#but when theyre with her.. they dare to hope. dare to dream. and fuck.. its actually working
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#shit that makes me insane#4x19#5x21#penelope garcia#aaron hotchner#derek morgan#cm caps#cm parallels#she really is... the light of their lives kajshdlkjgas#like... i think theres something so special about hotch and derek (and eventually emily) being the ones to say this to her#bc theyve been... engulfed by darkness. steeped in misery. and they had all accepted that as their fate#but there she is.. finding the beauty in each of them... filling them with a warmth a love a joy that they thought they didnt deserve anymor#but when theyre with her.. they dare to hope. dare to dream. and fuck.. its actually working#whether or not she knows what she's doing.. her love is saving them#no matter what fucked up shit they go through they can look at her and be reminded that theres good in the world#'pure' is too.. otherworldly. its not that. its so fucking human and thats what makes it so fucking special#im gonna jump off a cliff askjhdlkajgsf
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Obsession Part 2
I'm gonna be real, I'm not thrilled with either of these, but theyre very feel goody to write
part 1
“What the fuck are you doing here?”
Dream let out a noise that can only be described as ‘God, strike me now’. “Just when I thought the crappy punch was the most disgusting thing here,” he snapped, throwing back the last of his beer in hopes of dulling his growing headache.
George scoffed, downing a swig of his own drink and leaning back against the wall- entirely too close to Dream for his own liking, but he didn’t have much choice. Dream was here for the same reason he was: this was the best spot to watch you dance with your little dorm friends. “Insults? What are we, in middle school? You’re pathetic.”
“... You look good.”
George chuckled at the unspoken question. “Yeah, razor blades in the soap bar is such an amateur move, I almost felt bad for you.” Dream simply clicked his tongue. “Speaking of, I saw your car out front.”
“Neighbor asked how I found such a dedicated mechanic. You really couldn’t get in, cut my brakes, and get out without being seen? Sounds like you’re the amateur.”
“Are you kidding me? I scaled that fence in under ten seconds, easy. In and out in a minute, only thing I didn’t account for was you living next to a damn Karen.”
Dream peeled his eyes off you for the first time that night to raise an eyebrow. “How’d you get in the garage, anyway?”
George let out a snicker as he swirled his drink around in its plastic cup. “Oh, yeah, I had to break open the back window. Might wanna get that fixed, the frame cracked easier than an egg.”
“You’re such a cocky little bastard. You really think my baby would like such a creep?”
“My darling told me herself how much she likes my ingenuity. What she’d never like is some meathead-”
“Oh, I’m a meathead, am I? Funny, ‘cause she was just telling me she loves my emotional intelligence.”
“Please, you wrote her a few frilly poems- that’s practically nothing compared to how much I’ve helped her with coursework.”
“You just can’t take a hint, can you? I feel bad for you, so I’ll tell you straight: she’s using you. She’d be stupid not to take advantage-”
George’s blade dug into Dream’s side, hidden from the horde of drunks by his sleeve. “Don’t you dare insult her!”
“-of a smarmy, pathetic-”
“Hey, knock it off!”
They both snapped to attention at your beautiful voice, filled with far more resentment than you’d ever used with them. There you were, as gorgeous as ever in your favorite dress, pushing away some drunk, insignificant, unworthy frat boy who dared to touch your perfect body.
“He’s mine,” Dream growled out without a second thought, seeing red as you (always too sweet, too kind) tried to push the insect away gently, only to have him push up against you again. He was already fantasizing about how satisfying it would be to feel the crack of bones under his hand, and how with each fracture he’d reiterate don’t touch what’s mine.
“I’ve got her.” George couldn’t believe how he could let this happen. He should have clocked the drunk as soon as he was within arm’s reach of you. He wanted to blame Dream for distracting him, maybe cut him up a bit to relieve some tension, but that was the easy way out. He should have been watching you, protecting you. This couldn’t happen again.
He came up behind you and wrapped long fingers around your wrist, spinning you to face him. “Hey, luv,” he chirped, covering up the choking sound as Dream wrapped his arm around the bastard’s neck and hauled him away the second your back was turned.
“Georgie!” He nearly moaned as you wrapped your arms around him, stumbling in your heels and pressing against him for stability. “I didn’t know you were- oh, Georgie, this is-” You visibly blanked when you turned around and the man wasn’t there. “Where’d he go?”
“I think you’ve been drinking too much, darling,” George hummed into your ear, one hand on your waist to keep you steady and against him as the other plucked your cup out of your hand. He took a small, testing sip and felt his blood boil. “That cunt spiked it? He’s gonna fucking wish we turned him in to the cops.”
“Hey,” you slurred with a giggle, hands pressed against his chest giving a tug on his shirt. “That’s mine, silly. I- can I-” You whined when the words wouldn’t come out, crashing your forehead down on his collarbone, snuggling into his neck. God, you were close. Your breath washed over his neck as you sighed, blood rushing through his veins practically under your lips. What he wouldn’t do-
No. He’d gotten distracted once tonight, it wouldn’t happen again.
“Oops,” he mumbled out dryly as he let the plastic cup fall to the floor, giving it a kick to make sure everything spilled out and started soaking into the carpet. He was confident absolutely no one would notice the stain among the others. “Why don’t we get you back to your dorm, and you can have a drink there, okay?” That drink was going to be a bottle of water he personally checked over for tampering, but you didn’t need to know that.
“But I love this song,” you hummed, jerking away from him so suddenly he had to tighten his grip to keep you upright. “Ooh, dance with me, Georgie!”
You moved like sin in that tight dress, but he steeled his nerves and guided you towards the front door. “Let’s dance outside, luv. Come on, this way.” You caught sight of the punch bowl and started changing direction. “No- okay, new plan,” George huffed. He grabbed your hand and twirled you, making you cheer, and promptly threw you over his shoulder.
“Whoooa! I’m so high up, Georgie! You’re so tall!”
“Sure am, darling.” He tried his absolute damnedest to keep his hands respectful. You were going to be sober when he touched you intimately for the first time- sober and begging for it. But your skirt was scooching up with every step, and the only way to stop it was a hand just barely under your ass. He thought if you were having a similar issue with the top and decided he might have to kill everyone there just to make sure they didn’t see you like that and live. Probably only a couple of hundred people in the house who would have to die. He could live with those numbers. Except Dream’s nostrils flared when he saw George carrying you, so he thought he might not live to get the job done. “Drink was salty,” he relayed, and just like that Dream’s anger was put back on the bastard they let get to you.
“Put her down-”
“Dreamy?” You tried to twist around, and it made it harder for George to hold you, so he complied, biting his tongue as you ran into Dream’s chest. “Hi, Dreamy! Georgie and I are gonna dance- dance with us!”
“Oh no, baby, we’re gonna get you home,” he purred, rubbing your back with one hand and yanking your skirt down with the other. “Come on, you can sit up front-”
“Is that safe?”
“Did you fix it since I got at it?”
“I just replaced the brakes yesterday.”
“Did you fuck with anything else?”
George sighed in relief. “Alright. You heard him, luv, go on.”
They watched you falter at his words, spinning around. “You’re coming, too… right?” They looked at each other, wondering how much longer they could be within arms reach without killing each other. “Come on, Georgie-” You gasped, falling against Dream and smacking his chest. “We can have a sleepover! Slumber party! Oh, please, Dreamy, please!”
“How could I say no to you, sweetheart?” “Especially when you say my name so pretty, begging for me so nice.” “Just climb in, baby, we’re gonna have a nice slumber party.”
You fell asleep less than halfway home. Barely stirred as Dream carried you in and George took off your shoes to put you in bed.
“What the fuck are you doing,” George hissed, breath catching in his throat as you groaned in your sleep, but unable to let Dream get away scot-free.
“Shut the fuck up, you’re just mad you didn’t think of it first.” Your dorm key was easy to find, one of three things in the tiny purse you took partying, and Dream kept a quick mold kit in his glove box just in case. “Besides, we both know you’re gonna lift this off me, then I’ll strangle you to get it back, etcetera, etcetera.”
“Ooh, that’s a big word for you.” Dream replaced your key and slipped the kit into his back pocket to free up his hands to offer George a double middle-finger salute. “Charming. If you’re done…” He motioned to the door, making sure it was locked behind them. They walked in silence back to Dream’s car, but George broke the peace as he leaned back against the hood. “So what happened to the prick?”
Dream let out a deep sigh, leaning against the driver’s side door. “Couldn’t kill him,” he mourned. “Too many people saw us leave together.”
“He spiked lovely’s drink.” His voice was thick in disgust as he started flicking his knife open and closed- he needed to make something bleed.
“Broke his nose,” Dream mused like he hadn’t heard. His voice was quiet as he thought back, trying to recall all the cracks he heard. “Dislocated shoulder- left. The arm he kept putting around her. Broke a few toes when I stomped on his foot…” He pulled a student I.D. card out of his front pocket. “And swiped this and a few hundred bucks.” He let George snatch it, blade glinting in the streetlamp as he started flicking it faster, practicing basic tricks- warming up. Dream watched the blade move with practiced precision, rolling over George’s wrist without the slightest mark left behind.
“... I’ll share him for a copy of baby’s schedule.”
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my worst fear is demetri and hawk getting together, but through an outing or cheating storyline. theyre very common tropes and i know yasmine is definitely gonna pose a problem to their relationship at some point.
I know right!!! Like I’m not a big Yasmine fan (still not really inclined to forgive her for all that shit she pulled in Season 1 just because she’s like...being slightly nicer to Demetri, and no one else?), but it kinda sucks to think about even HER getting mixed up and hurt in the mess of these two boys very much convinced they’re Big Straight finally coming to terms with their sexualities. Like I get realizing you’re gay or bi can be messy, ESPECIALLY at a high school like the kids go to where you can get picked on for literally ANYTHING, but no one deserves to be essentially used as a Beard, even if it’s unintentional. And having Demetri cheat on Yas with Eli would just be so...ugh, for so many reasons. Like for one, they’re already DONE the cheating thing with the whole Robby x Sam x Miguel x Tory thing...we don’t need ANOTHER cheating storyline just to create interesting romantic drama. And it’s not like gay cheating is all that different from straight cheating at its core, so it’s not like it would be that fresh or interesting of a take on the whole cheating plotline anyways.
Besides, the cheating plot often just...isn’t very fun to watch a lot of the time, because you’re just facepalming at all these characters just making very dumb and selfish decisions instead of like...communicating? Like I love these characters but it’s harder to root for them when I see them cheating on their SOs, since that’s just like...such a shitty thing to do, even if said SO isn’t my fave. I can kinda forgive the Samiguel cheating thing, considering they were both drunk and all and it was a bit of a spur of the moment deal, but consciously and repeatedly cheating on your girlfriend with your best guy friend just because you’re too scared to admit to yourself you’re gay??? Nah, fuck that. Like you don’t have to publicly announce you’re into guys or anything, but leave leading girls on out of it!!!! If you’d really rather secretly bang/kiss a guy, then dump your girlfriend and then continue to secretly bang/kiss said guy!!! It’s just...SO crappy to use someone as a cover-up like that, and it would make me lose a lot of sympathy for Demetri if he did. And it would FRUSTRATE me too, like??? If you want Eli so bad, break up with Yaz then??? Sure, it might lose him some of the popularity points he seems to enjoy, but that’s better than staying with someone you’ve lost the spark with just so you can go behind their back.
I’m honestly hoping if Yasmine is used in a Demetri/Eli plot, she’ll be there to kinda represent what Demetri THINKS he should want vs. what he ACTUALLY wants (i.e. Eli). Like Yasmine’s the ideal girlfriend, social status-wise--gorgeous, popular, sexy, doesn’t take shit from anyone since she’s at the top of the food chain (or at least seems to still think she is). In a way, she represents everything Demetri has ever wanted--acceptance, adoration, the respect of his peers, the power that comes from being near The Top, wherever “The Top” really is. So when he starts dating her, he just has to wonder why he feels so...unfulfilled? Why he’s not as happy as he always dreamed he would be when the day finally came that Yasmine looked his way? And he hates himself for it, but he finds half the time he spends time with her, listening to her talk about manicures and dresses and designer bags, he wishes he was with Eli instead, watching Doctor Who. It makes him wonder if being with a rich girl isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And that little tingle he gets in his chest whenever the newly-mellowed-out Hawk/Eli starts excitedly rambling about “nerd shit” again, just like he used to...is that normal? Why does he find himself caring more about Eli’s opinions of him than his own girlfriend? It’s fucking weird.
After a while of finding himself more and more focused on Eli, and rapidly running out of things to actually TALK about with Yasmine, Demetri does like...the practical thing, and ends things with Yaz, realizing he liked the idea of her better than he actually liked her. Yaz is probably pretty fine with it, too, since I imagine at this point, she’s realized her and Dem don’t really have enough in common to keep a relationship going. Like Demetri is a smart guy--it might throw him off to realize he only liked Yasmine because of the idealized picture he painted himself of her, and the pedestal he put her on, but I think he’d come to terms with this sooner than people think and wouldn’t just like...be in such rampant denial about not actually liking Yasmine that much that he refuses to break up with her. Self-denial is Hawk’s thing, not Demetri’s XD Demetri has always more or less embraced who he is, geekiness and all, and hasn’t ever really felt the need to deny who he is. He often makes a point of saying exactly what he thinks and feels, no matter how unwise, so he’s pretty in-touch with himself. I feel like if he realized his relationship with Yaz wasn’t everything he’d hoped for, he might be a bit bummed, sure--it always sucks when something you’ve been striving for for a long time doesn’t meet your expectations, and turned out to be better in your mind. But ultimately, if Demetri realized he wasn’t that into Yaz, I feel like he would eventually just accept that as a part of himself and move forward with his life accordingly.
And literally ALL of this introspection can happen without him ONCE cheating on Yasmine with Eli, ffs
I think it would be nice if dating Yasmine is a way for Demetri to have to question what it is he really wants, and what he’s actually looking for in a partner. And, of course, question whether he ACTUALLY even likes girls...because why is being with this hot girl barely doing anything for him at all??? Why isn’t he constantly filled with excitement and unending horniness??? What is going on here??? But even then, like, there’s just...NO reason for him to cheat. I feel like realizing you’re gay provides enough angst and drama in of itself without having to have a gay love affair behind your girlfriend’s back. Throwing in cheating to the whole gay realization would almost make it like...comedically overdramatic, because it 100% reads as “Oh, look at this dramatic thing! What if we made it even MORE dramatic??? For...DRAMA???” Besides, I just really don’t want them to make Demetri into a cheater For The Drama. He’s a good, loyal kid who drinks Respect Women juice every day (I mean...Moon and Sam are two of his closest friends, ffs! And he’s never once been creepy with or tried to hit on either!), so him cheating is a no from me, dawg.
Like Cobra Kai, if y’all wanna use Yas/metri as a means of pushing us closer to eventual Hawkmetri, fine. But please do it SMART. Yasmine absolutely doesn’t need to get cheated on for Demetri to realize within that relationship that he’s not (or not JUST) into girls. Dare to be different, Cobra Kai!!! Say “no thank you” to the Gay Cheating cliche and “yes thank you” to Demetri realizing he’s gay (or bi) in a more interesting, nuanced way that doesn’t totally screw Yasmine over for no reason!
#hawk x demetri#demetri x eli#binary boyfriends#hawkmeat#eli x demetri#demetri x hawk#elimetri#demetri cobra kai#eli moskowitz#hawk#yasmine cobra kai#cobra kai#cobra kai season 3#cobra kai season 4
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An Innocent Sin & the good gay flashback ft. my descent into madness
I wasn’t sure if I should post this but I mostly want it archived so here we go. This is from like,, September?
So. “An Innocent Sin” is a dumpster fire unlike anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t remember why I decided to read it. maybe I was crazy. Either way... I read it. It soon started to touch upon (very very outlandish) sexual abuse which I thought was interesting. (the angst, not so much some of the wack circumstances surrounding it)
ANYWAY. at some point... we have a flashback. And not just that. It has a gay character.
And it turns rly gay. which mind you, is still in a het smut manwha (that has a “gay” side couple, but still!)
And it destroyed me.
For those who want to read it because I genuinely think the flashback is a decent bit, it’s all the bonus chapters between chapter 77 and 78 I think. There’s a part before that too, but idk where exactly anymore. (It’s on lezhin! or your platform of choosing)
I don’t THINK you’ll need any other knowledge to get the flashback bit? but it’s been a while.
Below the cut (rip mobile users), you can read all of my amazing reactions (all of these were text messages, for context - but I took most of the replies and convos about other things out). Post is also tagged as long post. :))
(i’m serious, this is fucking long)
__________
Here I am. Liking the gay flashback character. Feck. Main dude is still straight but idk it's cute pff
This is a mess. The girl white hair likes, likes black hair, maybe, but thinks white hair is attractive
What just happened is sth I'd like to know too pff
He's so cute tho omg. Watch me melt
Can we stay in this flashback before everything got perverted af and before white hair gets assaulted all the time
I would send an eyebrow emote if I could
Context: he's asking he says it again
Ik it's not mutual but loookkk he's so sweet. He's kinda rude in present time, can't we stay in this flashback forever
I never asked for gay, never expected gay but I got gay
This story is trash why am I still reading it shdhhd
He caught his mom cheating. And now she's forcing him to watch??? What is thissss
Well adoptive mom
But still sudhdidu what
Bitch how dare YOU exist
Save my babyyyy
Yay sister that's not yet a rapist to the rescueee
This flashback is actually just nicer in every way let's just stay here
This is a super long flashback btw
Idek anymore what triggered it
Okay I think I'm gonna make the sensible decision and let this dumpster fire rest and just go sleep
It was very wild. I kinda wanna see white hair get therapy but it has 90 chapters and I'm at like 30... So I'm very concerned this is gonna be very dragged out. Idek if it's even finished ahahsududi - but I do kinda wanna see where it goes and see more cute Noah (white hair) so. Here we are.
yeahhh like i was down for the sexual abuse angst but then the mother killed the adoptive son's mother bc the dad had a thing for her?? and it was someone a person studying with white hair knew and so he's investigating and I'm like
how did this turn into a crime organisation kind of plot
hhhhhhh i... i appreciate these horny things also tackling abuse but it always kind of gives me weird vibes to have both, especially when its very horny. And when people are horny to people who've been abused. Idk but I'd assume... you might try NOT to tie them up if they're frequently bondaged during their assaults. I'm just.... disjdksdj hello?? am i weird?? why are they fine with it???
also this manwha is so wild, theres this murder mystery investigation thing and then theres just a couple doing honry stuff sprinkled in between and i'm like OKAY
they rescued a guy in their basement and he's understandably very traumatized and they're trying to question him cut to our main couple trying bondage which i still dont understand bECAUSE HE'S A RAPE VICITM WHY ARE YOU OKAY WITH THIS
the ones questioning arent the main couple of course but
idshkjds
like im glad he's somehow okay with all this horny stuff despite his trauma and im glad he can be happy and have a nice relationship but DO WE NEED THIS MUCH OF IT
he's very cute tho
i like that even when i try other stuff lezhin recommends me it still has large amount of gay in it
[mei: i mean... that's pretty great, if you ask me]
I mean I agree, I'm enjoying the gay eheheh
these tonal whiplashes
there's not even that much white space between the panels fhjd
nvm it just turned horny
goddamn it
can there be 1 chapter without fucking?
okay, there were the flashbacks
WE ARE BACK IN FLASHBACKS
but im not getting the gay relationship, sad
OH WAIT
AM I GETTING GAY COMFORT bc thats very good too
OH NNOOO this turned sad very quickly
I'M SORRY IM SPAMMING BUT THIS IS JUST ANGSTY
I'M :((((
different species confirmed
I rly like them :((( I like the current girl too but it's just..... very horny with her. the flashbacks are nice [current tori edit: she’s very unloyal idk why i said I liked her]
im weird
HHHHH RIPPP
someone help him he looks so saddddd
not sure if thats the most healthy relationship but I'LL TAKE IT
AWWW black hair's mom cooks mild food for them bc Noah can't eat spicy food :((( im soft
PFFF
I LOVE THE FLASHBACKS :(((
awww
i feel like theyve done much more bonding than noah's current relationship. I mean yes I think its cute when she comforts him, too, but they rarely do anything besides be horny together
OH
OH THEY'RE KISSING
best buildup, honestly
the position is hornier than I'd like later here goes hope it stays cute
D-did someone just respect the word "stop"???
I am
amazed
i think you might uh. have some trauma stuff too so yknow
Dohye is a little dramatic in his reassurance but it's all rly cute so I'm :(( I like them a lot pls stay like this
getting invested in flashbacks is always like: ik it wont stay but pls stay like this
hELP
chapters ending in "i wanna touch him" is never good. I'm scared.
Oh okay he didnt do anything. PHEW. He's already better than the girl, can't they just end up together lmao
[Noah was jealous]
w-why do you look so evil dohye haukdhjs
oh. oh no. the horny is starting. pls dont... just be cute forever
DOHYE
NO
YOU WERE SO DECENT
WHY ARE YOU LYING ABOUT KOREAN TRADITIONS TO GET HIM TO DO STUFF
HORNY STUFF TOO NO PLS STOP
I JUST-
WHEEE TvT
the manwha is actually less visually horny in the flashbacks but im not sure if its bc its BL which isnt rly the genre of the manwha or if its bc they're still kids basically, which... I'd respect the latter, tho I'd prefer it to be like this constantly haha
okay. he's not respecting stop anymore, but it's also more of embarrassed nature more than "no i dont want this stop" so maybe i can forgive it. Still losing points, but he hugged him and it was sweet so HHHHHHHHHHH NOT SURE HOW I SHOULD JUDGE THIS SITUATION
They [Noah’s family] forbid him to visit his friends house I AM DEVASTATED
understandable they're a rapist, a fucked up murderer mother and a father with a thing for younger women so
tho he dont know any of that but yknow
he's so pretty just fucking end me on the spot
hooo
they are boyfriends
and ik from the future that his sister is gonna ruin it allll
she has those drugs that make visual imaginations feel like they rly happened to the person (dont know if thats real but holy fuck its terrifying) and she's used it before to say that Noah assualted her. and im pretty sure shes gonna use it again bc there was a panel of Noah remembering Dohye being uhhhh intimate with her and thats why Noah began to hate him and im so sad im not ready for it. bc he's denied it in the future and i honestly couldnt see it happening even before that
or she drugged Dohye, i guess thats a possibility too
[current tori: oh girl, it’s neither and it’s wack]
which if, btich you gonna die even more
enough rambling, more reading. this makes me so sad but also spicy
on the manwha note, he thinks Noah doesnt like his family bc he's adopted and doesnt feel comfy which....... fair enough i suppose. and he's so cute im gonna melt just looK AT THIS
SHUt UP, IM GONNA CRY
OH MY GODDDD
he ate like ice and gum and all that, and Dohye assumed it was bc of the more spicy food and got rl worried, but he was just trying to get the smell out of his breath bc he wanted to kiss him ukhsdjs HOW CAN YOU BE SO CUTE
HELLLOOOOOOOOO
look at them. LOOK AT mY BABIESSSS
how am i ever gonna care about the main couple again
aww he-he wanted to go to the same highschool as him :((( im sad bc i know its not gonna happennnnnn
[mei: also at this point, you're literally never gonna care about them. i don't even know the main couple that well and i honestly don't care about them whatsoever.]
WAIT NO
they're actually going to the same school awww
ik it wont take long until sister fucks it up for them but
for now theyre so sweet ohmygodddd
cant he move in with them, fuck his family honestly
dohye he's not a fucking pokemon iukhsdjs
oh. its. turning horny
i am
displeased with this development but i guess its natural for their relationship
however
COULD YOU DO IT AT HOME AND NOT IN SOME DUSTY SMALL ROOM
how do ppl do this
i like that the comments too are just "... is anyone still carng about the other girl?"
sakjds
this is the best 3 panels in existence.
h-he just took your hand dohye idk what to tell you
[mei: "you blush at everything i do" god if that isn't me, idk what is]
awww its cute
dohye is getting bonus points bc he invited Noah over while his mom wasnt home, they watched some sexual stuff and he DIDNT try to do anything
what is this
where can i get more of this
"well im not okay"
MY BABIESSSS
they still didnt do much btw they're just kinda exploring and its honestly nice TvT I dont want this to ever endddd
[Dohye sees Noah’s sister and approaches her] N O
N OOOO
this is the starttttt of something.......... TERRIBLEEEE
:((( babyyyy
I AM EMO
Noah was drugged im sure. hes having dreams and waking up in pain
and the sister is asking doyhe over
I DONT LIKE THISSSSSSS
OH
HE DECLINED
OKAY OKAY
he saw him with her again but it was from behind and im not sure if it rly happened???
oh no this is terrible. Noah :((( poor child
i am so emo
about this
[reminder he’s been abused TvT]
[the sister: “Don’t you want to know why?”]
i will. murder someone
he called to ask her to delete his number btw
what is this manwha
but this is just gonna make it that more tragic when whatever happens that breaks them apart :(((
he's such a good bf but Noah just wont TELL him his side I'M SO SAD
I AM SO SAD
No
NO
It cant end
im actually tearing up nooo you were so cuteeee and happpyyy
[*sister is telling dohye to come to the gym hall*]
what else is she gonna do
she already teared [current tori: ahem... T O R E] them apart
THAT'S NOT DOYhE. THATS NEVER HIM. OH MY GOD. is it a look alike??? damn, she's dedicated to just. ruining it, huh
I’M
I’M SO SAD
now he's switching SCHOOLS
NO
NOOOOO
how will i ever find happiness againnnn
NO
they're misunderstanding further
they're not talking properly
i mean i get it but oh my god
I'M :(((
NO
NOOOO
pls make up in the future at least omg
he tried to clear it up tooo ahhh
i dont even have hopes for them getting back together but i just
i want them to clear it up
im crying
first manwha to make me cry and it's this dumpster fire ahaha
maybe a little too bc it kinda hit a little close to home i guess
but goddamnn ittttt
they were so cuteee and so happy and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
OH NO. Noahs getting drugged and assaulted. And he's realizing it happened before, he just forgot. I am. so sad
it's not horny drawn either which i appreciate
but MY HEART
NO
N O
DONT YOU DARE MAKE THIS WORSE
Im. gonna cry more
Doyhe kept an eye on him im so emo :(( but he thought he was doing well enough and gave up.... Im
im so sad
no
i want you to make up and get back together its all just a stupid........... MEHHHH
will i ever find sth like this flashback again
[mei: p-probably not, no]
i am
so devasted
i dont even wanna go back to the main couple just fucking. i want this relationship back :(((( but i guess the investigation might end up somewhere so hhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhh
the baker manwha had a similar flashback feeling so. i just gotta find more of that haha
BUT THIS WAS SO SAD???
im so emo
[Dohye got kidnapped // the flashback commentary stops here but I think my descend into madness is pretty funny too]
OH YEAH THAT HAPPENED. THE FLASHBACK WAS SO LONG I FORGOT. NOOOO
SAVE HIM.
JESUS CHRIST PLS JUST ONE GOOD THING
its. actually rly smart to have another, more focused on them flashback, before the arc where he gets kidnapped by the rapist murder household
so. good job. from a meta perspective
but also
NO
but also. maybe theres hope for them making up at least after all :(((
[main couple kissing]
this is. very weird now. but im glad he has someone, he deserves it
but dohyeeeee
and switching to sex, YET AGAIN
now i wanna see this EVEN LESS THAN I DID BEFOREEEE
it's even.... a threesome now with one of the other characters
why are you like this
why can't you be. like in the flashback
i am
so upset
HAHHHHH WHEEEZEEEE
I am just
stop fucking
jesus christ
PLEASE
I DONT WANNA SEE IT ANYMOREEEEE
im just
stop the horny
pls
just
tell me who that new guy is and why doyhe likes him so much
[mei: this manwha is a fucking mess but at least we got your lovely commentary out of it]
dhsuksj thanks i feel honored
at least i got cute BL out of it before everything went [back] to shit
[mei: THAT TOO]
[...]
tbh im getting kinda mad about doyhe... i dont... feel like he'd just fall instantly for a guy who looks like Noah... but eh not my character
i just want closure for dohye at this point, fuck everything else
... not literally pls theres already too much of that
pls
get it together
for like 1 chapter
is the investigation even still happening i am so confused
save dohye
plEASE
wait what i have less than 10 episodes left
Dont tell me
this shit isnt even wrapped up yet
[Dohye is having a breakdown over the Noah double not coming to see him anymore]
yeah i
this... doesnt feel like Dohye... at all... Even when Noah was rejecting him he was just kind of... taking it with some humor and maybe he was a little desperate and risky sometimes but...
oh well...
i do want him to get better but... im having a hard time believeing this development??? he never seemed overly anxious or anything. but who knows what else they did to him.
Sister can still go fuck off tho
[...]
i mean. i liked the flashbacks a lot honestly??? it stayed simple and focused on the dynamics and less trying to balance smut with murder plots
[dm partner: NO THAT'S WHAT I MEAN LIKE CLEARLY THE AUTHOR CAN MAKE A GOOD STORY SO I'M JUST... CONFUSED AS TO WHY THEY DIDN'T STICK WITH SOME SOFT, FLUFFY BL ROMANCE MANWHA AND DECIDED TO MAKE WHATEVER THIS IS INSTEAD ]
okay
i dont care
bc dohye is currently getting assaulted
nobody asked for this
why
i just. this is terrible. he was... so sweet. he doesnt deserve this. nobody does of course but jesus christ pls someone save him
at least its not horny visually, one saving grace
ah... the assult is back to being depicted horny-ly
thank you for nothing
[... removed some general confusion about the plot]
YES. SOME SHIP FOOD.
i am. suffering
i mean i cant stop but GOD
okay so apparantly. the sister. has just an arsenal of people who look like other people
Dohye, then Noah... and even Noah's GF???
this is ridiculous??
one good message
why
did you feel
the need
to
add
that
[actual tired rage]
im gonna die
this manwha is gonna kill me
im laughing but im suffering
oh hes
arrested
great
and thats the end
and the last update was in january of this year
why
AS IN
NOAH IS ARRESTED
nobody who actually did anything is arrested
What is this
why is this
AHHH
I
at least wanted the complete-ness of finishing this but now I'M JUST SUFFERING
[ mei: I MEAN TO BE FAIR I'D BE SUFFERING TOO BC JUST... WHAT THE FUCK
I HAVE?? MANY QUESTIONS?? AND MANY CONCERNS BC THIS MANWHA IS JUST... AN EXPERIENCE ]
its an experience allright
WELL
_______________
yup that’s it.
in my head, in a twist of events Dohye and Noah make up and are actual endgame. Something like that must exist out there but I won’t ask because it’d destroy the surprise and ruin the point.
That’s it.
Have a nice day.
#an innocent sin#dohye x noah#noah x dohye#long post#tori talks#tori has opinions#reactions#yes I do this often in our dms#poor mei#toriqueue
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Fluff 11 or Random 23? 🥰
Hello my wonderful darling human! I am eternally sorry I took so long to get this to you. I was writing a test and then I had a headache and there was a looottt going on but I hope you'll forgive me and the fic will make up for it! I managed to get both into this fic (kind of). I edited one a bit.
It is a surprise, to me and probs you, that I didn't write Jercy for this??? I know I'm dying from the shock too. But here you go my love!
Masterlist for more crackships and other stuff
Fluff 11: “Are you flirting with me?” “You finally noticed?”
Random 23: “I’m bulletproof…but please, don’t shoot me.”
Piper McLean is buzzing with energy, chaotic, vibrant energy. It's like an electric beat in her veins and she can't help but bounce with it. Today she is finally going to tell her best friend of four years, finally going to admit what everyone else already knew. A shuffling from behind her catches her flitting attention.
"Hello Miss McQueen," Brown curls and a troublemaker's grin step into her bedroom.
"Hello Leo," She sighs softly, hugging him.
"How are you and why do you look like your fight or flight instinct has been activated?"
"I'm gonna do it." She took a deep breath, "I'm gonna tell her today."
Those warm brown eyes widen, "Really?"
"Yes." Her nod is firm, "I can't keep dancing around it and I need to know."
The grin she is met with could make fires dim with its brightness, "I'm so proud of you!"
"Thank you," She squeezes her friend, pouring all her gratitude into the hug.
"And hey," He pulls back to look into her, "It's gonna be amazing."
She doesn't let him see her tears of hope and gratefulness.
An hour later she pulls up to a house in a quiet neighborhood and disrupts the peace with the loud hoot of her car.
"Ay yo WiseGirl," She bellows, "If you don't get your cute butt out here I'm not getting you taco bell on the way home."
There is a crash from inside and then the door is flinging open and blonde curls are flying towards her car.
"How dare you bribe me with taco bell!" Annabeth Chase gasps, flopping into the front seat with a glare.
Piper smiles innocently, "When I think of another way to drag you from your books I'll stop."
Her friend huffs, "How do you even know I was working?"
"Let's see," She holds up her fingers to count, "I'm one of your two best friends and Percy is with Jason so that rules out him. It's a Saturday afternoon which means you'll be doing next week's work because you finished last week's stuff yesterday night. I know you're not hanging with you family because you told me yesterday theyre going to the park. Oh and you have pen streaks on your fingers."
"I hate you."
"Lies and propaganda," She grins and then they're hugging each other.
"So what are we doing today?"
"We," Piper wiggles her eyebrows, "Are going laser tagging."
"Hell yes!" Annabeth squeals, high fiving her friend.
"Figured you'd enjoy it. You like any opportunity to pin me down."
"You know it McLean."
They arrive at LaserTaser some minutes later and Annabeth clambers out of the car, racing towards the building.
Piper sucks in a deep breath, trying to steel her nerves.
"You coming BeautyQueen?"
And then she's running after her friend, determined to have a goodtime.
"Hi," They smile at the front desk employee and friend.
"You two are back here?" Nico di Angelo sighs, but they can see the twinkle in his black eyes.
"What can we say Di Angelo," She smirks, "We can't get enough of your charming personality."
He snorts and rings up their request, "More like the only way you can play handsy without getting in trouble."
Piper goes bright red and she looks down, unaware of Annabeth's ruby ears and cheeky smile.
"You know where everything is. Try not to jump through a nonexistent window again."
"That was one time Nico," Annabeth groans, "How was I supposed to know the glass I was seeing was a reflection of water?"
"Maybe," He looks at her dramatically, "Just maybe we can feel before we jump?"
Piper laughs as her friend flips him the bird and stalks off.
"Goodluck Miss McLean!" He smiles, "She's going to give you hell today."
"What's new?" The sparkle in her eyes reflects rainbows as she turns away.
"Are you coming Pipes? Or you just gonna chat up MagicBoy over there?"
"You jealous Chase?"
"I'm gay!" Nico yells.
"Shut up both of you and let's do this."
Pipee waves goodbye to their little Italian friend and joins Annabeth by the gear station. Finally they're all set up and ready to annihilate one another.
"You look delicious WiseGirl," She surveys her friend, distressed Jean-shorts and her white crop top almost completely covered by the heavy vests they have to wear. But it's the determined gleam in her grey eyes and the escaping blonde curls tied in an I-mean-business ponytail that Piper is really focusing on.
Annabeth sets those intimidating storms on her, "I hope you're ready to lose."
"I'm ready to comfort you when you do."
"As if," Her friend takes one step closer.
"Watch me Chase," She mirrors her.
"Oh I plan to," They're so close now those blonde curls are brushing against her cheeks.
"Scared?"
"Only in your dreams." She scoffs.
"That's not all you're doing in my dreams."
Annabeth barks out a laugh, "Kinky bitch. Are you flirting with me right now?"
"You finally noticed?"
"We do not have time for this BeautyQueen."
"Hey you two," Nico shouts from the otherside of the room, "Either make out or start playing. I have other customers waiting."
"Shut up Di Angelo," They both yell. And then they slip into the dark room, put on their 3D glasses and press the giant red button that starts the game.
"Goodluck McLean," Annabeth's smile is wicked.
"Same to you."
The room plunges into complete blackness before neon lights slowly flicker on. The room is tilting and projecting in front of Piper's eyes as she attempts to make her way to a safer spot. Playing normal laser tag is a feat in itself but playing 3D tag, gods she always comes out feeling like she stepped onto Venus.
A shuffling from some way away grabs her attention and she slowly, cautiously tiptoes towards the sound. She spots a dark figure running towards a barrel and with a secret smile aims her gun and shoots.
The beeping goes off and a long string of curse words follow.
"Rethinking your strategy WiseGirl?"
"I'm going to get you for that," Is the snarky reply.
Piper quickly makes her way to the little hut on the far side of the room while her opponent is indisposed. She has about thirty seconds before Annabeth can participate again. Slamming into the wood that looked much further away than it was she bites down a scream and crouches under the low roof. She can hear her friend on the other side stalking through various boxes and barrels, so she takes a deep breath and let's down her guard. Her shoulder is throbbing and she knows she's going home with yet another bruise from this cursed place. Why on earth do they insist on coming here without padding?
She can feel a presence from behind her and before she can react her vest is beeping, red lights flashing all over it.
"Dammit Chase!"
"Not my fault you were daydreaming."
"I was actually trying to see how bad my bruise was.
"Aw poor baby," Piper can hear her friend's pout and her heart skips a beat.
"Did you smack into the hut again?"
She frowns, "This is not funny. My shoulder is permanently blue."
"Come here you darling thing."
"How do I know you're not gonna shoot?"
"You're bulletproof right now, but I promise I won't."
Piper mulls it over for a second before getting up from her cramped position and feeling her way to her friend. Her hand knocks into an arm and she stops.
"Lets see?"
She pulls her shirt-sleeve down, and shuffles into the dim light on a nearby wall.
"Theres nothing there but it does look a little red." Annabeth observes, brushing her fingers over the area.
Piper winces, more from cold fingers rather than pain but her friend mistakes it.
"Sorry," The blonde mutters, "Here, I'll kiss it better."
And then Annabeth's lips are brushing against her shoulder and Piper can't help but inhale sharply. Her knees go weak as she falls back against the wall.
"You okay there BeautyQueen?" Blonde brows furrow, looking down at her.
"Fine," She manages to choke out.
They stare at each other, eyes like thunderstorms and chocolate opals. The air is static, breathless with anticipation. It's now or never.
"Annabeth I—" Piper swallows.
Her vest makes a loud beep and peals of laughter surround her.
"Shouldn't have let your guard down McLean."
Piper growls and pulls at her friend's hand before she can walk away. She swops their positions, Annabeth's back now against the wall, and their bodies flush against each other.
"Can't handle losing?" The blonde smirks.
"Annabeth Chase," She breathes, "I've been wanting to say this since we were thirteen and now that I've worked up the courage I am not letting a stupid laser tag game ruin that."
A perfect brow raises slightly but she doesn't stop her.
"I like you. Like like you like you. Actually I may love you but we don't have to discuss that right now. I'm totally okay staying friends but I needed you to know. It was eating me up inside." She takes a deep breath and stepped back. "Okay we can go back to the game now just had to get that off my chest."
"Are you done?" A smirk plays at her friend's lips.
"What do you mean am I done? I just confessed my love for you and you're gonna ask me if I'm done? How about 'oh Piper I feel the same way.' Or 'no ew Piper I don't want to date you.' Are you done? Ugh why do I even like you?"
"Shut up BeautyQueen." Annabeth laughs.
And then she cups Piper's cheek and pulls their faces together.
Those grey eyes flash with amusement, hope, wonder, love. "I like like you too."
Their lips meet and Piper McLean knows she never wants to go laser tagging with someone else ever again.
Suddenly a vest lights up red and a robotic voice says "Game Over. Wise Girl wins.
"Fucking dick!" She nips Annabeth's lip.
"I don't lose."
"Funny I feel like the winner today."
"I think we both are."
They smile into each other and the stars dance home.
#I actually really love pipabeth okay#Pipabeth#Baby fanfic#Baby fanfic series#PJSSG fanfic#PJSSG asks#Piper McLean#Annabeth Chase#Ciara's Convos#She speaks#Ley asks#Fanfic request#Not edited
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I was reading this "ex prompt list" and while I want you to write all of them, I really liked this one: "You talk about me in your new song and I get mad over it, so I’m standing outside your apartment door to argue, only to see you open the door half naked." Thank you, darling! You're a gift!
She’s on her way home from work when she hears it. Listening to the radio isn’t something she does, not anymore, but her car can’t connect to her phone’s Bluetooth and she forgot the aux cord, so it was either the radio or silence.
She probably should have stayed in silence.
Because for the first time in three months, for the first time since she was in Target and heard one of his songs over the speakers, she hears his voice.
And she hates it.
But she apparently hates herself a little bit more because she doesn’t change the station or turn the radio off. She doesn’t recognize the opening chords to this song. She recognizes the chords to every song. She knows all of the lyrics, all of the rifts and pauses. She knows everything.
But she doesn’t know this one.
It’s quiet, sullen, the usually prominent instruments muted in the background so that his voice comes through as clearly as possible. It takes her thirty seconds and two references of a swan flying away – really subtle there, Jones – for her to realize that the song is about her. She has to pull over to the side of the road, making several different cars blare their horns at her, but she can’t…she can’t listen to this while driving. She can’t hear him sing a song that’s clearly about their break up. She has to listen, but she can’t do anything else.
She can barely breathe.
He sounds broken. But she knows that’s on purpose. He records those songs a million times over, until he gets them exactly how he wants them to be, so she knows that he’s manufactured it this way. She’s watched him record enough songs to know how things work.
How dare he do this.
How dare he put their private life out there for anyone with ears to hear.
Hot tears sting behind her eyes, and she has to bury her face in her hands while her throat constricts, emotion lodging itself there and making her feel as if she has to vomit. Or as if she can’t breathe. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything.
All she knows is that she misses him. She misses Killian.
But right now she hates him for making her relive their breakup, for making her relive the agony that was the weeks and months of separation that inevitably led them to walking away from each other.
Or maybe it was her.
She’s not sure. If anything, it’s all a blur of tears and alcohol, sobs wracking her body while she was unable to feel anything but pain. She’d waited so long to find someone who understood her, who wanted to be with her with no reservations, who wouldn’t leave. But then he had left. It had been for work. She knows this. She understands this. Despite everything, she wants nothing more than for him to be happy and to follow his dreams. She just wishes it didn’t come at the expense of them.
She just wishes she’d been strong enough to handle the months of separation and the way that their schedules never matched up, the way that they were constantly missing each other when they tried to call.
The song ends and immediately something happy, upbeat plays through her speakers. She’s having some kind of meltdown on the side of the road, and the world keeps going by. Cars continue to drive by, shaking her bug with their momentum, and the song that’s about one of the worst periods of her life is quickly forgotten and replaced by something about…dancing in a club. It’s literally just about dancing.
She lets out a watery chuckle, the emotion that was lodged in her throat clearing the slightest bit so that she can breathe. Was she not breathing? She might not have been breathing.
Now that she can breathe again, she inhales, sucking her chest in before letting out a gush of air in an attempt to calm herself. In her review mirror she can see that her face is red and splotchy, that her eyes are still watery, and she has to wipe away the snot that’s formed at her nose.
It’s as she’s rubbing her eyes, trying to clear her vision, that all of the sadness starts to twist, transforming into something else entirely. She’s pissed. Absolutely pissed. And she can’t help but think of her earlier thoughts when the song first started playing.
How dare he do this to her.
How dare he write that song and put it on the radio.
Before she knows it, she’s putting her car in drive, looking over her shoulder to make sure the road is clear, before she’s pulling off of the dirt and onto the pavement, speeding down the road in the direction of Killian’s apartment instead of toward hers, driving in the direction of the place where she lived for so long. She knows he’s home, that he’s in town. And she only knows this because David still talks to him, still talks about him, and she overheard David talking to Mary Margaret about Killian being home for the next few weeks and how they’re going to go out for a pint to catch up.
She knows the path to his apartment better than she knows the path to her own, a right here followed by another until it’s a straight shot to the parking garage underneath his building. She still has her sticker, the one that lets her inside. She never could get the damn thing off.
But now it’s useful as she pulls into an empty guest space, hastily getting out of the car and slamming the door shut as she makes her way over to the elevator, hoping that the code hasn’t changed and she can still get inside. It’s only two minutes before she’s standing in front of his door, the momentum and adrenaline propelling her hand forward until she’s banging on the wood so roughly that her hand might actually hurt.
She hurts.
Every bit of anger, of malice, of disappointment that she has is on the tip of her tongue, posed to be spit at him as soon as she sees him, but then the door is swung open and she sees him for the first time in…shit. It’s been five months. It’s been three months since she heard his voice in Target, but it’s been five months since she’s seen him.
And he’s now standing in front of her with his hair damply falling across his forehead, water trailing down the hair of his chest, and the words of his tattoo peeking up over the white towel he has slung across his hip.
Fuck.
She doesn’t have any other words, especially as his fists clench and the muscles in his arms strain while his jaw ticks. He’d look surprised when she first showed up, his lips parting before closing, almost as if he had something he wanted to say. But now he looks angry, a storm raging behind his eyes, and all she can think about is the time that they went to Bermuda for their anniversary and spent the entire week either in bathing suits, a towel, or nothing at all.
“What are you doing here, Swan?”
There’s no anger in his voice though. It’s calm, even, and it’s that fact that gets her back on track. He sounded broken in the song. He’s obviously not broken like she is.
“How dare you write that song,” she spits, trying to keep her voice just as steady, knowing that she’s failing. “You just put our life, my life, out there for everyone to hear.”
“No one knows it’s about you.”
“I do! I know! Our friends know! Everybody goddamn knows! I’m driving down the road on my way home from work, trying to live my life, trying to move on, and I just have everything that I’m trying to forget thrown back in my face like that.”
“Love – ”
“Don’t call me that,” she cries, hating how her voice cracks. She shouldn’t have done this. She shouldn’t have come. She should have never let her emotions drive her, but that’s always what’s she’s done. She’s never been one to be able to hold back when she really feels. “I am not your love. You’ve made that very clear.”“Swan,” he grits, crossing his arms over his heaving chest, “if you want to yell at me, come inside. I have neighbors, and I don’t think we want them witnessing this.”
She huffs, disbelief that he’s actually inviting her inside so that she can continue this emotional breakdown, but her feet still carry her inside, her eyes glancing over the apartment the moment she gets inside. It all looks exactly the same.
She hates that it all looks the same.
Something should have changed.
All of her stuff is gone.
She’s gone.
Something should have changed.
She turns around to look back at Killian, who’s locking the door behind him before running his hands through his damp hair, pushing it back on his forehead, before he’s rubbing his fingers over his scruff. She hates how good he looks almost as much as she hates that that’s what she’s focusing on.
“Why are you here?” he sighs, the indignation he had replaced with acceptance. “The song? You’re mad about the song?”
“Of course I’m mad about the song. How could I not be? Have you heard it?”
“I wrote it. And in case you’ve forgotten, I have dozens of other songs about you, nearly every one of them on a record somewhere. You never seemed pissed about those then.”
“We weren’t broken up then.”“Well whose bloody fault is that? Because it’s not mine. I didn’t want to break up.”
“You think I wanted to break up?” she screams, not caring about staying calm while her entire body heats, her skin feeling overly warm and her head throbbing while her heart pounds. “You think I wanted to be having breakdowns on the side of the road because I can’t handle reliving parts of our relationship. You think I wanted to be the girl who sat at home and cried every time you didn’t pick up the phone? Every time you had to go one minute into our conversation? Every time I went out with my friends and heard your voice on the speakers at a bar when I hadn’t actually heard your voice in days? You think I wanted that?”
She can’t…she can’t breathe again, her heart beating far too quickly in her chest. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t good. She needs…she needs to sit down. So she does, collapsing to the ground and resting her back against his hallway wall while she wraps her arms around her knees and lets herself have another breakdown.
Who the hell needs dignity?
“Emma,” Killian sighs, and that only makes things worse. He never calls her Emma, not unless something is important, and she hates herself for this entire situation. She hates that he is able to still have this power over her, that she still loves him so much that she can’t fathom the fact that she’s not with him.
“Emma,” he repeats, kneeling down next to her, his towel opening as he squats, which really doesn’t help the situation at all. “Are you okay?”
“Do you think I’m okay?”
“No.” His thumb reaches up and wipes away the tears on her cheek. That’s the first time she’s felt his touch in five months too. And it’s also what makes her look up to see that he’s got a tear falling onto his cheek too. “I’m sorry, lo – Swan. I’m sorry that you heard the song and that it hurt you.”
“Why’d you write it then? You had to know that I’d hear it eventually.”
“Because I hurt too. Music is how I deal with things. You know this. You’ve always known this. And how the hell else am I supposed to deal with my heartbreak?”
“By writing the damn song and then not putting it on the radio.”
“I had to fulfill my contract. I had to release a new single.”
“Don’t you have another one? One that’s not about us?”
“No.”
She sighs, leaning her head back against the wall and tightly closing her eyes all while she physically aches. She aches for them to be back to normal, aches for this to not be happening anymore. She should have never come here.
“How long are you home?”
“What?” he stutters, his voice visibly shaken.
She opens her eyes and looks back at him, attempting to even her breaths. “How long are you home this time? How long until you have to leave again?”
“A few weeks. I’ve got to go back and meet with the guys for a couple of days at the end of September.”
She doesn’t know why she does what she does next, but before she can stop herself, before she can think straight, she leans forward and slides her lips over his in a harsh, demanding kiss. Her hands are in his hair in an instant, using the soft strands to tug him closer, and his hands find her face, the warmth and roughness of the pads of his fingers holding her to him as well. It’s like being connected, like being right, after so many months of not feeling like herself, of feeling like something in her life is off kilter.
Like something is wrong.
She doesn’t care that they shouldn’t be doing this. She doesn’t care that she shouldn’t be pushing Killian against the floor, the hardwood uncomfortable under her knees, and she doesn’t care that she’s losing her mind over the way that Killian’s groaning into her mouth and thrusting his hips up against hers, the towel doing nothing to hide his arousal.
And she really doesn’t care when they stumble away from the entrance of his apartment and fall back into his bedroom, quickly and surely moving against each other in the way that they always have. He feels good, fantastic, and she knows she should never be thinking about she and Killian together when they’re very obviously having a relapse, a collapse back into the them they used to be.
So she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t let herself not enjoy this, but she can’t speak, she can’t return Killian’s words of ecstasy and affection while he moves inside of her and above her. She simply falls into how good, how right, this feels, and figures that she’ll…she’ll figure it all out later.
It turns out when later comes that she’s still not ready to figure it out. She still doesn’t know what to do. Instead of getting up and leaving when they were finished, she didn’t. She stayed. She’s not sure that she had the strength to leave, that she even wanted to, so now she’s wrapped up in one of Killian’s sweaters while her legs are stuck in between his and his hands are trailing through her hair. She feels his heartbeat under her palm, the slow rise and fall of his chest a rhythm that she knows better than any other.
A rhythm that she knows better than any song he’s ever written.
“Sex doesn’t solve our problems, Swan. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she confesses, snuggling closer to him despite everything. “I don’t…we shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t even still be here. I’m not sure what came over me, over us.”“A hell of a lot of emotions.” She feels his lips against her forehead, the sweat that’s gathered there being pushed away. “We’ve got…there’s a lot left between us, love. There was never anything wrong between us, I don’t think. I just wasn’t there.”
“That’s kind of what went wrong. You can’t be in a relationship without being there.”
“But it’s not us. It was the distance, my job.”
“Which is your dream.”
“Aye, it was my dream,” he confirms softly, running his fingers through her hair and down her back. “It is my dream. But I should have never let it come between us. You’ve been my life for half a decade. You have been there for absolutely everything, and I should have tried harder, should have done more.”
“I don’t think there was anything either of us could have done.”
“I could have made more time to call. I could have scheduled breaks between cities. I could have booked a flight for me, for you. I could have done so much to save us, to make you feel less alone.”
“Killian, this isn’t all on you.”
“No, no, it’s not, but I’ve had five months of living alone, even when I wasn’t here, to think about all of the things I could have changed.”
“Me too,” she sighs, lifting her head from his chest and untangling her legs before she moves to the other side of the bed, putting distance between them all the while Killian rubs his hand up and down his face trying to work out the stress lines. “I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t either. Do you even want to try again? Or are we chalking this up to a one-time thing? To a fallback?”
For the first time since she’s shown up here, he sounds as broken as he did during the song. He sounds like she feels, like there’s something missing, something just out of reach. He sounds…he doesn’t sound like Killian. Not the one that she knew. Not the one who woke her up in the mornings with a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes. Not the one who sang while he cooked, often burning the food because he would start writing down the beginnings of a song.
He doesn’t sound like the man who loved her.
The man who she loves.
“I don’t want it to be that,” she answers honestly, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees. “But I can’t go back to how we were…what do you want?”
“You.”
A shiver runs down her spine, gooseflesh popping up on her skin.
“That’s all. You just want me?”
“Always, Emma,” he promises, his lips ticking up on the right and the lines around his eyes crinkling while his tongue clicks. “But you’re right. We can’t…I can’t leave like that. I can’t do things just for me without considering you. And you can’t let me just do it and say that things are okay.”
“I kind of figured you knew things weren’t okay.”
“You’ve never lied to me, so I didn’t expect it then. I always believed the words that you said.”
“So what are we doing, Killian? What do we do?”
He shrugs, sitting up against the headboard. “We try again. We make compromises. We do better. For ourselves. For each other. And maybe I don’t put a song out without letting you know.”She smiles, the first genuine smile without heartbreak hidden behind it, for the first time today. Maybe for the first time in months.
“I’d like that.”
It takes more than one day for things to get back to normal. It takes weeks, months really. Killian was a constant part of her life for five years, but after nearly half a year apart, things don’t simply snap back. Trust has to be rebuilt, routines have to become routine again, and she has to learn that things are never going to be perfect and that compromise is a hell of a lot harder than simply saying the word. You actually have to break and bend, give and give up, but it’s worth it if you want to make things work.
She wants to make things work.
Killian does too.
And the next time she hears a song on the radio that’s about her, Killian’s voice isn’t broken. And neither is her heart.
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@kay-licious how dare u (thanks <3)
@silent-calling youre doing amazing sweetie
1. Are looks important in a relationship?
I wouldnt call it a key factor but it’s important to feel attraction towards your partner
2. Are relationships ever worth it?
sure! If it’s a healthy one definitely :D
3. Are you a virgin?
nah
4. Are you in a relationship?
yeh!
5. Are you in love?
I’d say so!
6. Are you single this year?
no
7. Can you commit to one person?
yes
8. Describe your crush
it me bf
9. Describe your perfect mate
same as above c:
10. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no, only when it comes to animals c;
11. Do you ever want to get married?
thats a dream of mine tbh
12. Do you forgive betrayal?
I guess every healthy person would say no but yes, I’d absolutely do (only the first time tho, after the second time you gotta ask yourself if it’s really worth it)
13. Do you get jealous easily?
in regard to my bf: I used to but it’s a hell of a lot less nowadays.
In regard to people in general, sometimes, especially when im not doing well mentally
14. Do you have a crush on anyone?
me bf
15. Do you have any piercings?
just have my ears pierced!
16. Do you have any tattoos?
no but maybe soon
17. Do you like kissing in public?
only if its sweet forehead or cheek kisses, or quick kisses on the mouth or hand kisses
20. Do you shower every day?
yes though I gotta admit I really have to force myself. Not because I like being stinky but because everything is kinda difficult sometimes
21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
bruh I sure hope my bf does;;
22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
nah
23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
I’ve been in a relationship for 5 and a half years now, I think so
24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
it is possible but who tf knows
25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?
idk, to be frank: I think my life would be a bit easier if I wasnt in a relationship, or if I hadnt been in a relationship for the past 1-2 years.
And I often feel like im more of a burden to my bf than anything else. But thats a different story
26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
as in losing touch with me? I guess so
27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?
a song yes and it was awkward as hell ajhajdfha and people have done drawings for me which is <3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<33
28. Have you ever been cheated on?
Yup
29. Have you ever cheated on someone?
very very unfortunately yes, and just like a bunch of you guys I was this close to killing myself. I was in a very bad place which I know is not an excuse for this. I still think about it even if it’s been a time since then but I think I cqan never forgive myself because of that
30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?
often but im too much of a scared cat dsfskjf
idk though, I would love to be much more petite size wise
31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?
oh often
32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?
yeah;; I’m not exactly pretty or popular, so puberty was hard
33. Have you ever had sex with a man?
hell yeah
34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?
:( no
35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
yeh!!
36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?
Yeah and it’s difficult to be normal then aaaaaahhhhhhh
37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
some of my friends have a strong disliking towards my current bf but i dont know if you can call it hate
38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
yeah and it ruined me for a while
39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
uuuuhh not really I think
40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?
whenever I write bday cards I always put a poem in it :D
41. Have you had sex so far this year?
hella
42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?
depends on how thirsty I am
43. How long was your longest relationship?
5 and a half years and counting
44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?
2-3
45. How many people did you kiss in 2011?
uuhh I was 14, no one
46. How many times did you have sex last year?
HELLA
47. How old are you?
22 my dudes
48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
I#d try to play it cool because internally I’m panicking, someone help me
49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?
I love about my bf how you can ALWAYS count on him when shit gets down, even if he hasnt talked to a friend for a good while and they’re like “hey I need you”, he’ll be there in a sec
Also that he is still able to surprise me
50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
jsdfhsjdfks GO AWAY, I’d say while closing the door and shutting the blinds quicker than lightning
51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?
yeah, but that’s probably because I have bpd and depressions
52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?
yeah, I tried to help them on all occassions, so much that I ruined my own life partially and made myself sick. But whatever I did or said, they apparently want to suffer, so i gave up trying.
53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
yeah my abuser probably
54. Is there someone you will never forget?
unfortunately yes and fortunately yes
55. Share a relationship story.
uuuuuuhhhhh; I dont really know what to write here.
Guess I’ll never forget when my bf held a kitten (which was only a week old) in his hands and he almost cried because he loved the baby so much. Haha, he was afraid of crushing it though because it was much smaller than the palms of his hands
56. State 8 facts about your body
I gained a lot of weight since last year which is why I avoid posting or taking pics, but according to everyone else you dont see it that much (?); my hair is getting its natural curliness back; I fucked up my knee so I’ll have knee surgery next year; I bruise easily; I have a shit ton of scars; I love my super green eyes; I have thicc thighs and if I’m very emotional I get red spots all over my body
57. Things you want to say to an ex
to my first ever bf: fuck u lmao
to the second bf I had: I’m so sorry for everything and I hope that you found your place :)
58. What are five ways to win your heart?
uuuhhh be sweet and understanding, be funny, be somewhat smart, dont be a mean asshole and be nice to other people (especially kids) and animals and also be able to be fascinated by small things
59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)
yikes
60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?
my current bf is 8 years older than me
61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?
how open and nice they are? Idk I always choose my ppl to hang out with according to this
62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?
even though I’m a switch I have a big preference for being the sub, so if someone can dominate me and yknow do stull like carry me princess style or something im all like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
63. What is your definition of “having sex”?
everything that comes after kissing imo
64. What is your definition of cheating?
I think as soon as you try to pursue someone emotionally that already counts as cheating
65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?
kissing, grinding, I love when someone talks dirty to me
66. What is your favourite roleplay?
if it aint too much of a tmi i’d love to admit that we have a collar and a leash so (not thinking about pet play uughfjhjsdfkhsd, just yknow someone is able to drag me to them like this or being held in place while being taken from behind is p nice)
67. What is your idea of the perfect date?
something something being outside in the nature and also good food
68. What is your sexual orientation?
69. What turns you off?
super super wet kisses where also my nose somehow gets stuck in someone elses mouth
Like dude
r u a vacuum cleaner sdfhsdkjhfks
70. What turns you on?
being manhandled
71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?
idk I dont really have a lot of wet dreams and usually theyre not very kinky but rather sweet and slow
72. What words do you like to hear during sex?
I like dirty talk, so imma leave that open
73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?
i love to get flowers, or lil stuff that reminds us of our friendship or something, self made/home made stuff is always !!!!!!!!!!!!
74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?
probably hands? I love it when girls have super slender hands and when boys have rough and big hands
75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?
I already answered that c:
76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?
I have a few stories I’m proud of!
But I really love this one:
When I was little I grew up in a village in which like 300-400 people lived (maximum) and next to us lived this sweet older couple who always gave us sweets and vegetable for our parents, or they brought us stuff from when they went on vacation.
The man is now constantly sick, he suffers from parkinson and you see the early statges of dementia setting in. A while ago he wanted to go and get the German version of fish and chips with his wife but due to him needing a ton of surgeriesw constantly he wasnt able to go out with his wife. When my mom told me this I was like wtf u cant just tell me this, I’m too soft.
So I went and got fish and chips from the best market around us for him and flowers for his wife, despite the fact that I havent seen them in YEARS.
When I arrived at their front door both of them hugged me and cried a bit
77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?
not bad if everything is consensual and if there’s a power balance thats equal
78. What’s your dirtiest secret?
I think the leash thing is one of the kinkiest things we’ve ever done tbh
79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?
yesterday a bit when my bf went out wth friends and had a few beers while I was stuck at home with the thought that I can never have a beer again dkadfjahdf as stupid as that sounds but I always enjoyed these chill evenings with a beer and friends
80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
this morning when I cuddled my cats :D
81. Who are five people you find attractive?
my bf and many videogame and anime characters, also my best female friend is hella attractive, also some of my friends are to die for
82. Who is the last person you hugged?
my bf!!
83. Who was your first kiss with?
my first bf sdfjsdfs
84. Why did your last relationship fail?
it didnt really work out, it seemed as he was more interested in saying “hey im in a relationship!” than in me, hah;;
85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?
yeah, sure
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chapter four / rem belongs to @forlornraven / masterpost / mature content
Music pulses through Nakoa’s legs, and Jenna’s body sways against Nakoa’s, pressed against him as close as she can go. She smells like mangoes, like sweat.
Nakoa inhales against her neck, licks a long line up to her jaw, sucks against it. She shudders underneath him, and Nakoa grins as she takes his hand, presses it beneath her jeans. She turns her head, pupils blown wide, and she says, “Wanna go back to mine?”
Yes. Absolutely. Nakoa feels a buzz in his veins he hasn’t in a while at the prospect, and—”Yeah. You bet.”
He’s not sure where Rem is, but he’s been gone all day. left that morning, didn’t come back, even though the car still sits in the parking lot at the motel. At least, it did, before Nakoa took to the streets to find something to take his mind of it, off of wondering where Rem was.
Probably wasted in the back alley of some bar, still downing a bottle of whiskey he’d pilfered off of some unsuspecting bartender.
Or—maybe he’s doing exactly what Nakoa’s doing now, finding somebody to bury his dick into, get off without the mountain of complications.
It’s been three days, and between sightseeing and sleep, they’re only just west of Denver, in some shitty small town that reminds Nakoa of Withervale just a little too much, but the girls are attractive, and the guys look like they could punch Nakoa out if he stared a little too long, and Rem’s been in a bad mood since Baldie.
Nakoa’ll take his chances, he thinks, with Jenna. He asks, “Are you far?” and grins when she shudders as he touches her.
He goes home with Jenna, and tries not to think of Rem when he comes.
Jenna offers to give him a ride back to the motel, but in the aftermath Nakoa really just wants a fucking shower, to wash what feels like a layer of filth off of him, and some awkward fifteen minute drive across town isn’t going to make him feel any better.
And it’s not cold out, anyway. “I’m good,” he says, as he tugs on jeans. Jean covers herself with her sheet, cocks her head to the side.
“You okay?” Her tone is just this side of concerned; she’s being polite, but Nakoa can tell she’s not really interested in the answer.
“Yeah,” he says, then, for a reason he doesn’t know, he says, “just complicated.”
“Aw,” Jenna says, sitting at the end of her bed. “I know complicated.” She gives him a glance, then says, “You a cool guy?”
Nakoa’s a loser. Unemployed and homeless and traveling across the country without any kind of a fucking plan, in search of a better life he’s not sure he’s ever going to find. Mediocrity feels less like a shadow hunting him and more like the prize at the end of the race.
Is he running away from it, or running towards it?
“I guess.” She can’t be talking about that.
“My girlfriend and I are kind of on a break.” She shrugs. “And it’s so stupid.”
“Relationships are complicated,” Nakoa says. He pulls his shirt over his head. “My…” but the word doesn’t come. What is Rem? His best friend? It’s not untrue, but he’s reasonably sure most best friends don’t fuck.
Most.
Is there a word for something in the middle, between romantic and friendly?
As she watches him, Jenna seems to pick up what’s going through his head. “Oh,” she says, pointing a finger at him. “You got it bad.”
“I do not.”
“And I thought me and my girl were complicated.”
For some reason, that pisses Nakoa off more. “There’s no girl.”
It’s the first time he’s even come close to saying the word out loud. Nakoa knows there’s a word for who he is, but it still feels wrong when he says it, when he thinks it. Not the attraction—there’s merit in sleeping with all kinds of people—but the word. The way people see it and think disgusting. Heathen.
“Oh.” Jenna’s voice is soft, and she stands. “So. Same boat.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
She shrugs. “Suit yourself.”
They kiss before Nakoa leaves, just because Jenna enjoys it, just because she asks, and Nakoa agrees because she showed him a good time, and it’s the least he can do. He wishes her good luck with her girlfriend and stomps back to the hotel room.
Where Rem sits, outside of it, empty fifth clutched between his knees. He doesn’t hear Nakoa approach, but he does react when Nakoa touches his shoulder, jerks away like Nakoa’s burned him.
“About fucking time,” he says, and his voice is like a river, watery and rushing, tripping over itself in his eagerness to speak. “I’ve been waiting for hours.”
“Sorry,” Nakoa says. Doesn’t point out that Rem has a key, too. He unlocks the door. He tugs on Rem’s arm, and the whiskey bottle falls to the sidewalk, crashes and breaks. Nakoa leaves it. “Did you drink all of that?”
“It’s—” He hiccups. “Bottom shelf, don’t get hissy.”
Nakoa took… something, at the club, earlier, before he went home with Jenna. He’s awfully fucking hypocritical if he tells Rem that he can’t do this. At least he came back. At least they got away from Baldie. From Withervale.
Drunk and alive is better than the alternative.
He draws Rem into the shower, starts taking off his clothes, and Rem says, “Ooh, am I gonna fuck you over the counter?”
“Keep dreaming,” Nakoa says, as he pulls off Rem’s jeans. He’s cold, so Nakoa warms the water and shoves him under the stream. Rem yelps, but relaxes into the hot, if lacking pressure, water. His entire body goes slack as it cascades over him.
Nakoa turns away, doesn’t watch, as tempting as it is. “You get back okay?”
Rem laughs. “Please. Liquor store’s not that far away. Where’d you get off to?”
“Girl I met at the club.” Nakoa pitches his voice higher, to be heard over the water. “You have a good time?”
“Better when you’re there.”
But he didn’t ask. He’d blazed through cities, the last forty eight hours, taking small roads instead of highways, getting lost and debating over the map with Nakoa multiple times, and.
“Missed you,” Rem says, his voice quiet. Nakoa wonders if he even said it at all. If maybe he imagined it. He’s been wanting to hear Rem say it for so long. Hoping for some kind of sign.
But no.
The water shuts off, and Nakoa makes his way back out into the room, digs in Rem’s bag until he finds something suitable for bed for him. The idiot’ll pass out on the bed, if he doesn’t, and Nakoa’ll end up with none of the blanket instead.
Rem stands in the threshold to the bathroom, though, and Nakoa glances up at him, just once, before turning back to the task at hand.
“I mean it,” Rem says.
Means what? “Sure.” T-shirt, underwear. It’ll work. Someday, when Nakoa’s not counting every penny, he’ll buy Rem some new clothes, fi him back in with the style.
Nakoa, though. He needs a job, first. Something simple, something under the table. A stable place in LA, or somewhere else, because he and Rem are living off of gas station snacks and Nakoa’s stomach is protesting bite of food he eats.
But every mile between him and Withervale feels a little more like flying
He gives Rem his clothes, and before he can turn away, Rem’s fingers reach out, wrap around his wrist. His voice is soft, unlike him, when he says, “Nakoa,” and Nakoa looks up, studies the lines in Rem’s face, the curve of his cheekbones, the arch of his eyebrows.
He doesn’t know what to say, so he lifts a shoulder in a shrug and holds uncertainty deep in his chest like an old friend. Rem strokes his thumb down Nakoa’s wrist, and there’s a short glimpse of a smile before he lifts one hand, the one holding his towel, and pulls Nakoa in, forehead to forehead, whiskey strong on his breath.
Nakoa breathes it in, lets his eyes fall close as the towel unravels at Rem’s feet, as Rem closes the distance between them.
Rem tastes like whiskey, like freedom, like betrayal, but Nakoa can’t complain if he tastes like someone else. He accepts the kiss for whatever it is, and pulls back. Taps his fingers against Rem’s chest and says, “I’m pretty tired, man.”
It’s not a denial, but Rem’s different, shitfaced, whiskey heavy on his lips and in his limbs, and Nakoa likes him normal, likes him sober, likes the way he lingers. Often, Nakoa wonders if he imagines the lingering.
He doesn’t question it. But the stark difference between sober and drunk feels like night and day, and Nakoa would rather not.
If Rem asks, the answer is yes. But Nakoa prefers not giving him the opportunity to ask. It’s easier to deny him.
Sometime in the night, Rem wakes and vomits over the side of the bed. Nakoa m, eyes heavy with sleep, says nothing. Presses himself against Rem’s back when he’s done, wracking his brain for a song. Settles in on “Friday I’m in Love” after he decides The Clash might be too fast.
His forehead is sweaty against Rem’s shoulder blades. But he doesn’t pull away, keeps humming for Rem well after the song is through, continuing with Modern English and Simple Minds.
“You don't have to do this.”
Nakoa doesn’t falter in his humming, just drops a hand over Rem’s waist and tugs him in.
He pressed his mouth against Rem’s skin, not like a kiss, bur as much like one as he dares. He hums, holds Rem’s denial behind his teeth, doesn’t answer.
-
“Clutch,” Rem says, pressing on Nakoa’s left knee. “Middle is brake. Right’s gas.” He taps the gear shift. “So, driving. Ease off the gas a bit, onto the clutch, shift, off the clutch, onto the gas.”
Nakoa blinks. His heart beats, strong and steady in his chest. “And to move?”
Rem’s voice holds its tone when he speaks, walks Nakoa through the steps. The car stalls under Nakoa’s guidance the first three times, but Rem pushes him forward, encouragement heavy in his words, and Nakoa’s chest swells with pride when he can finally drive his way across the parking lot.
They traded in the junker for this piece of shit, more torn up than the last. It smells like weed and vomit and pine trees, but it gets better mileage, and the speakers aren't blown out, and Rem won fifteen hundred in a bet on the game two nights ago.
The Earth feels less like Jello beneath Nakoa's feet.
Rem grips his thigh when Nakoa turns through the parking lot, pleased as he lets out a yell, and—oh.
Nakoa kills the engine, and the car comes to a slow stop. “Fuck.”
But Rem waves it away. “It’s great! Shit, I burnt out Billi’s clutch the first time I tried—” But at the mention of his mother, Rem’s expression falls. He shoves open the door, says, “Enough for today.”
They’re in Utah. Have been for a few days, after replacing the windshield in Colorado, after Jenna.
Yesterday, Nakoa got inexplicably homesick, stared at a payphone for five minutes, and convinced himself not to call.
Barely.
They settle into each other’s seats. The beauty of this van, Nakoa realizes, is that it isn’t; an old, clunker of a beast, with the back seats torn out and a sunroof modded in. Except for showers, they don’t need motels anymore.
Their trip got a hell of a lot cheaper. And, heading into LA, Nakoa’s not sure how far their money will go.
Relieved to be out of the driver’s seat, back under Rem’s practiced hand, Nakoa reaches for the cigarettes and lights up.
His voice echoes. “Think we can find a mattress?”
“One that isn’t covered in shit or blood?” Rem shrugs. “Guess we’ll find out.”
They do; kind of. They definitely find the mattress. An old, stained old thing from an old woman in the city, who’s upgrading for her and her husband. She takes one look at the van, one look at Nakoa and Rem, and pats Rem’s hand with a twinkle in her eye. “I expect you boys will get plenty of use out of it.”
She winks at Nakoa, and Nakoa offers her an uncertain smile. Rem looks like his head is going to blow off if she doesn’t let go of it.
The manhandle the mattress into the back of the van after Nakoa hands over the twenty. The mattress isn’t stained, isn’t old, but it’s floral and weak and smells of mothballs, and when Nakoa shuts the door to the passenger seat, it already reeks of old perfume in the van.
Rem sits next to him, quiet and pensive. Doesn’t start the van.
Nakoa waits, but ten minutes and he’s still sitting there. “What?”
“What’d she mean by that?”
By… what? “Who?”
“Getting use out of it. That’s not fucked up to you?”
For the— “Rem, she probably meant with girls.”
“…Right.”
“You’re really worried about what some random old woman has to say about shit?” Nakoa’s not exactly out and proud, but this isn’t under his skin. Rem picks at what’s left of the polish on his nails, his body tense and unforgiving. “Rem.”
“Never mind.”
He’s ashamed, then; that’s what that means. His mothers, he has mothers, and he still feels shame. Nakoa’s own family makes jokes at the expense of people like them, has told him that if one of their children was queer they’d set them straight, and Rem’s the one sitting here worried about what this old woman thinks of them.
But it’s not anger that courses through Nakoa’s veins, thinking that. Instead, confusion muddles his brain. He tries to think of something, anything, to make him feel better, but there’s nothing. Not words, anyway. Nakoa licks his lips, he’s about to suggest that they go to a park, or an abandoned parking garage or something and they can christen the new mattress, but Rem puts the van gear and drives off.
They hit up a department store for the sheets, and Nakoa spends twenty minutes glaring at on-sale camping gear trying to find sleeping bags that don’t look like shit while Rem searches for pillows, and Nakoa feels the weight of his remaining money in his pocket like a brick.
He’s not sure how much is left. Between the van, the motels, food, Nakoa’s sure it’s dwindling. Rem says nothing, just brings home dinner, whiskey, less and less every day.
Nakoa buys the blankets. What else are they supposed to do—go back home?
They find a place on an empty road, far from the city, that night, coyotes howling in the distance, a small campfire built out of the back end of the van. Rem hangs his legs off the van, stares up at the sky. A bottle of whiskey sits between his legs. Bowie plays softly in the background.
Nakoa’s not sure of the last time he’d been this happy. In Utah, of all places, so far from home that Withervale feels like a separate fucking planet.
In the clear night, the glow of the crackling fire, Nakoa wonders if Rem would agree. If he seems happy, or if he is happy. Rem never fucking talks to him, tells him to fuck off if Nakoa gets too close. If he missteps. He’s a jackass.
Nakoa’s afraid of how much he likes him anyway. If, once they get to LA, if Rem will enjoy it. If he’ll enjoy it too much.
He reaches for the whiskey, pleased by the noise Rem makes as he goes for it. “Don’t get your hopes up.”
Rem’s laugh comes stark and surprising, echoes across the empty space, and Nakoa wants to kiss him until he feels that warmth through his entire body. “Probably the only thing I can get up right now.”
Snorting, Nakoa lifts the whiskey to his lips, savors the taste, the taste, and heat that pools in his stomach. “This is,” he says, but doesn’t know what he wants to say. Captivated by the stars, by the scenery. But Rem’s quiet, comforting presence beside him—
Nakoa wants to kiss him. Press him into the flowery, old mattress behind them and undress him, kiss down his chest and blow him, press into him until Nakoa’s name rests on his lips soft and tense. Until Rem clenches his teeth and his groan comes from his chest and.
Fuck. He wants, so much, to make Rem feel so good that he forgets what the world has done to him.
“I’ve thought about living off the land before. Away from the city. Own a little farm or something.” An orchard. Some goats. Chickens, the modern dinosaurs they are, and Nakoa presses his finger against the ankylosaurus tattoo on his side. Thinks back to the artist that did it for him, briefly, and what he’s doing.
If he remembers Nakoa at all.
“Get the fuck away from people,” Rem says. He sounds tired, now, drunk. He hops from the van and kicks dirt over the fire. It’s dark enough that Nakoa can’t make out Rem’s features without direct light.
“Yeah.” But not Rem. “Dunno. Don’t wanna get kicked in the head, either.” Doesn’t want to give Rem up. He holds that deep inside his chest, though, locked away where he hopes Rem won’t find it, where Nakoa himself won’t be tempted to look.
When Rem says nothing, Nakoa crawls up the mattress, knees scraping the cool metal of the floor of the van. He tugs one of the sleeping bags over his body, presses his face into his pillow and sighs.
He’s not sure when Rem shuts the door and joins him, but Rem lies there, on his back, until Nakoa’s loopy with exhaustion and alcohol, and on the verge of sleep. Nakoa hears him say, “I—”
And then Nakoa passes out.
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AIGHT SO I’m like super high on caffeine and chocolate rn so I mighty write a lil Christmas one shot (it’s still December let me be pft)
But first a lil song I found a few days ago and has been stuck in my head ñon stop!
It’s from a musical called 35MM, they make up songs and stories from photos this one guy took, they’re amazing!
The song of called “Leave Luannne”
Warnings! There are mentions of abuse, r*pe, and such! So if you feel uncomfortable by that please don’t read this!
Now on to the song;:
Luanne's fat lip is drying,
The bastard's bacon frying,
The shiner on her eye's gone bust and bleeding.
He shouts, "Girl, set the table!"
But he knows she ain't able.
Her arm's done broke,
Hung limp like yolk,
AHHH we get the picture pretty clear from the beginning. i can always imagine Luanne on the floor, all bruised up and close to tears....
And softly she's repeating...
"Leave, Luanne. Why don't you march out that door?
Southern woman, he ain't no good to you.
Leave, Luanne.
Louisiana wants war, But it's you dying on her ruby plains."
And yet, loyal Luanne remains.
Ever since he got him laid off,
His sanity's just made off.
No, he was never nice, but now he's cruel.
So first, ahhhhfhrjehrn THE VIOLINS ARE AMAZING AND THE VOCALS TOO also we can see why Luanne doesnt leave the dude. I can see her internal debate, telling herself to leave but not being able to.
He rapes her, and he beats her,
She don't 'fess how he treats her,
'Cause a Bible verse
Says it won't get worse,
And she won't be a fool.
"You won't never leave, Luanne,
And then theres this part about the bible, i dont exactly know what verse theyre talking about, but we see that Luanne is super religious, which makes her internal debate even harder. Should she leave or stay? She has been taught probably her whole life with that idea, and probably doesnt want to end up in hell due to her beliefs and what she’s been told.
'Cause if you walk out that door
His truck will be gunning for you.
No, you won't leave, Luanne,
Or he'll give you 'What for?'
You got heart where you should have had brains."
This part always makes me sad bc Luanne may still love that asshole, which sucks, but she still does and is pretty loyal to him makes it even harder for her to make a decision too
And so, loyal Luanne remains.
Someone's howling,
Screams like sighing with battered breath
Grating, growling,
Never dying
In a fate worse than death.
But months of such conditions
Turn laymen to logicians
And tonight the bastard's sleeping like a log.
So she plucks the kitchen cleaver,
Creeps up toward his roped-up lab retriever,
DUDE I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA KILL THE DOG AND I ALMOST CRIEDD AHHH
AND THE VIOLINS MAKE THE TENSION AMAZING. It makes you so nervous about whats going to happen. You can imagine Luanne finally making a decision, tired of everything. Its dark at night and she slowly makes her way to the kitchen, trying so quietly to not wake him up.
And she cuts the rope,
And hope on hope,
She starts to shout,
"Your dog's got out!"
She's got her chance.
With no back glance
She runs out to the bog,
Screaming, screaming: "Leave, Luanne!"
"Leave, Luanne.
You've got a life left to live
In a house hanging off the Golden Coast!
Leave, Luanne.
You won't forget nor forgive, "
And she don't feel the stings, the rips, and scrapes
As finally Luanne escapes.
And the way you can FEEL the tension, the way you can see her running and your heart starts speeding up, wishing she can escape, that she can lead a better and happier life, shes doing her best, not feeling the pain. You can tell how desperate she is. You can see her running through the woods, leaves and branches getting tangled in her hair, sometimes cutting her, but she still keeps going due through sheer determination, ignoring how her feet hurt and how much shes running out of breath. All the way through shes making a promise to herself, that she will NEVER let go what the asshole did to her.
Swim, Luanne! Swim, Luanne!
And in the swamp of beeches,
Oh, as the preacher preaches,
As the light
In the night
Holds through the marsh and brushes
As the blood inside you rushes
Left and right,
Hold on tight—
And then you can feel the hope, the relief that she has managed to get out, the violins making a sort of country dancey song (?) pft and youre like YAS GIRL RUN AND LIVDE YOUR LIFE its amazing, its so happy from the depressing music we heard before, Luanne gets out of the place, some people help her, she becomes happy again, meeting people and dancing all night at parties, maybe she even finds someone new and starts dating them, having a new life with someone who loves her....but then....
—Until you reach the bank
And you crawl onto the bank,
'Til you feel a little yank on your hair
And, stricken, stare at the bastard
Who beat you there.
DUDE THIS PART. THIS. PART. I CANNOT EXPRESS THE WAY MY HEART BROKE. YOU JUST START FEELING THAT EVERYTHING IS ALRUGHT, THAT SHES MADE IT, ONLY TO FIND THT THE BASTARD FUCKING MADE IT BEFORE HER. AH DUDE. THE INSTRUMENTS. THE WAY YOU CAN FEEL THE SADNESS IN THE SINGERS VOICE. AND THE WAY IT GETS SET UP, OH BOY I DIDNT, I LITERALLY SCREECHED THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT. I SERIOUSLY CANT EXPLAIN HOW GENIUS THIS IS SO FREAKING AHH THE GUITAR, THE VIOLINS JESUS CHRIST
the guy just yanks her hair and gives her a horrible smirk, and Luanna can only look in horror, her heart breaking and all her dreams vanishing as she realizes that she...she didnt make it.
The bastard lies in bed now,
Half-sad his wife is dead now.
She drowned herself in a swamp in wild despair.
I actually want to know wether if he killed her, or if she killed herself. To make it more angsty i like to think she actually drowned herlsef, because its so heartbreaking to see how her hopes die and she just...gives up. Gosh its so friggen, ahhhh. Once Luanne sees the guy she shrieks and tries to pull away, falling backwards. Either the bastard hit her, or something but she ends up being paralyzed and unable to move. She reacts desperatly but the bastard refuses to help, and then she slowly gives up, letting the water fill her lungs, and slowly closing her eyes and accepting her faith.
He thinks he used to love her,
But push it came to shove her,
A wife disposed,
A wife case closed,
And no one seems to care,
DUDE THIS GUY AGHHH
And the violins are amazing. He doesnt care. No one knows shes dead. Luanne is left without no one there to remember her, to grieve her. Its just....so heartbreaking.
To grieve Luanne.
Now no one's on his shoulder,
But his mattress don't feel colder,
And in fact, it's hellish hot, and the air is dank and steaming.
Yet his body starts to shiver
When the window cracks a sliver
And a fiery fog
From the miry bog
Pours in the room
In a sticky gloom
And there the man
Sees dead Luanne.
DUUUUDE DUDE LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS HOLY DIDDLY FUCK GODDAMN THIS IS AMAZING LUANNE GO GET HIM GIRL.
Luanne makes her way to the house, fulfilling her promise of getting her revenge, of not forgiving the asshole for everything he did. And then, when she gets there, dripping, the bastard only stares.
He's terrified,
But he keeps his pride,
'Cause he knows that he ain't dreaming.
And he starts screaming,
"Leave, Luanne.
Hell sent you back here for more,
'Cause ain't no one ever loved you."
THIS, THISSSSS. ITS BY FAR MY FAVORITE PART. When hes the one telling her to leave, when its HIM. Just- the nerve of this man. And i know i keep saying this byt LISTEN TO THE VIOLINS. They are perfect, the tension, the way they just- the way they make you feel, the way they always give you shivers and make you go oh fuck shits about to go down.
He is just cockily smirking trying to act as if hes not afraid. And then he has the audacity to tell her to LEAVE. The thing shes been trying to do for so long, but now...its too late. Her eyes widen in rage and she stands straight, lifting her chin and glaring at him.
But said Luanne,
"I've come to settle a score, "
And she shows him her feet are bound in chains.
Shes stuck there. But this time, the roles are reversed. This time Luanne will be the one feared. She will now hold the power.
And loyal Luanne remains
And remains
And remains
And remains!
AND THE REMAINS. GOD ITS AMAZING, NOW INSTEAD OF LEAVING SHE JUST STAYS WHEN SHE WANTED TO LEAVE AND I- THE REMAINS MAKE IT SOUND SO FUCKING GOOD, IT SAYS SHE IS STILL LOYAL AHHH
I like to think that shes also got it stuck in her head that she cant leave, and shes now torturing the bastard by STAYING, the way it just changes fro, what it was at the beginning, HOLY SHIT AHH. And as the remains get louder she gets angrier and the room start getting hotter and hotter, and Luanne just smiles and you see the bastard cowering more and more in fear.
Someone's howling,
Screams like sighing
With battered breath.
Grating, growling,
Never dying
In a fate worse than death.
Luanne,
She cries her miserable wail
So the bastards will never sleep again!
And she is CRYING. Tears make their way down her face, crying and asking how dare he, why would he, all she wanted was to be happy.
No, no reprieve, Luanne,
She brings their souls down to hell,
A caution to the cruelest of men:
God loves Luanne!
Praised be!
Amen!
The ending is so good, she gets her revenge, makes the guy regret what shes done. i always imagine the whole place setting in fire and Luanne getting angrier and angrier, thr bastard finally realizing what the hell hes actually done. This is amazing, i love this song so much. Not only the story but also the way you can imagine and feel everything. this song is so freaking good istg
Theyre in HELL. She used to be so religious, and thats the fate she didnt want. She never wanted to be in hell, yet there she is, getting her revenge. I dont know if God went like aight here ya go gurl, get your revenge, or smth like DAMN, so good.
In conclusion, amazing song, so good, i swearrr. This musical is amazing, they have other amazing songs like Sarah Berry, or Piece of Me.
Some of them range from being depressing, to adorable, to HILAROUS like Caralee lmfao that one is amazing lol
I really hope yall take a listen hehe, im sorry for rambling so much, im just trying to keep myself distracted from everything going on at home and with my dog. Hope yall have a good day and ill write more things, I promise!
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A Long and Screamy Rant
So this is a rant dedicated to @apvrrish's fic (aknightley on AO3) 'calling me to come back', a gem of a fic and a sincerely gorgeous work. (If you haven't read it yet, go do it here and now!! Seriously, you won't regret it)
I was originally going to make this only about how I felt, but she writes so well I have to put something about her writing style there
Spoilers for the fic under the cut!!
1. Her worldbuilding
Literally once the fic started, I had such a good idea of what the shop looked like. Even if it may not have matched her mental image, it was so clear in my head (which is extremely rare for me). Apvrrish also does amazing descriptions, and it's like I'm actually living in the moment. It's so awesome!!!
2. Characterization
She nailed it. Completely and actually nailed it; bullseye after bullseye; on point. Shiro and Keith's relationship, later on Keith and Lance's relationship, Pidge (idk why I really liked the mental image of Pidge with a bun. I just did) staying up really late to help Keith, the way pIDGE CAN USE HER MAGIC THROUGH ELECTRONICS HDKCKSKCKFD
3. Lotor and Honerva/Hagar
Honestly, I was going to make this a side note on characterization, but this is so good it deserves its own topic. Honerva is so extra and I love it? I mean obviously it's not cool that she literally tried to kill Lance so that Lotor could go to a school. But that is something that she would totally do, and I can't really express my love for the all of this.
I also love the way aknightley wrote (or rather, mentioned) Lotor. Here's a beautiful beautiful quote: "Lotor was evidently interested in genetic science, something that Alfor specialized in, but Alfor was also specialized in avoiding people he didn’t care for, something Keith found enviable."
So maybe that quote doesn't focus on Lotor specifically, but it's such a GOOD SENTENCE. It wasn't the type of funny that would make me burst out into laughter, but the kind of brilliant genius that made me stare at my laptop screen and re-read that sentence five times, because it's that good.
4. While we're on this topic, QUOTES.
"Scrolling to a number that’s only labeled with a small bird emoji and a poop emoji, he texts, Can you do some research for me?" It isn't really the quote itself that I liked, per se, but the idea that Pidge's contact name is a bird and a poop emoji. That is perfect?? And I love it so much???
“Am I wrong, Sunshine?” Lance asks, tilting his head and smiling slyly." Lance calls Keith Sunshine. LANCE CALLS KEITH SUNSHINE OH MY GOD I CANT??? !!!!!!!
"You don’t need it to look pretty, Keith thinks, unbidden." Do I even need to explain here? Seriously, look me in the eye and ask my why I love this quote so much, I dare you. KEITH ADMIRING LANCE'S BEAUTY IS MY GODDAMN JAM
"“Sure, kiddo,” Shiro says, taking a sip of coffee with raised eyebrows." This. THIS!! The amount of pure goodness in this line is enough to make me cry. Shiro knows. Shiro knows!!!
"“Besides the obvious reasons,” Shiro says, raising his eyebrows. Keith gives in to pettiness and uses his magic to fling the pieces of cereal still on the counter at his face, grinning when they nail him directly in the nose." THIS IS THE GOOD BROGANES CONTENT THAT I LIVE FOR DID YOU KNOW??? Again, with characterization,, such perfection.
"“A customer,” Pidge says, doing air quotes. “A customer you dream about and who makes you go super smiley when he calls you on the phone.”" PIDGE KNOWS. SHIRO KNOWS. THEY ALL KNOW AND STILL KEITH REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE IT. A GOOD TROPE. I VERY MUCH APPROVE.
"“So I guess I should -- um -- take this off?” He pulls lightly at the material over his chest and Keith feels his own face heat up." FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NO, I DONT ACCEPT OTHER ANSWERS. THIS IS LAW.
"Lance leaned in close so he can peer into Keith’s face.
Across the room, a cedar branch catches fire." AGAIN. FLUSTERED KLANCE IS BEST KLANCE. NEED THERE BE ANY MORE PROOF? (Also, I hope all these quotes convey the immense love I have for aknightley and her writing)
“I’m going to have to buy her something very sparkly,” Keith murmurs to himself, smiling at the little heart she’s drawn next to her name.
Just,, sparkles!! ✨✨give Allura all the sparkly things 2Kforever please and thank you :)
“I’m good, Sunshine,” Lance says, stretching a little. “In fact, I kind of feel lucky right now.”
OHHHHHH BOY. THIS IS THE CLICHE BUT WONDERFUL TYPE OF THING THAT A HERO GENERALLY SAYS BEFORE THE BIG SHOWDOWN AND I LOVE IT A LOT??? ITS BEAUTIFULLLLLLL GIVE ME EVERY AND ALL THE CLICHE TROPES
5. Keith taking off his protections so that he could talk with Lance in his dreams
I'm probably reading way too much into this, but Keith literally let Lance inside all of his defenses. This is his how much he likes Lance. He stripped down all his protection that he's had for like, forever and let himself be vulnerable ALL FOR LANCE. I CANNOT BELIEVE,, THE SHEER EMOTION AND TRUST SHOWN IN THIS SCENE,,, UGH MY HEART
6. Similarly, the garden scene
This is Keith's private place. This is where he goes to remember his parents, and he let Lance come with him. Again, probably reading way to much into this, but Keith is actually letting Lance in? I mean it's never stated explicitly in the fic but I don't think Keith really goes around sharing the garden with people... wHICH MAKES THIS SO MUCH MORE SPECIAL HDJCKDKSKC I WAS LITERALLY CLUTCHING MY CHEST I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS
7. Keith giving Lance his mom's jacket
Keith didn't even let Shiro, his own brother, keep some of his parents' books from him. Granted, it was a different situation, but still. Keith is incredibly protective of anything and everything related to his parents, so the fact that he let Lance wear and KEEP his mom's jacket?? Is like the equivalent of other people literally ripping out their heart for someone else. The Klance here is absolutely wonderful.
8. The 'fuck your emotions' scene
WELL DAMN, APVRRISH, FUCK WITH MY EMOTIONS WONT YOU?? THEYRE BOTH SO GODDAMN SELF SACRIFICIAL??? LIKE LANCE I GET IT YOU LOVE HIM AND DONT WANT HIM TO GET HURT BUT DONT PUSH HIM AWAY LIKE THIS PLEASE,, ON ONE HAND THIS SHOWS HOW MUCH LANCE CARES FOR KEITH AND WANTS HIM TO BE SAFE BUT ON THE OTHER HAND 'FUCK YOUR EMOTIONS' LANCE QUOTES LIKE ITS NO BIG DEAL... stop taking both mine and Keith's hearts and stomping them into bits you HEARTBREAKER
9. "The bell, when it rings above Lance's head, still cruelly sounds like laughter."
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. CATCH ME SCREAMING INTO THE VOID BECAUSE DAMNNNNNNNN. THE HOLY UNION OF BEAUTIFUL WRITING AND ALL OF THE FEELS IN THE WORLD. My eyes do not deserve to see the glory that is this sentence,, I had to give it a separate topic from Quotes because it was just. So good,,, Even now I feel like I'm not doing it justice, but it's so MIND BLOWINGLY AWESOME that I just can't. 👏🏻👏🏻 you did good, apvrrish.
10. Keith realizing he loves Lance
Need I say any more? Literally ALL I could dare to ask for. It's beautiful and I love it a lot. I also like how you didn't make it this big panicky moment for Keith, because honestly? Finding out that you're in love with someone isn't supposed to be all 'oH MY GOD WHAT DO I DO THIS IS BAD'. If realizing that you're in love with someone is bad, well, why are you in love with that person in the first place?
I kinda went off on a tangent there but anyways!! My main point- I really REALLY liked you portrayal of this scene and the way you wrote it. *swallows down the screams of the damned my emotional heart*
11. The dandelion
They're soul bound. They're soul bound, and Keith used a love spell thingy to track down Lance because he loves him and holy hell they're SOUL BOUND. I mean, the whole soulmate thing is low key overdone, not just in this fandom but everywhere. Yet apvrrish manages to put her own unique spin on the whole thing, incorporating magic and the idea of 'marriage bonds', which is really unique.
12. The idea of modern magic
Okay so I've been trying to go in chronological order but as I keep reading I just find this world so so cool. Most times there's a magical AU, the characters are somehow in the past, or it's a different world. But this, this is a combination of modern tech and somehow also these awesome magical abilities. There are potions with real life ingredients (certain types of wood, flowers, stones or minerals, etc.) and for realistic purposes. This is so realistic that I can actually imagine it happening, which is GREAT because it shows just how good of a writer that apvrrish is, but at the same time, makes me wish so so hard that I could be part of this world. Modern magic,, hdjckskc stab me in the heart with everything I've ever wanted, won't you?
13. “True love or some shit, I think,” Lance says cheerfully, and waves his hand.
Another quote too good for the Quotes section. He says this so nonchalantly?? It fits Lance's character SO WELL and so was really funny (idrk why it just made me smile a lot). Also, they're in LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEE~
14. Red!!
Beautiful cat child is cute and deserves all the love. I ADORE witch familiars, and Red helping Keith out with the exorcism thing was really pleasing to read. Also,, Red and Lance interactions. The pLaYFuL bAnTEr between Keith and Lance. Hhhhhhhhhhhhh I love this so muchhhh
15. The ending
tHE ENDING, OH MY GOD THE ENDING. THEY LITERALLY RODE INTO THE SUNSET ON A MOTORCYCLE. IM CRYING ITS SO CLICHE BUT BEAUTIFUL??? ME, SOBBING? ITS MORE LIKELY THAN YOU THINK BECAUSE THIS IS A GORGEOUS CONCLUSION.
Also! "“Why not?” he says quietly, leaning back against Lance’s chest. “We’ve got time.”"
That. THAT. I've already said this in a comment on the fic itself, but this is so good it needs to be said again. This entire story has kind of a recurring theme of how Keith doesn't have enough time with his loved ones (his parents and Lance because of the curse). But now that he broke the curse, he finally had time to be all cutesy and happy with Lance because they have time. Lance is no longer in danger of dying, and so they can take the long way and enjoy life just because now, they can. Catch me screaming into the void again because THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
A last note- I found a song that kinda fits for this fic. The lyrics match the best, but in general the song is also super pretty!! So if you have time give it a listen because it's,, so good (jUST LIKE THIS FIC).
I still feel like all this ranting isn't enough to do this work of art and perfection justice, but anyways!! Apvrrish, continue being the awesomely amazing writer you are.
~Paladin
#honestly!!#a gem of a fic#voltron#vld#fanfiction#apvrrish#calling me to come back#ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i still love it so much
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95 Thoughts I Had During the PLL Finale
If its not already obvious, spoilers below.
1) What the hell is this scene?
2) I think this is a dream, why is there no one else around
3) Jennas on a horse, dream theory confirmed
4) Off to a weird start already
5) Hannah is too nice, Mona tried to kill you honey, let that friendship die
6) Caleb won’t say hi? Thats super fucking shady baby please don’t be A.D.
7) oh fuck is that Melissa?
8) JK its mona..wait why is she even wearing a mask?
9) If I were Aria, I’d be pissed as hell that Hannah brought Mona along, like kick her ass out?
10) Oh god Aria,stop crying, why cant you marry bae? Actually I dont even care.
11) Spencer that was a BOLD move...oh fuck that its for scrabble?!
12) How is Mona trying to act like she doesnt know who A is, didnt she see him/ her at Radley? Or are we supposed to just forget about that?
13) oooh no poor Aria sorry boo
14) Oh hey its mary drake
15) the spencer/ mary drake relationship annoys me to be honest
16) how did the cop not see them holding hands?
17) Ezra is fucking goals..except that time he was kind of A and writing a book about them behind their back.
18) Aria’s dad will forever creep me the fuck out
19) Alison and Em’s mom are being so obvious
20) Alison is deff gunna propose
21) Random thought I’ve had since 2010- Spencer’s mom (before that mary drake shit) looks like Olivia Benson
22) Why do they keep talking about Addison? Why are we supposed to care about her? Marlene don’t make her part of this I WILL FLIP.
23) The moms mentioned the basement! Are they going to tell us how they got out?!?!
24) Nope they are not
25) I’ve been hearing about their relationships since 2010, wrap it up and start talking about A.D.!
26) whyyyyy do they dress Alison so horribly? Like even her pajamas are horrendous
27) called that proposal
28) That ring is so pretty!!!
29)”How much damage can she do in one night” FORESHADOWING!!!!!!!!!!
30) any scene with a naked toby is a gift, I'm about it
31) Toby’s hair looks so soft
32) Who the fuck is playing the piano
33) ohhhh fuck its Mona, im not shocked though
34) Im getting vibes that someone is going to die
35) whaaaaaaat the fuckkkkkk is this place
36) whats happening
37) oh fuck how’d mary get out? I never know how to feel about her
38) DO NOT TELL ME SPENCER HAS A BRITISH TWIN
39) DO NOT TELL ME THAT
40) her british accent is horrendous
41) WREN!
42) Are they trying to pull a parent trap on PLL
43) omg all those times it wasnt spencer!
44) Hannah wasnt sleeping! YO TOBY FUCKED FAKE SPENCER TWICE!
45) I knew i got weird vibes from that airport scene!
46) but why would she do all this if she didnt even know Charlotte?
47) “Till death do us part”...SIG-NIF-I-CANT (sung like Jean-Ralphio from Parks and Rec)
48) Isn’t Wren a fucking psychologist?! there were soooooo many red flags buddy and you missed them ALL
49) oh fuck she killed him and put him in a necklace...casual
50) Remember when Marlene King lied and said they werent going to copy the books?
51) Well actually I take it back she didnt technically lie, she gave us not one but three sets of twins
52) going off track for a second, twins skip a generation so super unlikely that mary drake would have twins
53) also like why couldnt they mention Ali was having twins? im not understanding the twin obsession
54) Back on track...OH FUCK THEYRE WREN’S BABIES
55) Why cant mary help her? thats your daughter bitch!
56) yo Mary literaly sold Alex, I know she didnt have a choice really but thats fucked upppppp.
57) A.D.-Alex Drake....I literally just got that
58) Spencer I wouldve knocked mary out and RAN
59) why does she have bae/Ezra? like what is the point?
60) Rollins looks like Keanu Reeves
61) seriously why is Cece dressed like a fucking pimp
62) wait they just explained like five years worth of plot in five seconds and I can barely understand it because of THAT SHIT ACCENT!
63) honestly them explaining how jenna/sara/sydney are involed so quickly shows how bad this ending really is
64) Toby is gunna figure it out with the horse doesnt like her!!!
65) Horses always know wtf is up
66) Jennas gunna sniff her out
67) Evil twin is such a big leap to make based off a person smelling weird
68) I feel like that whole squad accepted the evil twin theory too quickly like if someone came up to me and was like hey our best friend smells different I think shes being held hostage and the one walking around is actually her evil twin, I would be like ..............what
69) Mona’s a double agent! I think? another one im never sure about
70) Yay theyre out run babies run!
71) why the fuck would you split up have you people learned nothing
72) whaaaaaat, thats not real theyre not actually outside right?
73) I feel like I’m watching Lost honestly
74) Alex walking around with that axe though is my forever mood honestly
75) DONT YOU FUCKING DARE KILL EZRA
76) WAIT WHOSE WHO
77) OHHHH FUCK DONT SHOOT THE WRONG ONE!
78) He shouldve shot Alex fuck that she helped mary escape jail she could easily escape
79) Arias second wedding dress- SO much better
80) oh fuck you marlene king with your cameo shush yourself right off my screen
81) Mona sells dolls in france.....cool cool cool (not cool)
82) deff the creepiest thing ive ever seen in my life
83) oh wait just kidding now its the creepiest thing ive ever seen
84) so Mona’s just full blown psychotic, weve known that since season two thanks for the well written plot twist
85) Dont tell me Addisons about to go missing for a spin off
86) lol addison went missing for a spin off
87) nope sorry im out, i cant invest any more time into another marlene king shit show
88) lemme save you time babies, you better hope addison is dead, cause if not, youre in for a fucking roller coaster of a life
89) in conclusion, im SUPER PISSED jason didnt come back because i looooooved me some jason eye candy
90) I hate that this whole plot was orchestrated by an new character whose only motivation was that she was friends with cece.
91) why did everyone love cece?! she was so fucking shitty like the fuck?
92) I wanted it to be this intricate theory that theyve been planning for years, I really wanted it to be someone weve seen for the past seven years, someone in the background we wouldnt have even thought twice about, that wouldve had alot more shock value
93) also giving it to a new character takes away the opportunity to link A.D. back the original plot for the first five years. I hate how it was essentially two different stories, it makes me feel like the first five years were a waste.
94) Im just dissapointed because i REALLY wanted them to redeem themselves after the Cece/Charlie shit show and they had so many opportunities to make it great and they continued to drop the ball. I like the characters and their personal storylines though, thats the thing ill miss, not the fake reveals and actual reveals that make no sense. Im all about their character growth and personally loved watching them grow on and off screen. Its just a shame the storyline couldnt do them justice.
95) Lets not let Marlene King write anymore shows, K? K.
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Homestuck Liveblog #171
UPDATE 171: Like Punching Your Own Face
Last time Roxy had managed to create the matriorb out of thin air, and Dave and Dirk were finally having a much-needed conversation, Dave unloading everything he had in his head regarding Bro’s way of raising him. It was raw and made me sympathize a lot with Dave, but it’s not over yet. Let’s continue.
The first thing I read in this update is Dirk apologizing. Huh. It wasn’t your fault, Dirk, Dave simply had the bad luck of being raised by a sucky version of you. Then again, as it was pointed to me: Dirk himself admitted long ago that he has no business raising anyone. He’s not wrong, if this was the result. Roxy didn’t do a stellar job, but she wasn’t a complete disaster – the ocean-sized gap that’s the lack of communication between the Lalondes was the problem. All in all, maybe not having to raise them by themselves would have helped.
DAVE: you had a completely different life full of like
DAVE: different choices and actions and stuff
He’s not wrong about that, environment shapes people a lot. I wonder how alternate Dave would have raised Dirk if there wasn’t the slight problem of Dirk being a few centuries in the future...and also if alternate Dave hadn’t been killed. That can’t have been of help either.
Dirk continues feeling responsible of what Bro did, saying he needs to take responsibility for all the splinters that are him. It’s hard to understand, a bit. I honestly can’t even start saying how complicated it is to feel like that – but somehow I have the feeling that a lot of people in the world would feel responsible for what their alternates do. I don’t know if I would.
DIRK: I've felt...
DIRK: Haunted by them.
DIRK: And what that really means is, I'm perpetually haunted by my own bad qualities.
You literally made glasses that are filled with some of your own bad qualities, Dirk. You kinda brought that one to yourself, just saying.
Dave appreciates Dirk’s apologies, even though it feels weird to hear it from someone that isn’t the Bro he knew, which in turn makes Dirk confess that he isn’t even happy with his relationships with his peers – especially with Jake. Well yeah, no surprise there, everything is still a fresh wound. It was just a day ago or so that Jake was telling to other people that he felt suffocated. Who knows, maybe in the future that’ll change! Don’t give up, Dirk.
It’s nice to see that Dave and Dirk are trying to give support to each other despite the trouble they have to connect. It’s clumsy, it’s distant, but they’re trying. It’s more akin to pulling teeth than a heartfelt conversation, buuuuuuut it’s the best the Striders can do.
DAVE: you dont actually seem like a bad person to me though
DIRK: No?
DAVE: nah
DIRK: Why not?
DIRK: We did just meet, after all.
DAVE: because
DAVE: i dunno if truly bad people wrestle so much with whether theyre good or bad
Dirk is not a bad person. He can be extremely difficult to deal with, but he’s not bad. I’m sure hearing it from Dave will make it resonate more than if he had heard it from anyone else, even if everyone else would be more energetic about telling him that he’s a good person. Dirk isn’t even accepting it from Dave at face value, although he is grateful about it. Everyone else idolized him, after all.
DIRK: She meant well, but was so enamored of me, and seemingly everything I did.
DIRK: Which I think was the last thing I needed.
DIRK: To be idolized in some form by other people I respected.
DIRK: I had enough of that feeling coming from within, particularly when I was younger.
No wonder Bro ended like that. I really don’t think anyone dared to tell him about his flaws. I suppose that maybe this could be interpreted as a sign that Bro respected Dave, but I’m not going to think that’s correct. That relationship was pretty messed up, after all.
Dave sounds genuinely floored to hear everything his alternate self did in Dirk’s universe, including killing clown presidents and somehow managing to make a million Statues of Liberty. I’m still wrapping my head around that one. Could that have been how things would have gone if the world hadn’t ended horribly? Hm...no. The movies and all were a way to give the Condesce a sucker punch, no Condesce means those concrete movies wouldn’t exist. It’s hard to say what would have happened. Maybe Dave really would have gone into the fields that study dead stuff.
Dirk tried to follow Dave’s perceived good traits. Golly, Dave must have never seen that coming.
DIRK: You get to apply all that potential you showed in one reality to something much bigger and more existentially critical.
DIRK: Whatever strength you showed in trying to save a dying planet, the fact is, I think we need that more here.
DIRK: And the trials inherent in being a part of something like this, I think they bring more out of you than a relatively pedestrian life on Earth would. Make you face more things about yourself. At least, that's been true for me.
Oh hey, I just realized that this alternate Dave pretty much did everything that’s expected of the Dave we know: fight, resist, and pretty much be a cornerstone of the rebellion against the Condesce. He’s everything Dave doesn’t think he can be. Think about that, Dave.
DIRK: I hope it doesn't come off as overly sentimental garbage, but it seems to me like you turned out to be a really good dude.
DIRK: Like, really, a better sort of dude I ever imagined talking to when I pictured meeting the legendary guy I idolized.
DIRK: I pictured him as probably being "too cool" to be the type of guy you are.
DIRK: But you know what, fuck being too cool for that.
Congratulations, you pretty much punched Dave’s hopes from when he was thirteen years old. It’s for the better. Somehow hearing that Dave is not the “cool” person Dave had once hoped Bro would see him as catches him off-guard. Here we go! This’ll be the turning point for Dave, won’t be it? Things are going to change for him – hopefully! Dave certainly had the big character arc in Homestuck, even if he says people don’t have arcs.
And here we go!
DAVE: its really fucked up of me
DAVE: what im presently doing
DAVE: so
DAVE: sorry about that
DIRK: Oh, y-
DIRK: Yeah.
DIRK: Man.
DIRK: This is some fucked up shit alright.
DAVE: i know
This is much more than I expected. Of all things that could happen, a hug wasn’t even close to the top of the list. This is actually a pretty sweet moment, I’m glad it actually happened. Part of me was sure Hussie wouldn’t show them talking, but he did. I’m glad I was proven wrong about it.
So! There’s only one conversation left before things may kick into overdrive straight towards the last part of Homestuck! Roxy is going to meet Kanaya, surely to give her the matriorb. Things are winding down everywhere else, it won’t be long now!
Roxy appears from the skies with a ‘heeeeeey’ and repeats it a few more times, preparing the surprise by telling her to guess what she brought. I can guarantee that the matriorb is not going to be a guess here, hah!
KANAYA: Is It The Thing Behind Your Back
ROXY: yup but u gotta be more specific
KANAYA: Is It A Little Piece Of Paper That Says Hey On It
ROXY: hahahahaha no but that would be SO FUNNY!
I won’t lie, I wouldn’t have been surprised if it hadn’t been that. Wish you had thought about it before. Maybe there’s still time to write “I.O.U one (1) matriorb” on any random rock and give it to her...or maybe that’d be cruel. Shrug.
Not wasting any more time, Roxy presents the matriorb, much to Kanaya’s astonishment. She’s so surprised she can barely express her surprise while Roxy tries to explain in vague terms. Look at that, Kanaya has tears in her eyes! It must be hard to describe, the feeling of hope in seeing the way the troll race is going to be resurrected. Keep it away from the Condesce and everything should be fine.
Nobody would have thought that the way to revive the trolls would just be given to her like this, but she can’t complain. There’s a lot of work to do, the mother larva isn’t going to raise itself. There’s a life of duty and work ahead of her.
Where’s Karkaroni, asks Roxy? “Meditating”. With his face deep into the dirt. You’re so lucky you’re telling this to someone Roxy doesn’t know very well, nobody else would believe such answer.
Roxy gets into her role of Rose’s mother and tries to know Kanaya better, asking about the meteor tri, where everybody formed small groups and only convened like twice of three times. It wasn’t the social jamboree Roxy imagined. Could have been worse, Roxy. It was worse once. At least now everyone is more or less getting along and Kanaya is aware she needs Karkaroni’s help so trolls aren’t like in Alternia.
...having doubts about fighting? Well I can understand Kanaya would want to protect the matriorb and that she believes her skills are not as good as everyone else’s, but if the Condesce isn’t defeated that matriorb will only be good as a paperweight. Roxy points all that and tries to give Kanaya encouragement about her skills. Well not many things can beat a chainsaw in power. That’s all enough to convince Kanaya to go with her and prepare for the fight.
Now that all the dialogue options are over, the point of view returns to the dream bubble where Vriska has gone to harass herself. Yeah, don’t ask me why she’s bothering to do this.
Okay, I read one page and I’m already feeling a bit sick. I don’t know how Hussie is doing this, managing to make me dislike Vriska after I spent most of her appearances liking her. In just a few hundred pages he’s managing to make me not want to read her anymore. It’s going to be difficult to write something that isn’t constant grumbling. Well, there’s one thing...
VRISKA: Remem8er when you used to care a8out that sort of thing?
VRISKA: No, o8viously not.
VRISKA: All you care a8out now is 8ullshit hipstery fashion trends, feeling "happy", and... whatever the fuck it is you're doing here?
VRISKA: Frolicking with some horses in an ugly field or some shit.
VRISKA: Just a8solutely disgraceful.
VRISKA: How could I have 8ecome so selfish??
VRISKA: You do know this is selfish, right?
VRISKA: This isn't having some fucking "epiphany" or like "growing as a person" or whatever self-serving spin you might 8e putting on what's happening here.
VRISKA: It's just plain narcissism, the worst kind you're capa8le of. A total renunci8tion of any responsi8ility for contri8uting to the gr8ter good.
VRISKA: And it makes me FUCKING SICK.
...I have no words. Yeah, looking for personal happiness is selfish, but there’s nothing wrong with being reasonably selfish. I just...I can’t say anything about this that isn’t some sort of circular argument that in the end isn’t worth typing here. I just can’t say anything.
VRISKA: Contrary to your lazy fakey "happy" shit, I've ACTUALLY GROWN AS A PERSON.
VRISKA: What do you think of THAT, you frivolous, dithering 8ITCH????????
Like hell you did!
Just...agh.
Looks like the dead Vriska wasn’t wrong, the horses really is a bad omen for her. Meenah is leaving her and going with the Vriska that is alive. At least Meenah has the decency to be conflicted about what she’s feeling and all, but damn, what a way to punch someone that’s already down, Hussie.
Meenah likes dead Vriska a lot, and she admits it, but she’s bored of having an idyllic life with dead Vriska. She wants to fight Lord English and here’s the chance to do it. Dead Vriska may have changed, but Meenah is the same than before, and that one isn’t content with sitting on the sidelines. That’s why she’s leaving – more or less.
I feel bad for dead Vriska. It’s almost hard to believe that the end for the character I knew for so long is this – or at least this seems like the end. It feels...weird. I feel really bad for her. I wish this hadn’t gone for this. Heck, Meenah deciding to go fight Lord English would have been understandable. I just wish this whole thing hadn’t needed to happen.
Hm. I think I should be stopping here for now.
Next update: next time
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I accept your dare - answer all of them
1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
I’m not sure. 2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
yeah sure, I’m 19 it wouldn’t be a big deal unless they were still in high school. christ this ask game has been going around for years i remember answering this when i was 153. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
last friday at a party with my friends4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I do all the time and my friends yell at me to stop but im too polite i can’t help it5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
a lot of my friends are mad at me for talking to someone…6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
not yet today7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
answered!8. How often do you listen to music?
as often as i can9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
jeans def10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
…
(SORRY ILL PUT THE REST UNDER THE CUT LMAO
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
answered!12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?
i’m not sure…13. What about ‘R’?
i feel like an awful person I don’t know the name of the last person i kissed!!14. Can you drive a stick shift?
can’t even drive 15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
well yeah, mostly i just wanna know what theyre saying so i can shut down any false rumors. people have said some weird shit about me. 16. Are you going out of town soon?
yeah, I’m going back to my hometown for a few days, and then i’m going to alaska. i’m scared.17. When was the last time you cried?
yesterday or the day before, or maybe this morning idk finals are fucking me up and personal shit is happening at the exact same time18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
yeah, in a platonic way.19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
no not at all, I have green eyes i’ve won the lottery imo 20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
im not sure21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
I’m not focusing enough on my work and its stressing me out so much22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
so cute!!23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
no but im rooming with her next semester24. What are you sitting on right now?
an uncomfortable wooden chair25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
yeah, my friends!26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
yep.27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
it was my buddy @cu-curu-gol at like 4am??? lmao28. Do you get a lot of colds?
no but i get fucktons of allergies and sinus stuff29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
i honestly forget probably gap or some shit its old30. Does anyone hate you?
probably31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
I don’t, im straightedge but my roommate might32. Do you like watching scary movies?
yeah!! my fave is hush but i watched creep the other night with my friends and it was so good33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
nah34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
2011.35. Did you have a dream last night?
yeah, it was a bad one.36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
I forget honestly37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
not at all38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
answered!39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
probably not.40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
no it was awful actually41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
don’t even have to think no42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
yeah, considering i go to a womans college lmao43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
yeah. I don’t think I believe them.44. What’s the best part about school?
everything except finals i love my school 45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
many many46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
no we just whisper and make snarky comments 47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
all the time48. Were you single over the last summer?
yep.49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
not at all and im very happy for that, but my depression has come back a bit. 50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
studying or writing my 3 essays51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
no, but i don’t know what to feel honestly.52. Are you nice to everyone?
I try my best to be.53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
yeah, too many times54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
yes of course, if you can’t last 6 months you don’t deserve to be in a relationship and you’re scum in my eyes tbh55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
sort of???56. Do you think you like someone?
unfortunately 57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
i HAVE NO IDEA AND I FEEL SO BAD but she was super drunk and she initiated it so like im not a total shit i promise 58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
girls def but gender is fake 59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
many of them60. Do you hate anyone?
no, I don’t think so.61. How’s your heart?
not at it’s best. it’s a little fractured atm. 62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
yes. yes there is. 63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
fucking unfortunately 64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
I hope it’s no one, but probably my brother tbh65. Are your toenails painted pink?
no i havent painted my toes in months66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
i hope not!! but it might be, knowing me it almost definitely will be. 67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
that makes it sound sadistic, I wouldn’t love it, i would be so sad if my boyfriend cried, probably enough to cry myself, but its definitely preferable to a boy who just bottles up all his emotions and only expresses his negative emotions through anger.68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
I dont think so but honestly i wouldn’t put it past myself69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
a guy named andrew at the bank lmao70. How do you look right now?
shit71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
yeah72. Can you commit to one person?
i want to73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
sort of?74. Have you ever felt replaced?
yes.75. Did you wake up cranky?
yep76. Are you a jealous person?
i wish i wasnt but i can be so awfully jealous and i hate it about myself
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
i’ve never been in one but yes i believe they are. just because things end don’t mean it wasn’t worth it.78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
not yet79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
my friends tonight hopefully80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
start writing my essays81. Last person you cried in front of?
um, I think it was my friend sarah?82. Is there someone you will never forget?
yes, a lot of people.83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
doubt it84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
just sitting around studying and talking a bit85. Are you over your past?
not quite. 86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
yeah 87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
sort of88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
i haven’t really had a first true love yet89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
I honestly don’t know if i’d recognize her90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
yep…91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
hah no92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
yeah but we call him magoo93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
nope94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
nope95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
yeah i guess96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
…yes…he is….97. Who do you have texts from?
none that are unanswered98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
I would tell them to go for it, and try my best to support them but i would be really sad.99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
yeah, the oldest guy i kissed was 21 when i was 18100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
on facebook its a horse named eli101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
not yet102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
yeah, i hate and love the feeling.
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very intense dream about being in an olser hs, some giant wasp wandering around during assembly, two schools in one, wasp gave me honey at first then when interacting with someone from another school they had their stinger and. cut my arm with it, around the cut it flared up and colored tge cut and surrounding veins deep red, during third time wasp came through i was talking with someone and we found that the would could be rubbed off to show a tattoo... along thr cut was a long?? device? surrounded by a ladyor man that had their mouth open around the stick device thing like a fancy Medusa biker tattoo, at this point i knew giant wasp was dangerous, i watched them go around assembly hall thing, not normal auditorium but hallway type deal with wings of rooms for teachers to sit in, the teacher i talked with couldve been my phl teacher, the girl who gave me stinger was a kind bitch from hs with the good but grating kind of bitch voice. the wasp circled for the third time and i saw the stinger again, and attacking soon after. before this the second time the wasp came around and offered me, or i dared to touch it, some sticky non sticky honey? slime? off its stinger. but this third time they attacked a random person and i ran away and the school was put on lockdown. i ran fast fearing what my tattoo and the wasp meant, through the gym where i got the unattached stinger drug under my skin ti where it at first looked like a big scrape, past that girl that gave it to me, doors were closing fast bc fancy lockdown procedure. two girls from my college course hid ina closet, which i couldnt fit in, so i ran down a hallway where i saw the deep dull brown grey of doors locking and men in almost bug exterminator outfits coming down the halls. i ran into a room, with a guy lounging in a spa tub that took up 70% of the room, him greeting me happily and gayly, and suds amd bubbles covering part of the floor. i came in, and was like holy shiy we need to hide. the room was dimly lit with rainbow lights and the door handle was that same brown grey tinted red. i held the door closed trying to figure out the lock and fucking couldny i blamed the school being old. the guy didnt really care but the men opened the door and had guns. the guy bowed his head, my whole brain n body went quiet and i bowed my head expecting death via gunshot. i was shot, with something in the forehead, but not harshly but i did go to sleep pass out.
next thing i know im in a line leading up to an elementary school or part of the bigger school holdong onto my tattoo listening tk people kinda sad but entirely not worried or in despair. big... figures.. corralled us and surrounded our line, some guy was talking about ranks of caregivers in this like bug race that had us, and through my tattoo i was noted as a...? witch? druid? some significant caretaker of brood, but not as high as some highmaster headmaster guy they started talking about soon after. i was shown a book of one of the big, surely bug guy shrouded with an abviously fucked up back like the skeksis whatever, the book was a hardcover with the loud plastic coating shell, and that was close to a door. i was led into. the bugs were hoarders and stuff was piled so. that we only had one way to walk, until a sign where the plastic protecter made it hard to read said one (single) this way with an arrow indicating the left to eat, and the right side of the sign with the number 8 and (many) with th arrow to the right. i took the single side, got a fork, and meandered to. yhe back with the heavy silvery fork, and played with pieces of celtic knotwork bookends, some little wood and lapis lazuli statues, one being a tiny minotaur. after. spacing out this way for a while and hearing people fill in behind me, two rows seperated by the curve where i was and a neck height wall of stuff behind me, also i was aware i was ina skirt or dress at this point. i hear someone yell hero move whirlwind behind me and my arm. is cut and i see this weapon that looks like a small saw with a full handle like its a little pot land besides me, and notice my upperarm, underarm, but still visible is cut deep. seeing the pibk deep. didnt hurt, but bled alot. got a towel and my clothes to wrap it up, or rather hpld against bleeding, and turned arounf and saw an excited but embarrassed teenage tauren? woman who was coming down from a jump looking triumphant but also sorry for those she cut. she didnt hurt the bug person in the corner, the shrouded one. i got her a towel for hrr wound, and then im sure shr was handled. by the bug person, becauae i managed to walk back out where i came from. she had pretty tall white horns.
i guess i was shot anf. carrird back bc next i know im stealing cats off the sidewalk for... some reason to put into a duffle bag suitcase. im stealing giant fucking cats for some reason. on stealing a cat, thr first one, i saw an old man greet a woman at his door eith a pretty brown grey tinted cat, complaining about them being dirty. at some poiny i got an image of a closeup of cat eye washing worms out, and then i somehow realized i was brainwashed through that and the old. man lamenting about his cats being missing. i let the cats out and traveled past the two at the door and bathing cat, wearing off white stained dress that i came to b aware of earlier. it was sunset /immediately after sunset then, as i traveled through the neighborhood it progressed into nighttime. i looked up and a moon pod thing was there in place of a moon. i noted this as thr real one. i traveled many urban roads, fall time, middle class neighborhoods, good roads for barefoot travel, i meet eyes with some kids that surely see me, and shortly after that i kept going. the roads had old lights that didnt ligbt them well, but i could see. i find myself at the entrance of the school, and when coming up to it from the road i notice that its got some damahr to it, like if hit moderately worsr itd be ruin. it was lit in the harsh manner schools are in nighttime, and i walk in to be greeted by a young man, very gayly and excited, like the man knew me. he showed me to the room I hid in and was like see these cards. they were all on the cheap construction paper and i saw them anf was like aww daddy. like in the parental way not nasty way. on the way to that room i got a glimpse of the gym, where a handful of people were redoing the gym from fallen shit from invasion. i went therr next feeling good from the cards, gym people nodded said hey whatevet, and i walked past into the lockerrroom of the gym where i got my tattoo cut and everything. coming back out, i notice something odd about these people, the pink of the lower lid of their eye was slightly puffed and a more vibrant buggy pink. small cuts start forming, one notably ona persons face, and let out a few worm.. things witg a few centipede. legs on them. and the person visibly grins at me in the evil manner. im scared, very scared, so i run back out of the school, and i know their coming to get me. the witch druid whatever. i walk to a pond that had a few meteorites fallen in it, and thus a lot of reptiles were gathered and bathed a bright green with a few burning red meteorites falling at a time, i picked up creatures, and walking on top of their solid bodies, to fend off the bug person shortly behind me, and then through my walking/running the person appears infront of me, reaching fot me and i grab what must've been a velociraptor some sort of raptor, to hold to the person and have him bite it, but it didnt work so well so i rsn and picked up a meteorite piece and ran it along the raptors mouth hoping itd help, but finally close to the school wall i pick up a piece, rub it against my lips, and somehow either thru breath or kiss i kill the bug person chasing me, and after that im greeted by i hope normal people on the porch of the school offering me candy. halloween candy. i was apprehensive bc i dont know if they were bugpeople of not, but i let my gaurd down to chill and eat candy, then i woke up.
at some point i became aware that theyre were two pod moons, one real and one of bug construction. k think the girl eith the old man made me aware of this. other things wefe fake in doubles in the sky as well. girl had dark brown hair, same color of cat being bathed. girl was yellow/white/tan color, old man was wrinkled and very white with white hair and lots of wrinkles.
the pool with meteorites was piled in writhing mass along the edge with reptiles, but the reptiles had surprising mass and hardness when walked on, like stones. the glow was like glow in the dark green.
gay man in tub was the yellow tan light color, dark short hair, oddly contorted body to fit in tub. gay man at counter was blonde with long hair, also yellow tan lightskin white person. first bug person in gym was a middle aged white lady. girl who cut me with stinger was a black girl from hs who was attractive, but out of my league and bitchy. phl teacher is Greek guy with the deeper yellow tan white person skin tone.
very long post. prolly meant to be nice monster dream but signals went wrong
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