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#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge
bl00dw1tch
ยท
7 months
Text
the way i have absolutely no business being the way i am
#horse.txt
#vent //
#sort of. too high to be sad abt it im in anthropology mode and listening to music that makes me feel sexy so its fine yk
#anyway i typed a whole bunch of other tags talking abt how and why i feel this way by going through a few of the events i can remember
#from my childhood that Might explain why im so emotionally guarded and struggle to open up anymore.
#bc i Wanted to say they all felt dumb and juvenile esp since ive actually like
#made peace with most of the ppl who were involved with them
#but the Anthropology mode was just tearing it all down as i typed it bc that Is just a ridiculous way to look at it no matter how you cut it
#doesn't matter that nobody involved really Meant to deal that kind of harm and i dont need to hate or blame anyone in order to acknowledge
#that it still just Happened. like thats a Memory already babe no do overs.
#which is kind of just accidental therapy so sick. love that fir me genuinely!
#but also yes theres the bitch part of me that still wants to discredit it bc acknowledging that it happened =/= Fixing My Issues
#so im still at square one technically. ive just been pacing in circles on it for a while ig
#EVEN WORSE that the Scale of my issues is so incredibly mundane compared to so many of the people i seem to meet.
#sitting in bed crying abt not having friends for a few days in elementary school when other ppl have jojos bizarre adventure levels of Lore
#i know im not technically invalid for feeling the way i do or anything but god. if it doesn't feel fucking Embarrassing to open up about๐ญ
#its impossible NOT to feel stupid and sensitive for having these first world ass problems. And letting them hold me back
#bc ppl not liking me for any reason makes me sooooooooo fucking scared So fucking scared its not even funny ๐
#at least. ppl in my Circles. im pretty ok about being assertive with randos
#still some work to be done on it but its better than whatevers going on with my personal relationships rn
#sincerely to my mutuals and loved ones who see this i swear to GOD i love you so so so fucking much and im so. im trying to figure out this
#the stuff thats got me so distant and bad at keeping in touch. its a whole slew of feelings about how i see Myself--not yall
#i double pinky promise cross my heart im extremely serious
#thank you for being patient with me you mean more to me than im capable of putting into words right now
#alright theres a shot of tears in the hollow of my collar bone time to wrap up this post
#daily reminder that i love body hair. there's some honesty.
#๐๐๐๐ช๐ช๐ช
#the Quaritch under the cut is just to make me feel better bc i love him and i think hes so pretty. hes like a security blanket
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