#cynical marketing tags
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Hi all, it’s Jonny. You remember, from The Magnus Archives? So, we’re in the last three days of the crowdfunder for my latest project, PITCRAWLER, and I really, really want it to do well, so I thought I’d do another plug post to try and nudge anyone on the fence about it to back (or to remind folks who were like “oh yeah, maybe I’ll back that later” - now’s the time!).
I’m not going to post a link ‘cause I know that means Tumblr hides posts, but if you google “pitcrawler” then the IndieGoGo campaign should be the first result.
So what is PITCRAWLER?
It’s a tabletop roleplaying game that I’ve been designing with my partner Sasha Sienna (Georgie from Magnus). It’s an over-the-top fantasy game inspired by old adventure gamebooks like Fighting Fantasy or Lone Wolf, with “wizard airbrushed onto the side of a van” vibes (though much less racist/misogynist/colonialist than a lot of the fantasy of that era, and much more queer-friendly).
It’s designed to be played with two players, one adventurer and one gamesmaster, and has a simple system intended to be accessible to new players who might be curious about roleplaying but find the prospect of big games like Dungeons & Dragons a bit intimidating, or who might not be able to get a half dozen friends together, but can probably convince one other person to play.
In it, you play an adventurer trying to make their way in a world ruled by hyper-powerful wizards who have carved reality up into their own weird domain. Thematically, it’s unsurprisingly anti-capitalist, with the wizards very much standing in for weird, out-of-touch billionaires and oligarchs.
Will I like it?
I think so! It’s a fun, light-hearted adventure romp that requires no preparation or experience to play, with loads of random tables and guidance to help new players find their feet. Plus, it’s got fantastically cool old-gamebook art like this!
Look at that boney fellow! He’s having a great time!
How much is it?
The basic PDF version is only £13, with physical copies starting from £26, though there are obviously higher tiers that get you cooler stuff, like journals to record your adventures and tear-off character sheet notebooks!
Can I try it out first?
Yes! There’s a Quickstart Guide available for download on the IndieGoGo page, which gives you the full basic rules and a small selection of backgrounds, expertises, companions etc, as well as four sample adventures!
How long do I have to think about it?
The IndieGoGo campaign finished on Wednesday 25th May, and while there will be opportunities to pre-order it afterwards, backing it now will mean there’ll be more good stuff in the book itself. Our next stretch goal (which we are tantalisingly close to) will add a whole bunch of extra random tables to the book! So if you’re curious or interested, please consider backing it now!
Can I play an adventurer who used to be a Mayor?
Weird question, but yes! You even get a special mayor’s hat as a starting item!
Can my best friend be a goblin who plays the bagpipes?
Uh, again, yes. That would probably be the Musician companion in the full game, and absolutely they can be a goblin if you’d like.
Can-
Look, I’m going to stop you there, if these are the sort of questions that amuse or excite you, I really think you’re going to love PITCRAWLER, so check out the campaign and back it if you can.
Where did you say I could find it?
Just google “pitcrawler” and it should be the first result.
Right. Cool. Wait, why did you post this in “The Magnus Archives” tag?
Well, uh... You see... Um... Look out! Behind you! A wizard!
#pitcrawler#macguffin & co#crowdfunding#the magnus archives#thirteen storeys#jonny sims#sasha sienna#indiegogo#cynical marketing tags
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sometimes when I see a post about loving machines on tumblr (which seems to happen increasingly often these days) I must think of Apple's and, by extension, General Magic's development. when the Macintosh was first unveiled, it introduced itself, stating "it sure is great to get out of that bag":
youtube
like. from the very beginning we've been told that the Macintosh was something to
anthropomorphize
laugh with
hold.
and I also think of this email from Marc Porat of General Magic, sent to John Sculley (then CEO of Apple):
We realize that the root of our strength was that we understood how people use information machines better than anyone else. This is our early vision for the product. A tiny computer, a phone, a very personal object. It must be beautiful. It must offer the kind of personal satisfaction that a fine piece of jewelry brings. It will have a perceived value even when it is not being used. It should offer the comfort of a touchstone. The tactile satisfaction of a seashell. The enchantment of a crystal. Once you use it, you won't be able to live without it. It's just not another telephone. It must be something else.
and finally, I think of Megan Smith, describing General Magic's never fully realized touchscreen telephone:
We are trying to make something that people love.
and I think about how those engineers, designers, and - yes, because this is an unavoidable truth, marketers - must feel about so resolutely accomplishing that goal.
#the cynic in me wants it to describe as the most wildly successful marketing scheme ever created. the optimist says it's beautiful#objectum#tagging as it seems those guys would like this post
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sweet like you🍓
pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader
summary: carmen stumbles across a local farmer’s market on accident and discovers a family run strawberry stand. he discovers that not only the strawberries are delicious and sweet, but so is the girl selling them to him.
word count: 2.1K
notes: yk what’s really funny,, i never realised so far a lot of my fics involve the color red. perhaps it’s becoming my new favorite color and I love to make it obvious dsgdfsj,, anyways first time writing for carmen, been obsessed w him since the bear came out. i’m a whore for jeremy allen white in case you haven’t noticed. anyways this will def get a part two!!
P.S. let me know if you’d like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! comments and reblogs are highly appreciated, requests are open!
Saturday was farmer’s market day.
Every Saturday morning, dozens of independent businesses, farmers and food stands would come together at Lincoln Park to sell their wares. It made for a colorful and interesting blend of smells, sounds and sights, and for most, a great way to start off their weekend.
And Carmen was no exception to this. He’d first stumbled upon it by accident on his way to the Beef. Taking a wrong turn because of his still waking morning head resulted in him walking through the park and, unavoidably, being distracted by what vendors there were. A chef at heart, he couldn’t help but look around the wide array of fresh ingredients available for purchase. He’d taken out his notebook and started writing down business names as he tried a sample every now and then.
He held a bag of fresh paprikas in one hand, making his way down the line before he came across a peculiar and seemingly very busy stand. The fresh, sweet scent of strawberries allured him, stepping closer to take a look at what they had to offer. And it was exactly that, just strawberries. It appeared to be a family business, your mother and father packing orders, and you at the front taking them and accepting payments. For a second he just kind of stood there, bag in hand, staring at you. There was no way you were from here, Chicago doesn’t let a smile like that survive very long. Or maybe that was just his cynical mind doing its usual thing.
He snapped out of it when you glanced his way, looking to the side. He felt his cheeks getting warmer, embarrassed that just looking at a pretty girl got such a reaction from him. He’s a collected person, he should be acting like one. He took a deep breath and got in line. Lord knows what he’d be using strawberries for, he’d figure something out, might as well just eat them as a snack while the season allowed it.
“Hi! How many?” Your voice was sweet and chipper, something he couldn’t even think of being after taking orders all morning. Somehow, you kept it up.
“Oh, uh...” He looked at your display, before remembering that all you sold were strawberries, so browsing just made him look even more stupid. “How many... Strawberries?”
“Boxes. They’re 500 grams, 5 bucks each. So how many?” Your smile remained the same, though you were slightly amused by his confusion.
“Oh, right. Sorry.” He could have sank into the ground right then and there. Of course you meant boxes, who in their right mind is buying individual strawberries? “Uh... Just one box is fine, please.” He reached for his wallet while you took over a box from your mom.
“Great! That’ll be 5 dollars please.” You took the slightly crumpled bill from his hand, storing it in the tin box in front of you and quickly writing down something on a paper. Seemed like you still did everything by hand, he couldn’t imagine what a mess it would be if he had to do that at the restaurant.
“Here you go, have a great day!” The box you gave him was neatly wrapped in brown paper, with a sticker serving as a business card on top.
“Uh...” He stared at the sticker, reading over it before looking back up at you.
Ask for her name.
“Yeah...”
Her name.
“You too.”
You idiot.
He picked up the box and walked away, walking a little faster than usual. He was never good at talking to people, but god, that was just embarrassing. He opened up the packaging, and took out a perfectly plump strawberry. He took a bite, humming as the juicy sweetness washed over his tastebuds.
Lunch rush had just ended, and Carmen was sat outside the back of the restaurant with Richie, smoking as per usual. Except now, a small cardboard box sat between them. It was almost empty as the two of them snacked on the fruit between puffs of their cigarettes.
“Ya know, I read somewhere on Facebook that these are supposed to help with uh... Cancer or something.” Richie said, throwing the green leafy part back into the box.
“You’re a fuckin’ idiot, cousin.” Carmy smiled to himself, back leaned against the wall as he brought the cigarette to his lips.
“Oh, why’s that huh? Cause I can’t read shit online anymore without having to do an hour of research behind it?” Richie furrowed his brows, blowing smoke out his nose.
“No, stupid,” Carmen put the cigarette out on the concrete. “Cause you’re fuckin’ smoking, man. The fuck is a strawberry gonna do against that.”
“Yeah, well... I try to stay positive, you should fucking try it sometime, ya depressed asshole.” He grabbed another strawberry. “Where d’you get these from anyways? Shit’s pretty good.”
The image of you working at the stand flashed through his mind. “Passed by some random farmer’s market this morning. Might stop by there again, got a ton of fresh produce there for not much money.”
“Speakin’ of produce.” Richie used his thumb to point back over his shoulder to the kitchen. “Place’s out of onions. Your magical farmer’s market got those? Cause we need more by the dinner shift.”
Carmen groaned, wanting to curse at Richie for not letting him know earlier. But honestly, if it gave him a chance to go back, get more delicious strawberries and possibly redeem his awkward first impression to the pretty girl there... It might not be a bad idea. He checked the time on his watch, early afternoon, you’d probably be wrapping up right now. If he was fast, he could totally still make it. “Fine, but I’m taking your car.”
“Don’t crash it.” Richie said as he got up, ready to get back inside.
“You’re the one with a suspended license.” He joked, catching the keys Richie threw at him that were totally not aimed at his head.
“Fuck you cousin.”
Parking was a bitch, as always, but Carmen had managed to find a stall selling onions for about half of what he usually got them for. He was starting to like this market, not just for the prices, but because these were all people who worked hard and loved their products. A lot of work goes into putting something out there to sell, he would know.
He realized he might be pushing his luck if he still wanted to see you, but he decided to take the chance nonetheless and walk down the lineup. It seemed to be his lucky day, as he caught sight of your parents loading up mostly empty boxes back in the car. You were working on breaking down the stand, doing so with relative ease. You were currently folding up the tables, kneeled down onto the ground.
Again, he stared. Honestly, how could he not? It wasn’t every day he saw someone so beautiful, and with a sweet personality to match. Granted his only interaction with you had been brief, but still, he got a good vibe from you, and he was usually so distrustful.
You looked up, and by pure coincidence, your eyes met. His eyes were so intense, hues of blue that anyone would recognize, even from a mile away. You certainly recognized them from this morning at least. Your face brightened with the same smile he saw you had before, and for a second he wondered if it was just a customer service thing.
“Hi! Hope you enjoyed your strawberries!” You got up, holding the folded table under your arm.
“Sure did.” He put on a bit of an awkward smile. God, why was he doing this... What was he even supposed to say?
Your eyes squinted slightly when you read the words on his shirt. “Nice shirt... Oh, wait, you work at the Beef?”
His body tenses up a little when you mention the restaurant. Given its... Peculiar reputation, that question could be followed up by any kind of statement. “Yeah, yeah, I uh... I kinda run it now.” He decided not to mention Mikey. Seemed a bit overkill to mention your dead brother to someone whose name you don’t even know.
“Ohhh, that’s you! Yeah, I’ve seen you smoking outside before.” You extend your hand and you both introduce yourselves. “I work at a café just two blocks over. You might have seen it, it’s called Odette’s?”
Carmy nodded. He knew that place. He also knew the cranky old French lady who owned it. “Ah... Yeah. Menu still the same?”
“As long as Odette is still alive, I doubt she’ll ever let me change anything. ‘Over my dead body, cherie’”. You jokingly imitated her French accent, chuckling to yourself.
Carmen smiled, glad that he’s at least not making a complete fool out of himself now. This was good, he knew this, work and food, those were his safe topics. “Yeah, well... Maybe if she tasted one of these strawberries first, you might convince her.”
“Huh,” You thought to yourself for a second, imagining your usual grumpy boss overflowing with glee after trying the fruit from your family’s farm. “You know what, I’ve never actually thought of that. Maybe I’ll try it out!” You smile. “You know I’ve been meaning to try and serve some of my pastries there. I’m a huge baking fanatic, but she’s so... Set in her ways. I don’t know if my amateur baking skills could possibly convince her, no matter how tasty the strawberries I use are.”
“Yeah, I know what that’s like...” Carmen thought about his crew, and how much they loved their so called ‘system’. Change was good, change meant progress, but it was also scary. On that part, he didn’t blame her boss for refusing to switch things up. “If you want, I could help you out. I’m a full time chef, so... Always willing to taste test.” He hoped his poorly masked excuse to stay in touch came across as friendly, and not pushy. He always felt like he was overthinking everything when he was trying to socialize, like he was reading off some type of script. Your chipper personality made things a tad easier, at least.
“Really?” You seem to brighten up even more. Carmen is sure there’s light shining from your face from how excited you look, but he doesn’t mind. It’s amusing, almost... Cute.
“Yeah, I don’t see why not. Just uh... Let me know when.” He puts his hands in his pockets.
“Of course!” You pause, realizing he’s probably expecting you to give him some kind of contact information. Unless he was planning to use telepathic communication. You put down the folded table. “Right, sorry, uh...” You laughed awkwardly and pulled out a pen and an old receipt from your back pocket to scribble your number on, before handing it to him. “There we go!”
Carmen’s eyes went over the number, putting it in his wallet so he wouldn’t forget to save it later. “Cool, cool... So uh, text you later.” He silently cringed at his own words, trying painfully hard to play it cool.
“Yeah, totally!” Your mom called your name, and you look over your shoulder, seeing her gesture to you to hurry up. “Be right there, mama!” You chuckled. “Sorry, duty calls! But yeah, I’ll hear from you. And if I don’t, I know where you work, Berzatto.”
He chuckles slightly at your joking threat. “Sure, I’ll hold you to that.” He gives you a curt wave before walking off and letting you go back to work.
He really hoped you didn’t mean that “threat”. He’d rather die than let you see him at the Beef right when they got such a bad hygiene rating.
He was laid down on the couch late at night, watching an episode on the food network about an olive farm in Italy. He wondered if your family’s farm was anything like this one, and remembered he hadn’t even saved your number or texted you yet. Carmen rubbed his sleepy eyes and pulled out his phone, saving your number under a new contact and typing out a few quick texts. He stared at the screen for a few seconds, realized he was overthinking it and fell asleep not long after, the sound of an elderly Italian woman speaking on TV in the background.
[unknown]: hey, it’s carmen
[unknown]: guy from the beef
[unknown]: next thursday work for you?
You groaned in your bed, looking over at your phone and cursing yourself for forgetting to turn off your notifications. “The fuck...” Your eyes squinted at the brightness of the screen. A sleepy smile adorned your face when you read his name, saving his contact and texting something back quickly before putting the phone away and going back to sleep.
[y/n]: for sure!
[y/n]: let’s do 4:30 PM? café closes at 4 anyways so we’ll have the kitchen to ourselves :)))
#aster writes the bear#carmen berzatto#carmenmath#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto fic#carmen berzatto imagine#carmen berzatto the bear#the bear fic#the bear imagine#the bear#carmen berzatto fan fiction#carmen berzatto x fem!reader#jeremy allen white#jeremy allen white imagine
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The Grey Zone 3
Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon, manipulation, age gap, bullying, toxic parental figures, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.
This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.
Summary: Your relationship with your parents has never been good, and that with a family friend takes a strange turn(goth!reader)
Character: Lloyd Hansen
Note: I'm tired of being sick
As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3
Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)
You prefer the opening shift. Finishing early gives you extra motivation to make use of the rest of the day. Yet that morning is slogging by like wet sand. You still have an hour left before you’re free and even then, you have hours of studying to catch up on.
You enjoy your work, short of the occasional unpleasant customer. The shop is slow despite its location in the mall, but that’s expected with its niche catalogue. The New Age collection often attracts curious eyes but few purchases. The candles and jewelry sell most often, more marketable to those in the market for a gift or ‘just looking’.
You lean on the counter, doodling with a pen on a strip of receipt paper. Little stars and a crescent moon. The mall is starting to get busier as lunchtime approaches. You twirl the pen and look up, only realising then that you have a customer.
You drop the pen and quickly flit around the counter. It’s a good thing the manager is only in on evening shift. You approach the man perusing the bucket of discount crystals and slow as you recognise the back of his slicked hair. Really?
“Mr. Hansen?” You sputter in surprise.
He turns and smiles at you, a stone in his hand, “hey, little lamb,” he greets coolly, “fancy meeting you here.” You squint as he laughs at your cynical stare, “sarcasm,” he scoffs.
“Oh, uh,” you go to cross your arms but resists, instead hooking your thumbs into the chains attached to your black cargo pants, “are you looking for something?”
“Besides you,” he winks as he drops the stone back in the bucket, “they don’t have the hair gel I like at Carmine’s. Apparently they don’t manufacture that scent anymore. So I was wandering around and I just stumbled in.”
You nod and watch him reach into the bucket and pull out a small shard of lapus lazuli, “you got any Carnelian?”
“Carnelian?” You furrow your brow, “uh, I don’t know. Probably not in there…”
You turn and stride over to the shelf of labeled stones; those ones with a better natural shape or cut. You search the tags and find a small canister of orangish red stones, smooth and ovular; some opaque and few with patches of translucence.
Lloyd stops beside you, close. Too close. He tends to do that. He crowds you in without realising it. You hold out the container.
“You like crystals?” You ask with an edge of doubt; you didn’t expect he would be into that sort of thing.
“Eh, I’m intrigued,” he takes the canister and examines it, “you know, after you showed me your cards, I was reading around. It’s kinda neat, this stuff. You know, I don’t really buy into the mystic shit but it’s fun.”
“Ah,” you nod. Most people have that opinion. It doesn’t bother you. You’re more pragmatic than dreamy. You accept that you have no control over the world, but you don’t believe there’s any force around that does.
“You got cards here?” He shakes the crystals as he lifts his chin.
“Uh, yeah, just over there,” you point to the other wall.
You back away and go back to the counter. You just need some space. In such a small shop, it’s easy to feel suffocated. He goes to the shelf of tarot cards and you languish in the silence of his perusal.
“There a difference between these things?” He asks.
“No, not really. Just the look.”
“Ah,” he accepts and spins on his heel. He approaches the other side of the counter and places down his purchases. The crystals and a deck of cards with a Roman mythology aesthetic. “Just these.”
You ring him through and he plays with the necklaces on the small rack next to the till. He tilts his head as he examines a piece of amethyst attached to black cord. He lets it dangle and reaches into his back pocket. He presents his card and you pass over the machine.
“When are you done?” He asks.
“Um, in an hour,” you answer.
“Hmm,” he nods as the machine accepts the transaction, “got the whole day ahead of you.”
“Kinda,” you wait for the printer, “want a receipt?”
He shakes his head, smiling at you. You take out a small black bag and put his things inside, sliding it over to him. As he takes it, his hands brush yours.
“Don’t work too hard,” he says.
“Er, sure, thanks,” you eke out awkwardly, “have a good day.”
“Going well so far,” he smirks before he turns away and struts to the door.
He looks back and you raise your brows at him, perturbed. He finally leaves and you let out a breath. You wonder if he knew you worked there or if it’s as deliberate as it seems.
You take out your phone and lean on the counter as you key in Carnelian. You don’t know much about the stone and you can’t remember anyone ever asking about it. You nearly choke as you read the description; ‘Carnelian is great for increasing sexual energy…’
Is he trying to embarrass you? Your mind lists to a couple nights before when he sat on your bed. It all seems a bit much, a bit too calculated. You just can’t find the punchline to go with the set up.
🖤
Meghan shows up to take over for the afternoon. You leave her, intent on your mission. You’ll get your matcha to go and head to the library for your study session. Studying at the cafe had proven too distracting last time.
You get in line, flicking through your phone as you shift with the bodies ahead of you. You hear a rabble behind you as a large group enters, clustering at the end of the queue. You tuck your phone away as you recognise a voice and keep your chin down. You shrink down, hoping to go unnoticed in the busy cafe.
“Oh, look who’s back again,” Shania guffaws, “it’s the dead girl.”
You don’t look back. You have as much right to be here as them. You don’t know why she’s so pressed. There are other coffee shops and no reason for her to associate with you. High school is over. This isn’t the cafeteria, there is no cool table.
“Hey, Morticia,” Kaliana comes up on your left-side, “thanks for saving us a spot.”
They try to push in ahead of you but you step up, blocking them. You keep your head straight as Shania jostles you from the other side. At least this time you don't have anything for them to dump on you.
“Don’t be uncool, face paint,” Shania snarls, “know your place.”
“Go away,” you mutter to your boots.
“I can’t hear you over all that metal,” she reaches out and tugs on your nose ring. “Speak up, little girl.”
“I don’t know how you breathe around that snot catcher,” Kaliana chortles.
You shake your head and cross your arms. You step back and wave to the space in front of you, “fine. Go ahead.”
They girls laugh. They sound like hyenas. As they go to step in front of you, Shania cries out and liquid splashes over her shoulders, dripping down the front of her baby pink crop top. She puts her hands up and turns to face the culprit.
“You loser–” She yipes.
“Didn’t see ya,” Mr. Hansen’s voice brings your eyes up, “watch where you’re walking.”
“What? Me? You–”
“Look, I don’t need some knock off barbie shrieking at me so zip it,” he spits.
“Excuse you! You can’t talk to me like that.”
“I can and I am,” he snickers.
“Ew, you creep, get out of here,” Kaliana steps up next to Shania, “No one wants to hear from you or your dirty porn stache–”
“I didn’t ask, pancakes.”
“Pancakes?” She sniffs.
“Flip, flap,” he motions to his chest with a mean smirk, “if you’re gonna go out in a shirt like that, you could at least put a few socks in your bra.”
“Ugh, you perv–”
“Trust me, you’re the last thing that makes my dick hard,” he curls his lip.
“Whatever,” Shania blusters as she pulls the wet fabric away from her chest, “Kal, let’s go.”
The girls stomp off and you stare after them. Hansen puts down the empty cup and chortles. He turns to stand parallel to you, “well, I don’t know who’s drink that was but I hope they don’t mind.”
“What?”
“Oops,” he shrugs, “so what are we drinking, babe? Hmm. You seem like you got a sweet tooth. White mocha? Caramel?”
“Uh, no–”
“Wait, wait, dark chocolate, that seems more your speed.” You shoot him a look and he meets your eyes. He smiles and tilts his head, “kidding.”
“I can get my own drink,” you insist.
“I’m sure you can, but I want to get it for you.”
“Why?”
“Why?” He repeats.
“Why would you want to do that?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You’re not answering me,” you sigh and move up to the counter.
“I don’t know, you make me wanna do nice things,” he says and faces the barista, “black coffee and whatever she wants.”
You hesitate but take your cue. You order your matcha latte and he taps his card. You clamp your lips together. Does he think you’re pathetic? That you need him to pay for a tea?
You go to wait by the order window and sway impatiently. You grip the strap of your bag and stare out into the mall. Hansen leans into you, brushing his arm against you.
“So, couple of bitches, huh?” He says.
“What?” You whip around to face him.
“Those girls.”
“Oh, uh, yeah. We went to school together…”
“Figured,” he shakes his head, “they’re only jealous. Girls like that, they don’t know how to feel anything else. Always a competition.”
“Hm, I guess.”
“Not like you.”
You glance at him then to the counter. You just want to get your tea and leave. You tap your fingers on the strap of your bag.
“So, the lake house,” he changes the subject, “what do you think?”
“Uh, dunno,” you watch the barista at the steaming espresso machine, “dad didn’t say anything.”
“I’m not asking about dad. You ever been to the lake?”
“Which lake?”
He chuckles, “now who’s not answering who?”
You shrug and cross your arm over your chest, rubbing your shoulder. Your order is up. Before you can move, Hansen puts his hand on your lower back, ushering you with him to grab his cup as you claim your own.
You pull away from him as you leave the shop. He keeps pace with you as you try to figure out a way to nicely get rid of him. You didn’t expect to run into him twice. How reappearance convinces you it’s less than coincidental, but would he really wait around the mall just to bother you?
“I should go study…” you say at last.
“Study. Boring,” he comments.
“Maybe but… I have to.”
“Oh, do you always do the right thing?” He prompts.
You don’t know how to answer. You turn the hot cup in your hand as you walk along the mall corridor.
“No, I don’t know, I…”
“A good girl like you, always doing what you should but never what you want to do,” he says, “did you ever even ask yourself what you want?”
“I.. I don’t know what you mean.”
“You want to what? Study boring books? Get a boring degree? Get a boring job?” He continues, “all so one day you can live in a boring house with a boring husband? And have boring kids?”
“I– I never… I’m just going to school.”
“Because? Because you never thought of doing anything else. Of anything fun. I’m fun, sweetheart.”
You blow across the lid of your tea and taste it. It’s good but you find it hard to enjoy. Not with him there. Not with your mind racing.
“I like being boring,” you say at last.
He snorts, “sure you do. You're whole look screams boring. Well, let me know when you’re really bored, sweetheart. I’ll give you everything you never knew you wanted.”
You peek over at him. His eyes are on you, his cheek dimples. He raises his cup in a toasting gesture and turns on his heel.
“I’ll be waiting,” he tosses over his shoulder.
You stop and watch his smooth gait. His confidence is almost intimidating. It’s as if he knows things you don’t. You turn away and continue towards the south entrance. Boring is just fine, boring is safe.
🖤
“Shut your fucking mouth!” Your father’s voice carries through the wall.
“Ah, don’t you get fucking rude with me,” your mother slurs back, “fuck you, Ray. Fuck you!”
It’s not unusual. You’ve heard the same argument over and over. It doesn’t matter what starts it, it’s always the same. They yell until they’re hoarse, they slam doors, and in the morning, they act like nothing happened at all.
You put your earbuds in and turn up your music. You know how to tune them out. If you’re good at anything, it’s at shutting out the world around you.
You lay down and close your eyes, holding your phone against your stomach as you mouth the lyrics. You just want to fall asleep but the anxiety of knowing they’re fighting keeps you awake. You just need to wait it out.
Your phone buzzes but you ignore it. It’s probably just an email or another notification trying to make you spend money. You focus on the layers of the music; the strings, the percussion, the vocals. Your phone goes off again.
You raise it and open your eyes, the screen fuzzy as your eyes adjust to the darkness. You tap the speech bubble that signifies a new message. The number is private.
‘Getting packed?’ The message reads. You have no idea what it means. You send back, ‘wrong number’. Three dots pop up immediately.
‘No it’s not.’ The answer comes swiftly. You return a question mark and nothing else.
‘You’re going to need a good jacket for the lake house.’
You rub your forehead and sit up. You key in, ‘Mr. Hansen?’
‘The one and only.’ He confirms. How did he get your number? ‘If you don’t have one, we can take a shopping trip.’
You don’t get it. What does he want from you? You know the way he is, you’ve heard the way he talks about other people, you hear the stuff he says to your dad. Their friendship at most is acrimonious. Is this a ploy against your father?
‘I have a jacket. I’m sleeping. Good night.’
You lay down and turn onto your side, keeping the ear bud from slipping out as you put your phone beside your pillow. It lights up with a new message. You close your eyes. You lay in the storm of your nerves. You have to check. You reach for your phone and read the screen.
‘No you’re not’.
You don’t understand. How would he know? He’s bluffing. You won’t entertain his little games, he’s just messing with you. Just like everyone else.
#lloyd hansen#dark lloyd hansen#dark!lloyd hansen#lloyd hansen x reader#fic#dark fic#dark!fic#the grey zone#the gray man#series#au
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experi-meant to be ⋆ park wonbin
pairing: wonbin x gn reader
tags/warnings: fluff, cursing, college au, laboratory environment, one mention of baking, 1600 words
a/n: i meant to publish this on valentine’s day since i had lab that day but i never finished it lol. there’s some microbio lab procedure jargon so like this is what streaking plates is if you want a visual lmfaoao. this is my first published work in like three years it feels weird haha + i might change my layout/header for fics but for now i’ll keep the same layout i've had for past fics
wonbin believes U are the uracil to his adenine—you should always be paired together.
| seunghan: dude
| seunghan: lowkey i can’t come to lab bc my car won’t fucking start so i’ll have to make it up next week :\ but taehyun and his partner would probably be willing to help you out with calculations and clean up hopefully
Wonbin pants heading up the stairs into the classroom lab, cheeks immediately pink as he’s made a spectacle amongst everyone already sitting and tuned into the TA’s pre-lab lesson. Sighing as he processes Seunghan’s text, Wonbin turns to the drawing of bacterial growth curves on the whiteboard but is soon after preoccupied with the fact that there is no Taehyun on a stool. There’s just your backside entirely in front of him.
Taehyun is one to set up all his materials before the TA even steps foot through the lab door so if he isn’t here now then that means—
“Guess you’re stuck with me for today.”
Wonbin tries to swallow but it gets stuck halfway down his throat and is about to go into a choke type cough frenzy when he surprises himself and softly clears his throat instead. His thoughts are all just stuck there—in the middle of his esophagus, begging for them to travel back up to his brain so he has enough stamina to stick it through the four hour class.
“No hate to him because Taehyunnie’s a tad faster at getting through the steps, so you know, we’re usually out thirty minutes early, but I can promise you I’m better at calculations. And I’m more precise with measurements,” you let out a small giggle before setting your backpack on the floor next to Wonbin’s.
The commotion of pipettes being thrown onto the surface, glass tubes clinking, and sneakers squeaking rushing to obtain their samples is right away drowned out in Wonbin’s ears by the sight of you perched atop the stool a mere few inches away from him. He tries to keep his chest from heaving at bay by taking his notebook out of his backpack and reviewing the method for today’s class. The solution is only short lived though, promptly taking notice of how you gather materials from the drawer while simultaneously reading through your own notebook.
Every Tuesday and Thursday, Wonbin assumes his seat in the third to last row of his Virology lecture, close enough to the door that he can be among the first to leave as soon as “see you guys next time” leaves Professor Choi’s lips. He longs for the day (ideally it would be quite before the last week of classes but realistically that’s the best he has to offer for now) that he musters up just the slightest bit of courage to join you and Taehyun in the second row, where Seunghan also occasionally accompanies you two. It’s only the third week of this semester, but perhaps the sixth course of his over the past three years Wonbin’s seen you in. From Biochemistry to Rhetoric 2, he has never taken place at a desk next to yours.
Wonbin’s always aching to know how you’d answer everything he could ever ask you, be it the attendance quiz question or your weekend plans—what time you usually roll out of bed, whether or not you stroll to the local farmer’s market near campus, if you’re spending Saturday with a special someone. He needs to hear you laugh at Taehyun’s cynicism about college. He needs to hear it up close, not having to strain his ear when he’s fifteen rows behind when you crack up at your friend during the five minute break Professor Choi gives the class.
But Wonbin will take what he can get for now, and if that’s helping you fulfill your wish of completing the lab procedure as quickly as possible, he’ll do it.
“I can do the calculations for us,” you begin, “would you mind getting our mutant strains at the front of the class and streak the Petri dishes?”
Wonbin nods almost too enthusiastically and curses at himself for seeming embarrassingly desperate in front of you. Sure, he’d like to muster up the courage to ask you out, but today he’ll try to take it one step at a time.
When Wonbin returns with new plates to grow your bacteria on and two tubes filled with your bacterial strains, you scoot your chair closer to his to later show the finished calculations. He catches a whiff of your light perfume and almost falls out of his own chair.
As he’s setting up the Bunsen burner for sterilization, you chuckle, “you know the real reason Taehyun’s not here today is because he left town last night to get a head start on the extravagant romantic weekend he has planned with Gaeul.”
“If there’s one way to use our one free unexcused absence, that’ll do it,” Wonbin replies.
“Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day, Wonbin? I mean if you did I just hope you wouldn’t leave me early like Taehyun did,” your eyes meet his for a brief second before flitting back to your notebook.
Wonbin’s grip on the matchstick to light the burner loosens. He just barely catches himself before the match could fall from his hand onto the lab bench. What he needed to get a grip on was his fucking sanity—he almost set the classroom on fire because his heart instead is aflame for yours.
Taking a breath, Wonbin exhales when the flame turns to blue, finally lighting the Bunsen burner.
“Nope, no plans,” he briefly turns to you. There’s a beat and he considers that asking you back would seem too forward, but he does it anyway.
Upon seeing your grin before you open your mouth, he turns his attention right back to the tubes and plates in front of him.
It’s so over.
For a second Wonbin’s relieved, because he thinks he can actually get through the next two hours without overthinking his micro movements in front of you. Now that it’s over for him, maybe he can actually pay attention to the way the metal loop he’s holding makes contact with the jelly-like agar inside the plastic plate and not disappoint Seunghan with the results. However, it’s not realistic because even still, Wonbin takes note of all your beauty and remains completely bewitched.
“Honestly I wish...I mean Minjeong, Yunjin and I are gonna do a rom-com binge and bake desserts…but you know…not any plans with someone like that…”
Your temporary lab partner tries to hide his smile and nods silently as he continues switching between spreading bacteria on the plate with the metal loop and then sterilizing the loop in the blue flame.
The rest of lab goes smoothly as Wonbin tries to quell the embers within him for the time remaining. There’s forty minutes left but technically to you Wonbin knows time is dashing away and it should feel like there’s what but only ten minutes left to do everything. Your pair was a few steps ahead of the others, just like how it would be when Taehyun accompanied you every week.
Wonbin has been psyching himself up the past two hours to finally ask you out but currently he’s stuck in his head and just can’t seem to get it out. Does he chase you after you’ve stepped foot out of the lab or should he leave you be? Or maybe he can try next week. He’ll keep telling himself that until there’s one day of instruction left and then he won’t see you for three months and then he’ll lament the entire summer to Seunghan that he didn’t say shit.
He can do that…or just rip the bandage off at an agonizing speed.
The last Petri dish that Wonbin holds is being wrapped in parafilm to prevent contamination. He’d been going through the motions of the procedure while simultaneously not paying attention to his surroundings, at his own self’s behest. You’ve already cleaned the entire lab bench and he doesn’t notice until he hears “see you in Virology,” and suddenly you’re slinging your backpack over your shoulder.
It’s now or next week…or never—wait you know that Wonbin’s in your Virology class? What you said is ringing in his ears and it hits him all at once.
Petri dishes in hand and turning around, Wonbin freezes in his tracks.
“Um…”
Your eyebrows furrow.
“Do you want to hang out tomorrow?” his own mouth betrays him and suddenly it’s all coming out much too quickly for his liking.
You’re about to answer but before you can even get a word in, “I-I don’t mean to interfere with your plans with your friends but uh, if you wanted to do something like that I’m down.”
Your lips press into a line and Wonbin is about to pass out from the threatening fluorescent classroom lights.
“Park Wonbin…are you asking me out on a date?” He can practically feel his sweat melting the parafilm tape off and a vision of him dropping the Petri dishes in front of you, cracking open and shattering, exposing E.coli to everyone in the room flashes before him. He blinks once and calms his vice grip on the plates.
“Yes. Yes I am asking you out on a date,” Wonbin looks down at your sneakers, not knowing where else to shift his gaze to.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” you smirk, slinging the other strap of your backpack over your other shoulder and saluting.
Park Wonbin swears his heart is on fire and does a backflip off a fifty foot cliff. A curve forming on his lips, he smiles slightly waving with the plates still in his hand, “see ya…”
You halt your forward movement and turn back around, “Wonbin?” he perks up again, “you should sit next to me in lecture on Tuesday.”
#riize imagines#riize scenarios#wonbin scenarios#wonbin x reader#riize fluff#wonbin fluff#wonbin imagines#riize#wonbin
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Kakuzu Platonic Relationship Headcanons
Tags: No Reader Pronouns
𓆃 Uh... friends is a strong word, isn't it?
𓆃 Because Kakuzu doesn't have friends, and he likes it that way! So the best you're going to get is "regular interaction" or "work proximity associates".
𓆃 If you're someone that Kakuzu interacts with as he works, such as in the bounty business, you would be a "regular interaction." If you operate together, you are a "work proximity associate" or "associate" for short.
𓆃 And the only true way to get on Kakuzu's good side and stay there is a dangerously simple mix of shared opinions and shared values.
𓆃 Like a typical old-timer, Kakuzu believes mostly conservative views on shinobi work and politics, and above all, a cynical view on money.
𓆃 Anything eccentric is a surefire way to lose his favor, and anything too "progressive" will surely lose his favor. Really, it's tempting to tell Kakuzu that market-bought paper bombs are more effective and practical than hand-written ones, but why would you?
𓆃 "It's a waste of precious coin," he'll grumble disapprovingly. "Buying jutsu is a disgrace."
𓆃 Granted, he doesn't lecture. He's too impatient for that, but pushing Kakuzu is akin to a jack-in-the-box. You never know what's the final straw before he'll explode.
𓆃 Your best bet is to prove yourself and lean into his grumpiness. Learning to read his subtle shifts in mood is a plus so that you can stop talking.
𓆃 Finance and politics are great conversation topics to stick to.
𓆃 If you're lucky, you might be able to hold a conversation with Kakuzu for a solid hour if you start talking the pros and cons of various types of investments.
𓆃 Or on politics. If you get the news before he does, you can inform him about whatever stupid thing is happening in the Hidden Grass. It allows you to gauge his reactions to agree with.
𓆃 Kakuzu is also secretly one for gossip. He'd never admit how much he absolutely loves hearing about how the daimyō's daughter from the Land of Wind just had a messy divorce.
𓆃 "Can't mean good things for their treaty with the Land of Earth," he'd say, crossing his arms with a shake of his head.
𓆃 "I heard in the last village that the prince was caught in quite the scandalous and compromising position" is enough to make Kakuzu eye you in quiet, subtle anticipation.
𓆃 Kakuzu is like the dad who says he doesn't care about your trash reality TV show but stands behind the couch to watch.
𓆃 But staying alive isn't just about making good conversation with Kakuzu.
𓆃 He's opportunistic and will not stand to keep company that he perceives as weak. While there are a multitude of petty things that could lead to a kill from Kakuzu, perceived weakness is at the top of them.
𓆃 Feeling like you're on a good track with Kakuzu is easy to lean into. Walking away from a few interactions feeling like you're getting closer is something that you do not want to get lost in.
𓆃 Because no matter how much you know about investments or scandals, if you make him angry enough, Kakuzu will not hesitate to end your life. And the tally he keeps is invisible.
Thank you to all who liked, reblogged, followed, and supported. Your support means so much and is greatly appreciated.
#kakuzu x reader#kakuzu#naruto kakuzu#naruto x reader#naruto#akatsuki x reader#akatsuki headcanons#akatsuki#kakuzu headcanons#kakuzu headcanon#naruto headcanon#naruto headcanons#x reader#x you#reader insert#naruto x y/n#naruto x you
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⤹˚˖♬୭ Character Theme(s) - Oli ୭♬˖˚⤹
I got tagged in this meme the other day by the awesome
˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ @aethericfist ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗
(whose indecision I find very relatable! c': ) tsym for tagging me, I love to share tunes! c:
As a result, please enjoy a small selection of Oli vibes with a little explanation behind each! (I tried to pick tunes I haven't mentioned in other memes already!)
Vitriol - Bluejuice
Maybe it's my Australian showing but Bluejuice slap. Also this song is peak Oli advice tbh. You can put yourself to use is a very Oliviede sentiment. So is fuck the world and what everybody's saying c':
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Black Market Blood - Placebo
If you've ever (kindly) listened to me ramble about the blorbettes a little bit, you'll already know that I've stamped out past lives for the two of them throughout Hydaelyn's history and Etheirys pre-sundering. If not, hey, now you know! Anyway, this song makes me thing very specifically of who Oliviede was during her previous life in the time of Amdapor, (her name was Lorea back then.) This song could almost be like a brief synopsis of how things went for her in those days. (Spoiler: they did not go well c': )
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Bury Me Low - 8 Graves
Behind all that staunch morality, Oliviede is actually quite cynical. Her "such is life" attitude verges toward total nihilism on quite a lot of topics. Mostly the only thing that keeps her from crossing the border is people can be nice, and it doesn't really matter if that's meaningless in the grand scheme of the universe, it's meaningful enough if it means something to her. But still, if you ask Oli, life is just a series of happy and unhappy accidents we don't actually have any control over. We just experience them as they come until eventually, for one reason or another, we stop experiencing. Oli thinks about that fact on the reg, and her reaction to that fundamental truth informs all of her decisions has been very formative in shaping her character.
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I Need A Forest Fire - James Blake ft Bon Iver
Another track that reminds me of Oliviede's past life as Lorea in Amdapor. I could ramble a bit about Lorea and her bad end and how that impacts Oliviede's personality in the current time line. But I won't because I'm shy, instead I'll just say the pleading nature and somewhat haunting melody of this song encapsulate Lorea very well. c':
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Bloodflood - ∆ Alt J
Truly this song has maximum Oli vibes for lots of reasons. Sure, it's true, every time a song mentions blood I low key go 'oh yay an Oli song' but also, in this specific case, I feel the way it conveys the out of body experience of high adrenaline and impending fisticuffs fits her very well seeing as she does sometimes suffer from a case of 'punch first and think later'.
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I think it's really fun watching these tag memes evolve a little bit as they roll around the community!
Tagging my wonderful husband ㅤᵕ̈♡☁︎⋆｡˚ @reconditerune as well as all of these beans: @angelinecarax, @aislingsurrow, @chadhunkler, @eris-vito (for either of your blorbaes!), @luck-and-larceny and @hydaelyns-bitch ㅤᵕ̈♡☁︎⋆｡˚
Plus, tagging anyone else who wants to join in! ♡ Give me all the OC soundtracks plz! ♡
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So, I can't in good faith complain about the Succession trailers being 90% made up of cut scenes because, if I'm honest, the only reason I'm really upset about that is because of the cut Mencken scenes, which I was really looking forward to (and Tabitha!).
However, I feel like I need to say something about the Tomgreg stuff because it's been bothering me.
As a disclaimer, I hate Tomgreg. Truly. I blocked the tag earlier this year. Imo, it's an example of people taking a relationship based primarily in toxic masculinity and kind of transposing queerness into it as a reaction to the lack of actual queerness on the show. And I hate that tendency a lot. However, I'm also not the arbiter of which dynamics and characters people read as queer. And, clearly, a ton of people disagree with me. And for that reason, the reluctance to call out the marketing team for basically by definition queerbaiting with Tomgreg because they're technically not connected to the writing of the series is...Not Good to me. Because it kinda gives networks carte blanche to do that in the future with actual queer storylines and excuse it by saying that the marketing team wasn't aware of what the writing team were doing, they just wanted to sell a product. I can see a world where queer storylines become more and more cynically used for marketing purposes only, and aren't put into the text of shows or movies (or are added in sloppy, homophobic ways). And that's...not a great outcome.
It's tricky with Succession because it's just such a great show that you won't get very far criticizing anything about it. Black people have criticized its use of rap/hiphop music when there are zero black characters for years and those complaints have mostly fallen on deaf ears. Plus, tomgreg was never going to happen and there's also a really compelling reason for their dynamic drying up (it was 95% about power, not love or genuine caring, and in s4, they got that power).
However, as a closing thought, it's worth considering the huge difference between the way that Romangerri (which is in a similar spot) and Tomgreg were advertised for s4. They deliberately backed off Romangerri - they cooled the advertising for them right down to almost nothing prior to s4. Kieran and JSC haven't done a single interview together, I don't think. And there were almost no shots of them together on the red carpet. And I think they did that because the marketing team knew that falsely advertising a straight couple that straight people were excited about would get them in trouble (with critics who liked that couple, at the very least). However, at the same time, they ramped up the marketing for Tomgreg so hard that I was genuinely worried it might actually happen (Jesse is crazy, you know?). And I think they did that because, at the end of the day, queer feelings aren't particularly real for them. Queer couples and characters exist primarily to add color to the fictional worlds that straight people inhabit. And until that changes...more of this crap is bound to happen. It's a concern when straight people might be disappointed; queer people cannot be disappointed because our existence in fiction is mostly a joke anyway.
I guess my point in writing this is just to say that, although I loathe Tomgreg, I understand the desire for actual queer characters on a show as rare as Succession. I get how powerful that desire can become. And while I'm personally glad that their relationship isn't what shippers may have wanted, I understand also how the marketing for the show exacerbated those wants, and I'm sympathetic.
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🔎 YA Under the Radar Part 6 🔍
for a long time, I've been keeping (and eventually posting) lists of YA books I read that have received less attention than they deserve. it's been more than 12 months since I posted the last list in this series but I finally hit 50 the other day so here it is, the latest instalment of my YA Under the Radar series 😊
all of these books have less than 15,000 ratings on Goodreads, give or take, and were books that I thoroughly enjoyed and recommend. I've marked ones with queer rep with pride flag emojis and ones with disability rep with wheelchair symbols. be sure to check them out!
Vampires Never Get Old (ed.) by Zoraida Córdova & Natalie C Parker 🏳️🌈 ♿️
Hometown Haunts: #LoveOzYA Horror Tales (ed.) by Poppy Nwosu 🏳️🌈
How to Excavate a Heart by Jake Maia Arlow 🏳️🌈
This Poison Heart duology by Kalynn Bayron 🏳️🌈
All These Bodies by Kendare Blake
Slipping the Noose by Meg Caddy 🏳️🌈
Into the Crooked Place duology by Alexandra Christo
The Scapegracers series by HA Clarke 🏳️🌈
Lakesedge duology by Lyndall Clipstone
Clean by Juno Dawson 🏳️🌈♿️
Meat Market by Juno Dawson 🏳️🌈♿️
Wonderland by Juno Dawson 🏳️🌈
Stay Another Day by Juno Dawson 🏳️🌈♿️
The Last True Poets of the Sea by Julia Drake 🏳️🌈♿️
The Witch King duology by HE Edgmon 🏳️🌈
The Not So Chosen One by Kate Emery
Ghost Bird by Lisa Fuller
Girl Mans Up by M-E Girard 🏳️🌈
At the Edge of the Universe by Shaun David Hutchinson 🏳️🌈♿️
The Apocalypse of Elena Mendoza by Shaun David Hutchinson 🏳️🌈
The Past and Other Things That Should Stay Buried by Shaun David Hutchinson 🏳️🌈
Social Queue by Kay Kerr ♿️
Kiss and Tell by Adib Khorram 🏳️🌈
Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger 🏳️🌈
What They Don’t Know by Nicole Maggi
Fix by J Albert Mann ♿️
The Holiday Switch by Tif Marcelo
The Killing Code by Ellie Marney 🏳️🌈
Lakelore by Anna-Marie McLemore 🏳️🌈♿️
Fraternity by Andy Mientus 🏳️🌈
Sick Kids in Love by Hannah Moskowitz 🏳️🌈♿️
At the End of Everything by Marieke Nijkamp 🏳️🌈♿️
Lycanthropy and Other Chronic Illnesses by Kristen O’Neal ♿️
The Woods Are Always Watching by Stephanie Perkins
Wider Than the Sky by Katharine Rothschild 🏳️🌈
Trouble Girls by Julia Lynn Rubin 🏳️🌈
Crown of Coral and Pearl duology by Mara Rutherford
Surrender Your Sons by Adam Sass 🏳️🌈
The 99 Boyfriends of Micah Summers by Adam Sass 🏳️🌈
Improbable Magic for Cynical Witches by Kate Scelsa 🏳️🌈
Market of Monsters trilogy by Rebecca Schaeffer
Windfall by Jennifer E Smith
Field Notes on Love by Jennifer E Smith
Arden Grey by Ray Stoeve 🏳️🌈
Definitions of Indefinable Things by Whitney Taylor ♿️
Stars in Their Eyes by Jessica Walton & Aśka 🏳️🌈 ♿️
Hell Followed With Us by Andrew Joseph White 🏳️🌈 ♿️
The Chaos of Stars by Kiersten White
Henry Hamlet’s Heart by Rhiannon Wilde 🏳️🌈
Where You Left Us by Rhiannon Wilde 🏳️🌈
More of my rec lists can be found in my "book recommendations" tag
#book recs#book recommendations#booklr#bookblr#ya books#trcc original#i've been meaning to post this for weeks#got there in the end
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Hi all, it's Jonny! You remember, from the Magnus Archives? Turns out I still have a Tumblr and, like everyone else, I'm giving Twitter some sideeye at the moment and looking out some other social medias. I have an Instagram, but I'm a bit too commited to just posting a captionless weird image a few times a year to properly use it. Tiktok's an option, I guess, but feels like a lot of effort. So I thought I might try being on Tumblr a bit more. Y'know, for fun.
To prove it's me, here is a picture of my face with one of my cats, who I love.
"But hang on, Jonny," I hear you cry, "you're a self-employed writer. Surely you wouldn't give us a photo of a beautiful sunlit cat unless you were trying to sell me something, right?"
Good instinct, friend.
So, one of the things I've been doing over the last few years is designing TTRPGs with my partner Sasha Sienna (Georgie from the Magnus Archives) as MacGuffin & Co. and we're currently doing a crowdfunder for a two-player roleplaying game, inspired by old adventure gamebooks, called PITCRAWLER.
It's over-the-top fantasy nonsense, full of the sort of wizards you'd see airbrushed onto the side of a van, and we're super proud of it. It's also a great starter game if your interested in tabletop RPGs, but haven't had the chance (or opportunity) to give them a try yet.
Check out the campaign and download the quickstart guide for free here.
"That's wonderful, Jonny," I hear you cry (again), "but why have you tagged it for The Magnus Archives?"
Uhhh... Well, cynical marketing reasons, tbh. But then again, I did write the thing, so I reckon I can probably get away with a post to promote my new project.
Anyway, hope to see y'all around Tumblr a bit more!
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i was tagged by the ineffable @leonardcohenofficial to talk about the worst films i saw in 2023 and i am here to DEFEND MYSELF...... beneath the cut are full reviews of the above flicks but if you don't wanna read that, that's cool and i tag --
@junglejim4322 @fortheturnstiles + @rutles ilysm ilysmm
Bruce Almighty [2003] -- i'll start off with something easy. this is the only jim carrey movie i would say i absolutely SUFFERED through, like, painful agony. something that bugs me is in his 10mil trilogy [ace ventura/dumb n dumber/mask] he is continually asked to repeat his original material shown in 'jim carrey's unnatural act,' his work before that, n his ad-libs in "in living colour." but you kinduv get it in the 10mil trilogy, like! theser are his first three big films and so naturally, these elements are necessary to instill a sort of marketable charm for him as a breakout. even though i think he'd already very much 'broken out,' but whatever. 'bruce almighty' is a pastiche of a pastiche, with a sense of abject cruelty that goes entirely against the charm of what makes early carrey movies, well, carrey movies !!! despite his hands-on approach to this flick, it just doesnt feel really like something he'd do under any other circumstances... i love u jim i hope ur ok and im sorry i dont like bruce almighty))):
Barbie [2023] -- this movie was primed to be adored by me. it had everything; margot robbie, bright colours, elaborate sets, a sort of blinding stupidity, something blatantly silly, and kitsch. i should have fucking loved this movie. if i had seen it in a theatre, i'd have up and walked out halfway through. it was around that mark that i paused the flick and turned to my mom and brother and asked "are you all feeling what i'm feeling?" which was this ... nauseating sense of cynicism. it was a wholeheartedly empty film, containing no amount of irony which was meaningful. all of the camp and kitschy aspects were self aware and intentional, which, obviously, cuts out the camp of it all. it is so self aware so as to be insulting to the viewer and provide nothing in the way of any kinduv social commentary, all while looking you in the eye, winking, and saying "we're doing all of this and changing nothing, isn't that so meta? i'm addressing you; aren't i meta? aren't i so 2023-chic? aren't i so nihilistic?" it was a hollow, cynical, capitalistic endeavour with no shame. the fact that this movie was released at all is a testament to our indifference as a culture, how we just sit here and eat whatever fucking shit we have put in front of it and usually, i'd be fine with that. i LOVE eating shit. but when the shit-taker looks you in the eye while feeding you his feces? fuck off. it is more than a pastiche, it is more than a disgusting and crude display, it is more than a first entry into an assured milieu of product-based universes, it is a misanthropic hateful display of consumerism that makes a fool of you and itself by shouting @ you from the screen: "WE ARE GOING TO CHANGE NOTHING AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT." furthermore, it is a crime against my faggot sensibilities. which is unacceptable. not to mention, it is genuinely cruel to the idea of men having personalities and hobbies and passions. but i know that's even less agreed with. save yourself the two hours and watch "pee-wee's big adventure" instead. at least pee-wee loves you.
Skinamarink [2022] -- offender of the highest order in horror: being boring. if you've seen a movie longer than an hour and a half with a slower pace, this movie is nothing. if you have ever watched dogma 95, it is nothing. if you have ever watched gummo or julien donkey boy, it is nothing. if you have ever been anxious in the heart of the night, it is nothing. it is nothing no matter which way you look at it. go watch the monument mythos or if you want a good horror flick made in the same year, then go watch michelle garza cervera's debut; husera: the bone woman.
Batman [1989] -- what a pitiful entry into the most whimsical, exhiliterating, absolutely fucking bonkers series of films ever. the burtonverse which contains this film and the following batman returns is alright, it's cool. like whatever, that's fine. i think the set and costume designs are sick and i'm excited for the new batman '89 comix that are coming out now, that's fine, whatever. but BORE ME DURING THE 1990'S BATMAN FRANCHISE!? a crime! michael keaton is such a trite and empty little creature. he looks stupid in the bat costume and not in a way that's fun like the much superior schumacher-verse flicks that follow the next entries after burton. bat nipples? bat cards? gay people? that's what the 90's batman flicks are about. it's aout not knowing what the fuck is going on but tommy lee jones and jim carrey are KISSING. only good thing about it is when jack n gets the makeup on he's absolutely fucking terrifying n that's how he rly is in real life in real !!!! in real life !!! fun fact !!!
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“Nine People you want to know better” tag game
Tagged by the inimitable @apeacebone 💕 and tagging @francorchampignon, @firemanseb, @landoisokay, @danifesting, @opheliaoversteers, @icelitten and anyone else that wants to do this. Clearly that's not nine people, but you'll just have to live with it.
Last Song: 'Let's get fckd up (feat. Tribbs)' – Alok, Mondello'G, CERES. This is simply indefensible. Awful. Thanks, Spotify algorithm.
Favorite Color: Blue, but if I have to wear it, orange. Like, hot orange. So hot people mistake it for red, but it isn't.
Last Movie/TV Show: Crazy Fun Park. It's an Australian horror comedy aimed at teens, and so much fun. "When his best friend Mapplethorpe dies suddenly in an abandoned park, Chester discovers that his friend now "lives" with other children in the park, leading them to reestablish their friendship as they go through a difficult adolescence."
Sweet/Spicy/Savory: Savoury.
Relationship Status: Married. Trying not to be too weird about Daniel and George.
Last thing I googled: "prince albert piercing" – because if I'm going to make a throwaway joke about Charles naked, then I want to be sure that I've got the name of both the sovereign and the piercing correct.
Current Obsession: Uh ... I mean ... yeah. George. Lando. Together. Separately. With others. Don't care, just lemme at 'em.
Last Book: Yellowface by R.F. Kuang. Cynically, yes, this is exactly how I perceive publishing to work: the same as any other marketing, but with a veneer of worthiness.
Looking forward to: You know what? Let's make this a list of things you can ask me about this next time year and we'll see how well I've done. I'm looking forward to reading more books, creating things, writing more, learning to edit video, learning to DJ, getting fitter and stronger, sorting out the inordinate amount of stuff in our house, and generally being a happier, more well-rounded person.
#do i get a tattoo this year?#what would i brand myself with eternally?#where would i put it?#do you know what else i'd like this year? danny ric to hire an actual decent designer for enchanté#bits of his collections are nice but they're getting a little samey#to the point where i have genuinely confused marché and café#and chalet and whatever the previous winter one was#also go and talk to lando about wherever they're getting their quadrant hoodies because omg they're unbelievably nice#tag game#2024
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Wait can you say more about what’s going on with Albert in Monaco? Your tags of their yacht pictures is the first I heard of it
We're planning on talking about it in a future episode of the podcast - I've basically bullied Grace into it because she didn't know about it either but corruption? Power struggles? This is my idea of heaven! I won't go into too much detail just in case but broad strokes: There are a few key players in Monaco's lucrative property market. One team were closely aligned with Albert, one team weren't. There's been a lot of drama, corruption allegations etc which we'll talk about in the episode but in recent months Albert dramatically ditched his old allies. The boat they were on is owned by a major investor in the team he used to hate. By being photographed on that boat Albert has made it clear he has not just dropped his allies to try and be more neutral, he has in fact actively switched sides. So essentially he has pissed off the worst people he could piss off, people who know his darkest secrets, by aligning himself with their enemies. Those pictures are like dropping a match into a puddle of gasoline.
I am by no means saying that I think Albert and Charlene - or any royals - wouldn't stage photo opps. I'm incredibly cynical by nature so I assume most of what the royals say and do has a level of PR to it lol. But I truly don't believe that he would want to downplay a rumour which he and Charlene have been hearing every minute of every day since they started dating almost 20 years ago by staging photos which deliberately incite the fury of people who know every bad, embarrassing and potentially illegal thing he's ever done. Albert and the House of Grimaldi can survive people believing his marriage is a sham. But there's a real chance they can't survive having all his indiscretions - personal and professional - laid out in public.
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Welcome to Cynical Sunday!
Hi all, welcome to a new weekly Writeblr event that we have affectionately called Cynical Sunday!
What is Cynical Sunday?
Cynical Sunday is our chance to poke fun at the publishing industry trends and attitudes! The goal is to be good-natured and goofy while creatively marketing your wips to Writeblr and discussing the publishing industry's processes and methods.
Why Cynical?
Cynical Sunday started just two weeks ago, created by @risingshards while talking about the publishing industry's tendency to pitch books so generically that readers have difficulty finding books they would enjoy. It can get depressing thinking about the industry and all its flaws, but that's why this event can be so much fun! By sarcastically poking fun at the things that make us salty, we can find joy in the art we create from a different perspective.
Encouraged by @indy-gray to create a regular event, we're leaning into the adage: if you don't laugh about it, you'll cry. While the event is called Cynical Sunday, the goal is not to be negative or mean or criticize traditionally published authors or their marketing. The goal is to bring a little levity to a stressful and often not-fun portion of the publishing process for writers at all stages of writing their books.
How does the event work?
Every Sunday, there will be a new theme or aspect of the industry we intend to tease ourselves about. From generic pitches to Canva covers, no cliche is off-limits! The goal is to laugh, so bring your creativity!
We'll announce the week's theme on Sunday, and anyone who wishes to participate can create anything that fits the theme featuring their wip. Be sure to tag the post as #Cynical Sunday or mention us in the post! We love to see what you're doing, and we'd be happy to post what you create to the blog.
Who can participate?
ANYONE. That means YOU. Fanfic? Yes. Original work? Yes. Webnovels? Sure. Tradpub? Yup. Selfpub? Indeed. Indie? You betcha.
Questions/Asks are open, so come by and chat!
#writeblr#writeblr games#writing event#writers of tumblr#writing community#weekly writing event#weekly writeblr event#cynical sunday#writblr#creative writing#writers on tumblr#writerblr#writerslife#amwriting#novel writing
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Fae Tales - 07/? - Smoke in Autumn (Mosk/Augus)
Rating: Explicit
Pairing: Augus Each Uisge/Mosk Manytrees
Tags: Dubcon, age gap, traumatic history, hurt/comfort, contemporary AU, set in Australia, sensuality, ageism, older Augus / younger Mosk (See fic for more tags)
Summary: Mosk Manytrees works as a cynical, tired nursery hand at a native plant nursery. When Augus Each Uisge turns up, looking for a rare kangaroo paw (a plant) not yet on the market, Mosk can’t wait to get rid of him. After all, the guy is in his fifties, and everything about that is just gross, right? But Mosk has to work much harder to convince himself of that, this time around. (Part 2 of As Green as the Ragged Grass)
Smoke in Autumn - 07/? - Mosk/Augus
In which Mosk is pushed by things he didn't ever think he'd find truly challenging, and Augus has to do some damage control.
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Want another way to support my writing? //I have a Patreon account!// Buy a Ko-Fi!
#chapter update#smoke in autumn#augus each uisge#mosk manytrees#fae tales au#MIND THE NEW TAGS#or like enjoy 'em#i know some of you are gonna enjoy 'em#i love dark augus so fucking much y'all
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Event | Secret Happy Factory | Chapter 6
Sakuya: Did you just get back, Tenma-kun?
Tenma: Yeah, Igawa just dropped me off here. And you guys?
Azami: We were just recording a video at the theater.
Tenma: Huh. I was just gonna say it’s pretty unusual to see you two together.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Azami: …Hey, Tenma-san. What kinda influence does your social media have?
Azami: Since you’re a celebrity, I’m sure your stuff gets all kinds of responses.
Tenma: Yeah, I guess so.
Sakuya: As expected of a celebrity…!
Azami: Knew it…
Tenma: What’s up?
Azami: I’ve been trying to post some Elfriede-related stuff right now.
Tenma: Ah, so that’s it.
Azami: But I’m not really getting that much of a response.
Azami: So I was wonderin’ if you’d be able to help me out.
Tenma: For me, when I post about a particular product that I like…
Tenma: Sometimes I get a message from the official page of the product.
Tenma: Like one time when I had this drink while recording a show that I thought was so good that I talked about it after we finished.
Tenma: I posted about how I personally bought one and soon after I heard that a few stores from around here were running out of stock of the drink.
Sakuya: Th-That’s amazing…! I can’t believe your social media posts have so much influence.
Sakuya: I mean, I guess if someone famous or if someone you admire is talking about something, you’d be interested in it too.
Azami: But the difference between your influence and mine is too much for that to be of help…
Tenma: But on the other hand, I get way more heartless comments. Like people saying it’s just some kinda hidden marketing ploy and that I don’t really like it at all.
Sakuya: Hidden marketing ploy?
Azami: Yeah, like some kinda secret marketing tactic.
Tenma: In short, it’s like an ad that’s trying to hide the fact it’s an ad.
Tenma: Basically, people get asked to promote a product, but they promote it by saying the product is great as if it’s their own opinion on the product and not because they were asked to.
Sakuya: So that’s what it is…
Azami: I had a few people make comments like that. Some people were even saying how it was sleazy of me to sink as low as to do a hidden marketing tactic like that.
Azami: But it wasn’t even supposed to be like that. I was just trying to show off something I genuinely like.
Tenma: I get stuff like that too.
Tenma: There aren’t usually too many comments like that, but… It still doesn’t feel great to get accused of doing something sleazy.
Sakuya: Yeah, I’d imagine…
Azami: Ugh… This kinda advertising is so hard.
Azami: This time, it’s an official project, so I’m posting stuff with a PR tag, so I won’t get accused of that, but…
Azami: But like I said before, I’m not gettin’ much of a reaction.
Sakuya: Even if there’s only one person who sees it, I still think it’s worthwhile.
Azami: …!
Tenma: …
Sakuya: …I mean, that’s just coming from a novice at this kinda stuff like me.
Azami: …Damn, you’re being amazin’ without even knowing it.
Tenma: Maybe we were the ones being overly cynical about it.
Azami: (Even if there’s only one person who sees it, it’s still worthwhile. …Yeah.)
Azami: Thanks, guys. I’m gonna go try out a few more things.
Sakuya: No problem! We’re always here to help!
Tenma: Yep, good luck.
[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]
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