#dottore angst
Note
OH NY GOD THE CHILDHOOD CRUSH CONCEPT BUT WITH DOTTORE 😭😭IF THAT'S OKAY?? reader is the only one who was interested in his endeavors and helped, so probably they're just as bad as him so they're partners in crime 👉👈 he's gotta have done experiments on then but they were never painful, only for them fr
♡ 𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞’𝐬 𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐂𝐫𝐮𝐬𝐡 ♡
synopsis: When you were a child, there was a peculiar boy who seemed to never have any friends, alienated away from the others. Perhaps you could be his first one.
includes: dottore w/ gn! reader
notes: Yes yes yes, I love this! This is so very cute, thank you and I hope you enjoy this! The use of Dottore's real name, Zandik, is used mostly in this because, well... that's what he was called as a child. (And to be honest, if you're dating any of the Harbingers you have to be somewhat... you know. And I think pre-Fatui Dottore would be different when it comes to affection and such... so yea. Subby Dottore I guess?)
Childhood was something you cherished growing up in Sumeru. The pursuit of knowledge, the Akademiya, being a scholar, was something that was drilled into the heads of the young ones even from an early age. But when you were a child, you had the freedom to actually live, the ability to dream, to have fun, to run around and play freely without having to worry about all that boring stuff. So needless to say, you made sure to spend every second of your childhood the way you wanted as much as you could. You were going to have as much fun as possible! Perhaps that was why the rumors about the teal-haired boy did not make you waver in your pursuit to befriend him too much.
Despite the child being your neighbor, you didn’t really know much about Zandik, but what you did know was that Zandik’s mother was a kind woman. She always waved hi to you when you saw her and made small talk with you. Besides that, you never really thought about it further until your friends brought it up one day.
“That lady really seems to really like you, [Name].”
“Hmm? Oh yeah, she’s always nice to me. She even makes me Pita Pockets sometimes!”
“Her child is too creepy though,” your friend complained. You were taken aback by their statement.
“What do you mean?” you questioned.
“Zandik’s always just been weird. That’s why no one ever plays with him. I heard that he always wants to do these weird… um, experiments I think. There are other rumors too, but I just know the way he acts is just bizarre.”
“I feel bad for her,” another one of your friends chipped in. “It must be hard to deal with such a freak. Aren’t you his neighbor, anyway? Don’t you know this?”
You just frowned and shrugged your shoulders. You didn’t really like the way they spoke about Zandik. Surely he couldn’t be as bad as they made him out to be. Maybe he was just an introvert?
Then again, you barely ever saw Zandik before. He never played with anyone, never spoke to anyone, hell, you didn’t even know if he left his house. The most often you saw him was when you happened to be walking by and caught a glimpse of him through the windows. He always quickly moved away when he was spotted though.
“Well, it doesn’t matter. Just try to stay away from him, [Name].” You nodded your head, but your mind was already made up. You were determined to find out how bad Zandik actually was.
—
You did say you were going to befriend him, but you soon realized you were not sure how to go about it. You had never met someone like him before, so your choices were limited. The easiest thing you could think of was waiting near his room’s window. It was a bit embarrassing hiding behind a tree, seemingly waiting for nothing, but soon enough you saw him take a seat near the glass. You weren’t sure what he was doing, but he looked very focused on it, and you were a bit mesmerized for a second, as this was your first real look at him. But you soon snapped out of your daze and came out from behind the tree.
“Heyyyy!” You yelled, jumping up and down, attracting his attention. Zandik’s shoulders jumped for a second at the noise, and when he looked up, he was greeted by your figure on the ground. Your expression brightened when you noticed he saw you and began to wave your hands, mouthing something he couldn’t hear clearly.
Zandik was stunned. If he recalled correctly, you were the person who lived next door. He saw you occasionally but of course, did not care much about you. So why were you here? Were you standing there the whole time? What did you want? His active mind produced many questions, but in the end, he knew what you were. Your intentions could not be different from the other children.
The boy looked at you incredulously for a moment before getting up. Your smile grew wider, oh, was he going to open the window and say something? But then he pulled his curtains shut on you, blocking your sight into his room completely. Damn it.
Well, that failed terrifically, but it was a bit stupid now that you thought of it. You sat down against a tree and tried to think of your next plan, unaware of the now slightly drawn curtain and curious red eyes peeking out of it.
—
Any other ideas you tried had failed, and you were not sure what to do. You had become aware that he was closed off, unwilling to interact with you or any others. But this had only made you far more interested in him. So, you had only one plan left - to go directly to the person who could tell you all. And so you knocked on the front door of his house, revealing a familiar face.
“Oh? Hello, my dear! What a pleasant surprise to see you, [Name]. Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Hi, ma’am. You see, I, um, have a request. I need help with something.”
“Well, I’ll certainly do my best to help you then,” Zandik’s mom affirmed.
“I want to see Zandik,” you said bluntly, shocking the woman for a second. “I want to befriend him and talk to him.”
“I-I see. It’s not every day another child comes and asks for my son. He is a… peculiar case, after all, and he doesn’t like speaking to other people. Are you sure about this?”
“Please, I really do want to be his friend,” you said resolutely. Her face softened and she relented.
“Alright, my dear. I know he usually frequents this spot…” the woman gave in and gave you directions to where Zandik apparently spent much of his time.
As you made your way there, you were a bit in awe of how he managed to find such a place. You never knew this route existed until now. Soon, after a bit of trekking, you found an opening that boasted lush grass and smooth stones, with trees surrounding it in a circle. It was quite pretty. And then that was when you saw Zandik in the middle, his teal hair matching the greenery. For a moment, you pondered over how to approach him, but you did not need to think long since he spoke first.
“How did you manage to find this place?” His voice echoed throughout the clearing, letting you know that you were spotted. You tentatively took a few more steps closer, his small body getting bigger.
“I asked your mom,” you began, “and she told me I could find you over here.” He let out a sigh.
“Admittedly, I did not expect you to go to such drastic lengths. You are more persistent than the lot of them,” Zandik acknowledged, though still not looking up from the rather complicated and thick book he was reading. Then, he snapped it shut and stood up.
“So, what is the reason for your tireless pursuit? Perhaps you’ve come to ridicule me? Or are you here to see whether the rumors are genuine? Do tell, I am truly curious as to what would warrant such an extended hunt.”
You were a bit stunned at that whole statement, but you only had one thing to reply with. “I mean… it’s none of those. I just want to become your friend.”
A moment of silence passed before a chuckle broke it. Then, full-out laughter rang out, echoing throughout the forest. It was almost maniacal, and you couldn’t lie that it kind of scared you a bit, but you bit your lip and remained calm.
“Aha, hehe, why, I have not heard that one yet. How creative. I must say, they are getting better at these.” After that little outburst, Zandik returned to his previous sitting position and became absorbed in his book again. You were honestly unsure of how to react to that. Did the other kids truly pick on him that much, for him to think another wanting to become his friend was a lie? You stood there unmoving until Zandik spoke again in a dismissive tone.
“You can go now. It was amusing while it lasted,” he said disinterestedly, waving his hand. You were dumbfounded but determined, so you answered back very simply.
“No. No, I won’t leave,” you declared so firmly that the boy stiffened.
“No?”
“Yes, in fact, I’m going to come over there right now. You know I wasn’t joking in the first place?” you said rather calmly, trying to seem as serious about this as possible, taking steps toward him.
He scowled, his attention drawn from his book once again. “No, you won’t. You won’t dare to come near me,” he stated just as firmly, having recalled how the other children wouldn’t even look at him. You grinned and picked up your pace until you were only a couple of footsteps away from him, and that was when he truly realized you were not joking. Zandik hastily tried to get up to avoid you but you dashed towards him, nearly tripping as you lowered yourself to a squatting position, becoming face to face with him.
You leaned in close to Zandik’s face, your nose almost touching his. His unique, red eyes held annoyance and a variety of other negative emotions, but there was something foreign in there too, which was the reason he didn’t pull away - confusion and curiosity. You smiled.
“Well now, hopefully you finally get it into that head of yours that you are now my friend. So, why don’t you tell me about what you’re reading?”
At first, he vehemently denied your friendly advances. He’d mock you, roll his eyes at you and such, or flat-out ignore you which was what he usually did. Zandik was honestly not very welcoming, which you began to expect at a certain point. But you persisted nonetheless. You followed him around no matter where he tried to go. You’d sit close to him but not too close. You’d speak sometimes and would either be met with silence or a sarcastic remark but you began to somewhat enjoy it. You’d stretch your neck to try and read the books he always brought with him in an attempt to better understand him. Though, the day he put the book on the ground so it could be read by both of you was the day you knew you won.
Zandik would always tell you not to come back, but you always came back of course. He’d roll his eyes and scoff at your tenacity, but you came to realize that he liked it. After all, he could very well just go to another hiding place, or arrive at a completely different time if he truly didn’t want to see you. He’d never admit it, but he warmed up to you. You also learned that Zandik really liked to talk. At first, when you would ask him questions about science, he wouldn’t respond but you could see him biting the inside of his lip, restraining himself from going on a tangent. It was the first time anyone had shown any real interest in him. Zandik would ramble on about many, many things, often transferring to a new topic in the blink of an eye. Even when he spoke about less-than-pleasant things, he looked to you all excitedly to hear your thoughts. When it came to those kinds of topics you satiated him with a smile, but you always voiced your thoughts as much as possible which pleased him greatly.
Eventually, you started to invite Zandik over to your house. His mom was positively ecstatic and encouraged this behavior. And yet you didn’t do what typical children did. He wanted to do experiments. Which did not really surprise you after everything was done and said. Despite being your age, he always spoke in such an… advanced way. It was hard to describe, but he always employed these big terms and used such proper grammar and language, something that was very uncharacteristic for a child. And experimented he did. Zandik’s experiments were not limited to mixing and combining different elements but also extended to you, somehow. He wanted a strand of your hair, your eyelash, a paper with your fingerprints all over it. What he used these for, you didn’t know.
Your own parents were scholars, so even though you didn’t see them very much, they left a multitude of advanced books and texts in the house. While you had never cared for them much, Zandik devoured them with ease. Even though you invited him to your house to talk and play together, there were times he’d just take one of the books and read for the whole time, shushing you whenever you tried to speak. You had to settle for simply sitting next to him and trying to follow along, which he… surprisingly did not mind. Under his breath, he’d mutter phrases like “Khaenri’ah” and “Visions” and “ruin machines” which frankly did not make much sense to you, but you always happily entertained him.
One day, Zandik wanted to go somewhere deep in the forest. You had played around there a couple of times, but you had never entered into the depths of it, heeding the warnings of danger from the adults. Naturally, you were a bit worried and scared, but you knew that Zandik would enter with or without you, for there was no length he wasn’t willing to go to cure his curiosity. Though he would not tell you why you were making this journey, you followed him nonetheless, until you reached an area with many damaged stones and pillars. As to how he found this location, you didn’t question it.
“There it is,” Zandik said almost breathlessly. You were confused at first but then you followed his line of sight, and then you saw it. A Ruin Guard sat on the ground, unmoving. Your jaw dropped as you had never seen one of them before, only hearing about their destructiveness from others and in books.
“So you came here to look at that?”
“Indeed. But we are not merely going to look. I’m going to investigate it.”
“Huh?! But what if it awakens and attacks us?” Even though the two of you were a good distance away, you could easily tell the Ruin Guard dwarfed your tiny bodies by a great amount.
“From what I’ve read and heard, it should be deactivated. There is no need to worry,” Zandik affirmed.
“What do you mean by ‘should be’- hey, wait up!” Before you could finish your sentence, your friend had already made his way toward the Ruin Guard. You scrambled to catch up with him and soon enough you two were close to the robot. Both of you stood there for a bit, just taking in the sight until Zandik couldn’t hold back and approached the Automaton, circling around it, clearly fascinated.
Clink.
The two of you stiffened at the sound.
“Zandik… did you hear that?” He did not respond, but soon enough your question was answered as the eye of the Ruin Guard beamed awake.
Zandik could only stare in amazement as the complex machine glowed and lit up back to life. You were momentarily shocked but you quickly regained your senses and grabbed his hand to get away from there, because you two would be dead in a couple of seconds if you didn’t move. You had to literally drag him because the machine had him in an astonished stupor.
“I thought you said it was DEAD?!?!” you practically screamed at him as the Ruin Guard lowered itself to shoot missiles at you both. You managed to hide the two of you behind a small stone wall as the projectiles hit that instead. “And snap out of it!!”
“I suppose I have miscalculated.”
“You suppose?” Your voice had quieted down so as to not bring back the attention of the robot, which was now walking around the area since it had lost sight of you. “We need to leave before it spots us again.”
“No,” he disagreed. “We’ll incapacitate it ourselves.” It took you a few seconds to process what Zandik said to you.
“Are you crazy? Ah, never mind that. I already knew you were from a long time ago. But this is something far from our level!”
“I believe that we would be able to disable it.”
“Trained adventurers have died from that thing,” you insisted.
“We aren’t adventurers. We are better than them.”
“We’re children,” you deadpanned.
“Two intelligent children,” Zandik corrected you. For a second you were shocked that he called you smart, as you did not expect that sudden compliment. You always considered him the brains and you were… the supporter from the sidelines. “Furthermore, I have a plan.”
You sighed and rubbed your temples. “Fine… what is it?”
“It is quite simple. First, you will hit the eye of the Ruin Guard twice to stun it, and while it’s knocked out, I will remove the core to deactivate it.”
“...Yeah. So simple, Zandik,” you said sarcastically. “And how do you suppose I manage to hit its eye? It’s extremely tall and my aim is nowhere that good.”
“I would not have brought up this idea if I did not think you were that incapable. You are quite useful to me,” he said straightforwardly. Boy, did Zandik have a very odd way of cheering you up.
“I… well, okay then. And you know how to get the core out of it?”
“I’ve read multiple passages of these machines in textbooks. I assume I have enough knowledge to do so.”
“I’m not going to even say anything. You owe me a play date after all of this,” you pouted. Zandik rolled his eyes begrudgingly.
“I suppose I can engage in your nonsensical childish activities when all of this is over. But just for an hour,” he proclaimed. You gleefully smiled, pleased to have won him over.
You didn’t care much for the Archons or Gods but you suppose they must have been watching over you because you eventually managed to stun it. Keyword: eventually - after whole minutes of running around dodging missiles and picking up random stones along the way, while Zandik sat there waiting for the right moment. You swear he was laughing at you. And true to his word, the young boy dismantled the machine’s core, rendering it unable to operate.
“Wow… I can’t believe we actually did that,” you mentioned, still in awe of it all.
“Of course we did. I would expect or accept nothing less. Now, come here. We have work to do.”
Somehow he had brought along small tools to try and dissemble the Ruin Guard. The red-eyed boy’s intelligence had always amazed you. Although it may seem boring to others, watching him fiddle was quite interesting for you. Zandik had also apparently appointed you as his assistant without informing you until now, so you always sat next to him. You made sure to keep an eye on what he did, for sometimes he would put his hand out and expect you to pass him a tool or screw without saying anything. At the end of the day, at least you could say the two of you had feats that no other child could claim to have accomplished.
It had gotten to the point where Zandik constantly wanted your presence around him, claiming that it would do you well to join him since you had nothing better to do. (He just didn’t want to admit he craved your attention and company.) You had accepted this with no complaints, having enjoyed spending time with him far more than your other friends. But you couldn’t deny that your friends were somewhat right about their thoughts towards Zandik - he cared little for others’ lives or feelings, was interested in things others would find disturbing, and even as a child you could tell he was not too right in the head. And yet his morals being concerningly low despite still being a kid, you could not bring yourself to care much. Heh, perhaps he was starting to influence you too.
Many years had passed since the two of you were little kids. Zandik had grown into a handsome, young, man. His mother was no longer in the picture, but the two of you were still together despite it all. And as much as you wanted to end your story off with a cliche everything was well, nothing could be farther from the truth. The atmosphere of your hometown had begun to grow tense. Why, you ask? Because of Zandik. The villagers had always not been the kindest to him, never fond of his rather strange ideas, though Zandik usually brushed it off with disinterest. But as he grew older, it seemed that the town’s dislike for him grew as well. And while you were a bit worried for him, you weren’t too concerned. You were sure the two of you would leave the place one day anyway. No way in your wildest dreams did you think you’d look outside your window and see people waving around pitchforks and clubs. And if that wasn’t bewildering enough, they were pointed toward Zandik.
You never scrambled to your feet and out the door so fast in your life, rushing to your dear friend’s side. His expression was unreadable when he saw you.
“Hey. Hey! What is this all about, huh?” you demanded to the crowd.
“He has to go. He is no longer a child, and so we no longer have any reason to have to harbor him here. He is a threat to this town,” someone spat.
“He’s never even hurt you,” you argued. “He never laid a hand on any of you. It was rather you who did that!” You think you heard Zandik whisper your name quietly.
“He’s a heretic,” another voice hissed. “He and his ideas do not belong here.” The clattering of pitchforks pitched in to agree. Zandik remained silent.
You gritted your teeth. You could see there was no point in arguing anymore. “Fine. Fine then. We didn’t even like it here anyway,” you fumed. In your spur of anger, you clasped your friend’s hand and practically dragged him in the opposite direction, blocking out the boos and mockery from the rest of the town.
Surprisingly, Zandik did not say a word throughout your little journey to who knew where, until you had to take a break from the sheer exhaustion. Embarrassingly, you had to release his hand that you had kept hostage the whole time, but Zandik seemed far less perturbed than you. Perhaps he saw it coming, with how assured his next statement was.
“We shall attend the Akademiya.” Out of all the possible things he could have said, you did not expect that one for some reason.
“The A-Akademiya?”
“Yes,” Zandik said quite simply.
“I mean, it’s not a bad idea but… the people there might be…” You did not finish your sentence, but you were referring to how the place could have a good amount of judgmental “scholars.”
He laughed bitterly. “After this morning, I highly doubt anything they do shall ever bother me.” You did not know what words would console him, so the only thing you offered was an agreeing nod and your silent presence.
“They did not exile you, [Name],” he said all of a sudden.
“It doesn’t matter. Getting rid of you would be the same thing as getting rid of me. I wouldn’t stay in a place where you aren’t,” you shrugged simply, placing your pinky over his own.
Zandik did not respond, but he didn’t move away.
—
The Akademiya was… an experience, for sure. It was many things all at once, the different Darshans and the beautiful architecture, the great looming trees. And the dorms were far nicer than you expected. At least they were spending their funds decently enough. So, the two of you settled into the scholarly life relatively easily. Zandik easily climbed to the top of his classes in no time, quickly garnering the attention of others and then losing it equally as fast when they encountered his prickly personality. There were always gossip and rumors floating about, many of which proclaimed Zandik to be a madman and a monster. And while he rarely ever showed any expression to these words, besides perhaps a roll of the eyes and chuckle or a scoff, you wondered if it really did bother him. As such, everyday life for you was being known as the normal person who hung out with the weirdo.
But, the years spent in the institution were ones you cherished deeply. You were close with your friend for many years, but perhaps staying together in such close quarters deepened the relationship. The two of you would sneak out after hours to do whatever Zandik demanded to be done. You were a bit iffier about breaking rules, but Zandik was firm on not letting anyone hold him back in his pursuit, so you began to think less of it. Many nights would pass by with the two of you staying up until unreasonable hours, whether it was studying together (or more like Zandik helping you study), or listening to him ramble on about his latest ideas and inventions. The strangest times were when he made you stay up despite not speaking at all. You would blink through bleary eyes as he remained silent, the only noise the clinking of bolts and nuts. In your heart, you liked to think he just liked your presence.
But the day you found out Zandik was to be expelled from the Akademiya was one you’d never forget. You knew he had a tendency to act without permission, to turn off others with his radical ideas, so perhaps you shouldn’t have been surprised. You also had some knowledge of what happened in his expeditions with the team - almost everyone did, considering what happened with that girl - and you knew deep down what her true cause of death was. And Zandik knew that you knew too; you could feel it unspoken in his eyes when the subject matter was brought up briefly. You knew you were too far gone when you accepted it. But still, him being expelled was still a shocker. Yet the only thing he bemoaned was losing his space to work.
“It is quite literally your last night in this dorm and you’re sad about losing your progress on your experiments?” Actually, now that you thought about it, it was quite a Zandik thing to think.
“It was the only good thing about this place,” he shrugged. “It is too bad. I shall have to find somewhere else now.”
“They’re going to exile you to the desert, aren’t they?” you frowned. “That’s what they do with the expelled and mad scholars, no?” He nodded in agreement.
“You can’t go. You won’t be able to continue your kind of research there,” you argued.
“And what do you propose? That we fight them?”
“Yes! I’ll fight them! I’d ambush them or something!” you knew you sounded crazy by now but you couldn’t help it. The idea of no longer being with your childhood friend was tearing you in half. “You know, the matra stationed there keeps an eye on all of the scholars who were exiled there, in order to keep them in check. Even if you managed to escape, it won’t be easy to survive in such conditions and they could find you,” you insisted.
“Good thing you’re so eager to fight,” he chuckled. You knew what he was thinking when he laughed like that. “I have a plan.”
You raised your eyebrow. “Oh really?”
“Did you really think I’d go in there without preparation?” he scoffed. “In due time, I shall find a way to contact you.”
You sighed. “Alright, just… let me know who I have to fight later,” you responded. “And…” you trailed off, not knowing if you should verbalize your true worried feelings. He seemed to notice, and he contemplated, trying to figure out what to say.
“You need not worry about me, [Name]. We both shall be fine.” The words felt foreign on his tongue, as they were things he would never say. But he did anyway.
And that was the last you saw of Zandik. But unbeknownst to either of you, he would be visited by a special man - the first Harbinger.
—
You stood outside on the small balcony, gazing down at Sumeru’s city. You had managed to nab one of the dorms with the platform, much to the dismay of the other scholars. The two of you always loved seeing them fume, as they had to take their star gazing elsewhere. Neither you nor Zandik had cared much for the stars, but admittedly it was just… nice to feel the wind blow.
Sleep had escaped you ever since Zandik left. Not hearing the usual metal clink and unscrewing noises, soft grunts, and occasional chair shifting from Dottore had left you unsettled and bothered. You had begun to think about whether you should continue to stay in the Akademiya. Zandik was no longer here, and the place crawled with rumors and gossip regarding him. You weren’t so popular anymore either, as the whispers even extended to you, his roommate who people began to question if you were truly innocent.
You had been feeling a bit lost in general since Zandik had been expelled. You were fully aware of the heinous things he had committed. You had come to terms that he was a criminal, and you were accomplice of sorts as well. Actually, the moment you decided to associate yourself with him was the moment you became not so good of a person. But that wasn’t what bothered you. What bothered you was Zandik’s absence.
Any normal person would have called you absolutely crazy for desiring such a madman’s presence. And you couldn’t blame them. They were right. Yet your heart could not let go of the man who you stuck with since childhood. You could not let go of the boy who scowled and doubted your intentions at first, the boy who eventually warmed up to you, the boy who demanded you be his test subject and assistant at the same time, the man who tutored you in science and maths and everything else, the man who stayed up to ungodly hours to tinker.
The man who you fell in love with.
The revelation was enough to make your knees weak, and suddenly the cold air was too much for your warming body. Quickly, you locked the doors to the balcony and stumbled onto your bed, rubbing your temples at this acknowledgment. Archons, how stupid were you? You were in love with someone whose character was… words you could not describe. Though you knew it all along. You just were scared to admit it. You internally cursed Zandik for doing this to you, as you knew you were too late to say anything. Not that you’d have a chance though, considering his whole outlook. He’d think that love was for fools only, a waste of time when he could pursue more fruitful endeavors. So all of this only caused you to miss him so terribly much more.
You missed his eyes - such a unique red that could only be compared to the one that flowed through living beings. You missed his hair - the softness that you only felt once, when you gently caressed the locks when you thought he was sleeping, but he grabbed your wrist so quickly it nearly scared the living daylights out of you. You missed his sharp and smart tongue that could put someone into their place in a matter of seconds. You missed everything about him.
But you shouldn’t sulk. No - you would not brood. If he was here, he’d probably be reprimanding you for being distracted when there was so much left to do. Sooner or later, you knew in your heart you would see him again and-
Knock-knock.
You bolted up at the series of knocks. Were you hearing things? Surely no one would be at your door this hour of the night. Did Zandik make you delusional now?
Knock-knock-knock.
Nope, you still had some of your sanity left. You swung your feet off the bed, about to head towards the door when a rather strange shadow blurred across the floor. It looked oddly like… a figure… at your balcony… Your heart pounded as you convinced your head to look up.
Zandik was on your balcony. How he managed to get up so many stories of the building, you had no clue. No longer did he don the Akademiya’s uniform, but clothes that were rather nice and expensive looking. It seemed your stupor lasted longer than his liking as he tapped impatiently on the glass door and pointed towards the lock.
Well, it seemed your reunion with him was happening sooner rather than later, that’s for sure. Quickly you scrambled to open the door and pull your beloved inside.
“Z-Zandik,” you sputtered, not believing your eyes. “I- what- how are you here? Did anyone see you? You have to leave, they’re going to catch you!” You fumbled over your words, fighting with the happiness of seeing your friend again but also concerned about him being caught. “What happened with the plan? What happened in the desert? What are you wearing? How did you-?”
Zandik quickly shut you up by tapping his newly gloved finger on your lips. “You must not speak so loudly. But you are correct, we do not have much time.”
“You’re r-right,” you agreed, lowering your tone. “But I just need at least some kind of explanation. Why and how did you come back…?”
“The Fatui has recruited me.”
“The Fatui?” you echoed softly, trying to remember what that was. A few seconds of thinking and remembering the daunting masked men and women who carried around weapons caused you to snap back to life. “The Fatui?!” you whisper-yelled. “Those scary people who always eyed us up when went into the forest and stuff?! I- ah, I won’t even question it anymore. Just… go on.” Zandik smirked at your halting.
“They have provided me with sufficient equipment and a space to work. We no longer have any reason to stay at this ignorant institution,” he declared. “And, from now on, I am to be called Dottore, a new Harbinger.”
“Dottore?” you repeated. “How clever,” you snorted at the irony of the name. “And… what do you mean by ‘we’?” your voice got quieter towards the end.
“I mean what I said. You shan’t stay here any longer.”
You already knew you were following him, but your chest twinged due to your recently newfound feelings. What if you somehow turned out to be a nuisance for him? Eternally distracted by this foolish love?
“Oh really? And what makes you think I’d follow you so easily?” You don’t think he was expecting you to say that. He cleared his throat.
“I’ve already made it clear to the Jester I shall not work without a competent assistant. There is only one person who has proven themselves to be capable. I will not settle for anyone else,” Zandik stated resolutely. “And,” he paused, uncharacteristically unsure of how to voice what he wanted to say next. He had always been a man who would proclaim the most damning ideas with no remorse. Yet he had trouble formulating his thoughts because of you.
“You are… infuriating,” he began, making you raise your eyebrow. How charming of him. “Since that day in the forest, I knew you were going to be vexing. You would not bend to anything I said, would not leave me alone no matter the methods I used. Infuriating,” he repeated.
“But,” he very cautiously raised his hand to hover near your cheek, just barely making contact, “I never thought I’d become so… accustomed to you. I remember your habits and likes just as much as I remember those formulas you hated so. It’s laughable to think that almost all of my memories have you there somehow.”
“You are irking, but without your presence, I am strangely irritated myself, which is far more of a hindrance than I would have ever anticipated. Without you, I find my mind wandering - it is like nothing I have experienced before,” he finally cupped your cheek with hesitance, as if he himself was in disbelief at his own actions.
“I have known you almost all my life, yet I seem to still need more time to truly figure you out. I am not merely speaking as a scholar, but as… me,” he finished. Now, that was the last thing you expected from a man such as him. But he quickly regained his composure as he asked you the final question.
“Now,” he concluded. “What say you?” For all his talk of bravado and confidence, his hesitant show of affection revealed all the vulnerability that you desired to see and gave you the answer you needed. You placed your own hand over his one on your cheek, maintaining eye contact with him as he stiffened at the feeling of your skin against his, even if it was clothed. You moved closer to Zandik, until your chests were nearly touching.
Zandik knew what you were going to do. Although the thought of such affection usually made him… ill and annoyed, he could not help but think that the feeling would be different if you were the one initiating. How would his body react? Would he enjoy it? Would he want to do it again?
You moved closer to his face, and without hesitation, you kissed him. Zandik was rigid, the foreign sensation of another’s lips against him was completely unfamiliar to him. But it seemed that the answer to his questions was a resounding ‘yes.’ You pulled away from him, trying to gauge his expression. You did not know too much about kissing, but you knew your newly found lover understood even less, which spurred you to continue.
Running your hands down his firm arms, you leaned in again to nip and suck at his neck, drawing out a shudder from Zandik. He felt intoxicated by you all at once. He would be sure to write some notes on this later… they would be needed for further… research and experimental trials. He nuzzled his face into your soft locks, silently encouraging you to continue your course of action, eager to indulge in it with as much excitement as he would indulge in forbidden knowledge.
But then you released him with a pop of your lips. “Well, let’s not get too carried away,” you teased. “Wouldn’t want your new subordinates seeing you like this, hmm?” you straightened his collar and smoothed out the wrinkles you created on his clothes. To say he felt bewildered and betrayed was an understatement.
“And if that wasn’t enough of an answer for you,” you changed your tone to a soft, honest one, “Wherever you go, I shall go too. I decided that a long time ago, Zandik.” There was no need for either of you to say the three words that many others longed for. You knew that the relationship you now had with him was far stronger than a few mere words could describe.
Zandik quickly regained his composure. He would be sure to pay you back for your little stunt later. “Well then, there is much to be done. We have not a moment to waste,” he grinned, halfway out onto the balcony. “Take my hand, and we will be off,” he extended his arm, his gloved hand awaiting your own.
Taking his hand meant abandoning this current life. It meant embracing a new life that was far from morally right, one that should surely lead you to be despised by many. It meant becoming a part of the Fatui for Archon’s sake, an organization that was far from reputable. Zandik and [Name] would become lost to the world, the names only being remembered by the two of you in loving, soft-spoken whispers. Others would only know Dottore and his loyal assistant. If you took his hand, there was no going back…
And yet with no hesitation, you placed your hand in his.
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#dottore x reader#il dottore x reader#dottore fluff#genshin impact il dottore#il dottore#fatui harbingers x reader#fatui x reader#dottore angst#zandik x reader#genshin impact dottore#genshin impact zandik
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Dottores younger segments have harsh mood swings, and so the lab equipment is extra durable to accommodate his anger issues. Things like glass beakers, rods, and specimen jars are made of extra durable glass in case he throws them. There's stim toys and chews everywhere so he can Try and deal with his emotions healthily. This is all more common in the teen and young adult clones. The older ones have suppressed their emotions so they can do more science™️. He has never gotten violent or angry at you though, he could never. If he hurt you, he'd go insane... well... more insane.
Smut below
There are only two ways to calm him down when he's like this. Wait or get you. It takes time still, and he's incredibly clingy because his mind is too loud, and he's frustrated, but he calms down. Sometimes his mind is loud in a way that needs to be fucked out of him. It has to be hard rough bordering on too much when he's like this, or else it just adds to his frustrations. Either way once he's finally calm he's exhausted even if you didn't fuck him he's tired that much rage takes everything out of him and he has to nap for like 4 hours.
#dottore#genshin dottore#genshin impact dottore#dottore x reader#il dottore#il dottore x reader#zandik#zandik x reader#genshin il dottore#sub genshin#bottom dottore#dottore clones#dottore headcanons#genshin impact il dottore#sub dottore#dottore fluff#il dottore headcanons#dottore angst#dottore smut#Cyber-Night
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hi hi !! could you write an ANGST with Dottore and Zhongli where we break up with them? maybe in dottore we break up because we can't bear(?) his experiments anymore and in Zhongli one we feel not enough/that he loves someone else (maybe Guizhong?)
Gn reader or Fem!reader(if u write for fem. sorry if u do not,i couldnt find rules and im really really sorry ! :( ... )
p.s will there be To love another 3rd part? it's my fav fanfic ever !!
love your work ♡♡
hihihi i know this is like super late but this prompt is literally so good 😭 also im thinking of writing another part to that fic, but i just dont know where to take it so ive been procrastinating haha
dottore’s part is kinda ooc bcs let’s be real if he’s that whipped for reader he wouldn’t let them break up with him, but im going to pretend that he’s not as much of a red flag as he actually is 🤭🤭
༊*·˚ 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐈𝐓 𝐎𝐅𝐅
Pairing: Dottore x GN!reader, Zhongli x GN!reader (separate)
Content: Angst, no comfort. Mentions of canon typical violence, assumed past Guizhong x Zhongli
DOTTORE
“It seems my beloved has finally thought to visit me.”
You cringed from the overpowering metallic scent as you stepped into your boyfriend’s laboratory, trying hard not to look at the borderline gruesome sights on the clinical beds.
Dottore cleaned the blood off a bone saw he was holding, setting the instrument down carefully before walking towards you - eyes lit up, but holding a gleam different to the maniacal one he usually possessed.
“How was your day, my love?” His voice was humorous. He seemed to be in a good mood, humming lightly while opening the door for you.
“It was fine.” You sighed as you felt the weight of Dottore’s harbinger coat settle across your shoulders, registering the touch of his hand as he pulled you into him and away from the Snezhnayan cold.
“Has that coworker of yours still been bothering you?”
“… Don’t try pretending.”
“Whatever could you be talking about?” The Doctor’s grip on you tightened.
“I wouldn’t wish death on anyone, even if they annoyed me to that extent.” You sighed, finally tilting your head to stare into the planes of your lover’s mask.
“Oh, they’re not dead. Rather, they’ve been subject to some biological modifications of an experimental kind - would you like to see?”
You gritted your teeth.
“I’m hungry, don’t make me lose my appetite.”
“Good thing I have a nice place booked for dinner, my love.”
His compliance was almost uncanny.
-
Normal couples gazed affectionately into each other’s eyes over meat and wine, fingers fondly interlaced over the dining table. And yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to return Dottore’s adoring scarlet gaze, and his hold on your hand felt more like a death trap.
“Is the food to your liking?” He asked. He hadn’t touched any of the vegetables on his plate, only biting into the steak.
“Yes. You should eat greens, too.” You commented.
“Mm. Why don’t you feed me, then?” Dottore only tilted his head, smiling eagerly. Recently, a fear of you being turned into one of the harbinger’s countless experiments had taken hold, and it was this same fear that drove you to play right how he wanted. And so, lifting your fork, you fed him with all the patience you could muster - staring into those deep red eyes, feeling like nothing more than prey. Those eyes would’ve been the last thing many others had seen before their death, the end of their lives marked by that sadistic grin. You almost shuddered at the thought.
Normal couples slept under starry nights reflected in their star crossed hearts as they cuddled close under soft sheets. Normality was such a strange concept, you decided. Despite the fact that you were doing just what normal couples should, the situation was still absurd. However, your fear of becoming another one of the harbinger’s lab rats wasn’t unfounded. You mulled over this fact, almost snorting at the juxtaposition. Here you were - wondering if the man who cradled you in his arms would strap you down to a table in the name of research.
“My love, are you still awake?” You felt Dottore’s breath ghost over your neck, his face pressing into your nape. With a rustle, he readjusted the blanket over your shoulders.
“Yeah, I can’t sleep.”
“Nightmares, perhaps? I have a pill you can use for those.”
“No, just… thinking.” You squirmed in Dottore’s hold. His comment only reignited your spiralling train of thought, pushing you further to the point of resolve.
If he could kill his clones - literal versions of himself - then what would stop him from doing the same to you? Even if you remained alive, would you have to continue to tolerate being exposed to such grotesque horrors?
It was simply better to break things off, before you no longer had the option to.
Breakfast.
The first meal of the day, and the last meal you’d share with your boyfriend.
“Dottore.”
“Yes?” The Doctor’s head jerked up immediately from where he was chewing. You could feel the undivided weight of all his attention sinking into you, and for a moment, you faltered. He was notorious for paying little mind to anyone else, and yet, he treated you with the utmost attentiveness. You steeled your resolve.
“I think… we should break up.”
Silence. Then, the grating scrape of cutlery against crockery.
“Why.”
Not a question, more of a demand. You gulped.
“Do you want me to be honest with you?”
“Yes. Is it something I did?”
“I can’t bear your experiments anymore, Dottore. They’ve gone too far, and I don’t think I can stomach living normally with you as if I don’t know the kind of things you do. Even worse, every day I’m wary that I might be your next test subject - whenever I walk into your lab, I wonder when I’ll be the one under your needles. It’s exhausting.”
Another beat of silence. You could see Dottore’s chest rising and falling at an increasingly fast pace, his jaw tensing.
“I would never, ever do that to you. It’s ridiculous that you’d even think that, and as for your prior reason… I can arrange for you to come to the lab less often…”
“So you’re just going to cover my eyes and act like you’re not doing anything with those experiments? I just can’t be ignorant here, nor can I trust you. If you can get rid of your clones so easily, then what am I? What value do I hold-“
“Those creations do not even compare to you.” Dottore finally snapped, slamming his hand down on the table. You flinched, and he felt as though his lung capacity had been halved. His head spun in tandem with the rapid tightening of his heart, his mouth twisting into a scowl.
It hurt Dottore, realising that you didn’t trust him. That all those fond, intimate memories together were just you acting out of fear - or at least, the most recent ones were. It hurt, beyond anything Dottore thought he could inflict on his patients. And even worse, you were frightened of him. The light shaking of your shoulders and the way you flinched were enough indication.
The Doctor enjoyed seeing his victims become terrified, but that same terror on you almost made him feel like he’d been the one stabbed with a scalpel. Foolishly, he’d fallen victim to his own maniacal research tendencies.
“Listen, I didn’t mean to scare you. I just meant to say… that you can trust me.” Dottore raised his hand towards you to cup your cheek, wincing when you avoided the action.
“I tried to, I really did. But I don’t think I can do it anymore.”
“My love, please.”
The second harbinger was begging. What a strange sight.
“Let me go, Dottore.” You murmured shakily. You saw hesitation, hurt, and anger flit through those vermilion eyes you’d used to love. But that love you held for him had only smouldered into disgust and fear.
“… Then go. Get out of my sight.” Dottore hissed, his teeth clenching at the wary expression on your face.
It was painful, how you walked out without a second glance.
���My love…” Dottore whispered. He stared at the closed door, almost expecting you to return. He repeated the phrase, over and over to himself - his face contorting into an expression he himself couldn’t name. Was there truly an emotion as human as this? It was a twisted, unimaginable feeling the Doctor couldn’t categorise. The syllables came off his quivering lips, as though by uttering them he could make you come back.
But the truth was, your not-so-normal relationship was over. Perhaps, Dottore would return to the normality of his heartless experiments, and you’d return to the normality of a better fate than one you’d endure by his side.
He only regretted not being able to hold you more.
ZHONGLI
There were only two letters between you and your lover, but those two letters seemed to stretch wider every day - ‘I’, and ‘M’. The seemingly infinite synapse between mere ‘mortal’, and ‘immortal’.
Zhongli was undeniably a mortal vessel, but he as a being was not. He’d lived eons before you, loved and hated thousands. He’d experienced things you couldn’t even fathom, and yet, you couldn’t comprehend how he treated you as though your fleeting existence was the centre of his much larger world.
Whenever you looked into Zhongli’s amber eyes, heard his deep laugh, or felt his gentle caress, you could only feel insignificant. After all, he used to be a literal god. You couldn’t help the guilt that gnawed at your conscience, couldn’t stamp out the incessant feeling that he was too good for you, that you couldn’t compare to whatever lovers he’d had in the past.
“How’s the tea, darling?” Zhongli prompted. He sat with his back to the window, basking in an almost ethereal glow.
“Ah, I have yet to try it.” You shook yourself out of your thoughts to raise the cup in front of you. Zhongli only smiled warmly, but the gesture made your hand shake a little. You’d planned to break up with him today, and yet the way he still stared lovingly at you - full of infinite trust - made you feel terrible.
But how many others had he also treated this way? In his life, those others were probably far more special than you, possessing talents far more worthy of a god’s attention.
Suddenly, a shattering sound pierced your ears, and a scalding warmth set into your thigh. You looked down in a daze, before snapping out of it upon realising that you’d dropped the teacup.
“Are you okay?” Zhongli was at your side in an instant, mopping up the spilled tea and collecting the broken fragments of the cup.
“Yeah.” You gritted your teeth again. How dare someone as insignificant as you make Rex Lapis get down on his knees to clean the mess you’d made. It simply made you feel as though you didn’t deserve such a wonderful man at all.
“You’ve been distracted lately. Is there anything I should know about?” Zhongli asked slowly.
“No. Well, yes.” You stammered. You hadn’t planned this out very well, and your heart squeezed tighter.
“Go ahead. You know you can tell me anything, darling.”
A warm hand came to rest against your cheek. You closed your eyes, feeling tears build and slip down your face.
Zhongli wiped at your tears, holding your hands in your lap as he looked up at you worriedly - his thumbs tracing comforting circles on your knuckles. He thought of saying something, before deciding against it. He knew it was better to let you speak first.
“Let’s break up.” You blurted, feeling Zhongli’s fingers come to a complete stop.
“We can work through this, tell me why first. Has something been upsetting you?”
Your tears fell harder. He still showed you so much kindness, never jumping to any conclusions.
“I feel like I don’t deserve you. You’re too good for me, it makes me feel guilty that someone like me can have you.” You sobbed.
“Darling, you know it makes me happy to just spend time with you. That in itself is fair exchange, no?”
“But what makes that so special? You’ve lived for so long, you could’ve done this with anyone else, and you probably have. Who am I in comparison to someone like Guizhong?”
Through your blurred vision, you could still see Zhongli’s form kneeled by your side. He seemed to be choosing his next words carefully.
“You and her are both special, in your own way. Why don’t you calm down a little first? I can pour you some more tea.”
“I’m so selfish, Zhongli. I really don’t think I can stay with you.”
“Do you really want to leave that badly?”
Your heart twisted. You didn’t want to leave. You wanted to stay in his warm embrace, his soft understanding gaze. And yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to.
“… Yes.”
“Very well then. You know I won’t stop you, because I just want what’s best for you.”
The light grip on your hands released, and as you stood up everything seemed to spin.
“Thank you… for everything.” You murmured, stealing one last glance at the man you loved - before leaving.
Zhongli remained where he was for some time. In his life, many things came to an end, but this hurt a little more. When Guizhong had left him, it was due to her passing - the youthful Rex Lapis had found someone to blame, to ventilate his grief. But the most crude fact in this situation was that you were still alive, and had chosen to leave him of your own volition. Zhongli himself had made this happen.
However, an archon’s most prized trait was impartiality. Therefore, Zhongli knew that he had to maintain indifference. He refused to let himself chase after you, or force you into anything. It was only unfair, if an immortal were to impose such a fate onto a mortal.
And so, he could only watch as you faded from his life, like the cyclic ebb of waves on an ocean shore.
#genshin x reader#genshin imagines#genshin oneshots#genshin angst#dottore x reader#dottore x you#fatui x reader#dottore angst#dottore imagines#yandere dottore#yandere genshin x reader#zandik x reader#zhongli x you#zhongli x y/n#zhongli x reader#zhongli angst#zhongli imagines#zhongli oneshot#dottore#angst#zhongli
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ROMANTIC HOMICIDE | IL DOTTORE
pairing: dottore x reader; implications of future tartaglia x reader
summary: in which you’re with dottore’s youngest segment when he makes the deal with the dendro archon.
warnings: heavy angst, character death (dottore’s segments), very heavily implied breakup but it’s not made explicit, dottore does not know how to deal with emotions, the youngest segment (referred to as iota segment) was literally like reader’s son, was very liberal with what little we know of dottore’s lore/background.
notes: wow this was the most emotionally intense thing i’ve written in a hot minute. ever since i learned that dottore had a 10 y.o. segment i’ve been distraught—he is my son #real keeping dottore in character for his pov was honestly a rlly big writing challenge n i had a lot of fun w it. i think i did pretty well. as always, rbs for boost are appreciated! praying that this stays in the tags n it’s only the tighnari tags glitching again
wordcount: 7.3k
“Good morning, sleepy head,” you murmured, a small smile pulling to your lips as you watched a familiar pair of eyes flutter open, still heavy with sleep and exhaustion. Dottore’s Iota segment only let out a noise of complaint as he rolled onto his side, burying his face into the pillow. You hummed quietly, running your fingers through the soft curls as his expression slowly went lax again, drifting back off to sleep. “You have to wake up sooner or later, I told you not to stay up all night reading that book.”
“I choose later,” his voice was muffled by the pillow, thick with sleep and you tried to bite back a laugh, not wanting to encourage his behavior. Instead, you leaned down to press your lips against his temple.
“I made you breakfast,” you tempted, watching as one of his eyes immediately peeked open, watching you curiously. “Strawberry crepes,” a recipe you had learned to make during the few months you had been stationed in northern Fontaine, on the Snezhnayan border, a recipe that Dottore and his segments particularly enjoyed even if the Iota Segment was the only one that was obvious about it. Their fondness of sweets was something they liked to keep hidden.
“... Fine,” he finally agreed, pushing the blankets off and sitting up. You watched, a fond smile pulling at your lips as he stretched, yawning and rubbing at one of his eyes until he froze mid-yawn, catching sight of you watching him. “Don’t look at me like that,” his voice was sharp but he was flustered, cheeks pink as he turned away from you.
You rose to your feet, holding a hand out toward him and you turned away before he could catch your smile as he reached out and took your hand, small fingers curling around yours as you led him from the bedroom.
Your relationship with Dottore’s segments varied widely--from the Theta Segment, who could barely stand to look at you but would still throw himself in front of danger for you if it came down to it, to the older segments, Beta, Gamma and Delta, who were as adoring and obsessive as Dottore himself was. You liked to think that you didn’t play favorites, but you knew it was a lie--how could you not have favorites when the Iota Segment was just right there.
The youngest of all of Dottore’s segments, the Iota Segment was frozen in time at the age of ten, why Dottore had felt it necessary to create a segment this young was a question in itself. But you were not one to cut your blessings short, so instead you took advantage of the situation, being able to dote over a far younger and more vulnerable Dottore, before he had become cold and sharp and cruel.
No one was born evil, you liked to believe, and the Iota Segment of Dottore was surely proof enough of that. Dottore never told you much of his past, but you knew enough to figure out exactly when this one had been made--the scar crossing over his nose and the top of his face was fresh, so he had to have been frozen in time right after he had been run out from his village, hailed a monster and heretic and scarred by his parents the night they chased him out.
Sometimes, you wondered what Dottore’s life would have been like had he not been shunned and kicked to the streets by the people that were supposed to love him. You spent enough time with the Iota Segment to know that his interests back then were nothing like the older Dottore’s. But Dottore had been from a devout and traditional village down south in Sumeru, so the moment that he had sparked interest in ruin guards and comparing humans to archons, it had been his downfall.
It was only after the first rejection in his hometown, from the people that were meant to love him unconditionally, did Dottore’s mindset begin to spiral into the one he had in the present day--uncaring of human life, ruthlessly ambitious in pursuit of his goals, sadistic and cruel and tunnel-visioned onto his research.
But the Iota Segment had yet to be cemented in that mindset--and maybe that was why Dottore had created one so young. He was still hurt and stand-offish after the events in his hometown, reluctant to get close to people but he was not cruel or sadistic, he was young enough to still be able to see the aranara of Sumeru but old enough that he could still devote himself and focus on research.
Curious and clumsy, the Iota Segment usually was found following after the older segments like a lost duckling, with them watching over him to make sure he didn’t find himself in trouble, as he usually did. But the older segments were all busy these days, with three down south with Dottore himself in Sumeru, overseeing the God Creation project, the Theta Segment continuing Dottore’s research into Irminsul until he could take back over, and the rest scattered throughout Teyvat still trying to advance the Archon residue project after the setback from two years back.
So it was up to you to keep an eye on the Iota Segment, and as much as you loved the boy, you swore you were on the verge of pulling your hair out. The amount of times you had to go out in the freezing winters of Snezhnaya to go searching for him, having to warm the both of you up with fire and blankets and hot cocoa, was too many to count.
It was both a blessing and a curse that Tartaglia had come back to Snezhnaya because he was willing to keep you company while you watched over the boy but the Iota Segment despised Tartaglia, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because the older segments were whispering in his ear about the fellow Harbinger. It was very much common knowledge that there was no love lost between the older segments of Dottore and the Eleventh Harbinger.
“Do you think Master Dottore will let me work with live ruin guards when he gets back?” the Iota Segment asked as he sat down at the counter to shovel the crepes into his mouth. Your stomach lurched at the question, very much aware of the dangers that came along with working with live ruin guards. Dottore had been hesitant to let the Iota Segment anywhere near the live ruin guards. He didn’t like to restrict the curiosity of his segments but he was young and there was little reward and too much risk if something were to happen to him.
But the Iota segment had been working overtime while all of the other segments were gone, studying all of Dottore’s notes, reading over the research papers that Epsilon wrote on ruin guards and ruin hunters--if there was a piece of research on it, the Iota segment had read it to the point where he could recite it word for word if asked.
“With all your studying?” you smiled, nudging him gently with your shoulder as you passed by him. “How could he not?”
“He never stops the other segments from doing what they want,” he complained, and you watched as he twisted his food around with his fork, resting his chin on his palm. “Only me.”
“Mmm, that’s not true,” you said off-handedly, not even really processing it before you spoke, thinking back to the many times Dottore had put a stop to the Beta and Delta segment trying to get it on with you when they thought he wasn’t around.
“Yeah? Well what did they get stopped from doing?” he demanded, turning to face you and you froze, realizing what you had said.
“You know I don’t care to listen when they prattle on about their experiments,” you tried to blow off the question. “I don’t remember exactly what it was.”
But your chest tugged when you watched his shoulders slump over again, a frown pulling at his lips. You pouted softly, moving to stand closer to him, you cupped his cheeks in your hands and lifted his face so he was looking at you and you hated how frustrated and upset he was. “You’re young, s-”
“And I’ll never get older,” he snapped, trying to look away from you but you only smoothed your fingers over his cheekbones, tracing the lower half of his scar. “I don’t even know why he made me. I’m useless compared to the rest of the segments.”
You leaned down, pressing your lips to his forehead before letting out a soft sigh, “You are not useless,” you said, smiling as he huffed, hiding his face in your shoulder. “In fact, I think you’re the most useful of them all.”
“Now you’re just lying,” his voice was muffled into your shirt but you could hear the way it cracked.
“I would never lie to you,” and it was the truth, not that he would ever believe it, having been burned too many times by the people that were supposed to love him.
He made a noise, barely even acknowledging your words before he tilted his face up, and you forced yourself not to coo, catching the way he blinked up at you through his lashes, cheek still pressed to your shoulder, red eyes wide and searching your face.
“You’re so strange,” he murmured, and you raised your eyebrows, not sure if you should be offended or not. You could feel him shrug. “You just are. Nobody chooses us.”
You swallowed thickly, playing with one of the thick curls laying against his ear. “I’ll always choose you.”
“I just don't understand,” he finally spoke louder, pulling away from you, staring down at the plate, and you cocked your head to the side as you waited for him to continue. “I’m not stupid, you know? I know the Jester has been coming here, offering you a high ranking position in the Fatui—why do you keep turning him down?”
And you smiled, cupping his cheeks and tilting his face up, pressing your lips to his temple once, then twice, and then a third time. “Now why would I ever want to become a Harbinger when I can simply spend my days with you, silly boy? I told you, I’ll always pick you.”
Your smile softened when you noticed that his red eyes had welled with tears—and it really was a reminder that the segments were stuck in the mental state Dottore created them at. No matter how many times you told the Iota segment how much you cared for him and that you would never leave him, he would never believe you or understand it—too stuck in the betrayal of his mother and father. “Do you mean that?” he asked, voice wavering.
“Of course I do.”
His bottom lip trembled and you hummed quietly, reaching out to pull him to your chest. He flung thin arms around you, pressing his face against your skin and you could feel his shoulders shaking and you could feel the way he was desperately trying to blink away tears. The words that had slipped out when you had woken him up from a particularly bad nightmare rang through your head:
“Father said I’m not allowed to cry.”
“S’okay,” you said softly, cupping the back of his head and holding him close, remembering how he had been shaking, terrified at the prospect of crying that night because of what he thought waited for him after. “You can cry.”
The noise that escaped his lips was caught between a sob and a wheeze, you could feel his hands clutching at the back of your shirt, blunt nails digging into your back. You did your best to soothe him, running your fingers through his hair and rubbing soft circles against his back--he was reaching the end of the cycle again, where he fought back all of his emotions until they exploded. It was something that every version of Dottore dealt with--the Theta segment was prone to bouts of rage at the end of his cycle, Epsilon and Delta tended to close themselves off, and Dottore himself got cold and sharp, to the point where it was hard for you to convince yourself that he didn’t mean some of the particularly harsh words he spoke.
You could hear the muffled apologies against you as he tried to calm himself down. The Iota segment had yet to compartmentalize and funnel his emotions in the way the older segments did, so instead of being able to force the emotions into one that was easier to handle--like cold or hot anger, which was how Dottore frequently described it--he was forced to deal with tears that only made him more anxious and frustrated, a spiral that he couldn’t control.
“Hey, look at me,” you said, waiting for him to look up at you, and he did--lashes wet, eyes rimmed red and bottom lip wobbly.
“Come,” you said, holding out your hand for him. “How about you come tell me about the research you stayed up reading last night? So you can get ready to show Dottore how much you have learned while he was gone. He’ll be impressed if you’ve taught me some, that’s a feat that not even he’s been able to achieve yet.”
His eyes were still welled up with tears even as he perked up, taking your hand and all but dragging you in the direction of the library. He was already waving his free hand around, voice still cracking as he explained something about cores and autonomy that made little sense to you, but he seemed to be pulling himself out of the spiral before it could worsen, and you supposed that was worth the headache that was bound to come from trying to understand what he was talking about.
---
“You need to bathe, why must this always be an argument?” you were exasperated calling him for the hundredth time, hands on your hips as you paced up and down the hall. This was the third time this week that he refused to interrupt his studying for basic necessities and you were tired of chasing him around to haul him into the tub or force feed him.
“I will in a minute!” he shouted back from down the hall, locked in his room. “I just need to finish this page.”
“You said that twenty minutes ago,” you told him loudly.
“I did not! It was five minutes,” he argued.
“Check the clock then.” You could practically see the way his brows were furrowed, searching for the clock in his room, and you couldn’t help but notice that he did not, in fact, talk back this time. “Well?”
“... it was nineteen minutes ago,” he said, rather petulantly before going quiet again. “Just this last page, I mean it this time.”
You sighed heavily. “The water is running. Get in there before it goes cold. I’ll be in the other room.”
You turned on your heel to walk back down the hall toward the library, intent on curling up on the sofa and reading that book that Dottore had left behind for you, claiming you would enjoy it. You hadn’t got the chance to look at it since he left, too caught up in handling little Iota--but you knew if you didn’t at least get through a good portion of it before he got back, he would be disappointed. Not that he would ever show it outwardly, but his gaze would linger on the unmoved book in a way that you knew was him second guessing himself if the way his fingers tapping steadily against his thigh had anything to say about it.
And you didn’t want him to think that. Dottore was never the best with verbal or physical displays of affection but he was phenomenal when it came to things like that---thinking of you and things you might enjoy, and bringing them for you to appreciate. He was observant and attentive unlike anyone you had ever met before when it came to figuring out what you like and don’t like.
He had been hesitant about it during the beginning of your relationship, but as the years went on, he became more and more comfortable bringing you stuff. But Dottore, as much as he would deny it, was rather sensitive when it came to his emotions. Or maybe sensitive wasn’t the right word--he was closely-guarded, and one little thing like you brushing aside something he had gone out of his way to bring you because he thought you would enjoy it could set him back quite the distance.
You smiled softly, shaking your head as you looked down at the ground as you reached the end of the hall. You didn’t even get a step into the library before you heard the Iota segment’s door slam open.
Familiar footsteps dashed toward you and alarm began to shoot through you, turning around just as he barreled into you. You let out an oof, stumbling backward as you wrapped your arms around him, cupping the back of his head. Panicked, you lifted his head, turning his face up toward you so you could search it, make sure he was okay.
“What’s wrong?” you asked, throat closing up at the way his red eyes were glassy with tears and you worried if something set off the spiral again--anxiety eating at your stomach because you thought you had averted it and couldn’t think of anything that would have sparked it again. He buried his face into your stomach. You stroked his hair as soothingly as you could, trying to calm him down and keep your own voice steady. “Are you okay? Talk to me. What’s going on?”
“He’s getting rid of us,” he cried, voice catching on a sob. “He’s getting rid of us, he’s killing us for the gnosis.”
Your world stilled and shattered at once, hand freezing midstroke against his head, “What?”
“He’s getting rid of us,” he was repeating it over and over again but you simply could not comprehend what he was saying because it just couldn’t make sense to you.
Why would Dottore ever do that? The segments were difficult, nigh-impossible to make now that some of the resources were all but inaccessible and Dottore was strong, obscenely strong, he was the strongest man you knew and you knew that the Dendro Archon stood no chance against him, why would he not just take it by force?
You wanted to assume that the Iota segment was wrong, that he had just misheard something, but the way he was clinging to your shirt tightened and his weight went dead in your arms.
“I can’t feel my legs,” he gasped. “I can’t feel them, I can’t move my legs.”
You eased the two of you down to the floor, arms shaking, barely able to process what was happening as you cradled the boy in your arms holding him to your chest. “It’s going to be okay,” you said, trying to stop your voice from shaking, pressing your lips to his forehead, “It’s okay, everything is going to be okay.”
“I don’t want to die,” his voice cracked. It was happening too fast. You felt sick to your stomach, nauseous as you noticed how his fingers were no longer clutching at your shirt, arms limp next to him. “He’s going to regret this, he will, I don’t want to die. I can’t feel my legs or my arms anymore, I can’t-I’m scared-”
“It’s okay,” your vision was blurred, and this time you couldn’t stop the way your voice wavered as your arms tightened around him, as you buried your face into the top of his head holding him tight. “Everything’s going to be okay. Don’t be scared, I’ve got you, Zandik.”
“I don’t want to die,” he repeated, more desperately this time, voice shrill. “I don’t understand, I don’t understand, why is he doing this? He’s going to regret this, he’s-”
The following silence was louder than his cries. You stared at the wall in front of you, praying, begging, for him to speak up again but he didn’t and you could barely even process what had happened. Not even two minutes had passed since you told him to get in the tub before the water ran cold and now-
Now, he was limp in your arms, the weight felt obscenely heavy compared to the amount of times you had carried him around when he got himself hurt--it was a different sort of weight, you couldn’t feel him toying with your hair as you propped him up on your hip, you couldn’t feel him squirming in your arms as you held him bridal style, you couldn’t feel his chin resting on the top of your head as you carried him on your back around the house while he was immersed in whatever book he was reading.
It was deadweight in your arms now, and it crushed everything within you all at once. You wondered how the night had turned so fast--how you had been chasing him through house as he screeched at you to leave him be to him using his last moments to rush into your arms; how he had been excited at the prospect of actually being able to study live ruin guards to crying against your chest afraid to die.
You wanted to cry but everything felt cold and empty and numb and you thought, just for a moment, that you might hate Dottore.
---
He half thought that he would come back to the estate and you would still be sitting there holding the youngest segment’s body. You were not. And he wasn’t sure if he should be relieved or worried that he came home to an eerily empty and cold house.
His throat had been tight when he had first arrived, the book he had left you untouched in the library and the halls of the estate absurdly uncomfortable when he realized you weren’t there. A bit of anxiety pooled in his stomach at the thought of you leaving without a word but your clothes were still in your shared room. There were still mementos on your dresser that you wouldn’t leave behind, so he figured you were just busy doing something else.
A grave had been dug, was the last thing he had noticed looking out the window of his bedroom, before Pierro had called him to the Zapolyarny Palace for a status update on what had happened down in Sumeru. The soil was still fresh, and Dottore considered, just for a moment, digging up the grave and trying to scavenge whatever materials he could from the segment’s remains--it wouldn’t be enough to create a new one, but it would be a start at least.
He ended up deciding against it as he twirled the familiar blue earring inside of his pocket--you had left it on the dresser for him to see as soon as he had noticed the grave. An offering, he supposed, asking him not to disturb it. He figured that he could acquiesce to that much at least.
The more time he had alone to think about it, the more perplexed he became--he had been certain that he would come home and you’d still be there, clutching the Iota segment to your chest. He had been prepared for the tears, he had been prepared for the anger; he steeled himself for the sharp words and shoves against his chest when he tried to draw close. He had expected it and it didn’t happen, and all of the walls he had built up to brace against the aggression crumbled in confusion.
Dottore didn’t like being wrong. It threw him off when he was prepared for something to happen and then it did not, in fact, happen. His mind was running at the speed of light, bouncing around all of the other options as to what might happen next. You didn’t leave, you weren’t there to yell at him, you weren’t there crying, so where were you? Were you planning something sneakier? Revenge?
No, he shook his head, revenge wasn’t your way.
He paused, or maybe it was, you had always been cold and spiteful, just never to him.
Would him killing the segments really change that?
He didn’t like that he couldn’t be confident in his answer.
Dottore inhaled slowly, keeping his gaze trained forward and his lips pressed tight, fingers tapping steadily against the side of his thigh, a tactic he had learned while at the Akademiya to keep himself calm and thinking straight when he found himself in a predicament that had him second guessing himself.
It was something he had to worry about later. For now, he had to get to the debrief before he had to waste time listening to Pierro make snide comments about him being late again, as he had the dozens of times he or one of his segments had gotten caught up in research before a meeting.
He tried to push you out of his mind--a difficult task, he realized as he approached the meeting room and you just would not leave the forefront of his mind. Questions and options raced behind his eyes as he tried to figure out where you were, what you were doing, and what he should expect when he inevitably ran into you.
He did not have to wonder for long.
He entered the room while Pierro was talking with one jab in his direction at his lateness, as he predicted, but the words didn’t fully process through his head. Dottore could hear him but Pierro’s voice sounded distant and muted even standing next to him. He couldn’t focus on his words--not on what he was asking, not on what he was explaining, not even when he was being addressed directly because he was too focused on you.
You, who was standing right between Pulcinella and Sandrone, eyes iced over and unfriendly in a way that Dottore had never expected you to direct toward him.
You were angry over the segment, that much he could put together from the cold fury in your eyes trained solely on him. He knew you would be angry. He expected that. But what were you doing here? In the meeting with the Harbingers?
Pierro had mentioned bringing people up to replace Signora and now, he supposed, they would have to replace Scaramouche too, but-
But you?
Shouldn’t this have been something mentioned to him? At least in passing? When was this even discussed? How long had Pierro been trying to get you to join--why hadn’t you said anything to him?
What was going on?
“Dottore,” the voice was harsh and sharp, Dottore’s eyes dragged from you to land on Pierro, who was watching him with a frustrated expression. Rather absently, Dottore noticed that all of the Harbingers were looking at him, and he played back the last few minutes in his head trying to figure out what he had missed.
Ah. The debrief on the events in Sumeru.
His voice sounded empty and robotic even to his own ears as he recounted what had happened down in Sumeru from the beginning of the God Creation Project, to the arrival of the Traveler, to Scaramouche’s developments and progress in the experimentation, to the interference from the Traveler and that group, to the meeting with the Dendro Archon and the two deals that were made with her.
He couldn’t help but notice the way Tartaglia’s eyes had drawn toward you when Dottore mentioned his segments, the way his body had twitched to move toward you. What was that? He was still looking at you, even though Dottore knew that Tartaglia knew he was staring right at him. Tartaglia’s brows were knit together in concern, and instead of meeting Dottore’s gaze, you looked at him. Tartaglia. A silent conversation that Dottore couldn’t understand—something green and ugly tugged at his chest, he forced it away.
Pierro wasn’t pleased with the loss of Dottore’s segments or the information he had offered up to the Dendro Archon, but he was more focused on the successful attainment of the two gnoses so Dottore was able to redirect his attention toward you.
You weren’t looking at him anymore, gaze trained on Pierro as he delved out orders to the rest of the Harbingers. He was angry--well, it was more than anger, but he couldn’t place what the second emotion was yet. He didn’t understand why you hadn’t consulted him about Pierro’s offer before taking him up on it, he didn’t understand why you hadn’t even mentioned it to him, and he did not like the way that Tartaglia was watching you, completely tuning out all of the discussion around him.
Hot anger. Dottore liked to differentiate different types of anger between hot and cold, it was easier for him to digest and figure out how to handle that way. Hot anger needed coolness, otherwise it would blow up into an explosion. Cold anger needed warmness, otherwise you would freeze each other out. Dottore was more adept with handling hot anger as he himself was rather cold.
And with him, you had always been hot anger, like his younger segment--Theta. You had been hot anger, he had been cold. A messy situation for when the two of you got into arguments, but not as messy as it could have been otherwise—you worked well with each other even when arguing. Why were you cold now? Where was the shouting and the aggression? The pushing at his chest and telling him to leave?
Dottore did not know how to handle your cold anger. He needed your warmth to balance out his cold. Once again, he felt anxiety yanking at him. He pushed it away. He had until the end of the meeting to figure out how to approach you and fix this mess before it escalated too far.
But the end of the meeting came too fast for him to process. Logically, he knew it had been a decent amount of time, but it had only felt like seconds had passed between him giving the rundown of what had happened and Pierro dismissing everyone. You were going to Fontaine with Arlecchino, that’s what Pierro had said right before ending the meeting. Fontaine, not to the outskirts but instead deep into the court of the Hydro Archon who hated the Fatui and everything they stood for.
Another unfamiliar emotion--more intense this time. He couldn’t push it away.
He didn’t have to ask you to stay. As all of the others left, you lingered. You were looking at him again but Dottore was more focused now on Tartaglia, who hadn’t left, and was staring at you, hesitantly. Rage. He funneled the unfamiliar emotion into rage as he turned his head to the lowest-ranked Harbinger, who had the audacity to raise his chin and meet Dottore’s gaze head on--or meet his gaze as best as he could, at least, with his mask on.
“Ajax,” it was your voice that drew him from the anger, but only momentarily. The familiarity that you spoke Tartaglia’s name had Dottore’s blood boiling, his delusion rattling against its mold. Since when- “Go.”
Since when was Tartaglia, ‘Ajax’? It had taken Dottore months to finally tell you what his real name was—an act that had been one of the most difficult decisions of his life considering it meant reviving a part of him that he had killed off years before.
It had taken him months to tell you and it had taken you months to get used to it—how were you saying Tartaglia’s real name so casually and fondly like that?
Tartaglia only listened to you when you looked at him, nodding once before turning and walking out of the room. He didn’t go far, Dottore noticed, he was lingering outside, ready to step in as if Dottore would do something to hurt you. As if he would ever, Dottore thought, trying to bite back the rising anger. And even if he did, it wasn’t like Tartaglia could hope to stop him.
“What was that about?” Dottore asked, voice tenser than he intended for it to be.
“What business is it of yours?” your voice was sharp, icy in a way that it hadn’t been with Tartaglia. That green feeling returned, ugly and intense, along with something else—something that had his chest feeling heavy.
“What business is it of mine?” Dottore questioned, tone laced in disbelief as he stared at you. “You’re my-”
“I’m your what?”
He didn’t like how you cut him off, how you were waiting for him to say something. He had heard you take that tone with associates of the Fatui before--associates who had gone back on their word and you were often the one sent to whittle the answers out of them before one of the Harbingers, usually a segment of Dottore, was sent to remove them. This was the tone you took when you had won, waiting for them to deliver the sentence that would damn them.
Dottore stayed quiet, only for a moment. Instead of answering the question, he asked another, “When did you and Tartaglia become so close?”
“He has been around the past three months. You have not.”
Dottore especially did not like that. He stared forward, mind whirring as he tried to process what you had said and the implications of it. Dottore had never made anything explicitly clear between the two of you but he had figured-
“Not like that, Dottore.”
Any other thought he might have had was gone, mind focusing on how you had addressed him. By his Harbinger title, you had never addressed him by that. It was always Zandik, you were the only one allowed to call him that, you were the only person he would revive that part of himself for. The name was dead to everybody else in the world except you.
“Why did you call me that?” Dottore asked before he could stop himself. The coldness, the way you addressed him, your familiarity with Tartaglia, Dottore didn’t know what was going on. It couldn’t just be anger over the lost segment--it was just a segment, a piece of him but he was still there, there had to be more that he was missing.
“Because Zandik is dead,” you said, and yet again, Dottore was grateful for his mask because his brow was furrowing and his eyes were squinted as he tried to figure out what you meant. “You killed him.”
Were you referring to the segment?
Dottore’s lips parted, he shut his eyes briefly as he shook his head, trying to clear his mind before speaking. “I am Zandik,” he spoke a sentence that he hadn’t spoken in years, and the forced acceptance ripped open a part of him that had long since been sealed away. Dottore tried to keep his breath steady, trying to split his attention between clearing up whatever this misunderstanding with you was and trying to close the reopened wound before it could cause serious damage.
“No, you’re not.” It was like you weren’t even listening to him and Dottore could feel the frustration seeping onto his face.
“I am,” Dottore snapped, but his anger would only fuel yours--he knew that from experience--so he tried to calm himself down. “I am Zandik,” he said it again. The wound ripped open more, too much for him to try to put back together while at the same time trying to figure out what he was missing. He would fix this with you, and then he would fix the wreck that had become his mental state. “What is going on? Why-”
“You killed him!” Your hands slammed down against the table, your voice a shout so loud that it echoed across the chamber the two of you stood in--outside the room, he heard Tartaglia draw closer to the door, alert. Dottore paused, staring at you--there was the anger, the hot anger that Dottore had expected from you, but he couldn’t find himself relieved at it. Instead, he only found himself even more stressed.
“You are talking about the segment,” he realized quietly, and your eyes flared at his words, angrier. But Dottore was lost because he expected you to be angry but he didn’t expect it to be like this. He didn’t expect it to-
“You killed him, Dottore,” your voice cracked over your words, and Dottore tried to step around the table toward you but you drew back as soon as he started to move. His throat felt tight at the rejection but he tried to ignore it--impossible, the wound tore more, gaping and open.
Dottore shook his head again, slowly this time, as he tried to figure out what to say to calm you down. “The segment was me,” he tried to keep his voice soft, but Dottore was not a soft man. “I’m still here. He was just me, but younger, and-”
“He was not-”
“He was-” His voice rose, anger and frustration, and maybe just a hint of desperation to get you to listen to him as he realized what exactly the issue was. You had never considered the segments as extensions of him. They had been individuals, separate people. He should have realized it from the way you spoke about some of them but he was never around enough when you were talking to the segments to have the pieces to put it together and he was so set in his own mindset that they were simply extensions to realize you felt differently. “He was me. I’m him. Let’s-”
“He was you before you turned into this,” your words were sharp and venomous, acid dripping into the open wound. Dottore drew back, not speaking for a moment as he watched you, waiting for you to elaborate on what you meant.
You did not, chest heaving and eyes welled with tears as you stared at him. If Dottore wanted an explanation, he would have to ask but he didn’t even know if he wanted an explanation.
“And what is ‘this’?” Dottore couldn’t stop himself from asking, time seemed still around the two of you as he waited for an answer.
“Look at what you’ve turned into, Zandik. All of these odd experiments and heretical ideas, you’ve become a-”
“A monster.”
Dottore stared at you and internally he was scrambling, trying to get control of all of the unwelcome emotions before they could become visible on his face. The wound that had been opened had torn past the point of being able to close back up, it had torn through all of the other closed wounds and ripped all of them open too, leaving him bare and vulnerable and bleeding out and there was nothing he could do. He had to leave, or he had to get you to leave so he could get himself under control.
“I see,” he said, his voice was colder than he intended for it to be, maybe that was for the best. “I never should have let you get attached to them.”
Logically, he could rationalize it—how you had managed to get so attached, that is. Parts of Dottore had died over the years, the parts of him that had been softer and vulnerable. Or he supposed they hadn’t died if the reopened wounds he was struggling to patch back up had anything to say about it, but they had been locked away so deep that they might as well have been dead.
Segments like the Iota segment, and even the Zeta and Theta segment, to some extent, did not have the same high walls that the older segments of Dottore had. You were able to access a part of him through those segments that you wouldn’t ordinarily be able to through himself. Dottore had been hesitant about the idea at first but it had kept him from having to open up his own old wounds so he figured it was for the best.
Logically, he could rationalize it but he simply could not understand it. Because if it was just a matter of being able to access that part of him, Dottore would figure it out. He would, for you, if it meant this argument would end.
But it didn’t seem as if it was just a matter of being able to access that part of him. It was deeper. It was the segment itself, not its connection to Dottore. And Dottore couldn’t understand how an artificially made clone of his younger self was causing this to happen. He didn’t understand why you had gotten so attached to it when he was right there.
Right there? His mind flew back to all of the times he had left you with the Iota segment, or the Theta or Zeta segments. Separate bodies, almost completely different personalities from him—you didn’t have the same mental connection that he had with his segments, was it really so hard to believe that you started to view them as individuals rather than extensions of himself?
You scoffed almost instantly at his words, drawing him back to the conversation at hand, and he knew he had spoken wrong but he was already overwhelmed piecing together just how much he had misunderstood between you and your relationships with his segments that he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge the mistake.
Dottore was not a master of deciphering emotions, he was far from it in fact. But he remembered the nights he’d come home late from the labs to find the Iota segment curled up asleep in your arms, how you would dote on him in a way no one in Dottore’s life had ever done before.
The pieces had been laid out for him but Dottore just hadn’t realized it.
“I can think of a lot of things you shouldn’t have done,” snide and derisive, Dottore’s jaw tightened at your words, and you were watching him. You were searching for something but Dottore didn’t know what it was--Dottore had never been the best at reading people, but he was usually able to make up for it just by using sheer logic. This would not be the case here with you. He didn’t know what you were looking for, and he didn’t know how to make this better--not for himself, and not for you, or the two of you together.
Evidently, you did not find whatever you were looking for and Dottore’s lips finally parted from the thin line he had them pressed in as you shook your head and walked away without another word. He tried to force the words past his lips but they got caught in the back of his throat.
Dottore had always been a prideful and arrogant man but he thought he’d be able to set it aside for you, just this once. But maybe it wasn’t a matter of pride or arrogance, he realized, because his heart was erratic in his chest as you walked away, eyes wide beneath his mask. It was a matter of not knowing what to say.
Dottore had never been someone who found himself at a loss for words. One way or another, he would always be able to talk his way out of a situation—but now, staring at your back as you made your way out of the room, not even bothering to shut the door behind you, his mind was blank. Numb.
He felt numb.
Your words mixed with his parents, his parents mixed with the other villagers in his old town, the villagers mixed with the students at the Akademiya and the students mixed with the scholars. And then it was your voice again, loud, damning, finally calling him for what he was after all of the years you had spent with him.
He was not Il Dottore in that moment, he was Zandik--the child that was run from his hometown and scarred by his own parents for showing interests that were considered heretical to the traditional village elders; the student at the Akademiya who had tried, at first, before giving up and throwing himself into his research when he was faced with the same rejection again and again and again and again; the student who had decided if he couldn’t be accepted, then he might as well go to whatever lengths necessary to at least be successful.
He watched as Tartaglia peeled off the wall to walk with you, he watched as his fingers grazed your back--a sort of reassuring gesture that seemed too natural to be of any comfort to Dottore, and he watched as you turned your head to the side to look at Tartaglia, speaking quietly before the two of disappeared down a different hallway. You didn’t look back once.
And when he finally looked away from where you had left, eyes falling on the dark window that led to the palace courtyard, Dottore swore that it was his youngest-self staring back at him, vindictive and satisfied, his last words echoing in Dottore’s head louder than all of the rest of them.
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Wilting Rose Petals
⟡ Contains: Dottore x Gn!Reader, Sfw, Angst, Dottore has Hanahaki Disease, Mentions of coughing up blood, Mentions of painkillers, Good ending
BIG TW: Dottore is su!c!dal, please refrain from reading this if the content triggers you.
Being the Second of the Fatui Harbingers, Dottore had naturally been a cold and reserved man for most of his working life. Even before joining the Harbingers, he was more or less the same, only interested in his research. To him, conversation was a bore, and small talk was practically torture. Getting his business done while interacting with the least amount of people possible was an ideal day at work for him. In the past, the only people he really talked to were his segments.
However, oddly enough, his entire demeanor shifted when you—his part-time assistant—was around. He would go out of his way to talk to you, completely ignoring his responsibilities for however long he could manage to keep you. Dottore’s affection for you was painfully obvious to everyone who worked in the headquarters, as his mood greatly increased when you walked through the door.
His attitude altered so much when he was in your presence, to the point that if one needed to ask Dottore for a favor, they would wait until after you swung by his office. That was quite a wide-spread tactic in the Fatui Headquarters, and for good reason. Dottore would genuinely consider doing a favor for someone due to the cheery mood you put him in, as long as it was easy enough. However, if they interrupted his time with you, they'd be met with only unreasonableness and an incredibly short fuse.
To Dottore, you were the one thing he treasured in life. In recent years, his research lost its appeal and became awfully boring to him. Day after day, year after year, it was all the same. And for what? Why did any of it matter? What was he even living for anymore? Thoughts like those were normal for him. However, you kept him sane. You were like a helping hand in his time of need. You were the one thing that kept him alive each day.
Dottore’s heart and body yearned for you in ways he couldn’t describe. You were the singular light in his dark and lonely life. Even so, he didn’t want to tell you how he felt, for fear of losing you. Archons, what would he do if you never wanted to talk to him again? If he lost his beacon of hope, he wouldn’t know how to live on. So, instead of pursuing you, Dottore decided it was best to leave you as a fantasy that helped him keep his head above water.
As Dottore was daydreaming of you to distract himself from his mind, one of his segments—Theta—walked into his office.
"Hey Boss, is [Name] going to be here today? I know how much you enjoy their company. You get so gloomy when they aren’t around." Theta said in a playful tone as he leaned on the desk, smirking at Dottore.
Dottore felt a pang of sadness at being reminded of your absence. "[Name] is busy today and likely won’t be present."
"Oh, that’s a shame. You’re all smiles when [Name] walks through the door." Theta laughed.
"I am simply happy to be handing off some tasks to someone else. That’s all." Dottore lied, a smile creeping onto his face.
"Aw, come on. Don’t lie to me! I know you like them." Theta teased.
"I do not." Dottore replied, wearing that same grin that told Theta everything he needed to know.
"So, what is it about them, huh? What is it that’s got the Second Harbinger himself all lovesick?"
Dottore sighed. "..everything."
Theta’s eyes lit up. "Woah, you actually have human emotion? I was starting to doubt it. Man, I gotta tell the others!"
Before Dottore could call him back, Theta had run off to gossip with the other segments. He had always been the same. After Theta left, that happy expression on Dottore’s face faded quickly. He was good at covering up how he felt around other people, putting on a show of confidence for everyone around him. However, his personality completely shifted when he was left alone with only his thoughts to accompany him.
Putting his head in his hands, Dottore tried to calm his mind. Archons, he missed you. It had only been a day since he last saw you, and yet it was still agony to him. He was addicted to every aspect of you; you were his person. His only source of true joy.
How was he supposed to focus on his work if any hope of you coming to visit him was extinguished? If only—against all odds—you'd just walk into his office and give him the energy he needed to keep going.
And, as if his prayers were answered by Celestia itself, you appeared at the door, which was left ajar when Theta had run off.
"Good morning, Dottore!" You greeted him. "I’m sorry for not coming in sooner; as you know, I was busy."
Dottore’s heart fluttered in response. Oh, how happy he was to see you. "No, don’t apologize to me. You’re perfectly fine; everyone is busy on occasion. I assumed you were going to spend the whole day with Pulcinella."
"Well, I expected to originally, but I managed to complete all the tasks assigned to me in quick time. After all, I despise doing work for Pulcinella; I just wanted it to be over." You said.
"Oh? Really? What’s the problem with working for him?" Dottore asked, curious.
"He’s just so set in his ways. If I don’t do what he wants me to do in the exact way he does it, he’ll make me redo the entire thing. Even if it’ll all come out to the same solution! I very much prefer being your assistant, Dottore."
Dottore blushed at the compliment, but since his face was hidden behind his mask, you never noticed. "You do? What’s so much better about the tasks I assign?"
"Well, it’s more about the fact that I actually like you. You don’t criticize my every action, and you’re nice to me." You grinned at him.
"I like you too, [Name]." Dottore replied, before quickly clarifying, "You’re a lovely assistant. Maybe you should ask to work for me full-time."
"Unfortunately, Pulcinella would lose it. He already complains about me spending too much time running errands for you, as opposed to helping out the other harbingers."
"Why should you care what he thinks? If he asks for your assistance and then complains about the way you complete said task, then you are perhaps not the kind of person he is looking for. He should let that go and find someone else instead of berating you."
You considered that for a moment. "You’re right, Dottore. Maybe I should–"
Suddenly, you were cut off by a yell from outside. "[NAME], YOU FORGOT TO FILE THESE PAPERS IN OPPOSITE-ALPHABETICAL ORDER! I ASKED YOU TO FILE THEM FROM Z TO A, NOT A TO Z!"
"Better get back to work, then. We can talk about this later." You sighed before sprinting out of the room. "Coming! I apologize for my error, Pulcinella!"
The moment you left, Dottore was overcome with a strong urge to slam his head into his desk. He felt like a fool; it was so clear that he was begging for you to spend every day with him. He just hoped you hadn’t picked up on his subtle flirting throughout the conversation. After all, he wasn’t exactly good at keeping a straight face when you complimented him—something that could definitely give away how he felt.
'I like you too, [Name].' What was I even thinking when I said that!? Of course, they don’t feel the same things I feel about them. They just enjoy working for me; that’s all they meant by that. But, Archons, it felt good to hear them say that they liked me.
As he inwardly cursed himself, his thoughts began to wander to even more self-deprecating ones. How could someone like you ever harbor the same care that he did for you? What did he even do to deserve your attention? Someday, would you consider him more than just someone you worked for? Was he even worth it? Would you hate him if he confessed?
Now Dottore was stuck between two equally unpleasant options. Either continue his dull and monotonous work or let his brain fill the silence by telling him how unworthy he was. Neither choice was something he particularly wanted, but he knew that his research must be completed for the day.
And so, day after day, he spent most of his time in his office, doing research just to fit the requirements of what was expected of him. Archons, he was so tired of it all. Nothing mattered to him anymore—except for you, maybe.
Each time you walked into his office, his day got significantly better. Unbeknownst to you, Dottore set aside all his work just to talk to you. You had simply assumed he was just so on top of everything that he could spare the time. Dottore had occasionally considered asking you out to a nearby cafe—just as work friends—but he was too worried that you’d take the invite the wrong way.
And so, he held his tongue. Of course, his heart begged for him to just make a move on you, but his brain prevented him from doing so. He knew that if his last reason to live was to be scared away, he’d surely fail to go on. Months went by like this; Dottore desperately longing for your affection.
One day, as Dottore sat at his desk, he suddenly felt the urge to clear his throat—almost like something was blocking his airway. Coughing a couple times, Dottore felt the strange object become dislodged and fall gently into the hand he was using to cover his mouth. Looking down, Dottore spotted a small petal; the shade was barely even pink; one could argue that it was closer to white than anything else.
Met with this odd occurrence, Dottore couldn’t help but wonder if something was wrong with him. After all, one doesn’t just start coughing up flowers for no reason. But after taking a minute to think, Dottore couldn’t recall the last time he was around a flower. After all, flowers in Snezhnaya die unless kept inside, and Dottore had none in his office.
Despite his suspicions, Dottore decided to chalk it up to a peculiar circumstance with no further investigation required. However, when he coughed up another petal, he knew that this situation was much more serious. Dottore was very knowledgeable about all of Teyvat’s various illnesses, so it didn’t take much more pondering for him to connect the dots.
Coughing up petals.. no… no. It can’t be. I can’t possibly have contracted Hanahaki Disease. There’s absolutely no way.
Dottore immediately began pulling books on various types of illnesses off of the shelves in his office, flipping through them, hoping to find something—anything—on the specific ailment.
After about a minute, he found exactly the page he was looking for in one of the books. Quickly, he read through the section on possible cures. There was no chance he was going to tell you of the affection he secretly held for you. And even less likely, have you reciprocate his feelings? Impossible. Simply impossible.
Confessing… confessing… That won’t do—not at all. Even if I did decide to—which I heavily doubt—the likelihood of [Name] sharing my affection.. I don’t want to think about it. It’s impossible. Dottore thought, skimming through the text.
As Dottore continued to read, he came to a realization. His options were either to somehow woo you into loving him or to hold his tongue and die in the process.
When he realized these were his two options, Dottore wasn’t exactly sure how to feel. Any normal person wouldn’t wait for the disease to end them and would instead confess to their person, no? However, Dottore wasn’t the average man. He was tired of work—or, to be more precise, he was tired of living. When he really thought about it, what he wanted most was for it all to end. To eternally sleep in silence and in peace. No more responsibilities, and no more pain. This disease was his way out.
And so, he decided to accept his fate. He would leave the world behind due to his disease, and he wouldn’t look back. Not for anyone; not even you.
More time passed, and each day, Dottore coughed up flower petals more frequently. He observed that the color of the petals was gradually getting darker each time they appeared. However, he wasn’t that concerned. After all, he would finally have a chance to escape the constant cycle of his meaningless life. He was tired of holding on by a thread and a hopeless fantasy; all he really wanted now was to rest.
Even if Dottore wasn’t worried about himself, you certainly were. Even with Pulcinella constantly requesting your help, you still interacted with Dottore on occasion. Perhaps it wasn’t exactly much, but it was still enough to get a good sense of where Dottore was in terms of health. You had noticed his posture had gotten worse, and so had his general demeanor. Before, he used to straighten up when you walked into his office and would greet you with a smile. However, nowadays, he always seemed exhausted and burnt out.
What especially worried you was the strange coughing you occasionally heard from him, which sounded as if he was quite ill. You wished to get to the bottom of what was going on with him, but you didn’t want to inquire about things that weren’t your business.
You knew that if Dottore was suffering from an ailment, he would simply take the measures needed to cure himself. So why exactly did he still seem so sick? Was the treatment not working? Or was it just not taking effect yet? The only other possibility you could think of was that his sickness could not be easily treated. You weren’t sure what it could be, so you tried to calm your mind by assuring yourself that you were likely overthinking. Dottore would get over it in a couple weeks, right?
However, little did you know, that cough of his could very well be the end of him.
One day, as Dottore was strolling through the headquarters’ hallways, he stopped by a window to look out at the falling snow. He never really noticed the beauty of it until now—not until there was a chance he’d never get to see it again. Due to his focus being elsewhere, he didn’t notice Delta—another one of his segments—behind him until he spoke up.
"Something is wrong with you, Boss." Delta said evenly; it wasn’t a question.
Not bothering to turn around, Dottore replied calmly, "Nothing is wrong with me. Why would you think that, Delta?"
"Do you really think you can assure me just by denying my suspicions? First of all, you’ve been coughing for months; something is clearly up with your health, both physical and mental. Secondly, I saw the pages you marked in that book you left on your desk. Hanahaki, was it? Am I correct in thinking that this matter has something to do with [Name]? You’re quite fond of them, after all."
"You shouldn’t be getting involved in other people’s problems, Delta. You should know better than that." Dottore spoke in a cold tone.
"No, you should know better! You’ve always been like this—awfully stubborn. You’re mistreating yourself, Boss! I can’t just stand by and watch it happen. I’m getting involved in your problems because you won’t help yourself!" Delta raised his voice.
"When have you ever had control over my actions? You’re merely my segment; I am the one with power over you, not the other way around. I’d advise you to get your nose out of my business. It is my choice and mine alone whether or not I get help." Dottore walked away from Delta without another word.
Along with Dottore’s fading footsteps, Delta could hear him coughing as he left. He was so frustrated; why couldn’t Dottore just accept his aid? Why did he have to be so stubborn as to refuse to confess to you, even if it meant the death of him? Dottore of all people should have known that there was no alternative cure for Hanahaki Disease. So what in the world were his motives?
Delta was thoroughly confused by the man’s behavior. However, Dottore had his eyes on one goal and one goal alone: ending his miserable life. Absolutely nothing could get in his way. Archons, how he wished for an opportunity like this. All he had to do was wait until his body finally gave out, and then all would be still.
As more weeks passed, Dottore’s Hanahaki Disease steadily got worse. His throat had begun to feel sore, and it was quite painful to speak. However, through the pain, his hope was restored. His disease had gotten to the later stages; his life was coming to an end at last.
One evening, as Dottore was working on his soulless research, Delta came in to check on his condition.
"Boss? Is everything going okay?"
Dottore beckoned for him to come closer, not saying a word. The only noise that could be heard was his slight coughing as some rouge-colored petals fell from his mouth. Once Delta was close enough, Dottore wrote the names of some painkillers on a slip of paper and handed it to him.
Taking the paper, Delta stared down at the man before him. "What do you want me to do with this? Do you need me to get you these pills from your lab?"
Dottore simply nodded.
"Boss, painkillers won’t make your Hanahaki Disease go away. You can’t just keep ignoring it! You are hurting for a reason; your body needs help. The other segments and I are all worried for you; even [Name] is uneasy. You know, they miss you a lot, Dottore. We all do."
At the mention of your name, Dottore covered his ears, refusing to listen any further. He was determined to calm the beating in his heart that was triggered by Delta mentioning your concern for him. He couldn’t let his feelings for you interfere with his plans.
Eventually, Delta gave up trying to reason with him and went off to retrieve the medicine. After all, he wasn’t going to make Dottore suffer more than the man always was. However, there and then, Delta decided that he needed to tell you what was going on. He had wanted to inform you for a while, but felt guilty about breaking Dottore’s trust. But now, in his heart, he knew it was more important to save him.
Once Delta had acquired the medicine, he came back to find Dottore coughing up more petals than normal. He set down a couple pill bottles on Dottore’s desk, as well as a glass of water for him to swallow them with.
Archons, he just gets worse and worse every day. Delta thought, before bidding him farewell and closing the door to his office.
Just before Dottore was about to take his medication, he had another bout of coughing. The glass of water fell to the floor and shattered as Dottore doubled over in pain. This time, it felt absolutely excruciating, and the magenta-colored petals that fell to his desk were stained with his blood.
Dottore felt that crimson liquid spill from his mouth and drip onto the desk. He knew at this point that he was really, truly dying. However, even so, he felt oddly at peace. His years of labor would finally come to an end. His life would come to an end.
He had to pinch himself just to get the pills down, as the pain of swallowing was making his eyes sting. His own blood was enough for him to take the medication with, as the glass of water was no longer an option. All he had to do was endure half an hour of this torture before his throat would go numb.
Just as Dottore was heading to his private chambers to relax a bit as he waited for the pain to cease, he overheard Delta speaking to someone.
Delta was frantically trying to tell you something. "[Name], I have some extremely important information that you need to know about. It’s concerning Dottore and why he hasn’t been his usual self. He has—"
Just as Delta was about to reveal his secret, Dottore grabbed his neck, pulling him away from you.
Through the pain, Dottore managed to say, "That information isn’t for you to share as you please, Delta."
Feeling a hand on his neck, Delta went silent. Dottore wasn’t choking him, but this action was enough to stop him from telling you about the man’s disease.
Dottore dragged Delta away, leaving you alone to ponder what in the world was so important that Dottore had to threaten Delta just so he wouldn’t say it? Meanwhile, Dottore spoke quietly to Delta in an empty hallway.
"Delta. I don’t want to have to do this, as you’re the segment I trust the most. Zeta is too mysterious, Epsilon is too naive, Theta doesn’t take anything seriously, and Psi is never here. That is why I am reluctant to make a decision about your future; you are making things hard for me." Dottore spoke, enduring the pain speaking caused to his throat that had yet to fade.
"What are you talking about, Boss? What decision?" Delta nervously asked him.
"If this continues, I may have to send you away to a different nation, somewhere far away, where you cannot tamper with my plans."
"Oh really? You want to send me away? And what plans? What plans have you ever had!? Do you really intend to pass away just because you don’t want to tell [Name] that you love them!?" Delta yelled at Dottore.
"This is exactly what I mean. You get too involved with other people’s worries." Dottore spoke coldly.
"I’m loyal to you! That’s what this is, Boss! Loyalty! I want to save your life above all else, don’t you see!?"
Dottore sighed. "Yes, I see that, Delta. However, my orders are for you to stand back."
Now, Delta was extremely frustrated with him. "I care about you! I can’t just watch you perish! Boss, it’s almost as if you want to die!"
"MAYBE I DO!" Dottore snapped. "EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT, DELTA!? HAS ANYONE EVER CONSIDERED THAT!?"
Time seemed to stop.
"I—Boss? What?"
Regretting his words, Dottore quickly walked away from him, heading to his private chambers. "Forget it, Delta. It doesn’t matter."
"No—wait—this is serious. Boss? Boss, are you—" Delta tried to go after Dottore, but the man had already locked himself in his room.
"Please, leave me alone." Dottore said from behind the locked door.
Dottore fell onto his bed, exhausted. Archons, it hurt for him to speak. And yelling on top of that? He was surprised that it only hurt a medium amount, and didn't feel like his throat was being ripped open. He could feel blood dripping onto his bedsheets; he’d have to clean it up later. Now all he could do was ignore Delta’s desperate pleas for him to come out as he waited for the painkillers to kick in.
Meanwhile, you were absolutely shocked. Curiosity had gotten the better of you, and you had eavesdropped on their argument. All this new information had hit you like a truck. You had no clue that Dottore felt the way he did.
Dottore is dying from.. Hanahaki Disease? What is that? He wants to die? He.. loves me..? Archons, I’m so confused.. You thought, before running off to the library stationed in the Fatui Headquarters.
You were certain to find something on diseases in there, as it contained shelf after shelf of informational books on every topic under the sun.
As you rushed through the doors, the librarian slowly looked up at you. "Need something, honey? You look like you’re in a hurry."
"Yes, I do need help." You said, out of breath. "D-do you have anything on Hanahaki Disease?"
"Aw, someone’s lovesick, huh? What a shame; all you can do is hope they like you back." The woman said lazily, typing something up on her computer. "Well, we do have a couple books containing some information on that illness. Follow me, honey."
"I–the book is for.. a friend." You clarified.
"Mhm, that’s what they all say. Just make sure you return the book before you die; it’s such a hassle to go looking for them." The librarian replied as she led you over to a shelf.
"I’m not dying, ma’am."
"Sure you’re not, honey. Denial is all you have left, I suppose."
The woman began to pull a couple heavy books off the shelf, handing them to you. You nearly fell over due to the weight in your arms.
"Ma’am, I think I’ll be okay with these for now. Thank you." You said, nearly about to tip over.
"Good for you; have fun. Or don’t. I don’t really care. I’ll be at my desk if you need anything." The librarian walked away, leaving you to do your research.
You skimmed through the first one of the thick books, looking for a section on Hanahaki Disease. Once you found it, you thoroughly read through the entire text.
Unrequited love.. You could feel your heart beating quicker. Of course, you held very tender emotions towards Dottore, but you were too afraid to say anything before. Now was not the time to be getting butterflies over him—he was in serious danger.
You now knew you were the key to saving him. However, you were lost on what to do. Dottore had himself locked in his room and wouldn’t even listen to his most trustworthy segment, Delta. If you pushed him, Dottore would only hide away further. And then you’d truly never get the chance to save him.
You’d need to lure him out somehow, wouldn’t you? But how would you accomplish that? You were still pondering that as you walked out of the library, awkwardly carrying one of the giant books. As you headed towards your room to give yourself time to ponder, you overheard Delta pleading with Dottore.
"Boss, we can talk about this, okay? It doesn’t have to be this way. If you just let me help, things can get better. Please don’t give up like this."
Still hiding behind that locked door, Dottore responded, "I don’t need your help, Delta. Just leave. I want to sleep."
"No, Boss. I’m not leaving. You need help; you just don’t know how to accept it. I’m staying out here until you’re ready."
Your heart lurched painfully at that. What in the world would you do? You weren’t sure exactly how far along the disease had gotten, but he was still talking in clear sentences, which was a good sign that he wasn’t on his death bed yet. Still, when you thought back, his cough had started quite a long time ago, so he was likely in the latest stages. At best, he had maybe a week left. You didn’t want to assume he’d hold on for much longer, so you knew that you needed to act fast. You’d try to save him in the morning if he came out of his room.
Meanwhile, Dottore was just trying to fall asleep. Archons, his body was so exhausted. Delta hadn’t stopped begging him to come out and likely wouldn’t for a while. Dottore’s eyelids began to feel heavy, and he could sense himself drifting off. He wasn’t even quite sure if he’d see the next day; he really hoped he wouldn’t. Then his pathetic and miserable life would finally come to an end.
However, to Dottore’s great disappointment, he did wake up the next day. His body felt weak and oddly warm, and he longed to go outside in the snow to cool off. When he opened his door, he found that Delta had spent the night curled up outside of it.
Dottore carefully stepped over his sleeping body and began heading towards a door to the outside. That particular exit to the Fatui Headquarters wasn’t well known and therefore didn’t warrant being guarded. It was almost too good to be true, as the last thing Dottore wanted was for his plans to be discovered by anyone else. He didn’t want anyone’s help.
Once Dottore reached the exit, he stumbled outside, slowly making his way out into the snow. He wasn’t wearing the proper layers, just a collared shirt and pants, but he still felt too warm. The falling snowflakes melted on his skin, cooling him down just a bit. It still wasn’t enough for him.
When he was about ten yards into the snow, he began to have another coughing fit. He was in pure agony this time, as he had forgotten to take his pain medication that morning. He fell to his knees as blood poured from his mouth, leaving a stark contrast in the snow. Along with his blood, tears flowed down his face. Archons, the pain was unbearable. Pure red petals were scattered all around him, a sign that his disease had gotten to its worst stage.
Dottore didn’t even have the energy to stay balanced, and he fell to his side. Blood still dripped from his mouth as he lay in the snow and let the cold embrace his feverish body. All he could think of was that he could finally rest—forever this time. Just before his eyes began to shut, he caught sight of a figure running towards him, yelling his name.
Oh. It’s [Name]. At least they’ll be the last thing I see before I die.
When you reached him, you dropped to your knees beside him and removed the mask from his face.
"Oh no.. no.. please be okay.. please be alive.." You said frantically.
Dottore looked up at you as you did so, those crimson eyes of his matching the blood that was still dripping from his mouth. Those eyes that were wet with tears that had yet to fall. Likewise, you could feel your own tears dripping down your face.
"Dottore.. please don’t leave me. I love you; I always have. Just hang on for me, okay?" You spoke softly to him, gently stroking his cheek as you wiped away his tears.
Because of your heartfelt words, Dottore’s wretched curse was broken. However, at that point, Dottore was too weak to care that his attempt had failed. All that he cared about was the fact that you shared his feelings. His aching heart had seemingly been revived. You held Dottore closer, embracing him as you cried into his shoulder.
"Please, Dottore. Don’t try anything like this ever again. I’m going to get you the help you need; please just keep holding on."
Dottore had felt as though his existence was worthless, but now he was comforted knowing that it meant something to you. You loved him. That alone gave it purpose. Archons, it felt like a dream. His one reason to keep going had saved his life yet again.
Slowly, Dottore began to speak, "[Name].. I—I love you too.."
You smiled at him, tears still streaming down your face. Gently, you pressed your lips to his, your kiss as soft as a feather. It was at that moment that Dottore truly realized that he would no longer have to struggle alone. You’d be there for him every step of the way to recovery.
His life was finally worth something again.
#dottore x reader#dottore x gn reader#dottore x you#il dottore x reader#dottore x gender neutral reader#dottore angst#dottore x y/n#genshin x gender neutral reader#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#genshin x gn reader#genshin impact x gender neutral reader#genshin impact angst#genshin impact x gn reader#genshin impact x gn!reader#genshin fanfic#genshin angst#genshin impact fanfics#genshin impact x you#genshin dottore
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Reality
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Dottore x gn! Reader
Content warnings: Just Dottore, dead body, obsession?, more Dottore, angst? If you squint real hard
A/n: Basing this off of a prompt I saw MONTHS ago (maybe even a year) ‼️
The fact that the 2nd Fatui Harbinger loved you wasn’t new to anyone. In fact, it was known by so many people, some even thought it might as well be an obsession. And it was true, Dottore did love you and he sure as hell was obsessed with you.
Sometimes coming back covered in dirt stains after visiting you, people started shooting him concerned glances. He really did love you and he’d to anything to be with you.
Today, he was going to visit you. After a bit of walking, he finally got to you. Upon seeing you, he picked you up bridal style and started spinning around while laughing happily. It was clear that he loved you more than anything.
„Hey!“ someone yelled.
He ignored this and continued laughing alongside you.
„Hey, you! Drop the body!“ the voice yelled again.
A flashlight was shined at him and he finally stopped spinning. Looking down, he saw your lifeless body in his arms and the grave he dug open to get to you.
„This is the 3rd time this week! Drop it!“ the man yelled again.
He dropped your body and there was an audible thud.
He’d do anything to get to you.
A/n: giggles
#genshin impact#dottore x reader#dottore#fatui harbingers#genshin impact fatui#dottore x gn reader#dottore x male reader#Angst#dottore angst#I feel like this is bad.
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Dottore with a very sick s/o
Maybe a vent post...???😭😭😭
Im finally being productive again wow, still can't keep my promise on how often I would update though
Cw, disease of course.
Genres:Angst to comfort???
Dottore is my fav character to write dhsgeusgajahsj
Il Dottore
He's a doctor. He know what tod o in these situations where your body temperature just drop and you become pale, honestly,if You're any other person he couldn't careless if he find the cure or not,but if he can't find the cure for your disease and it'll end up fatal, He'll curse himself. He'll blame himself for everything,he make sure you're on good health every single day.
he has a room in his headquarters that is made for you only since he never really back to home and it's really worry him. It's a simple room with bed,thick blanket,box of medicine and lot decorations you like. Despite being a crazy man scientist,that one room he dedicate to you look Like a sweet nursery room
When it's not so cold outside,he like to give his jacket to you and take you to a scroll around the zapolyrn place garden,picking up flowers,picnic date,after all,being stuck in one room for long period of time is boring everyone need something fun to do.
He tried to cover the dark fatui side and the dark part of his experiment too,he worries that if you saw it,your condition will just be getting worse and he'll be the cause of it. He worry that someday you will drift away,and that all is because of his careless attitude.
His love language is act of service, he'll do anything for you, he'll cook you the softest pancake he learned himself,he prepared a warm bath and shower you,he try his best to make a cure to end all of your struggles in this cruel world.
"good morning Love"your tired eyes met with Dottore's,The man you loved the most. What you didn't expect was for you both to be on his mansion,you Don't remember anything about walking here.
"good morning too,love. Since when did we get here?" You cooed sweetly,your body however feel so sore. It's felt like you're going to faint.
"you were half asleep when we're on our Way,tell me how do you felt"he answer, placing his hand on your forehead, checking any symptoms of fever,you gave him a sweet smile at first but then it turned to frown when the feeling of soreness and blur start to hover your mind
"I feel.. I feel. Like I want to pass out,my body is sore"you answer bitterly,now he's worried. He then start to notice visible sweats on the side of your forehead. You were clearly exhausted.
"would you like to sit in front of the fireplace?"he hand you his hand, leading you to Infront of the fireplace,step by step on the stairs you both made it,placing you down on the silk couch covering you with thick blanket and your favorite plushie.
On the table, served his signature breakfast,a pancake he learned by himself and a mug of hot chocolate along with your medicine. He spoon you slowly and slowly. Waiting for your next condition report.
"Dottore. Do you think I'll be fine?"a word that truly shocken him,why would you ask such a question? Do your condition get so bad these day? How are he not aware of this? What could be the issues and cause?
"you'll be fine,here with me"he whispered as he placed kiss to your forehead. His words were so affirmating and calming but deep down he feel lot different than just 'youll be fine'
He can't lose you,not when someone actually care about him,not when his cold heart has been melted by you. And also not when you're the only person he can reach to when he struggles,what are him without you?
#dottore angst#dottore fluff#dottore comfort#il dottore x reader#dottore x reader#genshin angst#genshin comfort#genshin fluff#fatui harbingers x reader
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Lowkey like, what's your take on Dottore's partner dying while he's attempting to treat them. Like this is his thing but he still fails when it really matters to him. Give me your THOUGHTS give me your SORROWS
💉Dottore tries his best to save you.💉
Dottore x GN! Reader headcanons! Dottore is a softie in this one.
Warnings: terminal illness, you literally die, loss of spouse, grief.
Also, while these are headcanons about Dottore and the reader, I’m slightly basing it on my own oc who’s married to Dottore. They went through this. He had bone cancer, so this is kind of implied, but it can be any disease you want… if you want to be that specific.
When Dottore learns that you are sick, not a worry will pass through his mind. He’s the doctor after all, he’s completed all sorts of impossible tasks, and found cures for many mysterious diseases.
He begins to find symptoms he’s never seen before. Again, he’s not worried. He’s dealt with these situations before. With you, though, he doesn’t experiment recklessly. He only does operations/administers medicines he knows will work, and if he tries anything new, he makes sure it’s safe beforehand. You’re special to him, after all.
Weeks, months, years pass… none of it works. The growths grow bigger. Your movement is getting more and more restricted. Your appetite is gone, and your features are sunken in. You lack the energy you once had. He tries to keep making conversation with you, but your responses are minimal- you just don’t have the energy. He knows that. But he just likes to keep talking to you.
At first, Dottore is in denial. “No, you cannot be dying. This is not incurable. There is a fix to this.”. Deep down, he knows this is not true.
After a while, he becomes purely angry. For a short amount of time, he’s angry at you- why the hell are you such a difficult patient? He quickly accepts that it isn’t your fault. He can’t stand to be angry at you in your current state. The anger turns into self-hatred. Why couldn’t he cure you? Why didn’t he catch onto these symptoms sooner?
In your last few days, Dottore is glued to your side. He’s constantly holding your hand, patting your head, rubbing whatever part of you is sore in an attempt to comfort you… he’s doing everything he can for you. He doesn’t let the clones near you, either. You’re his to take care of.
He feels like he’s totally and absolutely failed you. He can’t think of a reason why you’d still love him- he couldn’t fix your issues. Why should you care about him if he was useless? Nonetheless, he’s happy you still want him near you.
Once you’re gone, Dottore becomes numb. He never sees the other harbingers anymore, he lets the clones do every bit of work. When he does have to do stuff, or attend meetings, he half-asses everything he does.
Half of this is guilt. He cannot believe he couldn’t save you in time. Bringing you back as a zombie would just be unethical, something Dottore isn’t concerned about usually… but he cares so much about you, and knows you wouldn’t want that. He feels like a failure in both a work and personal sense.
The other half is grief. He misses you so, so much. He didn’t realize how much he took your presence for granted. Being able to come home to you, your questions about his work, the way he’d hold you… he misses it all. He’s bored with life now. Dottore has lost interest in doing anything but reminiscing.
#genshin impact#dottore headcanons#angst headcanons#dottore x reader#genshin impact headcanons#genshin men#dottore angst
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no choice
(dottore x reader)
tw: manipulative behavior, mentions of kidnapping
You weren’t responding, your weak pulse making it all the more worse. Usually when he’d conducted experiments and you were on the brink of death it would take up to five tries of resuscitation for you to come back, but right now your body made no reaction to his hands pushing down on your chest. You remain limp, hands hanging off the table at your sides. Each grunt he let out with every push down on your chest was driving him more mad by the second.
This time it wasn’t due to one of his ‘experiments’ on you, in fact he had no idea what you were up to until he arrived back at his laboratory to find your body floating in the lake just outside in the freezing cold.
He desperately smashes his lips against yours once again, blowing air into your mouth as the little bit of sanity he was grasping onto was slipping. Your wet clothes clung to your unconscious frame. To make things worse your body was half frozen.
“Dont,” he breathes out, pulling away. Huffing as he positions his hands over your heart once again, giving another push.
“Dont. You. Dare.” He grits, sharp teeth biting down on his lower lip making blood come out immediately.
His aggressive movements made his mask slip off his face but he couldn't care less. His vision was blurry and he didn’t know whether to blame the damned lake he just dived into seconds prior or the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He knows not of it as he can’t tell, he hasn’t felt the burning sensation along with the strange pain in his chest since he was but a small child.
He had come back from a trip to find you outside his laboratory, almost lifeless body floating around half frozen and his mind short circuited.
Your plan you had devised has failed as he found you all too soon. It’s not like you wanted Dottore to find you like this. You had hoped he wouldn’t since this was your chance of escaping. A challenging and risky way yeah, but you were so sure it would work.
It’s been years, four years to be exact. Since the mad scientist took you in. You had lost any memory of your past and he built your relationship up on lies. Only recently you found out the truth about your past, where you’re from and how you got here exactly.
The truth was unraveled before you and you wanted nothing more than to get out. With a heavy heart you had to make this decision but you couldn’t take it, the conflict in your mind was driving you more mad than he ever has.
Four years ago he had brought you in and taken you under his care and when you woke up with no memory of your past he had told your lies upon lies. Telling you that he found you in the ruins of a poor broken village and decided to take you in but you have a memory loss condition due to his prior experiments he’s conducted. Saying how you were one of his most precious subjects and as long as you obeyed his word he’d keep you safe and under his watch all the time.
You found the mad doctor strange at first. You were skeptical because even though you lost your memory he was still a stranger but also in your vulnerable state of mind and the lies he was telling you, you only had him to trust, you couldn’t even trust yourself as you couldn’t even remember anything.
At first you saw how he was aggressive and scary with others, making you fear him because he was the one in charge of your every move, any wrong move and you didn’t want to find out what he’d do to you. Though he was harsh with many he always made sure to treat you with as much care as possible.
In his eyes you were the perfect being. He was obsessed with one thing you couldn’t really understand, the reason why he found you so special in the first place. You were able to wield two weapons at once and on top of that you were a double vision wilder, a rare case in Dottores’ eyes, a precious one. Most of his experiments on you were harmless, just endurance training and whatnot. But there were some tests that made you feel fear that others felt around him. During two of his previous experiments you flatlined twice because of the pain but he swore to never go that far again after doing so, knowing he’d be losing something good if you were to die on him so he became gentle with you as time went on.
Truth is Dottore has had his eye on you for very long, he had fallen in love with you at first sight. He frequented the city of freedom for some ‘business’ and you were a knight at the time. Your first encounter with him was on the battlefield and he was enamored with your abilities, with you as a whole. He knew he wanted you to be his, to experiment with sure and to keep a gem like you away and for himself. He needed you and he set his mind to it and that was how you ended up in his laboratory in the first place, your memory of any revelation of your past was wiped, because of him.
You were stuck. The agonizing cries for help coming from around you along with the sickening thick smell of iron made your head spin and bile rise in your throat. The bodies upon bodies that surrounded you, the cynical laughter of the man before you. You couldn’t believe your eyes, was this truly the man you know now? Was this truly Dottore?
You couldn’t breath, it was all too much. The remnants of your memory flooded your brain all too fast. You were reliving your nightmare, you were stuck in it and you wanted out.
You weren’t dead, you had taken a drug to temporarily knock you out, how you got into the lake was besides you but this was the only way.
You weren’t planning on doing this, leaving Dottore anytime soon because though the man was crazy in many aspects you had come to care for him deeply. He was gentle and caring, truly something only you have the luxury to ever witness as he’s only gentle with you. You trusted the man but someone had given you your memory back and from what you recall it was all too painful.
His hands squeeze together to stop the shaking as he pushes own on your chest once again.
In an instant your eyes shoot open, the water lodged in your throat spluttering on your lap as you sit up, breathing frantically as you do so. Your eyes blow wide as you take in your surroundings. You're hit with the same familiar cold table you woke up in four years ago, this time, you remember what happened.
Dottore took a step back as you shot up. Trying to regain his own breathing as it was just as erratic as yours. The mad scientist was at a loss for words, he didn’t even know what to say, where to start. But he knows one thing for sure. The pathetic soul that had dared to try to take you away, take away what’s his, was going to pay.
You feel the burn of the serum that had knocked you out cold earlier, how it cut your throat and burned your insides, making your throat feel raw. You immediately get sent into a coughing fit, making you clasp your hands over your mouth as you feel more water come up. Only when you felt the water hitting your hand become strangely warm did you pull back to inspect.
You feel the sting of tears brimming your eyes, threatening to spill. This wasn’t supposed to happen. You didn’t want to come back here. You feel your hands start to tremble as you stare at the blood, the side effects of the medication you took to ‘knock you out’ had worse side effects than you had imagined.
“I don’t understand,” Dottore whispers, hand coming up to brush his wet hair back. “Who did this?” He questions. He wants to scream at you, at everyone in this damned place for not keeping a better eye on you. How you’d let this happen to yourself, how no one had stopped you!
You didn’t dare meet his piercing gaze, his mask was on the floor and his red eyes bore at your side. You know that if you were to look him in the eye you’d give in and tell him, let him convince you to stay and you couldn’t. Not this time, not after you finally found out the truth.
You wipe your shaking bloodied hands on your lap and clear your throat. Looking anywhere but him, at the man who’s lied to you for too long. You weren’t sure you’d recognize him if you did.
Dottores' mind was racing. Why weren’t you looking at him? What happened? What drove you to do such a thing? You haven’t acted in such a way ever, let alone avoid or disobey him so what drove you to do this?
“Why am I back?” You question more to yourself than him, you can’t wrap your mind around how he even found you so fast. “This wasn’t supposed to-“
“WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!” He screams, hands slamming onto the table you sat on, caging you between his arms making you slightly jump back.
Seeing you move away from him made him feel strange, the same strange feeling he’s been feeling for a while now. Every time he’s with you he feels something new, something his experiments don’t bring him. But it terrifies him just how much you make him feel, so many emotions he hasn't felt for archons knows how long now. Happiness, anxiety, pain, in his heart and what he was afraid of, caring for someone too deeply to the point of no return.
His breaths were shallow, water was dripping from the ends of his hair as he leaned slightly closer taking in your tense form trying to get himself to relax as to not startle you anymore than you are.
“I will not ask again,” he brings his hand up, brushing his wet hair back, leaning just a bit closer until his forehead meets yours. The slight bit of warmth radiating from your forehead being the only thing grounding him as he exhales shakily.
“Just who tried to drown you? You wouldn’t play such a coy trick, now tell me. Who tried to take my most precious subject away from me?” He asks, shaking his head in disbelief.
Dottore has never been gentle, never found something worth being gentle with. Never knew what gentle was until he came across you. He doesn’t know why he himself grew so close or came to care this much for you but he couldn’t hold back.
His hands come up again, reaching out to you as he slightly pulls back, gently cupping your face between both of his shaky hands. Your face didn't feel frozen like it did minutes ago, your warmth was back, slight but there.
“Look at me.” He whispers, his soft voice making your lips wobble. There he goes, your poor confused heart in turmoil. You want his comfort, for him to tell you it’s all a lie, that your past is something you made up. Nothing more than a sick fragment of your imagination, but you know all too well it wasn’t. It all feels too real, the memories deep within your core hurt so bad.
“I-I know.” You hiccup, trying your best to keep your tears at bay, trying to not muzzle into his hold, his warm hands bringing your frozen body so much warmth.
“I know the truth.” You whisper, making his eyes shoot open staring at you in disbelief. He was unsure if he misheard you, he was so sure he did, he prays he did.
“My past, I remember.” You admit, finally getting it off your chest. You open your eyes and meet his gaze for the first time.
You shake your head in his hold, blinking the tears that finally spill free as you see the look in his eyes. Those red eyes and furrowed brows confirmed your theory, the theory you desperately wanted to be false.
He was rendered speechless, the look in his eyes gave him away. A mixture of fear and regret along with anger and sadness all in one as he stares down at you crying and he can’t believe it. He doesn’t know how you found out, or who told you. One thing for sure is he knows he can’t lose you.
“Please, let me go.” You choke out, bloodied hands coming up to his wrist gently squeezing to release your face.
“I can’t stay I- I need to-“
His hands gently let go of your face, cutting you off before you finished your sentence because he didn’t want to hear it, he couldn’t bear to.
He immediately turns on his heels, heading straight for his medicine cabinet. His ears deceive him, he’s hallucinating from the cold too, he didn’t just hear you say what you just said because it’s impossible.
“Dottore stop,” you plead, knowing exactly what he’s going to get. Medication to stop you from coughing up blood, too keep you alive, too keep you with him.
He can’t hear you. His ears are ringing far too loud. He pushes everything on his cabinet off as he starts to search for the medicine you need, he can’t lose you, won’t lose you, won’t let you leave your his your his your his.
His eyes land on the vial of medication and he wastes no time grabbing it and turning back to you, long legs taking him to your side in seconds.
“I don’t need it, stop trying to keep me here! You can’t keep me here anymore. I know who you are. The real you.” You explain, reaching out to stop him from moving as he brought the vial to his lips, taking the cap off with his teeth and bringing the vial to your lips.
“No.” You whisper, sad eyes meeting his worry stricken red ones once again. Your recalcitrance makes him nervous.
“Don’t do this to me.” He smiles crookedly, sharp teeth on display as he tries to hold his composure. “You know not of what you speak dear, you're hallucinating from the drug you took earlier. Now, you need to take this to stop the drug from doing more damage to your body. You’re not immortal, you need to be more careful.” His words spill out, voice rising with every word he speaks because you were being stubborn.
“Please stop. N-no more lies I remember who you are, w-what you’ve done. I remember and I can’t stay, I need to go.” You hiccup, lifting your shaky hands stop his wrist as he pushes the vial closer. Your body was trembling slightly, you were starting to feel the biting cold against your wet skin.
He tuts, muttering something under his breath before he brings the vial to his own lips and downs the medication. You only stare up at the mad scientist in confusion as to why he was taking it instead.
He only throws the vial behind him before you feel his wrist move in your hold as he brings both hands back to gently cup your face, turning your head up slightly. He gave you no time to react, to push him away or say anything before his lips met yours.
The soft feeling of his lips against yours as he held you gently made more tears spill from your eyes. He was too gentle to be the man from your memories, the man who ruined you and took your life away.
You let out a small squeak as you feel the medication spill into your mouth from his own. Only then did you pull back slightly but to no avail, he only deepens the kiss holding you in place and tilting your head back more making sure you swallow all of the medication.
You couldn’t bring yourself to want to hate him, though you remember exactly what he did. All the people he killed in cold blood in front of you, how he slowly chipped away at your sanity and made you watch in horror until you gave in to him, agreed to go with him before he wiped your memory. All these things he’s done but the him you know now was all too different, all too gentle and caring, even for the “mere subject” you were he knew he had grown too close to you as well.
He let himself fall too deep. He basked in all his glory as he finally had you at his mercy. At first for him you were just but another special experiment, a tough, hard headed one to get but a special one nonetheless. But as time went on and the trust you put in him, the care and gentleness he’s given you couldn’t be denied. He was sick for doing such a thing and even sicker for making you fall for him, for making you be at conflict with yourself whether you should actually stay or go because he knows you have fallen for him just as much as he with you and he couldn’t stand it either, but he wasn’t going to let you go, not now, not ever.
You squeeze his shirt in your hands, screaming at yourself to push to push him away but the warmth coming off of him felt all too comforting. You want nothing more than for him to hold you close, tell you it’s all a lie, your past never happened and it’s just a sick joke.
You feel some of the medication spill out of your mouth and Dottore finally pulls away, out of breath. He was desperate to make you take the medicine and he knew you were going to be stubborn about doing so, so he had to use other means. He’s not complaining about it though he finds the taste of your lips to be addictive.
“Hmn, that’s good.” He hums, kissing the corner of your mouth where some liquid managed to spill from. “So good for me dearest.” His whispers, low voice lulling you, making you want to close your eyes.
You close your eyes and remember, once again the cold truth that was your past, of who this man really was.
“You don’t know what you're talking about. What you claim to have ‘remebered’ are just nightmares, side effects from the latest experiment you see. I forgot to warn you beforehand dear, my bad.” He kisses the other corner of your mouth, cooing at your small whimpers.
“Now, I need you to tell me who gave you the drug and told you such false accusations. Most importantly, who is the poor soul who threw my most precious subject into the lake outside the lab, hmn?” He whispers, drawing you in with his voice and you shake your head.
He’s messing with you again. It’s all too much, you can’t let yourself believe his lies anymore. You know you can’t.
He sees your hesitation and has to stop the smile that tugs the corner of his lips, he knows you don’t want to leave, you can’t. He’ll convince you not to because you're his and his only, if you hate him again so be it. He’ll make you forget your past over and over again, make you fall in love with him over and over so you can stay by his side until the inevitable end comes for you both.
“You can tell me. After all you are my most precious subject you know that right? Why would I lie to you? They did it because they want to take you away, they see how special you are but you’re mine, mine and no one else’s. They can’t take you away from me dear.” He whispers in your ear making you shiver. His warm hands gently squeeze yours, urging you to tell him the truth.
You squeeze his back and a wide smile spreads across his features because he knows he got you, has you under his spell again, under his care where your the safest, where he can keep you safe, keep you for himself.
“Dottore.” You call out to him, giving his hands another squeeze. You swallow the lump in your throat blinking away the fresh biting tears. Small bits of your past still playing in your mind making you come to terms with the truth. He pulls back slightly, sharp teeth on display giving you an assuring smile as his soft eyes peer down at you urging you to finally tell him who did this to you.
You take a deep breath, opening your eyes once again to see someone you don’t even recognize anymore. You can’t give him the answer he wants, can’t let him injure another innocent person who was just trying to help you. As much as it tore you apart, to let go of the one person who you put your utmost trust in for so many years, it was for the better. You had to go.
“Let me go.” You clear your throat, pulling your hands back a bit only to feel him hold your wrists in place before you could fully pull them out of his grasp.
Your words fall on deaf ears as he sees your lips move in slow motion. He won’t accept that answer, not when you’ve both come this far, he’ll get it out of you no matter what, he has his ways.
He brings your hand up to his lips, placing a kiss onto your wrist, chuckle rumbling from his chest at what you just said. “Wrong answer, love now let’s try again.” He smiles down at your expression, the very expression you wore the day he met you. You silly thing, you weren’t going to be let free of his shackles anytime soon. Better give him the answer before he decides to kill everyone who was here in front of you as punishment for your disobedience and really make you remember what happened before you forgot everything. But Dottore is a generous man, he’ll give you a bit more time since your his dearest, as much as he loves to see you crumble he’ll hold off for now and give you a few more tries to tell him the truth so he can continue to keep you by his side. When he gets his answer he’ll torture the person who tired to separate you from him. Since he finally has you, you’d just have to put up with him. He’ll feed you all the lies he has to, tell you your memories are all but side effects, silly scary dreams that come from his past experiments so you can stay with him. He wasn’t going to let you leave anytime soon, not his most precious subject.
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authors note: helloooo lovelies!!! first post of the year wooo ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ! starting off the year with dottore FINALLY WROTE FOR HIM AHHH!!! :D this man is so fine- he’s my fav harbinger but he’s so evil plz HDHDDH this took so long- SORRY I had so many brain farts while writing this ohmy, also it’s unedited so sorry in advance for any misspelled words hehe :3 this man was so fun to write for though! I hope you are all doing well and staying safe, and I hope you all enjoy!^~^<333
#genshin impact#genshin impact oneshots#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact dottore#dottore#genshin impact x reader#dottore x reader#oneshot#genshin angst#dottore angst#dottore x y/n
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principiis amoris.
synopsis: In other words, five times Dottore swore he hated you and the one time he realized it was the opposite.
includes: dottore w/ gn! reader
notes: I wanted to try my hand at these 5+1 fics, and Dottore seemed to be the best candidate. Behold, 6k+ words of fluff. Reader and Dottore are complete menaces (and not very good people) and you also throw a book at someone.
I. blindness
Much to anyone’s surprise, Zandik was having what he would call a good day. Today was the last day of all of his especially boring and easy classes, the illegal parts he secretly ordered came in, and he would be able to stay in his dorm for a while before classes started again. A break from these all these so-called scholars would be much appreciated. He was growing rather tired of them and was greatly looking forward to the much-needed retreat of progressing his research. He could feel it already - the sweet sensation of tinkering with the new parts quickened his pace.
What he was not expecting was his door to be open, voices and rustling noises coming from inside. Immediately a frown appeared and his good feeling was lost. Quickly, he entered the room and saw an unknown figure donning the Akademiya’s robes, and an academic counselor he recognized standing in his room. Now he was glad he made sure to put his tools away. Ones that were totally not prohibited.
“What is the meaning of this?” He didn’t try to hide the loathing in his voice.
The counselor shifted in place, clearly not wanting to be here anymore due to his presence. You, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care. In fact, Zandik could see that you were smiling.
“Ah, hello Zandik. Good to see you are doing well,” she lied through her teeth. “This here is [Name], your-”
“Your new roommate!” you chimed in. The counselor shrunk in her place even more, probably regretting all her life choices now as Zandik’s laser gaze was on her now.
“I thought I made myself clear when I informed you that I did not want anyone in my dorm?”
“Yes, well, as per the rules of the Akademiya, every scholar should try to have a roommate for the purpose of cooperation…” Her voice became progressively smaller as Zandik continued to burn his gaze onto her, “a-and collaboration. Regardless of your thoughts, [Name] has to try to dorm with someone, and that someone happens to be you.” You nodded your head in agreement as the counselor spoke.
“So please, um, try to get along!” She quickly excused herself and scurried out of the room, leaving the two of you alone. You smiled at him yet again, sticking your hand out for a handshake, to which he only spared a glance and turned away.
“Pleased to meet you! I’m excited to live with you!”
“We’ll see about that,” he scoffed. You’d be out of here in less than a week, just like the few other roommates he had. But to think he had to spend his break with a nuisance in his room now? That irritated him to no end. Though what confused him more was your sunny disposition. Quite literally everyone in the Akademiya knew him and acted the complete opposite.
“Hehe, sure. By the way, I call the top bunk bed!”
It was from that moment he knew.
Zandik hated you.
II. relentless
Zandik had been giving you the cold shoulder since the moment you stepped into his (now yours too) dorm. You knew this would be a tough journey, but damn. At least he was good eye candy and wasn’t loud. (If you excused his eerie laughter in the middle of the night.)
On this particular night, Zandik was at his makeshift workbench tinkering with Archon knows what, as usual. Unfortunately, even though you found it to be interesting, you were unfamiliar with all of that mechanical stuff. You always would look at him while he worked, and while he would sometimes snap at you to stop staring, he never actually did anything about it. Today was one of those nights.
“You’ve certainly been at that for a while,” you commented. Zandik showed no sign of reaction.
“You don’t want anything to eat? Or drink?” you continued.
“Don’t have time,” he responded with no hesitation, far too interested in his new play toys, and also wanting to shut down this conversation immediately. But, you didn’t think these were the ones he usually used. You think he kept the deadlier ones hidden away in case you reported him or something.
“To consume something?”
“To make something right now,” he corrected.
“Well, yeah, I know. That’s why I’m going to make it for you,” you clarified, kind of surprised (but also not) that you needed to say it directly. This managed to make your roommate pause.
“So you are offering to cook for me?” he clarified your statement yet again.
“Yes?” This time he freed his hand of items completely and looked you dead in the eye.
“Explain.”
“E-Explain? Well, I mean, we’re roommates and all, habiting the same space. It only makes sense that we do things we each other once in a while.”
“So you expect a transaction.”
“A transaction…? Huh? No! This isn’t some kind of business deal or whatever. No, I do not expect anything back from you. I am doing this for you because I want to. There’s nothing more to it.” There was no response from Zandik, and he was silent as if he was trying to process what you just said, which was rather cute.
“I do not understand.”
You mentally sighed. “That’s fine, for now. I’m gonna whip something up anyway.” Before he could protest further, you disappeared into the tiny kitchen the Akademiya’s dorms provided.
You had to think of a suitable snack. He probably wouldn’t eat it if it was too cumbersome and distracting from whatever he was doing. He needed some kind of finger food… and you had just the idea. You believed that when you were a struggling Akademiya student, it was only natural to have some good recipes up your sleeve.
Samosas. Delicious bite-sized pieces of goodness. Although they would take a bit to make, you didn’t think Zandik would care. He hardly realized the difference between minutes and hours when he was in this kind of scientific state. And you were glad you stocked up the pantry with your own products because you really had no idea how Zandik lived in these conditions.
Soon enough, you had made a portion for him (and secretly snuck a few for yourself) and you had also made a piping hot cup of coffee, a student’s best friend of course. You then plated it and brought it to your roommate, setting it down in front of him wordlessly, to which he seemed surprised.
Zandik did not realize you were even still doing that. He thought you were bluffing. But now that such aromatic food was right in front of him, his stomach came to life and he noticed the dryness of his throat. With squinted eyes, he tentatively picked up one of the samosas and inspected it. (Did he think you poisoned it or something?) But then he popped one into his mouth and began to chew experimentally. His face did not betray his emotions, but your questions were answered by his next actions.
“Hmm,” he said matter-of-factly, before nomming on another samosa. You peered at him from the top bunk bed as he polished off the bowl of samosas rather quickly. Now, he was waiting for the coffee to cool.
“Sooooo, how was my cooking?” you questioned, already internally knowing the answer even if he didn’t admit it.
“It was convenient,” he admitted. Most of the time, Zandik did not cook for himself, as he found the process a waste of time when he could be doing other things.
“I’m glad. And the taste?”
“It was fine.” Actually, it was far more than fine. The constant consumption of the easiest food to make had dulled his taste buds and made him accustomed to bland food. Though your food was quite tasty, Zandik was not about to let you get a big head now.
“Just fine? Seemed like you scarfed them down pretty quickly,” you teased.
“The quicker I eat, the quicker I am able to devote my full attention to the research,” he corrected you. You pouted but still felt pleased.
“Then I’ll make something for you every day.”
He felt on guard again at your kindness. “Why?”
You raised an eyebrow at him. “Didn’t I already say? ‘Cause we’re roommates and all, and also soon-to-be friends. And friends usually help each other out, yeah? And also because I’m kind of worried how you eat the same thing over and over.”
He immediately frowned at your proposal. “I am not your friend. And never will be.”
You shrugged your shoulders and moved to lie down instead, pulling the blankets over you. “Ehe, we’ll see. I have a way with words, you know!” You smiled and winked at him, to which you received a deadpan glare. “Good night, Zandik! Oh, and make sure to clean up afterward!”
“Hmph.”
Friend. He toyed with the word and idea in his head, mocking it internally. Friend… friend, as if that could ever be feasible. Of course not.
Zandik hated you.
III. possessiveness
It had been a while since you moved in with Zandik, and he stopped treating you with disdain. Though, Zandik was Zandik, so you still got a tongue-lashing from time to time. (But you could never take him seriously anymore, which irritated him.)
Lately, though, he had begun to show you some of his research, and even begun to let you tinker with some of his stuff! Only while he was present of course, but you were elated. Though, he seemed to be enjoying this more than you somehow. You could ask one question and suddenly he’d be on a tangent. But you were just happy he was talking to you.
You had been upgraded from hated stranger to tolerable stranger to okay acquaintance in Zandik’s eyes. You had insisted on calling him your friend, to which he still did not understand, but for some reason he allowed it. Perhaps it was because it felt nice.
Actually, you were a helpful, okay acquaintance. You frequently looked over his notes for him, correcting spelling and grammar errors from when he scribbled so fast. Tidied up his bed and work space too. The best part was that you had begun to run errands for him so he didn’t need to leave the dorm himself. After these series of events, you had declared yourself his assistant without even asking him first, but he supposed that was okay. He valued usefulness. And maybe your company a bit, too. And although he enjoyed silence the most, maybe he liked how nice your voice was in the background.
Today was one of those days where he waited for you to get back from an errand. It was quick and easy, and the seller wasn’t too far away. Like always, he occupied himself with his work and awaited your return, which proved to be fruitful as usual. But after a while, something did not feel right.
Zandik could not put his finger on it. Why did he have this feeling in the back of his mind? He was quite irritated at this itch he could not reach. Perhaps you would have-
That’s right. You. You. You. Where were you? That’s when he realized that you were gone longer than you usually were. To think that his body and mind would get so accustomed to your presence. He wasn’t sure whether to feel disgusted or not by this feeling.
He wondered what was the holdup. But there was naught he could do except wait. And wait. And wait. Until the jiggle of the doorknob drew his attention and you stepped through the door with the items he requested.
“Hey, Zandik,” you greeted, locking the door behind you and dropping the bag on the table. He didn’t respond, but you didn’t think that was anything strange since he never cared much for greetings. “Got your stuff,” you continued your normal routine, kicking off your shoes and shedding your sweater, expecting the silence to continue.
“What took you so long?” You almost did a double-take when he spoke.
“What?”
“What took you so long?” he repeated.
“Oh, on the way back, some students stopped me and asked if I could explain some stuff to them. I guess I did take a bit longer than usual. Why?” you questioned. Did he really notice the difference? It hadn’t even been that long, maybe ten to fifteen minutes extra that you took. And plus, it’s not like you two were doing anything together. Just sitting in silence with metal clanking as usual.
When you did not get any response, you raised your eyebrows and tip-toed your way over to him to get a glimpse of his expression. It was mostly empty if you ignored the eye twitching and the downward curve. You had to dig your fingernails into your palm to control the chuckles.
“Could it be… did you miss little old me, Zandik?”
“Perish the thought,” Zandik immediately interrupted before you could even finish your sentence. “Your whereabouts are not my concern,” he vehemently denied.
“Mhm, alright then.”
“I simply do not see why you need to talk to those so-called scholars. They are not worth the time or energy to even look at.”
Ah, there it was. So he was jealous. You understood now.
“Well, I was just doing what a normal, nice person would do.”
“The fact that you are still living with me proves you’re not normal. As for the nice part, you don’t need to do that for anyone.”
“Oh really? So what should I do, turn a blind eye to everyone else and save the sweet words for you?” you joked.
“Yes. Were you not the one who declared yourself as my assistant? Assistants always follow their seniors,” he stated matter-of-factly.
You were completely surprised at his mini confession, that if you spoke carelessly, you knew you’d stutter. But you weren’t complaining. You ignored the heat on your face, and matched his words.
“Hmm… I would say in that case, you can’t speak to anyone either, but it’s not like you do that anyway,” you said simply, biting down on your lip to prevent laughing. Zandik immediately scowled at your statement.
“I don’t need, want, or care to speak to anyone. But since you clearly need to be around these low-tier scholars, you can get out this instant.” You couldn’t help but double over with giggles now at his defensiveness and landed on Zandik’s bed. He huffed. You loved when he acted like this.
“Ah, I’m so glad I asked to dorm with you,” you giggled with a dopey grin. Zandik paused his work, taking in what you just said.
“You… what?”
You turned to lay on your side and propped yourself up on your arm. “Hmm? Did I say something strange?” you questioned.
“You chose to live here? With me, of your own choice? I knew it was strange when the counselor chose me of all people. Surely there were others available?” Zandik was utterly baffled as he had now temporarily abandoned his tinkering to gauge your expression.
“Yes! Shall I recount the exact events for you?” Without waiting for an answer, you prattled on. “Okay so, I went to the counselor lady and she wanted me to dorm with this random guy, and I was like okay cool, but then I got this little sneak peek of the list she had and I saw your name in fancy handwriting. And then I was like, hey, that’s the smart cute morally dubious guy that I hear people talking about! So then I said, nah, give Zandik to me instead please- hey, why is your face kind of red?”
You ended your little rambling and sat up straight, leaning into your roommate’s face. “Hey, are you embar-” Before you could finish your sentence, he quickly spun back around to face his desk, trying to block out your incessant giggling.
“Shut up,” he hissed in reply, quick to defend himself. “No one in this school would willingly live with me.” And how dare you call him that? That… c-word.
“Well,” you clutched your chest to prevent any more laughter, “That’s clearly not true anymore, because I’ve been here for quite a while! But wow, your face!” You toppled back onto his bed grinning. He swore you were brain-dead.
Zandik hated you.
IV. like-mindedness
Zandik did not like being in public. That was something you came to realize and understand rather quickly. For the most part, you had no qualms with it. You were quite content with bantering with him in the privacy of the dorm or in the desert or forest looking for whatever specimens he wanted. There were no distractions, no other people to give you weird stares or looks.
It was another normal day for you, and you came to realize that you’d actually been living with Zandik for quite a while. You liked to think that you two were rather close now. The time had flown by quickly for you, but apparently very long for others. To say people were baffled was an understatement.
People were shocked, fascinated, intrigued, fearful, any word you could think of, at how you managed to dorm with Zandik and still be alive, mentally and physically. Many people even applauded you for managing to live with Zandik for so long. You had people coming up to you asking for tips on how you confronted your fears so easily. The crazier ones even wanted to write a paper on your mental fortitude. (Thankfully your roommate hadn’t found out about that yet.)
Today, however, the two of you decided to stop by Puspa Café after class. It was a nice day to dine outside, and the coffee and food there was excellent. You had no complaints, especially since this was your first time doing this kind of thing with Zandik. It was going quite well, as the two of you read over your notes in silence until whispers began to penetrate the tranquility.
“Hey, look over there. Is that Zandik?”
“Oh wow, you’re right! This is my first time seeing him outside of class.”
“Really? This is my first time seeing him in general.”
“Well yeah, he only goes to class and then back to his dorm. Everyone knows he’s a freak.” Their blathering continued and you twitched your eye, unable to concentrate. You peaked at Zandik but he looked unbothered.
“We’re right in front of them and can still talk about you like that?” You were simultaneously shocked and impressed at their audacity and stupidity. Zandik simply shrugged his shoulders, his uncaring attitude shining through as he was practically immune to these kinds of scenarios now. You huffed and flipped a page in your book. Sometimes you wished you could borrow some of his ability to not care what people think.
But there was only so much you could take. And Archons above, these scholars and their incessant talking were annoying. You had no idea how Zandik could continue to read so intently with this racket. At least he was more pretty when he was quiet.
Slowly you stood up, and Zandik glanced at you, a bit confused but not too interested, still absorbed in his own book. His eyes returned to the text, but then he heard a loud thump from the side. Now more of his attention was on you, as he saw you now closed the thick book shut.
“[Name]?” he questioned, raising an eyebrow. You were now retrieving some Mora, probably for the bill, and laying it on the table. “Do you have business to attend to?”
“Business? You know what, yes, yes I do,” you chuckled a bit eerily. “But it’ll only take a couple of seconds.” With that, you picked up the textbook and lifted it up and down like a weight. Finally, you positioned yourself properly and raised your arm toward the direction of the student.
You threw the fucking textbook.
It was a sight that Zandik would never forget. A heavy book that would hurt anyone’s arm from lugging it around, flew through the air, and with uncanny precision, knocked the scholar right in the face.
It was dead silence for a few seconds.
And then chaos.
Screams erupted from the other students at the table at the sight of their fallen friend. A commotion was born as people scrambled to the boy. Zandik was having a bit of trouble comprehending what just happened. Yes, he just understood that you just threw a textbook at a guy, but he did not understand at the same time. Even he knew not to harm someone in public. (Private was a different case.) And you did it with no hesitation, no logical thought process of what would happen. It was an activity far from what most scholars did.
While he was in a little stupor, you quickly pushed your papers into your bag and slung it over your shoulder. “Hey! Teyvat to Zandik! Don’t just sit there! We have to leave the scene!” you scolded him, taking initiative and stuffing his work into his bag as well. He wasn’t the most pleased with how you treated his precious research material but that was only a fleeting thought compared to what just occurred. You threw his bag over your shoulder as well and cursed at how heavy his damn textbook was. But what he did not expect was what you did next.
Rolling your shoulders back to prepare yourself for the weight, you then grabbed his hand and started pulling him away.
Zandik then had no words to describe his emotions. He could only focus on the prickles that arose from all over his body at such prolonged and close contact with you. He was used to your teasing - running your hands through his hair on occasion, or leaning in close to his ear to whisper something, but this simply broke his scale. He felt as though he was moving unconsciously, feet moving in sync with yours, and he had no idea how to feel or even understand this phenomenon.
“Hey, I know you can walk faster than that!” Your voice snapped him out of his unfamiliar sensations, and that’s when he realized what was happening. You had actually managed to drag him so far along that you were both probably halfway through the city looking like complete, bumbling fools. And you were still holding his hand, and that’s when he realized again how lovely you looked in this moment. He quickly discarded those thoughts.
“Release me this instant, [Name],” he threatened, immediately putting his vexed look back up. He could feel your warmth penetrating his whole body just from your hand.
“Sure, sure~! Let’s turn into this alley to hide,” He could tell that was a complete lie because your laugh was so loud it probably rang out all the way to Port Ormos. Zandik scoffed and bit his lip to prevent a smile.
Soon enough, you both reached a secluded part of the city, away from all the hustle and bustle and caught your breath. You slid down a wall in relief and closed your eyes while Zandik had his eyes trained on you for what you just put him through.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” he raised an eyebrow at your crazy behavior. You peeked at him and put your hand on your chin, in a thinking position.
“Hmm… well, that was quite fun, was it not?!” you tried to keep a straight face but you could not help but laugh at your friend’s incredulous expression.
“You- we, we are going to get in trouble with the dean you know. And the counselors,” he said, trying to bite down the smile that kept rising when he remembered the expression on the assaulted student’s face.
“We’ll be fineeeee,” you shrugged your shoulders and stretched your letters. “Haven’t you gotten into more trouble with the head administration with your little controversial experiments? Besides, if we’re lucky, he’ll be too scared to report the incident,” you laughed, completely nonchalant about what you just did.
“Hmph. The blame is on you if anything happens,” he attempted to speak in an irritated voice, but he could not help but be amused. A bit elated, even. There were many people he wanted to see get chucked with a textbook. And do worse things too.
But a bit of the thrill came from how you did that with no hesitation. It was a… strange feeling to have someone do that for him. Actually, this whole relationship was strange. You were strange. Even he felt strange. He was honestly a straight-up asshole to you sometimes, like he was to everyone else. But that didn’t drive you off. You still did things for him. You still spoke to him. You didn’t want anything in return, not money, not knowledge, not relics, but perhaps what you did want was-
Zandik stopped that line of thoughts in its tracks, trying to ignore how his hand was all tingly from you holding it. Things were fine this way, he declared. He could not admit he was enamored with you. Nothing needed to change. He had to maintain his view of you, otherwise…
“You know, I’m surprised I even got you to do that. Did you hit your head too?”
“Shut up.”
Zandik hated you.
(You two did get into trouble. The Akademiya assigned you an apology essay which Zandik refused to do so you had to write two separate essays for each of you. With some begging, he did your homework for you in return, and somehow managed to get the blood stain off of that textbook you had thrown. You didn’t question where he learned that.)
V. kindness
It had been years since that fateful day, the time when you first moved in with Zandik. The Akademiya was a long and arduous grind, but that was to be expected. Your friendship with Zandik was one you cherished more than most things.
To say the two of you were close was an understatement. You still remember the counselor’s expression when you told her how well the two of you were getting along, and that there was no need for you to ever switch roommates. You think she became afraid of you too after that.
Tonight was a relaxed night. Zandik and you were not doing any work, simply laying side by side on his bed. (Even though he always threw fierce words at you, you knew he liked your touch.)
In the beginning, you would never be able to tear him away from that desk, but with time comes new things. You were just happy he was getting more hours of sleep.
The two of you lied in the dark as usual, simply enjoying the cool Sumeru breeze and the muffled noises from the city. You learned to grow content with these simple moments. But tonight you felt like talking.
“Hey, Zandik?”
“Hm?”
“Remember when you met me?” You could feel his head shift to look at you, probably for asking such a dumb question.
“Yes, I do. Too well, actually.”
“What was your first impression of me?” you questioned, realizing you never actually asked him that.
“That you were quite annoying and a thorn in my side.”
Anyone else might have been hurt by these words, but you did not mind. He made it pretty obvious that was how he felt in the beginning anyway, so it was no surprise. “But what about now?”
“You’re fine.” Even in the dark, he could feel your pout and pleading eyes. “And your intelligence and helpfulness deserve to be praised, I suppose.” And then he could feel your smile grow as your face was partially on his shoulder. From then the conversation flowed through many things. That research paper you two were working on, some kind of experiment he wanted to do on you (he swore it was painless), about that one scholar who was always annoying during the lectures.
The more you spoke, the more you realized how much of your life centered around being with Zandik here. You didn’t know if you ever wanted to graduate. To ever be apart from him.
“You know, I’ve been thinking. How long do you think we’ll live here?”
“Hmm, it’s hard to say. The benefits the Akademiya provides are far too good to let go of now. Speaking of that, there’s somewhere I want to visit.”
“Oh, you mean those hidden ruins you think are connected with Khaenri’ah?” How nice it would be if you could just drape your arm over his chest.
“Yes. Though I don’t know if the Akademiya will let me make another trip back to the desert as of right now,” he pondered.
“Are you referring to how you’ve been on the Matra’s watch list for years? So they started following you everywhere?” you giggled.
“Not just me. You too, [Name],” he rolled his eyes. “At least I never threw a book at someone in public.” You pouted and playfully punched his arm.
“C’mon, that was so long ago! You can stop bringing it up!” you whined. He would never let that go, huh? The conversation died down from there, but it was a comfortable silence, which you loved. After that little banter, your eyes began to droop and you yawned. Zandik glanced at you.
“Tired?” You nodded and blearily rubbed your eyes.
“Sleep, then,” he commanded, and you had no qualms with following that. Soon enough, Zandik was the only one left awake, staring out at the open window. He had found these little resting sessions of yours good for clearing his mind. He closed his eyes too.
Two people, on the same tiny, college-sized bed, arms brushing each other and talking nonchalantly. Totally, two good friends.
Friends. Friends, friends, friends. Long ago, the word left a distasteful feeling in his mouth, and it still did, but not for the reason he originally felt. Now, what he desired was more complicated.
Zandik hated you.
VI. endless
Zandik knew he would be expelled from the Akademiya soon, for the crimes he committed. And yet, instead of preparing for any future plans, he found himself following the directions of a note you left on his workbench. Meet me at our usual spot, 8 PM.
He was a busy man, more so in soon-to-be exile. He didn’t have time for your frivolous games. But for some reason, he found himself heading over to the cliff anyway. It was dark outside, but the stars illuminated your figure, and that was when he noticed the basket next to you as well. You noticed him and sat up eagerly.
“Hey, you made it! I was worried you wouldn’t come, to be honest.”
“...What is this?”
“Eh? A picnic, of course. The weather is real perfect for one.”
He was so astonished that the laugh building in his throat could not come out immediately. Surely you were aware of what he had done? Practically everyone in the Akademiya knew. You couldn’t walk for five minutes without hearing rumors floating around. Or perhaps you were that oblivious?
“Oh really?” His familiar, eerie laugh that you loved finally rang out. “Did a Ruin Guard finally toss you around well enough? Only an idiot wouldn’t know what I’ve-”
“I mean, do killers not like picnics anymore?” You replied so nonchalantly, he was actually a bit shocked.
“You’re… you’re frustrating,” he murmured.
The way you managed to make him so tongue-tied all the time made him itch to put you in your place, to snap back somehow, but he found himself unable to lately. Actually, he struggled to do that for a while now, and he despised how you made him feel like a bumbling fool.
“Heh, perhaps some of your unhingedness rubbed off on me,” you shrugged, patting down the spot next to you. “Look, I made samosas for you again.”
The blanket was soft and comfy, and though he didn’t care much for the flavors of food, he did enjoy your cooking. You continued to polish off your meal before you spoke again.
“So, I hear you’re going to be expelled soon.”
“Correct. Though I care little for this place, it’s a shame to lose a suitable environment for my research.”
“Have you decided where you’re going? I’m sure you’re not planning to stay exiled in the desert for the rest of your life,” you hummed. “Leaving this country, perhaps?”
“That seems to be the most logical action. There is nowhere in this nation that would fund my research.”
“I see. You’re going far away from here.” Zandik nodded in reply, but the more he thought about it, the more irritated he felt. Far away from here meant far away from you.
To think he felt no remorse for murder but he felt a tingle of emotion (sadness? regret? anger?) at no longer being with you. Whatever it was, it left a bitter taste in his mouth. He loathed to admit it, but he enjoyed your company. He enjoyed dragging you out of bed in the morning, and he enjoyed you dragging him to bed at night. He enjoyed your bantering, your inquisitive nature towards his work. He enjoyed being the only person you’d treat like this and having one person to himself. Zandik enjoyed you, thoroughly and fully.
“Well, keep me updated. I already got my bags packed and ready to go.”
“What?” A quirk of yours, he realized, was being able to leave him surprised at the most unpredictable times. Although scholars must plan for every possibility, he found it difficult to prepare for yours.
“I’m coming with you, of course. You’re gonna need your number one assistant with you. Hey, why’d you stop eating? We still need to get through the Padisarah Pudding.”
“You? Accompany me?” All of a sudden, everything made perfect sense. Yes, of course! You were right, he thought, as a fit of laughter overcame him. It was a splendid idea, one that pleased him immensely. Having you with him would be a great asset for his research. No one suited the role better than you. And you, in general, were… nice. You didn’t grate on his nerves like everyone else.
“Ha! Good! Amazing, even! I shall be sure to tell you when we depart from this nation of fools.” You raised your eyebrows at his sudden enthusiasm, but witnessing Zandik’s bursts of inspiration was nothing new to you either.
“Well, glad to see you’re so keen on it,” you chuckled. “But I have a request. Actually, it’s more like something I have to say to you before we embark on this. It’s crucial, really.”
“Oh? Do tell.” He wasn’t rich, but he had the ability to procure a wide variety of items. The Nation of Wisdom was more corrupt than one would think. But he did wonder what you would ever want. You didn’t chase after material goods like the majority of humans.
“To be frank, I like you,” you declared, looking right into his eyes. At that moment, it felt like the world had gone silent. The wind stopped blowing, the animals lied low, the grass no longer rustled. “I like you. I want to be more than just friends with you,” you stated bluntly. You felt that getting straight to the point was the best course of action with Zandik, since many things besides his research and manipulating people tended to go over his head.
“So, what do you say?”
There was no response. You attempted to build your case.
“By the way, did you think I’d go through all this trouble if I didn’t want to be with you? I didn’t dorm with you for no reason, you know.”
“...”
“For such a smart guy, you aren’t very good at this, are you? Well, I can’t be too mad. I’ve been dealing with the denseness for a few years now. You know, I’ve been making the first moves this whole time.”
“...”
The lack of response was beginning to make you nervous. You preferred the maniacal laughter of rejection at this point. “H-hey, I’d like a reply, you know. You don’t need to accept-”
Zandik thought. And he found that the words he spoke next were genuine.
“I find you… agreeable as well.”
You couldn’t help but throw your head back and laugh, shoulders now relaxed. “Why, such an amazing compliment from the high and mighty Zandik has me even more lovestruck!” He wanted to be mad, he really did, but it was at this moment he understood what it meant to be mesmerized by another person. He had found himself mesmerized by ancient machines, ruins, texts, his research. But he truly found you beautiful, your giggles echoing through the night.
“I’m agreeable, yes?” You turned to face him, your body leaning in closer to his. “Am I agreeable enough to do… this?” You tentatively glided your fingers over his hand, gauging to see how far Zandik would let you go. He stiffened at the foreign contact, clearly unused to it, but let you continue.
“What about this?” You slid your hand up and down his arm, keeping your eyes on his face the whole time. He tried not to show any emotions, besides a half-hearted scowl, but you could still see the red tips of his ears. He was so cute.
You scooted closer to him and let your other hand rest on Zandik’s thigh. “I think I’m much more than agreeable in your books,” you teased, cupping his cheek. He scoffed in response but did nothing to refuse your advancement. You leaned in and connected your lips with your lover’s. It felt damn good. Zandik had no idea what he was doing, but it was endearing nonetheless. You kissed him again, and again, and he reciprocated, albeit a little awkwardly. Your heart soared as you pulled away, and placed a few final kisses on his cheeks.
“Now, how did that feel?” You already knew the answer to that, of course. You knew Zandik for a long time, and could tell when he was in a shitty mood, a bad mood, a grumpy one, an excited one, a happy one, and much more. This mood was one you haven’t seen until now, but it sure was a good one. Completely flustered was a great look on him.
“I… I cannot come to a definitive answer as of now. I would say that I need to carry out some more experiments to reach a conclusion.”
“Oh? Then I’m a willing participant for however long as you want,” you smiled, finding comfort in his soft, teal locks.
And that’s when Zandik truly realized. You were more tolerable than the rest. You were bearable enough to want to keep you around forever. Smart enough for him to desire to hear your honeyed voice. Soft enough to want to feel your skin against his. Ah, he would never say it though, as he brushed his lips over yours once again.
Zandik loved you.
#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin x reader#dottore x reader#il dottore x reader#dottore fluff#il dottore#genshin il dottore#fatui harbingers x reader#fatui x reader#dottore angst#zandik x reader#genshin impact dottore#genshin impact zandik#genshin dottore#genshin impact il dottore#genshin impact headcanons#genshin impact imagines
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Not dead but not alive ether
Their lover becomes a zombie and forgets them
Warning(s) Scars, implied death
Characters included: Wanderer, Venti, Dottore
WANDERER loses it. He thought you'd be with him forever. When he came back from a trip and saw a lifeless look in your eyes, he thought it was just a bad day. He tried to hug you and ask if you needed help, but you still looked at him blankly. Still, he thinks you're angry and don't want to be touched. When you never get better, he breaks down. He told Dottore to take care of you. He refused to believe you were basically dead. He thought it was just a prank. He becomes more snappy and quick to yell.
VENTI refuses to believe it. He thinks you're just tired. Until you don't react to his singing or to him taking you out. He pokes and prods at you, trying to get an answer. He takes notice of the scar on your neck. He tries asking what it's from, only to receive the response. "I don't remember..." He can't accept that you don't remember him. He asks the other archons for help. He never leaves your side.
DOTTORE asks if you feel alright when you barely respond to him. For once, he came to see you. It was real him not one of his clones. He looks you in the eyes and asks if you're angry. When you don't respond to him, he leaves. He thinks you're just angry about something. He comes to see you a week later only to see you in the same state. His eyes get caught by a scar on your neck. When he asks you tell him you don't know how you got it. He does tests to see what's wrong with you. He takes you being a zombie as a reason to experiments on you. He misses what you used to be but he works on something to help you. He sends he segments to watch you and protect you.
@.teyvat-airlines do not repost, copy or translate without my consent
#astronetwrk#genshin fanfic#gi x reader#genshin fluff#mod nilou#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin#genshin impact x reader#genshin x y/n#dottore x you#dottore angst#venti#venti angst#wanderer#kunikuzushi x you#scaramouche x y/n#scaramouche x you#scaramouche x reader#scara angst
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Breaking hopes and dreams.
'the hero would sacrifice you to save the world,the villain would sacrifice the world to save you' they said. But they're wrong. There's no villain in this world. Even if there is a villain..they have their priorities,and you're not one of them.
It's stupid to think someone would care for you enough to sacrifice the world for you,someone like this simply doesn't exist.
Take the 11th harbinger for an example. People brand him as a villain,don't they? Oh,but would he sacrifice the world to save you?never. His family is his priority,and you're simply not them. He watches you die, staring at you with his lifeless eyes. So much for a lover.
Dottore surely would, wouldn't he? Wrong.
The second has never cared for something,or someone for this Matter enough to sacrifice the world for them. Sacrificing something for knowledge and power?in his eyes, that's worth it. but humans and people ? Never. He didn't care enough for humans
Scaramouche surely would,right? He has nothing to lose! Wrong again. He's been betrayed many times,and has made the deduction that no one would ever stay that long and they would all leave him. Maybe he's right,maybe he's wrong. But he couldn't care less if you left,you were an experiment to test his deduction anyway..and you proved him right;no one ever stays.
#genshin x reader#genshin imagines#genshin impact#genshin#childe#childe x reader#childe angst#dottore#zandik x reader#dottore x reader#scaramouche x reader#scaramouche#dottore angst#scaramouche angst#genshin angst#angst imagines#genshin x gn!reader#genshin x fem reader#genshin x male reader#childe x male reader#dottore x male reader#scaramouche x male reader
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hi, if it's uncomfortable, ignore it
I had a difficult period when, unfortunately, I couldn't stand it and after six months I started to self-harm again.
and so I wondered if you could please write how childe, pantalone and dottore would react if they found out that the reader is going through this?
·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳ your skin is not paper, so don't rip it.
a/n: oh my darling, I hope you're okay now!! I'm not uncomfortable with this, don't worry, but if any readers are uncomfortable with this particular fic then please dni <3
gn!reader, poc!reader friendly <33
tw: this whole fic is about self-harm, so if uncomfortable dni
_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐
Pantalone doesn't like it when you hurt yourself: his kind smile that he wears all the time quickly morphs into one of sympathy and concern :( His speciality is in gift-giving, so you best believe he'll spoil the shit out of you. He'll drape his cloak over you and make you feel as if you're the only person in the world, except unlike the other love stories he doesn’t leave you for someone else. Oh, my love, don't do that; you have such nice skin! Come on, let us go shopping, hm? We can get you something nice to cheer you up :)
Childe is livid if you're SHing because of someone else. He'll cut them up and give them to Dottore as an experiment. However, if its just you, he'll try his best to make you happy with hugs and words of affirmation. He'll get the recruits to walk past you deliberately and be like: "Master Childe says you look good today, and I think so too, quite frankly :)" He runs up to you with a smile every time he sees you from now on. [Name]! Bring it in! How've you been, huh? Wanna go ice fishing? Dinner's on me tonight, so don't worry. Just stay by my side and it'll all be okay :D
Dottore is an iffy one, because he doesn't really know what to do. He's pure evil and I don't really know what you simps see in him apart from his glow up, because believe me he GLOWED UP, but I guess he still has a heart... somewhere. He awkwardly pats your back and wherever your scars are and blushes underneath his mask. U- um, your scars look nice, I guess. Do you want me to put a Hello Kitty plaster on it? HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO MAN BUT HE DID TAKE CARE OF COLLEI, NOT REALLY GOOD BUT YOU KNOW, SO HE DOES OWN SOME HELLO KITTY PLASTERS FOR SURE.
#ainsley's gift pile#ainsley answers#ainsley writes#genshin x reader#genshin angst#genshin x gender neutral reader#genshin x gn reader#genshin x black reader#genshin x poc!reader#pantalone x gn reader#pantalone x gender neutral reader#pantalone angst#pantalone x reader#childe x gender neutral reader#childe x gn reader#childe x reader#childe angst#dottore x gn reader#dottore x gender neutral reader#dottore angst#dottore x reader
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◃◃◃ Comedic Tragedy▹▹▹
Synopsis: The reader is a burnt-out Akademiya student that has the misfortune of bumping into Dottore while he's working on his Scaramouche-god project. After learning of her peculiar interests Dottore makes her an offer. One she very soon regrets accepting.
Note: There is like one reference to the Sumeru archon quest so spoilers, but in this universe, Lumine was taken captive by Dottore a while ago and the residents of Sumeru were able to foil the mad doctor's plans and free Nahida without the traveler's help. Also, Paimon is dead.
Warnings: ANGST, GORE, extreme body horror, Dottore has feelings and that ain't a good thing. Lumine is the traveler. Dottore x Lumine is mentioned a lot but never really shown until the end. Death. the reader is suicidal but she defiantly didn't want this. non-con but no smut if that makes sense.
Requested by: The lovely @nasidibakar
Back then you had romanticized dying. Dreamed of having your arteries nicked by the person you loved. It had all come so naturally to you, the desperation to fall in love with the macabre.
The thrill you got as you slid your palm across the jagged end of your desk. The rapid beat of your heart as you drove your fist into your dormitory wall. Gleefully staring as crimson beads slipped from your purpling knuckles.
It had been so fun back then. So exhilarating, so enticing.
But then you met him.
Fell in love with him actually.
A slight run-in during the second-period rush.
A light brush of his freezing blue lips to your bruised hand.
That had been all it took really. The next thing you knew the grand sage had awarded you the position of assistant to the "most benevolent scholar of Snezhnaya ."
Of course back then the scholar from Snezhnaya had looked every bit the glacious prince from a foreign land. He'd been gentle and sweet...
Permitting you to watch as he performed another thoracotomy on the humanoid robot. Pulling you close as he observed the harvested dreams from the grand Akasha terminal. Sat under the blazing moon with you. Ever so gently crabling your hand in his, as he traced skin-deep hearts into your palm with his scalpel.
You'd been so utterly in love back then. Too blinded by bleeding hearts and gory love poems to notice the distant look in his eyes. The way he'd pause so irregularly when he was about to speak your name. In hindsight maybe you should have known his heart was with another.
Then one night, one gloriously blurry night. As you both sat on the Akadimiya's roof. Your head laying tiredly in his lap. You'd uttered those damned words. Those jarring, life-altering words
"I want to die"
Words spoken so softly from chapped lips as your eyes closed and you fell into a sweet, sweet, sleep.
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Dottore finds it quite odd how he'd fallen so deeply, so consumingly, so manically in love with you in such a short time.
You'd simply fallen right out of the sky. Straight in his path. A miracle granted by whichever archon was doltish and self-righteous enough to still acknowledges his existence. Celestia knows he's made an enemy of every self-proclaimed God in Teyvat. Even the Tsaritsa was weary of him on good days. Downright loathed him on bad ones.
Yet this time divinity had pulled through and led you straight to him. Such a blessed thing, he'd surely take great joy in ravaging.
Sacred marvel or not, Dottore had admittingly taken a wholly interest in you. Your vision had haunted him. Plaguing him for endless nights as he succumbed to finish building the Archon of arcane wisdom. He found it rather silly how he'd secretly seek out your hand during meetings with the grand sage. Constantly pinning to be in your obsolete presence.
It had been fun, or failing that, insightful at the very least. He knew he had conjured feelings towards you and couldn't so easily permit you to leave. Even when his work in Sumeru had been cut short, all due to that meddling team of ignorant vision wielders and their pesky archon.
Yet the night before he left, he knew you had to come with him.
He'd paid great attention to your love of the macabre. Enjoyed indulging you in his temporary laboratory. Drawing little doodles on your flawless flesh with his medical instruments. You would only giggle, blush and glance away timidly. So endearing, so foolish.
You were accustomed to agony - albeit self-inflicted he postulated-Treating it as nothing more than a guilty pleasure. Nevertheless, Dottore knew it would take time for you to adjust to his ruthlessness. His variation of pain was utterly appalling. He'd be sure to turn your previous wounds into child's play.
Surely you'd love it.
looking back on it all you'd most definitely been burnt out. Unable to string together logical thoughts outside the realm of your chosen field. Yet another scholar so caught up in their research and studies that they'd forgotten how the real world actually works.
The academic world is like an all-consuming fire.
At least that's what Dottore has concluded, since his expulsion from the Akademiya.
Taking and taking, from those who all so willing worship its perpetual light. Blooming their dermises with blisters and decaying nerves. So greedy, yet every ardent scholar welcomes the mental anguish and self-loss as one would welcome spring with open arms. You, little dove, his little dove, were no better. Foolish and blessed all at the same time. You'd played the only role you'd ever known. Perfected the part of the scholar to be, all while hiding the only outlet you had. The only waypoint to what might just be your undisputed self. Hiding razors between pages of quadratic equations and simultaneous equations. Hiding the swelling galaxies of bruises you'd painted on your thighs. It's all quite forgivable really. Admirable if nothing else. You'd found your true self in the mists of academic misery. Taken the reign and decided to welcome the aches and stings.
Oh, how he'd generously taken you away from your tormentors.
How graciously he'd shown you what true pain was really like.
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You never truly understood it, never have, and never will. Can't comprehend this desperate mesmeric feeling whenever he's near. You're ever so utterly infatuated with him. You love him, your tormentor, your capturer, the doctor, Dottre, with all that's left of your beating heart. Although now that it's been months since you departed to Snezhnaya with him. You've come to realize that love, for all its hypnotic trances and rose-tinted terms, is rather over-glorified. For you may love someone with every fiber of your body, yet they may be well engrossed with someone else.
Does he even love you?
It's the question of the hour, the day, the month, the millennia...
Does Dottore truly love you?
Your eyes trace over the severed limbs littering the pristine floor. Connecting them like stars in a constellation. This particular operating room was always in shambles. Very much like how you'd turned out...
He'd been taking you apart, ripping away appendages and giving them to her. The Traveler. The eldritch being of light who'd been forced into a mortal's body. He's been patching up wherever her primordial glow was seeping through the cracks of such a weak body. with your ever-so-human corpse.
How Dottore had ever managed to tame and capture a primordial
creature such as she was beyond you. Although you liked to ponder the possibility that infusing the two of you meant that part of her divinity would be substituted for humanity thus rendering her more submissive. More malleable. Easier for the mad doctor to control.
And yet, despite all this, you can't seem to let go of those horrid feelings you have for him.
Maybe you'd never even been lovers. Just a fool and a scientist
trapped in fate's webs.
No, that wasn't quite right either. Instead, the two of you were more akin to desperate souls who needed each other more than the earth needed the sun. It's rather humorous to consider that Dottore would ever need someone. To think of him as anything less than a natural cataclysm sent by the Tsaritsa herself to destroy everything that is good and holy.
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You lay motionless on the cold metal slap, eyes unfocused as you try a process which limb has gone missing now. Or maybe it's an organ this time. It's always all so hard to recall what it is exactly that he took, in the hours following the operation.
Phantom pain pounds in your right eye, or rather the right socket that used to house your right eye. You stare up at the ceiling trying to tune out the pain and the numbness all at once.
Has he ever loved you?
You can't help but circle back to the heart wrenching question every so often.
Has he ever said he loves you? You're not sure, brain too cluttered from the last operation to fully recall anything specific. Too damaged to be conscious enough to tell the difference between reality and fantasies.
"Let's make a deal, my dear. You help me with my research and in return, I shall grant your ghastly fantasy as best I can"
You remember that conversation despite your mangled mind. Remember it was his perfect response that night when the two of you lay in the moonlight. You'd told him you wanted to die. How naive you'd been back then. You had started this whole mess and that madman you had so easily given your heart to had been all too eager to oblige.
Not like this.
This hadn't been what you'd meant.
You didn't want any of this.
The severed body, the other women, the cold empty lab.
You didn't want this.
"Oh, I see you're awake" His voice is chilling. Analytical rather than affectionate. "Maybe you're body is beginning to build up a form of resistance to the anesthesia." He sighs, an unnerving noise that hints at the permanent exhaustion he always seems to feel. "I'll have to start upping your doses, although I figure it'd be better to invest my time in fabricating some new suppressants altogether." His steps reverberate through the air as he saunters over to where you lie. gloved hands running through your matted locks, curling strands around his fingers as he mutters gleefully. "Look at all the trouble I go to for you darling. You really are quite lucky, that I'm so fond of you." his words hit deep, reopening the old wounds you clumsily stitched close with strings of denial.
He lays down next to you, unbothered by the sharp cold of the metal table. His eyes melt into yours, looking at you like you are the love of his life. A bitter lie and you know it and yet you still relish in the fictitious proclivity of it all. His fingers trace open lacerations. His mouth busied itself with nipping at raw scar tissue adorning your neck. Working around to kiss at the stumps of amputated appendages. You lay there enjoying the kisses and empty promises. It feels like he loves you. In the end, isn't that all that matters?
"You know I'm only doing this because I care about you, right?" You wonder if that lie tastes bitter on his tongue. You fight the urge to scream that it's evident he loves her more. Adores her. Worshipers her
Dottore carries on disregarding the pain so clearly plastered on your face. "The traveler will live for much longer than you ever could. By taking you apart and sewing you into her, I'm doing you both a favor. Although I'll admit the true victor in this little experiment is I.
I'll have both my lovers at my side forevermore." You hate how his statement makes your heart beat ever quicker and your cheeks darken in color. You turn, catching his lips in an uncharacteristically bold kiss. Hoping it'll shut him up for now.
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There's a code red. Even from your isolated room, you can tell that something's going on with the Traveler. That's what a code red is in this hellish place. Anytime the darling Traveler goes through something more major than a headache, the whole medical bay is on emergency standby. Clones running left and right fetching medical equipment and pain suppressants.
You see the state Dottore is in over her. Hate how he risks his own well-being over her. Or rather, failing that, you're jealous over how much he cares about her. Dottore is naturally destructive, to those around him, to himself, to any and everything. It's not a particularly hard thing to take note of. He's not exactly a gentle lover or even a good one at that. Yet as of late, he's gone even further - if that's even possible- tearing himself to shreds trying to squeeze out the last bits of divinity still plaguing his ever-precious Traveler.
Deep in your bones you just know he's ever more forbearing with her. never "forgetting" to administer her anesthetics to see how "well" she'd take the pain. Always putting in the extra time to make sure her wounds were thoroughly sterilized. With you it's different he'll cut where ever he pleases, tear off anything and everything. He'll cut and cut and you fear that one day there'll be nothing left to cut.
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As of late, the Doctor has been more present. Visiting you daily -or at least you think. It's hard to tell time in a windowless, clockless room- his advances have been sweeter, bordering on loving if that was even possible. His lips linger where ever he kisses and he's even taken to spending the night.
There's trouble in the air, you can feel it.
It's on one of these particular nights that his clones are tasked with taking you to a new operating room. One with a window that permits the moon's rays to sweep in. His clones release you onto the plush operation table, a stark contrast to the metal slab you've grown accustomed to.
Something's not right.
Minutes later Dottore walks in. He discards his mask on a nearby table revealing bloodshot eyes with deep black bags underneath. "Too many late nights" you jab, prying for any reaction, anything that feels normal. He hovers above you, arms placed firmly on either side of your head. He let out a loud breath, followed by an onslaught of mirthless giggles. "It's time" he mutters. "Time for what?" you ask, searching his eyes for any clue as to what's going on. Dottore gulps curls a strand of pale blue hair around his finger and pulls. "Tonight I'll be taking your heart..." He pauses for a minute and you wonder if he hears the irony as you do. "I'll merge it with the Traveler's. Half and half, sounds fair right?"
"no"
"From then on you and her will be one. A single entity meant to serve me and only me. I told you I was the luckiest man in all of Teyvat."
You think you detect a sliver of sadness in his hoarse voice.
Wonder if all this insanity has finally caught up with him...
Improbable.
It's funny how now when you're all so close to getting what you've dreamed of for so long, reality decides to kick in. How regret settles deep in your gut as warm tears begin to flow freely.
"Please don't do this.."
"I have to"
"Dottore plea-"
"Shhh"
He settles himself on the bed, straddling your hips. "I want you to be awake for this one." He reaches over for the scalpel and goes straight for the cut. A thoracotomy, just like the ones you used to watch him perform on Scaramouch. You scream out in pain, begging him to stop. All too soon everything goes numb and you're left hanging between the borders of life and death.
Dottore leans down and kisses your heart. Laughing at how the blood mares his lips. A delighted shiver runs down his spine as he feels the rhythmical beats under his tongue. He looks so happy you note in your delirious state. It fills your heart with warmth as you bask in his excited, handsome face. Observing complacently as he watches you bleed out.
"Dottore?"
"Yes my dove"
"Please just say it...say it just once..."
You're not sure if it's the blood loss or a cruel joke by fate. But for a fraction of a second, you think you see his lips turn downwards and a single tear falls from his eye.
"I love you" He finally says.
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Bonus:
Sometimes the Traveler is shaken from her slumber by a blazing ache in her heart and in her right eye and her left leg, right thigh, left arm... Sometimes she's reminded that there was another girl. A poor soul who loved Dottore and paid for it with her body and her life. Tears fall freely from her eyes before she's pulled back into the mattress by her "lover". The mad doctor, Dottore. He kisses her, right on the border of her scars. Right where she ends and the other starts. He got his wish, he created some perfect hybrid of the only two things he's ever loved.
Damn him.
Damn him to Celestia and back
#dottore x reader#dottore x you#yandere dottore#yandere dottore x reader#yandere dottore x you#genshin x reader#genshin x you#yandere genshin x reader#yandere genshin x you#dottore#genshin impact dottore#il dottore#dottore x y/n#warning gore#warning body horror#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere x you#yancore#dottore angst#genshin hcs#genshin impact angst#il dottore x reader#il dottore x you#genshin impact reader insert#fatui harbingers#genshin dottore#fatui x reader#yandere aesthetic#yanderecore
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Bluebell
⟡ Contains: Dottore x Gn!Reader, Sfw, Angst to set the scene, Fluff otherwise, Dottore has amnesia, Reader is married to Dottore
You and Dottore had always been the envy of Snezhnaya, your relationship being quite the popular topic among its citizens. Everyone in the Fatui, from Cicin Mages to the Harbingers themselves, knew about your marriage. It was impossible to be out of the loop, as gossip spread like wildfire in the headquarters. Even if one were to live under a rock, the way Dottore looked at you with pure and unmistakable adoration was a dead giveaway.
For approximately a year, things were peaceful. You spent every day by Dottore’s side, and every night in his embrace. Until one fateful day, when one of Dottore’s experiments failed, and awfully so. The explosion could even be heard from the offices on the upper levels. You also worked in the headquarters, and your heart lurched in fear when you heard the loud bang.
Running down the stairs leading towards his lab, you could feel the panic setting in. There was nothing you could do to help, as Dottore never let you into his lab in fear of something happening to you. Your eyes began tearing up as you saw the walls of his lab completely collapsed, and your blue-haired husband trapped under the rubble. In the past, Dottore had made it very clear to his assistants that, in case of an emergency, they were to hold you back. They honored his request, and you could only watch in horror as the medical staff rushed in to save him, struggling against the arms keeping you from your beloved husband.
In the aftermath of the explosion, Dottore was rushed to the nearby hospital. You sat anxiously in the waiting room, tears streaming down your face. Your heart was beating faster than ever before as you silently prayed to the Tsaritsa to spare his life. Eventually, after what felt like hours, you were given permission to visit Dottore.
When you walked into Dottore’s hospital room, he was asleep on the bed, his chest and the top of his head mostly bandaged up. It pained you to see your husband like that, and as you sat down next to him, he began to slowly open his eyes.
"Darling?" You asked tentatively before reaching out and stroking his cheek.
Dottore looked up at you, his red eyes filled with confusion. "Sorry, who are you?"
Your worst nightmare had come true.
The months following the incident had been difficult; however, you were relieved to find that Dottore’s affection for you hadn’t disappeared. The hospital staff had informed you that there was indeed a small chance for him to regain some—if not all—of his memories. That possibility was like the light at the end of the tunnel for you, and no matter how long it would take, you vowed to help Dottore remember your past together. You swore to stay by him in sickness and in health, after all.
One night, as you lay in bed together, Dottore turned over to face you. "Love?"
"Yes darling? What is it?" You asked, a little worried that something might be wrong.
"I’m sorry that I can’t remember anything right now; it must really hurt you. My memories—they’re all so hazy. But I do recall how I felt, and I want you to understand that my feelings haven’t changed a bit." Dottore said, a comforting look in his eyes.
You smiled at him. "Dottore, you’ve reminded me of that nearly every night since you got back from the hospital. Don’t worry; I know you still love me, and I’m very glad to have you in my life."
"I know I’ve told you many times, but I feel like I need to assure you, or else you may fret about it." Dottore spoke softly, reaching out to stroke your hair.
"Love, I won’t. What’s most important right now is that you get a good night’s sleep. Tell you what, I’ll take you to where we first met tomorrow morning; maybe it’ll help your memory a little."
Dottore smiled at your words and nodded. "That’d be great." He paused for a second before hesitantly asking, ".. may I hold you?"
Something about his strangely shy tone evoked an odd feeling in your chest. Even after all the years you spent together with him, he still found new ways to stir the butterflies in your stomach. Without even answering his question, you wrapped your arms around his body, burying your face into the crook of his neck.
Dottore gently put a hand on the top of your head, calmly stroking your hair. The warmth of your husband’s skin and the rhythm of his heart made you slowly drift off to sleep. No matter how difficult things got, you’d always have him.
When you woke up in the morning, Dottore was still sleeping soundly next to you, a peaceful look on his face. Your eyes fell to the scars on his chest left by the accident, a constant reminder of the time you nearly lost him. Despite all of Dottore’s strength as the Second of the Fatui Harbingers, one mistake could have ended his life.
Your mind began to race at the possibilities of what could have happened if even one little factor had been changed. Would he not be lying next to you right now if he’d been even a foot closer to the explosion?
Unconsciously, you reached out to touch those rough patches on his skin, accidentally rousing him from his sleep. Your breathing was a little shallow as your brain spiraled. Despite just waking up, Dottore instantly recognized your distress and pulled you into his arms.
"Darling, can you breathe deeply for me? Hyperventilating will only make you feel worse." Dottore said softly as he stroked your back, trying to soothe your anxiety.
After about a minute, your breathing slowed down with much encouragement from Dottore. His gentle words and touch grounded you; he was here, not back in the accident. And he never would be, because things were okay now.
"I’m sorry for waking you, Love. I was just overthinking again; that’s all." You spoke quietly, with a tinge of guilt in your voice.
Picking up on it, Dottore began to reassure you. "It’s not your fault for being anxious, [Name]. What happened back then was very traumatic for you; it’d leave a lasting impact on anyone. So don’t apologize to me for anything; you don’t need to. Plus, I don’t need to sleep in any longer than I did; if you’re feeling that way again, please don’t hesitate to ask me for help, even if I’m asleep."
Dottore knew exactly what to say to calm your mind; he always had. Cuddling up next to him once more, you breathed in his scent as he brushed through your hair with his fingers.
"We should get ready soon, darling. I promised to take you to where we first met, after all."
"Don’t feel obligated to; if you’d prefer to stay at home today, that’s fine." Dottore said as he continued to run his fingers through your hair.
"I want to go as well, Dottore. My offer to take you still stands." You assured him as you began to get out of bed.
Once you two had gotten ready, you led Dottore out of the house. Due to losing his memories, Dottore was unfamiliar with the streets he once knew so well, so you had to show him the way.
After a short stroll through the main city of Snezhnaya, you stopped at a large building made from grey stone bricks of varying lengths and shades.
Reading the sign on the front of it, Dottore asked, "We met at the library?"
"Yeah, we did. It was by pure coincidence that I even talked to you in the first place." You replied with a soft smile on your face. It had been so long since that day, and oh, how things had changed.
Hand in hand, you brought Dottore into the library and up the stairs to the second floor. You led him over to a small reading corner surrounded by large windows, which contained a singular round wooden table with two plush chairs on either side. A strong sense of deja vu washed over Dottore as he walked closer to the room.
You motioned for him to sit down, then took your own place next to the table. You gazed fondly around the room for a brief moment, before resting your eyes on your husband, who sat in front of you.
"I was sitting in this very chair when we had our first conversation." You paused, thinking back on that day. "You know, I was scared of you at first."
"You were... scared of me? Why?" Dottore asked with a confused look on his face.
You chuckled. "Darling, have you forgotten you’re ranked second out of the Eleven Fatui Harbingers? Of course I was terrified."
"[Name], I’ve been reminded of what my title entails, but nothing of the reputation it holds." Dottore explained. "What exactly do you mean?"
"Let’s just say... You were a very intimidating man back then. Everyone who didn’t know you properly fled in terror when they saw you."
"Really? Have people changed how they view me since the accident?"
"Not exactly; you’ve kept your status and title, after all. That’s what people are afraid of."
Dottore thought that over for a minute, then hesitantly asked, "Love, was I wrong to you in the past?"
Surprised by his words, you responded, "Archons no, what would make you think that?"
"You kept saying how frightening I was back then—and how I apparently still am. I can’t help but worry that I did something awful to you."
You reached out to gently stroke Dottore’s cheek, assuring him. "Oh, darling, I’m sorry I didn’t make it more clear. I don’t think you’re any of those things. Sure, back when we first met, I was scared by your title like everyone else. But as we got acquainted, I saw a different side of you, one which was nothing like the man the public viewed you as."
"I’m glad." Dottore paused, before asking, "Could you possibly tell me about the day we met, since we’re here?"
"Of course, I’d be happy to." You continued, "It was a particularly gloomy day, and a heavy blanket of snow covered the ground—the amount being more than it usually was. Despite all of that, I couldn’t stand being inside; I instead decided to go out into the storm. Many of the buildings and stores in the city were closed, but the library wasn’t."
"Oh dear, I hope you didn’t freeze to death; Snezhnaya is already a harsh place as it is." Dottore said softly.
"You worry too much, my love. I was perfectly fine." You replied, assuring him.
"Alright, I’m simply making sure. Isn’t that what a husband ought to do?"
"Darling, that happened six years ago." You chuckled, but you could feel your heart fluttering at his concern.
"Well, I’m still going to express my worry regardless of how much time has passed, and that’s final." Dottore smiled at you, before saying, "anyway, please go on. I’d love to hear the rest of the story."
That smile of his only made your heart beat faster. "As I said, the library wasn’t closed, so I decided to head over to warm up inside. After all, I went there a lot back then to relax. Coincidentally, when I climbed up the stairs, you were there, sitting in my usual spot.
"When I saw the Second Harbinger himself seated in that chair, I really did consider turning around and walking all the way back to my apartment through the deep snow. However, hearing my footsteps, you looked up from your book towards me. Once you’d sensed my presence, I figured there was no turning back. After all, it would’ve been highly disrespectful to run the opposite way when you looked at me.
"So, despite my shaking legs, I made my way over and sat down across from you. Despite having your mask on, I knew you were looking directly at me. Though terrified, I attempted to make small talk to fill the silence. That small talk turned into a full conversation, and then another, and another; we barely realized how late it was, and we were only alerted to the time when it had gotten quite dark outside. You gently took my hand in yours and walked me home to make sure I was safe, only bidding me farewell when I was at my door."
Dottore silently listened to your story, smiling softly as you finished telling it. "I wish I could remember that day; it sounded like it was a truly lovely one."
Noticing the slight falter in Dottore’s smile as he said that, you gave him a quick kiss. "It’s okay, darling. Don’t fret; we’ll make many more beautiful memories together in the future. Anywhere you want to go, I’ll take you."
Without another word, Dottore stood up and pulled you into his arms, fully picking you up off the ground.
"I—wha—what are you doing?" You stuttered, quite flustered as well as a little confused.
"Taking you home, like I did back then." He simply said.
"Darling, you held my hand to lead me back to my apartment. You didn’t carry me!" You replied, chuckling.
Dottore continued walking, his grip on you firm yet comfortable. "Hm, well, I prefer it this way. So I will have it this way."
You sighed, nuzzling closer to him. "You’ve always been like this, and I love you for it."
That night, you couldn’t bear to leave Dottore’s embrace for even a second. Comforted by his scent and the warmth of his skin, you drifted off peacefully. For a moment, it was easy to forget that the accident had ever happened. He still held you the exact same way as he used to, after all. Some things truly never change.
When Dottore woke up the next morning, he noticed that you weren’t cuddled up next to him as you usually were. "[Name]..? Where—"
"I’m right here, darling. Don’t worry." Just then, you walked into the room, holding a mug in both hands.
Dottore looked at you as you sat down on the bed next to him, his tone still a little sleepy. "What’s in the mug?"
"It’s coffee; you’ll like it. I swear." You said, offering it to him.
Dottore hesitated, unsure. "I don’t want to take something you made for yourself."
"No, no. Darling, I made it for you." You chuckled, smiling at him.
"You did?" Dottore looked a little surprised. "You’re too sweet, darling. Are you suggesting I drink it because I liked it back then?" Dottore took the cup, staring at its contents.
"You’re right, my love. It used to be your favorite."
The drink was as dark as the abyss, and smelled quite strongly. Dottore put the mug to his lips, and tentatively took a sip. Instantly, his eyes lit up, and he drank nearly half the cup.
Dottore’s expression made your heart skip a beat. He looked so happy to be experiencing his drink of choice for the first time again.
Dottore then downed the rest of the cup, and looked up at you with a sparkle in his deep red eyes. "Darling, could you make me another? Or, even better, teach me how to make such a lovely drink?"
"Love, if I teach you, you’ll make yourself crazy. Too much caffeine can give you anxiety. However, I'm sure another cup won’t hurt you." You smiled at him, and then walked out of the room to brew him another drink.
Day after day, Dottore woke up with you in his arms, and each morning, you made him coffee for him to have with breakfast. Life had been very lovely, but there had been little to no progress in recovering any of Dottore’s memories.
Even so, you refused to give up.
One evening, when Dottore had gotten back from work, you seemed quite eager to show him something.
"Darling, quick, follow me!" You said, grabbing his hand and pulling him upstairs.
Although Dottore was a little dazed at your enthusiasm, he followed you to the second floor of the house. "What is it, my love? Do you have something to show me?"
You dragged him over to a window in the bedroom and began to unlock it. Once you were done, you pushed it open and began to climb out onto the roof, leading Dottore along with you.
"[Name], are you sure this is safe? I wouldn’t want you to get hurt." Dottore said as he carefully stepped out, holding onto you tightly.
"Actually, coming up here was your idea in the first place. Back then, at least." You replied, sitting down on the roof, dangling your legs over the edge.
Dottore sat down next to you. "Even so, you need to be careful, darling."
Ignoring his words, you nudged him and pointed up at the sky. "Look."
As the sun began to set, the clouds were dusted with a beautiful pink color, painting a stunning picture. Dottore was not particularly intrigued by beautiful landscapes, but even he was enamored by such a scene. Especially if his beloved was watching it with him.
While Dottore was gazing at the sky, you pulled a small bunch of bluebell flowers out of a pocket in your coat, and extended your arm to offer the gift to him.
Noticing the sweet smell, he looked down and saw the pretty blue blossoms in your hand.
"..Are these for me..?" Dottore spoke, a blush rising in his cheeks.
You nodded, smiling gently. "They are. Back then, you loved to give me bluebells on any occasion you could."
Dottore closed his eyes and put the flowers to his nose, breathing in the scent. Suddenly, his eyes shot open, and he turned to face you. "Darling? Did I.. did I ask you to marry me up here?"
You looked at him in surprise. "Y—you remember?"
Dottore’s deep red eyes were shining with happy tears. "I do! I remember!"
Dottore wrapped his arms around you, and kissed you deeply. Draping your arms around his neck, you reciprocated his passion, letting yourself melt into his embrace.
Unexpectedly, Dottore pinned you down, and pushed your head to one side. Softly, he began to bite your neck all over, sending a shiver of pleasure down your spine. Oh Archons, he knew how to drive you crazy.
"Darling, didn’t you say to be careful? Aren’t you afraid we might fall?" You teased, a little out of breath.
Pausing for a moment, Dottore replied, "I would never allow you to fall."
Dottore moved his face away from your neck, instead pressing his lips to yours once more. He tilted your chin up as he fervently kissed you over and over, pouring all his love into the act.
The sun had long ago set when you two finally climbed back through the window.
In bed, Dottore pulled you into his arms, and whispered in your ear, "Sweet dreams, my lovely Bluebell."
"Found a new petname for me, huh?"
"Indeed, it suits you. You’re sweet-smelling, pretty, and you help me get my memories back." Dottore said softly.
You chuckled. "Where in the world did you ever learn to be this charming?"
Yet again, you spent the rest of the night cuddled up next to him, sleeping soundly. His body next to yours was something you were forever grateful for, and you hoped you’d never have to sleep alone again, like you did when he was being treated all those months ago.
You slept, knowing there was hope. Maybe, one day in the future, Dottore would truly recall all those years you spent together. But for now, one memory is enough.
#dottore x gender neutral reader#dottore x gn reader#dottore fluff#il dottore x reader#dottore x reader#genshin x gender neutral reader#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin fluff#genshin x gn reader#genshin impact fanfics#genshin x you#dottore x you#genshin impact x reader#genshin impact x gn!reader#genshin impact x gn reader#genshin impact x gender neutral reader#genshin impact fluff#genshin x y/n#dottore angst
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GENSHIN IMPACT Character x GN!Reader Angst Stories
Word count: 600+
Fic for @versadies farewell-love event.
Prompt: "Everything I've ever done...was for you."
Characters: Dottore
Pairings: Dottore x GN!Reader
Warnings: Usage of Dottore's real name. Reader death. Please read at your own risk.
Taglist: @stygianoir @kurobakachan @hikomisan @silverwritesthings @minty-stays-tired @genshinparty
Special thanks to Silver for bouncing ideas off of me~
If you like what you read, come and check out my Discord!
Click below for more~
Il Dottore
Zandik watched the gentle rise and fall of your chest as you slept soundly; the regular beeps of the monitors and occasional hum as they adjusted to deliver the vital medications—it all seemed too quiet for his liking. He felt unusually apprehensive as he waited for the other shoe to drop. And so he waited. And waited, but when it didn't fall, he breathed a sigh of relief, stirring you awake. You were still there with him. He smiled as he offered you his hand, muttering an apology for waking you.
Grasping it with all your strength, you look up at him from the solace of your hospital bed, "Zandik…when was the last time you slept?" you ask him weakly, stroking his hand with your thumb. Noticing the exhausted look in his crimson-red eyes, you frown, "You know I'm not going anywhere, so please, for your sake…go home and sleep."
"Darling…I'm so close to finding a cure for you. I can't just up and leave you," he retorts.
"Then stay here and rest with me," you offer, scooting your small frame over for him to lay next to you, "It's been too long since we've slept like this…" you say, reminiscing the past when the two of you slept side by side, without a care in the world.
Smiling affectionately down at you, Zandik then lays on your bed, wrapping his body around your small, weak physique as if he were afraid to break you, "You've lost more weight…" he murmurs into the back of your neck as you snuggle closer to him.
Knowing your time here on this earth won't last, you listen to the gentle hum of the medical machines, and the steady breathing of your lover pressed up against you, "It will come back once you find the cure we've been looking for," you say softly, though you knew it was a lie.
Turning to face him, you realize he has fallen asleep. His soft blue locks cascaded down his worn face; this wasn't the life you were hoping for. With a weak, shaky hand, you brush his hair out of his face and admire him one last time, "I love you," you mutter as a single tear rolls down your sunken cheeks, and taking your last breath, you kiss his forehead.
—----
The long abrupt beep of your heart monitor stirs Zandik from his deep slumber. Feeling how cold you were, he knew he was too late. Time of Death: 3:33 pm. Just ten minutes after he had fallen asleep. If only. If only he knew, "Don't you know? Everything I've ever done…was for you," he says pitifully, cradling your corpse. If only he knew that you still watched over him.
You looked peaceful. As if you'd fallen asleep again and the slightest touch would wake you. For a moment, Zandik thought of abandoning the research and destroying all of it, so that nobody could ever have what he couldn't. But you wouldn't have wanted that.
Flying free from your illness, you watched. You watched how carefully he handled your body and zipped it up slowly into a bag. You watched how night after night he cried himself to sleep. You watched how anger slowly consumed him and found its way to Tsaritsa; you knew he wouldn't be able to look back. You watched how he immersed himself into his work even more, going days without sleep, only taking a moment to rest when his own body failed. But there was nothing you could do about it. And so you simply watched.
There were times he swore he felt you. Felt your lips on his forehead as if reliving your last moment. But they, like you, were fleeting moments, now long gone from this world.
#farewell-love#genshin impact#genshin impact fandom#rebby writes#genshin impact fanfic#genshin imagines#genshin scenarios#genshin impact x gn reader#genshin x you#genshin x gn reader#genshin x reader#dottore x reader#dottore x you#genshin dottore#dottore angst
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