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yourhealingjournal · 1 month

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*guides will include also how to maintain the burst of momentum after getting out of freeze (like: supporting yourself when you have no support system, modelling compassion for yourself, moving away from self-sabotage, how to wade through the lows of recovery period)

ps. if anyone is interested, i might start a taglist? lmk!

#genuine question #poll #survival mode #cptsd healing #cptsd recovery #freeze response #by no means do i claim to be an expert #but if it might be helpful then why not #cptsd warrior #living with cptsd #functional freeze

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serenityquest · 11 months

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#survivor #warrior #cptsd #ptsd

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alostbeautynomore · 10 months

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What’s a good book that takes your mind out of the reality of a shit life? Obviously Harry Potter is one that is a good escape but any other books? Life sucks I just need a book to help me escape into a better place for a little bit

#alostbeautynomore #recovery support #pro recovery #sh recovery #mental heath support #ed recovery #ed warrior #cptsd recovery #fantasy books #ya books #books #reading #harry potter

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borderline-purrsonality · 2 years

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I think the biggest thing people need to realize about disabled villains is that having disabled villains in itself isn’t bad, but (unless you’re disabled and writing about your own feelings) using a character’s disability as a reasoning for their villainy is something that should be avoided altogether as it’s rooted in ableism.

+ You really shouldn’t make your character with highly stigmatized disorders (like personality disorders and did/osdd) villains, unless ofc you have the disorder yourself.

#radio static #serious stuff #ableism tw #tired of evil warriors aus where characters like brightheart or jayfeather are evil because they’re disabled #or the countless evil bluestar aus when she canonically has dementia + is cptsd coded #just please if you’re gonna make disabled villains make them evil for other reasons #characters like n’doul from jjba work because they’re just evil and it’s not because they’re disabled #it’s ofc a topic with a lot of nuance but the easiest way to know what’s okay and what’s not is thinking why they’re evil

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the-phoenix-system45 · 2 years

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We are warriors

Since learning I had DID I have been thrust into a world of chaos and disorder. However this is something I have lived with the majority of my life and I have been able to achieve mental stability in the past for periods of time. So what has been done before can be done again right? The world treats us as if we are broken, damaged, violent, and to be feared and shunned. These are not accurate portrayals of this life. What it is really like to live with dissociative identity disorder is so much more complex then that. Public awareness is a two sided coin. On one hand we have people who think it is fun and happy and joy to have people living inside your head. On the other side is people who think it makes us psychotic and dangerous. Neither are true though. It is true that when I found out I did find some comfort in knowing why I heard voices inside my head and knowing that in order to survive I created identities to protect me in moments of danger. However that does not make this happy or fun. We need to express ourselves from our point of view and that is the only way we can begin to erase some of the misguided views the public has regarding us. This is why I share my truth. But I am just one person who barely reaches anyone. I can continue my path of knowledge and awareness but I cannot do it alone. We need the support of everyone to fight this stigma and fight this battle so that we can be the best versions of ourselves. I foresee a day when no longer will it be a disorder of secrets, and shame, and embarrassment. I foresee a day when we will not be treated as broken and dangerous. We will be treated with kindness, respect and love. I foresee the day when we will be treated as the brave warriors we are.

#dissociative identity disorder #end the stigma #warrior #mentalhealthmatters #autism #adhd #cptsd #bpd #spoonie

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bernardmarx · 1 year

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i am that ptsd bitch i AM that ptsd bitch (gets so hyped the impending doom in my skull evaporates)

#if any of you also got that cptsd shit that triggers on anything lets band together #we are literally the worlds strongest psychic warriors

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grlfreak · 1 year

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@grlfreak

PSA: any others healing from abuse, feel free to follow me. this lil blog will mostly be a space for me to vent/talk about shit (here). and will have more of the heavier content under a readmore (and always with a cw). the rest of the blog will be reblogs, recs (recommendations), memos (like reminders to myself), quotes, etc. and interacting with others, hopefully, in a positive manner.

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yourhealingjournal · 11 days

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it’s the kind of day where you sleep 15 hours straight & still rot in bed because freeze response is always reliable to humble your ambition

#rose.txt #👍🏻#time to slow down ig </3 #shitpost #this is what recovery looks like #cptsd recovery #just cptsd things #cptsd warrior #cptsd life #cptsd healing #be kind to yourself #self love #positive self talk #healing #trauma recovery #complex trauma #gentle reminder #actually cptsd

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traumaalchemy · 8 months

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THE RECOVERY MANIFESTO DAY V

Day V: FRIDAY 13th of August 2021

- woke up early, yoga; chanting & spiritual rituals with the rising sun were a pleasant start to a Friday morning (as seen in the pictures)

- new med started Friday morning for adhd

- organising and cleaning my sweet little abode was the focus of the morning, adhd medication is like wearing glasses for your brain. I had enough clarity to see the disorganised environment and action was taken to fix it. (Cleaning, organising and sorting are also soothing for me).

- after lunch, I did some light reading in my now organised sanctuary.

- I did a little light reading in my room last night and organised my crystals, books and tarot.

- attended my first “group unit meeting” but was disenchanted that it pertained to covid and the rules around that.

- prayer : path work and journaling & a post dinner & shot black espresso.

- as a rehab reward I did some extensive research on books pertaining to healing sexual abuse

- I didn’t buy anything but stayed up until midnight researching the options. My own self-care is buying books that will aid my own sexual healing

- when I did fall asleep I had a horrid night, around 3 or 4 AM I was startled by one of the night nurses closing the door which led me into a flashback.

this flashback was somatic and threw me out of bed and across the room. Due to that being Saturday morning, more to come on the what, why and exploring the meaning of that experience.

- I’ve been up since then, tired as fuck, & still waiting to see the doctor on site here on Saturday about the pain I was in. (More to come).

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robby-bobby-tommy · 9 months

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Well, it's time for my hcs. (Mostly UM and KO)

Ultra Magnus has a terrible CPTSD. Sometimes he hears a plane and immediately transforms his hands into blasters. When he talks to someone he tries to continue the dialogue, but all his attention goes to figuring out the location of the enemy. (+ he has bad sleep schedule)

I'M also has a terrible case of 'bad things happen to bots when I leave them'. He doesn't like staying away from the battle, because he cares very much for his new found family. He isn't afraid of dying for the cause, but he doesn't want to lose anyone.

At the free time he has helped some Autobots make their battle skills better. Like he spared with Miko in Apex armor so she could practice her punches and also had classes for medics (Ratchet and KO). They didn't have blasters, which is disadvantage, but they figured out the way to fight almost as good as others.

Speaking of KO. He wasn't very welcomed at team at first, so he was watched very closely. Yet sooner or later they've warmed up to him. KO was a bit afraid at first, but seeing that they meant no harm, he came back to his sassy attitude.

Also KO has some appreciation problems. When he was a decepticon he had to earn the respect and after Shockwave came along he felt very replaceable. He wasn't thanked for his work half as much as he should. So when Ratchet thanked KO in 3 season he genuinely said "you're welcome".

But the moment he felt he was accepted into team prime was when OP didn't let him on some mission. It went like "Why can't I join?", "Knock Out, comrade, you aren't in need of another warrior, yet we may use the help of a second medic." "We can't just lose medics around. Too important." Ratchet adds. After like the whole team nods. And KO felt so appreciated

After that he became very close to Team Prime and (if they stayed on earth) to kids. When some bully is rude to Jack, KO would let Darby drive himself in school just to show off. He'd watch horrors with Miko, and even tell some interesting stuff abt Cybertronian culture, organism ect to Raf

Also he'd race with Bee and Smokescreen, but he is hella competitive. Like this scene in Avatar The Last Airbender, where Azula plays volleyball. "You'll never rise from the ashes of humiliation!" "Dude... It's not that deep bro.."

Oh, and he'd be very awkward with Smokey cuz like... He tried to open him up. But Smokey doesn't mind it, saying that they're even after he put KO in the wall

The other very strange relationship he has with Bulkhead. It's because of Breakdown. Bulkhead hated him and, as we all know, KO was in a relationship with him. Bulk ofc doesn't hold anything against KO for his relationship, yet they'd have a lot of different opinions on BD. They would talk a lot, finding out more about BD's past

And boy oh boy he had a wild one. Him and Bulkhead were born in the same class. They were builders, as Bulkhead said 'I can build stuff, I can break stuff. That's all.' Yet both of them wanted to do more good in the world, so they joined the Wreckers (before the war it was a gang that helped everyone in need and protected the weak), where they've met. Bulk and BD quickly became brothers in arms but the war seperated them

Once BD heard a broadcast of Megatron's ideas of reforming Cybertron and became a great supporter. He joined the decepticons cuz he thought it was his chance to make the world better. He was so blinded by Meg's promises that he thought this crimes were justified. Bulkhead was more observant, and felt something shady and was grossed out by bombings. But the thing that brought them apart and made them enemies was BD's betrayal. Early in the war Megatron was merciless and Wreckers mostly opposed him. Breakdown pledge allegiance to Megan. He wanted whole gang to join, but they refused and Big M wanted to destroy them all. Breakdown told the location of their hideout, and when Wreckers met there, they were greeted by pistols. It was a big fight, some lives were lost. After that BD went with Decepticons and Bulkhead with the Autobots. Now Bulk hated BD for his betrayal

KO never knew abt that cuz he met BD later. Knock Out was a doctor in one of the neutral cities, that were captured by Decepticons early in the war, and decided to join the "winning team" Just to survive

After all the talks Bulkhead started to respect KO more

Knock Out, Bee and Smokey regularly forcing the gang to go to the drive in theaters.

Arcee, June and Miko have a girls nights where they judge everyone

OP and UM are very close. To the point they're mistaken for brothers (they call each other that in private)

Ultra Magnus doesn't like to show affection in public, so when someone wants to hug him or smt like that, they always ask him to another room. Like after OP came back in season 3, Optimus said smt like "Ultra Magnus, old friend, for a word". And then they are just hugging in another room

Optiratch. Just them. Married. Conjux endura. That's all

Megatron, Soundwave and Shockwave are mean girls.

Megasound cuz you can't stop me. And Shocky just third wheeling his spark out.

Shockwave actually started to like Starscream when they were left on earth.

Agent Fowler and June dating, cuz they both deserve better

KO, Arcee and Ratchet form a widow club after the film.

KO and Arcee beat Arachnid's aft together.

That's all for now.

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alostbeautynomore · 3 months

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My anxiety is awful lately. Today I had multiple anxiety attacks. It is the most I’ve had in one day in a long time. I am exhausted physically and mentally. Idk how to get this under control. My coping skills aren’t working. Any ideas? Or maybe other coping skills?

#recovery support #ed recovery #pro recovery #ed warrior #recovery #cptsd recovery #ptsd recovery #sh recovery #alostbeautynomore #mental health

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levmada · 9 months

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finally, i'm going to do the thing i’ve always wanted to do in the back of my mind and make a post in defense of Zeke Jaeger—but this is primarily a character analysis. (politely, don’t send me a mean ask on anon without at least reading this all the way through first if you were thinking of doing that.)

i think that the best way to understand Zeke’s philosophy, morals, and behavior is through a general lens of NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. as someone approaching having a bachelors degree in psychology and personal experience with cluster b personality disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD).

first of all, i’m going to dispel some misconceptions. do i have experience with a narcissist in real life? yes. does NPD mean a person is evil? NO. are people born with NPD? biologics can make a person susceptible to it, but NO. the attributes of personality disorders are learned in childhood. are narcissists delusional? NOT ALWAYS (i won’t get into narcissistic injury here though).

the cause of NPD in a person originates—like all personality disorders—in childhood trauma (think CPTSD, ACEs, general neglect and instability). specifically, a child whose every need is met and receives (whether earned or NOT, which is very important in zeke’s case) a large amount of praise and admiration, in conjunction with prestige and special treatment. all of this, and yet WITHOUT a secure bond with a main caregiver/family member because of neglect or abuse in any form. the narcissist therefore develops low or in some cases (especially when comorbid with ASPD (anti-social personality disorder)) no empathy. the narcissist is so chronically abused or mistreated that in order to survive, they learn that their ultimate goal is self-preservation, mentally, emotionally, physically, at any cost. some narcissists are aware of these feelings or abusive behavior being abnormal, but they can’t comprehend how their view of the world/people can be erroneous; how other people are as valuable as themselves, even loved ones—although cognitively a narcissist can care about someone.

these symptoms are extremely relevant to Zeke Jaeger, so much so that i just wrote a paragraph explaining it in a character analysis about Zeke Jaeger.

now that we understand a bit about NPD, we have a good basis to understand Zeke. from the beginning of his life, it was beaten into Zeke’s head that he is beyond important. Zeke has royal blood inside him, he will liberate the Eldians in Marley and beyond to create a more peaceful world, he will become the most important person in Marley’s military if necessary, he is destined for great things, and, most importantly, that is what he is going to do. said his mother and father.

[overall i suggest looking back at Zeke's backstory in ch114 for this analysis.]

how does this responsibility weigh on a young boy? in his most formative years, he’s being trained not only physically (and rigorously for the most prestigious area in the military (the Warriors)), but mentally into believing that Ymir blessed the Eldians with the ability to transform into Titans—while Zeke is also taught that it’s Ymir’s curse; his parents say that the Marleyans selfishly wanted Ymir’s power for themselves—while he’s also taught that the Eldians were disgusting imperialist monsters that pillaged and raped entire other peoples out of a sense of supremacy over others. hell, he’s being taught completely contradictory history—as specific as individual battles.

how does all this weigh mentally on a young boy?

exactly. Zeke is a child being brainwashed by both sides at the same time. what child has the maturity to process not only all of that, but what he wants to do about it?

it just doesn’t work that way. take this, and combine it with Zeke’s suffering. his father is emotionally distant, at times physically abusive, and both of his parents are neglectful emotionally. Zeke at ages 7-12 is being treated like a small HEIR to the throne of ultimate heroism.

meanwhile, he’s in training to become a Warrior. and he fucking sucks at it, and he’s not interested in it either.

(he's so cute bye)

but what does his primary caregivers do when he expresses his emotional distress? grisha shakes him and fucking yells at him!!

now we have the ingredients for the perfect storm. unearned praise and admiration, while in response to Zeke’s inferiority, shame, punishment, and degradation. high expectations given by caregivers who are hurting him. the missing secure emotional bonds. and all throughout his childhood.

then Zeke is granted the opportunity to be free of all these things. all he has to do is (for lack of a better word) tattle on his parents to the government, and he’ll be rewarded in the military.

not just randomly either! but by Tom Ksaver!! if Zeke reached adulthood from there with nothing changing, i believe he would’ve committed even bigger atrocities. maybe even sociopathy.

but while he’s an adolescent, Zeke makes a bond with a sort of surrogate father figure found in Tom Ksaver (the holder of the Beast Titan at that point).

Ksaver is a humble man, all in all a pacifist who has no interest in war, and above all else an intellectual. he would fight if he had to, but his Titan has no use in war, apparently.

anyway, Ksaver is the first figure in Zeke’s life who genuinely gave a damn about him. Ksaver is the person Zeke loves most in their world, and there is no way to argue less. Zeke wears Ksaver’s glasses, Ksaver is the person Zeke called out to while Levi was torturing him to the brink of death, Zeke tries to “save” Eren because Ksaver saved him, and MANGA SPOILER🚨🚨🚨🚨🚨Ksaver is the person Zeke saw in Paths first.🚨🚨🚨🚨

this is why i don’t understand one of the reasons people point at that they hate Zeke is because he turned his parents in to Marley. he’s a child who was emotionally neglected, emotionally abused, and physically abused, and what he is offered is a way out, and the person who gives him the opportunity shows him unconditional kindness for the first time in his life. this child doesn’t have the maturity at his age understand the ramifications of his actions to his parents’ cause, because it doesn’t affect him directly. this is how children behave.

this panel sums it up the best and dammit i love it so much

"They never loved you."

"Zeke, it's not your fault."

"You are a clever and good child."

moving on. feeling no attachment to his parents, and more than that, resentment, it makes perfect sense why he would turn them in with little to no regard to their cause.

as an adolescent, Zeke probably doesn’t believe in anything. he has no moral compass. he’s experienced discrimination and suffering at the hands of Marleyans, as well as his Restorationist parents. all he knows is his survival and way of life is guaranteed as a Warrior in training.

but without a doubt Ksaver affected Zeke’s values, personality, and future decisions. if you also roll with Eren’s theory that the past holder of a Titan affects the current one (see Armin’s attachment to Annie in season 4 versus Bert’s), some pieces of Ksaver’s warm personality, his dedication to intellect over violence, affected him too.

but Zeke is undeniably selfish and sadistic. the person Zeke loathes most in the world is his father. the actions of his father is perhaps the biggest reason for Zeke’s cruelty on Paradis. he thinks about him while taking pleasure in slaughtering the Scouts in season 3. he turned an entire village of people into Titans without a shred of remorse.

Zeke has a disregard for most human life outside of select people’s ability as a tool, but he does have the ability to care about others—he cares about Gabi and Falco at least. in his reaction to them appearing on the airship in season 4, and his remark to Levi later when they get to the forest when Zeke asks (in a half joking manner) if he can show them it. and more than that, his hesitance to kill Colt. Zeke cares about Ksaver, he even cares about the Eldians.

but you may wonder, what the fuck are you talking about gee? he wants to exterminate them.

"The only possible salvation is Eldia's euthanasia. I saved them. The lives of those children from this cruel world."

Zeke genuinely believes that the way that all of humanity can be benefited is if the Eldians simply. died. out. his philosophy is that living is suffering and death is freedom.

and we've known this since Zeke was still a teenager!! he tells Ksaver:

“If no more descendants of Ymir were to be born, after 100 years, Titans would have surely vanished from this world. The world wouldn’t have to be afraid of Titans or suffer because of them anymore.

"More than anything, if from the start we hadn’t been born, there would have been no suffering—it would have been better.”

and he promises Ksaver that he'll try to save this world. that's why he joined the Warriors.

from a solely objective standpoint, he isn’t even wrong. as a whole? just like Eren’s plan, it’s disgusting and unforgivable. Zeke’s version of genocide is just slower.

why does Zeke believe that though? remember his childhood. the reasons he was taught to believe that either the Eldians or Marleyans were correct contradicted each other at the same time, and so were his experiences of discrimination and pride, of pain and belonging. Zeke was never loyal to any one faction, ever. not when he reported his parents, not when he learned about the Scouts and Paradis from Mike or Annie/Reiner/Bert, NOT EVEN when he learned Eren existed.

Zeke learning Eren existed changed a lot for him.

did Zeke resent Eren as Grisha’s son? fuck no. not at all. Eren is the person Zeke was actually most amicable with, whom it seemed he was trying to form a connection with (over even Ksaver). Zeke’s understanding at the time was Grisha raised Eren the exact same way he did Zeke, through brainwashing with an iron hand. he wanted to sympathize with Eren. he believed he had one single person who could understand him, and that person was not just a friend, but his brother.

the biggest reason Zeke—in the last years of his life due to Ymir’s curse—pushed for a spontaneous invasion of Paradis for Eren’s plan. besides, arguably, that Zeke wanted to be alive at the moment he destroyed everything.

and then, in Paths after he and Eren touched, Zeke revealed that he was going to go forward with his own plan the whole time, using Eren as a key to do that. he's confident that he's "saving" Eren from his father like Tom saved Zeke. that Eren's plan of genocide was brainwashed into him by his father. and he promises he will never abandon him.

but then.

Zeke was betrayed. Zeke had been manipulated. he learned through Eren’s memories that Eren not only was raised lovingly by Grisha and Carla, but Grisha didn’t push for Eren to be the most important hero that ever lived, Eren is the one that wanted that. Grisha didn’t involve himself with Eren’s desire to join the Scouts. Grisha took care of his family. Grisha, for Eren, was a good, loving father. Eren was loved unconditionally, was given everything Zeke never got.

HELL, halfway through the memories, Zeke told Eren that he could stop the memories anytime he wanted, but he wasn't going to abandon him even though Eren was totally disinterested in the sentiment.

"I'm not going to abandon you. Just like Ksaver never abandoned me. Before saving this world, I want to save you."

the breaking point is learning his father didn’t crush the royal family’s children in his hands, he couldn’t do it. then he had a breakdown over his actions later after Eren pushed him to do it.

Zeke is in utter disbelief.

then Zeke even finds closure with Grisha after that scene. he found closure. they cried in each other’s arms.

Eren’s memories revealed that he is the monster. most relevant to Zeke, Eren betrayed him. in more ways than one.

…hence the following scene in Paths where Zeke imprisoned Eren and tried to go ahead with his own plan.

in order to transition forward, spoilers are necessary. if you have to stop here (and a kiss for you if you even read this far), then i hope my explanation at least helped Zeke be more understandable, and at best changed your opinion of him a little. or reinforced your opinion. whichever!

so in order to talk about the end of Zeke’s character arc, i need to talk about Levi and Zeke’s relationship. (without me commentating on Levi’s feelings because they’re not relevant and if i do i’ll inevitably get sidetracked).

🚨🚨🚨SPOILER TERRITORY AGAIN🚨🚨🚨

why does Zeke like to push Levi’s buttons so much? why is he mostly candid with him, and doesn’t insult him (except in the most shallow ways possible. ohhh levi you glare at me so much. ohhh i bet no one’s ever had a crush on you ohhhh.) most importantly, why does Zeke allow Levi to kill him? IT COULD’VE BEEN JUST AS EASY TO POP OUT OF THE FOUNDING TITAN NEAR ANY OF THE OTHERS AND LET HIMSELF BE KILLED. HE COULD’VE FALLEN TO HIS STUPID DEATH.

but no. he figures out where Levi is flying on Falco, and calls out to him.

does Zeke like Levi? no. he believes the exact opposite of what Levi believes too. does Zeke even really care about Levi? fuck no. i think the liking Zeke might’ve taken to Levi is that he sees right through all of Zeke’s “innocent” intentions, and to be succinct, all of his bullshit. Levi sees Zeke just as insignificant and worthless as Zeke really sees himself to be at his petulant and shame-filled core.

Zeke letting Levi get what he wanted in his final moments is his redeeming moment! it shows Zeke’s humanity, that for once he’s sincere and candid after his conversation with Armin in which he accepts that the meaning of life is just... to do what you love doing. he understands that he doesn’t deserve even to see what a beautiful day it is. all of his selfishness, his sadism, his narcissism—all unraveled in this final act. i want to jump off a building thinking about it /pos.

and you know what else. Zeke and Erwin’s characters are a beautiful foil of each other. but that’s an essay for another day.

#zeke yeager #zeke aot #zeke snk #snk zeke #snk zene yeager #snk zeke jaeger #zeke jaeger #zeke jaeger aot #zeke jaeger snk #beast titan #aot #aot manga #character analysis #zeke attack on titan

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lunarw0rks · 7 months

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as a cptsd warrior with similar trauma to ghost (massive L for me) I think he bleaches his hair just to.... see something different, to not have the hair he had when we was tortured, some resemblance of control. Like THATS not me THIS is. ik the creators said they wanted to make him 'different' in that way, like a little quirk of him bleaching his hair, but i can imagine his mood switching instantly if he sees his roots growing back in. idk. ppl with cptsd TWEAK over anything they cant control when it comes to their body

i never thought of it that way, but that's an interesting layer to his behavior!

it makes sense as a trauma response; something that seems trivial to those without cptsd, but is a trigger for him — and instantly reminds him of the horrible things in the past... and builds onto his "ghost" persona, how the mask is something so personal to him. when he's ghost he's not entirely simon, and vice versa.

also, i hope you're doing okay, anon. <3

#cw cptsd #rachel speaks #not writing #simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost mwii #ghost mw2 #mw2 #call of duty #task force 141

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hallucinateonpaperspines · 1 month

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pjo au

What is the dinamici between luke and Ashley ?

It's an interesting one. In the half-cobbled-together idea I have (unfortunately significantly based on events that haven't happened yet in the main story) this is an older Ashlyn who has already "completed" OT&T but hasn't reached my little epilogue surprise.

Out of context, that is going to make no sense, but it is an important distinction.

This is a version of Ashlyn that has accepted fiction to be reality and dealt with not only the consequences of her actions but also the actions of others who thought they knew better. She's simultaneously in her wine aunt era while also being a CPTSD survivor who knows things she shouldn't. All this while physically looking in her 20s and appearing, at first glance, completely normal.

The result is a strange dichotomy that spawns rumors upon rumors, ranging from reincarnation, a con woman, and being some overlooked demi.

Luke does not need to pay attention to the theories. He knows two things, and he only needs to know two things;

She, very obviously and openly, is disgusted by the pantheon and regularly challenges them

Kronos is interested in her

At first, he's over the moon. Here is a warrior, as unconventional as she is, who isn't afraid to shake her fist and call out the hypocrisy. Someone who is saying all the things he wants to but can't yet. A human that's proving that the gods are weak, that they're unneeded, that they can be cast aside and forgotten like they've done to their children.

At first, Luke is fascinated. At first.

Kronos' interest only further justifies it, if his Great-Grandfather, the only person with true power who can see and will help is interested then the stranger can only be helpful.

But then...

It seems like Ashlyn Moore is the only thing the Titian is interested in.

It becomes all about the stranger. Follow her. Watch her. Report when she leaves. Report where she goes. Who has she fought? Who has she slain? What does she talk about? What does she say? Who are her allies? Become her ally. Don't become too close. She is valuable. What does she know? What do others say? What do you know?

Luke was once valuable.

Now, he's nothing more than a camera. A shadow. A tape recorder. A stolen slip of paper. A fly on the wall. Anything and everything that will just add to the hoard of information that Kronos seeks but never offers.

Why is she so special? She's human.

A dumb, stupid human who talks big but never acts. Who stares off into space or glares at the stars. A human that beats and humiliates children in games and play-battles and steals quests.

How is she special? What makes her better?

Luke still watches, still reports, still smiles, but that fascination, that hope, has withered into something bitter and unstable. He has nothing in common with the human, he's better.

She smiles at him from across the campfire, it's tight with too many teeth. Pointed and clamped, a mask bitting down on something that wants to escape. A liar's smile. A trickster smile. His father's smile

Luke smiles back. He doesn't think about how they mirror.

Ashlyn does.

Ashlyn knows.

#ao3 author #ao3 #pjo au #ashlyn moore (oc)

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