hi. i’m here. i’m taking a break from instagram because i can’t find my balance with it. i guess i’ve always liked this format more (more or less) and maybe it’s because i’m not really even sure who reads this and it’s kind of nice knowing that doesn’t matter. but hey, hi, if you do. anyway, i’m also here because i’m in the midst of playing catch up on a lot of school work and i’m ready to go to bed at 8pm but maybe i’ll catch a second wind so i’ll wait it out. after neglecting it pretty much most of this semester, i actually only feel like i’m a month behind and unfortunately that’s about as much time as i have left in the semester. i’ve actually got about 80 pages to work on...so i’m a lil nervous i won’t get it all done. but i do have about half of that in my brain/schemed out in some way. it’s been a strange adjusting to my new life, i guess. i still have a lot more to get used to and it doesn’t help that i’m constantly fighting some of it too. not a good balance. kinda can’t wait to be on the other side of it. i meet my dad and the rest of my dad’s side of the family in person in a few weeks. i get to meet my niece and nephew and my cousins. i’m trying not to freak the fuck out about it but it also means i’m doin a bunch of nothing or a bunch of flailing about to avoid processing it. i probably should have taken this semester off but when it started--well, everything was so different. none of where i’m at feels real, including being back in philly. i won’t say it feels good, because a lot of it doesn’t but i also don’t want that to be the point of what i’m saying. i’m actually really excited to see where all this *~*personal excavation*~* takes me. i just kinda sometimes wish i hadn’t done any of it. like try to find my dad. like leave my comfy apartment. like not say goodbye to grandmother but i could probably put in a bunch of cliches boiling down to being about discomfort and growth. sitting in that feeling like i can’t do anything right, yet feeling like i’m on the right track? to be determined. i’m just glad my cat still wants to hang out with me. i wasn’t feeling so great about being around other people. i’m still not sure but i’m trying.
Why is everyone always leaving.
It's not that I can't do the work by myself for a few days, but.
I don't understand.
It's not like I'm disposable.
Starting Dracula Daily: haha, this Dracula fellow is actually rather charming! Silly Jonathan Harker!
Now: NOT THE SECOND MATE OF THE DEMETER!
Not sure what gender I'm presenting but the big ass leather belt is definitely part of it
blah. i can’t do much else but listen to podcasts these days. but i deep cleaned my entire house over the weekend. it feels better. i unearthed a bunch of old writing that i’m looking forward to going back and reading and building on. don’t have the brain space quite yet, and i am not doing so great with school right now so it’ll have to wait. but something to get excited about, i guess.
Mark’s upset at me because of Ada.
Ada doesn’t want to hang out with me because of Mark.
I love my job :)))
I want to point out what Jack Seward did with the maids. I know basically nothing about Victorian-era anything, but the way he treated them is interesting.
I wouldn't have expected that he personally take the time to make the little girl comfortable while Lucy was so close to death. I can't exactly fault him for his sternness with the women, either, but he also didn't pass any blame and made it clear that his first and foremost goal was to save Lucy's life and that he needed their help to do that.
It's clear he likely wouldn't have forced them to do anything had they not been in a state to do so (see: physically picking up a drugged child from the floor to place on a sofa to sleep off the effects of the drug), but honestly he probably really sincerely did need their skills in drawing a bath. I can't imagine Jack would know how to do so quickly and efficiently enough to be of any use, much less how to make it the appropriate temperature.
I also find it hilarious that Abraham Van Helsing and Jack put her in the bath fully clothed. I understand why they did it – Victorian social mores or whatever – but also from a medical standpoint, these two are literal doctors and have to know that wet clothes are like. bad. if they're trying to warm someone up. right?
Lucy's nightgown was probably of a light enough material that they could get away with it, but the imagery is still ridiculous.
I mean, I guess Jack might have fibbed a bit in his recounting as well, just in case, in order to preserve Lucy's modesty and dignity if someone else were to overhear, but any analysis of that possibility would have to deal with Victorian-era social norms and the way they talked around certain topics and I have zero information on that front.