Okay so im an (now ex) anti-endo (i still feel uncomfortable around endos but i guess now that not valid) who discover that im an tulpa.

For more context im the host of a complex polyfrag DID system who always belive endos jist fake for attention and hurt the real system comunity (traumagenic systems) and im just "exist" since this year 2020 i got a blackout of 2 years until 2023 and what the rest of the system tell me when i ask was "you got a colapse and lock yourself in your room for two years and fall in dormancy, when you finally get out you was so confused that you split in the fragment youre now and Gaby and so you cannot remember what happen because of that and Miyamoto (an alter friend of mine) was the host for that time" i got not reason to doubt about it an they have no reason to lie, they say the same thing to all our friends and even to my girlfriend.

I was looking arround of some old papers and pdfs and i find out that they have a diary and it was pretty old and one page have my sigh but the date its supposed to be in the time i was locked and some other papers was the same or some alters mention me like if i was there like really there.

Then i finally discover a paper with the tittle "[My name] (oc lore)

And pretty detailed pages about the process of creation of a tulpa and a character itself and descriptions very accurated about my body and personality plus a background history that its exactly like my memorys and thing about my gender and sexuality also accurate (i get offended for that because i really struggle with that) and and alter called Axel/Alex who i know he exist because and romantic history of the system while i was out but i supposed he was just a fragment of another alter and i discover that he was one of the "original alters" (i mean the result of the first split) and he created me like A TULPA, he say in his notes that the rest of the system is traumagenic and he discover them in therapy but whatever it means we have traumagenic origins but as long as i know im THE ONLY TULPA/ENDOGENIC/WILLOWGENIC ALTER (HEADMATE???) And one of the few that are anti-endo (the big problem there is that were least than 5 and those alters are my friends (probably not anymore)

I really need help of a tulpa to understand this because i have so many cuestions about this and i dont have so many tulpa friends exactly and i guess i have to change my mindset and i was wonder i can have your help...

Oh wow, yeah this is a ton, thank you for reaching out for real! Sorry it took a hot sec to respond, I've been blocked from front a lot myself so I wanted to be in tune enough to give this the response it deserves.

Alrightie, so we have P-DID (we're mixed origin too), so we don't have as much dissociation as y'all, but we do have a bit of experience with host changes and people blacking out/going dormant for waay longer than expected, so that's where we're coming from here. Especially with memory barriers so high, host switches can be really disorienting and some pretty big things can be forgotten depending on the system. It sounds like during the time there was a big host switch, you got created by Axel/Alex, but due to u being affected by the inherent dissociative barriers of your system, you forgot your early memories of being created - as evidenced by things being signed by you and mentions of you that you don't remember, if I'm reading this correctly. That's a lot to take in, but it's good to have all this evidence you can bring up to your alters in a discussion about it if you're able. I know it's probably freaking you out, but just asking the alters that mention you/worked on you in the papers instead of accusing them will do a lot to help with resistance and all. I'm sure they had a good reason for not saying anything to you.

That brings me to my second point; if a good chunk of you are intensely anti-endo, there's a good chance your memories of your creation/origin are blocked behind dissociative barriers because that knowledge woulda been too much for your system to process and bare at the time. Make sure to consider that in what ya do- try not to dump all the pressure on yourself, if you put yourself into a spiral about all this or try to force your other alters to do a 180 it might end up counterproductive. You're their equal, don't ever forget that; take it slow and steady. Things'll end up alright. On the flipside of this, there's a reason you exist, and you were created because somebody (Axel/Alex?) WANTED you here, and that's important. You have just as much a right to be here, and it's not a bad thing that you exist or to challenge the collective opinion of how things work. That's what growing and changing is all about!!

You don't hafta jump full force into the endogenic community of course, take your time and don't overwhelm yourself. I think you'll enjoy a term we're extremely attached to: traumaendo systems are systems that experience both traumagenic and endogenic origins in one way or another, and the label is focused on the specific unique experiences we go through while straddling both worlds. Tulpamancy is particular is controversial because it started out as a separate community developing their own skills before coming into contact with the greater plural community, so you'll find that a lot of terms within it are different and stuff. Additionally, you'll probably run into a lotta controversies, specifically the infamous one about tulpamancy's etymological origin, so make sure to keep your head on your shoulders and put research and objectivity first. Don't forget that we've asked people actually of the culture about this, and that the etymological origin is of an open religion that encourages their meditations be shared and adapted. People will make up anything to try and keep us hated, but don't let it stop you. You're not hurting anyone by existing as u are.

And lastly? Take care of urself. There're a lot of little intricacies I can't predict because everything is different from system to system, but if you pay attention and work as a team with your alters, you'll start to see patterns and understand yourself more. You might find that you operate a bit differently than them, you might not, but regardless, there's no shame in your existence. If you have any more questions, go ahead and shoot me a DM privately- I'll see what I can do. Good luck out there, stay true to yourself

How should I write a dormant headmate waking up again?

The alter is basically someone who would sleep very lightly at night incase of intruders, but became dormant when they moved to a safer environment and didn’t need the alter anymore. However due to plot stuff, the fear of being attacked at night appeared again hence the resurgence.

Does the system have amnesia? In that case, the alter is going to be very disoriented, because it could feel like they were doing something and now suddenly it's however long later and they don't remember a thing. Maybe they don't realise how long it's been at first, but then start to notice how different things are and go down a spiral about how much they've missed.

Even without amnesia, the alter is still going to be disoriented. They would immediately know how much time has passed, but it would still be a weird feeling, and could be a different kind of disorientation to find out all of the things that have changed all at once.

They may be feeling nostalgic about all the things from before their dormancy, they may miss what life was like then, or they may be grateful about it being better now, or a mix of both.

Then you need to think about what the other alters think of this alter's reappearance, if they even notice they're back. Did some of them miss the alter and now they're really happy they're back? Did some of them dislike the alter and don't like that they're back? Are they more fearful now because of the fact that their brain has decided they need their protector again? Are they relieved of the fear they had because their protector is back?

-Mod Mountain

think the reason why only the same 4-5 people ever front despite us having a bunch more members is that like... when someone's trying it out for the first time, they kind of have to learn to do the switching and staying in front thing all over again.

watching someone else do something doesn't mean you're gonna be just as good as them when you try to do it yourself. and that seems to apply here even though we share a brain >:(

so it's a lot of work. screen tends to help them because he was the first one to learn to switch and has more experience n shit, but even then it's pretty hard.

and even after they have figured it out and are fronting, they just... have nothing to do. usual responsibilities are too overwhelming and they don't know what they like yet so hobbies are new and overwhelming too. often can't even figure out their music taste because man this brain never wants to be welcoming to new music. and so they last maybe 50 minutes max and then want to leave front and then they never come back.

leaving everyone discouraged

add all that to everyone's tendency to be fucking dormant all the time... and you've got a medium-to-large-by-some-definitions system that operates like a small one cause no one's ever here :/

Just came out of dormancy after being who knows where in headspace for a few years and, uh-

What the fuck happened while I was gone?? Guys?? Since when were there so many people in here?? We’re a senior now?? Last time I was here was freshman year and I thought I was just regular ol Dipper Pines back then-

Having a mortal body again is so weirddddd; where are my wings and pointy ears and fangs and demon powers? Why can’t I just float around? Hard to believe I was mortal before becoming a demon xd

-🎩Alcor (He/Star)

fuck therapy

What is an empty system?

An empty system is a system that was once a system but is no longer. It could be from walk-ins walking out, final fusion, all but one member going dormant, etc.

Shoutout to kryotien systems!

It’s okay to feel nervous or scared when thawing from a dormancy! Change can be scary but it’s a natural part of life and something everyone is capable of ☀️

It’s okay to feel disoriented and confused - if you’ve been away for a long time, please be patient with yourselves as you reacclimate to existence and your surroundings ✨

It’s okay to feel fundamentally changed or like a totally new person when coming out of a dormancy! There is no wrong or right way to be plural - feel free to experiment with new names and pronouns as you learn more about yourself ⭐️

It’s okay to feel hazy, dazed, or unsure while you’re still thawing… it can be a process! Please don’t rush or push yourself to get back to where you were before your dormancy - you are loved and valid just the way you are! 💫

Please know that no matter how strange the world may seem or how confused you may feel about your system and yourself, there are people who care about you, regardless of what state you’re in!

So welcome back! And if you’re a new member, welcome to life! We love you, we support you, and we’re rooting for you!

Looking for some support/positivity? We’re always open for source calls and positivity requests!

uhmmm like. i used to have a guy named darius in my head at age 10 idk where he came from but he was french + lied about sooooo much. and i can’t remember 11-13 like i can’t remember most of my life i can only remember little pieces. even sophomore year is really foggy for me. but i do remember arojnd age 14-15 i had a few people uhm one was named igor and another was katrina and i think there was someone else but i can’t remember. i don’t know what happened to igor i think he just went dormant and i forced katrina into dormancy 👍

missing your dormant headmates is a different type of sadness. obviously these things happen for a reason and other parts could handle what's going on better than they could but it doesnt make not knowing when I'm gonna hear from them again any easier

wew okay going thru tumblr again

here’s a few updates ??

right uhh hi i’m sunny ! i’m the genderfluid mess of a host of the mimikyu meadows system. our system has 22 members and 2 co-hosts (recently gone through a system collapse and are trying to recover). i’m ambiam with 6 lovely partners so !! yeah

prolly don’t ? expect requests to open up anytime soon, i’ll mainly be doing self indulgent things.

i’m also currently in school so! that may slow things down too.

i am not very !! up to date on the mogai community? after leaving all mogai servers + not being active on tumblr so please be patient.

that’s probably it? idk you can ask questions or smth. not expecting anyone to rlly care that much lol

Do you think tulpas can just "go away"?

I scroll Reddit once in awhile and while I don't agree with what most of them say the whole "tulpa just leaving" thing stays with me. Its plastered everywhere to not make a tulpa if you don't want them forever but then I'll see folk talking about their tulpas "fading away" or "going quiet".

I could ramble about this forever but I was wondering what your opinion was? Can tulpas choose to leave and/or just go quiet forever?

Ohboy, okay, so! I have a bit of a hot take on this one but I feel like we've got enough experience with tulpamancy & dormancy to take a crack at it.

Asking if we can just "go away" is a really weird question because there're a TON of answers to it. So to keep it simple, we're gonna straight up use the word death when we mean a headmate going away irretrievably forever. To cut to the chase, it's my firm belief a tulpa can always be brought back with practice no matter how long they've been ignored. I don't think we can die unless the body dies, long as we're past a certain point of being rooted in the subconscious enough. Like, just one or two sessions (usually) does not a tulpa make, obv! I'm not saying anyone who like one-off tried and didn't get far has a dormant tulpa. Just that past a certain point, we're here. We can (BUT SHOULDN'T) be ignored, and we can go quiet, go dormant, but we're not gone.

As for just "fading away"/"going quiet" longterm - yeah, that can happen, especially before your tulpa is strong enough to push through you not thinking about em at all and make themselves known. In the short term it's normal for them to not be there constantly, but you've still gotta communicate with them. If you don't then over time, things can fade. It can be harder to talk with em or summon em, you might not feel the responses the way you used to. A good example of that is people who ended up with sentient imaginary friends as kids: they weren't interacted with for a long time, and the host didn't think they're real, so they went into dormancy for a while. But they can be brought back with patience and practice, even if they might not be exactly the same cuz of the time passed? They can still come back around.

this is of course uuhhh excluding member death situations in disordered systems cuz we don't have much experience w that, and we know even just time can make a tulpa or other created headmate Come Back A Lil Different, so we can't even imagine what specific trauma or other circumstances might do.

Hope that answers it on my take 👍 Hey Tumblr don't use this as an excuse to deny anyones experiences ok? thanks guys

MOMMY IS DORMANT!!!!🤩🤩🥳🥳🥳 /pos/pos/pos

Yo ranboo what happened ._.

Everyone went dormant and I have no idea why

Remind host to actually change the url

we've already fully transitioned our sysname on discord (it is now team sieben) also if that sounds familiar it's because it is. we used it in the past until a major breakdown and yadayadayada - when we came out of the subsequent mass dormancy it felt weird to keep using that system name but now it feels normal again and it vibes with us way more than phoenixes

.

singlets are lucky because they don't have that moment where they think too hard about their name and remember it's the name of a now-dormant host who went dormant because of how overwhelming learning about the system was as well as other overwhelming things happening in our life and searching for them is in vain because they said themselves they don't want to come back and yet singlets don't believe us and every time ask well where are they, that's what the body's named, so they must be the real one, and it hurts more and more every time because we wish we knew