#don't look at me as i spiral | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

neuronal · 2 years

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tom rosenthal, my life is a song for you / tang jiuqing, qiang jin jiu; translated by awa / euripides, grief lessons: four plays; translated by anne carson / rafael campo, california / anne carson, plainwater: essays and poetry / bram stoker, dracula / jeanette winterson, lighthousekeeping / mary oliver, the sun: new and selected poems, volume 1 / jeanette winterson, lighthousekeeping / sara ghazal ali, there are versions to everything

#qiang jin jiu #qjj #don't look at me as i spiral #web weaving #sure i guess i made this web weave diverse enough so that people w no knowledge of #cezhou #could appreciate it #but it's more bc awa's translation hasn't reached that far and i want my experience of the novel be limited to hers #the whole concept of xiao chi'ye being a source of light (comfort) and reassurance for shen zechuan makes me insane #the best part is that he realizes what the handkerchief means to shen zechuan and sure he jokes about it first but he NEVER asks it back #i am trying so hard to be normal about this but it's my blog and no one can stop me from this act of self indulgence #BUT other than this it's also the fact that shen zechuan looks at himself as 'bleached dead man's bones'#while xiao chi'ye is 'the reflection on the other side' literally from the land of the living #he's still full of life and light and of course that's something shen zechuan doesn't have and why he tries to clumsily mimic him #sorry sorry these two make me insane

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rosamndpike · 2 months

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THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (2003) dir. Peter Jackson

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alexassanart · 3 months

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favourite scenes from pacific rim 3 💙

#please don't look at me i spent WAY too much time on these......#also really hoping i don't accidentally give anyone false hope since tragically pacrim 3 only exists in my head #you can definitely tell which scenes were drawn first lmao #because it started as just a fun exercise before spiraling out of control #anyway. enjoy i guess. don't look too closely #maybe you'll even be able to extract my post-uprising-fic-tropes-greatest-hits plot from these #pacific rim #newton geiszler #hermann gottlieb #newmann #my art #fanart

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crow-with-a-pencil · 8 months

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Hi @naffeclipse I'm very normal about your fic. Have some frantic midnight sketches as extra kudos along with some tag rambling :)

#my ârt #crush depth #crush depth spoilers #fnaf #tw blood #tw drowning #idk how many others apply #anyways this is midnight crow coming out of the shadow realm to scream at you #first of all a cs ramble is on the way I'm still recovering from that fic too #im biting you naff im biting you so dang hard #I don't even know much about iron lung besides watching a play through but damn do you make me want to know more #just. where do I even start. the atmosphere is established so well and even though there was such a small space to work with I FELT it #I felt the claustrophobia I felt the walls and the console and the single dim lightbulb as my only solace in this death trap #the THOUGHTS #poor yn had so much time to just get lost in their head and spiral pretty much constantly #the dread. the constant overhanging dread of knowing there's a 99% chance they're not getting out of there alive and at this point #they just want to accept it and let it end bc there's hardly anything to go back to if they live #naff. look at me. reading some parts made my chest actually tighten with dread. it was so well done.#this poor human just buried in existential horror and just wanting it to end in a slightly less painful way #and the unknowable beings trapped outside who absolutely REFUSE to let that happen #god those eldritch fish were trying their hardest but just couldn't get in #yn was trapped inside while they were trapped outside and I just #I am EXPLODING the more I think about it #thinking about when they thought they were drowning and tried to breathe again #wanting to die but still having that instinct to survive #asking to be ripped apart but still cherishing their last breath of air #I'm shaking you I'm shaking you I'm dying on the floor #ough.#I'll never mentally recover from this and I want you to know I genuinely get inspired by your writing #this has been midnight crow ramblings. I just hit the tag limit. have a lovely night.

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krussyarts · 2 months

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I'm gonna throw up my brain is so full of these two

#Posting ugly wips motivates me to finish a piece #So uh. Here's the ugly wip #Good Omens #Good Omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #God im sick #It may not look it #But I'm much worse about Aziraphale than Crowley #I want to pick his brain so bad #I need to see him suffer #I need him to hit his lowest point next season #This startet with Aziraphale having gay panic over a slightly more possessive arm on shoulder #And then spiraled into me drawing David Tennant a million times (don't ask about the sketches)#this has been sitting in my drafts for 6 months help #i forgor to post this #to be fair i guess. after saving this i had made some pretty big changes to the layout and i redid the lineart #and then my laptop died. for some reason nothing was saved so yeah. i hate looking at this lowkey so ill post smth else soon

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crescentfool · 1 year

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does anyone else want to stick these two in the same room together or is that just me... i simply think they are adjacent in vibes... (+a bonus thing???)

get u a fictional guy that makes you feel like this... seeing these guys just evoke a Similar Kind of Brain Chemical and Response. Help Me.

also have bonus yosuke doodle featuring the same brushes used here...! from january 23rd, lol.

#fe3h #sylvain jose gautier #persona 4 #yosuke hanamura #crossover #lizzy does art #umm... hi.... (looks away) this is cringe but i am free. what is life if not to draw your favorite characters together on the same canvas #for the record i do not intend to conflate these two as the same character because they are NOT #'lizz. what on EARTH do you see in these guys.' you know. i wish i could answer that. (actually. i can.)#experiencing both of these characters sent me into an absolute spiral of denial when i realized that i enjoyed them #Words Hard but Basically i think its fascinating how both sylvain and yosuke have like this happier front that they project outwards that-#masks the struggles that they don't want others to see... and while both of them do cringe shit thats incredibly stupid #both of these characters have shown themselves to have like?? actual braincells? (re: yosuke at the start of p4 + sylvain support convos)#granted the kinds of themes and messages each of them is meant to convey varies bc of the setting and stories they are in #the sylvain + yosuke pipeline.... oh also i think the fandoms tend to rationalize both of their behavior towards women as like.#a closeted bi case. it's kinda strange to me why they overlap in certain ways hm hm...#but its just so funny to me that like. idk. they're both unbearable. they irritating for a reason /s #i should really draw these two more often (in like separate illusts) they are so fun i love their color schemes and designs it sparks joy #ok ok god i had a lot more to say about that than i thought oops. um. yeah. i learned how to draw for stuff like this. worth itTM

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maryoliverdotcom · 4 months

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mother dressed me up to go to a party & i'm trying not to break down bc of dysphoria

#she made me wear the prettiest frock ever & everyone is telling me i look gorgeous but #i don't WANT TO LOOK GORGEOUS DAMN IT!!!! I WANT TO LOOK HANDSOME #fuck fuck fuck i'm gonna spiral #it's a huge party & i would've looked pretty if i was confident but there's dark circles under my eyes & i cant bring myself to smile #WHAT IF I SEE A PRETTY GIRL THERE???? HOW DO I USE MY MASC CHARM #i don't feel confident & good when i'm in a frock!!! it's not the frock that's the problem more like people's perspective on it!!!#you wear a frock & suddenly you're the prettiest GIRL & goddammit that almost makes me cry #🫀

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mintjeru · 9 months

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icewind suite ✨

open for better quality | no reposts

#icewind suite #genshin impact #genshin #fanart #myart #doodle #i'm in love w/ their designs!!!#one of my friends said coppelia's design looks like that of the opera singer boss from n.ier automata and they're so right #i wanted to draw them so badly after watching the stream yesterday #i am admiring their aesthetics before they're put into spiral and i start despising them with a passion hahaha #they're supposed to be posed as if they were ballroom dancing w/ each other (please don't come after me ballroom dancers)#i watched half of ballroom e y.oukoso when it first aired so i am by no means an expert #anyway. second drawing took way too much time and effort but it is done ig #the other thing i wanted to draw after the stream was sunflowers bc i'm very happy they're canon (for a bit of a silly reason hehe)#so yeah i guess i'm looking forward to fontaine now ^^

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sysig · 1 year

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*You give him a laptop (Patreon)

#Doodles #UT #Handplates #Gaster #W. D. Ghoster #I don't have the time/energy at the moment but gosh does the idea of turning these into fake screenshots appeal to me so much lol #Maybe at some point >:3 #These are what a lot of my scratch projects look like btw lol - ''I want to finish this but Not Right Now but I need to it at least exist''#Poof existence lol #Also the fun of this potentially existing someday but not yet: My handwriting keeps some spoilers intact lol #I can't tell how many since I can read my handwriting but there must be some right?#I gave it one go to do the text box over my scribbles and hated it so lol - full version or nothing! Haha #Does make wonder if posting gives it more existence cred? More complacence about not finishing since /a/ version exists?#Thoughts for later lol #Just ike the full version! Lol ♪#Anyway a lot of this was fun to spiral around the thought of if he could actually have a moment of ''I could do my work?? While here????''#Vacation-work spot lol #He complains so often it seems like such a nice gift to give him for all of five minutes lol #And he seems so interested in human technology really makes me wonder how much if any electronics survive the trip down #Or if they're all fried - or get fried falling down lol #There's gotta be a Nokia that made it right something that didn't have to be completely gutted and refurbed haha #But right from the source has to be a tempting offer even if it is a bit behind the times hehe

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turtlemurmurs · 3 months

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had this vision randomly appear to me of the distortion being two faced, one being the dead and hollowed out Michael (just for funsies) and the other being Helen :D

lost my mind while I was doodling this concept because I was listening to MAG187 and I decided to take Jon's spiel as a way to concrete my decision to use this design ahahaa

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ex0rin · 5 months

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📸 Instagram

#sure i'm back 140 weeks on instagram #don't look at me #but also same #same dondukov SAME #jack quaid #i don't know if you've all been with me through an obsession before #but this one might actively be ruining my life for reals this time #i'll just be spiralling about quaido getting a solid bj on set for the next 48hrs or so don't mind me #i am SO normal

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wizardnuke · 5 months

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i love dnd..i love playing heavy utility/support/backfield and i love having three to six attacks in a turn and an insane ac. at heart im a support player ill get my hands on whatever we're missing in a group

#looks at a druid a fighter and a bard fighter. okay cleric time.#i LOVE playing cleric turns out.#though abjuration wizard is still super super fun its a different flavor of support #it's not buffs it's 'i am going to transfer literally all that damage to myself and war caster style succeed my witchbolt concentration'#doing insane amounts of damage while taking damage (+ with temp hp and then just a lot of hp. im taking the tough feat as soon as possible)#aabria iyengar was right these abjuration wizards are craaaazy. but war domain clerics also fuck hard #my abj wiz is very much an experiment in 'what if someone who is not at all suited to this life tries to adapt as well as she can'#the point is that she isn't a cleric. do u understand. she's not a cleric and that's the point it's the. hbbbgbfhb. she's out here #functioning as a combat medic on some aasimar features + healing kits/potions + arcane ward. Look At Me #i also really enjoy playing nonreligious characters in these worlds where deities 100% exist not in a 'fuck the gods' way but in #a way somewhere between 'i'm all i need' and 'i called and no one answered' and 'may or may not go on an insane power hungry spiral and #try to get a touch of godhood' which is in part very due to my own agnostic and people-loving heart and 'haha what if i icarused this girl'#a resentful caution towards gods an immense respect towards religious companions and 'when your god isn't here to help. i will be'#anyway REACTION arcane ward you don't take damage im fine. next turn reaction shield ward's back up. the thing is.#she will drive her hp down. the ward isn't much like it goes past that temp hp. it's 14hp that shit goes down and carries to her hp #but it never drops. any leveled spell puts hp back into the ward. a 1st lvl shield puts it at 2hp and she can use it again #she is not suited for these conditions but my god it is fun to watch. i care her.#i explained that subclass feature to a player that's not in that campaign and said. like. yeah she can take damage. when her ward drops to #0 it carries to her. any leveled abj spell puts it back up. and she can use it and drive her hp down again.#do u understand what i am explaining to u! do you get it! she is and has always been a punching bag!#she was a very valuable asset to the army and the group she was drafted! into. because when she's there. people just don't fucking go down #aside from her. aside from her. AAAAH. she's so cool. she is very smart i am still riding the high of critting every turn w witchbolt and #reacting to ward a party member against a crit that would have dropped him by taking the hit herself. and she didn't break concentration #badass

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trans-cuchulainn · 1 month

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i just booked to view two flats (to buy) (i'm probably not going to buy them) (i would only be co-buying them even if i did bc i can't afford a mortgage) (they're in a good location though it would be way nearer to useful things even if there's still no bus) and they asked me no questions beyond contact details when i called them about a viewing. is that normal. shouldn't they have tried to check i'm serious. i had all my answers prepared re: the finances and they didn't care

#essentially my parents had a flat but they hate being a landlord so they've sold it (subject to contract)#and in terms of what to do with the money etc at their age it makes more sense to co-buy somewhere manageable and accessible with me #and then in future if they get old and decrepit and i want to move north (and particularly if there's only one of them tho i hate that idea #they can live in the smaller accessible house/flat instead of their larger and less manageable house #so i wouldn't be tied to it but also in the meantime only have to contribute like 30k ('only') which is <3 years' rent #since my current house is 950/mo and smaller than the flats we're looking at #the rental market here is so awful and my accessibility needs are increasing so buying somewhere is beginning to look like my only option #bc i can't make changes to my rented house to make it wheelchair accessible (it has a FUCKING SPIRAL STAIRCASE)#so we're looking at ground-floor flats without carpet and i could get a ramp for the front doorstep and stuff #essentially future-proofing for my disabilities is also future-proofing for my parents getting old #the only thing i don't like about these flats is that they don't have a garden #they've got communal gardens which is something. but still nowhere private to hang your pants to dry

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mod2amaryllis · 10 months

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trying to find a video to watch while i eat my hot honey jack and ham croissant and jesus fucking christ i don't care this much about the colleen stuff

#she's a bad person dunk her and move on #i don't need to watch a guitar hero remix of her stupid ukelele like why are you making me look at her dumb face this much #you watch five minutes of one dunk vid and suddenly YouTube spirals into its own twisted mind

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angorwhosebabyisthis · 4 months

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[cws: starvation/food insecurity, fantasy racism, psychiatric abuse, ableism, and Upsetting Pictures.]

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one thing that fucks me up immensely about pericles before and after the asylum is how fucking skinny he is.

like. as much as obviously the two designs are Very Inconsistent in general which annoys me, look at him pre-timeskip. look at how he's shaped.

his head and face are way smoother and rounder, both in front and back, and the space between his cheekbones and his eyebrow ridge is filled in; his body is rounder in general and his belly is noticeably between his thighs when he's standing up; he has kind of a chubby butt; his chin and neck are softer and wider around, which you can really see with the width of the scarf compared to his shoulders and the angle where it meets his head. it comes up in front of his face more because there's not as much of an angle with his chin to hold it down.

now. compare all those things to this.

christ.

and like, you could argue some of these design differences are tiny things to zero in on in a show that's as loose with its models as sdmi is. but present-day pericles' design is pretty obviously supposed to be unsettling because he's physically built to be a Cute Roumb Little Mascot Creature--so much so that the framework has managed to stick around a little in spite of everything--and has become gaunt and haggard anyway. and you could also argue that the body type changes are just thanks to aging twenty years (and i don't doubt that's contributed).

except. he spent those twenty years in an asylum where the other inmates we see look like this.

christ.

(fun little fact that @thecottageinthedark pointed out also: remember how he literally got caught at one point because he couldn't stop eating sunflower seeds, even during a heist? a high-fat, high-calorie snack for birds? you know, exactly the kind of thing a starving person who finally has proper access to food would be wolfing down?)

(yeah.)

did i mention that this happened in a (fantasy) racially segregated prison, which is technically an asylum so the inmates can be kept there indefinitely, because in an actual prison you're required to have a sentence? did i mention that none of the human characters we see in human prison look any less healthy during or afterward, and on top of that are allowed to move around and socialize? did i mention the absolutely horrific treatment of the asylum inmates is implied to be despite the fact that the (physically abusive!) guard is playing up how dangerous and malicious they are? (you know. except for pericles 🙃)

did i mention the man who got pericles imprisoned--who he had not only done nothing to beforehand, but had helped--says he was there to 'live out the rest of his miserable parrot life in a cage, where he belonged,' and not only do none of the characters we're supposed to side with have anything to say about that, but the audience is clearly supposed to agree with him too?

(did i mention said man--who was in on the crime, singular, that pericles went to prison for!--spends those twenty years living a life of luxury in power while abusing the child he kidnapped as a baby and held hostage his entire life, and when we see him in prison he is not only chilling out and helping the authorities but reading a newspaper?)

did i mention the part where by the time we meet pericles he hasn't spoken in years?

like. man the 'ooooo scary evil abused asylum crazies' trope is bad enough, even when they pretend to lampshade it for a minute before playing it straight; i don't know how they added in All That and made him emaciated and expected no one to find it heartbreaking or even sympathetic. i don't care how bad he was before the asylum (and dear god was he ever), that is horrifying and no one deserves it. god damn.

#sdmi #professor pericles #scooby doo: mystery incorporated #the worldbuilding re: the talking animals in this universe is already really fucked up and awful #but everything to do with the asylum is one of the biggest things for me that shoves it over the edge from #'this aspect of the show is really disasteful and uncomfortable and i Don't Like It'#to 'wow this is actually really fucking upsetting i am straight up having to skip past scenes and/or take breaks when a detail comes up'#anyway pericles is a colossal piece of shit and also incredibly fucking tragic and i need more content that acknowledges and goes into that #and also due to Recent and Ongoing Life Experiences i am especially pissed these days about #'character loses a ton of weight and looks Haggard compared to before; because of that and in general' being associated with Evil Scary #especially when it's done to them in some way as *punishment* for being Evil #same energy as how badly it fucked me up as a kid to grow up constantly seeing #'villain has a horrifying spiraling mental breakdown because they're Pathetic and Evil'#in every fucking piece of media i engaged with!#anyway lol #the crit files #SDMItag #cws in post

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shooks-stupid-stuff · 1 year

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a prime example of why me and @nubcatnoises (pika) should not be allowed to draw together ever

#so it all started with me just wanting to go through the demos where you could play as the noise #and it SPIRALLED from there (in a good way)#anyways this belongs in the main tags-#(but rq spoiler tag for my one friend who asked me to-)#don't look at these yet blue #the noise #the noise pizza tower #pizza tower #brick the rat #brick pizza tower #noisette #noisette pizza tower #ok anyways. enjoy these abominations-#shook doodles #edit: oh yeah i should also uh tag the noise's full name huh #theodore noise #still so fucking upset he shortens his first name to 'the'#it's hilarious tho so its fine-

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