Revolutionary Girl Utena as Onion Headlines 14/?

Alan Wake Characters + The Onion Headlines Part 2

Part 1

lol ngl I still love these headlines

The Primarchs as Onion headlines part 2

Still thinking about SHERLOCK HOLMES: THE AWAKENED!!!

Image ID 1: A Tumblr post by rosecrystal that says “unfortunately for everybody i will keep doing whatever i want” on top of Sherlock about to stab John’s syringe into the wall while John stands with his arms crossed in the background.

Image ID 2: A TikTok comment by Laura Malaurakey that says “I have a weird crush on him and I think its because I could overpower him physically but he could outwit me. Don’t worry, I’m in therapy.” on top of Sherlock talking to John, who looks distant and shiny from the rain.

Image ID 3: A Tumblr post by ponprincess-deactivated20170614 that says “My kink? Knowing all the information” on top of a smug and wet Sherlock in his deerstalker with his coat collar turned up.

Image ID 4: A Tumblr post by dorknewton that says “Neither romantic nor sexual nor platonic but a secret fourth thing (bonded like stray cats who cannot be adopted separately)” on top of the sad and bleary-eyed Sherlock and John who are trying to look put together on the dock in New Orleans.

Image ID 5: A tweet by @makeupaguy that says “guy who thinks wearing a different outfit makes tou legally a different person” on top of John wearing a green jacket and yellow bowler hat to look like Barnaby.

Image ID 6: A Tumblr post by vaporwavesimulator that says “i am fine thank you for asking! though recently there has been a darkness growing within me” on top of Sherlock (who looks worse than he has ever looked) raising up his hand to shield his face.

Image ID 7: A ClickHole “NEWS” headline that says “Oh Great, The Fog Is Here: It Is Now Very Foggy On Top Of Everything Else” on top of Sherlock navigating the boat with his lantern on the foggy bayou.

Image ID 8: An Onion “LOCAL” headline that says “Entire Sleepover Spent Avoiding Friend’s Brother With Behavioral Issues” on top of John looking dejected while the Holmeses talk.

Image ID 9: A Tumblr post by 5n4k3c47h3dr4l that says “learns forbidden knowledge on accident” on top of Barnes gesturing excitedly after translating the passage.

Image ID 10: A The Hard Times article by Kyle Erf that says “Desperate Attempt to Escape Mosh Pit Looks Exactly like Moshing” on top of John stuck in the group of cult victims who are all thrashing around.

Image ID 11: An Onion “BREAKING NEWS>>NEWS IN BRIEF” headline that says “Relationship Definitely Hurtling Toward Something” on top of John grabbing the syringe from the table before forcibly sedating Sherlock.   

Image ID 12: A tweet by @cowardlycowboy “sorry for the brief lapse in sanity you still wanna be my friend and still find me fuckable right” on top of Sherlock laying on the couch and looking up at John, right before losing consciousness.

Paving your streets with radium is something a cartoon death cult leader on a Nickelodeon show would do like... That's an onion headline. That's... A hyperbole you use when you want to point out how bad somewhere is, as a deliberate reference to the streets are paved with gold. A plot point of a 90s German indie film doing a dark retelling of Wizard of Oz set in the Eastern Bloc.

And it is literally a serious suggestion from Florida republicans.

2023 Movie Journey #8: The Menu

the menu. i’m glad i decided to watch this one. it wasn’t originally on my list, because i only knew ralph fiennes was in it and it’s about food--neither of those are specific draws for me. i had heard it involves class issues, it was being compared to glass onion in headlines i skimmed, so i wasn’t totally opposed to it, i just wasn’t sure either way. but then i saw john leguizamo talk about his role in an interview, and i hadn’t realized he was part of it; that made me reconsider. and then my favorite movie podcast put out an episode where they discussed m3gan--which i am desperate to get someone else’s opinion on since i saw it alone--BUT the episode also includes discussion of the menu. so i figured if i was ever planning on watching the menu, i had better do so soon, and then i’d be able to enjoy that podcast double-feature. (which now i can, yay!)

but my impression of this movie was definitely wrong, i’ll start by saying. i didn’t know it was really a horror movie--i knew there was some violence or gore, but i honestly thought for some reason that it was a movie about cannibalism, where the menu involved killing and cooking the customers. i have no idea where i got that idea, since it is not true. so now i’ve already watched more horror movies this year than i have in the last several combined, even if this one was by accident. and since i’m about to watch scream 5 (because i never did when it came out) in order to decide if i want to see scream 6 in the theater, i’m starting to reacclimate to horror and that’s a surprisingly nice feeling. in real life, i prefer to avoid violence always...but i’m okay with being desensitized to it in media because i don’t get to choose which stories include violence (so many!) and those stories can hold a lot of value for me otherwise.

anyhow, this movie really was good, and i’m not sure i have too much to say beyond that--the cast is great, from personal faves like judith light and nicholas hoult to reliable talents like ralph fiennes and anna taylor-joy. i didn’t realize before watching this that ralph fiennes is a jkr defender, so obviously that sucks, but he was hitting all the necessary levels in this--terrifying, sad, obsessive. and anna taylor-joy was another actor i didn’t even know was in this, which is pretty funny since she’s the real star. she makes an excellent final girl and as somebody who couldn’t get through the queen’s gambit i am thrilled to now know more of her work. i adore her thanks to this movie alone.

i did engage my newly-implemented horror rule of looking away when i need to--there are multiple suicides in this, for example, but most of the deaths were telegraphed well in advance so i didn’t have to see them. and because of my relationship to food, tbh there were some times when i looked away that didn’t involve any violence at all. this movie is simultaneously a love letter to food and a takedown of foodie culture, as much as it’s a takedown of wealthy restaurant customers and the way that restaurant culture destroys the workers that pour their lives into crafting food. because i’m so detached from food, i mostly enjoyed it as a well-told story rather than relating to any of it. 

i will add though that this is a fucking weird movie. that was my first immediate impression as i was watching it, so i shouldn’t just say i liked it without adding that. it is incredibly dark and twisted. but it so clearly knows what it wants to be doing that i was happily along for the ride. there’s something really enjoyable--at least for me--about a movie that’s completely committed to its premise, no matter how intense or specific (or bizarre) it may be. 

oh, also i liked the soundtrack to this one a lot. it wasn’t exactly all that special, more of the ‘classical with a modern twist’ that i love whenever i encounter it...but it made it fun for me to let the credits play to the end, because i enjoy that style of music all the time.

in conclusion, i would recommend this one if you like the cast, are interested in commentary on fine dining and the people that create it, or enjoy modern horror movies (especially ones that justify murdering the wealthy). i liked it a lot more than i thought i would.

BBC: Jordan's free speech boundaries tested with satire

By Yolande Knell, BBC News Middle East correspondent, 5 August 2023

One of the most popular satirical websites in the Arab world has hit back after being banned in Jordan by poking fun at the country's new planned censorship laws.

AlHudood, meaning "the limits" or "the borders", publishes articles and social media posts highlighting the absurdities of Middle Eastern politics and everyday life in a deadpan style. It is in effect the region's answer to the US parody website The Onion or the UK's Private Eye.

Its mocking commentary of the lavish wedding of Jordan's crown prince apparently led to AlHudood being blocked by the authorities last month - just ahead of tighter restrictions on the media being introduced.

Legislation currently going through parliament has been denounced by journalists and human rights groups, who say it will further restrict freedom of expression.

In its response, AlHudood - which was started in Jordan a decade ago - has offered a sardonic guide to publishing content in the country "without being fined, imprisoned, crucified".

Another mock article in a series of reports focuses on a "terrorist" who just started to pose a question on Facebook and was arrested for an "electronic crime".

"I think this will probably create a bigger clash [with officials in Amman] than before, but we feel we have no choice because if we don't do this, the longer-term effect for us and everyone else is going to be so much worse," an AlHudood source tells me from London.

In a region of autocratic leaders where state-run media dominates, AlHudood has thrived against the odds over the past decade and is seen as a breath of fresh air by many of its young followers. It says it reaches a million readers on its website and some 30 million a year on social media, which has become the main forum for voicing criticism of Arab authorities.

"We sort of do the journalism and then repackage it with satire," the London source says. "Satire is really great at working with hypocrisy and corruption."

Dark humour is deployed even on the toughest topics such as civil war, sectarian fighting, immigration and terrorism.

"A lot of the news is so overwhelming and it's difficult to find an angle on it," the AlHudood source adds. "Our approach at least gets people curious about what's happening. It helps create a question in people's heads like: 'What should I think about that?'"

Among the online publication's recent satirical reports was one about the Tunisian president condemning sub-Saharan Africans for stealing places on migrant boats from his own people.

Others drily introduce the two latest candidates "who will not end" Lebanon's long-running presidential vacuum and tell of an agreement between Turkey and Syria "to repatriate 50% of every refugee".

One headline: "Saudi government signs Hajj promotion deal with Cristiano Ronaldo" mocks how widely the superstar footballer has been used in marketing since his lucrative transfer to a Riyadh club.

For AlHudood's writers the opulent celebrations for the Jordanian royal wedding in June seemed ripe for ridicule. While Jordanian law has long criminalised speech deemed critical of the king, from experience its team did not think it was crossing red lines.

A satirical Instagram post depicted Jordanian riot police arresting a man for throwing a party for his baby son on the day of the crown prince's nuptials. There was also a joke threatening fines for citizens who were found not smiling sufficiently. Another gag asked how the costs of the wedding were being covered in the country struggling with rising living costs.

Human rights activists say that in Jordan and the broader Middle East, there has been a recent trend for increased state censorship. There have been many prosecutions of social media influencers and bans on TikTok.

A coalition of civic rights groups led by US-based Human Rights Watch (HRW) has urged Jordan's parliament to scrap its new cybercrimes law, saying it could jeopardise free speech and lead to greater online censorship. They criticise how some offences are described in vague terms which could leave them open for the interpretation of prosecutors.

"It makes very clear that the intention of this is to scare people and make them think twice about posting anything online that could be remotely critical or controversial, or something some official won't like. It's deeply concerning," says Adam Coogle from HRW in Amman.

"When you pair it with the real shrinking space for civil discussion that has taken place in this country otherwise in the last few years, we're looking at a clear slide into more authoritarian governance."

The cybercrime bill - which has just been sent back to Jordan's lower house of parliament by the Senate after it drafted small revisions - is also expected to give greater powers to the authorities to block websites and social media platforms.

Jordan's government maintains that the draft law is not meant to limit freedoms but tackle fake news, online defamation and hate speech. It denies trying to stifle dissent but says it wants to protect people from internet abuse or blackmail.

Nevertheless, there has been criticism from Washington, the country's main donor.

In order to work around regional restrictions, AlHudood has now been formally based in the UK for several years. It does not name its contributors from across the Arab world, reducing the chance of direct conflict with officials.

Despite the Jordan ban - which follows on from one in the United Arab Emirates - its writers say that they will continue touching the sensitive nerves of Middle Eastern powers.

Persefoni's Vamptember Contributions Masterlist

Vamptember 2022

Day 1: Devi's in the Details (Armand moodboard)

Day 5: Fire (Louis moodboard)

Day 6: Motel room (Armand/Daniel moodboard)

Day 7: Free day (collage/phone wallpaper made from @vamp4rebatscave art)

Day 14: Free day (Petronia moodboard)

Day 18: Garden (Mona Mayfair moodboard)

Day 19: Music (Nicki moodboard)

Day 21: Free day (Louis wallpaper)

Day 23: Group chat

Day 28: Free day (Maharet and Mekare moodboard)

Day 30: AU (pitch for a VC Heathers AU)

Vamptember 2023 (list of just fics)

Day 1: Leather (Lestat mooodboard)

Day 4: Folk horror (Mael moodboard)

Day 5: Fix-it (Bring Me to Life - Loustat)

Day 7: Reverse AU (Little Vices - Daniel/Louis)

Day 9: First time (Blow Out the Candles - Marius/Daniel)

Day 10: Flowers (Seeing Red - Maharet/Mael/Jesse)

Day 14: "You Knew?" (Foundations of Decay - Marius/Armand)

Day 15: Dress-up (Dress-Up - Armand&Riccardo)

Day 16: Coffee shop AU (Espresso Macchiato - Louis&Daniel)

Day 17: Free day (Louis moodboard)

Day 18: Fairy tail (Wolf Song - Marius/Armand)

Day 19: Genderswap (Armand/Daniel moodboard)

Day 20: Pearls (Bianca moodboard)

Day 21: 1990s (Silent Lamentations - Marius/Louis)

Day 22: Strip (Strip - Lestat/Daniel)

Day 23: Egypt (Akasha moodboard)

Day 24: Free day (Quinn Blackwood moodboard)

Day 25: Heartbeat (Killing Loneliness - Loustat)

Day 27: Glasses (Daniel moodboard)

Day 28: News (VC as The Onion headlines pt I)

Day 29: Sunlight (Home Videos - Daniel&Louis)

Day 30: Sonoma Compound (Jesse/Mael moodboard)

Queens of the Damned 2024

Day 1: BDSM (Trust Me - Jesse/Pandora)

Day 1: Butch/femme (Armand/Daniel moodboard)

Day 1: Butch/femme (Dani art)

Day 1: Butch/femme (goth Lestat/dark academia Louis art)

Day 1: All dolled up (Loustat art from Post-Mortem Depression)

Day 2: Mommy kink (My Fair Lady - omegaverse Marius/Lestat)

Day 2: Siren (Pretty Little Hunter - Daniel/monster!Armand)

Day 3: Pegging (The Sacrament - Maharet/Mael/Jesse)

Day 3: Bodily autonomy (Kiss That Ring - Armand/Lestat)

Day 3: Femme fatale (art of Eudoxia and Zenobia)

Day 3: Bloodbath (art of Petronia inspired by Gentileschi's Susanna and the Elders)

"You don't KNOW" says person equally in the dark as you (this should be an onion headline)

literally like ghfjjhgfjd NO ONE is stopping u from being excited about the new show..... esp not ME who'd love to enjoy it as well..... like my god

@ronmanmob :// {this ain't gonna fit in your inbox, my love }

— ☾ —

<< An after-hours confession >>  "—Accidental?" Ben drew back, right into his turtleneck. Feeling wrong-side-up as any of the upturned barstools. "Sure. Totally. Let's tango with road ethics. Were these guys drifting in a mall parking lot? Yeah. Uh, yeah, you know. They were, but..."  A pause. A long one. A myriad of microexpressions flicker on Ben's face as though someone was operating a projector on him from the top shelf, superimposing portraits of the fretful, rigid, aggrieved, and tartly amused. "They crashed because I was on autopilot," he said. "I didn't see them. They simply didn't exist. They didn't exist between me and the Rainbow Road. I didn't have an optics issue. The police monitored my alcohol intake after it happened. I wasn't that drunk, either. It was about a dozen other things."  His eyes flick toward Ron, not long enough to pick up on what his newfound confidant's eyes or body language might reveal. Ben picks up the glass instead, takes a long sip, and wipes the sting of liquor from his raw pink and masticated lower lip.  "The headlines. Those were true."  The front pages were cheap, but they called him 'Benzo Solo' for a reason.  "I didn't leave the car when they hit that pillar," he continued, tentatively at first. Then it seemed that speech could not be stopped. Ben's language was one of silence or deluge, and his dialectal monsoon swept away any former resignation.  "I don't remember exiting the car until I saw this woman run into the flames. She was trying to save the people burning inside, and the door melted shut. There was no way." "By the time the defence forces arrived, there were no bodies to recover. Just the woman. She was rolling around on the ground, trying to put herself out. She died later that night. Alone in an ICU." He swirls the glass gently, ice clinking on ice. The warm, runny scotch transfused into his eyes.  "I stood there," he says, unsmiling, though the corners of his mouth quirk.  What the pages got wrong was a matter of nomenclature.  "I mean, the press called it an 'accident.' 'Accidental.' The Times used the word 'unforeseen.'" He laughs without a trace of joy. His unsmiling only deepens. His eyes shine cheerlessly. "That wasn't it at all. I think the word they needed was 'negligent.' 'Derelict.' 'Delinquent.' 'Criminal.' But I am my mother's son. 'Scot-free.'"  Gently, Ben nudges the tumbler onto the bartop. He tucks his chin into a purled shoulder, and the shoulder inches inward, a soft brown fortress.  "That's why I have the three-drink rule. And this—" he indicates the empty glass with the edge of his cheek "—was number two." Without looking up, he murmurs, "Whenever I think I've found a way to let go, I look in the mirror and see her face, wet and shiny. White, like the skin of an onion. She wears a wedding gown."  And no lips for her rouge.  "I think her name was Hui Ping. She just got engaged. Her fiance was in that car. The groomsmen." The warm dark room is alive with the clock's tick and Ron's breathing.  "I can't forget. I wish I hadn't... I wish I hadn't told you any of this, and I'm sorry I did, but hey, uh. You asked, man. If it were up to me..."  There is no air for Ben to fill his lungs.  "I'd rather you didn't remember."  

Warhammer characters as Onion/Reductress headlines 2/?

Wasabi Wallet - A Safe Way to Store Your Bitcoins on the Dark Web

Recently, the Justice Department announced charges against several dark web phishing sites. One of the perpetrators received a prison sentence of more than a year. Dark Fail told Motherboard that once someone controls your domain, you're toast. Namecheap and Tucows have issued statements. While these statements may not be the final word, they're certainly indicative of what's to come. In the end, these companies will likely have to pay a large fine. Empire Market The dark web is a network of websites that are untraceable by search engines and run by anonymous server owners. These websites are popular among those who want to avoid the scrutiny of law enforcement. Since the birth of Bitcoin in 2009, dark web marketplaces have flourished, allowing users to buy and sell illegal goods and services in return for untraceable cryptos. Empire Market was launched soon after AlphaBay's failure, and is now a popular site with around 1.3 million users and a market cap of $30 million. In August, it was reported that the Empire Market was shut down due to a suspected exit scam. This follows the takedown of its predecessors, Silk Road and AlphaBay, by law enforcement officials. Although many users have been displaced by the closure of these websites, the market's popularity has not diminished and its users will be able to access a new marketplace in its place. However, it is not clear whether the Empire Market will survive as long as the alternative markets remain active. Haystak A few months ago, Haystak made headlines when it announced its first-ever indexed list of dark web addresses, with more than 1.5 billion. The search engine claims to index onion pages with up to four times more content than Google, with an average of 130, 000 searches daily. Its creators are a group of online privacy activists, and they were determined to take on state-sponsored online surveillance. While the service's founders are undoubtedly disappointed with the results, they are confident that they'll make up for the lost time by creating an even better dark web search engine. Wasabi Wallet If you're looking for a safe way to store bitcoin, you might want to consider using the Wasabi Wallet. This wallet uses the Tor Network to hide all of your data, so anyone looking to steal your Bitcoins can't get them. It also mixes your bitcoins with other users, making it difficult to trace who's paying. dark.fail Despite the fee, this wallet is much safer than CoinJoin and can reduce your risks of scams and identity theft. Wasabi Wallet is the safest payment method on dark web sites The Wasabi Wallet is a trusted crypto wallet used for transactions on the dark web. This wallet uses Tor for trustless coinjoin transactions. You can use popular hardware wallets to send and receive bitcoins with Wasabi. However, you can't directly coinjoin your funds using Wasabi. Instead, you need to import your PSBT from an SD card. This way, you can send and receive bitcoins without worrying about tracing your bitcoins. While it's possible to use other methods of payment on the dark web, Wasabi Wallet is the safest. Unlike other cryptocurrency wallets, this app hides all data. It also mixes your coins before issuance to make sure your data is secure. This means there's little risk of scams or identity theft. Although Wasabi Wallet costs money, it's a safe payment method for dark web sites.

Dark + The Onion headlines - part 7 of 7 (Season 3, episodes 3x05-3x08)

And here we are at the end with the last of the post with my Dark + Onion headlines memes... and sh1t, that got dark(er than usual), sorry - but that’s unavoidable with the last 4 episodes of season 3.

Take a look at my other Dark meme posts:

Part 1 (Season 1 - 1x01-1x06)

Part 2 (Season 1 - 1x09-1x10)

Part 3 (Season 2 - 2x01-2x02)

Part 4 (Season 2 - 2x03-2x06)

Part 5 (Season 2 - 2x07-2x08)

Part 6 (Season 3 - 3x01-3x04)

Dark + text posts

And finally - this Onion headline is a just a perfect and succint summary of the entire show and every single character’s storyarc:

tales of the jedi + onion headlines

More Onion headlines + Skyrim because this blog needs content.