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#did not come out very well but who cares
ccruelgods · 16 days
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uhhh. attempted an art in a @sacredhyacinth - esque style
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manglam-marfach · 1 month
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dyke!Chilaios has me understanding breeding kink all of a sudden
#chilaios#that's a lie i understand breeding kink very well lmao#HOWEVER IT MUST BE SAID#they finish up a great scene. hot lesbian sex. all going well.#and laios lies back with her eyes closed. still flushed and sweaty. she rests her naked hand on her naked lower stomach and says. 'hah....#'did you know ...that tallmen and halflings can have kids together?' Like its just another fun monster fact.#she's trailing her fingers absentmindedly over her stomach now. tracing idle patterns.#'with our lifespans being so similar it isn't even as big a deal as it is for elves and humans. they're even fertile and that's ...#that's really rare for hybrids.' her eyes are still closed. she swallows hard. She's more red now than she was when they fucked.#'you should talk about that next time you're in me. i'd like it...' and she cracks one eye open a sliver#to see chilchuck . BEET. RED.#because Chilchuck DID NOT. KNOW.#She was already fucked out and now she's dying?? she's dying. Laios still has her huge hand resting on her huge smooth stomach#miles and miles of soft skin...that she wants chilchuck to put a BABY in#she's thought about the hypothetical lifespan and safety of the hypothetical baby! is this just a sex thing? is this a for real thing?#chilchuck does not know and does not know which one she's hoping for now!! cause both sound GREAT#AND OF COURSE THERE'S ALSO#chilchuck remembering that conversaion next time Laios's huge huge fingers are inside her. Laios's hot wet breathing by her ear.#Laios's breathing going ragged even though no one is touching HER she is the one toying with Chilchuck right now. She always does that.#between the breathing and the fingers and the warmth and the smell Laios is all around her and she just thinks -#'Laios is so huge. Laios's baby would be so huge. I'd be so huge. Pregnant with it.' And she cums.#rattles her to her fucking core. Chilchuck who HAS BEEN PREGNANT BEFORE realising. holy shit.#i want this fluffy haired socially awkward 26 year old doggirl to . to fuck a baby into me. in a sexy way.#i think . I think it's hot.#enough to turn you to drink isn't it!#u may ask - hey how come chilchuck has a girlcock and has got pregnant? can laios get chilchuck pregnant?#does anyone even have a womb in this situation? I may answer - don't worry about it#a wizard did it. whatever. its a fantasy world.#whatever is sexiest in the moment i don't care#lesbiance
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dmclemblems · 2 years
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“Claude in Hopes is exactly the same way he is in Houses! He’s always been like that and has the same feelings/morals!”
Claude in GW/Hopes:
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Claude, literally, in Houses:
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Let that speak for the fact that Claude was written with a 180 characterization in Hopes.
Claude wants peace and to bring everyone together; not to tear them further apart. That is his character.
#I’m still in the middle of answering this ask I got but yeah#even Edelgard noticed Claude really loves bringing ppl together in WC#when she says ''you really value that sort of thing don't you'' after the Eagle/Lion (+Deer >.> ) battle#like if Claude's goal was to destroy Fodlan and just leave a mess of it A+++ you did an astounding show stopping brilliantly done job#if your goal was peace well you fucked that up pretty good buddy#in Hopes too like he's literally arguing with Lorenz about it while Lorenz is like ??? bruh wtf ???#literally who cares what some politicians did 300 years ago certainly not Houses Claude#in fact Claude said fuck our history sideways with a cactus let's make peace and be friends#AND he got the approval from the whole roundtable and that's all we know on the topic bc it's all we needed to know#versus in GW where it's explicitly stated that it took some doing for them to allow Claude to be king#meaning the roundtable was not up for what he was suggesting and needed to be convinced#they needed it enough that Lorenz pointed it out to everyone and from a narrative standpoint#AM Claude doesn't need to say how the meeting went and all we need to know is that it worked out#but in GW it's told to us that the meeting was very long and it took some doing for them to trust Claude's judgment#the meeting is presented in a more uncertain light with how the lords felt abt it whereas in AM#it's not told to us how things went bc it's not important. a negative aspect (i.e. the roundtable not being able to come to an agreement)#is an important thing to note and if there was any negative aspect of it in AM they would've put it in there#meaning the roundtable trusts AM Claude's judgment enough when he tells them he wants to put their two nations together again#idk how else to explain that so I hope you get what I mean lol#I just find it completely baffling that people actually say both Claudes are the same person and that he was always like how he is in Hopes#like you can like his character in Hopes and enjoy that portrayal of him but at least admit he's written differently you know?#I hate when I see people say that Claude fans didn't understand his character in Houses at all bc they don't like him in Hopes#when you have literal staunch polar opposite sentences coming out of his mouth in these two scenes#the Claude we get in AM is the same Claude - the same person at his core - as he is in VW and all the routes#Houses Claude does not blame whatever the fuck Leicester and Faerghus did 300 years ago on the people living in their present#he also doesn't blame Dimitri or anyone else presently in power for Daphnel#GW Claude there is just grasping at unimportant and insignificant straws to justify his invasion#pretty sure AM Claude would be like ''hey dimi lemme borrow failnaught back real quick'' and smack GW Claude with it#then kindly hand it back to Dimi and smile and wave
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front-facing-pokemon · 10 months
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#manectric#i woke up at like noon today y'all i'm queuing this after work. i forgot about it all day and i was about to hop on totk#but i got the reminder to do it. so here i am. with manectric#el woowoo‚ if you will#a lot happened. yesterday. it was not a very good day. which is why i woke up so late. it was a little bit rough. but i guess it's a new day#so. it'll get better. planning on Not Doing Shit today or tomorrow to compensate for all the Bullshit that happened yesterday#hoping you all are doing well. one week from today (friday june sixteenth) i'll be hopping on a flight for the first time in 10 years#looks like according to the queue this will actually go up the day before we leave. so‚ to you guys‚ i'll be heading out tomorrow#which is scary a little bit. last time i flew i had no idea i was autistic‚ but now that i've come up with a lot of better accommodations#for myself and i understand myself a lot better and my needs‚ i'm realizing a lot of my accommodations just aren't gonna make it through TSA#plus it's a lot of unfamilarity with unfamiliar people and an unfamiliar environment which i feel like is gonna lend itself to sensory#overload like Immediately and i'm probably gonna get a headache bc that's how it manifests for me#so when we get there i'm probably gonna have to run to the nearest pharmacy. and grab some shit. which is annoying! so. i'm a little#worried. about the trip. NONE OF HTIS IS ABOUT MANECTRIC SORRY#this is a pokémon i have a hard time caring about outside of its involvement as the leader of the electrike in amp plains#that's about it#any tips from frequent flyers who are autistic would be greatly appreciated. not even just about flying but about like. going to unfamiliar#places on the other end of the country and stuff. i feel like that's what i'm most worried about even though i'm worried abt all of it#also hi i'm writing these tags from day-of. like the actual day this is going to post. me from a week ago sure did know what she was talking#about! anyway. i'm. gonna like. take my meds now goodBye see you all when this Posts in a few hours
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dutybcrne · 4 months
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Kaeya was definitely the kind of kid who never threw tantrums and was willing to accept the bare minimum for everything, thinking he didn’t deserve to press for more (at first bc he thought he’d be kicked out if he did, then bc he just felt so guilty and uneasy doing so out of habit).
It’s only thanks to Diluc and especially Adelinde that he eventually came to advocate for himself more.
#hc; kaeya#//Lets face it; Diluc was prolly his biggest advocate throughout their childhood#//Kae had to be careful how much his gaze lingered on anything; bc otherwise Luc would jump the gun and either ask for it for him#//Or get it for him himself; which Kae found Utterly Mortifying#//Appreciated; but felt embarrassed when a Crepus or others stared at him like they Knew he was the one who actually wanted it#//Adelinde is the one who actively worked to help Kae be more independent; otherwise he would have just relied on Diluc for everything#//Damn near passed tf out asking Crepus for his own sword to follow in Diluc’s footsteps (Crepus already made the order bc he knew he did)#//Prolly still let Diluc do things for him even as they got older bc it made him feel important and relied upon#//Letting him play best big bro of the year; with that one#//Fell back into his old anxious habit when Diluc left. Stopped asking for things from anyone#//Addie took over getting things for him or being there with him for a bit while he emotionally readjusted to Luc’s absence#//Mostly the former; it’s the very reason he’d stayed at the Winery instead of running off with nothing after The Fight#//He felt so bad; but she understood he was still emotionally Reeling and needed a bit of support before he got back up on his own#//He still hates asking for things and such; but he hides it well#//Under charms and jokes or favors#//Or bc mom friend instinct overrode his nerves; that too#//Got thrown so bad by Diluc coming back; the first time he tried to ask him a favor; he just pissed him tf off on accident#//Wanted to hurl himself into Cider Lake first chance he got immediately after#//Still believes Diluc would refuse any favors he requests of him rather than accept#//Even if he has yet to actually do so; and everyone and their grandmothers Know Diluc wouldn’t either#//Thinkings bc am Obsessed w the idea that Diluc is still so doting; he let himself get arrested for a kid he didn’t even know#//After Kae outright falsely accused him of murder to his face; and Everything that happened That Night#//Just bc Kae asked him to#//And even rewarded Kae on a job well done with actual booze & let him stick around after the ordeal#//And that’s without mentioning the OTHER things Kae has gotten out of him in game with minimal effort/cost#//Lisa & Elzer are Aware Diluc would cave to Kae’s requests for things; w only mild complaining (& Elzer even says he doesn’t rlly MEAN it)#//And yet Kae still thinks he is like all the other things Diluc ‘got rid of bc he doesn’t need them’ anymore#//Heck; I veered off topic. RAAAAHHH#//But yeah; bby Kae was a shy nervous Wreck; and present Kae stole Bby!Luc’s confidence; send tweet blah blah blah
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Npd culture is seeing those triggering videos popping up like "can narcissists even love?" and then thered just some misinformed rando overconfidently answering no. Like boohoo, you piece of shit, i guess all the people i love must not fucking exist then, do you even know what npd is?
(but inwardly, seething at how much hate there is towards us. like at this point we deserve the nice things they say we're trying to steal)
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laniidae-passerine · 5 months
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Honestly I think Dean Highbottom has some shit to answer to as well. The mockery, the derision, the outright admittance that he was hoping Coriolanus would fail and the Snow family would continue to suffer. How someone who loathed the Games still treated a young man with cruelty because of the past, because of social divides that would be so easy to tear down. In the end, it wasn’t just Gaul who shaped Snow into the man he became. So bitter and hateful. So incapable of compassion and forgiveness. Just like his father. Just like his Dean.
#like yeah there were a lot of things questionable about Snow even before he was chosen as a mentor in the games#but like. damn. you didn’t even consider the idea he could be better than his father did you?#the way kindness could have unravelled some of the hate in Snow’s heart#listen to me tell you the horrible things your father did. listen to me tell you that you can be different. you are not the past.#the divides between us do not truly exist. look at the weapon in your hand. it is real. and it can do real damage#but if you never hate someone - if they never fool you into letting violence into your heart - they can never make you use it#it breaks my heart. how could you hate a ghost so much that you’d kill a child. I don’t know. but the Dean does. and so does Snow.#the cycles run and run until somebody stops. and burns some bread. and shares berries. and takes an arrow. and says no more. I love you#it is difficult. it could hurt me. it could be the very last thing I do. it may not even serve me well. but I love you. I love. always.#how pathetic hate makes you. how strong love makes you. like staring at the Dean and staring at characters like Haymitch#like two substance abusing men who know the system inside out. who are complicit. who are victims. both embittered and angry.#but one saw a child and decided to punish him for the past#and the other saw a child and decided - okay. it’s been 23 years. my heart hurts. I want to give in. I want to hate you. I want to not care.#I’m going to care anyway. I’m in so much pain. It’s killing me. I’m going to care anyway. about you both. it won’t be perfect. but I care.#and I’ll be here through hell. and I will fuck up. so fucking badly. because I’m still addicted and angry and god knows I have suffered.#god knows these hands are bloody and they always will be. but I will keep coming back. I will keep trying. I will still love.#and in the end I will write names in a book that belongs to you and I will find a little bit of peace in a house where the sun shines#and the geese make ridiculous noises in the yard. and love will have seen me through.#HAYMITCH YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS I LOVE YOU MY IMPERFECT DARLING#dean highbottom#coriolanus snow#the hunger games#a ballad of songbirds and snakes#haymitch abernathy#thg#abosas#suzanne collins#SHE WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS
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sysig · 1 month
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Someone’s looking out for you ♥ (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#ZEX#Crackship#Wally West this time! :D#Their flirting is the cutest <3 <3#But first! ZEX's uniform!!!!! JKFLdhsafjdf <3 <3 <3 <3 <3#I've always liked his uniform - he looks beautiful in it it's quite fun to draw it's pretty it's flowy - very good piece of clothing do like#How something as simple as missing it for a week makes such a huge impact <3 Hhghh gods the way he describes getting it back ♥♪♫#I've never appreciated the Feeling of his uniform on his body before now and hhh what a difference it makes!#Genuinely like a tactile understanding to complement the emotional <3 Feeling and feelings! It's so lovely! Ahh <3#It goes back to being a question mark over everything once he starts to really think through the implications but for A Moment#And he gets to snuggle a human the same night :D Everything going so well!#Wally's so funny lol he's got ZEX making The most obvious come ons he possibly can flirting his little alien heart out#And he's just like ''But do you actually want to? Do you /really/ want to??'' Haha ♪#It's very sweet honestly! Very attentive and careful <3 I'm always appreciative of anyone who treats ZEX well ♥#But no he definitely Does Not mean pretty much anything platonically lol#What was it how did I describe him in my notes and haven't been able to stop laughing about lol -#Ah yes - Wally doesn't need to worry because ZEX is a ''hedonistic pleasurebeast'' lol#I also like how Wally is the first(? if I remember correctly) of ZEX's Type starting to develop haha ♪#Sure he likes all humans but if he happens to lean one way more than another hehehe ♫#I'm doubly fascinated by his self-awareness (and lack thereof) around submissiveness - he's very sensitive as a human!#He's still quite aggressive but also easily overwhelmed ♪ It's a very interesting combo to me :3c#And any further insight into his proclivities delights me hehe <3#Heart eyes ZEX >>>>>> ♥♪♫#And a few silly little doodles as well :D The first one's just a random chibi lol he's cute! ♪#The second is of him trying a Starburst hehe he's so cute <3 I was so curious as to how he'd react to candy/sugar so lovely to see!#And thus far he hasn't had any alcohol - good Max has had enough - but I got my favourite Catawba so tipsy doodle it is lol#All the cutests <3 <3
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mybreadsmybutters · 7 days
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trying to write a simple personal story about how i struggled with math as a kid and it keeps circling back to how my dad was in jail at the time and at this point im so mad that i have to do this assignment in the first place that my entire class is just gonna have to cope with me reading out the Daddy Issues essay i DO NOT care anymore i will not sacrifice my grade for my dignity any longer i WILL NOT FAIL THIS FUCKING CLASS
#tried so hard not to write the daddy issues essay but well. at this point not my fault and its due in class tomorrow so!#i dont actually care that much if people know about that its just like. inherently deeply awkward.#because my relationship with my dad is kind of complicated and mostly marked by how i dont really feel much for him?#which makes people VERY uncomfortable because most people do.#i think i generally have fewer emotions than the people around me which i personally am at peace with#like not that i feel NOTHING or anything i just have never cared as much about anything the way the people around me seem to#so for me i always KNEW that my dad and i didn't have common interests and he didn't have a significant hand in raising me past age 5#and i know HE loves and cares about me but i just. don't really care and haven't really ever cared.#so when i do talk about him it always REALLY freaks people out because i can never quite get the right tone for how i SHOULD feel about him#across and it really freaks people out that i dont feel anything towards him besides. sympathy i guess?#but the one part of my life he DID have an impact on was my math education bc that was one of his favorite things#so it's just. going to be very uncomfortable for everyone who has to listen to me being honest about it. which sucks!#i don't want to make people uncomfortable! but if it comes to the grade or being viewed as a real psycho tbh. The Grade is way more importa#anyways it was either this or writing about my sexuality and i am NOT coming out in THIS state
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princekirijo · 3 months
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You know thinking about it Riku could also be a Lovers Arcana character. His story + arc very much revolves around his relationships with other characters (particularly his family and most importantly himself).
Captain is ultimately his arcana however because I feel like his stubbornness and his like willingness to keep going is what makes him a Chariot character (as Captain is an alternative to Chariot). He's also a very devoted/emotional character and I think that plays into it too!
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burr-ell · 1 year
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Honestly, imodna would be a good ship if the shippers/stans weren’t so damn insufferable. I also hate how they act like they are already canon and you can’t ship Imogen or Laudna with anyone else in the group. People got so mad when the conversation in the dust storm happened with Ashton and Laudna because people thought they were flirting. Or when on the first episode of 4 sided dive Marisha asked Robbie if Dorian’s crush was on Imogen, people got so mad at that! I also hate that they call them lesbians when THEY HAVE BOTH EXPRESSED HAVING FEELINGS FOR BOYS! Why can’t they be bi? Or Pan? I also hate how people read into Laura’s micro expressions/ movements, like last episode with the whole leaning shit “oh what was that lean Laura?!! Imogen wanted to kiss Laudna because look at Laura’s lean!” I dread the day that Imogen or Laudna fall in love with someone that’s not each other(especially if that person is a man.) because Marisha and Laura will harassed and hated because they didn’t give the people what they wanted.
oof. that's some frustration you really needed to vent, nonnie, and honestly i get it. full disclosure—my mutuals who are into imo/dna are all lovely, and none of them engage in this behavior. if imo/dna becomes canon, i'll be happy for (and potentially even happy with) fans like that. but enough shippers are doing things like this that it's becoming more and more of a source of frustration and friction as the campaign goes on.
i think a lot of fandom—in general, not just cr—still doesn't want to acknowledge that at the end of the day, they are looking at things like shippers, with a particular kind of confirmation bias. it doesn't make them necessarily wrong or right, but as easy as it can be to get swept up in it, i think it's important to take a step back every once in awhile and re-evaluate.
now admittedly, generally speaking, it takes a lot for me to get really invested in a ship; i usually only have one or two per fandom, even fandoms with tons of characters. i'm generally pretty passive about most ships if it's not the otp; like, vax/leth and pike/lan, for example, didn't need to be romantic endgame for me to enjoy CR1 (and honestly might have been more interesting to me if they hadn't), but perc/ahlia absolutely made the show for me and i honestly think them being together actively strengthens the narrative as a whole.
i say all that to say that for the most part, i very much consider myself to be along for the ride with respect to most relationships in most fandoms. if such-and-such pairing happens, great; if they don't, okay. and with CR in particular, it's such a long-form medium that i know going in that any romance is going to take a while, and most of them probably won't just reach out and grab me.
and as such, it absolutely baffles me to have seen shippers insisting, from the moment the characters first appeared in episode 1, that not only are imogen and laudna canon endgame, they're basically already together and just haven't admitted it yet. i feel this way about dor/ym and callow/moore as well—i saw a post making the rounds that claimed that all three of those ships are "not canon YET but let's be real" and like...why would you set yourself up for disappointment like that? because yeah! all three of those ships could be endgame! but they could also not be endgame. we're less than 40 episodes into a campaign that'll probably run well into the 100s.
i also fully agree with you re: the microexpressions and the cherrypicking, and i feel like a microcosm of this issue can be found in a conversation imogen has with orym early on—shippers latched onto the fact that imogen compares laudna's thoughts to music, something that finally brought her peace after the chaos of the world around her, and completely ignored the part immediately after where imogen says that the rest of the party also feels like that to her. i didn't even know that imogen said that about the whole party until i watched the episode, and to me it's an example of how shippers tend to warp canon interactions to suit a particular narrative in such a way that they become almost entirely divorced from their context.
and from the outside looking in, what confuses me about this sort of thing is like...didn't y'all already go through this? because if my understanding is correct, c2 ship discourse was full to the brim with beau/jes and wido/jest fans dissecting "laura's microexpressions" to prove that jester was for sure in love with our fave, really you guys we swear...and then not only was that not true, but jester also didn't even know about beau or caleb's feelings to acknowledge them at all, and from the actual words that came out of laura's mouth in various OOC moments like on TM, laura just...really really wanted to romance her husband's character in her dnd game and like, that's it. there was never going to be another romantic option for jester as long as fjord was on the table, and that was something that shippers always should have been taking into account.
laudna and imogen are canonically deeply important to each other. they love and appreciate each other very much. that love and appreciation could turn into a lovely romance with a great dynamic, and i certainly don't blame people for being invested in it. but it also could not be romantic endgame, and they remain friends or even get with other people. and as you said, fandom can and will turn nasty about their ships being sunk; we've already seen it happen. there's a certain smug, entitled undercurrent from that particular corner that i have very little patience with, and while i think there's something to be said for deciding to enjoy things in spite of the fandom and just be a cranky old curmudgeon shooing the wank out with a broom, i also understand the response of just "...aight, imma head out".
#the 'laura's microexpressions' thing is also why i really don't care for glasses!imogen#it's obviously not a bad thing in a vacuum but there's a tendency toward overriding specifically laura's choices and saying 'i know better'#such that even something as innocuous as glasses can be representative of a larger more frustrating problem#honestly i wonder if laura will even DO a romance this time around after two campaigns of her characters being reduced to:#a) the men in her life and then b) who she'll end up with#bc imogen has some strong vibes of like. arent u tired of being nice? don't u just wanna lose it?#like imogen reminds me very strongly of vex but specifically of the ways in which vex couldn't be unpleasant or unappealing#(mostly because vex puts up fronts to mask her flaws specifically from the party)#(while imogen is more trying to hide her actual powers and what they can do)#and i think some of that naturally comes from being a woman in geek culture on the internet as well as a woman in voice acting#but i feel like it might also come from her characters being constantly put under a microscope#and constantly told what they should and shouldn't do#and the second they make choices that make another better-liked character upset they're terrible people#like she's obviously a grown adult 40 year old woman but the constant scrutiny of your dnd choices has gotta wear on you a little bit#and yeah i didn't touch on this in the ask but. it has been 0 days since fandom did a bi-erasure#(the thing about having only 1 or 2 ships per fandom reminded me that out of all the dc comics ships i literally only care about dickkory)#(clois also has rights on account of dc can snort my taint and let two adults be happily married)#(i've had convos with friends who ship bbrae who are like 'but why would dickkory shippers dislike bbrae? they dont threaten you')#(idk man some of em just don't dig the vibe!)#cr discourse#cr wank#critical role#asks
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the-busy-ghost · 1 year
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Heard a Full-Grown Adult who was sitting behind me on the train tonight genuinely say “I don’t know why people are worrying about the cost of living” and honestly even if he was joking, I’m amazed his girlfriend didn’t dump him on the spot
#Poor lassie tried to explain why it's not a good thing; personally I was tempted to chuck him off the train#And I say this by the way as someone who is *not* worrying about it personally as I know I'm ok for money#but I am worrying for everyone else I know and within thirty seconds I could come up with dozens of scenarios#where the cost of living crisis would destroy even a relatively well-off family's life#Like ok say my mum had got ill when I was two instead of when I was 25#Even aside from the fact that you know the family was already ruined by the fact that she was dying#There would have been no savings to fall back on and my dad couldn't have supplemented his income#because he would have been taking care of a toddler and being a full-time carer to my mum and two dogs#And he wouldn't have had adult children to help and maybe the company would have given full pay for a while#but either way eventually my mum would have been on statutory sick pay with energy bills doubled#a mortgage repayment schedule which has become even more expensive as it was renegotiated during Liz Truss' mismanagement#Petrol bills through the roof and no option to take public transport because unreliable and rail strikes#I think he'd be well past worried at that point if not actually destitute#And my mum was a chartered accountant#Imagine the cost if she had been on minimum wage or if she had been in a very valuable but low-paid profession like nursing#And you don't even need illness to crop up for most lower-income professions anyway because everything is beyond your means#Or how about the fact that old age pensions are below living wage#I hate to use a personal example but honestly did this guy just not have any life experience whatsoever#had he never met someone who made all the right decisions but fate screwed them or were just scraping by#Was he just saying that to get a rise out of his girlfriend (I doubt this as he was then very dismissive about single mothers)#Or was he just the most callous person in existence#Calmly and unapologetically existing on a train in Scotland#Move over Scrooge; take a seat Maggie Thatcher; there's a new kid in town#I would like to scream
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ezraphobicsoup · 8 months
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i can’t believe for a brief amount of time when i didn’t like requiems holy shit they’re so good??? i mean some movements can be boring but like if you listen to dies irae from mozart and don’t somewhat explode i do not understand you, also verdi’s dies irae it’s really the fucking song ever
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cartoonrival · 1 year
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i feel like people on this site cannot make up their minds about whether they want tumblr to make money so it can continue to exist as a site that isnt driven by an algorithm that tries to read your mind so it can sell Product to you every second it gets or corporations are never your friend and if you put money towards them youre stupid
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dingusships · 1 year
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bigass vent over general life things
things in general are really not great i don't really have any optimism for the future or making a life for myself. like i don't really have any drive or ambition to look forward or work towards anything good/meaningful because as time goes on there are going to be really bad life events that i just don't think i can keep facing anymore. and theyre going to be worse. i'm just dragging along life solely on the basis that i was plopped here to just Exist and that's my task at hand that i'm reluctantly upholding. just exist until it's over
#when i say 'i'm 25' 'i'm going to be 26' it does not feel right coming out of my mouth. i do not feel just 25 or 26 i feel far far older#mentally and physically#when i'm around other people my age i just feel on a completely different plane of experience from everyone else#idk. i've always been a naturally anxious and socially stunted person & def have some kind of lingering trauma that keeps me from connectin#w people. but also having no family members or relatives anywhere near my age (~17 yrs older than me at the least) while i was growning up#probably did something to me as well. my entire life has just been witnessing family members decline and die like dominoes over the course#of 25 years. like i know all about end of life care and legal paperwork and shit like that. i know what grief is like and#seeing how it affects people. i know the stages of dread and worry and numbness & guilt-ridden relief that comes with being terrified 24/7#for an ailing family member over the course of years. knowing what it's like to grieve people who arent dead yet but you know it's coming#and then when the inevitable happens it's horrible. but also you're so exhausted from the strain that you're mostly numb. and then you feel#a sense of relief that the worst is over they're not suffering anymore you don't have to dread it anymore. which obviously makes you#question if you're some kind of deranged asshole for feeling that way. idk#25 for me has been a very eye-opening age where i'm fully realizing how fast time passes. i thought i was at around 18-20 but i was really#just first becoming aware of it.#i know how to view the world from that lens bc that's all i know. i only see life as a preparation for the end#instead of a beginning. or at least see it as a beginning at this current point in my life#covid/lockdown has definitely been a source of mental drain on me as well. the constant fear and paranoia of getting sick AND what sort of#long term consequences i could have due to getting it twice. and what i could have if i get it more than twice#add that with the general social and political climate right now and it's just...so very bleak. home life is bleak & outside world is bleak#vent
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it has come to my attention that the most efficient way to do things is to just do them, so with that in mind i have started FINALLY drawing the silly little good omens animatic that has been living in my head for (checks watch) two years.
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