Before Realising My AroAce Sexuality
I want to make one thing very clear before anyone starts reading. Though I identify as being asexual and aromantic, I can only talk about my own story because it is the only one I really understand. And I know that all of us have a different story. We all walk a different path. We all react differently to the obstacles placed in out way. But I can only talk about myself and how I, and some people I know who are also aro-ace, have been affected by their sexuality. I hope sharing my story, as well as my opinions and advice is of any use to you.
I also want all my readers to feel free about contacting me if they want their story to be published or simply understood, EVEN IF YOU AREN'T AROMANTIC OR ASEXUAL YOURSELVES. I will handle everything which any of you send me with the utmost discretion and to the word referring to your wishes.
I am a British demigirl teenager of 14 years of age who has been living in Spain since the young age of about 4 or 5. I am currently undergoing my freshman year of highschool. The presence of the doubt that I was asexual always dug at the back of my mind, but I liked to think I wasn't. I was SCARED: I didn't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. In fact, I was obsessed with the idea that I would find love eventually.
I realised I didn't like boys or men when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I simply did not feel romantically attracted by them at all. Yes, I found some boys attractive, and some actors too, but I found I was not able to form romantic attractions towards them. What's more, the people who I had previously 'liked' (obvoiusly I was like 11 so never anything truly serious) had always been very good friends of mine. Such close friends that our friendship almost seemed like the celibate and completely nonsexual relationships the popular kids were forming between each other.
I knew that gay people existed. I'd never been against it. From the moment I realised being gay was a THING, I'd supported it, even if I didn't feel that way myself.
So I went and thought: hmmm... I don't like guys. That must mean I like girls. Now, what girl do I like?
So I found a pretty girl, VERY popular (actually, I remember quite clearly her name was Inés). And I decided I had a crush on her.
Then, 7th grade, I changed schools. And I lost contact with all my friends (including Inés). I found a girl, a Russian called Maria, and decided I liked her. We dated, some months later. But we never DID anything. Max was holding hands or kissing each others cheeks. Then we broke up on rather bad terms., Even now, almost a year and a half later, we don't talk. I was in the same room as her for 15 mins and has an anxiety attack. I must admit, I hold a massive amount of trauma from that relationship still.
I had never made out with anyone and never really felt the need to, even though by 8th grade most of my friends had. I felt like I fancied another of my friends, Sarah, but when I confessed my feelings I got rejected. I was not too sore about it, surprisingly. I felt more like my pride was hurt than that my heart was broken.
And then, something magical happened.
In June of 2023, at 14 years of age, I watched Heartstopper in a day with a friend.
I fell in love with it.
And then, on the 3rd of August, when season 2 was released, I watched the entirety of it at night on my phone. And that was when I discovered asexuality.
More later!
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Reason to Live #9183
Dealing with daunting things one step at a time. – Guest Submission
(Please don't add negative comments to these posts.)
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say less. all i needed to hear was more throuple scenes are coming and i actually fell in love with you
LMAO i can guarantee season 4 will just be pure nancy steve and reader chaos (with robin to REALLY bring it all together)
and im honored 🤭🤭🤭
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grosbeaks been hanging out here, better slap one on the WineBuddy Holder
I picked up a shimmer ribbon for extra fancy!
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a litany of incomprehensible ideas
I want to be alright,
I've never grown such timbers as these before
as if these ideas i scoped in the foresight
weren't even close,
let's see where this goes.
we have to do this,
(I do)
wait for me
and have a little faith,
im capable of showing you where we are
in this endless space,
ive thought about it too much.
where to walk from here?
ive asked this a million times,
i always know the answer
but im never strong enough to go there alone.
where do we go from here?
ive tried following the forms,
i always knew they were flawed
but im never strong enough to go there alone.
let's see where this goes.
***
never to see the sky
that's no way to live!
rise up and see it with the eyes
adjacent to the mountains
take aflight, you coward,
let the winds see you!
air speeds us through this lesser atmosphere,
ill gather them at the wayside of these lifts
make certain to pack your wings among your belongings
for we will ascend the sky one day.
let's see where the current goes
fluid dynamo we carve through
channels of ambitious flow
never to see the ends of such wild wisps
never to feel the top of skies.
***
ill writ these things to catastrophe
if i have to measure one more minute
not comparable to a sample of control,
as if these ideas i scoped in the darknesses
weren't too far off,
let's see where this goes
i could be continuing the cycle again
with new fervor
eyes blanketed by these sunders
failure bleaks upon the horizon,
yet follow true and follow through
no sense to it at all.
let's see where this goes
***
give me the rune to destroy
ill take the ferociousness to heart
learn from its unnerving lesions
like i was the surface area of the parasite,
a symbiosis to witness such ambiguity
and where does this all go?
gaze away then,
speak of its awe
and know we were truly here
speaking lesser of the top of the winds having seen it.
(09-01-2023 -- Moving this time hit different.)
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Meet Daunting! Spider me! Here for spooky month but probably for the rest of my life-
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sometimes, when I walk through my city, I suddenly remember that I love humans. I love the small communities we build, the artisan gelateria that opens up on sunny days in front of the abandoned church, and the kids playing in the fountain in the middle of the park, the people planning their wedding so all their friends can come, the store owner who laughs, and the lady in the wheelchair who shares the same colorful hair with her best friend (and the bubble tea they ordered). I love the smell of cars and Indian food, and the sound of laughter and angry yelling in Italian. I love the old houses lining the street and the sun setting behind the main road, highlighting the few tall buildings by the train tracks in red and purple and blue.
i actually... you know, i love humanity.
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With thousands of animals remaining to be described in detail by zoologists – and new species being discovered each year – it is a daunting task to know where to begin and which species to focus on when studying homosexuality/transgender in the natural world.
"Biological Exuberance: Animal Homosexuality and Natural Diversity" - Bruce Bagemihl
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Running on day one of your period is just abysmal. Also it's raining, nature is really testing my lazy bones today. We shall prevail.
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Hey, I saw your post about info for PCOS about trans things. I think my main thing to say would be just how important puberty blockers were to me? I'd already started developing, but they stopped periods and stopped my breasts from growing further, so gave me more time to figure myself out. Also low-dose testosterone as a non-binary person has been wonderful. I mainly want them to know options beyond the binary tbh.
from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this feedback. I definitely have slides planned about prescribing puberty blockers. Great point about options beyond the binary as well. I was thinking about how to visually show that other genders exist-- what do you think of something like contrasting a linear sliding scale from male to female to like, a whole solar system of gender options?
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asked a friend if she wants to talk about her relationship issues tmrw and she replied "yas <3"
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Back to school
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DREAD.
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“If I could live with my husband I didn’t care where, and without him everywhere was equally daunting.”
–Territory of Light
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realism is FREAKING HARD 😭😭😭
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The Sound of One Hand Snapping
Poetry and lit readings have some weird stereotypes, starting with the berets. Of course we all wear berets, and I must say I own 4 different berets, wear them often, and look forward to buying more should they appear at flea markets. However, I find myself in the extreme minority with the berets.
More common are things like snapping instead of clapping. Oddly, I’ve seen more people in my job…
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