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imabeautifulbutterfly · 1 month

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Can I suggest 4 and 47 with Howzer? Idk if you write for him but he’s a sweetheart I know. The last week everything has gone wrong….

Ohhhh sweetheart. You have no idea what you did to me. Let me tell you when I sat down and began writing... oh! It all came pouring out nearly 2000 words later, and I have a fic for you. I really hope you love it. I did.

Love oo,

The Lullaby

Warning: Death, loss (various kinds), angst, comfort, kissing, tears.

Italics - flashback

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Howzer looked at the beautiful paradise island he and the Bad Batch escaped to. Pabu. To think there was such a beautiful place in this horrible galaxy. Every time he thought he found something it had been ripped away from him. He couldn’t help but wonder if this would be any different.

He glanced down to the bracelet you weaved on his wrist. The only thing he had left of you. His fingers trailed over it again and again. He lost you on Ryloth when he stood up to the Empire. There were days when just remembering your smiling face, the way you’d call his name when you laid beside him, your soft kisses and caresses were the only thing that kept him going.

Especially when he started to lose his squad. When his men started to be taken from him too, he clung to the image of you all the more. He stood on the precipice that overlooked the island, it was majestic, a spot you would’ve loved to come to, to let the wind and sea take away your disquieting thoughts. He closed his eyes and breathed in the salty sea air. If you were there, beside him, he could see himself getting used to this. He could get used to a life full of peace and quiet … but you weren’t here.

His eyes focused back down at the intricately woven bracelet you gave him, smiling as he remembered that day.

“Howzer show me your wrist” you smiled at him acting all cute and coy, your smile reaching all the way to your eyes.

“Why? What are you going to do to it?” He narrowed his eyes as he fought back a chuckle.

“Don’t be difficult and just show me your wrist.” You demanded with that smile never failing while you looked at him. It was his smile, one you reserved only for him as you stated over and over again.

“Fine, but if you do anything weird, I’m going to give you the worst tickle attack ever.” He warned as he placed a kiss on your cheek.

“What weird, just hold it out” he did begrudgingly, giving you his wrist. He laughed when you pulled his wrist closer to you and turned your back so he couldn’t see what you were doing. It was a few seconds later, when you turned around smiling, “There. See. Not weird.”

He looked down at the threaded bracelet, it was the colour of his armour, the colour of your eyes, and the dark red colour of the sands of Ryloth. “It’s … it’s beautiful.”

“It’s you, me and Ryloth. The planet that brought us together,” you smiled leaning in and pressing a kiss to his lips, “as long as you wear it, I’ll always be with you.”

A chuckle escaped his lips as he wrapped his arms around you, “Thank you. I love it, and you.” He pressed another kiss to your lips, “Thanks, cyar’ika, for making today a little less depressing.”

“Were you having a rough day?” You wrapped your arms around him tighter.

“I was, but now that you’re here, and I have you…” he waved his wrist, “I’m better. You always chase the dark thoughts away.”

“I’ll make sure to always be here to chase the dark thoughts away.”

Howzer looked at his bracelet as a tear slid down his cheek, “… but you’re not here to chase the dark thoughts away.” He spoke out loud to the images of you in his mind.

Things since Ryloth had been difficult for you, you’d suffered a serious injury. In fact, you weren’t even sure how you made it off Ryloth and found yourself travelling with Phee. It took you a while to learn how to speak again, and even to remember the name Phee had generously given you. But she was patient with you, taking you with her each and every time. Repeating what needed to be repeated as often and as slowly as possible. Protecting you, when you needed to be protected.

Even when you met the Bad Batch, she took her time introducing you to them. When had first met them they seemed somewhat familiar but it wasn’t quite right. They’re faces weren’t quite right, and you didn’t understand why.

You shrugged it off, not really worrying about it. Wrecker had been especially attentive towards you, even though you kept a friendly distance from him. Not that you found him unpleasant or unattractive, but your heart felt … occupied. It was a feeling that ... somehow you knew you were waiting for someone. Who that was, only the Force would know.

As months dragged by, and bits of your old memory came back, you had found yourself being pulled time and time again to the colour, teal blue, it struck a chord with you. Deep inside, it reminded you of something. Every time you saw it, you had to have it. Blankets, scarves, sweaters, even underwear. It was a colour that made you feel comforted, that it was somehow a part of you.

You heard from Phee more clones had joined the island, looking for a safe haven. You learned a few weeks after the Bad Batch arrived what clones were and why so many of them had the same face. Well at least a variation of the same face. You brushed off Phee’s comment, going on your usual walk when you hadn’t had a good night’s sleep, you wrapped the teal blue shawl around you, revelling in its comfort and safety. Not that it was particularly cold that day, but it had been a bad day for you, so you needed that extra warmth.

The images and nightmares from the past week were overwhelming. The doctor had mentioned, it was all part of the healing process, as memories of your past continued to seep into your present, it could be overwhelming. Yet, as more images became clear, the more you didn’t want to remember. Not if it meant seeing people die, feeling a fear in your heart that you had lost someone. Someone dear.

You feared for the day you saw the image of losing the one that had somehow captured your heart, you didn’t want to remember seeing that person being taken from you. However, that might be.

You shook your head, climbing to the highest point of the island, it was the only way to calm your mind as you looked out over the whole island. Your footsteps faltered as you saw another person in your spot. You heard him talking to himself, you knew the sound of sorrow and pain, you heard it enough in your dreams. You shifted wanting to give this man privacy, only for your foot to hit a rock alerting him to your presence.

Howzer turned quickly, as years of combat trained him, he wiped the tears from his face, and looked at you. His eyes welled up with tears once again, his jaw dropped open as the blood rushed from his face.

“Cyar’ika?”

“I’m sorry?” You offered, not understanding the word that came out of his mouth. “I’m sorry for disturbing you. I didn’t realize anyone was here.” You tried to placate the man who looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“It can’t be… cyare, is that … really you?” He stepped forward, wondering if you were an apparition, the way your hair billowed in the wind, the way you clung to the shawl wrapped around your shoulders, the same colour as his armour. You couldn’t be real. There was no way you could be real. He saw you … he saw you sprawled on the floor of Ryloth’s red sand, he saw the blood seeping out of your head. He remembered hearing the blaster shot and seeing you drop… it wasn’t possible.

“I … I don’t know who you think I am… but that’s not me … I’m not siare,” you tried your best to copy the pronunciation and failing, “or whatever.”

“No. It is you…” he stepped forward smiling. “Don’t you remember me?” The look on your face hadn’t moved; it was one of confusion and loss.

“I’m sorry, I …”

“Howzer. My name. I’m Captain Howzer. We … we worked together on Ryloth.” He walked closer, not wanting to scare you, taking small steps like he would with a terrified animal. Your mouth opened and closed a number of times as you tried to answer. He tried to rack his brain on something that would help jog your memory, he held up his wrist and showed the bracelet, “This. Do you remember this? You made this for me. I told you that ‘you made my day a little less depressing’.” He pleaded doing his best to try to hold back, he wanted to shake you, to wake you up, to hold you in his arms. He thought he’d lost you and … yet, you were here. You were alive.

“I … I made that?” You looked at the intricately woven bracelet. “Okay,” you huffed out a laugh, “now I know you’re lying. I’m not that talented.”

“Oh but you are cyare, you’re talented, beautiful, intelligent, brave, caring. You’re so much … you’re everything. You have to know there’s no one I could love like I love you. I …” he held back from saying more as he watched your eyes widen at his declaration, “Sorry. I’m sorry. I know this is overwhelming, but … you … we. We were something special.” He swallowed softly.

You shook your head and turned away, “I’m sorry for your loss but you’re mistaken…”

“The colour!”

He cut you off, not wanting you to leave, he needed you to stay.

“What?” You turned back to him.

“The colour of your shawl, the colour of your bag, the wrap around your wrist, that teal blue colour. It means more to you than you can understand, right? You look at that colour and you feel at home, at peace. Complete.”

“How…” You narrowed your eyes at him, “How could you know that?”

“Because you told me, that’s … the colour of my armour ...” He looked down at the one he was wearing, “not this one, obviously. But the one I had back on Ryloth. The one you helped me maintain and paint. You always said this colour, the teal blue, was home for you because it reminded you of me.”

He took a step forward as a tear slid down your cheek, he took it as a sign that he was getting through. “You would have nightmares at times, and the only thing that ever calmed you down was when I held you in my arms, and sang to you. I would sing the lullaby your mother used to sing to you as a child. You taught me that on our first date…”

You shook your head, “I don’t…” your voice trailed off as Howzer started singing, his voice soft and strong, reaching into your soul. A familiarity and a comfort settling deep within you as you listened to him sing. Each word, each syllable brought back another memory. You saw the image of the two of you laughing, joking as you laid in bed. Him tickling you as you teased him. The way he held you close, when you lost another good soldier. Each note carried another memory, another reminder of the past you had lost.

Tears streamed down your face, as Howzer kept moving closer, his voice never failing as he gently reached his hand to cup your cheek and tenderly wiping the tears away. A gesture he’d done a million times before, he slowly and softly wrapped his arms around you as he kept singing. Your own arms wrapping around him, as you held him close. You closed your eyes and let the tears come.

“Howzer …” you said his name, not one with doubt, but with recognition. With remembering. With longing.

He tightened his arms around you, and kissed your temple, “Yes, cyar’ika. I’m here. I found you.” You both stood on the highest peak of Pabu, holding each other as your past finally found you again.

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