by inami

The 4 stages of complimenting a bratty

Cast of Like A Dragon: Infinite Wealth

Aqours performing Koi ni Naritai AQUARIUM Aqours 3rd Love Live! WONDERFUL STORIES

Mahiru Inami by やわらかおぜう

uh 😰

Hoi fellow Soups!

The next chapter's preview has been shared!

https://x.com/saezuru_comic/status/1706646118011228188?s=20

by inami

a tale in 3 steps

new costumes

Aqours performing Koi ni Naritai AQUARIUM Aqours 3rd Love Live! WONDERFUL STORIES

Is Yashiro’s sexuality innate or his another coping mechanism with trauma, as if the trauma was too early (before he knew what affection was) and too severe that his brain restructures itself to survive? If he had never been raped, would he be heterosexual?

That's kind of an impossible question to answer, I think.

Yashiro's trauma runs incredibly deep, and the abuse he suffered as a child undoubtedly warped his understanding of his own, sexual proclivities. I think there's no question that Yashiro's perception of himself as a masochist is a result of the abuse he endured, and doesn't actually reflect on his genuine sexual desires. I don't think Yashiro is a masochist at all, or a sadist, but he convinced himself he was both of those things as a means of coping with his trauma. If he could frame it in his mind that he caused the abuse in some way, and wanted the abuse, then he wouldn't have to face up to his victimization. If he could convince himself he chose to be abused, he wouldn't have to deal with how powerless he's been his entire life. That's why, when we first meet Yashiro, he's so promiscuous, why he sleeps around and seeks out men who will mistreat him, because in his mind, each time that happens, it reaffirms this self-image he's built up of himself as being the instigator of that abuse, and so then, he can believe he's not actually a victim.

But of course, Yashiro is a victim. He's always been a victim. First of his stepfather, and then, later, of the men who willingly took advantage of him and his mental illness. Yashiro's sexual encounters, even as he gave his verbal consent, have always been, at best, dubious, because a man suffering from the types of mental issues Yashiro is suffering from isn't really capable of consenting, imo.

I'm not even entirely convinced that Yashiro likes sex at all, from men or women. He doesn't like rough sex, despite convincing himself for years that he does, (I think one of the most powerful moments showing us this is the first time Inami rapes him, and Inami blithely comments to Doumeki about how Yashiro "passed out" when it got too rough, and how he isn't a true masochist), and while he responds to gentle sex, it simultaneously makes him feel physically ill, and that's all bound up, I think, in the fact that his stepfather, while sexually abusing him, would tell him he was really a woman. I think Yashiro is so repulsed by gentle treatment during sex because it reminds him of what his stepfather said, and in turn, reminds him of what his stepfather did. It brings the memories of that abuse to the forefront of Yashiro's mind, and it makes him sick when that happens. And I think Yashiro's deep fear in acknowledging that his body responds to gentle sex, and his inability to admit he wants and enjoys it, is because he thinks to do so would be to affirm his stepfathers words. Yashiro believes that women want gentle sex, and that its the proper way to treat women while having sex with them. Therefor, acknowledging his own body's response to gentle sex is, in a way, an acceptance of his stepfather's claims, that he's really a woman, and that in turn is an acknowledgment of the power his stepfather had, and continues to have, over him. It's an affirmation of Yashiro's own lack of agency and of his victimhood. A reminder of how he's never been allowed to choose or be anything for himself.

So the reason Yashiro throws himself into abusive sexual encounters with men, and the reason he convinced himself for so long that that was what he wanted, is because if he could believe that, then it would fly directly in the face of what his stepfather claimed, and prove his stepfather wrong. Yashiro could claim unequivocally to be a man because he liked to be treated roughly and cruelly by other men. It was a way for Yashiro to release himself from his stepfathers hold over him, and, again, a way to deny his victimhood.

What I think Yashiro really wants is to be treated kindly. I think he's turned on by kind treatment. But that doesn't necessarily involve actual sex, as in, sexual intercourse. He wants to be held and touched with soft and gentle hands. He wants to be kissed passionately. He wants to lay his head in Doumeki's lap and feel Doumeki run his hands through his hair. The sexual intercourse element of that still makes Yashiro feel unwell and induces a sense of panic in him. Maybe he can condition himself not to feel that way during sex. But maybe he can't. And if he can't, then the healthiest option for Yashiro would probably be not to have sex at all.

The question of Yashiro's sexuality in relation to his abuse maybe doesn't matter so much, then. Yashiro might very well be asexual. And maybe the abuse Yashiro suffered made him that way, and maybe it didn't. But I think, more than anything, Yashiro just wants somebody who's kind to him, somebody who treats him like an actual human being, and the only person who's ever treated him that way is Doumeki, and Doumeki just happens to be a man.

She has a kool design. I am a fan of her

both misumi and hirata being yashiro's "fathers" due to how yakuza hierarchy works is so fucked up considering everything. it's not enough that there's always some man with power and influence who wants to control, abuse or just straight up kill him, he has to be a father figure, to be reminiscent of yashiro's stepfather in one way or another. always some fake parent, never someone actually caring and protective (it's specifically his stepfather too, not his "actual" dad, which was the same for aoi). misumi brings up the whole child-parent thing right before making yashiro his lover and deciding what his life is going to be from that point on. hirata brings it up in chapter 33 before almost killing him. and then you have nanahara with his very naive and sincere "i know it's not a real family, but you're supposed to protect each other and a parent shouldn't betray their child" and he's right, but it's not the reality and never has been, at least not for yashiro. there's one scene where you get a glimpse of how yashiro genuinely feels about the whole concept of "family" and it's just him looking at a mother with a little kid. there's no dad there and there is no longing for a father figure, because "father" never stood for anything good