#comics as a medium just has this thing where. you're dropped in and it kinda expects you to know what's happening | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

radellama · 1 year

Note

Heya! Sorry to dip, things went crazy. Anyways.

👻🐌💥 for the writing asks if you are still doing those, thanks!

Haha you're all good! Hope you've been well!

👻 Is there a new genre you'd like to write?

Ohhhh, definitely! Since studying film theory for the past couple years (and thinking more broadly in narrative as a whole) I'm really fascinated by genre and the tropes expected from them. I write a lot of angst, and I'm usually writing sci-fi/fantasy/drama/slice of life style things, and I'd like to try every genre ever if I'm being honest LMAO.

What fascinates me most, though, is the way you can blend genres. Like, you know how action/adventure or sci-fi/thriller can just go hand in hand sometimes? I wanna try out various blends or even try to see if it's possible to make new blends/create something decent in a blend that 'doesn't work,' I just wanna try out all the stuff and push the boundaries, for both my fic and original works. Know the rules to break them yknow?

🐌 What is one of your smallest writing goals?

Make notes!! And I've already kinda succeeded haha.

I noticed when I was writing my hylink fic all the way back when, when I inevitably got busy with life I just couldn't access the same headspace anymore and had to drop the fic, even though I didn't want to. I'm still talking and thinking about it all these years later (and I'd love to restart and eventually complete it in future!) But it taught me that I need to make really solid notes so that I can plot everything to my standards and access that same headspace no matter how much time has passed- cause turns out! I'm really slow and nitpicky!

Some of my fics are 5+ years in the making at this point, and cause I like to let things marinate in my head for ages, making notes for stories and actually going more in depth with them so it's easier to draft later is so important to me these days. That's why, that'll be my little goal >:)

💥Is there a chapter, scene, or WIP you're most excited to write? Share a snippet or tell us about it!

Ahhh man.. all of my fics/original stories??

For now, since I've been talking a bit about it with some friends, he's a snippet of a possible introduction for my most recent OCs/original story, Abe and Orc.

[Also wanna preface this and say it's suuuuuuuper work in progress, and I'm not sure I want to write it write it, as I think it might do best in a visual medium like a web comic haha]

~~~

He tossed some game to the bushes near the orc's campfire, staying hidden up in the trees. He watched with a keen eye as the orc investigated the sound, finding the animal carcass and brushing the dirt off of it.

"Thank you." He called out, to no one in particular.

Abe didn't respond, just looked over him.

He watched as he tried to gut the hare, not doing a very good job it of it. Maybe it was due to the sheer size of this orc, with his huge knife and even huger hands, but he was making a right mess of it.

Abe groaned to himself, before jumping down from the trees and making himself known.

Abe pointed his knife at the orc, gauging his reaction. The orc stayed still in shock, sheepishly raising his hands in surrender and placing his knife down.

Rolling his eyes, Abe stomped over to the stone where the dead hare laid, and started to gut and skin it properly for the orc.

He worked fast, expertly preparing the meat in the firelight while the orc watched in fascination. Neither of them said a word, but Abe would keep a cautious eye on the orc while he worked.

As soon as he was done, he ran off into the trees, ignoring the orc as he tried to shout his thanks.

The orc carefully began cutting the meat, and skewering it on some sticks to roast on the fire. He was thankful for the kind stranger, this was this third day on whatever berries and plants he could find, and it simply wasn't enough for him to keep going. Some meat, however small, meant a lot to him.

---

In the distance, down by the river, he saw that kind stranger. Excited, he ran down to the riverbank to talk to him.

As soon as he heard the ground shake with each step the orc took, Abe panicked and reached for his knife. He didn't have time to recognise that it was the same orc from before, only registering a large being bounding right towards him.

He quickly slashed the orc, cutting right across his forearm. As he recoiled in pain, Abe used the time to quickly climb a nearby tree and gain his bearings.

"Ow!!!" The orc didn't try to attack him back, didn't even turn to look for him in the trees. In fact, he didn't even try to defend himself, or protect himself from another attack.

"I just wanted to talk with you..." The orc sounded on the verge of tears.

Abe watched for a moment, before jumping out of the tree and landing behind him. He tapped the handle of his knife on the back of the orcs head.

"You're dead."

The orc instinctively reached to rub the back of his head, turning to look at the small man.

"Why did you cut me?" He whined.

"Why did you come running at me!?" Abe yelled back. When he saw the orcs lip start to quiver, he regretted saying it so harshly.

"I just wanted to thank you. For the meat."

Abe stayed still, unsure if he'd heard right. Not once had he ever heard of an orc that cared enough to use manners like this...

He began to pick up the remains of his clothes by the riverside and walk off into the forest, but before he could disappear, the orc called out to him.

"How can I thank you!?"

Abe ignored him, and walked away.

To his dismay, Abe heard the orc follow behind him as he walked further into the forest. He glanced over his shoulder, and sure enough, the orc was a few footsteps behind. He picked up the pace, weaving through the trees in the hopes that he'd lose the orc, but he was always right behind him when he turned to look.

"Why are you following me!?" Abe spat angrily.

"I want to thank you!" The orc growled back at him.

Abe stopped running, and turned to face the orc.

"I fed you, and I've cut you. Now don't bother me!"

The two of them stared each other down, neither willing to budge. Abe wasn't willing to back down, not caring that he was barely half the height of this orc- He could, and would fight.

But then he noticed that the orc was still cradling his arm, blood dripping between the fingers that gripped the wound.

Abe sighed. "You're going to get an infection if you hold it like that."

The orc looked down at the wound, removing his hand to see the bloodied mess. He couldn't even see where the gash was amongst the blood the seemed to cover his entire forearm.

"How do I clean it?" The orc asked.

Abe waited to see if the orc was joking, but he was genuine. Blood continued to drip from his arm, and Abe just groaned and led the way back to the river. The orc followed closely behind him, kneeling down by the riverside when the man gestured for him to.

He watched curiously as the Abe washed his hands in the water before grabbing his arm and submerging it in the river. He rinsed the blood away and pulled his arm out, quickly slapping some leaves on the open wound.

The orc gasped in pain as the leaves touched his skin, but the human held his arm still between his knees to continue applying the leaves.

"It stings!" The orc complained, but Abe ignored him.

He watched with a grimace as the human finished with the leaf dressing, and reached out to cut some river weed. He used it to tie the leaves to his wound securely, and walked away to put a few steps of distance between them.

The orc looked his arm in awe, it was so simple and resourceful, and even the stinging was starting to subside.

"Thank you."

Abe grunted. "Don't come running at a man while he's trying to bathe next time."

"Sorry..."

The orc watched the as he grabbed his shirt and shook it, quickly turning his head when he realised he was trying to get dressed.

Abe saw him trying to give him privacy, and waited to see what he'd do. The orc just sat with his head turned to watch the river, once again leaving himself fully open. Why this orc trusted him so much was a mystery to Abe, but he had to admit that he was intrigued by the strange behaviour.

"What's your deal?" Abe asked, and the orc turned to look at him with a flustered expression.

"Pardon?" He asked.

"Why are you out here?" Abe asked flatly.

The orc sighed, fiddling with the hem of his skirt. He didn't answer, and Abe watched as his demeanor changed the longer he played with his skirt.

"Do you even know how to hunt?" Abe asked, rather harshly.

"No..." The orc replied, still avoiding eye contact.

Abe sat down on the riverbank and sighed a heavy sigh.

He didn't want to, but a sense of pity was creeping over him. He remembered how hard it was when he first came to the forest - he recognised that struggle with this orc.

"How long are you out here for?" Abe asked.

"Indefinitely." The orc replied solemnly.

"If I teach you to hunt, will you do everything I say?"

The orc looked up in surprise, a wide smile breaking out across his face. "You'd teach me?"

Abe shifted his gaze to avoid looking at the smile, but he could still feel how excited the orc was.

He instantly regretted offering, but it was too late to back down now. He stood up, dusting the dirt off his pants as he looked to the horizon. It would be dark soon...

"Keep up." He instructed, and headed into the forest.

The orc quickly stood up and followed closely, but this time Abe didn't bother looking to check if he was still hovering behind him. He just walked forward, twisting and turning through the forest as the sun set.

#rads asks #future dregs #abe and orc #the abe and orc lore is expanding lmao...#thank you foe the asks!!

3 notes · View notes

thelunanightly · 11 months

Text

06/05/2023 - Onset

Hey, I'm not quite sure what compelled me to do this but I figured it might be worth a shot! I saw some comics on twitter earlier today of a man who would draw cartoons depicting how down he was when his wife was gone for a period of time, and I've been struggling a bit so I thought maybe airing all of my messy little feelings through some medium would emulate that. Maybe I'll show you these one day, or maybe I'll keep them here! It's been...really, really difficult without you here. Way, way more than I like to admit. In my opinion, silly or not, I want you to enjoy your internship and all the opportunities along with it as much as possible --- to me, that means sometimes not conveying the magnitude of which I miss you. I never want you to feel unloved or not missed, but I at the same time don't want it to be a burden or emotionally taxing to you. We're both busy people, and while we can definitely make time to be there for each other, I'm afraid it could become a codependent or otherwise emotionally taxing situation if I was given that access and became over-reliant.

But honestly I've been sick to my stomach missing you. As someone who has exclusively done long distance relationships prior, I gravely underestimated how much it would hit me being here without you. I think about you all the time, I cry probably the most often I have in a long while. I'm also just wondering what you're up to, if you're thinking about me. I've been kind of a mess! I think there's a lot of reasons to it. The largest part is just genuine love and the separation is just making me palpably aware of how lucky I was before and how comforting, pleasant, otherwise amazing those moments I do get to be with you in person are. It's weird realizing just the degree of closeness I feel with you already, I think I'd share just about anything with you if prompted, even stuff I'm typically pretty uncomfortable or reserved about within my closest circles. You were such an insanely calming presence the past few months, and it definitely leaves a bit of a hole! Some other parts are unfortunately not so romantic and cute. I think LDR may have reopened a lot of the insecurities, dependencies, and self-worth issues I had in previous relationships. I do get flashes of times of some paranoia induced from exes. It's no secret my past ex brought me to near suicide, not hyperbole. With her, every day was wildly unpredictable. She worked for 8 hours too everyday, and on good days she'd be instantly responsive and upbeat outside of that frame. But if she wasn't responding? If she was cold? It wasn't ever out of busy-ness. It was intentional and deliberate on her end so you knew she wasn't happy with you, didn't like you, and in the later stages was debating cutting you off entirely. I heard a lot of horrible things from her throughout those final months. The only instance we tried nsfw stuff she basically laughed when she saw me. She would ask me if I would be okay with her cheating on me if it was a girl. She would say stuff like I'm lucky I'm funny, etc. She broke up with me (one of many times) when I shaved and sent a picture. BPD or otherwise, every single day with her felt like a test. A lot of days it felt like I had to be at my best --- funniest, best dressed, most understanding, etc. or she would drop me in an instant. Even when you were doing everything right, she would suddenly go silent on a call and tell you to leave. You never know what you were doing wrong or why, but you could always feel you weren't enough.

I thought with my brief therapy stint and some introspection I had overcome those hurdles, but I see a lot of the aftermath of that in the way I interact with you. Days where I feel like I didn't make you laugh as much or that I responded too much/too quickly I kinda beat myself up for. It leads me to sometimes not texting at all, or leaving shorter stuff. I get sick and afraid that if I just continually let out the gushy mushy "hey reminder im in love with you" type stuff youll get bored eventually. I don't know what it is with long distance, but I start seeing it all as a performance, not in that what I'm doing isn't genuine, but that if I'm not acting what my brain views as perfect, you'll suddenly/gradually become disinterested and leave. I'm also painfully aware its so much easier for someone to just break up over LDR too. These are insane irrationalities, and I by no means should be accomodated for it. In fact, you already do. You've repeatedly assured me that you're with me through thick and thin, and I should show more gratitude than I do. You are a genuinely kind, wonderful soul, I just get lost in my head. It's clearly a self-esteem issue, there must be some fear that one day you'll see me as boring or not so funny or not so cute and once again, you'll leave. It's why I get a bit of weird irrational jealousy too. Not in a controlling way, just in a gross feeling way. Hearing about how great Andrew is, or the Christian camping thing do make me feel weird. I sincerely don't believe you'd ever cheat, and so its not like a genuine concern. It's just this irrational fear that *someone* will come along who's better than me, and you'll realize. It's a terrible thing to say about myself,I know. I don't think you'd cheat, but I'm afraid you'll wake up and see me as I am, not as how you view me now

I'm not the gross monster I see myself as. Sometimes I feel ugly, awkward, lame, boring. Especially this week. I'm just not doing well I'm afraid. I know I'm not any of those things. I'm actually a pretty decent looking guy with a right haircut, I actually do talk to a lot of people and do a lot of things, I can be pretty funny. I just feel awful. I feel so boring and nothing and routine compared to the life you're getting, to the opportunities you have, to the new people who might be more talented, more cozy, funnier than me. and I'm so afraid of losing you. I really really love you and I can see a future and I don't want to jeopardize that. ah it actually does hurt thinking about it. I think that's why I've felt so sick and gross and weird. My brain has conjured up a million ways I might lose you, a million ways I might not be enough and I'm so fucking afraid one of them will come true. Am I destined to make them come true by constantly viewing it throug hthat? how fucked that would be. self sabotage at its finest. god fucking damn it

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa im sobbing. you cant see this no one should see this aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing but bad thoughts right now. the classic insecure dependent bullshit. im not good enough for you, you deserve better type hsit. not true. im actually a pretty kickass boyfriend and someone as great s you deserves the energy im willing to put in

I think I just need to find my center again. I need to recognize I am valuable, I have worth. Even on days where I'm not perfect, even on days where I'm not funny, even on days I don't look all that great. I have a habit of tying my self-worth to things like productivity, to other people. Bad ideas and I know it and have been trying to work against doing so, but I get caught up still sometimes.

The fact is I've been born on watching standup, I have hours of random niche info dumps, enjoy everything from gayming to rock climbing, actively aim to get more fit, am a talented writer, always willing to give advice and emotional support. I'm a wonderful guy, and no bad print day or occasional fail joke takes that away from me. No one's comments about me, no matter how close they were to me prior take that away either. I wanna work on independence. Emotional independence is a big one - not being quite as needy, not being quite as gross and weird-feeling when you talk about how nice someone is, or plans you have. There's a decent chance you feel some of this too! My only like regular friend rn is claire, so I would get if you felt weird by just how often I bring her up, though just like it is for you its completely normal friend stuff for me.

I think if i focus on some of my own goals I outlined for myself, it will help us all. It will make me a better person (net positive for us both) it will give me some accomplishment (self esteem positive) it will keep me interesting (relationship positive) and it will make time pass faster (see eachother sooner positive)

Days do kinda grind forever. But I'm not doing a ton outside of work so no wonder! Of course I'm going to be lonely and sad if I just lay in bed the moment I'm out of work. I need to do more stuff, live more!!

I know this is a very scary post to be shown so hopefully I don't LMAO but know this is also just a snapshot. There are plenty of days, hours, moments I feel completely fine. I've just this week really been hit with the self esteem stuff. Maybe it finally sunk in that you're gone gone for a while! I wanna end this all on a sentiment that is kinda nihilist, but in a good way. Cole and I have this belief that we both need to focus more on experiences now rather than future or past stuff - pretty common universal truth, but we want to consciously make an effort to be more present and do so in present. A way I like to frame these bouts of insecurity is with the following idea: In a nightmare world where you and I broke up, I would still be immensely grateful for everything. You've imparted so much emotional wisdom, gave me so many milestone experiences, truly made me feel loved and cared about. You are one of the best people I ever met and that opinion will not change. No matter any gossip you are a warm, loving person who just wants to understand others and enjoy their company. I can be an introverted shell, and I think there's a much darker alligator world where I never met you and stayed silent and awkward forever. You push me in a lot of good ways, and I think those impacts will be with me for the rest of my life. I can only hope to have positively affected you a quarter of what you've done for me.

I consider all these weird feelings the first true "obstacle" in the relationship. I love you, and I want desperately to make this work. As naive and romantic as it is, I genuinely believe that we are compatible enough that we could WAYYY down the line form an actual life together. I could see you being the proverbial one. Knowing this, I will overcome these hurdles. I will become more confident and secure and less moody and emotional. On two fronts. One, myself - if I can't love myself I can't love others and so much of my joy in life comes from loving and helping others. Two, for you - if working through my emotional weaknesses to become a stronger, more independent person strengthens our relationship, how could I ever simply lay down, let the bad feelings hit me, and die? I will fight my inhibitions.

if you do end up reading this one day, boy secret: after a big, hearty cry where you really ugly let out all emotions, there is a compelling desire to jerk off. It's like the self-love equivalent of makeup sex LMAO. toodles!

1 note · View note