#did not parent me 100% to her best ability during all of those moments and suddenly im fucked in the head for life over DUST BUNNIES. over
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like . omg i know i need to stop POSTINGGGG but god thinking abt the argument w my parents last night and all the implications of it hurts so bad it’s unreal it hurts literally so bad. and it is ruining my life in so many ways and ive been fighting back tears all day bc of it. Lol
#purrs#i think im a burden to everyone and that everyone thinks im stupid and young and naïve entitled selfish annoying etc etc but really it’s#just my parents who think that and the fact that they do means that there is something fundamentally wrong with me so i carry that into#every relationship im in and isolate myself and hold back from saying how i feel and setting boundaries and i am so sad and tired all the#time that i never talk to anyone and i beat myself up for making mistakes and for having thoughts and feelings and i hurt the people who#love me by denying myself to them and not believing in their love and it fucking sucks and i hate that i will never fully recover from the#damage and i hate that the damage is over the STUPIDEST fucking shit in the whole world that is literaly nothing compared to some of the#horrors in the human experience like it’s just 2 bad fights with my mom and my brother being born and my grandma dying and how my mom did or#did not parent me 100% to her best ability during all of those moments and suddenly im fucked in the head for life over DUST BUNNIES. over#DRYER LINT. CRUMBS! specks of dirt. like are you kidding me. catapulting myself into the nearest viper pit rn i think. but also it’s 1:30 am#and i am working tomorrow and ive had an exhausting soul crushing week and i need to go to bed and i am running away from everyone and#everything in my life and it just is a hard time to be a person right now anyway so like maybe i need to just go to sleep and reblog some#posts and play animal crossing in all my free time and throw my phone into the river and be normal for 2 seconds. ok.#* 3 bad fights w my mom. but also a lot more but especially those 3 ♥️
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An Underrated Rina Moment II
(and an exploration on Terri’s shifting perspective on Gina and Ricky and Gina&Ricky and how that is largely due to the Ricky Effect)
(aaaand a slight defence of Terri Porter; don’t kill me lol)
Ricky’s super power is 100% the ability to charm the pants off the most prickly, scary, take no ish, rough around the edges, I-wear-the-pants divas and it’s hilarious. All three of the girlboss characters in the show, Gina, Lily, and Dani, became romantically interested in him, and it’s because he exudes trophy boyfriend, malewife, earnest puppy dog vibes and their instinct tells them he’s their compatible opposite.
Ricky has a habit of melting the hearts of the most prickly of women, and Terri Porter is no exception. She was definitely charmed by his care for her daughter, both when he sassed her and when he professed his love in front of the press conference.
But joking aside, Ricky managed to change Terri’s mind about him in only half a day, 1.5 conversations, and a declaration of love. And that’s because, much like he did for Gina, Ricky was the connecting point—a bridge, a catalyst—that allowed Terri Porter to finally reconcile the old Gina she knew with the current Gina who’d grown and become a stronger version of her former self.
And this is why this moment hits so juicy to me:
Will come back to this in a bit!
Incredibly long post ahoy :3
I’ve watched s4 about 8 times now, and I’ve come to the conclusion I actually kind of like Terri Porter as a character.
(Yes, controversial, I know. Please put down the pitchforks 😅).
Don’t get me wrong, she could definitely learn a thing or twenty from Michelle Greene (who wins Best Mom Award™, no contest), but Terri is a well-written archetype of the Overbearing Mother. And having grown up with a similar type of mom, it was pretty refreshing to see a storyline of someone navigating that type of relationship with their own mother and how it affected their upbringing. And above that, it was even more refreshing to see Terri’s mentality start to transform.
With Terri, undoubtedly, her motivations and her love for daughter inspire her actions, however questionable those actions may be. But she clearly wants nothing more than her daughter to be successful and become a star as she was always meant to be. As Michelle and Lynne stated during the HSM 3 performance, kids don’t know how much their parents worry about them. And Terri, no matter how misguided, I truly believe that is how she translates her uncontested love and worry for Gina, through pushing her to be the best and extremely successful. Terri just has a homogenous view of what constitutes success and primarily attributes success to the amount of tangible ambitions and subsequent accomplishments fulfilled.
Is this the best way to approach raising children? No; too much and this is how kids develop anxiety and imposter syndrome, among other issues.
Should Terri let Gina make decisions about what’s best for her in her own time? Absolutely.
But do I understand where Terri is coming from by pushing about New Zealand? Very much, yes.
Terri Porter has tunnel vision and singleminded focus on the future. A mentality of eyes on the prize and a focus on securing future goals. She views each action taken in life as yet another step up the stairwell leading one to their ultimate goal/success. It’s an admirable quality to have—the ability to plan so substantially every step you take to reach the top of your goals—but that tunnel vision often prevents one from living in the moment, or in Terri’s case, from seeing the importance of Gina’s journey to growth and balance and not just the final destination.
She raised Gina with this mentality and this is the root of where overly ambitious Gina 1.0 comes from: the desperate pursuit for lead through sabotage and manipulation, only for her to realise it wasn’t what she’d been looking for at the time. (Now confirmed to have been purpose and acceptance that she was actually seeking.)
But don’t get me wrong about Gina: she wanted a stable community and people who saw her and understood her, but she herself is also a naturally ambitious, driven girl who has the chops and desire to go after her dreams with no hesitation. She gets straight As, has no problem stepping into the spotlight, and is an insanely talented triple threat. Could you argue that this is potentially nurture over nature because Gina has been conditioned by her mom to be as ambitious as possible through her upbringing? Perhaps, but s2 and s3 we saw a Gina not under the influence of her mother’s overbearing nature, and we were explicitly shown how much her confidence was negatively affected by not pursuing the lead in s2 versus how well-balanced and satisfied she was in s3.
Gina is meant to be a star, and she loves the limelight and pampering of stardom. Her mother is also overbearing and pushes her to be in the limelight. They are not mutually exclusive, but undoubtedly, Gina’s motivations are still her own in a large capacity. Of all of Miss Jenn’s students, Gina is the one who acclimates to the changes with the film and navigates this new world with ease while also managing her growing fame and school with relative ease. We see Kourtney struggle with college apps and the filming, even almost dropping out of HSM 3; Carlos quits being Miss Jenn’s assistant; Ricky is trying hard to accommodate change, but it makes him uncomfortable.
(And Ashlyn is just a hot mess overall because of Maddox 😂).
Gina is on top of everything, though, and is in her element and doing amazing to boot, but the caveat to that is she’s found balance and has a loving and supportive community courtesy of her golden retriever boyfriend and the theatre crew family with which she’s strengthened bonds.
But Terri was not there for that journey in s2 and s3, a roughly 7 to 8 month interval of time during which Gina pushed aside her drive and was at her lowest in confidence only to figure it all out and bounce back stronger than ever. And she was not there for the fall and stronger rise again of Gina’s relationship with Ricky. So from Terri’s perspective, the last time she lived with her daughter, Gina was 1.0 and had no desires for anything but her ambitions to be the best.
I give Terri some grace, because though it really is up to her to try to learn and understand her daughter and who she is and who she is becoming—something Terri failed to do more than once—to be fair, Gina kept all these things from her. And I give Gina a lot of grace for not being able to express her truth in all this time because it can be very hard to stand up to overbearing moms who are inflexibly focused on one plan. But for someone who isn’t very observant about what is happening in the now, there was no way Terri would have ever known about all these changes and balance Gina found. And the biggest problem is that this season, Terri refused to open her eyes to see the growth Gina has exhibited to become 2.0 and therefore failed to understand her daughter.
Therefore, I can only imagine Terri’s sheer confusion and discomfort when Gina finally revealed the truth about the journey she’s been on and what has been the most influential in making her this happy every day. There’s no way it didn’t feel like it was coming out of left field for Terri—and she doesn’t get it at first—and for an overbearing, relatively inflexible mother, this type of confession would definitely inspire pushback.
Which we end up seeing.
The way I see it, Terri emphasises no boys in her lecture because she doesn’t want Gina’s success derailed by a relationship. She’s an adult who’s had two kids; I’m sure Terri knows what being in love is like, how unhinged it can make you, and the types of choices you make and types of distractions you have when you’re in love. And in one evening, her daughter, who had likely been telling her everything in the past and has always been under her thumb, tells her she’s been lying to her for months, is in a secret relationship with another boy, has been sneaking him into her room at night, and then rushes out of the house in the middle of dinner with a guest to make out with said boy in the rain.
But above that, the biggest thing is this secret boyfriend is the one person responsible for making Gina the happiest Terri has ever seen, something monumental, and Terri has never even conversed with him, let alone had a substantial, proper first introduction.
She knows nothing about him besides what Gina has likely told her—which is not a tangible thing Terri can confirm—but in her view he probably doesn’t seem driven, doesn’t seem particularly ambitious the way Gina is, hasn’t particularly made a mark on the world, and if we are to go by the implication of her “Gina has been waiting for you to step up for a long time” line, then she also has knowledge of how much pain Ricky inadvertently caused Gina in s2.
We all have seen Gina’s journey throughout the show and know this is the true Gina, but Terri was not there for those events. So from Terri’s perspective, everything she’s learned in one dinner has to have made her think these are all bad choices and decisions she incorrectly believes to be out of character for Gina. All she sees is a Gina who is hesitating and slow to sign a contract for a leading role in a big-budget movie in a way the daughter she remembers never would have. And I have no doubt that she believes that if Gina can make bad decisions like this about a boy without much thought, then she could just as easily make rash decisions that could negatively affect her future.
Like, for example: giving up a once-in-a-lifetime leading role as a brand new actress for a boy who can easily sway her to lie to her mother and sneak around behind her back.
I can only imagine the disapproving panic that started setting in because—beyond the potential implications of sneaking a boyfriend into your room at night—the optics do look pretty bad.
And that’s why I think she told Ricky about New Zealand. I really don’t think she has anything against him personally as she said. Her issues stem from his presence in her life and what that means for Gina’s future compared to Mack, which I’ll get back to a little later.
Again: Terri has tunnel vision and believes Gina has to pick either the movie or SLC. The only right choice in her mind is the movie, and she doesn’t want Ricky to be in the way of that decision because in her eyes, he will impede Gina’s success. But I still didn’t sense strong malicious intent so much as I sensed an inflexible mother trying her hardest to grasp onto the last vestiges of control over her daughter’s life however means necessary. Gina gave her heart to Ricky, and her clear love for him is enough to make Gina hesitate about the direction her career is taking her. Terri overheard Ricky preparing to tell Gina he loves her, and in my opinion was close to “panicking” over the fact that Ricky confessing could very well have been the final nail in the coffin in Gina giving up the acting gig to stay in SLC instead. This is the same mom who encouraged Gina to stay in SLC in s2 and not make any big decisions because she doesn’t know what the universe has in store for her. In Terri’s view, Gina was never attached to SLC, and now she’s having trouble leaving it because of Ricky, so the Ricky panic and pushing Gina to sign the contract faster kind of checks out.
I do believe mentioning Mack was a bit of a malicious dig though, but in the sense that she was trying to tell Ricky that he’s not on the same level as Mack and Gina in drive, ambition, and success. But I interpret her overall behaviour in that scene as a last ditch Hail Mary to try to make Ricky recognise what’s at stake for Gina and how influential his decisions could be in impacting how Gina makes her choice. Ricky, to her, is an obstacle and the biggest barrier at the moment to Gina jumping right into doing the movie so instead of approaching Gina, she opts to target Ricky to reconsider his attachment to Gina.
I truly believed her when she said she doesn’t have anything against Ricky, because it really isn’t about Ricky. It’s always about Gina—and who Terri thinks would best match Gina—and she just doesn’t get Ricky’s impact in Gina’s life because she probably never asked.
Terri, though overbearing, clearly does want what’s best for Gina’s success, but she doesn’t know what is best for Gina because she hasn’t been there enough to recognise Gina’s needs in the first place. And she tends to bulldoze over Gina, sometimes not even listening to what she has to say.
That’s why the confrontation with Ricky in Gina’s room is so, so important, because it’s the first pivotal moment where Terri is confronted for the first time on how important the theatre community is to Gina, no matter how small and non-famous. The moment she first realises why this idiot boy has such a strong impact on her daughter in the first place. The first moment she starts to see how Gina started to and had a safe, comfortable space to change. And the first moment she is met with the very real threat that Gina is no longer as tethered to Terri’s idea of success and stardom because Gina has people in her corner who she has placed at a higher ranking in importance than her mark-making goals.
Even when Ricky was being denigrated for not stepping up, his mind was still razor focused on Gina and being her biggest supporter and cheerleader. His response is very much a “you can say whatever you want about me, but I won’t tolerate you hurting Gina again” kind of thing. And however small, he did get through to Terri in some capacity. In some ways, I think he also gained a little bit of her respect with his Caucasity audacity.
This is the face she makes when he calls her out on her hypocrisy:
That’s a face of guilt with bits of shame. Maybe a bit of understanding that she deserves that one.
And these are the faces she makes when he asks her to turn around while he tries to get out:
Terri Porter is not a warm woman. She is driven, she is ambitious, and she pushes her daughter so hard because, to some extent, she likely views Gina’s success as her own too. And she wants nothing to get in that way, come hell or high water.
And yet, nothing about those expressions indicate a dislike of Ricky. If anything, I’d say she kind of looks fond, amused, or even impressed during a lot of that interaction. And there is no way Terri did not recognise at least a bit of the aspects of Ricky we viewers have watched him develop. His admirable complete devotion and protection of Gina. His drive to grow and improve so he can be a better partner to Gina. His desire to fully support her ambitions so she can become the star he knows she was always meant to be.
There’s no way that at that moment, Terri didn’t see an inkling of exactly why Gina has been so happy. There’s no way she didn’t recognise that Ricky is not just some random dude her daughter is dating for fun. This is not a similar relationship like the one she had with EJ over the summer. Ricky is the real deal. And he has potential to really damage the choices Gina can make about her life. She’s wrong, of course. Ricky is no longer the type to try to make everything else go away so he can have control and stability over his own life and relationship. But I think from that brief moment in Gina’s room, she at the very least now has the tangible evidence to back up what makes Ricky so important to Gina. And that informs her subsequent “panic” and the New Zealand reveal.
But again, she doesn’t know him. Just sees that her daughter is in love with a boy who doesn’t fit her own idea of strong future ambitions for success and thinks him unworthy and a possible deterrent to Gina becoming a star.
The thing is though, as I mentioned earlier, it’s not Ricky personally who she has a problem with: it’s what Ricky represents versus what Mack does.
Ricky is the theatre community—dinky, small school club, nondescript, can’t acquire fame through it—while Mack is the world of Hollywood—big-budget movie and fame, potential for successful stardom, glitz and glam and glory.
Until the end, she doesn’t care for the theatre community, because like most of her approach regarding success, a small school club is unlikely to match Gina’s drive and allow her to reach her fullest potential in a more public sphere.
(I’m gonna get over-analysy and philosophical for just a second).
The show, whether intentional or not, makes it a point to reflect this idea of the theatre community versus Mack/Hollywood as it pertains to Gina’s home and life. All moments with the theatre group and anyone having to do with it were relegated to scenes in Gina’s attic bedroom only. The cast reveal is in the attic, and they only got in because Emmy stole the garage code and they snuck in while no one was home. The Halloween party is not in the house proper, but confined to Gina’s attic, and Terri’s interaction with them is to remind them to keep it down. Ricky sneaks into the windows at night to see Gina and all his visits are also confined to the attic.
Compared to that, we have Mack, the representation of fame and stardom, gets full-blown concierge service of a dinner and is treated like royalty in the main part of the house. His presence is not only invited, it’s also encouraged and unhidden.
(Quick aside: after Ricky takes off during the Halloween party, we see Gina melancholic and at war with herself on the stairs, a middle ground/point between the main house and the attic. One foot in each world and a reflection of the start of the conflict she has to resolve in the second half of the season).
Following this metaphor, it reflects the view Terri has of Gina’s communities. How she disregards the theatre group and kind of ignores them, pushes them to the side in her mind. How much importance she places on Gina’s Hollywood gig, even going as far as not attending any stage performances but showing up to the movie set. I don’t think she even would have tried to watch most of the HSM 3 production had Ricky not called her out.
Terri prioritises success in a larger scheme of the world, choosing to ignore how much Gina’s community means to her and how much Gina means to the community too until the press conference. Until the moment when Gina talks about SLC being her support network and home. When Gina spontaneously changes the film location to stay in SLC so she can have both her found family and her future fame. When Ricky shows up and with no hesitation boldly declares his love for Gina. When her friends and castmates and found family (the bridesmaids and groomsmen 😜) come to the front to share in this moment and protect their moment and their moment alone from the prying eyes of the press.
It's not hard to see Gina’s sheer joy and bliss at all her dream's realised with Ricky and her community through her smile and tears, and the room is quite literally brightened up.
And Terri gets it: what Ricky was sassing her about, that Ricky wants nothing more than Gina’s happiness, and that Gina’s happiness is not just success in her ambitions but more so the people who have been there for her when Terri wasn’t there. She finally reconciles the words Gina likely told her at dinner and what Ricky alluded to with Terri’s absence from the opening nights with what she sees as tangible evidence right in front of her eyes.
So this is why this:
Is such an underrated moment for me, not just because her personal invitation is a seal of approval for their relationship and her acknowledgement that Ricky is worthy of her daughter. It’s also because Ricky is the reason why Gina found and joined this theatre community in the first place, and in many ways, represents exactly what this community means to Gina: finally being seen, known, understand, and accepted for who she is.
Terri telling Ricky he’s welcome in her home without having to sneak anymore represents to me that understanding and approval of this community to Gina, and in turn, a desire for Gina to continue to have this group present in her life. It’s Terri finally making an effort to listen to what Gina needs and wants and making the effort to accept Gina’s decisions and what makes Gina happiest with open arms.
Gina showed her that beautiful balance Gina 2.0 achieved without her mother’s influence by figuring out a way to have her cake with the movie and eating it too in SLC with her family. Something Terri would never have thought of as an option, given her tunnel vision. And this was definitely a strong factor in Terri recognising the influence and importance and benefit of Gina’s theatre community. And now that she is taking active steps to get to know Ricky and the community, I can only imagine her relationship with Gina, her relationship with Ricky, and her understanding of Gina’s relationship with Ricky will improve.
Within 12 hours, only two short prior conversations, one of which was Terri talking at Ricky, and Ricky publicly declaring his love for—and proposing to 🤭🤭🤭—her daughter, she’d changed her mind about him. Which is pretty insane to think about considering the type of mother Terri is: a bit controlling and not very flexible. And I attribute Terri’s change of heart mostly to Ricky, who put into action the words she’d heard from Gina and Ricky and showed her so easily that he has every quality she values and rewards:
Single minded focus and pursuit of a task when it counts.
Guts and gumption.
Ambition and drive to go after what he wants.
Never gives up.
Her machinations (twice!) did not deter him from expressing his utterly romantic, swoonworthy love song for Gina, and she definitely respects that. And it helped her see that Ricky’s drive is to make sure Gina is always happy and that Gina knows she’s loved and cared for.
Despite the fact that he is not a traditional “successful” by her definition, Terri still thinks and understands he’s worth the wait Gina went through since Thanksgiving s1 to finally be with the love of her life.
All this to say a woman like Terri Porter does not change her mind for any old reason—it has to be significant—and Ricky gaining her approval was such an excellent way to emphasise just how truly perfect Rina is for each other. How worthy Ricky is of Gina, not based on some arbitrary definition of success, but because of how significant he is in Gina’s journey of growth and happiness. I could go on and on about Rina being perfect soulmates, haha, but I digress. I foresee a great friendship between Ricky and Terri in the future because above all else, the both of them are driven by a staunch desire to see Gina successful and happy.
I originally was going to name this post “Ricky’s Effect on the Porter Women” because he truly does play a significant role in changing both of their perspectives. He was the first to allow Gina to find a home, a place where she can finally be known, something which kicked off her growth which ultimately gave her the strength and courage to make her choice at the end of the season. And he was the first to transform Terri’s mentality on success and the ultimate reason she finally saw the real Gina and the importance of this whole community that has impacted her life the most.
Ricky is an instrumental catalyst in both of their lives. He’s the reason why Gina stood up to her mother and stood her ground on her own desires and what is important to her. He’s the reason why Terri Porter will likely continue to learn who her daughter is from now on, step back, and trust Gina to make her own choices knowing she is safe with the friends she loves. He’s the reason Gina and Terri will be able to have a more equal, open and honest relationship where Gina’s desires are understood, listened to, and met because he won’t ever let anyone hurt Gina again. He’s the reason that Terri is starting to understand and reconcile who her daughter has been and who her daughter is now.
Terri is a complex character, but I feel it is doing her a disservice dismissing her choices as her being a terrible person. Her priorities are far more intense than current Gina necessarily needs, and she is a flawed human being who has definitely made mistakes in motherhood, but she’s also been an amazing mom in other ways:
She understood how much pain Gina would be in when they had to move on Thanksgiving and tried pre-emptively to keep it from happening. She gives her a bear every Valentine’s day. She let her 16 year old daughter stay in SLC by herself upon request because it was the first time in 5 schools in 7 years that Gina wanted to stay somewhere. She encouraged Gina to stay in SLC in s2 and keep making new experiences when Gina was about to give up. She moved her whole life back to SLC and decided to stick there for her daughter so Gina could have a stable home this school year. Even if too strong a push at times, she is an unwavering supporter of Gina’s talent and rise to fame and does not hide from her daughter how incredibly talented she views her. And though an incorrect assumption on Gina’s happiness, she immediately waived her no boys rule in case Gina wanted to pursue Mack. And once she accepted Ricky, she did the same again, allowing their relationship and telling him he’s welcome in their home and welcome in her and Gina’s life.
She’s a bit of a messy mom, kind of clueless, misguided in the direction she was taking parenting Gina, and has a lot to learn about a more hands-off and trusting parenting style, but she is very much there for her daughter.
And when Ricky and Gina get married in ten years, I can guarantee you Terri Porter will be right in the front, proud as hell that her daughter is marrying the perfect person for her, who cares for her beyond himself and makes her the happiest she’s ever been.
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REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!
Books I’ve read so far in 2022!
Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!
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235. Answers in the Pages by David Levithan--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
I was intrigued by this book because of that first page--especially since we live in a society where so many books are being challenged by parents. The fact that a parent took a paragraph so incredibly out of context and made it the martyr for her fight against what is "safe for children to read" is the perfect example of someone put their opinions on something that could be innocent in nature. I also liked how Levithan wrote a warning at the beginning of the book because he knew that that text would be twisted into the cookie cutter version of "problematic" that the MC's mother wanted it to be.
I will say, however, that the constantly shifting POVs were a little bit of an overkill. I understand why they existed, but at times it felt like it was a little too much and took me a bit out of the story. In the end, I understand why it was necessary. I just found it to kind of ruin the flow of the story a little (and I know these chapters also serve as a way of making the already thin book a little bit thicker.)
I do recommend this book to kids who are thinking of coming out to parents, who are struggling with their own identities, or have simply witnessed an adult trying to censor a book they are reading and/or have read. I think it's important to have these conversations because it can open the world to a bunch of "why's" that some kinds might truly need.
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236. I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Listen, before you read this book, I would heavily suggest looking at trigger warnings if you have specific triggers you try to avoid. This book was a ROUGH read. It was fantastic, but it was rough.
Jennette McCurdy is someone that I knew of in passing because the tv shows she was in weren't really on my radar since I was already older when they were coming out. But after reading this book, I'm left wondering if I would have looked at her during her busiest parts of her acting career and wondered what her life was like.
One of the saddest things about this book, other than the obvious, is how this story is not 100% unique to her experience--there are so many kids who live with abusive parents who profit off their acting abilities. So many adults in Hollywood were raised with parents like hers and knowing this, some of them breaking down makes a lot more sense.
What happens when your complicated relationship with your mother leaves you numb to the abuse, but also fearful of not making her happy? The candid way that McCurdy writes makes this question jump off the pages as she continuously tells us each horrible thing her mother did to her, but also every moment where she just wanted to please her.
I was listening to the audiobook and there is a moment where McCurdy (who is the voice of her audiobook) starts to fight back tears. It was such a jarring experience because she read the majority of her book in a kind of monotone way--like a person who is distancing herself from the experiences she wishes to not associate with anymore, or experiences that one is trying to heal from.
With all of that being said, trust me when I say that the title is extremely justified. I can't even imagine the mixture of grief and relief she felt after her mother passed away. I highly recommend this one, but again, please handle with care. This is EXTREMELY triggering.
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237. The Haunted Bridge by Carolyn Keene & Mildred Benson (Ghostwriter)--⭐️⭐️⭐️
I haven't read a Nancy Drew book in a very long time, but the books I own in the series have been giving me the stink eye for a while, so I finally picked one up. (Thank you to those who helped pick this one over on my Instagram).
This was a fun mystery! I do love how Nancy never lets the spooky fully scare her off a mystery--especially when one or both of her best friends try to remind her that the situation is, in fact, terrifying.
There were some points that were a little bit unbelievable and convoluted, but it was a fun ride nonetheless. Also, props to Nancy for having such a great moral compass. I can see why she would be such a great role model for so many young readers!
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238. Love On the Brain by Ali Hazelwood--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5
Unpopular opinion (maybe?), but I enjoyed this a hell of a lot more than THE LOVE HYPOTHESIS.
It was so much fun and full of so many cute, funny, and sexy moments. Also, hello, the feminism? Bad ass. The STEM? Awesome. I loved the relationship between the MC and her twin sister. I loved how her voice would change when faced with a cat.
I loved the love interest and his awkward way of getting all flustered around her. I also low-key loved the misunderstanding between them when they see each other again. They just worked so well together (even though she was one of those women who don't know how beautiful they truly are.
The end surprised me, but I should have figured it out but I was too distracted by the blossoming love between the characters.
This is a standalone, by the way, so I highly encourage you to enjoy this book even if you haven't read The Love Hypothesis or any of the STEM novellas!
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239. The Pool Boy by Nikki Sloane--⭐️⭐️
I won't lie--the age gap got me when I first came across this book. I was intrigued by it and thought it would be the perfect summer read. But I took it with me to Cuba for my two week vacation and...didn't even finish it then (I finished it a month later and by listening to an audiobook.)
This book, while it had some very spicy moments, was...boring. I was bored at times and I think that's why I never found myself fully invested? The storyline was kind of meh and there were instances where other storylines could have been introduced but in the end, those moments felt kind of pointless?
This was just meh and I'm kind of disappointed because I expected more. I do want to read the first book in this series some day, but now I'm a LITTLE wary.
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240. Hello Forever by Sarina Bowen--⭐️⭐️⭐️
While I enjoyed book one more (it’s one of my favourite romances), this was still enjoyable in that “I need to pass the time with some spice.”
I think, much like the first book, this dealt with some pretty intense homophobia and I’ll say that you should check for trigger warnings before you read this.
This was a quick read and it being a bit quicker than the last book made it so that the build up of the relationship was a little less powerful than the first book. I would have liked it to be a little longer so it didn’t feel as rushed.
I’d definitely recommend this duology—especially book one!
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Have you read any of these? Would you recommend them?
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Happy reading!
#books#bookish#booklr#bookworm#bookaholic#bibliophile#book blog#book blogger#book reviews#book review#review#reviews#reviews of the week#my writing#my opinion#long text post#book list#Features
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I Only Swim Free: Chapter 3
Pairing: Bela Dimitrescu x (Fem!)Reader
Summary: You’ve done swimming all your life. You’ve gotten to your dream college on a scholarship for your outstanding freestyle technique back in high school. Relationships never crossed your mind however, that was before you met your swim team captain: Bela Dimitrescu.
Warning: Jealousy, heavy couple-arguements, domestic abuse, alcohol abuse
A/N: Rather than having this be a one chapter story, I decided to make this thing a whole series!
“Dried up Youthful Fame” - OLDCODEX
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You slide your flip flops on as you hoist your swim team jacket around and through your arms. You catch up to the rest of your teammates and step out onto the floor of the pool. You're overwhelmed with the amount of people that are there. Especially when you looked up and saw a seemingly tall woman with two other girls at both her sides.
"That's Dean Dimitrescu and Bela's sisters: Cassandra and Daniela," one of your team members catches you staring at them
You were sort of aware that Bela was the daughter of Dean Dimitrescu, but you didn't expect them to be here; at your first swim meet.
"I see," you only reply
You get into one of those group huddle things before the game, Bela immediately draping her arm around your shoulders.
"Alright girls, we've been working all week for this one, we're going against our hugest rival; Heisenberg University."
You've heard about them. They've got Dean Heisenberg and Coach Miranda. You weren't sure what her last name was, you've only hear her being referred to as Coach Miranda.
"You got that y/n?" Bela turns to you
"I'm sorry what Captain?" You ask, realizing you were barely paying any attention
"Oh stars, The first event is the 100 m Freestyle, so you're up first," Bela re-explains to you
You nod, however you were nervous.
"You got this y/n," all the girls encourage you
You walk into a different direction, to get up onto the podium as the rest of the girls stand along the sidelines to watch you. As you ready yourself, you begin thinking about how you were going to round the lap before hearing a beeping sound, enabling your body to dive into the water. As you flex your muscles to the best of your abilities, you manage to round the other direction in due time however the rival right on your tail. However, your palm presses against the wall, stopping the clock for your slot. You look up the scoreboard and saw you had come in first, however, the rival’s score time was just right behind yours.
I have to step up my speed...
You climb out of the water and Bela gets your swim jacket wrapped around you. You watch the next several events go down. At one point there was a medley relay however you left that to another member. You did another freestyle event however that was pretty much it.
“This next event is the 500 m Butterfly,” The announcer says
You watch Bela step away from you. She takes off her jacket and she makes quick eye contact with you before giving you a wink. Your eyes travel down to her bottom and you had to tear your eyes away from her fitting figure.
Girl’s got some figure... Damn shut up...
As you watch her get set for her even, you look up into the audience and notice her boyfriend looking solely at you. You notice how his eyes are giving you vibes that you weren’t enjoying. So you put your eyes back onto Bela, just as the beeps sound goes off again. You watch her form dive into the water and begin gazing at her back muscles as she drags her arms out of the water. You watch the muscles she had to show off flex with each stroke.
Bela snags the first place spot with ease. You hang around in the locker room as the diving portion is about to begin.
“You sure know how to put on a show y/n,” a familiar voice calls out to you
You turn your head and shut your locker and smile, “Not so bad yourself little butterfly.”
“Little dolphin,” She flirts
She walks up to you and gets into your personal space. you weren’t complaining if you were honest. She tugs on the collar of your jacket and plants her lips against yours. She quickly pulls her lips away when she hears the doors open. you re-compose yourself for whomever interrupted your alone time with Bela.
“Just want to let you know Captain that the Diving events are starting,” One of the members says, gesturing to the other side of the door
You follow Bela out to the floor and sit next to her as you and your team were seated separately from all the spectators. You couldn’t help but turn to where her boyfriend was sitting and you swear he looks closer than he already was. You just turn your attention back to your divers of the team and Bela. You cheer when there is cheering to be done. There was a few more events before the meet ended.
You couldn’t help but look over towards who must’ve been Heisenberg as you’ve taken notice to Dean Dimitrescu as she watches him carefully.
"Now, this just in, we have our very first 1500 m Freestyle event," the announcer says
You and Bela, along with your team and Dean Dimitrescu look surprised.
"Heisenberg you fool," Dimitrescu growls, looking into his direction
"Now, will one member from each team steps forth for this event," he requests
You knew you were the only one who could do it, regardless if you've only swam up to 500 m in the Freestyle technique. So you take a couple steps away from Bela.
"State your name," the announcer says
"Y/n Y/l/n," you say, "1st year Freestyle Swimmer."
Everyone in the vicinity gasps. How could a 1st year possibly swim the 1500 m event? Surely it was impossible. The one swimmer from the other team does the same however, they were a 4th year swimmer. But it didn't phase you. You've swam all your life. All the preparations have come for this moment. You look up and notice Dean Dimitrescu talking to the announcer.
"We will take a 10 minute recess," he announces
You immediately bolt for the locker room, finally shedding your unphased nature, to reveal a scared 18 year old. You immediately plug in your music to play your one song you play before every meet. However, you needed it. You could feel someone's presence next to you and an arm wrap around you. You knew the familiar sort touch: Bela. You take out one earbud for her to listen to the song with you like you did on the rooftop last night.
"Its okay to be nervous," she says
You lay your head against her shoulder, "Is it? Because that girl clearly has the same build as I do... What if she's faster than me? We've seen her do multiple events."
"But this is your time to shine y/n," Bela puts a finger under your chin to look up at her, "You only swim free, right? So show that to everyone. Show them what you show me during practice."
You stop playing your music when you could hear the mic giving feedback, hinting that you needed to get yourself back out there for the event. There was no turning back. However, Bela was right next to you as you exited the locker room, feeling like an entire different person.
Let's do this y/n....
You put on your swim cap and goggles and get up on the podium to leap off of. The rival member get onto the one right next to you.
"Ready," the announcer says
The both of you lift your legs in preparation for the leap. A beep sound echoes in the arena as both you and your rival leap into the water.
30 laps in a 50 meter pool.... You got this, just PUSH through!!
You could hear the song that you were playing in the 10 minute recess, giving you a confidence boost. However only 15 laps in, and your rival is still on your tail. You were ahead by a hare, not too much but you were pulling the lead spot. However, when you turn your head to take a deep breath, you could see that the rival swimmer was beginning to pull ahead on the 28th lap.
Step it up y/n... GO!!!!
You begin to put more power into your calves and move them even faster than you normally swim. You flip and round the last stretch just before the rival swimmer could.
Come on!!
You began to feel on fire. Your calves, lungs and arms. You could tell your pace was beginning to slow down as the rival swimmer began pulling ahead.
NO! Come on y/n come on... Go against the waves and go beyond your limit!!!!
Feeling like you had been given some kind of healing power you began to quicken your pace. You reach your hand out to touch the other end of the pool, however, the rival swimmer did so as well. As your head broke the surface of the water, you look up at the scoreboard and see Dimitrescu University in the first place spot. You and your team cheers as Bela comes running over to you to help you out of the water. Once you place your right foot onto the solid ground you wince in pain. Bela was the only one who noticed you falling onto your knees. She picks you up and has you put half of your weight onto her.
"I think I overdid it on that last stretch," you groan in pain
Your family comes running over to you as Bela transfers you over in their care. Your mother puts your swim jacket around you she begins taking you to the locker room to get changed.
"Heisenberg you idiot," Dean Dimitrescu walks up to him, "You did this on purpose to get one of my girls to injure themselves-"
"That kid over did her swimming technique, but you did win right?" He asks, "So you have nothing to complain about."
He walks over to his female division swim team.
You tell Bela you’d meet her at the restaurant after your trip to the doctor’s office and she’d give you the details and directions.
"Is it serious doc?" You ask, groaning in pain, trying to stretch out your injured calf gently
"It’s not severe thankfully," he says, “However, I’d suggest you use a calf brace for the next couple of weeks. You shouldn’t swim until after two weeks.”
You sigh...
Two weeks huh? I don’t know if that’s worse or not...
When the doctor had discharged you from his office your parents stop by a convenient store to get you that calf brace.
When you came through the doors of the restaurant after following Bela’s address she had given you, your team turns to you and applauds you, noticing Dean Dimitrescu and Bela’s sisters with the team as well. The three were, too, applauding for you. Bela immediately stands up to help your limping body and into a chair right next to her.
“Quite the stunt you pulled miss y/l/n,” Dean Dimitrescu, “How are you feeling?”
“Better than after the meet Dean Dimitrescu,” You say, “Thank you.”
“Bela’s told us so much about you,” She adds
“Is that so?” You ask, looking at Bela, who was clearly blushing
“I’m starting to think Bela will finally leave her deadbeat boyfriend,” Daniela teases
Cassandra elbows Daniela in the side and Daniela winces in pain.
“Oh- I uhhh I wouldn’t want to intrude on their relationship,” You lie, “Bela sure looks happy with him. He’s pretty lucky himself. Speaking of which, where is he?”
“Ditched Bela for the boys,” Daniela says
Cassandra again elbows Daniela in the side.
“Ow! It’s true,” Daniela groans
“Well, let’s forget about him,” One of the team member says, raising her glass
“We celebrate us tonight,” another team member says
“Cheers to that,” You say
“Cheers to y/n and her sweet victory today,” Bela adds
You look at Bela and smile at her, feeling your cheeks slightly heat up. Everyone applauds you once more.
“So y/n how long have you’ve been swimming?” Daniela asks
“Pretty much when I was 5 when I went to the beach for the first time,” You say, “I felt the current of the water and somehow, I knew swimming was it for me.”
“What was your style back in high school?” Cassandra asks, with her head down
“I specialize in Freestyle and-”
“’I only swim free’ is what she says,” Bela exaggerates
You look at her, slightly a mix of amusement and unamusement written across your face you you continue drinking your water.
“I would sometimes do other strokes when I’m at the gym my parents run,” You add, “Most of the time I swim free...”
“See you only swim free,” Bela laughs
You lean into her shoulder as she places her head on top of yours.
After the tiny celebration outing, Bela offered you a ride back to your apartment. It was a silent ride though.
“You okay Bela?” You ask, breaking the silence
“I don’t know,” She sighs, “Lately he’s been ditching me for what he calls ‘time with the boys’... I feel like he’s no longer... Into me you know?”
“I wouldn’t” You sigh, trying to make light jokes, “But like our team says, you don’t need him. You’ve got them, your sisters, your mother... And me.”
“That’s true,” She smiles, “Hey, I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”
You nod and hop out of her car. You watch her drive off. You were worried for Bela. You really didn’t want to intrude on her relationship with her boyfriend, you have managed to put your little crush aside however, it never left. You just don’t let it get the best of you when you’re around her.
We’re falling... Oh lord... How much longer will it be until we hit the ground?...
You walk into your apartment and make a quick shower to shower off the chlorine from the meet.
Chapter 4
#bela dimitrescu#bela dimitrescu x reader#bela is my wife#cassandra dimitrescu#daniela dimitrescu#alcina dimitrescu#resident evil village
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Hey there! Could I request g. with Luke Skywalker with an inquisitor reader? Congrats on reaching 100, can't wait to read more of your work!
Hi,
Thank you so much <3
That's a really interesting request, I hope I can do it justice.
Love, Charlie
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Luke Skywalker x Genderneutral!Inquisitor!Reader
g. "Sorry doesn't fix everything."
Warnings: Slight age difference (just a couple of years, not specified), kinda self-harm, but not really
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You didn't consider yourself anyone special. You were one of many, one of many children orphaned during the end of the Clone Wars or the beginning of the Empire, one of many cadets in the Imperial Academy, one of many singled out on your fifteenth birthday for 'special training'. It wasn't until you turned eighteen and were sent on your first mission, the only one of your squad to ever receive a mission at all, that you realized that maybe there was something special about you, though you only managed to put it in words once none other than Grand Moff Tarkin, the Grand Moff Tarkin, pinned a medal on your chest and congratulated you to your promotion.
That's when you realized that you were special, you were one of only a handful of Inquisitors, chosen and trained to rid the galaxy of the few remaining Jedi or those who still had faith in the doomed order, those whose abilities were too dangerous to let them live.
You were good at what you did, if not one of the best, and had countless medals to prove it. Maybe that's why your next mission came from very high up, from Darth Vader himself.
The day you met the second most powerful man in the galaxy would change your life forever, though whether for better or for worse you would never be able to tell.
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Vader had sent you to what had to be the worst planet you have visited so far. Tatooine was nothing but a pile of sand, two burning suns and more criminals and low lives than you cared to count. Though for someone high up in the empire, who received a generous salary, it wasn't too bad. Rent and food were cheaper than other places, so you allowed yourself the rare luxury of renting a small suite in one of the better hotels the planet had to offer.
The mission itself was simple, all you had to do was listen to locals and maybe ask a few inconspicuous questions to find out whether there were any Jedi sympathizers left in this corner of the galaxy. That's how you met him, and how your life changed once more.
Luke Skywalker quite literally ran into you the first time you visited a place called Tosche station. He was just leaving as you were entering, and since he wasn't paying attention to where he was going and you had no space to move to the side the two of you collided.
Luke managed to stay on his feet, but you began to stumble and fall, only to suddenly find yourself in his arms.
Wow, that kid has fast reflexes, was the first thing you thought, but once you got a closer look at him you realized that he was no kid, at the most he was a couple of years younger than you, though his out of style clothes and long hair made him appear younger than is actual age.
"I am so sorry, I wasn't paying attention. Are you alright?", he asked, his arms still around you and concern in his eyes.
You didn't know what it was, but there was something about him that made you stare just a moment longer, and heat rise up to your cheeks.
"I'm fine. But I might feel better if you bought me a drink", you replied.
Your keen eyes noticed the blush that crept up his face at your words. His reaction, and the overall lack of young people, let alone attractive young people, on this planet made it obvious that he wasn’t used to flirting, which brought out a strange sense of accomplishment and possessiveness in you.
“Just wait here, I’ll get us something to drink and I know a shady place to sit down”, he told you before disappearing in the crowd.
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True to his word Luke reappeared a moment later and lead you to what seemed to be an abandoned farm a short distance away. That’s where the two of you settled and only when the suns began to set did you get back up. You didn’t remember the last time you have had a conversation like this, talking about everything and nothing. In just one short afternoon you learned more about Luke than you knew about most of your fellow cadets back at the academy. He was an orphan, living with his aunt and uncle on their moisture farm and though the two of them were happy with that life, Luke wanted more, he wanted to see the galaxy, a sentiment you could understand more than he knew. Luke was all of the things the people in your life weren’t; open and honest, sweet and funny, warm as the two suns above and quite good looking on top of it. In retrospect you should have known that it wouldn’t take Luke long to find a place in your heart, and your frequent meetings that followed after your first day together certainly didn’t help.
Luke was your first kiss, only a week after you first met him in the Tatooine desert with gleaming stars and a bright moon above.
He was the first one you told about your past, at least a few basics. You told him that you were an orphan, that your parents had been killed during the last few days of the Clone Wars and that you have been on your own since you were a baby. You told him about the loneliness and fears you usually kept bottled up and your unrealistic dreams for the future.
Luke was the first you slept with, back in your hotel suite, after you had treated him to a dinner nicer than any he has had back on the farm. It wasn’t like what your peers had told you sex was like, it was sweet and passionate and lovely.
And even though you tried your best not to, Luke was the first person you ever fell in love with, the first you cared about, other than the memory of parents you didn’t even remember if you were being honest.
Your relationship with Luke was both the only real thing and the biggest lie in your life. He had told you everything about himself, but you had no choice but to keep lying to him again and again, no matter how much it hurt. Maybe that’s why part of you was glad when, after once again reporting that there was nothing unusual on Tatooine, you were told your mission was over and you should report to the Death Star.
When you told Luke that you’d have to leave the next day he kissed you in his unique sweet way and whispered the three words you have come to cherish against your lips.
“In that case I think I should give this to you now. I had been planning to wait til our one year anniversary next month, but I guess that doesn’t matter now”, he mumbled, speaking more to himself than to you. Before you could ask what he was talking about he pulled a small box out of the messenger back he usually carried with him. Gently he opened the box to reveal the most stunning bracelet you have ever seen.
“It was my mother’s, one of the few things I have of hers. I want you to have it.”
You lifted the bracelet out of its box, admiring how the stones shone in the soft light of the candles around your suite.
“Luke...”, you said, trying your best not to let your voice break. “I cannot accept this.”
You lowered the bracelet to put it back in the box, but before you could Luke took your hand in his and used his other hand to close your finger on top of it.
“I want you to have it, I really do. To remember me by. Besides, the colour really doesn’t suit me.”
You couldn’t fight the smile that found its way to your lips at his bad joke, neither the tears that appeared in your eyes. It really was time for you to leave this planet, to leave Luke, if you didn’t do it soon you feared you never would.
“Thank you. I won’t take this off, I promise”, you vowed as he gently fastened the bracelet around your wrist and then pressed a soft kiss on your pulse point.
“I love you”, he said with a sad smile.
Only then did it occur to you that he had said it multiple times now, almost every day ever since the first time he had said it almost seven months ago, but never once did you say the words back. Maybe it was fitting that the only time you told him how you felt about him was when saying goodbye.
“I love you too, Luke.”
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Soon after your return to the Empire, and your first visit to the infamous Death Star, did you realize why you had been called back so suddenly. The war against the rebels was picking up pace and the Empire could use all the help it could get.
The next year was busy, you were no longer sent on solo missions but rather trained with the elite forces, taught to fly and shoot instead of fighting with your lightsaber, and then it suddenly stopped.
After the Battle of Yavin the Empire had to regroup, rethink its strategies, and fight a new opponent.
“We have information about an old Jedi temple, you will leave tomorrow and destroy it”, Grand Moff Tarkin informed you in his usual clipped way.
This caught your attention, and for the first time in a while your interest. Hunting Jedi, making sure no children strong with the force would ever find out about their existence and take care of them if they did was what you were trained for, what you often thought you were born to do. Suddenly it dawned on you that the last time you had actually been assigned a mission like this was before Tatooine, before Luke.
“Why me? I don’t mean to question your decision, but there are many older, more skilled Inquisitors.”
Tarkin simply nodded. “I agree. But Lord Vader asked for you specifically. You’re to leave for Dagobah tomorrow at 0700.”
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Your short research told you that Dagobah was basically a slimy mudhole, but upon arrival it seemed even worse than in the pictures on the holonet.
“If that temple is inside one of those swamps I’m not even gonna bother, I’ll just set fire to the whole planet”, you mumbled as you climbed out of your TIE fighter, careful not to get your bracelet caught on the ladder. That had happened once during one of your first flying lessons and it had cost you almost a month’s salary to get it repaired, apparently the medal alone was worth more than you made in a year, from the stones you might even be able to buy a small planet.
The second your feet touched the ground you felt something dripping down from the trees onto your arms, which you could only hope was water.
Luckily, after just a few meters, you stumbled upon a path covered with mostly dry branches and pebbles.
“I thought this planet was supposed to be abandoned, but this looks almost like someone made this path on purpose.”
You kept walking along the path, checking your datapad every now and then to make sure you were headed the right way.
After what felt like half an eternity of walking you finally reached a small hut, which your datapad assured you was right next to the temple, though since you couldn’t see anything other than the hut and a million trees you decided to investigate there first, who knew what you may find.
A familiar buzz ran through your entire body, adrenaline and excitement preparing you for what was to come. With a slight smile on your lips you ignited your lightsaber, partially so you’d be ready for what- or whoever would be waiting for you inside, partially because from where you stood in the doorway you could tell that it was incredibly dark and the added benefit of a lightsaber was the soft glow that helped in situations like this.
Inside the hut was larger than it had seemed on the outside, mostly meaning that there was more than just one room. In fact, there was a long hallway with open doors on both sides leading to different rooms. The first couple of rooms you checked, if they could even be called that, were pretty much overtaken by nature and rotting away. There was nothing that spoke of Jedi, or any other intelligent being, having been there in recent years. It wasn’t until you were closing in on the last rooms that you heard a low noise, followed by a gut feeling that told you that what you were looking for would be in that room. Though since you didn’t know what, or who, exactly would be in there you entered the room with your lightsaber stretched out in front of you, hoping the red sword would make any possible threat stand down before they could try anything while you would remain in the shadowy hallway to glance inside.
The plan seemed to work, since you heard a small gasp from inside the room just a moment before you realized who it had come from.
“Luke?”
“(Y/N)?”
Both your voices were astounded, shocked, and mournful. Of all the people in the galaxy, why did it have to be Luke Skywalker you found here of all places?
“What are you doing here?”, you asked as you slowly entered the room.
It was then that you noticed just how different Luke looked, how much he had changed since you last saw him. His hair was a bit shorter, his skin paler and his eyes darker. And he was wearing an orange flight suit, the outfit was completed by the helmet in his hand, with the familiar rebel symbol on the side.
You turned your lightsaber off before fastening it to your belt, just in time because only moments later you felt your legs begin to wobble before they gave out underneath you.
Luke, his reflexes fast as ever, quickly pushed a chair in your direction, so you would fall on that instead of the hard floor.
“Luke... Please don’t tell me this is what I think it is.”
You didn’t know what made you plead, hated the hurt and fear in your voice, but how could Luke, your Luke, not only be a rebel but be hiding right were an ancient Jedi temple was supposed to be.
“If you’re asking whether I’m a rebel, the answer is yes”, he said after a moment of silence. “But judging by that red saber that’s not the only thing you’re asking.”
Luke astonished you by sitting down on the small bed you only just noticed, one of the few pieces of furniture in the small room. How could he be so calm?
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re a... what do you call yourselves again? Inquisitors?”
You couldn’t help the inappropriate laugh that escaped your lips.
“Yes, Inquisitors. Also known as the only people stopping the Jedi from destroying the galaxy as we know it.”
Luke simply looked at you, an expression on his face you’ve never seen. He seemed to be beyond angry, though there was no denying the sadness in his eyes.
“Is that what you believe? That the Jedi, the few Jedi you and those like you haven’t slaughtered, are trying to destroy the galaxy?”
Not knowing what made you do it you sat down next to Luke, though you did your best to put some distance between you on the small bed.
“Luke, I know this might be hard to hear, I know some people, rebels and Jedi alike, probably told you more lies than either of us can count, but the Jedi are bad. They once controlled the galaxy, did you know that? And they used that control to gain riches and live comfortably while others suffered. They were selfish and deceiving and cruel and Emperor Palpatine was the only one who could stop them. You know that, don’t you?”, you asked. Of course Luke had to know that, know the truth. You spoke to him in a soft voice, careful not to burst his bubble too sudden, to give him time to adjust and acknowledge what deep down you were sure he had to know.
“Is that what they told you? What they made you believe so you would go around killing innocent children, scared old fugitives and all those trying to live normal lives after a genocide? Wake up, (Y/N)! It’s not the Jedi that are bad, it’s the Empire.”
Luke reached out to take your hand and for reasons unknown to you, you let him.
“The Empire raised you, didn't it?”, he asked.
To say you were shocked would be an understatement. You’ve never really told Luke anything about your past, you weren’t even sure whether you told him that you were an orphan, but certainly not what your childhood had been like.
“How did you know?”
He moved closer to you before he answered, reached for your face to lay a hand on your cheek. The sadness in his eyes was even more obvious now, so much so that it took over his entire face.
“There’s no other explanation. If you had known life outside the Empire, if even just for a moment, you would know just how false everything you just said is.”
You shook your head. Though doubt began to creep in on you, the bigger part of your brain knew that Luke must be trying one of his Jedi tricks on you. But as soon as that thought appeared you neglected it. This was Luke, your Luke. Sweet and kind and caring, he couldn’t hurt a fly, much less you, no matter how much time has passed. So was what he was saying true? At least partially?
“They told you what they want you to believe, never let you make up your own mind. I know you, (Y/N), I know that deep down, somewhere underneath all those lies you’ve been told, you’re a good person, and that person doesn’t have to heart to be an Inquisitor.”
There was an expression on Luke’s face you knew all too well. Hope.
He squeezed your hand before lifting it up to his lips to press a soft kiss on the back of it.
“Luke, I... I’m...”, you started, but with how much your lip was quivering you couldn’t finish your sentence.
“It’s alright”, Luke said before pressing another kiss to your hand. “You don’t need to say it, you don’t need to apologize. You know, sorry doesn’t fix everything, but it’s a good start. And if you let me, I can help you. You could start a new life as part of the rebellion, I’m sure they’d be glad to have someone of your expertise.”
As Luke kept talking your head began to spiral. Finally you came to a conclusion, and though you knew it was the right thing, you almost didn’t go through with it, knowing you wouldn’t be able to look Luke in the eyes afterwards.
Slowly you began to loosen your hand from Luke’s grasp and removed his other hand from your cheek.
“I’m not sorry. I’m not gonna say that I am when I’m not. Maybe what I’ve done was wrong, and if that’s the case your rebellion would never accept me, I don’t think I would accept me if what I have done wasn’t for the good of the galaxy, or maybe everything I’ve ever been taught was right and you’re lying to me. Whatever it is, I cannot say that I’m sorry, much less go with you, until I know the truth.”
You took a deep breath and averted your eyes from Luke’s face. You couldn’t bear to look at him right now.
“I know you won’t hurt me, even though you probably should. And I won’t hurt you, even though that’s what I’m here for. I’ll go looking for answers, to see whether I’m the villain you think I am, or the hero I was raised to be.”
As you spoke the last words you got up from the small bed. You could feel Luke’s eyes on you, but knew that if you looked at him, at the face you’ve seen in your dreams ever since you first met, you wouldn’t be able to go through with your plan, instead you’d crumble and fall into his arms, knowing he’d always be there to catch you.
Lucky for you, Luke didn’t say anything, didn’t try to stop you until you were almost out the door.
“I still love you”, he finally said. “Maybe I shouldn’t, knowing what I now know, but I can’t help it.”
Even though every bone in your body was screaming at you to turn around, even though your heart was aching to catch one last glimpse at him, you continued to walk out the door, out the hut and didn’t stop until you reached your TIE.
And just as you were taking off, after you have ripped parts of your clothes and carefully cut yourself with your lightsaber to make it seem as if Luke had bested you in battle, you finally did turn around and looked for Luke among the trees. And though you didn’t see him, something told you that he was there, watching you. It was that feeling that made you whisper the words you should have said to him whenever you had the chance.
“I love you too. And I’m sorry, for everything.”
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I’m so sorry that this took ages, but I hope it was worth the wait. I really loved this idea and though I don’t think I really did it justice I have tried my best.
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Sorting the main cast of AtLA into Hogwarts Houses
I know I’m late to the party because I’ve seen many different people tackle this before, but I feel like it is my civic duty as both a Potterhead and an AtLA stan to put in my two cents, since every single time I’ve seen it talked about people either misinterpret what each House values in their members or pick a House by taking into account only one aspect of their personalities. I want to make it clear that these are my own opinions, which I’m basing on the definitions we’ve gotten of the main traits of each House over the years and the “core values” of each AtLA character, and that I’m in no way am I trying to insult anyone who thinks differently. That being said, here goes nothing!
Let’s start with the easy ones. Namely, the Fire Siblings:
1) Azula is 100%, undoubtedly, definitely, incontrovertibly Slytherin. Just doing a quick rundown of the qualities Salazar Slytherin prized in his handpicked students, as stated by the Sorting Hat, Albus Dumbledore and Pottermore: Cunning? Check. Resourcefulness? Check. A disregard for rules? Check. Using any means to achieve her ends? Check. Shrewdness? Check. Ambition? Check. Self-preservation? Check. Pride? Check. An argument could even be made that, as a member of the Fire Nation Royal Family, Azula also kind of meets the “blood purity” criteria. I’m sure most of us agree on this. Even if she does exhibit a lot of loyalty to her father as well as courage and intelligence, there is just no contest. Azula is one of the most Slytherin characters I’ve ever seen outside of the Harry Potter universe.
2) In the same way, Zuko is irrefutably a Hufflepuff. Hear me out! I know that he’s very brave and daring, but when we think of Zuko, what is his most essential trait, what do people tell us again
and again
about Zuko’s character?
He’s a hard worker. And what’s the House of the hard-working?
"You might belong in Hufflepuff,
Where they are just and loyal,
Those patient Hufflepuffs are true,
And unafraid of toil.”
You guessed it. Hufflepuff. Of course, that’s not the only trait valued by this House that he exhibits. Who is more loyal in the series than the child who got half his face burned off and still did his best to earn the love and respect of the one responsible? Who never faltered in his loyalty even when he was sent away on an impossible mission? Who spouted angry words most of the time yet was willing to let his ticket home go temporarily in favor of ensuring the safety of his Uncle and his crew? That’s right, our boy Zuko. That very loyalty to his father is what unfortunately bound him for the longest time, until he was forced to face what a monster he was and let go of it in favor of more important things, namely his own morals and his loyalty to his Uncle.
He also has an incredibly strong sense of justice, as proven by the above statements, as well as this moment:
and he can be incredibly patient when he needs to be, as seen during The Blue Spirit and the Southern Raiders episodes.
Hufflepuffs are also said to be fair (which he clearly is), dedicated (need I say more?), honest (which Mr. shouts-his-feelings-at-the-top-of-his-lungs and can’t-lie-without-being-obvious-or-glancing-away-and-has-been-found-out-every-time-he-tried of course is) and modest (this one he starts without but by the time he joins the Gaang there isn’t anyone more modest or humble)
As “an idealist with a pure heart and unquestionable honor” , Zuko is the Hufflepuffiest Hufflepuff to ever Hufflepuff and I will die on this hill
3) Another easy one is our girl Suki, whom I’d say is a Gryffindor through and through, even if she is very loyal to her friends.
The rest of the Gaang under the cut.
The other members of Team Avatar are a bit trickier because they all exhibit a pretty even mix of traits from more than one House, but still if we just concentrate on their defining characteristics we can get to an answer.
4) I’d argue that Sokka belongs in Ravenclaw, even though he is of course quite brave and extremely loyal to his loved ones, not only because he’s a strategist and an inventor, but also because, as best stated by Master Piandao:
Ravenclaws most value wit, learning, intelligence, creativity and wisdom (this last one is a bit iffy but I’m sure he’ll get there when he’s older), as well as priding themselves on being original in their ideas and methods. That’s Sokka to a T.
5) Katara gave me a hard time. She’s unbelievably loyal to her friends and family, she’s compassionate, patient, fair, hard working and dedicated, with a REALLY strong sense of justice, so a case can be made for Hufflepuff easily. However she can also be quite cunning when she wants to (most obviously during The Waterbending Scroll, City of Walls and Secrets, The Painted Lady, and The Runaway), she has a lot of ambition (if you count every variation of “I will make the world a better place by force if I have to”), she disregards the rules when it suits her (again The Waterbending Scroll as well as The Runaway) and she can be proud at times, so we could argue she’s a Slytherin. She’s also undoubtedly very intelligent and even quite wise for her age. It took me a while to decide but then I pondered; at her very core, what are the statements that define her? What words just scream “that’s it, that’s Katara”? They are, of course, these two phrases:
The first sounded incredibly Gryffindor to me, and the second is half Gryffindor half Hufflepuff, so it had to be between those two. As such, I decided to look into Gryffindor first. Katara is, of course, astoundingly courageous, but what else? I had to actually look up definitions for the Gryffindor traits besides courage because they all just kinda meant “brave” to me initially 😅, but what I found was:
*Nerve: “one's steadiness and courage in a demanding situation”. Yep. Who’s the most level-headed, steady and reliable person whenever the Gaang is in any kind of pinch? That’s right. Katara
*Daring: “adventurous or audaciously bold“. Yep. I’d say she ties with Toph for boldest in the Gaang
*Determination: “firmness of purpose”. Yep, absolutely. See the above image from the Painted Lady. ‘Nuff said.
*Chivalry: can mean 2 things, one is “sum of the ideal qualifications of a knight, including courtesy, generosity, valor, and dexterity in arms”. All of that is true of her (her “arms” being her waterbending), but I found it interesting that to be chivalrous can also mean “gracious and honorable toward an enemy, especially a defeated one, and toward the weak or poor”. I’d argue that this fits her even more. Once again, just take a look at The Painted Lady episode.
*Courage and bravery: they can mean the same thing, namely “the ability to do something that frightens you” and of course that fits Katara, but the word courage in particular has another meaning, which is “strength in the face of pain or grief”...
I’d say she’s pretty good at that. I think that settles it, Katara is a Gryffindor.
Turns out that when it came to the water tribe siblings Bato was right all along
6) For Toph I was split between Gryffindor (thinking of her brash, bold nature) and Slytherin for a while, but after looking into Katara and researching all those definitions I think I have to give it to Slytherin. Of course, Toph doesn’t seem to be very ambitious unless you count “being recognized as the greatest earthbender in the world”, but she is quite cunning. She knows exactly how to use her “poor helpless blind girl” persona to get what she wants, as seen both on The Blind Bandit and The Runaway. She’s also an extremely good actress, being able to play the “reserved and obedient little girl” to her parents for years, and being easily able to pick it back up when it suits her.
She’s also stubborn, proud, and 100% willing to use any means, regardless of laws or rules, to get what she wants.
As for self preservation? Remember that her response when asked to teach Aang, which was crucial to save the world but would’ve compromised her secret, was this:
Slytherins can also “hesitate before acting, so as to weigh all possible outcomes before deciding exactly what should be done “ and my first instinct was to say that it didn’t fit Toph at all, but what is Toph if not a person who “waits and listens before striking”? Slytherins tend to favor Neutral Jing it seems.
Almost forgot that as a daughter of the Beifong family she’s sort of nobility and she technically also meets the “blood purity” criteria.
7) Finally, we get to my boy Aang. He was really difficult. He’s loyal, patient, fair, kind, modest (usually) and just but I can’t really call him a hard worker most of the time.
He’s brave, adventurous, determined and chivalrous but he does tend to get discouraged during demanding or stressful situations (his friends always make it better though)
He’s creative, very wise for his age, and quite smart (except when he’s playing around with Sokka in which case they share one brain cell 😂)
He can even be cunning when he needs to be. If he ever went to Hogwarts, he’d definitely be a Hat Staller like Harry. I heard someone say once that they considered Aang a Gryffindor because he liked to show off a lot, but that’s not really a Gryffindor trait (think of Neville Longbottom, Remus Lupin, Harry Potter and Minerva McGonagall. I think any one of them would sooner Stupefy themselves than go show off their skills in front of a crowd for no reason other than to brag).
Once again, we must pin down what it is that defines him, what his core is. After much thought, I decided it’s this:
It’s his compassion, which he learned from his people, and his desire to value and protect all life. It’s his loyalty to the ideologies of the Air Nomads of which he is the last remaining bastion. It’s his strong moral code, his sense of right and wrong, his wish to make friends and to believe the best of everyone. That’s his center. That is what makes him Avatar Aang. In light of that, I think we can consider Aang, first and foremost, a Hufflepuff.
In the end, Team Avatar is made up of one Ravenclaw, one Slytherin, one Gryffindor (two after Suki joins), and two Hufflepuffs
Ironic, that the House least valued in the Harry Potter universe is the one that houses arguably the most pivotal characters of Avatar the Last Airbender: Zuko and Aang. Fitting, that even in this they parallel each other.
This is already long enough so I don’t think I’ll do Mai, Ty Lee, or Iroh. Maybe some other time.
#atla#Avatar The Last Airbender#the gaang#fire siblings#team avatar#Zuko#azula#suki#sokka#katara#toph beifong#aang#Harry Potter#hogwarts houses#gryffindor#hufflepuff#ravenclaw#slytherin#thyf rambles#meta#atla meta
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Baby Avenger
Summary: (Y/N) is one of the youngest avenger members and some government officials repeatedly let her know of “her position.” So, she lets them know exactly what her position is.
Word Count: 2100
Fandom: MCU Avengers
Pairing: Avengers x Reader
Genre: Fluff, soft, slight angst and sadness, & family love.
Rated: 18+
Content Warnings: profanity, death, abandonment, bullying, this is my first ever post of any fanfiction ever so it’s probably bad
**** This is my first ever imagine that I have ever finished and published. Please give me feedback and let me know what else I should write! I’m very excited and nervous so please let me know if you enjoyed this :) I’m thinking of making this Y/N character into a little “Baby Avenger” one-shot series, so let me know your thoughts ****
_____________________________________________________________
Baby Avenger.
Baby Avenger.
Baby. Avenger.
In her head, her stomping can be heard throughout the whole Compound and all of its residents and guests can hear her anger. They know she’s going right to the meeting room; not the team meeting room, but the meeting room they use when they have special guests in for a meeting.
The new government officials who are now “in charge” of the Avengers since The Snap Part 2 were in for the day to go over the general plans that the Avengers have been coming up with. They’re nicer than those in charge of the group from the Accords, but in no way were they nice to majority of the group as a whole.
(Y/N) (L/N) happens to be the second to youngest member on the team coming in at an age of 18, second only to her best friend Peter Parker
(Y/N) is an orphan, the typical origin story of any superhero. Her parents spent their last minutes pushing her out of their burning house in rural Pennsylvania. Actually, it was her father who got her out of the flames and by their fishpond 100 meters from the house. Her mother was inside, trapped under a steal beam in the basement.
(Y/N)’s mother was a scientist who worked in secret in a little band of scientists who tried to accomplish their own small victories in testing the alterations and limits of humans. The goal of these scientists is to stay out of sight of the CIA, FBI, S.H.I.E.L.D., and other government agencies. Most of them are left alone and those who get found are either immediately sent to a high security prison or recruited to continue their experiments for a certain country/agency.
(Y/N)’s mother decided to give herself her treatment she was working on instead of potentially kidnapping someone in the everyone-knows-everything kind of town that they had been living in. Her experiment and life studies were all in trying to find a way to unlock the rest of the human brain so that more than that small percentage is being used at a time. It has been hypothesized that humans could do a lot if their brains just used itself more.
The only problem is when she gave the treatment to herself, she was unknowingly pregnant, and the treatment attached onto that small lifeform instead of her own. She created a super baby.
No one knew the exact answer to what is on the other side of that tunnel of science. No one knew what opening the mind could do, there were only theories to support ideas. Plenty of scientific evidence, but it meant nothing with no legit proof.
Well, turns out that those on the team of “you will gain the ability to read minds and shit unlike any human” were the correct guessers.
(Y/N) can read others’ minds, move things with her mind, slow down time in her mind to be able to successfully breakdown a situation and perform the best possible reaction to anything that comes her way. Oh, and the color spectrum is broader for her, allowing her to see a significantly more amount of colors than a normal human (including seeing the aura’s and heat that people give off. Very useful in the few missions she goes on.).
But her parents are dead.
After setting small (Y/N) down, her father ran back in to save the love of his life. Or, well, that’s what the towns’ people say to romanticize the situation. A brave man trying to save his family.
In the end, her father had shaken his head, laughing at the moment like a mad man with tears running down his face. He pulled (Y/N) in for the tightest hug that he had ever given the girl—which is tight considering how close the two really were. They were just like two peas in a pod, the light of each other’s lives, basically soulmates.
But love makes you do crazy things.
“You listen to me, (Y/N).” He gripped her face in a painful grip, cheeks sure to be bruised later. “I will always love you. Don’t doubt that, baby girl, okay? I love you so so so so much” By this time, tears are pouring off his face, the neon flames coming from the house reflecting off his wet face. “Mommy… mommy just needs me now, baby. I need mommy, too. We love you so much.”
It had confused her, his words. Nothing could prepare her to watch her father run back into the house, leaving her by the pond with nothing but a small bag of little family things like pictures, little stupid gifts, and a notebook she had stolen from her mom’s bookshelf one day.
Her mother’s grandfather had been friends with Howard Stark, both science men having been in the same circle of famous inventors since before WWII. While neither her mother nor father personally knew his son, Tony, he was still listed as the godfather to the child. With no close friends allowed in their secret circle, old bonds and pacts that her grandfather had with the older Stark led to a blind trust in the man.
Tony Stark had agreed to be the godfather during a one-week bender in his 30s, and when he was yelled at about it, he chose to just keep it there because “the chances of this happening is very slim.”
But here we are, Baby Avenger.
The officials who are here now actually were the same people that used to do check-ins and such with them pre-Accords, so they knew the team better than any government official save for the rare union that the team members may have with government officials. (Y/N) randomly has one with the Queen of England (she did a favor for Her Majesty once, and now they have tea every third Thursday of every month).
They knew that Tony suffered from panic attacks, and they knew Steve was going through a never ending loop of an existential crisis, and that Bucky will most likely always be having an identity crisis, and that Sam cries to sleep a lot around a certain time of year that renders him almost useless in his sleep deprived state he puts himself into. They know EVERYTHING vulnerable about the team.
So, that means they know how when she first got to the team and to Tony that she wouldn’t speak to anyone unless absolutely necessary. It took her almost a year to be able to speak more than a sentence to every person she was around. No one was too upset, though, Tony was trying to figure out how to save himself and rebrand his whole legacy and the Avengers weren’t really a family family yet like they are now. (Y/N)’s shyness made it much easier on the adults to figure out their stressful situations.
The officials, though, never got why she wouldn’t speak to them. They actually pushed her progress back more and more with taunts and comments such as “Oh, the baby can’t speak?” or a “Get your phone out! She’s about to say her first words!” every time she did go to say something.
Tony soon got fed up with it and filed a lawsuit against them which threatened their agency enough to pull them out and let a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent be a liaison for them. After their presence was rid of, (Y/N) grew exponentially with her new family. She was still home schooled, but now she had Peter Parker as a friend and world geniuses as her teachers. She was an only child, but now she’s a big sister to Morgan and has plenty of people on the team that are dubbed her siblings (since they don’t act their age majority of the time to be considered aunts and uncles).
While she’s trained to fight, (Y/N) doesn’t go out on the field much unless they need her brain or her extended vision. She likes to remain behind the computer screen and help that way. She’s invented a way to make prosthetics like Bucky’s become more available to the general public and has started a school/home that’s three miles from the Compound for orphaned kids, mutants, super kids, and those who aren’t accepted where they come from.
In conclusion, (Y/N) is 18 and not useless in any way, shape, or form.
So why, why, do these absolute short dick idiots decide that they can come into here, her home, and push her around like she hasn’t contributed more to the Earth and society in the short 18 years than their middle-aged asses?
Eyes narrowed and seeing red, she stomps her way down the last hall, shoving herself into the door of the meeting room and throwing it open.
The team stays unfazed, knowing she’d show up pissed at some point. The officials, though, jump in their seat and turn to look at her.
It wasn’t the biggest meeting, the original Avengers plus Bucky, Sam, and Wanda sit around the table. Though, Rocket and Groot are here sitting along the back wall, looking bored as hell. Thor must have drug them along.
Fists clenched, (Y/N) narrows her eyes more. She’s been here since the first attack. Sure, she didn’t fight since she was like, 8 or so, but she was in charge of her man-behind-the-computer work. She’s been a part of the team since the beginning, and these assholes are too big of pricks to acknowledge that.
That’s what’s pissing the girl off. This could have been a meeting for every one of the fighters of the team, which she wouldn’t go to because that’s not her role. This meeting, though, was scheduled as “Originals plus the newly appointed leaders only.” She’s an original.
SHE IS AN ORIGINAL.
SHE. IS. AN. OG.
AND YET, they remained in telling her she wasn’t invited because “The Baby Avenger doesn’t need to join big kid conversation.”
She locked eyes with her adopted father and her best friend, aka Peter Parker, aka the only reason she knew this meeting was still being held.
Poor, lovely Peter. He grew confused when his best friend wasn’t sitting in between Mr. Stark and him for the meeting, especially when the officials referred to the meeting as they did. He was just there to take notes for Mr. Stark, not that the man wouldn’t remember it all. Pepper thought it’d be a good idea if Tony had written evidence to anything said in these meetings so that he wouldn’t be pouring statements out of his ass without proof, and poor, lovely Peter got elected to take such notes.
When he noticed you weren’t there, he had sent you a text asking where you were and that your drink that he brought you was right next to him.
“(Y/N)! It is so great to see you, my wonderful flower.” Thick arms wrapped around her as a golden man squeezed her tight to him. Thor and (Y/N) had a special relationship. They’re always close and do the most innocent of tasks together like flower crowns, step-by-step painting classes, and making those Tik Tok crocheted blankets made with that big yarn. He even had taken her to Asgard (back when it was a planet) for a royal ball where she was the guest of honor. They’re just soft together.
Though, rage blocked that softness that normally occurs between the two. Pushing off of him, she points her finger at the men in the front. The officials look like they’ve seen the devil and all of Hell and (Y/N) can see the fear pouring off of them.
“Let’s get this clear,” she says as she slowly stalks her way up to them. “I am an Avenger. I am an original Avenger. I know about 3,000 ways to kill you in this room at this very moment with anything. I drink tea with the fucking Queen on Thursdays, and I’ve created a better orphanage/school system in 2 years than this country has in the 250 years it’s been around. Don’t you EVER call me a fucking baby again, you fucking hear me?”
By this point, she’s right up in their faces, her glare unwavering and them sweating. The silence in the room was great and seemed to go on forever. The team held their breaths, some trying not to laugh and some scared of backlash that might be trust upon the girl.
With one last eye narrow (you could blindfold her with toothpicks at this point), she whips around and walks back to Thor, placing herself sideways on his lap and relaxing into his hold. Peter passes her (Drink Order) down the table, and (Y/N) takes it.
Clint, Bucky, and Sam try and hide their laughter when the meeting starts again as they look at their long-time teammate cradled and curled up in Thor’s arms, head on his shoulder and under his chin as she sips her drink with an angry look in her eyes and a pout on her face.
All wrapped up like a baby.
#the avengers#avengers#avengers x reader#avengers x fem!reader#mcu#mcu imagine#tony stark#peter#peter parker#iron man#spiderman#steve rogers#thor odinson#captain america#sam wilson#the falcon#bucky barnes#winter soldier#x reader#my mcu imagine enmy-writes
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LFRP: Adelaide Azmerien
Adelaide is closed-off, introverted, and a bit uncomfortable in her own skin. She seeks to fix the last problem by pushing herself to the limits and mastering the art of swordplay. She is proud, cynical, and always dreaming of running away from her responsibilities (and never doing it). She is an Ishgardian noble and red mage duelist.
THE BASICS –––
Name: Adelaide Azmerien
Age: 33
Nameday: 28th Sun of the 4th Umbral Moon
Race: Wildwood, Elezen
Gender: Female
Alignment: Neutral
Marital Status: Distant and unattached
Server: Balmung (Crystal data center)
PHYSICAL APPEARANCE –––
Hair: Long and dark red, Adelaide has naturally curly hair that she desperately tries to keep straightened as she finds her curls too wild and uncontrollable. And Adelaide does not like having any part of herself uncontrolled.
Eyes: Adelaide has eyes the same red as her hair and her lips.
Height: 73.2 (6′1″)
Build: Adelaide prides herself on how fit and trained she keeps her body. Like most elezen she is tall and willowy naturally, but she is also quite strong and graceful. Because Adelaide wants everything about herself to appear ‘just so’ and silently revels in appearing somewhat unapproachable- she also stands with perfect posture, head held high, shoulders back, and back straight.
Common Accessories: Adelaide always has a sword on her-- even when her family complains that it really ruins the mood of a party if she’s standing there in the corner with a sword at her hip. Most commonly it is a rapier, but she trains with multiple types of swords and can occasionally be seen with one of those. She also commonly wears a simple, but elegant, ivory ring that marks her as a duelist in the not-entirely-legal dueling circle she’s a part of. She frequently has a pocketwatch that she looks at (quite often) during parties and wears white wool coats with big buttons, elegant gloves, and exceedingly well-cared for and clean boots.
Recently she has taken to wearing lovely ribbons in her hair when she is not dueling. She has nothing much to say about these ribbons other than “they were a gift”.
PERSONAL –––
Profession: Adelaide’s “profession” is doing the accounting and paperwork for her House. It’s a job that frustrates and annoys her. She also keeps herself busy by teaching wealthy children sword techniques and calligraphy (which she insists are very similar fields of study).
Never spoken of in public is that Adelaide also fights for the “honor” of her family by partaking in underground duels when the Azemerien House (rather infamously an unpleasant group of wealthy ne'er-do-wells) runs afoul of another noble house. It was discovered rather early on that Adelaide, who did not have the charm or inclination to rise in the ranks of social popularity, did have an impressive ability at fighting. Doing what they could to shrug off the fact that the eldest daughter of the House had intimidated every potential suitor and was a sighing, irritable wallflower at parties-- her family has since found a use for her by getting into fights and having Adelaide finish them for them.
Hobbies: Exercise/training, maintaining a winter rose garden at her estate, calligraphy, learning new styles of swordplay, collecting books of poetry, attempting to learn various forms of music (and failing miserably at all said attempts), feeding birds and fish.
Residence: Adelaide lives in Foundation with her rather large and very unpleasant family.
Birthplace: Ishgard
Patron Deity: Halone, the Fury who she reveres enough that she’s named her chocobo “Glacier” with the explanation that Halone is known for ‘moving Glaciers’ and so she might as well be known for the same.
RELATIONSHIPS –––
Spouse: Adelaide suspects that she will never be married. Her family doesn’t love that.
Children: See above.
Parents: Adelaide does not get along with either her mother or her father. All the same, she feels it’s her responsibility to set that aside and do what is best for the family.
Siblings: Adelaide is the oldest in the family. She has 4 younger brothers and 1 younger sister. Her youngest brother is very sickly and requires a lot of expensive care that her parents and other siblings do not seem interested in dealing with. This brother and his affection for the rest of the family and her affection for him is the reason that Adelaide does not just leave though she frequently fantasizes about it.
Other Relatives: She has two uncles, one who has recently passed away (of rather mysterious circumstance). That uncle had a daughter, Adelaide’s cousin Koriah Azmerien, who ran away from the House when she fell in love with a hyur named Lysander in Limsa. She is missing and presumed dead, but before she vanished she asked the family to take care of her lover’s younger brother, a boy named Evander ( @dumb-hat ). Though Adelaide and Evander did not spend much time together, she none-the-less considers him family (even if the majority of her family absolutely does not.)
Pets: Adelaide loves all animals but particularly loves fish and birds. She has an aquarium of fish and, while she does not own any birds, she often buys seed and feeds wild ones.
TRAITS –––
* Bold your character’s answer.
Extroverted / In Between / Introverted
Disorganized / In Between / Organized
Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded
Calm / In Between / Anxious
Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable
Cautious / In Between / Reckless
Patient / In Between / Impatient
Outspoken / In Between / Reserved
Leader / In Between / Follower
Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic
Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic
Traditional / In Between / Modern
Hard working / In Between / Lazy
Cultured / In Between / Uncultured
Loyal / In Between / Disloyal
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION –––
Smoking Habit: Nope.
Drugs: No
Alcohol: Adelaide doesn’t care for most alcohol simply because she’s seen her family act disgracefully when inebriated. But she does love wine... Particularly Suhd Viandja,
RP HOOKS –––
Righteous Riposte Adelaide has the most pride in her fighting ability and will always accept a challenge for a duel. Perhaps you have found yourself on the wrong side of her horrible family (very easy to do) and have been challenged by House Azmerien to a duel. If that is the case, it is Adelaide that you (or your cavalier) will face. Or perhaps you’d like to learn to learn sword styles from an Ishgardian instructor? Adelaide can do that too.
Eat the Rich: Are you playing someone who wants to steal from snooty nobility? Well, Adelaide’s family is a perfect mark for that. Adelaide, herself, looks like a good mark for it too.
Fighting for a Cause: Adelaide would be more than happy to work as someone’s bodyguard or assist in plots to protect Ishgard that might benefit from her skills.
High Society: Adelaide does not like to be flustered, so the best kind of RP will do exactly that! She can be at any fancy party wishing that she wasn’t. Even if she’s standoffish-- I’m not! I will happily engage in RP.
Talk to her at all: If you want to RP with her? YAY! I like that! I want to RP with you too, I bet! We’ll work it out.
CONTACT INFORMATION –––
Contacting me here on tumblr or finding me in game is the best bet. If you see Adelaide out in the world, please say hello! I’d love her to make more friends (or rivals, depending on what you think would be fun!)
I do have a Discord and I do enjoy RPing on it. I don’t give that information out right away though. I’d like to interact in game or through tumblr a few times before engaging in that way.
I have craaaazy work hours. I work the night shift M-F. That means that I’m on very early in the morning and sometimes in the late afternoon/early evening. I’m usually not on very late unless it’s a weekend.
Notes –––
Ahhhh! I’m so excited to meet new characters and players! Adelaide wants to be cold and aloof-- but that’s probably not fun to RP with for long... so I promise she will open up and there will be silly moments. Frankly, it wouldn’t be much fun for me to play a character that is just wholly unpleasant 100% of the time.
#Adelaide#LFRP#FFXIV-LFRP#Balmung#ffxiv#WIP#Elezen#Ishgardian#Red Mage#Promise I'll edit this later to make it good
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The Shadow Lengthens
Atsuko Kamiyama, a master of Genjutsu and a former trainer for Itachi Uchiha is left to care for Sasuke after the Uchiha Massacre. She soon finds herself in over her head with raising the young boy and navigating her love life at the same time. As things progress, and frankly get much worse, she will be left with several life altering decisions.
I'm writing this fic because I couldn't find anything else like it and ya know what they say, write what you want to read. Plan on sticking to canon as close as possible. I just wanted to provide Sasuke with a parental figure throughout the show and work out some kind of patchwork family in the process. Self-Indulgent 100% with lots of fluff in the beginning, angst, and some down and out trauma. Please let me know what you think!
Read Chapter 1 under the cut!
Chapter 1: An Early Meeting and A Heavy Request
They had sent Kakashi Hatake to retrieve her. Early in the morning, the sun barely peeking over the horizon, there was a knock at the door and, before she had much time to wake up, she was being escorted to the office of the Third Hokage.
As she attempted to rub her eyes to life with the palms her hands, they walked.
“So, why am I being summoned again?”
She asked through a yawn. Being up this early was never a good thing. The usually lively streets were still empty and, aside from the stray clank of pots and groans of floorboards, completely silent. The streetlights were still on, buzzing lightly and reminding her that they were in the purgatory of the day. There was a peacefulness in being up before the rest of the world had a chance to open their eyes. However, it also managed to feel like the loneliest time of day.
“They wouldn’t give me all the details but claimed it was urgent. I just returned from a mission or I wouldn’t be up either.”
Kakashi replied, clearly also uncomfortable by the situation. She didn’t know him well, but she did know he had a habit of being late. Showing up to meetings and training sessions sometimes hours late. For him to retrieve her immediately at the Hokage’s request? Something was definitely strange and, the more she thought about it, the more her stomach turned.
“Well, it better be pretty damn urgent to interrupt my beauty sleep.”
She scoffed, trying to lighten the mood and wake herself up a little. The man beside her let out a half chuckle and she smiled ahead in turn. She may not have known much about Kakashi but she had admired him from afar. He was always alone, nose in a book, walking leisurely with a single hand in his pocket. Quiet and reserved. Making him laugh, even if it was more like a release of air from his nose, was a win in her book.
They walked the rest of the way in silence. As they got closer to their destination, the sun rose and people began to filter out into the streets. The village began to thrum with life, ever so slightly, but steadily. She found that, by the time they reached the double doors to the Hokage’s office, she was also perking up.
Kakashi opened the door for her and she moved past him. In front of her sat the Third Hokage, Danzō Shimura, and the two elder advisors, Mitokado and Utatane. That wasn’t so strange. The part that made her nervous was that there were no other Shinobi. No Anbu like Danzō usually travelled with. No guards of any kind. Any of the calmness she had gathered during her quiet stroll with Kakashi was sapped from her in an instant.
The Hokage was the first to speak.
“Thank you, Kakashi. You may excuse yourself.”
With that, Kakashi gave a subtle bow and shut the door he had previously held open for her. She snapped her head back forward, looking at the council in front of her and raised an eyebrow.
“What’s this about?”
She asked, a tinge of apprehension in her voice. She was a shinobi, trained to keep her cool in any situation, but her palms were sweating.
“Please, have a seat.”
This time, it was Utatane who spoke. She did as she was told, taking a seat in the chair placed in the middle of the room, crossing her legs to keep from bouncing them. After a few beats of silence and awkward tension, the sound of lips parting in preparation was overwhelmingly loud. She turned her head in the direction of the noise.
“I suppose there is no easy way to say this. Last night, the entire Uchiha clan was wiped out.”
Danzō stated, as if he was unphased by the words he spoke. Her eyes widened, mouth dropping open and immediately looking to the Hokage and advisors for confirmation. Lord Hokage nodded, a solemn expression on his face. The entire clan… Sasuke... Itachi… her heart was pounding in her ears and she could feel her chest rising and falling rapidly. She moved her lips to form words… anything. A question. Something. Before she could manage a sound, Lord Hokage spoke up.
“We still don’t know much, but it seems like Itachi Uchiha was responsible for the attack and has since fled the village.”
Itachi? No. That wasn’t possible. He couldn't do something like that. No. Maybe the right phrasing is he wouldn’t do something like that. Still, her heart sank. She knew they weren’t lying to her.
“All of them?”
She asked, voice hoarse and mouth dry. Her eyes bounced between each person in front of her frantically.
“Sasuke Uchiha is the sole survivor.”
It was Danzō speaking again. Her hand came up to cover her open mouth, eyes squeezing shut in disbelief and anguish. If Sasuke truly was the only survivor… Itachi really must have done this. Why? Why would he slaughter his own clan and leave his younger brother the only survivor? It just didn’t make sense. Itachi was powerful, yes, but he was calm and wise well beyond his years. He never bragged about his abilities, even when he had every right to. He thought things through and was careful when he spoke. He wouldn’t just snap like that… She genuinely couldn’t understand what would cause him to do something like this. Except… defending the village and Sasuke. Those were his biggest motivations, clear to anyone who happened to look him in the eyes. Had the Uchiha clan done something to hurt Sasuke or the village? No… maybe she just didn’t know Itachi as well as she thought. Maybe he was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, waiting for the right moment to strike and demonstrate the extent of his power… taking out an entire clan was incredible. Maybe that was his goal all along...
She realized her thoughts were racing and she was beginning to lose her cool. There would be time for that later, in the privacy of her own home. Now, she had to focus. She was called here for a reason. She took several deep breaths before removing her hand from her face, inhaling deeply through her nose and opening her eyes with the exhale. She had to keep it together, especially in the presence of the Hokage and the village elders. When she raised her head back up, she met the eyes of each person for a brief moment.
“Then, have I been called in to track down Itachi?”
She questioned. It was the only thing that made sense and was really the only thought she could grasp as her mind whirled with questions. She had trained Itachi in Genjutsu for several years. She knew him well and knew how to best counter his Sharingan. Surely he had already been declared a rogue ninja and they needed someone with intimate knowledge of his abilities to assist in recovering him. Her brain was working in high gear already, conceiving all of the places Itachi could have fled to and what his explanation for this would be when-
“No, that’s not why we have called you here.”
Her thoughts were interrupted by Lord Hokage. She realized she had unfocused her eyes as she was lost in thought. She snapped her eyes up to meet his, furrowing her brow.
“You think I’m involved?”
She questioned again, but even that sounded ridiculous. Lord Hokage shook his head and she was truly confused.
“Then why am I here?”
This meeting wasn’t just to break the news to her. They needed something from her. If they didn’t, she would have found out like everyone else. Grapevine gossip. What exactly was going on here?
“Sasuke Uchiha is the last remaining member of the Uchiha clan. He is young and especially vulnerable. We are unsure why Itachi left him as the only survivor when he struck down even his own parents. You trained Itachi in Genjutsu for a number of years and are well integrated in that family. We have called you here to let you know that, since he has no living relatives, Sasuke will be turned over to your care.”
Her eyes widened at the Hokage’s words. Turned over to her care? What exactly did that entail? Yes, she had trained Itachi for a number of years and she had known Sasuke since he was born but… she was never a guardian for Itachi. She was a teacher and family friend. That’s all.
“I don’t understand. Why me? What do you mean turned over to my care?”
“We selected you for several reasons. You have deep ties with their family thanks to your training of Itachi for the majority of his young life. You also have intimate knowledge of the Sharingan that most do not. We believe you can assist Sasuke in mastering his ability. Ensuring he can protect himself and, someday, rebuild his clan so the Sharingan trait doesn’t die out. Turn over to your care meaning you will become Sasuke’s caretaker and sensei from here out. This is considered an S-Rank mission that will be considered complete once Sasuke reaches Genin level.”
Lord Hokage finished, not giving her any particular look. Her brows still furrowed, she considered this heavily. It was strange how he started by tugging her heartstrings, playing on her connection to Sasuke and Itachi, then ended by advising her it was a mission. This meant it was not optional. He was making sure his bases were covered so she couldn’t deny or argue against this… mission. It still didn’t make sense. As far as she knew, the Hokage and the council were not particularly in charge of re-homing orphans. In fact, they were typically left to fend for themselves. Like Naruto Uzumaki. He was the last remaining member of his clan and the son of the Fourth Hokage. Yet she knew he had no guardian and was left to live alone his entire life. He was even the same age as Sasuke.
She directed her eyes back at the Third Hokage, brows still furrowed and eyes narrowed.
“And if I refuse?”
She was testing the waters with that question. There was something they weren’t telling her. This wasn’t just about concern over Sasuke’s wellbeing. All of her nervousness and sorrow was replaced with a deep skepticism.
“Unfortunately, that’s really not an option. You have been selected for this mission and it is one that must be fulfilled.”
Danzō stated. A thinly veiled threat that didn’t scare her much. She turned her distrusting face to him.
“So, even if I refuse, Sasuke will be placed with me. What if I leave the village or refuse to train him outright?”
More than testing the waters now. That was a full threat of insubordination. It’s not that she didn’t want to take in Sasuke. He was a sweet boy and, if Itachi was any indication, would grow up to be a powerful Shinobi. She was more so fishing for information. Trying to get them in a position to answer all her questions.
“If you are saying that you intend to leave the village to avoid a mission you have been assigned, then you will not make it out the doors of this office. You will be deemed a rogue Shinobi and arrested immediately.”
Danzō replied and she gave him a crooked grin, challenging him.
“You make the mistake of assuming that the person in front of you is nothing more than illusion. If I wished to leave the village without raising alarm, I would do so successfully.”
“Enough!”
Lord Hokage spoke up finally, clearly tired of the threats and animosity. She tore her eyes away from Danzō’s to focus back on the Hokage.
“I’ve heard enough. Miss Kamiyama, this mission is of the utmost importance and, to put it simply, you cannot refuse.”
Of course not. She wouldn’t have anyway. Maybe he was calling her bluff. With a sigh, she sat back in her chair, not realizing the exchange with Danzō had caused her to sit forward and uncross her legs. As she settled back into position, smoothing her hands down her pants, she spoke again.
“I apologize for the outburst, Lord Hokage. However, I still fail to see the logic behind this decision. On paper, yes, I would be the ideal candidate for caring for and training Sasuke. I just wonder why you and the council have suddenly started to care about the well-being of young orphans in this village.”
It was the Hokage’s turn to sigh.
“I’m not sure what you mean by that. We do everything we can to make sure the children in this village are safe and cared for-“
She interrupted him immediately.
“Naruto Uzumaki?”
“Just what are you suggesting?”
She rolled her eyes, a clear sign of insubordination and disrespect. At this point, they were essentially forcing her to raise a child. The least she could do is not give in without a fight.
“That boy has been alone since birth. He is left to his own devices and, because of the nine tails sealed inside him, is treated like dirt by just about everyone in this village. He was not appointed a guardian or trainer to help guide him when he is obviously in desperate need of one. So, why is Sasuke a special case?”
There was silence from the entire board. Check mate. The answer was, on paper and with the information they had presented her, Sasuke was not a special case. The defense that his Sharingan was to be protected fell apart when you compared it to a child with a demon sealed inside him being left alone his whole life. Whatever they weren’t telling her had to be detrimental to their case. As the silence started to become heavy, she spoke again.
“You are asking me to give away years of my life to raise a child who is not mine. While I care for Sasuke and want to see him succeed, I also value my own time and life. I believe I am owed compensation in the form of answers. If I don’t receive them, then I suppose you may as well label me a rogue Shinobi right along with Itachi.”
There was no malice in her voice this time. She was stating simple facts. If they didn’t provide her with the truth, she would recall the clone that sat in front of them and leave the village. Now, whether or not they called her bluff was up to them. Looking at the expressions they were sharing with one another, however, she doubted they would. Danzō being the one exception. He was stoic as ever, but his Chakra pulsed. Clearly agitated by her outright disrespect.
As this standoff continued, the sun had rose fully. She could hear the bustle of the village. People chattering. The floors in the halls outside of the Hokage’s office started to creak as Shinobi moved through. Children laughing… her heart ached against her wishes. The thought of Itachi… murdering his entire clan and of Sasuke, alone and probably terrified at this very moment. She was downplaying her relationship with them in her conversation with the Council. She cared for both Itachi and Sasuke deeply enough to give her life for them. Itachi was a brilliant student and a thoughtful, calm, boy. He had brought Sasuke along to more than half of their training sessions. He would sit on the sidelines and watch in awe of his older brother. Even offered to be placed under a Genjutsu several times when Itachi needed to practice. Whatever Itachi did in those Genjutsu’s always left Sasuke in a fit of boyish giggles. As her training with Itachi progressed, she was invited to dinner at the family home and their mother even tried to set her up on a couple dates with the of age Uchiha men… they had become like a family to her over the years. To think they were all dead by Itachi’s hand… her chest tightened and that physical reaction caused her to snap back to reality.
Thankfully, she hadn’t ducked her head this time while she was lost in thought. She was still staring straight ahead at the Hokage when he finally spoke and broke the silence.
“Fair enough, Miss Kamiyama. If you would like to know the truth as to why we are requesting this of you, I will give you the answers you seek.”
He said it like the words were being physically being pulled from him. The elder advisors exchanged a worried look but turned back to face her either way. She perked up, straightening her back, and nodded for him to continue.
“However, understand this. Once we have told you the truth, if you were to ever repeat a word of this to anyone it would cause many issues for the village. Even, perhaps, some kind of uprising. If you ever speak on this to anyone, we will deny the accusations and you will be imprisoned for the remainder of your life.”
After this warning, she nodded again. If he was trying to scare her it wasn’t working.
“Lord Hokage, I completely understand the repercussions. Rest assured, the information you provide me with today will not leave this room. I simply want to know what I’m agreeing to. That is all.”
She tried to sound as genuine as possible. She did mean what she said. There was never any intention of repeating what they told her. She wanted to know for her own sake. If they were going to ask this of her, the least they could do is tell her the truth. Others would likely take notice as well, but if she had all the answers, a lie would be easy to craft. Something with no holes to be pried open because she would know what bases to cover specifically. It really was the best option from a logical standpoint… with the added benefit of satiating her curiosity.
Lord Hokage nodded, seeming as satisfied with her answer as one could be in his situation.
“Very well. I shall tell you the true story.”
_______________________________________
The silence that followed the conclusion of Lord Hokage’s story seemed to stretch on for an eternity. She could feel her pulse, hammering, in every part of her body. Her throat, burning with the effort of holding back hot tears and everything she wanted to scream at them. Itachi had been forced to make a decision because of the sins of his elders. One of his final requests before leaving the village was that she take care of and train Sasuke and that, if this didn’t happen, he would tell the entire Shinobi world about what they had done. The Uchiha Clan and the council of the Hidden Leaf had placed a child in the middle of their power struggle and because of that…
How… disgusting.
Just when were the adults in this village going to be held responsible for any of their actions? The wars and the hatred they brought, bred into their children and passed on for generations. The cycle would never end… The Uchiha massacre was proof of that. If Sasuke were to never learn the truth, he would hate and seek vengeance against Itachi his entire life. That hatred would consume him. The quest for revenge was one she knew well. She had seen it rot many fine Shinobi from the inside out and, oftentimes, even once the vengeance had been served, it left them hollow. On the other hand, if Sasuke ever did find out the truth, he would seek vengeance against the Hidden Leaf for their manipulation of his brother. He would become exactly what they had tried to eradicate. This was the cycle of hatred. No escape. Predestined.
The strength it was taking for her to remain silent was making her nauseous. After a few more moments of soul sucking silence, she took a deep breath. Despite the anger and sorrow she felt, her mind fell silent. She couldn’t say she was shocked by the information. This was the way of the Shinobi world. Always kill or be killed, no peace or acceptance.
Finally, she gave a single nod of her head, making sure to speak evenly and not allowing her voice to waiver.
“Where is Sasuke?”
Her eyes fell on Lord Hokage again, full of detachment and disdain.
“He is still on the Uchiha clan property.”
She gave another curt nod and stood from her chair, turning her back to exit with no other words. Lord Hokage stopped her right as she grabbed the handle to the door.
“Again, Miss Kamiyama, you must not ever repeat a word of this to anyone. Including Sasuke. The consequences would be-“
She cut him off again, still not looking back, her voice raw from keeping her tongue in check for so long.
“You should not concern yourself. I will take this to my grave. I would be too embarrassed to utter a single word about what occurred.”
There were a few more beats of uncomfortable silence before she finally pushed the door open and made her way out into the hall, letting it swing shut behind her with a bang.
As she made her way to the stairs outside the Hokage Tower, she noticed Kakashi leaning against the railing with a book in his hand. He shut it quickly, taking in her stiff posture and eyes filled with nothing short of murderous intent. He spoke cautiously,
“I was asked to escort you back home as well.”
She shook her head, looking straight through him like he was no more than a mirage.
“That won’t be necessary.”
With that, her clone was recalled and disappeared in a cloud of smoke.
As the Jutsu was undone, the clone's memories came flooding back. In an overload of information, she sat up straight in her bed with a gasp, barely making sense of it all. She threw the covers off and began pulling her clothes on at lightning speed. She could process everything else later, getting to Sasuke right now was priority number one. Rushing out through her bedroom window, she leaped across rooftops as quickly as possible.
As she arrived at the Uchiha clan archway, she noticed the police tape lines and moved over them. This time, she ran towards the only place Sasuke could be. The pathways that were usually so lively with clan members were empty and desolate. The smell of iron filled her nostrils and pools of dried blood littered the streets. Her head began to swim with thoughts of the kind boy she once knew, slaughtering his kin. Of Sasuke witnessing all of this carnage. Against her will, tears began to well in her eyes. She tried desperately to blink them away but her body wouldn’t allow it, they just kept coming.
When she finally reached Sasuke’s home, she called out for him.
“Sasuke!”
Despite her desperation, she opened the front door slowly, afraid of what she may find inside. Nothing in the foyer, no Sasuke and no blood. She called his name again inside the house, no response. Moving back outside to the rear of the house, her head whipped around, searching.
Then she saw him. Standing in a doorway with his back to her, head ducked down as he stared at the floor. She approached slowly so as not to frighten him.
“Sasuke…”
His head immediately shot up, whipping around to see who was behind him. His large, dark, eyes were spilling over with tears. His bottom lip trembled and her heart fully broke. Immediately, he broke into a sprint towards her, wiping at his eyes with small hands.
“Atsuko sensei!”
He cried, voice cracking. She dropped to her knees immediately as he reached her. He threw his arms around her neck and she drew him, an arm around his torso and her hand on the back of his head, holding him tightly to her chest. She squeezed her own, teary, eyes shut as he sobbed against her. The sound of his small voice as he cried filled her with so much pain she could hardly stand it. Tears ran down her cheeks as she tried desperately to regain some strength for him. Burying her nose in his hair and kissing the top of his head, she drew in a shaky breath. She turned her head back up and looked at the spot where he previously stood, finally seeing what he had been staring at. Two large, overlapping, bloodstains.
As hard as she tried to hold it in, a choked sob tore its way out of her throat. She held him tighter, finally letting her resolve go and crying into his hair.
“Oh Sasuke… I’m so sorry…”
She whispered, voice full of sorrow. This made the boy in her arms sob harder and she cursed herself internally. Here was another adult, crying in the arms of a child. With a couple sniffles and some deep breaths, she regained her composure. Rubbing Sasuke’s back softly, she gave him all the time he needed to be vulnerable. Allowing him to sob and scream and pound her chest with tiny fists. All the while making a silent vow to never, ever, see him hurt like this again. It tore her heart into pieces, seeing him like this. He was always such a happy child. Sweet and beautiful with his big curious eyes and unfiltered smile. Damn the Third Hokage. Damn Danzō. Damn the Uchiha Clan. Damn them all to hell for hurting this child.
They stayed this way for some time. Until Sasuke decided to pull away from her, wiping at his eyes and standing on his own two feet again. He stared down at the ground and she finally got a good look at him. His sleeve was torn and there was a cut on his upper arm. He was covered in dirt and specks of blood. Long tear stains ran down his cheeks, eyes puffy and red from crying. She reached out and wiped away some of the tears from his face with her sleeves and he finally looked up at her again. God his eyes… he’d aged over night.
She pushed past the gut wrenching ache that realization brought and gave him a sad smile, speaking softly and trying not to shock him.
“Sasuke… you’re gonna come stay with me for a while, if that’s alright?”
So many things had been decided for him in the past 24 hours. The least she could do was let him know he had a choice. If he didn’t want to come with her, she wouldn’t force him. Secrets of the Hidden Leaf be damned. Still, the boy nodded with a sniffle, wiping his nose with his shirt.
“C‘mon. Let’s get some of your things and I’ll take you home to get cleaned up…”
She stood slowly, leaning down to pick him up and hold him like before, his head buried in her neck. She walked back into the house and to his room, gathering clothes and other items and tossing them into a book bag one handed. She didn’t want to put him down. To force him to walk or look at his surroundings. He’d seen enough. Tossing the bag over her free shoulder, they left the house.
“We can come back if you want in a couple days if there’s anything… special you need.”
He sniffled again, nodding his head against her neck in response. With that, she started the trek back to her home. Or rather, their home.
Read the rest on AO3! This story is already 17 chapters long and I upload a new chapter every Friday!
#naruto#naruto shippuden#ao3#kakashi x OC#kakashi x reader#kakashi hatake#sasuke uchiha#itachi uchiha#the shadow lengthens#naruto fanfiction#uchiha#naruto uzumaki#sakura haruno#shikamaru nara#third hokage#danzo shimura#angst and romance and ptsd and smut#this story has it all folks
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Well
Welp, feeling like doing an update because there's been a lot going on to be honest. its one of those weird dichotomies where every day feels like an eternity and there's so much going on and then you look back and you're like oh, ok its just my brain making it difficult and making things take forever but anyway.
LOCKDOOOOOOOWWWWWWNNNNNNN
Lockdown life was good, apart from being thrust into it so suddenly dave left a banana on his desk. Wasn't great to come back to after 5 weeks out of the office - mummified mouldy banana!! Classic. We luckily got our first jab before lockdown started so that was good, and we were reasonably well stocked up on food and were generally a lot healthier this lockdown that last. honestly, there's a level of chill and serenity in lockdown that i just love. the ability to set my own schedule and only work the hours I actually work to get the job done? Amazing. getting 8.5 hours of sleep each night without having to wake to an alarm blaring? AMAZING. getting to go for walks every afternoon? SO FLIPPING GOOD. I love it so much, I really really do. I need this to be my life permanently.
WORK
Work is just ongoing and draining and honestly, coming back to the office was so fucking stressful and it was only one day. Being at home is just the fucking bomb. Pending home decisions, I wanna go contracting I think, but also ideally two part time contracts to have more flexibility? I dunno. You'd think a big 4 would provide variety but it really doesn't and honestly, with Richie leaving, wellington is just a sinking ship. Sean's off on parental leave, Kirstyn is down to four days a week, ben will be gone if he doesn't get promoted (and I don't think he will be tbh). Jack is just muddling along, Nigel wants to swap to consulting as well, Matt's going to be a shit leader in terms of bringing in work so it's just not going to work. and in our wider group it's going to get even more messy with heaps of the analysts leaving and a couple of senior hires too. so I think it's probably time to jump ship in general, pending the home stuff below. Also, coming back after a break again, I'm like, I don't actually like a lot of you? All the people I enjoy here are in other teams and groups, and I'll be sad to leave you all, but like, not enough to stay anyway lol.
Pending the home below, two options are to just going and get a job with a $30k payrise to make up for the maternity leave benefits I'm gunna leave behind when I leave this role - 18 weeks full pay, $100 a week for the first year back and a full year of maternity leave. It's basically 30k post tax which is a bit nuts to walk away from to be honest.
Otherwise the other option is to go contracting. Less security overall but holy shit so much money. If I went in as a project coordinator at the lowest rate to build up a bit of a portfolio I'd need to work 40 weeks of 40 hr weeks and Id basically match my current salary plus the lost family leave benefits and still qualify for govt maternity leave payments. Realistically I could go in as a project manager for $140 an hour ($60 more an hour than the above math) and absolutely smash it at that level as well so ya know, there's a bunch of other info. I like the idea of the flexibility of it and only having 6 months even if its a shitshow and beign able to walk away at the end of it. I really don't want to get a govt job and this is a v govt town which is fine but also, if I can avoid it that would be great. I just know I'm not gunna thrive in that environment.
Need to talk to Dave to get him across the line on the security issue part of that though. I've mostly come a long way in terms of my financial management (thanks YNAB) so I think he'd be ok with it mostly.
So there's a lot to toss up there because......
HOME
We got the reno plans done during lockdown, finally. which was super good. but holy fkn jesus $$$$$$ ++++++++++. The guy is coming around for the final quote on Thursday. We indicatively said $100k total because we're doing kitchen laundry bathroom and toilet. so only the most expensive rooms and when I was talking to him last week he said 'that might cover it' and they're seeing cost escalations of 7-10% a week which is just insane. we're not doing anything structural apart from putting in a cavity slider in the bathroom, and the quote they'll give us won't include flooring since they won't do it.
Meanwhile, the prefab homes I were looking at for our site were $425k fully done. Like, I'm not going to spend $130K on doing up my 1940s ex state house ya know? That's not good cost benefit ratio.
So depending on what that comes out at on thursday we'll be able to make some plans.
We also want to start trying for kids next year and need these renos done first - I am not having kids and no dishwasher lol.
Also we need bank financing so good to be in a permanent stable job for that application. the good thing is we have so much equity we know we can borrow whatever we need, I just don't want to spend that much money on it because it's fkn ridiculous. and if I'm going on maternity leave we need to be able to cover it all on dave's salary and whatever benefits I have as well so there;s a lot of financial planning and spreadsheeting going on at the moment lol. it's fab.
either way. we've got plenty of options up our sleeve. we've got friends who's brother owns a building company so we can talk to them, we've got the garage so we can get things prefabricated even if they're not installed til next year, Dave can get shit at cost through his work for whiteware, there;s plenty of things to like cost control we can do, we just need to know where we're starting from basically. thats the challenging part. but we'll figure it out, its just taking longer than I want it to basically.
We also planted up the vege garden for the spring/summer which was lovely, super jazzed about that. we've finally got the garden to a reasonably low maintenance level where everything is mostly under control and it's such a relief, honestly.
PERSONAL
Man what a shift to lockdown last year honestly. I think the last 8 weeks in particular has just been like, a massive reality check of how absolutely shit the last year was and how fucking glad I am to be rid of it. I spent a week absolutely spiralling 2 weeks ago now and honestly, I don't know how I lived in the state for more than a year. I actually don't know how I did it. and I could not be more glad that I'm finally on the other side of it, for the most part. There's still a bunch of other stuff to work through (hahahahahaha when is there not like damn) but fucking hell its nice to just not be anxious and nauseous and wound up constantly. life is actually accessible. miracle.
My workmate had his bebe - I went round and got newborn cuddles and was like, oh, is this what it is to be clucky? this is odd. so there's that as well. I think we'll probably start trying next year pending renos and jobs etc. If the renos can be done in jan I'll prob just stick it at the job to get the benefits but I dunno. it's a tough call to make really. we shall see. This all assumes we get knocked up without any issues which is questionable these days. I really want to feel healthier before getting pregnant as well, and part of that is losing weight. however, given discussing that is what triggered the spiral we're working on that one slowly.
Also, lets have a moment for counselling, because fkn bless anne and all her hard work honestly. I actually ended up emailing her being like, I;m losing my shit on the monday and then talked to her on thursday. And its so funny because it's such a counselling thing but I didn't realise until afterwards what she'd done but she was like you're clearly not doing well and then the night before dave got a fkn miserable migraine and he was up for like, 2 hrs powerchucking except he didn't make it to the bathroom in time so guess who was cleaning up vomit at 130am trying not to chuck herself but I digress. anyway, not doing well, couldn't even explain why, didn't even have words and super tired and she's like, what lynaire up to this week how's she going with izzy and chat about that and then be like how are you feeling about your body and then 5 more mins of chat about the cat and the chickens and then like bam hard question and then hows it going with x and y and z and its like, it wasn't til I was on my walk afterwards when I FINALLY started feeling marginally better I was like damn woman work your magic for figuring it out for me and helping me reregulate. all over the phone as well since we were still in lockdown. GREAT WORK FRIEND.
and then last week was like totally fucked theoretical discussion about religion and the role it's played in my life and fate vs free will and all this nutty shit but genuinely just a great discussion. She's the best and I love her. thank good for good counsellors. thank god I can afford to pay for it honestly.
Dave and I are just chugging along, god bless that man. I love him. its amazing. I miss having friends close by but understand why they had to move (boooooo f u house prices). Family is pretty chill, still not really talking to dave's parents which is nightmarish but we'll deal with that when we need to. gunna have to go and visit them at some point coz dave misses them and I feel for him, I really do. It's the whole boundaries renegotiation I went through with my family last year post wedding blow up and its just not a fun place to be. oh well. can't fix it for him but also I'm not putting up with that level of BS from either of our families once we have children. not gunna happen.
Either way, life is busy and full and fun and I'm enjoying it. Daylight savings starts this weekend too, its october next week WTF and I'm just waiting for 4pm to find out what's gunna happen to our girls trip. Clearly we cancelled our sept trip to christchurch and akaroa and hanmer springs so my covid travel curse continues. fkn ridic. Still dunno what we're gunna do with $2500 of flight credits coz if we get knocked up theres def no international trips happening any time soon.
thus concludes the almost 2000 word write up of life. hope you've enjoyed it. I'll throw up some pics in a separate post if people care about reno plans. such a good time!
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Headcanon : Dick Grayson being a dad
Author note : I can’t explain why but I am sucker for Domestic Headcanon, hope you will enjoy it. Like my other headcanon is based on the event of Titans show and could be considered as a sequel to this headcanon.
Warning : slight spoiler / nothing but fluff I am sucker for domestic headcanon LMAO.
I do not the gif credit(s) to the owner
First of all : Dick Grayson never saw himself as a dad
Sure he has a thing for child in distress and he already prove how good he was with children
Plus we know thanks to Rachel’s dad : He used to dream about having a family
But with everything happen : Deathstroke, Donna, Jerrircho… He started to questionnate his personality and ability as human being. Basically he started to be afraid he won’t be a good leader, a good father, a good partner.
He felt self-concisous about himself : he nearly lose Jerricho and Garp they were under his responsibility and yet he failed
Or he was about to
Fortunately he got his shit together
So your relationship didn’t get hurt as much as it could : Dick tried to push you away from him but you know better, it was just his way to protect you from him and everything.
So after a huge fight between you two : He finally confessed about how much you mean to him and ho much he cared for you, you did the same you told him you loved him and there is no one you would share your life but him
After this you became closer to each other
And what should happen, happened : you get married to the only man you wanted to share your life.
Everyone was so excited and happy : it was like your wedding help everyone to forget their issues
5 months after your wedding you got pregnant
9 months after you gave birth to a gorgeous daughter
Dick named her after his mum’s names
You two decided Kory will do an awesome godmother (She will)
During the whole pregnancy, Dick felt different stages : First he was S U P E R afraid I mean we’re talking about a baby HIS baby, his very first baby. Yeah, he was good with children but he never experienced baby : how’s that work anyway ? Could he manage it ? Was he going to lose you ? Could Alfred help him with that ? Then after a long conversation with him a got super confident, I mean he is around children all the time you were there, Kory was there everyone were there with him there no way he’ll fail as a parent right ? Those two stages switch like week by week. It was getting difficult for you : not because of the pregnancy but because you had to deal with an overwhelming husband. But he got fine eventually.
What I am going to say is obvious but I had to say this : Dick is an overprotective daddy
Especially because he got an adorable little princess : HIS little princess
She got him around a finger : there literally nothing he won’t do for her
You teased him so much about « Annw look at this who‘s got wrap around her little finger ? »
He is overprotective dad but not too much I mean : He’ll learn her to deal with pain, like not crying when she fell on the floor not because it’s being weak but because it’s alright there nothing to be afraid of. He’ll teach her to be obedient but don’t be afraid to ask when something doesn’t feel right to her. She’ll be fair with people and basically a very open-minded girl. He did everything on his power so his daughter will become an awesome adult.
That didn’t mean he won’t kiss ass if someone dare to put a finger on his daughter : she is his treasure no one could touch her
At first he was a bit awkward when it came to play with her : especially when she was a little girl, she used to ask him have tea with him. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to play with her but he could be socially awkward, nonetheless he did his best to be the best dad of the world.
You on the other hand felt so lucky to have such an amazing husband : He is the one who dealt with midnight baby’s bottle, singing lullaby when she had a nightmare or checked if a monster was under her bed. He is a truly helpful husband
Got skill at changing baby’s nappies too
The first time he went to a park with his daughter : he got surround by single mums I mean the man is really handsome but picture him with a 1 yo little girl around his arm ? See it’s absolutely lovely.
Oh man he felt so awkward like « yeah s’cuse me I am here for my daughter … »
Sitting, he couldn’t stop watching the whole park just to be sure his daughter was 100% Safe : People called him « ParkPD »
He did the same while shopping : he never left the shop without buying something for his daughter
She might be spoiled but she isn’t materialist
Always bought some cute pajamas like teddy pajamas
He is sucker for baby’s laugh : it became his favorite sound
Seriously he can do anything to her giggle
The first time he had to let her go to school : broke him. He was getting used to have her all around and now she will be far from him for a days.
Basically he did anything to deplay her first day at school.
« If you don’t feel ready (your daughter ’s name) just let me know » « Dick seriously she is 3 years old she is ready ! » « we can’t be 100% sure I-I won’t be there to check... »
Liar. Since her first day at school he always took time to check on her during her playtime. And if couldn’t be here because he is busy doing his Titans thing or police work, someone will definetly check on her probably Kory or Rachel / Gar’
Sometimes you got jealous about how close he is with his daughter : they got a lot of moments together
Of course you were close to her too
He took him time but he decided to introduce his daughter to Bruce : he wasn’t sure if Batman should be a part of his life of your life. But then you remember him about everything Bruce did for him and how well his relationship was with him now, dick didn’t want to lose that.
Both of you were surprised to see Bruce with a baby, turns out he was good with them almost like a grandpa.
Bruce got her some t-shirt with his logo on it, he thought it was a great gift
Your daughter got a tiny bat as a teddy it became her favorite
Because of his past, he is always afraid he might lose his daughter so time to time when he felt down : you were here by his side telling him to relax and enjoy the present she’ll grown up super fast and become a women eventually.
He did as you told : he couldn’t be more thankful. He was married to you, he felt so lucky to have you with him. You got him a beautiful daughter such an awesome princess. He couldn’t be more happy.
#titans#titan serie tv#Netflix titans#dick grayson#dick grayson x reader#Dick Grayson headcanons#Dick Grayson imagines#richard grayson#the graysons#titan dick grayson#Dick Grayson / reader#robin x reader#ex robin x reader#nightwing x reader#nightwing headcanons#nightwing#titans imagines#titan DCEU#Dick Grayson x you#brenton thwaiten#nightwing imagines#titans headcanon#titans imagine#titans x reader
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MIDORIYA AND A S/O WHO WAS AN ASSASSIN
Midorya was almost finished with school when he met you. He was growing so fast in popularity, the biggest candidate to be the next number 1, of course, that worried villains and paying villains are always welcome to the people who own you. You were the deadliest assassin they had, fast, precise and silent with no fear of death, you were giving all his information. It was a simple plan, luring him with a robbery, attracting him to a specific location without letting he see you and finishing the job, but, of course, killing him proved to be way harder than that.
It was a surprise when you attacked and he was fast enough to dodge it, you knew he was fast but not enough to dodge an attack he didn't know where or if was coming at all, now, in combat, if he called for anyone it would be mission failed automatically so you needed to finish that quick. Thing is, you weren't made for long battles, you were made for single deadly strikes so the strength difference between you two became obvious quickly.
Deku didn't like the vibe you gave him, not only because you didn't use your quirk at all in the battle so he was always worried about what type of quirk it was, not only because he’s 100% sure he broke one of your ribs while releasing too much power onto you and you didn't even flinch before attacking again, not only because he didn't notice you at all at first and while he was going easy on you to try analyze the situation you almost cut his throat, not only because you didnt talk or react to any of his words. Above all, he hated your eyes, by your appearance you were almost the same age as him, maybe even younger, but your eyes had no life in them, they were… empty.
In a blow he managed to destroy your mask and apprehend you, bending some pipes to serve as handcuffs for your arms and legs, a bit overkill, yes, but it was what he had at that moment. He knew he should just call the police and be done with it but, looking at you, since he destroyed your mask he was able to see how innocent and pretty you looked, even with the obvious signs of bad fights, you looked so normal and cute and yet, it felt like you never felt anything, anything at all, not even anger or sadness, you looked so empty and that bothered him so so much.
He sitted on your side and tried his best to sound as gentle and kind as possible while talking to you, “What's your name?”, “How old are you?”, “Why do you do this?” he asked as he looked into your eyes with this sad worried look, something you never dealt before, something that filled you with rage. How DARE him treat you with PITY? WHO HE THINKS HE IS? WHO HE THINKS YOU ARE?
He watched as he notice you were not happy, thinking it would be a nice topic he tries.
“What's your quirk?”
You look at him. “Great, at least that got her attention”
“I figure, since you didn't do nothing special during the fight it was either something to boost your physical abilities or something more mental, like strategic wise, but it could be something other than that and you simply did not got the chance to use it or needed something specific to use, tho I find that quite unlikable since you seemed pretty well prepared to kill me so it would be very out of character to not bring an specific thing you needed to use your quirk”
You kept looking at him, confused. “He didn't notice?”
“So… What is it?“ He asked you, with some excitement in his eyes. “She doesn't seem unpleased, just confused, maybe that I was capable of noticing that much?”
You scoffed.
“I dont have one.”
“What?” Midorya got a little bit frustrated. “She's lying to me? Probably, but....”
“I don't have a quirk” You looked deep into his eyes, not a single trait of lying on your voice. “I’m quirkless” You said, getting your eyes off him again, looking at the ground.
A little bit of silence filled your space as Deku was thinking about what you just told him.
“You’re amazing” You looked at him again. “You were able to fight me that well while being quirkless? That's impressive”
It's not like you never heard that before, your owners would often call your victories impressive, but never sounded that… sincere. You looked at the green haired boy as he felt more and more puzzling.
“I’m Midorya Izuku, but you can call me Deku if you like” He smiled at you. “What's your name?”
“I don't have a name, my owners call me 7B”
“Your...Owners?” You nod.
You could not help but feel extremely comfortable next to that boy, like you could trust him, that he would not take advantage of you, which was super weird, since you just tried to kill him. Midoriya on the other hand, felt his heart grew tight as he felt you had dealt with way too many horrible things.
“Don't move?” You nod as the boy bended the pipes restraining your arms and legs, making you free again.
You got up, killing him was a no chance now, even if you tried to catch him while he was distracted you knew it wouldn't work, you are way too tired and your pain and difficulty to walk straight was an indicative your ribs were definitely broken. You were considering your particular killer alternatives while going away when you felt your arm being grabbed.
“Where are you going?” Silence. “You’re going back?”
“No, they would never take me back with a failed mission, I’m the quirkless assassin, they consider me disposable and less capable than the others, my perfect score was able to keep me alive until now but that's out the window.” - “Others?” Midorya thought with himself.
“Come with me!” You looked at him, confused. “Look, I can help you, Aizawa-sensei can help keep you safe and you can help us find those who did this to you, we can hunt them down and-”
“No”
No? What? Why? Weren't you unhappy with that life? Didn’t you want to stop murdering people? Midorya asked himself as he looked at your serious expression, crying for answers.
“You wouldnt understand it” You release yourself from his grip.
“I… I can't understand it if you don't tell me! They are your parents? That's who you call owners? I know it's hard to betray them but…” He stared at your back as you walked away unfazed.
Parents. Tho is quite unlikely you came into this world with no mom or dad, even tho sometimes you think god created you from nothing to pay for the sins of your past life, your owners weren't your parents, you never had the luxury of meeting them, you don't really know if they are alive or not, not that you have any energy to desire the answer for that. No, all your memories are from inside your owners training, all your memories are being trained within those grey walls and only being out to kill.
“Do you want to live like that forever?” Deku’s voice echoed in your mind, making you angry again.
“Do you think I want to live at all?” You went back to staring at his eyes. “You can't understand it, this is all I am, I’m an useless, quirkless person but being able to force myself at maximum, training harder than anyone else, that made me be here today. How many people do you think I killed? There’s no going back ‘cause there is no back to go to, this, a murderer, is all you’ll have from me.” You felt warm tears coming from your eyes, huh, you can't remember the last time you cried. “Actually, not even that, I couldn't kill my target so, even at the only thing I ever was, I failed. You think you can fix everything with your hero bullshit? I got news for you, some things were made to be awful and there’s no fixing.”
“Do you want to bet?”
You looked at him, his face was completely serious, bet? Bet what?
“Stay with me for a month, I can make it so you are not suspicious at all, no one will make questions.” He slowly got close to you. “ If, for this entire month, you can't find a single thing you appreciate, if living a normal life, helping people with me, can't make you feel even a little bit of happiness…”
Midoriya looked into your eyes with nothing other than honesty in his words. He wiped your tears with his fingers as he looked even more determined.
“I’ll let you kill me!”
“What?” You were so confused, he was saying he would give his life up? For nothing?
“You can't go back to your owners with a failed mission, right? Stay with me for a month, if I can't make you appreciate life then you can go back with the mission completed, say that I captured you to take information but you were able to escape and finish the job.”
This boy is insane, he has to be, giving his life up for someone he just met? Or he was just so confident in his plan? Maybe he was planning on betraying you and giving you up for the cops, all those questions pop off in your head, in all the ways you could look at this it was weird and completely crazy, insane! And yet, when he standed his hand to you, to firm the agreement, there was a small part of you who wanted to accept it, a small part indeed but so so loud, you felt like the will to accept it echoed through your body as your heart skipped a bit when you looked into Midoriya's eyes and shook his hand. “Deal” you thought.
Midorya’s smile was the prettiest thing you ever saw.
“Well, since we’re doing this, you're gonna need a name, right? It would be weird for me to call you ‘7B’” You silently looked at him, you never thought of a name for yourself before. “No ideas huh? I could have imagine” He laughed.
“What about...Shizu? You know, as in silent? Since, well your very quiet and all” The boy kept feeling a little embarrassed, he never named a person before. “No? Thats stupid?”
The first time in a long long time, you felt yourself smile.
“Shizu is good.”
Midorya kept every single promise he made you, he took you to so many places, to do so many different things, you read stories for children and went with him seeing the flowers blooming, not even a week in and he won the bet. Your heart was so heavy when you told everyone the truth, way more with the friends Izuku presented to you than to Aizawa-sensei or the cops, when you helped with crashing the Assassins organization. Being completely sincere with yourself you felt happier when everyone from class 1-A accepted you even as an assassin and continued to be your friends like nothing changed than when the judge decided you were not responsible for the things you did while in the organization.
You still remember the rush of multiple feelings you felt when the widow of one of your victims went to talk to you, as she petted your head kindly and looked at you with those very very sad eyes.
“I’m sorry for everything you had to go through” She smiled. “It's okay, it wasn't your fault, I forgive you.”
The agonizing feeling on your throat as you fell on your knees and screamed and cried “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry” those words felt like they were trapped for so long.
You were the one to suggest yourself as a “hero” to the police, not exactly it but that's what they call you. Your skills were very appreciated in the police force and mainly used to serve as a scout or in missions who required fast and silent work, you were technically a hero but, without a quirk, you kept doing those kinda jobs and maintaining yourself low on the hero chart. Not like you didnt like it, in fact, you were quite satisfied with things exactly like that.
After a year or so, as Midorya were already competing into the top 3, he confessed to you, he never went away and always supported you, even when you were in your “I’m a murderer, a garbage human who dont deserve any of this” moments, he never left your side and always made sure you felt welcomed and cared for, his feelings for you developed steadily for that year and you were completely in love with him as well.
He was the hand that helped you out of that hell, that showed you kindness and care, nothing more than natural, you fell for him considerably quickly. He was so happy when you said you loved him back and he show you off constantly, to him, getting you off that life was the best thing he ever done, as a hero or not, he can only wish for you the happiest times and he will try his dam best to make you the happiest person on earth, cause, to him, that's what you deserve.
__________________________
BONUS:
“Ah! Shizu, there you are.” Your boyfriend waved at you with the picnic caddy on his hand.
“I thought this was going to be a good spot for the flower blooming.”
Izuku smiled and seated next to you, starting to open the caddy and put the food on the towel.
“You say that but this is the spot you choose every year!” You laughed, it was indeed, it was the spot Izuku brought you to see the flowers blooming the first time you met.
“You know” Izuku said as he finished with the food and gave you a little kiss on the cheek, he was trying his best but casual mouth kisses were a bit far for him yet. “I was thinking, we gave you a name but isn't it a little bit annoying having to deal with paperwork without having a last name? We should get you one.”
You looked at him lovely and gave back that cheek kiss making him go a little bit red and smiled.
“I have one in mind, just, not the time yet.”
The green haired man looked at you saying “Hmmm” curious about what type of name you picked. He got two sandwiches and handed you one, your favorite, as usual, you giggle a bit and looked at the trees while taking a bite of the sandwich.
While you looked at the petals falling from not finding a space on the overcrowded trees, you felt happiness and peace. You beg the universe to let you be greedy this one more time, to be able to desire one little thing, you beg the universe as you mouthed the words taking care to not let your boyfriend read your lips, you beg the universe to grant you this one last thing and let you be named
“Shizu Midoriya”
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HEY! Soooo this was fun :3 This is part of a small request I received but I had so many ideas to it I cound not help myself to write and oneshot about it
Hope you guys liked it! Gonna post the request soon, dont worry
#bnha#mha#bnha scenarios#bnha headcanons#bnha fic#mha headcanons#mha scenarios#mha fic#midorya izuku#deku x reader#izuku x reader#izuku midoria x reader#midorya headcannons#deku scenarios#deku fic#midorya fic
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Tell us about yourself!
Yikes! So I didn't really know where to begin with this one, Well I was born on the banks of the river... Nah! So I googled “fun get to know me questions” and the resulting questionnaire had 371 questions. I decided to answer the first 100!
Strap yourself in, because HERE WE GO!
1. What is your full name?
Red is Riding ;)
2. What does your name mean?
Funny story, so I actually created this alias to partake in some underground hedonistic activities. When I went to start my Tumblr I just decided to use the same one because I’m not very creative and didn’t want to make up a new one. I never thought that this blog would become as popular as it has, and now I couldn’t be bothered changing the name. It does make me laugh though, if only you people knew what I used to get up to under this alias.
3. Are you named after anyone?
Little Red Riding Hood?
4. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
I don’t think so, but maybe someone smarter than me could figure it out.
5. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?
I would probably change my real first name if I could as unfortunately I share it with a reasonably well known facist.
6. Where are you from?
A small European country.
7. Where were you born?
In the capital city of that small European country.
8. Where did you grow up?
In the suburbs of the capital of that small European country.
9. Who did you look like growing up?
A member of the band Hanson, if they had red hair and wore those terrible 2000’s wire rimmed glasses.
10.What are your best characteristics?
Oh gosh, isn’t it embarrassing to talk about your good traits? Especially when the way you see yourself is often so different from the way others see you.
11.What are your favorite things about yourself?
Honestly, I’ve great boobs.
12.Which of your parents are you closest to?
Depends on my mood.
13.Which of your parents are you more like?
I think physically I’m more like my mother, but my character is closer to my father.
14.Are your grandparents still married?
Yep, on one side. On the other side my grandad is dead and has been for a very long time.
15.What relative was important to you growing up & why?
I guess my grandparents, they are the only members of the extended family I ever really saw growing up. I was never close to my uncles, and my aunts and cousins all live in different countries.
16.What is one thing that you’ve never revealed to your parents?
Anything about my love life, we just don’t talk about it. Ever!
17.What would your parents have named you if you were the opposite gender?
I’m actually not sure. I know they had lots of other traditionally female names picked out, but I don’t know any male names they had for me. I’m not sure if they knew early on if I was going to be a girl, would make sense though.
18.What do you call your grandparents?
I call one of my grandmother’s by her first name, and my grandad, grandad.
19.What is your best physical feature?
My boobs!…I have pretty eyes too.
20.What is your biggest accomplishment?
Probably getting into University and graduating top of my class.
21.What is your biggest fear?
Having all my joints simultaneously dislocate.
22.What is your biggest regret?
The way I’ve treated certain people over the years.
23.What is your eye colour?
Blue.
24.What inspires you?
Hope that tomorrow can be better.
25.What is the most important thing in your life?
My family, and my future.
26.What has required the most courage of you in your life so far?
Hummm, I’m really not sure about this one.
27.Who is your favourite actor?
I truly could not name a single actor.
28.Who is your favourite actress?
As above.
29.Who is your favourite celebrity?
I genuinely have no idea.
30.Who is your favourite musician?
Lorde has been getting me through this quarantine, but my favourite singer/band is/are Florence + the Machine. Maybe that dates me.
31.Who’s your favourite person in the world?
I can’t choose just one!
32.What is your favourite childhood memory?
I’m very lucky, I had a really marvellous childhood. I guess I have some great memories of playing with my brother as a child, but I’m not sure I have a favourite memory.
33.What is your favourite colour?
Teal.
34.What is your favourite cultural activity?
I love going to the theatre.
35.What is your favourite drink?
Water is the thing I drink most often. I don’t like tea or coffee, and I only drink alcohol in social settings not alone of an evening.
36.What is your favourite fairytale?
I’m actually not sure. I know it’s not quite the same but I was never allowed to watch the Disney princess films growing up (a lot of which are based on fairytales) so I can’t say I am particularly attached on any. Although, in answering this question I have remembered by blog name so I probably should say Little Red Riding Hood.
37.What is your favourite food?
Potatoes, they are so wonderfully versatile, I will never get bored eating them.
38.What is your favourite holiday destination?
There is so much of the world I have not yet seen and I cannot wait until we’re allowed to travel again. The last big trip I was on was to Canada, Vancouver, and it was amazing.
39.What is your favourite ice-cream flavour?
Ice cream does not agree with me at all, I always thought I was lactose intolerant because of it (I’m not), but I did love a pistachio ice cream as a kid.
40.What is your favourite music genre?
According to Spotify my most listened to genre is “alternative” whatever that means.
41.What is your favourite physical activity?
Hiking.
42.What is your favourite quote?
I don’t believe I have one. I do know someone who has “live laugh love” tattooed on their foot. Take from that what you will.
43.What is your favourite snack?
Tbh I don't really snack (am I coming across as awfully boring in these questions?) I love three big meals a day. I will eat an apple or something if I need something pre dinner.
44.What is your favourite song?
Either Fascination by Alphabeat, Prayer in C by Lily Wood and the Prick, and Robin Schulz, or Brimful of Asha by Cornershop, the Fat Boy Slim Remix. Those songs never fail to put me in a good mood when I need it.
45.What is your favourite sport?
To watch? Rugby. But I am OBSESSED with the Olympics, especially the winter olympics.
46.What is your favourite time of the day?
Early evening.
47.What is your favourite type of clothing?
Dresses…with pockets! Or jumpers, I love a big wooly jumper.
48.What is your favourite way to pass time?
Read.
49.What is the name of your favourite restaurant?
My favourite restaurant is called Dishoom, but unfortunately it has yet to make it to my little European country, so it’s a real treat if I get to eat there.
50.What is your all-time favourite town or city? Why?
I don’t have one.
51.What is your favourite candle scent?
Probably a classic vanilla, but not an overpowering one. The vanilla candle from IKEA is the NICEST.
52.What is your favourite social media channel?
Probably Twitter, although Tumblr is my place for escape.
53.Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?
Ugh I hate being the one to choose where we go. I think it’s because I’m a Libra.
54.What was your favourite subject in High School?
Okay now this is a fun fact, I didn’t actually go to school. I was “Home Educated” which is ideologically different form being Home Schooled. There was no curriculum for me to follow so I could basically dick about doing whatever I wanted during the day. I did study Law which I really enjoyed, and I went onto study it at University.
55.What was your least favourite subject in High School?
Again see above. Although I do remember crying every time my father tried to teach me maths. To this day, I’m still not sure how to work out a percentage, let alone anything more advanced than that.
56.What was your favourite TV show when you were a child?
Sabrina the Teenage Witch (the Melissa Joan Heart version) or anything with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in it (have I dated myself again?)
57.What do you love about your favourite TV Show?
They were fun. I wanted to be them!
58.Are you scared of heights?
Nope, but I’m scared of falling and shattering all the bones in my legs.
59.Are you high maintenance?
Definitely not.
60.Are you more inclined to “build your own empire” or unleash the potential of others?
I don’t know what this means, but fuck imperialism.
61.Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?
Ugh, I hate conflict, like I go all trembly, but if there is something amiss I can’t not confront it.
62.Are you a dog person or cat person?
I really adore animals, I had hoped to get a cat during this long and lonely lockdown but my landlord wasn’t keen. If I had more time and space I would love to get a dog, it’s just not feasible in my life at the moment.
63.Are you a fan of any sports team?
Just my national team no matter what the sport.
64.Are you a good cook?
I like to think so.
65.Are you an early adopter or late-adopter?
Depends. I don’t always love change.
66.If you had more courage what would you do differently in your life now?
I don’t think having more courage would change anything in my life right now.
67.What is good about how you are living your life right now?
Oh gosh, I’m so incredibly lucky to have the like that I am living right now. Truly blessed, but at the same time, I have got here because of all my hard work and determination.
68.If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?
I’m not sure if this strictly answers the question, but I wish I could be kinder and more sympathetic to people. I can be harsh on people I care about because I want to see them do well in life and get frustrated when they are doing things that so obviously curtails their ability. I’ve lost friends because of it.
69.Who has left the most impact on your life?
I don’t think I can name just one person.
70.What aspect of your life needs tremendous improvement?
My love life. It’s not existent. Truly. I don’t even have a far away crush on anyone at the moment. I desperately want to experience romantic love, but it’s scary and you have to allow yourself to be soft and vulnerable which is not something that I am very good at. I also have a lot of negative thoughts/self doubts about whether I am good enough to be in a relationship, or worthy enough for love. It’s stupid, obviously, everyone, flaws and all is worthy of love, but because of things that have happened/been said to me I do kind of have this negative chatter of “who could ever love me” or fear people thinking “god love the poor guy who ends up with her.” All that said, I have never actually met anyone who I’ve really liked, let alone anyone who has liked me back. The closest I’ve got, is I’ve been in lust twice in my life with guys, who objectively speaking, I would never think I would be attracted to.
71.What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in your life?
I’ve see a lot of weird things tbh, but the first one that springs to mind is that every year we used to go to these big gatherings of families who home educate their children. Now, there are two groups of people that tend to home educate their children 1) EXTREMELY religious families who don’t want their children going to secular schools, and 2) new age hippies who don’t want their children to have to conform to the rigours of school. When these two groups meet…it is interesting. The religious families usually have a lot of children (10+ in many cases), while the hippy families wander around semi-nude and breast feed their children until their grown (7+ years in many cases). So at these home education conferences, the hippy parents would be wandering around, leaky boobs out, and the religious babies would be wandering around because their parents have too many children to keep track of. Whenever one of these babies wandered within range of the hippy parents, they’d take them, and latch them onto their breasts. Absolutely bizarre stuff.
72.Who is the best teacher you’ve ever had?
Myself.
73.Who is the biggest pack rat you know?
I don’t know what this means.
74.Who is the first person you call when something exciting happens?
If it’s a big enough deal to call someone, I’ll call my parents, but usually if something exciting happens I’ll just message my friend group.
75.Who is the first person you call when something horrible happens?
Same as above.
76.Who is the worst boss you’ve ever had?
I had to sue her to get her and her husband to pay me for the work I did.
77.Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
Yep? Can you not?
78.Can you do a split?
No, but I want to learn! I have really tight hamstrings so that would be good to stretch them.
79.Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
No. Can you?
80.Can you whistle?
Yeah.
81.Can you dance?
Everyone can dance, the question is whether you can dance well or not! I have no rhythm or style, but get me on a dance floor and I’ll bop my socks off.
82.Do you remember your dreams?
Sometimes.
83.Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?
I save them for a while, but I’m not overly sentimental.
84.Do you sing in the shower?
Never.
85.Do you sleep with the lights on or off?
Off.
86.Do you spell the colour as grey or gray?
Grey you weirdo!
87.Do you take any pills or medication daily?
Never.
88.Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?
I like kissing because it’s hot and fiery and I think I’m reasonably good at it. Cuddling is the best but it’s something I struggle with as I find it far too intimate. See my answer to Q70.
89.Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?
Hit me between the eyeballs with the truth, please! I just like people who are clear and direct about their intentions, it means everyone knows where they stand.
90.Do you prefer Titanic or The Notebook?
I saw a black and white documentary about the Titanic when I was a very small child (maybe about 5 or 6) and for a long time I thought that was the movie Titanic! I have seen neither the real film Titanic nor the Notebook, although from what I know of the latter I don’t think it would be my thing.
91.Do you have a catchphrase?
I don’t think so, but maybe people in my life would be better at answering this question. What is it that I say a lot?
92.Do you have a garden?
I wish!
93.Do you have a hidden dream that you’ve never shared with anyone?
I’m taking this to mean a goal or aspiration, and not something that I have subconsciously dreamed and been too embarrassed to share? I would love to write a book one day. I’m work on something periodically but I’m not sure if anything will ever come from it, a gal can dream though!
94.Do you have a tattoo?
None! I’m kind of a commitment-phobe, I’m not sure if you’ve noticed?
95.Do you have a whole lot of acquaintances or just a few very close friends? Why?
Both! I know lots of people in passing, but the people I consider actual friends, who know what is going on in my life at any given time, I could count on my fingers.
96.Do you have any allergies?
Not that I’m aware of…
97.Do you have any birthmarks? If so, where?
I used to have one on my back, but it’s faded as I’ve aged.
98.Do you have pets?
Not at the moment.
99.Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?
That is a big question. I think however, if there was a guarantee, that sacrificing my life would make the lives of others immeasurably better, I would be scarified. I have plenty of convictions that I’m willing to protest/riot/go to prison for.
100.Do you carry a donor card?
Bit ominous after Q99 but yes I do, and my driver’s licence states that I’m a donor.
I’m not sure if this is at all what you were hoping for in asking this, but I honestly had the best fun answering these questions! :)
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⟨ RYAN DESTINY. CIS FEMALE. SHE/HER. ⟩ though the mist might prevent some from seeing it, JAZMINE HARPER is actually a descendent of H E C A T E. it’s still a question of whether or not the 23 year old BUSINESS MAJOR from HOUSTON, USA has taken after their godly parent completely, but the demigod is still known to be quite PASSIONATE & MISCHIEVOUS.
hi everyone it’s rae #2 again 😔 but allow me to introduce you all to my darling jazmine, who is a revamping of a couple muses i’ve played in the past. as always, like this post and i’ll hit your dms!
History (death tw)
claimed at birth in houston, texas since her father could see through the mist. her father started physically training around the age of three. it wasn’t anything too crazy at first, since she was only a toddler when they began, but her father wanted her to have a head-start athletically. on her 6th birthday, hecate gifted her a spell book and required that she started her magical training.
she started attended camp elektra in california during the summers when she was seven years old. at some point, her father got married and started having more children. when she was twelve, he announced that they would be moving to new york for her new step-mother’s job. that summer, she attended camp half-blood, and leaving for camp was the last time she had seen her texan home.
it was around that time that her and her father’s strong personalities truly began to clash. they had different visions for jazmine’s future, and she started to resent being under his control. it also frustrated her that she couldn’t alter his perception via mist, which led to even more complications whenever she was caught doing so to her step-mother.
she spent nearly two years with her family in new york. after nearly getting expelled from school and having too many issues at home, her father sent her away to year-round camp in greece by the time she was 14.
due to extensive training, she was among the top-ranked during her time at camp athens. she devoted much of her free time, including summer breaks, to questing and rigorous training, and was often recruited through the school for selective quests.
once she graduated, she tried staying with her father in new york again to work and save money, but this only lasted about six months. she went back to europe to travel and she fulfilled quests for money to support this new lifestyle.
at 20, jazmine had another terrible fight with her father. she left and hasn’t seen him since. after this, she started to take questing seriously again. she went on more dangerous and complex quests, knowing there was no one really out there waiting for her safe return.
then came 2019: the zeus incident. she, celeste (daughter of zeus) and adelphie (daughter of apollo) teamed up to retrieve poseidon’s trident from zeus. these three had quested in the past, and were a notoriously powerful trio, but they had never gone against celeste’s own father.
by the time they had defeated the guard monsters and reached the trident, zeus had become aware of what they were up to. he killed adelphie on sight. as jazmine futilely tried to heal adelphie’s lifeless body, celeste used this moment to carry the trident back to the ocean via the wind. soon enough, zeus zapped celeste off the mountain. whether the god of thunder hadn’t seen her hiding in the darkness or he just didn’t care, she’ll never know, but he spared jazmine and left.
after carrying adelphie back down the mountain and presuming that celeste was also dead, she came across rostam, who had prophesied that something would happen at the mountain. he helped her bring her friends back to eonia, where she was allowed to rest and enroll for the following semester.
now, she’s at eonia studying business because 1) she has nowhere else to go and 2) she doesn’t think she wants to fight her whole life anymore.
Personality
being able to manipulate mortals as a child has made her view people more as vessels of entertainment or stimulation, and it shows. her sense of humor primarily revolves around teasing others, such as mocking them or playing tricks on them, and her blunt remarks can often be perceived as quite insensitive. she is very observant and has no problem using this trait for blackmail or manipulation, but she uses this to provide frank judgment or advice when asked. “0 to 100″ is a pretty accurate way to describe jazmine -- meaning for the most part, she has a calm, cool vibe, but her hot-temperedness can quickly get her in trouble. she can be impatient, vengeful, and petty, refusing to be the bigger person or the “loser” when crossed. stubborn and prideful, she could hold a grudge forever until she serves her own sense of justice or receives external mediation.
her bluntness and outbursts might give off the impression of her being mean, which she kinda is sometimes, but she isn’t that mean. she’s a compassionate person, and she’ll often help others if she feels sorry for them, despite trying to brush off their problems as beneath her. this is especially true when it comes to her friends. although she can be particularly harsh with them, her fierceness also comes with extra love and protection.
Powers
her most powerful ability is mystiokinesis, but it didn’t come easily. like other children of hecate, her magic is strongest at nighttime and very limited during the day. she was given a spellbook once claimed and has been perfecting her craft since. her magic gives her a limited grasp of all kinds of abilities, but she is most skilled in the areas of magic that have helped her the most on quests, such as vitakinesis, offensive spells/curses, and magical tracking. she works hard to improve her mystiokinesis through camps and personal training, but she is prone to overdoing it and negatively affecting her own health.
mist control is her secondary ability. it was the first of her powers to develop. as a child, her suggestions seemed to be a little too convincing to mortals. although it wasn’t fool-proof, she found herself manipulating people’s perceptions in her favor, possibly to get herself out of trouble or solely for entertainment purposes. she mostly uses it to her advantage around mortals or on quests. at eonia, and hasn’t found much use for this skill at eonia.
umbrakinesis is definitely her weakest power, but she would love to be more skilled in it. it has been the most difficult for her to develop, so she can only sometimes use the shadows as a shield or as a method of travel during the night. however, she has been able to levitate since she was a kid, which has been pretty convenient ever since she learned how to control it.
Extras
tl;dr: retired adrenaline junkie prone to moodiness
she has been at eonia since summer/fall 2019. you can get some more details about that last quest on celeste’s intro and self-para, if you haven’t already! feel free to assume that your muse had heard something about it.
she’s very hard-working and puts 110% into the things she cares about. the number of hours she has devoted to magic and academics is endless. neither of these areas come super naturally to her, so she has to work extra hard to develop them to reach her standards.
those 2 years she spent traveling europe and questing for cash?? she was living her best life. she used mist control and mystiokinesis a lot during this time to do things like avoid getting arrested, sneak into fancy masquerade balls, crash weddings, and waive any extra fees she couldn’t afford. she’ll bring up a wild memory from time to time if the conversation calls for it, but it’s rare for her to give out too many other details.
character inspo: think michelle jones (1), jessica huang (1, 2), hotaru imai (1, 2), fallon carrington (1, 2, 3), mal (1), daoming si (meteor garden), jennifer pierce (1, 2, 3), sam puckett (1), rosa diaz (1, 2, 3, 4)
works at the dining hall. she doesn’t care about this job and therefore puts no effort into it, so don’t expect a smile or cheery tone from her when you walk in.
involvements: black student union, gamer’s guild, football (soccer)
a skilled fighter, she is well-versed in swordsmanship and hand-to-hand combat, but she prefers using magic since it comes from her godly lineage.
she’s been playing soccer since she was a child, a sport her dad forced encouraged all of her siblings to partake in. although her and her father had many other issues, this actually wasn’t one of them, seeing as they both shared a genuine love for the sport. she’s known for being overly aggressive and instigative on the field, so she's at risk of losing her position if she starts any more fights.
Potential Connections
ex: there was probably never any official title tbh so she might even claim that they weren’t exes. jazmine’s a very private person and finds this kind of stuff too vulnerable, so maybe your muse got tired of being treated like a secret.
quest mates: could’ve been for anything tbh, but if your muse was significantly weaker than jazmine, she would’ve for sure let them know.
tutor: she works hard to maintain her grades, but sometimes she needs the extra help.
people she protects: for whatever reason, jazmine has a soft spot for your muse, so she’ll take care of them when they’re sick, bring them home from a party, put a curse on their ex, you name it.
past hookup: she never called. consider yourself blocked.
friends: self-explanatory! unlikely friends, friends who bond over mutual hatred, frenemies., etc.
enemies: her moral ambiguity and rude remarks probably rub some people the wrong way, so enemies wouldn’t be too surprising.
clients?: i’d imagine that some people have paid her in the past to bring misfortune to their enemies. they probably paid her some money to put a lil curse on them. it’s never anything permanent. if they paid her extra, maybe she did some research and brought them something to blackmail them with.
targets: the people that her clients have paid her to curse. she’s just a third party trying to chase the bag, so no hard feelings, really -- but if your muse somehow found out they got cursed by her, she’d be willing to reverse it for a price.
pawns: maybe she views them as weak. maybe she just finds them funny. either way, she has little respect for your muse and will mess with them for her own entertainment. it’s all in good fun!
people she met while exploring europe: she was up to a lot of shenanigans during those two years, so the possibilities are endless.
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Wei Wuxian, Mutism and Non-Verbal Communication
I am making a fresh post because I’ve been having issues with asks and especially read mores in asks, and this post is definitely going to require that. So. (edit: this is now also available to read on AO3!)
@tamyourue asked:
For the prompt request thingy - I'm a Sign nerd, and I've read quite a few mute!lwj, which is not that surprising. But what about a mute!wwx? I think it would be interesting to explore that with the way his family and lwj would handle it, if he was either born this way or acquired a disability later in life. How would HE handle it, being such a lively and talkative person? I planned on writing a fic of the sort but you do awesome meta, and another person's pov would be really fascinating to me.
Thank very much for asking! This immediately grabbed my brain and yanked me face-first into headcanons and possibility permutations. I’m going to try to focus on something more meta-style since you mention that (and aw <3 thank you! I have lots of fun writing my meta so I’m glad you like it!), but if you write fic on this topic I would love to see it. I am 100% certain you know more about sign language than me (I know very little but this whole thing has rekindled my interest in learning, if you have suggestions for resources!) so please do correct me if I make some erroneous statements or assumptions here. Also, I feel like I should note here that I got a little carried away (this is ~7k folks) and some of the things here are probably ideas you’ve already thought about as general concepts of non-verbal communication. I’ve included them anyway because they helped me process all my other thoughts. As always, I welcome additional input on my meta.
Okay so first off, I did some research, because I love research. (Possibly this should go without saying, and I’m sure you yourself already know this, but just in case, for general context and because this is a public post: I do think it’s important to treat things like this—any form of disability or illness or othering—with respect for the real life people who deal with it every day. Let’s not romanticize these things, right? Or just use it to woobify or infantilize characters or write disability tragedy porn? And let’s do make sure we’re doing our research and consuming media (essays, blog posts, videos, etc) created by those people about their experience? Good? Good.) Some non-comprehensive sources I consulted:
This masterlist of resources (includes deaf, mute and blind character writing resources compiled from real life experiences—trigger warning on the “21 People Reveal” link: trauma, depression, rape mention)
This I Am Mute AMA on reddit
This British Psychological Society Research Digest on adults who experience selective mutism (in their own words)
Wikipedia’s Mutism page (I promise the link is there), which lists various conditions that can lead to someone not being able to speak
I also attempted to research a bit about the history of sign language in China, but most of what I found was either comparison to ASL (here’s a video on family terms) or the fact that there are two different sign languages: a literary sign language that reflects written Chinese, and a natural sign language. Also most of what I found was focused more on the Deaf community. The history of mute people in China turned up even fewer results, unfortunately, so if anyone knows good sources for that, let me know!
Jumping off all of that, things that matter for writing a Wei Wuxian who is mute: is Wei Wuxian the only mute person he knows? Are there other mute or deaf people around who use any kind of sign language? When did he become mute? How? Is it physical or psychological? Full-on cannot speak at all or selective based on environment? And is this more novel-verse, or more drama-based? (This meta is going to reference the drama more than the novel, primarily because we get to see body language and some relationships are more fleshed out, but I believe most points should work for both canons.) Questions to be answered on an individual fic basis, of course, but let’s consider some possibilities.
Character-wise, one of the biggest things here for me is that Wei Wuxian hates being ignored. It’s not exactly that he needs to be the center of attention at every single moment, but he’s a showman. Even if the protagonist of the story was someone else, he’d still be there, attracting attention and calling people out on unfairness and generally being that combination of nuisance and talented genius that we love. And he already lives in a world where he can be silenced and isolated—people drown him out, talk over him and dismiss him on a regular basis in canon, and of course there’s the Lan Clan silencing spell.
Multiple people (especially various Jin family members, but also Madam Yu and a few others) use social class and rumor and perceptions of power to shut him down throughout the story, even though he is entirely capable of speaking and often doesn’t keep quiet when it might be beneficial for him to do so. Being mute is only going to exaggerate that ability for others to disregard him, but he’s still going to be that dramatic, fiercely opinionated guy, even if he can’t communicate verbally. He tries to talk through the silencing spell practically every time it’s put on him as it is (and really, what is the Lan Clan going to do to him if he already can’t speak? That spell now becomes a totally useless punishment for him). He’s still going to disrupt Lan Qiren’s class and volunteer to show off and make noise and draw attention to himself. He might be ignored more easily, and consequently get frustrated more often, but he’s still going to do it, because being dutifully silent or nonreactive for more than a single conversation pretty much means just not being Wei Wuxian. So how does he communicate?
I do think it matters here, when he becomes mute and whether it’s selective or not. If he’s born unable to speak, or develops muteness in early childhood (say, after his parents die but before Jiang Fengmian takes him in), I think he’d develop his methods of communication in different ways than if it were to happen later. In the case of childhood mutism I think he’s more likely to use (or develop) actual sign language, and to depend on other people (such as his siblings) to speak aloud for him in some situations. I mostly base that on 1) the trust-building between him, Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli in those early-life flashbacks 2) how much more often he talks to merchants than anyone else (more on that later) and 3) how much nonverbal communication he uses already (it’s a lot. He’s very expressive). If he becomes mute as a teen or adult, I think he’ll deal with a lot more like he deals with the loss of his golden core: deflection of worry, insistence on independence as much as possible, and lots of inventive solutions (but still lots of body language, of course).
Okay, with those trends in mind, here are some general possibilities (in no particular order) that mix real world tactics and mdzs setting specifics and can be applied to a variety of situations:
1. As mentioned above, he might use expressions, body language, generally understood gestures or actions. Wei Wuxian tends to be pretty physically expressive in canon already, so this is likely to be his first instinct when he reaches for communication tools. Let’s look at another silencing spell gif.
Wei Wuxian is extremely expressive every time this is used on him. He makes faces. He waves his arms. He stomps and grabs at people. Where other people hit with this technique frown and look confused and touch their lips or neck, Wei Wuxian complains. He pouts. He makes a production out of how much he hates it. His moods, in general, tend to involve his entire body. So I take that as pretty strong evidence that gestures, facial expressions and miming are going to play a pretty big role in his communication style. Here is a fun youtube video for CSL of the Tortoise and the Hare story, which I think has bearing on how much he could get away with just using his face and miming. Making faces and grabbing Lan Wangji’s wrist or sleeve isn’t going to change here, and he might in fact get even handsier, if that’s possible. As a cultivator, Wei Wuxian would have access to a level of physical adroitness that most people don’t, which could also tie in to how he uses his body to communicate. In general, these are things that are going to make it difficult for him to hide his identity after his resurrection if he’s mute beforehand, but they help a lot with conveying basic ideas so they’re definitely going to be involved somehow, no matter what else he does. Something of a contrast to stories about Lan Wangji and muteness, perhaps.
2. He might communicate through his siblings/other people. Jin Zixuan gets by with saying extremely little because he almost always has other people around who are more than willing to speak for him. Jiang Cheng, pre-Sunshot Campaign, does some of the same (he’s so surprised to be called on and have to speak for himself during that first victory banquet), and of course we sometimes see this play out between Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian in canon already: Wei Wuxian will voice things that Lan Wangji is feeling or agrees with, but is unwilling to actually say. So it’s conceivable that Wei Wuxian could get a lot of communication done by having his siblings or close friends (depending on where in the timeline the story takes place) speak for him, as he communicated with them via some other method (at its most basic just an understanding of his pov and what he would want to say, extending into body language, personal signs or sign language, notes, etc.). The best candidate for this is going to be Jiang Yanli, as we do see her stand up and speak for him in drama canon, when people start questioning whether their being alone together is appropriate. I think Jiang Cheng would do his best, but he’d also be inconsistent about it sometimes in situations where he didn’t think it was important or didn’t agree with Wei Wuxian, because he can be a moody dick when he wants to be and he’s not that great at talking himself. I forsee lots of brotherly shoulder punches and slaps upside the head. So many. More than usual. Jiang Fengmian might do a little, as might other Jiang Clan disciples (they certainly seem to like Wei Wuxian well enough to try).
As you might be able to tell, I think this method of communication is much more likely to be used if he’s mute while growing up. If he’s injured as an adult, or loses the ability to speak after he’s resurrected, he’s going to have to build all this context from scratch and it’s going to be much more difficult for this method to work smoothly. It could still work to a certain extent, but it probably won’t be as fluid. On the other hand, if Wei Wuxian was mute as a child, he’d likely be almost immediately recognizable to anyone who regularly interacted with him before his death, especially in the drama, where he has the same body. Jiang Cheng won’t have a moment of doubt when Zidian fails to banish Wei Wuxian’s invading spirit from Mo Xuanyu’s body, because he’ll have had that particular flick of two fingers or turn of a hand with accompanying scowl, etc., acted out in front of him every day for over a decade, and Wei Wuxian will have a much more difficult time hiding that, because it’s muscle memory as well as a form of communication. Which could be a very interesting plot development!
Another possible plot divergence is that if Jiang Yanli starts speaking for her brother at a younger age that might influence her to speak up more just in general, which could hugely affect the story. If she gets used to speaking for Wei Wuxian and herself (and even Jiang Cheng!) rather than letting Wei Wuxian step in as we often see him do, she might involve herself more actively in Sect politics. Which means that she’d likely be attending cultivation conferences more often. Which means that she could be in an incredibly powerful position when stuff starts going down with Wei Wuxian and the Wens. Jiang Cheng is young and stressed and insecure about his place. He doesn’t know how to say “yes, these people helped us, and they don’t deserve what you’re doing to them.” His instinct is to curl around what’s his and protect it, which is exactly what he was raised to do as the future Sect Leader of Lotus Pier. But Jiang Yanli cares about people because they’re people, in much the same way Wei Wuxian does (see: her treatment of Wen Ning during the wedding dress visit, as one example). If she’s at that conference and used to speaking out? She’s going to make a difference, because she has an excellent relationship with Jin Guangshan’s wife and his heir. Jin Zixuan is actively pursuing her at that point. She’s gentry, from a good family (unlike MianMian). She is right on the cusp of marrying into the Jin clan. If nothing else, she has enough influence that if she speaks out, Jiang Cheng will support her, and possibly others (such as Lan Xichen, sitting there looking uncomfortable but not saying anything as long as Wei Wuxian stands on his own). That could be a fun ripple effect to see played out.
3. He might communicate through music. This would be a fantastic place to use the Chinese literature technique of poetry allusions. Different songs or melodies might be associated with different lyrics, or plays, or poems, and so just a short musical phrase could convey a fairly complex (if sometimes more allegorical or symbolic) meaning. This particular method of communication might be most effective in conjunction with the Lans and Nie Huaisang just because they’d be more likely to make quick connections and respond to them without further explanation necessary, but in the right circumstances it could work for most cultivators, since they seem to pride themselves on their literacy. I’m still just barely dipping my toes into this stuff so I don’t have any concrete examples here, but I think it could be a lot of fun to incorporate more music into Wei Wuxian’s life before Chenqing, since he certainly learned to play the dizi somewhere before that whole coreless-in-a-death-trap adventure, and also I think travels with Lan Wangji and the juniors might be fun with some musical references peppered in. Which I might keep in mind even for fics where Wei Wuxian is not mute.
This next song compares Jin Zixun to all the fools of history and legend and finds him lacking.
4. Talismans! Wei Wuxian, being Wei Wuxian, seems to like to use talismans both to get attention and to convey meaning even when he doesn’t have any particular difficulty speaking in canon (I adore the butterfly talisman, okay, I will never be over it). And using talismans doesn’t necessarily mean conveying ideas in words, even though magical glowy writing can very cool.
[insert image of Wei Wuxian writing on his palm, clapping his hands together and then separating them reveal a glowy orange insult to Jin Zixuan’s ego held between them because he’s blunt like that sometimes]
Again, symbols and poetic allusions could be used. Whole landscapes, steaming bowls of soup, he could run wild with his artistic talents. Also he’d probably be able to figure out a sort of magical white-board situation with writing and erasing and re-writing script easily, though it would consume spiritual power of one type or another so it might be more difficult for him to pull off for a longer conversation, or after he’s lost his golden core (there’s another fun plot hook to play with: figuring out new ways to communicate as well as necromancy during the Sunshot Campaign). We do see him erase a talisman in the drama during the Yi City stuff, so that’s very nearly canon already. Basic writing would also be an option here (as we see Song Lan use) but I think the frustrations of needing ink and a brush or writing on the ground and everything would get to him pretty fast—Wei Wuxian is not a very patient person most of the time, so unless it’s actual letter-writing or a book of pre-set phrases he carries with him (probably a good idea for emergencies anyway) I don’t think that’s going to be his go-to.
Another talisman option is: let’s not forget that Wei Wuxian is a genius inventor! He could do so many things with cultivation. To pull from a real world technology example: Maybe he makes a talisman he can wrap around his throat that will convey the vibrations of his vocal chords (provided he has fully developed ones of course). Maybe he combines talismans and fireworks to get attention and write sparkly messages at the same time. To pull from things already in the canon: Maybe he uses Empathy for really important situations. Maybe he can literally steal other people’s voices momentarily, as he does control of bodies, or, post-Burial Mounds, maybe he can speak through the voices of spirits and fierce corpses. How freaking creepy would those be? One is like the reverse of the Lan Clan silencing spell: you can’t speak, but I can use your voice, potentially out of your own mouth. The other is just going to make traditional cultivators break out in hives: Wei Wuxian showing up to the war and every time he wants to speak he summons a fierce corpse or a ghost to scream his thoughts into annoying people’s faces.
Those last two aren’t going to win him any friends but oh wow do they look fun.
Imagine Wei Wuxian roasting Su She and exposing his whole plan in Su She’s own voice.
One last thing here that just occurred to me: Wei Wuxian has on at least one occasion in the drama used the paperman to talk to someone. He does it with Wen Qing, to ask if there’s any way she can arrange a break for Lan Wangji when he’s walking on a broken leg. Is that a telepathy thing? Or a voice thing? And would his ability to do it be affected by his relationship with spoken words? Food for thought.
5. Context or partner-based signs. These would be signs he makes up or develops in conjunction with friends and family, but which are based on shared experience and reference points rather than a full sign language. Could be pretty much anything as long as they mean something to his audience, but are going to be useful mostly for those cases where he’s having a one-on-one conversation or trying to get someone else to verbalize for him in a larger group. Counting on fingers, waving, summoning, the three-finger swear Wei Wuxian uses on that rooftop during the Sunshot Campaign etc. would be examples of generally socially known gestures so this is mostly just an extension of that. I would like to think that he would have personalized sign nick-names for people, probably related to puns or in-jokes. This is a fun place to play with context and relationship complexity, because different people are going to have different levels of fluency in “Wei Wuxian.” Perhaps that’s part of the wedge that drives itself between him and Jiang Cheng even: after months on end with the Wens, Wei Wuxian has mannerisms and signs Jiang Cheng doesn’t know, which just make him feel even more distant from his brother.
6. He might use an actual established sign language of some kind, probably one usually used in trade contexts (because there are many dialects and languages in Ancient China so trade sign could very easily be a thing) unless you build more of a social network (and more general social acceptance) for mute and deaf people into the world. Which could totally happen! But if you don’t tweak the world-building then sign language as a language beyond trade sign is going to be minimally useful to most individuals who would need it, because they’re mostly going to be communicating with people who don’t use it (as can often happen in the real world, of course). I think a general-use sign language or trade sign + personal signs could be a lot of fun, especially between close family and friends (how much would especially drama!Wen Ning love that added level of connection and communication?)
Look at them. Look at this ridiculousness.
But outside of that it’s probably not going to be something anyone but especially kind souls will actually use with him beyond actual monetary transactions. This is not a canon that’s generally kind to people who are marked as different. Most of the big cultivators probably wouldn’t even learn much trade sign, especially not the Jins and Wens, because they have servants to negotiate prices for them if necessary, but the Jiangs might learn both because they’re closer to their trade-port commoners and for Wei Wuxian’s sake. Anyone who travels alone would want to know some, at least. Lan Wangji might know a little and learn more specifically to communicate with Wei Wuxian? Could go a lot of directions.
7. Clapping, tapping things together, stomping, whistling, and maybe laughter, vocal crying or screaming, humming and whispers. These methods of communication will depend a lot on why a character is mute and whether it’s physically or psychologically-based. Clapping, tapping, stomping and whistling should be generally possible; the rest depend on vocal chord development and certain nerves being functional. Interestingly, this means that Wei Wuxian still has total control over simple fierce corpses and spirits even if his vocal chords don’t work or are damaged. Which is cool. Clapping/tapping/stomping would allow him to engage in morse/chinese telegraph/tapping code styles of communication too, if such a thing exists in Ancient Fantasy China (Why not? They already have chilies and potatoes and fly on swords). A whistle code for night hunting would just be a useful thing in general, for everyone. Limited speech might also be a thing. In some cases of selective mutism people can speak with certain people (a feeling of safety seems to be a big factor, though sometimes I saw reports of people saying they could speak just fine if it was on stage/part of a theatre production but not for day-to-day stuff too), or at low volumes. This might be more taxing than other forms of communication, or not, depending on the specific situation. It might lead to things like Wei Wuxian being able to talk to his family and possibly close friends like Lan Wangji, but not in large groups or to “outsiders,” which might in turn lead to more resentment on some people’s parts and more accusations that he’s just being rude or arrogant, etc.
8. Fan code. Because it should exist, why is Nie Huaisang the only person in this canon with a fan. Should be remedied, obviously.
Think of the things he could be saying if he had anyone to talk to this way!
9. The telepathy spell from fighting the Tortoise of Slaughter. This is a drama-exclusive thing, and I love it! So much! But. Telepathy is a very common workaround for characters who are unable to use verbal language and personally I think it’s often used to just totally erase that non-verbal communication or any of the difficulties actual mute people experience. So. It might be more interesting, and more respectful for real people’s lived experience, to introduce some further obstacles. What are the spell’s limits? Distance? Duration? Can it involve more than two people? Does it consume energy from all parties or only the person who initiates it? Who knows it? Is it a Lan Clan specialty? Is it only for highly ranked disciples? Did Lan Wangji invent it? Do the Lan juniors know this spell? If they do, would they use it? If yes to both those last two questions, that eliminates a lot of barriers for resurrected Wei Wuxian. Both Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi seem like they would willingly (with varying levels of sass of course) take on the task of relaying Wei Wuxian’s thoughts, at least sometimes. But again, it matters when Wei Wuxian becomes mute, because language and how you communicate shapes how you think. What if one of them or Lan Wangji uses the spell, and Wei Wuxian’s thoughts don’t come across as direct words? How does that impact their ability to communicate in this way?
Also, I invite you to picture: Wei Wuxian is back from the dead. He has been reunited with Lan Wangji. He can’t talk, verbally, but he can speak with Lan Wangji telepathically. This is a new development related to his resurrection. Lan Wangji is now faced with a dilemma, because he kind of depends on Wei Wuxian to do all the talking in a number of situations as the plot moves forward. How do they maneuver those situations now? The confrontation of the second Burial Mounds siege? The reveal of Jin Guangyao’s crimes? Also, depending on how the spell works and their communication style before Wei Wuxian died, it’s totally possible that he now just has Wei Wuxian chattering at him inside his head rather constantly, to make up for the fact that he suddenly can’t speak aloud. How does that affect their changing relationship as they go on adventures?
A possible example of this scenario.
Okay, time for some character implications. You know that thing Wei Wuxian does where he has to prove that he is at least as good and usually better than everyone else at whatever he can manage even though he’s an orphaned child of non-gentry parents? Yeah. That’s probably going to get cranked up all the way past 11 to like, 17 or something. A lot. Because if Wei Wuxian can’t verbally speak in a culture where oratory is such an ingrained part of daily life and cultivator culture, a lot of people are going to use that to assume he’s also stupid or unskilled. We see repeated examples of Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng being disregarded or manipulated through their inability to give speeches the way other people do, and the ability to speak well is mentioned as a distinct and admirable ability in reference to both Jin Guangyao and Ouyang Zizhen. It’s something cultivator politics pretty much requires, after a certain point: the ability to speak, clearly and with authority. Not being able to is going to tick Wei Wuxian off to no end. Frequently. And also (I believe) add even more fuel to his “I’m better than you” antics.
He’s still going to be this dramatic asshole, and he’s still going to be better than Jin Zixuan.
Speech doesn’t affect any of those gentlemanly skills he’s learned (provided we assume he still ahs the opportunity to learn them). It doesn’t affect his archery, or his swordsmanship, or his cultivational power. I don’t think it would affect horsemanship, but it might depend on how the horse was trained and what sounds Wei Wuxian is able to make. But either way, with the skills he does have I think it’s possible he would flaunt them even more, especially in front of people he thinks look down on him. He might also get into more physical fights, since he already has a tendency to do that as is when he’s offended enough (most obviously illustrated by his Cloud Recesses confrontation of Jin Zixuan). He might just walk out of more conversations, as we saw him do during the Sunshot Campaign, even before he loses his gold core. He might get even more unconventional in his ideas even more quickly, because he doesn’t fit in as well from the start and never will. The appeal of becoming a rogue cultivator or trying to seek out Baoshan Sanren on his own might be pretty strong. Lots of canon divergence and AU possibilities there.
As far as inter-character relationships go, if he’s mute from childhood I don’t think his relationships with his adopted family would change a whole lot. Madam Yu is going to throw his muteness in his and everyone else’s faces on a regular basis because it’s another handle she can grab onto. Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli might be more protective of him, but I think their personal dynamic with him would remain largely the same. Same with Jiang Fengmian. Jiang Yanli might speak up more often and Jiang Cheng might be forced to develop more patience and eloquence at a younger age, which could certainly ripple out into bigger things over time if you wanted to go that direction. Similarly, Lan Sizhui might have vague memories/ an increased ability to pick up the meaning behind “Mo Xuanyu’s” gestures and signs, which in turn could lead to his own identity being revealed sooner as well. It really depends on how deep you want to go, and how far you want to spin things.
Wei Wuxian’s relationships with the rest of the cultivation world, on the other hand, might be drastically different from a younger age because there’s always going to be that hint there that he’s lacking something, even more than he already gets with his birth status. I could absolutely see it being used in a very similar way to how mentions of Jin Guangyao’s parentage are used. In addition, Wei Wuxian’s going to have a harder time charming his way through situations, because the pacing of his conversations is going to be different. A lot of people are going to avoid him even before he turns to demonic cultivation because they don’t want to deal with learning new ways to communicate, which might contribute to his desire to show off more often and more drastically. (Some people of course are going to hate him even more because of this, and say things that involve phrases like “despite his shortcomings” but they hate him anyway. So how much that increase in irritation affects plot would depend on how far you wanted to take it.) Many relationships (especially more superficial ones) might have to be built a little bit slower, or a little more indirectly. A single first meeting will make less of an immediate positive impact unless he develops some specific strategies. Is he going to be remembered? Absolutely. But he’ll have to work harder to be remembered as “that charming, skilled Wei kid” instead of “that mute guy from Yunmeng Jiang.” It’s definitely a challenge.
This pun-and-flirting-based conversation, for example, would be very difficult to pull off.
With Lan Wangji specifically… I think it could go a lot of directions. I do like to think that one of the things that he finds attractive about Wei Wuxian is that Wei Wuxian makes it obvious he wants to be around, and be friends, but he accommodates Lan Wangji’s moods and actions without the need for very many verbal cues. He pays attention. All the time. He reacts to everything Lan Wangji does, whether Lan Wangji is talking or not, and he wants Lan Wangji’s attention in return. They actually have a lot of non-verbal communication going on already. They click, on a certain level, especially in combat situations, and can convey a lot of communication without very many words. So I don’t think that part would change much. Maybe more whistles and gestures and music, but it already involves a lot of touching. Nor would that aspect of Lan Wangji trying to figure Wei Wuxian out change a lot—the puzzle part might even be intensified, which could be fun to play with and lead them to be closer from an earlier time, especially in the novel setting. What might change is that Lan Wangi might start picking up more of Wei Wuxian’s ways of expressing himself, because another part of what I personally see in their relationship is that Wei Wuxian is often a catalyst for Lan Wangji realizing he can approach a problem from a totally different angle. If Wei Wuxian uses music to communicate as well as in cultivation, Lan Wangji might pick that up, or he might pick up certain gestures (signs can sometimes be more efficient than spoken words, especially if someone is used to them, and I think that would appeal to Lan Wangji’s economy of expression), or ways to use talismans (as we see him use one of Wei Wuxian’s talismans as a distraction in the drama). So yeah, if Wei Wuxian is mute when they first meet I think they would develop some slightly different lines of communication, but overall the shape of their relationship would remain largely the same. (Exploring those slightly different lines could be a lot of fun, even so :D)
A lot of the things I’ve written here are primarily based in the idea that Wei Wuxian is mute in childhood. If Wei Wuxian lost the ability to speak as a teen or adult, that would be pretty different. His frustration levels would be even higher than if he was dealing with it most of his life, especially since, as I noted above, I don’t think he would have as much of a chance to build a working knowledge of signs with very many people, if anyone at all. If his reaction to being trapped at Burial Mounds and becoming first a war hero and then a social pariah are any indication, he’d be dramatic and angry about it, and probably actively use it as a blind to disguise his lack of a golden core as much as possible. I think in any case where he became mute after growing up speaking, his chosen methods of communication would be a lot more direct and voice- or writing-based, whether through use of resentment-fueled voice-borrowing or talismans and glowy writing, or inventions like the vocal chord vibration thing. He’s going to be much more resistant to relying on other people if he can at all avoid it, and much more impatient about round-about methods of communication like music. He’d probably also employ a lot of exaggerated facial expressions and emphatic (and probably often rude) gestures. His adulthood is pretty stressful to begin with, and this is only going to make it moreso.
For character reactions in that situation—I think there would be a lot of concern from his siblings and Lan Wangji, and depending on when it happened there might be a lot of connections drawn between his inability to speak and his adoption of demonic cultivation. (I see four major points where he might become mute as a teen/adult before his death, and they’re all pretty close together: 1) during the Wen indoctrination camp, 2) when he wakes up from his coma after fighting the Tortoise of Slaughter 3) when Lotus Pier is invaded and destroyed, 4) When Wen Chao captures him and throws him into the Burial Mounds. Potential option #5: in a battle during the Sunshot Campaign.) On the one hand, in these situations Wei Wuxian already has established relationships based mostly in respect with a lot of people, so he might meet with more patience (but also more pity) for a while. On the other, people like Jin Guangshan are absolutely not above using something like this to shut him out of politics entirely.
But okay, among people he actually likes: I think Jiang Yanli and Lan Wangji would put in the most effort for actually communicating with him and helping him find ways to cope, as we see them do in the drama with the golden core situation. They and Jiang Cheng might possibly also narrow in focus pretty hard on finding a cure, if possible, since that falls in line with their reactions to his giving up the sword (something to be careful about in writing, as the difference between “magical cure” and “recovery through speech therapy” can be pretty important on a sensitivity level).
In a case of selective mutism—I think only Jiang Yanli would react well at first.
I cry over their relationship so much.
At this point Jiang Cheng is well and truly into his “why are you making my life harder” phase so Wei Wuxian being able to speak with him in private but not in public might start as a relief and then quickly become annoying as fuck. It might take Lan Wangji a while to figure out it’s even happening, especially if he’s one of the people Wei Wuxian still speaks aloud with. He might just think for a while that Wei Wuxian is trying to be better about controlling his mouth in public settings. But once he did figure it out, he’d probably adjust pretty quickly because he can relate to it a bit—we see him speak in small groups or one on one way more often than in more public stage situations, even though he is generally fully capable of speaking. I do think there would still be an undercurrent of worry there though, especially since at that point in his life Wei Wuxian is pretty close to spiraling out of control at the drop of a hat.
This sort of thing might be a lot more common.
Post-resurrection, Wei Wuxian himself would probably be really, really confused to suddenly be alive again but unable to speak. I think he’d spend some time going “wtf??” and then shoving his way into situations with wild hand gestures and body language and facial expressions. Think about that first confrontation in Mo Village, where he’s acting “mad”? That sort of exaggeration, and deliberately provocative physical contact maybe. He might play really annoying noises on grass or his poorly-made flute to get people’s attention. Whistling is highly probable. There’d probably also be some related depression, too. All of these things are obviously possibilities for if he developed mutism earlier of course, but I think if it came with the resurrection he’d have a lot more questions about it, and focus a lot more on being able to make noise at first.
I will make everyone else aware of my personal annoyance in any way possible.
He might end up doing more instead of trying to lead the Lan juniors to the correct conclusions, because he’s going to have way fewer communication tools than he would under other circumstances. He’d be less able to immediately insult Jin Ling at their first meeting, and less recognizable to Jiang Cheng. And once he met up with Lan Wangji, I think Lan Wangji would worry a lot about his silence in this case, because it’s so unlike him and they don’t know why it’s happened (unless Mo Xuanyu was already known to be mute). Finding a cure or a way to practice and build up speech again would be pretty high in both their priorities, I think, and Lan Wangji would watch Wei Wuxian a bit more closely, to make sure he stayed safe (because if this has changed, what else has changed?).
That oversight could influence the plot a fair amount. It might mean that they don’t catch Nie Huaisang at the Tomb of Blades. It might mean that Wei Wuxian tries to run away more often, or more determinedly, because he feels like he’s being smothered. It might significantly impact their ability to communicate during the Yi City fights in the fog, unless they’ve developed or adopted a whistle or clapping code by then. Wei Wuxian picks up on A-Qing’s tapping quickly enough that he’d probably come up with something a little more sophisticated, given time. They might spend a lot more time in the evenings and while traveling working on ways to communicate. Writing. Music. Empathy-the-technique. Establishing gestures and tapping codes, designing new talismans, etc. but for a while there Wei Wuxian is going to be extremely dependent on Lan Wangji (and possibly sometimes Lan Sizhui) to interpret and speak for him, which is a major change in their relationship that could be really interesting to explore. Does Lan Wangji start speaking out more often? Or does he employ intimidation or position or the silencing spell to make others wait for Wei Wuxian to communicate in other ways? How does that effect Wei Wuxian’s hidden identity? Does this experience resolve their friendship-to-lovers plot faster, or does it provide just provide even more opportunities for miscommunication?
The possibilities for fic are very nearly endless, I think, but my personal favorite options would be either something with the voice stealing and fierce-corpse-yelling (the consequences would be huge but individual moments could be very satisfying) or a fic focused on Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian working together, building new communication tools and deepening their relationship through shared context, because I am a Wangxian sap at heart <3.
#wei wuxian#the untamed meta#mdzs meta#the untamed#mo dao zu shi#chen qing ling#lan wangji#jiang yanli#jiang cheng#alex writes#alex writes meta
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Spinel is one of the best examples of trauma and emotional parental figure abuse I’ve seen in media: an essay nobody asked for
As some may know, the television film special for Steven Universe, appropriately enough titled Steven Universe: The Movie premiered on Cartoon Network last night after being announced one year ago at SDCC. It was here where we would get our first glance at the villain of the film, who we would come to find out upon release is named Spinel.
I as well watched this stephen university moving picture show. And, despite my initial jokes about “this bendy-and-the-ink-machine lookin’ ass bubblegum bitch”, by the time the credits rolled I looked like a drowned cat, and had wept real tears of pain over this poor, poor strawberry shortcake clown infant. But why? Why was I openly sobbing over a literal one-braincell jester girl with the color palette of magenta printer ink? Then it hit me: Spinel is many things, but she is, most importantly, a great mirror. A mirror for me, and any and all other victims of being taken advantage of by somebody you trust, look up to, and admire, most often than not, parents.
TW: Spoilers below for Steven Universe: The Movie as well as discussion of abusive guardians, short mentions of physical abuse, and discussion of emotional manipulation
While it’s true that Spinel is self-proclaimed to have been Pink’s “best friend”, I feel that to a more obvious extent she is coded to have had a parental, one-sided-admiration relationship with Pink. This is confirmed to me by her obvious youthful, playful and childlike behavior in her original state, her clinginess to the person she respects, and most importantly, her unquestioning belief in Pink Diamond’s love and belief in her best interests, despite obvious signals otherwise to an outsider.
Let’s start at the beginning: Past Spinel is, self-described, “innocent, loving, .....stupid.” Spinel was created, metaphorically and physically, to keep Pink Diamond happy and entertained. Her default state was to naturally seek Pink’s approval, to earn her admiration and joy, similar to how most often a child’s first and prevailing desire is to earn their parent’s approval and love. Despite it not being Spinel’s fault that Pink decided to leave her there with the false hope of her returning, Spinel inherently blames her own naivety and desire for Pink’s love for her current predicament. Maybe if she hadn’t been so trusting, had questioned what Pink was making her do, she wouldn’t have been alone all those years. That’s a feeling I think most trauma victims have looking back at their past selves and childhood, something that further drew me to Spinel’s arc as a metaphor for such.
“And then she smiled, that’s what I’m after: the smile in her eyes, the sound of her laughter.”
This is a situation I believe most if not all children of emotionally and/or physically abusive parents can relate to. The tale of an abusive parental relationship often starts off with a parent either having a child they weren’t emotionally mature enough to raise, or, more relevant in Pink’s case, “having” a child for selfish reasons of personal entertainment, or to fill a void in their lives somehow, realizing only too late the independent personhood of their new “toy” outside of them.
I’ve seen some say that Spinel was understandably left behind because she is shown throughout to be “clingy” and “annoying”, but you know who else frequently has those traits? Children. Especially children before they emotionally mature like Spinel does after her revelation about Pink. I can assure you for a fact that I was a very annoying child. Does that make it right that my parent emotionally withdrew after I was no longer pleasing or entertaining to them? Does that make it right that they hit me? No.
When Pink first “had” Spinel it’s clear that she genuinely enjoyed her company. Most toxic relationships have this sort of “honeymoon” phase, a time before things were so bad that the victim will often wish to go back to, not unlike Spinel. Even though Pink’s later actions erase any goodwill towards Spinel and make it clear that even in joyful times she never really cared for her, as somebody scarred by trauma Spinel inherently longs to go back to these days even if Pink was not actually as happy or good as she remembers.
Later on, we as the audience, privy to more knowledge, can see that Pink has grown irritated/bored with Spinel. But Spinel, much like a child, isn’t aware of this. Spinel loves and is devoted to Pink, and if Pink is happy, she is happy for her. Her trust in Pink loving her back and unwavering confidence in her actions blinds her to what is coming next. “Every day was so much fun! At least.... that’s what I thought.....” She even is so confident that Pink loves her back that she is 100% positive Pink will take her along to Earth.
“I was so excited! A whole new place to play!”
Pink instructs Spinel to stay put in the garden and not follow her, lying straight to Spinel’s openly trusting face that this request is the start of a “game”. Spinel, again only seeking nothing but the love and admiration of her pseudo-parental figure/person she obviously admires, does so without question. In her mind so full of love and genuine belief that Pink would never do something wrong to her, she never even questions that this may not be a game, that Pink is seeking to dispose of her, or that Pink may not return. Spinel takes Pink fully at her word, and thus waits, and waits, for 6000 years.
At first, Spinel remains ever the optimist she always is, entrusting that despite the obvious gap in time that Pink, having her best interests in mind, will come back to love and play with her.
As literal years go by, we can see that despite her best efforts the wait for Pink to “come around” (physically, but also emotionally if we view this as a metaphor) has taken a toll on Spinel. She’s visibly weathered, with tired eyes and a weaker smile. However even though this is clearly not good for her she continues to believe that, yes, Pink does love her and would never hurt her! She will come back!
Worst of all, and something even more stinging when looked at through the lens of an abuse metaphor, is Spinel’s line during this part of the song:
“Happily wondering, night after night, is this how it works? Am I doing it right?”
Annnnnnd this is where the waterworks really burst for me, folks. Spinel has begun questioning Pink’s actions, but her continued belief that Pink, again, would only do the best for her makes it so Spinel has begun, to some extent, to blame herself for how long it’s taken for Pink to return. Spinel feels perhaps she did something to displease Pink, that she messed up their “game” somehow, and this is why Pink has not returned to love her. She must strive and continue to be the best at this “game” or she is to blame for Pink not wanting to play with her. It’s a powerfully impactful line, but even worse for any child who went through a similar trial-and-error, self-deprecating process of trying to earn their parent’s unachievable love through grades, performance, or going above-and-beyond in any other sort of field.
Spinel is so desperate to finally get Pink’s love “back” that even though it is straining her mentally and (albeit to a lesser extent) physically, she will continue to do whatever Pink asked and even doubt herself and her ability to do things right if it means even a sliver of potential attention down the line.
Then, Spinel has a watershed moment most every child of an abusive guardian will have: she realizes she’s been abused. Through Steven’s broadcast, Spinel indirectly learns two things: 1, Pink is dead, has been dead, and was never intending on coming back for her even after all of Spinel’s silent years of devotion and trust, and 2, Pink proceeded to give others the love and attention Spinel could never earn despite all she did immediately after moving on and leaving Spinel for dead.
It is in this moment that Spinel not only physically “snaps” and changes into her much more threatening form seen in Act 1, but that she also breaks.
Spinel entertained and loved Pink for who knows how long before she disappeared, and even in her absence and the absence of love and affection continued to trust and care for her, and Pink instead simply chose to devote herself to new people, a new place, without them even having to earn her like Spinel did? It’s more than unfair, it rocks Spinel’s worldview.
Emotionally, the revelation that the person she adored, loved, trusted and respected and that she naturally looked up to not only did not care for her but actively chose to love others and ignore her despite all the mentally-taxing devotion Spinel gave her is more than she can bear.
“You keep on turning pages, for people who don’t care, people who don’t care about you. And still it takes you ages to see that no one’s there, see that no one’s there, see that no one’s there. Everyone’s gone on without you.”
Spinel transforms, a transformation symbolic of the venom and bile of her trauma. Despite her cocky attitude and speech about her “new look” upon initially showing up with her injector, Spinel notably is not proud of her new form. She views herself as broken.
Scarred beyond repair by Pink’s abandonment and actions. Something too messed up and warped to love, unworthy of affection and friendship.
Traumatized.
I’ve never met another person traumatized by parental abuse who didn’t also feel like they were too far gone. A monster, transformed and shaped into something horrible by their abuser’s actions.
“All that stuff’s easy for you to say! When you change, you change for the better! When I change, I change for the WORSE! I used to just be not good enough, not good enough for Pink,- but NOW, I’m not GOOD AT ALL!”
~ ~ ~
“Spinel, you’ve met The Diamonds before, right?”
“Yeah, but.... (notably hesitant) they’ve never seen me like this.”
With Pink gone, Spinel has nobody direct to confront about her traumas. Without any better coping mechanisms, Spinel’s only desire is to lash out at somebody, anybody for her pain. She specifically chooses Earth and The Crystal Gems for having been the objects of the affection Pink never gave her, despite not actually having a personal relationship with them.
“Y’know, I came here to take my anger out on a bunch of strangers, [...]”
When I first wisened up to the fact that what my parent did wasn’t normal, wasn’t something I should have gone through as an innocent child, I lashed out at any and everybody I felt was involved in some way. My father for never being around when it happened, never stopping her when it did, never getting her help, never calling CPS. My brother for never having to deal with her wrath, for always raising the bar with his good grades, making it feel harder and harder to earn the love I felt like I had to have.
Spinel’s maladaptive way of handling the situation is an all-too-common chapter in the life of the abused, and something that further strengthens the connection her arc has to real life people in similar situations.
When Steven confronts her that this isn’t the way to handle things, Spinel doesn’t see any other way. She doesn’t feel like she can trust anybody again, and doesn’t feel herself worthy of love. During “Found”, she’s noticeably hesitant and even resistive to Steven’s assurance that she’ll find somebody who truly does love her one day, too scarred by Pink’s deception to open herself up to the idea of healing.
Even when she does, it’s notably a delicate process. After turning off the injector, her own insecurity and trust issues due to her traumatic incident leads her, without any real evidence, to assume that Steven and the Gems value her as little as Pink did. She is both afraid of what she has become, again feeling she is too traumatized to be accepted and loved, and also afraid that they will leave her as easily and quickly as her abuser.
After failing to ever earn Pink’s love fully and the physical and emotional transformation her trauma has had on her, Spinel doesn’t genuinely believe anybody could ever want her company ever again.
“I’m the source of all your problems. Don’t pretend you want me here. What’s your plan for me, huh? Ya gonna put me somewhere? Gonna - LEAVE me somewhere? Gonna LEAVE ME ALONE?”
However, after the emotional catharsis of lashing out, sharing her traumas with Steven, and then spiraling into another emotional rage over what happened to her, Spinel, having begun to process her trauma, realizes that her hurting those only vaguely, tangentially related to her abuser and situation will do nothing to heal the pain inside her, and, more importantly, realizes that doing this is only pushing people away from her and failing to allow herself to open up to loving again.
And, of course, this is via a breakdown complete with agony-driven laughter, because Rebecca loves rendering me bald and taking an icepick to my similarly traumatized heart.
“(cracking with emotion)....What am I doing? Why do I want to hurt you so bad? I’m supposed to be a friend. .....I just want to be a friend.”
As low of a point as this is for Spinel emotionally, it shows that she has begun the slow but ultimately fulfilling process of healing. This new path continues in her next scene, where she opens herself up to The Diamonds with Steven’s coaxing, despite the person who spurned her having been a Diamond herself (this also easily could be viewed as a metaphor for opening yourself up to trusting mentoring relationships again and finding a healthy new parental relationship in someone either non-blood-related or in other members of your family).
In probably the most heart-wrenching scene of the movie for me, as The Diamonds reprise their song about opening their hearts up to a new member of their family (this also furthers my argument of spinel = child figure to Pink, considering the last person the trio sung this to was Pink’s literal biological son), Spinel sings part of Found again, finally believing Steven’s statement that she will love again, as she connects and converses with people who genuinely like her despite all she’s been through and become.
Spinel learns and accepts, for the first time in the movie, that she is worthy of love, and is not too broken or changed by her trauma to receive it.
And so I cried like the winner of a horseradish paste eating contest.
In summary, to me, and I’m more than sure to other experiencers of childhood emotional and/or physical abuse at the hands of somebody they trusted, Spinel is one of the best media representations of the complex moods, highs and lows, and experiences of going through, repressing, and processing trauma. Not only that, but unlike some other characters I can think of, Spinel gets a hopeful ending. She’s not so warped and broken that the writers deemed her too far gone and thus only worthy of killing off. No. Spinel is a trauma victim who goes through a dark period of coping in negative ways, but then comes out the other side ready to open herself back up to the idea of healing and moving on from her trauma and abuser. Despite all her baggage and scars, the movie assures us Spinel is just as worthy of a happy ending as any other person.
And I don’t think I’m alone in saying that if MY pained ass at the beginning of my traumatic processing years ago had seen that I could, that I CAN be okay despite it, that it would have meant so much to me.
And even though I’m still still learning to love again myself, I think deep down all victims hope we can become our own Spinel someday.
Somewhere.
Somehow.
We’ll love again.
TL;DR Rebecca Sugar wrote one of the best arcs about abuse on television ever and its star was a rubberhose baby who sounds like Betty Boop and whos shoes make the spongebob walk cycle noise sample and thats why you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover.
#su#su the movie#su the movie spoilers#su spinel#media essay#essay#parental abuse#abusive relationships#toxic relationships#su movie#su movie spoilers#rebecca sugar
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