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#either that or they transformed for another reason
windydrawallday · 16 days
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I'd absolutely love to see your take on ES Optimus in any sort of capacity! He's my special guy :] But if you want something more familiar, maybe TFA Prowl chillin in some nature? If I could throw something more specific at you, interacting with some wolves? (Not sure how comfortable you are with animals but figured it's worth a shot 🐺)
AT LAST!!! I managed to draw your request after busy days and playing around with your last idea because GOSH: Prowl + Animals always win me over x'D
Tho... I took a... not very "chill" route that ended... in me drawing another thing that I know many despite about the canon of the character--
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Yeah IM SO SORRY but I couldn't find a way to make it work without it orz (and I dont have currently the brain to design an alternative human design hxgcxhgvcgv) and welp :')
Hope is nice enough to the eyes anyways haha I wanted to try something different and challenge myself because-- Because AAA
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brutal-nemesis · 2 months
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You already know you've got me invested. So a bunch of questions about your HRT magic system, whenever you've got the time:
- what does the ritual actually look like/involve?
- does the process look the same for both feminizing and masculinizing, or are they different?
- are there any effects that can't really be achieved using this form of HRT?
- how long does it take to build up effects? will you see some changes immediately, or is it slower?
More to come later, I'm sure 😁🧡
suit up bitches it's time for all the trans magic lore
What does the ritual actually look like/involve?
Essentially, person performing the procedure uses magic to force the patient's gonads (testes or ovaries) to produce more of the desired hormone, whether it's estrogen or testosterone. Unlike in our world, where people on E need to take T blockers to ensure that they see results (since T has stronger effects), this change in what the body itself is producing means that T levels would naturally decrease since the testes are producing more E. The actual procedure usually just involves the one performing it placing their hands on the patient's back near their spine and carrying out the spell. This typically takes five or so minutes, depending on how much the patient's natural levels need to be adjusted. The spell only lasts so long, so after a couple weeks it will need to be cast again. The spells themselves are called estrogen/testosterone production stimulation, EPS and TPS for short.
However, as magic advances, beyond the point it's at in Castys's early story and the entirety of Erebus & Terror, a new method is developed that alters the hypothalamus and pituitary glands instead, since they tell the rest of the body of what hormones to produce. This spell, called hypothalamus pituitary direction alteration (HPDA) only needs to be done once as the effects are permanent in the sense that they don't wear off, even after decades. However, it's much more complicated to carry out, so it takes longer to cast and is usually more expensive. The procedure itself usually involves the caster putting their hands on the patient's head and doing the spell for about 20 minutes.
It generally becomes standard practice for a patient to undergo at least a year of E/TPS in order to find the right balance of hormones for them before getting HPDA. The effects of HPDA can be altered later, but it's complicated enough that it's best to get it right the first time, hence using E/TPS as a trial run of sorts to figure out the best fit for each individual person.
Does the process look the same for both feminizing and masculinizing, or are they different?
Yes and no. The actual process is very similar, since it's just changing what hormones are produced, but adjusting the AMAB body to produce E and the AFAB body to produce T are different enough that most doctors specialize in one or the other. There's a lot more nuance to it than just turning up the hormone dial, so specialists in one or the other are skilled at helping bring about the wanted changes and preventing certain negative side effects.
Are there any effects that can't really be achieved using this form of HRT?
Since it's pretty similar to HRT here, it has the same limitations and effects, for the most part. Magic can certainly be used to help with things like top and bottom surgery (which sometimes don't need to be an actual surgery and are just a magical procedure), but neither form of HRT discussed above will completely change primary sex organs or massively alter skeletal structure.
How long does it take to build up effects? will you see some changes immediately, or is it slower?
It's a slow change, happening over the course of years, just like it is for people on HRT in our world. The body takes time to adjust and change on its own, and forcing it to do so quickly can have drastic consequences. At the start of E/TPS, all changes are closely monitored so that the levels of hormone production can be adjusted in order to suit the individual patient best and prevent side effects like emotional instability and blood clots.
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holographic-mars · 19 days
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So who all do you ship Soundwave with? Is it a certain situation/continuity thing or just random/mood based?
Honestly I love soundwave so much I tend to enjoy a LOT of ships with him. It definitely varies depending on continuity and my mood though.
My favorite soundwave ships are by far coswave (obviously) and jazzwave. But honestly I tend to enjoy most all soundwave ships.
I really like tfp wavwave (as mentioned before), I love the weird offputting scientist and his cryptid wife. Tfp Soundchet (soundwave and ratchet) makes my heart hurt so bad I was chemically addicted to this ship for a period of time and still love it. I like idw soundwave x thundercracker too, big bumbling puppy x angry kitten my beloved. G1 Soundwave x ultra Magnus I also like, I just think they would be in autism heaven together (I love rarepairs can’t you tell. Someone on twt drew soundwave x cyclonus as a joke and I was like WAIT. WAIT. LET HIM COOK)
The only ships I don’t really care for are soundwave x blaster (I don’t really have an explanation for this one) and soundwave x optimus prime
THANK YOU FOR THE ASK I really really love getting these asks y’all have no idea it makes me so happy. I’m so happy y’all like hearing my stupid thoughts and ramblings eeehehehe❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🛸🛸🛸
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fictionadventurer · 1 year
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I know it's not technically a fairy tale, but do you happen to have any recs for retellings of Tam Lin?
--Siena
Unfortunately, no, since I haven't read any. However, I've heard good things about The Perilous Gard, which I believe draws from that fairy tale.
#answered asks#fairy tales#fairy tale retellings#tam lin#thewatercolours#i thought i had an answer for this#and it turns out i was thinking about my never-finished twelve dancing princesses retelling#where the soldier character was captured by the fairy king#and the eldest princess character frees him by invoking the tam lin clause#where as a member of the royal house#(the fairy king is her godfather)#she has the right to offer pardon to another member of the royal family#and the right to make someone a member of the royal family by marriage#but because he's a prisoner she'd have to prove her devotion to him by enduring the trials#so they know it's not just him trying to take advantage of her#it doesn't make a ton of sense but most of the book didn't either which is part of the reason i never finished#but anyway she agrees to the trial not knowing what it is only knowing she can't release him#and then she's horrified by him 'getting turned into' a bunch of increasingly ferocious animals#though in this universe fairy magic can't actually transform people so the magic's actually being done on her#to give extremely detailed all-five-senses hallucinations that this is what's happening#while the guy is magically silenced to stop him from breaking the illusion#and then when everything's over her soldier has no idea what she just had to endure but just knows it was traumatic#and that he had to watch her suffer it without being able to comfort her#but she wins the trial gets his freedom and everyone lives happily ever after#if i actually did anything with this story i prob wouldn't include this part because it's pretty tangential#but it's relevant to this tam lin discussion#*the fairy king is her grandfather not godfather#i'm not going back to retype all that
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transingthoseformers · 4 months
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Random thing
But in a fight between bad end sentinel and post artifact changes sentinel, who would win
Probably post artifact changes Sentinel because he retains his sentience and regains a lot of his psychological bearings after yeeting the artifact in the deepest hole he could find, despite the changes
Plus, his new form has had the time to actually get to a moderately healthy state
He's still rather altered, but it's went in a different direction than Bad Ending / sparkeater!Sentinel and he's forged his own path rather than being a puppet / pet of nyarlathotep
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celepeace · 10 months
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Genuinely with the death of nintendo handheld low-cost games that came with the switch, as every continuing handheld series became a switch series and thus had a price increase, a lot of their most kid-friendly franchises have become more and more inaccessible to children, especially now that nintendo has decided to follow every other major console and has started pricing new games even higher.
And now that a lot of these series are so old and thus a lot of their fanbase has aged into adulthood, a lot of these series would benefit greatly from making some of the new entries more adult-oriented. But nintendo very stubbornly wants to keep their main franchises as kid-friendly as possible, sometimes severely restricting the potential of these series by not allowing them to explore things like more complex mechanics, higher difficulty, or darker topics that past entries have brushed over in favor of keeping the age rating low. Pokemon's core battle engine has been in want of an overhaul for years now, and Legends Arceus kind of did that but not wholly, for example.
This would be pretty understandable in the interest of keeping every entry of these series accessible to all age groups, but with inflating prices, who are these games even for anymore? A normal kid with your average allowance from their parents isn't going to be able to afford tears of the kingdom or even $60 pokemon games more often than not. Back when these games were $30-$40, sure, if they saved up, but now many families have even tighter budgets than ever due to the rising cost of living. Nintendo is pricing themselves out of their target audience while simultaneously leaving their adult fans who have been with them since childhood to feel neglected in favor of exclusively making games for today's children.
Obviously nintendo will always make sales because even though they make children's games, they're still fun as hell for a person of any age, and many kids will be able to afford their games once in a while, but it does feel like they're kind of... making their games for an audience that barely exists.
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ohara-n-brown · 4 months
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As a late diagnosed autist I will say one of the most damaging but transformative experiences I've ever had was being misdiagnosed with BPD.
Everyday my heart goes out to people with BPD.
The amount of stigma and silencing they face is astonishing and sickening.
I took DBT for years. Therapists use to turn me away because of my diagnosis.
I would be having full blown autistic meltdowns, crying for help literally - but because I was labeled as BPD ANY time I cried I was treated as manipulative and unstable.
As if the only reason I could be crying was if I was out to trick someone.
95% of the books out there with Borderline in the title are named shit like 'How to get away from a person with Borderline', 'How to stop walking on eggshells (with a person who has BPD)'
I was never allowed to feel true pain or panic or need.
That was 'attention seeking behavior', not me asking for help when a disability was literally inhibiting my ability to process emotions.
There were dozens of times where I had a full meltdown and was either threatened with institutionalization or told I was doing it for attention.
My failing relationships weren't due to a communication issue, or the inability to read social cues. No, because I was labeled borderline, my unstable relationships were my fault. Me beggong nuerotypicals to just be honest and blunt with what they meant was me pestering them for validation.
Borderline patients can't win.
And the funny thing is - I asked my therapist about autism. I told her I thought I was on the spectrum.
BPD is WILDLY misdiagnosed with those with autism and I had many clear signs.
Instead - she told me 'If you were autistic we wouldn't be able to have this conversation'. She made me go through a list of autistic traits made clearly for children, citing how I didn't fit each one.
And then she told me that me identifying with the autism community was the BPD making me search for identity to be accepted - and that I wasn't autistic, just desperate to fit in somewhere.
I didn't get diagnosed for another ten years. For ten years I avoided the autism community - feeling as if I were just a broken person who wanted to steal from people who 'really needed it'.
Because of my providers - I began to doubt my identity MORE, not less.
Ten years of thinking I was borderline and being emotionally neglected and demonized by a system meant to help me.
To this day, I still don't trust neurotypicals. Not fully.
I know I'm not borderline now - but my heart aches for them. Not for the usual stuff. But for the stigma. And the asshole doctors. And the dismissiveness and threatening and the idea of institutionalization hanging over their head.
I love Borderline people. I always will. I'm not Borderline but if you are I love you and I'm sorry.
You're not a bad person. You're not a therapists worst nightmare, you are a human with valid feelings and fears.
Borderline people I'm sorry.
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indecisivemuch · 2 months
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Scandalous
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Pairing: Luke Castellan x Reader
Summary: The reveal of a scandalous detail about yours and Luke's relationship left you both flustered and everybody else gaping. Inspired by one line from So It Goes - Taylor Swift (fluff, established relationship).
Warning: allusions to sex, but no explicit details.
Word count: 2k
You and Luke have been going out for well over a year now. Yet, he never failed to make you feel like it would be an eternal honeymoon phase: whispers of sweet words about a lifetime’s worth of promises, delicate and sacred touches, looks filling in for unspoken words.
Loving Luke was as easy as having a daily routine - so natural and almost like a grounding thing from the life of a Demigod.
Currently, Luke was training with Percy. You were not too far away either, sparring with Clarisse. Despite the area being occupied by many other Demigods engaging in similar activities, Luke could not help but frequently glance over at you.
Luke has always been mesmerized by the way you combat, which he metaphorically compared to a ballerina. So precise, yet deadly. Every move was with intention and purpose. 
The way sweat glided down the side of your face, your cheeks flushed from fighting, eyes darting with strategy, heavy pants in between dodging and attacking your opponent, the smirk hinted on your face - all of it made Luke’s mind grow flustered. Somehow, he found everything you do attractive.
If he was honest, his mind seemed to be doing nothing lately but think of you, especially when you’re not beside him. The memories he has harvested over your time together only transformed his brain into a cinema, which constantly played montages of you. Every morning, he’d wake up from a dream about you to the sight of you in his arms - that is before he had to sneak out of your cabin back to his. You constantly occupy every cell in his mind, like an uncontainable virus spreading. Yet, for some reason, he was not scared. He welcomed this feeling with his whole arms wide open.
You broke eye contact with Clarisse to look at Luke. Almost instantly, your eyes melted into ones filled with adoration and his own eyes mirrored the same emotions - if not tenfold. 
You were absolutely enamored with how Luke looked at you. Even before dating each other, people have mentioned the eyes he was giving you. But being oblivious, you did not see what they were talking about. However, it all became clear when you started dating. You started noticing how he would look at you like you were a rare artwork he would most likely never see again or a shooting star - a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence kind of thing that left him in awe all the time. He would do it so endearingly as if it would help to absorb every detail of you and imprint them into his memory. His looks have always made you feel loved - like you were the only thing that mattered to him, as if he has not told you this verbally and through actions already. Usually, you’d feel slightly insecure if somebody was staring so intensely at you, but he did it in a way that made you feel like your flaws were created to be loved for. 
However, a gasp escaped your lips as Luke was showered by a wave of the ocean. Everybody else also drew their attention to the head of Hermes’ cabin and the newly claimed Poseidon kid.
When Luke looked back at Percy, he was faced with a sheepish grin.
“I had to get your attention somehow. I tried calling your name like ten times already,” Percy shrugged his shoulder with feigned innocence, but the glint of mischief told Luke that the kid was anything but feeling guilty about soaking him from head to toe. 
“Percy,” Luke groaned as he could feel the fabric of his clothes cling to his body. Percy bashfully chuckled and offered another sheepish look to the counselor who was meant to train him. 
The cool water did offer a temporary fix to the boiling summer heat. But mixing that with sweat, combat, and Luke's long-sleeved shirt underneath was disastrous. The Hermes boy sighed as he slowly took off the bright orange camp shirt. After struggling slightly, he managed to pull the shirt off from over his head. However, the gray shirt he was wearing underneath got pulled up more than slightly from the extra friction between wet fabrics, revealing the majority of his back to Percy and others. 
He did not think much of it until gasps - including yours - could be heard as this happened. Chris even whistled as he and everybody else spotted what Luke did not notice.
“What?” Luke asked as he pulled down his gray shirt and started wringing his camp t-shirt, trying to rid it from being as wet as possible. 
“Damn, did you get mauled by a minotaur or something?” Percy asked. 
Almost immediately, Luke paled at Percy’s words as he realized what the kid was talking about.
Indeed, as Luke’s gray shirt underneath got pulled up, which revealed the majority of his back, this had also put on display the scratches down his back left from nights that he spent with you. Some were evidently old and healing, as seen by how Luke’s skin was patching itself up and matching closer to his skin tone. Others were somewhat freshly red, while a few were like wounds being reopened. To make matters worse, they could spot the occasional crescent shape bruises that were indentations of your nails. 
Considering your guys’ relationship was not a secret, there was no room to deny it if somebody pointed fingers at you. You blushed as people now averted their eyes to you as if this was the most scandalous thing all year. Clarisse and Chris, on the other hand, were both smirking. 
The whole camp knew you were the one who left those scratches there, and you sincerely wish you could dig a hole to hide yourself from all the attention right now.
Luke’s eyes darted to you, and you offered him an awkward smile as your face grew a darker shade of red.
“No, seriously, dude, you gotta get it checked out at the infirmary. How did that even happen?” Percy only continued, somehow actually clueless about the cause of those marks. You could see Annabeth sending Percy a somewhat side-eye from nearby at his words while Grover let out a deep sigh. 
You started approaching the two, hoping you could intervene and save the both of you from this situation.
“Uhm…well,” Luke started, unsure how to even answer the kid or divert the attention elsewhere as his cheeks flushed and ears tinted pink from trying to ignore memories of what you two had done the night before.
The Hermes boy has jokingly sweet-talked you before on how he might walk out shirtless after one of your rendezvous to show off the marks you left on him. Never would you two think that that idea would ever happen like this.
“Yeah, I reckon you should get that checked out,” you decided to say as you reached Luke, settling your hand on Luke’s lower back and greeting Percy. “Thank you for worrying about him.”
“Yeah, no problem. I mean, it must have been quite a minotaur to land that much of a number on him,” Percy somehow carried on and was utterly oblivious to Clarisse and Chris, who almost bursted out laughing at his latest comment. You, on the other hand, squinted your eyes at the kid. You turned to Luke and you could see it in his eyes that the boy was on the verge of laughing as well. You were sure he would have done so if it were not for your glare.
“Well, we best go heal those wounds now, right Luke?” you gave your boyfriend a look, hoping he would get the message to play along.
“Right,” he agreed almost instantly. 
“Alright, bye, Percy,” you hastily spoke, before dragging Luke by his hand away from everybody's eyes.
“Bye guys,” you could hear the kid’s voice as the both of you retreated. It felt like a walk of shame as the semi-crowd parted ways for you two to leave the scene. You immediately let out a deep breath as soon as nobody was near anymore.
“Gods, that was so embarrassing. The kid basically repeatedly called me a minotaur.”
“I mean…you can be my minotaur?” Luke cheekily jested, trying to tease you a bit more over the situation.
“Oh, no, no, no, we’re not making that a thing. No, absolutely not are you ever gonna make that a nickname,” Luke only laughed at your reaction before wrapping his arms around your shoulders and bringing you into a hug. As he did so, you wrapped both your arms around his waist, face colliding with his chest the way it would usually do when you guys cuddle. He gave you a few peppered kisses on your forehead, close to your hairline. 
“They’re never gonna let us live that down, will they?” You asked after letting out a muffled groan against his chest.
“Nope,” Luke admitted. Despite the Hermes boy usually easing away your worries, even he knew this would be the talk around camp for a while. Nevertheless, he unwrapped his arms around you and cupped your face with both hands. Using his callus-filled hands, yet gentle touch, he soothed your furrowed eyebrows by rubbing over them to urge you from scowling.
“But…you know what? I’m kind of glad this happened. Sure, it might be awkward and a tad bit embarrassing. But now, they finally get to see how lucky I am to have been given a chance by such a gorgeous and sweet Demigod. And…” he paused, giving you a quick kiss. “This way, any guy potentially still after you know to keep their hands off.” He cheekily winked at you after saying so. 
Gods, you remember how jealous Luke would get before you were together. It was lowkey hot to see him so riled up. Though, after the both of you got together, you have always reassured him that you had eyes on him and only him. 
“I guess that also means any girls still thinking they could steal you from me would know they have no chance?” you questioned, smiling ear to ear when he nodded eagerly at your words.
“Exactly. That’s a win-win in my book. I’m not embarrassed they saw what you left on me. They could talk for all I care. So stop worrying, or else you’ll start getting wrinkles,” he lightly flicked the area between your furrowed eyebrows. As you were about to complain, he quickly kissed you right where he previously flicked you, and that immediately melted away any bit of feigned irritation you had with him. He chuckled at the sight of your furrowed eyebrows untangling itself.
“Thank you,” you muttered, showing your gratitude towards Luke. 
If Luke had a superpower, it would probably be calming you down. He has always managed to tame your emotions whenever they were drowning you. He was like an anchor to you, always grounded you during chaotic times. Sometimes, you wonder how you got so lucky. 
You peered up at him sweetly, and the look alone made him lean down to capture your lips with his again. You chuckled at his action and kissed him back with just as much passion as he was leaving on your lips. Your hands started playing with the hair close to the nape of his neck. He let out a content sigh while still showing your lips just how much he loved them and you. However, he abruptly pulled away before dropping a question. 
“Are we really going to the infirmary?” Luke hesitantly asked, bringing up your words from earlier. He watched as you gave him an amused look.
“What did you think?” As soon as his eyes met yours, he knew exactly what you wanted. He gave you a sheepish grin before the two of you quietly giggled to each other before walking further away from the training grounds.
Let's just say you two did not follow through with your words of going to the infirmary, and neither were you tending to his “wounds”.
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masterlist
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ahundredtimesover · 1 month
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I Want You to Stay (08) | JJK
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Pairing: Jungkook x (f.) Reader
Genre/Tags: boss!JK x assistant!reader; idiot strangers to lovers; slow slow burn; k-drama feels; angst, drama, fluff, smut
Chapter (Series) Warnings: foul/explicit language; alcohol consumption & passing out, unhealthy coping mechanisms; family drama; minor injuries; power dynamics (JK starts off as a jerk); work-related anxiety, feelings of helplessness, insecurities; childhood traumatic experiences, nightmares; sexual harassment, attempted assault; use of the term slut in a derogatory way, prior incidence of domestic violence (PLS PLS BE CAREFUL WHEN READING); arts and business/property devt talk that’s probably inaccurate; commitment issues & emotionally constipated characters; cold and detached JK; eventual explicit sexual content (specific warnings stated per chapter) (18+)
Chapter Word count: 17.4k
Series Masterlist
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Status: Ongoing
Series summary: Working for Jungkook isn’t the same as working for Hoseok. For starters, Jungkook doesn’t smile, he doesn’t appreciate you, and he gives you too much work. It doesn’t help that he’s incredibly handsome and has women at his beck and call. But as the tension grows, it becomes impossible to resist him. You’ve dedicated yourself to your job for 8 years so when you finally decide to put yourself first, he asks you to reconsider. And while you know that leaving is difficult, you learn that when it comes to Jungkook, staying is always so much harder.
Playlist 🎶: on the way home
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A/N: Hiii thank you again for all your love and appreciation for this story. Srsly, I'm perpetually blown away 🥰 But like I've mentioned, updates will take longer after this as I return to uni, so I hope for your patience as we get closer to the end.
This chapter also contains triggering topics such as sexual harassment and attempted assault. There's a discussion on what happens after something traumatizing like that, so pls be cautious and know that what's depicted here is just another way of dealing with such experience.
On another note, I hope you enjoy this!
And as always, my biggest thanks to @wonwoonlight  🥰
PS. If I can’t tag you, pls fix your settings!
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The end-of-autumn chilly air pierces through your skin, lingering even as you settle inside the plant store that gives the warmth that you need. You sigh in relief, and Soomin and Jimin giggle at you because they know how you are. It’s why during moments like this, their affection shows, hugging you from each side as you look up at the shelf for another rubber tree you want to add to your collection.
“What are you two on about?” You ask, nonchalantly releasing your arm to get your chosen glossy plant. 
“Nothing, just showing our love,” Soomin says, resting her chin on your shoulder. “We know you love the cold even if you easily get cold. You don’t like hugs either but you can’t do anything about us.”
“It’s true that I can’t do anything about the both of you,” you hum. “But you also know it’s not that I don’t like hugs. It’s just not my preferred form of affection.”
“Even after all the years that we’ve been giving it to you?” Jimin asks, as he pulls away from you to place the plant in your cart.
“Yeah. I mean, if I only give or receive it every few weeks, then it wouldn’t be,” you respond. “But I also wouldn’t really know. Other than you guys, there’s not much affection I feel towards other people.”
It’s a reality you’ve long accepted. You’re away from your family and friends, and the only other form of affection you receive is through sex with the few men you’ve been interested in - pleasurable at best, shallow at worst. Perhaps it’s the reason why you do, you think now. They’re still good substitutes. Being alone doesn’t feel so lonely when you’re intimate with people you don’t exactly share moments of intimacy with. You’ve learned these last few years that there’s a difference. 
Your friends just hum in agreement, choosing now to point out that your home is transforming into some zen garden with the amount of plants you’ve bought just this last month. 
“Should I just be a gardener or a plant store worker?” You look at them. “Or study to become a landscape designer?”
“Honey, tending to low-maintenance plants is a different thing,” Soomin chuckles. “That’s a start, though. But kidding aside, so a career change is what you’re going for?”
“Hmm, just a thought,” you shrug. “What if moving companies isn’t just what I need? What if it’s doing something completely different? Like being out of an office or answering to someone or something?”
“That’s true. Sometimes we find what we’re looking for in unfamiliar environments,” Jimin chimes in. “Are you thinking about doing it soon?”
“Maybe not,” you say. “I’ve become quite invested in the Arts Center and I really wanna see it through. Maybe after it’s opened, then that’s when I’ll finally step away.”
“Well, you have been doing a lot of work for it,” Soomin agrees. “But… are you sure it’s the only thing holding you back? And not someone specific? A boss, maybe?”
“The Arts Center isn’t holding me back, Soo. And neither is Jungkook,” you state. “After all the years I spent in the company, I don’t wanna let anything or anyone keep me from doing what’s best for me. I don’t… I don’t wanna get stuck there. I don’t wanna keep feeling indebted. That’s what’s held me back this whole time.”
“Oh, hun,” Soomin sighs. “You don’t owe anyone anything. And if you did, you’ve paid your dues, all eight years of them.”
As Jimin heads out to get his car, she entangles her arm around yours and asks again if your decision to wait to resign has something to do with Jungkook.
“Why are you so insistent?” You frown at her. 
“Just… wondering. You haven’t expressed disdain for him in so long. Even the weekly ugh work drives me nuts messages have stopped, and that says a lot. I was just thinking that maybe he’s gone soft on you, and that you’ve gone soft on him, too. I just wanna make sure I’m ready when you drop the bomb on us or something. I mean, you two have so much tension, who knows what’ll happen?”
“Okay, what if I’ve just developed better coping mechanisms now and can manage without complaining about it? That’s a possibility. And, even if I’ve been busy with organizing events and stuff, I actually enjoy that,” you explain. 
“Okay. So what about Jungkook?”
You look away, knowing that any acknowledgment of the comfort you’ve started to feel around him may start to mean something else once you say it. Admitting even the tiniest bit of attraction is even more of a no-no, so you just play it off, the same way you did when you got home from the gala and you dodged all questions about him, choosing instead to talk about the delicious food and the weird people you met. 
“We’ve found a way to move on from how we started and learned that we actually work really well together. We have to be professional and all that.”
Right, you scoff to yourself. Thinking about your boss’ smile as you fall asleep is anything but professional.
“Fine, whatever you say,” she gives in as the car comes into view. “Just know that I’m here, okay? Jimin’s a bit protective and still hasn’t gotten over how that man treated you so you can talk to me in case anything else changes.” 
“I will,” you say, giving her hand a squeeze. 
You spend the rest of that weekend watching movies and singing your hearts out at a karaoke and stuffing your faces with good food. Before you know it, you’re back in your bed on a Sunday, all alone, but you don’t feel so lonely, nor do you feel so terrible at having to start another week. If anything, you’re wondering how Jungkook spent these last two days. At a club, maybe. He did say there’s always a party he’s invited to. 
You stop yourself from thinking of what happens after that. He’s got women at his beck and call after all, even when he’s in Singapore, as Lucas had told you during your call two months ago. But it doesn’t really matter - Jungkook is Jungkook and you’re you. And that’s not yet even considering the glaring reality of him being your boss. 
Ever since the gala, you can say that there’s been a change in how you’ve been with him. There’s a lot more attention, you’d say. There’s more admiration, too, when it comes to him doing his work, making decisions, and drawing up plans and designs. 
You understand the distance and the detachment somehow. You suppose that whatever he experienced made him that way, so you’d make an effort into making him smile, teasing him a little more than usual so there’s a bit more joy in his day. You can say he’s gotten used to it. Even Mr. Ri would laugh and join in. 
And that’s the thing - you anticipate it. You look forward to the curl of his lips and the dip on his lower cheek and the softness in his eyes and the way he turns away or bows his head to hide it. Even the way he’d play it off is quite endearing, a term you never thought you’d use to describe him. It makes you wonder if people had tried to get to know him, maybe knock on the door and wait around to see if he’d come out and let them in. 
But all that has brought you to right now - Sunday night as you think about seeing him the next morning. You think back to all the times that you’d entered his penthouse and saw him in his gym attire post-workout, the seconds you’d spent so close to him as you adjusted his necktie, and the breakfasts and car rides you’d shared. You recall the nods of acknowledgement after serving him his coffee, the times he’d agreed with your recommendations, and the instances he’d turned to you for support and his look of thanks after you’ve given it. 
Then there’s the grazing of your fingertips, the brushing of arms, the interlocking of eyes.
And your heart, beating a little too fast then.
You groan to yourself. You really have to find a way for this to stop.
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You try to keep your distance from Jungkook for the next few days. 
You do your usual - fix his outfit, eat with him the breakfast you prepared, go through schedules, and join him in meetings. You do away with the eye contact, you skip the teasing, and you don’t share about your evening like you’ve been doing. And that’s only because doing so just gives you moments to remember, like his gazes lingering or the sound of his laughter. Even more, it messes with your mind thinking that just like you, he spends most of his weeknights alone. 
You act unbothered, although him catching you looking at him from your office seat and then you, quickly looking away doesn’t really help your case. 
It’s on Wednesday when he passes by your desk to put back some files and you return to your task after giving him a small smile when he asks if you’re okay.
“Yes, Mr. Jeon. Just a little tired but aren’t we all?” You respond, your eyes flitting from him to your desktop screen. 
“Yes, but most of us take breaks. You don’t,” he counters.
“Neither do you,” you turn to him with an arched brow. 
It’s become a habit of yours to remind him to rest but just like you, he’s pretty stubborn. 
“Ah, there you are,” he chuckles. “I was almost convinced you’re not really my assistant if you didn’t point that out but alas, it’s you.”
“Are you testing me, sir?” You frown at him. 
A mistake, really, since he gives you that teasing smirk of his that you’re learning is your weakness. 
“Maybe,” he shrugs. “You just haven’t seemed like yourself all week and I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay. You can take a leave tomorrow, if that’s what you need.”
“It’s okay, sir. And I’m fine,” you assure him, realizing that there’s not much that could keep you away from him. “Plus, we have that dinner with the media festival organizers tomorrow evening and it’s the only time they’re free.”
“I know,” he sighs. “As long as you’re sure. It’s selfish but I do need you there.”
Of course he does, you think to yourself. You’re there to make his life easier, after all. It’s the only reason why he’d ever need you or want you around. 
You confirm that you’ll go to work tomorrow and sigh in relief when he doesn’t say anything more. You decide to go home, wanting to get to the weekend so you can find some distraction, in whatever way that may be. 
Thursday comes and you spend your day divided between working with the support team for the upcoming VP events and coordinating with the Arts Center marketing team for the deliverables they need signed off. 
It’s busy enough that you don’t see much of Jungkook but that only really lasts until you have to accompany him to that welcome dinner with the organizers of the international media festival that Jungkook wanted to collaborate with for the Arts Center promotions. It’s happening in August of next year and while the partnership has been established,  he wants to work on his relationship with them so that the plans could firm up quickly. 
You head to Jungkook’s restaurant of choice in Itaewon, a fancy place that serves Korean dishes in a modern, artistic way. You’ve heard about it before; the food looks like something you could put at an art gallery. Korea’s exceptional ability to merge traditional and modern elements is reflected in this restaurant’s menu. It’s why he wanted to bring them here, he tells you. 
You settle in your seat, excited for the dishes that are about to come out, and that’s when you see him, the man you dated before Hajoon, and someone you haven’t heard from in a while. Of course, that wasn’t always the case. He continued to reach out months after you ended things with him. It seemed harmless then, and it was only two years ago when he finally stopped. 
Chi-won recognizes you first, having come in to serve the first set of dishes. He stares as he sets the plate in front of you, his gaze lingering even as he moves on to one of the organizers to your right. He looks different, which is why it took you another look for his face to register. He’s lost weight and cut his hair; his features look somehow harder, too. 
There’s an intensity in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. He was pretty laid-back, a reason why you both clicked that first time. He’d have his moments of frustration, letting them out in his own ways like in the bedroom, but he always seemed to get over them quickly.
Things were always casual and you made sure he knew that. He didn’t seem to mind at first but he started to want more and with your new role with Hoseok then, you were always tired and busy. The nights with Chi-won stopped being your relief, and when you told him you couldn’t see him anymore, he seemed to accept it. The messages shortly after were just about asking how you were doing and after answering twice, you stopped replying and then changed your number. You haven’t heard from him since, and you assumed he’d just accepted things and moved on.
But tonight you feel the tension, and so when he stands close to you when he serves the succeeding plates and when he waits around your table to watch you eat, you start to feel uncomfortable. 
You try to be present in the conversation happening around you, as the organizers seem to be enjoying the meal while also pitching in some ideas for the launch. You try to focus on Jungkook’s voice this time to distract you. But the pair of eyes that seems to watch your every move starts to become too much, and the anxiety builds as each second ticks by.
It’s while you wait for the dessert when you take the opportunity to step out. Jungkook mentions the invitation drafts so you say that they’re saved in your iPad that you’ll retrieve from the car parked on the other street. He agrees that it would be good to show them, so you excuse yourself and get some much needed fresh air, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your shoulder just by not being in the same space as Chi-won. 
That is, until you hear a familiar voice call your name. 
You stiffen for only a moment then continue to walk, fumbling for your phone as you try to dial Mr. Ri’s number. But you don’t get to, as the man following you pulls your wrist to get you to face him. You jerk in response, dropping your phone on the ground, and the fear fills you immediately.
“Don’t touch me,” you seeth, cradling your arm as you pick up your phone. 
You try to stay calm, even as his smug face gives you chills, and you try to remember the man who liked to laugh and joke around those years ago, seeing now that he’s nothing like him.
“Funny you say that when that’s all you wanted me to do before,” he mocks, inching closer to you. “I know you remember, ___. Those nights were amazing, weren’t they? Your body and your moans told me so, so I don’t know why you wanted them to stop.”
You want to stay silent and not give him anything, but there’s desperation in his eyes, and you’re afraid of what he’ll do if you don’t even acknowledge him, so you give the same explanation you did before.
“I told you. I didn’t want anything serious,” you say, making sure you keep your distance from him. 
“That’s not what you’d say whenever you’re drunk,” he counters. “You’d go on about not wanting to be alone, about wanting to be taken care of and being with someone who made you feel loved.”
“I never said I wanted it to be you,” you respond, too quickly for his liking it seems, as you see his look turn into anger. 
“So what was I for?” He demands. “Just the guy you fucked for the sake of it?”
“I was stressed with work and you hated yours,” you remind him. “That’s all we needed each other for.”
“But things changed for me,” he says, his voice softening again, the fluctuation of his tone scaring you even more. “I wanted to be with you. And seeing you now, I know I still do.”
“But I don’t,” you state. “I didn’t then and I don’t even now.”
“But you wanted that restaurant owner, didn’t you?” He demands, worrying you that he knows about Hajoon. 
“No, that didn’t mean anything. We were never together.”
“Bullshit, ___. I’d see you at the clubs around here with his arm on your waist, just like I used to do. That clearly meant something.”
The thought that Chi-won kept tabs on you even after you ended things makes you angry. Perhaps it’s because he works around the area you frequented during those times but even then, the fact that he even knows what Hajoon does for a living is crossing the line, and in your frustration, you hit Chi-won where it hurts the most.
“Clearly it didn’t mean enough because I’m not seeing him anymore. And I was never serious with him, just like I wasn’t with you.”
He visibly groans. He walks closer to you again, prompting you to walk backwards. With you turned back and walking on your heels on the uneven pavement, you’re worried you’ll hurt yourself. Even more, a part of you is scared that he’ll hurt you. It’s still early on a Thursday night and you’re in the quieter part of town so there aren’t many people walking on the streets; those who are are too far for you to catch their attention. So you continue your steps until you’re backed up against the wall and with nowhere to go, you start to panic, feeling the fear slowly overtake you. 
“You know, I came out here because I wanted to talk to you just to see how you were doing since you know, I actually cared about you like you wanted,” he rolls his eyes. “But seeing you act like none of what we shared mattered just makes me so angry. Why do you get to go on and treat me like shit? I’m just gonna have to do the same, then.”
At this, he cages you, his face too close to yours that you freeze in fear. The smirk makes you nauseous, but somehow you find the strength to push him away but he comes back right after, closer each time.
“I said, don’t touch me!” You yell, giving him another shove. “Just stay away from me!”
Chi-won grabs your wrist once more, holding you tightly so he can show you that he has control and that he can do whatever he wants.
“Let me go!” You plead, but he doesn’t budge. 
“I don’t want to, not when I get to have you all alone after so long,” he hums, licking his lips and dragging his eyes all over your body. “I always liked it when you came over wearing that skirt of yours.”
You know this is what he wants. He wants you to be scared, he wants to haunt your dreams and not make you forget him because he knows that you obviously already had. You’re terrified but you try to gather whatever courage you have within you to fight back.
But it’s then that you hear footsteps, and a shadow appears behind Chi-won.
“She said to let her go.”
Jungkook’s voice is hard, tense, angry. But there’s control, and you can tell that he’s trying to hold himself back. He comes into view, the mix of worry and anger on his face helping to relieve your fear. 
But it doesn’t affect Chi-won, as he continues to hold onto your wrist. Your strained face lets Jungkook know that you’re still in the man’s hold, prompting him to walk closer and repeat his words.
“I said to let her go,” he demands. “Do it. Because we both know there are so many things I can do to you and smashing your face is just one of them.”
Jungkook rolls up his sleeves and clenches his fists. He doesn’t think it’s enough to scare the man who’s holding you hostage but he thinks it’s enough to show that he’s indeed willing to throw a punch if he has to. He’d pull the man away but he doesn’t want you to get hurt. He’d beat the daylights out of this asshole but he doesn’t want you to witness that. You’re terrified already as it is; anything more might just break you further. 
So Jungkook keeps his gaze on the man, hoping the threat would work somehow.
It does, as the man lets you go then raises his arms mockingly, as if to surrender. You step away immediately, finding your way towards Jungkook. Chi-won looks at the man next to you from head-to-toe, his attempt at intimidation. 
“The boss, I assume?” Chi-won scoffs. “That’s cheap, even for you.”
“Don’t fucking talk to her like that,” Jungkook fumes, trying his hardest to keep himself together and not make this worse. 
“Women who are that lonely and that desperate for sex would do anything and use anyone to get what they want and feel better about themselves,” Chi-won shrugs. “I’m just saying I’m not surprised.”
The insult is unfounded. You know at this point, he’s just trying to say anything to provoke Jungkook and put you down in the process. Somehow you’ve learned how to deal with men like this.
“Yeah, I was so desperate that I ended up settling for a low-life like you,” you scoff, hoping the brave facade holds up. “You weren’t even that good. I could only fake it for so long.”
And this is what does it for him, as Chi-won’s face distorts in anger, and while you know your words provoked him, you wanted to show that you could regain your control, and he’s the one who now breaks because of it.
“Fucking slut,” he yells, charging towards you.
But Jungkook charges back, pushing Chi-won towards the wall and making sure he stays there. The anger on Jungkook’s face is unlike anything you’ve ever seen before, yet despite this side of him that you’re now witnessing, you can’t help but feel emotional at his presence. If it wasn’t for him, you don’t know what would’ve happened; you don’t know where you’d pull the strength to stand up for yourself.
“You say anything else and I swear, getting fired is gonna be the least of your worries,” Jungkook huffs. “Because this boss knows your manager. This boss knows the police chief at the station not far away. You hurt her and you’re gonna pay for this. I’m gonna make sure of it.”
Chi-won slowly realizes that those aren’t empty words, as he visibly starts to look worried. There’s not much he can do now. You doubt he can overpower Jungkook despite his size. You also know Chi-won doesn’t have much, and losing his job could make him lose everything. And that scares you, too.
“Jungkook, it’s okay. Just let him go,” you plead, tugging his arm to pull him away. You know how much worse it could get if anything else happens. You know that Jungkook is very much capable of inflicting physical pain, and you don’t want blood on his hands because of you. “Let’s just go back inside.”
Jungkook looks at you, the fear clearly still evident - your eyes are glassy and empty, your hand on his arm is shaking, and your voice is cracking. Whatever courage you had at answering back earlier is slowly dissipating, and all Jungkook wants is to get you away from all this. 
“I’m fine, Jungkook. He’s just angry and I don’t blame him,” you insist. 
All lies, really. You wish the worst for Chi-won, but you know it won’t do you nor Jungkook any good if you both go down this path. 
Your eyes plead for him to take your lead this time and he sees it, he sees you, and you see his tiniest of nods before turning to Chi-won.
“Get out of here and call it a night before I do anything else to you.”
Chi-won, who’s clearly still furious, starts walking away. But in his effort to regain the control you took from him, he turns to you before heading back inside. 
“You’re really fucking good at that, you know?” He says to you. “Fuck the man you know wants you and then just drop him when you get bored or when you find the next guy who can pleasure you without the commitment you obviously desperately want. You’ll always be miserable whatever you do.”
You will the tears not to fall as the words hit you where it hurts. They’re things you’ve heard not long ago, just in a different variation, and by another man who had the same fate as Chi-won - left by you because you couldn’t give them what they wanted. Maybe you’re too honest when you’re drunk, maybe that’s when the yearning for something meaningful and more permanent comes out, and maybe that’s when they thought they could be what you wanted. 
But you’ve always known from the beginning that they couldn’t give you what you desired, and you always hoped you’d cut the cord before they started to want more. Turns out your timing is just as bad as your judgment. 
You let them have the final say, though. And then you let them walk away. You feel like it’s climactic for them, liberating even, to be able to tell the person who hurt them that she’s selfish and she doesn’t deserve happiness. You suppose it just proves that they didn’t really feel much; perhaps your read on people isn’t that terrible after all. 
You manage to rein all the emotions in and look at Jungkook who remains standing next to you. His fist is still clenched and you see the anger in his eyes. You’ve never seen him like this, not even when Hajoon threatened him. This is the first time you thought he could really hurt someone, and he would’ve done it on your defense. 
“We should go back to dinner,” you finally say. “They’re probably wondering where we are.”
Jungkook turns to you, the fear still evident in your eyes but he can see you trying, he can see you try to be brave and bury all that pain in for his sake. 
“I’m not letting you go back in there,” he responds, his tone hard and firm. “I’m not letting you anywhere near that man again.”
You don’t insist this time. You don’t want to be anywhere near Chi-won, either. So you just nod and wait for Mr. Ri to arrive after he was called to come to you with the car. Jungkook is about to instruct the older man to go inside and send his apologies to the organizers but you tell Jungkook it should be him. You manage to convince him to properly send them off and pay the bill and while initially unwilling, he finally goes, giving Mr. Ri strict orders not to leave you alone.
Mr. Ri breaks at the pained look on your face - an uncommon sight for him, and one that hurts him. It’s not the first time though,  and that just makes it worse. 
“Stay strong, okay?” He says, despite not knowing what happened. “You have people around to protect you, to keep you safe. You know that.”
You nod in acknowledgement, as you’re unable to get any word out. But you see the pain in his eyes, too, and for all the years that you’ve known him, the comfort in them always comes. 
Jungkook returns and informs you that the organizers will be leaving soon. He asks you if it’s okay if he drives you home and you say that it is. Even if he’s just seen you be humiliated, somehow it’s him you want to be with you as you try to process what happened. You know it’ll ease his mind as well, and you don’t want him to worry any more than he already is. 
You both say goodbye to Mr. Ri and then enter the car, with you feeling a little odd to be sitting in the passenger seat with Jungkook next to you. But you settle in, your body moving on its own; it feels quite foreign to you, with your mind in a haze and your nails engraving their marks on your palms, as if by some miracle it could erase what happened tonight from your memory. 
But you doubt anything would.
“His shift ends soon and I don’t want to take you home right away, just in case he follows,” Jungkook says. 
You look at him questioningly and he immediately knows what you’re thinking. 
“I know the manager and I asked him,” he explains as he starts driving away. “But don’t worry, I didn’t say anything. And that bastard didn’t see me. He avoided me and stayed in the kitchen the whole time I was there, as if he wasn’t serving our table the whole evening. I should’ve picked up that he was trying to get near you. I… I’m sorry I didn’t get to you in time.”
You still came for me, you want to say. It’s the thought that keeps swimming in your mind. You don’t know how long you were gone for but he could’ve called; he chose to go out and look for you instead. 
It’s as if he knows what you’re thinking, as he says that he noticed you were away longer than he expected. 
“It just felt odd. You would’ve messaged me if something was up,” he reasons. “I guess I noticed earlier that he kept coming to our table for no reason but I didn’t pay it any mind. But then another server brought the dessert. I asked where he was and the guy said he went outside without any explanation, and I just had a weird feeling. I should’ve come sooner, ___.”
You want to say that he doesn’t have to apologize, that things could’ve been worse if he hadn’t come, that you owe him your life that he did but you’re feeling too much to even manage a word out. 
At the stoplight, he turns to you and sees the half-moons embedded on your skin. He sees the glassy eyes and the trembling lips. He wants nothing more than to shield you from all this, to take you somewhere where you’re safe and where no one can hurt you. He didn’t think that seeing you like this would make him feel so powerless, because much as he can make that man’s life miserable if you let him, what he can’t do is take your pain away. What he doesn’t know how to do is comfort you.
“I’ll drive you around first, is that okay?” 
You nod, turning to your right to watch the city pass you by. It’s a breeze driving down the bridge as lights illuminate the Han River. The moon’s reflected on it, too, but you don’t feel any joy nor calmness. All you feel is this heavy burden of disgust and fear and shame and loneliness and anger. 
You quickly wipe the tear that falls, hoping that Jungkook doesn’t see. Your eyes remain glued outside, and you watch the buildings slowly disappear, replaced by little cafes and stores closing shop. It’s a familiar street, one you’ve passed by on some mornings, and you appreciate the familiarity. 
The car stops but you don’t look away from the window, afraid that seeing the worry on Jungkook’s face will make you break down. 
“We’re at a neighborhood park near your place,” he says. “I’ll just be outside, just in case you need time alone. You can put the radio on blast. You can honk if you need me, or you can come out if you want to. I’m just here.”
He doesn’t wait for you to respond. He just exits the car and walks towards the bench that overlooks the playground. You put the music on loudly, and perhaps just as he expected you to do, you cry. And you cry hard. 
You shut your eyes from the pain. It forces you to relive that moment but you do your best to crumple it like paper and then burn it from your memory. You know the burned pieces and the smoke will stay - an alley will trigger you, the scent of cooking oil and cheap cologne will make you gag. It’s how it is with painful memories - they burn you but there’s not much you can do to put out the fire. And when it’s gone, it’s not over. The scars remind you it happened. And then they urge you to make sure it doesn’t happen again. 
You don’t know how long it takes for you to cry out all the tears. It feels like they won’t end - they’re the words you couldn’t say earlier, and the words that would haunt you for longer. But they eventually stop falling, and you’re exhausted by the time they do. You have new crescents on your palms, too, and those may go away but you know they’re the only things that will. Everything else will be invisible, and that makes it a harder burden to carry.
Outside, Jungkook glances at the car to make sure you’re still there. He doesn’t think there’s any danger now; he doubts that man got to follow you here, too. But with what happened earlier, there’s this perpetual worry about anything that harms you, and he doesn’t want for there to be even a single second where you’re afraid, where you’re looking over your shoulder in fear, and where you think you’re everything that man said you are. 
He can try to keep you safe. He can try to lift you up. But when it’s about trying to forget, trying to move on, he knows there’s not much he can do. He knows a bit about painful experiences and memories that won't leave him. He’s done his best to hide those away, kept in the deepest nooks of his being that’s caused him to conceal parts of himself as well. It’s not easy to do but he does it; all these years later, he doesn’t know how not to.
But then there’s you and somehow, those parts of him that he’s kept hidden come out. Maybe it’s those pieces that will help comfort you, that will help protect you, that will help keep you safe. He’s not sure but if they are, maybe it’s not such a bad thing for them to resurface, if it means you won’t be scared or hurt or alone. 
His gaze flits back to the playground. He glances at your direction every few minutes. He wants to respect your privacy, at least as much as what his car and the radio on blast could give. He hopes that all the crying could help ease your pain somehow. He also hopes he’s one person who could. 
Jungkook hears the door open and he turns to see you slowly get out. He remains in his seat and waits to see where you go. A minute later, you’re sitting on the bench next to him, your breathing slowed down now, and your hands are less shaky than earlier. Your eyes are still glassy, and he wishes he could wipe the tears away should they fall, but he knows it’s not something he can do.
Both of you sit in silence as you watch the moon dance over the field of grass. It’s peaceful here at this time of the night. It’s not a place you expected him to take you but you’re glad that he did. 
You didn’t grow up going to parks because your mother rarely had time to take you; no one could accompany you either. When you moved to Busan during your pre-teen years, you felt you’d outgrown it even if Jimin and Soomin would invite you. There were always so many kids around and you didn’t know how to talk to them or to play with them so you always stayed in your own spot, near the tree where you could watch them run about. 
“I didn’t know where to take you but, uh, I loved playing in the playground when I was a kid,” Jungkook bursts through your thoughts. “It somehow always made me feel safe.”
“Did you like going to parks, too?” You ask, finally finding your voice, visibly surprising him.
“Not really. I wasn’t exactly fond of people even as a child,” he softly chuckles, earning him a small smile. “And well, my older brother liked to tease me in front of his friends when we’d play so I would ask to go late in the afternoon once the kids have left. My father picked up on it so he built a playground just for me in our backyard. It was really nice. I’d spend all day there when I was younger.”
A little Jungkook coming down the slide, climbing up the rock wall, and playing in the seesaw looks so wholesome. You wonder if he squealed while on the swing like kids usually do. Maybe. It’s nice to imagine a version of him that’s joyful and free. You wonder when the last time he felt that way was.
You also wonder what has made him share something that feels so personal to him with you. You’re thinking maybe it’s to make you feel comfortable or to ease your nerves; maybe it’s to tell you that unlike Chi-won, he’s not there to threaten you. Maybe Jungkook wants to tell you that he’s someone you can trust, that despite what you are to each other, at this moment, he can be a friend.
“Thank you, Jungkook,” you manage to say. “Thank you for coming to find me and keeping him away from me. He… he was someone I used to see and I ended things and I thought we were okay. I hadn’t seen him in a while and—”
“You don’t have to explain it to me,” he says softly. “I understand that it’s difficult and reliving it might just make you more scared and upset.“
“But I… I need to say it, at least just this once,” you stammer. “Just so it won’t stay in my head like some made-up reality until I’m convinced it didn’t really happen. Because it did.”
He turns to you, his eyes the most sympathetic you’ve seen them, and he nods.
So you tell him - how Chi-won kept staring at you as you ate, how he pulled you towards him and then caged you against the wall.
“He was too close and I could… smell him, as if he wanted me to remember his scent, and that he didn’t want me to ever forget it,” you say.
Your tears fall slowly this time. Your voice cracks and your nails dig into your skin again. It feels so heavy, that even as you try to expend the negative energy, it’s still there. As if the memory itself is tangible, like a sack of sand filling you from inside and it makes you unable to breathe. 
But the sight of Jungkook’s trembling hands catches your attention, and you turn to him - his jaws tight and his eyes, tense and deep.
“I’m so angry for you,” he heaves, his fists clenching now. He still wants to wipe your tears but he also wants to go back to the restaurant and finally punch that man’s face. “You should file a case. You have all the grounds for that. I can get him fired and he can lose everything.”
“The law and society in general don’t favor us, Jungkook. I don’t have bruises or anything; that’s what they look for. They think that all harm done only leaves visible marks,” you sigh, knowing that there’s not much you can do. “There’s no other witness but you and that itself… might not look good. If I do file a case, he’ll just bring up our past, my past, and taint my reputation. That’ll just ruin me and everything I worked hard for will be for nothing.”
“But you can’t just let him get away with this, ___,” he insists, feeling unusually emotional now. “He hurt you. And what if he does it again? Telling the police can keep him away. I’ll make sure of that.”
The urgency in his voice is something new to you. But you also know he’s right. Jungkook’s family has connections that run deep. He can very well seek revenge for you for all he wants but he wants your permission, he wants to know it’s what you want.
“I… I can’t risk it,” you say. “If by some miracle the case is successful, he’ll just spend a few months in jail or do community service then he’ll be out. He would lose more and I would be the cause of all that. And what if he tries to get revenge? How do I win?”
At his silence, you continue. “That’s right, I can’t.”
“But… don’t you want to fight?” He asks, almost desperately. His tone is low, as if he’s trying to convince himself that fighting back is the answer. “Don’t you want to make sure that he won’t do it again to you?”
“I do, but what if I lose everything in the process, what then?” You counter. “I… I’m not strong enough for that, Jungkook. That’s not a battle I can fight, not when I’m alone here. Not when I’m also just trying to get by.”
You look back at his eyes, helpless and apologetic now, and at this time, this companionship is what you need. It’s as if he’s telling you with them that you may think you’re on your own but you aren’t. Even as you shiver from within, you don’t feel so alone with him next to you.
“I… I was seeing him for a year but things weren’t serious. He probably just wanted to scare me, to assert control because he lacks it in other aspects of his life. Cowards do that, I guess,” you shrug, trying to reason to yourself how someone you knew fairly well could do something like that to you. 
People change, you suppose. Or maybe he’s always been like that; it takes a while sometimes for the demons to come out. 
“But cowards don’t have a right to do that,” Jungkook reasons. “They don’t deserve to just walk away and not deal with the consequences.”
“They don’t. But I don’t deserve to suffer more,” you point out. “The things he said… that’s probably enough revenge on his end, I guess. If he wanted to hurt me, well then, he did.”
There’s an emptiness in your eyes that Jungkook sees. There’s a tinge of submission, as if you accept the pain even if you don’t think you deserve it. And maybe that’s why you’re choosing to fight this battle this way. We can’t do anything about how people hurt us, but we choose how much more we let them do it. 
“Prove him wrong, then,” Jungkook says. “He doesn’t get to tell you that you’ll be miserable your whole life. So chase what makes you happy. And let yourself be loved.”
It’s permission that he doesn’t have a right to grant, but he supposes that if there’s any way you can defeat that man’s voice in your head, it’s by searching for the things you want and fighting to keep them. 
“One day,” you manage to smile at him. “I’ll do those one day.”
It’s like a promise you’re making to him just as you make it to yourself. Jungkook can’t think right now what that would mean. Finding your happiness could lead you anywhere; it sure could lead you away from him. 
“So what happens now?” He asks, hoping there’s a way he could help you get through this.
“I continue living my life and not let this define me,” you shrug, half believing in the power of just pushing through it. “I’ll probably be anxious and paranoid for a while but this is what I can do for now. I’ll just be careful and… learn how to deal with all this one day at a time, I guess.”
“And I’ll have Mr. Ri drive you home every night, at least for these next few weeks. Do you need to move houses?”
“Chi-won doesn’t actually know where I live. I never let him come over. I don’t really like having people in my house.”
Jungkook hums to himself. He isn’t that different from you, it seems. But he takes your word for it, not wanting to impose. There are so many things he wants to do, like ruin that man’s life because things like that can’t go unpunished but he trusts you. At the end of the day, it’s your call, and he respects whatever you decide. He’ll just do what he can to protect you, even if he’ll be worried like hell from here on out, an emotion he’s slowly accepting, knowing what that implies. 
“I’m sorry you had to witness all that,” you say amidst the silence. “And that you have to deal with this now. I don’t… I don’t want you to think that I’m weak and that I don’t stand up for myself.”
“You know you have nothing to apologize for,” he shakes his head. “And not fighting back doesn’t make you weak. I guess staying right where you are is a way of fighting, too.”
“I have people around… somehow,” you comfort yourself. “I’m gonna be fine. I have to believe I will.”
Jungkook nods and manages a smile. At this point, he thinks all he can give you is support and encouragement. He’ll continue to do what he can to keep you safe without disregarding your requests, but staying right where he is with you might just be another way to do that.
“Do you want to pass by somewhere before heading home?” He asks, knowing it’s getting quite late. “A restaurant to grab a drink or something? You didn’t get to have dessert so maybe a cafe?”
“A convenience store is fine,” you smile, knowing the treats that would make you feel better. 
Jungkook chuckles, as it’s a place he didn’t really expect you’d want to go to after an experience like the one you just had. But it’s you and he should be used to you surprising him, so he nods and gestures towards the car. 
It takes five minutes for you to get there and he looks around and asks what you want to have. 
“A cup noodle,” you answer, walking towards the aisle where they’re shelved. “Do you want some? I mean, you eat these things, right?”
“Of course I do,” he scowls at you, picking up one himself. “I just… don’t eat it at a convenience store.”
“Because you don’t go to one?”
“I do. I’m not a spoiled brat who doesn’t know how to do ordinary people things.”
“You mean commoner things,” you raise an eyebrow. “Or plebeian activities. Or non-heir stuff.”
“Whatever. I won’t even defend myself to you,” he huffs, giving in because seeing you amused is a welcome sight. 
“It’s okay. I’m not judging you,” you teasingly smile. “I’m just… laughing at you in my mind.”
You walk towards another aisle and leave him with a smile he’s glad to be making now. He follows and watches you pick up a few more things before you head to the counter where he manages to bring out his card first and pay.
“That's all I can do,” he shrugs after you thank him. 
“You’re doing so much for me already,” you assure him. “Taking me somewhere so I could cry, making sure I get home safe… staying with me.”
“That’s not even enough to—” 
“You don’t know how to accept gratitude, do you?” You ask as you blow on your noodles. “I notice how you brush it off when someone thanks you.”
“Not used to hearing it, I guess,” he shrugs, not thinking it was something you’d pick up, although there’s no lie. 
It’s always been hard for him to say things - that he’s sorry, that he’s thankful, that it’s okay. You, of all people, are the one pointing that out.
“You should be. Because I’ll say it again.” You turn to him and meet his eyes. “Thank you, Jungkook. I thought I’d just go through this alone but I’m not. And that’s… that’s something I’m not used to.”
“You should be,” he repeats your words. “There are some things you shouldn’t be going through on your own. So if there’s anything else you need, you let me know, okay?”
There’s sincerity in his voice as he speaks. You’re used to the low or stern or commanding tone, not this soft and worried one. But it’s the comfort you didn’t know you needed. After spending all that time earlier crying and feeling afraid, being with Jungkook in this bright-lit convenience store is the unexpected warmth that you’re glad you let him give you.
“I will,” you smile. “You know, this is the longest I’ve spoken informally to you. It feels a little weird.”
He laughs as he gets to the same realization. But for him, it almost feels natural.
“It would be weirder if you spoke formally after all that,” he says. “Like I said, if it isn’t about work then I don’t mind.”
You hum in response, not wanting to dwell on the implication. You’re with him after-hours, at a convenience store - that he personally drove you to - where you’re both having cup noodles and soda. This ironically feels more intimate than being in bed with some guy.
You decide to have your dessert, which is really just chocopie, and you mentally curse Chi-won for making you miss the sweet dishes from dinner. But still, you know this one could easily cheer you up. You give one to Jungkook, and his amused tone catches your attention.
“Oh wow, I haven’t had one of these in years,” he says, eating it one bite. “Mother used to give this to me all the time when I was a kid because her best friend owned the company that makes them. There was a time I’d have it as dessert after every meal.”
“Seriously?” You giggle. “That is so weird. This is my favorite. My mom would always buy this for me. When she worked at a school in Busan, she would give it as a treat while I waited for her at the library. That would just always make my day.”
“Hmm, it’s a good snack,” he says, smiling as he takes another piece that you offer and recalls how he used to have this everyday. “So she’d pick you up at the library? Was that your favorite place at school?”
“Hmm, not really, but it reminded me of the one I used to go to,” you reply. “When we lived in Seoul when I was young, there was this family-run library for children in the neighborhood. It was very cozy, with lots of soft chairs and reading nooks on the walls. There were these huge stuffed toys that you could lie on while reading so it felt like someone was hugging you. It had warm lights, not like those usual bright ones. There was this mural of the characters from the books they had,” you narrate, smiling as you remember the days you spent there. 
“Mom would pick me up from school during her lunch break then drop me off at the library where her friend volunteered at and I’d wait until she got off work. When we moved to Busan, I kept looking for it. The one at the school wasn’t the same so I didn’t enjoy it as much, but there was nowhere else to go. Eventually I just got used to it, but the chocopie always made the wait worth it.”
It’s the most you’ve ever told him about yourself and you’re surprised at how easy it was for you to do that. He did tell you a little bit about his childhood earlier though, and you’d like to think it’s your way of returning that kind of vulnerability; a story for a story, a piece of your childhood for a snapshot of his.
You look at him and the small smile on his face. Perhaps he’s thinking the same.
“So you like reading books, then?”
“Not really, actually,” you say, earning you a confused look. “I read all the picture books they had. Those are what I liked. And they had these coloring books and paper dolls and I’d spend hours just working on those. Being there made me feel safe, too; it was like my playground, you know?”
“It’s good you had that, then. Do you still visit that place? The one in your old neighborhood?”
“It shut down years ago, sometime before I returned to Seoul to work,” you sigh. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye to it. The couple who ran it passed away and no one was interested in continuing it because it wasn’t profitable. But the community center nearby has a small library and I go there sometimes, when I’m really upset.”
“And read picture books?” He chuckles.
“Yes, actually,” you smile. “Memories are powerful and we need to let the good ones win. My childhood wasn’t the greatest but I felt like I was in a different world whenever I was in a library so being in one, even as a grown up, reminds me that there are still places where I’m welcome, where I can feel safe, you know? It reminds me that the world hasn’t completely turned dark. I’ve got to hold onto those to not lose myself.”
“That’s one way of putting it. I… I don’t think I’ve been to a playground in years before today. Other than the one that father built in the backyard at least. And I rarely even see it because I’m rarely there. I guess I just…. Let myself get lost.”
“Well, I hope going to one earlier somehow made you find yourself. Or at least reminded you of those good old days, the days when you felt free and safe and happy.”
Jungkook thinks about what he’d felt earlier, that much as being in a playground again brought him back in time, all he kept thinking about was you - alone in that car while you let all your emotions out. He wanted to comfort you but he didn’t know how, and he thinks that maybe it isn’t about finding himself but learning what he’s capable of, and that after all these years, maybe he’s still capable of caring for another person, and maybe that person is you.
“It did,” he hums, meeting your eyes. 
There’s more light in them this time and he wishes it would stay this way. He’d seen you cry months ago and it wasn’t a good feeling, especially because you’d done so because of him. This time, he feels powerless, and he doesn’t know which is worse.
He gets to be with you now though. Perhaps that’s the difference. 
You start cleaning up and it’s his signal for both of you to head out. 
It takes him ten minutes to drive to your place and a small part of you doesn’t want to leave. Even in the silence, you felt calm, something that you hadn’t expected to feel around him, considering his default tense disposition and usual detachment. But there’s something about his presence, about him just being there - he’s not trying too hard to comfort you, he’s not imposing, he’s also not invalidating your feelings. What matters is you’re not alone, and other than him making that effort, it’s also about you, allowing him to do that, something you don’t always do as well.
“Thank you again,” you say once the car has stopped. 
He nods in acknowledgment then turns to you. “It might be best if you take a leave tomorrow, and by that I mean staying home for safety reasons.”
A day to just process everything isn’t such a bad idea, so you agree. 
“If it’s not too much for your friends, maybe they could drive up here so they can be with you. Having people around you that you trust might help in making you feel better.”
“I’ll ask them. I don’t want them to worry but I do need them. So thanks, Jungkook. I appreciate it.”
You exit the car and turn around to wave him goodbye. He smiles as you do, and it’s a sight that helps you sleep later that night - after the long bath and another crying session, after the phone call with your friends who promised to be here in the morning, after the time you spend just hugging your pillow, hoping that you’d stop being scared.
But thinking of Jungkook now makes you feel better and you realize the change again - thinking about him now makes you a little braver. 
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You spend that weekend wrapped up in your best friends’ arms. They arrived on Friday morning with some pork bone soup and seafood that they cooked for lunch and dinner. In the middle of the day, Jungkook texted you and asked how you were doing, and you couldn’t hide the smile on your face, which prompted a conversation about your little crush that you didn’t expect to get tense, with Jimin stating that while Jungkook did help you, being attracted to your boss is complicated and would lead to heartbreak. 
You insisted that it was harmless - a half lie, as you hadn’t thought much about it in that sense - and that it’s not something you plan on nurturing. You’re gonna leave the company one day anyway, and you won’t have to deal with him after.
The succeeding days were spent just at home, with you feeling lighter, until Sunday evening when they had to leave, and you felt a little lonely again. 
You try to let that feeling go once you enter Jungkook’s penthouse on Monday morning, knowing that with a day off, you’ll have a lot to make up for and you can’t let anything distract you from your tasks.
That includes the man himself, as he exits his home gym in sweatpants and a dri-fit shirt, the sweat sticking to his body that’s got his chest accentuated. His hair is damp and he’s panting; it’s not exactly the sight you wanted to be greeted with, considering all the thoughts in your head these past few days. You’re reminded that just last week, you’d tried to keep your distance and now, he’s making it incredibly hard for you to do that.
“Hey, how do you feel?” He asks as he takes the glass of water you set for him. “Did you get proper rest?”
“Yes, I did, Mr. Jeon,” you reply. 
“Hmm, we’re back to that again, huh?”
It takes you a while but you pick up that he’s referring to the formalities.
“I’m back on the clock, sir,” you point out. “You are my boss and I need to address you accordingly.”
It’s not a reminder he wanted, given how he’s been worried sick about you since Thursday night. Even an hour of boxing after he got home that evening couldn’t rid him of his anger. He wished he’d noticed how uncomfortable you were at the restaurant; he’s been paying attention to you anyway but he just got so caught up with impressing the festival organizers that he missed out on the signs. If he’d noticed, he would’ve gotten to you earlier and things wouldn’t have escalated. 
He had to control himself from punching that man’s face the moment he saw how close he was to you. Your plea of letting him go was the only thing that kept Jungkook from ruining that man’s life because he really could. He doesn’t think he’ll ever understand it - people like that need to be punished, but it’s people like you who remind him that fighting takes different forms, and you’re the only one who can define what that means. 
But it also doesn’t mean that he can’t get angry for you and he’ll probably feel that for a while. Knowing how you are, he knows you wouldn’t want him to pity you either, so he’ll be what he can be, and that’s someone whom you feel safe around. Regardless, maybe the reminder of your roles in each other’s lives is necessary; it’s what he needs to keep himself from doing more, or wanting to be more.
Jungkook finally acknowledges your statement with a nod and then heads to the bathroom for his shower. Shortly after, you walk towards his closet and prepare his outfits for the week. He meets you in the dining room once he’s dressed, and like clockwork, you fix his tie and his suit.
The effect is minimal but somehow, you’ve found comfort in the routine. What once was a tense and nerve-wracking act is now something automatic and essential for you. In a way, it reinforces your place in his life, but the short distance reminds you that he may be faraway or detached in some aspects but physically, he’s so close. It’s a double-edged sword, really. Some days it’s good, some days it isn’t. Today, it’s the former, and as you look up and meet his eyes, the softness in them says he thinks the same.
You go over your usual with him while munching on some pastries that Mr. Ri was ordered to buy and bring up. The ride to the office is filled with discussions on the upcoming year-end events. When you arrive, you attend two straight meetings before having another one over lunch. You accompany Jungkook to a store opening located in one of their properties after that and it’s 4PM by the time you’re able to sit on your desk for more than 30 seconds. You’ve got two hours to finish what you can today but you find yourself spacing out every few minutes.
Perhaps it’s because it’s the first time since Friday that you’re on your own. Your best friends made sure not to leave you by yourself for those three days - Soomin held you while you slept and silently cried in her arms, and Jimin hugged you for much of the day. Their affection was what you badly needed, and now that you’re without it, somehow you feel incomplete and anxious and somewhat unstable. 
Scenes are hazy in your mind. You’re at least thankful they’re not vivid anymore unlike a few nights ago, but the dim lights and the stench of the alley come to you without warning, and you suddenly freeze in panic. Your fingers tremble as you try to type away, your eyes unblinking as the tears coat them, and you feel sick to your stomach that you want to just be buried in the covers at this moment.
The door opening causes you to jerk in your seat and Jungkook stops mid-sentence to walk over to you. 
“Hey, ___. You can go home,” he says. “It’s been a long day.”
“I… I don’t know if that’ll help,” you admit. “I don’t know if being alone is what I need.”
You go home to an empty apartment just like he does, he reminds himself. He knows what that’s like. It’s why he spends most weekends in the clubs where it’s loud and crowded; those somehow mask the emptiness that can get tiring when all he has is himself. Being on your own is good sometimes; sometimes it also isn’t.
But Jungkook doesn’t know what he can offer you. His presence isn’t something exactly enticing nor comforting; he wouldn’t wanna be with him, too, if he was in a similar position.  
“Is there a way that your friends can spend another few days with you? What about your mother?” He asks. 
“They have lives back home,” you sigh. “I… I’m okay.”
“You don’t have to force it if you aren’t,” he insists. “I may not know much but I know enough that these things take time. I…”
I wish I could do more for you, he wants to say.
“I don’t have anything urgent for today,” he says instead. “You can clock off now and Mr. Ri and I can take you home.”
“That’s not necessary,” you say immediately. 
“I insist,” he replies. “At least for the next few days until we’re sure that you’re not in danger.”
You nod, not having the energy to reason with him. At least you don’t have to think about how to commute home without risking being too close to strangers. 
You pack your things and get in the car, with Jungkook letting you bask in the mellow sounds of the radio while he doodles on his leather notebook. You’re tempted to ask him what he’s drawing just to add some more noise but you decide against it, choosing instead to close your eyes and force unpleasant images away from your mind so you can train yourself to do it this time.
It works. Except, it’s the smile of the man next to you that you see, and when you open your eyes, it’s the same thing that greets you. 
He chuckles when you look around and realize that you’re home.
“I was trying to wake you but you wouldn’t budge,” he explains. “Are you just tired or you haven’t been sleeping well?”
“Oh, I just kept waking up last night. I guess that’s why. I’m sorry for making you wait.”
“It’s okay,” he says softly. “Just try to get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
You nod and exit the car, feeling out of sorts even as you enter your apartment and know you’re safe inside. You nibble on some leftover pizza and try to entertain yourself with the variety shows on TV but you end up spacing out. You curl in bed, trying as much to feel comfort from your pillow that lays stiff next to you. 
You’re not big on physical affection, and most days you’re glad you aren’t because you don’t get any of it anyway, but tonight, it’s what you need. Tonight, you just want that warmth, you want a body to curl into and arms to pull you close. You want hands to caress you and soft lips to plant kisses on the places that hurt. You want to hear soft laughter and random musings and plans for the next day.
The vision ends when you realize that you haven’t experienced much of that before. There were moments during the months you spent with the men you’ve dated, but the feeling of safety was lacking, the warmth wasn’t warm enough, and the desire wasn’t overwhelming. You realize that it wasn’t intimacy you feared; losing it or finding out it wasn’t enough is what you were afraid of, and it’s why you always pulled away. No one ever seemed worth it to try or to stay a little longer for. 
You sigh to yourself as you will the tears not to fall. The loneliness can get to you sometimes, especially on days when there’s a kind of pain that’s hard to talk about and all you need is comfortable silence and understanding without words. But you try to push through. You’ve been on your own for so long anyway. Even when you had someone, you still came home to an empty apartment and you still felt like it was enough when it was just you around. 
You’re unsure if the desire for something more is just because of what you experienced, if the forced closeness and Chi-won’s burning touch hurt you too much or if you’ve been wanting that intimacy all along. Or if someone’s made you realize that you’re ready for it, that it’s actually worth it. 
You manage to fall asleep and drag yourself off the bed to head to Jungkook’s apartment the next day. You drop him off at a restaurant for a breakfast meeting before going to the office where you get to work. It’s a busy day that has you meeting with different departments and coordinating with the organizing teams for the upcoming end-of-year events. 
It’s mid-afternoon when you decide to go to the outdoor garden just right off the elevators, surprised to find Jungkook standing by the railings. Dressed in a dark gray suit, he’s got his hands in his pockets while he looks out at the busy streets, and you wonder what goes on in his mind when he looks at views like this.
The sound of the door closing catches his attention, and he turns around, surprised as well to see you here.
“Everything okay?” He asks.
“Yes, I just needed a breather.”
“Am I giving you too much work again?” He shakes his head, finding humor in it now after you pointed out one time how he once gave you so many things to do.
“It’s part of the job, Mr. Jeon. I’ve accepted that now,” you giggle, walking towards where he is then standing some feet away. “But it’s been a busy day and I just needed some air.”
“You can also take a longer break if that’s what you need.”
“I’m okay,” you assure him. “The busyness helps. I’ll get tired and hopefully fall asleep easily and then do it all again tomorrow and the next day.”
It’s a strategy Jungkook knows well because it’s something he does. Being a perfectionist helps because then, he can work himself to the bone without realizing it until he’s entered his apartment. One glass of whiskey and then he’s falling asleep on the couch. 
Weekends are tough, which is why partying and hooking up is his go-to. His best friends have asked him a few times what he’s striving towards, what he’s looking forward to and he couldn’t answer. At one point he stopped wondering, but now he wonders about you.
“What do you look forward to, then?” He asks. 
“Vacation, I guess,” you shrug. “I get to be with my friends and family but then that flies too quickly then I’m back to this routine. So maybe… I look forward to the day when I start savoring the moment, when I start enjoying what’s in front of me, when I start… feeling less alone.”
The last words come out subconsciously, prompting you to turn away out of shame. It’s not an easy thing to admit. You wanted this anyway. You chose to leave home to pay back a debt and then decided to stay because you wanted to prove yourself. You chose to not commit to anyone because the pain of loneliness is much easier to bear than the pain of losing someone. This is on you, and you deal with the consequences everyday. 
Jungkook doesn’t look confused nor curious. There’s a look in his eyes that you catch before his gaze returns to the streets below. It’s understanding; you realize he knows exactly what you’re talking about. And perhaps he’s on the same boat - letting life just pass him by despite the craziness of it all, perhaps wondering when he’ll stop to smell the roses or watch the sunset or listen to the birds. Maybe like you, he’s wondering when he’ll get to do those with a hand to hold and a body to curl into.
The silence is cut short when you’re alerted that Jungkook’s meeting with the Arts Center project teams starts in 15 minutes. You remind him about it then you both head out and go to your desks to prepare. You’re seated on your chair when you look inside his room, meeting his eyes as he looks outside towards you. There’s a small smile on his face that gives you comfort. It’s soft and assuring, and it’s definitely what you need. 
Maybe you can start with this, you think, as he nods at you then meets you at your desk to walk towards the conference room. Maybe these are the things you can start savoring before the day comes that you have to leave this place - these moments of quiet assurance, of understanding, of subtle comfort that tells you that despite the walls between you, he’ll be looking out for you even from afar.
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The weeks fly by like a blur. 
The Thursday after the incident, Jungkook informed you that he got word from the restaurant manager that Chi-won returned to his home in Mokpo to stay with his parents. The next day, you took the train home to Daegu to be with your mom. She hugged you that night as you cried to her, feeling the strength that she’s had all these years, knowing that you have to be just like her and that this time, you have to be strong for her and for yourself. 
Spending time with her, Min-woo, and the girls was rejuvenating, and they promised to visit you in Seoul more regularly. They were in your apartment two weekends after, and it truly felt like you’ve become the family you’ve always wanted to have.
Work continued to be hectic as the year-end activities approached. The busyness definitely helped in moving past what you experienced, allowing you to detach from the memories. You gained the strength to keep fighting the way you wanted, and the people around you continued to be supportive and respectful.
Despite all that went on, you managed in organizing the events while also attending to some that Jungkook was invited to. 
The first one was organized by the VP’s Office for the partners of projects that it managed, with the other departments attending as well. It was well-organized, and CEO Jeon himself expressed his satisfaction with how the event came together. Jungkook’s speech was impressive. He ran it with you multiple times and he was able to shake off the anxiety by the time he got to the stage. His eloquence enraptured you; so did the way he looked in another Kim Taehyung-customized textured black suit that had you constantly internally smacking yourself because of all the times that Yoongi caught you staring. You were in full denial about your little crush but knowing your friend, he probably had you figured out, and he’d been kind enough not to push it.
The next event was a big one, as the company hosts an annual fellowship dinner for all its partners, which you had a big role in organizing. A few of you were housed in the serviced apartment building near the office leading up to it, as per Jungkook’s instructions, given that he didn’t want any of you commuting or driving home late at night. You remember how he’d said that he couldn’t risk any of his staff’s safety so casually, and you didn’t think he could be more attractive than that moment. Until, of course, when he showed up in his charcoal suit and parted hair, confidently entertaining the guests and delivering another impressive message. You snuck in a few looks later in the evening as he intently watched a ballad performer on stage, his legs crossed as he drank the flute of champagne and licked the remnants of it on his lips, causing your throat to dry up and promise yourself that you’ll get rid of this crush soon enough.
It doesn’t happen, as the final event of the year rolls around. The fellowship dinner this time is with all the staff, including some from the Southeast Asian office. Jungkook goes for a cream-colored suit this time, a light and clean look that makes him look fresh yet sophisticated. You managed to be professional every time he called for you, and you suppose it’s all the stress getting to you, but being near him made you a little anxious - there was a bit of giddiness that you didn’t want to show, but he somehow also calmed you down. The fact that he kept offering you water and making sure you had something to eat didn’t help. You blurted out that you didn’t expect him to be as thoughtful as he was, and when he said that neither did he but that you brought out that side of him after the incident at the restaurant, you had to keep your cool and act unbothered. He looked shy after, and you suppose that he didn’t mean to say it. But he did, and the words kept you up for the nights after.
You know you’re entering prohibited territory at this point and you wish there’s a way out before you get deep into the woods. You let Soomin and Jimin remind you everyday that you can’t nurture the crush, that the attraction can’t be anything more, that there are serious implications if you did, and that you’re gonna have to get over this as soon as possible. It’s Yoongi who tells you to not overthink it, that the more you force yourself out, the harder it actually becomes. 
“There are things you just let happen,” he’d said. “That’s how they eventually fall away.”
“That’s how they get worse, too,” you responded. 
“They could go either way, but resisting often ends up hurting more.”
You decide to just let the wave take you along while you train yourself to savor the moments for what they are without giving meaning to them. A smile is just a smile, a look is just a look. You know you’ll be without them one day. Just a few more months until you leave the company, and you won’t have a reason to be around Jungkook anymore. At least before then, you can hold onto whatever memories you retain, and you can learn to look back at them with gratitude that during your hardest moments, he made you feel safe.
It’s now towards the end of December and it’s the Tuesday before Jungkook is set to leave for his three-week vacation tomorrow. He called for an early dinner with the team at his new favorite Italian restaurant, wanting to properly say goodbye before you’ll all be without him for a while.
“Savor it, it won't last long,” he teases. “The holidays will be over soon and then I’ll be back before you know it. So enjoy this time that I’m not around.”
“What do you mean, sir? We’ll obviously miss you!” Do-hyun exclaims. “Mostly the once-in-a-blue-moon lunch and dinner treats and the occasional funny remarks but yeah, we’ll definitely feel your absence around.”
Her exaggerated smile lets everyone know she’s teasing, even if you know deep down, she’s telling the truth. Jungkook’s come around these past months, spending a bit of time with each team member and learning their strengths and weaknesses, mentoring the young ones, and sending pastries or dessert during the most hectic days. He’s still serious most of the time and doesn’t join the occasional post-work dinner that Do-hyun guilt trips you into going. There’s always so much to do and his perfectionism has rubbed off on everyone else, but he has his moments. And you know the team appreciates his efforts, too. 
“We’ll see. Maybe when I come back you guys will want another boss or something,” he baits.
“That was like, the first two months of you in your role, Mr. Jeon, but we’re over it,” Do-hyun admits, causing Manager Lee to panic.
He glares at her the way Chin-sun does, but you sit there giggling. Jungkook’s chuckling, too, unable to hide his amusement at the young one’s bluntness. 
She apologizes but Jungkook brushes it off, saying those first months weren’t his best. You don’t miss the way he looks at you, though, and you’ve trained yourself to not think too much about it, the way you’ve trained yourself these past weeks to just accept his smiles and glances as they are. 
“I also took you all here to thank you for this past half-year,” Jungkook continues. “It was tough. I was tough. And it was a big adjustment for everyone but you all showed how good you are as individuals and as a team and I… I needed that.”
“You led us very well, Mr. Jeon,” Manager Lee assures him. “And tough love works sometimes.”
“I suppose it does, and it goes both ways,” Jungkook replies. “And so to thank you, I got you all a little Christmas gift, something you can enjoy when you go on your respective breaks.”
At his words, you distribute the letter envelopes to the team and they open them up, gasping in surprise and in obvious delight. 
Jungkook instructed you last week to purchase two vouchers at a luxurious spa for each staff member, hoping that a bit of relaxation can help you all. You were speechless when he said which specific package he wanted, and even if you know the price is just change for him, it was still more than you expected.
“A body scrub, massage, facial, and high tea, on top of the use of their super fancy amenities?” Do-hyun enumerates, her eyes widening in awe. “That’s a full day of being luxurious and feeling rich! Mr. Jeon, this is amazing! I’m totally going by myself and going twice!”
You laugh at her antics, not surprised she’d go that route.
“This is so timely, sir,” Manager Lee says. “My wife and I are celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary next month. This is gonna be a good date.”
“And it’s my birthday in a few weeks,” Chin-sun adds. “This would be so lovely to do with my husband.”
“My girlfriend and I fought so I think she’ll forgive me after I take her with me,” Yohan says, earning him a few laughs.
“What about you, ___? Inviting anyone special?” Do-hyun asks.
“Yes, my mom,” you answer. “She’s visiting next week, then we’ll go home to Daegu for the holidays. I’m sure she’d love this.”
“Ugh, of course. Parents come first,” she sighs.
You laugh her comment and turn to Jungkook, thanking him again for the gift. He thanks you for organizing them, too, and the dinner proceeds with candid spa stories and what you’re all doing for the holidays. 
Everyone heads home from the restaurant except for you and Jungkook who return to the office to run through last minute instructions and reminders before he flies in the morning. 
You’ve got over a week before your own vacation starts  where you’ll spend a few days in Wando, Min-woo’s hometown, but that also means needing to get a lot done before that, and then returning to backlogs after but you’ll worry about that next year. Right now, you’ve got documents that need Jungkook’s signatures and some memos you need him to approve. 
It’s another hour until you finish, even if a big part of you doesn’t want him to go just yet. Three weeks feels so long when seeing him five times a week for 12 hours was your everyday these past six months. It’s gonna feel a little odd not having your morning routines and car rides. You remind yourself that you’re gonna have to start getting used to that, given that you’re gonna be letting it all go soon enough. Still, it doesn’t mean you won’t miss it. It doesn’t mean you won’t miss him. 
“Have you packed everything, Mr. Jeon? Do you have enough coats? You can get pretty cold. What about all your documents? Did you—”
“Yes, I have,” he chuckles, finding it endearing how you’re speaking too fast and making sure he’s got everything ready. 
It’s not your job since this is a personal trip but he supposes that lines have blurred a while back, and he won’t deny that he’s enjoying this bit, especially seeing you worry. He wonders if you’ll miss him, too, but he won’t risk asking you even just to tease.
“I’ve gone on trips before, ___. I think I’ll be fine.”
“Just making sure that things are okay. Because I’m definitely gonna be the one you’ll call if they aren’t.”
“Fair point,” he laughs. “But everything’s good. Hoseok has been bugging me and making sure as well. He doesn’t want anything to mess up this trip.”
“It’s really sweet that he insisted you join him and A-yeong,” you gush. “They love their winter trips and I love seeing all their photos afterwards. I can just imagine how beautiful these ones are gonna be.”
“Well, he says he misses me,” Jungkook shrugs. “I was away for a long time and frankly, we’re more colleagues here than family, so he insisted I go with them. But I also think they just want a photographer because the sights are obviously gonna be gorgeous and I happen to take pretty good photos, you know?”
“I wouldn’t argue against that,” you laugh. “Surely being the third-wheel photographer has its perks?”
“We’ll see. I’ll definitely take advantage.”
“I’m sure they’ll spoil you somehow,” you say. “And you get to enjoy the landscape and the fresh air and the northern lights. Those are definitely gonna look good in pictures.”
“I’ll make sure to take them, then. And show you,” he smiles. “But yeah, I’m looking forward to a different scenery.”
“Where would you have gone if they didn’t ask you to come?”
“Not sure. Maybe to Brazil with Tae and Seokjin. Or somewhere like Hong Kong; I went there last year on my own. This time is gonna be different.”
“And you’ll have companions. That would be nice.”
“It would. That’s different, too, but I’m sure it will be good.”
You think about Jungkook spending his break on his own in a foreign country, navigating it by himself, meeting people, being left alone in his own thoughts. Maybe an occasional companion for the night. Or every night. Perhaps drinking on a rooftop bar to welcome the new year. But just him and no one else. You wonder how lonely that might feel, and you’re glad that at least this time, he can be around people who truly care about him. 
Jungkook thinks of how else he can keep you longer, knowing he’ll be without you for three weeks which for him, is an extremely long time. 
“Remember to enjoy your time there, okay? Don’t think too much about work,” you pout, knowing he still will.
“___, I’ll be on vacation but I won’t be on a break. You know I’ll still expect updates until next week. I’m gonna go crazy if I don’t know what’s going on.”
“Of course you will,” you tease. “I’ll make sure to keep you posted. I’ll send emails for approvals, maybe call if something urgent comes up.”
“You’re the only one allowed to bother me, about anything. Remember that.”
He says the words with such finality, as if there’s no way for you to resist. You wouldn’t anyway. Other than knowing that you’ll definitely be bugging him for approvals and such, you also would want to know how he’s doing, if he’s enjoying his time away and if he’s getting enough rest. 
“I will,” you assure him. “So, uh. You should head out and get some sleep. It’s gonna be a long flight.”
He nods, knowing that he needs to let you go this time. He decides against offering to take you home - you’ve been insisting that it’s not necessary, and that you’ve been fine with your bus rides to your neighborhood in the evening. He doesn’t want to sound desperate so he finally says goodbye.
He lingers, as he doesn’t move for a good half minute and just stands there by your desk, giving you a look to express things that he can’t ever say. 
“Goodbye, Jungkook. Take care of yourself out there,” you finally say. 
“Goodbye, ___. You do the same. I’ll see you when I get back.”
It’s another few seconds before he manages to start walking away. One last glance then he leaves. And he convinces himself that the sullen look in your eyes means that you’ll be thinking about him while he’s away, the same way he’ll be thinking about you, perhaps while he looks at the sky, knowing it’s the same one you’ll be looking at, and then you wouldn’t feel so far away. 
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The time on your watch reads 11:10. The plane should be leaving anytime soon, and you wonder how Jungkook is doing, if he was able to sleep well and eat at the airport lounge. You at least know he got there on time. Mr. Ri arrived some time ago to say that he’s dropped Jungkook off and that he was instructed to take you to work and bring you home until your boss comes back from his vacation. You didn’t argue, knowing that it’s Jungkook’s way of making things convenient for you, given all the responsibilities you have to carry while he’s away. 
But other than that, you don’t know how he’s doing without any update from him. Which is silly for you to even expect. This is a personal trip, after all, and even if the line has somehow blurred after everything that’s happened between you two, you shouldn’t be waiting for some message about him having boarded or something. You’ll maybe just wait for his email asking for updates about his father’s comments on the policies that Jungkook drafted for approval. Or once A-yeong has posted on social media that they’ve landed. 
You shake your head, knowing that liquidating expenses is more important right now than your boss. But then your phone beeps and the smile on your face is immediate.
[From: VP Jeon] The plane arrived late so we just boarded. I’ll get some work done during the flight but I just emailed you an end-of-year message for staff. Can you check if it sounds good? 
[To: VP Jeon] I will, sir. Have a safe flight. 
[From: VP Jeon] Thanks. I’ll let you know when we’ve landed.
Simple and professional, you think, but somehow the thought of him messaging you before takeoff - even if it’s work-related - has you feeling giddy. There’s no desire for more. Just knowing he’s okay and also still thinking of you has you satisfied.
You don’t get to wipe off the smile quick enough for Yoongi not to see, as you hear him clearing his throat, prompting you to look up and see his amused face.  
“I was just checking in to see how you’re coping with your boss away but it seems you’re doing fine,” he starts. “Unless… he’s the reason why you’re smiling.”
Your silence confirms his suspicion, and he merely laughs in response. 
“Yah! You’re supposed to reprimand me,” you pout at him.
“And what would that do?” He challenges. “You’re an adult. ___. You feel what you feel, you do what you do. It’s up to you how you want this to play out.”
“Well, I’ll tell you how it will play out,” you say. “I will continue doing what I’m supposed to do, wait for the Arts Center to open, resign, then never have to see or think about him again. And I’ll be content with that.”
Yoongi doesn’t press or counter you, choosing instead to just agree with your plan and be the supportive friend you need him to be, even if your eventual resignation will make him incredibly sad. 
You’re very particular with the people you let in, with the people you allow to become an important part of your life. He’s lucky he didn’t scare you away for you to distance yourself from him, and though you didn’t return his feelings, he supposes that’s better. He gets to be someone you feel comfortable enough to be with, to be honest with, and that’s more than he can ask for. However you choose to approach whatever it is you’re feeling for Jungkook, his friend who’s just as cautious when it comes to people, Yoongi will just be there like he has all these years. 
“Anyway, is that all you came here for? To know how I was doing?” You ask.
“I sent you the designs and proposals I need Jungkook to go through,” Yoongi responds. “He said to submit them and he’ll review those while he’s there. I wasn’t going to since I want him to actually rest and enjoy his vacation but he’ll be on my ass about it.”
He explains his vision, which you note down so you can articulate it when Jungkook asks. Yoongi leaves you to work on all your tasks, making sure to send you a teasing smile on his way out.
You continue with your day, ending it with an email to your boss about what transpired and the documents he needs to approve. He responds past 1AM the next day during his layover in Amsterdam. Two hours after that, he messages you that they’ve arrived in Denmark and will have dinner before going to bed. 
It’s the day after, on a Friday, when he schedules a video call with you that has you fixing your hair and retouching your lipstick before picking up. He shows up on the screen donned in a white jumper, his unstyled hair making him look cozy and much more boyish than you’re used to. You let yourself be familiarized with the scene, with him seated by a desk with the large window behind him showing clear blue skies and colorful structures. He seems to do the same, as the silence lingers for the next half a minute or so. 
He speaks up first, greeting you and asking how you’ve been. 
“I’m okay, Mr. Jeon. Getting a lot done on the post-event admin work,” you reply. “How about you? You  look refreshed and relaxed. That’s a new sight to see.”
“It’s probably the Copenhagen air,” he says. “It’s gorgeous out here. And the buildings are beautiful. We’re staying at this nice boutique hotel that Hoseok and I explored yesterday. It’s giving us ideas for a serviced apartment with this kind of design. Or maybe villas by the mountains.”
“Oh, talking about work while on vacation, I see,” you shake your head. “I bet A-yeong regrets inviting you to join them.”
“Maybe another day of Hoseok and I just going to hotels and random buildings and she already will,” he laughs. “It’s work but also not. It’s nice to feel inspired by the surroundings. I realized that doesn’t really happen when I’m there.”
“Oh I’m sure. You’re VP Jeon when you’re here and there, you’re just a regular person, a traveler, an architect. As long as you’re getting the rest that you deserve,” you smile. 
“That’s true,” he nods, taking your words in. 
He’s just him while he walks past the canal, while he explores the city and its vibrant structures; he’s just a man in a foreign country who doesn’t have to connect with people, he just has to connect with what’s around him. 
“So, let’s go over your email and the things I need to review and approve,” he continues.
Your hour-long meeting proceeds with approvals and instructions, and he impresses you with how much he’s done despite being on vacation. You suppose he’s still jet lagged and is just taking advantage, but you remind him again that the weekend is coming and you won’t be working, so neither should he. 
“I know, don’t worry,” he assures you. “We’re heading to other towns these next few days before taking the train to Sweden. I’ll have time to work but also to enjoy the scenery.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’re able to take a break from all the craziness back here,” you say, meaning it. 
He works so hard and you always wonder if he allows himself to breathe, to take a pause so he can look forward to something, and then savor it when it comes.
“Me, too. So when you take your vacation, I expect the same from you, alright?” 
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that, sir,” you laugh. “I am gonna completely shut out once I clock off next Friday. You won’t hear from me until I’m back here.”
“Of course,” he says after a beat of silence. “You deserve a longer break, actually. You know you can always request for an extension.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want to deal with so much backlog,” you respond. “I don’t really have anywhere else to go and people to drag with me. Plus, I’ll have a few days off for my birthday next month so I’ll definitely have more chances for rest.”
Jungkook nods, knowing that time will be bittersweet for him because you’ll get to have your break while he’ll be without you. Just like how it is now, as he’s on this vacation while you’re left to do so much work thousands of miles away from him. It also means he doesn’t get to do his routine with you, something that’s given him comfort and a sense of stability these past months. Seeing you through this call is his only way to remain connected with you, a chance to know how you’re doing, a moment to hear your voice and see the smile he’s been without. It’s just been two days but he already feels it’s much longer.
He finally lets you go, knowing you’ll be clocking out soon. Even if he doesn’t want to yet, he says goodbye. 
As you asked, he savors their second day in the city, but he sees you everywhere - in all the greenery that he passes, in the library down the street, in the cafe with all the pastries that they eat at, and in the sky as he falls asleep at night. There’s comfort in knowing it’s the same one you wake up to every morning.
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Not having Jungkook this long is a little disorienting. Sure, he’s been away a few times, but he’d still call or message to ask something or to give you instructions. It’s become your habit to bring him coffee every few hours, and you find yourself making one only to realize that he isn’t around. 
Seeing him in A-yeong’s social media feels quite intrusive, but you couldn’t help but watch her Instagram stories, with him in a green fleece jumper as he walked down charming streets last Saturday, and then a black coat over a blue sweatshirt as he strolled the beachside on Sunday. He called the day before, on Tuesday afternoon, for your regular check-in, another hour of talking about work, even if all you wanna hear about is how his days have been. You’ve never thought about it as much before, but somehow seeing him in this way makes you care, it makes you want to know what he’s feeling, what he’s thinking.
You shake away the thoughts as Wednesday ends. It’s been a week since he left and there’s over two more weeks until he’s back. You’ll have another call on Friday and there won’t be another one until you return from your own vacation, and the thought saddens you, knowing there won’t be a reason for either of you to reach out.
But you take it as a challenge, as a way for you to slowly get him out of your system. Hopefully being without him for a while will help.
Friday comes and the call with Jungkook goes a little longer than usual. It’s towards the end when Hoseok and A-yeong make an appearance, as they’re all staying at a rental by the lake in a town in Sweden, and are about to have their breakfast.
“___!” Hoseok chirps. “Is my cousin still working you to the bone?”
“Asks the man who has hours-long meetings with his assistant every other day. If I may say, Hoseok, you’re driving Bitna crazy. I think I just saw her earlier pulling her hair out,” you tease.
“Ah, I don’t blame her. There’s just too much going on,” he sighs. “But at least I’m off her back now. It’s your last day before your break, you shouldn’t even be working right now! You should just be hanging out with the team before you all go out for dinner!”
“Like you said, there’s just too much going on,” you counter. 
“These men never stop working, do they?” A-yeong huffs from next to her husband, prompting you to nod in agreement. She turns to Jungkook with her arms on her waist. “I’m telling you now, Kook, how are you gonna find a girlfriend when all you do is work, work, party, work, party, and work? Hmm?”
Jungkook chuckles, his hand behind his neck as he tries to give an answer. You can imagine A-yeong hampering him about this, given that she’s quite the proponent when it comes to companionship. It’s why she’s always patient with Hoseok, and why they love each other as much as they do. There’s understanding and respect, there’s trust and honesty. She’s not afraid to tell him when she feels neglected, and he makes up for it immediately.
“I’ll find her when I’m meant to,” Jungkook responds. “But anyway, I was just about to let ___ go.”
“Finally,” Hoseok says. Turning to you, he gives you that warm smile that you adore. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he doesn’t bug you during your break.”
“Good,” you respond, even if the thought saddens you a little. “Anyway, it looks so pretty out there. I’m so glad you’re all enjoying it.”
“It is! And the sights are spectacular, ___. It’s definitely a must-visit,” Hoseok replies. 
“One day,” you say, knowing it’ll probably never happen. Still, you indulge him. “I’ll settle with pictures for now, so you better take lots of them for me to see.”
“Ah, Kook is the resident photographer! He’s been taking a lot so he’ll show you.”
“That would be nice,” you smile. “Anyway, I don’t want to keep you from enjoying your day. So I’ll go ahead. I’ll see you all when you get back!”
They bid you goodbye, and there’s that nod again, that smile, that softness that you’ve started getting used to seeing on Jungkook. It’s what you think about during the team dinner an hour later, while in the car going home as soft music plays, and as you fall asleep.
You hold onto that last image of him, until the next day when A-yeong posts on her socials again. It’s those snippets of his life that make you pause during the day and keep you up at night. There’s so much about him that you’re drawn to, that you want to get to know, that you want to protect. 
He’s like a movie that plays in the local theater - captivating, intriguing, yet you remain a spectator and then it ends, moving on and you’ve only got the memory of it etched in your mind. It’s not yours to watch whenever you want and no matter how much you try to analyze it, it’ll always just be your interpretation, not his. He’ll remain as a moving image that you want so much to capture but seems too big, too overwhelming, too far. 
But there are instances when you think you’ve got him for a second, that you understand him a little. There are moments like arriving at his penthouse the morning after he gets back from his trip with his mussed hair and oversized jumper that he feels more human, more flawed, more tangible. 
It’s when he smiles at you and says that it’s nice to see you again that he feels within reach. It’s also the moment you realize that him being away didn’t really help. If anything, it intensified that feeling that you know you can’t have. You’re gonna lose him one day, and when you do, you hope for only the good memories to stay. 
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anantaru · 5 months
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DAY 27 — PRAISING
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kinktober 2023. — masterlist | ao3
𖧡 — including — neuvillette, dainsleif, xiao, zhongli
𖧡 — warnings — fem! reader, praise kink, i missed writing lovey dovey stuff, love sick characters, slow sex and very cute, petnames used: love, darling
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𖧡 — NEUVILLETTE
the desire emanating out of neuvillette whenever he made love to you never caused this much of an arising storm deep inside of him, it has never been this violent either— because listen closely now, when he took in your hot heaves that lingered over his rosy cheeks, the want for you consumed him in one quick bite, it transformed him.
at this moment in time, when becoming one with you, when feeling your warmth radiate across his skin had created an almost unbearable emotion totally unique and new to him, stubbornly manifested itself innermost his heart and lungs where it cannot, for even a second, be cast aside or the man will simply fall apart.
"ah— you're beautiful," he whispers into your skin, his fingers admiring the curves of your body, "you're incomparable," and it was welcomed, when neuvillette slid his mouth over your jaw and mouths the wet spots, his hips falling in tandem with your core jolting up to meet him halfway, "—you're spectacular, my love, my darling," as he slowly, curves one palm against your cheek, eyes slowly meeting big and bright, looking empty but revealing so much when he held you close.
"you are breathtaking."
his eyes devoured you again, you can feel it, taste it and sense it when his hips increased, and so did the buzzing slaps of skin colliding against skin— while unsurprisingly, eliciting a sweet noise from you when he surges his body against yours more passionately, his hips working in a steady, slow rhythm so that he was sure he could indulge in all of you, his cock snugly pinned inside of your warm body with the mass of muscle in your walls engulfing him entirely as neuvillette groans into your lips in trembling.
your passionate love— it could set the world aflame, burning like an uncontrollable wildfire, consuming everything in its path and whenever he found himself in your innocent embrace, your spine arching up at him when your frame holds onto the twitches of overstimulation, he found solace and a dwelling haven from the entanglement of his past in the purest, most innocent kinds of loves.
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𖧡 — DAINSLEIF
"i love you today, tomorrow, and i will love you forever,"
"—and your heart is mine, mine, mine," dainsleif's mind blanks and for the very first time in his life he could say that he had madly fallen in love with another human being— and he flips back and forth between astonishment, nervousness on not knowing on how to tackle those new emotions and then playfulness, before running back to astonishment again.
but the man loved the view in front of him right now, he would love to capture it with a camera or visualize it before storing it into the deepest parts of his brain. dainsleif cannot stop himself from placing pleasure on you, to say the least, and how your spine bend ever so sinfully when he had you on all fours and smoothly guided his length in so you could feel and taste him— with your ass perked up until his fingers roll over the skin to rest against the hot flesh to keep you close.
for a moment, he drapes himself over your body, his tongue warm and slick against your shoulder, "i wish i could look at you right now," he admits, and everything he did felt good on your body, nothing could compare to the sensation whenever he made love to you.
forevermore, it would always overwhelm your body and guide you towards a sweet rhythm of his hips leisurely rocking back and forth against your plush ass.
but he couldn't stop, so he utters, yet not before nibbling on your skin once more, "—watch how your face changes," and granted, dainsleif could fulfill his own wish in the blink of an eye, yet he prefers to stay in this position for now, for some reason he had become utterly obsessed with it, or how well you clenched down on him or your squealing hiccups that fell on deaf ears every time he shoot his dripping erection back inside.
dainsleif just needed it all, yearned for you his entire life, because the love between you had manifested itself into nothing short but eternal tenderness and warmth, even transcending through space and time.
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𖧡 — XIAO
"you're welcome to always stay here, if you so wish,"
xiao whispers to you in a frail note that a swirl shudders down your spine, his voice remaining soft and encouraging with his warm kisses all planted on top of your forehead as he slowly grinds himself into your heat— this time, not upraising the tempo but rather focusing on nudging his tip over the smarting segments battered on your walls.
"and when you call my name," he pauses, "it is you and me."
as you saw it, this moment in time seemed to have stopped rotating, entirely held back to a stand still, the dimly lid bedroom adept with hot, shielding air that accompanied every action like that of being trapped inside of a hot summer day inside a loop, with the difference being that the humidity was surprisingly comforting, soul touching and the transition in your traces had become almost unbearable— with xiao taking his good time with you, your palms reaching over to cup his face while his mouth parts, subtle grunts and breathless moans lingering around him.
xiao would always cherish the bittersweet moments with you, his beautiful princess, thinking that your laughs and kisses together were limited, and it frankly wouldn't even matter on how many times you would attempt to make him aware that you'd never leave him in a million years— a darkness had still continuously altered his mind.
regardless of such, in under a dime xiao had you breathless under him, the air feeling stubbornly hot when he gyrates his hips into your cunt with his body pressed tightly against yours, guiding his cock skillfully in and out as he slants forward and breathes in the little sobs and cries that spill from your pouty lips.
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𖧡 — ZHONGLI
"speak to me, love,"  zhongli voices his unwavering need against your pouty lips as his warm pants wrap around your skin with ease, "tell me how it feels," and his voice was so unbelievably reassuring that you're instantly convinced to cry out his name with pleading eyes, his warmth heavy and suffocating between your thighs and making you feel so good.
"i love you," you hiccup sweetly, taking his face in your hands as you squeal a little at his obvious, quite sizable shaft reaching in and out of your ribbed walls, the sound of your pussy splitting apart was deafening as his length was beginning to shine with your arousal, the position providing enough relief to leave you vulnerable and speechless.
"my love," zhongli breaks his words over two broken groans, "my heart will always call out your name, you're beautiful," and something about this current situation was so sensual, so personal and erotic that you felt as if someone squeezed your lungs together, your mind solely focused on what was going on where you were lining up together, namely that sweet and punctuated pressure between your legs, how deliciously good it felt the more he filled you up.
your love was so soulful, intertwining your spirits in an unbreakable bond, it's crazy and zhongli cannot even fathom on how lucky he was to experience this after all of his suffering. he went on, nudging his erection around the walls of skin and branding himself on it— your thighs, as a result, closing around him as he fastens his sensual grinds.
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©2023 anantaru's kinktober do not repost, copy, translate, modify
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thedarkmooncircus · 1 month
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The Demon Brothers, and their cryptid-like behaviors (HC)
I feel like the brother's have these unintentional "scary, cryptid-ass behavior" whenever they are around MC, and I'm talking about the fact that they are considered inhuman entities that used to regulary hunt HUMANS to either eat or for the fun of it and then theres corrupting them with their sin or tempting them into sinning.
So while they know that MC is literally not prey, sometime's their instincts make themselves known by doing the most weird and bizarre shit ever...its like something out of a Analog horror series or a fucking horror movie.
like Mc just casually witnessing fricking Asmodeus upside down on the ceiling on all fours in his true-demon form (like its just his demon form but HALF transformed into his true form) just eerily smiling down at them with multiple glowing amber eyes (bc his sin's symbolic creature is a Scorpion which is apart of the Spider family.. I decided to headcanon that he has like 4 eyes in his demon form, and scorpion like traits added like the stinger n shit)
Asmodeus then fucking realize's what he's doing and lands gracefully on the floor on two feet, reverted back into his humanoid form.
He's noticed that Mc's eye's are wide w/ fear and he's like apologizing AND explaining to them that all demons do this whenever they are hunting human's or just trying to tempt them into sinning.
and then he's backtracking on his words when hes noticed Mc's got that look of "YOU WERE TRYING TO HUNT ME???〣( ºΔº )〣" and quickly explain's that he wasn't trying to hunt you down or eat you (he'd usually slip in a sexual innuendo that he'd eat you another way but then saw that wouldn't be appropriate at this moment)
It take's Mc a WHILE to get used to it, but eventually they do but they can't deny the fact that they get a shiver down their spine whenever they just see Lucifer's glowing red eyes follow them from a shadowy corner of a room.
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At this point Mc feel's like they a security guard in FNAF bc apparently the brothers only do it at ungodly hours of the night. (ITS THE WITCHING HOUR AHHHH and by that i mean 3 am) sometime's they'd wake up to see Belphegor in his demon form just standing menacingly in the corner of their room like a fucking sleep paralysis demon... and then Mc just rubs their eyes tiredly and suddenly Belphies gone! Mc goes back to sleep only to be Met by Belphegor in their dream?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING O- oh Belphie is explaining that he wasn't ACTUALLY in their room but that was actually was a nightmare within a dream... while they were asleep...HUH?
Mammon seems to be the only one out of his brothers who has never shown any weird or bizarre behavior around Mc, apparently Lucifer states that its because Mammon just has good control over it. Lucifer also has good control over it, he just uses it to keep a good eye on his brothers(thats our first man right there!! 🥺 he don't wanna scare his bae OR the ho's)
(literally cannot picture anything creepy that Mammon would do or anything CRYPTID like in behavior...which is why I'm just gonna state that he just doesn't show it around Mc )
Satan just Lurks in the dark hallways... his glowing glaring green eyes just stare at MC before he disappears into the darkness.
Leviathan like Mammon, also doesn't show it around Mc unless they are near a ocean or some shit.. then its just gonna randomly get stormy and then Lotan just looms in the distance and suddenly Leviathan is no longer standing by their side and is ACTUALLY Lotan...and Mc just hears this hissing roar come from the serpent that is Leviathan.. and instead of being scared Mc is just like "Woah, thats fucking badass as fuck. (-^〇^-) "
(I hc that Lotan is his true form, and that the reason why he can also control it or summon it to attack is bc Lotan has a part of his soul in him.)
While I would love to talk more about this.. its near 1am currently and I'm sleepy as hell.. I will make a part 2 when I wake up!!
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zeldasnotes · 2 months
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𝖘𝖞𝖓𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖗𝖞 𝖓𝖔𝖙𝖊𝖘 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊
𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖊
𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖜𝖔
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Destinn(6583) conjunct Moon: You can feel it at the first meeting that you were destined to meet. Love this aspect.
Moon conjunct Venus: I had this with a friend I met in high school. Her Venus conjunct my Moon and she was like conditioner to my soul. She made me feel so loved & we were always sickeningly sweet to eachother and complimenting eachother.
Mercury 12th house synastry: I looked up the charts of the two guys in my neighbourhood who used to snitch about me to my dad. Told my dad any rumour about me & what guys Ive been involved with etc. Both of them have their Mercury in my 12th house.💀
Chiron conjunct Personal Planets: This is common between people who have had beef for years because the wound just wont go away even tho from the beginning the beef started over something small and you want to hurt the other just as bad as they hurt you. And you think you are the only one whos hurt so you keep picking on eachother. Just hearing the others name can be triggering. Chiron can be so healing but also so incredibly painful. ❤️‍🩹
Composite Aries Rising: This can make the dislike or tension very obvious to others. My dad and stepmom have this and everyone knows they treat eachother badly. The first thing you notice it the tension between them. I have this with a few people who i know dislike me and i them and people notice it instantly.
Saturn in the composite chart: Saturn seems to act like glue in the composite since it rules time. It can make you stuck on someone either positively or negatively based on the rest of the chart.
Venus 8th house: Venus is fascinated by 8th house persons appearance even if house person is not their type. They might find the house person super sexy & mysterious.
8th house synastry: I love 8th house synastry but whats so sad is that one of you will transform by this relationship and after a while you are not the same people you were before. There is a risk of just being a ”lesson” in eachothers life. But when its meant to last its wonderful.
8th house synastry: Another thing I find annoying with 8th house synastry is when I can tell someone doesnt like me but still is allll up in my face bc they have planets in my 8th house and therefore have some kind of weird obsession/fascination going on.
Ascendant Square Ascendant: Me and my dad have this in synastry and we just dont get eachothers behoviour. Like WHY are you behaving like that?
Dislike for no reason: I dont really believe in ”dislike for no reason” because I think there is always something behind disliking someone otherwise you need serious help but everytime someone disliked me for seemingly no reason there was harsh Mars Squares involved or 12th house synastry. Especially their Mars Squaring or Opposite my Sun or Moon.
Different energies & misunderstandings: Me and my dad have good synastry but he is very fire dominant and Im very water dominant. He sees my need for alone time and shyness as something unattractive. For him people are supposed to be brave, confident, social and loud otherwise you are insecure and weird. For me I find quiet confidence attractive but he sees it as not having confidence at all.
Venus conjunct Pluto: This is someone I used to go to yoga with. She was much older than me. The first time I saw her I was like WOW, thats the hottest women Ive ever seen. My Pluto was conjunct her Venus.
Venus conjunct Nemesis(128): Seen this in the synastry chart between two bestfriends where the nemesis person were secretly messing around with the Venus person boyfriend. She was an enemy(nemesis) when it came to love(venus).
Composite Sun conjunct Pluto: Intense! I have this with the woman I had the most dirty beef with for years. But I also have it with some guy I had a very beautiful and intense bond with.
Lilith conjunct Mars: Lilith would fight anyone for the Mars person.
Moon 5th house: Ive seen this very often lead to the Moon person idealizing the 5th house person a lot.
4th house synastry/composite: This can mean you enjoy a very ”down to earth” life together. I know some people with this who just like to do gardening, cooking, decorating the home and stuff like that together. They dont feel a strong need to go out and do stuff to enjoy eachothers company. 👨‍👩‍👦🪴
Lilith 10th house: Can make Lilith person threathened by house persons social status/reputation/image. Powerstruggles. Recognizing eachothers social climbing ways. Attracted to 10th house persons image.
10th house synastry/composite: 10th house synastry can make yall enjoy to go out a lot or show eachother off. Might really like to be seen together/make eachother look good.
Vertex conjunct Personal Planets: You WILL meet. Avoid eachother all you want you will keep running into eachother. Ive ran into people I had this synastry with time and time again until we talked. When we finally talked to eachother or had some kind of relationship that later ended we stopped running into eachother.
Mars 8th house: This synastry overlay feels like the universe is trying to force yall to do it but at the same time there is always a reason why you cant.
Top 5 ”I cant resist you” placements: Ive noticed Mars 8th house, Moon 8th house, Venus conjunct Pluto, Lilith conjunct Moon & Nessus conjunct Ascendant to be the top 5 placements that makes it almost impossible to resist eachother. (According to me)
Chiron conjunct Mars: Doing it with eachother leaves you feeling like you just had a theraphy session. Healing and raw.
Mars 3rd house synastry: This can lead to the Mars person gossiping a lot about the house person. This can be very annoying for the house person because the Mars person just wont stop talking about them.
Mars 3rd house: The positive part of this synastry overlay is that you find eachothers voice super hot. Can lead to some hot conversations on the phone 😏🔥
Venus 10th house composite: I have this with a guy and let me tell you we look GOOD together. We like the same colors so we always match, we have a similar style, similar height, similar way of behaving in public. People with this in the composite seem to often resemble eachother in some way.
Composite Moon conjunct Venus: Enjoying every second with eachother.🥹❤️‍🔥
©️ 2024 Zeldas Notes All Rights Reserved
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the-modern-typewriter · 4 months
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May I request a supervillian x villian where the villian begs the supervillian to let them go save their sidekick.
"Don't," the supervillain said, warning.
The villain's fingers curled, nails digging into the end of the armchair. The soft material was threadbare from years of them digging their claws in watching the news, from reason or another, but they'd never...
"I promised I'd protect them," the villain said.
"It's a trap."
"I have to go. I promised."
"And I promised I'd protect you." The supervillain stopped behind them, a looming shadow. It felt icy cold where their shadow fell, raising the hair on the villain's arms. It didn't frighten them though.
"Then protect my heart." It was a whisper.
The supervillain's fingers curled around the villain's throat, tilting their attention away from the corporate horror on the screen and onto the supervillain. Even knowing that their sidekick was in trouble, knowing that every second they sat there was a day where their sidekick could be hurting, they couldn't help but focus on the supervillain.
They were like that. They absorbed everything, whether the villain wanted it to or not.
The supervillain stroked their thumb over the villain's pulse, forcibly slowing it, calming it.
The villain exhaled a broken breath.
"Please," they said again, even as they sagged against the chair, fists unspooling.
"Say you pull this off, say you get them back without getting yourself caught." The supervillain's head tilted, studying them. "Do you think it won't happen again?"
The villain swallowed.
"Loving anything too fiercely in this game is a weakness." The supervillain's eyes blistered into them. "If you go, all it proves is that your sidekick is a target they can hit and hit and hit again until it either no longer gets a reaction from you or there's nothing left. It saves nothing. It protects nothing. Do you understand?"
It made sense. The villain knew that it made sense, but everything inside of them still screamed.
The supervillain's grip tightened a fraction, biting.
The villain's air stuttered.
"Please," they said again. "I'm - I'm asking."
"That's not what you're doing."
"I'm begging. Please."
It was all they could say. There was no logic to the decision, no grand strategic argument. They could say that not going made their enemies believe they could do what they want, take what they want, without consequence, but...
The supervillain sighed. They leaned down to press a kiss atop the villain's head, letting go of the villain's throat.
"No," the supervillain said.
The villain's stomach bottomed out. It crumpled. It compacted, roiling, like so much garbage. Their vision swam as they gasped.
"I said I'd protect you," the supervillain said. "You're not going anywhere." They straightened, battle-gear shrouding them in an instant, transforming them from the villain's sometimes-lover to something else entirely. "I'll take care of this."
The villain twisted, eyes wide.
The villain returned an agonising two hours later, with the villain's sidekick terrified in tow.
The villain stood.
The sidekick flung themselves into the villain's arms, clinging to them for dear life, shaking all over.
The villain met the supervillain's gaze above their sidekick's shoulder, taking in the blood splattered their armour; none of the supervillain's own. They wrapped their arms slowly around their sidekick.
The supervillain smiled, full of teeth.
"The only proper reaction to someone finding a weakness, love," they said, "is to obliterate them. Don't let this happen again."
Then, once again, they were gone.
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sneakerdoodle · 9 months
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it's about how... Ballister had to be the one who betrayed Nimona, let her down, cast her aside, however briefly; how in the movie, her core trauma is rejection, and how it had to come from the closest person to her. it's about how he changes, first reluctantly, then with full commitment - then goes back on it - but eventually chooses change for good. how true strength and vulnerability is in admitting that you were wrong. how the boldest thing one can do is witness the result of the hurt they've dealt to another and not flinch away from responsibility, because it would be so easy to see Nimona's shadow form barrelling through the Kingdom and say it's her fault, that's her nature, she's wrong, she's dangerous, she's a threat - but through vulnerability and readiness to face his mistakes, and through deep, unbridled care for her, Ballister can see the truth, and the truth is that she's hurting, and he was the one to hurt her.
how change is about loosening the constraints enough to shift into something new, how Nimona's always changing, never one thing for too long - but that doesn't change the core truth of her, how she's Nimona, always, however fluid, in whatever form. how to stay the same for too long is to stop living. how change and fluidity are vulnerable and scary and not always understood by others - and how they're also liberating, free. how the conservative urge is to preserve - but whatever is truly worth preserving, the heart, can never be lost in transformation either way; how constraints wound it, how the rejection of fluidity breaks it.
how it may hurt and it's worth it, how to hold onto the familiar at the cost of your truth is to lose it, change, shapeshifting, reflection, changing your mind, admitting your faults. how, no, there's no excuse, no good reason to make someone's life an isolated, inescapable hell, but how what truly matters is change, reconciliation; how you never had to be perfect from the start to make a difference, to be someone's home. you only needed to open your heart and feel the searing sting of regret - and that's what they will remember. you hurting on their behalf. you allowing your heart to get wounded, so that theirs won't have to be run through
you know???
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erwinsvow · 15 days
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you fiddle with the r necklace, rubbing it between your fingers like you always do deep in thought. you should have gotten rid of the necklace the day the two of you broke up, but a hopelessly sad and defiant part of you refused to take it off. it’d been long enough now that it was getting to the point of weird rather than just pathetic. at least, your friends thought so, and they never hesitated to let you know. after all, there was no one that hated your boyfriend more than them.
“you’re doing it again,” kiara comments, staring at your hand mid-motion, the pendant slipping from your grip as you drop it immediately. 
“doing what?” you question innocently, face burning. 
“i still think it’s creepy that he wanted you to wear a necklace with his initial. it’s like a brand. it’s dehumanizing.” 
“or, like, a dog collar,” jj says, holding back a laugh. you look up at them with a blank expression, because you really don’t have any retort. maybe it was rafe’s brand on you, maybe your friends are right. but you think, chest tight, that you didn’t mind being branded by him.
you change the topic because you’ll start crying if you think about it too long—of course they don’t mind, they encourage you to talk about anything but rafe these days. if only it was that easy to get your mind off of him.
rafe doesn’t make it easy on you either. what was supposed to be an amenable break-up had transformed and twisted into something completely different—something that your friends would kill you if they found out about. the first few weeks had been normal, like any other break-up, you sobbed on john b’s shoulder, accepted tissues from pope and listened to jj talk badly about rafe for as long as you could listen. you spent hours with kiara and sarah exploring all the reasons why it was so not meant to be, not when you and rafe were night and day, not when he was still dealing and doing coke. and then, just like other break-ups, the time came to put all of rafe’s shirts and the teddy bears he’d bought you and the photos on your wall into a box and get rid of it all.
you think you’re doing a good thing, by bringing rafe his shirts back instead of burning them like jj suggested. you knock on the door to tannyhill, making sure you spot his truck parked outside—even though one glance at the car where you’d lost your virginity to rafe makes your face burn up. you feel flushed and clammy when rafe opens the door, and he looks at you like nothing’s happened since he saw you last, and the rest of your resolve caves almost immediately. 
“hey, kid.”
“hi,” you chirp, pulling your eyes away from rafe’s before he convinces you to do something you’ll regret. “i brought your clothes back. i had more than i realized.” you offer him the box, but he doesn’t extend his arms.
“nah, you can keep them. you’ll be needin’ them anyways.”
“what?”
“how long d’you think we’re gonna stay broken up for? huh? another week? two?”
“rafe, i-”
“it’s okay, kid, just keep them.”
“no, i think you should take them-”
“why don’t you come upstairs and put them away f’me? hm?”
the first time it happens, you tell yourself it was a one-time mistake, that could happen to anyone. you’re wrapped up in rafe’s sheets, naked and sweaty, trying your hardest to catch your breath while you stare at the muscles of rafe’s back while he pulls up his laptop and finishes whatever he was working on. your phone keeps going off, probably your friends wondering why you’re so late to dinner. you pray to god kiara doesn’t check your location.
“you gonna get that?” rafe asks, turning back to look at you. you just look at him, delirious and still incredibly sad, wondering if this is the last time you’ll ever be in rafe’s bed again. 
“no, they’re just gonna ask me where i am.”
“still lettin’ them control how you really feel? gotta work on that, baby.” you feel any anger bubbling up at the fact that rafe still thinks you let your friends decide your feelings for you—a key point you had argued during the break-up—melt away at the sound of the nickname.
“they don’t like how much i like you.” you say it kind of sadly, like things could be different, like the two of you could have made it work in another world. you fiddle with your necklace, before unclasping it and letting it drop onto rafe’s palm. “i should go now.” 
it feels much too intense, like the third-act breakup in the cheesy books you read. you want rafe to fight for you, you want your friends to like him, but that means he has to change, and as much as it pains you to admit it, you don’t want any part of him to change. you want your friends to change their minds, but they won’t, and you want rafe to care that your friends don’t like him, but he doesn’t.
you try to move but he manhandles you into place, a hand on your wrist tugging you back into bed. he pushes your hair aside, clasping the necklace back on, and then rafe presses a kiss to the back of your neck.
“don’t ever take this off again, got it?”
you nod. rafe sends you to the chateau in one of his shirts and you pray to god no one notices that or your necklace is still in its usual place.
the next time it happens, you can’t even try to argue that it was an accident. you knew rafe wouldn’t make this easy for you, but you didn’t think he could make it so impossibly difficult. his texts light up your phone, only a few feet away from pope and john on the couch, watching the movie but only half paying attention.
R: where are you tonight
R: you coming here or do i need to come get you?
your heart settles into your stomach, being attacked by the wings of the butterflies that have made their home there. rafe talks to you like the two of you are still dating, and your mind slips into an easy, soft place where that is still your reality. 
“what kinda porn are you lookin’ at right now?” jj asks, and you break out of your fantasy.
“what?” you blubber out, before john b interrupts.
“jj, stop making everything about porn.”
“i’ve seen that look before, man, it’s the exact face pope makes when he found somethin’ fun and fresh. so what’s your type, i mean, you can share with the class-”
after slapping jj on the back of the head and reassuring everyone that there was no porn on your phone—only the promise of something better waiting for you, but they don’t need to know that—you head out, replying to rafe quickly.
coming now. 
this time, you can’t lie and act surprised that you’ve ended up here again. rafe turns on his tv to watch the evening news, and it’s so silly you almost want to laugh, but you stay silent, watching him watch the news and taking a sip of the water he got for you. 
you turn your head to place the cup on his nightstand, and see your lip balm perched next to his lamp.
“i’ve been looking for this,” you say, picking it up and turning to rafe. 
“yeah, you left it here.”
“why didn’t you tell me?”
“‘cause i knew you’d be back.”
you think that’s enough to be your reality check. it’s not.
a week later, you accompany your friends to the bonfire. you play with your necklace while they fill up plastic cups with beer from the keg.
“you’re never gonna get over him if you keep wearing things he got you,” kiara says, taking a sip from her cup. you know she’s only trying to help you, that she’s only worried about you. you wish they would stop bringing him up.
“i’m not ready to take it off.”
“that’s not healthy. in fact, that’s so unhealthy that-”
“i said i’m not ready. can we drop it?”
“why not?” she asks, and you feel tears start to build along your eyes. “oh jeez, speak of the devil.” you feel a familiar hand on your shoulder, turning to face rafe.
“can i have a minute?” he says, looking at kie.
“no. you can’t have any,” comes her reply, until you look back. 
“kie, i’ll be right back.” 
you and rafe walk, ignoring the shout of your friend to not go, to an empty spot by the fire. 
“didn’t think you’d come here,” rafe says, quietly. you look at your shoes to avoid looking into his eyes.
“they dragged me along… trying to make me meet someone new.”
“yeah? is it working?” 
“i just told my best friend i’m not ready to take your necklace off, so, what’d you think-” rafe stops you, his hand coming up to lift your chin to make you meet his eyes finally. he presses his lip to yours—it feels different than the hundreds of times he’s kissed you before. your eyes flutter shut, a sole tear spilling down your cheek. 
you wonder if everyone’s looking. you decide you don’t really care.
“i told ya not to take that necklace off.”
“i listened, rafe,” you breathe softly.
“i know,” he says, kissing you again and then pulling away. “you’re a good girl. you always listen. i’m done with this crap, and i don’t care what your idiot friends say. not staying away from you. no one can make me, not even you.”
“i don’t want you to stay away.” rafe takes the pendant with his initial into his fingers, playing with it before letting it fall against your chest.
“good. now go tell them you’re coming home with me and let’s get outta here.”
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Text
Vlad accidentally outed both of them publicly and Danny was forced to flee into the Ghost Zone while his former rogues destroy the portals and leave Vlad stranded in the mess he made.
Clockwork shows up only to dramatically tell Danny that "This chapter of your life has ended. It is time for you to begin anew." He also warned Danny that he would no longer be able to help him in the new world he would be inhabitanting and wished him luck.
Luck was something he clearly did not receive since he landed smack in the middle of Gotham.
Through a bright green portal.
At night.
As a very glowy Phantom.
In the middle of a very busy road.
People were staring at him from inside thier cars, some were trying to put thier cars in reverse to quietly get away some were filming him with thier phones or trying at least trying to. He is a ghost after all.
Some melodramatic person screamed and suddenly there was some type of demon swooping down to Phantom. It was at this point that Danny thought, Screw this. I'm out. Before turning invisible and flying away.
Except...the demon was following him. Black wings like a bat were flared as the thing followed Danny across the city. It took almost an hour to lose its trail and hes certain the only reason he managed to do that was by leading the thing into the sewers and phasing back up above ground while he was out of sight.
Danny took this opportunity to invisibly phase into a boarded up shop and transform from Phantom to Fenton then phase out invisibly and bolt. He needed to be more careful of cameras this time around. Amity may not have had a bunch but this city was infested with them. After a few failed mugging attempts from some people on the streets he thinks he knows why.
He spent his entire day exploring Gotham and swiping food. He felt bad about it but with no legal identity and no way to earn money in a non-criminal way he was kinda tight on options. Eventually dusk came and, not knowing if that bat demon thing could sense him or if it liked to snack on lost little ghosties, he began somewhat frantically looking for somewhere to hide for the night.
Danny was really, really good at finding hiding spots. Usually this wouldn't be a problem. The opposite really. But here it was.
Turns out most of the great hiding places Danny found (abandoned theaters, insides of clocktowers, the 13th floor of some wierd company towers that he heard were unused and had no way to access) they were already occupied. Either by thier wierd Owl cult, this wierd Robin cult or this wierd Bat cult, Danny has decided to avoid the heck out of the bat cult cause he was 90% certain the thing that chased him on his first night here was the bat monster they worshiped.
Also, that bird cult member in the back and blue kept trying to "adopt him" which he was pretty sure meant inducting into the cult, which is a solid no from him.
Appearently him just finding all of thier hideouts is either horrifying or just embarrassing to the members of the cults. One time he popped into another "bird nest" and came face to mask with Red Robin and Nightwing around when this first started. Everyone just stared at eachother in shock for a solid five seconds before RR began reaching for something and Danny bolted back the way he came (which weirdly enough was though a cabinet door)
RR inspected the dog sized hole in the back of the cabinet that the kid must have come through and realized it lead through the walls. Chilling.
In Dannys defence, his phone was left behind and he didn't even think about reading the newspaper past learning the current date. Still on him, but meh.
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