normalest girl ever

@nopanamaman

"I've weaponised my helpless spite"

I have GOT to get a hang on drawing this cowboy man why are you so hard to do. Surprisingly enough it was the hands the hardest part of this and not the face lol

Uh anyways sorry if the wingdings aren't 100% accurate/legible I did it from memory and am too lazy to check if I did the symbols right

@rottenkadaver @sansxfuckyou @blackfright @beetroot-merchant @ashs-hellhole @h3xt0r @bree-sae @helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @zecrisketch

I used to write a lot in wingdings when I was younger. When my Undertale obsession faded I still wrote in them in school notebooks bc I was bored and wanted to write messages exclusively to myself but when I left school I stopped doing it. But now that I am obsessed with Undertale cowboy edition we are so fucking back

Yulya the woman ever

A second piece from my inktober that I really enjoyed working on ! Yulya (Fem!Yura) is genuinely a character I enjoy so much.

She has a hold on me that is horribly strong when she litteraly has only something like 4 doodles

100 epitaphs analysis rambles

mostly centered around symbolism of sanya's outfit changes but also touching on the baseball bat, the convergence cables, and a few strike 3 line retrospectives. (had to put it under the cut because it accidentally got really long, whoopsies!)

the two main outfits we see sanya in are her short yellow and black outfit with her hair down (which i will be referring to as "gymkid outfit") and her longer black and white outfit with her hair tied up (which i will refer to as "punk outfit").

in sanya's gymkid outfit we see her helplessness and youth, from the first time yura took her out to party [false disposition] to how she lays down seemingly caught in a grieving immobility. in her punk outfit however we see her defiance and her attempts to be "mature", raising the bat to protect KT when they first meet [parties are for losers] to her irreverent laughter while "a candle burns another photograph".

in convergence we see how yura views the cables binding the characters central to his plan of saving KT, sanya is here in her gymkid outfit, as much as he cares for her she's still a helpless kid getting tied up and held back by all that's going on. but in 100 epitaphs we see how sanya views this situation, seemingly accepting the cables and embracing them. she welcomes them, they don't restrict her, they comfort her, enabling her to get stronger, to be better at fighting the world.

also take note of the baseball bat, in convergence she isn't touching it but still tied up with her, out of reach but inescapable. whereas, in 100 epitaphs we see and hear how yura taking the bat in his hand kicks up the music, that audible ignition of firey rebel spirit, and when the cables enwrap her she wraps herself around the bat, holding it tight to her, refusing to let it go, that symbol of anything and everything she might be able to do to change things, to use what little power she has and release the frustration she's built up against the cruelty of the world.

this outfit symbolism is also shown in how sanya was wearing her gymkid outfit while she was on call with yura during the "negotiations" in convergence. she had very little actionable power in that situation, her presence was concealed and then almost immediately forcibly removed as soon as it was revealed. even down to the tiniest detail of yura's contact photo of her being her wearing the punk outfit and how that's the outfit she wears when she confronts dmitry in 100 epitaphs, these little attempts at displaying strength.

these outfit specifics even go back to young!sanya tying her hair up in preparation for the funeral, probably her first real experience of having to be mature. the facial expression change between young!sanya and present!sanya there is also very telling, young!sanya's frown is so sad, so unsure. this is contrasted by what we can see of present!sanya's frown, it's a lot sharper, a lot more sure of itself, somewhere between determined and disgruntled, she's gotten used to trying to be mature but that doesn't make it easier, she's just pushing through it harder.

but of course, yura and sanya's views of her aren't the only ones we see in 100 epitaphs, we also see sergei's perception of her as they stand back to back. here she's in her punk outfit, but it's incomplete, her hair is down, she can't fully commit herself to this, it's not who she is (or maybe she shouldn't commit herself to it and it's not who she should be).

on the topic of sergei it is SO COOL how strike 3's presence is all over 100 epitaphs. from the tepid autumn day to the motif while sanya and sergei are back to back, even how they both start with a phone (olga calling vs yura disconnecting). and they way strike 3 foreshadowed that final scene in 100 epitaphs in a way to make the exact way those lines would turn out ambiguous is damn near masterful.

"everything will pass, the edge will dull, i know what's best for you, and after all a day will come, warm and bright when i, tear down this dismal shelter wall." hearing this we're lead to believe a few key things: that sanya's edge will dull, and that this tearing down of the dismal shelter wall will be a strong and resilient action.

and yet in 100 epitaphs, it is not sanya's rebellious edge that dulls, but sergei's protective one. he realises that trying to protect sanya like this is just pushing her further away from him, he knows what's best but he's given up on trying to make her see that, the shelter wall is torn down not in triumph, but in resignation, collapsing under it's own weight.

"just hide behind this back of mine and save your helpless spite" this is framed like sergei asking sanya to let him protect her and to save that spite she feels for times where it might be of more use than as the weapon of an angry teen. in 100 epitaphs we see how sanya grabs onto sergei's back, to prevent him from punching yura, saving the embodiment of helpless spite.

can you tell i FUCKING LOVE THIS SERIES

—

|| CONVERGENCE.

ROUND FIVE! SIDE B

Olya Orlova Vs. Anya Beletskaya

🔪Too naive to run on the edge of the knife This is the worst [BEST] mistake I [YOU] could make in [YOUR] my life To spark a flame I was [YOU WERE] never meaning to light I never wanted to [YOU'RE SMART ENOUGH TO NOT] ignite A losing fight [RIGHT?]🔪

Thought I was done with this AU? Nah, the series are it's best, and I am so excited where it will go- so have these that I actually done before October,,, but didn't post because of Voctober

Anyway, enjoy!

another banger from @nopanamaman!!

fun fact! you should go listen to Convergence by hit vocaloid artist Ferry aka tumblr user @nopanamaman

a line that stuck out to me in the new song is “but don’t forget with whom you are associated, which sounds unfair but fair play is overrated”.

because in context it’s referring to olya: yura is threatening to make things worse for olya if dima and anya don’t comply, and is acknowledging that he’s playing dirty, as well as that he is not sorry for that.

but, there is a sort of double meaning to that line, in how it can be applied more broadly, in this song specifically to the siblinghood of yura and anya.

after all, what saves yura from being hurt is anya’s presence, and more specifically their association: he is her brother. that association is involuntary, and therefore kind of unfair, but they can’t do anything about it. it reminds me of the question: “would you be close to your family were you not family? would you ever befriend them, or want to hang out with them or otherwise harbor any positive feelings towards them, were they not your family?”.

familial bond is simultaneously very shallow and very deep. you don’t choose your family, all that unites you is biological or legal relations, you could be completely different people and you could dislike each other but you’re tied together by association you can never truly escape. you may hate your parents and cut them off forever but you’ll still have some quirks or mannerisms that can be tied all the way back to them, and you can’t do anything about it. you may be incredibly close to your sibling and love each other deeply but get the feeling in the back of your mind that were you not born to the same parents you would never want to get to know each other or be friends at all.

and this applies to anya and yura: they don’t really hang out with each other. they know little about each other’s lives and seem to have some distaste for each other. they both befriend mutants from the facility and try to keep them safe, and seemingly are the only ones who could understand each other’s wants and motivations, and yet they do not, because the circumstances of their situations are just too different. they both grew up in the same home situation, and yet their outlooks on it are completely different. yura is comfortable with playing out a certain routine to avoid confronting everything that’s wrong with his life, and after meeting katya he becomes practically desperate to break out of it. anya is frustrated with her life and wants to break out of the routines she’s in, and after meeting dima she becomes practically desperate to preserve them. they prioritize other people in their lives over each other, and yet they are still siblings, so anya cannot watch her brother get hurt, even if he intends to potentially hurt her and dima.

it is unfair. unfair that she still cares about this boy who disregards her safety, wishes and feelings, just because of an involuntary association she can’t break. but it just is.

deep yet shallow connections are everywhere in pafl: katya and dima are both mutants that broke free, both share an understanding of each other’s struggle. she can read him easily and when he sees what he thinks is katya getting attacked, his first reflex is to jump in and protect her. and yet they don’t know each other, their shared escape was purely circumstantial. yura and katya are so deeply bonded to the point where she becomes his primary motivation for like most the things he does, and yet they’ve only known each other for two weeks, and the form their relationship took was unsustainable - there was no way for katya to stay hidden for long. yura and sanya have been friends for a long time, and have both have had influences on each other throughout their friendship. and yet she does not understand him, fails multiple times to see beyond his façade, and several times misinterprets his words or actions. 

there are definitely more of these “deep yet shallow” connections between characters, the way they are deeply interconnected yet alienated between each other tying in the way they are alienated from life itself and are dissatisfied with their situations. 

and this isn’t even to mention the way mutants are associated with the zone and therefore face negative consequences, which is unfair in itself: the entire reason dima is in this mess is because he is ‘associated’ with the zone, as proven by the glowing cube.

so, the line can be applied to the entire series in general terms: the characters cannot escape association and, by extension, a level of care towards those they might not want to care about. and they cannot escape association, meaning simple association instead of a deeper connection, towards those they actually want to be deeply connected to. and that is unfair.

because, overall, pafl is about the fact that the machinations of a cruel universe don’t really care what’s fair. and how that doesn’t stop any of the characters from desperately struggling against it.

ATTENTION FERRY SONG ENJOYERS TODAY I OFFER YOU THIS

@helloidkwhatimdoing-0 @h3xt0r @synfoniietta @ashs-hellhole @asherthedragonfox @beetroot-merchant @sansxfuckyou-deactivated20221015 @zecrisketch @blacklight-system @ask-nonny-anything @ame7092 @snatchyocto @possiblycringe

@ariapmdeol (uhh ur separated from the rest because you’re kind of a new mutual but also you are a Ferry enjoyer so yea. have this)

EDIT: we good :)

С момента публикации ferry convergence прошел год, а может и даже чуть больше. Вообще очень давно хотела сделать свою некоторую адаптацию перевода в рифме. Счастлива, что у меня это наконец получилось (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

A year has passed since the publication of ferry convergence, and maybe even a little more. In general, for a very long time I wanted to make my own adaptation of the translation in rhyme. I'm happy that I finally got it (≧▽≦)

Convergence

📱 👁️ 📱 👁️ 📱 👁️ 📱 👁️

YKNOW WHAT ill post this here too. im pretty sure pafl has a bigger tumblr fandom and i am too proud of this not to share it across the land

i'm starting to kinda feel normal about volo but then song with epic build up and rebellious motive starts playing and i'm gone