Tumgik
#covid did crazy things to my brain
strangeviscera · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
legend
2K notes · View notes
britneyshakespeare · 1 year
Text
why does scheduling my work days give me so much stress and anxiety
#i was supposed to do my first day at the high school today but i had literally so much anxiety i could not fall asleep last night no matter#what. i had so much dread. i took so much melatonin lol.#i could shut my brain off till i went into the application and deleted my schedule for the day#ive just been feeling so fatigued and exhausted since i got covid it's crazy. sometimes i'll have bursts of energy where im productive#but yesterday i was just so tired from loading the washing machine. just. fucking sorting clothes and putting them in#that i had to lie down on the floor for a few minutes in the middle of it#not my finest moment#tales from diana#i didn't have anything scheduled for tomorrow and i thought 'maybe if i feel better tonight ill call in'#but i dont feel. super better tonight. and the only thing that i could do tomorrow at my preferred school is kindergarten subbing#for like the main classroom teacher. which i havent done before so i figured 'yeah im not gonna get my anxiety up 2 days in a row'#i deserve to sleep tonight after all and i think if i committed to that i wouldnt be able to#but i am going into my elementary school on wed-thur-friday of this week. wednesday is only a half day but they'll probably find smth for me#to do in the afternoon. they usually do. and im fine w that.#idk im just much more comfortable in my elementary school. i guess bc ive worked there before and i went to school there#as a wittle student waaaay back in the day. like i know the building and it doesn't scare me and i know a good amount of kids there#and the staff don't intimidate me. so yeah.#i did schedule my first job at the high school FOR REAL THIS TIME and it's next friday. hopefully ill be doing better by then.#im working the thursday before it at the elementary so i'll be in the rhythm of that. idk how to explain it but it's harder to go back#to work when ive taken a day off. like that's also why im not going in tomorrow.#friday (4/07) was the first day i worked since i got covid and that was fine but also. i was so anxious just to go in.#and so so so so tired when i got home. and all weekend.#yeah i wasn't ready to start working at the high school today. that was nonsense.#hopefully all will go well on wednesday thursday and friday of this week. im trying to restore my energy and fix my sleep. thatll do wonders#i hope. i hope i hope i hope
6 notes · View notes
strniohoeee · 5 months
Note
I NEED a pregnancy reader x matt smut
Gravid
Tumblr media
Pairing: Matt Sturniolo X Female Reader
Synopsis: Y/N is pregnant and yearning for Matt after reading mommy to be books, and learning about her libido spiking….will he give in?😙
Warnings⚠️: SMUT BABES, it’s nothing crazy just sex while pregnant? Idk shit bout being pregnant, so I tried my best LMAOO
Song for the imagine: Baby Love- The Supremes
⚠️This is an 18+ story, so minors do not interact, or do??⚠️
Matt and I had been dating for a good four years. We were both 21 now, and he and his brothers were super famous on YouTube. I always had a feeling they’d get bigger than they thought. I was there for every milestone, and when they hit 5 million subscribers we were so fucking happy
I was occasionally in videos, I preferred to stay out of them as those were his brothers lives, and not mine. However I would pop out here and there since we were 18. At first most fans thought we were friends until we were 20, and finally came out to say that we had been dating since we were 18. We got the expected comments half loving and half hating, but I didn’t care I was secure in my relationship.
However, Matt and I’s anniversary was a while back, and we had fun, LOTS OF FUN consisting of sex, sex and more sex.
But after two weeks I started to feel sick, and sore and just not right, so I decided to go to the doctor thinking it was the flu, or covid. What I didn’t expect was to find out I was pregnant… A WEEK AND A HALF PREGNANT.
I was shocked, but I also knew I wanted to keep this baby, and Matt and I weren’t always the most careful when it came to having sex. But he always told me if I got pregnant he’d take care of me with no questions asked.
I was currently 14 weeks pregnant, and I was showing, but not enough to really make people think. Especially since I dressed to hide my bump, and posed specific ways
The fans suspected nothing, and we didn’t want to say anything till I was almost due. Chris and Nick immediately jumped for joy and were always by my side if Matt couldn’t be. His parents and their brother Justin also supported me.
Mary-Lou and Jimmy would fly out like once a month to spend a few days with Matt and I. They were so excited to be grandparents.
I was reading a lot of what to expect when you’re expect type of books to prepare as best as I could. I was genuinely shocked at all the new information I was finding out
What I did read was starting at 14 weeks women experience a spike in there libido, and I kind of had a feeling because anytime I saw Matt I wanted to jump his bones
It’s called baby brain….we become different, and feral
Matt was out filming with his brothers and I was at home just doing nothing. I heard Matt come home, but I only heard him
He came into the bedroom
“Hey baby” he said putting his stuff down on his desk
“Hey Matt. Where’s Chris and Nick?” I asked
“They went shopping. They said that they wanted to buy some things for the baby” he said walking over and rubbing my little baby bump
“Aww that’s so nice of them. They don’t have to” I said looking up at Matt
“Yeah I know, but they wouldn’t budge they said there’s so many things they want to buy” he said sitting down to take his sneakers off
“They’re too nice I love them” I said as I rubbed my baby bump
Matt came over and laid next to me resting his head on his left hand while looking at me
“What’s my pretty lady been up to?” He asked
“I’ve just been reading these mommy to be books” I said pointing to a stack of books on the nightstand
“Find out anything good?” He asked
“Actually yes, our sex drive spikes at 14 weeks” I told him
“How far along are you?” He asked smirking
“Exactly 14 weeks today” I said winking at him
“Oh well then this must mean one thing” he said smiling at me
“It means you look so fucking hot all the time, I’m ready to jump on you when you walk through that door” I said
“Oh really?” He asked jutting (ew) his bottom lip out while pondering
“Oh yeah, and when you wear those whore outfits looking fine asf. I lose all self respect” I said giving him a kiss
“Oh baby, I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself” he said kissing me
“So don’t. I want to fuck, and I want it now” I said sitting up
“Won’t I hurt the baby?” He asked
“Matt….. be for real right now. Do you think the baby got his hand hanging out of my cervix ready to high five your dick?” I asked laughing at him
“You’re such a weirdo with your explanations” he said laughing at me
“You will not hurt the baby. It actually says sex is usually more enjoyable when the woman is pregnant” I told him
“So then let’s find out” he said grabbing my cheek and kissing me
Matt laid me back down as he hovered over me kissing me, and then slowly going down to my neck leaving sloppy kisses
“Matt I missed this” I said sighing
“Me too baby” he said coming back up and kissing my lips
He removed his shirt and his pants, and then took my shirt, and shorts off
“You look so fucking hot pregnant” he said gently rubbing my bump
“Maybe after this one we can have another” I said winking at him
“Oh baby I’ll have as many as you want” he said kissing me
Matt had slid off my underwear before coming back up to kiss me, and massaging my breasts lightly because they were a little sore
As he was kissing me, he slowly slid his hand down to massage my clit
“Fuck baby you’re so wet, and I haven’t even done much” he said looking into my eyes
“Matt when I tell you everytime I see you, I need you…I mean it” I told him
“Fuck baby” he said before going back to rubbing my clit, and slowly inserting two fingers inside of me
“Oh fuck Matt that feels so good” I said moaning at the feeling
He kept pumping his fingers in and out of me, before finally removing them, and placing his dick at my entrance
“Ready baby?” He asked
“I’m ready” I said, and slowly Matt slid into me completely bottoming out
“Fuck baby please move” I moaned out to him
Within an instant Matt was thrusting into me at a good pace, not too hard and not too soft. It felt amazing, and his pelvic bone was rubbing against my clit allowing for extra stimulation
“Oh baby I’m going to cum soon” Matt said as he thrusted into me while kissing my neck
“Me too. This feels so fucking good” I moaned out to him
Sex with Matt was always amazing, but I think because of my hormones it felt extra fucking good. I was so fucking wet like the sounds coming from me were insane
Matt kept thrusting into me, and I couldn’t stop clenching down on him
“Fuck matt I’m going to cum” I said clenching down on him harshly
“Come on baby, cum for me” he said thrusting into me and rubbing my clit
“Oh fuckkk” I yelled out as I came so hard all over Matt, my whole fucking body was shaking and my breathing stopped
“Oh my god” I said coming down from my high breathing heavily
Matt soon pulled out, and came all over my lower stomach. He came down from his high, and immediately ran to get a wet rag
“Sorry…cumming on your baby bump feels wrong” he said laughing, and I laughed with him because he’s such a weirdo
“It’s okay you weirdo” I said laughing at him and sitting up
We cleaned ourselves up, and got dressed, and in queue we heard the front door open
“Look at that perfect timing” he said getting up from the bed, and we both walked out to the living room
“We’re BACKKKKK” Nick yelled as he walked in with a ton of target bags full of baby stuff
“Guys what is all this” I said looking at the bags
“Well we have to spoil our unborn niece or nephew” Chris said bringing in more bags
“YALL THIS IS CRAZY” I said as my eyes fell on at least 12 bags of baby stuff
“Listen we’re so excited you have no idea” Nick said
“Hmm” Chris suddenly stopped and looked at Matt and I
“What?” matt said
“I know what was going on here” he said smirking at us
“The fuck are you talking about?” I said
“My poor niece or nephew was getting scrambled….yall was fuckingggggg” Chris said
“The fuck?” Matt said
“Well…..y/n your hair?? And Matt your shirt is on inside out and backwards” Chris said laughing
“MATT” I said smacking him
“OH MY GOD” Nick said laughing
“Uhh sorry?” Matt said getting all shy
We just laughed at this awkward interaction, and then Chris and Matt gave me a haul of what they got me while explaining every single item, and how either they will use it, or how I will use it
The End
Once again I hope yall enjoyed, and for the person that requested this I hope I didn’t disappoint 🥰 also I would like to do a/n at the end of my stories, so if you have any like personal questions, you can ask them here, and I’ll answer them in the next stories endings or as a separate thread 🤭🤭
-J💅🏽
290 notes · View notes
cillmequick · 27 days
Text
Tumblr media
Hello lovelies, so I’m having the week from hell at work and I’m carrying guilt for not having updated like I said I would (which I know is self-made and not actually coming from you but you try telling my broken little brain that!). So I’ve made a decision to split Saturday into two fragments - morning and evening - because the morning bit has been ready for days and it’s just the evening bit I’m struggling with because I’m too burnt out to write good smut (the HORROR! 🙈). So here you go, I hope you enjoy, xx
Summary: After Mrs M’s home truths talk the night before, Cillian gets his shit together and talks to Aoife.
Warnings: References to marital breakdown and child custody arrangements. Bad language.
Word count: 1354 PART 5 | SERIES
Tumblr media
vi. Saturday 17 February - Morning
She could hear the rumble of his voice from the kitchen when she woke up, the hard edge of barely contained irritation making the sounds brittle. For a moment she was transported to another morning, a very long time ago, listening through the wall as Cillian talked to Aoife. Only this time she didn’t feel like she needed to hide.
Or not as much anyway.
“No. I already told him it’s not happening, Cillian,” snapped Aoife. “And I don’t appreciate you ringing me up to bully me into changing my mind.”
He took a deep breath, gripping the edge of kitchen counter. “That’s not what this is, Eef. He came to us to ask, what else do you want me to do..? Just ignore him??”
“He came to her, you mean. As far as I can tell you never bother actually coming home these days.”
“Alright, there’s no need for that. I’m trying my best but it’s fucking crazy at the moment. It’ll be over soon though and I’ll be around all the time.” He sighed. “Look, I know you don’t like it but is it really such a terrible thing? I mean, it’s the arrangement I’ve had to live with for years. And you’ll still see him every other weekend.”
“It’s not what we agreed with the court.”
“And he’s eighteen now so that doesn’t apply. Technically he doesn’t even have to ask your permission, he can just move out. But he’s asking because he knows it’s important. ‘Cause he loves you.”
“Wow… are you reading that from a fucking script??” she bit back and he could hear her pacing.
“It’s the truth. I mean, fuck Eef, if this is what he needs to get through his exams isn’t it worth a go? Any fucking thing to get him to put the work in, right? And Y/N is home a lot, and I’ll be home all the time in a few weeks - we can keep an eye on him.”
“And I can’t, is that it?”
He closed his eyes, counting in his head. “No, that’s not it. You’re an amazing mum, you know that. And you did all the awful covid lockdown homeschooling shit - let us take this one. If it’s what he wants, we’re here to help.”
He heard the squeak of floorboards and opened his eyes to see Y/N coming towards him, bleary eyed in her pyjamas and thick thermal socks, hair knotted on top of her head. As Aoife continued to argue in his ear, she silently came up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist, cheek pressed against his shoulder blade. His free hand found hers, linking their fingers together, their wedding bands clinking together quietly.
“And you know he only wants to come and live with you because he wants to show off to his mates, and to girls, that they can come and hang out at his famous dad’s house.”
“Who gives a fuck??” he snapped. “If it settles him down and keeps his head in his exams, I really couldn’t give two single shits. The ones that don’t already know will discover pretty quick how fucking boring I am.”
He felt Y/N smile against his back and there was a brief silence down the phone line.
“Haven’t she already taken enough?” Aoife said, so quietly it was almost a whisper.
“What—”
“She’s got my husband. My life. All the time we were supposed to have is hers now. All the work and sacrifice we made for you to be where you are now and it’s her who gets to enjoy it. And now you want her to have my kids too.”
Y/N was close enough to hear her words bleeding out of the phone and she pulled away quickly. He turned towards her and caught her hand, squeezing gently, holding her eyes as he spoke.
“She’s been their step-mum for almost ten years, Eef. She’s not taking him away.” He looked away awkwardly and Y/N pulled her fingers carefully from his. “You’ll always be their mum.”
He heard sniffing in his ear.
“Hey, c’mon, don’t cry. He’s a teenager - they’re built to test us. And he’s been wilful since the day he was born.” He smiled, remembering that crazy, terrifying moment when his newborn son was placed in his arms and immediately began screaming blue bloody murder.
“He has.” He could hear her softening, could practically see the wistful smile in her eyes.
“Let us try this - and if he thinks he can come and be a messer ‘cause he’s not with you he’ll learn a valuable lesson the hard way.”
“He’s got so much potential but he doesn’t try...”
“We’ll deal with that - all of us - I promise.”
She sighed heavily and he gave Y/N a thumbs up, who was now holding a cup of coffee, waiting, almost unable to breathe.
“Fine. He can go.”
Cillian blew out a breath of relief. “Alright, thank you. We’ll sort it out when Y/N’s back over there after the weekend.”
“Fine. I’d better go.”
She hung up barely before he could say goodbye.
“She said yes..?”
“Eventually.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly as he held her against his body.
“Thank you,” she murmured, leaning into the safe, solid warmth of him. “I’m sorry I lost my temper. I shouldn’t have gone off at you like that, I’m tired and I miss you and—”
“No, it’s my fault,” he interrupted, gently pulling her back so he could cup her face between his hands, smoothing away a stray curl. “You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I’ve been a shit husband lately—”
“No you haven’t, you’re so busy, it’s—”
He stopped her speaking with his thumb over her lips.
“I have. And not because I’m away for work - that happens, it’s always going to happen - but because you’re right, I’ve been taking you three for granted. I got lost in it. It didn’t even occur to me that last night was the only night in weeks we’ve had - I didn’t think of it on Thursday when I was with Enda and Eileen and I should have. You’re the most important thing - all three of you but our marriage especially.”
He saw her eyes fill with tears and he gently swiped away the few that escaped with his thumbs.
“Do you know what I realised last night after you went to bed?”
She shook her head. He’d not come to bed until much later, after she’d fallen asleep, even though he must have been exhausted.
“That this is how it started with Eef. The end. Me not being around enough, not helping enough, not paying enough attention. Until one day we were just two people going through the motions of a marriage without really realising that’s what had happened. I’m never going to do that to you - I’m never going to lose you like that. We took too many years to get to where we are and you’re the love of my fucking life. I’m so sorry, Y/N.”
The tears were spilling more freely now and she buried her face in his chest, dampening the soft cotton of his sweater.
“Hey, don’t cry,” he soothed, pressing kisses into her hair. “I can’t have made both my wives cry in one morning. Imagine if the Daily Mail got wind of that.” She hiccuped a laugh and slowly uncurled from his front, eyes red rimmed, cheeks wet, lashes still pearled with tears. And yet still somehow the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
“I love you,” she whispered hoarsely, wiping her face with the sleeves of the jumper she’d pulled on over her pjs to stave off the winter chill.
“I love you too.” He dipped his head, tilting her chin up with a finger so he could catch her lips with his.
“I need to make a call,” she mumbled against his mouth and he pulled back with a frown.
“If I hurry I might catch them before they send the Mail on Sunday to print,” she grinned.
Tumblr media
Part vii
Tumblr media
I couldn’t possibly have them stay angry - they are my babies and I love them. Stay tuned for more Saturday antics (probably later in the weekend when I’ve got more free time and focus). As always, I live for your feedback so come at me in all the usual ways 🤍
Masterlists: CILLIAN | LOCKDOWN | MAIN
You can find loads more of these two idiots in in love in the Lockdown masterlist - enjoy!
Tag list: @runnning-outof-time , @zablife , @garrison-girl-08 , @look-at-the-soul , @buttercupsandboys , @notyour-valentine , @elliotshelbyjones , @shelbydelrey , @theshelbyclan , @theshelbyslimited , @pintofsweets , @flyingjosephine-blog , @christinasyellowflowers , @midnightmagpiemama , @l1-l4-deactivated20231226 , @allie131313 , @star017 , @lespendy , @blondie-22 , @dragons-are-my-favorite , @emotionalcadaver , @brummiereader , @alessioayla , @lyarr24 , @dumb-fawkin-bitch , @forgottenpeakywriter , @kittycatcait219 , @cybernuttragedy456 , @babaohhhriley , @watersquirtpewpewboomm , @stevie75 , @padfootdaredmetoo , @moral-terpitude , @shaddixlife , @peakyscillian , @majesticcmey (unable to tag) , @rangerelik , @guenievresworld , @margew76 , @camilleholland89 , @woofgocows , @cilliansangel (unable to tag) , @ayomurphys , @elenavampire21 , @elk96 , @scorpiussage , @cillixn , @esposadomd , @grapejuiceblues , @throughgoeshamilton , @polishcrazyone , @shjjpm , @duckybird101 , @maeleeme , @cillmeslowly , @kmc1989 , @nela-cutie , @magicalmushroom0 (unable to tag) , @86luvrs (unable to tag) , @imwithyoutiltheendofthelinebucky (unable to tag)
120 notes · View notes
jmdbjk · 9 months
Text
Jimin's mail
I would like to take this opportunity to address the Jimin's "stolen" mail incident and perhaps dispel some misinformation circulating about it in this day and age of shouting sabotage for everything.
This whole topic might be boring to everyone, but my brain won't let go of it so here it is:
This incident occurred early 2022.
For reference: Jimin purchased his apartment at Nine One Hannam in May 2021. It was a brand new building and he is the first owner of his unit. He paid in cash approx. $4.5 million USD.
In January 2022 this apartment unit was seized temporarily by the South Korea National Health Insurance agency (NHI) due to unpaid insurance premiums.
Boring but important: South Korea provides universal healthcare which is funded several ways including citizens paying a percentage of their monthly income. These premiums also fund the Medical Aid program for those who cannot pay.
The controversy: According to the NHI, Jimin was sent four notices by registered mail of his unpaid insurance premiums. But somehow, this correspondence from the NHI never made it to Jimin. BigHit took full responsibility for this "mishandling of the mail". A portion of the BigHit statement reads:
"Regarding this matter, the company is the first to receive all mail that arrives at the artists’ dorms, and in the process of relaying it to the artist, a portion of the mail was omitted by mistake. Due to Jimin’s activities abroad starting at the end of last year, his extended period of rest, and his scheduled activities abroad after that, he was unaware of matters such as [his premiums] being overdue. As soon as he found out, he paid the arrears in full, and at present, the situation has been resolved. We apologize for the fact that we have given the artist and fans cause for concern due to our company’s negligence."
Another source stated that some mail does go directly to members' homes and is retrieved by company staff where it is included with mail sent in care of the company which is then distributed to the respective member if necessary. This corroborates with the above statement by Bighit.
In an artist/agency relationship, one of the things the agency (company) provides are staff/managers who MANAGE their day-to-day business. Managers make it so artists can lead the crazy lives they live. Makes sense as the members are too busy to take care of mundane things like paying bills.
Was REGISTERED mail taken/intercepted/stolen four times from the mail room at BigHit/HYBE? I don't have clarification on that. But seems like taking someone's registered mail would be a punishable crime.
What was going on during this time: The group was on a winter break that began early December 2021 after their activities in Los Angeles concluded. Jin, Jimin and Jungkook returned to Korea almost immediately and entered self-quarantine for ten days before they were free to do what they wanted within the scope of Covid restrictions.
Refreshing everyone's memory about Bangtan and Covid: Dec. 24: Yoongi tests positive for Covid. Dec. 25: Jin and Namjoon test positive. Jan. 30: Jimin's Covid happens simultaneously with appendicitis. Feb. 15: Tae tests positive. Mar. 24: Hobi goes down for the count. Mar. 27: last but definitely not least, JK AFTER arriving in Vegas.
The members, including Jimin, were starting to post on their individual Instagrams in December. Between Dec. 21 to Jan. 9, Jimin posted photos of himself on both Instagram and Weverse at various places from his visit to Jeju Island. We don't know about the timing of the photos, whether they were posted immediately after he snapped them or posted them days/weeks later.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
He posted Jan. 7 on Instagram and then his next post, this time on Weverse, wasn't until Feb. 2, immediately following his emergency appendectomy. He was in the hospital between Jan. 30 and Feb. 5 so he posted a message from his hospital bed (sweet baby).
If he did not get his apartment back until April, then he did not know about his apartment situation while he was in the hospital.
But the NHI sent four notices. So backing up further chronologically, if they seized his apartment on January 25, that means the first overdue payment notice was possibly sent in September 2021?
Sept. 13: receiving diplomat passports.
Tumblr media
Sept. 20: UN visit and speech in New York
Tumblr media
Oct. 24: online PTD concert
Tumblr media
Preparations were then focused on PTD LA. They departed Seoul for Los Angeles on November 16, 2021.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
They were busy. They depended on their staff to take care of their personal business.
All that time, Jimin was not aware that there was a lapse in his insurance payments. When he was made aware of the situation, he paid it all immediately.
I have no source that states exactly when this payment was received by the NHI or when it was processed.
They left March 28, 2022 for Las Vegas and returned to Seoul on April 18. There are conflicting media stories about exactly when the apartment seizure was resolved. Some say April 22.
When he was still in Seoul and not traveling to the States, where was Jimin sleeping between January 25 and April 22? Where did he recuperate when he was released from the hospital? Where was he watching "The Notebook" for the nth time? Whose sofa was he laid up on? Hmmmmmm? Did he still have access to his apartment even though it was seized? What's the point of seizing it if he still had access to it? Did he even live there? Maybe that's why he didn't know anything about the seizure because he didn't even live there to begin with? But if he did live there and couldn't access his apartment to sleep there because it was seized, why didn't it get resolved sooner than April 22?
I have so many questions.
We also need to remember that it is said during their time in Las Vegas is when Jimin confided in the members about his challenges. And he's said that these feelings ended up being expressed in the songs on his Face album. Maybe he didn't learn about the apartment mess until he was in Las Vegas and that was the catalyst that made him spill his guts to the members. Still doesn't answer a lot of the above questions....
Media broke with the news about the apartment seizure on the day that "With You," an OST for the TV drama "Our Blues," was released, April 24. Despite all this, "With You" became the fastest song in history to reach #1 on iTunes in 100 total countries, breaking the record held by "Dynamite". It is well known that even negative publicity is publicity. Personally, I don't think it had much effect on the success of the song. But Jimin's character did take a hit. Also in my opinion, he has since recovered well from all that crap. Just me talking about this is probably reminding people that this even happened. Sorry. Just forget I said anything. Ha ha. What apartment? Ha.
Whether the timing of the media breaking the story was on purpose or coincidental... we don't know. Stating purposeful sabotage of Jimin's song is speculation. A news outlet will break a story if its titillating enough regardless of timing. Jimin losing his apartment due to unpaid bills is intriguing and high drama involving a member of BTS, of course they were going to push that story out ASAP.
If the apartment seizure was resolved 2 days before the story broke, we don't know how this information got to the media. THAT is the big question. Is there some sort of process that allows this information to be released somewhere accessible to the public (and therefore the media). If so, what is the timing of that? Or did a news media outlet learn about the incident on April 22 and hold on to the information until April 24? We don't know.
Saying the media sabotaged Jimin's OST "With You" is not the full truth. It is misinformation at this point.
With the information I know of, I do not believe there was a break-in at Jimin's apartment. I can't find a reliable source to confirm anything about a break-in, suspicions of a break-in or any mention of one. Nine One is very locked down and secure so a break-in is unlikely. You cannot waltz into the apartment complex and snoop around. Unlike Hannam The Hill, Nine One is surrounded by a high wall with security stations at the entrances. However, someone who had access to his apartment such as a personal assistant or housekeeping could very well have entered without his permission. But we don't know.
If someone was determined to intercept his mail, they may not have needed access to his apartment but only to his mailbox. Where ever that is. We are told all mail is collected by staff or it is sent directly to the company... it is possible it was a mistake but what kind of idiot was handling the mail and "misplaced" registered mail four times? I do not have a reliable source confirming anyone was formally accused of stealing the mail at BigHit. They most likely dealt with it internally. At the time of the incident, I blogged that people were fired and security protocols were reviewed. I stand by that declaration. Since then, Jimin has been unyielding in maintaining his privacy. Only very recently have we seen him relaxing enough to show us glimpses of his matching gaming chairs, ceiling and edges of his television. We even got a quick view of some decor above the tv.
I am still unclear about the doxxing but I myself disturbingly did see an image online of some documents that seemed to have Jimin's personal information on them. I think this information is included in the NHI documents that never made it to Jimin. If those images were really his information and still exist on the internet, I cannot find them. These documents would have his resident registration number on them. I am assuming it's a total pain in the ass to be issued a new one.
I do not have a reliable source confirming that a news media entity is responsible for stealing the mail and also revealing Jimin's personal information. Saying news media broke into the HYBE building during this incident is misinformation.
All of these things that can't be confirmed can only be called hearsay and speculation.
Everything I have stated here is my opinion from information I witnessed as it unfolded in real time, as well as information available if you search for it.
If you lean toward conspiracy theories regarding sabotaging of everything Jimin does you will come to certain conclusions. And if you just take things at face value without speculating beyond that then you will come to a different conclusion. We won't all agree as to what exactly went down. If I come across information that is new to me regarding what happened, I may modify my opinion depending on what the new information is.
What I've stated is all I have to go on. I have questions. But I won't say someone broke into his apartment. I won't say someone stole his mail but I am still skeptical because I have too many other collateral questions about the whole incident.
If anyone else has any confirmed information about the incident and you want to talk about it, my DMs are open, asks are open, or you can discuss in the comments of this post as long as everyone stays respectful. I would love to learn about anything else if you have links to sources with new information.
And apologies for the long ramble because my brain is constantly including details that might not be pertinent but who knows...
79 notes · View notes
garbbitch · 3 months
Text
Controversially young GF
Tumblr media
Obvi reader is 18+
not promoting pedophilic behavior folks
for your imagination its at least 5+ years of an age gap.
also, y'all loved the smut i dropped but didn't like the fluff, whats that about?
also y'all can interact with my shit, I like when people do that, comment and reblog it or smnth. I dont bite
unless u want me to.
ok im done. enjoy!
you and julien met at a book store.
"shit, sorry!" you said worried you kicked her or something as you were walking by her. you dropped a book on the ground that she picked up. "it's alright," she said nonchalantly as she stood up. Her eyes moved over you, she smirked a little. you started to walk away. "wait a minute," she said still moving her eyes over you. "i'm julien." she held out her hand for a handshake. "i'm y/n.” you said apprehensively shaking her hand. you notice her little smirk and feel your self blush lightly. julien chuckled. “i think this belongs to you.” she said handing you a book that fell out of your hands when you bumped into her. “myth of sisyphus?” “a friend suggested it to me, i’ve never heard of it before.” you said as you took the book, “thank you.” “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you around here before, are you from around here?” she said nonchalantly leaning on the bookshelf getting a good look at you. “yeah, i’m in school here at the university of (INSERT ANY SCHOOL IDK USE YOUR IMAGINATION)” you say back noticing her tattoos all along her arms. “you like it there?” she asked stepping a little closer to you, not close enough to touch but close enough. “it’s cool, lots of cool classes and people there.” you say back noticing the deliberate closeness. y’all talked for a while and eventually she asked to take you out. you obviously said yes.
She spoils you a little:
nothing too crazy, but for instance for your first date she took you to a really expensive restaurant and didn’t even ask to split the bill even after you offered.
“you look great.” she said when she picked you up from your place for your date. you couldn’t help but blush. “you look really good too jb.” you said to her trying to hide how flustered you were from a simple compliment. as you walked into the restuarant together she put her hand arouund your waist "is this ok?" she whispered in your ear tracing shapes into your hip. "this is great" you said back as you walked in together.
on the date you guys talked about everything and nothing feeling super connected by the end of it.
she took you back to your place, only dropping you off. she walked you to your door. "this was a lot of fun," you said as you and julien reached your door. "i had a great time with you." she said looking down on your lips. you blushed noticing her gaze on your lips.
she didn't kiss you, she wanted to but she also didn't want to make you uncomfortable
after your next date she kissed you
you melted into her touch and she loved the way you leaned into her
you thought about inviting her back to your place but you didn't want to seem too ~needy~ [stupid covid brain lacking words]
you guys went on a couple more dates and the subject of high school came up
"so when did you graduate?" she asked you as you sat in a bar together. [i hope my math is right, dont @ me if its not.] "well i'm still in college but i finished high school in 2020." you said casually to her as you sipped a mocktail. her eyes widdened. "2018?" she asked back to you. [pls tell me this makes the gf 23] "yeah, why?" you asked her, noticing how worried she looked. "You're five years younger than me?" she asked suddenly super worried that she has been dating someone who is too young for her. "i guess so... you're 28?" you asked her, not bothered by the age difference. "yeah." she said quietly. "does the age thing bother you?" you asked her noticing the sudden discomfort. "well no, i just worry about power dynamics. i don't want to accidentally take advantage of you in some way." she said to you as she toyed with the watch on her wrist nervously. [i realized that jb is always wearing a watch n idk it's hot] you touched her hand. "you won't. it's okay. i trust you." you said quietly to her. she closed her eyes like she was thinking about something. "i wouldn't do it on purpose but i just... power dynamics come up all the time and it's almost never on purpose." she said looking at you. "i know, we just need to be open to conversation." you said still holding her hand.
at the end of the date after you guys had a long talk about boundaries you both felt more comfortable
she drove you home and she kissed you outside your door again
you moaned softly into the kiss and she pulled away
"baby-" she started to say and you moved your hands to her hips, "we shouldn't. i want to but..." she said. you groaned softly. "why the but?" you asked with a dramatic pout on your face. "cuz baby, i don't wanna rush things with you." she said softly as she moved her hands to where yours were on her hips. "can we just hang out?" you asked just wanting to spend more time with her. she only looked at you for a moment. "just hanging out?" she questioned half serious the other playful. "yeah." you said quietly. julien nodded and you happily searched for your keys in your bag and invited her in. she looked around your small apartment and smiled. she noticed the smell of your perfume. "wanna watch a movie?" you asked her motioning to a projector you have set up near your day bed.
she resisted the urge to make a joke about you inviting her to bed as you opened up the day bed
she happily watched a couple of movies with you until you fell asleep leaning on her shoulder
she reluctantly woke you up
"baby, wake up." she said softly as she stroked your head trying to wake you up gently. "hmm? what?" you said sleepily as you wiped some drool off your cheek realizing you drooled on her shoulder. "sorry." you said softly as you attempted to wipe it off her shirt sleeve. "it's ok, i'll let you sleep. i'm gonna head out." she said holding your hands gently. "do you need to go?" you asked quietly. "not nenecessarily." she said back, she pushed a piece of hair behind your ear. "can yoy stay?" you asked her not wanting the night to end. "do you have class tomorrow?" she asked you. she didn't want to mess with your school responsibilities. "nope." you told the truth, you just wanted her to stay. "i can stay." she said quietly.
she got comfortable in your bed as you quickly took a shower before getting in bed yourself.
you offered her some clothes to change into and she said it was ok.
you cuddled into her side as you fell asleep.
she stroked your hair as you fell asleep
after some time of going steady she does finally ~stay the night~
im gonna post that another time. be patient with me.
she eventually invites you to move in with her, she makes sure that you have a study room that you could use when you have exams coming up
when you moved in all the members of muna and boygenius helped you move all your stuff cuz you couldn't do it alone and you didn't wanna hire movers
pheobe and katie couldnt hold back from the jokes about the age gap
eventually they all joined in
a few weeks later julien was invited to a red carpet for an event
the paparazzi on the carpet kept asking who you were
lucy and pheobe said something more and more outrageous to everyone who asked
"eye candy" "our body guard" "the new 4th member of boygenius" "our girlfriend" "our psychiatrist" "we're tutoring her"
31 notes · View notes
cigarette-room · 12 days
Note
since you are a med student(if i remenber correctly) what is your favourite part of it?
Oh my god, everything. Genuinely. I have grown to like this so much.
Ok so for a little background, I study in the Balkans, and the regime of medical studies there is you go to a highschool, any highschool, then you apply for uni and you go to a uni 6 years pass all relevant exams then a license exam and you're a doctor. Which is relevant because first 3 of those 6 years are academic years (theoretical exams, not any touch with the patient) and the last 3 are pent on clinical subjects, rotating on internal medicine and surgery and neurology and psychiatry and dermatology and forensic medicine and ophthalmology and radiology and *lists 300 other things*
So the first 3 years I couldn't wait for it to be over. Genuinely. I wanted to do real medicine stuff and COVID was in full swing and it all was so goddamn hard! But now I'm on year 5 and I love this all so much you have no idea
Now I love everything. I love when I anseer a professor's question correctly. I love when we smile and a patient smiles back, I love when we look at scans and notice the right thing in the right moment, I love wearing scrubs. I love the sweet old women and funny old men who are always the most eager to let you do a check-up because you kids have to learn from somewhere. I love when I pass an exam barely enough that I go phew, I almost failed that but one less! We pushed through! I loved rotating bones in my arms. I loved touching a human heart, a human brain, and then having an existential crisis later. I loved when the first autopsy I did I went back home and cried because I was so overwhelmed with the notion that this grandma was a human with so many stories to tell and I felt so grateful to her, in a way, and to the 9 people who donated their remains so we could have learned on them years earlier. I love psychiatry, a lot, and I loved attending additional classes that I didn't have to attend just for the nicest professor in the world to discuss with us how it is to work in prison. I love the pauses for coffee with my colleagues. And the first time we were carrying newborn little baby up to the neonatology department and spent an hour watching the nurses make little bundles off of them and how 15 of them in two rows were all sleeping at the same time (can u believe. Crazy I know). I loved when we spent hours in the basements of the big clinical centres in the rain just listening to our professor explain radiology to us. And when I held a dying patient's hand while we did a last check-up and the doctor then led us all into a room and held the most tearful, most important, lesson on end-of-life care. I loved every time we went into an operating room. And I loved every little encouragement I got from doctors and nurses and fellow students around me.
Long answer, I'm so sorry 😭❤️ there's too much things I wanted to say
7 notes · View notes
thewakingcloak · 3 months
Text
The State of Things Past
this post is mirrored from the Studio Spacefarer Patreon! please consider supporting me, and you’ll get access to devlog posts, gifs, and other info before the public!
Like I mentioned in my previous post, The Waking Cloak has been in development for eight years.
ProtoDungeon: Episode III has itself been in development for a few years, pretty much since 2019 (oooof). I've gotten plenty of questions about how the project is coming, as well as the occasional question of whether The Waking Cloak / ProtoDungeon is even alive at all at this point. Thank you for asking this. It means people are still interested in these games.
Okay, but still, what happened? Why are things taking so long? Well, this post is the first in the Christmas Carol series, in which the ~Ghost of Spacefarer Past~ appears to explain things (wooo spooky explanation sounds).
Progress has been made, very slowly, on ProtoDungeon: Episode III. I'd love to have done more, but, well… in the time since I released Episode II, we continued adjusting to parenthood for our first kid, went through the pandemic, had a second baby (who is now almost 3yo), and survived through a series of really difficult events, which culminated in a move to a new house in a new town and the start of a new chapter (but that last bit we'll save that for the Ghost of Christmas Present so he feels useful).
But yeah, it's been a rough ride. My wife and I are intentionally open about what's been going on. At the same time, the internet is an extremely public place, and I don't want to overshare, or worse, trigger anything for anyone, so I'll try to keep this list brief:
Two miscarriages (the first one was late term, and absolutely, brutally devastating)
The loss of our faith community due to the pandemic
Loss of job for my wife due to the pandemic (the pandemic was unkind to teachers)
Loss of a dream job prospect for my wife (same issue)
The great Texas freeze and power outage (us huddling under blankets in shifts through the night with our newborn infant (he's fine now!))
Severe, life-threatening post-partum and post-natal depression
Family covid and two-week cabin-fever quarantines (twice, despite being vaccinated and careful)
The death of my grandma (we were not able to attend her memorial due to aforementioned covid and living on the other side of the country)
Multiple heart attacks for my father despite his active and healthy lifestyle
Autoimmune disease scare for my wife (may still be a thing, just dormant?)
etc., etc., ad infinitum.
A lot of people have had things significantly worse, so this is definitely not an attempt to "compare griefs" as it were. This is just context for, no matter how much I wanted it to be otherwise, the fact that I didn't have the mental or emotional (or temporal) space for creativity. It was one thing after another, and we were just trying to keep our heads above water.
Even when we'd mostly recovered from the hits that just kept comin', we moved away from what my wife lovingly refers to as the "trauma house", and she started a teaching job at a brand-new school. Both were good things, but they were pretty big transitions, and it takes time for the ol' brains to adjust. We love our new home now and have a bit more breathing room.
Okay but also I HAVE been working on ProtoDungeon. Dev was really sporadic, but it did happen. The next post will have more detail on the status of Episode III, but there were kind of two big things I worked on during the past three years, big shifts in the foundation of ProtoDungeon and The Waking Cloak.
First, I switched game perspective. I made a few posts about this a while back, but PD/TWC interiors were originally like Zelda interiors (where you see the insides of all four walls). There are good reasons to do this, but it was also kinda making me crazy. So I switched to a more natural front-perspective, keeping things consistent with the exteriors. It definitely was the right choice for the game I wanted to build, but it took time.
Second, and building on that, I made the game fully faux-3D. You can walk behind or in front of stuff--not something the old Zelda games did, and still pretty rare for 2D games. I was toying with the idea for a long time, but I played through an old PlayStation title, Alundra, and that convinced me it could be done. It's way harder than you might expect, and it was a massive block for me for literally years. I was able to slowly work my way past it and finally resolved it with a 3D z-tilting method, but dev slowed to a crawl.
And that's it for now! The ghost releases you from your vision of Spacefarer Past….
Thanks for reading :)
11 notes · View notes
safyresky · 4 months
Text
I am so ?????????
Finally watched the episode! UM. What in the fuck??? What?? The fuck??? Um???? I cannot really put into words the feeling I am having but I have a great emoji for it! 🤨🤨🤨
That's the vibe, lads.
So the Council. Ho boy. WOW. Allow me to just go OFF for a moment here :) :) :)
THEY CANNOT INTERFERE? THEY WILL NOT INTERFERE? HELLO?????
THE SAME COUNCIL THAT WAS SO KIND AND SUPPORTIVE TO SANTA DURING TSC2.
WITH THE TOOTH FAIRY WHO GAVE HIM A LIFT BACK NORTH.
MOTHER NATURE LITERALLY MARRYING SCOTT AND CAROL AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT.
OFFERING TO HELP SANTA MAKE UP THE DIFFERENCE WHEN THEY WERE BEHIND OR WHATEVER IN TSC2
THE COUNCIL THAT WAS LIKE "NO YOU CAN'T STOP BEING SANTA UR SO GOOD AT IT!"
THE SAME COUNCIL THAT CHARLIE WAS ABLE TO CALL UP ON CHRISTMAS EVEN FOR SOME EXTRA HELP? NO QUESTIONS ASKED>?
WOULD NOT HELP THE ELVES WITH MAD SANTA????
SO LA BEFANA, WHO WAS APPARENTLY ALSO A LEGENDARY FIGURE TOO (which is giving age old fanfics vibes lmao, not sure that's a good thing???? more at 10) HAD TO DO A ROBBERY? BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T HELP?? BECAUSE THEY APPARENTLY CAN'T INTERFERE?????
WHEN THEY DO INTERFERE A LOT? SEE: THE ENTIRETY OF TSC3 WHERE THEY HAVE A MEETING BC OF SOME CARDBOARD STANDEES AND BAD WEATHER????? AND YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT THEY WILL NOT INTERFERE WITH:
MAD SANTA ATTACKING THE POLE
EASTER BUNNY BEING TURNED INTO A BUNNY AND THEN A LEMON
EASTER BUNNY'S BASKET BEING STOLEN
EASTER BUNNY BEING KIDNAPPED
CRAZY AMOUNTS OF SANTA MAGIC ALL UNACCOUNTED FOR IN THE R E A L WORLD?????
SANDMAN MAGIC BEING USED ON SANDMAN?
BILLIONS OF SNOW GLOBES FILLED WITH CHRISTMAS MAGIC POPPING INTO THE REAL WORLD AND BEING GIFTED TO HUMANS?
THE WHOLE SIMON THING LAST SEASON?????
THEY WOULD NOT INTERFERE??? WHAT IN THE FUCK!!!!! It's funny, because like. When I was rage fic-ing post S1, I was thinking that the Council, given Scott being...SCOTT, had stopped talking to him as much bc tscs!Scott sucks so bad!! He 100% would've made comments that deffs did not sit well with ANY of the other Council Members, I mean, look at how he treated Cupid and Sandy! I'd hate to be on THAT Council during Covid, YIKES.
But like. GOD. @lmelodie you were SO RIGHT about Council stans being pissed bc I am MAD PISSED. ALSO, JUST LEARNT THAT I AM APPARENTLY A V BIG COUNCIL STAN!! (Checks out I suppose given my fic writing and reading habits, lol).
It's just so MADDENING and INFURIATING and SADDENING, IT'S ACTUALLY REALLY REALLY SAD TO SEE THAT T H I S IS HOW THEY'RE REACTING TO NOT BEING ABLE TO GET ALL THE COUNCIL MEMBERS BACK. Like, GOD, if you're unable to properly use them in the story JUST DON'T USE THEM AT ALL. I am once again REJOICING that the Millers have been left untouched, thank GOD for that!
AND ANOTHER THING (took a kitchen cleaning break and got all annoyed about loopholes). IF RESIGNING AS A LEGENDARY FIGURE ALLOWS YOUR POWERS TO WORK ON OTHERS, WHY WOULD THEY THREATEN JACK WITH THAT IN THE THIRD MOVIE? WOULDN'T YOU WANT HIM TO KEEP HIS TITLE SO THAT HIS POWERS WOULDN'T WORK ON THE REST OF YOU, INCLUDING SANTA?!?!?!?!?! THIS SHIT DOESN'T LINE UP! IT DOESN'T! LINE! UP! MY GOD! THIS SERIES IS MY VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY! THIS SERIES IS WHY PEOPLE NEED TO STOP REBOOTING OLD THINGS! 80% OF THE TIME IT'S A MISS! THAT'S TOO MUCH RISK! TOO MUCH!! AH!
I THINK I'M DONE YELLING ABOUT THE COUNCIL. PROBABLY NOT TBH. BUT FOR NOW I'LL CALL IT. GOD, I MEAN, I KNEW WHEN WE LEARNT WE'D BE SEEING SOME OF THEM THEY WOULD NOT MAKE IT OUT UNSCATHED BUT DAMN! DAMN! MORE RETCONNING LORE! DAMN!
eurhgjrbewhfnujqncwje nsdjk. GOD I'm EXHAUSTED. My brain itches. I was thinking of lobotomys today. I wonder why (/sarcasm)
(it was bc of a shitty patron at work but this just adds to the freudian slips)
UGH. Ick. Yuck. Moving on (impossible for me but we're gonna TRY!)
Elves vs Gnomes
So. The backstory thing. I just. It's cool lore but it leaves more questions than answers and just makes things SO CONFUSING. AS A DISCLAIMER: GO OFF BETTY, WE LOVE TO SEE HER BEING A BADASS. BETTY! HELL YEAH! WE HERE AT SAFYRESKY INDUSTRIES LOVE TO SEE BETTY THRIVING!
Now for the wank. From a LORE PERSPECTIVE. EURGH.
They drop that Mad Santa was a good Santa until he thought everyone was ungrateful and implemented coal and became buds with the gnomes, who apparently ran the coal mines. The gnomes get in his head and prey on his paranoia. Paranoia of WHAT. I've not done a second watch and I don't think I will because I don't actually want a lobotomy despite them being on my mind today a little too much tbh, so maybe i missed that bit, but like, come ON. We can do better in terms of giving antagonists a believable descent into villainy! GOD!
And the trap scene, that was so needlessly drawn out. They should have held him in the trap, Betty revealed her badass self, had Magnus taunt and THEN boom, Befana ALREADY THERE, and she nutcrackers his ass.
Also, calling it NOW. Not ONLY will Sandy un-nutcracker Cal, but she's deffs gonna re-nutcracker Magnus. I bet it'll be like a reversal spell or something lmao
BUT YEAH the lore for the elves around Mad Santa's reign is not quite hitting with me, I gotta say! I am not a fan of it and every time I see it (Betty and Noel aside bc they of course SHINE) it leaves me very :\. It just. Doesn't seem to hit? Or really work? It's just so convoluted to me and goes against everything they said NOT JUST in the movies but LAST SEASON AND ALSO IN INTERVIEWS ABOUT THE SERIES BEFORE TI CAME OUT! It's infuriating y'all. GOD. "A war we didn't see coming" wow, the gnomes and Pyros sure do have something in common, eh? 🤔🤔
Cal and Sandra
God, I love them. They're so funny. Cal is like destroying his room and Sandy is like BRO what the FUCK and HELPS HIM HUNT DOWN THE VEST WITH SANTA MAGIC!! USING HER BEFANA TRAINING! AND THEN HE HELPS HER MAKE UP WITH BEFANA! By lying, of course, so he can go be stupid and heroic and GET NUTCRACKER'D (they nutcrackered my boy ): BUT I LOVE THE WAY THEY SUPPORT EACH OTHER
And the almost hug that turned into punches, lol. That's so Toph coded. We love to see it!
We DON'T love to see Cal DOING THAT! THOUGH! I DID LOVE HIS SCENE WITH KRIS. I'm really hoping, given that he and Cal got duct tapped together and he knows Cal's been nutcrackered, that they give him more of a role, you know? Honestly, it'd be neat if they made Kris the next Santa! I think he'd fit the bill quite well! And then Cal could have his odd job montage and, you know, cross guard and sail on a cruise ship and such. I am VERY intrigued with this pairing, as an aside. Kris and Cal? There's potential. They're gonna fuck it up I'm sure, but we have some DANK POTENTIAL HERE
Sandra and Befana
I'M SO GLAD THEY CHATTED! I am still v much like Sandra did NOTHING wrong and Befana overacted, but I'm glad they talked. Interesting stuff about the magic taking a tole/consequences. Mad Santa really do be out here messing up the balance of things huh? And Mother Nature WON'T intervene. GOD. I know it's bc they probz couldn't get the rest of the ALIVE actors back but like. THEN WHY EVEN USE SOME OF THEM? YEESH. ANYWAY
I'm excited to see how Sandy and Befana manning home base goes! I'm glad they talked and hopefully they can un-lemon EB and just be general badasses around the Workshop, lol.
BUT YEAH. OVER ALL. ARGH. I AM ONCE AGAIN SEEING POTENTIAL, BUT KNOWING THAT IT WON'T BE REACHED IS ACTUALLY LIKE. DEVASTATING.
ALSO. I HATE THAT I WAS RIGHT ABOUT MAD SANTA GETTING TO THE POLE IN EPISODE 6. ARGH
12 notes · View notes
swaglet · 2 months
Text
long post im ranting. link to the article im mad about at the bottom + the study they misinterpreted is linked in the first paragraph
"omg theres chinese labs making 100% lethal mutant covid strains" well i read the article you linked and checked out the study and they didnt mutate the covid or do anything to the covid they just took the strains from pangolins and grew them for a few years. the covid strains they used were completely untouched and unmutated, and the lab mice were the subjects of mutation. to my understanding, wild type mice arent susceptible to danger from the covid strains they were trying to study, and at the time we discovered covid19 mice and rats werent able to be infected with it either so they had to come up with a way to study it in lab mice and rats. so they took the human genetic sequence (hACE2) that expresses a receptor which covid then uses to enter the body and put it into the mice so they could get infected with the type of covid they were trying to study
all the infected lab mice died within 8 days from brain infection and their eyes turned white. idk. thats something that seems pretty significant to be studying. if a coronavirus from bats can infect humans, then there is a possibility that a coronavirus from pangolins can infect humans, and i think its important to study the effects of it even if its on a very very very small sample of mice that are genetically altered and infected with strains from 4 and 7 years ago. it is worth knowing, if it can potentially infect humans, what to expect at least . idk. all coronaviruses are rna viruses and they can mutate extremely quickly and produce new strains at will so who knows what to expect but i literally think thats why its good to research them idk. people are all mad about the chinese labs looking at covid but what is so bad about that
why are so many people crazy conspiracy theorists. you can believe whatever you want about vaccines and covid and i dont sway particularly far either way but the people who say theyre engineering viruses to kill us. you look silly. did you know that part of my daily routine is patting a locked box of listeria and saying hello to it when i go from class to class. we just have live listeria in my campus biology department among other things so we look at it every once in a while
#>
13 notes · View notes
unitydruid · 5 months
Text
house md episode
da patient is a bigshot lawyer with a funny lump on his toe
house: this man has regular ole toe bunions on his toe
foreman: alright let’s get him to a podiatrist and cut that toe lump off his toe
chase: it could be “toe lump brain explosion disease.” if we cut his toe lump off his brain could explode
house: chase shut the fuck up. your girlfriend hates you and you murdered someone on purpose. say one more thing i’ll hit you in the nuts with my cane.
*cut to patient in surgery for toe lump*
surgeon: making the first toe lump incision
surgical tech: BP is dropping!! monitors show early signs of brain explosion!!!
surgeon: give him 50ccs of explosion prevention juice and prep a cranial shunt STAT
*cut to conference room*
house: okay so it wasn’t a regular toe bunion and his brain started to explode but that doesn’t mean it was toe lump brain explosion disease
chase: that’s exactly what it means, we need to start him on toe lump replacement hormone right away
house: chase i could kill you with my bare hands you idiot. who here can tell me why chase is such a massive fuckup right now.
thirteen: because if it was toe lump brain explosion disease we would see big ole blotches on his peanus. no peanus blotches, no toe lump explosion disease.
foreman: unless he has the flu. the antibodies could prevent the formation of peanus blotches.
house: finally, someone who didn’t get their brain out of the bargain bin. chase, i want you to go into my office and take my entire bottle of vicodin. foreman, thirteen, run a respiratory panel and double check his peanus for blotches.
*cut to foreman swabbing patients nose for flu panel and looking at his peanus* *monitors start going crazy beeping and shit*
foreman: call a code!! give him 10,000ccs of epinephrine!! get an MRI and a PET scan and a CT scan w/ IV contrast and an enema and a urinalysis and a blood panel and a full DNA sequence!!
*cut to conference room*
house: DNA tests revealed nostril cancer, which caused inflammation in the toe and the symptoms of toe lump brain explosion disease. anything can happen in this unknowable bitch of a world.
wilson: i did chemo on the patient and now he’s all better. house, you are a mean man and you and i will have angry gay sex tonight.
house: yes we will. and i am the best doctor ever.
cuddy: house, you are a big pain in my ass. if you weren’t a genius i’d fire your ass right now.
house: yuore a sexy boss and i’m having gay sex tonight. someone go give chase some naloxone.
patient: i think i hauve covid
*credits*
9 notes · View notes
cavewretch · 1 year
Text
misdiagnoses fucking SUCK and are TRAUMATIC and i have nowhere else to TALK ABOUT IT as i process this Major Shift i’m experiencing so i’m going to put it here <3
in 2020 i was diagnosed w cirs (chronic inflammatory response syndrome) by a total shithead of a doctor who didn’t believe in covid. OBVIOUSLY i stopped going to him and i started seeing this other cirs specialist (telehealth only). she verified the cirs diagnosis and then we did the whole getting out of exposure thing. that took me a really long time to complete (DUH) bc being told you have to completely uproot your life, get rid of your belongings or at least stay away from them, and either move/do extensive renovation/live in a tent etc to escape exposure is IMPOSSIBLE to complete quickly. i have an old google doc laying out abandoned plans for living in a shed in my backyard. it took a year of a lot of my own research and advocacy til my parents renovated a part of our house for me to live closed off in. i still live there.
living in spaces where you know the air is potentially making you sick but you can’t do anything about it is traumatic and i don’t know when i’ll be able to actually fully process it bc i still don’t feel safe .
anyway. cut to like summer 2022 im still sick, i’ve gotten a Smidge better on these intensive medications and supplements for cirs and living out of this Room, but i still feel like shit and can’t drive or work and get debilitating migraines Very Often. my cirs doctor’s response is i gotta move out of my house or move to arizona or keep eliminating toxins (what toxins. she was telling me the naturally occurring things that our bodies shed were making me sick. ur insane. i’ve been in pure survival animal mode for years now) SO! in november i was like maybe i don’t even fucking have this . shoutout to my friend pointing me towards thebibliosphere on here and my physical therapist who’s an advocate for eds and was able to fr change my life lmao
fast forwarding thru finding new doctors and getting appointments now im diagnosed with eds pots & mcas (getting a bunch of blood work done but yeah mcas) and i’m like ok what do i do now? can i go open the boxes of my books and artwork and other belongings that i packed up in 2020? can i go in the rest of my house? do i have to avoid the majority of buildings bc of potential water damage? can i stop thoroughly cleaning my room of any semblance of dust every 1-2 weeks? do i have to monitor my room’s humidity levels to such a specific range?
i’m doing this like massive reframing of everything i know about myself and the world and my health all at the same time and when i’m not sitting here fully disassociated i’m going fucking CRAZY !!!!!! good GOD !!!!!!! IM SO MAD !!!!!!!!!!!
AND ! to make it all WORSE ! i get booted off my parents insurance in t minus 1 year and 3 months so i have to figure out medicaid and probably apply for disability benefits AGAIN which sucks cuz that’s such a fucking dehumanizing process
at least i have the brain space to make all these fucking ocs (i reach into my pocket and deposit a dozen pinterest boards and scribbled notes into ur hand)
8 notes · View notes
astramthetaprime · 3 months
Text
How about a Switchback?
So yeah.
Mom's back at the nursing home.
Another round of Covid went through last weekend.
I went to see her on Sunday.
And so now we both have it.
It's been mostly just annoying to me, but I'm (relatively) healthy. I do worry about my mother as she's hanging on by a thread at the best of times these days, but I haven't gotten The Call again so I assume she's still on this side of the life line. Admittedly, my normal life consists of spending the vast majority of my week here at Casa Proton, I really only go out on the weekends to get groceries and to have my one meal out a week and to go see Mom. So none of that is happening this weekend but I'll be going to pick up my groceries at WallyWorld later today. The dog needs his food and treats even if I feel completely blah and have no motivation to figure out my menu for this week. So I went with the lowest hanging fruit and it's going to be hot dogs and pizza this week. It'll make a nice change from the hamburgers and pizza it's been the last few weeks.
Autism is all about the safe foods. Not the healthy foods. The safe foods.
Moving right along, y'know that job I trained for 5 weeks for? Yeah. We finished all that work. And now they have me doing something else for which I had half a day's training. Unexpectedly. Then two days later said "nope, need you to go back to the other" and it took me over an hour to remember how to do the original job. Bad with unexpected transitions doesn't even begin to cover it. But this is the real world, right? This is how things work in today's modern offices, it's pivot this and agile that and multitasking and moving onward and upward.
Is it too much to ask to work one job, continuously, for a few years? Like 13 years? Long enough that I can retire?
My mom did the same job for 34 years. I did the same jobs with the Postal Service for 14 and 10 years respectively, data entry and then clerk.
At least I'm working at home. I cannot tell you how beneficial that is from an autistic standpoint. The lack of stress from not driving downtown to work, the lack of danger to myself and my irreplaceable car, the time saved, I log off and in two minutes I'm out in my front yard throwing balls for my dog. I can listen to music or podcasts or audiobooks during work just as I used to do back in my early days at the PO and I'm so damned grateful for that. So grateful.
I know I just have to suck it up and deal -- I haven't said anything to my supervisors. What could I say that wouldn't make me sound like I was whining or demanding special treatment? This is business, this is how it works these days, you either deal or you fall off the wheel and end up homeless and starving on the street. I don't have the leeway to make choices yet. I may never have that luxury, I may inherit nothing from my mother after all is said and done. It's so damned ghoulish to think that way. Anticipating her death so I can benefit from it. We all like to think we're good and moral people but this socioeconomic paradigm makes people inherently greedy. What is "moral" when you can financially benefit from your parent's death?
When my Daddy died, I inherited $6,000. I bought my first real computer and modem. A 286 Bondwell B-310V laptop with a black and white screen and a 2400bpm external modem. This was pre-Internet. I was dating a hacker at the time and he gave me a copy of a dialing program called Telex that let me call up BBS systems. And a copy of WordPerfect. And I was off to the races.
So yeah, kids, I'm older than dirt. Modems used to make noises. Your brain started equating those noises to joyful experiences and fun and suddenly you get dopamine from hearing the most godawful grindy modem tones.
The crazy thing? I still do.
This is still the sound of joy.
youtube
5 notes · View notes
procrastinatorproject · 7 months
Text
(Procrastinated) Home Projects
So, I have been meaning to blog more, but I find it really difficult. I have so many half-finished blog posts, mapping things, a whole new sideblog for Star Trek: La Sirena... So many things that never see the light of day because I'm a perfectionist and want everything to be perfect before putting it out into the world. But because perfection is impossible and I run out of steam before satisfying my exacting standards, I end up never posting anything at all.
I did a little bit of daily blogging in December, with my writing accountability, but then I got Covid and uni got crazy and I couldn't integrate the daily writing into my schedule properly. So that peetered out fairly quickly. But I really want to get better at Just Writing/Blogging Things, so I'm gonna make a conscious effort! And I'm gonna start with something fairly low-stakes (i.e. not my beloved fandom things that I hang so much of my heart on that it's much more difficult to overcome the perfectionist tendencies)
Introducing:
The Procrastinator's Home Improvement Blogging Adventures
For the first time in at least a decade, I have some time ahead of me in which I won't have anything I "should be doing". No term papers to write, no exams to study for, no job I'm behind on work for... I want to dedicate most of that free time to rest, recovery, and fandom stuff, but I also want to tackle a few home improvement projects that have been bouncing around the back of my brain for a good long while.
In the autumn of 2021, I started a Konmari clean of my flat. I got pretty far, actually, but then my health declined dramatically and I had to abandon it. A few days ago, I re-read the first Marie Kondo book and made a plan to take another run at this. It's not going as quickly as I might have hoped, but part of the project of the next few weeks is to not have such high expectations of myself. So this is one place where I can practice that - and chronical the journey a bit.
The second Big Project is that I'm getting a new kitchen. I'll go into detail in a later post, but my flat isn't rented with a kitchen, so if I want new appliances and furniture (which I really do), I have to organize those myself. And this summer/autumn, it's finally happening! After many, many months of thinking and dreaming and saying I'll do it but never actually sitting down and Doing The Thing.
I was at IKEA yesterday and things are finally actually in motion! Lots to do and decide, still, and a lot of stuff will require long wait times for deliveries and things. So we'll see how that goes - and I'll try to blog about it a bit here!
Tumblr media
(Blåhaj-san sends his greetings from the IKEA shelf!)
And finally, there are a bunch of smaller things, like repairs to my laptop and Lory, my vespa, some sewing projects... All very good candidates for "just write about it instead of fretting for weeks and months!"
So, that's the idea for the next few weeks. Try to get into a habit of Just Writing Things, even if they're too long and could have been phrased better and should have been proofread and aren't as Coherent and Polished and Perfect as part of me desperately wants them to be.
Maybe this'll go well, or it'll end up being a couple of posts and then nothing else, we'll see. But it's definitely going to be an adventure, and I'm quite excited about that! Here's to a new project - and potentially a little less procrastination :D
9 notes · View notes
cillmequick · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
So it’s been ages! Sorry guys, my brain couldn’t juggle Betrayal and other things, but now it’s finished I have room to focus. We’re going back in on our idiots in love’s origin story and like the other chapters like this, it will be split across a number of parts otherwise it’s just too long. Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me and waited, I hope you’re ready for things to get a lot darker. It is a spoiler but I want everyone to be safe so please read the warnings!
Summary: In 2020, the past is catching up with Y/N, which prompts Cillian to remember back to the final time they re-met, back in 2014.
Warnings: 🔞 for a brief scene of sexual assault. Bad language and some truly awkward small talk.
Word count: 5690 PART 18 | SERIES
Tumblr media
Part 19: Three Chance Encounters - February 2014, Pt. 1
Tumblr media
Y/N felt her work phone buzzing in her pocket as she lobbed the ball high and Scout raced after it across the sand. God, could she not have half an hour to herself to enjoy some fresh air with her dog now she was able to walk around again unaided and unrestricted? Cursing quietly she wiped the damp grit from her fingers on her jeans and fumbled for the insistant device. Her finger hovered in mid-air over the ‘accept’ button, brow furrowed as she recognised the number on the screen. This wasn’t a work call. Why would they be calling her? Why, after all this time?
For a second she almost let it go to voicemail before biting the bullet, her incurable curiosity winning her internal battle of wills.
“Hello?”
“Y/N? Y/N Y/L/N?”
Her breath caught in her throat and her palms were suddenly slick. “Kristen?”
“Hi..” There was an awkward pause on the line as Y/N waited for her to continue. “I’m sorry to call out of nowhere like this. How are you? Crazy times, right?”
Y/N shook her head slightly in disbelief. Thirteen years and she was calling to chat it up about covid? Seriously??
“Yeah, crazy…”
“I saw you got married, congratulations.”
“Thanks… I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude but can I ask, how did you get this number?”
An awkward breath of laughter floated down the line. “I had a note about where you used to work and I found your details online. I called your office - your assistant put me through.”
She made a mental note to fire Toby in the morning. If Kristen had explained where she was calling from she was going to have a fun time explaining it.
“Look, Kristen, as lovely as it is to hear from you, I had kinda hoped - and I say this with gratitude and respect - that we would never have to talk again. What’s going on?”
She could picture the other woman at her desk as her deep sigh echoed in her ear, her dark chestnut hair pulled back in her habitual sleek bun. Or maybe it wasn’t long anymore? Maybe it wasn’t even brown. Her mental image was stuck in 2007.
“I know, I’m sorry. I.. I’ve been debating calling you for days, whether I should tell you at all… but I thought you would want to know. And I didn’t want you to find out some other way. It should come from me..”
Scout was bouncing at her feet, nudging the retrieved ball towards her, ready to spring in anticipation, tail wagging enthusiastically. But she ignored him, her chest tightening. She curled her fingernails into her palm, the pinch against her skin grounding her.
“Tell me what?” she almost whispered, dreading what was coming next.
*****
It was the whimpering that woke him, already escalating into desperate little wails that he knew from experience would be screaming if she didn’t wake up soon. He curled himself around her thrashing body, gently coaxing her to wake up.
She came to with a shuddering gasp, heart pounding almost out of her chest, a thin sheen of cold sweat on her chest. She looked around frantically, struggling slightly as he held her.
“Shush, shush, you’re safe, you’re ok, it’s me,” he murmured, lightly guiding her face to look at him, seeing the panic in her eyes retreat as she realised she was at home, in their bed, safe with him.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” she sighed, dropping her face into his chest with embarrassment.
“Was it..?”
“Yes,” she said hurriedly, not wanting to hear it said out loud. It had been years since she’d had one of those nightmares. He stroked her back, feeling the frenetic thudding of her heart begin to slow to a more regular pace. He pressed his lips to her hair, breathing her in.
“It’s been a long time..”
“I know, I’m sorry… I’m ok.” She looked up at him and he knew that expression. There was nothing to be gained by pressing her on it tonight. “Please,” she continued, seeing the question in his eyes, “I’m sorry I woke you, let’s just go back to sleep.”
He nodded, though his lips were tight and she knew she would have to deal with the consequences in the morning. Sighing, she turned in his arms, back pressed against his chest, the steady, comforting rhythm of his heart easing the residual fear still coursing through her.
He lay awake for a long time hearing the change in her breathing as she drifted back to sleep. He tightened his arm around her waist as he couldn’t help but remember the first time it happened.
*****
February 2014
He arrived as late as he thought he could get away with, without incurring Katherine’s wrath. As passionate as he was about supporting literature and the arts in schools, he really fucking hated these things. Being trotted around like some kind of sideshow exhibit to encourage the rich and the smug to part with their cash for the charity in question. But Katherine was an old friend and he owed her an appearance for all the fundraisers he had missed over the last few years.
The large ballroom was already busy, softly lit by glittering chandeliers, gentle classical music coming from somewhere. Scanning the space, looking for Katherine, a subtle shifting of the crowd parted the sea of dark jackets and suddenly he saw the last woman he ever expected to be here.
He was pinned to the spot, unable to stop himself from staring. There was no question that it was her, even though her usually long, wild hair had been tamed into a smooth updo, artfully pinned at the back of her head to accentuate the deep open v-shape at the back of her dress which he saw as she turned slightly away from him. His mouth was suddenly very dry and he swiped a glass of champagne from a passing tray, taking a long drink and choking slightly on the bubbles.
“Cillian!” He turned, smothering a cough, as Katherine Wyatt enveloped him in a brief hug and a cloud of Chanel No.5. “I was just beginning to worry you weren’t coming, darling,” she rebuked him affectionately.
“As if I would ever be brave enough to do that to you,” he smiled back, unable to stop himself from glancing over her shoulder to where he had last seen Y/N. A glance not missed by his shrewd-eyed hostess. She turned, following his gaze, but with the sea of bodies, she couldn’t be sure where he was looking.
“It’s a shame Aoife couldn’t join you,” she said carefully, turning back to face him. Only the faintest crease of his brow gave him away.
“She was sorry to miss it. It’s just hard for us both getting away with the kids,” he apologised.
“Of course. And it must be ever so boring to have to follow you around as people fawn all over you,” she chuckled, enjoying the faint blush that crept across his cheeks. “Come on, I have people dying to meet you.”
He allowed himself to be shunted around from group to group, making awkward small talk as Katherine beamed her trademark megawatt smile and charmed everyone in sight. How she had the energy and enthusiasm to do this over and over again at her age, he would never understand. He’d only been here half an hour and he already wanted to kill himself.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, turning away from him. “You simply must meet Y/N!”
His stomach flipped at her name and slowly he followed her movement, finding himself face to face with the woman he thought he would never see again. She was exactly as he remembered, only moreso somehow, those large, unusual eyes regarding him with amusement. Up close he could see she was a little older - weren’t they all - but she was still completely beautiful.
“Hi,” she smiled, holding out her hand. He took it gently, her skin was soft, her fingers cold from where she had been holding her champagne flute a moment earlier.
Katherine glanced between the pair, confused by the spark of energy between them. But as she opened her mouth to comment she was distracted by a passing waiter, offering a tray of what she recognised to be the vegan canapés that were specifically for just a couple of guests.
“Fuck,” she hissed. “Excuse me, I need to fix this. Y/N will you be a love and take over with...” She waved her hand briefly at Cillian and disappeared at speed, leaving them alone.
“It is you,” he mumbled, only half-aware that Katherine was gone.
“It is I,” she giggled, “Well done for remembering me this time.” He blushed deeply, the tips of his ears burning.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, kicking himself for his tone as she looked slightly affronted.
“I was invited,” she retorted coolly and he scrambled to recover.
“No, that’s not… I didn’t mean it..” He stuttered to a stop as she began to laugh.
“I know,” she grinned, squeezing his forearm briefly, “it’s ok. My company sponsors the charity - books for school, auction prizes and whatnot - and somehow a few years ago I got roped into helping. Apparently Katherine took a shine to me because now she insists that it’s me every time. But,” she leaned forward, dropping her voice conspiratorially, “as much as I love her, I hate these things.”
He smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling and her stomach flip-flopped. He really hadn’t got less handsome over the years.
“Me too.”
Before he could continue, an older lady and an even older gentleman appeared beside them, claiming Y/N’s attention, cooing with delight at seeing her. It would seem that as much as she might hate it, she was very good at charming people. He wished he had her ease with strangers.
Pulled back into circulating, he wasn’t able to speak to her alone again before the meal, when they were separated, seated at different tables. For the next hour he tried to focus on the speeches and the mindless small talk on his table, and not allow his eyes to drift to the exposed skin on her back, framed by midnight blue silk. The little curls of hair escaping at the nape of her neck. Even though it was tantalisingly in his direct line of sight.
You are a fucking married man, get a fucking grip, he scolded himself internally as he once again caught himself looking.
Between the mains and dessert he excused himself and headed for the bar, desperately in need of sensory respite.
“You know, Katherine really hates it when people look like they want to kill themselves at her parties. It really ruins her vibe.” He looked to his left to see her grinning at him.
“I can’t make small talk for another course,” he confessed, sinking the whiskey he’d ordered. He pulled a face as burn caught in his throat.
“Oof, Tommy Shelby makes that look a lot cooler,” she joked, accepting her wine from the barman.
“Yeah well, Tommy Shelby is drinking coloured water so he has the advantage.” He looked back at her, an unreadable expression in her eyes. “How long has it been..?”
“Eight years.”
He nodded slowly. “Well that’s one better than last time, right? I look forward to seeing you again in..” he paused, working it out, “..2021.”
She cracked a wry smile. “It’s a date. I was just going to sneak away for a smoke, do you want to come?” He looked uncertain. “It’ll be significantly less peopley out there.” That seemed to make up his mind.
“Fuck yes.”
She waited whilst he ordered another drink but before they could leave, an expensively dressed young man in his late twenties sidled up to her. Cillian was distracted by the barman for a moment but when he turned around he saw her looking uncomfortable as the man’s fingers traced up and down her bare skin, trailing along her spine.
“My cousin has written a children’s book, it would be great if you could take a look. We could discuss it over… dinner?”
She squirmed away from him, accidentally knocking into Cillian and he had to catch her, a large hand on her hip, stopping her from falling.
“Sorry,” she said, feeling her face heat up, quickly stepping out of his personal space. “I told you Seb, children’s literature isn’t my area. But I’d be happy to recommend a colleague or two.”
“Y/N,” he interrupted, seeing the obnoxious young man readying for another attempt. “Don’t we have to go and do the.. thing? For Katherine?”
She looked up at him, brow furrowed and then caught on. “Yes! Yes we do. Sorry Seb,” she apologised with false sincerity, “I have to go.”
He quickly escorted her out of the ballroom and into the quieter hallway, her heels clicking on the wooden floors as they headed for a little courtyard smoking area.
“What a cunt,” muttered Cillian and she glanced up in surprise. “Who is he?”
She shook her head, passing through the door he held open for her, shrugging her scarf around her like a blanket against the chill. “Just a posh boy with indulgent, yet absent parents, and more money than sense. He’s a prick but he’s harmless.”
Cillian didn’t think he looked that harmless but decided not to comment further. “How is it I’ve never run into you at one of these things before?” he asked instead, changing the subject as she lit a cigarette and offered the pack to him. He wavered for a moment but then shook his head. She shrugged, tucking it back in her bag.
“Well it helps if you actually show up at these things,” she grinned.
“I come to them…sometimes…” He rubbed the back of his neck with a wry smile. “It hasn’t been that long, has it?”
“Well I’ve been coming to them for three years and this is the first time your name was on the list.”
He glanced up, catching her eye and she quickly looked away, realising how that sounded. God, did he think she had been stalking him?
“I didn’t know you were going to be here until I saw your name on the seating plan when I got here tonight,” she said quickly, holding up her hands. “I swear.”
He chuckled, following her to a little table with a heat lamp above it. “So.. how have the last eight years been?”
She paused for just a second, cigarette halfway to her lips, before she shrugged and took a drag. “Fine, not as exciting as yours I expect.” She met his eye, a smirk dancing on her lips and he chuckled bashfully. “I like the show by the way.”
“Thanks,” he said, a genuine smile breaking across his face. It always meant a lot to him when people liked the work. “We’re just about to start filming on the next series. I had a few things to do down here first so I came over early.”
“And your wife..?” She couldn’t resist asking, though she had already clocked the wedding ring still on his finger.
“Is back in Dublin with the kids.”
She couldn’t help the small burst of disappointment in her stomach. The way he’d looked at her earlier, was looking at her now even.. She’d allowed herself to hope the ring was simply a hangover, or for appearances.
“Kids, plural?”
“Two boys,” he confirmed, toying with the stem of his wine glass. A silence fell.
“And so… am I going to have to guess their names or..?” He looked up to find her teasing him, blowing a thin stream of smoke away from the table.
He chuckled. “Eoin, he’s eight, and Finn is nearly five. Do you wanna see..?” He began to retrieve his phone from his jacket.
“Of course I do!” Because apparently I’m a glutton for punishment, she added to herself.
He flicked through his camera reel quickly and, settling on one, he passed it to her. “The one with the dark hair is Eoin.”
“Fucking hell, he’s the image of you,” she said, staring at the mini Cillian on the screen. His little brother was fairer haired, with cute chubby cheeks, but still had his father’s eyes. “They’re adorable,” she added, looking up to see a soft smile on his face.
“Thanks. They’re a handful but they’re great.”
“I’ll bet.” She handed the phone back and stubbed out her smoke.
“So what about you? Marriage, kids? The whole thing?”
She studied the tabletop between them and swirled her wine in the glass. “No.” She cleared her throat briefly and looked up. “I was engaged for a while but it didn’t work out.”
He wanted the ground to swallow him whole. Showing off his fucking perfect looking family. Insensitive prick that he was.
“Shit, I’m sorry,” he mumbled but she waved it away.
“Please, it’s fine. It would have been a disaster and better to end before it cost us both a fortune in a wedding and then divorce lawyers, right?” She was smiling and he felt marginally less shit. “Do you want to go back in?” she asked, having finished her cigarette.
He groaned at the thought of returning to his table and she laughed. “I guess not!” She pulled the pack out of her bag again and lit another. “Sure I can’t tempt you?” she added, holding it towards him.
He looked at her for a long moment, the way the light from the heat lamp above caught the little escaping hairs, creating an almost glowing, halo effect around her head. The mischievous glint in her eye. The flash of even white teeth against the deep red of her lower lip.
“I think you probably can,” he replied, holding her eye for a second too long before he reached for a smoke.
*****
After forty minutes she had to admit defeat and retreat indoors before her feet froze off. February was officially too cold for sitting outdoors, even with a heat lamp. She sent him on ahead whilst she visited the ladies room, running her hands under the hot tap to try and bring back her circulation.
Staring at herself in the mirror she shook her head. After the initial awkwardness they had both settled down and once they got going, it was like the last eight years had never happened. There was just a natural ease between them, conversation flowing like water.
It just wasn’t fair that he was married, she sighed at her reflection.
Making her way back into the ballroom, she caught his eye just before she took her seat. She hadn’t realised he’d been sitting just behind her the whole time and suddenly she felt very self-conscious.
“Where the fuck have you been?” hissed her seat neighbour, Lucy, a culture reporter for the Guardian. Y/N had worked with her for years, and they had become friends, respecting the boundaries of each other’s professional responsibilities.
“Just having a smoke.” She tried to brush it away, tucking into the melted remains of her dessert, that had been delivered some time ago apparently.
“For an hour?!”
She put down her spoon and looked at her friend. “It was like forty minutes and I just got chatting to someone, it’s not a big deal.”
“Was that someone a certain gorgeous Irishman?”
She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine. “No comment.”
“Y/N…” she cajoled her with a grin.
“Y/N nothing I am off the fucking record with you tonight,” she warned amiably, rolling her eyes as the Lucy grinned at her knowingly. “I was just chatting to him about books.”
“He looks good though, right? The shorter hair….” She sighed wistfully. “Tommy Shelby would absolutely get it,” she giggled, glancing behind at him, catching him staring at Y/N’s back.
“Fine, he’s very handsome, is that what you wanted to hear?” It came out slightly more tersely than she intended and the other woman looked a little affronted. “Sorry, Luce, it’s just that he’s married and I don’t want to start any rumours. It was a conversation. It’s not his fault he’s also attractive.”
Lucy held up her hands in acceptance. “Understood. Though I’m hurt you think I’m that kind of journalist.”
“I don’t,” Y/N reassured her with a hand on hers. “Sorry, I don’t know why I’m so grumpy, I think I got too cold out there.”
An announcement from the stage called attention to the beginning of the charity auction (Katherine’s push to get folks to put their hands in their pockets) and mercifully she didn’t have to discuss Cillian Murphy for the next hour.
*****
The majority of people were well on their way to being wasted by the end of the auction and as the dancing started, Y/N decided that was her cue to go home. It had been a long, exhausting week and she was ready to sink into her weekend. Hugging Lucy warmly she gathered her belongings and headed for the exit. She had wondered about saying goodbye to him but he was surrounded and she didn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea. Not to mention that she’d said goodbye to Cillian Murphy enough times in her life now, she simply didn’t want to do it again.
Like he said, given their pattern so far, she’d see him in seven years anyway, she smirked to herself as she headed for the coat room.
She didn’t see him watch her leave through the milling crowd. He so badly wanted to chase after her and make her give him her number this time. They got on so well, it was stupid. Why couldn’t they be friends? Their past was ancient history and one moment of weakness after a night out in New York eight years ago wasn’t enough of a reason not to have her in his life at all, right?
As he debated this internally he saw that sleazy, entitled cunt Sebastian follow her out of the room. He really didn’t like the way that guy had been looking at her and he was clearly very drunk by now, judging by the sway of his walk. Unable to explain why he felt uneasy, he apologised to the people he was talking to, grabbed his discarded jacket and headed for the door to follow him.
She was in the small room set aside for the event as the cloakroom, hunting for her coat and bags that she’d stashed there earlier. She’d had to get ready at work and her heavy handbag and bulky tote bag of work clothes and make up wasn’t very evening gown chic. She heard the door click behind her as she finally found them, right at the back of the room, buried under the hems of a rack of heavy winter coats. As she straightened up, a warm hand pressed against the bare skin of her back, fingers running along the edge of the fabric and pushing past it onto her side.
She gasped in horror and tried to pull away but another hand was suddenly around her throat. She scrabbled at it with both hands but he held her firm.
“Get the fuck off me!” she snarled, twisting in his grip.
“You’ve been avoiding me, Y/N,” slurred Seb’s voice in her ear, his hand snaking further into her dress, reaching for her breasts. “You know I only come to these stupid things for you.”
“Please, don’t do this. Let go of me,” she pleaded with as much calm authority as she could muster. “If you don’t let me go this instant, I’m going to start screaming.”
His fingers tightened around her windpipe and she whimpered reflexively. His other hand was now cupping her breast, tugging harshly at her nipple.
“I could make you scream,” he chuckled darkly, the smell of booze hitting her, making her want to vomit. “You might even enjoy it.”
His lips connected with her neck and true to her word, she screamed, struggling with all her might to pull away from his grip. She pumped her arms trying to get her elbows to connect with any part of him she could find. As her left elbow made contact with the soft tissue of his belly he grunted angrily, and then suddenly there was a shout from behind her and he was being ripped away. She heard the fabric of her dress tear as his arm was wrenched back from within it. Stumbling away she turned to see Cillian pinning him against a wall, his face like thunder.
“Are you ok?” he asked, not letting go of the younger man who was white with shock and rage, struggling in his grip.
“Yeah.. I..” The world tilted, the floor rushing up to meet her as everything went black.
He saw her eyes roll back in her head and dropped Seb to race to her, catching her just before her head hit the floor. He heard the door bang as the other man took off but he couldn’t leave her like this.
After just a few seconds, she opened her eyes, surprised to find herself on the floor, and then she remembered what had happened, the panic crashing back in. Someone was holding her and she jerked, frantically trying to escape.
“Hey, hey, it’s ok, it’s me, it’s Cillian.” She stopped fighting him, shaking in his arms. “We need to get the police. I’m just gonna..”
“No, please, don’t leave!” she begged, tugging at his arm. “I don’t want the police. Please. Promise me.”
“Y/N,” he argued but his words faded out. Everything was blurry and she could feel herself panting. Trying to move, she thought she might throw up. She could still feel his hands on her, his breath on her neck, fingers squeezing…
“I’m gonna be sick,” she managed to huff out, scrambling away from him, barely making it to a decorative wastebasket in time.
The door clicked open again and the old couple who had interrupted them when they first met that evening came in.
“Oh dear, Y/N! Are you alright?” she exclaimed, tottering towards her where she was crouched on the floor and Cillian hastily intervened.
“Just too much wine,” he shrugged apologetically. “I’ll see she gets home safe.”
They gathered their coats and disappeared, with an anxious backward look. She sat back and he passed her a tissue. “Thanks,” she croaked and he could see red marks around her neck.
“Y/N, please, we know who he is, we should go to the police. He assaulted you.”
She shook her head, grimacing. She really had had more wine than she should have. “I just want to go home. Please?” she whispered, big eyes staring up at him imploringly.
He huffed out a breath and nodded, reaching to help her stand. She was still shaking. She directed him on which bags belonged to her and he helped her into her coat, averting his eyes from how her damaged dress gaped open at her side.
Out in the open, she pulled fresh air into her lungs as he hailed a taxi. She climbed in, surprised when he got in behind her.
“I’m not leaving you alone, not after that. You can stay at mine tonight.”
She was too tired to argue and honestly, she didn’t want to be alone, so she nodded mutely and let him give the taxi driver his address. She rested her head against the cool windowpane as the streets slipped by, bright lights of the city centre giving way to the softer glow of the imposing terraces of white regency houses around their communal private gardens. Stopping at one such building, he led her inside and up to the flat at the top of the building.
“It’s a rental,” he explained, not that she asked, but he felt the need to fill the silence now that she was suddenly in his private space. She spotted a small roof terrace off the open-plan living space.
“Can I?” she asked, her hand already on the door handle and he nodded. She slipped out into the night clutching her evening bag. There was a small wicker garden set and coffee table with an ashtray and she sat down, pulling it towards her as she fumbled for a cigarette. She smoked in silence, or as silent as London could ever be, with the rumble of traffic and occasional siren blaring in the distance, her thoughts jumbled.
She was already on her second when the door opened and she felt a blanket being draped around her shoulders.
“You’ll freeze to death otherwise and I don’t think I have the skillset to dispose of a body.”
She cracked an almost smile and pulled the material around her as a small bundle of cotton landed in her lap.
“For your feet,” he explained, somewhat unnecessarily, as she unfurled a pair of long, stripey sports socks. She looked up at his retreating form, a small lump in her throat. With fingers stiff from the cold, she slipped her feet out of her silver heels and quickly pulled them on, immediately feeling warmer. As she was tucking them up underneath her body, for extra warmth, the door opened again and he reappeared with two large tumblers of whiskey.
“I was going to make tea but then I thought you could maybe do with something stronger, for the shock.” She accepted the glass he held out for her and took a small sip, nose wrinkling against the fiery alcohol.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
He settled in the chair next to her and wrapped a blanket of his own around his legs. “Are you alright?” he asked, watching her swirl the liquid in her glass.
She let out a hoarse breath of mirthless laughter. “Not really, no.”
He stayed quiet, leaving room for her to talk about it but as the seconds ticked by and the silence stretched it was clear she wasn’t going to elaborate.
“We can still go to the police—”
“No.” Her head snapped up and her tone was caustic.
He tried not to be exasperated but it was late and the whole experience had freaked him out. “But we know who he is, I was there, I saw what he did, he won’t get away with it.”
She chuckled so darkly as she lit another cigarette, it made him shiver. “You really think it’s that simple, don’t you?”
“I mean it is—”
“No it’s not! There is nothing simple about it! Think about it, what did you really see? He had his hands on me? He’ll say I let him and you overreacted. I’ve been drinking, more than I should, I’m wearing this ridiculous dress...” She paused, swallowing and he saw her eyes were bright with tears, “In situations like this, no one is going to believe I wasn’t asking for it.”
He tried to disagree but she silenced him. “And even if they do, what evidence do they really have? A fleeting moment you saw before you intervened? My word against his and you better believe his mummy and daddy will throw all their money and influence behind his version of events. And even if they think there’s enough evidence to prosecute, then what? I have to go to court and have some asshole defence lawyer crawl all over my sexual history to find any way they can to discredit me? All my privacy laid bare just so they can get him off without punishment.”
“You don’t know that, it—”
“Yes I do.”
“Y/N, c’mon, you’re catastrophising–”
“Am I? You’ve got experience of being a sexual assault victim on trial have you?”
“Well no, but—”
“Well I have,” she snarled, stubbing out her cigarette angrily, “and I’m not doing it again, so just leave it.”
Even in the dark she saw the colour drain from his face and it took a second for her brain to catch up with what she’d just said out loud. Shit. Why did she say that?!
“What..?” he whispered and she buried her face in her hands, unable to look at him. “Y/N..?”
She heard the creak of the wicker as he got up and then his fingers tentatively brushed the back of her wrist, encouraging her to look at him. Sneaking a glance between her fingers, she saw him crouching in front of her. She wanted the earth to open up and swallow her whole.
“Tell me,” he whispered, seeing her looking. She shook her head briefly. How could she tell him? She couldn’t tell anyone. Even her own parents didn’t know. It was too much, and finally, after holding it in since they left the hotel, she started to cry.
He moved to sit next to her on the small sofa, slipping an arm around her shoulders and gently pulling her into him. He rescued her whiskey glass before she could drop it, placing it on the table as she wept into his shirt. He rested his chin on the top of her head, breathing in the soft floral scent of her perfume, different to how he remembered her.
Eventually her sobs began to subside and she pulled away, sniffing and wiping her cheeks, mortified.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, I should go,” she said quickly, rummaging for a tissue in her bag.
“You’re not going anywhere, not like this,” he said gently.
“This is so embarrassing, Cill. We barely know each other and I’m here spilling my secrets and wailing like a banshee—”
“Will you stop? I think we know each other better than you give us credit for.” His soft smile was soothing and she found herself returning it with a watery one of her own. He pushed a lock of hair that had escaped from her elegant chignon during her struggle with Seb, back behind her ear, thumb very lightly brushing over her damp cheekbone.
“What happened to you, Y/N?”
Tumblr media
PART 20
Tumblr media
Sorry about the ending (I’m excited to see how much @stevie75 yells at me 🤭😘) and y’know, for hurting our girl like this. It can’t always be sunshine and rainbows or it would be boring to read, right? More coming as soon as I can write it. Please do scream your feelings at me! ♥️ xx
Remember, there’s a lot more Lockdown couple content outside the main story in the masterlist below 👇🏼
Masterlists: CILLIAN | MAIN | LOCKDOWN
Tag list: @runnning-outof-time , @zablife , @gypsy-girl-08 , @look-at-the-soul , @buttercupsandboys , @notyour-valentine , @valentinabloom , @elliotshelbyjones , @shelbydelrey , @theshelbyclan , @theshelbyslimited , @pintofsweets , @flyingjosephine-blog , @christinasyellowflowers , @midnightmagpiemama , @l1-l4 , @allie131313 , @star017 , @lespendy , @heidimoreton , @ladygreythethird , @dragons-are-my-favorite , @raincoffeeandfandoms , @cillianmxrphy , @alessioayla , @lyarr24 , @dumb-fawkin-bitch , @forgottenpeakywriter , @kittycatcait219 , @cybernuttragedy456 , @babaohhhriley , @watersquirtpewpewboomm , @stevie75 , @padfootdaredmetoo , @moral-terpitude , @shaddixlife , @peakyscillian , @majesticcmey , @rangerelik , @guenievresworld , @margew76 , @camilleholland89 , @woofgocows , @cilliansangel , @cljordan-imperium , @elenavampire21 , @elk96 , @esposadomd , @grapejuiceblues , @throughgoeshamilton , @areyenotfondofmelobster
162 notes · View notes
little-big · 1 year
Text
I generally don’t buy lottery tickets, but I’m more likely to if things are shitty at work. And oh boy, things are shitty at work - not just for me but our entire team. There’s five of us and things are so bad we all put in $10 to buy a ticket for the lottery for Thursday just gone. If we won, we planned to split the winnings and simultaneously quit. (Added bonus - we have pretty specialist knowledge, and it would substantially impact the business for some time if we all left at once). Sadly we didn’t win the $50 million jackpot but we did win $40 that we’ll reinvest in next week’s $100 million jackpot. (I don’t really want that much money. I’d be happy enough with the same annual income for the husband and I without having to work, with time to volunteer to causes important to me and the ability to financially support those causes).
Family things at the farm continue to erupt. It’s complicated and heartbreaking and frustrating. My eldest child nature just wants to be able to do something to fix it. @heartonthefloor shared a Twitter thread the other day, on emotionally immature parents, and it was a lightbulb moment. (Here it is.) And it loops right back into a lot of the work I’m doing in therapy at the moment. As a kid, I didn’t want to be like my mum - in part, it was due to being teased about her body shape / size, but also I didn’t want to be someone who yelled a lot. (This was in conflict with the fact I loved/love her and she has been a significant support through my life in a lot of ways). A huge chunk of barely subconscious mental space was taken up by the thought “don’t be like mum” and this drove a substantial part of my disordered eating (if I didn’t look like her I wouldn’t be like her? good job brain, excellent reason to go through crazy restrictive diets over and over again across multiple decades). Anyhow there’s still a lot to unpack and work through and therapy was meant to be yesterday but my therapist has covid. As far current family drama, I invited my sister and the kids to visit tomorrow if they wanted to get out of the house for a bit.
42 notes · View notes