#but there are still a lot of things I like about the story
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"falin isn't fat in canon (so stop unduly giving this series credit for fat representation in her case)": a very fair point! it *is* honestly a bit concerning that people are so conditioned by media to think stick-thin is the norm that they think medium-sized bodies are fat. and i've seen some very good points about how almost every character we see that has a heavier build is just like that because their race is naturally more stocky, and that almost no characters in this story are "overweight" by their race's standards. so while this story is much better than a lot of others with its body diversity, there are still some things that it could do better.
"falin isn't fat in canon (so stop drawing her fat)": your ignorance astounds me and your foolishness knows no bounds. i could fill libraries with the things you don't know on this subject. every time you bitch about this i give her another roll.
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I see a lot of people clowning on the people of Pelican Town for not repairing the community center themselves or clowning on Lewis for embezzling and. like. Those criticisms aren't entirely unfair. But I think instead of coming at it from a perspective of "why can't the townspeople do this" we should be asking "why and how can the farmer do this?"
Like. Think about it. The farmer arrives in Stardew Valley on the first day of spring. By the first day they're obviously different. By day five the spirits of the forest who haven't been seen by the townsfolk in years or generations are speaking to them. By the second week they've developed a rapport with the wizard that lives outside town.
In the spring they go foraging and find more than even Linus, who's spent so many years learning the ways of the valley. Maybe he knows, when he sees them walking back home. Maybe he looks at them and understands that they're different, chosen somehow.
In the summer they fish in the lakes and the ocean for hours on end, catching fish that even Willy's only ever heard of, fish that he thought were the stuff of legend. They pull up giants from the deep and mutated monstrosities from the sewers.
In the fall, their crops grow incredibly immense; pumpkins twice as tall as a person, big enough that someone could live inside. The farmer cuts it down with an axe without even batting an eye. Does Lewis wonder, when he checks the collection bin that night and finds it full to the brim with pumpkin flesh? What does he think? Does he even leave the money? Does he have the funds to pay the farmer millions of dollars for the massive amounts of wine they sell? Or is it someone--something--else entirely?
In the winter, the farmer delves into the mines. No one in Pelican Town has been down there in decades. No one in living memory has been to the bottom. The farmer gets there within the season. They return to the surface with stories of dwarven ruins and shadow people, stories they only tell to Vincent and Jas, whose retellings will be dismissed by the adults as flights of fancy. People walking by the entrance to the mines sometimes hear the farmer in there, speaking in a language no one can understand. Something speaks back.
The farmer speaks to the the wizard. They speak to the spirit of a bear inside a centuries-old stone. They speak to the shadow people and the dwarves, ancient enemies, and they try to mend the rift. They speak to the Junimos, ancient spirits of the forest and the river and the mountain. They taste the nectar of the stardrops and speak to the valley itself. They change Pelican Town, and they change the valley. Things are waking up.
And what does Evelyn think? She's the oldest person in the valley; she was here when the farmer's grandfather was young. (How old *is* she, anyway? She never seems to age. She doesn't remember the year she was born.) Does she see the farmer and think of their grandfather? Does she try to remember if he was like this too, strange and wild and given the gifts of the forest?
And does their grandfather haunt the valley? He haunts the farm, still there even after his death; his body died somewhere else, but his spirit could never stay away for long. Does Abigail, using her ouija board on a stormy night, almost drop the planchette when she realizes it's moving on its own? Does Shane, walking to work long before anyone else leaves their house, catch glimpses of a wispy figure floating through the town? Does the farmer know their grandfather came back to the place they both love so much?
Mr. Qi takes interest in the farmer. He's different, too; in a different way, maybe, but the principles are the same. They're both exceptional, and no matter what Qi says about it being hard work and dedication, they both know the truth: the world bends around the both of them, changing to fit their needs. Most people aren't visited by fairies or witches. Most people don't have meteorites crash in their yard. Most people couldn't chop down trees all day without a break or speak to bears and mice and frogs.
The farmer is different. The rules of the world don't work for them the way they work for everyone else. The farmer goes fishing and finds the stuff of fairy tales. The farmer goes mining and fights shadow beasts and flying snakes. The farmer looks at paths the townspeople walk every day and finds buried in the dirt relics of lost civilizations.
The farmer is a violent, irrepressible miracle, chosen by the valley and destined to return to it someday. Even if they'd never received the letter, they would've come home.
They always come home eventually.
#lich says shit#stardew valley#sorry for the stardew valley meta i'm just so obsessed with how FREAKY the farmer is. Like it's so fun#gonna write another long ass post about the farmer's bloodline specifically and. like.#why did their grandpa leave the valley?? why did their parents never go back??#stardew valley farmer#sdv
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No Such Thing As Filler
Okay, so yes, this is another post based on something I saw that irritated me, but it seems like this idea keeps coming up, so I need y'all to internalize this. There is no such thing as filler in good writing. None. Do not approach your work thinking you have to fill space in a story, I will beat you with this wiffle bat. Don't ask me where I got the wiffle bat. Don't even worry about it.
The idea of filler comes from a very particular place - when an anime or TV show has to fit in a certain number of episodes, but doesn't have enough content (hasn't caught up with the manga, the source material isn't long enough, etc) to cover those episodes. An episode has to be written, but the characters can't really progress, and so are given something else to do. Many a trope has come from these episodes, and they're sometimes necessary. Filler in this context is something that makes sense.
The dark side of filler is the idea that you need some space between Big Event 1 and Big Event 2 in your story, therefore you need throw anything in there to take up space and make your word count. This is a mistake I've made and I've seen plenty of other writers do it too, but it's a huge waste of your time. You do need something between those big action scenes, but you should always be writing to accomplish something.
Instead of thinking of that writing as filler, try to approach it with three things in mind:
Move Forward With Character Development and Backstory - Your characters barely survived a huge gunfight, and they won't encounter the big bad again for another few chapters. How do your characters decompress from that gunfight, and what does that say about them? Did a cocky character go in guns blazing, only to be deeply shaken by how a real fight works? Did that fight spark a moment of deep trauma for the main character that they have to reflect on afterwards?
Filling this space with meaningless scenes is a huge waste of opportunity. Think about how to dive deeper into your characters.
Move Forward With Plot and Subplot Development - The bad guy beat the heroes to the stolen gem, but they left behind a clue to why they want it. However that clue could reveal some painful truths about the protagonist's beloved great aunt... Carmen Sandiego???
A major goal following a big action scene is having the characters figure out what to do with what they've learned and what to do next. It's where romance subplots or secret relative subplots make progress, when truths are revealed and next steps are taken. You can absolutely do this in any setting - a flirty conversation while at the battling cages, a tense moment of feelings while hunting down a wayward chicken - but your main goal is making progress for both the characters and plot.
Move Forward With Worldbuilding - Worldbuilding has it challenges, believe me. You don't want to write a chapter on how an airship works only to have to cut it later. But you should still try to flesh out your world, and you should do so with the perspective of how to use that worldbuilding to your benefit. Maybe a critical scene hinges on the main characters knowing how that airship works, or that lake your main character often stares at is the setting of the big Act 3 Boat Battle. The weather can play into both perspective and emotions. Knowing what the main character's house and car looks like can reflect a lot on their personal character or backstory.
When you're struggling with a scene or a chapter, rather than writing filler, take a few steps back and think. What can you establish with your worldbuilding? What can you reveal about your characters through their dialogue and actions? What subplot could you explore or add in these between moments?
Filler from a fandom perspective - Now let me make this clear - if you're writing a fanfic just to have a cute moment between the characters you like, or you really want to force everyone to do that weird Twilight baseball scene, that's fine. You don't need a grand goal to achieve for every story, there's no need to justify your fanwork in any way other than you wanted to do it.
But I'd also argue fanwork doesn't fall under the filler label either - something you create, be it a character snapshot or a 'what if the gang meets Slenderman' parody, isn't taking up meaningless space. It's something fun you did that you and others enjoy, and there's nothing wasteful or pointless about that.
#writing advice#plotting#filler#writblr#the wiffle bat is a metaphor#for uuuuh something that sounds cool and interesting#let's go with that
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I had a crack idea that I was thinking of so you know in Dan is Klarion au I was imagining a au based off of that one where all of Danny's children are Klarion is like the robin thing for Batman it started off with Danielle when nabu insulted Danny as the Ghost King and Balance
Ever since Ellie decided that she needed to get back in blood so she made the chaotic antihero Klarion and and her suppose it familiar 'cat' Teekl the way to help out her mother and mess with Dr Fate/Nabu Teekl is actually a bear with an illusion on that makes him look like a cat in the human's eyes
Whatever since the anti-hero Klarion in The Phantom family has been passed down each of them giving their own flair to the persona of Klarion with a different animal every time that they had pretending to be a cat
Tell her to finally passed on to Dan it is an honorary sibling thing each of them has their own antihero name once they passed down the title of Klarion
Diana's query and takes after his father's style of dressing and his tickle is a phoenix
First of Thanks for the Ask! Inspirational as always! Helps with my writers block [insert awkward laugh]
Either way because this is split in two asks... you get two version! One focused on how it started and the other on the reveal! Though the might be some little Shorts... Also there is something really funny to me about a giant bear letting Illusionen into a cat... So Enjoy!
(BTW still thinking over the other ask... and working on it don't worry!)
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Ellie huffed as Danny reprimanded her for her actions. She just huffed crossing her arms. She was just helping Danny. Her mom got a lot on his shoulders and she as the sort of oldest saw that the best. Sure technically Dan was older then her but, he shrunk down to kid level again and now she was the oldest.
Well if she ignored her other brothers but they were only saved recently and still in treatment with Frostbite. So she was the oldest. End of story.
"Ellie you can't just go off like that you know that messing with an Ancient is not-"
"Mom, That Nabu-Guy was being a pain in the a- " - "Ellie!" - "A PAIN, babbling on to much about Order here Order there. How keeping Balance means keeping Order and bla bla bla!" She cut in stopping her mom before he could go on another rant about the Ancients, she needed to treat with respect.
"He doesn't respect you, the Ancient of Balance! You are the literal Symbol of Balance between Life and Death! Aside from being the Ghost King. So of course I had to mess with the one HE mentors!" Ellie added huffing as she crossed her arms.
Danny pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ellie, you created an entire alternate persona!"
"Yea so?"
"You used an illusion spell on Fluffels!"
"And? Any good Anit-Hero needs a Mascot." Ellie shrugged once more looking up at her mom before looking over to Fluffels, her pet ghost grizzly that was pretty much double maybe even tripple her size and the fluffiest ghost grizzly you could find in the entire Ghost Zone, and the cutest.
Danny on the other hand groaned, wondering if he had done anything wrong while raising Danielle. Sure he had been a teen himself but good damit why the hell did Ellie decided messing with the Ancient of Order or rather his mentee was a good idea. "I am calling Jazz! You can explain to her what you were thinking!"
He was definitely to overworked and stressed to deal with Ellies mischievousness right now. Well she did call her alternate persona Klarion, Lord of Chaos. Nope! He was not dealing with this right now, so Danny did the sanest thing he could think of. Turning on his heel and walking away. Where to? Who cares maybe he would check in with his old man Clockwork and see what Ellie had actually been up to, instead of just reading through Nabu's complains.
Ellie on the other hand blinked watching her mom leave before calling after him. "Does that mean I have to stop, being Klarion?"
"Mom?!"
"MOM!"
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"Well hello my lovely Amadillos! Long time not seen!"
Ellie shouted cheerfully as she twirled into appearing hair styled into a horn like form, black suit and she might have over done it a little with the black eyeliner but hey it was an iconic look wasn't it. She smirked as Fluffles growled which translated into a meow for the mortals before her thank to the illusion spell.
The mortal teen looked up at her surprised as she floated down her hand glowing with red ectoplasm (a color change from her usual green ectoplasm that had taken a while to learn from Pandora). Young Justice was currently transporting something of interest to her. Well of Interest for the Justice League, really but Doctor Fate was involved which meant Nabu was involved, which naturally meant she would get involved. It didn't hurt that she would also get to try to try some new tricks.
"You got something interesting there... and I want that." She grinned. Ellie didn't give them long before she acted using the new tricks she had learned.
"Woah! Hey there, watch the pointy and sharp thowies!" She laughed making a quick shield as she blocked some batarangs and arrows before blinking.
"Hey they look different. Robin, did you change equipment? Did you get a new haircut too?" She asked curious but didn't really receive an answer as they ignored her questions and shouted something about distracting her while the others continue the transportation. Still she bend down to pick one of them up twirling it between her fingers. "What gives didn't they have a different design before?"
In hindsight it was probably not a good idea to just abandon her original goal but Robin was making her curious. And she could always find a different way to mess with Nabu. Her mom had given her an indirect okay years ago anyway.
"Teekl!" She called out and only her eyes could see how Fluffles jumped at the call growling in response as he swatted away some of the more annoying Young Justice kids. To the mortals it probably looked like Teekl was using ectoplasm, or well magic, in their eyes.
She used that change to go up into Robins face smirking widely as she looked at the other more closely, trying to get a read on him. "You are different! You aren't the same Robin I meet before!"
She ducked in time avoid Superboy as she hopped back excited with a new idea for her family.
But first she would have to deal with the little chaos and mischief she was creating.
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".....and that is how I learned that the Robin title is getting passed down. So I was thinking of doing the same!" Ellie broadly stated looking at all her younger siblings before her. "We all get pretty annoyed with the way Nabu treats Mom so there always has to be a Lord of Chaos to 'balance' Nabu out!"
She grinned at her siblings expecting the same kind of excitement she had and they didn't disappoint. Danny had been there for all of them, even going so far as in to find a way with Clockwork to save some of their lives. So of course they all would jump at the change to mess with the one Ancient that was badmouthing their Mother just because Balance didn't entitle Order the way they wanted.
After all Chaos was needed to Balance Order out.
This was going to be fun...
[Follow up part Linked here]
#dp x dc#dpxdc#danny fenton#danny phantom#dcxdp#ellie phantom#dan phantom#klarion the witch boy#crossover#dick grayson#tim drake#dc robin#Klarion is a title passed down like Robin#Ellie created the first Klarion#dc Nabu#doctor fate#mom danny#ghost king danny#Ellie is the first Klarion#Like Dick was the first Robin#she got the idea of passing down Robin after meeting Tim!Robin#Originally it was just to mess with the Ancient of Order#part 1
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Dang it, I love this ship and I love the enemies to lovers trope. I get that a lot of people see them as a surrogate father and daughter relationship, but it feels like a been there/done that kinda thing.
As much as I love that trope, I'm also a little tired of it. There's only so much Last of Us style found family I take after seeing it for so many years.
The thing I love about VaultGhoul or Ghoulcy is the idea of Lucy breaking down of Cooper's walls while he helps build hers up.
Is he incredibly cruel to her and those around him in the first season? Yes, extremely
Does he need to chill out and find some of his humanity that's been buried under 200+ years of wasteland survival and bitterness? Yes
Who can bring that needed direction to his life while learning the ways of the new world she finds herself in? Lucy MacLean
I know that the canon ship of the show at this moment is Lucy and Maximus, and as much as I love him, I find the pairing obvious and kind of boring from a story telling perspective. I loved it on my first viewing, but upon re-watching the series, I wasn't as behind it as before. I see their relationship, kiss and all, as a kind of first fling for the both of them.
While it doesn't diminish the care they show one another, there's not a lot behind them as a couple. Now I know that some people might turn around to say how she and Cooper spent less time together than her and Max, but I guess the thing I look forward to is seeing what their relationship brings with the second season.
I feel like Max and Lucy will have a great friendship and I'm interested to see where the Brotherhood fits into their dynamic as well.
With Cooper though, I find his story so tragic, as it's supposed to be. He's your standard hardened survivor who only looks out for himself that's now stuck with the happy-go-lucky main character, however, she's not that character anymore by the end. She's still going to be the Lucy we love, but she's changed by the end. While not losing her compassion and some optimism, I think Cooper is going to bring out a harsher side to her as we saw when she bit off his finger.
I want to see her building up her walls and learning when to let them down. How to truly survive while still bringing her own energy to the wasteland and people around her. I want to see Cooper regaining some lost humanity while learning to truly care for another person again. To see the two of them as eventual equals in one another's eyes as they continue on their journey as reluctant allies.
I also want to say that I'm personally kind of tired of the 'age gap' argument. We have stories of teenagers falling in love with hundred year old vampires. So can we just drop the age gap thing?
As long as they're both consenting adults who understand what they're getting themselves into, who cares about an age gap.
Does it truly matter in the scheme of things when we're talking about a world with cryo-stasis and super mutants?
I personally don't think so.
I don't know if anyone will even bother reading this entire thing, and I know I went on a little long, but I wanted to write down my thoughts on the whole shipping situation with the Fallout TV show fandom at this moment.
I'm a VaultGhoul shipper and I can't wait to see where the second season takes our main trio of characters.
#fallout show#fallout amazon#ghoulcy#lucy x cooper#vaultghoul#cooper howard#lucy maclean#a ghoul and his girl#a girl and her ghoul#I ship it#Can't wait for season 2
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ELLE !! OMGGGG i read a fanfic based on the movie flipped and i immediately thought of you and how you would eat this trope up or more specifically a childhood best friends to lovers !!
like one day either one or all of the marauders are spending the day with reader then all of a sudden the boys’ hearts start beating a little faster at reader’s laughter or they’re mesmerized by their little subtle quirks and now they’re like “oh fuck… i think i LOVE them love them”
this is not necessarily a request but if you decide to write something like this then YIPPIEEE FLUFF but if not then its just a cute little scenario to think about !!
this was such a sweet idea 🥹 thank you so much for your request 🫶
Sirius Black x gn!reader who he's - oh shit - in love with
Life hadn’t been particularly easy for Sirius.
He was born into a family not out of love but out of obligation.
In fact, he hadn’t ever really known love outside of whatever affection he held for his baby brother until he met his friends.
He’d been beaten, starved, ignored, and tortured into compliance all before the age of 11; and it only continued tenfold upon his return from school after having been sorted into the wrong house.
In fact, a lot about Sirius was wrong.
He had the wrong opinions, the wrong hair, the wrong style, the wrong language, the wrong grades, the wrong loyalty.
Sirius was wrong.
At least that’s what his family would have said.
However, Sirius eventually learned that it wasn’t him who had been wrong all this time; it was them.
And whilst removing them from him was very difficult - seeing as they were the ones who bred and raised him - he felt he was doing a pretty decent job of it.
Unfortunately, that meant leaving his baby brother Regulus, and you, behind.
From as far back as Sirius could remember, everything was always chosen for him; his friends, his interests, his hobbies, the volume of his voice, the clothes he wore, the way he presented himself etcetera, etcetera.
And though that was technically still true of his dedication to his brother and his companionship with you; the two of you were the only good things to have ever come from his life as a Black.
His friendship with you was a cherished one.
Perhaps one of the only people who truly got it; who knew what Sirius went through.
You were the silver lining at every grey and dreary Pureblood Gala and Sacred 28 dinner party.
You were his biggest advocate and protector when it came to his older cousins and the other older Purebloods.
And you were the only reason Sirius could bring himself to flee that horrid night in the summer before sixth year; he could only leave knowing that Regulus would at least still have you.
But it hurt.
It hurt knowing he had left you and Regulus to fend for yourselves.
He felt like a coward; like he betrayed the two people who he cared for most.
And he was still so scared; even now, albeit for different reasons.
He was scared because he was certain that when he returned to Hogwarts that September, you and Regulus would hate him.
But apparently, his fears were wrong too.
Because two weeks before the end of summer; two weeks before you would all be piling onto the Hogwarts Express to return to Scotland, you and Regulus showed up to Potter Manor wearing matching timid grins, yet seemingly no worse for wear.
Somehow, you had gotten yourself and Reggie out of the terror that was your familial homes, and were staying with friends up in Ottery St.Catchpole.
Sirius never really imagined getting to have his cake at all, let alone getting to have his cake and eating it too.
Yet, here he sat on a warm summer evening at Potter Manor with James, Remus, Peter, Reggie, and you around a crackling bonfire among the sounds of peeping frogs and chirping crickets as you told some grandiose story about you and Regulus trekking through a vast field where Regulus stumbled in a hidden hole in the ground and cursed for five minutes straight in both English and French before the two of you laughed so hard that you cried.
Your face was flushed and you were slightly breathless as you narrated your tale; arms flying wildly as you drew a rather descriptive picture of both your surroundings and your actions. Every so often you would reach over to shake Regulus’ shoulder as he hid his face behind his hands, laughing along with you and daring to interrupt if he felt you were overexaggerating some details or not painting him in a flattering enough light.
What was likely a rather stressful and arduous journey across the Southern half of the country seemed to be nothing but a grand adventure as you retold your experience.
Sirius liked that about you; everything was an adventure with you. You never let Regulus or Sirius feel too poorly for themselves for too long, telling them it was going to be great for their character development.
“I think I’m rather well developed already, sweetheart.” He’d grumbled at you once. You laughed like he had something truly funny.
And this was no different. From looking at Regulus, Sirius would never guess he’d just absconded from his volatile, abusive, and downright scary family; Regulus rather looked like he was retelling the happenings of a juvenile prank-filled slumber party (which Sirius would know a thing or two about).
And he looked good. Not like Sirius looked when he first arrived at the Manor; bloodied, bruised, starved, and soaked to the bone. Regulus was healthy, vibrant, and bright. Hopeful.
That’s the effect you had on people; you filled them with hope. Hope that it would be okay, hope that it would be better, hope that one day you might actually deserve the things you so desperately craved.
You had certainly done that for Sirius.
And looking at how good Regulus appeared, he couldn’t deny the same of you.
You were bright, animated, overflowing with a crackling energy and excitement that might even rival James’.
Sirius realised then that you were everything Sirius ever hoped to be.
Bold, assured, daring, caring, vivacious, kind, and so full of love.
And it seemed to him that the way the firelight was currently reflecting off of your face, as if the fire was somehow brighter from just simply being within your proximity, that you were far more beautiful than Sirius remembered you.
He hadn’t realised he’d been remembering you.
He had missed you; quite terribly, at that.
He missed your reassuring words, he missed your soft gazes, he missed your gentle hugs, and he missed the way that just knowing you were within his vicinity eased a ball of tension he hadn’t even realised resided deep within him.
And he missed getting to see you; like this most of all.
Lovely, happy, carefree, and beautiful.
He wondered how he’d gone so long without it.
Was a little over a month considered long? He supposed it didn’t much matter, seeing as it certainly felt that way.
Too long.
Sirius never wanted to go that long without you again. You were too important to him, too precious, too sacred, too-
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Sirius Black was bloody in love. With you.
Sirius Black was in love with you.
What likely should have sent Sirius spiralling (and certainly would have a little over a month ago) did nothing but cause him to smile softly as you let out a rather boisterous laugh that sounded like a symphony to Sirius’ ears.
And so, it should be commemorated for future generations to come:
Here sat Sirius Black… having his cake and eating it too.
#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#sirius black#sirius black x reader#sirius black x you#sirius orion black#sirius and regulus#the marauders#sirius black fic#sirius black blurb#sirius black ficlet#sirius black fluff#sirius black imagine#marauders imagine#gn!reader#sirius black x gn!reader#ellecdc fics
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Off to the races | CS55 x Reader
Summary - When your father sold you off into a loveless marriage with a feared mafia boss, you knew it wouldn’t end well, the two of you hardly ever speaking, but one night when your husband promises he’ll start doing better, you cousins help but believe him.
Warnings - swearing, whatever you’d expect from a Mafia story really
Requested - No - Yes
Type - Written
Not been proofread
You knew from the money that your father told you about the little arrangement he had made with Carlos Sainz, the most feared man in all of Spain, that you’d be unhappy as the result of it. You’re whole life you’d grown up lacking the luxury of having a lot of money, but you had a loving family that were worth everything to you, so you was content, but apparently your father didn’t feel the same.
He done something stupid. Something so incredibly stupid and wrong, he borrowed money from Carlos Sainz, money he knew for a fact that he would never be able to able to repay, so when the man showed up at your family’s home, a gun pointed at your fathers head unless he could offer up some kind of repayment, your father offered you up to the man without a moment of hesitation.
Carlos’ men came and hit you the next day, no matter how much you screamed and begged your mother and father to make them not take you, to let you stay at home with your family, they didn’t listen and you was taken away and married off to Carlos at the next available date.
He didn’t love you, he didn’t care for you, he needed you for one thing and one thing only, an heir. One to take over for him when he wouldn’t work anymore, to keep his family name leading the mafia past his lifetime, that’s all.
You didn’t have fun at the wedding, you never had fun, you woke up, had breakfast, wandered around the halls of your home, and went to bed, you hardly ever saw Carlos, it was rare he even came home at night.
You sighed, flopping onto your back as the moonlight shone through the crack in the curtains, yet another night that sleep seemed like something far out of reach, another night where Carlos wasn’t home and he was out doing god knows what.
You could never sleep alone, back at home you shared a room with your younger sister, your whole life you’d never have to stay in a room all alone, it was too quiet and empty.
“Fuck this.” You muttered as you threw the blanket off of your legs and slipped some shoes and a robe on as you walked out of your bedroom, the two guard that were always near you following a few steps behind, another annoying habit of your husband, having guards follow and track your every move.
You went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, something your other used to do when you was a child and couldn’t sleep, and went to go sit on the back porch of your house, looking out onto the anchors of land that she now partly owned.
You groaned as you heard the door click open from behind you, “Mr.Jackson, I appreciate that you’re just going your job, but it’s a glass door, can’t you just look at me through it instead? It’s bad enough you’re always two feet behind me. No offence.”
“Is that how you talk to all my staff?” You instantly sat up straighter when you heard your husband’s voice instead of the British accent of your assigned bodyguard, you cleared your throat, “Sorry Mr.Sainz, I didn’t know it was you.” You whispered, your eyes still stuck on the land before you.
“No need to be so formal, cariño,” he said as he sat on the seat beside yours, “we are married after all.”
You scoffed and rolled his eyes at his words and muttered a quiet “Barley.” But he still heard you and turned his stare towards you, “and by that you mean?”
You rolled your eyes once again, “I see you four times a month if I’m lucky, Carlos. You’ve never wished me a happy birthday in two years of marriage. You see me as the key to continuing your family name. Nothing more.”
He didn’t know what to say, he was angry, not at you. At himself for letting you ever think the words leaving your mouth were true, “I’m sorry I’ve made you feel this way cariño.”
You shrugged and took a sip of your tea, the warm liquid gliding down your throat, “Don’t be. Our marriage is and always has been a business proposition, nothing more.”
He wanted to say so many things in that moment, how he picked you because from the moment he saw you, your enchanting eyes and sweet as honey laugh, he fell. He could get any woman from anywhere to continue his family’s legacy, but he chose you.
“Trust me, cariño,” he whispered as he moved from his seat and got on his knees in front of you, confusing you greatly as he took the warm mug from your hand and placed it in the ground, “you’re much more than a part of a business deal to me.” He whispered and he placed a gentle kiss to your knuckles, “I’ll do better by you, you’re my wife, my main priority,” he whispered, this side of him was new, so new you was scared to say that you liked it, “tell me what I can do to start making it better.”
You swallowed lightly, having no idea where this Carlos was coming from, “You can actually spend the night with me tonight.” Yous aid in a quite whisper, but he had no protest, he just nodded with a smile as he stood and picked you up, a,ing you help in surprise as your legs wrapped round his waist on instinct.
He carried you to your shared bedroom and placed you down into the bed and he went to change, when he tenured you was asleep against the soft pillows, the tea having worked its magic and your exhaustion catching up to you, he smiled down at your body as he got in bed careful besides your sleeping frame and pulled you into him, he was going to do better. He was going to be better, for you. He was.
—————
#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz x you#carlos sainz x y/n#carlos sainz x female reader#carlos sainz x oc#cs55 x reader#cs55 imagine#cs55 fluff#cs55 fic#cs55 smau#cs55 x you#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#f1 one shot#f1 imagine#charles leclerc x reader#f1 x you#f1 x y/n#f1 x female reader#f1 x oc#f1 x female driver#f1 x the internet#f1 x female oc#formula 1 x reader#ln4 one shot#ln4 x reader#ln4 x you#lando norris x you#mafia!f1#mafia fanfic
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Away Childish Things by @letteredlettered
I'm so excited to finally share this bind of one of my all time favorite fics! Thanks to lettered's generous binding policy, I decided to go all out.
This bind has a foiled cover and spine, hand sewn silk endbands, and thirteen custom chapter headers. It was also my first time rounding and backing.
You can find more pictures and information about my process under the cut.
For the cover and spine, I recreated the design of Beasts of the Field (1902) by William J. Long.
I wanted something that captured both the whimsy and maturity of the story, and this cover fit my vision perfectly. It also gave me the opportunity to recreate another antique cover from the public domain.
Unfortunately, the design was a bit complicated for my Cameo 4, so I was unable to fill the lines in. You can also tell that the foil did not adhere properly near the bottom, so the flowers are lighter than I would like them to be.
Because of the trouble I was having with my Cameo, I decided to foil the spine by hand. I deeply regretted this decision two hours later, and it took me four hours to finish foiling. My wrist still hurts!
Sewing the headbands was my absolute favorite part. I was encouraged to try them by a lovely binder on Instagram, and I ended up completely addicted. I splurged on some fancy silk thread so I could give this fic the royal treatment it deserves! I think they look like beautiful little caterpillars.
As for the rounding and backing... I'm not going to talk about it. Nightmare. Lots of nervous sweating. Emotional agony. Next topic!
I worked on the typeset back at the beginning of January when I had some time off, and it took me a solid week of obsessive editing to complete. My sister suggested that I use Harry and Draco's patronuses for the chapter art, but there unfortunately aren't many public domain illustrations of deer and foxes playing together.
It was at that point that I also decided that I wanted the animals to match the respective ages of Harry and Draco and the tone of each chapter. For the 13 chapters I ended up editing 25 different illustrations together. The bulk of these are taken from vintage versions of Bambi and Reynard the Fox. It's possible that a few stock images from 1980s nature books snuck in there, but I did my best to keep them all pre 1925.
I'm not a skilled editor, and some of these are worse than others, but I'm quite proud of what I was able to cobble together. On the final page I put a young fox and deer running off together. I wanted it to seem like Harry and Draco's inner children had been freed.
I'm a bit embarrassed to say that this bind took me about 4-5 months to complete! I started in early January, and went wildly off track learning how to round, back, and sew headbands. And then I was hit by some killer creative block that only lifted last week!
There are still many things I could improve on, but I'm so proud of everything that I learned and accomplished with this bind! A big thank you to lettered for inspiring me with such a wonderful story. <3
#book binding#fic binding#fanbinding#fanfic binding#drarry#away childish things#harry x draco#my binds
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Strap in, fuckers. This is a long one.
I've seen a lot of discourse and discussion recently about why TMAGP isn't resonating with listeners as much as TMA did, with a lot of people pointing towards the infrequent structure of each episode and the lack of subtlety that TMA had once excelled in. And while both of these are true, I think the main culprit that has caused these problems for listeners is one thing: the pacing.
TMAGP is only going to be 60 (Edit: 90) episodes long, compared with TMA's absolute behemoth of 200. When I'd found out about this, I'd assumed that it meant TMAGP would have a much smaller story - not having to establish as much information as TMA did, and allowing the story to have lower stakes as a result. This certainly wasn't a bad thing, as many sequels that have tried to one-up their predecessors have gone disastrously wrong, but I knew that the structure would be different to TMA as a result.
However, from the 12 episodes that we've seen so far, it appears that TMAGP is going to have similar levels of stakes to TMA - not the same stakes, of course, but they'll likely be on close to equal footing. This means that TMAGP has to establish the same amount of information to listeners with significantly less time to do it in, and the pacing has to speed up to adhere to that. In the first 12 episodes of TMA, we had established one possible recurring statement character (Gerry), a disturbing worm woman (Prentiss), and the fact that Jon doesn't like his assistant and refuses to believe any of the statements. In the first 12 episodes of TMAGP, we've established every important protagonist and what they sound like, two recurring statement characters (Bonzo and Ink5oul) with one that has already physically appeared, much of Sam's backstory and his ties to the Magnus Institute and the fact that something is deeply wrong with their workplace. That is a big difference.
This difference in pacing is what I believe is turning listeners away from what they'd originally enjoyed about TMA, because there's no longer that warm, comforting atmosphere when you listen to it. Its sound isn't designed to come from a tape recorder and a tape recorder only anymore; it's no longer a sit-down and listen to the Archivist tell you spooky stories for 20 minutes anymore; and, like I mentioned earlier, the structure is no longer the same throughout each episode. The horror anthology aspect, whilst still being there, has now taken a back-burner to the metanarrative because so much has to be established in so little time. To many, that's a bad thing. They listened to the original because they liked the statements, and the little things connecting them hinted to a much larger story at play. When this story was revealed, we got to see Jonny Sims and his brilliant prose at its best, because there was no longer anything to hide and the statements were in their purest forms - no longer having to establish information to the audience, and simply basking in the fear.
I'm sure we'll get to see the same thing in TMAGP once the narrative reaches that point, but the current pacing has uprooted a lot of listeners' expectations for the show. I'm going to listen to the entire thing, personally; yeah, it's different, and it doesn't deliver the same vibes and comfort as TMA did, and I probably won't be able to fall asleep whilst relistening to the more obscure episodes like I could before, but in a frankly disturbing way, I'm still fascinated with what Jonny, Alex and the other writers have created. This type of horror is the only kind that I genuinely enjoy, and I'm excited to see what direction Protocol goes in.
Edit: I feel like I should clarify that I don't see this comparison as something that takes away from TMAGP. Alex has said that it's going to be different from the get-go, and I do think that comparing it to TMA is an exercise in futility to an extent. I just wanted to talk about the shows together because I feel like they complement one another, and the narrative beats that I've talked about are less to do with TMA on its own and more to do with general narrative structure. We have buildup, payoff and pacing no matter what show it is, because that's what makes a story. I think TMAGP could be taken a little bit like Deltarune in terms of its relation to the original source material: separate entities with some overlap in character and themes. At the end of the day, it's still early days for the show and this entire spiel could just end up gathering dust - I just think it's a cool thing to think about, and it gives me an excuse to infodump about how pacing can affect a narrative and the audience's response to it.
I wrote this while my cat was laying on me. Have a picture as a reward for reading this whole thing.
#the magnus protocol#tmagp#writing#tmagp theory#tmagp spoilers#tmagp vague#tma#the magnus archives#magnus archives#magnus pod#the magnus universe#the magnus institute#this isn't my usual post but i write fantasy and horror in my free time#i'm certainly not qualified enough for this to be considered the one and only take#but i've been thinking about it and i think it's kind of interesting#this pacing is actually pretty conventional for horror podcasts#but because we're used to tma levels of pacing it feels contrived#i'm just an aspiring writer guys don't take this too seriously
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some kaeya facts that i want to remind everyone with because I miss him so much! (no angst this time i swear!!...but if you all want angst, I could also deliver hehehe)
1. Kaeya tells the children of Mondstadt some stories! Specifically, one that some forgot or didn't know of is that he has told the orphans under the church's care some horror story about the light in the lamp posts :D He had been shown to do a story telling to Klee while at the Veluriyam Mirage and he has also been reading to Klee her bedtime stories as well
2. Kaeya made Klee's survival rules! Kaeya has definitely done his part on preventing Klee from destroying Mondstadt before Celestia ever could (well, at least lessened the amount of times Mond gets bombed anyway). Anyone else think Kaeya purposely let Klee explode the Good Hunter's stove to avoid going to the Chasm? No? Ok-
3. He takes the attention when he dances! Depending on which language you hear it from, it is either a good or a bad thing. However, I am on team good thing simply because some mercenaries invited him to go dancing with them while he was in Sumeru ( very interesting information, Kaeya! Glad to know they found you so attractive that they did something they don't usually do!)
4. If you call him kind, he will attempt to look mean (and he fails at it lmao), and if he is not being mean, he will try to deny it. The traveler once listed down the kind things he had done for Captain Wu, a Liyue npc, and Kaeya proceeds to tell us that he records people who owe him (which is a lie. He forgot the person he helped TWICE. What he does have a record of is a well-detailed list of Treasure Hoarders and their rankings + patrol areas in Mondstadt). Another instance was during Jean's story quest where Kaeya planned the appreciation party for Jean where he gave the traveler all the credit
5. He is a great gift giver! (unless that person is Diluc because otherwise he will find the ugliest thing ever and gift that... arguably, that kinda sounds like amazing gift giving if we are talking about being an annoying sibling). He remembers passing commentary from friends and coworkers and gifts them accordingly.
6. He has his own intel network (and I'm theorizing that it is just a group of people he has helped before that insisted on paying him back in this way). Kaeya, after some heavy insistence from Captain Wu, asks him if he wants to be a friend or be part of his intel network and follow his commands no matter what. Vile, one of his known informants, also gave us a glimpse as to what it takes to be part of Kaeya's network, and that is the ability to decipher codes and read messages in between.
7. He is incredibly reliable as a knight! Not only do the people of Mondstadt agree that he is the more approachable cavalry captain between him and Diluc, but it is also a known fact that Kaeya has never failed to complete a mission to date (except the one during Diluc's 18th). Nearly every citizen of Mondstadt adores him and knows how reliable he is. Arguably, this success rate could be attributed to his "end justifies the means" mindset that not all find enjoyable, but he is definitely the person to ask if you want something done. Vile has once mentioned that she could just ask Kaeya to do the charming and convincing for her, dubbing him as a prince charming for it.
8. He is one of the people who spends so much time with Klee (potentially attributed by the fact that he also has more free time compared to others). He spends so much time with her that Klee mentions a few interesting things about Kaeya, such as the fact that Albedo draws Kaeya frequently (enough times that Albedo says Kaeya could be drawn by him easily. yes, it's that "three strokes" line lmao) and the fact that Kaeya has saved Klee from solitary confinement a lot. He is shown to be a very effective person when it comes to corralling Klee without making her feel bad as even when he was trying to berate her, he still ended up giving her a possible reward if she listens.
9. He is very meticulous. He willingly spends the time to get himself ready in the clothes that he is wearing, and he likes embellishments. He really is quite the perfectionist in his actions as well. (very Alberich of him!✌️) We can also see this in his handwriting that has been described as "beautiful" and again with his near perfect track record as a knight.
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Now, don't get me wrong. I love headcanons about Simon that are extremely dark. What I DON'T like is people twisting his character and trying to say he's canonically a rapist just because of a single line from the comics (Yes, Simon Riley got his own mini line of comics before the OG MW2 released. As far as lore goes, these are still considered canon. They're pretty dark so I heavily advise people who are sensitive to sexual assault and abuse to take care while reading)
It's this line in particular people are using to justify him being an abusive rapist in canon:
"I do terrible things, violent, to people, to women. The scary part is that I like it..."
His mother literally calls him out on that bullshit, knowing that isn't true in the slightest....and yes. That is fucking TOOTHPASTE he's putting on his face. I literally do not think this man is in the right state of mind to be making claims like that when he's up at like 3AM putting toothpaste on his face
Also, what people leave out when bringing this up is what happens before and after this scene. Let's talk about the before first....
Before this scene with him telling his own mother he "enjoys hurting women", he was asleep; having a nightmare. Guess what this nightmare was about? Roba and what he had done to Simon
Basically what happens here is that Simon has a dream and he's a sexist pig wanting to get a look at the bartender's daughter. Roba appears and tells Simon that he had done a good job "teaching" Simon (referring to the brainwashing and torture Roba had put Simon through in Mexico)
It becomes clear with this dream and the conversation with his mother after he wakes up is that Roba did get to Simon....but what happens after these two scenes shows that Roba didn't get to Simon in the way he wanted to.
Roba wanted to brainwash Simon, turn him into a puppet. The following interaction with Sparks proves that Roba's brainwashing may have worked on Sparks and Washington but NOT Simon
Sparks was literally about to rape a woman and Simon was NOT having it. He called the cops, purposely spoke up and asked Sparks about raping the woman so the operator could hear. If Simon genuinely felt that he enjoyed doing violent things to women, then he wouldn't have hesitated to join Sparks in raping her. Instead he called the cops, stalled until the police came and ran off with Sparks.
ALSO, SIMON WAS NOT COMPLIANT IN THIS SCENE. HE LITERALLY CALLS THE COPS AND STOPS THE RAPE FROM HAPPENING
Sparks and Washington have been fully brainwashed by Roba. They're working for him at this point in the story, keeping an eye on Simon for the bastard. Simon, on the other hand, has NOT been brainwashed by Roba. He still has a sense of himself.
As the comic goes on, he does take down Sparks, Washington, Roba and a lot of his men....proving he never fell victim to the brainwashing Roba put him through like Sparks and Washington had.
Again: I don't mind headcanons....I actually enjoy a lot of the darker Simon headcanons....It just bothers me when people try to push their headcanons out as actual canon. I've had to leave discords and group chats because people got pissed that I wouldn't agree with them on Simon being a rapist/abuser (like, beating his spouse abuse) in canon
#cod mw2#cod mwii#cod#cod modern warfare#cod mw3#simon ghost riley#simon riley#cod ghost#ghost comics#cod comic
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°•*TIPS AND ADVICE FOR LOA AND VOID*•°
Guys i have come to decide that my time have come to an end in this amazing app tumblr I feel honoured to be a part of this beautiful community but before I go I would like to give some tips to everyone who.are still in their void/manifestation/shifting journey.
So as we know this is your journey to seize your power no one is gonna be there to help you except yourself. If you have been in this journey for a long time the only thing you are lacking is trust with yourself. Start building trust with yourself,it will become easier to persist. Consistency and persistence is needed of course but also trust within yourself.
I was also someone who struggled alot as a beginner for years but I slowly learned different things that are key to manifest/enter void/shift. Now don't ask what is the key because it has been mentioned in almost every loa post you read.
Follow your own style of manifesting,if you feel frustrated over methods then choose one which resonates with you,what matters is you feeling satisfied at the end.
Now this is for my a+ p girlies, I know I said it multiple times but don't affirm to get in 3D,affirm to make it your dominant thought,your goal should be making the affirmation your dominant thought that's it. It becomes thousand times easier because you also start to detach from the old story,your attention will be more on believing in that affirmation rather then seeing it in the 3D. Like this😤🤌
When we hear about horror stories,we don't see the ghost but we still believe it exist right? We start reaffirming unconscious like there is ghost in the kitchen stuff like that. (That was one shitty example ☠️💀)
I get a LOTS of ask about robotic affirming and saturation,guys it's simple they both quite similar. Well in robotic affirming you just have to chant it without really focusing on it as it saturate you and it's mostly helps with mental diet.
But during saturation try to be more focus on the affirmation,it like focus affirming.
Moving on to void,I will really recommend using the distraction method or zone out method they both are same nothing different. Also just read the masterlist from my old account @graychrissy it had mostly void post with my documented void journey. Also read rotten's shifting guide then use the gateway tape it is available in spotify too,it can be instant to reach the focus 10,but some may need practice but it's easy nothing overcomplicated just a hemi sync (Turing off left side of the brain).
Top method I recommend is affirming,SATS,FOCUS 10,DISTRACTION METHOD, LUCID DREAMING and THE BASIC WAY
NEVER BE AFRAID OF YOUR EMOTIONS,seriously it's something everyone dm me about it's really not important,your emotions are also 3D,it won't mess up your manifestation so just calm down.
Also since the link in master list aren't working I will make a new one,I will be changing the whole lay out of my blog then you guys can use it. Goodbye~~~~~~~;)
#affirmations#law of assumption#desired reality#void state#law of manifestation#loassumption#lucid dreaming#shifting#robotic affirmation#manifesting affirm and persist#a+p girlies#affirm + persist#desire reality#shiftblr#loablr#3d#4d reality#void post
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Reasons Tommy/Buck&Tommy aren’t going away (yet);
- The 911 insta followed Lou, and they only follow mains and people who are reoccurring (and reoccur a lot)
- They also have posted two BuckTommy posts recently, showcasing them as an official couple of the show
-Both the things above have happened in the past week, whilst they’re filming ep 8 and finishing writing 9&10 which to me suggests Tommy will be in at least one of those eps.
- Tim keeps calling it a love story and a romcom, I highly doubt he’d end that after three and a bit eps. Especially after how it’s been built up.
-Oliver said that Buck and Tommy have some getting to know each other but he also said him and Lou do too. That they need to build these relationships- doesn’t sound like it’s going anytime soon.
- Lou said he was pitched an initial arc, which is normally 4 eps, but that doesn’t mean the arc can’t be extended. Especially when the reception is as good as it has been- and also they needed the wiggle room incase it was received poorly.
- Oliver also said he’d like Tommy to stay around, regardless of what happens but also said he’d like to continue their story in a similar thread to Tarlos.
-Tim and Oliver talk a lot about getting Buck off the hamster wheel, and I think him staying in a LTR would be the final part of that. Otherwise he’s still kind of on it, where he gets in and out of relationships without settling for a bit.
-This one is half joking, but Lou keeps mentioning the fact 9-1-1 has a s8 totally unprovoked 😂
#BuckTommy#just to reassure those who think Tommy will be gone too soon#I mean personally I’m not fussed if he stays forver lol#but yeah I think he’s here for longer and so is there relationship#also stuff he says in the cameos if you read i between the lines#like it’s hard fo fully tell cuz he kinda contradicts himself but I’m pretty confident#and if I’m wrong? well I’m wrong lol#Leah rambles
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A TOAST TO THE FUTURE — TWO
Summary: Aurora and Harry used to be friends, but life happened and they grew apart. Now, 6 years later, they meet again.
Rating: +18
WARNINGS: The story contains explicit language and mentions a past abusive relationship (mostly the consequences of psychological/emotional abuse). Some chapters also contain explicit sexual content.
PART TWO: 14,9k words
Please read: Part two explores a lot of Aurora's irrational thoughts and it shows how much she struggles to be herself after being married to someone who was emotionally abusive to her. From my perspective, it's a really important chapter to develop the relationship between Aurora and Harry, but I want people to be mindful of its content in case they don't feel comfortable reading about this, or in case it hits too close to them. Feel free to reach out if you want to skip something and you'd like me to fill you in. <3
PART ONE
Despite the line, getting through security would've taken Aurora hardly three minutes. That is, of course, if she hadn't had to wait for Harry for another ten.
He doesn't look the least apologetic for the held back, though. Nor bothered in the slightest by the extra time he seemingly needed. Smiling at her and holding their shared tray as he tilts his chin to an empty table and leads the way towards it.
Aurora follows him quietly, checking her watch just to make sure they won't run out of time. And she does it unconsciously, regretting every time she catches herself looking at her wrist. Because she knows they're early. She swears she knows. And she wishes she could relax and just enjoy things without that awful feeling rushing through her body. That feeling that turns into a voice and yells at her that she's constantly behind.
Behind what, one could ask, and Aurora wouldn't be able to answer.
She's just… Behind.
Behind, and watching her life go by.
All the damn time.
Harry stops by the table, and Aurora mimics him. She drops her bag and falls on one knee, pulling up the hem of her dress and uncovering her foot. The Nike sneakers she's wearing used to be white once, but now they are just old and dirty, and she loves them even more like this. She nibbles the flesh inside of her bottom lip while tying the shoelaces up, then changes to her other knee, and repeats the process.
Once she's done, she stands up and pats her legs, getting rid of any airport floor dirt from her clothes.
"You're fast," Harry says, putting his foot down from the edge of the table.
Aurora pulls the fabric of her dress up her chest and furrows her brows. "I am?"
"Hm, yeah." He frowns with amusement and chuckles. "You sure are."
"Huh." She wiggles her eyebrows up and down, then quirks the corner of her mouth up.
Maybe, she should point out that perhaps she isn't fast, but he is too slow. Or that, unlike him, she'd organized everything beforehand so she wouldn't waste any second longer than she absolutely needed to. But what good would that do? Besides, those thoughts don't even feel like hers. They don't sound like hers.
So she says nothing, instead, and steps closer to where he stands.
Harry gives the tray they're sharing a gentle push to her side, and puts his other foot up.
Aurora promptly slides the tray closer to her and places it in front of her belly, next to her bag.
Great.
Saying nothing was a bad idea, because silence is awkward now.
She licks her lips and keeps her attention on their belongings, not knowing exactly what to say.
Time goes by, though, and the longer she waits, the more awkward it gets.
So she decides to just say whatever, just to get them talking again.
"Perks of being a mom, I guess." She blurts out, then grabs their passports and shrugs. "Being fast, I mean."
Harry leans on his bent knee and looks at her over his shoulder, blindly tying up his own shoes.
"Yeah? Why's that? You get any super speed powers when you're pregnant or something?"
Aurora freezes for a second, passports still in hand. She turns her head to the side, and narrows her eyes at him.
Harry's soft lips are pursed, his green eyes are twinkling with playfulness, and his cheeks are tinted with a boyish flush under his facial hair. He's clearly having fun with his own silly comment, and it causes Aurora to break into a short laugh — not because it's funny, but because she simply can't help it.
She shakes her head, and looks back at the tray.
"I rush to get ready so I can pay attention to Noah, okay?" she explains, grabbing the boarding passes and checking the names on them. She puts hers inside of her passport, and the other inside of Harry's. "It's not a big deal."
She'd never thought about it, but it's the truth — she is usually busy keeping an eye on Noah, even from a distance. The little monster can't stay still for too long, and no matter how much she adores how energetic he is or that she tries her best to let him explore things by himself, the truth is that he's still only four, and she can't leave him wandering around unattended.
Which is why she fought so hard to sign him up for preschool — it gave her time to slow down and do other things, too.
Okay. See? That — that right there — is Aurora's truth. That's a thought that feels and sounds like hers. A thought that she came up with on her own, based on her own experiences and her own mistakes. A thought that reveals how she's learned that taking care of Noah is her responsibility, and that if she doesn't pay attention to her son, nobody does.
No matter how much she dreamed it would be different.
No matter how much she believed it should be different.
"Ohhh," Harry says. "Ok, then."
She sticks her passport and boarding pass into the front pocket of her bag, maybe a little bit more forcefully than she needs to.
"Exactly. So don't judge me."
"What?!" Harry laughs, putting his foot down from the table. "I wasn't—"
"I can't leave my son unattended, can I?"
"I—I know, yeah." His face falls, and he nods. "I get it. That's… It makes sense. Yes."
"Right. Great."
A second goes by, and then another one, and another one.
Silence settles again, but this time Aurora isn't worried about it being awkward or not.
There's just… So much going on.
Her heart is thumping loudly inside her chest, and her ears are buzzing.
She shouldn't have snapped at him.
She shouldn't have snapped at him.
It wasn't about him.
It wasn't his fault.
She pinches the tip of her nose and breathes in. Slowly, and steadily.
One more time.
Slowly.
And steadily.
And then, she moves again.
She holds Harry's things in her hand and leans on the table, reaching for his bag. Before she touches it, she looks at him over her shoulder and asks, "Do you mind if I open your bag?"
Harry doesn't answer, though. He's tilting his chin down and shaking his leg, making sure his pants are properly covering his ankles.
Aurora purses her lips and straightens her back, then slides his bag across the table and pulls it closer to her body.
Now everything's in front of her, the tray caged in between both duffel bags.
She bites her bottom lip, but it's hard to stop her mouth from turning into a smile.
Maybe the speed in which she moves isn't an inconvenience, after all. In fact, maybe it even comes in handy, because apparently if she doesn't move for both of them, someone will sooner or later shove them away.
"Harry," she insists.
"Hm?" He looks up. A frown crinkles his face — his eyebrows are pulled together, his forehead is puckered, and his lips are curled downwards. As soon as he meets her eyes, though, his shoulders drop, and he shakes his head. "Sorry."
He scratches his jaw, dragging his nails over his stubble.
Aurora stretches her arm, and pats her hand on the edge of the table, where his feet were a minute ago. "It's fine. I was just asking if it's okay to put your passport inside your bag."
"Oh! Yeah yeah, sure. Go ahead. Thanks."
"'Kay," she says, already unzipping the front pocket and putting things away.
Aurora rolls her shoulders at the same time Harry moves closer, and she unthinkingly snatches his belt from the tray and hands it to him.
"Here."
"Oh," he murmurs, grabbing it from her fingers. "Thanks."
He steps away, but there's something in his voice that somehow catches her attention, and Aurora turns her head.
She glances over her shoulder, and peeks at his face.
Harry is looking down again, chin pressed against his chest while he takes the end of his belt and puts it into the first front loop of his beige pants. His movements are casual, but he's holding back a smile, and Aurora can tell his mind is working on something.
Something silly, to be more specific.
She curls her mouth up, then raises her left eyebrow. "What?"
Harry tugs his belt, threading it through the second loop.
"What?" he repeats, and his mouth finally turns into a grin.
She turns her body towards him, then places one hand on her waist and the other spread open on the table, holding up her weight. "C'mon, out with it."
Harry laughs, slightly bending his knees and throwing his head back. "I didn't even say a word!"
"Well, you didn't have to!" She rolls her eyes and chuckles, backing away from the table to put both hands on her hips. "I can see you're thinking something."
He shakes his head, looking down and threading his belt through the next loop.
"Harry…"
He peeks at her through the corner of his eyes, then focuses back on his belt.
"You're aware you can leave me unattended, right?" he asks, keeping a bright smile on his face and the light tone on his voice.
"What?"
"I mean I don't mind." He shrugs, eyes still on his current task. "Gotta admit it's kinda cute to see you like this."
"I don't—"
"My favorite part was probably when you cleaned up the table."
"I—" Aurora closes her mouth, and exhales through her nose. "You put your feet there, Harry."
"I did, yeah. And you cleaned it up."
"Well, someone has to clean up your mess, don't you think?"
Harry glances at her, and smirks as mischievous and suggestive as he can be. "Oh, I always clean up my mess, love, don't worry about it."
He winks, and Aurora gasps.
"Oh my God!"
She turns to face the table, feelings her cheeks getting warm.
Harry laughs, though, so she steps closer to his side and nudges him with her elbow.
"Shut up."
"'Kay mum."
"Ughhh." She rolls her eyes, then shuts them tightly and takes a deep breath in. "You're so annoying."
Harry's laughter only grows louder, and Aurora shakes her head, blinking her eyes open again.
It only takes him a moment to calm down, but the smile is still obvious in his voice when he speaks again.
"I know. I'm just teasing you, tho. I'll stop now. I promise."
Aurora snorts. "Yeah, right."
She believes his words as much as she believes Noah when he promises he will eat his entire dinner if he gets to eat dessert first.
The thought brings a smile to her face, and she bites her lip to hold it back.
Peeking inside the tray one more time, she finds several rings, a bracelet, a watch, and three necklaces. Her mouth twitches, and her chest trembles with amusement — no wonder why Harry took so much longer than her to get through security.
She pulls the string of her necklace from the tray, takes each side to the back of her neck and quickly clasps it back to its everyday place. Next, she grabs her watch, and puts it on just as fast around her wrist.
"Well," she starts, then looks at him.
Harry is, once again, deeply focused on his task — his chin touches his chest, his eyebrows are pulled together, and he's biting his bottom lip.
"All yours now," she adds.
Harry peeps at her through the corner of his eyes, his hands still attached to his belt as he finally reaches the last loop. He darts his vision to the tray, then back at her, scanning her chest, her wrist, and her hands. "You sure? All of it?"
"Mhmm."
A group of people walks to their table, and Aurora takes a step aside to give them more room.
"Ok." He buckles his belt, then fixes his shirt. "We can go, then."
"Oh. I didn't mean to rush you."
He smiles, putting one hand inside the tray and carelessly collecting everything that's left inside.
"You didn't." He closes his hand into a fist, then shoves everything inside of his pocket. "It's just getting crowded here. C'mon."
"Hey, was my joke inappropriate?"
Past security and turning right, the hallway is significantly less hectic than any other area Aurora has walked through in the last hour or so.
It is probably one of the brightest, too.
"Hm?" she asks, tilting her head to give Harry her full attention. "Sorry, what joke?"
"About… Y'know, cleaning up my mess."
"Ohhh." Aurora laughs, then waves him off. "Please, it's nothing any of you guys haven't joked about before."
"I know, but… Things are different now, aren't they? Don't want to make you uncomfortable, or, well, don't want to be disrespectful to your hus—"
"You're fine," she says, cutting him off before she'll be forced to either correct him or say nothing, implicitly letting him believe there's still a husband in her life. "Don't worry about it. Let's stop here so you can put your rings back on, yeah?"
She points to one side of the hallway, and walks in front of him to guide the way. It only takes her a few steps, then she places her bag by her feet and turns around.
When she looks at him, she finds him frowning.
Frowning and frozen on the spot.
"Harry, hey!" She raises one hand and wiggles her fingers. "C'mon. I'll help you."
Harry's face softens. He shakes his head, then walks towards her while putting his hand inside of his pocket.
Leaning against the white wall, Aurora watches him come to a stop right in front of her, then drop all of his jewelry on top of her spread open palm.
"Thank you," he murmurs.
She finds his sight again, and a smile blooms across her face. "Sure, no problem."
His lips curve into a smile, too, and he looks down. He shakes his head and pulls his hair back, then turns his attention back to the items on Aurora's palms. He seems meticulous about which ring goes where, fiddling with them and hunting for specific ones. Eventually, he grabs three at once, and puts them on his pinky, middle and index left fingers.
Aurora raises her chin and rests the back of her head against the wall, comfortably watching his relaxed face as he towers over her.
From what she remembers, jewelry was never Harry's thing. Long hair and skinny jeans? One hundred percent. But the necklaces, the rings, and the bracelets? Those were things she'd no idea he'd be into. Or maybe not to the point of making them part of his casual look to the airport.
"So," she teases, easing her dry lips with her tongue then forcing her voice to sound exactly like she imagines a reporter would sound like, "Harry, would you say you enjoy wearing rings?"
Harry darts his eyes to her, and the expression on his face never falters, holding a serious and unamused demeanor as he moves his lips to say, "Bloody hate them."
She presses her lips together, but then she snorts, taking her free hand to cover her mouth.
Harry shakes his head and grins, changing hands and catching two more rings to put on his right fingers.
"Why? What's wrong with my rings?"
She sighs and shrugs, calming down from her brief moment of foolish, silly laughter.
"Nothing. 'M just teasing you."
He places the last two, and pulls the two golden strings from her palm.
"Hmm…" Harry nods. He fixes his eyes on the jewelry and frowns, eying the many tiny knots that had formed along the necklaces. "Great, then. Glad you're having fun at my expense."
Aurora drops her jaw.
"You were making fun of me two minutes ago!"
Harry chuckles, although he's distracted by his attempt to untangle his necklaces. "Guess I was, huh."
He shakes his head, and Aurora steps away from the wall, getting closer to him.
"Which wrist do you wear this one?" she asks, lifting her hand and his bracelet.
"Left—I mean, right," he answers, and although they don't look at each other's faces, they both smile at the same time.
Harry remains focused on the knotted strings between his fingers, but stops moving when Aurora curls one hand around his right wrist and pulls it closer to her face. In one quick movement, she clasps the item around it, then taps his hand twice.
"All done. Now gimme that."
She snatches the necklaces from him, and observes carefully before undoing the mess. One of the golden strings is longer than hers, but they're both just as delicate, and instead of a disk, one holds a cross pendant, and the other a tiny, thin tag. She bites her lip and patiently fiddles with the pieces of jewelry, taking her time to unwrap the tiny knots.
Things are quiet. Time ticks without a hurry. And after a minute, or maybe two, or three, she grins proudly, and lifts her chin to look at him.
"Look!" she says, even though she doesn't have to — Harry's already looking at her, already watching her. "I've done it!"
He blinks a couple of times, then nods, slowly mimicking her smile and her excitement. "Y—You did, yeah! Thanks."
"You're welcome." She grabs the longest string, picking each side with one hand, and takes a step closer to him. "I find untangling necklaces weirdly therapeutic."
Harry widens his eyes. "What are you doing?!"
Aurora rolls her eyes, and chuckles. "Calm down. I'm not gonna kiss you, don't worry."
"Right. No, yeah, I know that." He chuckles, too. "Of course."
She stops moving and tilts her head, then raises her hands. "I mean, can I?"
"Wha—" Harry takes a step back. "Kiss me?!"
"Harry!" Aurora shrieks, also taking a step back and away from him. "Oh my God, no!"
She looks at him for a moment, taking in his bulged eyes and raised eyebrows. He looks mortified, and there's so much going on at once that she can't help but burst into laughter — at the misunderstanding, at the look of his face, but also at the terror in his voice.
She turns away from him, throwing her head back as laughter breaches from her chest.
"This is… I can't…"
"Sorry," Harry says, "I just—"
Aurora shakes her head, feeling warmth radiating from her chest throughout her entire body.
"Oh my… Oh my God." She places one hand on her stomach and brings the other to her face, fanning herself while taking a deep breath in through her nose. "You should've… You should've seen your face… Oh God… Harry… You panicked so hard, I just…"
She wipes a tear from under her eye, and takes another deep breath in, working to calm herself down.
"I never… I never thought the idea of kissing me could… Could be that terrifying for someone. Oh God."
Harry sighs. "Auri…"
She turns around, and looks at him with the biggest smile on her face, her body still shaking from laughing.
Harry isn't happy, though. Or at least he doesn't seem to be. He's narrowing his eyes, and furrowing his brows. His lips are pressed into a hard line, and his forehead is puckered.
And just like that, Aurora's laughter fades away.
Shit.
She's too familiar with that dynamic, so she clears her throat and shakes her head.
"I'm sorry. I—I know it wasn't funny. I just… I think I haven't laughed this hard in a really long time, so I just… I got carried away, I guess. I'm sorry. But I shouldn't—Sorry."
"Listen, I didn't—"
"Yeah, yeah. I know."
Actually, Aurora doesn't know. Of course she doesn't know. She has absolutely no idea what he was about to say, but she doesn't want to talk about it. She's been there before. And she's been there before so many times that her mind and body don't even know how to react any other way. How not to anticipate the humiliation and shame that is about to follow. How not to completely shut off.
Thankfully, Harry seems to get it, because he nods, grabbing his necklaces from her hand and putting them back inside of his pocket.
And this time, Aurora doesn't say anything about it, grabbing her bag from the floor and feeling ready to move on.
"Do you mind if we take a look around some of the shops?" Aurora asks, pointing around the World Duty Free and breaking the silence that settled between them for the past few minutes.
Harry moves slowly next to her, keeping his hands inside of his pockets. "'Course not."
"Thanks." She makes sure to curve her mouth into a smile, then stops at the first shop to take a look at the makeup.
Things are quiet, but Harry stands right behind her all the time, keeping her company while she brings a lipstick closer to her face to check the color shade, and then following her steps when she moves to a different shelf.
"Hey," Aurora says, looking over her shoulder, "what's your cologne?"
"Hm..." He scratches his jaw and shrugs. "Depends on the day, I guess."
She nods, then turns to face some nail polish, aiming for the brightest options.
It's been a while since she's done her nails. She used to love looking at her hands and seeing them colorful and filled with rings, it used to make her feel beautiful and delicate. Feminine.
Zack used to love it as well, though, and to be honest at some point she stopped doing a lot of things Zack liked. Just because.
"Which one are you wearing today, then?"
"Why?"
She shrugs. His voice is right behind her, but Aurora doesn't turn around to look at him.
"'Cause you smell really nice."
Maybe she could do her nails in Italy… Maybe one of the girls brought something with them.
Or maybe she could get something herself…
The orange shades look nice…
She sighs, and steps away from the shelf.
She can't. She shouldn't spend her money like that. She needs to be more careful now, especially since she spent a lot of unplanned money on that trip to Italy.
She turns her head, wiggling her eyebrows at him. "So…?"
Harry clears his throat. "Uh… Well… It's Guerlain."
Aurora twirls, holding her bag close to her body as her hair and dress follow her brisk movement.
"Cool! Let's find it, then."
She walks away, and Harry's low chuckle echoes behind her.
Although she can't see him, she feels his presence all the time, following her pace.
"What for?" he asks.
"I don't know." She shrugs, looking from one side to the other. Scanning all the tiny duty-free shops. "I'm bored, I'm tired… Oh! There it is!"
Her pace quickens, and so does Harry's.
Aurora only stops when she's in front of the Guerlain shelves, and then she turns around, staring at him with a smile on her face and pointing her arm to the many colognes displayed behind her.
"Which one is yours?"
He clears his throat, and—
Wait, is he blushing?
Aurora purses her lips, holding herself back from laughing.
"It's L'Homme Idéal Extrême."
"Hmmm." She wiggles her eyebrows, and pulls one corner of her mouth up in a smirk. "Sounds sexy…"
"Jesus Christ," Harry grunts, hiding his face behind both of his hands and shaking his head.
Aurora laughs at his reaction, tapping his shoulder twice before turning on her feet and looking for his cologne.
"What happened to you in the States, huh?" She leans down, squinting to read the names. "Never thought I would see Harry Styles getting all shy in front of me."
It takes him a moment to answer, but eventually he mumbles, "I've always been shy in front of you."
Aurora pauses for a moment, replaying his words in her mind. Images of them hanging out together pop up immediately — at the pub, at someone's apartment, after class, over the weekend. His cheeky glances, touchy hands and bold comments are always present, one way or another. He always craved attention, and people had no problem granting his wishes.
It never bothered her, because he was young and had just joined university, but it certainly didn't paint him as a shy and reserved person.
A snort leaves her mouth. "Yeah, right."
She stands, and puts her hands on her waist. "What was the sexy name again?"
"L'Homme—" He sighs. "It's this one."
Aurora turns around, only to find Harry standing in the same place they were a minute ago. The shelf next to him is filled with bottles of the same cologne. Apparently, his cologne.
She gasps.
"Harry!" She walks towards him, and Harry shakes his head in soft laughter, scratching the back of his neck. "I was standing right next to it and you didn't tell me!"
"It's just a very common cologne, Auri." He laughs, again. It sounds kind of shaky, though, and she frowns, stopping on her track. "I don't… Why are we looking for it?"
Uh…
Well… To be honest… She doesn't have an answer for that.
She doesn't know why they're looking for it. She is just joking. She just wanted to pass the time because she is exhausted, and because the longer she spends around people, the more afraid she is of falling apart at any moment. She thought maybe she could try it on, see if his cologne would smell as well on her skin as it smelled on his… Who knows… She was just… She wasn't thinking, okay? She was just being her stupid self.
Harry, on the other hand, isn't just messing around. Harry looks actually nervous.
Her jokes are making him nervous.
She is making him uncomfortable.
In the middle of an airport, filled with people.
Shit.
And she's done it twice now.
First with the necklace… Now with the cologne…
Fuck.
How many more times till he reaches his breaking point?
How many more times till she finally pushes him through the edge?
How many more times till she puts him in a position where he won't be able to stop himself from snapping at her?
Her hands shake, and her stomach quivers.
"Yeah, no, I mean…" She shakes her head and smiles at him, closing her hands into fists and placing them behind her back. "You're right. Sorry. I—I'm really sorry. Hm… I think I… I should get a coffee."
Harry flinches his head back. "Wait what?"
"Coffee. It'll keep me awake." She walks around him, and Harry follows her movements.
"Auri, but what… Hey! What about my cologne?"
She waves it off. "Yeah, I know. I was just being annoying."
She moves towards the exit of the duty-free, where all the departure gates are, and another yawn breaks through her lips.
"Yep." She chuckles. "Definitely need some coffee."
"Auri," Harry calls, catching up with her. "Hey, stop. C'mon. Something just happened."
"What do you mean?" Aurora laughs.
She flexes her fingers, curling and uncurling them. Her eyes wander around the airport, looking for a coffee shop.
A coffee shop.
A coffee shop.
She needs a coffee shop. She needs to get herself together. She needs to busy herself with something before she does something silly and stupid again.
"I… I don't know. Why did you change your mind?"
Harry walks next to her, and she offers him a smile.
"About what?"
"What do you mean about what? About my cologne, Auri!"
Aurora flinches.
"Sorry. Yeah, no, right. The cologne. Yeah. I just… I made you uncomfortable and I was being childish. Sorry."
"I wasn't uncomfortable, Auri, I just—"
"I know."
"Auri, no, listen—"
"Harry." She turns around and smiles, then places one hand on his elbow. "It's fine. You don't need to explain yourself. I just… I really, really need a coffee right now. I haven't slept all night, so… Yeah. I'd just like to get a coffee. If you don't mind."
She lets go of his elbow, and Harry sighs.
"Ok, yeah. Let's get you some coffee, then."
They walk forward, side to side, and Harry speaks again.
"Do you still drink caramel coffee?"
Aurora widens her eyes.
"Wow… That's back from… Well, a long time ago."
It's small, and kind of timid, but Harry smiles, and then shrugs. "Used to get you one at least once a week, didn't I?"
"You did, yeah." She smiles back at him and nods, then faces forward again. There's a coffee shop only three stores ahead, and it seems to be already open. Thank God. "To be honest I can't remember the last time I had one. I drink plain black coffee now."
Harry nods, and they both walk in silence, side by side — always side by side.
It shouldn't be uncomfortable, but Aurora's chest is heavy, and her mind seems foggy.
Truth be told, she thought she would have more time before she started disappointing her friends, before letting them know how much she's changed and how uninteresting she's become.
Meeting Harry at the airport got in between her plans, though. And she could feel herself breaking little by little each second. Having to face the memories of someone she used to be, someone she liked to be, but also someone she isn't anymore. And someone she can't be anymore.
Looking at her feet, she bites the inside of her lip. She was acting like a child at the duty-free, wasn't she? Jumping around, excited about his cologne…
God. She hasn't even left the country yet, and she's already ruining things.
She needs to control herself.
She isn't a teenager anymore. She can't embarrass him. She doesn't want to embarrass him.
"Do you want something to eat?" Harry asks, and she stops walking.
They're in front of the coffee shop, but Aurora wouldn't have realized if it weren't for him.
She shakes her head. "No, I'll just get myself a coffee."
"Let me get it for you."
What?
She takes a step back. "Absolutely not."
Harry's smile falters, but he doesn't give up. "C'mon… Like the old times! Yeah?"
"No, Harry. I mean, thanks, but no. I can pay for mine."
"I know you can pay for yours, I don't—"
"Please." She shakes her head and looks down to the floor. "It's just a silly coffee. I can get it for me. Okay?"
Harry frowns.
"Ok? Yeah."
Aurora nods, looks at the shop, then back to the floor. "Are you getting anything?"
"No, I'll just wait here."
"Okay," she whispers, forcing a smile before turning around and walking away.
It's crazy to see how much Harry has changed.
That's all Aurora can think about while she stands in line and watches him type on his phone.
He's still outside, waiting for her, and seems deeply engaged with his conversation, frowning while his fingers move rapidly.
No more black skinny jeans, no more vintage t-shirts or Chelsea boots. No more curls that are longer than her own hair. No more thin shoulders nor skinny arms.
His baggy pants — wide legged, high-waisted — are beige, his cute shoes are yellow, and she still can't get over the flamingo shirt he's wearing.
He looks older, too. Brooding features, chiseled cheekbones, growing stubble. His face is perfectly carved, his traces have hardened, and there is something very manly about the way he stands there, focusing on typing on his phone.
It isn't just his physical appearance, though. He acts like a grown-up, too. There's something about the way he simply exists that screams how much he's changed. You would never tell the man standing outside is the same boy who used to make stupid bets with his roommates from uni. But it's clear that Harry isn't a boy anymore, and that he's turned into a man.
And Aurora wasn't prepared to deal with that.
Aurora lowers her chin and rubs her eyes.
She is being ridiculous.
Why would she need to be prepared for that?
Of course Harry grew up! How old is he now, anyway? 29? 30? Of course he isn't the same anymore.
She should focus on how nice it is to see him again, not about stupid things.
Who would've thought she would actually meet him at the airport? Who would've thought they'd end up sharing the flight? Standing in line with him, hopefully getting some seats next to each other… She should appreciate having a friend by her side. That's all.
Aurora can't remember why he stopped hanging out with the group, though, and now she can't stop thinking about it. She has absolutely no idea about anything that could be going on with his life. It was as if Harry had grown more and more distant with time, until he wasn't there at all.
She's still pretty sure the last time she saw him was at her and Zack's wedding. She remembers someone telling her he'd moved to the United States, but why wasn't she at his graduation? It didn't make sense. Especially considering how, around a year later, he was kind enough to send them a basket when Noah was born.
They weren't the closest friends, and they were in very different stages of their lives when they met, sure, but they were part of the same group, and she used to have a soft spot for him. Just like she used to have a soft spot for Niall.
Usually, when they were all at the pub, everyone would leave and the three of them would stay behind, chatting and laughing until Aurora felt her lids closing by themselves and they would walk her home. They both used to make her laugh all the time, and she actually loved spending those moments with them.
Until she met Zack, of course, and then she started spending her nights with him.
Maybe that was it. Maybe it wasn't about him. Maybe she had grown more and more distant, until she wasn't around anymore. At all.
She knows it's something she's done with everyone else, at least. The girls would knock on her door from time to time, though, and she couldn't run from everyone whilst living in the same city, but Harry flying overseas was a different situation. So it makes sense they didn't keep up with their friendship.
It makes sense, but it still bothers her.
It bothers her because she forgot how easy, and fun, and electrifying it was to be around him. She forgot how affectionate, attentive, kind, and friendly he was. She forgot how spontaneous and cheerful she used to be with him. She forgot how much she enjoyed his carefree and easygoing way of looking at life. She forgot…
Well, to be honest, it's like she just forgot about him.
And how could she forget about him?
Harry used to be such a great friend.
Just like Niall.
But somehow different.
Because there's something about the way Harry looks at her that she never found in Niall's eyes. It has something to do with Harry's curiosity, probably. How much he cares about details. How he likes to know more about people, about things, about everything.
"Next?" the lady behind the counter shouts.
Aurora shakes her head, and darts her eyes away from Harry.
She has no idea how much time she just spent staring at him. She didn't even notice she was doing it, to be honest. And she can only hope he didn't notice, as well.
The woman behind her taps her shoulder.
"That's you, miss," she says.
Aurora widens her eyes and steps forward. "Oh, yes, sorry… Hi!"
Their flight is delayed.
Aurora laughs, and rubs her fingers on her forehead.
"And I was worried I'd be late," she murmurs.
They've been hanging out by their gate for at least half an hour now. Harry sits next to her, their bags placed together on his opposite side. He's leaning back comfortably, arms crossed on top of his abdomen and legs spread open in front of him.
He nudges her arm with his elbow, then asks, "What was that?"
She shakes her head and waves him off with one hand, then double taps her phone with the other, lighting up the screen.
It's 6:30.
Noah should be waking up by now. Or at least Zack should be trying to wake him up.
She unlocks her phone and opens up the app to text him. She takes a deep breath in, and her fingers hover the screen. She needs to be careful with her words, because she doesn't want him to think she doesn't trust him with Noah. That would be unfair with him. And it's not even about that. Of course it's not! She knows Noah's safe with his dad. She swears she never questioned him as a father. Whatever happened between them as a couple would never change the fact that Zack loves Noah to death.
Aurora knows that. Really! The only reason why she wants to know how they're doing is because Noah has never woken up at his dad's new place, and because she knows what a long and emotional process it can be to wake him up. That's all.
She bites her bottom lip, and types the same questions again and again, until she's happy with the way she's phrased them.
Hii!
How are you guys doing?
How was Noah's first night over there? Did you guys have fun?
She sends the messages, and reads them over. And over, and over.
That was good, wasn't it? She sounded friendly, right? She wasn't attacking him, right? He wouldn't be mad at her, right?
"I'll be right back," Harry says, getting up from his seat. He moves past her quickly, looking at his own hand and sliding his finger through the screen of his phone before taking it to his ear. "Hey… Yeah, I know… No, you listen to me…"
Harry doesn't sound happy — at all — and Aurora frowns. She watches him walk away, blending between people, then glances back to her phone.
No signs of Zack yet. Which is fine. Of course. It's not even been a minute. Actually, Aurora is usually so absorbed by Noah in the mornings that she doesn't check her phone until she drops him off at preschool. So it's fine. Really.
Hopefully he'll be able to make him have breakfast by 7:15, though. Otherwise they won't get there on time. Should she remind him of that? No, that's stupid. Zack is not stupid, and she always drives him insane for reminding him of the obvious little details.
Maybe he won't even take him to preschool. Maybe he'll drive him over to his parents, instead.
Or maybe she should just trust him. Maybe this would be the time he'd follow through with a promise he'd made.
Another yawn sneaks up on her. She slides down on her seat and rubs her eyes with the palms of her hands.
Maybe she should accept Harry's offer and take a quick nap on his shoulder. She brushed the idea off minutes ago, but now she can't deny it sounds really tempting.
God… How is she supposed to spend two days on a yacht? She's never been on one before. She also hasn't been around all her friends in a very long time…
Is she going to be able to interact with them? Because if they're expecting her to act the same way she used to before getting married… Well, they'll be extremely disappointed.
The only thing about Aurora that'll resemble those old days are the clothes Maddie packed for her.
Shit. Oh shit. Oh… Fuck! Her clothes. No, no, no. Shit! She is going to kill Madison.
She can't wear all those clothes in front of Harry! There is no fucking way she'll walk in front of him in a bikini, or wearing those silk and backless dresses. There is absolutely no fucking way she's going to wear those tops that almost don't cover her breasts in front of him.
Well, not just in front of him, of course…
She's thinking about Harry because he's the one with her right now, but she doesn't want to wear those clothes in front of anyone. Not just him.
It isn't even about the people, really. It's about her body. A body that has changed a lot through the years.
Oh, boy… She needs to sleep. She can't start spiraling about how unsexy she's been feeling for years. It's not the moment for that. It's not what the weekend is about.
"Are you sleeping with your eyes open?" Harry's low and deep voice sounds right next to her ear, and Aurora jumps on her seat.
Harry chuckles behind her, then makes his way around her seat.
"Shit," she murmurs, taking her hand to her chest, but a shaky laugh still leaves her mouth. "You scared me."
He stops in front of her and furrows his brows, then tilts his head to the side and curves his mouth into a cheeky smile, narrowing his eyes to look at her.
"What?" she asks.
He doesn't move, though.
And he also doesn't stop staring at her.
Aurora shifts on her seat.
But the staring still doesn't stop.
"Harry!" She chuckles, and looks away.
And he still doesn't even flinch.
Oh, c'mon! That's ridiculous.
It's like going back to university, honestly. He used to do the same when they were younger, usually at a pub or a club. He would stare at her like that until she stumbled over her own words, or until she forgot what she was about to do. He thought it was hilarious, but she never understood the point of it.
"Knock it off, will ya?" She crosses her arms on top of her chest and rolls her eyes. "I was just thinking."
Harry (finally) laughs, face lighting up again — with dimples and wrinkles and almost fully-closed eyes.
He moves his arm, and puts a paper cup in front of her face.
Aurora snaps her brows together.
"Sorry, love, I was just testing my skills," he says.
Aurora flinches her head back.
Why is he shoving that cup in her eyes?
And also… "What skills?"
He shrugs. "Y'know, to rile you up just by looking at you."
Harry presses his lips together, as if he can't wait to burst out laughing.
And Aurora knows that face, because Noah does the exact same thing. The cheeky little monster loves to surprise her, but he can never hold up a lie. He gives out the entire thing just by looking at her with the same excitement on his face.
They honestly look the same. Except Noah is only four, and Harry a thirty-year-old man.
"Ha ha," she mocks him, looking away from his silly face. "You and my four-year-old son would be great friends."
"Aww!" Harry takes his seat next to her, chuckling and throwing an arm around her shoulders to pull her closer to his side. "I'm sure we would."
She rolls her eyes.
Harry squeezes her cheek against his chest, and she's so close to his body that she can smell the soap and cologne emanating from his skin. He smells good. Like a fresh shower. It's a nice combination, something both strong and smooth at the same time.
Shit.
She pulls away, and shakes her head.
"It wasn't a compliment," she murmurs.
Harry chuckles.
"Yeah, I'm aware of that." He withdraws his arm from around her shoulders and takes it back to his side, then puts his hand back in front of her face. The one holding a paper cup. "Now, this is for you."
Aurora raises her eyebrows.
"And what's this supposed to be, exactly?"
"Just try it."
She doesn't make any movement to acknowledge his request, but Harry also doesn't make any movement to hint he'll stop shoving the cup on her face. Eventually, she sighs, and her entire body falls.
"Harry…"
"Oh, c'mon! Just a sip. Amuse me, yeah?"
Aurora glances at his hand, then back at his face. She presses lips together, then finally uncrosses her arms and lifts one of them to reach the cup, curling her fingers around it.
For the sake of not ruining her mood, she ignores the way he cheers, or how he grins proudly before leaning his back against the backrest of his seat. She simply clutches the cup between both hands, instead, and its warmth is a high contrast with her cold skin. She can't help but hum at the feeling, and then she shivers, even her chin trembling a little.
A timid chuckle escapes from her mouth, and she closes her eyes. She brings the cup up to her face and puts her nose close to the lid, breathing the flavor in.
And just like that, her chest tightens.
The smell is unmistakable, a combination between coffee and caramel that she would recognize anywhere, anytime.
She blinks her eyes open, and turns her head to look at him.
Harry is watching her attentively, without any traces of amusement or playfulness surrounding him anymore.
Aurora blinks a couple of times, gathering enough strength to ask him, "Did you… Did you get me a caramel coffee?"
He nods once, only one side of his mouth lifting up. "Yeah."
She looks back at the cup in her hands, and blinks again.
"Why?"
"I don't know," he says, softly. "Intuition, maybe. I know you already had your black coffee, but I… I don't know. I felt like you needed it? I don't know. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, it sounds stupid. Is that okay? Hope I didn't—"
She nods rapidly — unable to speak, but also desperate for him to stop explaining himself.
And thankfully, he does.
Aurora doesn't know what to say about it, though. She doesn't even know if there's anything she can say about it.
His words don't sound stupid to her. That's for sure. The thing is that Harry doesn't understand the meaning his gesture actually holds, which scares her. He was able to pick up on something she needed when she wasn't brave enough to admit it to herself in the first place. And it was something so trivial… It was just coffee. Coffee.
"Noah does that sometimes, y'know," Aurora murmurs, looking at the mass of people in front of them. She hunches down a bit, not bothering by her awful posture as she comforts herself with the hot beverage in between her hands. Changing the subject is the only way she knows how to answer him right now, so she keeps going. "Sleeping with his eyes half open. It freaks me out."
Harry hums.
"There's a name for that, isn't it?"
His voice is as soft and calm as before, and Aurora nods.
"Yeah, nocturnal something… I don't know. I always forget the stupid word." She rolls her eyes, and a humorless laugh leaves her mouth, making her body shake. "How do people even choose these names, huh? Why bother naming it if it's gonna be some ridiculous word no-one can even pronounce?"
"That's… Yeah, I don't know. You have a point, though."
"Sorry," she whispers, looking down at her lap. "Zack drives me insane using all those terms all the time. Makes me feel stupid."
Harry doesn't say anything, but for once the silence between them doesn't feel uncomfortable.
She exhales the frustration out of her body, taking the cup to her mouth and sipping carefully in case it burns her tongue.
The coffee touches her lips, and its sweetness automatically invades all of her senses. Her tongue tastes the caramel, and there's something bitter behind it, but it is mostly mellow and buttery. Just like she remembers it.
And just like that, she's remembering all of it.
She's flooded with memories from the comfort of home, and about the fun of living. Memories with simpleminded thoughts and unpretentious actions.
She's back to a place where she isn't scared of speaking her mind all the time, where she isn't afraid of letting people down by her silly behavior, where she isn't terrified of her personality being the embarrassment of those around her. She's back to a place where she knows her friends and family like her for who she is, and where she's proud of her because of that.
She's full of affectionate touches, sincere words, and genuine feelings.
There's confidence inside her, and an entire world she's willing to find out.
And when she finally gulps down the simplest sip of caramel coffee, warmth takes over her throat. It reverberates through every inch of her body, and she shivers — her body filling with goosebumps as she closes her eyes to the paradoxical feeling.
A moment passes, and the weight of a soft textured fabric lands on her back.
"Before you say anything," Harry's deep voice murmurs next to her, and she opens her eyes to look at him. "I'm not wearing it. And it's driving me insane seeing you so cold, so please just wear it."
Aurora glances at her shoulders, finding Harry's checked jacket covering her skin. It feels good, and it feels warm. And she actually doesn't mind it. At all. But there's something about the way Harry has just talked to her that flies directly into Aurora's heart.
Maybe it's the softness of his voice. Or maybe how worried he sounded. Or maybe the fact that he seems to pay attention to her. Or maybe just because he acts as if he knows her so well. Even after so many years without talking to her. Or seeing her.
Or maybe it's just because she's already on edge because of the damn caramel coffee he bought especially for her.
She doesn't know exactly what it is, but something in his words triggers her into instantly tearing up. She can't help the overreaction, and before she can figure out a way to hide it, the evidence of her crying falls down her cheek, and she's taking a hand up to wipe it off her.
"Auri, hey…"
Harry's hand lands on her back. The last push she needs to turn into an emotional wreck. A sob bursts out of her chest, and she covers her mouth. Oh my God.
"Auri, love, I'm sorry… Did I… I can get the jacket back, I didn't—"
She shakes her head and puts the coffee between her thighs, then takes both hands up to her face. She uses her palms to wipe down the tears from her cheeks, and a long and shaky sigh leaves her mouth.
Harry takes the cup from between her legs, putting it down on the floor before shifting closer to her. His knees bump into the side of her thigh, and the hand that isn't on her back brushes softly her jaw, getting rid of another tear.
"I'm… I'm sorry," she whispers. "You're fine. You didn't… You didn't do anything wrong."
The last thing she wants is for him to see her like that. They haven't seen each other for so long… She doesn't want to welcome him back to her life with tears and drama. She also doesn't want him to feel guilty about something that has nothing to do with him.
"Ok…" He sounds wary, and while one hand rubs circles on her back, the other grabs her hand. "What's going on, tho? What can I do to help?"
Once again, Aurora shakes her head. "I'm… I'm fine. I think I'm just… I'm just exhausted from not sleeping last night."
It isn't a lie, but it also isn't the truth. She doesn't want to admit how lonely she constantly feels, because she wants to learn how to be alone. It doesn't make sense to ask for help when all she wants is to learn how to not need help.
"Why didn't you sleep?"
"It's nothing. Really… Don't worry about me, I'm just being dramatic right now."
He strokes his thumb up and down on the back of her hand, and Aurora sighs, leaning into the warmth of his jacket.
Warmth. Apparently that's all she craves now.
"Of course I worry about you, Auri. And I'm here if you need anything, ok?"
She nods, but his care for her brings another wave of tears, and she hides behind one hand while the other holds tightly onto him.
"C'mere," he murmurs, dragging the hand on her back to her shoulder and pulling her to his chest.
She can't believe the amount of times she's been hugged by him in merely a couple of hours, but she doesn't fight him. In fact, she does quite the opposite: she snuggles into him and cries quietly. And when Harry squeezes her shoulders, she squeezes his fingers in response.
"Talk to me, love, please. What's going on?"
She sniffs. "Nothing…"
He rubs her arm, softly and tenderly, then carefully adds, "I don't wanna force you, but I can tell something's up and I'm worried about you."
Aurora shakes her head, feeling the desperation in her body slip out of her mouth as she cries to him. "Please don't... I don't want… I don't wanna worry you, ok? I really don't. I don't want to bother you. I'm just… Overreacting. I'll be fine. I'll be—"
"Auri, that's not—"
"Yes. Yes it is. It's just—"
"Stop doing that," he says, squeezing her shoulder. "You keep shutting me off every time I try to explain myself."
"Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear. I'm sorry—"
"Auri—
"—I'm so sorry—"
"—It's okay—"
"—I really am—"
"Auri, hey!" He pulls back, grabbing her shoulders with both hands and forcing her to look at him. His eyes are warm and caring as he stares inside hers, but there's a frown all over his face that screams something different. Annoyance, perhaps? Or maybe… Frustration? "Listen to me. It's fine, ok? There's no need for you to apologize. It's fine."
She squeezes her eyes shut, shaking her head. "No…"
"Yes, it's fine, Auri."
"It's not—"
"Yes—"
"No!" Aurora opens her eyes, but tears quickly blurry her sight. She blinks, and before she knows it, she's fully sobbing and crying again. "It's not fine! Ok?! I'm not… I'm not fine, Harry. I'm not! I'm falling apart and I just… It's like I can't stop… And I just… I hate it, ok? I really do… I keep letting everyone down. And I… Fuck… I have no idea how… How am I supposed to spend the entire weekend…. The entire weekend pretending my life isn't a mess right now? I just… I can't… I can't pretend… I'm not… I can't…"
There's only a beat of silence before Harry pulls her into his chest again, squeezing her shoulders while he takes a long, deep, and heavy breath in. Then exhales loudly through his nose.
"I don't know what's going on with your life right now," he says softly, resting his chin on the top of her head and closing his eyes while she sobs into his chest. "And I know I haven't been around, but I'm here for you, ok?"
And just like before, Aurora melts into him. She hugs his waist, and leans against his body despite the uncomfortable and public position they're in. Crying all the tears she's been holding in so far. Silently sharing with him all the hurt, the doubts, and the insecurities she's been feeling. All the blaming, the questioning, and the yelling she's been hiding. Letting him absorb the wreck she is turned into after six years of marriage. All the failures. All the mistakes. All the countless "should've done better", and also "should've tried harder". She lets it all out. With no hold backs, nor regrets.
"And you don't have to pretend, Auri," he adds. "At least not to me. Not even a little bit. Never… Why would you even pretend, huh? I can't be there for you if you don't let me know your life's a mess, and I want to be there for you. You know I do, yeah?"
Aurora can't answer him, not when her body's turning everything inside her into tears and sobbing, but he doesn't seem to be waiting for any words. Nor reactions. He rubs her back gently, while still holding her tightly, and then just keeps talking.
"Besides, I don't expect anything from you, so—I mean, wait… That's not—Shit. That didn't sound good."
And despite everything, despite all the pain and all the tears and all the fears, a soft and low chuckle escapes from Aurora's chest.
"That came out wrong… It's not—It's not what I wanted to say. Because of course I expect things from you, like… You're brilliant. You're amazing. You can do amazing things if you want to, ok? I know you can. What I meant is that—That there's no pressure, y'know? That's all. And that no matter what you do or what you say, nothing will change... I mean, I haven't been around, but you don't have to pretend things are good if they aren't, y'know? I'll be your friend even if… I don't know… Even if everything's falling apart… Actually, I want to be there especially when everything's falling apart, ok? So yeah, I just—Jesus Christ." He sighs. "Fuck. Auri please tell me you know what I'm trying to say here because I'm just freaking myself out right now."
Aurora's chuckle turns into laughter, and she nods against his chest, taking one hand up to her face to wipe off the last few tears.
"I do, yes." She clears her throat, trying to get rid of some of the scratchiness. "Relax. I got it from the beginning."
Harry smiles and sighs again, squeezing her shoulders. "Could've said something, huh? Stop me there. Save me the embarrassment, maybe?"
"You said I kept cutting you off when you tried to explain yourself, so…" Aurora shrugs.
"Ohh, I see. Okay." Harry laughs. "We should work on your timing, then. Smartass."
She smiles, and sniffs. "My timing's perfect. It was cute, and I was having fun."
"Of course you were."
Although she can't see him, the smile is obvious in his voice, and she sighs. A long and heavy sigh. One that's strong enough to relax her entire body, and that makes her close her eyes and drop her shoulders.
"Thank you," she murmurs, still into his chest.
"Yeah," he murmurs back. "Anytime, love."
There's a pause between them. And then Harry speaks again.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really, to be honest… At least not right now."
"Ok…"
Another pause, and then…
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
She takes a deep, long breath in, then exhales while snuggling into his chest.
"Can we just… Stay like this for another minute? Just… Y'know… In silence?"
"Hm… So you want me to shut up, is that it?"
Aurora chuckles.
"Well, I wouldn't put it like that, but…"
Harry chuckles, too.
"'S fine. I don't mind. We can stay like this for as long as you want."
And so they do.
They hug for a while. In silence. A tight embrace that's simple, but that's also intense enough to let her know that he's there for her.
Aurora can't remember the last time she's been held like this, with honest tenderness and affection. The kind of hug that she doesn't question, and that comes naturally. That feels natural.
"This was supposed to be a fun weekend," she murmurs, curling a little bit more into him and closing her eyes to avoid facing the world. "Can't believe I'm seeing you for the first time in years and already bringing all this drama to you."
Harry chuckles lightly.
"Don't be silly, ok? We've been over this already… We're friends and this is what friends are for." He kisses the top of her head, and then rests his cheek against the same place. "Besides, we didn't leave London yet. We can still have plenty of fun."
Aurora sighs. "God. I really need to have some fun. I miss having fun."
"I'll make sure you get more than some."
He squeezes her shoulder, and Aurora smiles.
Still with her eyes closed, and pressing her ear against his chest, she listens to his heartbeat, and to the way he breathes. He isn't calm, but he is steady, and somehow comfortable. So she focuses on him, and only him. As if mimicking his rhythm, or syncing with his pace, could make everything in her life feel better.
Harry sighs against her, and when the thumping inside him gets faster, she pulls one arm from around his waist to rest her hand on the left side of his chest. She spreads her fingers open where his heart is, and breathes in and out slowly, hoping to calm him down again.
He takes one hand to her neck, sliding it to the back of her head and tangling his fingers with her hair.
As he scratches her scalp, Aurora can feel every muscle of her body fully relaxing. It's soothing. And it's safe. There's no other place she would rather be right now, and she's convinced that, as long as she's holding him and he's holding her, she'll finally relax and rest like she hasn't been able to in so long.
"Have you always been such a great hugger?" she asks, her voice as soft and as slow as her body feels.
Harry clears his throat, then murmurs, "I don't know."
Aurora hums.
Another moment passes, until she breaks the silence again.
"I'm sorry for being a shitty friend."
"You're not a shitty friend."
"But I am, tho. I have no idea what's going on with your life… It's been so long and I… I never reached out."
Harry sighs, and shifts on his seat.
Aurora follows his movements, making sure the hug doesn't end even when he seems to be pulling away.
He doesn't, though — pull away. He simply leans back on his seat, pulling her along with him. And because she's still comfortable against his chest, she doesn't see the way his face falls, how he presses his lips together in a hard line, or glares at random people passing by.
"It's fine," he eventually says.
And she's so focused on her own past behavior, that she also doesn't notice the slight change in his voice.
"It's not, though."
"I never reached out either, did I? And I should have… I just… I should have."
She fidgets with the fabric of his shirt, and although it takes her a moment to answer, the words fly easily out of her mouth. "I'm not sure if it would've made any difference, to be honest… I've pushed everyone away, would've done the same to you."
"There's no fucking way I would've let you."
"It wouldn't be up to you, tho."
A ding-ding-dong blares from the speakers in the lounge area.
"Attention passengers on Ryanair flight 1832 to Naples, we are now ready for boarding at gate 56. Passengers on Ryanair flight 1832 to Naples, we are now ready for boarding at gate 56. Boarding is for business class and passengers with…"
The attendant's voice fades as Aurora stops paying attention to it. She blinks her eyes open and, against her wishes, pulls away from Harry's arms.
"Finally," she breathes out.
When she looks at him, she finds nothing but honesty and affection inside his eyes, and it's enough to make her heart skip a beat.
She curves her lips into a smile, then brings her hands up to wipe the dry tears from her cheeks. "Thank you."
Harry smiles, too. "You've said that already."
"I know." She nods, dropping her hands back to her lap. "I just… Thank you, really. For now and… And for the coffee. Even though I forgot to drink it."
He takes one hand to her face, and puts some of her hair behind her ear.
"We'll have time for another one," he says, then stares into her eyes again. "Yeah?"
"Yeah…" She gulps down, captivated by his gaze. "I think… I think it'd be nice if we could catch up, right? I mean, there's so much about you that I don't know…"
Harry smiles, although it doesn't reach his eyes.
"There isn't anything crazy to know about me."
Aurora furrows her brows.
"Well I don't need crazy information, Harry," she scoffs, making sure the tone of her voice is carrying some playfulness while she rolls her eyes. "I just wanna know what's up with your life… Where do you live? Do you have any dogs, or cats? Where do you work? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have any kids? Are you married? I don't know…"
Harry stares blankly at her for a moment, then looks away, reaching for their bags.
"Those are too many questions, love."
Aurora shrugs.
"Well, yeah…" She leans down and picks up her coffee. The cup feels cold, and although she's sad she didn't get to drink it, she wouldn't change anything about what happened in the last… Well, however long it's been since they got here. "I know. I'm curious. That's why I said it'd be nice to catch up."
She stands up and rearranges Harry's jacket, putting it on properly so it doesn't fall from her shoulders, then waits while he stands as well, picking their bags from the seat next to his.
"Ok, yeah. Sure. We can catch up."
"Wow." She snorts and widens her eyes. "Calm down, now. Don't sound sooo excited, please."
Harry laughs. He puts his own bag on his shoulder, and she takes hers from his hand.
"I'd love for us to catch up, Auri. I really would."
"Okay…" She narrows her eyes at him, putting her bag on her shoulder and walking towards the line. "Are you hiding something from me?"
Harry follows her, grabbing his boarding pass and passport from the front pocket of his bag. "Why would I hide something from you?"
"I don't know…" She throws the coffee cup away, then adds, "Maybe you're working with the FBI. Or, maybe you're married to someone who works for the FBI. Ohhhhh," — she widens her eyes, looking at him while he leads their way to the gate — "or maybe, you're married to someone who's being investigated by the FBI!"
Harry chuckles through his nose. He sneaks his hands inside Aurora's bag, pulling her boarding pass and passport from it.
"There's no FBI involved, I promise," he says, handing her the items.
"Hmmm…" She grabs her things from his hand, and nibbles her bottom lip before asking, "But you're married to someone?"
"Nop."
"Okay… Dating to someone?"
He shakes his head, and Aurora nods.
"Are relationships a touchy subject, maybe?"
Harry smirks, and that's more than enough to give Aurora an answer, but she still waits for him to say something.
Anything.
"I broke up with someone not too long ago." He shrugs. "So I'm not in the mood for relationships right now, to be honest. And that includes talking about it."
The line moves quickly, and they take a step forward.
"Oh, sure. Yeah. I get it. Of course." Aurora nods. "I'm sorry, tho. Y'know, that it didn't work out."
He shrugs, and they walk again.
"'S fine."
The shift in his behavior is loud and clear, and it bothers her. The idea of someone breaking Harry's heart deep enough for the pain to overshadow his excitement and dull the brightness of his smile doesn't feel right. So it bothers her. It really does. Whoever it was, he surely deserved someone much better. He surely deserves someone better.
A flight attendant welcomes them with a grin and a cheerful good morning. Aurora smiles back, and hands him her passport and boarding pass, then waits for him to return them. He wishes her a safe flight, and repeats the same process with Harry.
Aurora waits for him in silence, and once they're both ready to walk through the airgate, she picks the conversation back on.
"I'm sure you'll find someone, y'know? It won't be that hard. You're still young, and dating was never a problem for you, so…"
There's a pause, and then Harry snorts. "Dating was never a problem for me? What's that supposed to mean?"
"Y'know… That's what you, Niall and Jayden used to do all the time, wasn't it? Dating and… Flirting and hooking up with everyone?"
Harry stops walking and turns to stare at her in silence, with widened eyes and flared nostrils.
Aurora stops, too, biting her lip to hold back her amusement while waiting for him to say something.
He doesn't, but he eventually laughs, throwing his head back and making her fully smile at him. He shakes his head, and starts walking again.
"Jeez, Auri, I'm so offended right now."
"Oh c'mon…" She chuckles, following his steps. "I meant it as a compliment, okay? Like… Girls were always into you, that's all."
"Not all girls, though."
"Fine." She shrugs. "Ninety-five percent of them, then."
He snorts again. "Ok."
"How old were you when we met? Twenty? Twenty-one?"
"Nineteen."
"Oh shit, really?"
"Yeah, it was my second year. Why?"
"Nothing. I think… For a moment I just forgot you're so much younger than me, that's all."
"C'mon, not so much, I'm almost thirty now."
"Well, yes, but I'm thirty-five."
"See? Same age."
She chuckles. "We're not the same age."
"Ok, but almost."
"Not even close, Harry."
"Oh c'mon! Then what are you now? Ancient? Should I call you grandma?"
She chuckles. "Well… I do feel ancient, to be honest."
He rolls his eyes. "This is ridiculous. You're just as young as I am."
She shakes her head.
"Yeah, I mean, I know that… But I don't know… I mean, talking to you right now I don't feel like you're younger, y'know? Let alone that much. But also—"
"It's not that much."
"No, I know. But if you think about it, I already got married and I have a four-year-old at home, so like, I really am too old and—What?" Harry is frowning at her, and she tilts her head. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
He shrugs, then faces forward, away from her. "I'm trying to decide if I should kick your ass right now or just throw you into the ocean later."
She gasps, but then she chuckles. "What? Whyyy?"
Harry raises his eyebrows at her. "I'm only five years younger than you, Auri. Five. It's not even a big deal."
She sighs.
The line in front of them moves, and they move forward as well.
"Sorry. You're right. Like I said, it doesn't feel like it right now, but I think… I don't know. When you were 19 and I was 24 it was different, yeah? I mean, we were in different stages of our lives. I was meeting Zack and you were—"
"Yes, I know. I was there, remember?"
She swallows down, and nods.
"Sorry," she repeats, much softer this time.
Aurora walks in silence, staring at the plane at the end of the hallway.
She pretends to ignore the way Harry keeps glancing at her, or how he rubs the back of his neck, or how he rolls his shoulders. She knows she bothered him, and the idea of causing a scene when they're about to get into a plane feels terrifying. She should've kept her mouth shut, that way she wouldn't have them put them in that situation. Again.
It's like she's been riding on a rollercoaster she never knew she would get into in the first place. Going through multiple sudden changes of speed and directions. Slowly climbing a steep slope and painfully anticipating the fall before she actually drops directly into the ground. Holding herself during the unexpected tight turns and sharp curves, and gasping for air at every inverted loop. Experiencing the ups and downs of gravity as she's weightless and happy at the top of the hill, then all of a sudden her own personality is pushing her back down to reality. And by the end of it, the back of her throat hurts, her stomach feels funny, and there's just heaviness all over her body.
"Hey," Harry calls.
He shifts his bag from one shoulder to the other and puts his arm around her, pulling her closer even though they're still walking. He kisses the top of her head, and keeps his lips there as he speaks. "'M sorry. Shouldn't have cut you off like that."
Aurora shrugs. "It's fine."
"It's not. We were just joking and I… I took it personally, 'm sorry."
He kisses her head, again, and her lashes flutter.
She knows he's sorry, but she doesn't know what to say to him. She knows how easy it is for her to forgive when she shouldn't, and how many times in the last six years she believed in empty apologies.
So although she knows, she isn't sure she can trust herself.
She hasn't been trusting herself for a while now.
A new flight attendant welcomes them into the plane, and they both pull away from each other.
Aurora walks in front of Harry, and she does her best to smile genuinely at the cheerful woman that's wishing them a good morning and a good flight.
She holds the strap of her bag tightly on her shoulder, and walks through the narrow carpeted aisle, focusing on the numbers and letters above the seats as if she's looking for specific ones. She pauses here and there for other passengers that are getting settled, and it's only past the emergency door that Harry speaks again.
"Should we sit here?" he asks. He's pointing to the opposite side where she's facing, so she turns around, finding three empty seats.
"Okay."
She nods, and tilts her chin up to check the space to put her bag. Harry is quicker, though, because he is already closing his fingers around the strap on her shoulder and pushing it away from her arm.
"I'll put our bags together, yeah?"
She doesn't want to fight him about it, so she simply thanks him with the best smile she can offer and allows him to easily grab her duffel bag.
She slides through the two empty seats to reach the one by the window, not waiting any longer to secure the seat belt and make herself comfortable. Once she's settled, she clasps her hands together, and takes a deep breath in. Her chin trembles, and she looks down, biting the inside of her cheek. She doesn't want to cry again. She really doesn't want to cry again.
Also, she needs to sleep. She must get some sleep. There is absolutely no way she is going to handle spending the entire day awake, and if she doesn't sleep now, she'll only get an opportunity again at the yacht — meaning she won't get to spend any time with her friends.
Harry sits next to her and puts his own belt on, then turns off his phone and shoves it into his pocket. Aurora doesn't look at him, but he turns sideways anyway, leaning his shoulder on the back of the seat and blocking them from any possible curious eyes.
He grabs one of her hands from her lap and takes her fingers to his mouth, placing a long kiss to her knuckles before sighing.
"Auri, love," his voice is soft, and a whisper for only them to hear, "I really am sorry."
She nods, taking her free hand to wipe a tear before it could roll down her cheek.
Shit.
"Please, don't cry."
"Mhm."
"Auri… Look at me, please."
She shakes her head, then. Because she knows that she'll fall apart all over again if she looks at him.
God, she's so tired.
"I didn't…" she murmurs, then takes a deep breath and tries again. "I didn't mean anything bad by the age thing… I promise."
"I know that, love. Of course I know," he says, pressing another kiss to her hand. "Fuck. I know. We were just joking. And I'm not mad about it, I promise. I mean, I was actually a stupid hormonal teenager back when we met, so yeah… You're right, things were different. But please, Auri, I hate that I made you cry just because I… Shit, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. It wasn't about you, I promise."
She stares at her knees and nods, because she knows he is. And she also knows she can trust him, which is probably why she — finally — honestly blurts out, "I keep messing everything up, y'know? All the time."
He brushes his thumb on the back of her hand, then murmurs back to her, "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. I just… I keep letting everyone down, and I hate it, but it's like I can't stop it. And I mean, to be honest I don't… I don't even recognize myself anymore. I used to have so much fun, and I felt so different about life… And I treated people around me so differently… And now I'm just… I don't know… I don't know why I say things, or why I do things. I don't know what I want, or what to do with my life… And I feel so… Lonely… All the damn time. But I get why I'm lonely, y'know? I mean it's true that I don't know how to be anything else besides being Noah's mum. And I'm so insensitive to other people because of that, and I keep saying things I shouldn't and I just… I look back and I realize how I pushed everyone away… How I… I don't know, I'm so tired of this. I'm just so tired of myself."
There is a pause between them, mostly because Harry's waiting for the people in front of them to settle and stop prying at their conversation.
It's good, though, because it gives her time to catch her breath again.
And then, Harry leans deeper into his seat, still holding tightly to her hand.
"Is that how he made you feel?"
Aurora furrows her brows. "What—Who?"
"Zack. Is that how Zack made you feel?"
"I… No! Why—I mean, I'm just… I'm talking about myself."
"Auri, c'mon… I know you're talking about yourself, but I can read between the lines."
She closes her eyes and takes her hand up to her face, rubbing her forehead while she prepares herself to just keep blurting out what her mind is begging her to tell him.
"I think…" she says, dropping her hand back to her lap and blinking. "I think he really messed me up, y'know?"
Harry sighs.
It takes him a moment to say something. A moment that feels really, really long to her.
And then…
"Fuck." He puts his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his chest, murmuring while resting his cheek on the back of her head, "I'm sorry."
She shrugs, snuggling into him and searching for his heartbeat, just like before.
"'S not your fault."
"But I should've been there for you."
"You wouldn't have known."
"Still… This isn't how it was supposed to be."
God, she's so tired…
Her entire body is heavy, and she doesn't even know what's happening around them anymore. She can't even make sense of their conversation anymore.
Harry feels too cozy, though, and she knows she's about to have the comfiest sleep of her life — she can feel it.
"Harry?"
"Hm?"
"I got divorced six months ago."
Harry closes her eyes, then rearranges himself on his seat and pulls her closer to him.
"I know."
.
.
.
"You know? How?"
"Niall."
"Oh. Okay?"
"I texted him while you were getting your coffee."
She places her hands on his hips, holding her weight to pull away from him.
Harry doesn't let her, though, squeezing her inside of his arms and locking her in.
"Please stay," he murmurs.
And Aurora doesn't fight him. She just relaxes again — she relaxes and listens to him.
"You weren't wearing a ring… And I could tell something was up, so I… I asked him. That's all. Sorry if I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help it. I needed to know."
"Oh…" The concept of time is foggy inside her mind, but she's pretty sure a few seconds go by before she speaks again. "'S okay, I guess. I mean… Niall knows about the divorce, but he doesn't… He doesn't know the whole story. He doesn't know how bad it was."
"Does anyone know?"
"You?" She chuckles, but it's humorless, because she knows that not even Harry truly knows. "I just… I haven't been able to talk about it yet, or like… Process it, I think. I don't know. I keep justifying him a lot, which I'm learning it's something I shouldn't do."
He makes his cheek comfortable on top of her head, then takes one hand to play with her hair, scratching her scalp. "It can't be easy to go through something like this on your own, tho."
"I know…" She closes her eyes, appreciating his affectionate touch. "My mum's helping me a lot… She had to go back home now, but she spent over a month with me. Makes sure I don't skip therapy… Stuff like that."
"Hmm…" Harry says, and his voice echoes inside her body. "Always liked her. Smart one."
Aurora curls her mouth up. "Yeah…"
Another moment goes by, and Aurora is filled with lightness as her body slowly drifts into sleep.
"Thank you for telling me this, Auri."
"Mhmm… It's weird… To like, talk about it."
"I'll always listen. Whenever you want to talk about it, I'll listen."
"Thank you… 'M really tired, tho... And I think my brain is going to explode…"
Harry chuckles. "Get some sleep, yeah? I'll wake you up when we're about to land."
"'Mkay." She hugs his waist, and nuzzles against his chest. "Can't believe this all happened and we didn't even leave the country yet."
"Tell me about it."
"Mm… 'Kay… I'll sleep now… You're comfy… And I think… I feel drunk…"
Chuckling again, Harry presses a kiss on the top of her head, then slides down a bit on his seat, and she cuddles a little bit more into him.
"Ok love," he says. "You can relax now, I got you."
And although Aurora doesn't answer, she knows he does.
She doesn't need Harry to wake her up.
Her brain drifts back to consciousness by itself, slowly making her aware of her surroundings way before the plane is even close to landing.
She's warm, because of Harry's arms wrapped around her shoulders, but also because of his jacket covering her body. Her face is pressed against his shirt, and once again she's breathing from his skin. He still smells good — like a fresh shower — but now it's also mixed with a little bit of sweat, so it's somehow even better than before.
It's hot. He's hot. Her insides feel hot.
She's also comfortable — so, so comfortable. It feels like she just took the best nap of her entire life. Like she's enveloped by a sense of calm and peace, a feeling that she doesn't want at all to end. Snuggled into his chest while his fingers keep playing with her hair, tracing random patterns on the back of her head. The movements are sweet, sweet enough to tempt her to go back to sleep. And she almost does.
Except she can't. Not anymore.
Because above all that, she can tell she's also kind of desperate. Clingy. Needy. Hugging his waist as if their flight landing in Italy depended on how tight her grip is. Both of her legs over his left thigh. His strong, firm thigh. She's holding onto him like a baby koala. A troubled one. A baby koala that's craving to be held by someone. Anyone. And as if she's terrified of the idea of being left behind while her mind shuts off from the real world.
And maybe she is. Who knows.
She always liked to cuddle, and she hasn't properly cuddled in a really long time, so it's not a surprise. Still, it very quickly becomes embarrassing, and certainly not how Harry imagined things to go when, earlier in the airport, he offered his shoulder for her to take a quick nap.
He offered his shoulder, not his entire body, for fucks sake!
So, against all wishes, Aurora stirs and groans — mostly because her mind is battling between sleeping for just two more minutes or acknowledging the reality of the world she's in — then pulls away from him.
"Hmm…" She takes her hands up to her face, and rubs the last traces of sleepiness away from her puffy eyes, then sits back on her seat. "What time is it?"
Next to her, Harry moves as well, withdrawing his arms from around her shoulders and placing his hands on his lap.
"Must be around ten thirty now… Last time I checked was ten fifteen."
He sounds calm, so calm that she can't make any emotion out of his voice, so she turns her head to look at him.
Harry looks fully awake. Well rested. Peaceful. Soft. The only sign of him turning into her personal pillow are the wrinkles all over his shirt, but everything else looks… Perfect. Like heaven. He looks like heaven.
"Hi…" He curls one side of his mouth up, and Aurora smiles, too.
"Hi…"
Only then it occurs to her that she's been staring at him, and she looks away, taking her hands to smooth out her hair then fix her dress.
"Did you sleep well?"
She nods, and takes his jacket off, instead using it like a blanket to cover her chest.
"Um, yeah… I did. Thanks. And thanks for… You know… Letting me crush on you? I mean, it probably wasn't comfortable for you, so… Yeah, thanks."
Harry scoffs, shuffling down on his seat and spreading his legs as wide open as he can.
"Are you kidding me?" He takes both arms up and places his hands behind his head, resting on top of the palm of his hands. "You're a great cuddler. Went straight to my top five of all time."
The playfulness is clear in his words, which is why Aurora chuckles. Still, one question is loud and clear inside her mind: who are the other four great cuddlers? And most importantly, why isn't she his favorite one?
The thoughts bring an uncomfortable feeling to her stomach, and she shifts on her seat.
"That's kind of you to say, but you should see me during winter in the middle of the night… I'm like a baby koala and it's not a very pretty sight."
"Huh." He smirks, and lifts his eyebrows. "Is that an offer?"
Aurora snorts and rolls her eyes, feeling her cheeks burn before she looks away. "Shut up."
Harry laughs, and just like that, everything between them goes back to normal.
Getting into conversation with him is easy. Neither of them have seen their friends in a while, so they distract themselves by reminiscing old stories and laughing at silly things they used to do together. They also talk about Italy, about how neither of them have been to the country before, and how it's been a dream of both of them. They bond over small details, and find connections over silly things. And it's exactly what Aurora needs, as she finds out after minutes and minutes of light conversation and genuine giggles.
It is only when they're about to land that her face falls again.
Fully awake, the airplane movements become way more obvious than they did when taking off. And as soon as the belt sign goes on, and the pilot announces they're about to descend to Naples, Aurora's heartbeat speeds up.
She straightens up and leans her back fully against her seat, looking through the window at the bright sky.
"Are you ok?" Harry asks.
"Mhm…" She nods, and doesn't take her eyes off from the view. "Just… I don't like this part very much, that's all."
"Wanna hold my hand?"
It is a nice offer, but one she doesn't think she should accept. So she doesn't. And as the plane gets closer and closer to land, every movement becomes even more clear. When it shakes, when it turns, when it's getting ready to touch the ground.
She holds herself until the last minute. She holds herself tightly and firmly. Until it becomes too much, and one specific up and down of the airplane has her reaching for his hand.
It's like Harry is already waiting for her, to be honest, because she finds him quickly. Her sweaty and cold palm meets his warm one, and she turns her head to look at him.
He's already watching her, and as soon as their eyes meet, his face lights up with a smile.
Her belly quivers, and her chest tightens.
"It'll be over in a minute," he says, squeezing her hand.
She nods, and swallows down, because it's the only thing she can do right now. She knows what he's talking about, and she knows it's true — they'll land, and everything will pass.
Although something tells her that, whatever she's feeling right now, will not go away. It won't be over in a minute. It won't be over even when they're out and away from the plane.
In fact, she's starting to believe that, as soon as Harry is next to her, looking at her like that, the fluttering in her stomach will never go away.
if you've made it here, say caramel coffee :')
also, thank you for reading.
dani :)
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Not Special
The refueling station was on a small moon in the back end of nowhere, close to nothing but a couple of wormhole junctions. Since it had a little convenience store and everything, it really gave off “7/11 next to a desert highway” vibes. Just, y’know, in space. The moon wasn’t big enough for proper gravity or air on its own, so someone had installed a gravity generator under the dusty red ground. And turned it up just a smidge too high, but I wasn’t going to complain.
I was going to buy pre-packaged alien snacks at the store while my coworkers handed the refueling. Mimi was calling the shots, tentacles waving and gravelly voice audible from here, while the Frillian twins handled the heavy lifting of connector hoses and Captain Sunlight was at the payment kiosk. The others were either staying onboard or already browsing the aisles.
I’d just picked up a pack of something colorful (doing an artful fumble-and-recovery because of the gravity) when a rowdy group of Armorlites trooped in. I didn’t pay them too much attention — just a bunch of macho dinosaurs with holstered blasters and bipedal swagger; totally normal here — but one of them said something that brought me up short.
“Hey look, another human,” said the cheerful voice. “Maybe you can get some tips on how not to be such a disappointment.” Raucous laughter followed.
I frowned in their direction and saw that they did have a human with them: a pale and unassuming guy just a bit shorter and stockier than me. He looked annoyed by the comment, but not surprised.
When he walked over to me, I asked, “What’s that about?” The Armorlites were already ignoring him.
The guy sighed. “They heard a lot of stories about humans before they hired me, and I don’t meet their expectations.”
“What kind of stories?”
“Humans doing daring things, like running for hours to get medicine to dying people, catching a diseased rat before it infected an entire space station, throwing fruit at charging fauna hard enough to make it leave…” He ticked things off on his fingers. “Exorcizing a ghost, and riding a hoversled like a skateboard fast enough to catch a bomb before it blew up. How am I supposed to compete with that?” He threw his hands in the air.
“Um,” I said, putting down the snack I was still holding. “Would it make it better or worse to know those were all the same person?”
“What?”
“The rat wasn’t actually diseased, the ghost was a howling dog, and I didn’t know the thing was explosive when I rushed to catch it,” I said. “And I wasn’t the only person throwing things at the fauna.”
“What?” he repeated, with a spread-arms gesture that smacked into the shelf. Rubbing his hand, he asked, “That was all you?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “Unless there are other humans doing the same things, which is possible.”
He raked fingers through his hair, setting it at odd angles. “I can’t believe this. I’d tell them, but they’d just want to hire you instead.”
I rushed to assure him, “I’ve got a job already, and I don’t want to take yours.” I glanced over at the Armorlites, who were grabbing food and accessories. One clicked a flashlight on in another’s face, prompting curses from him and laughter from the others. That tracked from what I’d seen of Armorlite culture before. Toughness was important. Kindness, not so much. “What do you do for them?”
He sighed again. “Bookkeeping, officially. They needed somebody to handle the boring stuff like money and permits while they focus on hunting the biggest animals they can sell.”
“Gotcha. That sounds … exciting.”
“It’s not. It’s like going on a trip with my cousins again, except they’re even bigger and make fun of me for not having claws.”
“You’ve got other stuff going for you, though!” I said. “We just need to figure which of your differences they’ll respect most.”
“I’m all ears,” he said with a certain level of sarcasm. “Please tell me what about my fragile human physique will get me respect from the Mighty.”
Oh right, they did call themselves that. I’d almost forgotten. At least they were a straightforward species without a lot of mysterious depths.
“Well,” I said, thinking. “They like fighting. You’re more suited to stealth than they are, small enough to hide and do sneak attacks that they wouldn’t see coming. What if you introduced them to rubber band warfare, and sniped from hidden parts of the ship?”
“Nope,” he said. “That would just end with me cornered somewhere, and them showing off how even thin scales are tougher than my skin.”
“Good point. Oh! What kind of animals do they hunt? You said big ones, but do you know the specific names?” I got out my phone and brought up the database of known fauna that I’d talked Captain Sunlight into buying for me. As her own hired animal expert, it was really the kind of thing that I should have. My vet training on Earth only went so far.
“Uhhh, I think the last one was a treehorn,” he said. “Wait, they talked about going for Argoshan Dagger Birds next.”
“Right. Now what kind of noises do those make…” I typed quickly. Big creatures indeed, by the looks of it: Dagger Birds had prevented more than one colony from getting a foothold in the wilds of a nearby world, and were unlikely to stop being a threat anytime soon. I skimmed the rundown for the vocal files. “Here we go. Mating call.” Keeping the sound low enough for just us to hear, I played the croaking warble.
“Okay?” the guy said, confused.
“Can you imitate that?” I asked. “Give it a shot. Kinda like a frog. Woarrrk.”
Looking skeptical, he did. The expression on his face said he wasn’t impressed with his own efforts, but it sounded accurate enough to me.
“Great!” I said. “Give that a bit of practice, then you can go out with your crew and impress everybody by luring in some targets for them.”
“I could,” he said thoughtfully. “I usually stay on the ship while they’re hunting, but it might be worth a try. Can I have a copy of that sound for practice?”
He got out his own phone and I played it again so he could record it. The Armorlites were dumping things onto the front counter, ready to pay and leave. I caught sight of bright packaging that I recognized, and I had another idea.
“Thanks,” the guy said. “This might actually help. What was your name?”
“Robin Bennett,” I said with a belated handshake.
“Oscar Tennyson,” he replied. “Thanks for your help. Looks like I should grab my stuff and get going.”
“Before you go. See those tall cans with the purple labels?” I pointed at something the Armorlites were buying.
“Yeah?”
“Have you ever tried that?”
“No! They get wasted on it; I’ve steered far clear.”
I grinned with all my teeth. “That’s not alcohol. That’s caffeine.”
“What?”
“Humans can process caffeine better than most species on our own planet, and just about everybody in space. It’s a poison to most. It gets them super drunk, but for you—” I pointed at him with glee. “For you, it’s just a bit of energy. Pick your moment, then walk in casually while they’re getting wasted, and slam one down. See what happens.”
He was smiling now. “You’re sure? It’s really just caffeine? How much?”
“I checked into it before. One of those huge cans is like a watered-down coffee. These guys are absolute lightweights, and they don’t even know.”
He grinned to split his face. “That is the best news.”
One of them called for him to hurry up, and he bid me a quick goodbye before scampering off. I saw him grab food cubes, water, and a six-pack of caffeine, which he bundled onto the counter as the Armorlites headed out the door.
“Be right there! Just getting some stuff!”
They didn’t look, simply telling him not to waste any time. He smiled his way through the purchase.
Peeking over the shelves, I smiled too. Then I went back to my own purchases, with thoughts of getting an energy drink or two in his honor.
~~~
These started as backstory tidbits for the main character from this book, and turned into a sprawling adventure series in their own right. The sequel book will feature a return of some familiar faces. And Patreon is coming soon — even the free tier will be a handy way to keep up with the ongoing shenanigans of this particular human in space.
#my writing#The Token Human#humans are weird#haso#hfy#eiad#humans are space orcs#writeblr#writblr#very excited about the Patreon you guys#that free tier didn't use to be an option#but for anyone who'd like to catch the new story each time one goes up#that's the place to go#the higher tiers have additional cool things#more details to come
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some clarifications in advance
not every character we meet in the AU is a reincarnation of the comet parents. usually, if they are, there's immediately going to be clues. you will see characters who aren't reincarnations in various places
the comet parents weren't around for the extinction, so don't worry your head off about the thought of them Dying Horribly or something. the fact their silhouettes disappear before the sky effects happen in the last update of arc 1 is intentionally telling you that they weren't there. i don't know how far in the future it was, but there's nothing to worry about. they lived happily until the end <333
you WILL find out what happened to anthries, finding out is actually going to be part of the main story.
there are some things in this story that are definitely going to take people by surprise! i mean that's already happening a lot but like It Will Not Fucking Stop Now That You Know Things you are still going to be bewildered by insane shit trust me
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