man i'm ngl, i've gotten to a point where i can't even enjoy any indulgences i put into my fixations because like. i feel like i'm either too annoying to people, or just not worth the energy it takes to listen.

because time and time again, i get talked over. i get brushed off. i get thrown off to the side while it becomes about everybody else and their ideas and their fixations, then when i get quiet, i'm the dick

for so much talk about collaborative efforts and communication and creating safe spaces, i'll tell you i feel none of those things anywhere i go. i always feel like i'm sidelined until something better comes along. not here, not on other sites. i just don't see a fucking point in trying to do anything anymore, genuinely