik podcast). So these people who were thinking ffv was about chad not only couldn't connect obvious dots (ffv taking place before the final part of pfa, lyrical hints about someone who clearly wasn't chad), but also it was just them not accepting she could be in a different relationship than she was her whole life. I'm not saying people needed to know it was Taylor, but to deny so many obvious things that Hayley deeply loved another person and didn’t want their relationship to end… Some people just really wanted her to hurt, and be so deep in her trauma to never stop thinking about other person than chad. I know it's harsh but I really believe there were people who just wanted Hayley to hurt like the same way they were after leaving abusive relationships. I even remember back in like 2018/2019 people on reddit were saying that it's her time to be finally single and heal from shit, that she for sure isn't in a relationship nor she even wants to be. Well you can heal from shit while being in a love with someone else, also not everyone who was through shit actually misses and still loves her abuser. Hayley realised what he did to her, she never again felt like she needed him in her life, but some people just really want her to pin after chad her whole life. I mean that relationship left burden on her view of love, no doubt about that, but stop making everything in her life about this man. It wasn't a sudden divorce, but all her feelings to him were slowly dying/changing. She said in that letter to Aaron in 2016 (from No Friend) that she didn't have any trust in any relationship. I would say they were heading to divorce even before their marriage.

i agree with everything you said. you said it perfectly. no one has even said either that she can't have missed him or still loved him, hell she may have gone through that when divorcing, we don't know, but like you stated, she was VERY aware the relationship was bad for her, she said that since day 1 she knew it was doomed and was waiting for it to happen, and i think it was in the oped with paper magazine she said her love for him changed from romantic to brotherly. it really does feel like people wanted her to basically never work through her trauma and always be in it, because most of these comments also come from stans, people like us, people who kept up with chad after they split, people who still do, so they would've known a song like HYD would NOT have been about him as he wasn't a smoker. people conveniently love to forget that trying to be in a healthy relationship after an unhealthy/abusive one is very difficult and it's very common for self sabotage to happen, especially if she hadn't worked through some things like she thought she was going to. and that is very much what ffv is about, rather than it being about still holding onto that relationship, it's about how what she went through was then affecting the relationship she truly wanted to be in.

#anon #answered

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nightswithkookmin · 2 years

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NO HYBE AND THEIR BTS ACTUALLY SUCK

I SAID WHAT I SAID.

This would have gone a different way if they didn't sound like they had been dying to get out of BTS. I love to support their solo careers hell I've been an advocate for them going Solo for as long as my blog has been up and have been called all sorts of names for it don't give me that crap.

7 grown ass men in a kpop boyband- does that make sense to you?? 7 grown us men singing highschool musicals on a desert sounds like they reliving a 7yr olds nightmare.

I've always complained about the lyricism and have unequivocally expressed my desire for much adult themed lyrics from them. How are they gonna do that while maintaining the purity culture and infantilizing nature of Kpop??

But i wish they had spoken of BTS with much joy and not complained much about the things ANY ONE WITH BRAINS KNOW they were dealing with as a group. You only say those things when it's over and done with.

And dont get me wrong- or get me wrong I don't give a fuck really. I feel validated that my thoughts and theories about them have been validated in so many ways by their raw honesty and confession. But without that validation I'd live. I don't need them to come out and say what common sense should lead us all to conclude.

But they really handled this poorly, harping on how miserable they feel as a group at this point rather than present this as simply an inevitable phase and the next chapter. I'd rather they had showed vulnerability by expeessing how much it scares them to take on this new challenge to build themselves as solo artists because IT IS REALLY SCARY.

THEY NEED TO HIRE A PUBLICIST. A PROFESSIONAL ONE AT THAT.

Now i have to imagine how scary this new path must be for Jimin and Jin because they were the only ones who came off as genuinely vulnerable to me- minus the time he looked in the camera and winked. Jin. He will always be Jin. Lmho.

AND SUGA. HOLD MY WIG I'M ABOUT TO THROW HANDS.

Can you imagine this man saying, now that he isn't being forced to do stuff he enjoys doing it???

THE FUCK??!!!!

I didn't know yall were so miserable together as a group- like ID, Like 5TH Harmonies, like LittleMix. After BTS i am not interested in groups again. The best bands are in the past.

Now that's cheap of me to say because I know that's not what they tried to send across and that's not what happened either. Yet that's how they came across. To most of us.

THIS IS WHAT I EXPECTED

BTS:

Hi Army. We have an announcement to make. It may be good news to some bad news to others but we think it's the right decision to take at this time.

We've been together for 9rs, we wanted to challenge ourselves to stay as a band for as long as we can. But while we grow as a group, as individuals we feel we aren't growing as much musically at all because though we are growing to love different music styles and forms it appears too experimental for fans and affects our brand as BTS.

As such, we want to focus on our individual music interests and produce more solo albums while we rediscover our voice and style to help shape our collective brand.

Just as you've stood by us all these years we pray you keep supporting us individually as well as we venture onto this next stage.

It's a bold and scary move and WE ARE SCARED to take on this new challenge because being together is all we've known our lives and every year at Festa we hope we can see eachother and celebrate our time together. We will keep doing run as well to Keep connected with you guys.

I mean are they even gonna do Festa each year again???? I hate this so much.

This could have gone so much better cos now they've left us with a lot of questions and no closure. They couldn't even tell us this is gonna be our final concert as a group- though we kinda already knew with the kind of things there were saying and doing 💀

They wrapped up OT7 in a selfish way without letting the fans prepare either. I mean we all wouldn't have missed certain concerts at all if we knew that was the last.

And Festa should have been celebrated in a whole other way than this- what even was this??

Namjoon saying he wouldn't want another Bon Voyage when the members said they could do that- yea no I'm not falling for those tears. Go ahead and cry me a river.

But I also know he needs this break from group activities even though now they are saying they NOT going on a break. THEY ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE.

They should just have prepared this much much better than they did I feel used and dumped😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

They actually made fun of performing fake love over and over when its like but that song made me happy each time they performed it

i never bought into their ot7 agenda but this really sucks

Are they gonna do ads as a group again??

Are they gonna do 0T7 Vlives again??

No more Soop??

No more Bon Voyage???

No more Festa?

GOOD BYE OT7😒

I've lost my will to live

GOODBYE GHETTO EARTHLINGS

GOLDY

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transfennecbuddy · 2 years

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Mmmmm, I've just listened to Eternity Ward by Madotspooki. And man is it creepy. And I don't mean the video (although that is VERY unnerving too). Gosh, the lyrics surprised and scared me to first time I heard it.

First of all, whatever I was prepared for, I did not get that. When I first saw the trigger warnings, I was very worried, but then the video started up and it was cute and pretty! That alone threw me off, but then it got to the line "Break a bone or a few or a hundred and two" and I firmly knew this would be a creepy, weird song. And it was! It surprised me and unsettled me more and more as I listened, but I kinda like it! It's just so creepy and strange that it's cool in a different way, and I love it! I'm glad I listened to the lyrics because I would've missed half the charm if I hadn't, too! I really like the story and the vampire girl (I'm stuck between wanting to meet her and wanting to run far far away to protect my organs). Also the voice was so high-pitched that it gave off a fake-happy vibe, like everything's happy and positive (even though the synthetic quality of the voice made it just obvious enough that it was fake, the lyrics were so happily delievered that I couldn't tell what the actual vibe was supposed to be [which made me even more nervous and uncomfortable]), even though a girl is literally stealing folks' organs! Oooooo, all of it made it so creepy and unnerving and gosh I love how well everything worked together to do that!

And the visuals! At first I thought it was just strange because it was supposed to be a hospital setting, but my god when I heard more of the song and listened to more of the lyrics, I realized it perfectly matched the vibe going on. The art at the beginning was deceptively cute, so much so that the glitching pictures in the chorus felt like it didn't match, and it all did its job cause I was comfy enough to be properly scared later on!

I think one of my favorite parts of the song is after the first chorus (can you call it a chorus? There's no words, just music. Is it a bridge then?). It just starts off with "Just as imagined, some wings to call my own. I'm an angel, I'm watching over you" and like... I love the angel imagery, I always love angel imagery, but my god, if I didn't think it would get creepy before, I certainly would've known then! It's just an awesome combination of unsettling me and something I can't describe better than it literally shining and attracting me like a bird to a shiny rock or a kid to the sun. And then it immediately says "Beautiful organs all in disarray" like UM YOU JUST MADE ME FALL IN LOVE AND THEN YOU SCARE ME AGAIN?! And the ART in that moment is mmm gorgeous! And then right after, it starts decaying again, but at this point I'm way too invested to ever leave before it's done. (Also the captions at this point scared me. I'm kinda flattered but I also don't want Momotan to love me.)

And it only got more unsettling after that, with her chest opening up and having teeth to the lyrics screaming about you bleeding out and your neck being on wrong and having your guts spilled on the wall. And like. I love this song. So very much. But I can't listen to this over and over again without either almost dying on the inside or concerning everyone in my vicinity by singing about spilling someone's guts on the wall. (Actually, now that I think of it, that'd be a good way to worry my friends, hehehe.) Plus the video hurts my eyes and gives me a headache. So no matter how much I'm glad I got this suggestion (cause I would never have found this without a little push) or how quickly this is going on my Vocaloid playlist, this song is not joining the loop-while-working club for my own sake. But I will save it so that I can listen to it for a lil while, forget about it, and refind it again and be super happy and excited, repeat cycle.

Thanks so much @/viscaeriic for giving me this recommendation, and now I shall go try to emotionally recover (/lighthearted).

#my gosh that was a lot #I really do love it so much #the lyrics and the art and just the overall vibe #how everything just came together to make it all sound so unnerving #(gosh that's such an arting goal)#and I will certainly show this to my friends #but OO I can’t listen to this forever #madotspooki #eternity ward #vocaloid #tw capital letters #just in case cause I saw that was a tag #kitty's reviews

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bootleg-parable · 3 months

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Then Let’s Play ; A Parable Progression

The sound of the needle going over the vinyl disk was tuned out by the music emitting from the horn of the gramophone. Teller was spending more and more time awake, but seeing as he couldn’t focus on his work for more than five minutes in his exhaustion, he took to playing music and hanging out with User a lot more than he could in his typical work hours. User had his head in Teller’s lap, and was zoned out between the singing along to the record and the other’s hands combing through his hair- hair that he hadn’t tended to in…well, a month, probably. He paid close attention to Teller’s perfect harmonisation with a Frank Sinatra song. This was the first version of him to ever sing in front of User, and it was no argument that Teller sounded phenomenal. It made User wonder how he wound up cooped up in an office and not doing better things with himself. Teller was so talented in every craft that User happened to witness, and yet, here he was, typing and filing away for forever. But he couldn’t think too deeply into it. After all, this reality wasn’t real, and for all User knew, there might not actually be other people that existed here, no matter how much Teller went on about his “coworkers”. He winced as a stubborn tangle was tugged through.

“Sorry,” Teller hummed between lyrics.

User briefly fluttered an eye open to look up at his friend, who was already staring down at him expectantly. ‘You’re fine’, he responded through sign, and slid his gaze shut again to return to his peace.

He was glad that Teller was finally showing signs of a full recovery. The scar on his head would probably never go away, just like every other mark of the past that tattooed Teller’s skin. But in brighter thoughts, he was alive, and that was more than other renditions of himself could say.

User sighed gently as he recalled each and every one of them. The first was scared of User, and died before he could even start a conversation with his visitor. Another was much like this version of Teller, but he looked a lot different, and seemed less lively. He might’ve been older. The third looked the youngest of them all, with long hair and extravagant clothing. He made outfits for a living, and User learned a thing or two from watching him work. He didn’t see how that one died. He only heard it. The next hated absolutely everything about User. Hated the way that he looked, sounded, and acted. In his eyes, User was a burden that he was trapped with, and thinking of it now, User didn't like him very much either. But even with their disapproval of each other, he still threw himself into the face of danger and died for his unwelcome guest when that monster finally came for him again. The last words that he managed on his dying breath were “I hate you”.

Sometimes User could still hear him.

I hate you.

It was his freshest fear that this new Teller would utter the same thing when he found out that he was destined to die like the rest of them. User wanted to break the secret to him right now. There was no point in keeping the truth from him when he would find out one way or another. Right?

Hm.

The music was the only thing playing now. User’s face pinched in a puzzled scowl. He opened his eye again.

Teller’s head was leaned against the back cushions of the sofa. He fell asleep, which didn’t come off as a surprise. He’d been back and forth for days. But that’s not what shut User up. It was the figure that was watching from overhead, seemingly entertained just by viewing, considering that it didn’t make any moves against either man. That glowing triangle stared tauntingly back at User, daring him to say any sudden words. User didn’t. He knew better. He had to wait until spoken to.

“I see you’re growing quite acquainted with this one,” It said at last, and Teller did not stir to its voice. “Clearly you haven’t learned your lesson.”

User let go of the breath that he was holding when he started getting lightheaded. Even when prompted with discussion, he had nothing to say. He wasn’t sure what would set the beast off, and in that unknowing, he kept his lips sealed. It was way too close. One wrong word and it could be the end for both of them; not just Teller. There wouldn’t even be a second to run.

He felt his skin get hot when the being ran a thumb along the medical patches on Teller’s head. It knew how protective User was getting. It was testing him. “You know, the offer is still on the table. If you’ll finally listen to me.”

He tried to soften his words as they came. “I’m not interested.”

The beast’s spherical head tilted, and the triangle of its face went round and round from even the slightest shake. It leaned forward. User looked away.

“Are you unaware that this guy ain’t real?” It argued, and User saw its two, floating hands making motions above as it talked. “You’re getting attached to a character. Somebody who isn’t gonna miss you if you’re gone.”

He only huffed in response. Teller would miss him. Its voice built with strength when it started getting frustrated with its target.

“I tried warning you once,” Its talon scratched across the surfaces of User’s own bandages. He went rigid. “I ain’t afraid to do it again.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Oh. Oh, really?”

“I still have time.”

Its voice got low. Really low. “And what if you don’t?”

User stared at it. There was nothing to look for in the expression that it didn't have. He only had its tone to go off of, and he couldn't hear a single bluff to call.

It was being serious.

But they had a deal. It wasn't supposed to be falling out of line like this. However, User knew that he couldn’t control something that had much more power over him than he even had over himself. Bickering would be useless. It was going to kill Teller so much sooner than he had accounted for. He knew it. The library accident wasn’t an accident at all.

It was a sign.

“You can’t do this,” User riled, and he sat up to get right in its face. It seemed surprised at his audacity, as it well should’ve been. He was pushing his limits. “That’s a bitch move to make on your behalf, and you know it.”

What a poor choice of words.

He withheld a scream when that floating hand came right around his neck and lifted him from his spot on the sofa. The interactive interface of the 8-Ball was gone, and all that lingered in its place were the vague shapes of two eyes in the abyss, staring right back at User with uncannily dilated pupils and an unblinking stare.

"You watch your fucking mouth," His blood ran cold as it spoke, and he held his tongue for the better. "Or I'll take your other eye right here and now. Then you'll never see me coming." And it waited for a few beats, watching for further retaliation that luckily never came. Its eyes sunk out of visibility, and the yellow shape was back in its place. Only with User's obedience did it release, and the man listened in a fearful silence for its next word. "I have been perfectly fair to you. I've given you offers- more than one!- before I deal the final blow. But you're too stubborn to take them. Now whose fault is that, hmm?”

He couldn’t give a response, and his enemy didn’t anticipate one. It was rhetorical. So instead of speaking, he simply shook his head. ‘Fair’ wasn’t the right word to use for this situation. It didn’t have to do what it was doing. But it insisted that Teller had to die, like there was no other way around taking his life on repeat. It was a punishment for User’s mere presence. That sort of thing pissed him right off, because the monster knew that it hurt deeper than any physical wound could. It knew that he was okay with dying, but that Teller’s suffering was shared between them. Those were scars that would never heal. They’d stay as ugly, open sores, constantly reminding User of faults that he couldn’t even remember. He just wished that there was a light at the exit of this never-ending tunnel.

One that didn’t involve leaving Teller behind.

“Is there anything else that I can do?” User bargained. There had to be something. Anything.

Its next order was firm and slow spoken, letting User know exactly what his only option was.

“Cut. The. Rope.”

He knew what that meant, word per terrible word. He didn’t want to. God, there had to be another way. Why did this have to be so hard? He was conflicted, and he utterly despised himself for it, because the solution felt like it should’ve been obvious. Stupid…Stupid.

There had to be another way.

The Entity was finally breaking Donatello down. He knew that it was centuries stronger than him, and whatever it said goes. Finally, it was winning.

And all that it took was a couple of the same life.

Donnie was fidgeting in his spot, and his eye was darting around as formulas flew through his head. The Entity couldn’t help but to laugh at him. He was a mess, and he didn’t even try to hide it, even when he made efforts to be tough. This was a game of chess, and he was losing.

“What’ll it be?” Asked the foe again, for the last time.

It could see every idea crash and fall apart in Donnie’s head just by the way that his face sunk. His brow slanted to a hateful grimace.

This was going to be so much fun.

“No.”

That’s all that it needed to hear. It would no longer spare its prey any further mercy. All bets were off. All deals were broken. This continuous cycle was going to end, and there was absolutely nothing that Donatello could do to stop it. It knew his every move, ploy, and scheme.

It knew everything that he knew, and now there would be no outrunning the inevitable.

It laughed again, softly at first, then louder. More hysterical. Donnie cowered beneath it. “Keep your head on a swivel, little rabbit,” It stood up straight and moved away. “I’ll be everywhere that you least expect me.”

And with that final promise, it dematerialised, vanishing into the nothingness of the atmosphere. Their little game had been fun, but when all was said and done, there was nothing sweeter than victory.

By the time that User got up from the sofa, the monster was gone, and its cackling echoed through the halls and travelled into an unsettling quiet with its disappearance. His stomach was turning with unease. He knew that he’d made a mistake, but it was one that he was willing to fight for. He just needed to play it by ear as it unfolded. Maybe he could kill that thing. It could be killed, right? But was he really going to stoop to its level? Murder. Such a tragic course of events to lead him to this point. He really was risking it all for a possible figment of his imagination. But he’d never know. If Teller was the only other living thing in these loops, then he might have been human, too.

“User, were you talking to yourself?” Speak of the sudden Devil. How long has he been awake?

User shook his head, quick and frantic, then rethought his response and turned the rejection into a nod. If User admitted to speaking with another person, surely the eldest would ponder on who. He wasn’t ready to break that kind of news to him right after what just happened, and he didn’t know any names of Teller’s fellow employees.

“Well, there’s no shame in it,” He fixed how he was sitting. “I used to do the same all of the time.”

User raised an eyebrow. ‘Used to?’

“Don’t look at me like that.”

The younger man rolled his only eye, just barely masking a smile as he inched his way back to the couch. He sat beside his friend and busied his hands by running them over the large cast over the left side of his face. He thought about the monster’s threat again, and shivered at the image proposed to him. Having one eye taken was painful enough. He had no doubts that it would make the second extraction far worse.

It must be furious with him. User couldn’t blame it.

…

...

The Entity emerged head first from the rift that it’d opened back into the real world. It struggled to move as reality stripped it of its law-defying mobility, and for the same reasons, both of its hands disintegrated as soon as they touched the air, leaving only two, empty, white gloves on the ground where they fell. This was The Entity’s weakest form, but here it acknowledged that it was safe. It hauled itself across the ground, wiggling and squirming about to be a few decent feet into the room. It was exhausting work, but there was nowhere else for it to go unless it stayed in the loop.

Clearly that’s something that it didn’t fancy doing.

It groaned, but there was no sound to it. Vocal decay. The real world was a cruel place. The Entity was dying in this existence, that much was clear to it, and it couldn’t keep itself alive in the alternative existences.

Not with Donatello having control of them all.

It was lucky that he was too stupid to actually figure out how to use the clock. He could’ve taken The Entity out without so much as lifting a finger, but that was a power beyond his current understanding, and there would be no time gifted for him to learn. He was too busy trying to figure out how to save Mr. Paavali's false conscience. The beast laughed again, but nothing was as funny while it was in this state.

“E?” Luckily it wasn’t alone.

Unfortunately, without a working voice, it couldn’t respond. The most that it could do was shuffle around some more until its figure was made out by the candlelight. The single-branched candelabra was put down, and knelt beside The Entity was a little girl, whose emotion toward its visit couldn’t be made out.

“Are you alright?” She loosened the tangled fabric around its neck when it had trouble nodding. “How long can you stay for?”

Its head turned so that it could see her through a now lightless screen. Even without the glow, words stamped onto the triangle’s surface, and the candle was brought closer to highlight them. She squinted to read.

‘ɪ ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴛᴀʏ ʟᴏɴɢ. ʙᴜᴛ ɪ'ʟʟ ʙᴇ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴍᴜᴄʜ ꜱᴏᴏɴᴇʀ.’

A grin found its way onto her face. “Good enough.”

That little smile made things seem less bleak than they were.

#the stanley parable #tspud #tsp narrator #bootlegstoryteller #bootleguser #tsp stanley #bootlegentity(:#writing #short story

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weird-is-life · 2 years

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When night falls, I am your escape #1

Sumarry : After avoiding her home town for a long time because of the boy who broke her heart. Y/N goes home to spend the longest time there in 15 years. The problem is that he is home, too. Daniel wants to reconnect with her but she wants nothing more than to just avoid him.

Warnings : language

Chapters : 1/12

Words : 1.4k Masterlist

(English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar/spelling mistakes)

Finally free.

That was my first thought after spending 2 weeks in a hotel room. Being back in Perth after a long time felt weird . I almost forgot that the minute you step out of room where isn't air conditioning, you are sweating a lot. I definitely did not miss that. But i wouldn't miss the rainy England either.

Being back home after avoiding this place as much as i could, brought back memories and not only the pleasant ones. Usually i spent like a week in a year home but after not seeing my family for almost 2 years, because of the pandemic, I promised my parents i would stay till mid January and there i was regretting the decision. Don't get me wrong i loved my parents but there was a ceirtain someone i would have liked to never see again and it was going to be difficult, since he lived there.

While waiting for my parents to arrive, i was enjoying the warm sun shinning on my skin. I was so distracted that i did not even see them arrive.

" Y/N, you are finally home, i missed you so much, " said my mom with tears in her eyes and took me in a bone crushing hug. My dad's reaction was pretty much the same but only difference was that my ribs definitely did crack from his hug.

" I missed you guys, let's go home i had enough of this hotel and i'm dying from this heat. " The drive home was filled with many many questions and it felt nice to talk to them face to face and not through the phone. The drive wasn't really long, it took like 15 minutes so we were home in no time.

After a few hours of doing mainly nothing, my mom sent me to the shop to buy the last things that we needed for the Christmas dinner. I tried to avoid it but in the end my mom won. So I went but it was definitely against my will. Whenever i was back home i avoided places where i could be recognised by people that knew me. It was because people always want to know everything about your life and why would i want them to know how i was doing in life when i was never around and i was not close to them anymore. So that was what i was doing for the last 15 years, avoiding this city and people in it.

On the way to the shop i was listening to my favorite songs, freely singing lyrics of the songs is one of the best things in the world and i think everybody can relate to that.

Shortly i was walking around the shop trying to find all the things my mom wrote on the grocery list but i didn't think it would be that hard to find some peppers, but there i was, lost as hell.

" Is that you Y/N?" oh no, hearing those words come from behind my back, had me freeze in shock. Apparently trying to find groceries and stay incognito while doing so was not my thing. And i should mention that one of the people i was always avoiding when being here were his family. Meeting Michelle Ricciardo was definitely not on my today's plan.

" Oh my god, how have you been, i haven't seen you in forever " she said and i knew that there was no way getting out of this conversation now, so yeah, i had to reply.

" Hi Michelle, yeah, i am good and what about you? " turning to face her i couldn't help but notice that she was not alone. A little blonde kid sat in the shopping trolley.

" I'm good, thank you, little busy with the Christmas coming you know but good, but what about you? Where are you these days? I never see you home " she asked with a smile on her face .

" Ah you know busy with work and i am in London these days, working all the time, so I never have time for home " or more like i did not want to have time for home.

" London really? You must miss the sunny Perth ceirtainly but i think i would trade it for some rain right now because this heat is killing me" she laughed and as i was about to reply but the little kid, i think his name was Isaac started to ask Michelle to take him to the candy section.

" As you can see i need to go, but we should go out for a coffee or something" i was about to come up with some excuse and decline when she said.

"Or even better we are having barbecue tomorrow, just our family you should come, mom would be so happy. She is always asking about you and you should take your parents, too. It would be great if you all came like the old times." I think if anybody saw my face they would know what i was thinking.

" Oh, i don't know, i mean we have so many things to do tomorrow for the Christmas , like we do not even have a Christmas tree so I don't want to give false promises" trying to get out of it was the only thing i had on my mind.

" Really? Well if you will be free than give me a call, do you still have my number or?" she asked .

"No yeah, i still have it, if i will be free i'll call you " well i doubted i would change my mind about it.

"Alright, it was nice to see you after such a long time, hope you come tomorrow , see ya" i smiled at her.

" It was nice to see you too and do you know where can i find peppers because i've been looking for them for like 10 minutes already ?" we both laughed. Maybe meeting Michelle would help me find those damn peppers. She indeed did help me. After i found everything we needed i went home. I wanted nothing more than to get home, take my surf and go for a swim. When i got home, i quickly helped with everything my mom needed, grabbed my surf and went to the beach. I was not really good at surfing but the feeling of riding a wave was the most freeing thing in the world. You could just disconnect from every single thing that was on your mind and just enjoy life.

I got home just in time for dinner and after i heard what my mom said i almost choked on my food.

" You know Y/N, Grace Ricciardo called and said something about you meeting Michelle and that we are invited for a barbecue tomorrow. I said that we will be there" i honestly was not expecting this.

"What? I am not going, why would you say yes to it?" to say i was really against it, would be understatement.

"Well i haven't talked to Grace in a long time and i want to know how are they doing and Grace wants to see you, too" she just casually said like it was no big deal. Like i haven't been avoiding them for years on and on.

"Mom i'm not going, i've been avoiding them for years and you know exactly why, you can go without me" there was no way i was gonna go.

"Dan will not be there, he is in quarantine till the next friday, so there isn't a reason why you shouldn't go. Please come with us, even just for a little, they would be so happy and i would be, too" great, what could i say to that then ?

"I will think about it okay? I'll tell you in the morning and i'm gonna go to sleep now, so goodnight, " Both mom and dad nodded their heads in agreement and i went to sleep.

But sleep wasn't coming, i had too much to think about. Overthinking when you really just want nothing else than to just fall asleep is not great. I started thinking about the decisions i made after what happened with Daniel. Like distancing myself from everybody from Perth, ignoring Ricciardo family and more. They didn't deserve me ignoring them, i knew that , but it was simply what i needed at that time. Maybe it was time to reconnect with Perth? I decided ,that i would go to that freaking barbecue, was it a mistake? Maybe? Would i regret it? Probably. And with that i grew too tired from the overthinking and fell asleep.

......

I hope it wasn't too bad, lol. Thanks for reading. Idk if anybody will want chapter 2, but if you did like it feel free to send me an ask or something, basically the first chapters will be pretty boring, but after that it should be maybe better. Have a great day :) Peace out. Part 2

#daniel ricciardo #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo x you #daniel ricciardo imagine

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doctorbunny · 3 years

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MILGRAM theory time: Haruka!

This isn't going to go super in depth (famous last words) but there's a few heavily debated parts of Haruka's MV I want to share my findings/thoughts on because I think this is my new special interest and during my quest to get best boy's song to 1 million views I have been looking over his first MV with a fine tooth comb so to speak.

Disclaimer: As the Jackalope said in the "This is the MILGRAM" trailer, we don't necessarily know everyone's crime from just the first video, its possible that a lot of things will be re-contextualized in the second MV, however I am not psychic or bilingual and thus will only be working with content released before August 20th 2021 and translated into English (which could cause some language/cultural details to be lost on me as translation is not a 1 to 1 process).

TW for discussions of ableism, child abuse, murder and animal death. Also this is really long so sorry to all the people that follow me for non-MILGRAM stuff

Firstly, I want to start on the topic of Haruka as a person. He is disabled. He does not have 'the mind of a child' (although he is 17, making him legally a minor in both North America and Japan). He is not just 'child-like'. And he is not mentally ill (well he might be, in the sense that many disabilities like Haruka's have strong comorbidities [where a person has two or more conditions but neither directly causes the other] with anxiety, depression and PTSD, but usually when I see people talk about him 'struggling with mental illness' they go on to refer to aspects of his disability). Sometimes on tumblr, people like myself, will see canonical traits written into a character and identify them as being traits associated with our disabilities/mental illness and headcanon them as such. Sometimes this even involves saying things like "It's basically canon!" Although we understand that these characters were probably not the result of a writer intending to write a disabled person. When I say that Haruka is being written as a person with a neurodevelopmental disability, I mean the writer intended to write a disabled character and wrote them in a way that they wanted the audience to pick up on. As an autistic person (which is one of many neurodevelopmental disorders and also something I probably didn't have to specify because who else would be writing an essay about a series they got into a few days ago at 11 o'clock at night) I really like how Haruka has been written so far. There's definitely some parts of him that have been exaggerated so abled normies can pick up on his disability (namely how his MV 's main motif is really child-like drawings) but the writers also included a lot of smaller details I appreciate like how it is noted he avoids eye contact when talking to other people and is depicted as nervously pulling at his sleeves in official artwork, or how he says he finds his prison uniform (which has tight straps) 'relaxing' and when he gets nervous/tense, he will dig his fingernails into the palm of his hands. (These last two potential being examples of 'self stimulation' [aka stimming] where a person seeks out specific sensory stimuli in order to help regulate their nervous system/emotions, in this case the tight uniform creates a comforting, secure feeling [you may have heard about some people preferring to sleep under weighted blankets for this reason] and digging nails into his palms sounds uncomfortable/painful but is done in an attempt to deal with a greater sensory discomfort caused by the situation/environment) I also appreciate the depth he is written with, he struggles to communicate verbally but in his MV and interactions with other inmates is shown to have insecurities, opinions and a consistent thought process (this is all basic character stuff but unfortunately not always present in disabled characters)

Also I want to add that (in terms of what we've been shown so far) Haruka did not kill anyone because of his disability/mental illness. Disabled people are not inherently more innocent than abled people. But there is no disability/mental illness where a symptom is that you kill people and real people have to live with the stigma when you speak carelessly and suggest things like "Haruka is the kind of mentally ill person who kills people as a cry for help" 🧂 (or at the very least real people have to read BS like that and cringe). TL;DR Haruka is less child-like and more onion-like (as in, he has layers) 🧅🧅🧅

Now is the actual theory stuff, oops:

Every prisoner in MILGRAM is supposed to have committed murder in some way, obviously considering Yuno just had an abortion (which i personally do not consider an act of murder) whilst Mu literally stabbed someone to death, this definition is stretched a bit. But it is not agreed upon yet who Haruka killed/how many people he killed or why he killed.

In his MV he is shown to have chased after his dog into a forest, seen something off-screen, then beaten something into a messy pulp with a rock. Some people think the dog is a red herring and that Haruka actually killed his mother/the girl from the fireworks show/his brother. I do not agree.

First: I believe Haruka when he says he doesn't have a brother. The MV literally starts by Haruka looking in the mirror and then switching between the him now

and a really similar looking younger child who just so happened to be a key feature of his memories (I don't have the vocabulary to explain it but its like cinematic parallels that establish this is the same person at different points of their life)

Its not impossible that this is Haruka's secret younger brother, but i think its unlikely. I saw someone saying they had to be different people because Haruka looks less happy than the child but like, most 17 year olds are less visibly happy than when they were 7 (or however old the child is meant to be). Life happens.

So when Haruka is shown pushing the child around and eventually strangling him, this isn't meant to be literal (homicide or suicide), but a representation of how conflicted Haruka feels about his younger self, who may have committed the murder (if you've ever been kept awake cringing at memories of something you said in the past and wishing you could go slap some sense into your former self, this is like that but 10 times more self loathing). The lyric "I am always repeating yesterday," implies he might think about this specific past event a lot.

Moving on, its pretty well accepted that Haruka's parents were abusive in some way and Haruka internalised a lot of it: he constantly apologises, he says in his interrogation questions that his one wish come true is that "[he] want[s] to be loved" and describes in his MV how when he couldn't find the words he was looking for ("you're unfair") one of his parents "would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”". He seems to know its unfair but also still says he 'loves' his family, possibly mistakenly believing it is his fault, but also showing an awareness of his situation (and how his parents might behave).

Now, the MV is stylised in a way that makes certain details unclear, but there is one clear detail showing that Haruka's dog was killed

This is the first close up of Haruka and the dog. Haruka's mother is just out of frame supervising, but they look pretty happy. Notice how the puppy has a silvery chain for a collar. Somehow, this dog gets out of the house but only Haruka is shown chasing after it (whether his mother was searching elsewhere or didn't bother following her disabled son into the forest is unclear). Either way, young Haruka is now in the forest, unsupervised.

By the time he finds the dog, there is already blood, suggesting it was initally attacked by something else.

is this a sigh of relief from a boy whose finally found his beloved pet or a jealous weakling glad that nature took its course and he is finally free of that meddling mutt stealing all his mummy's attention? /j

I think this shock at the discovery that 'there is blood on his hands' could imply that rather than literally getting the blood from his dog, Haruka has seen his already injured dog and realises that if the dog got out because of him (he is previously shown to be aware his parents seem to blame him for everything) then he is the reason his dog is injured/dying and will be blamed for it. (this scene plays over the lyrics "It’s fine, though it’s really not It’s really fine, though I don’t really think so When I tried to understand it, You’ll make that disappointed face again" suggesting he is trying to avoid making his parents disappointed and letting the family pet escape into danger is something that could make them very disappointed)

now we get into rock murder (this is present-day Haruka implying that this is either: not how the scene really played out; the writers really wanting the audience to know that this was Haruka's doing and not someone else's; or this turns into a separate incident that happened much later [although note that the red sky and blue moon is the same as when young Haruka first appears at the start])

b the corpse is beyond mangled now, but its clearly the dog because the silver chain collar is still there, to the right of the body. (circled in red for your convenience :3)

My hypothesis is: Haruka didn't set out to kill his dog, but upon finding it injured (we don't know the severity aside from bleeding and also it not being able to run away from Haruka kneeling down above it w/ a big rock so it could range from treatable with a lot of vet help to already on death's door, TBH I don't think Haruka would know the difference) He knew he'd be blamed for this; made into a villain who let the poor puppy come to harm. He panicked and killed the dog out of some idea that it would make him the victim here (since he'd be found crying over a dog corpse, which might make a parent go comfort him rather than getting angry about what could've happened to the dog). This is over the lyrics: "I cried, I screamed I wanted to be a pitied and loved weakling I was in denial, I was in denial I just had to make sure I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim" (there's another theory that he was also jealous of the dog, which could work here too, since this is not some calculated plot; rather its a rash decision) This ties in with his Japanese song title (translated as Weakness) which is a play on a phrase sort of like "The strong eat, the weak do not" to become "The weak are eaten by society" or "The weak eat each other to survive" [once again I am reminding everyone this is based on second hand information from the youtube comments section (from users mitchki and Alphaistic) because I do not speak Japanese] This second meaning (The weak eat each other to survive) makes sense under the reading that Haruka killed his dog in order to 'survive' making his parents disappointed for the dog escaping.

Miscellaneous points:

We don't know where Haruka's necklace came from yet, it must be a gift since the most expensive thing he's ever bought was cotton candy. The younger child in the video isn't wearing it and neither is his mother or the girl in the purple dress.

Haruka's home seems quite big, at the start we can see a large flower garden outside the window and there's a forest in walking distance. This might suggest his family is quite wealthy

Haruka probably did go to school at some point as homeschooling is not a legally accepted as an alternative to public schools in Japan. (However it is estimated that up to 5000 families homeschool, this is uncommon) A lot (about 62%) of Japanese schools apparently have a 'special needs' classes and there are about 505 schools focused on educating intellectually disabled students (although I do not know which sort Haruka would've needed as whilst intellectual and development disabilities can be comorbid they aren't the same). Now, if children aged 7-14 don't go to school, their parents receive a fine, but its possible that if Haruka's parents are wealthy, they just paid it to avoid sending him to school. (This might imply they wanted to hide him or were generally ashamed of him in some way) However high school education (for students over 14) is not legally required and its likely that even if Haruka went to elementary/middle school, he hasn't been around people his own age in at least 3 years. As he seems quite lonely and glad that the other prisoners give him attention.

I don't think Haruka's parents are divorced and if they are, its not his father who left. Haruka mentions in the 30 questions that he thinks he disappointed his father. But still includes him as part of his family ("My father and mother and me"). A theory I've seen is that his father was disappointed by his son being disabled and left. but developmental disabilities (especially in non verbal and semi verbal children like Haruka) can be diagnosed before the age of 3, so I feel it is unlikely that Haruka would bring up his father if he left that early in Haruka's life

All MILGRAM prisoners have covered one of DECO*27's older vocaloid songs (DECO*27 is a well known producer who composes the music for MILGRAM) Haruka covered 'Two Breaths Walking' (https://youtu.be/puXLfVWrz2Q) which is about a boy's first relationship and how his mother's jealousy set him up for failure as the relationship becomes toxic (specifically it has some very funny out of context lines like "Whose breasts are you sucking on now?") so yeah, mommy issues: the song (Also: some people say in the song, the boy kills the girl at the end, but this isn't literal, TBW is the first of a trilogy of songs about the same relationship, it is followed by Android girl then Two Breaths Walking: Reloaded and the story resolves with the couple reuniting as adults and getting in the relationship again, although its not necessarily as abusive as before, its still implied to be codependant ending on the line 'We should live like oxygen tanks, sucking breathe from the words each of us exhale, until our last breathe')

In all seriousness, the scene where younger Haruka is walking through the city with his mother but it keeps repeating until older Haruka pulls the younger one away might indicate an attempt to focus the happier memories of his parents (since this is also over the lyrics "Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change If I tried and couldn’t say it, You would get angry at me and say “You’re hopeless.”" which depict a worse scene) I think both his parents are still physically present but have become far more emotionally distant, not giving him as much attention, which exacerbates his loneliness from not having any friends his own age to talk to

And if one of his parents did leave? I think its likely his mother since she is shown disappearing out of his reach after the dog-incident (inferring she got angry/disappointed in Haruka anyway) This could also be where he got his necklace from: Its something his mother used to wear (although this is 100% a guess) and that's why its shown to be important to him

This one is just me, but i didn't realise until a rewatch that when Haruka is watching the younger him and the girl running together, the background has fireworks. Haruka mentions fireworks being a key memory to him so I wonder if this was one of the first/last times he got to make a friend...

On three separate occasions in the interrogation, Haruka mentions not liking animals. Despite this, he is depicted as sleeping with a rabbit plush and on his birthday art (I'd include that too but tumblr only allows 10 pictures per post, so here's a link) he is standing next to a giant blueberry and strawberry cake with two bunny themed biscuits at the side. Through my experiences of seeing Japanese fandom art on pixiv, sometimes rabbits are used to insinuate a character is cute and timid in fanart.

Meaningless details: Haruka sleeps with his necklace on; he sleeps on a bed and not a futon; at first I thought he woke up holding his plush's hand but his hand is merely next to the toy; and considering the state of the pillow and blanket, I wonder if he moves a lot in his sleep or if the is just because in this case he seems to be waking up from a nightmare about the dog incident...

Final note: I've spent so many hours writing this I don't remember if i was building up to any big finale or not but I hope you enjoyed reading this! Feel free to add on in the comments/reblogs.

#haruka sakurai #milgram #milgram theory #001 #text post #essay #long post

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theyre-just-blocks · 3 years

Text

RED BANQUET MY BELOVED

HOLY SHIT.

THE EGG ARC HAS OFFICIALLY BECOME MY FAVORITE ARC.

GOD THAT WAS SO GOOD. MY THOUGHTS UNDER THE CUT!

THAT STARTING SCREEN FOR BBH WAS THE COOLEST FUCKING THING EVER THE SONG SLAPPED I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS

EVERYONE LOOKED SO GOOD (ofc George and Sam didn't dress up, smh, like father like son) AND I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE ART

Thought I would get some c!awesamponk angst but instead I got sam talking about his dumpy for like three minutes to all the other guests

The Egg room looked so good, it was so nicely decorated despite all the red and egg stuff

Them just vibing at the start of the banquet made me really want them to have just a normal celebration for once. No execution festivals or sacrificial banquets. Please just have a normal party like Connor did (and even that wasn't normal)

I love how everyone knew that the Eggpire was lying and this Banquet clearly was a way to kill the guests or brainwash them but we all were like :0 when it happened

Their speeches were so nice and I was like, "Oh man, this is going to suck when the Eggpire betrays them" and then it did suck

PONK'S SPEECH. That was fucking perfect and I couldn't stop laughing. When he said "old wise man" I thought it was going to be an Oogway quote, but Roadtrip lyrics (directed towards Sam, I presume) was even better

Also, Foolish's lil joke about Ponk's missing arm- Aha,,, oof-

HANNAH OH MY GOD! I didn't want to bring up the fact that she could still be infected because I didn't want to think about it, but oh mAN, that was a twist

And I knew that the explosions wouldn't fucking work, especially after what happened with Quackity so I was just sat there like, "Oh man, Sam..."

Okay but as if Sam didn't have enough guilt. Now he's got to deal with the feeling of Hannah betraying them and Foolish dying. He made plans so that shit like that wouldn't happen, but IT STILL DID.

Like think about it, he talked to Puffy separately because he didn't want anything to happen to them. Now he knows he failed with saving Hannah because she betrayed them, his plan to explode the Egg failed, and Foolish got killed because his plans to make sure nothing happened failed and quite literally blew up in his face

Then afterwards he didn't speak at like,, all, he was just silent the entire time up until after Quackity came and helped and the Eggpire retreated and I just,, ugh, c!Sam lives in my head rent free

BUT QUACKITY SHOWING UP OOH MY GOD. I didn't think it would happen until I saw Quackity respond to Bad's tweet about the stream running a little late, and then I suspected that he might show up.

I was so happy when he did and then when TECHNOBLADE JOINED?! I had totally forgotten that he didn't like the Egg either so that was one hell of a twist for me.

ALSO PURPLED!! FUCKING FINALLY! THAT WAS GREAT AND I LOVED THAT SO MUCH! THANK YOU!

OH man,, but rip Foolish and Ant...Ant deserved it but oh man,, Foolish. He tried his best with the lightning and all, but in the end,, jeez...

Also, Puffy good for you! Getting revenge. We love to see it.

I honestly didn't think that either of them would be the ones to die, but I knew that someone was going to have to die.

I really need to rewatch these streams though because I loved them so much,,

Also Ranboo in the background?? People were saying that they saw him, but I didn't?? But oh man,,, I wonder what that's implying-

Sam locking the Egg up?? LIke is the man going to move the Egg into the prison with Dream? because if so, that's not going to end well for anyone if it infects Dream or Sam. It's seriously going to mess Sam up even more than he already is-

Though I wish that the actual banquet could last longer than it did, y'know before they started to kill everyone,, it was still super enjoyable and I loved it lots.

Wish Punz was there or Sapnap, but that's fine :')

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juicylivy · 4 years

Text

Comfort

Pairings: Yang Jeongin x Bang Chan

Genre: fluff, angst.

Words: 2.4k

Summary

Jeongin has a horrible nightmare, luckily his boyfriend and members are there him.

────────•°•❀•°•────────��

Sleep. It was something that Jeongin liked a lot. Falling into that deep state of mind, where you entered your own alternate universe. It's as if, you've left your own body, but you're still breathing. It's an escape from everything and a thing that calms the mind. Though at that moment it wasn't to him.

He was standing in the middle of a big empty house, filled with furniturs, picture frames hanging on the walls, and different types of plants placed all around the facility. It was a place that should've been filled with the laughter and joy from a sweet family, but it was deserted - not a single sound was heard in that spacious mansion. This was weird. Why was it so silent? Jeongin turned around several times, trying to look for his members. Tried to look for Minho, HyunJin, and Jisung in the living room playing video games, find his boyfriend Chan in his studio working on a track with Changbin, ran towards the kitchen to perhaps see Seungmin looking through the fridge for what could be edible, and Felix who always sat at the table in the dining room, either playing on his phone or writing lyrics. But none of them were to be seen - where were they? Everything was a sad grey color and A note sat on the kitchen aisle, Chan's neat handwriting scribbled across the white piece of paper. He sighed in relief, thinking that they had gone shopping for groceries, or snacks that they had almost run out off. He also thought that his sweet boyfriend could've found some sort of prank to pull on him. But when he began reading the note, he saw that, that wasn't the case.

"Innie, dearest Jeongin. This is a goodbye letter. JYP-nim couldn't see you fit for the task as the 8th member of Stray Kids anymore due to your lack of enthusiasm and hardwork and honestly, we thought the same. We couldn't picture you in this group anymore because of it. And... This is gonna be heartbreaking and I'm so sorry, but Innie, this is also a goodbye to our 2 years long relationship. It just doesn't feel right anymore for me - you must've felt it too. The spark has died down and trying to keep us together would be a waste of both of our times... I'm sorry Innie, but this is goodbye."

A great shot of shock and immense surprise ran through his body all at once. Thoughts left his mind and he stared into distance. He knew he was lacking in the new comeback, he knew he had some trouble remembering the new dances and with the recording of their new tracks too m, but was that really something he could be thrown out of the group for? Was this a good enough reason for his members, whom he saw as brothers, to agree and leave him without a notice? And most importantly, how was it that Chan suddenly decided to also abandon him? As his leader, lover, and best friend, it was kind of his job to try and find some way to keep him in the group. He knew how much he valued them all and his career.

It had to be a dream. Something as shallow as this couldn't be anything other than a bad dream. He shook off the shock, determined to try and escape this reality. Pain was said to be a good way to break out from a dream, so he tried pinching his arm as hard as he could, and winced as the pain filled his lower left arm. It didn't work. He tried once more, but with biting instead, but that wasn’t helping either. He tried repeatedly with various forms of ways to inflict injuries, but to no avail. He couldn't wake up.

At last he gave up and sat down on the floor up against the wall that connected the living room and the kitchen. Could this be real? Did everyone actually leave him alone? At this point it seemed to be true. He was indeed all by himself.

Slowly the discovery settled in his heart and it broke into tiny puzzle pieces scattered on the floor, not able to be put back together. His body began to shake softly as the tears started running down his face. How had it come to this? After those two years of being a group, after the struggle they all had to go through to debut, they'd seriously get him out of the group, and their lives, just like that? Soon the grief got too great and he couldn't handle it anymore, resulting in him beginning to sob uncontrollably. He wished he could turn everything around and been more into the dance practices and shown more enthusiasm with recording. He wished he could've saved his and Chan's relationship, and seen that the spark was dying. What was he supposed to do now? He was all by himself in that huge empty place with no sounds and-

“Jeongin!”

Someone was yelling for him... What? Gradually the scenery faded, morphing into a blur.

"Innie!" Chan screamed for him, shaking his body vigorously.

Jeongin shot up in bed, tears streaming down his face and little sobs leaving his mouth. He frantically tossed and turned trying to see if he had finally escaped the horror that was his dream.

He had.

Everyone was sat around his bed in his and Jisung's room, worry plastered on their faces. Chan was right in front of him, tears in his eyes. He let out a loud cry and flew forward to cling onto his lover in such a harsh way, Chan ended up coughing.

"Channie!" He cried out. Never in his life had he been so glad to see him.

"Shh, Innie. I'm right here, love," Chan soothed and rubbed his back comfortingly. His was voice groggy from seeing his boyfriend cry out so loudly in his sleep. The others chimed in sitting all around him in his bed, hugging him and telling him reassuring and loving words. Little by little, his crying died down, and he could breath now without hiccuping. Inhaling Chan's sweet cologne helped him calm down entirely and he was at last back to normal. His boyfriend released him from the embrace slowly and stared into his red eyes, a little soft smile displaying on his face.

"Baby, what happened?" He asked with a honey like tone to his voice and caressed Jeongin's cheek.

"Yeah: You got us all terrified there," Changbin said sounding distressed from the left, being one to hug him from behind.

"I almost lost it when I saw you crying here, and not being able to wake you up," Jisung explained, his voice equally as groggy as Chan's, but also saddened. His face dropped a bit, hearing what they felt - he had made them all wake up in the middle of the night, because he had a nightmare. Sure there was nothing he could do about it, but it didn’t feel nice.

Jeongin sighed and gathered up his strength and courage to talk about his horrifying dream. While explaining the dream slowly the room was completely silent, everybody listening thoroughly and patiently to his stammering story of his nightmare. He was feeling awkward talking about it so soon after, but he'd have to tell his brothers this eventually and the fastest way to get over something was to talk it out with someone.

When he finished speaking he looked down at his legs, fidgeting with his fingers. He felt a little uncomfortable with everyone being so quiet and looking at him, but it didn't last long until everybody began to aggressively show him love and affection, giving him all sorts of comforting words and reassurances.

"That's absurd! Stray Kids isn't whole without you! And throwing you out of the group just because you didn't show too much enthusiasm is dumb and shallow." Minho looked angry and perplexed, but his voice was emitting reason and care towards him as he sat in front of him with his feet in his lap. Jeongin was a little taken aback by his exclamation, but ended up smiling, because he knew that Minho didn't intend to invalidate his feelings. He was only sad and hurt by the dream Jeongin had and it was only reasonable he felt that way.

"Yeah, and Jeongin, we would never agree to such stupid logic. You're one of us and that's how it'll be. We all know that you love us, so if you had difficulties, we would at least try to help you out of it, since we love you too." Seungmin explained, sitting down beside his right hip on the floor, smiling sweetly up at him. He grinned shyly at his words; it was unusual for Seungmin to be that soft. Though he was affectionate around him and a person he could lean on.

"Exactly. You're our maknae, our bean worm, and as your big brothers, who love you, we will always protect you and support you." Felix tightened his arms around his waist, leaning his chin on his shoulder. Jeongin laughed wholeheartedly at the nickname and his worries began fading.

"Baby." Jeongin immediately turned his attention to Chan sitting in front of him, his hands holding his hips. He turned bright red at the adorning look his boyfriend's face held, his deep brown eyes filled with love only for him. "You know I love you more than anything, right?" He carefully nodded while holding eye contact. "Then you know, I wouldn’t leave you. I don't want to be without you, so if you should go away, I would go with you. I'll always be yours and by your side, my love."

Jeongin grinned, being filled with happiness. He knew that, but after what happened just minutes ago, this was what he needed to hear. He leaned forward, pulling Felix and Changbin with him, and pressed his forehead against Chan’s. Both of them were smiling, also when they shared a loving kiss, getting gag sounds and applauds.

“Does this mean we’ll have a sleepover in the living room?” HyunJin asked hopefully, looking around at the boys. Laughter erupted among them at his cute question, but all sprang up and began gathering mattresses, duvets, and pillows. Chan and Jeongin waited with joining them and stood up in each other’s arms. Jeongin’s head was leaned against Chan’s shoulder, arms around his torso. He was getting lost in his embrace until he spoke up.

“I love you, baby. Remember that, if you get another dream about me leaving you, or whatever the situation should be. Just know, that it won’t happen. I won’t leave you.” Jeongin looked up and smiled at him.

“I love you too, Channie. Always. And I’ll try to remember it,” he replied and Chan planted his lips firmly on his again. The kiss was more passionate than any other they had shared, and Jeobgin could feel it all over his body. When they finally broke apart, they took each other’s hands and walked out to the others in the living room.

Chan never left his side. Not even while preparing the sleeping area in the room. When he had to go get more pillows, because they lacked a few, he’d go with him, when he’d get some snacks from the kitchen to cozying up with before bed, Chan was right behind him. He was like his little puppy, and Jeongin loved it. He loved being cared for this much. It filled him with security and joy to know this talented, caring, and loving man was his and his alone.

Settling down into the large fluffy bed that was made in the living room was heavenly. He felt so safe lying in between his brothers and with Chan hugging him from behind. The others were having small talks while eating the chips and candies.

“Thanks guys...” Jeongin spoke up weakly from under the blankets. The members shut up immediately upon hearing his voice and turned to him looking shocked. “Thanks for doing this for me. I really appreciate it.”

“Anytime man, we love you!” HyunJin giggled, showing him his famous eye smile and Jeongin couldn’t help but chuckle at the sight.

“No need to thank us. We did this because we wanted to help you and make you feel comfortable, but you’re welcome our sweet Maknae!” Jisung replied patting his legs.

“And honestly this also gave us the opportunity to have this sleepover here. I’ve really missed this; all of us being together this close,” Changbin said thoughtfully, making people snicker. “Not that we need you to have more nightmares for us to sleep here, but you know!” He quickly saved and everybody began laughing loudly. They started teasing him, making him whine.

“Thanks Changbin,” Jeongin said after they’ve calmed down. Changbin smiled warmly at him and nodded.

“Always here for you, bro.” He pulled out his fist and he bumped it, making the explosion afterwards.

They all decided to sleep to get ready for tomorrow’s work and everyone settled closely together, no one left uncuddled. Jeongin turned around in Chan’s embrace and placed his head on his chest.

“Goodnight Innie,” Chan huskily said, the others tuning in.

“Goodnight everyone.”

This turned out to be the best night he’d had in a while, despite the horrible dream he had.

——

Stray Kids’ manager was walking up the stairs towards the front door of their dorm, early in the morning, making sure the Kids got up and ready for the day. He sighed as he turned the key in the lock and opened the door. It had been a rough night for him and waking up today was hard.

As he was about to yell out a good morning throughout the dorm, he was met with an endearing sight, he hadn’t seen in a long time; the boys had gathered around in the living room, on a huge self-made bed, all sprawled up on each other’s bodies. Warmth spread out in his heart at the view which resulted in an equally warm smile to appear on his face. Something must’ve happened last night to make this happen, because they hadn’t done this in a long time.

Thinking this thought he figured he’d give them the sleep they needed, and he could also use a little rest, leading to him taking a pillow that had been thrown out from the bed and a blanket and lay on the couch above them.

He whispered a small: “sleep well.” and went to sleep alongside them

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imzadi-caskett-huddy · 4 years

Text

House, M.D. Fanfic (11/?)

Thank you to everyone who has taken time to leave a note on my story. I hope you continue to enjoy my kind of rewrite and/or additions to certain episodes! As always, I don't own House. If I did, Lisa Edelstein would have gotten the respect she deserved contact wise for a season 8.

As stated in previous chapters, the story follows the big picture laid out on the show, but with my own take on things. We have reached extremely bumpy road territory. Buckle up, folks. This one might sting a little.

Thanks to @love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie on Tumblr for reading my ideas and providing positive feedback! Anything in the way of feedback is always appreciated! I like to know how you like what I'm doing. Enjoy!

xxxxx

"How long have you been sleeping with Dr. House?" Tritter asked as he took a seat in her office.

Cuddy shook her head, shocked at the question. "Why would you think I'm sleeping with House?"

Tritter got that smug smirk he got when he thought he knew something. "Only reason a smart woman like you would keep a jerk like that around. You're way out of his league."

"The only reason a dean of medicine at a teaching hospital would keep a world renowned diagnostician around is because I'm sleeping with him?"

"You haven't denied it."

"I'm not sleeping with House," she crossed her arms.

"Dr. Cuddy. The guy is an ass. He treats patients like they aren't even human. How much has he cost your hospital over the years? How much has he cost you?" He asked. "I don't understand why you're protecting him."

"Dr. House saves lives... lives that other doctors can't save. If you were dying and no one else could figure out what was wrong with you, you'd want Dr. House to be the one on your case. I'm not sleeping with him. He's just that good," she stated a little more firmly, moving to open her office door to show him out. But his words had hit a nerve, asking what he'd cost her had hit a nerve. It stuck with her.

xxxxx

Later that night, House laid in her bed, one hand folded under his head, his fingers sliding over her bare back. "Heard Barnaby Jones came to talk to you today."

Cuddy breathed deeply, shifting so she could prop her head on her hand and look at him. "Detective Tritter came to accuse me of sleeping with you."

"You are sleeping with me." He turned his head to look at her.

"I lied to him. I told him I wasn't."

"Why?"

"Because sleeping with you would give him a reason to believe my judgement is compromised. It would imply that I'm hiding your drug problem. Or he would accuse me of enabling your habit."

He looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Has sleeping with me affected your ability to practice medicine?"

"No."

"Has it compromised your ability to make professional calls where my patients or myself are concerned?"

"No, but..."

"Has your judgement been compromised? Have you been writing me scripts? Have I stolen your prescription pad? Have you been enabling my habit?"

"No..."

"Then what's the problem?" He shrugged.

"I lied to the cops!"

"You lied about sleeping with me. We've been lying to everyone else about that for months. Why are you suddenly growing a conscience about it?"

"I don't know, House, maybe because this guy has it out for you! Normally when you piss someone off, they just sue you. This guy actually has the power to get your medical license revoked and send you to jail for a long time!"

"That what you're afraid of? Don't worry, I can still place a bun in your oven. Or are conjugal visits not on your list of approved baby making fantasies?"

She sighed and moved away, turning her back to him. "Whatever you want to tell yourself, House." She was tired of fighting with him.

"You're mad at me."

"Because you're being an ass!"

"No more than usual." He thought for a moment. "This is you being hormonal..."

"I'm not pregnant, House!"

"Did you take another test?"

She sat up and looked at him with tears in her eyes. "Yes! Yes, I took a damn test! I took a damn test every time you accused me of being pregnant, and guess what... still not pregnant! You weren't right!"

"This is you being upset that you're not pregnant..." he said slowly. "Look, it's only been a few months. It doesn't mean anything..."

"6 months, House. 6. It's not happening. It's not meant to happen."

"You're giving up?"

"Yes! I tried, and I failed to get pregnant. I'm done. I'm tired of trying and being disappointed. And this...arrangement..." she gestured between them, "isn't working anymore."

He stared at her for a moment. "You're ending this?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "I guess I am."

"Because I haven't gotten you pregnant? It takes most couples years to get pregnant, and you're giving up in 6 months?"

"Save it, House... you're just trying to protect your regular supply of free sex. Sorry, looks like it's back to hookers. I'm sure you've still got all their numbers."

"I don't care about the sex! I do care about you!" He was a little surprised those feelings had slipped out mid-argument. Judging by the look on her face, so was she. "Why are you so willing to give up on something that you've wanted for a long time just because it's a little hard getting there?"

She sighed softly. "Because you can't always get what you want."

"Yeah, quoting a song lyric... that's a real response," he countered. "And in case you forgot, it ends with 'You get what you need.'"

"Yeah...I'm not getting that either." She was quiet for another moment. "Goodnight, House."

xxxxx

House walked into his friend's office and sat down silently. "I've been sleeping with Cuddy," he said after several minutes.

The revelation caused Wilson to pause his reading, but he didn't look up, clearly not buying it. "House, hallucinations mean you've taken too much Vicodin."

House shook his head. "I'm not hallucinating. Cuddy and I have been having hot monkey sex."

Wilson just stared at him, trying to decide if it was true or not. "How... long has it been going on?"

"Several months. When she started fertility treatments before I was shot."

"Cuddy is taking fertility treatments?"

"Right... I didn't tell you about that either. Oops..." he stood and began to walk the office as he worked everything around in his head.

"You're trying to have a baby with Cuddy?"

He turned to look at Wilson then. "No. Cuddy is trying to have a baby with me. Weren't you listening?"

"It's the same result," Wilson leaned back in his chair then. "You've seriously been sleeping with Cuddy for months and haven't told me?"

"This isn't high school. Some of us keep our private lives private, Jimmy."

Wilson shook his head and stood up, walking over to him. "This isn't high school, but you are still in high school. If this was any other woman, you'd have bragged about it. The sheets were barely cold when you told me about Stacy. This is different. She's different." And then he realized, "You're protecting her."

"There was no protection. She wants a baby. Duh," he deflected with sarcasm.

"You're protecting her from you. You're first instinct would normally be to run and brag about sleeping with her. To use the fact that she's your boss to get your way here. And you haven't. You went against your first instinct in order to protect her. You care about her."

"I don't care about her. I'm only telling you now because it's over. She's giving up the fertility treatments. No fertility drugs, no hope for a baby, no need for the hot monkey sex," he spun his cane as he continued to think.

"You don't want it to be over. Because you care about her. She's probably the only other woman who can stand you, can handle you, and you don't want to lose her."

"Don't be ridiculous. I care about the sex. It's free... and really, really good."

Wilson studied him for a moment. "You fell in love with her, didn't you?" It was really more of a statement. His friend wouldn't be here now if all he cared about was having sex.

House stared out the window silently for several long minutes. "What do I do about it?" He turned to his friend then.

"Well, the obvious response is to tell her."

"I can't tell her I love her."

"Why not?"

"Because she doesn't love me."

"How do you know?"

"I just know!"

"Right, because when a woman wants a baby, her first instinct is to go to the man who's a complete jackass to her and ask him to sleep with her... for months. And you said it was going on before you were shot? So over five months."

"Six, actually," he corrected him. "What can I say, she's got it bad for my genes."

"She's got it bad for you, House." When he didn't respond, Wilson pushed on. "Did you only have sex when she was ovulating?"

"Yes." He answered quickly. Heaving a sigh a moment later, he continued. "At least in the beginning. Somewhere along the way the line blurred." House didn't even have to think about that. It had started that way, but the longer it went on, the more sex they had, whether or not it was time in her monthly cycle. And it wasn't just sex. There were nights when they literally slept together and nothing else.

"Then it's not just about a baby. She has feelings for you."

House sighed again. "She's the one who ended the arrangement."

"Probably because she thinks that's all you wanted and she's trying to keep herself from being hurt anymore than she already is."

"She should know that's not all it is."

"Why? Because you've told her?"

"Yes, okay?! Yes! I told her I didn't care about the sex, that I cared about her! And she still ended things!"

"When did you tell her?"

He sighed, rubbing his thumb across his forehead. "Somewhere between her telling me I would have to go back to hookers for sex and quoting the Rolling Stones 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' to me."

He shook his head with a laugh. "House, you're an idiot! She probably thinks you just said it in the heat of the moment to protect your supply of free sex. You're an addict, you've proven you'll say anything to get what you want in the past," he explained. He paused for a moment before continuing. "House, you don't exactly give off the warm and fuzzy vibe. More like the annoying, jackass vibe. Cuddy may be able to handle your particular brand of charm... she may even like it. But she can't read your mind. And a woman like Cuddy isn't going to make that leap unless she knows you're there to catch her. You've got to talk to her."

"I don't know if I can."

"Do you know if you can lose her? Because that's what's at stake here. You either talk to her, or it's over."

House breathed deeply, thinking it over before he left.

#house #house m.d.#house md #house fanfic #huddy #house x cuddy #greg house #lisa cuddy

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gdxnicky · 4 years

Text

Whalien Part 2

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x Female Reader

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Word Count: 1892

It has been two days since you confessed your love to your best friend Namjoon. He has hardly come out of the guest room, at least when you aren't in your room. At this point you wonder if he is avoiding you or if you are avoiding him. You aren't sure if you are ready to hear if he accepts your feelings and you aren't sure if he is ready to tell you how he feels. You have been a nervous wreck but too scared to approach him. All of a sudden there is a knock on your bedroom door. You look over at the clock 530pm. You think that it is probably time to get some food. You haven't eaten since your confession and you don't know if Namjoon has either. You stand up and walk to your door. You open it to find a single pink carnation, your favorite flower from a song your grandfather used to sing you, and a note.

'Dinner will be served in one hour. Be dressed in your very best. Oh, and make yourself look like a girl.' Signed by Namjoon.

You giggle at the look like a girl comment. That is how he tells you to put on makeup and a dress. You think to yourself that you have an hour to get ready. You run into the bathroom attached to your room and shower as fast as you possibly can, then hop out getting undergarments on to do your hair and make up. You do your makeup to the best of your ability and send a snapchat to your cousin to double check that it looks alright. She tells you it is great. After you curl your hair, leaving it down and doing loose tundrels that flow over your shoulders and back. Then taking a few bobby pins to pin your hair back slightly out of your face. You walk over to your closet and grab a cute strapless black lace cocktail dress that has a sash right beneath your chest that is silk. You step back and take a look in the mirror after you grab a necklace and earrings from your jewlery box. Both of them being pieces that Namjoon has given to you over the years for your birthday and Christmas.

It is now 630pm. You take a deep breath before walking out of your room. The sound of your heels clink on the hardwood floor. You look toward the kitchen and there he is. He has his back to you at the moment but you can tell he made sure he looked nice as well. His dyed blonde hair fixated just right. The food he has prepared smells amazing but you still get a slight hint of his cologne.

He turns around to see you and he looks so handsome. He is wearing a black suit with a black tie and a white shirt. He opted to wear contacts instead of his glasses. You feel the butterflies in your stomach to dance. He may have been your best friend and your crush but this is the first time you have truly seen him as a man.

"Wow Joonie. You look... wow." You struggle to find the right word.

"Studly, handsome, amazing...?" He questions back.

"Yes, yes all of those and then some." You reply, blushing ever so slightly before you notice him giving you elevator eyes, checking you up and down.

"Y/n you look phenomenal. Feminine, beautiful, stunning, gorgeous." He compliments as you blush even more and smile. "I am almost ready. Just a few more finishing touches." He tells you as he turns on some music then walks to the table to light some candles. You are in shock. You have never seen this side of Namjoon but always was curious when he would talk about things he would do for his exes. He turns back around and grabs a lovely bouquet of flowers and hands them to you.

"These are for you."

"Aww Joon. Thank you." You reply as a smile grows from ear to ear. You take them and smell them. They smell subtle but beautiful.

He walks over to the table and pulls out a chair for you and motions for you to sit. You walk over and take your place. He then moves to his side and sits. He had made a wonderful meal. A small side salad for the beginning and the main course was a pasta dish because he knows how much you enjoy Italian cuisine. You two sit in silence while you eat because you are too nervous to talk about the other day. You don't want to bring it up and ruin the moment. You just sit and wait. You focus on the music in the background and the songs are all your favorite love songs. When the song 'One Word' by Elliot Yamin comes on you can't help but blurt out how much you love that song. He stands up and walks over to you.

"May I?" He asks as he extends his hand. You place yours in his and stand up. He leads you away from the table slightly and pulls you in. A hand on your waist while the other holds your hand. You place your free hand on his shoulder. The two of you being to dance around while he sings selective parts of the song.

'One word

Is all I need to say exactly how I feel

One word

A single word that's from the heart and keeps it real

One word

And, baby, I know this one fits you to a tee

One word

All I can say is "amazing"'

He pulls you in tightly. Moving his hand from your waist to the small of your back. Your hand slides down to his chest. You instinctively you rest your head on him, listening to the soothing lub dub of his heart, feeling his chest rise and fall with every breath, breathing in the scent of him. You realize there is no coming back from this whether he accepts your confession or not, you love this man and always will. You get lost in the moment don't even realize the song has changed. He hasn't offered to let you go at all and continues to dance. That's when you notice the most random thing. His heartbeat and yours are in sync, beating simulataneously. You are brought back to reality when the second song ends and he begins to pull away.

"Y/n, I know I shouldn't have waited to tell you about how the other day made me feel." He says holding your hands in his. "I was not expecting that at all. I never had any inclination that you felt that way toward me. I didn't know what to say or how to approach it. The past two days I have spent so much time thinking and talking to the guys. Apparently I am oblivious because they all suspected your feelings for me. I asked them for advice on what to do and what to say. They all agreed that I should just say it..." He pauses and you can see the conflict on his face, like he doesn't know how to word what he wants to say.

"Joonie" you say as you reach up and hold his cheek. "You don't have to accept my feelings, I won't be upset, if that is what you are struggling with." Trying your best to reassure him and believe your own words because you can feel the ache in your chest.

"That is not it. I hear your song just like you hear mine. I have tried to fight back these feelings since I first met you but I knew my life was going to be crazy busy with tours and music so I didn't want to drag you along and not be what you need. I love you Y/n. I always have and I always will. This is inevitable. This is our destiny." He says looking into your eyes. He moves his right hand to your cheek and holds onto you as he leans in for a kiss. A soft gentle peck. After a moment you break the kiss.

"Joonie, did you just use lyrics from DNA on me?" You ask quickly.

"Yes..." He responds hesitantly.

"Just checking." You grab both sides of his face and pull him down to you. Placing your lips onto his, this kiss not as gentle. You open the emotional dam that you have been withholding all this time. After quite sometime of kissing, he pulls back from you.

"So... Does that mean you accept?" He asks sounding nervous and sarcastic.

"Really Joon... Yes. Of course." You say smiling ear to ear. He grabs you and pulls you in for a tight hug.

"Did you want what I have for dessert or do you want to just skip to what I have planned for the night?" He questions. You look at him with a quizative look on your face.

"What did you have planned for the rest of the night?" You ask hesitantly.

"Kdrama and chill. Whatelse would I have planned?" He replies.

"I don't know but you said you asked the guys for advice. I wouldn't be surprised if they said something inappropriate."

"Touche" He says laughigly. "Oh they said I needed to send them pictures and tell them your answer."

"Why don't you take pictures and we can video call them together?" You propose.

"That's a great idea." He says. He quickly takes out his phone and snaps a dozen pictures of you, the flowers, and candles. You take your heels off and go sit on the couch. He walks over as his phone rings, waiting for the guys to answer.

"What did she say?!" Is how they answered the phone. Namjoon just laughs.

You lean over and say "Yes, of course."

"Noona, what happened? What did Hyung end up deciding to do?" Jimin inquires. He looks like a kid who is about to see Santa, all sorts of excited. You take the phone from Namjoon and describe the whole thing to him while the other guys listen.

"Wait, Noona, did he give you a peck on the lips or was it a kiss? Because there is a difference." Jungkook interjects.

"Well he gave me a peck and I gave him a kiss." I said blushing and giggling as the guys say "aww" in unison.

"What do you have planned for the rest of the night?" Hobi asks.

"We are just going to hang out and watch a drama." Namjoon answers. Jin, Hobi, and Tae giving him a weird look like they were expecting more.

"Just let her love you" Yoongi sings in the background then Jimin joins followed by the rest of them.

"What is with you guys and using your lyrics in real life? Honestly." You question as you laugh at them.

"Okay we are hanging up now. Bye guys." Namjoon says hanging up on them and then putting his phone on silent.

The two of you agree to go to your rooms and get on comfy clothes before cuddling up on the couch with ice cream and kdramas. As you walk into your room you think to yourself 'this could not be any better'.

#bts #bts rm x you #bts rm imagine #bts rm fanfic #bts namjoon #bts rm #bts fanfic #bts namjoon fanfic #bts namjoon fluff #namjoon fluff #namjoon fanfic #kim namjoon #namjoon x reader #whalien

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agentunwin · 6 years

Text

WHY [POPSTAR!Y/N X SHAWN MENDES] [PART 6]

A/N: I recommend you listen to this song while you read, it’s super cute. I think this series is gonna have one more part. I just wanted to say thank you so much for all the support on this and my other writing <3

Prompt: Day two at the studio, and the two reach an agreement. [Based off Shawn’s song Why].

Warnings: Nothing!

Words: 2,057

Tag: @yourwonderbelle @coldluvr @marvel-mendes8 @xoxohannahlee @maddieeelizabeth @irwie-cake @coolgirlthemonologue

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4*, Part 5, Part 5.5,

Masterlist

When you woke up, you immediately found yourself in a compromising position.

You felt the steady rise and fall of a hard chest behind you, the person's arm draped over your waist to hold you close to them. As if you didn't already know who it was, the familiar brown curls were just next to you, flopped loosely against his forehead. You couldn't deny that you missed being this close with him, but it was his fault that there was a barrier between the two of you.

Your mind still groggy, you tried to remember what had happened the previous night. You must have accidentally fallen asleep next to Shawn when you guys were wrapping up the writing for Like To Be You, which only ended up taking an hour or so once you two began to pour your hearts out.

A lot was said that night, but nothing was said directly. Everything they wanted- needed to say was spoken through their lyrics, left to the other's interpretation.

Lines like "There's nothin' left to say, let's call a truce, 'Cause I don't really wanna go to bed like this," and "Can I kiss you or not, 'cause I'm not really sure right now of what you want," stuck in your mind as you fell asleep that night on the hardwood floor, definitely not with Shawn. He must have fallen asleep soon after.

You sighed heavily and listened to the birds outside of the studio beach house whilst you pondered your options. Either you wake him up by breaking free of his grasp, or you stay put and wait for him to wake up beside you. Either option seemed equally awkward.

That's when Shawn's grungy morning voice startled you, his breath tickling the hairs on the back of your neck. "Mm. Good morning."

As soon as you realized he was awake as well, you separated yourself from him, sitting up in front of him as he slowly rose to a sit as well.

"Sleep well?" He asked, running a hand lazily through his curls.

Shawn noticed the spaced-off look in your eyes and frowned, realizing that he may have unintentionally crossed another line. When you didn't answer, merely stared at the ground, he sighed and got up, looking over the mess the two of you had made.

A few beer bottles were spread throughout the room, a few blankets strung here and there, candy wrappers on the floor. The computer was still up and running, ready to play the few clips you'd managed to record.

Today was the last day the two of you had alone before the production team came in to help, and he intended to make the most of it.

"What's this?"

Your voice comes as a shock to him and he whips around to face you, face paling when he notices you holding his leather journal. You're flipping casually through the pages when he pounds across the room, ripping the book from his hands.

You give him an odd look when he holds it behind his back, pursing his lips awkwardly. "Nothing! Nothing. Please don't touch my things."

You hold your hands up defensively and nod, leaving it at that. He sighs in relief and puts his large hand to his chest, awkwardly messing with the collar. "Uh, do you wanna go back to the house and have breakfast?"

Giving his nervous tendencies a tiny grin, you nod and then you're walking out the door with him hot on your trail.

"Milk."

Shawn hands you the milk, watching you pour it into the mixture.

"Flour?"

He scurries to the cabinet and grabs the bag, running back to hand it to you.

"Egg."

"Ya'know," Shawn chuckles, handing her the carton. "Playing the messenger is getting pretty boring."

You glare at him jokingly and crack the egg into the batter. "Sorry I don't trust you enough to not to mess this up."

"How hard can pancakes be?" He bluffs, tossing a water bottle back and forth between his hands. "You just add the things and stir it... Simple."

You shake your head and laugh a bit, "Just let me do this, you're so annoying."

Shawn doesn't respond and you go back to stirring, humming a tune peacefully to yourself when you're suddenly hit with something, your jaw dropping to your chest.

An egg's contents were dripping down the side of your face, seeping into your hair and skin. Shawn lets out a booming laugh, holding the carton of eggs in his hand.

You reach for the bag of flour, grabbing a fistful of the substance and flinging it his way, immediately shutting him up as he coughs and waves it out of his face.

"Oh, it's on!" He yells, beginning to chase you around the kitchen.

"You started it!" You laugh genuinely, dodging his attempts to throw more eggs at you.

At one point you make a mistake and slip on one of his eggs, your body hitting the ground causing him to put the eggs down and run to your side.

He kneels next to you and his eyes run over your aching body, checking for any bad injuries.

"Agh, I'm so sorry, are you okay?" He asks frantically, watching as you prop yourself up on your elbows.

"Yeah, yeah." You huff, looking up into his golden eyes. "I think I'm good."

"Oh." Shawn mutters, his face looking much more serious than it did just 30 seconds ago. "Well... In that case.."

Shawn's hands are on your sides in a split second, his fingers tickling over the skin. You yelp and try to swat him away, his assault pulling boisterous giggles from your lips. "Shawn, stop! Please!"

He chuckles as tears begin to leak from your eyes, his fingers never stopping. You looked so perfect underneath him like this, face shining happiness and laugh lightening his heart. Nobody else could ever make him feel this way, he was convinced.

"Uncle! Uncle!" You tap out, your laugh dying when his fingers finally stopped.

He licked over his lips when you looked up at him, your eyes glazed over and hopeful. Shawn wished he could keep you here all day, just studying your beauty until someone pulled him off of you. But he knew that couldn't happen.

You cleared your throat and he snapped out of his daze, helping you up to your feet.

"So.." He bit his lip, "Who's going to get in the shower first?"

"You go ahead." You look down at the ground, unable to hold that mesmerizing gaze with the man anymore. "I'll finish the pancakes."

Shawn nods and walks off, going to wash himself from all of their shenanigans.

The pancakes are done far before you find yourself leaning against the wall next to the bathroom door. Shawn's silky smooth voice was belting out his own lyrics as he practiced runs and different progressions, and it blew you away just as it did every other time he sang.

You could imagine him in there, shower steam making his cheeks rosy, hair wet and stuck to his skin.

Oh, how you wish he hadn't been such an asshole.

You must not have noticed his shower stopping and before you could run away, Shawn's exiting the bathroom, dripping wet with only a towel wrapped around his waist. You stand there like a deer in the headlights at the fact that you'd been caught, however Shawn barely reacts. He merely smirks at you and nods towards the door.

"Shower's free."

Shawn watched you with the upmost adoration in his eyes as he witnessed you belt out the final lyrics to the song. When you finished, you stood there with your eyes closed and your right hand on the headphones, basking in the glory of basically completing a song.

Your peace is interrupted when Shawn lets out a whooping cheer, clapping his hands together and rushing towards you. You gasp loudly as he picks you up by your knees, spinning you around and holding you close to him. Both of you are laughing at his actions and he sets you down after a second.

His face is still rosy and radiant when he holds your shoulders, shaking you gently, "God, you're such an amazing singer. How did I get so lucky to get this collab with you?"

"Oh, stop it." You swat him away while simultaneously pulling him into a hug.

He cradles the back of your head and rocks the two of you back and forth, never wanting to let go.

"This is gonna go #1." You mutter into his chest. "I can feel it in my bones."

Shawn doesn't reply, only stops rocking you and pulls back the slightest bit to look at your face.

The open windows let in a slight breeze, strands of your hair gently tickling your face. The only light in the room came from the dimmed lights overhead, and the only noise that could be heard in the room was the noises of the night creatures outside.

Shawn's hand comes down to cradle your jaw, smiling when you nuzzle your cheek into his rough palm. His eyes flutter as his mind races, thinking of something to say, and quick before he loses you again.

"Y/N, I-" He begins, licking his lips nervously but keeping adamant eye contact with you. "I miss you. And maybe not in the way you're thinking. I would love to be with you in that way, yeah, but I understand if that's not what you want. If you want to stay friends forever, that's fine with me. I just need you in my life, in one way or another."

You grin at his small rant, squeezing his arm. "You're too cute."

Shawn lets out a quick breath in place of a laugh, shaking his head. "Okay.. I don't know what that means.."

"It means I miss you too." You quirk, rolling your eyes. "I just.. I'm not ready to try again. Not like that, not yet. But, I miss those conversations we would always have in between interviews and shows, and how you always supported me, even through my dumbest decisions. You never failed to put a smile on my face. And I miss having that kind of friendship."

"I'll literally take anything you give me. I'd wait 500 years until you're ready again." Shawn breaths out, finally feeling like he can breathe again. "Thank you so much, Y/N. Thanks for not completely giving up on me."

You nod, standing up on your tippytoes to ruffle his hair. "No problem, Shawn. Now what do you say we go celebrate our last day alone here and pop that bottle of champagne?"

Shawn's curly head pops into your room 2 days later, eyes saddening when he watches you packing your things into your last bag. "You ready to go?"

You zip up your suitcase, looking back at him with a smirk. "Jeez, are you rushing me?"

"The opposite, actually." Shawn snickers.

The song was completed with the help of the team that came in that next day, and today, it was finally time to leave. Your flight was leaving earlier than his, meaning that you'd be leaving him earlier than he preferred.

"I'm sure you'll see me soon, Shawn." You grin at him, pinching his cheek with one of your free hands. "Besides, when this song hits the charts, you're never going to be able to shut me up about it."

"I look forward to that." Shawn quips quickly, walking you to the wide open front door. The black truck was already in the driveway, ready to bring you to the airport.

"Be very careful what you wish for," You joke, pulling him into a small hug that turns into a huge one when he pulls you tighter against him, his blunt nails digging into your sides.

He breaths in heavily and mutters, "I'm really gonna miss you. Even though you drive me absolutely insane."

You laugh at this and shake your head as he lets you go, "I'll text you when I land, alright?"

Shawn nods and blows you a joking kiss as you walk away, loading your things into the truck.

You climb into the passenger seat without looking at him and your phone dings just before you pull away. Pulling it out, you're positive your heart skips a beat.

From: Shawn

See? Missing you already :(

You look out the window to see him frowning, waving at you as the wheels below you begin to turn and you're waving back sweetly.

And Shawn merely stands there, watching you ride off into the distance until all that's left of your vehicle is a tiny speck disappearing over the mountain.

#Shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes imagines #sm #shawn peter raul mendes #my writing #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes blurbs #masterlist #shawn mendes fluff #shawn mendes request #shawn fic

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irepookie · 5 years

Text

Wake up Call, Infinity Ch.3

Summary: QUEEN AU WHERE ROGER (ROWAN)IS A19 YEAR OLD SINGLE DAD TRYING TO FIND A PLACE IN THE WORLD OF MUSIC

WARNINGS: iNTENSE FLUFF AND SOME SWEARING

Chapter 3: Row has to start stepping out of the bubble him and his daughter have been living in while in the safety of the hospital, and break the news to his best friends.

John- Rick

Fred-Len

Bri- Terry

Rog- Rowan

When Row had hung up on Len mid sentence, the boys had been confused. Then again, he was at his mom's house and they had heard her infamous shout of <<ROWAN EUGENE QUEEN>> that always preceded an argument, so they let it go. But then he didn't turn up to rehearsal, or called back for the rest of the afternoon. Or the following afternoon. Or for rest of the week. And that was unlike him. He always called back. (Well, most of his former one night stands would disagree with this). Let's just say he always called his band mates back. Sometimes drunk, at 4 AM, Thus leaving a wakeful Terry with 2 hours to spare nothing to do but to start revising for whatever exam he had ahead.

So, when they didn't know of him, they went directly to the village's police station, to see if he was locked up, and if not, to report him missing.

"What if we ask Gina?" Rick suggested

"I'd rather check the morgue first, thanks" Len said.

"Well, what else can we do? Huh?"

"Audition new drummers"

"Seriously boys. Let's go."

They knocked on Row's childhood home. Gina opened, with messy hair, a dressing gown and slippers

"Oh, hello boys. He ain't here" she took a drag of the 4th cigarette she had smoked that day despite it only being 8:30 AM.

"Where is he?"

"He isn't at home?"

"We've checked and there's no track of him. We haven't seen him in 7 days"

She sighed "in the hospital, I think. If he hasn't left already"

"Hospital?" All three said simultaneously

"What happened?!" Len added

"You don't know?"

"Know what?"

She smiled, mockingly "Wow, father of the year isn't so sure after all"

"What?"

She laughed bitterly. If he hadn't told his best friends yet, it maybe meant he was reconsidering the whole thing. Maybe common sense had hit him after the first stinky nappy.

"You know what? Come in."

"Oh we were actually in a rush..."

"You wanna find him or not? Come in, I don't bite

"Alright" all three musicians entered somewhat awkwardly in the house where so many sleep overs had taken place, back in the day.

She led them to the kitchen, where the phone was, and dialed.

Callie was the closest to the phone "Row? Yes, I'll get him"

She made her way to the room where the Prune had been moved in the previous evening, due to her favourable evolution and the need of free incubators.

She grinned at the scene: the 6 day old infant was dozing against her dad's bare chest, supported by his hands -which seemed huge in comparison to her small figure-. His eyes were closed, but Callie could tell he was awake as his left hand was stroking her head. It was adorable, and they seemed at such peace -poor Row had spent his first whole night on night watch and was exhausted-.

"Row" she called softly

He opened his big blue eyes in acknowledgement.

"You have a call"

"A call? From who?" He whispered back, before looking down at the baby to make sure she was asleep

"Didn't say. But she was kind of irritated"

"Oh, that's mom then" he smiled sarcastically, but didn't move a bit.

"You aren't gonna get on the phone?"

"I don't know. She doesn't deserve our attention does she?" He cooed

"How bad can it be?"

"You don't wanna see my bad side. And I don't ever want her to see it either"

Callie smiled "Go. I'll stay with her"

He groaned in annoyance. He was so comfortable, and he didn't want to get up.

"C'mere darling" he mumbled, detaching his daughter from his lap and carefully lying her on the cot

He exited the room and walked to the phone "What?"

"Row! Where are you?" The three voices of his best friends greeted him from the other side

"Oh, hi guys I... How did you get this number?"

"We're calling you from your mum's. She says you're in hospital" Terry's soft voice said worriedly

"You've gone fucking AWOL! Where are you man? We're worried as hell" Len scolded

"Oh yeah, hehe been..."he scratched the back of his head "been pretty busy" He glanced in the direction of his daughter's room, where he saw Callie readjusting the yellow teddy bear he had bought her the second day.

"Busy? With what?" Rick inquired

"It's... It's a long story."

"Well we've got time"

"Shouldn't you be in uni?" Row said in hopes they'd have to run into class

"It's Sunday, Row!"

"Oh is it?" He had lost track of time, honestly

"C'mon! Spit it"

He sighed "Alright, huh..." He tried to think of where to start. He couldn't really think much tho; his brain was pudge at that moment. "I met a girl in..." He counted nine months back from February "June?" No wait Piper was premature so it could be July or... Then it hit him. "No, remember that afternoon when we set up that Live Aid session in your parents backyard, Len?"

The boys nodded. July 13th. How could they forget? It had been dubbed the best Summer Party of 1985 in town. The four of them had tried to get tickets, but they couldn't even afford a ticket to London in the first place. And so, They watched the whole show with four TV screens around the yard instead, and the whole village had joined them, arguing on which performance had been the best.

Of course, all four members of Symbols agreed that it had been Queen.

"But they signed up late" someone said

"Yea, they came late to the party" another agreed.

"So what? They rocked the party! You just say that because you like U2 better"

"Like you prefer Queen!"

"But we've got a point! Regardless of how much we like them, they were, objectively, the best performance" /

"Objectively? Bullshit!" Anne Williams snapped "They played the same shit they always play! And Bono was a true gentleman, helping that girl who was getting crashed by the crowd."

"Yea, I'm sure Freddie wouldn't have given a shit, so full of himself and his teeth up his~" /

Dennis Phelps couldn't finish his sentence as a someone tossed him a Converse, which hit his head. A young woman, with Bowie-like orange dyed haircut approached, with a bare left foot and the matching shoe on the other

"You know nothing about putting up a good show then. Also, you mess with Freddie Mercury again and next time the shoe will be stuck up your ass" she told Dennis, retrieving the item "I mean, it's clear who I'm rooting for but Queen really did what had to be done. Geldof told them all to play the hits, because that's precisely why they're hits: they work. Other artists, like your boyfriend Bono and his band played new material, as if this was their concert. And it's not. Even though they signed up on time and whatever. They took a risk, crowd didn't know the song, they lost interest. But Queen had common sense: they played the hits, the anthems, and people connected with them. And it's not about Freddie or him hypnotizing Wembley. It's having some common sense. And not even you two knew the lyrics of U2s new song. So shut the hell up"

Row had liked her instantly. That's a girl who knows the stuff.

They exchanged a smile, a wink and a complicit nod

"We must join our forces to help out our friends under pressure, don't we?" She said

"Oh yes, Bowie girl." Terry remembered

"Yep."

"So what's with her?" Rick said

"Well, that.. she..." He cut himself off when a cry echoed in Pip's room "Gotta go, guys. I'll call you back"

"No! Row!" Len said, but the line went dead

"Shit"

"What happened?" Gina, who had watched the scene from the door frame, -and was about to finish her 6th cigar in a row,- asked

"He rambled about that Live Aid day, and a girl he met there"

"Did he say her name?"

"No. He had to go suddenly. It's all weird"

"Yea, well... Life is weird, boys"

"I don't understand. What's going on? Can't you tell us, Mrs. Queen?"

"Oh no. No. It's not my story to tell. Nor my business. I tried my best, but that stubborn bastard didn't listen. I'm sorry" she said

"But is he okay?" Len asked, concerned

Gina grinned, at how despite it all, the four boys would stick up with each other to the end of the world "Yes. He's fine."

"Row, are you okay?" Callie said, as the drummer wordlessly took the bundle from her

"Yes, yes. Why wouldn't I be?" He said, sitting with the fussy baby

"You're a bit pale"

"Oh I... Nothing. Just... I'm nervous honestly. Because we're about get discharged and I'm gonna be alone with her and I'll have to dad around all by myself and... And everyone will know..."

"Know what?"

"About her"

"And is that a problem?" Callie crossed her arms

"No, I mean... No, of course not. But everyone will ask questions and judge me and... I'm worried I will end up believing them more and fuck it all up"

"Believing what?"

"They'll start telling me it's a mistake, that I'm gonna screw everything up and that I won't be able to be a good dad and I'm afraid it will become true"

"So you're saying that how people think of you is gonna affect the way you... How you called it? Dad around?"

He nodded "Well, answer me these, will you? Have you, in this moment or at any point during these seven days, thought you are making a mistake?"

He looked at the tiny bundle and shook his head.

"Are you willing to always do your best for the shake of Piper?"

He nodded, noticing he was unconsciously rocking her back and forth.

"Then what's the problem?"

"Look I haven't exactly been a role model in... Well anything. One thing my mom's proud of is that I'm not into drugs. Everyone who has a daughter in the block hates me. So how am I supposed to raise one?"

"Exactly how you've been doing the last six days"

"Yes but I have you guys. And the medics, and the equipment. But there I'll be all alone"

"You will never be alone. You have the friends you've told me about. And your mum...Maybe the little darling is gassy"

"Oh stop about my mum" he carefully changed the Prune to an upright position and began to rub circles on her back without even hesitation. Wow he was actually getting a hold on the burping stuff.

"Yes. Your mum will eventually come to terms with the lil'raisin. I'm sure." She said, whist handing him a muslin to place on the baby's range of accuracy

"Oh you don't know her"

"I know she's a mum. Your mum and mother's rarely ever turn their backs on their children for good"

Row looked at the baby, then raised an eyebrow at Callie

"I said it's rare. There are obviously exceptions" she said "And believe me you're better off. Also, she did call. That's gotta Mean something"

"I didn't speak with her. Just the band. They were at her place, yeah but... I don't know. I'm not gonna beg on my fucking knees..." He was interrupted by a burp I his ear. Damn, that was a big one. He'd need 2 beers to produce such a loud one.

"Easy, tiger." He laughed "Goddamn it, where did that come from, huh? You're unbelievable" he praised, while getting the muslin out his shoulder and handing it to Callie

"And a neat one too. 10/10." She chuckled

"Atta girl. That's my lil'raisin. Yeah, good girl" he cooed, bringing her to face him, before she started fussing and he nested her again on his chest "Aw, don't cry honey. Please. You're alright. C'mon" he begged. She settled down quickly, and he sighed in relief.

"The point is, that here is like... I feel safe, you know? It's like another world. Another life. And now I have to fit her in my every day, and be in charge and stuff, and... I'm not sure I'm ready"

"Parents are never ready to take them home. Not even those who had 9 months of preparation, and parenting classes, and a nicely decorated and supplied nursery. No one feels ready. But nerves are good. Nerves mean that you care. Worrying and doubting about your ability to be the dad your child needs is precisely what's gonna make you raise your game. Just one last question: are you 100% that you love that lil one with all your heart?"

He looked at his daughter, who had gone back to sleep with the rambling of his voice, as his hand still caressed head and grinned "Hell yeah" Otherwise, how could he explain the way his chest seemed to be holding two hearts whenever she was in his arms? Or how, when he had to leave for the night it felt as though both those hearts were ripped away from him? Or how else could he have turned this goddamn sappy? Yep. That was the proof.

"Then that's all the two of you will ever need. She won't care if you two are rich or live in a cardboard box, or if she wasn't in your initial plans, or that she doesn't have a mom. As long as you love her and make her feel like it."

He nodded, and rested his lips on her soft scalp.

"Right, I Gotta get to another patient. Call'em back."

He stood up, this time taking his Prune along, and went to the corridor where the phone was. Making sure her head was safely cradled along with the rest of her small body on his left arm, he tucked the phone between the right shoulder and neck and dialed their shared place's number

Rick picked up "Yes?"

"I'm a dad" he said simply, and waited for his reaction.

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I’ll post the picture separately in order to preserve my goddamn sanity cause Tumblr is being a pain in the arse!!!!!

How do you guys do it? Am I the only one who needs 5 bloody tries to post this things?

#roger taylor #dad!roger taylor #queen band #queen fluff #bohemian rhapsody

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victorscanero · 5 years

Text

FELT// Chapter two [tyrus]

Hey okay guys so the rest of the book will in cyrus' pov sorry of thid makes anything confusing I deeply apologize.

If you haven't seen chapter one that's here:

It's been weeks since Amber and I first hung out and we have been hanging out every day since. We have hung out so much that buffy and Andi were getting jealous, After I told Amber she suggested that the we have a mini party while her parents are out, Nothing crazy just a few friends of amber and T.J. that way there isn't so much pressure. "You would sit through Jandi drama for me?" I asked in aw. Amber gave me a look "Jandi...drama?" She asked clueless. "Jonah and Andi. it's their ship name." I sighed disappointed at my friends lack of fandom knowledge. "Right...anyways if it gets too bad I'll just talk to you but I think I can handle it." she laughed "and T.J. is going to agree to this?" "And is T.J. gonna agree with what?" T.J. asked slowly looking towards Amber. "Small party tonight! very tiny but you can invite reed and lester." Amber smiled hoping he would just go along with "Why would I do that when I could just hang out with reed and lester in my room?" He asked "because the party has to look chill and laid back and unforced." Amber said "So to not make it look forced you're going to force me?" T.J. rose an eyebrow and I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous it must seem. T.J. and Amber to both break eye contact and looked at me "This really is crazy maybe we should just deal with the forced awkwardness of hanging out with buffy and Andi" "No, I'll do it." T.J. said "but it is crazy" he smiled at both of ud before turning around and leaving. Amber rolled her eyes and we began planning.

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The party seemed to be going well Jonah,gus and walker were hitting it off and Andi and Buffy were off to a fresh start there were others, but none that I really cared to talk to, that was until I saw T.J. alone at a table.

“What happened to your friends” I asked pulling out a chair to the right of T.J. at the end of the table he seemed taken back I assumed it was because the most I've spoken to him in the past weeks were when he would answer the door, but even then he just called for Amber and left.

After a moment, he replied. “Lester is looking for pudding despite my attempts of telling him we don't have any and I sent reed home.” he said “why'd you send reed home?” I asked letting my curiosity take hold. he raised an eyebrow and I began to regret prying “Do you always ask intruding questions?” but then laughed “Reed is... complicated.” he adding shaking his head “Great friend, but we are very different.” here's where I realized I made the mistake of assuming I knew who T.J. was. “I also might have gotten tired of his comments about my sister” he said causing me to laugh “Just tell him to ask her out she's been dying to use one of her reject lines” I smiled turning to where she was at i watched as her and Andi were dancing and for a moment I thought maybe she could lime her too

Just for a moment though because before i could blink Jonah was pulling her away. her smile falling only for a moment before turning around and sitting next to amber

“Cyrus?” I heard turning my head “yeah?” I asked looking at T.J. “You didn't hear me did you?” he said looking amused my face fell “Sorry I was seeing how Amber and Andi were doing.” truthfully that happened a lot, me getting distracted worrying about other people but he didn't need to know that. “Yeah so was I” he said still looking at amber when he turned to me i guess he could see my confusion because he then asked me a question i wasn't sure how to answer “Amber likes Andi, doesn't she?” i thought I sensed a bit of sadness in his voice and hoped it was because she didn't tell her and not it was a girl that she liked I waited too long to respond i know I did silence says a lot but i answered him anyways “I think if you want to know something about Amber, you should ask Amber.”

I partly felt like it was my fault he asked. If I lied and said i was just say dreaming, the conversation would have been off them and T.J. wouldn't have asked.

“How are my favorite boys doing?” Amber perked between us a hand touching each of our shoulder “We were doing fine before you showed up.” T.J. joked causing me to smile because relief of T.J. being mad at her went away. “Aw! that's what i said when you were born.” she took a seat beside me “Amber we're twins” T.J. said in a duh tone. Amber reached her arms back pretending to stretch “best 8 minutes of my life” she sighed “So how exactly do we kick everyone out of the house now that you guys are… Shall I say friends? We should watch the conjuring tonight.” she smiled “I'm down” T.J. smiled clamping his hand on my shoulder and getting up “IT WAS NICE HAVING EVERYONE COME AGAIN NEXT TIME” he shouted at the 10 people in the living room “well that's a passive aggressive way to tell someone to get out” I smiled walking to sat the living room and saying bye to buffy and walker before she left i couldn't find andi and jonah so I assumed they had gone home. After about 15 minutes the house was cleared. “I told him” Amber smiled “told who what?” I asked “i told T.J. said i looked really happy talking to andi and then said i always look happy when i talked about andi so he asked me if i liked her and i may have ended up telling him i liked girls and he was cool with it.” my face dropped and i took her hand and smiled “Amber! That's great I'm so happy for you!” I said and i meant it i was unbelievably happy for her. “yeah i know” she was still smiling “Can you spend the night?” “yeah but I have to walk to my house first and get some things first.” I said “T.J.!” Amber called from the room we were in and T.J. came in seconds later “yeah?” “Cyrus is spending the night so can we take him to get his clothes?” Amber asked “Yeah if we can go now I'm ready to watch the movie” he said

I forgot all about the movie I thought I could sneak past it but seeing as T.J. is excited for it and I want to have some kind of connection with him i decided to just deal with it.

The car ride there was nostalgic fergie bops Glamorous, big girls don't cry, and london Bridge. Most people i know listened to these songs but i was still shocked to see T.J. sing all the lyrics to fergalicious. Me and Amber were both in the back screaming the lyrics along with him and when we got to my house only Amber ran in with me. I told my mom I would be back tomorrow around 6:00 and we left. Amber begged to stop by the store and seeing a neither me or T.J. wanted to go in we both stayed in the car.

“So” T.J. turned around to face me “ I know about Amber.” he seemed happier than when I first found out he suspected it. “And you're okay with it?” I asked finding that having a conversation with T.J. was becoming less and less forced. He nodded “I'm just really happy she's happy” he smiled “Plus it is a relief knowing she won't ever date reed just to piss me off again”

I laughed at that “Again?” I questioned he raised an eyebrow “She didn't tell you?” I shook my head “ofcourse she didn't tell you she was probably embarrassed. Anyways, well In 6th grade i broke a vase, it wasn't important and it was 10 dollars but, i blamed it on Amber anyways. She didn't get in trouble she actually got a hug for crying at my accusations but she was out for revenge anyways and ending up dating reed for a whole week. He cheated which obviously amber didn't care since she had zero feelings for him but to this day she regrets it because reed thinks that's whole reason she won't get back together with him” he explained the story and it was my turn to raise an eyebrow “No one thought to tell him she never had feelings for him? That could end this whole thing.” I laughed surprised.

“Reed hitting on amber has been a thing since elementary school no matter how much either of us complain the moment Reed gets into a real relationship and stops will be a very sad day” he said before I could reply I heard a known on the trunk and turned to see Amber, her figure disappearing behind the hood as she lifted it up.

“You heard all of that and we will make sure she knows you know.” T.J. smiled at me before turning back around. Amber came in the car and I couldn't help but make the first punch. “it's funny you have a crush on andi who has short hair and dated reed who has short hair… you must have a type” I smiled innocently “T.J. YOU TOLD HIM” she pulled the strings on her hoodie hiding her face “Sorry I couldn't help it, you can't just let your friends stay alone with me and not expect me to tell your darkest secrets!” he cranked up the car beginning to drive off “T.J. thought you were in love with me when we first started hanging out” that shocked me but i couldn't help but burst out laughing along with her “I did for a week and then i told you i think that's just how he acts” he said “what is that even supposed to mean” I continued to laugh “you know like your nice I noticed your nice to everyone” T.J. started to drive and the laughter died down “that's so not true!” I said knowing that it was very much true “Dude, Jenkins dropped his books while knocking yours out of your hand and you helped him pick his up.” T.J. laughed “that's so cyrus” amber said “Jenkins isn't that bad he is just douchey” i said knowing he was THAT bad. “Trust, he is i play basketball with him. That reminds me, if you ever decide to be fully out Amber and Jenkins gives you shit let me know. He is known for being homophobic.” We pulled into the driveway and she jumped out “That's the exact opposite of what I'm going to do but thank you for the tip” i began to wonder if that's why jenkins was always a total dick to me, could he tell I was gay? I pushed the thoughts aside when we got to Amber's room we all decided to watch it there and Amber had the bright idea to make a fort so we brought in chairs and blankets and moved her bed to the side and the mattress off of it.

A/n this ended weirdly but i wanted to start chapter 3 from the fort being done.

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