🍁 Was it rough, going sober?

press(ed leaf) conference ** accepting

"eugh, clincally," qrow's over the worst, doesn't mind talking about it, though clearly it doesn't bring up good memories, "every step 'a th' way."

"it was like every single bad decision i made over the last 25 years turned in'ta'a pack'a ravagers that ripped right back outta my body, except all within a week.

"...it started on th' flight in t'Atlas. headache, dry mouth, stomach churnin' an' not cause'a air sickness," that panic attack on the cliff earlier hadn't helped either, "not takin' that celebratory swig an' everythin' that came after... was th' hardest thing i've done in a long time. but cheers to, what? i'd been more hinder than huntsman ever since that train left Mistral. i didn't deserve it. an' after th' next skipped urge and th' next... i didn't feel like they deserved me that way either. i had to be sharper to have any chance at facin' what was comin'... i had to be... a better me. i left a lot'a things behind that day. that's hard, too.

"anyway, i hid it pretty well until everyone tucked safe and sound into th' academy. wasn't too hard t'blend in when we were all tired. all overwhelmed. just excited enough t'keep it together. ...i never made it t'th' dorms. dunno what happened... only that i woke up in th' infirmary instead. hours? days? i had no idea at the time. it was like Callows' poison all over again but worse. probably should'a stayed longer, but i busted out of that bed as soon as i stopped seein' things that weren't there. me an' medical machines don't mix.

"still don't know who i owe for covering for me, but no one seemed surprised i'd gone missing for a spell. it didn't stop there, but between sheer willpower an' aura, i could handle myself. funny thing is, feelin' better was rough, too. it all hit harder: th' pain, th' fatigue, th' chills ...but also th' colors, th' voices, th' feelings, th' drives. like dawn blindin' your eyes 'cause y'pulled th' curtains open too fast. ...enough t'make a man's head spin, even sober. i'm still gettin' used to it."

...it's still rough to admit how much he was missing out on, on top of it all.

"i'm sure it was rough on everyone around me, too, but... that's nothin' new."