it’s unfair how i have the responsibility to heal myself when i didn’t cause my wound in the first place

I always fuck things up.

The bpd urge to disappear to test if anyone would notice lmao 💕✨

If someone abandons me again I'll make sure I won't ever wake up again

okay maybe im just dramatic. or maybe im mentally ill.

sorry new plot development as i was writing this

I TAKE IT BACK I HATE HER. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME AND JUST BE OKAY WITH IT?? how can you treat me like i’m fucking nothing??? all i wanted was to see you on your birthday. that was five days ago. hell i’ve been trying to see you long before then. you blew me off for some randos then, and you fucking did it again. you fucking abandoned me for a party. “she has no gas i don’t think i can make it back” I VENMOED YOU FOR FUCKING GAS. you make me feel so worthless. i hope you feel at the MINIMUM half of what you’re doing to me. this isn’t even me overreacting because i’ve got problems this is you being a shitty friend. yes i dramatize things. yes i make issues in my head. yes i overthink. this is all on you. you LEFT me. you said ONLY AN HOUR. you’ve bailed on me three fucking times this week. i guess im just stupid enough to believe anything that comes out of your mouth. i should return your fucking birthday present.

it's wild, playing minecraft with my off again off again on again its complicated partner. Realistically my FP. And we've both imbibed substances and it's just like super zen. I'm sitting in our observatory just listening to the wind from my shader pack and I'm just like ascending you know.

yo bpd besties, how do u make urself ur fp?? I don't want mine anymore, I never want one again lmao so like,,,, any tips lol

having bpd n being diagnosed w it early in life somehow gives the impression i know how to “handle” it, or should know how to handle it better than someone who doesn’t get diagnosed. but fun fact. All being diagnosed does is confirm that this isn’t just a phase, that something somewhere went really wrong and i can’t remember it for the life of me, that my two options of cbt n dbt only work if i commit fully but even then, is it working, or am i just pretending it is? there is nothing easier about having bpd diagnosed, and there’s no way to measure if you’re getting “better” via a diagnosis. there’s a reason we have a high suicide rate, because living this way fucking kills us.

I had a crisis so bad today that my muscles are all sore, all because I forgo one of my six daily pills.

Two of the most important people in my life didn't gave me the attention I though I needed right at the moment, because they were working, and I knew that.

That was enough of a trigger for me to dissociate for minutes and become a crying, sobbing mess.

I had to leave my workplace to lie down a bit and almost relapsed in SH.

I feel humiliated and pathethic.

tired of those toxic supportive positive texts about healing

let! bitches! rot! in! their! misery!

bitches! is! me! im! bitches!

personally i do not allow many people to love me. when someone says they like me, i don’t believe them. or i just look away

The urge tho...

I can’t do it anymore, fr I‘m so tired

*displays textbook symptomatic behavior of my own disorder that I am well educated on* what’s my deal why am I like this