GMMTV 2024 part 1 - review

another year, another lineup, another post that no one asked for dhkgdf

But here are my thoughts on the announced shows from today (in order of announcement, BLs are marked with a 🏳️‍🌈, personal favorites are marked with a 🌟):

My Precious The Series: This project has been lingering around for 4 years now since it was announced and I'm tired lmao why are they making this into a series now??? I have many questions. I never had any desire to watch the movie, it seems like a generic coming of age drama oozing with unnecessary nostalgia so it's a pass for me. .

Ploy's Yearbook (🌟): I like this one!!!! It's giving I'm Tee Me Too but with a female ensemble cast, all of which are fantastic and also the rest of the cast is very promising and we're in for a lot of new ships - I was hoping Earth and the other 30yr olds would finally be free of the blue shorts but maybe this the last one 🤡 but anyway yes I will definitely be tuning into that one 👍🏻 .

We Are (🏳️‍🌈): I'm just gonna go ahead and assume this is the WabiSabi show because it looks terrible. Like how lazy do you have to be to just throw a bunch of BL side- and 1 mainstream couple into the same show with the most basic plot you can think of like what a joke?? WinnySatang are another side couple in this so either they're getting their actual debut show in part 2 or this has all been a scam lol. I expected a lot more, same goes for AouBoom and MarcPawin, who I was hoping would maybe get a comeback show. Also PondPhuwin going from NLMG to this is.... a choice. Don't wanna judge too fast but the trailer made it seem like no effort went into this at all. Hoping for a better end result. .

The Trainee (🏳️‍🌈): Oh look!!! It's OffGun show number 6 lmao rip. I'm not gonna comment on this matter again, I guess they'll just be around forever and that's that lmao. But anyway I'm a little confused by this show, the premise seems fun but?? I have questions lol. I'm excited to see View and Piploy though and I'll just keep an open mind. .

Only Boo (🏳️‍🌈): How did we go from Only Friends to Only Boo lmao what a downgrade. I wanted an all-newbie BL and I'm excited to finally see some new faces but I guess I fooled myself into anticipating a setting that's not highschool lmao. This is another show that I'm clearly too old for but it's also the MSP of 2024 and that ended up being nicer than expected so maybe this will be the same. We shall see. .

Pluto (🏳️‍🌈 🌟): I'm 😭😭😭 This was such a huge surprise I'm still shook lmao. Namtan and Film is not only a couple I never expected in 432 years lmao but also a very strong combination in terms of acting and I'm SO into it. They're revisiting a plot about a disability which is still something I'm dreading about Last Twilight so I guess it comes down to the director again. Let's hope they do it justice. Also the twin story could be tricky, I'm getting some Not Me vibes plot-wise but regardless the trailer looks super interesting to me, also Ciize and Kapook?? YES please. I'm so hyped for this!!!! 🥺 .

On Sale (🌟): Ghostbusters but make it TayNew? I love it lol this looks so fun, I'm very intrigued. I wasn't a huge fan of New before but he climbed up the ladder with The Warp Effect real fast because he undeniably excels at playing awkward goofy characters and this looks like another chance for him to showcase that lol. Him and Tay have always worked better as a comedic duo for me so I'm actually excited that this will be more of a bromance situation lol. Also Mook and Jan are excellent additions so I will be watching this for sure!! .

Ossan's Love Thailand (🏳️‍🌈, remake): I have very mixed feelings about this, I have not seen the original show but from what I've gathered, this does not seem fitting for EarthMix, also is it really necessary to remake another Japanese BL? But this is coming from someone who's not exactly a JBL connoisseur so I guess I'm biased. It seems that after MLC they became enthusiastic about the idea of casting EM in more mature roles which I endorse very much but aren't the people in the OG literally 40 💀 idk I'm curious to see what they make of it and also if we will ever get to see a trailer because we all know how that went with Cherry Magic lol. oh well. .

My Golden Blood (🏳️‍🌈🌟): Well well well. what do we have here. This is for sure the biggest surprise since Be My Favorite lmao I can't believe Gawin is bringing yet another retired BL actor back from the dead and this time it's supernatural kjdhgd. The vampire genre is something I never thought GMMTV would take on but like?? I'm excited?? I'm so happy to see my boy Gawin in another main role and Joss is such an interesting partner but he fits the genre very well imo lol. Also Neo and Mond?? I'm so ready. Hoping for a release around Halloween next year for obvious reasons lol ✌🏻 .

Kidnap (?): Another show another confusion lmao this looks like Double Savage 2.0 to me, Ohm is caught in another mafia situation but this time not with his brother but with someone who's either a bro or a 💖 bro 💖 lmao but this smells like bromance to me. Ohm would never. And besides that I'm not really intrigued. next. .

Summer Night: This is kinda strange because everything about this seems like a BL but... it's not? the first 30 seconds had me convinced PhuwinDunk were gonna be the new thing on the block lmao but yeah apparently not. If I squint my eyes I would think this is Hidden Agenda 2 but with more girls lol and tbh I expected another JD series but regardless the plot seems a bit generic to me so I'm on the fence about it for now. .

Wandee Goodday (🏳️‍🌈): This looks like the Walmart version of Only Friends tbh but guess what I'm on board lmao. It's AllThis Entertainment's new project which means no Eclipse Season 2 (thank god). Great and Inn are a pair I did not see coming and tbh I did not expect Great to even take on a BL role to begin with but I'm intrigued! The director has been moving on a vast spectrum of different genres lately and this is another one that's completely different from their previous works. But I'm excited. It looks kinky and violent. perfect. .

Highschool Frenemy: All I'm seeing is people beating each other up and calling each other friends afterwards so yeah. not my thing. next. .

My Love Mix-Up (🏳️‍🌈, remake): I'm not a huge fan of this, not just because I didn't like the original but because I was hoping to see GemFourth in a different setting. I'm confident they can do it justice though and deliver a good outcome, especially regarding the comedy, but other than that this isn't going on my watchlist for now. .

conclusion: this was a wild rollercoaster lol, every trailer was a stressful game of Het, Gay or Bromance lmao - The majority of this lineup was not to my liking but then again I appreciated the variety because from puppy love highschool romance to gay vampires is a spectrum you really can't complain about lmao. My 2 highlights for now are Pluto and My Golden Blood simply because they're both a massive surprise that they kept very well hidden lol, I'm also intrigued by Wandee Goodday and Ploy's Yearbook because those have great ensemble casts.

One thing I'm missing from the BL lineup though is a genuine romance, something that's deep and genuine and more mature. What they announced seems fun but for the most part either silly or drowned out by 32 couples at the same time lol. so I really hope we will get something a little more serious that also talks about lgbt issues in part 2; Something like Be My Favorite would be nice, maybe minus the supernatural element.

I did not expect them to announce 15 series already, considering this is only part 1 so who knows what part 2 will bring. I'm expecting FK to make an appearance as well as PerthChimon since they are the only 2 couples that have not shown up, also possibly JoongDunk because I can't imagine they would separate them just yet. Looking forward to December! ✌🏻

Don't hesitate to drop your thoughts below! 🧡

xxx

So, according to Audrey's (ugh) translation of the new Ultimania, scripting for the story is complete and they're already moving on to recording with the cast members. Nomura also mentions that there'll be a "very important" scene that wasn't in the original game. Do you have any opinions on what it could be?

I said a coupla months ago the script was finished, and there's been a few sus tweets from Shibai about mocapping that seem to fit part three, so I wouldn't be surprised if they've been working on it for a while.

Voices are one of the last things they do, so the fact Nomura says they're almost ready to start means they're definitely aiming for that 2027 release date window to coincide with the 30th anniversary of OG.

If they nail the date exactly then it's 1023 days until part three 🤣

I think we've all been wondering what Kitase is up to and what new scene he wants. He gave us the Shinra rooftop scene between Cloud and Tifa and he said he'd been thinking about that for years. Nomura has already said he's thinking about how they can include the suggestion, so it's obviously good enough and in line with canon to make a part of the game.

I have a couple of ideas:

Scenario at modeoheim - real Cloud went there with Zack and since we start up north they could include it as a new location event

Tifa Vs Sephiroth in the lifestream - when she and Cloud originally fall in she's alone in the dark hearing voices accuse her of things. We saw Sephiroth manifest in Gongaga to attack her, so maybe they'll have a proper battle that she can't win because ykno he's Sephiroth and only Cloud can beat him, and that leads into Cloud appearing to save her and take her into his subconscious for the start of the lifestream scene.

New scenes between Cloud and Zack as part of his revelation or even just showing their escape - they could even tie in parts of last order to expand how they got away and how much time passed.

What happened to Cloud after Zack died - I still wanna know where he got that busted uniform from.

A fancy event scene in Wutai - wall market had a series of bouts and a show, GS did too, so Wutai could have Yuffie's tower trial and a traditional Wutaian show.

Vincent and Lucrecia - as much as I hate her I know Kitase loves Vincent so I'd expect something more detailed included for his history with that bitch.

Cloud and Tifa reunion date - they've been teasing it since Remake and we've seen what the devs for XVI did for Clive and Jill so they know what kinda thing we'd like to see.

Extended HW scene - the game is T rated but that doesn't mean they can't push that limit and make something new from it 🤭

New epilogue scene - the original epilogue the devs kinda forgot to add smoke in the background to show people lived in Midgar still, although maybe it's just me but I thought there was smoke and they just didn't notice it, but a fuller epilogue of a sweep down through the streets kinda like how AC opens and then ending at a familiar bar being run by Cloud and Tifa's descendants would be the kind of sad wholesome closing shot I'd expect from SE.

so I have seen the new trailer for the live action ATLA adaptation and I think I'm actually feeling more optimistic about it. Generally when an animated product is adapted to live action, I want to see something new in the production and storytelling that justifies why this story benefits from being re-created in a live action format, while still maintaining the overall heart and spirit of the animated original. Most of the disney live action remakes, for example, have failed to meet this bar.

Where I'm feeling a little more optimistic with the ATLA remake is because the format almost necessitates some pretty significant structural changes to the story. You can't take something like season one of ATLA, which was incredibly episodic and designed for Nickelodeon syndication in 30 minute blocks, and stitch it into eight hour-long episodes on a serialized, binge-watching style platform like Netflix without making changes. You just can't.

What I'm hoping they do with these changes is that instead of trying to frankenstein the story together, they pick and choose which elements matter and which do not. And then I want to see the storylines they keep get greater focus and more elevation than they received in the original. One of the benefits of a remake is that you already have the finished project to build off- you know what matters, you know what doesn't, and you can work with that to craft a tighter story while giving appropriate expansion and depth to elements of it that might have been overlooked in the original. The way Suki and the Kyoshi warriors have been billed and marketed gives me a lot of hope for this- when Bryke were first creating ATLA, they had no plans for Suki to be anything more than a one-off character, but she ended up Sokka's endgame love interest. The new show has the benefit of already knowing this.

Same thing applies to characters like Azula, Mai, and Ty Lee. We already know where their storylines end up, so they have the opportunity to expand and deepen all three of them without worrying about making things up as they go or maintaining any sense of mystery. And they have a lot of opportunity to play with Ozai's character too, given they don't have to keep him in the shadows for two whole seasons anymore- we already know he's a hot older version of Zuko, that reveal happened in 2007. Since they don't need to hide his face, they can actually show a lot more of him a lot earlier in the story. Again, I'm hopeful for this given that the trailers seem to be showing a lot of extra scenes with the Fire Nation characters and Azula and Ozai are both featured on the promotional poster.

Now, will I like the changes they make? That's an unknown. I might. I might hate them. We'll see- but at least it seems like there will be changes that, hopefully, will serve to justify why this remake deserves to exist. I do not want to see a shot-for-shot recreation of the animated series. I can already watch the cartoon.

That said, I still want to see the spirit of the original preserved. So far I like what I'm seeing from Netflix- the world looks pretty good, the animals, while obviously CGI, look faithfully rendered, the costumes are miles better than what we saw in the 2010 movie (though I have my reservations about the saturation of the blue in the water tribe coats), and the characters all look pretty accurate to their animated counterparts. The lighting is dark because lighting is dark in every show these days, and I'm not 100% on the color palette. But I was glad to see some of the humor has been retained in the trailer- we see Aang running into the statue like in the opening of the cartoon, Sokka has a few one-liners, and the shot with Momo was cute. I'm a little worried Iroh's humor won't translate well into live action, but we'll see what they do with that (I imagine they'll have to cut back on some of the slapstick, Saturday-morning-cartoon antics anyways).

I like most of the casting too, from what I've seen so far. Dallas Liu looks like he's gonna be a great Zuko, Kiawentiio I already knew from Anne with an E and I think she'll be a perfect Katara, and I think Ian Ousley will grow on me as Sokka. His line reads sounded good in the trailer. I'm a little concerned about Gordon Cormier, he looks the part perfectly but he is so young and I felt like his delivery in the trailer was just...lacking a bit. But I need to see more of him to really judge. And I love the casting of Elizabeth Yu for Azula, I love that she looks like a tiny baby. No one will mistake her for the older sibling in this version. And of course the adult cast I'm not worried about at all.

(bully any of these children online btw and die by my sword)

Will this show be good? I don't know. But I hope it will at least justify its existence to me as more than just a nostalgic cash grab. That's what I'm looking for first and foremost.

I saw how you said that you think the Leon/Ada ship has sank & I don’t know if that is true. I think Capcom will still continue with them to some extent.

The fact that people still talk about Ada and Leon to this day, 8 years after their last appearance in 2013 (not including the remakes), strongly contradicts the opinion: “It’s getting old”. (which is one of the most used arguments i hear against aeon) Their relationship is memorable and is among the most intriguing stories in RE.

I’m pretty sure Capcom is aware of their popularity as a couple and intends to keep it a mystery/ up for interpretation for a long time more. Leon is the poster boy of RE, so to finally conclude the Ada x Leon story would make his character less interesting and they wouldn’t want that.

See the Ada and Leon fan art, memes, and video edits for yourself; they need that kind of publicity for as long as they intend to keep those two relevant in the franchise. And that’ll be a long time because Ada Wong and Leon S. Kennedy are iconic names in the video game world.

RE is doing different things too now with new characters and all, so probably when the new set of characters become the new hot deal. They’ll finally put an end to the “will they will they not”.

Oh god, Aeon fandom is here.

So uh. A few things.

People talk about old shit all the time. Dudebros still have the "Asuka or Rei?" argument. FF7 fandom is somehow still debating CloTi vs Clerith, despite CloTi basically becoming canon with Advent Children in 2005. People still ship Goku and Bulma, for god's sake. I don't understand what "people still talk about it" has to do with... literally anything. At all.

Leon is not the poster boy of RE. Chris is. If you think that Leon is the poster boy of RE, you are wildly out of touch with the wider gaming community.

Springboarding off the above two points, shipping/fanart/fanfic fandom plays a very tiny role in influencing future game development. Capcom isn't listening to shippers. Capcom is listening to YT content creators and streamers and games journalists and maybe they'll read a thread on ResetEra here and there -- because those are the people who sell their products. And those people are predominantly the ones who are sick of the Aeon melodrama and hated what RE6 did to Leon's character.

Ada's name is not iconic in the video game world. At all. AT ALL. Not a single person who doesn't play Resident Evil knows who the fuck Ada Wong is. She's not Sephiroth or Master Chief or Nathan Drake or Lara Croft or Bayonetta. She's not even Jill Valentine. Hell, even Leon's name was only iconic up until about 2010 when Chris took back over and then RE6 shit the bed. When RE4 was a cultural phenomenon, people knew who Leon was. It's been eighteen years. They don't anymore. They know Chris and Jill, if they know anyone from RE at all. And Lady D. Because of course they know Lady D. If you're having trouble discerning who in the video game world is iconic and who's not: ain't nobody on the goddamn planet was clamoring for Ada (or Leon, for that matter) to be in Smash Bros.

Capcom clearly disagrees with your assertion that not having Ada in Leon's story makes him less interesting, considering that the last three original RE storylines that they released with him in it (Vendetta, ID, and DI) didn't feature or mention her at all. If Leon and Ada never met again after RE6, I don't think a single person outside of Aeon and/or wider shipping fandom would even notice.

There's not much time left for Capcom to "keep the mystery going." Leon turned 46 this year. By the time RE9 comes out, he'll be 48. Ada will be 50. How many more titles do you realistically think those two have left in them? RE9 will probably be the finale for most of the legacy cast, if not all of them. And not a single piece of supplementary canon (lookin at you, CGI movies) leading up to RE9 has been setting up Leon and Ada's relationship to be a thing that's going to be addressed at all. The conclusion of Leon's story is going to deal with his relationship with the government -- because that is the thing that's actually fueling his character arc; not Ada.

If Capcom was truly still interested in pursuing a romantic angle between Leon and Ada, then why did the Remakes turn out the way that they did? Why remove the declaration of love? Why have Leon hold Ada at gunpoint and say he never trusted her? Why create such a hostile, antagonistic dynamic between them in RE4make? Why set up Wesker to be at the heart of Ada's character arc this time around instead of Leon?

I just. I appreciate the cordial tone of your ask. I do. I recognize and appreciate the fact that you seemingly did not come here to pick a fight. And I don't want to fight with you guys, either.

But I need you guys to actually get in touch with the reality that is the games industry and understand that, despite women actually being in the majority in terms of the statistical numbers of video game players, video game publishers still largely listen to male voices in the fanbase -- because those are the people who generally tend to make it big as streamers, content creators, and journalists.

I need you guys to play video games other than Resident Evil and gain some perspective on how insignificant your ship actually is. EagleOne fandom is very self-aware about the fact that our ship, despite having a canonical romantic angle in RE4make, is never going to be pursued outside of the one title that it's featured, because it isn't important and it doesn't fucking matter. We are waiting for our Aeon brothers and sisters in Christ to join us in the self-awareness that is the fact that ships are not what sell Resident Evil games. Aeon isn't moving units -- and was, in fact, one of the contributing factors to RE6 being deemed a failure. People don't play RE for the romance. They play RE for spooky atmospheres in which they can make badass characters do sick wrestling moves on giant fucking monsters and blow shit up with rocket launchers, and if anything gets in the way of that (like Aeon kind of did in RE6), the wider fanbase wants it removed.

But what I really need you guys to do is just... let it go and let people have fun on their own time and in their own spaces. Aren't you tired? All you do is invade other people's Twitter accounts or TikToks or Reddit posts or Tumblr ask boxes (hi) and try to push some Aeon agenda that no one outside of Aeon fandom cares about. You look like out of touch boomers just clinging to the good old days. You do.

And this is coming from the queen out of touch boomers. I am basically the embodiment of the "how do you do, fellow kids?" meme, and even I'm like "you guys need to live in the now."

Like, be honest, man. Did you really think that coming into my ask box -- me, of all people in this damn fandom -- and simply stating "um actually Aeon is super important" was going to make me go "you know what, anon, you're right, and I'm stupid for not seeing it sooner"?

Come on.

I just want you guys to be better than this. I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I don't wanna fight about this anymore or ever again. I'm here to analyze the story as it's written while taking into account wider game industry trends and practices and also provide shipping content as it pops up within the text that I'm analyzing, and that is it.

If you wanna talk about actual scripting and cinematography and the intended themes and messages of the Remakes and shit like that, I'm more than happy to have that back-and-forth with you. In fact, I would love that. I become a better analyst and critic by having those discussions with people who disagree with me.

But this? This ask?

I can't do a goddamn thing with this.

all my ff7 rebirth thoughts i can remember upon a first watch, split into good and bad

THE GOOD:

-AERITH'S DAMN SONG IS REALLY GOOD IT'S BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD. I CRIED.

-both gold saucer dates with aerith were really good. cloud instantly following aerith's bit with the announcer voice shocked me so bad i started crying just a little it was so fucking cute 😭 and i think they did the conversation about zack really well!!!! i like it. i really liked how they traded off helping each other get on/off. very sweets.

-there was a scene like somewhat early on i think with aerith cloud and nanaki where aerith tries to get him to let her touch his paws cos she thinks they'll be soft and he says no. aerith tries to get cloud on her side and he says “i mean, i am curious” I LOVE how he follows her bits. IT'S SO CUTE. HE'S SO SILLY AROUND HER.

-in nanaki's date the paws thing gets referenced with cloud shaking his paw and saying “woah, they are soft” i love a callback. cloud silly moments

-barret saying in-kweh-dible

-CAIT SITH IS SO CUTE. I'M SO JEALOUS OF HIM. HE'S SO CUTE. it is unfortunately tainted by the fact they chose to mispronounced his name however.

-yuffie pretending to hit barret and barret pretending to be hit 😭<3

-BARRET’S STORY WAS DONE PERFECT. i was crying so bad. the visuals, the voice acting, the writing, it was all there. i'm so so glad they stuck the landing with this one.

-VOICE ACTING MOSTLY GOOD. nothing was so terrible i was actively pulling my hair out while it happened like with reunion, so i'm pleased. cody christian has definitely improved since last time too he's kinda lost that awkward disjointed manner of speaking sentences, which i'll always have a fondness for but he really did an incredible job here. i really like the main remake cast's new voices!!! i know the recast wasn't received well by everybody but i really think they're all doing great. the only people i really struggle with are zack, and recently reno? he sounds off. he was lacking whimsy. though we don't see him too much here anyway so shrug. ALSO I REALLY LIKED ELENA'S VOICE. i'm not sure familiar with elena as a character so i can't speak much on how she was being characterized here, but i LOVED what the actress was doing. i love all her inflections. she was always very petulant and cocky and she felt perhaps younger than she actually is? but i think that's what they were going for with her being new. anyway she was a standout for me in terms of new voices for this game.

-aerith says “for real? awesome!” at one point and while i HATE that they changed that line in reunion, the fact that aerith is mimicking zack drives me insane. she says for real at least one more time after this too i love it. i can't remember every instance of her mimicking zack but just assume i got a kick out of all of them

-cloud aerith date after falling into the pit, “you don't look like you're on a date… more like, ‘at a funeral’.” what if i died? what if i blew up right here?

-”cloud…[...]aerith… how the hell am i supposed to choose?” zack so close to realizing he can have them both

-zack cloud and aerith all being alive in the same room together for the first time and two of them are unconscious made me laugh. i stay losing i love it (genuinely it's funny i think it's good that they died ect)

-OH ZACK THROWING A FUCKING LAMP POST OR WHATEVER INTO A HELICOPTER WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF THE VIDEO GAME HAD ME SCREAMING THAT SHIT WAS SO FUNNY. LIKE GODDAMN. ALRIGHT. WORK.

-”alright. follow my lead.” “look at you takin charge! i like it!” my essay in why zack is submissive,

-AERITH HUGGING CAIT. WWEWEWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-”QUESTION. am i a dumbass?” “i'm cetra! am i intolerant?” i love you girl.

-cloud junior reminds me of the quaxly i named cloud jr. who was birthed by my friend's quaquaval cloud strife

-blanket statement i love all of cloud and aerith's interactions really i do. even if the plot was annoying me i must admit to enjoying all their cute smiles at each other. real cute. THEY MAKE GREAT GIFSETS !

-WE ARE IN THE FUCKING CLEAR. ANGEAL STAYED DEAD. PHEW.

-zack was looking at a notice board in the slums and there was a banora white poster directly next to his head

-the end scene was real fucking cute. i love a call back. ending on cloud's dumb smiley face and “you promise?” “promise.” AWAYUGH. i like them. they're sweets.

THE BAD:

-zack. oh girl. like, admittedly i was already coming to this from the perspective of “zack lives doesn't need to be canon”, but even STILL. god THEY FUCKED IT. now let me defend my initial stance here too. zack has no narrative purpose being alive in the canon story of ff7. the story of ff7 is already a complete one full of characters that each play their own role in how things turn out in the end. zack has his role. he's there to be cloud’s SOLDIER friend he looked up to, one that saved his life and brought him where he is now. his character gets expanded in crisis core, but ultimately he's still there to die. his role is to be dead. and, looking to crisis core, he gets a full story as well. it's not to say he has no room left to grow, theoretically, but WHAT would his purpose be in the canon story of ff7 if he still lived? here the thing. fanfiction does not need to be canon. fanfic and aus and headcanons are great, they're a wonderful tool to flesh out characters more, get in their heads, it's a chance to explore “what if”s. but they don't need to be canon. just because you like a character and want to see them more does not mean they'd serve an actual narrative purpose in the canon material. there's nothing zack could really offer here, in my opinion, and clearly the writers agree because they didn't give him shit to do.

everytime we skip back over to zack, he isn't doing anything. he's looking over cloud, looking over aerith, he's talking to marlene, to biggs, to elmyra, about NOTHING. “hopes, dreams maybe? something like that.” marlene gives him Weird predictions of the future, which changes nothing. he gives biggs a pep talk, which does nothing. honestly it feels like they were just trying to buy time until they could try and prod some jealousy out of him over cloud and aerith and then the final team up with cloud against sephiroth. and they couldn't even keep him IN CHARACTER the entire time.

i have my small gripes. zack so nonchalantly messing up an angeal speech (which he should have absolutely drilled in his head at this point. hah, one of THOSE, huh.) irks me. i still don't think caleb's voice really suits him, though it was much better this time around. i think zack not realizing that there's literally no way biggs could have possibly met cloud is stupid. but the worst, the most egregious bit of mischaracterization i have ever seen, is marlene telling zack he needs to make cloud better so he can protect aerith, and zack deciding to go to hojo. are you… fucking. kidding me? zack's internal clock is messed up. sure, okay, that doesn't stop him from remembering aerith's letter where she tells him he's been gone for FOUR YEARS. GETTING EXPERIMENTED ON IN A BASEMENT. WITH CLOUD. BY HOJO. and then he just, shows up! he shows up, and he says, “pretty sure i only asked to meet hojo, not a whole platoon.” he says, “whatever. the world's about to end anyway.” do they think he's fucking stupid? do they think he's dumb? do they think zack is so, what, cocky? so sure of himself? that he can’t possibly find all the very obvious flashing warning signs that that idea makes no fucking sense? you expect me to believe zack would just go back? that he'd even consider it? that he'd put his life, CLOUD'S LIFE, AERITH'S LIFE, at risk like that? like i'm speechless. what are they DOING to him? what did this even MEAN for his character? so he finds out aerith has a thing for cloud. he stands next to cloud for a minute. he leaves. what did this add? what did this even set up? nothing. zack being alive had zero impact on the story, so why keep him around to begin with?

-on the topic of biggs, biggs! he also had no fucking purpose! and he won't shut up about it either! survivor's guilt, oh sure, but when he starts waxing poetic about how he doesn't know why he was saved, all i can think is well of course they picked you, the other choices were a woman and a fat guy. no fucking wonder they went with you. AND THEN HE DIES WITHOUT HAVING DONE ANYTHING. he literally added NOTHING to the story. him and zack are just there for hungry fans to point and go LOOK, LOOK! MY FAVORITE IS HERE AGAIN! WE’RE EATING GOOD CRUMBS TONIGHT!

-cissnei. when i tell you cissnei was the literal only new potential plotline i was looking forward to going into this, i mean that fully. and you know what? i got baited. i, too, got baited with look, look, my favorite is here again. i thought of so many different ways cissnei could impact the story, based on the short clip we got from the last trailer, with her saying “it's you!” i thought, cissnei is the only person left who knew zack and cloud simultaneously while they were both alive, besides tifa who's keeping quiet and sephiroth who's fucking with cloud on purpose. this could be so interesting. she recognized him! i'm enthralled. i get to gongaga, cissnei shows up near immediately, and she says, “wait, it's you! oh, i thought you were someone else.” and they move on. it's never brought up again. like. really? really? “i thought you were someone else.” who in the WORLD else could he possibly be. cissnei sees this scrawny, short little “ex soldier first class” running around with the dumbest, FAMOUSLY, CANONICALLY, FREQUENTLY BROUGHT UP IN THIS VERY GAME, ICONIC hair style, and she says “i thought you were someone else.” I DON'T BUY IT. CISSNEI ISN'T STUPID. like it wouldn't have even needed to change the story line. any acknowledgment that she KNOWS him would have been better than THIS. a simple “it’s you! you're still alive!” “what do you mean?” “oh, uh, i saw you on the news!” BOOM there you go, now WE know she knows him, and everyone else just thinks she recognizes him from being wanted by shinra. excellent. but, no! no in fact cissnei serves no narrative purpose beyond “oh, she fulfilled zack's wish from crisis core” and “oh, i know her!” 

-the whispers were the worst fucking thing to happen to this fucking franchise. like not only are we getting the dumb “fate” bullshit (that's just there to poke fun at all the fans that wanted remake to be the original story with updated graphics), but we're also getting lost memories! in fact, we're using the whispers as explanations for things that did not need answering from the original game now too! aerith tells tifa about her missing memories, and tifa says she thinks that must be happening to her too. and i suppose i don't doubt that, given the whispers exist in this iteration of the story, tifa would THINK that that's what's happening to her, but what bothers me is that there's an ANSWER. if you're a new fan and don't know how this goes originally, you're going to be thinking “oh, it's the whispers” too. but there was no REASON for there to BE an answer. tifa thinks she's crazy. tifa thinks SHE'S the one in the wrong here, it can't possibly be cloud, but she's SO SURE she doesn't remember him there. there's so much turmoil there, especially as more and more signs point to tifa being right. but here, the answer is whispers. alright, guess tifa's memory is just fucked cos of the whispers. nothing to do about it!

i believe, due to the fact that whispers fucking with memories is something they kept bringing up, that everytime you think “the characters should already know this at this point” the answer is whispers! isn't that fun? isn't it Fun that we're getting plot convenient memory loss on EVERYBODY? honestly by the time they added a third fucking type of whisper i was fully convinced their literal only purpose is to drive the plot in whatever direction the writers feel like at any given moment. we need this character to do x, but how? well the answer is whispers. if EVERYONE is a puppet, what makes cloud so special huh? they're all at the whispers whims. don't seem to be defying much fate right now!

-on the topic of memory loss, yeah the only reason cloud remembers zack this early is so we could get that team up at the end. it's cheap. like, in theory the way they did it makes enough sense, he sees the room at the inn and remembers that he was with someone in there. (the conversation he remembers is also grossly out of character for zack at that point and seriously misleads you on what was such a somber conversation initially but uhhhh let's call it cloud's imagination huh.) alright, he sees the river flowing down the mountain and remembers he watched someone drown, must be zack! makes sense. and then, tifa agrees? yes, he drowned. oh, we should tell aerith. we should, but let me, and let’s keep it a secret. cloud just remembered he had a best friend, he says they were so close, how could he forget, he just remembered that he watched him die. and tifa tells him to keep it a secret? like i understand WHY but isn’t that a bit rude? i don’t know that she'd actually go about it like that. regardless it's getting REAL tiring how they keep adding in scenes early. they did it with the forest scene with aerith in remake and they're doing it here too. IT'S RUINING THE NARRATIVE FLOW!!!!!!

-um. no rocket town? we get cid with no rocket town? like picking up yuffie and vinny different from the original doesn't Super bother me, i think they did it well enough that it's not really worth noting for me, but this is quite the direction for cid. they've sucked all the misogyny right out of him and took out the area where he acts the absolute worst. i've never liked cid! but this just feels like. damn they didn't even wanna TRY getting into cid keeping this woman in his house doing all his chores cos she feels indebted to him. feels a bit selective to me, they had no problem making women squeal at the thought of hojo getting them pregnant, using women as bubbly set dressing, having cloud put a dress on and pretend to be a woman to trick a man into sleeping with him. oh but, cid is just a hair too far. we still need him for the travel though, so, welcome aboard! maybe the whispers made him forget.

-OH MY GOD THEY DIDN'T HAVE CLOUD SAY “did sephiroth… do this?” LIKE!!!!!!!! dude that's like if they decided zack didn't need to say “me? gongaga” to cloud when he asks where he's from. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

-why did they decide shinra flew tifa out to corel? shinra, who wanted no survivors after the fire. shinra, who sent a full platoon after zack to kill him after he escaped. oh, but, in this one the residents in nibelheim all know that it burnt down? nibelheim, the town that's meant to be full of actors. the residents that are supposed to tell you “what an awful thing to say” when you explain the town burned down five years ago. oh but now it's a town dedicated to helping those with mako poisoning. right.

-i know damn well a furry did not design that galian beast WHERE IS HIS FUR. WHY ARE YOU WHITE. WHY IS HE NOT OURPLE. he looks too much like vinny, which might seem like a silly complaint but given how much he usually Doesn't look like him it kind of feels like they're treating us like we're dumb, like we couldn't possibly understand that that's vinny unless it really looks like him. not a fan.

-sephiroth didn’t even chuck the materia at cloud and then do a flip and fly away. girl you're missing all your most iconic scenes. at this point cloud's not gonna say let's mosey.

-what was the point of roche if they were just gonna essentially kill him off? i hate to sound like a broken record but girl what's the point of having all these characters when they add NOTHING. AND THEN THEY DIE.

-alright i wasn't playing the video game so maybe this was actually INCREDIBLY COMPELLING GAMEPLAY but why were half the puzzles in every area “move a big box very slowly to a location” like. damn no wonder they put that thing in the demo you're gonna be doing it in every area for the next 20 hours

-good christ the ending was so convoluted and confusing. i already don't really care for timeline convergences as a plot point, so of course this really isn’t for me, but even still it was so frustrating and hard to follow. and i think they wanted it to be that way, but that doesn't make it interesting? that doesn't make it thought provoking or compelling, it makes it frustrating and hard to follow. AND MEANINGLESS. AERITH STILL DIED. like they keep going on and on about defying fate, doing whatever, they're taking charge of destiny and whatever. oh, here comes zack to help us fight. and he’s gone. oh, here comes aerith to help us fight, and we're mourning. not cloud though! i really don't get it.

-aerith DIES!!!!!!!! THIS IS A GOOD THING I WAS WORRIED THEY'D PUSSY OUT. and well they kinda did! we don't get the iconic scene of cloud putting her in the water? like her materia falls into the water OK but that's it. it's just cloud holding her and he tells her to wake up and she does and they smile. i tell ya what, it makes a real pretty gifset! and that's it!

-really and truly what bothers me the most about this all is that to so many people, THIS is what the story of ff7 is. to many new fans, this is the only version that matters. they don't care to go back and see what originally happened because the game is old and looks “bad”. no one's getting mad at dissidia for not following exact canon and keeping everyone alive. it's not a matter of everything needing to be 100% accurate all the time. it's the fact that this IS the story of final fantasy 7 in current times. this is what people are currently viewing as default. but it's fucking up the storyline, plot progression, narrative flow, characterization, character importance. and for what? a story that's nearly impossible for someone to fully understand without having prior knowledge of the original, and adds a plot device that mocks fans that just wanted the original's story with updated graphics? that's what bothers me most.

after the comics end do you think the telltale walking dead franchise will continue in any way whether it be a tv show, a remake of the first game, or a port to new consoles

I want to say "No, they'll respectfully put it to rest after the comics end."

....but I know how this goes, we can never just let anything end when it should, not when there's money involved. Either something gets cancelled before it's time, or it overstays its welcome and gets milked into the ground.

I've gotten an ask about this and I've seen people talking about it, but with how popular that Last of Us show is [I wouldn't personally know as I'm still not planning on watching it] there's talk from fans of wanting a TV show adaption. Which, as I said before, I would be totally okay with them doing that for S1, and S1 only. It would make the most sense given the whole Lee and Clementine dynamic, Kenny's a fan favorite, and the storytelling is just fantastic. With a good cast, budget, and a whole lot of effort, I think it would be great. Whether or not that'll actually be a thing? I dunno.

And I know people would worry about "canon choices" being made in a TV, like if Lee decided to help Lilly save Larry in the show, everyone who picked to help Kenny would probably get pissy because fans hate feeling like their choices were invalidated, and fans who do feel their choices were validated over others usually can't help but be pricks about it, y'know?

But I've always said this-- The games are their own thing, your choices are yours, no one else gets to dictate what your canon is, and there is no set canon because that's not how that works, your canon is your own. It doesn't matter what the creators have said outside of the game, what matters is what's happening when you play.

As for comics, I do foresee more of those... because why would Skybound learn anything from the Clementine trilogy? It wouldn't be as bad if they could just pick another character to write these comics about, but Clementine is the face of the original games and she's likely to bring in a bigger audience.

I would like it if they branched out and did something with other characters. Again, Kenny's a fan favorite. Why not do a story about him between S1 and S2? How did he get away from the horde? How is he coping after having mercy killed Ben [or alternatively, after helping Christa escape] and how did he get out of Savannah? Could really get into his head and take a look at not only the horror of the walking dead, but the horror of losing a child, a spouse, everything and what it did to Kenny's mental and physical health.

Something like that could also appeal to an audience outside of TWDG fans, too. Like... that's something you have to consider, y'know? Because I could sit here and be like, "They should make a comic about the 400 Days cast! That would be cool!" but... who the hell is gonna really care about them? Even fans within the TWDG probably wouldn't give a shit because they're just not popular, therefore they would bring in less profit.

Let's see... a remake of the first game? Is that a thing people are talking about? I doubt that's something in the works, but you never know. Plenty of games have gotten remakes and done very well for themselves. The Resident Evil 4 remake just came out, and they have a history of doing remakes for their older games. One that really sticks out to me is the Spyro Reignited Trilogy. I was a big Spyro kid and the remake is really damn good. But yeah, I'm sure a remake of the first game could do well but personally, I doubt anything like that is being considered at this point.

And as for a new game? I dunno, whenever I browse youtube, sometimes I see very clickbaity titles like "TWDG SEASON 5 CONFIRMED???" or "TWDG S5 LEAKS AND NEWS???" or "CLEMENTINE WILL BE BACK????" and I just... never click on them because if there was actually a TWDG S5 being made, then why is no one else talking about it? No one in the main #twdg tag is talking about it, no one on reddit is, sooo...? Full of shit, me thinks.

Besides, I don't want a S5, especially with Clementine. She's done, let her rest, her story finished in The Final Season. If you have to do something, then put your big boy pants on and make an effort to tell a new story that doesn't rely on fans' nostalgia for Clementine.

Part of me is curious for what happens next, whether that's more comics or some other piece of media... the other part is just slouched in her chair making a >:[ face and grumbling incoherently.

Do you think they'll cast a younger actor as frollo in the live action ? I feel Disney is going to do this since they aged jafar down in Aladdin. I really wanted Charles dance in the roll, and a younger frollo is going to feel like a completely different character entirely

With these live action remakes, anything is possible as they have changed the characterisation of even mains like the Beast himself.

I think it will take something away from Frollo if they cast a younger actor though. The idea is to portray someone who's entrenched, someone whose beliefs are so ingrained in him that he cannot accept other differing views, and will rather think that those people are evil, and not that he's wrong.

I can see Charles Dance as a viable choice, and I know Josh Gad said he is pushing for it and Alan Menken and Stephen Schwartz have a deep love for the story which they are constantly reworking on. But the question I still have is whether they will really make a live action remake for Hunchback and, if so, when. There are already many movies where casting has been announced, like Snow White and these haven't even been shown yet.

So while I still look forward to it, I think it will be many years before Hunchback gets filmed, if ever. :')

Deepground, woo!

(Has no idea what that is)

DFLJDFMDFLMFDKFD thank you so much for hyping all of my sillies then <333 i appreciate <333

Deepground is a concept that first started to appear in Dirge of Cerberus, the sequel game set after the movie and centering Vincent (released in 2006). Basically Deepground is a whole underground Shinra complex/facilities in which they pushed unethical experimentations to the max, which created a lot of monsters, but especially kidnapped people to experience on and therefore after Shinra's fall, those creatures came back to the surface to seek justice.

By being only uncovered in the sequel, many things about Deepgrounds had stayed lowkey in the rest of the franchise.

in Crisis Core (2007), the prequel, we learn that Reeve (the Shinra director of urban planing) was tasted with making a whole new city underground to "improve the life of people in Midgar" and Reeve believed it at the time, and Zack has to take on a lot of quests to clear the underground, thus, unknowingly to them, Reeve and Zack worked on creating Deepgrounds.

Others late quests in Crisis Core also have Zack unknowingly participate in "testing" the experimentation the scientists were doing on Deepgrounds (for example, unleashing Deepgrounds experiments in some controled zone and acting like they broke out, to ask Zack to deal with the threat, and therefore testing if they can do something with those creatures).

(you also get a mail from Reeve learning that this project has been taken away from him and he doesn't understand why, which sets up that Reeve didn't have any knowledge of what he was really creating and therefore sets up why he's one of the supporting cast of DoC trying to take it down)

At the end of Crisis Core, Genesis is taken away to Deepground, and it's why Genesis officially appears at the very end of Dirge of Cerberus.

in Crisis Core, if you don't know what Deepground is, all those quests information will look pretty anecdotal, but if you're deep in the saga you can recognize that this questline is fully setting up Deepground.

So Deepground is in an interesting position in the franchise: it's supposed to have been created at the begining of Crisis Core, and by the end of Crisis Core (which is years later) it is up and running and already commiting extreme scientific malpractice, taking a lot of ex-soldiers to experiment on them, but they can't be exposed before Dirge of Cerberus, set 3 years after the Original Game. Meanwhile it has never been mentioned in the Original Game itself (which was published in 1997)

so personally my wishlist for the remake was to hint about deepgrounds even though our characters can't figure out too much about it. Early in the remake there's rumors about monsters escaping from underground and rumors of it being from Shinra's facilities and it clearly hints at Deepgrounds being there without especially understanding what it is about.

and now on a whole quests where Barret and Tifa fell *under* the sectors into a secret Shinra facility, they're getting attacked by all sort of monsters which easily look like Deepgrounds experiments. And Barret and Tifa are confused enough they wouldn't be in a position to understand exactly what it is, and once they'll discover the official labs on the surface they will likely just conclude it's regular mad scientist experiments and not a whole secret underground system and all

which i think is the most elegant way to really imply the ominousness of Deepground without directly addressing it

(tho i know the Yuffie DLC literally has Deepgrounds' characters appear in it, but Yuffie not having met the crew yet nor understanding Shinra in depth means she will probably not connect dots on that -- and it's interesting because she is one of the main supporting cast character for DoC, along with Reeve, so on that level it's interesting to see her meddle with Deepgrounds as a set up to why she will care in the future)

anyway i'm not a fan of DOC but i'm fascinated with Deepgrounds as a concept and i'm thrilled to see how they are introducing it in the remake to be coherent with the others games.

so tldr: special evil secret lab that is created in the prequel and dismantled in the sequel and therefore it's fun to see how the remake incorporate it since Deepground is active during this period, without completely unveiling the mystery because it's only something that happens later in the timeline.

so yeah! Deepground! hell yeah! continuity!

thank you for hearing me out <3

Is Zagreus truly as neutral as he claims to be? The desperation behind his plight calls that into question...🩸

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⬇️ Image description below the cut ⬇️

[Image Description: The graphic is divided in two halves. On the right, on a red background, white and gold text reads: 'Prince of the Underworld, Zagreus. Neutral.' Below the text is a stylized drop of blood representing Zagreus. On the left half of the image is a textured off-white background with grey spraypainted branches. The black text reads:

“Ares,” Zagreus says, so quiet among the roaring battlefield.

Ares frowns. “My kin, this is long before your time.”

“I know. I asked Master Chaos for help.” Zagreus swallows. “Listen, I'm not here to tell you which side to support.”

That's a change from the rest, Ares thinks. Then, he notices Zagreus' tightly clasped hands.

“Please,” Zagreus says. “Whatever you do, let Achilles and Patroclus be happy. Give them the long life they deserve.” His kin's voice falters. “Allow Troy to win, for all I care, or Greece, it doesn't matter, but you need to decide now. There's- they don't have much time left, Chaos said, and if you don't step in, they'll…”

He trails off.

“I'm aware,” Ares replies. “But, my kin, you have to understand-”

Zagreus exhales, defeated - and Ares wouldn't tolerate the interruption otherwise, were it not for the look of utter sorrow in Zagreus' eyes.

Before his kin can say any more, however, his form begins to fade into nothingness. “Oh,” he whispers. “Chaos is pulling me back already.” His body grows ever more transparent by the second, until he’s almost gone - only the wind lets Ares hear Zagreus’ last words.

“Please, Ares. Let them be happy. That's all I need.”

/end ID]

National Enquirer, March 15

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Tiger Woods' car crash

Page 2: Bruce Springsteen has beaten the DUI charges leveled against him after federal prosecutors couldn't find a drop of evidence he had been drinking over the legal limit -- with an acceptable blood alcohol level of 0.02 well below the 0.08 threshold at the time of his arrest in Sandy Hook, New Jersey, prosecutors backed off two of their charges for drunken and reckless driving -- the rocker did plead guilty to a third charge, admitting he had two small shots of tequila on federal parkland and for that, he was fines $500 plus $40 in court costs

Page 3: Patrick Dempsey's dreamy return to Grey's Anatomy was a big hit with fans but his well-received cameo left series star Ellen Pompeo seething with jealousy -- Ellen may have permitted Patrick to revisit his old stomping grounds in Meredith Grey's fever dreams in season 17 but she doesn't want him coming back permanently and swiping her hard-earned glory and she considers herself the anchor of the show and thought she was rid of this guy after making the show her own, but now fans are begging for him to be brought back and Ellen is furious -- it's no secret Ellen hated the first 10 years of the show when Patrick was the star and she feels the series got better after he left and she became a big-shot producer, something she'd been demanding for years -- she likes being in control and calling the shots and clearly thinks she got this deal on her merit alone but it's also because she's the star who's lasted the longest; most of the original cast had already left and bosses had to cave in to keep her -- unfortunately being in charge hasn't amounted to better ratings and show has been slipping consistently in recent years and the main reason they brought Patrick back on was to spike the ratings, which it did and now producers are considering offering Patrick a full-time gig but Ellen will do everything in her power to prevent Patrick from stealing her thunder again

Page 4: Home reno gurus Chip and Joanna Gaines are clashing over his wild spending, and she's desperate to rein him in before they land in the poorhouse -- Chip and Jo are rich on paper and worth $20 million in property and assets but they were hit hard by the pandemic like everyone else and recovery has been sluggish to say the least -- they're just getting back on their feet and under a ton of pressure to get their Magnolia network off to a running start but Chip, as usual, is casual when it comes to money and it frustrates Jo to see him buying things they don't need, like new tools and equipment when the old ones work just fine and overpaying on lumber and masonry -- Chip is always shopping and not always for the house; he's got a boot fetish and has dozens of pairs, plus he treats the crew to free cappuccino and treats from their coffeehouse several time a day and Chip wants the best of everything for himself and everyone else

* Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds are ready to welcome baby number four through adoption -- the couple who are parents of daughters James and Inez and Betty hope to find their next child in South America and they've invested time and money sponsoring immigrant children and they're warming up to the idea of providing an orphaned baby or toddler with a forever home -- a 16-year-old girl they sponsored through the Young Center for Immigrant Children's Rights was deported back to Honduras and they were heartbroken, and Blake and Ryan are now determined to provide a child with a happy home and opportunities he or she wouldn't have in their native country

Page 5: Newlyweds Pamela Anderson and Dan Hayhurst are itching to start a family and are already trying for a baby of their own -- 53-year-old Pam tied the knot with the 40-year-old handyman on Christmas Eve at her Vancouver Island home and she's been telling pals they hope to have happy news soon -- Pam wants to build a whole new clan with Dan and he's on board even though they each have kids with their exes and Dan's two kids from a previous relationship are living with the couple at Pam's pad -- the couple love the idea of adopting or going the surrogate route and it's not something they want to waste any time over

Page 6: Weary Kelly Clarkson is juggling her skyrocketing career and brutal divorce battle with estranged husband Brandon Blackstock on less than six hours sleep a night and Kelly has also been pushing to sell her homes in Nashville and Encino, while running her L.A.-based talk show and recording new music -- she's been running herself ragged for months and she's feeling the burn in a big way but despite her exhaustion, she can't sleep and nothing she tries works and the most shut-eye she catches is two, three hours at a time; she lays awake in bed at night worrying and crying

* Suddenly remorseful Kanye West has spiraled into depression and despair since soon-to-be ex-wife Kim Kardashian filed for divorce -- for all their problems, Kanye realizes she was the one person who was there for him whenever he went off the deep end and now he knows he's alone and seriously doubts he can hold his life together -- without Kim and her family to keep his wild impulses in check, he may succumb to the poor judgment and wild mood swings that have marked his chronic bipolar disorder as they were the ones who reminded him to take his meds and steer clear of recreational drugs and now all he has is a circle of yes-men he doesn't listen to anyway -- since the split, Kanye has shuttled between his ranch in Cody, Wyoming and a hotel in L.A. near the sprawling mansion he once shared with Kim and he's been blowing up her phone to beg forgiveness, but she won't take his calls and it's driving him off the deep end again

Page 7: Kourtney Kardashian is fed up with Shanna Moakler's online barbs and is plotting her revenge against the ex-wife of her new squeeze -- since Kourtney and Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker went public with their romance last month, former pageant queen Shanna has been throwing social media shade and Kourtney's tired of taking Shanna's crap and she's going to fire back soon and Kourtney's using her wide network of contacts in Hollywood to bad-mouth Shanna and she's placing calls to casting directors and perspective suitors to put as many potholes in her love rival's path as possible and she plans to make Shanna regret messing with her

Page 8: Nearly two years after Johnny Depp was forced to exit Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise following ex-wife Amber Heard's allegations of abuse, the company has kicked him while he's down by considering her for a plum part -- Johnny is fuming over news that Amber is reportedly in contention to play fairy-tale heroine Rapunzel in the studio's upcoming live-action remake of Tangled -- for Amber to be in the running for a Disney pic is the ultimate insult to him especially because he believes the company made millions of dollars off his name

Page 9: Prince Harry and his wife Meghan Markle had a whopping $500 million motive to betray Queen Elizabeth -- outraged at being cut loose by the British royals, the couple retaliated by secretly negotiating backroom Hollywood megadeals and going public on TV -- Harry and Meghan see themselves as victims of an out-of-touch monarchy and want revenge and selling out Harry's family is the way to get it and cash in big-time; Meghan's convinced they'll have deals totaling $500 million by the end of the year but they better act fast because Hollywood is a fickle town where even royalty can be chewed up and spat out

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Amelia Hamlin stuck to the shore while pink-haired beau Scott Disick made waves in Miami, Steve Martin nibbled on a pretzel while filming Only Murders in the Building in NYC, Floyd Mayweather turned 44 and celebrated with a birthday bash in Miami, Bachelorette reject Tyler Cameron showed off his toned tummy in Florida

Page 11: Drew Barrymore feels deeply for dad-controlled Britney Spears because she's been there: she said her mom locked her away in a loony bin for over a year when she was just 13 -- Drew said it's hard to grow up in front of people and she empathizes with Britney and Paris Hilton and any star who can't escape the glare of celebrity -- Drew's mom put her in a place that was a full psychiatric ward and says she used to laugh at those Malibu 30-day places because she was in a place for a year and a half called Van Nuys Psychiatric and you couldn't mess around there and if you did, you would either get thrown in the padded room or put in stretcher restraints and tied up

* Eddie Murphy famously bragged he has never changed a diaper in his life despite having so many kids and now he's set on having another baby with fiancee Paige Butcher and this will make baby No. 11 for Eddie -- he says his genes are incredible as ever, so why stop; he's super fit and Paige is in amazing shape at age 41 and wants at least one more baby so they're going to go for it and are already trying

Page 12: Straight Shuter gossip column -- CNN could blitz news veteran Wolf Blitzer as the network revamps its lineup and TV is a young person's game and no one knows that better than Wolf and after 31 years at CNN, he sees new faces getting promoted and knows his days are numbered and Jim Acosta and Poppy Harlow are the future of CNN, not Wolf -- although Wolf's airtime has been cut as Jake Tapper's role expands, he isn't bitter or angry but instead he's grateful for an amazing run

* Love It or List It star Hilary Farr is moving on to her own show and leaving partner David Visentin in the dust -- Hilary's new show is basically the same one she and David have been doing for years, with him edited out and David was blindsided by the news and he knows HGTV has sent out a casting notice for the new show and he's hurt and angry especially because Love It or List It hasn't been renewed yet

* Sacked Dancing with the Stars host Tom Bergeron has reached out to Chris Harrison after he stepped away from The Bachelor amid a racist scandal -- Tom wasn't fired over a scandal, but he knows exactly what Chris is going through because both of them thought they had a job for life, but nothing lasts forever -- Tom is a good guy and wants Chris to know he's around if Chris needs anything

* Tom Felton, who played Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter films, spruced up for the camera (picture)

Page 13: Brooke Shields isn't letting a busted leg keep her down but she's taking her recovery one step at a time -- she shared an Instagram video showing her cautiously hobbling on crutches and explained she broker her femur and she was beginning to mend -- she didn't reveal what caused the unlucky break

* Outspoken actress Rose McGowan is living a charmed life in Mexico and the Harvey Weinstein accuser has headed south of the border and vows never to return to the United States -- she got her permanent residency card from Mexico and is grateful to have it and says it's a really healing land and it is truly magical -- she moved at the dawn of the COVID-19 pandemic because she knew it was going to get really bad in America and she had a moment to figure out where she wanted to be

* Picky perfectionist Blake Shelton listens to around 300 songs to choose what to record for each of his albums, according to his longtime producer -- music pro Scott Hendricks said he wades through nearly 3000 tracks by professional songwriters to select tunes for Blake to consider and then Blake methodically whittles down the nominees until he's certain which songs he wants to record but Scott admitted that process is more difficult for him culling the 300 from the 3000 -- Scott, who has worked with Blake for most of his career, said of their close professional relationship that the chemistry works and they have recorded several hundred or more songs together and they are getting ready to go do some more

Page 14: Crime

Page 15: Killer kingpin Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman's busted beauty queen bride will be marked for death behind bars -- if Emma Coronel Aispuro snitches to the feds about the bloodthirsty Mexican Sinaloa drug cartel long run by her caged husband, she'll put a big fat bulls-eye on her back -- according to a federal complaint, Coronel was intimately involved in her husband's multibillion-dollar drug-running racket and acted as his criminal agent while he was on the lam and the mother of El Chapo's two young daughters helped mastermind her spouse's daring 2015 tunnel escape from a Mexican prison and also paid him $100,000 for another failed bust-out a year later -- they are going to put the heat on her to spill more details on other top operatives in the cartel and take them down, too, but if she spills, it will be open season on her on the inside

Page 16: Dr. Dre appears to rap about estranged wife Nicole Young in a song filled with angry, explicit lyrics calling someone in his life a greedy bitch -- DJ Silk previewed part of a new track from Dre full of digs presumably at Nicole, with whom he has been locked in a nasty divorce -- his lyrics include: Trying to kill me with them lies and that perjury/ I see you trying to f--k me while I'm in surgery / In ICU death bed on some money s--t / Greedy bitch take a pic / Girl you know how money get

* Hollywood Hookups -- Lorenzo Lamas is set to wed for the sixth time to model Kenna Scott, Justin Hartley and Chrishell Stause are officially divorced, Adam Rippon is engaged to Jussi-Pekka Kajaala

Page 17: Former Home Improvement kid Zachery Ty Bryan has pleaded guilty to two felony counts of domestic violence -- Zachery, now 39, has been sentenced to three years of probation and will also have to take part in a batterer intervention program

* John Mayer has dated a succession of famous singers including Katy Perry, Taylor Swift and Halsey and he hopes they write chart-topping songs about him and admitted he'd be jazzed if his exes enshrined him in song, saying sometimes a song is so good he hopes it's about him and he even scours their lyrics for clues -- Taylor already has several tracks that have been linked to John including Dear John

* Ruthless chef Gordon Ramsay said he's cooked up his own plan to keep his kids humble -- he has five kids with wife Tana: Megan, twins Holly and Jack, Tilly and Oscar but said he plans to leave most of his reported $200 million fortune to charity -- Gordon explained his kids must tidy up after dinners, can only fly coach and are expected to learn how to cook for themselves and he's forbidden them from taking costly taxis and the foulmouthed foodie insisted they don't swear

Page 18: American Life

Page 19: Roseanne Barr was blindsided by a humiliating new scandal after risque photos from the early '90s recently emerged which appear to show her teenage daughters licking her boobs -- Roseanne posed for the shots with her two youngest girls at a Glamour Shots studio in Iowa more than 25 years ago and the photographer who claimed he snapped the fake lesbian lovefest but did not want to be named dished Roseanne and daughters Jessica and Jennifer who are now in their mid-40s happily hammed it up for the camera but decades later Roseanne and her daughters are all mortified and embarrassed by these pics; they were horsing around years ago and never thought they'd see the light of day

Page 20: Cover Story -- Still recovering from agonizing back surgery, Tiger Woods was pushing himself to the limit when he flew off a California cliff into a career-crushing car accident -- lawmen said the golf legend was lucky to be alive after the horrific wreck that shattered his right leg -- the accident only added to Tiger's physical problems; his movement has been restricted since a fifth back operation in December and he was unable to play golf despite an appearance at a local tournament the weekend before the bloody wreck -- at a press conference days before cheating death, Tiger admitted he was worried about his physical condition and his ability to play again, saying a lot of it is based on his surgeons and doctors and therapist and making sure he does it correctly and he doesn't have a lot of wiggle room left -- Tiger could barely move, and it seemed to get him down and his back rehab has been brutal and he was hobbling around and distraught but he refused to give into his condition and his tough-as-nails mindset could have contributed to the crash: when a person is overwhelmed by physical pain, that dominates everything they do and if you're behind the wheel of a car and in physical pain, it can distract you and likely lead to this kind of disaster -- Tiger was eager to get to a TV taping on the morning disaster struck and he seemed impatient when he left the Terranea Resort in Rancho Palos Verdes, an L.A. suburb, just after 7 a.m. and although traffic cameras show he was driving within the speed limit, his Genesis GV80 SUV crossed the center median onto the opposite side of the road and flipped -- authorities said Tiger appeared lucid to first responders and there were no signs the recovering addict was under the influence of alcohol or drugs and they did not request a blood test when Tiger was rushed to the hospital from the crash site and the incident was an accident -- Tiger was taken to nearby Harbor-UCLA Medical Center, where doctors said his broken bones protruded through his right leg and they put a rod in his leg and used screws and pins to stabilize the break and his ankle -- it will take three to four months to heal and then eight months of physical therapy and it is unlikely he will ever run again and he may have a limp and in terms of golf, just walking for extended periods of time will be a big deal and recovery will be agonizing; it's a very real possibility that Tiger's taken his final swing

Page 21: Addiction experts warned Tiger Woods' recovery will test his sobriety after his stint in rehab for prescription painkiller use and it is very, very common for a patient in recovery to relapse after a trauma like the one suffered by Tiger and exposure to painkillers administered directly or prescribed after a physical trauma is highly likely to trigger a relapse -- Tiger will probably need painkillers to get through this, but he'll also need to be connected with like-minded people to keep him away from his old thinking that pills are the solution to his problems

Page 22: Desperate Ghislaine Maxwell has offered to renounce her British and French citizenships in a new bid to get out of jail -- the disgraced socialite's last two stabs at freedom including one package offering $22.5 million as bond money were rejected by a judge who deemed her a flight risk -- now according to her lawyers, Ghislaine will formally commence the procedure to renounce her foreign citizenship to satisfy any concerns the court may have that she may try to seek a safe haven in France or the U.K. -- Justice Department officials were concerned Ghislaine would flee to France, where she was born, since the country has no extradition treaty with the U.S.

* Woody Allen claimed his own words are being used to attack him in the bombshell Allen v. Farrow documentary -- Woody has repeatedly denied adopted daughter Dylan Farrow's claims he sexually abused her when she was seven at her mom Mia Farrow's home -- Woody blasted the documentary which rehashes the claims as a shoddy hit piece and a hatched job riddled with falsehoods adding the filmmakers stole from his autobiography

Page 26: Twice-divorced Ricki Lake's engagement to California attorney Ross Burningham has insiders fearing she may suffer yet another heartbreak -- she announced her happy news on Instagram but Ricki has seen far more than her share of bad luck in the romance department and everyone is praying this final shot at love doesn't end in despair and it's never Ricki's fault, but she's never found a man who could keep her happy

Page 28: A lurid landscape of drug-fueled orgies, suicidal thoughts and fake sexual enthusiasm will play out in a new television series based on model and reality star Holly Madison's X-rated confessions from her shocking 2015 biography Down the Bunny Hole -- Madison first exposed the sleazy details of how she and other young women were plied with drugs and coerced to participate in sex parties with Playboy founder Hugh Hefner in exchange for acting as his girlfriends and getting to live inside the iconic L.A. mansion along with a weekly $1000 stipend -- the limited series will star actress Samara Weaving as Holly, who was a member of Hef's harem between 2001 and 2008 -- Holly, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt became the notorious stars of the reality show The Girls Next Door which debuted in 2005 and focused on their seemingly glamorous life with Hef but glossed over the dark secrets behind the scenes -- in her bombshell confessions, Holly revealed the 22-bedroom manor was actually a foul pigsty filled with stained mattresses where Hef's live-in ladies were forced to perform weird bedroom rituals and look excited by it

Page 29: Jack Osbourne has listed his sprawling California home for rent at $16,500 a month -- the 35-year-old son of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne is offering the five-bedroom, 5600-square-foot home in Studio City unfurnished -- Sharon was recently seen outside the home with moving vans helping Jack prep the property -- Jack, who suffers from multiple sclerosis, bought the home in 2014 when he was married to Lisa Stelly; the couple divorced in 2018 and share three children: Andy, Pearl and Minnie

* Heidi Klum has snipped all threads tying her to dad Gunther Klum after the cosmetics and modeling honcho skipped her wedding -- Heidi dumped her manager dad after he snubbed her August 2019 ceremony in Capri with guitarist Tom Kaulitz of the band Tokio Hotel and she has also ended her German enterprise Heidi Klum GmbH, originally overseen by Gunther -- Heidi and her dad had a falling out over Tom and Gunther never really approved of him and was dead set against the marriage and it drove a wedge in their relationship

Page 32: Health Watch

* Ask the Vet -- an African Gray Parrot with a feather-picking problem

Page 34: Barack Obama broke a buddy's nose over a racist remark -- he revealed the two classmates were playing basketball when his friend hurled a racial slur and he popped him in the face and broke his nose, Obama told Bruce Springsteen on their podcast Renegades: Born in the USA -- Obama said he doesn't think his pal even knew what the word meant, just that it was meant to be hurtful

* Country singer Keith Urban has shrunk to 140 pounds as the former addict is hooked on a bizarre diet of nuts and berries and even worse, the five-foot-ten crooner appears to be growing thinner and friends are worried the stress of his demanding career and his desperate desire to be a good husband to Nicole Kidman may push him over the edge -- no one sees him eating much more than handfuls of raw almonds or sunflower seeds and berries washed down with gallons of water -- though he's been sober since 2006, pals fear the struggle to avoid giving in to temptation as well as hearing Nicole purportedly mended fences with ex-hubby Tom Cruise may be weighing on the star -- despite his bony appearance, Keith thinks he looks great

Page 40: Evil ISIS terrorists are using the COVID-19 pandemic as cover while they rebuild their network and mastermind new attacks and both Iraq and the U.S. are in their crosshairs -- because the West has been focused on dealing with the pandemic, ISIS and new groups sprung from their shattered forces have been reloading and plotting revenge, according to Ryan Mauro of the terrorist-monitoring Clarion Intelligence Network -- the pandemic has brought decreased confidence in Western governments, which has emboldened the terrorists to launch sleeper cell attacks on foreign soil

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Anya Taylor-Joy

There’s a shit ton of time between RE2 and RE4 and RE6

I don’t understand why Capcom doesn’t just release games about what happened in between RC and Spain. Or even more interesting what happened between RE4 and RE6.

I don’t want to see Leon go and I think there’s so much potential with him (and…he makes the big bucks)

What do you think?

The issue with that is that Leon, Chris, and Jill were all in intensive training for most of the 6 years between RE2 and RE4. Leon in the government, and Chris and Jill in the BSAA. There's not much of a game there for them to feasibly make -- especially when you consider that the missions that Leon did go on were just regular military operations and not bioterrorism incidents, and I got the sense that the BSAA was largely the same way. They could maybe stretch Operation Javier out into a full-length game, but that's really it.

The time between RE4 and RE6 and then also between RE6 and RE8/9, though, yeah, there's no excuse for that. There's a very tiny part of me that wants to believe that that's going to be part of what the Remake series is going to be doing, because like --

the biggest issue with RE as a series is that the games happen in real-time. When a game gets released, it basically takes place in the year that it was released, plus or minus one.

Remake won't have that issue. They could fill the entire timeline to bursting with new games and never have to worry about the passage of time. That's another part of the reason why it just makes sense to me that Remake will be tweaking/rewriting the story. It's in Capcom's best interest from a business standpoint to do that, because while they'll have to retire the legacy cast very soon in OG, the Remake stories can be told basically indefinitely.