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harveyguilleniconodelamoda · 12 days

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Thoughts on Fashion & Style from Harvey's Instagram Live with Samantha Rei Crossland

Last night, Harvey Guillén joined fashion designer Samantha Rei Crossland for a chat on Instagram Live to talk about life, style, the entertainment industry, and to answer some fan questions! The full video may be available via Harvey or Samantha's IG eventually, as they saved it at the end, but in the meantime I've compiled some of the questions and answers related to Harvey's relationship with fashion and style here!

This text is taken from the video and has been lightly edited for clarity.

Samantha: Dollie says, "as a fan you can really tell Harvey worked deliberately through fashion and photoshoots to establish his style in person, in front of the camera, and on the red carpet. I'd love to hear more about that journey and additionally if you have any tips for achieving confidence in style and fashion."

Harvey: Wow, good question! I feel like that was an avenue that never was presented to me as an option for the first part of my career. You know everyone's like "oh who dressed you?" I dressed myself! I mean I still do, but I didn't really get any kind of help with anything stylish-wise until recently, when I got the opportunity to work with different designers and stylists who introduced me to those designers. That's really what it is: a stylist will get you into an atelier or someone's house, like Christian Siriano or someone like that. But for the most part, for a long time I just kind of dressed myself, and on a budget.

Knowing Harvey was putting these kinds looks together by himself on a budget in 2017 and 2018, I will never again cut any of the Chrises with their MCU money a single centimeter of slack for showing up year after year, to event after event, in bland black or navy suits.

Harvey (continued): Because stylists are worth every penny, but they're expensive! They are expensive because they do a great job, but you also have to be constantly doing that. I think Zendaya was just talking about this in an interview. There's moments where you want a stylist because you want to look your best and you want the best opportunity and possibility, and there's moments where you're like "I'll dress myself, it's just a small event, I'll make it work. I'll make it work with what I have."

But yeah, I really wanted to put myself in a position where...why can't I like fashion? Why can't I do a photoshoot, and why can't I do a cover? I had a publicist, one of my first publicists...I said "I want to be the first to do something, like be on a cover of something like this!" And they straight out loud said "that's not going to happen." And I was like..."oh well, I mean maybe not overnight, but that should be the goal, we should work toward--"

And they were like "yeah, but we want to be realistic...and that's not gonna happen."

Cannot imagine being the person to tell THIS man he's never going to be on the cover of a magazine.

Harvey (continued): I realized, if people on your team are naysayers or they're not seeing the vision, those people aren't on your team. So unfortunately, I had to let them go, because if there's someone on your team who's already being toxic towards your vision, that's not the vision, that's not the vibe, that's not it. And so I'm glad to report that shortly after that we did get a cover! And then I was able to kind of show that off and be like, "it can be done!" You just have to find the right team and the right people who see your vision.

I think for so long it's just been easy to say no to people who don't fit the mold of Hollywood, and I'm not here to fit a mold. I'm here to break it.

Samantha: You're killin' it! You have no idea how many of these questions were just "when is he starting a fashion line?"

Harvey: I want to! I think right now I'm so focused on my main passion, which is acting, and I'm so grateful and blessed to have opportunities that are coming my way and that I am excited for. And now wrapping something that I'm gonna hold so dear to my heart like Shadows for so long, I'm so grateful. And you know, most actors would kill for just the opportunity to be on a show like Shadows and call it a day, and I would be happy if that's the work that I'm known for, because it's such a great show.

But I'm fortunate that I have all of these other things that are coming up. I'm so excited for the opportunities, and I'm excited for the different characters and different roles and different hats I get to put on.

But eventually that would definitely be an avenue that...I mean, it would definitely be on brand! You know? It would be so on brand to open a plus size line, especially because growing up I didn't see as many options for plus size people, period. But if there were, obviously the lean is for female clothing, and it was never for men at all. Like the options for a plus sized guy was like...screen t-shirts and jeans. And that's it!

Or it was always Big and Tall, where if you weren't tall you got stuck with a really short and stout kind of shirt. The measurements were always catered to "if you're big, you gotta be tall," and well, I don't know if that's true, but there was no in between. So that's a market that I would definitely want to look at. But for the time being I'm focusing on the acting part of it.

Samantha: Kelly wants to ask, "do you like any specific colors or patterns? Where are your tastes when you dress high fashion?"

Harvey: I used to be afraid of color a lot because I was always told if you're plus sized or bigger you'll amplify yourself. But I think you shouldn't be afraid of color. Last year, a year ago next month, at the Meta Gala I wore pink! That was all Christian Siriano from head to toe, and there was a wink there and a story behind it--if you know you know--why he and I chose the color pink for the Met Gala and who they were honoring and all of that. So I'm not afraid of color. I try to be very specific about the dimensions and where my leg cuts off or where it elongates my leg.

Harvey's now-iconic outfit from the 2023 Met Gala--whose theme was honoring Karl Lagerfeld--blended foundational style elements of Lagerfeld's most famous designs for Chanel with all the things Lagerfeld loudly hated throughout his life. Lagerfeld was infamous for making shitty comments about plus sized people, people of color, short men, and a host of other things. He also disliked the color pink. So Harvey showing up as himself and looking stunning wearing that glorious pink number was possibly the classiest shade ever thrown.

Harvey (continued): I've just been like the Christian Siriano poster boy this year! Which is a funny story because when I first approached him over a year ago for the Oscars, he was really busy and he said "I really don't make menswear."

And I was like "well I'm not saying I want you to make completely a tuxedo, I want you to do something in the middle." And he was like "well, I kind of did that with Billy Porter" where he put Billy in this really amazing gown. And I was like "well I don't want to do a gown, I want something between that, you know? Like where it doesn't have to be a traditional, boring, just plain old tuxedo, and it doesn't have to be this amazing, beautiful ball gown that Billy had worn."

Because he doesn't really design for men, he designs for women. And he said "this would be the first I would do this." And I said "then that's great! It'll be the first!" And he definitely had never designed for a plus sized man, so we were checking all these boxes off.

So my idea was if someone in 1920 went to an award show but was trying to wear a vintage Victorian or Edwardian outfit to honor a vintage look. So the hair was 1920s. The hair was done by Connie, who was my hair person in What We Do In the Shadows, who helped me originate the original look for Guillermo.

And Romie--who's my best friend since third grade--is my makeup artist, and she did my makeup for the Oscars and makeup for a lot of the events I go to.

And it was just amazing, you know. That outfit...oh my god. Vogue ran it, they got so many likes, it was on every social [media] outlet, and it did so well that last fall, for the first time, [Christian] had a men's line. And I can't help but wonder if it was a coincidence, if it had anything to do with my "how about we try this experiment!"

This beautiful vintage-inspired look for the Oscars was Harvey's first red carpet collaboration with Christian Siriano and landed him on nearly every best dressed list for the event. The metallic brocade tuxedo gown and bell hem trouser were included in Siriano's Fall 2023 line, and are available to order on his website (for a hefty price) as separate pieces in sizes up to a size 30 (58 bust, 60 waist).

Harvey (continued): Christian's been great, and of course he would make amazing pieces for menswear, of course he would!

We collaborated on a lot of things. For the Critic's Choice award we did a really cool cut, which was like a midriff cut with a peek-a-boo of belly. Because you know, I like my body, and I can show it off! And he did it in a way where I was like "woah!" It elongated my leg and it had a peek-a-boo of a little bit of tummy, and it had a neckline that plunges. So it shows your chest, and it's mesh, and then this giant bow on the side that you can take off or put on.

This red carpet look Harvey wore for the Critic's Choice Awards is one of my personal favorites. It feels like plus size people are always being urged to both cover up as much as possible and make ourselves as small as possible. But this outfit stares those demands in the face and says "Why though? Fuck that! Show yourself off and take up space!"

Harvey (continued): It got so many compliments on the carpet! And it's to a T a Christian look, but also very much me, because we collaborated in what that would look like and how I want that on my body, how it looks on my body, because what looks good on me may not look good on someone else. But it's knowing what your best assets are and what you're showing off, and what you want to show off. Because that's what's going to make you feel the most comfortable, when you're showing off something that you love about yourself.

Samantha: That's literally what I tell my clients! You feel the best you've ever looked in your life when everything just fits you perfectly and shows off the best parts of your body that you like the most. It's not about hiding, it's about amplifying.

Harvey: Yeah, exactly.

---

Thank you so much to both Samantha and Harvey for this wonderful conversation on IG Live! It was truly a joy to witness it and get more insight into Harvey's thoughts on fashion and style.

If you're interested in Samantha's designs (including her OFMD-themed makeup pallets!), check out her website here. And you can find WWDITS-themed Harvey-approved merch at his website here!

#fashion #harvey guillén #christian siriano #plus size fashion #menswear #red carpet looks #samantha rei

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destinyc1020 · 4 months

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This made me really sad. Hollywood will always be the same I hope there change one day

https://twitter.com/slightwright/status/1737397453513482523?s=46&t=MsTyyZBGy5t6aYtbstg3fg

Wow.... this really hurts my heart for real. 😥

I've heard Taraji talk about this inequality in pay in Hollywood for ages... In fact, I've even posted some of her videos to my blog where she spills the tea and really breaks down for you how much she actually is able to keep from her paychecks. But I have NEVER seen her breakdown like this.... 😭🥺

This just really hurt my spirit... 😔 I keep telling people that a LOT of your faves in Hollywood really aren't making as much money as you THINK they're making. 😔 ESPECIALLY poc.

By the time everyone has a cut, they're not left with as much money as reported. That has to be so discouraging. I know how I feel when I see how much Uncle Sam takes from my pay check every pay period... 🙄 I can't imagine having that AND having to pay my team on top of that.

Now we know why some of these actors are always out here WORKING.... Like, some people are like, "wow, they're ALWAYS working huh?" Or, "Geez, they're in everything!" But now I see, a lot of these actors are working so hard because they HAVE to! Plain and simple!

I remember when people were saying that Zendaya is a "workaholic", or "works too much", and I'll admit, there was even a time in the past when I felt like she could have afforded to take a little break here and there... but now I realize... we don't always know all the facts or what's going on bts! Woc, esp in Hollywood are NOT given the same opportunities/roles as their white (or even male) counterparts, and not only that, but when they DO land a role, they're earning so much LESS than others. It's so sad and, quite frankly, insulting. 😤

My heart goes out to Taraji, because she's been in the game for years, and she's steadily done more and more amazing work year after year... so the fact that she's not getting her due compensation is just awful. 😔 I'm glad she's exposing this.

Even Terence Howard is suing because he feels like he hasn't been compensated half as much as his peers in Hollywood, even though he and Taraji had that hit show "Empire" on Fox for YEARS! I never watched the show past the first season, but I know how POPULAR and well-watched that show was.... it even won awards... So it's just awful that they aren't being paid their worth.

I really hope she doesn't give up acting, because she's so talented. 🥺🙏🏾

Thanks for sharing this Anon.

BTW, here's the FULL portion of the interview in case anyone is interested:

youtube

#taraji p. henson #Hollywood #double standard #pay inequality #sorry for the dissertation y'all #the color purple cast

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alyswritings · 1 year

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could i request a tom and zendaya as parents and one of the parents has to go off for a film job and the baby/toddler is really missing them and the parent with them struggles thank u !

Tom left a few days ago to start filming a new movie, Zendaya and Y/N staying back home.

Ever since Tom left, Y/N hasn't been able to sleep, the goodnights over FaceTime not doing justice to the real thing. She's been sleeping in her parents' bed every night, but still doesn't sleep. Her lack of sleep has also effected Zendaya who doesn't sleep as much since her daughter is up.

Y/N hasn't had to be away from either of her parents for too long since they both reeled back on acting to focus more on their child than their careers. This is only Tom's second project since having Y/N and the first one was filmed close to home so he didn't have to travel anywhere and came home every night.

"I want daddy!" Y/N sobs.

"I know, baby. I know. Your daddy's working." Zendaya says, trying to comfort her child.

"Daddy!" Y/N wails.

"I know, baby. I know. I miss him too." Zendaya says as Y/N crashes into her mom's chest, sobbing into her shirt. Zendaya frowns, placing a soft kiss to her daughter's head. "I know, sweetheart. But we can FaceTime him later."

"No!" Y/N sobs.

Zendaya sadly sighs, hugging her daughter tighter.

A few hours later, Y/N is taking a nap, having exhausted herself from crying, and Zendaya is on the phone with Tom.

"It's, like, the third meltdown this week. She's not used to one of us gone. And this past hour is the most sleep she's gotten in days." Zendaya says.

"Well, what if... what if you guys just came here?" Tom suggests.

"What?" Zendaya asks.

"Yeah. I mean, she's not old enough for school, you're not filming anything there or anything. I don't see what obstacles there really are." Tom says. "Hell, we should've just done this in the first place."

"But what if she gets homesick? Or what if I get homesick?" Zendaya asks.

"We'll use my days off and fly home. Especially cause if she's here for too long, she'll start crying for her uncles and grandparents and all that." Tom chuckles.

"Yeah." Zendaya lightly laughs. "Okay. Okay. Yeah. I will... I will buy the plane tickets, pack."

"Okay. So, I'll see you two soon, then?" Tom says.

"Yep." Zendaya asks.

"Okay. Love you. I gotta go, they're calling me." Tom says. He blows her a kiss and she blows one back. "Kiss Y/N for me."

"You got it." Zendaya softly smiles as the two hang up.

- - -

Zendaya and Y/N walk onto the set, Zendaya holding her daughter's hand.

"Whoa!" Y/N gasps, marveling at the place. Zendaya softly laughs at her reaction.

"This cool?" Zendaya asks and Y/N vehemently nods.

"Hey! There's my two favorite girls!" The familiar British accent cheers.

"Daddy!" Y/N screams, grinning, and running towards him. Tom grins, crouching down and holding his arms out. Y/N crashes into him, her arms wrapping around his neck.

Tom softly groans as he picks her up, tightly hugging her and sways back and forth.

"Oh, hi, my love." Tom greets, kissing her on the head. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you a lot." Y/N states, hugging him tighter.

"Oh, yeah? How much?" Tom asks.

"This much." Y/N holds her arms out to her sides.

"Oh, wow, that's a lot." Tom gasps. "You know how much I missed you?"

"How much?" Y/N asks.

"That much." He points to her extended arms. "And..." He puts her down before holding his arms out. "This much." Y/N giggles, tugging on his hoodie until he picks her up again. "And hello, my adult love." Tom smiles at Zendaya.

"Hi." She quietly says, kissing him, and smiling.

"So... somebody told me you haven't been sleeping lately." Tom says, looking back at his daughter.

"I just missed you." Y/N defends, showing him her puppy dog eyes that always manage to melt his heart.

"Well, then it's a good thing you have me back. Because now you can sleep as long as you're able to." Tom says.

Taglist: @glxwingrxse @venomsvl @wildieflower @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @itsmaneskinbitch

#tom holland #zendaya #tomdaya #tomdaya x daughter reader #tomdaya x daughter!reader #tom holland x daughter reader #tom holland x daughter!reader #zendaya x daughter reader #zendaya x daughter!reader

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inyourwildestdreams22 · 4 months

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Her fans have such boundary issues cause how are they making such bold claims about what Zendaya wants to or not do with regards to starting a family. Wow. I’m glad she’s not on sm anymore, can’t imagine people I don’t know thinking they have a say in my life.

It’s very weird, cause why are they acting like they know her personally to make such claims?

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whoblewboobear · 8 months

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TVGATE 📺💖

1.) Glee- Ryan Murphy is my enemy and glee is unhinged but it is hands down my FAVORITE show of all time. I started watching it when I was in 8th grade and the chokehold it has on me to this day is unreal. Season one was lighting in a bottle and to follow it up with an even better season after that? Lea Michelle is also my enemy BUT s1 Rachel berry is so fucking funny. Glee is the reason I joined chorus in high school- like the impact glee has on me? Incredible. Just 10/10. I could say more but we will be here all fucking day. And ofc Santana is my favorite character and I hope Naya is resting easy right now 💖

2.) Sucession- This show ate my ass for weeks and the brain rot after I finished it is still going strong. I avoided this show for a minute bc hearing about it through osmosis was enough and the fans put me off. I started about a month or two after the finale dropped. Like fuck rich people and fuck most of these characters but goddamn do I love it. I blew through this show so quick bc the acting??? The dialogue! THE EVERYTHING 🥵👏 you just know that if there’s a party or a dinner or some kind of rich people bullshit event that it will be the most compelling shit you’ve ever seen. Boar on the Floor was so sadistic and evil and FASCINATING. Like- I wanna open these people up and examine them. I was a Kendall girlie during my watch and a Shiv girlie post-show. I will say if you wanna enjoy this show just avoid.. most men’s opinions on it. I’ve heard the most shit takes on this show it’s ridiculous. It definitely lives up to the hype.

3.) Lovesick- Guys 🥺 if you’re gonna watch anything from this list watch this. I watched it when I was on a huge Netflix deep cut kick and WOW. Very lighthearted and funny romcom about a dude that finds out he has chlamydia and goes down the list of his old partners to tell them they need to get checked. All of these characters are so lovely and you just wanna root for them. It only loses points because it’s unfinished. I would’ve loved to see where things go for Dylan and Evie 🤧

4.) The Haunting of Bly Manor- INCREDIBLE. Mike Flannigan puts his whole pussy into into everything he makes. The write is incredible, the mystery is so well thought out. Every loose end is tied up just enough to let the viewer still have room to speculate. Definitely not scary in the way that Hill House is but everything else makes up for that. The cast??? I fucking love Rahul Kohli and I’ve loved that man since iZombie. Victoria Pedretti is the love of my life and the way she plays Dani? The range she has to go from Nell in Hill House to Dani is so sick. I just adore her. And of course T’Nia Miller as Hannah? She’s the clear standout. I need to see her in everything I’m BEGGING. The Hannah episode is truly the best episode of the entire season. This is a tragedy through and through and your heart will break for every single one of these characters. Just a gorgeous piece of television 💖

5.) Euphoria (Season One + Specials)- Again, Sam Levinson is my enemy but goddamn is season one SO GOOD. The aesthetics, the acting, the characters, the cinematography!? When Sam has a passion project and a story in mind he can truly make magic. Also putting Zendaya on your vision board and then actually landing her to be in it is so dope. The Trials and Tribulations of Trying to Pee While Depressed aka S1Ep7 is my favorite episode by FAR. So real, so funny, so compelling. Everyone showed up to set that week to make MAGIC. I don’t make a ton of fanart but euphoria had my ass so hooked that all I wanted to do was draw Rue and I sure as hell did. I was looping All for us for MONTHS. It’s still the #1 song on my Spotify TO THIS DAY. The special episodes during Covid were also so well done. Season 2 is dog shit so it isn’t included in this but rip to Angus Cloud because he was so special and the clear highlight of season 2 as Fez. (I could watch him beat up Nate Jacobs all day 🥳)

A huge honorable mention for the shows A Young Doctor’s Notebook, Chewing Gum, & The Bear (s1) because holy shit 💖. The first 2 are both absurd comedies from my Netflix deep cut era.

AYDNC stars Daniel Radcliffe as this doctor that gets addicted to morphine in the backwoods of 20th century Russia. It’s a dark comedy and a wild ride. I only watched it once and I have no idea if it’s still on Netflix or not but if you have nothing to watch and you want something that’s pretty out there or you’re a fan of Daniel’s comedic acting you’re in for a TREAT.

Chewing Gum stars Michaela Coel as Tracey. So 👏 Fucking 👏 Funny. The writing is incredible and I can’t speak highly enough about the way Michaela drops you into the world for a wild ride. Tracey’s pretty much in the end of that awkward transition period between your teens and adulthood. Just a really hilarious coming of age story that DEFINITELY would’ve benefited from a true final season. If you like Michaela Coel you will like this. She also has a show called I May Destroy You and I can’t wait to sit down and watch it. I’ve heard all good things 💖

The Bear is way newer and s2 didn’t drop that long ago so I won’t go too in-depth about it like everything else but INCREDIBLE SHOW. If you like food and sad white men and just- EVERYTHING about Ayo Edebiri then you’ll love this. Season 2 isn’t my favorite but Season One?? This show makes me miss living in a city. I just 💖💖 I can’t recommend it enough. Jeremy Allen White’s arms are reason alone to watch. I’d let that man [redacted] my [redacted] for hours like he makes me UNWELL he’s so gorgeous.

#tvgate #bb25 #succession #the haunting of bly manor #glee #lovesick #scrotal recall #euphoria #a young doctor's notebook #chewing gum #the Bear

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love-strawberry · 2 years

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3am talks cause i love you

summary : in which she's an amazing mcu actress and he's her biggest fan ever.

pairing : sebastian stan x reader

warnings : language

author's note : okayyy so a vERY HUGE THANKS TO @ateliefloresdaprimavera for giving me SO many ideas to form all this on, i love you angel <3 and evanora is y/n's character in the mcu and she's bucky's love interest and she dies in black widow okay? okay. and yeah, you'll find pieces of plot in the comments thank youuuuu

tagged : @mrsben-barnes @ateliefloresdaprimavera @0oolookitsme @slut4benbarnes @ellora-brekker

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liked by imsebastianstan, tchalamet, taylorswift and 4,724,917 others

y/n_ 1 week left till black widow is out everywhere!! this is so exciting!! i can't wait for you all to see this <33

tagged marvel florencepugh scarjo

94,528 comments

username OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

username IM HYPERVENTILATING

username can't wait for y/n, scarlet and florence to kick ass on screen

tchalamet i better be getting free tickets

zendaya that's my wifey 🛐

florencepugh i say that's my beautiful baby and im so proud of her <3

username omg the trailer was so fucking good, like the fighting sequences? the acting? and y/n's iconic dialogues with yelena?? amazing!!

imsebastianstan YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

-> y/n_ wow ok, calm down before you pull something

username i sleep soundly at night knowing sebastian is one of us and he'd definitely sneak is bts content

username sebastian being her hypeman

username omg we're finally gonna see the widow sisters on the screen

username im not prepared for the amount of sadness im gonna feel after watching it cause endgame exists

scarjo love you bbg <3

username no thoughts just scarlet, florence and y/n being besties

username black widow deserved a trilogy

username marvel imma come for you if you hurt my babies

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liked by y/n_, scarjo, florencepugh and 4,825,529 others

imsebastianstan after watching the movie, the only i can say is you're not ready for it. y/n_ i have watched you go through this movie with determination and passion with a bit of fangirl-ness for scarlet but i couldn't be more proud of you. it doesn't matter to me that you called me up at 3am just to talk about evanora and bucky's relationship because i loved those talks. and i love you <3

102,628 comments

username im crying

username this is all very sweet but should i scared of watching the movie?

username WTF WTF WTF WTF I WATCHED IT AND WHAT? HUH? HOW?

username IM SOBBING EVANORA-

y/n_ i was already crying and now you made me cry some more :( but i love you and i am so thankful that it was you who endured my 3am rants

-> imsebastianstan and i'd do it a thousand times again <3

username the biggest plot twist was bucky in the 2 end credits scene

username "it's okay, yelena, really. you'll have that big apartment right in the middle of new york city and you'll live your best life. i'd be around to make sure of it" my heart </3

username they killed evanora off and for what? to make natasha suffer more? to make yelena blame make herself for not reaching her in time? to make bucky keep repeating the last words she said to him? what the actual fuck marvel

florencepugh you're too cute, makes me sick to my stomach but in a good way

chrisevans wow, someone PLEASE find me a lover

username both natasha and evanora had yelena on their mind before dying and that fact will keep me up at night

scarjo sweet caption. now come and pick us up please

username but y/n's acting was sooo good in this?? and florence and scarlet had ASTOUNDING chemistry with her like this movie is a masterpiece

username this movie broke me

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liked by zendaya, tomholland2013, scarjo and 4,925,196 others

y/n_ after more than a year of filming, we're finally here!! i can't believe that this is over, i had so so so much fun filming black widow. filming with scarlet and florence who are not only my sisters onscreen, they're my sisters irl too. i loved every second of it and i hope you do too!! thank you soooo much for giving this movie this much love!! i love you and thank you <3

tagged scarjo florencepugh marvel

104,915 comments

username I LOVE THEIR DYNAMIC YOUR HONOUR

username when natasha said "it looked like you looked up to me but actually i was looking up to you, you're my everything, you and yelena" my soul left my body no kidding

username i thought yelena visiting natasha's grave was sad enough but marvel said fuck you and slapped me with yelena visiting evanora's grave and yelena telling bucky the news

imsebastianstan so so so so proud of you and how far you've come!! you deserve all this and more

-> y/n_ i couldn't thank you enough for supporting me, i love you!! thank you for celebrating my highs and supporting me during my lows <3

username the whISTLE-

username how can i sleep at night knowing that yelena and evanora won't live together in their apartment in nyc? that bucky and evanora won't get that 'picture perfect ending that we deserve with sam' anymore? that natasha died knowing that it should have been her instead of her sister? that peter won't EVER get to tell nora about mj? huh?

florencepugh you're my muse, and i admire you so much!! keeping shining like this baby, your deserve it. i love you ❣️

scarjo i love you SOOO much darling!! filming this movie with you has been an absolute pleasure!! 🤍🤍

username bucky's small but heartbreaking "she told me that she'd be seeing me soon"

username "i thought it was just a small mission. i-i-i don't get it, i thought- what? how?"

username bucky :(

username when you realise that evanora getting yelena that apartment in nyc was her way of saying goodbye because she had a feeling that she wouldn't make it so she wanted to make sure that yelena and natasha would be okay

anthonymackie i. am. heartbroken.

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liked by y/n_, chrisevans, tomholland2013 and 4,173,658 others

imsebastianstan meet bucky yarns, mine and y/n's son <3

tagged y/n_

99,528 comments

username omg

username that cat is the definition of perfect

username i want

chrisevans wow, betraying dodger

username his eyes are so beautiful

y/n_ give me back my son

-> imsebastianstan you've had him since morning

-> y/n_ and? your point being?

username now i wanna adopt a pet

florencepugh coming over asap

-> scarjo ditto

username bucky has my heart

username i have only had bucky yarns for 1 hour 19 minutes but if anything happened to him, i would kill everyone in this room and myself

username AWWWW

username i bet he loves y/n more

username 🤍🤍🤍

username the icon

username the legend

username the moment

zendaya wow you two are dorks but mY GODSON IS SO CUTE AWW

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liked by robertdowneyjr, chrisevans, scarjo and 4,925,528 others

y/n_ no thoughts just my boyfriend being beautiful and ethereal and pretty and handsome and sexy and hot and cute and adorable and every other adjective

tagged imsebastianstan

username awww y/n's nana fixing his bowtie

username i want him to look at me like THAT™

username 🛐

imsebastianstan stop im blushing

-> y/n_ that was literally the point??

username i want this relationship so so so so so so fucking badddd

username y can't i have this? huh? why?

tchalamet 💦 sexy seabass

username anthony is rubbing off timothee you can Tell

username i don't have to know, i just Know that he's looking at y/n like that

username imagine him at their wedding omg

florencepugh post more photos of yourself. pls. i hate looking at this dingbat

-> imsebastianstan wow- fuck you

username drooling

username y/n won at life

username their relationship>>>

chrisevans sebastian, make that look more holy

username chris oml-

username 🤰

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weirdlynotspecific · 1 year

Text

Being on the Aro spectrum

Hi just for clarification, I do have a girlfriend I'm demiromantic but still consider myself under the Aro umbrella

"Wow she is so hot I would date her"

"but you don't know her?"

"yeah but I'd get to know her while dating her"

"but... You could just talk to her"

"no no I want to date her"

"but you don't know her???"

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"who's your celebrity crush?"

"what?"

"like who would you want to date?"

"oh... Zendaya is pretty I guess"

"Yeah so you'd like want to date her?"

"oh... No. Not really"

"So who is your celebrity crush?"

"Um...."

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*two characters kissing on screen*

"wow they're so cute!"

*me hysterically giggling because they met ten minutes ago*

"you don't like them?"

"No uh, they're cute. They just... Like there's so much spit? and touching? Why don't they fist bump and be done?"

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"I want to date my best friend"

"oh like someone who is strong and courageous like her?"

"No I want to date her."

"Well I'm not sure if she's interested in you. You could try to find someone else like her?"

"No that's gross. I'd rather be unhappy and watch her be happy, thanks."

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*hysterically cackling when someone I don't know flirts with me*

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"wow I think I'm attracted to this unobtainable fictional character but if I met them in real life and they acted like this I think I'd be deeply uncomfortable"

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These are just my experiences, and I have a ton more that are super random, but yeah lol romantic attraction be wild.

#lgbt #demiromantic #aro #aromantic #aromantism #aromance #lgbtq #lgbtqia #demiromantic story #diary #personal experience

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segredosjogados · 2 years

Text

Blossom

📝story: After the success of your character Dani, a tough drug dealer in Euphoria, and you being the next “Iron Man”* you were invited for multiple talk shows, Ellen being one. She gets you to answer some questions about your love life and you let out some juicy answers about your relationship with Jack Harlow.

*in my multiverse of madness, the next Iron Man is a black female. Don’t know how much of it is accurate.

Warnings: none. it’s most fluff

🪸🥰✨ welcome to a world of wonder ☀️🧇🕯

You were nervously waiting for your debut on Ellen. Wearing a cute long sleeved Gucci dress that showed a lot of your tones legs, you made your entrance to the show to a very loud crowd. Ellen greeted you with a hug and you sat down on the couch.

“Wow!” Ellen started. “Wow! Welcome to the show!”

“Thanks, it’s an honor and a dream, I mean, I made it, I’m on Ellen!” You excitedly said, as your manager trained you to, but you were just a nice person in your core.

“Oh, you’re sweet!” Ellen giggled. “So, congratulations on Euphoria, everybody’s obsessed! And you’re the next Iron Man, big things ahead!” she completed and the audience cheered.

“Thank you so much! It means the world to me, I’m very proud and excited.” You started. “Really, thanks for having me here, this is so cool, these people here - you pointed to the audience - are really warm and sweet, so I’m glad I’m here.” You finished saying and people laughed and clapped.

“Wow, you’re so much different from your character! ‘Cause Dani is not a woman of many words, matter fact…” Ellen started and you continued.

“Yeah, I can say we’re very different, I mean Dani and me. She’s lived a lot of things thar built up walls around her and if she wasn’t tough, strong, with a cold heart, she wouldn’t survive. But actually you’re gonna see her heart melting a little, so yeah…” you said.

“What about your heart” Ellen emphasized the word heart “Is it melting a little?”

The audience started cheering and you covered your face. You knew these questions would come, but not too soon.

“Well, my heart is living its best life I can say. It’s pumping a lot of blood and a lot of love, so it’s cool.” You said and the audience hummed a quiet “awn” to your answer.

“Well, we’ve heard things” Ellen reposed herself on the chair “You and Jack Harlow…” and the audience went crazy. Jack’s career was on a rocket rising and yours too. You were a young interracial couple that got the internet debating but the fans were thriving. Everything you two did was news, from the mysterious instagram stories to Jack tweeting every Sunday how much he admired the actress Y/N and her commitment to her character.

“Yes…” you timidly said. Ellen tilted her head to the side, expecting answers.

“How does he deal with those scenes? I mean I can’t say what they’re about ‘cause this is daytime television…” Ellen started.

“He understands it’s part of my job. He actually admires my work a lot, he messages me every Sunday night with a full review of the episode saying how much he loved it, how much he admires my acting, and how excited he is to see me during the week, ‘cause that’s when we actually have time” you said this long answer.

“That’s a very supportive boyfriend” Ellen said.

“Yes! He’s just cute and a lovely guy. He calls me Blossom because he says I’m as cute as the character from the Powerpuff girls, so he’s just…” your threw your hands over your face with the overexposing but it was quite calculated.

The interview continued and you talked about being the next Iron Man, joining the MCU like Zendaya. You talked about how she gave you important pieces of advice and the relationship between you two and the rest of the MCU actors. You talked about your favorite show being Atlanta, and the fashion collabs.

One month after the interview, Jack announced the song “Blossom” coming in two weeks. It was a slow-tempo R&B ballad featuring 6lack which he talked about “an angelic girl he met on the city of angels”. He had the ideia the minute he met you, when he witnessed your real personality. He was mesmerized by how simply of sweetheart you were. You were beyond polite. And beyond sensitive. He felt like his mission was to protect you from this wicked world. Even though your character was super strong and nothing got to her, he saw how of a melting heart you actually were. You could not harm an ant or a roach.

When Blossom came out, the internet went crazy to pick up the references. It was the most metaphorical lyrics Jack ever penned. He gave hints about wanting to have a family with you, meeting your parents, making love… It spent several weeks on top of Billboard Hot 100 and Jack performed it on many shows.

The relationship blossomed into something magical you two were willing to defy the odds and show the world how love is wonder.

#jack harlow #jack harlow concept #jack harlow imagines #jack harlow imagine #jack harlow blurb #jack harlow x reader #fanfic #fics #jack harlow fanfic #jack harlow concepts #euphoria #love #music

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popcultureconfessions · 11 days

Note

Wow, you're probably the only blog that posts opinions on Zendaya where it's not licked top to bottom. Respect. I hope you're not getting threats sent to you because of this. Her fans are very inadequate.

I agree with the other opinions. Zendaya has room to grow and there is room to improve in her acting skills.

Where others can just play with their eyes and convey the full range of emotions, she works hard with her face. And more often than not, it's a couple of basic expressions - the smirk, the angry hamster, and the disgruntled child. Honestly, her acting hasn't changed much since Disney. Thank goodness that at least the excessive conveyance of emotion is a thing of the past. Then again though, you can obviously see where Zendaya's problems are coming from in general.

She made a name for herself through fashion and style. Further cemented her name in the rumor mill by participating in a high-profile spider project where her role for all 3 movies can be folded into 30 minutes, lol. And of course the PR relationship with the lead actor playing the spider. How unexpected(not)And that's how she moved on.

A euphoria that can only appeal to a younger audience at the expense of epatage. And while season 1 wasn't bad, the plot sagged already in season 2. Back in the day, we had Skins. That's what really looked real. So I wasn't really into Euphoria. Not to mention Zendaya's character is the least interesting among fans. And I'm still laughing from the fact that she was singled out in season 2 for 1 episode, which was namechecked for an Emmy and won. And everyone pretends it's okay. Even though any other actress would be condemned for it.

Then there was part 1 of Dune, where she again has 5 minutes of screen time, but she's always ahead of everyone in the promos.

In general I can understand why she gets cast in high-profile projects. She's a household name, she's doing the carpet and the articles. She has a multi-million dollar audience on Instagram, which has become important these days for movie companies, which is sad.

She has a very powerful PR team. And she herself obviously puts a lot of effort into earning the title of great actress. But the truth is, she's a long way from her colleagues who are more talented. And the only difference is they have fewer followers.

Challengers in general is something strange to me. I don't know why she decided that a tennis drama with polymoria is what will get her viewership. Not to mention she still has 3 of her typical emotions in there. And if she's still a teenager in the story, she's not a 30+ woman with a child and a marriage.

I don't know if the movie will fail or not. After all, there are no special competitors at the box office, so it will probably make the box office.

And of course the critics will praise her performance. Which they're already doing now, predicting her Oscar nominations, lol. I don't think any of them will risk writing the truth. For they will be immediately condemned and called racist. In this day and age, you either have to say only good things about Zendaya or nothing at all. Which is sad. This way the girl will never make it to the top and will sit with a plastic crown on her head.

Thank you. I haven't received any threats yet, and I hope it stays that way! This is so well said, wow. I honestly have nothing to add on, to be honest, I'm sorry.

#ask #answered #2024 #pop culture #zendaya #celebrity

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justinmitchellfan · 10 months

Text

MERCEDES VARNADO X ZENDAYA LOVE STORY SMUT WARNING ⚠️ PART FINALE of doing the last 3 chapters of the after hours love story

Chapter 31 part 2

FEBRUARY 22nd at 9:53 PM

After taking our showers and getting ready for kehlanis concert, we were ready to go I mean we wouldn't get to see any opening acts but I'm sure mercedes really wouldn't mind and she was just so pumped to get a glimpse of kehlani and sing along to those songs that she knows every word to and I pulled up to the busy venue to see that there were still people lined up outside to get in and I looked over to mercedes who had her eyes closed and she was taking a deep breath and I couldn't help but wonder what she was having to prepare herself for "babe what's wrong says zendaya as she asked mercedes and her eyes opened and she looked at me "I just haven't been to too many concerts says mercedes

"That's a lie and you know it, your aunt Lani used to take you to concerts all the time when you were younger says zendaya "yeah but that doesn't count, I was too young to remember then when I started taking college courses in high school, i couldn't do out anywhere to really experience them says mercedes and I pulled the key out of the ignition and put my free hand on her thigh and looked into her eyes "you'll be fine, you want something to drink says zendaya "yeah, I'll probably need to down a few of them so I'll actually have some fun says mercedes "don't down too many because I don't want you to meet kehlani all drunk like says zendaya

As I was about to get out of the car with my girlfriend, I got a text from Lauren and I flicked the screen to unlock my phone to reply and heard mercedes groan beside me "c'mon babe, we gotta get inside says mercedes "go ahead and get in line, I'll catch up says zendaya and she rolled her eyes and got out of the car extending her long soft legs out first so that she could step out safely in her heels "don't make me wait too long babe says mercedes as she stood up and closed the door to start walking towards the end of the long line

Lauren: hallo nugget

Lauren: baby cakes

Lauren: I know you're giving your girl birthday brain right now but I have a question 🙊

Zendaya: how inappropriate 😟but hi sweets, what's your question

Lauren: are the girls and i still coming to Seattle for spring break

Zendaya: I dunno, do you all have plane tickets

Lauren: yes

Zendaya: so I guess you answered your own question then

Lauren: wow, so sassy seems like zendaya hasn't changed a bit

Zendaya: when did you think I had

Lauren: when you were sneaking off and being shady around me but it's okay, I'll see you in a week or two ,be ready for some fun

Zendaya: whatever you say Lauren

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30 minutes later, we were inside of the packed venue at the balcony to watch kehlani and if we wouldn't have gotten those seats I'm sure it would be a bit of struggle seeing the stage and looking over at my taller girlfriend, I could see the excitement start to take over her when the lights began to flash and the music started to play and kehlani walked out saying something to the crowd which caused them to erupt in excitement and before I knew it, she was singing her first song and I tried to have as much energy as the older woman next to me but it seemed as if she was more of a teenager than I was and three songs later and mercedes had already had two and a half cocktails and she seemed like she was still very energetic

I think it was mostly because she was hoping that chance the rapper would suddenly pop up in kehlanis set but I even knew that was a long shot for a Seattle show and another song or two went by and finally a upbeat intro started and kehlani put one finger in the air "okay, this one goes out to all the couples here, make sure to grab someone special for this next one says kehlani and mercedes didn't think twice about grabbing me and holding me in front of her as we both watched this next performance and I had never really paid attention to the verses of this song but when the chorus came up I knew what was happening, mercedes began changing a few pronouns but softly sang the words into my ear

"She makes me feel wanted like no one has before, she don't want nothing from me, but to know my loves for sure as mercedes squeezed me tighter and kept her hot breath on my neck "I'd hate to be you watching her love me ,I'd hate to be you watching her touch me, now I am blessed to have what I need, nothing compares, she is all I see as I turned around in her arms and locked up at the glowing woman and she puckered her lips and I leaned in to peck them a few times as a 'thank you' for singing to me before trying to turn away although once the chorus came up again, she didn't let me move and she sang those words to me again, this time she made sure I knew how special I was

"You make me feel wanted, like no one has before, you don't want nothing from me, but to know my loves for sure, I'd hate to be them watching you touch me, now I am blessed to have what I need, nothing compares, you are all I see yeah as mercedes sang and after copious amounts of blushing and a lot of cocktails later, the show was ending and tipsy mercedes was ready to meet kehlani and I held her hand to guide her as best as I could to the backstage area and after so many twists and turns, mercedes was getting tired which caused her heavier body to lean against me and my strength was starting to dissipate from using all of my strength to keep the both of us up so I was extremely happy when I saw the room we were supposed to be in for the meet and greet

"We're here m as I shrugged the taller girl off of my shoulder and pressed my shirt down in a respectable manner before knocking on the door and I light voice told us "come in and mercedes looked at me worriedly and I pushed the door open for her to enter first and as soon as she stepped into the room, she turned into a whole different person and it's not that she was suddenly starstruck but it as if she became a star herself ,it was almost as if she knew kehlani even though I was 99.9% sure that she didn't "hey girl says mercedes as she greeted the woman who was about the same size as her and kehlani played along with it and seemed as though she was just as excited to see her own fan ,like mercedes was a part of her family and they hadn't seen each other since the last reunion

"Ayyy as they joined each other in a hug "how'd you like the show says kehlani and mercedes sighed out deeply and praised the woman in front of her "Hoi, it was awesome, I can't wait for your next tour and I was standing up and dancing the whole time by the way you gotta teach me how to do that last dance at the end of 'the way' says mercedes "well how about we take some pictures and I can show you a few moves before I have to go out and get on the bus says kehlani as she offered and mercedes didn't even have to think twice and she nodded vigorously which made the other woman laugh

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After the long pohtoshoot and dance rehearsal, we finally were able to have the building and head back to the car and both mercedes and I were exhausted from a long day of work and excitement but as I grabbed her hand in the empty parking lot, I asked her "so what do you wanna do now says zendaya and she pulled her phone out of her bra to check and see the time said 11:56 pm and mercedes looked over at me with a frown and Said "my day ends in four minutes, let's just go home says mercedes and once I got to the back door, I stopped her and opened it to point towards the inside "if you get back there ,I think I'll only need three minutes says zendaya

Mercedes looked back and forth to double check as a way to ensure we were truly alone ,she smirked at me and said "get in first but it'll probably take you 7 minutes says mercedes "okay how about 5 minutes then as I crawled in to scoot over on the leather seat and mercedes got in beside me and once the door was closed, I pulled mercedes in by her waist and connect my lips with hers, it was a slow start but it didn't take long for things to get heated and u was beginning to lose my breath but I didn't mind it, I had one goal that I needed to accomplish, my hand slipped in between the fabric of mercedes pants and panties and I began rubbing her core in circles as a way to tease her

She'd moan into the kiss every few seconds because she'd get more and more sensitive as I continued a steady pace and I used my fingers to slide her panties to the side so I could do more damage and just as I was about to put one finger in, there was a knock on the window which quickly split us apart and I rolled my eyes and wiped my swollen lips to look out ofvthe fogged window and see a security guard holding up a flashlight "of fucking course says mercedes as she groaned "I'll handle this as I told mercedes pushing my messy hair back out of my face before I opened the door to step out and talk to the official

The man was a foot or so taller and didn't seem so much mad as he seemed exhausted, with a friendly voice, she spoke to me "look, I know you two kids are having fun but I have to clear this lot out before I can go home says the security guard and I grabbed the drivers side handle and got into the car "yeah man, I understand, we'll be leaving says zendaya and when I closed the door behind me and started the car, mercedes asked me "what did he want says mercedes "he said we gave him a nice show but we have to go home as I teased putting the car in reverse so I could start to chauffeur my baby girl home for the night

Chapter 32

I woke up instantly remembering what today would be the first day of and knew ot would either be an amazing day or an amazingly awkward day ,mercedes and the girls would be meeting again but this time with a completely different set of circumstances and this would be the first time they'd really see me happy while living with someone, considering how unenthused I was when I was living with my family or in some cases alone "zendaya, baby get up says mercedes as her yell echoed from the living room and I squirmed in the sheets and refused to get up for a few more minutes, most days, I wish her and I could just sleep in and on the days I want to sleep in, she has things to do and vice versa although I understand that today would be a hard day to just lay here in wait next to me

Apparently I stayed still for a few minutes too long because mercedes walked into the room and opened the curtains to let the sun rays hit my face and before I could cover up in retaliation, the covers were ripped away "babe, your friends will be here in half an hour ,go get in the shower smelly says mercedes as her taunts were purely for encouragement but I could see that she was just as anxious as I was and I nodded and sat up on the bed to wipe the sleep from my eyes ,before leaving to start my shower and she kissed the top of my head and softly ran her fingers over my cheek and a smile instantly Shot onto my face as I watched her walk away even though she might be internally freaking out ,she sure knows how to make me think that she's still okay ,the confidence Is becoming infectious

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It took nearly 45 minutes for me to get ready and luckily just as I had put on my left and last shoe ,the doorbell rang and I was so excited that I left the shoe untied and walked out of the room to see a petrified mercedes standing near the front door, for her, it was an awkward situation seeing the girls no matter which way she looked at it ,she was a teacher to most of them and did her best to not let students get close to her ,obviously it didn't work out that way for me but she really didn't have any other choice, we met under false pretenses ,I'm sure in another dimension, she met my friends and she stayed my teacher and there never would've been a chance for her to give me a second chance but sadly for her ,she's stuck in my dimension and if she wants me then she gets my best friends too

"You okay m as I chuckled rubbing her back to lighten up her expression and she bit down on her bottom lip before responding "babe I know I said I could do this, but I don't think I can says mercedes

Knock knock "they're already here, what do you want me to do says mercedes as I could see her slightly panicked and slid my hand from her back to grab her by her waist and pull her close to me "listen you can do this, we can do this, we made it through the literal worst year of our lives, this is nothing, this is five days of fun and a break from all of this serious bullshit ad I needed her to feel safe and comfortable because my friends are like bloodhounds, they know when someone is scared and technically I'm not lying to her right now, we are going to have fun but if I tell her the complete truth, the truth that it's going to be very wierd ,she won't be able to have fun with us and mercedes sighed and kissed my lips "fine you're right, I'll just relax says mercedes

"Just try to okay as I reached fir the doorknob and took a deep breath before opening and revealing all four girls huddled close together on my apartment patio as if they were scared "are you guys alright says zendaya "hurry, let us in says ally as she pleaded "there's this wierd guy outside who's been following us since we got out of the car says ally and I quickly let them rush in and once the door was locked it became a loud reunion of everyone talking over each other in happy tones and words of excitement, they piled me in a group hug and squeezed me so hard that if anyone else were to join into the festivities, I'd probably puke from being squeezed too hard "okay okay as I tried to breathe through the words "I didn't move to a foreign country, I just moved a few thousand miles away says zendaya

"That's bad enough says camilla as she giggled pushing passed Lauren and normani to give me an extra hug "I don't think we realized how much we would miss you until you left says camilla breathing into my neck and I looked over to see mercedes hugging ally but an angry glare stayed locked towards camilla until the smaller woman finally let go of me "so when did you guys get in ,how was your flight as I muttered up some lame topics to keep mercedes from making anything awkward because I'm very aware that mercedes still isn't too secure in our relationship when it comes to camilla, those wounds never heal too well and normani spoke up in a sassy tone "the flight was boring and we got in around 12 now thar we have the boring stuff out of the way, how about you two give us a grand tour says normani

"Sure says mercedes as she happily obliged "right this way ladies says mercedes as she lead the group to the hallway where our three rooms and one closet was accessed and I followed behind ally who was last and realized how surreal it was to have all four of them in front of me right now and I had missed those crazy women but didn't realize how much I did until they were in front of me and it felt like the only aspect of home I was accompanied to and mercedes opened the first room which was basically a work in progress, I still have boxes of belongings that mercedes didn't think it would fit the aesthic of the apartment, mostly just TV show memorabilia or posters of celebrities that used to hang up in my room, things that resembled the 'past me'

There was also a keyboard and guitar in the corner of the room that were collecting dust, mercedes would use them with her family when she would go to their house every holiday, since recovering and moving back to town, m hasn't really had any motivation to play music and that won't stop her from singing though Nothing ever could and camilla noticed the guitar before mercedes began to close the door "wait, do you play the guitar mercedes says camilla and I spoke from the background "what makes you think I didn't learn how to play Mila says zendaya and camilla didn't bother to look me in the eyes as she roasted me with a simple phrase "because you don't have a musical bone in your body says camilla as the other girls laughed in agreement

Mercedes giggled agreeing with camillas friendly insult "not really anymore, I mostly bought it for when my family would get together and sing says mercedes as her voice was gravely but her demeanor and body language was still confident "do you play says mercedes "yeah, I learned the past year, I'm still getting the hang of it, my teacher says camilla and Lauren scoffed and interuppted "can we not hear about him again, let's keep this tour moving says Lauren and normani and I looked at each other once we feel the tension build between the two Cubans and I can't help but quietly 'ooo' at the drama happening in front of me, happy that it has nothing to do with me this time

Mercedes closed the door and moved down the hallway, opening the second door, she turns on the light to show off the small but modern American bathroom, nothing too exciting, a toilet, a shower and a sink, most of my things were stored here "this is the guest bathroom, it was actually the main reason why I decided to move in to this place, I've always had to share a bathroom so making sure I don't have to share a bathroom with everyone as an adult is essential says mercedes "wait, you two don't share the same bathroom says normani as she asked shocked "we do but technically this is my bathroom, I'm just too lazy to actually use it when there's a bathroom next to the bed as I admit with a smirk

The door at the end was our room and when mercedes opened the door, I spoke up "that's where the magic happens ladies says zendaya "Shut up says Lauren as she laughed "for an apartment, this place is a nice size, so far I approve says Lauren "your opinion isn't the only thing that matters says camilla as she nagged and I instantly knew that there was something very bad going on between camilla and Lauren, knowing them, they've let this simmer and boil for a long time because I've always been the mediator in every single one of our friend fights and I cleared my throat and started my intervention at once "okay well, mercedes take ally and normani to the kitchen and give them something, anything, just go, I need to have a conversation with Lauren and camilla says zendaya

I know it took a lot of willpower to leave camilla, Lauren and I alone but there was no way I was going to get these two to stop bickering for a couple of days while four other people stare and judge them for whatever problems they have and I pulled the two into the bedroom I share with mercedes and sat them both on the edge of the bed "is this the part where you strip for us, this Is how my favorite porn always starts says Lauren as she smirked at zendaya and it was funny and I had to smile but her charming attitude and camillas smile was not going to distract me from what happened outside in the hallway and there's no way I can deal with this anymore tension with this situation

I was going to get to the bottom of whatever drama they have cooked up for themselves "so what's going on says zendaya "what do you mean zendaya says camilla as she batted her long black eyelashes at me just like she would do every time she wanted me to walk the mile with her at PE "quit it, why are you two fighting and being rude, I thought you guys were in love as I demanded an answer and not just some bullshit response to think I'd give up and walk away "and don't lie, no matter how much time we all spend apart, we know each other better than everyone else says zendaya and Lauren glared over at camilla and vice versa, in an instant they were talking over each other, explaining why the other was wrong but in such a fast way that all just blurred together to sound like noise in my ears

"Enough says zendaya as they both fell silent "Lauren go first sats zendaya "of fucking course she gets to go first says camilla as she muttered "just give her a couple of minutes as I stopped the younger girl in front of me "you'll get your turn says zendaya and once there was silence, Lauren began "Camilla started taking some guitar lessons when vacation was over and you went home, everything was fine until she started avoiding me after class and then blowing off date night to 'practice' so eventually I got suspicious and went to her dorm room to check on her and a shirtless sweaty guy answered the door says Lauren

Camilla could no longer keep her mouth shut and was feeling defensive, everything came out like they needed to "things were going wrong long before that, you were always flirting with other girls in front of me on dates and dancing with people at parties, I didn't feel special lo, what Shawn and I did meant more to me than what I meant to you says camilla "oh really, you think you meant nothing to me, after I quit softball to drive you back home every weekend because you missed your family too much says Lauren as she retorted "that didn't last long, you joined the team three weeks later says camilla "that's because they suck without me, they needed me, just like you did, we talked about this when it happened and you told me you were okay with it says Lauren

Camilla was aggravated at her ex and frustrated with this conversation, they've probably had every time they see each other "every girls say they're okay with things even when they aren't, it's your job to work with me until I tell you about how I really feel says camilla "what kind of crazy shit is that, I says Lauren and I cut Lauren off, I needed to stop the bickering or at least get them to a middle ground that way mercedes wouldn't have to be subjected to watching two previous students throw a huge fight about talking dick in the middle of her house "look can you two settle this and agree to a platonic friendship for the sake of this week at least, pretend neither of you dated or cheated

At all ,I know it's going to be impossible because there are feelings involved but I haven't got to see you guys in months and I want to enjoy every second of this time I get, all of this shit mercedes went through, I can't waste anymore time with the people I love and obviously there's way too much for me to process in order to fix this relationship or whatever this is ,fuck, just ..please, do this for me says zendaya and they frowned and took a look at each other as if to telepathically agree to be on their best behavior "thank you as I breathed a sigh of relief out "now c'mon, let's go see what torturous and Intrusive things ally and normani are asking mercedes about says zendaya

"Wow, so you think we're here to be Intrusive, I knew you were still as paranoid as the day I met you zendaya, thankfully nothing changed says Lauren as she teased nudging my shoulder "it's not paranoia when I know how all of you act when one of us gets in a relationship, you're like sharks just looking for blood says zendaya "then get ready for shark week, sweetie says Lauren as she rasped in a seductive tone

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Hours passed but they seemed like seconds, it felt like I never left, the way we communicate is still the same, teasing and complementing each other, sometimes doing both at the same time, a sort of respectful shade and mercedes even seemed to be having a good time, the girls welcomed her in so warmly ,better than the last time we were in Santa Ana and their guards were down and anything wierd or stupid they had to say, they've already said it and some part of me wished that this moment could last forever "so how about we have a kickback, like the good ol days says normani as she spoke out of the group

"The good ol days, every time I see you guys, all you want to do is having a couple of shots and listen to music as I told her getting up to grab my phone that was charging on the table near the couch "we could go to the pike place or the space needle, I know mercedes, camilla and normani would love a trip to the museum of pop culture, there's a ton of other things we can do says zendaya "and we will fo them sometime this week, but for now, I think normani means that we should just relax and enjoy each other's company says ally as she had normanis back no matter what the topic was "this is actually the first time that we've seen camilla and Lauren, we never have time to hang out between jobs and school says Ally

As I left the living room, I could hear the girls cheer in joy to have one night to pretend to be reckless kids again and after reaching for the wallet to put it in my back pocket and I turned around to see mercedes had followed me into the room with a concerned look on her face "what's wrong baby as I said kneeling down to finally tie the shoe I had forgotten about before the girls got to the house "are you not having fun says zendaya "it's not that, I just don't think you should be going out to get alcohol, you're still not even old enough to get it and the guy at the counter is super pervy says mercedes

"That's the only reason he let's me buy it, I guess he has some fantasy about getting underage girls drunk as I tried to make light of the moment because I didn't want to have this conversation right now and I slipped a black hoodie over my head then grabbed my wallet to put it in my pocket "trust me I'm fine babe says zendaya "well now I definitely don't want you to go says mercedes as she reached out and took the wallet from my hoodie pocket "even though you know I hate buying you alcohol, I'll do it this time says mercedes and I smirked up at the beautiful flawless and kind woman in front of me and tried to figure what was going on in that pretty little head "are you doing this to get away from my friends says zendaya

"No, that's not it at all, you know that when I have these bad feelings, there's nothing that will change my mind says mercedes as her eyes were now pleading for me to believe her "please let me do this for you says mercedes and I didn't want to fight it especially when I could see she clearly had no ill will, if this kept her from worrying for even 30 minutes, I'd let it happen "fine mercedes, just promise me you won't take too long says zendaya "and give you and camilla time to catch up without me, you bet your ass I'm going to be rushing back says mercedes as she softly placed her hand on my waist and pulled me into a hug "I promised you a great week and that's what's going to happen says mercedes

I never felt so appreciated in my life, so loved and thought of as a priority, as someone to be protected but also given the same amount of trust to make my own mistakes when I need to and there's nothing that could ruin the way I feel about how my life is going right now

Chapter 34

Once finals began, the feeling of being unwanted in Seattle became incredibly strong, the last good day we had was strangely the day she pranked me ,that was months ago and not one day went by when mercedes and I weren't fighting since then and sometimes we would have little fights about where she wanted to keep things in the pantry,or tiny spats about losing the remote, other times we were fighting over bills or the fact that I got homesick too easily, it seemed like there was this huge sense of tension between us and there were things we needed to talk about and the fear of talking about them and making mercedes mad was unfathomable, feeling her cold shoulder is enough

But seeing her face when she's full of rage makes me want to leave and never turn back although I felt that If I didn't stay I would be seen as a failure or an idiot that fell for Mt high school English teacher, I refuse to be that girl and I wasn't going to college like NY friends and I had no true experience at anything, everything I had now was because of her and that dependence made me feel weak especially since my job search months ago never fully came back with any responses besides being a shitty barista, I couldn't even pull that off and the distance got stronger even in minuscule moments when it would seem like we were making progress

So as of this moment I decided that I've had enough, I couldn't hide in fear and continue to be in a relationship where I couldn't feel comfortable or safe, it was almost as if I was dating Zane again but a more mentally manipulative Zane and maybe she wasn't being manipulative on purpose maybe something deeper was bothering her but none of that could excuse the way she was treating me, I don't like comparing the two but my luck with relationships was the worst, things were much easier when mercedes and I had to hide our relationship and it wasn't satisfying to pretend like we didn't know each other out on the street but every second we spent together meant that much more when we couldn't express our love

Everything is becoming too complicated and I'm worried that if I don't do something about now that I will never be happy and mercedes had been out at the school all afternoon like she usually did on the weekends and she used it as a way to stay away from me as much as possible, at least that's how I saw it in my eyes ,it never fully discussed at that but there was no reason why she couldn't do her work at like every other teacher at that metaphorical kid prison and thinking she'd be gone all day ,I began spot cleaning the house, picking up the heels she laid around the living room and wiping down the kitchen counters and usually cleaning helped calm down the wild thoughts about mercedes and I and I never thought I would enjoy cleaning in my whole fucking life

Before I could really make much of a difference in the mess we allowed ourselves to come home to every day, she walked through the door trying to balance bags of groceries in one arm and a stack of composition notebooks in another "hey baby as I welcomed her home in a soft tone as I opened the fridge to check the dates on our refrigerated food before throwing it out in the trash can in front of me for easy disposal and the silence was deafening and it only got louder as the crinkle from the paper bags filled the empty space where words should've been and she tried to walk passed me to grab a bottle of water but I wouldn't allow her to ignore me and there was something about today and this was the last moment of stillness I could take

I reached out for her hand to get her attention and she turned to glare back at me "what, I see you almost every moment of the day ,do I really need to greet you every time I enter the house says mercedes as the coldness in her voice shocked me so much that I couldn't move or speak and I was in such awe that I was still trying to think about if I wanted to blow up at her or let her talk to me like that and just keep ignoring the harsh tone like I have been. Maybe she's having a bad day, don't make a big deal out of it and I watched as she walked away

I took a deep breath and leaned against the counter, seriously considering letting all of my feelings out ao once or deciding to keep my composure and stay stone cold like she was and I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of calling me a child for blowing up at the first thing I assumed was wrong although she was wrong, I do think she should greet me every time she sees me ,who wants to stay in an awkward silence when someone enters the room. Is this relationship becoming more one sided, why the hell did she just yell at me, I know she knows better than get me worked up, did she forget who my friends are, man this shit wouldn't be happening if Lauren was around, wait no you need to calm down, don't let her get to you, talk to her and tell her how you feel but don't come off as you're confronting her

Thats when the door slammed and the rage broke out of me. Fuck this shit, fuvk being nice, I haven't done anything wrong and I stomped down the hallway and yanked the bedroom door open and her eyes darted at me as she closed one of the composition books and sat it to the side on the bed "do you have a problem with me mercedes as I said storming into the room and my fist were closed and my body was burning up and mercedes smirked raised her brow and took her glasses off ,a thing she usually does to really eye me up and down, usually in a sexual way but lately it's like she's sizing me up for the fight "what do you mean says mercedes "all you do is fight or yell at me, I'm not letting you treat me like this, not anymore says zendaya

The smirk quickly softened and that familiar glare took its place "since when did you get so sensitive, if you can't handle me at my worst then maybe you shouldn't be with me says mercedes and she was trying to push me away but even I had to admit that telling me to leave is extremely harsh and I couldn't let that faze me "oh this is your worst, I wouldn't know, you never want to talk to me about what's wrong, when I bring up something that's triggering it's like you think its because I want to fight when in reality it's because I know how hard it is to deal with shit by yourself says zendaya

"Is this because I didn't want to talk about the Santa Ana trip, what happened is what happened, there's nothing more to talk about says mercedes as she was deflecting and not only that, she was doing what she always does, she lives in the future or so she calls it and she never thinks about the past because it's easier to do that than think about the possibility of her not being a good person "you act like I'm the one letting this affect me, you almost died and now you're a completely different person" and before I could finish my point in this whole argument, mercedes got up from the bed and began collecting things like the stack of books and her purse, it was obviously all she wanted was to get away from me and she couldn't stand to be in the same vicinity as me

Apparently I was the problem here "so you're going to leave because I refuse to, I'm not your student anymore mercedes, you are keeping things from me says zendaya "that's because you're a child, you're too young to understand half of the things that are going on, you're in MY house, I pay the majority of the bills, I buy the groceries and take you wherever you need to go and I basically even put the clothes on your back says mercedes and like always, she was blaming me for her shitty attitude and making me feel as though I was a burden "you would never understand the amount of stress I'm under says mercedes

"I'd never understand because you don't allow me to do any of that ,do you remember telling me that you wanted to take care of me because I've had to take care of myself for years or did I imagine that and you always gave out these little promises and now I wonder if thst was all because you wanted to make sure I would leave everything to be with you" as I was pouring my heart out to her and she pushed passed me Hitting my shoulder to leave the room and headed towards the front of the apartment and when I followed her and turned the corner, u saw her grab the car keys and I wanted to hurt her just as much as she was hurting me "fine, leave, run away says mercedes and mercedes stopped at the door and I continued "just don't expect me to be here when you get back says zendaya

Mercedes turned to show me her face which I expected to be covered in tears that had ruined her perfect makeup but she was still so emotionless towards me and now the numbness I've been so accompanied to was becoming equally as contagious "you'll always be here zendaya, where could you go says mercedes and as always, ms mercedes had the last words as she swiftly walked out the front door leaving me to crumble to pieces wondering if I should truly leave her and focus on my future instead of ours and the problem is that I don't want to let go no matter how toxic this all seems to be and mercedes really made me believe that she loved me maybe she still does and the type of love she is giving me isn't enough and also isn't what I deserve

I turned with blurry eyes and wet to see the picture of her and i took on graduation in a perfect silver frame hanging on a wall near the door and seeing her smile as she holds me close gives me a feeling of comfort but it quickly subsidied when I realized that's all a fantasy now and I grabbed the frame and threw it at the same wall hearing the glass break into thousands of pieces and all if those things I've let her do to me were finally getting to me, the constant secrecy that I had kept for my job at the school was now such a weight on my shoulders that I could barley stand and this was worse than hiding a secret from my friends

All my life would continue to be was a secret and I was invisible and letting mercedes treat me so bad without any warning as to what I'm doing wrong causes darkness to cloud my brain and I started to feel light headed so I did what I could to make it to the couch and I needed to relax because the stress was eating me alive and I prided myself in controlling my own life and destiny and now life was controlling me and I felt so helpless and once my body connected to the couch it was as if the world slowly disintegrating into darkness and my eyes saw the world burn out like a flame to a piece of loose leaf paper

The bad thing about that was that I wasn't scared or worried that I was now in darkness, it swallowed me up in a hug and told me everything was going to be okay, I was a peace, I could walk as far as I wanted into the black fog surrounding me and no matter the direction it felt safe and it felt like the only thing I could confid in and there was no sadness or rage here, I am numb and sadly it only lasted for a few moments to me before I woke up and I don't think I'd ever in my life been so emotional that I would pass out like that and knowing that I have no choice whatsoever, I Sat up on the couch and yawned while wiping the sleep from my eyes

I knew I could go back to sleep and stay numb and that wouldn't change anything in fact it would probably give mercedes another reason to call me lazy and I rose onto my feet and walked towards the back of the house to see if mercedes had came home while I slept last night and to no suprise, she had stayed out all night, the bed was still the disheveled mess that she left it in and it broke my heart to know that she would rather stay away from her own home all night than come around me and now I know how truly unwanted I was in Seattle, I will no longer let another person treat me like shit because they are dealing with their own things and I might seem selfish but I'm also extremely emotionally exhausted

My feet padded on the soft carpeted floor through the short hall that somehow felt like a mile long now, pictures of us lined the walls just like a cheesy hallmark movie leading to our room where I would excitedly wait to sleep with the woman I love ,over to the closet where I kept my clothes with hers and my hands softly filed over her dresses and shirts before coming back to reality and pulling my suitcase from the top of the closet, then I began rummaging through to grab the clothes I own and I sloppily packed every shirt and dress outfits into a duffle and suitcase and decided to leave absolutely everything else, anything I was leaving behind were things from my past that I now no longer wanted to remember

After gathering my things ,I ordered an Uber to take me to the school and hopefully mercedes somehow would be hiding in her classroom grading papers on the weekend and if not I'd leave a note and tell her goodbye and there was no way I was going to search for mercedes all over Seattle after the way she's treated me

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