#chewing chewing all day long
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Could you please write on hero x villian (single parent troupe)? :D I love it sm!!
Just the idea of (either hero or villian) getting all friendly and warm with the other's kid
And the other, at first being like UH UH NOPE STAY AWAY FROM MY KID but soon, after some time of bonding,
the other is the only person they can trust with the safety of their child?
Mmmmm delicious trope yesyes…
(No reposts but reblogs appreciated <3)
New Recruit
Hero tapped their feet against the concrete flooring of Villains basement idly. Hardly paying any attention to their surroundings or the situation they were in, it was all too familiar. They were here a lot.
Ever since Villain got into the whole “kidnapping” thing, Hero had been a frequent visitor at the Villain estate. At first, it was frightening. Then, it turned more into friendly chatting and tea time than business and torture. Hero had nothing against that.
The large door finally began its opening—weirdly enough Villain was ten minutes early this time, that was new—but instead of Hero’s nemesis striding into the room, only a small head poked its way through the door frame. One of a child, a young child, ten at the most took a few nervous steps into the room before closing the door quietly.
Hero blinked in shock, the kid was a mirror reflection of their greatest enemy. Same nose, same eyes, same curious nature… just younger. Had Villain invented some sort of age regressing potion? Was this the same Villain of many years ago?
Lost in thought Hero hardly noticed the child puff up their chest and walk stiff-legged to a stop in front of them. Eyeing them up and down as they furrowed their brows slightly in an attempt to seem menacing. Hero had to stop the small chuckle from escaping their lips at the display.
“Who are you?” Despite the child’s best efforts to seem scary and in charge, their voice came out like a high pitched squeak as they shook a little in their stance.
“I could ask you the same thing.” Hero smiled, finding the younger one quite amusing, but the child didn’t back down.
“Are you Parent’s new lover.”
What.
“The other one isn’t coming back so are you the new one.” There was a slight look of disappointment that crowded the poor kid’s face. They looked upset, as if they had watched their parent go through many heartbreaks and tissue boxes, but was clueless as to how to help.
Parent must have been Villain. That was the only connection that seemed fathomable in this case scenario, besides Hero had known that Villain had a long line of past lovers behind them, so it was only reasonable that this child in front of them was Villains and not the villain themselves.
That was definitely new to Hero. They had never known Villain had a child, and Villain most likely would’ve kept them that way and out of harm for years to come if they had had the chance. Unfortunately for them, this kid was very curious and determined to save their parent’s broken heart.
Adorable. Hero couldn’t help the flutter of pride in their chest for the kid.
Hero contemplated telling Villains child the truth, they surely didn’t want to lie to them and con their way out of this situation—Hero had a feeling that would do more harm to the kid than good—but the truth wasn’t all that easy to explain either. And telling the kid that their only parent is actually a wanted criminal was probably not very smart and Villain would surely have their head for it.
But without having to dwell on it much further, the rushed footsteps of who Hero assumed to be Villain stomping down the stairs towards the basement sounded and Hero found themselves sure of their answer.
“Yes. I am.” Hero was confident in their tone for such a rotten lie, but something in their heart pounded again when the kid broke out into a grin and the stress seemed to evaporate from their shoulders. They were starting to grow fond of this kid and co-parenting with their longtime crush Villain was becoming more and more endearing by the second.
#THE TALE OF VIOLET BEAUREGARD#THE GENTLE GIRL SHE SEES NO WRONG#CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING CHEWING#CHEWING CHEWING ALL DAY LONG#CHEWING C H E W I N G ALL DAY LONG-#hero x villain#villain x hero#villain#drabbles#fantasy#imagines#oneshots#scenarios#hero#single parent trope#villains x heroes#heroes x villains#villains and heroes#heroes and villains#parent#parent villain#child
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When the fucking Mike Teavee song is in your top 3 songs that would save me from Vecna, yeah this is a problem 💀💀
#Danny Elfman#Charlie and the chocolate factory#catcf 2005#Tim Burton#and of course there’s Oingo Boingo too#oingo boingo#Vecna#stranger things#some lady Gaga#and Taylor swift#Mike Teavee#chewing chewing all day long
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Thinking many many thoughts about how Jean was Riko's partner for a YEAR and was still rooming with Goon #3. Because that was how unwilling Riko was to let go of Kevin. And how that implies that Jean was placed as his partner both because of the practicality of Kevin being gone AND as a punishment for letting him go in the first place. Being partners with Jean could actually slow Riko down depending on how often he's hurt (because I don't think Riko was all that exempt from the rules to the point where his partner's performance would completely not matter) and he was still placed there. Riko was just THAT angry at him over Kevin's escape. And all the while he was keeping Kevin's side of room like an altar, even back when he didn't even think Kevin could PLAY, because of an injury he caused.
#'average aftg fan thinks about Kevins side of the room once a day.' factoid. headboard georg (me) is thinking on it at all times#everything about the perfect court makes me so absolutely insane i am chewing on glass#do you guys think that Jean would still have distracted Riko if he knew Kevin was going to leave?#moreover. do you guys REALLY think Jean didn't at least suspect he was leaving#because tsc is probably going to prove me wrong but I think he would and he knew#anyway. i said it before and i will say it again#the kevriko toxic teen girl homoerotic friendship rizz is unparalleled#riko moriyama the man that you are. they could never make me think you're uninteresting I want to use your brain as a saltshaker#I don't think Riko (or Tetsuji for that matter since he prompted it) ever actually realised what Kevin's injury MEANT. like for real#it wasn't putting him in his place it was destroying the very idea of the perfect court. it was DONE#if Kevin hadn't recovered. if the plot of AFTG hadn't happened. how long would it have taken for Riko to realize#that HE killed the very thing he built his life around and was just dragging it behind him like a corpse (Jean)#kevin day#riko moriyama#jean moreau#the sunshine court#all for the game#the perfect court
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you know, with hindsight now what it is I really do think a more literal reading of c!techno's chat would have helped his characterization a Lot
and mind you, this was originally intended to be the case, and very well may have been intended all along even if it wasn't usually emphasized within the lore
youtube
and don't get me wrong, I Get why it fell out of favor within the fandom. it coincides with a Very storied ableist trope that demonizes DID and disorders adjacent to it, and Can be spoken about in a way that is essentially indistinguishable from it depending on the word choice.
but the thing is ! not only does it not Have to be an allegory for DID, I straight up don't think it is At All.
because we Know what it's an allegory for. It's His Chat. there's technoblade playing the game, and there's the thousands of people watching with expectations and wants that he's compelled to meet (or, at the very least, pacify through Entertainment).
and this makes much Much more sense when conceived of as Supernatural. be that spirits, gods, demons, or anything that could fill that role. separate entities that, for whatever reason, only techno can sense the presence of and be affected by.
and of course, to an extent this is true for all creators. everyone had an audience that they were meant to entertain and the choices they made were influenced by that fact.
but technoblade came in with a Very distinct set of expectations that heavily impacted the choices he was Expected to make and the kinds of stories that he could tell. he was more or less a living legend in real life just as much as he was in roleplay, and these things were inherently connected.
and it's like !
when c!technoblade says he was peer pressured into killing tubbo at the red festival he Is technically talking about what happened within the roleplay. schlatt was demanding it from him, there's a sort of pressure there. but schlatt was also the dictator they were set to kill, and techno has never had any trouble fighting people he considered a dictator before, and certainly not Schlatt of all people.
but he WAS being peer pressured By His Audience. by thousands of people, most of which were demanding blood Because It Was The Expectation, because it'd be Fun.
out of universe technoblade made the decision he thought would be the most Entertaining, and he was right! consistently he made choices that would let him do the most bombastic Spectacles possible. And It's Great. he's Excellent at pulling dramatics and making a compelling scene that give other people room to work off of. in that sense I'd consider techno an Excellent actor, and I have to imagine that he was fun to work with.
the problem is when you then have to justify it from an in character perspective, grounded in those mushy things like Feelings with characters that can be traumatized and sustain lasting damage, Especially Without acknowledging the out of character incentive.
mind you, it's not Impossible to Create a backstory that could justify it. why a character as consistently powerful and feared as technoblade would feel pressured to kill an ally by someone he not only Can kill but Wanted To Kill. why a character as seemingly secure and in control as technoblade would lash out the way that he does to perceived betrayal, and yet consistently puts no weight onto having killed and permanently scarred an ally that trusted him.
what that'd need is tragedy. a storied history of being hurt and having to survive. building up To an untouchable god from a much much more vulnerable position. Long Lasting trauma that's lead to this deep insecurity and paranoia. and that's Possible and that's Compelling.
but it's just not in the text.
not only did we never learn basically Anything that c!technoblade was up to pre-series, we actually know Less by the end than when we started because of the sbi retconning.
it's a Theoretically Possible interpretation that's technically never Contradicted by canon, but would have to be created by scratch. it's a compelling idea for a fan fic (and one I'd like to read) and it's compelling for a theoretical recontextualization of the character, but it's just not In The Text.
meanwhile, we have the video above.
we have the Objective Fact that technoblade's decision making was often subject to the rule of cool (very Very effectively) to entertain his audience.
and most compellingly, these concepts Don't Need To Be Separate. in fact, in my opinion they're Stronger when you put them together.
because the thing is. it's Difficult to imagine techno as ever being in a vulnerable position. he is just Objectively more powerful than everyone else on the server, both in real life And within the lore. How could he have ever been afraid when he was stronger than anyone and everyone combined? when we saw with our own eyes that techno could face nearly the whole server at once and win.
but he Is a tragic character, at least he's meant to be. and that tragedy makes much Much more sense as something Inward.
technoblade as a character who Needs connection, who Needs stability, who Needs security, who Needs friendship and community and Love. but Lashes Out, Obliterates to the core of the earth, because of something that's not only out of his control but that other people Cannot Understand.
how do you explain to a child that you killed their best friend because a chorus of the undead called for his blood and you (in all the glory that he'd idolized) were unable to do anything but comply? how do you explain to that child that you beat him senseless in a pit as the restless dead jeered and laughed?
That's interesting. That's Compelling.
technoblade is idolized like a god, feared like a force of nature, and in an instant cut himself off from nearly everyone who'd considered him an ally. and that seems to be a pattern, over and over and over again. he's left isolated, and in return he faces retaliation, and in return he's always Waiting for retaliation.
and what do you say to someone who wants to kill you for being a monster? that it's Fine Actually because you only did what you did because you have a curse that compels you to? that the supernatural guided you to destroy their homes and kill their people? (rip jack manifold you will be missed)?
That Doesn't Quite Help Your Case.
technoblade as someone who is beholden to this literal cycle of violence and Loses those things that could ground him, community, stability, People, as a result. who Tries to overcome this very fact (to become a better person, in his own words as per the clip above), but is pulled back into it as a consequence of his own actions.
that's a tragedy !! that Makes Sense. that allows him to be Both this force of nature that other characters have to survive And A Person Who Is Hurt By The Same Conflict.
"I'm a person!"
that fear of dehumanization makes So So Much More Sense when you see technoblade as someone who Already fears himself. who fears being a monster, who fears losing control, who has faced isolation again and again and again.
and, importantly, it doesn't have to be anyone else's Fault.
by making the source both Internal and Completely External (something that none of the other characters have any awareness or control over), you can Have techno as a tragic character without demonizing anyone else Or erasing the impact that c!techno had on them.
and in that sense, it Can be an allegory for mental illness, but not in that direct "oooooh how scary he hears voices" kind of way that people fear it looks. but in that sometimes people Will do things that can hurt others while not feeling in control. anger and mania and paranoia, things that you can't always Control and yet that impact that you have on other people still Matters.
and the answer to that is, often, vulnerability and accountability.
I think a lot about technoblade isolating himself so near entirely from the rest of the server, and slowly gathering a support system Back by the end. and I Really Do think that framing of it through this lens is a Very impactful way of breaking it down.
tubbo, tommy, wilbur, ranboo, niki, I think they'd All understand not feeling in control. lashing out, maybe even feeling justified in the moment, but hurting people they care about and furthering their own isolation.
There's Something There, and it's already In The Text. it just needs to be expanded on.
and why not do that ourselves now?
#dream smp#dsmp#technoblade#tommyinnit#tubbo#meta#long post#back on my bullshit#I really do think that his character is just outright Stronger under this framing#and I genuinely think everything post doomsday would've been stronger if he'd leaned into this#that said this is probably messier than some of my other techno analysis#because I've been chewing on it for a few days rather than my usual of rehashing the same idea for two years in a row#but I'm rusty so give me a break#also derivakat voices is a straight up banger and you can all pry it from my cold dead hands
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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever
#jrwi fanart#cw blood#jrwi show#jrwi suckening#arthur bennett#OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay#i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL#so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that#ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT#arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES#I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no#ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE#BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that#we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW#he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar#I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS#also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that#human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY#i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK#feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh
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Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship
#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it#it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper#provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the#interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after#50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked#his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it#he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from#when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has#his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever#but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how#we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe#cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna#back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed#practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence#we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one#who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted#to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say#goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art.#you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea?#if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa#the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding#his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.
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the whole "cats choose their owners" thing is really funny to me because ivy very much did NOT choose me. she was a slightly dim-witted and very rambunctious feral kitten, and that combination led to her getting herself stuck inside an old chipmunk nest halfway down the steep bank of the creek by my parents' house. from there she proceeded to scream her head off until both my mom and i came out to see what on earth was making all that racket, then we excavated her out of that hole like a sad little potato. she was grateful for the rescue, but definitely NOT grateful for the ensuing flea baths and conversion to indoor cat life at my apartment, which she reminds me of regularly. ivy i'm sorry for saving you from an early death due to predation/disease/cars, but can you stop biting me every day of my life please
#even every other day would be an improvement.#i do in fact take her out for leashed walks regularly when the weather is tolerable but it hasn't been possible for months and she's FED UP#however. i say all this but she routinely climbs into my lap for naps & greets me at the door purring & headbutting every time i come home#so clearly she's not that unhappy. her tolerance for regular cat-owner shenanigans however is essentially non-existent.#after 6 years though i can read her like a book. i know exactly how many head smooches i can get in before she gets too annoyed#and exactly how long she wants to be held when i come home before she wants to be put down#and exactly what she means when she 'gently' chews on my ankles ('play with me now or i'll bite harder')#but strangers on the other hand? guests in my home? my beloved human friends? they do not speak her language.#and the margin for error with her is razor thin. if you don't listen immediately when she says 'stop touching me' she will go from lovey#to SCRATCHING YOU BITING YOU HISSING HISSING HISSING almost immediately.#i have tried everything to convince her that's unnecessary but i think she is just SO sensitive she can't handle it#but i still love her so much. i understand her and she understands me. idk WHAT i'm gonna do when she eventually dies i'm gonna be a wreck.#in a lot of ways we are SUPER similar. i also lash out when i'm overstimulated & i also have a much lower threshold for that#than most people.#i get it.
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laying down by a brook with one hand in the water like some kind of tragic prince , , , , , ,
#my break is now over and tomorrow resumes the final hell rush before the end of the semester#well i say break but in all honesty i spent 90% of it working or being so so scared for my car#i did get a little time to clean my room finally and turn into gelatinous ooze#though now i am The Slightest Bit Scared that i have gotten too oozelike and will not be able to fully reform into a functional being#in time to deal with The Horrors#(read: two intensely busy weeks on internship as i basically take over for my mentor all day)#(on top of the big portfolio assignment that my (project) partner Still Has Not Done Anything On)#like as long as i do my part i’ll get a B in the class no matter what but#aheem heem#my gpa that i worked so hard for….. i don’t want it to disappear…….#aaaaa it’s just hard to focus when i am so so tired and really just want like 5 solid days of No Thought Just Video Games And UTAU Dev#before getting back to my own big deadlines#i am looking at this document that i could probably write in 20 minutes but my brain is just. fried meat.#or more precisely i think i can get this done in an hour but Everything Else This Week?#i think i would have an easier time chewing shoe leather than getting my brain to do it all#if it weren’t for the fact that i would Literally go broke if i did not finish all this next semester#i would be soso tempted to take another semester off#only this time for my mental health………….
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'Two Cups' McGann at Ascension in Cardiff, November 2005.
Scans from photos as I’ve lost the original files, photographers credited where possible.
#don’t ask me why he had two teacups#i honestly can’t remember#that fifth picture on the right somehow does the impossible and makes his legs look long#paul mcgann#i do love that snuggly cardi#these were all taken on the same day#for some reason he decided to get changed#maybe he thought he was overdressed in a suit!#paul i see you chewing on your specs#at least this time they were just sunglasses
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POP! POP! POP THOSE BUTTONS!! 💥🫐
(Enjoy this practice sketch of Brick mid transformation lol 😈)
#furry art#blueberry inflation#furry oc#blueberry#furry drawing#full body inflation#traditional drawing#furry fandom#traditional sketch#furry character#body expansion#chewing all day long lol#test subject#fursona
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I am a creature of tension and migraines >:(
#and I hate it. so much.#wednesday was long and intense#got completely overstimulated by the end of it#and have been fighting a migraine ever since#my brain feels bruised#it's a tension thing#and the side effect of biting off more than I could chew on wednesday#but I hate how it knocks me out#and like. ibuprofen is not the answer#i've been cutting down on light sources all evening#i've been feeling like poop all day#and yeah. migraine.#anfjkdfgdsf
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my bestfriend cussing me out in the gc bc she thinks i want her man was the most devastating event of my night. especially after i do all that i can for her and she still thinks i want her man ?? especially after i told her i was really interested in someone right now 💀💀
and my boss talking shit abt me w her ?? girl bye.
#there isn’t a thing i don’t do for that girl#her dad didn’t go to her graduation so i did#i brought her favorite flowers#got chewed out for staying out too long#brought her mom w me bc she didn’t have a ride#pick up her calls every time she called no matter how busy i was#reassuring her in her relationship constantly whenever she needed it#supporting her throughout her journey at the gym#telling her she’s one of the most beautiful ppl i’ve seen#every single fucking day#but no. LOL.#she’s always picking at my personality and how i’m a bad person#i don’t do well in relationships bc it’s fucking hard to love someone after being hurt before#so all my relationships since that one relationship#i have screwed up tremendously because i don’t know how to handle it#i have a difficult time having healthy relationships#and she will come at me and say#‘why are you proud of being toxic?’#i never said that.#i’m proud of being confident and not letting men get to me#but i’m not proud of my inability to handle a healthy relationship#it’s genuinely hard for me and i really don’t know how to fix my habits#i try my best and do what’s right but it always falls short#and she sees that as me being a bad person#and then last night she told me#‘go worry about fixing that toxic ass personality of yours#like ok.#i’d never in a million years take your personal issues and use them against you#but thanks#good to know.
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Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl
17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019
#my art#artists on tumblr#I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already#I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that#exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together#not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know#and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again#I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly#instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her#feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time#well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system#and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her#and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result#but it felt like to commemorate her in some way.#so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind#which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever#never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor#but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself#she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret#there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end#even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again#I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing#it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day#she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much#when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was#well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed#I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home#and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me#spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure#and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes
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also his drawings. make me insane. im pretty sure ive made a post about this before a while ago but i just love looking at his silly little drawings it adds so much to his character. even after everything he's been through he's still got some humor and lightheartedness in him. and he's really good at drawing too!! so it's likely something he's been doing since he was a kid
#will always believe in closeted art kid michael who became a bully so he wouldnt get bullied himself <- REAL TO ME!#anyways all his drawings are fun but i still cant get over the little hearts he scribbled in the margins of that one page#theyre just so simple and....... human. i dont know ToT#this guy is literally an undead purple zombie and he's doodling little hearts in a book#it just reminds you that michael IS a Real Guy. like canon fnaf kind of sucks ass when it comes to actually attaching any people or real#human emotion to the events of the games (very much focuses more on What Happened over actual character stuff)#(which is fine but not what i rlly look for in media usually lol.... which is why i love stuff like og fnaf vhs#which is much more character-driven)#but anyways. i think his comments and drawings in the logbook work wonders in making michael feel more real#and less like just unseen protagonist who we know about vaguely#thats why i cling so hard onto little things like his habit of chewing gum. or just him liking to draw in general#usually i dont like when fandoms make One Trait of a character super prominent/their whole personality#but with michael we know SO UNFATHOMABLY LITTLE about his character/personality that these little scraps of info are rlly all we have#in terms of his character beyond The Things That Happened To/Around Him#OH also. his love of that stupid fucking vampire show is SOOOO near and dear to my heart#another thing that makes him so painfully human. yes he is serious protagonist guy who goes thru the most unimaginable shit ever#but at the end of the day. he like many of us enjoys a stupid cartoon that he probably takes way too seriously for what it actually is#his comment about it in the logbook still makes me laugh THIS MF IS PROJECTING ONTO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER IN HIS LITTLE SHOW#HE JUST LIKE ME FR#ANYWAYS holy fucking shit i did NOT mean to go on this long of a rant#i just fucking love michael afton so much im sorry#serena.txt
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life is too short I wanna replay SO many video games
#can you believe ntwewy is two years old?? i wanna replay it#hell we're coming up on the game's announcement trailer's third anniversary. i remember that day vividly#meanwhile i recently replayed pokemon oras and enjoyed it. been a long time since i enjoyed a pokemon game#i wanna go back and finish my now about five year old file on heartgold. idk why i stopped on the eighth gym#so maybe I'll do that next#i also wanna play xenoblade 3 before much longer but first i wanna replay the first game#sometimes i work on the last achievement i have yet to achieve in rdr2 and that always makes me wanna replay it#i beat it once and got to 100% completion and restarted it twice since then but kept stopping when i got to the latter half lol#anyway i gotta finish totk at some point. got distracted bc genshin updated and then my friend started playing it#so we're playing together all the time lately whenever I'm not at work or drawing or reading#OH MAN and I've been listening to kh osts lately. and i keep thinking. what if i replayed literally any of those games lol#augh I'm just over here chewing on video games like a beaver at 5x speed
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dont understandhow people are able to get into 50000 things at once.my brain can only think of one single thing for 7-13 months and then i get so sad because it becomes like hot cheetos that you eat every day and its gross and weird now.....(dont eat exclusively hot cheetos for months btw.yu will never know peace in your.organs.) and then and only then does my brain decide to latch onto something else and the cycle continues...what will be my next victim...
#the last process was sonic > original characters who were largely made so i could stop messing up sonic in my head. it worked btw#dont know if i used the words process or largely correctly.<failing high school english#and with ocs its like am i ever going to escape this. there are infinite possibilities how will i ever get bored. they are my everythings#anyway this post is about how badly i want to get into splatoon and my little pony and kingdom hearts and a billion other things... bleh#i love mlp but lately i have such a hard time finishing shows for some reason#when i got into sonic i spent literally all my free time watching 7+ hour long videos of gameplay cus i couldnt play the games#myself . and now i cant even sit still long enough to watch 10 minute videos i think i need stim toys or something#the only times i really sit still and watch something is when i am snacking .... but even then sometimes i cant because my chewing is too lo#ud to hear wats going on LOL#the stars need to align perfectly for me to do anything ever at all. the only thing i like spending hours on is figuring out ipod stuff#IPOD STUFF IS SO FUN THO CUS IT REQUIRES ME TO GO ALL OVER THE PLACE TO UNDERSTAND WAT TO DO. I LOVE IPOD#other then that i spend my days playing solitaire and listening to emo music... sigh. I NEED FRIENDS.#hi tumblr btw hiiiiiiii
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