[ID: two owl house drawings based on memes. The first one shows Lilith in her season 2B design sketched over the big bang theory "love is in the air? Wrong! Gad leak" meme. She's staring at the viewer with one eyebrow raised and her glasses are opaque.

The second meme is a redraw of a king of the hill scene, split into two panels. The first panel shows Belos holding up a sack of coins with magic, saying "here's 300 snails to break up with hunter". The second panel shows willow in her s2B design pointing at him and saying "save that money for our wedding". End ID]

I did two things today, and that was really beef it while making a sandwich, and draw shitty owl house memes, and baby I'm all out of sandwiches to post (@toh-described)

I'm sorry someone bombarded you with bitchy comments 😭. While my To Read list is lengthy and continually lengthier (actually I think something of yours with her is on it), I'd like to hear more about Ianneth-Fingon-Maedhros if you want to talk about them.

@polutrope

It wasn't really upsetting, just annoying and honestly a little bit funny. This guy left comments on all six chapters of By Love or at Least Free Will, every time I updated the story, just objecting to the entire premise of the story and ranting about how Elves have incorruptible pure souls and are immune to lust. I was sorely tempted to respond with this quote from "Laws & Customs Among the Eldar":

Even when in after days, as the histories reveal, many of the Eldar in Middle-earth became corrupted, and their hearts darkened by the shadow that lies upon Arda, seldom is any tale told of deeds of lust among them.

'Seldom' is not the same thing as 'never', and furthermore, I don't think lust is even a major theme of my story. It's more about conflicting obligations and unruly hearts.

In the end I deleted the comments without responding, because I have a personal policy of not engaging with people who are acting in bad faith. But I have to assume that this guy has no actual hobbies if he spends his time hate-reading entire stories instead of just...closing the window and moving on with his life. Maybe take up crochet, bro? Or volunteer at a soup kitchen? Watch a TV show that you like? Grow some tomatoes? Do something that will be more fulfilling than typing long screeds on AO3. I promise it will make you a happier person.

Anyway. On to the actual topic of your ask! As you've probably noticed, I am very fond of Russingon. However, I am also very fond of Fingon as Gil-galad's father. At first I balanced these two ideas by keeping my Russingon ideas and my Fingon-father-of-Gil-galad ideas in two separate universes, but then I started really fleshing out Gil-galad's mother, and it made me think some thoughts. To repeat something I said to @cuarthol in a comment on AO3:

...half the genesis of Ianneth was seeing so many stories (in multiple fandoms, not just Tolkien) where the woman is written out of a canon or semi-canon couple to make room for a popular M/M ship instead, without the female character being treated with any respect. I decided that the female perspective on that situation would be a nice change of pace and interesting to write.

I'm not trying to point fingers -- I'll readily admit that I have my male faves just like the next gal and that it's fun to make them kiss -- but the wives and girlfriends don't get a lot of love in fandom, do they? And it doesn't help that the legendarium in general tends to be a bit of a sausage fest. So I decided that Fingon would have a wife and be in love with Maedhros. But instead of focusing just on the forbidden love, I was going to focus on the wife's feelings, too.

Ianneth ("bridge-woman") is one of the Northern Sindar, from the community that lives around Lake Mithrim. She's the daughter of Annael (yes, that Annael), whom I've imagined to be one of the more influential leaders among the Northern Sindar, and particularly among the Elves of Mithrim.

Her betrothal to Fingon starts as a political arrangement. Fingolfin loves Fingon dearly, of course, but he's also been hinting for a while now that Fingon really needs to settle down and start having kids so that there will be a strong line of heirs should Fingolfin die. After all, Argon's dead, and Turgon and Aredhel abruptly fucked off to god-knows-where some three hundred years ago and haven't been seen nor heard from since. Your dad needs some grandsons, Fingon, and this also seems like a ripe opportunity to strengthen the Noldor's alliance with the Northern Sindar.

I don't think political marriage is unknown among the Elves of Beleriand. (For one example in the text, see Celegorm trying to marry Luthien to force Doriath into an alliance.) And the quote I drew the title of the aforementioned Fingon/Ianneth story from, also found in "Laws and Customs Among the Eldar," is:

The Eldar wedded only once in life, and for love or at the least by free will upon either part.

Free will could easily mean, "Are we in love? No. But I'll still marry you, for the good of our peoples, and I'll bring some of Dad's soldiers along with me." That sort of thing happened all the time among real-world nobility, so I see no reason why it can't happen among Elven nobility in Beleriand, too.

At any rate, Fingolfin arranges for Fingon to meet the daughters of some of the more powerful leaders of the Northern Sindar, and he's hint-hint-hinting that Fingon really needs to pick one of them to be his wife. Fingon, having been in love with Maedhros since they were young in Valinor, is not exactly keen on this plan. But he goes along with it anyway because he is a dutiful son, he knows that his father is right about needing to strengthen the line of succession, and he also knows that revealing his (quite taboo!) relationship with Maedhros to his father would probably break Fingolfin's heart.

It takes Fingon a while to decide who to court, but he picks Ianneth because he likes her sense of humor; she has the guts to gently tease him at their first meeting, which he finds quite charming. He doesn't think he can love anyone besides Maedhros, but he does look at Ianneth and think, "This is a woman I could grow to care for and whose companionship I think could enjoy."

The trouble begins when, over the course of their courtship, Fingon starts falling in love with Ianneth without falling out of love with Maedhros. And he doesn't know what to do about this. He can't call off the marriage, and he doesn't want to break things off with Maedhros, so he decides to just...keep the whole thing with Maedhros a secret and marry Ianneth anyway. It's not a good decision, but really, are there any options here that won't end with someone getting hurt? I don't think so.

So we have Ianneth, blissfully ignorant of her husband's infidelity (for now); Fingon, in love with two people at once and feeling horribly guilty about it, but unwilling to pick one partner over the other; and Maedhros, resigned to the situation but still hurting because Fingon is no longer his alone.

Maedhros' feelings are complicated by the fact that, once he meets her, he finds that likes Ianneth. It would be easier, he thinks, if he could write her off as just a political necessity for Fingon, but it turns out that she's charming and intelligent and kind, and he can understand why Fingon loves her. His feelings soften further once Ereiniel is born, because Fingon is so happy being a father, and he loves Fingon, so how can he begrudge him that? There's a line from "Famous Blue Raincoat" by Leonard Cohen that I always think of when I'm getting into Maedhros' head at this point:

And thanks for the trouble you took from [his] eyes. I thought it was there for good, so I never tried.

Things tick along about as smoothly as they can for thirteen years, until, in the aftermath of Fingolfin's death during the Dagor Bragollach, as Fingon prepares to send Ianneth and Ereiniel to the Falas for their safety, Ianneth learns his secret. This is understandably devastating for her, and leaves her wondering if Fingon ever really loved her as she loved him, or if his marriage to her was simply a politically expedient sham.

Add to that the fact that she leaves for the Falas less than ten hours after this revelation and spends most of that ten hours either crying or asleep, as she's too upset to really talk to Fingon about what she's discovered, and it leaves her with this horrible knowledge and all the worst thoughts that come from it gnawing at her nearly a full year until Fingon next comes to Eglarest -- time that she spends as the sole caregiver for her young daughter, among strangers in a foreign city, without her mother or her sister or any of her friends who might have theoretically been able to offer her some emotional support.

Theoretically is a key word there, though, because even if, say, her sister had come to Eglarest, Ianneth isn't sure she'd even be able to tell her. For one thing, she can't help feeling ashamed, because infidelity is very rare among Elves, and she can't help thinking that maybe she failed as a wife somehow, and if she'd done something different, Fingon wouldn't have strayed. Then there's the fact that he's the High King of the Noldor, and if this gets out it could cause a crisis in the Noldorin government and possibly tank the alliance between the House of Fingolfin and the Northern Sindar. Ianneth is a practical woman, and she's of the Northern Sindar -- the people who have been living practically on Morgoth's doorstep for centuries, with no Maia queen's magic girdle to protect them. Their alliance with the Noldor is vital, and she would never want to jeopardize it.

So Ianneth is just...completely alone with this pain. She has no one to turn to, no one who can comfort her. And that pain is central to her story, and a not insignificant part of Ereiniel's story, too.

Watching TOS: Jim Kirk's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good, Very Bad Week

Can't a guy catch a break?

The city on the edge of forever - YEESS

Love a time travel with an ethics dilemma intertwined in a personal one!!!

Jim manipulating Spock in the most blatant way possible, basically saying "Excuse me. I sometimes expect too much of you." like come on! and Spock still taking the bait

The clothes, the living together, Spock building his diy computer and being bitchy about it all the while

The music everytime Jim talks with Edith is SO MUCH

The ending is very fucking horrible, oh Jim 😭😭😭

This episode delivers!

GUARDIAN: As correct as possible for you. Your science knowledge is obviously primitive. SPOCK: Really. KIRK: Annoyed, Spock?

I'm snickering

You? At his side like you've always been and always will be

Gifted insight indeed!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my heart

Captain. Even when he doesn't say it, he does.

I'm WEAK

KIRK: Spock, I believe I'm in love with Edith Keeler. SPOCK: Jim, Edith Keeler must die.

Why is he so dramatic over a woman he met a week ago i can'ttttt + everytime Spock calls him Jim it's something awful 😭

Side note: in the episode McCoy says he's "a surgeon, not a psychiatrist". But in Court Martial he's said to be "an expert in space psychology". I realize psychiatry =/= psychology, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

.

Operation - Annihilate!

I liked the episode but the ending left me very frustrated.

Look, when you decide to kill part of your main character's family, you're saying the stakes are HIGH in this episode. And for the most part, we see just that.

Shatner and Nimoy's acting is very very good I love it

I love Jim like that, I can totally buy the limited show of emotion at his brother and sister-in-law's death bc that's his thing, we've seen him do it: he stays focused, he's all tense but still efficient, in control. Even when Bones has to remind him,

KIRK: Help them. I don't care what it takes or costs. You've got to help them. MCCOY: Jim, aren't you forgetting something? There are over a million colonists on that planet down there, just as much your responsibility. They need your help, too.

That was good! That was high stakes both for Jim and his mission as captain!

Spock being attacked and in danger of dying adding to the urgency of the situation, yeah, that's great

Looove Spock in this, "Pain is a thing of the mind" and all that!!

"I am a Vulcan, I am a Vulcan. there is no pain." OH SPOCK

"I need you Spock, but we can't take any chances." Oh Jim

MCCOY: Captain, I understand your concern. Your affection for Spock, the fact that your nephew is the last survivor of your brother's family. KIRK: No, no, Bones. There's more than two lives at stake here. I cannot let it spread beyond this colony, even if it means destroying a million people down there.

The way Jim, Spock and Bones look at one another when Spock decides to sacrifice himself (well Jim had decided to sacrifice him anw) - when he gets out and Jim grabs him -

SOMEONE HUG JIM FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

And then... Jim ready to SNAP it was so dramatic and funny when he goes BoOones

Now to the thing I liked the least:

In the last minutes, Jim is so relieved to have Spock back, the banter is fun but... No word of his nephew?? I suppose he's healed but why is there 0 talk or emotional scene about it? Why is the emotion only about Spock?

Why did they choose to end this episode in such a light-hearted way? There's no emotional pay-off to Jim's family being decimated! It is driving me crazy!! You'd think it was a pretty important plot point!!

Just finished wwm/ta, and I adore how you write kakyoin. He is such a rage-filled mess of a weird man, which is so refreshing since most fanworks seem to declaw him so to speak. Do you have any tips on writing him? Both in general and maybe also what you think he'd be like as an antagonist? I have an idea for au where he's like a slightly more threatening Team Rocket who reluctantly gets attached to everyone over the course of multiple attempts to defeat them, but idk if that fits his character.

I'M SO SORRY I'M RESPONDING TO THIS A FEW DAYS AFTER U SENT IT i've just been exhaustingly busy but i'm here now

first things first, thank you so so much dude i'm going to cry tears of gratitude....im so so glad ppl have been liking my take on part 4 kakyoin so far and im so excited to continue to share how i think he will evolve as the story continues/as we see flashbacks that explain how he got to where he is in the first place...basically AH thank u so much anonymous it means the world to me <3 i like to inflate my ego by thinking i know kakyoin p well so im glad to hear u say u like how i keep him scathing (":

also i think ur idea of antag-become-awkward-bestie kakyoin is BRILLIANT i love love love it please send me a link when u write it!!!

as for writing him in general there r a couple things i keep in mind: - kakyoin has a sense of humor. half the things he does he does cause he thinks the reactions he'll get are funny (like im pretty sure the cherry thing was not something he normally does he just did it cause jotaro's disgust was hilarious to him) - kakyoin is made up of what i call complementary contradictions. he's polite but also an asshole. he's considerate but also cruel. he's stiff but also immature (like when he laughed at polnareff's underwear joke). few things are constant about him cause he varies his outward expression depending on who he's talking to and the circumstances (though an example of some of his constants is his intelligence and his vanity and his passion). because of this you can have a lot of fun with him; he doesn't all react the same way to things that in theory are similar! he's a slippery eel kinda guy - at his core kakyoin is desperate to prove himself mostly to himself. he projects his own insecurities onto other ppl and i dont think he realizes it, which is why he's smart mouthed and bitchy about ppl being too coddling toward him; he's taking it as underestimation and not as a sign of care. he refuses to give benefit of the doubt cause he's an asshole and also cause this. at the same time tho he does deserpately want someone to care about him (this is what the holly line meant it wasnt a fucking come on toward holly it was about how she gave affection in a way he could accept while still keeping his pride okay fuck off). so keep this in mind when writing him; it's one of his main motivators even though he doesn't really realize it

as for antagonist kakyoin, i would keep the above in mind as well as: - kakyoin loves playing with his food so to speak. every time kakyoin was in a fight in sdc, he mocked his opponent and teased them and just completely tore them down verbally. loves to threaten awful things with a smile <3 - kakyoin does not follow laws or a leader he follows his moral code first and foremost. his principles are incredibly important to him and they're what prompt him to go on the egypt journey in the first place, so esp when dealing with a switching of sides, keep this in mind! kakyoin would have some introspection about it i think

thank u once again dude it means a lot <3 i know this got wordy but i hope it helps!

Ep 1: the Heirs of the Dragon

Likes:

LOVE the shot of the burnt insides of harrenhal

"That's almost large enough to saddle two" my god these bitches gay

Ser Harold's pearl clutching when he saw Daemon on the throne

Aemma seems so lovely and sensible 😔 girl we are gonna get you out of there and you can stop trying for kids. Her speech about mourning all the dead children she can and failing in her duty to provide an heir 💔💔💔

Lord Lyman saying "Dear me" to Daemons gross rant about Rhea Royce. He's been a real one from day 1. I know a young lord lyman would treat me right.

You can really see the difference in splendour and size between this tourney and the s1 GoT tourney.

Daemons armor looks great. Totally impractical but great.

The crowd booing Daemon for his unsportsmanlike conduct dhalaidjssjsk hes entering his Elon Musk era

Loved Rhaenyra and Alicents little bitchy gossip sesh

Bby Laena gripping Laenors arm when the knight is getting beaten up 💔

The increasing tourney violence juxtaposed with Aemmas increasingly gory birth....

Daemon does have a point. Viserys is weak and I'm kind of happy he pointed that out.

I like that they showed Rhaenys looking a bit (imo) conflicted when Rhaenyra was named heir and the lords swore their pledges. It must've hurt for her.

Dislikes:

Wish we'd seen more of the politicking at the great council :(. Especially the random lesser claimants like Saeras sons and the descendent of Daenys and Gaemon's second daughter who married a petty lord. Also can you imagine seeing Jaehaerys interacting with one of Saeras illegitimate sons? That may well have been what finally sent him off.

Daemon is annoying me. I didn't mind him in the books but this version is actively passing me off. Gotta say beginning his speech with insulting the city watch was funny tho. Having him say "our city should be safe for all its people" after he spent the night being judge jury and executioner was just audacious....so yeah textbook Daemon

Having the gold cloaks just be thugs terrorising the city like??? Why???? AGCAB tho (all gold cloaks are bastards)

WHY are they acting like absolute male preference primogeniture was firmly established by the great council? That happened after the dance my guys. Picking Rhaenyra over Daemon may have been kind of shaky because of the great council of 101 but it could be justified with andal law, or if daemon is so widely distrusted/disliked another great council.

MYSARIAS ACCENT IS ATROCIOUS

Fights to the death being allowed in jousting. It's supposed to be an exercise for wartime not an actual war smh

Im sorry but Caraxes looked like one of the Jurassic park dinosaurs in the scene where Daemon lets Mysaria touch him

Not a fan of the prophecy being used by Viserys but if the dance ends with the prophecy being lost I won't mind it so much

Can they stop having everyone and their mother repeat the lyanna stark promise me line like please

Costuming:

I liked all of Alicents dresses but only Rhaenyras red tourney dress and heir dress. The first yellow/gold Rhaenyra dress was awful.

Rhaenyras heir outfit was *chefs kiss*

I liked Mysarias white dress in the brothel.

Miscellaneous thoughts:

What do dragons smell like if they're that stinky that you smell like them after a ride???

my man Corlys is rolling over in his grave cause one of his descendants is now one of those very pirates beggaring the realm

Interesting having Viserys be cut (or claim to be cut) by the IT in the first ep when it's taken as a sign of being unfit to rule in the books...AND THEN IT CUTS HIM FOR REAL.

"Bad humours of the mind can affect the body" Ok Sygmynd Fraeud

Bro Viserys' dream sounds just straight up like wishful thinking not dragon dreams 😭😭😭

If I were Otto I'd hate Daemon too "don't let him provoke you" like fuck you Viserys he just insulted the man's recently deceased wife

"You are Daemon Targaryen. Rider of Caraxes, wielder of dark sister, sufferer of plot necessary erectile dysfunction"

VISERYS AND MELLOS YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR NOT TELLING AEMMA WHAT WAS GOING ON. STRAIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. I WILL DRAG YOU THERE MYSELF.

We deserve a spin off prequel where Daemon slowly works through every small council position and fails miserably while Otto tears out his hair

Otto you are going to hell along with Viserys. Imagine pimping your teenage daughter out to the king in one of her mothers dresses . Imagine not sending your teenage daughters best friend away when her father has placed her in this position. Viserys being this gross when he has a daughter Alicents age is atrocious.

Do they not have seperate rooms in Westerosi brothels?

The guy who paused mid-fuck to listen to Daemons heir for a day speech hdsldjwkajdjs

Daemon trying to play off the heir for a day speech as GRIEVING IN HIS OWN WAY my god

Is it just me or do all the candles around the dragons kind of imply the Targaryens worship them? I like that idea I'm keeping it.

Overall thoughts:

They should have trigger warnings on these episodes for pregnant people cause jesus christ

Viserys really loves threatening to cut people's tongues out eh?

Episode 3: The Wedding Job

And so we begin the “The Network Fucked Up” saga with episode 7 which is SUPPOSED to be episode 3. 

Huge men drinking out of tiny teacups is hilarious and will never stop being so. 

Nate, stop being such a control freak. “I thought I pick the clients” DUDE CHILL

“No more, no less” honey you getting much more

“We’ll get back to you” FUCK YOU NATE

PARKER LOVES KIDS EPISODE 1

NATE IF YOU HAD FOUND THIS CASE YOU’D TAKE IT IN AN INSTANT YOU’RE JUST MAD YOU DIDN’T FIND IT

FBI!!! TAGGERT AND MCSWEETEN!! AHH OKAY I LOVE THEM

“They just need validation” BITCH ME TOO THE FUCK

TODAY IN THEY MAKE PEOPLE LOOK UNNECESSARILY STUPID

Hardison is so gregarious it’s so amazing to watch

“I don’t have to type anything right” oh my god

TAPES! “HARDISON HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WALK OUT OF THE FBI OFFICES WITH A BOX FULL OF TAPES?” “pUNCH someBODY!” “oh I’m gonna PUNCH SOMEBODY” God i love them

Jersey Boys I can’t, it’s terrible guys. Do mobsters have no taste

Oh look, it’s that woman who’s in EVERYTHING

What is Parker wearing on her head

Everyone talks about bridezillas, but no one talks about mother of the bridezillas. 

WHY DIDN’T THEY HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER IN THE FIRST PLACE

SOPHIE FOCUSING ON HER PERSONAL PROBLEMS WITH NATE INSTEAD OF THE JOB EPISODE 1

ELIOT THE CHEF EPISODE 1

HOLY SHIT I LOVE HIM

ELIOT GETTING TOO ATTACHED TO HIS COVER STORY AND FORGETTING ABOUT THE JOB EPISODE 1

He’s so mad that she doesn’t like it I lovehim I LOVE HIM I FUCKING LOVE ELIOT SPENCER

“Imagine if we had bugs planted all over the house” WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU

How the fuck is the dress so ugly? WHY IS THAT WHAT THEY WANT? WHO WEARS PINK RUCHED SATIN WITH BLUE FLOWERS

I mean, other than, like, me @6 years old. But really, no one should be wearing the clothes I wore at 6 years old. 

Also it’s just.. the worst length. Like if it was a long dress it might be better. 

Nate the pastor episode 1

God that future son in law seems like a dream guy I love him

Maria Moscone deserves better than her scumbag parents let’s be real

SOPHIE TAKING THINGS TOO PERSONALLY AND GETTING THE WAY OF THE JOB

THIS!!! THIS IS WHY THE NETWORK ORDER MAKES NO SENSE!!! THIS HERE’S AN AIMEE REFERENCE BUT IF THEY’D ALREADY DONE THE TWO HORSE JOB, HARDISON WOULD’VE KNOWN ABOUT HER AND NOT ASKED

“What did you do?” “Me? I liberated CROATIA!” *angry apple bite* i CAN’T I LOVE HIM

DO PEOPLE NOT KNOW PARKER ISN’T A BRIDESMAID? HOW IS THAT DRESS FOOLING ANYONE

Hardison in love with Parker is so pure

… Okay but shouldn’t maria and blonde n’ bitchy know that Parker isn’t a bridesmaid? Wouldn’t the other bridesmaids know? Why does no one in the wedding party question ANYTHING?

HARDISON’S SCARF THOUGH

WHY IS HER MOTHER WEARING WHITE?? WHO WEARS WHITE TO A WEDDING WTF

MARIA MOSCONE DESERVES BETTER

SOPHIE FUCK OFF!! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?? THIS ISN’T IMPORTANT SOPHIE!! SOPHIE STOP IT!! SOPHIE SHUT UP!

M A R I A M O S C O N E D E S E R V E S B E T T E R

The Butcher of Kiev is the best subplot of this episode but HOW THE FUCK DID THEY ALL KNOW HE AND ELIOT HAD A PAST

Sophie is so fucking annoying in this episode I hate her right now

THESE PEACHES AREN’T GONNA POACH THEMSELVES PARKER

OH MY GOD NATE SHUT UP

NATE SHUT UP

NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THIS NATE

SHUT THE FUCK UP NATE

THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU NATE

“In my day, no one would do business at their daughter’s wedding” WELL THEN DON’T DO BUSINESS 

Parker’s face smushed against the glass is great

Ahh yes, you don’t get the money so you SHOOT THE BRIDE. Because THAT’s not gonna cause a scene and get you arrested. 

OK be honest is there anyone who was surprised by the wife being responsible? Bc I’m not

Eliot’s face is like “TFW the guy whose face you burned shows up at a wedding you’re supposed to be pretending to but actually are catering with a cleaver and backup and the overwhelming urge to kill you”

I know that’s super specific but that’s what it is

Parker’s really good at playing drunk

But also, why did they not question what she was doing behind the curtain

Like she just happened to appear after they were finished talking about VERY ILLEGAL THINGS and they aren’t at all suspicious?

Also, Parker using Hardison as a cover is just… I love it. 

You’re laughing. Eliot brought a whisk to a knife fight and you’re laughing. 

The saddest part is Eliot has any sort of cooking implement. You should be terrified right now

Okay so let me get this straight. A guy is StrANGLING you, you get your hands on a rolling pin, and your instinct isn’t, “hey, I can use this rolling pin to clobber him over the head,” the instinct is “Let me use this rolling pin to get my hands on the appetizers?” Like, yes, lemon juice, but also ROLLING PINS ARE HEAVY AND YOU COULD AT LEAST KNOCK THE GUY OUT

But no, let me shove fucking MUSHROOMS in his eyes because otherwise how else would we get the symmetry of the butcher yelling “IT BUUUURRRNNNNSS” both times he fights Eliot

And then he uses the fucking serving tray to bonk him on the head INSTEAD OF THE DUCKING ROLLING PIN

LIKE SERIOUSLY HAVE YOU EVER USED A ROLLING PIN AS A WEAPON

I’M NOT SAYING I HAVE BUT OUCH

Like, just… If I had a choice between being hit over the head with a thin sheet of metal or a log of wood with metal inside it, I’d pick the sheet, because at least that one has some give. 

“It’s the lemon juice” How does Eliot make that sound badass

“You just kill a guy with an appetizer?” How the FUCK WOULD YOU KNOW THAT??

WHY DOES NO ONE ASSUME A ROLLING PIN WOULD BE AN OKAY WEAPON

Or like LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE IN THAT KITCHEN. THERE ARE CAST IRON PANS IN THAT KITCHEN. Or just liek… regular pans. HAVE YOU EVER DROPPED A NONSTICK PAN ON YOUR FOOT? IT FUCKING HURTS?? WHY IS THE APPETIZER YOUR FIRST INSTINCT NATE

Also, he’s clearly not dead. What the fuck

“I don’t know, maybe” I KNOW AND tHE ANSWER IS NO YOU OBVIOUSLY DIDN”T

...who honeymoons in Kansas? Is that a thing? 

They are a very cute couple i’ve gotta be honest

“Exactly what denomination are you reverend?” He isn’t

“You’re not Mary Poppins, youre a bitch” Okay pot. Okay. 

LITERALLY THAT FUCKING HANDBAG WOULD AHVE MADE A BETTER WEAPON THAN THE MUSHROOMS

How does Hardison remember all those numbers? He didn’t even hear a bunch of them, but he takes the book out so slowly? DOES HARDISON HAVE AN EIDETIC MEMORY? WHY IS THAT NOT A PLOT POINT MORE OFTEN

Like I’m just saying, someone tries to tell me their phone number more than 3-4 numbers at a time and I get confused. But hardison just… remembers

What happened to the cash? The daughter gets the fucking wedding present she DESERVES for putting up with her awful parents that’s what

Hardison appreciating Eliot’s cooking is EVERYTHING

“I left him five dollars for socks” Well everyone needs socks. 

Okay wait I just had a thought

If Nate isn’t an actual Reverend, is that marriage even legal? Does Nate just happen to also be a legally ordained minister? Did they have to get him an online ordainment? WhY did we not see that scene? WHAT IF HE’S NOT AND THEY AREN’T ACTUALLY MARRIED

And today on “I clearly think far too much about these things”

PARKER WIth KIDS IS EVERYTHING

Eliot cooking for his family I love it

ELIOT IN A TANK TOP I LOVE IT

Was Eliot’s arms the most important part of this scene? Probably not

Is it the only thing I care about? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY

I”M A SIMPLE GIRL AND HE HAS VERY NICE ARMS OKAY

Final thoughts: 9/10. I love this episode so much guys. Points off because really who the fuck wears white to a wedding. I know that’s the point but its very off putting. Also for the bridesmaid dresses because they were ugly as sin. Actual point off for the wife secretly being awful. Very predictable, ew. Extra points for Chef!Eliot. Extra points for Eliot’s arms. Points off for Nate and Sophie being completely insufferable. Extra points for Parker being great in this episode. Points off for the FUCKING ROLLING PIN YES I’M STILL ANGRY DONT @ ME. Extra points for Eliot killing a man with an appetizer because it’s still funny. Extra points for no IYS or Sam references THANK THE FUCKING LORD. Or, at least, if there was, i didn’t notice, meaning it wasn’t egregious so whatever. So yeah, anyway I really fucking love this episode. 

IYS Count: 2/3

Sam Count: 2/3  AND WE ARE ALL BETTER OFF FOR IT

ema and mia :0?

EMA:

Sexuality Headcanon: just like her sister, she is a mean lesbian. except even meaner! she’s a bitch and i love her. i think her thinking edgeworth is hot in rfta is a classic example of “baby lesbian picks out a pretty man who is completely out of reach to have a crush on, but it’s actually just gaydar”

Gender Headcanon: nonbinary lesbian! she’s somewhat open about being nonbinary (has a small flag button on her bag, but doesn’t like... tell people at work etc), but she does not feel like explaining any further to people because it’s a lot of very personal feelings that are hard to articulate outside of her own head and she would just rather not deal with it. it’s not your fucking business!!!

A ship I have with said character: i love how like all the girls in aa are in the same age group so by the time they’re in their 20s it’s fine for them to meet back up and be like “oh? lesbian? trauma about family? mutual friends?” i think i will enjoy faraskye once i play aai, i think franema is cool (as i said before), and i think maya/ema could have a fun fwb thing. aa lesbian polycule when. if she has to get paired with a man in the background of another fic, i think throwing her together with clay is fine because at least they have similar interests. and honestly, if it’s well-written i’m okay with k/a/e.

A BROTP I have with said character: i love the dynamic of her, apollo, and klavier hanging out and getting a little bitchy. so fun. this fic is a really gen fic (with hints of k/a) about klavier picking up ema and apollo after they go drinking and it’s just a really good fic about the characters hanging out. read it.

A NOTP I have with said character: god i cannot articulate how much i hate kl*ma. it is such typical het shit of “wow this woman constantly expresses how much she dislikes this man and finds him annoying and that he doesn’t respect her enough when she’s doing her job! obviously this is romantic!” it’s not. stop. leave her alone.

A random headcanon: she had a superwholock phase and she doesn’t want to talk about it. in present canon she bitches on twitter all the time and has irony poisoning and she’s so so so funny. i would reply guy for ema skye to combat all the brainwormed klavier stans in her mentions due to how she occasionally posts an unflattering candid of klavier (new rare pic) with a mean caption (insulting to the parasocial icon). klavier has to constantly tweet “please do not harass @luminolskye we are friends she is just joking :)” to which ema qrts with “i am not joking.” ema has all notifications from people she doesn’t follow muted.

General Opinion over said character: she’s soooo fun i love her... the emotional core of rfta was so compelling to me, i loved the struggle between the sisters trying to save each other. i CANNOT wait to meet her in aa4 after the timeskip - i think her redesign is great and what they did with her character is so interesting + fits thematically with the rest of the aa4 cast. she’s soooo hot and she’s MEAN and BITTER but also SMIRKING and god i’m obsessed! i love her i think she’s so hot! honestly the most girlfriendy in the aa cast for me! cannot wait for her call klavier homophobic names after he flirts with apollo in court. wlw/mlm antagonism.

MIA:

Sexuality Headcanon: i think she’s a lesbian. i won’t hear any differently. the way she behaved in 3-1 at the blatant heterosexuality... i felt a kindred spirit in my soul. i don’t acknowledge miego

Gender Headcanon: she’s a woman! trans or cis, i don’t have strong feeling either way.

A ship I have with said character: LANAMIA LANAMIA LANAMIA! i knew lana was gonna say that line but “she was attracted to me” still hit me like a truck. OH MY GOD! law school gfs... i also think they’re interesting to compare to each other - the way they care so much about their sisters and deal with the responsibilities left on their shoulders after their parents exit their lives. now i am very sad thinking about how lana retreated into herself and grew cold after gant started blackmailing her, and what if mia tried to reach her, but lana refused........... very sad! very sad! very sad!

A BROTP I have with said character: i think her and phoenix just being her supportively bullying him is very fun. starting out going like I HATE SIMPS I HATE SIMPS I HATE SIMPS and then actually... hiring him... probably helping him through law school with studying! and then his first trial being like WHY ARE YOU SO FUCKING STUPID? there’s also thoughts about how phoenix takes over for her as maya’s older sibling and how she supports him as a way to support maya... ugh! family units.

A NOTP I have with said character: i hate godot so god damn much. smug misogynist stop talking down to me. get away from him queen there’s a hot brunette in a scarf waiting for you at the prosecutor’s office wanting your strap

A random headcanon: i think mia studied extremely hard in law school, but i think in her spare time she was a fairly popular video essayist. phoenix helps pay rent on the office in the timeskip partially through ad revenue on her youtube channel.

General Opinion over said character: i love her i just wish... the game was less horny over her......... bro that shot of her dead body where her boobies are the literal focus of the image and you can almost see up her skirt... what the fuck? that’s the dead body of a woman i just talked to five minutes ago? also, because i’m currently playing aa3, i hate the stupid fucking scene where maya channels her so her badonkers can make the old man agreeable! it sucks! leave mia alone! regardless. i think she is hot and smart. and i wish i could just enjoy her titties in a tasteful depiction but noooo men are horny.

if you’re open to plotting something new, what are some ideas you might want to explore with someone??

i am always open to plotting!! let me see what i can find, i’ll organise it by character,,,no dancestors for now but if u wanted to plot with one of them, feel free to send another ask!! 

i dont really have any DETAILED plot ideas, these are more just starting points..sadly none of my ocs rly have future arcs planned out so these are all pretty casual...and these are not an exhaustive list! im open to any and all plot ideas so pls dont be afraid to ask!! 

for faldur,, 

he’s always open for ex matesprits or ex kismesis, as well as casual pitch flings. theres pretty much no guidelines for these ones, if it’s someone who’d be interested in him, and they’re jade or above, it’s fair game! 

an ex mate might be someone who found him too intense and broke up with him, someone who indulged his narcissism and boosted his ego til his other quads were forced to intervene, or something else entirely, as long as there was a reason they had to break up (i currently dont want him to have a red quad 4 Reasons) 

kismesis flings…hes open to anything. he hangs around bars often and will flirt with Anyone he finds attractive, so if someones open to that kinda thing its good to go. this could also lead to general friendships! he has no friends currently. boo 

on the topic of friends, book friends! a little known fact is he spends a lot of time on book forums, and someone to geek out over books with would be a nice change of pace. 

bitchy highblood friends. just like a bitchy seadweller squad would be fun, tbh. 

enemies! got a seadweller who would find him obnoxious? hell yeah! enemies is pretty open ended, i’d be willing to have faldur fucked up to teach him a lesson (within reason, he IS a seadweller and he is strong. he does fight a lot) alternatively, u got a lowblood (or highblood tbh) who needs a reason to be afraid of seadwellers? faldur attacks ppl who so much as look at him funny, so thats a valid option too

MAFIA TIES…faldur works as an assassin for when people need something really fucked up done to someone. do with that what u will

OH I JUST REMEMBERED fleet recruiters/anyone from the fleet/similar organisation who sees potential in him. faldurs constantly torn between redemption and leaving it all behind to join the fleet, so that could be interesting! 

theres definitely more but…tbh im welcome to anyone approaching me with ANY plot ideas they have! 

will do the rest under the cut bc that got LONG 

I WROTE THIS ALL OUT AND FORGOT HARREL 

BIG ONE IS just other mafia trolls!!

mafia bosses/hitmen who would hire him. who are doing jobs on the downlow, and need a cleanup guy! harrel is very good at his job so he’s highly regarded within the business 

especially mean mafia ppl. be mean to him. its part of his character hes anxious bc the mafia is mean 

no specifics, but i want harrel to just get Fucked Up. like i said, he’s highly regarded so holding him for ransom isn’t out of the question. just fuck this nerd up 

on a lighter note! he frequents record shops and jazz clubs, so maybe a musician or two with similar interests to help him get out of his shell. he needs a friend or two. 

friends from university! anyone in sciences, forensics, medical science, criminal studies…he probably studied with them! his backstory is that he disappeared from university one day when he got kidnapped by a mafia boss, and managed to wrangle his way into them keeping him alive. an old friend who noticed and is suddenly Very Confused upon seeing him again like 5 years later 

someone he went to uni with who’s now in the law industry, and the conflict that might arise from them being on two totally different ends of the spectrum…could be a fun dynamic! 

on the same wavelength: old flames from university. ex quadrants, ex hookups, ex crushes. people he was romantically involved with before suddenly disappearing 

i think thats all…

forrr sarky! 

no real quad stuff needed for him…perhaps an ex or two, but no real ideas there! 

other grubtubers to be friends with, or fans who’ve met/would want to meet him! grubtube is a HUGE part of his life and i’ve never really been able to explore it, bc he has no connections involved with it. u got a grubtuber troll who’d collab with him? a troll who enjoys letsplays? a weird youtuber superfan who’d give their right arm to meet a letsplayer? fuck yea dude all valid options 

PETTY INTERNET DRAMA. im sure theres potential

sarky IS a shifter, meaning he turns into a weird dragon monster in the dead of night on a full…moons (idk how that works on alternia,,,hello???) u got a troll who’d stop him when they catch him stumbling shirtless thru the city streets post-shift towards a local diner at 4am weirdly covered in scars and looing like he’s about to pass out?? a poor overworked diner worker wondering what the Fuck this dudes deal is when he stumbles in at 5am before cramming his face full of meat?? a troll who hangs out in the wilderness bordering the city and saw the horrific sight of this fuzzy teal bitch shifting into a giant dragon?? or just a fellow shifter perhaps?? idk theres a lot that can be done here, im sure 

apartment neighbours! disgruntled highblood a floor below him wondering why this bitch keeps scaling the building?? or someone who thinks its pretty sick, actually. 

fellow city dwellers for him to meet and befriend or annoy the shit out of…he takes the subway a lot, so they can meet there. or in some greasy food place

connected to faldur, any ex quads of faldurs that had to be intervened with and broken up, sarky was probably involved. if u want them to be bitter towards him, feel free. it makes for more interest >:3c 

florem time…………..

GET FLOREM A GIRLFRIEND 2K20…PLEASE. i just want her to have a girlfriend. its what she deserves and we all know it 

get her FRIENDS TOO....friends who will support her, and her weird hobbies. florem has a tendency to help other people and forget about her own needs, so itd be nice for her to have a friend who listens to her too... 

perhaps a troll who stumbles upon her weird troll-eating plant. a fellow enthusiast or some poor soul she has to rescue, either or 

a fellow taxidermy enthusiast....maybe a pen pal who buys stuff from whatever the troll equivalent of etsy is 

camping buddy...............she has no one to go camping with!!

im sadly low on ideas for florem but i DO want interactions with her...

veleno tiem babey

she needs a gf in every single goddamn quad.....shes 100% single 

a Bunch of highbloods who were cocky enough to gamble against her, and are incredibly mad about losing. highbloods out for vengeance 

on the same wavelength, a highblood who lost and got incredibly mad and fucked her face up, giving her all them scars....vel would avoid them for the rest of her life, but perhaps its someone who frequents the same casinos as she does so she cant avoid em 4 Extra Drama 

other down on their luck lowbloods, maybe younger ones, who need her help bc shes Experienced. she can become their Street Mom 

other down on their luck lowbloods for her to just befriend!! she frequents a shitty diner, as well as singing in a jazz club and hanging around in casinos. if youve got a lowblood who hangs around in those places they could def meet! 

i THINK thats all i got...but know i am more than open to literally Any plot suggestion ever >:3c

Sierra Burgess is a Problem

Fat girls deserve to feel desired. It’s just that simple.

They shouldn’t feel like they have to lie to get somebody’s attention. They shouldn’t assume that they can’t talk to someone because they look a certain way. They shouldn’t have to fight tooth-and-nail to get a story that realistically represents them.

Last night, I watched the movie Sierra Burgess is a Loser. The gist of the plot is that a young fat girl, Sierra, through a phone number misunderstanding, starts a cyber relationship with a typical-hot and socially awkward quarterback, Jamey, because he thinks he’s flirting with the typical-hot head cheerleader, Veronica. The more Sierra and Jamey talk, the more they realize they really like each other, even though Jamey still doesn’t know he’s talking to the just-your-average/doesn’t-care-about-her-looks fat girl. When the whole scheme is revealed to Jamey, at first he’s upset with Sierra, but then her new best friend, Veronica (long story), convinces him that he should give her another shot. They end up going to homecoming together, and presumably living happily ever after.

Cute, right?

Actually, no. It’s not cute. It might seem like it because, in the end, the awkward Prince Charming falls for the fat Cinderella and goes to the ball with her. But let’s take a look at all the horrible things that lead up to this happy ending.

1) Sierra cat-phishes Jamey. Plain and simple. This is even directly pointed out to her by her other best friend, Dan, and she brushes it aside.

Dan:...an insane plan to text somebody that doesn’t even know you? There’s a word for that. Cat-phishing. And I’m pretty sure it’s illegal.

Sierra: Law is woefully behind technology, so I don’t know if that’s true.

tHaT’S NoT aN ExCuSe?? The law is not the end-all be-all determining factor for figuring out how to treat another human being??? It’s also not illegal to show up and participate in a Nazi-sympathizer rally, but that doesn’t mean you should do it!

(Can we also stop romanticizing cat-phishing for young audiences please? It’s the the Ryder-Unique debacle from Glee all over again. It’s not cute, it’s manipulative.)

2) Jamey admits that cat-phishing was the right call.

Jamey: “Honestly, had we not met the way that we had...maybe I wouldn’t have noticed you.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Why is this the standard we’re setting? In one line, you have not only verified that a fat girl has to cat-phish a guy in order to get his attention, but you’ve reinforced this idea that she should. Because what I hear in that is: “That horrible thing you did? It led to this wonderful outcome! Why should women learn to love themselves and demand attention when they can con it out of another person?”

We don’t need more narratives about guys “discovering” a fat girl’s inner beauty. We need stories that promote a fat girl’s outer beauty. There’s a quote from the movie Ten Inch Hero that I think sums up this sentiment pretty well. The extroverted character Tish is talking to the shy character Jen about Jen’s love life:

Jen: Girls that look like you don't understand. Y'know, I always think, like, if I lost ten pounds, or wore better clothes, or got new boobs that it would make a difference, but I know the truth.

Tish: I'm sorry, but that's bullshit. You're the smartest person that I know. And I see you helping those homeless guys that no one can even look at. You make everyone around you happy. You have so much to offer. To say you don't because of how you look is just... is just total bullshit.

Jen: I didn't say I don't have a lot to offer, I said that people will never know because they don't SEE me. How many proms did you miss because no one asked you? How many times have your friends left you sitting alone at a club while they went and danced with guys? Or how many times has a customer completely ignored you to get a better look at me? So until that happens, until you're told time and time again that your place in life is in the background, don't tell me it's bullshit, because you don't know.

This is the root of the problem. It’s not that fat girls think they don’t have a lot to offer, it’s that they are told that they have to manipulate a guy in order to be noticed. The reason Sierra cat-phishes Jamey is because she hasn’t had enough role models to suggest that she is beautiful enough to just talk to him.

3) Jamey keeps changing his message.

Jamey: “You’re not exactly everybody’s type...but...you’re my type.”

Oh thank god the beautiful quarterback recognizes the fat girl’s potential! As though she should ever deign to think that she could be found attractive. Way to throw her a bone!

Fuck you.

You’re making it sound like there is a type for everybody, and there isn’t. People seem to think that the way you compliment a woman is to pit her against every other woman, like it’s a competition. He even has this whole schtick where he calls her a rose, “the queen of flowers”, when they’re first talking on the phone, but at the end of the movie, when she says she’s more like a sunflower, he agrees, calling roses “the bitchy supermodels of flowers”. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MY DUDE??? You don’t have to put down all other women to make the one you like feel better about herself!

The problem is not that the “roses” of our world are terrible people. They aren’t. The problem is that we don’t value the “sunflowers” for their beauty.

If we, as a culture, want to normalize body positivity and let women above a size six know that they can do anything, we have to stop casting fat women in fat-only roles. We have to stop making their story only about how fat they are. We have to stop talking about fatness as a thing that can be overcome, rather than a thing that should be celebrated just as much as thinness. We should see more fat women in all kinds of roles: the lover, the badass, the bitch, the heroine, the villain, the genius, the ingenue, the object of desire! 

(Maybe not that last one, but only because no female character should be known only as the object of desire. But if the stereotype is gonna keep happening, let’s at least mix it up.)

Fat women are not only smart, talented, funny, and beautiful; they are also people, and they deserve to be represented as more than fat.

Fate/Grand Order NA edition: A Recap

A quick recap of some of the events that happened so far in the misadventures of Mash and Guda:

FUYUKI

A teenager (we shall call them Guda) answers an ad in the papers, ends up in a military base called Chaldea hidden in the Himalayas.

A bomb toasts everybody inside the base.

Mash and Guda time travel back to the edgiest version of Fate/Stay Night where Saber Alter rules with an iron fist.

Mash, a cute Chaldea clerk, fuses with the ghost of some guy, gets a massive shield to bludgeon people with. 

Cu Chulainn beats people up with the Wicker Man; Thankfully leaves out the bees.

Their boss turns out to be a bad guy and throws their other, dead boss’ ghost into a black hole, making her super dead-er.

The only staff surviving at Chaldea is the ghost of Leonardo Da Vinci and the absentminded doctor she’s fucking.

ORLEANS

Gilles de Raiss, unhappy with the canon ending, makes an edgy Jeanne D’Arc OC to fix it.

The real Jeanne is summoned without her Ruler powers, joins Mash and Guda on their merry stroll through France.

Some countries have roaches, others have rats. France has dragons.

It also has vampires.

Marie Antoinette pulls a drive-by shootout with the vampires to rescue Jeanne D’Arc and company.

They escape because Mozart makes the vampires vomit and/or poop themselves with a piano attached to the back of Marie’s carriage.

They bond. Marie learns what a homie is. Marie and Jeanne are super gay.

Kiyohime and Liz are first introduced. FGO is never the same.

They rescue the German hero Sumanai Siegfried from a castle. He’s pretty beat up.

They need saints to heal him for some reason. Good thing St. George spawns... on the other side of the map.

Do you really wanna hurt us this way George? Really? Take anyone else instead. Take this Mephistopheles, he’s just hanging around in my archive!

Big Bad Battle with Cheese and Dragons. Assassins recommended.

Jeanne vs Jeanne. The edgy OC is no match for the original of course.

Gilles is kicked back into the depths of FF.net where he belongs

SEPTEM

U M U

All of Nero’s forebears in the Roman empire form an alliance against her called Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as EVIL

Nero brings the company to Britain from Italy. On foot.

Mash suffocates under the overwhelming force that is Boudica’s boobs.

Nero chops down the ghosts of Roman emperors past one by one. No biggie.

Mash and Guda find their bad boss in the capital and oh shit he’s a demon from hell.

RIP AND TEAR 

The demon summons Atilla the Hun. He is later of two minds about this choice.

Nero punches Atilla in the face. Civilization will never die!

THE MOON FESTIVAL

Someone steals all the dumplings. Now Chaldea’s gonna starve.

Some booby archer pesters Mash and Guda about helping them recover the food.

Marie doesn’t remember her own homies.

Never mind she totally does.

Saint George is into photography.

Martha is into dumplings, bondage, and breaking faces. Tsk tsk, Saint Martha.

Martha makes her escape by jumping on to her dragon Tarrasque, who begins to fly by spinning around rapidly until it zooms away like a UFO. She probably puked at some point.

Altera, Atilla The Hun, the great destroyer herself, explains the differences of good and bad civilization.

Surprise surprise, Booby Archer is a bad guy- holy shit this is the goddess of the hunt?

Please don’t spook my guaranteed SSR gacha Artemis, I beg you. I’ll do anything you want just don’t come home.

OKEANOS

Sir Francis Drake, Pirate Queen.

Blackbeard. Weeb.

And lo, Captain Drake did shot the god Poseidon in the face, declaring with a mighty shout “Let there be booze!”, and the crew were drunk with infinite booze, and it was good.

Blackbeard wins the award for cringiest villain.

Drake and her motley crew recruit Medusa’s bitchy sister Euryale and her hot monster boyfriend, Asterios The Minotaur.

OH NO ORION AND ARTEMIS ARE BACK SOMEONE CALL THE COPS

The Golden Hind VS The Queen Anne’s Revenge, battle of two legendary pirate ships, FIGHT

Artemis and Orion board the Queen Anne’s Revenge during the fight in an admittedly cool action scene. Orion blows a hole into the ship.

Blackbeard is a tough bastard, but Drake literally killed the god of the seas for some booze so

Hektor, hero of Troy, won’t shut up about being an old man. Also he betrays Blackbeard.

Blackbeard to Drake: “Secretly, I admired you...r boobs.” *dies*

Drake trades upwards, gets the Argonauts as her new nemesis

Jason is just as much of a shitter in Fate as he is in mythology. Who would have guessed?!

Wait wasn’t one of the most famous members of the Argonauts the great hero Hera-OH GOD HE’S HERE WE HAVE TO RUN

Asterios vs Heracles summed up:

Guda: Well now that we lost our muscle we need reinforcements. Atalanta and David: Hi

Atalanta meets her God. She now believes in atheism.

David: Yeah I actually have the most dangerous thing on Earth with me as a second noble phantasm. Everyone else: It’s a box. David: I know. It’s got nerves of steel.

Who would win? A nigh-immortal demigod, son of Zeus and the strongest hero there is, or some box?

“Hey Jason, eat a dick.” - Medea Lily

Eating a dick turns you into a vessel for yet another Demon God. As Jason painfully finds out.

RIP AND TEAR 2.0

David: Yeah all of this time-stream dicking is my idiot son’s fault. It would be just like him, for he was an idiot. Roman: Nuh-uh! David: Yeah-uh!

Goodbye, Captain Drake. T’was an honor to be one of yer hearty crew.

HALLOWEEN 2015(17?)

An invitation? To a party? But all of history was dicked. Where are you supposed to hold a par-is that a castle?

Mash: hOLY SHIT I GET TO PUNCH GHOSTS Guda: Mash calm dow- Mash: WHEN THERE’S SOMETHING STRANGE

Kiyohime casually defies the laws of space and time (again).

Mata Hari: *Starts stripdancing* Mash: :O Kiyo: >:( Roman: :D

Carmilla uses her noble phantasm to clean a spot. I-I’m not even exaggerating this is actually a thing that happens.

Vlad is the supportive uncle who knits for his fellows.

Tamamo Cat; nothing she says ever makes any sense.

Elizabeth Bathory: Surprise! All of this was to prepare you for a special private concert from an up and coming pop idol star!

Everyone: Liz you are a bad Me, tears falling onto my phone: Liz you are a good

Liz: Y-you d-didn’t like m-m-my concert? Everyone: Boo you suck! Me: I LOVED IT BABY YOU’RE GONNA BE A BIG STAR ONE DAY

GODDAMNIT VLAD STOP BEING STUBBORN AND DROP THE GODDAMN CE.

GUDAGUDA HONNOUJI

Split psyche story

What you expected: Angry Nobu, sad Nobu, kinda freaky happy Nobu

What you got:

Rabbit season? Duck season? No. It’s Nobbu season.

A whole string of really funny jokes if you’re a fan of Oda Nobunaga’s place in Japan’s history.

Even more funny jokes that don’t require knowledge of the Sengoku Period

Arash chases after the crew while on fire and screaming “STELLAAA!!”, blows up over Ushiwakamaru’s army

Mash and friends somehow run all the way into the desert.

I give up. There is no way to exaggerate anything that happens in this event.

 It is just bonkers.

Oda Nobunaga and Okita Souji for best couple

THE SCATHACH TRIAL

DW: Boy we sure hope you’re not tired of the Fuyuki map!

Stupid, sexy Scathach: Greetings. Guda: Gaddamn. Mash: Senpai, for once can you not be a perv- Stupid, sexy Scathach: *flips her hair* Mash: Holy fuck I’m so gay right now.

Scathach casually kills ten thousand ghosts.

Scathach casually teaches her new students while crushing a skull with one hand and flexing with the other.

Scathach also gives the nicest headpats.

Brock from Pokemon Fergus joins the party.

Mash: And then, Cu Chulainn saved us in his sexy druid outfit. Scathach and Fergus: Druid outfit? AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Fergus: God I’m just super horny right now. Scathach: I’m pretty DTF myself but only the finest warriors can get some of this. Fergus: Well do I qualif- Scathach: No.

Altera: Hi Fergus: *Dies from nosebleed*

For the final part of the trial, Scathach summons another warrior to replace Fergus.

Diarmuid knows its fanservice day. He doesn’t even bother to put on a shirt.

Artemis: I’m baaaacckk~ Me: AHHH KILL IT! KILL IT!

Scathach to Artemis: From one booby servant to another, your kind of fanservice is super gross and wrong my dude. Domestic violence against men is a very real concern. Now I’m gonna spank you.

Scathach kicks divine ass. Thank you, Shishou!

Scathach: Now before I leave kids, what did we learn? Mash and Guda: That the road ahead of us is long and dark, but if we hold firm and believe in each other, we can be humanity’s saviors from the dark? Scathach: No. What did we really learn? Me: That now I can’t not have you in my Chaldea and must ask for an advanced paycheck this instant? Scathach: Good child.

November

Tally was going home for the weekend. I felt like I needed her there, really. Zayn and Harry had spent the entire of Friday bonding over lad-ish nonsense and tattoos and all the rest, and my only saviour had been Tally. Because I loved Mike, dearly, but he was the kind of boy who played video games and was slightly intimidated by big words, so there was no way he could save me from my misery in the same way Tally could.

Thinking this over, I quickly grabbed my phone out and text Grace. Me: Still annoyed at you. Gracie Baby: Still? I guess your knobhead new flat mate isn’t helping me? Me: No. Making me more aware that you are the worst person ever. Some might even say selfish. Gracie Baby: SELFISH? Me: Yes. You may have hated uni BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? Gracie Baby: You’re the biggest loser I’ve ever met. “Get home safe!” Zayn shouted, pulling my attention away from my phone. I lifted my eyes to see Tally slinging a bag over her shoulder, giving us all a sweet little wave before she darted out the front door, running late, as usual. A thing I had found at uni, was that actually, weekends were usually the least fun times of the week. A complete contrast to the normal world. Midweek was when all the student nights happened, cheap drinks and practically everyone from campus in the same clubs. Weekends were just like a massive hangover from the week. “We got plans?” I asked Zayn, even though I knew the answer. “Nope.” “We gunna make plans?” “Nope.” “Sound.” We flicked through the TV channels, our options dire. Ringo was in her room, Mike was out with some guys from his course, and I didn’t have a clue where Harry was, nor did I care. “We’re gunna have to do what we do most Saturday nights.” He nodded. “Illegally stream a film online?” “Illegally stream a film online.” He confirmed. He stood up quickly and jogged off to his room to retrieve his laptop, because he knew I was too worried about mine and viruses and all the rest, because my mum and dad had spent a fortune to get me a laptop for uni and I didn’t want to take it home over Christmas just to have porn pop up out of nowhere whenever I pressed a button. He was back seconds later, the plug for his laptop dragging behind him, a dopey smile on his face because Zayn loved films. His top ten favourite films were all these arty foreign ones I’d never even heard of, and it was his ultimate pastime. It was a good one though, Zayn had deep knowledge of worlds that didn’t even exist, their people, their laws, and if you got him talking about it he could drag you into those worlds and make you feel a part of them, whether you had seen the film or not. He was so passionate. “So what we watching?” He grinned, attempting to use his laptop even though he was pretty much useless with any technology. “I think-” “Don’t even say it.” “- we should watch The Princess and The Frog.” “NO! For fuck sake, Pip.” “WHY?” “Because, I’ve known you for two months, and only two months, and we have watched The Princess and The Frog a grand total of eight times.” “But-” “Let me repeat that, Pippa. Eight. Eight times.” “It’s a Disney classic.” I shook my head at him, wanting a rise. “It is not a Disney classic. Why do you do this to me?” I laughed to myself as he finally set his laptop up, balancing it on the bin so that the wire could reach the TV that was attached to the wall. Just as I was about to become completely relaxed and completely happy, we heard the front door open, and I knew it was going to be Harry because the world hated me and liked to make a mockery of my life. He lazily sauntered into the kitchen, spotting me first and nearly turning around on the spot before he noticed Zayn was there too. “O’reyt.” Harry spoke glumly. “Reyt!” Zayn returned. “We’re gunna watch a film, you in?” “Depends what film.” “What kinda mood you in?” “A shit one.” He practically kicked the floor, before wandering over to the kettle. Zayn gave me a wide-eyed look whilst Harry’s back was to us, and I just shrugged my shoulders, not bothered to hear the story Harry was going to give us. “What’s up, man?” Zayn asked, taking a temporary seat in the camping chair. Harry filled the kettle up in silence and then flicked it on before he turned around and spoke, eyeing me up once like he didn’t care for me to hear his stories, but I wasn’t budging. It was my film night with Zayn. He wasn’t going to ruin it. “I took photos of this girl, for a project, right.” He started with a huff. “And she’s... topless. Like, I had her consent and everything. It’s sound. But like, they called me in today, on a fucking Saturday for some reason, even though I submitted them on Tuesday and I’ve had two lectures since then, to tell me that it’s inappropriate and I need to submit something else, or they’ll have to fail me.” It wasn’t quite what I was expecting. Whenever I walked into the kitchen exclaiming I’d had a shit day, it was usually because I was too rough at a lecture, or someone was rude to me in the street. I didn’t like Harry having actual problems, because it made him human, rather than just being the total bellend I saw him as. “Seriously?” Zayn looked disgusted at the whole idea. “I know!” Harry tightened his fist down by his side. “I’ve always had this idea for these pictures, but I knew at college they would have said no. But this is fucking university, and they’re still terrified about some girls tits? Like breasts are some taboo thing that we can’t even talk about, let alone see. It’s really pisses me off. The pictures were so cool, man. They were done on this Polaroid camera that my grandad gave me from back in the day, and they looked so sick. And now I have to think up something completely new for Friday, even though everyone else has been working on it since day fucking one. Because, of all fucking places, I can’t submit pictures of someone’s fucking tits, at uni. Can you fucking believe that shit? It was hardly like I walked in with a print screen off PornHub. Jesus wept!” I chuckled for the briefest moment, before forcing it to the back of my throat, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing he had made me laugh, even though that comment really did get to me. “Tell you what proves how ridiculous that is.” Zayn animated with his hands. “Yesterday I was at a live-drawing session, with some fit as fuck thirty-year-old model, completely nude in front of me. Like, why can I do that but you can’t have arty pictures that you’ve put heart into for photography? Like, I’m literally in shock.” It was ridiculous, to think about. A part of me wanted to see the photos, see if they were arty like he made them out to be, or if they were just entirely sleazy, which was kind of what I pictured, but that’s just because I was being bitchy and I had my mind made up on him. “I know.” Harry grunted as the kettle clicked behind him. “So, any film that will cheer me up would be spot on.” “Well, Pip knows her funny films.” Zayn turned to me. “Pip-Squeak?” Harry scoffed, looking at me. “Thought you might be the Disney Princess kind of girl.” I scowled at how accurate he was and quickly snapped my head to Zayn, making sure he didn’t mention the Princess and The Frog fiasco we had had only moments ago. He kept shtum. “Yeah well maybe I’m not as one dimensional as you think I am.” I huffed. “I don’t think about you at all, so don’t worry.” He made himself a cup of tea without offering either of us a cup ourselves, which wasn’t really the etiquette in our flat; even Ringo would offer a round of tea if she had boiled the kettle. I could tell Zayn was uncomfortable with the way me and Harry were around each other, because they genuinely did get on, and he wasn’t about to take sides, especially when the way we attacked one another was so petty and stupid. So, he just cleared his throat as Harry moved and sat on the sofa, as far away from me as physically possible. “So go on Pippa, give us a film.” Zayn sighed. “Yeah, go on, blow my mind with your dimensions.” Harry joked. A part of me just wanted to walk away and not bother, he was already pissing me off so much. I wondered if it was just because he’d had a bad day, and that’s why he was being such an arse. Maybe it cheered him up. Maybe he disliked me just as much as I did him. But I wanted to watch a film, and I wanted to prove to him Zayn was my best friend, not his. “Let’s watch Kick-Ass.” I groaned, snuggling into the settee. “SHOUT!” Zayn cheered. “You seen it, Harry?” “Nah.” “It’s sick.” Zayn started searching for it on some horrible website, some dodgy ads popping up every 15 seconds or so, me and Harry sitting in noticeable silence behind him. I crossed my right leg over my left, subconsciously moving away from him, wondering why he had to impose himself. Eventually, Zayn found a successful link and came to sit down next to me, so I was nestled between the two of them, the sofa being perfectly big enough when you were between two people you liked, but when you were next to someone who despised you and the feeling was quite mutual, I couldn’t help but think it was that bit too small. We all became engrossed in the film pretty quickly, and we must have been around half an hour in when a serious topic of discussion sprung to mind, something I was surprised I hadn’t thought of earlier. “Ooh ooh ooh!” I tapped Zayn on the shoulder. “Did you speak to Louis about me?” “Yeah.” He shrugged and whispered back. “Said he thinks you’re sound, and you’re a good kisser.” “Brilliant. That’s all I need. I can die happy now.” I turned back to the film, smug as fuck about the whole thing. I mean, usually it wasn’t a big deal, but having something like that said about me by the likes of Louis, was something else. Of course, I was beaming with pride, it was understandable on all accounts. “That’s it?” Zayn chuckled under his breath. “That’s all it takes for you to feel accomplished?” “Well I’m a very easily pleased.” I informed him. “Clearly.” He huffed, still giving off a slight laugh. “Either of you want a brew?” ”Nah, man. I fancy a beer.” Harry huffed, his concentration fully on the film. “Good idea!” Zayn smiled, jumping up to his feet. I cursed under my breath, because I knew myself very well by the age of 18. If I had a drink, even just one, and nothing to wake up for the morning after, the fun bug would bite me good and hard, and I would want to be out, drinking and dancing and making terrible decisions. I loved the original idea of staying in, especially at the weekend, because if we were going to go out it would cost us more than it would midweek. But all it would take was one drink, one tiny little drink, and I knew I was going to have a change of heart. And Zayn knew this about me too, but the fact he threw me over one of his Carlsberg cans seemed to say that maybe he wanted to go out too. So did the cheeky little smirk on his lips. I knew where our evening was going from there. Harry took a big, final gulp of the tea he had made when he first walked into our shared home, and then cracked open his own beer, taking a large gulp before exhaling a satisfied hot press of air from his mouth, like that one taste had taken a huge weight off his shoulders. Zayn moved his hand to his mouth and signalled for me to have my first drink, so I clicked my can open and did as I was told, always holding his eyes and watching his grin widen. As soon as I placed the can back down, I groaned, loudly. “Oh for fuck sake, Zayn!” “What?” Harry puzzled, glancing between the two of us. “We’re going out.” I flopped my head back, disappointed in myself. “What?” He repeated, more confused this time. “Pippa can’t even have a sip of a drink without suddenly wanting to go out and get drunk. It’s one of her best and worst qualities.” Zayn informed him. Harry turned his head to me and gave me a disapproving look up and down, silently judging me as we remained uncomfortably close to one another, regardless of the fact Zayn had moved from the sofa. “You’re weak as fuck, you.” He scoffed. “WHAT?” I almost howled. “The more I see of you, the more I feel like the name Pip-Squeak is really, really fitting for you.” “Oh just fuck off, Harry.” “No.” He grinned, leaning a little closer. “You’re going to have to deal with me all night now. C’mon, let’s get drunk, Pip-Squeak.” I bit my tongue, just like I did every single time Harry made some stupid comment or called me that ridiculous name, which wasn’t very fitting at all, to be honest. “Please invite Louis.” I groaned to Zayn as I raised to my feet, going to get ready for the evening ahead. “He might save me a little sanity if I have to deal with this wanker all night.” “Nothing can save you from me, Pip-Squeak.” “Oh my fucking god.” I pressed my fingers against my temples. “I will fucking murder you, if you keep calling me that.” “You’re so aggressive, Pip-Squeak. And you swear like a sailor.” “Fuck off.” I stormed out of the shared area and right back into my bedroom, locking the door tight and desperate to scream into a pillow, before taking into consideration how damn thin the walls were. So, being as dramatic as ever, I searched for a blank piece of paper, and melodramatically ripped it to shreds, growling to myself as I let them all tumble to the floor. And that was enough of a release for me, so I started getting ready, both dreading and eager for the evening ahead. + + + “Pip, we’ll be out in a minute! I promise!” Zayn re-enforced. I stood with a sour face as Zayn and Harry scurried off into the toilets, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible, but it was more than obvious they were going in there to do drugs. But we weren’t in our normal spot, we had travelled further into the city, into one of the giant clubs, and that kind of activity was extremely common there. I doubted any of the lads were scurrying into the toilets to actually use them for their original use. I took a big sip of the drink I had bought myself, rolling my eyes and wishing they would just hurry up. Louis had said no to the night out, so I was stuck with Zayn and Harry all night, and I wasn’t sure how well I was going to cope. I really needed to drink to the point where I didn’t care. I had also decided, for Zayn’s sake, I needed to make a bit more of an effort with Harry, rather than just ignore him or be rude to him all night. I needed to try, because if he and Zayn were going to continue being this pally, it meant I was going to be spending more time with him than I originally anticipated. So it was better to be nice. A few minutes later, they came out, both laughing away with each other, Harry wiping his nose with the back of his hand, just to make it a little more obvious. Once again, I rolled my eyes, before shouting at myself in my head, reminding myself about putting in that effort and not just rolling my eyes at every single thing he did. Zayn clapped his hands together, rubbing them fast and creating heat. “I need a drink.” He spoke quickly. I had noticed this about Zayn in the few times I had seen him take drugs, either it was a placebo type thing, or the effects of what he had taken really did hit him within a matter of minutes. It was weird. Harry was still totally fine, as expected, not that I was some kind of drugs expert, but Zayn was already bouncing off the walls, before we’d even gone back into the main part of the club. “Me too!” I said, downing the remainder of the one I already had. We began making our way in the right direction. The place we had chosen was huge, the complete opposite of Thimble. It was loud and crowded, playing unfamiliar music that just pounded into my ears, and I needed to be drunk to enjoy it. So we went to the bar, and I made my first attempt at being nice. “I’ll get a round in.” I smiled. “What do you both want?” “I’ll have a vodka and coke, please.” “Harry?” I quizzed. “I’m not bothered.” He shrugged. “For fuck sake, Harry, just tell me what you want!” The pace of me losing my patience was shockingly speedy. “Whatever you’re having.” “Fine.” I shook my head, turning to the barman. “Please can I have three triple vodka and cokes? Thank you.” “TRIPLES?” Zayn cried. “Yeah. I’m too sober for this shit.” We all cringed in time with one another after we had taken our first sips, the taste absolutely vile, but hopefully it would do its job. “Thanks, Pip.” Zayn clunked his glass to mine. “Yeah, cheers.” Harry gazed off into the distance whilst giving his pathetic attempt at a thank you. I scowled at him whilst he wasn’t looking, and stuck my tongue out like a child, but it genuinely made me feel a little bit better. Zayn couldn’t help but laugh, he patted me on the back and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for trying.” He yelled in my ear, realising my efforts. At least someone did. + + + By the time it hit 1am, we were all completely gone; the lads more so, since they had a mix of things flowing through their systems. Myself and Harry had barely spoke all evening, but it was better than arguing with each other at least. We had just been dancing, stuck in the middle of the room, everyone going completely wild. I preferred Thimble, really. It was small and full of students, more familiar and welcoming. That place was huge, eerily dark with blue and red lights burning everywhere, some guy raised out from the crowd playing the music, reacting to the crowd. But it was good, I suppose. Good enough. “Oh shit!” Zayn cried, again. “She is so fit.” “For fuck sake, man, just do it!” Harry yelled. His pupils were so wide I was slightly concerned. Harry was acting relatively normal, the only thing that gave him away was the size of his eyes, how wide he held them open. Zayn’s eyes tended to keep shutting themselves, he reacted more obviously to what he had taken in every sense. “I can’t, man.” Zayn chewed on his lip and bobbed his head from side to side. “I can’t she’s too fit I can’t do it.” “If you don’t do it, I’m gunna fucking do it!” Harry called. “Nah, man, nah, she’s mine.” “THEN FUCKING GO! You’re pissing me off, man. Just go and kiss her!” Zayn started nodding, his head literally kept going up and down like fucking mad before he quickly pushed away from us, and made his way to the girl he had been talking about for at least an hour. It then struck me that it was now just me and Harry, and he realised it too, and we both got really awkward and exceedingly uncomfortable, taking big sips of our drinks to try and push past it. I encouraged myself, once again, to make an effort with him. For Zayn’s sake. “I have Zayn’s fags in my bag, you wanna go for one?” I rushed. He gave me a questioning look, wondering why on earth I had just offered him that, especially since neither of us even really smoked. He continued to just shrug his shoulders, and tilt his head towards the smoking area. He took off, leaving me uneasily trailing behind, having a lot more a difficult time pushing through the crowds than Harry did, thankful I wasn’t wearing heels because it would have been even more difficult. By the time I made it outside, Harry was already there, sitting on a bench waiting for me. The outside area had heating, thankfully, but you literally had to travel through a cloud of smoke, it was pretty disgusting. I sat down next to him, handing him a cigarette and putting one in my mouth, and lighting it, before passing the black lighter onto Harry, and he did the same thing. For around half the cigarette, we sat in silence, people watching, avoiding conversation, awkward as fuck. Until Harry had seemingly had enough of that, and sparked up a discussion, even though it made everything even more awkward. “So why don’t you like me?” He smirked. I was pretty drunk by this point, so I just burst out laughing, covering my mouth but unable to keep it in. “You don’t like me either!” I pointed out to him. “Yeah but, you know my reasons.” “Do I?” “Yeah, you’re annoying as fuck. Of course I don’t like you.” He huffed. “HOW AM I ANNOYING?” “See. That right there. Why did you have to shout that? Why? Shush.” Oh god. I hated him. I really fucking hated. Everything he did and said just made me want to punch myself in the face repeatedly, he was infuriating. I turned fully to him, trying to compose myself and sober up. “You wanna know why I don’t like you?” I shot. “Yeah.” “Because you’re arrogant as fuck. You think you’re something special-” “I am quite special.” He interrupted. “No. Just... Shut the fuck up. Just shut the fuck up, Harry. You were rude to me when we met, even though I was just making polite conversation. And you have continued to be really fucking rude to me. And I don’t get why? You’re like… fine with everyone else, but you’re really rude to me!” “You can’t say shit, Pip-Squeak!” He laughed in my face. “You’re rude to me too! That’s what we do, we’re rude to each other. It’s how we work.” “I haven’t even known you a fucking week, Harry. We don’t do anything. That is not what we do. You are so annoying, honestly. No one has ever annoyed me so much in my life. And this is after a few days. I have to live with you. I’m gunna go mad.” “You are so dramatic. It hurts my head. And also, you’re boring as fuck so I’m going inside.” He groaned. He raised to his feet, crashing into someone on the way as I dragged my hands down my cheeks, really needing to scream, and I had needed to do so for hours by that point. Harry stumbled backwards after knocking into the lad, who turned around and gave him a filthy look, looking him up and down. “Watch where you’re going, pal.” The bulky bloke said to him. “Alright, mate, calm down.” Harry chuckled. “So much aggression. Bloody hell. It was an accident.” “Then say you’re sorry.” I could see it coming before it happened, both their postures tensed and they were pretty much squaring up to each other for no reason. I stood up and grabbed at Harry’s elbow, gently tugging him, asking him to step away. “Y’know what?” Harry continued messing with him. “I was going to apologise but I just figure you’re too rude. And... I don’t want to anymore.” “You just made me spill some of my drink, say you’re fucking sorry!” He took a step closer. I tugged Harry a little harder after that, quietly whispering for him to step away, but it was pretty useless. There was no getting through to him, not taking him from that moment. I should have just left the two of them to it, rather than try to step in. “I’m not saying sorry. You can fuck off.” Harry smirked sarcastically. The lad began to crack his fingers, and I finally moved away, taking a quick step back from everything, cursing to myself over and over as the man warmed himself up in the most pretentious way possible, even doing a quick lunge before rolling his shoulders and cracking his neck. Despite how tense I felt, that was genuinely funny. I let out a very minor giggle just watching him prep for the fight he was anticipating. But as he did his warm ups, and I stood chuckling away to myself, Harry caught him off guard and just swung, his fist meeting his face in a heartbeat and knocking him straight out, flat on the floor and the drink he had been carrying all over his white t-shirt. “Shit!” I cried. “Okay, time to go.” Harry spoke quickly. He laughed so loud, clapping his hands together before shooting back inside, leaving me staring at the lad on the floor, my mouth wide, his friends staring right back at me with similar looks on their faces. “Shit. Sorry. Sorry about that.” I started backing away from them. “Sorry. I didn’t... I don’t really know him. Sorry... again. Bye. Sorry, bye.” I turned on the spot and ran away in a panic, soon finding Harry inside, who was stood clutching at his belly he as laughing so much. This was clearly hilarious to him. I hit him hard on the arm, still in complete shock. Never in my life had any of my friends, or anyone I really associated with, been the type of people who would start fights on nights out, never mind knock someone out like he just had. “What the fuck are you doing?” I screamed. “Better I get him before he got me!” “No! No better there are no fights in the first place. Fucking hell. Let’s go find Zayn and just go home. Please.” I started barging off into the crowd and Harry followed close behind, still giggling his little arse off, annoying me more and more by the second, something I didn’t think was possible at all. “C’mon, Pip-Squeak.” I heard him yelling behind me. “You never seen a fight before?” “No, not really.” I looked back over my shoulder to him. “I get in fights all the time.” He was too smug about the matter. “Oh good.” I stopped and stared at him face on. “Bloody brilliant, Harry. Round of applause for you, you fucking idiot. It’s nowt to be proud of!” He hunched his shoulders and smirked, disagreeing with me without having to say a word. I gestured with my hands that I wanted to strangle him, before turning hot on my heel and going on a mission to find Zayn, which we soon did, his tongue stuck down the throat of the girl he had been staring at earlier. I tapped his shoulder. No reaction. I could still hear Harry laughing behind me. I tried not to tear my hair out. I tapped Zayn again. Nothing. “ZAYN!” I yelled. He pulled away from the girl, turning around with drowsy eyes, but looking happy to see me. “Heeeeey, Pippa! What’s going on?” “Harry just knocked someone out cold, so we need to go. Quickly. Please.” Zayn turned around to the girl and then whispered in her ear, to which she shyly nodded, moving a little closer to him. “She’s coming with us.” He playfully raised his eyebrows. “Whatever. Let’s go.” I didn’t even care by that point as I started storming out of the place, leaving the three of them trailing behind me as I grabbed a beer off a nearby shelf, hearing it’s owner who had been closer than I’d been hoping cry out his disapproval as I slugged the cold substance down my throat, but it was hard to really give a shit in that frame of mind. I just wanted to go home. + + + Zayn was kissing the girl he’d brought back as they fell through the door to his bedroom, hearing it lock tight as soon as they were inside. I stumbled up to the kitchen, needing water, or a cup of tea, or anything to help me feel a little better, still drunk and confused about our night out and how out of hand it had gotten. For some reason, I noticed Harry was following me down to the kitchen, beginning to stumble a little now, a mixture of drugs and alcohol and a night gone wrong. I walked over to my food cabinet and began routing for chocolate, knowing I had to have some somewhere, because it was me. “Good night?” Harry asked, chuckling, joking with me. “The best.” “Hey, Pip-Squeak, I have a question.” “I’m not going to reply to you unless you use my real name.” “But you just replied.” He fucking thrived off my misery. “Holy fuck. What? What is your question?” “Do you like me now?” “Harry, my dear, I like you less.” That was exactly what he had been expecting from me, and he just started laughing again, leaning against the kitchen top and proper giggling, before biting his bottom lip and just staring at me, probably trying to think up the next thing he could say to wind me up. I was too drunk and too tired to even try to deal with him. I found my chocolate, and then stared back at him, slamming the cupboard door shut. “You hate me?” He smirked again. “Yeah. Pretty much. I’m going to bed.” “Can I come?” He raised an eyebrow. “Go. Away.” He laughed again as I stormed out of the kitchen, wondering how on earth I was supposed to cope living with him until May. It had been a few, short days, and I was not coping well. Not at all. “NIGHT, PIP-SQUEAK!” He shouted down the corridor. I stuck my finger up over my shoulder and made him laugh even more, and I knew he was going to do everything in his power, from then on, to wind me up as much as he physically could. And that little bastard was doing a really good job.

race to the pirate doctor, with @pilawforhire. (previously.)

Another man would have taken Law’s offer or suggestion to leave purely out of spite. Let him see how far he’d go without a guiding light, an extra pair of hands and a living fire commanded at will. All three things the captain would regret having dismissed when he found himself in bigger trouble. How easy it was to just walk away with a thanks for nothing and fuck you very much...

Not Ace, though. For one, even if he didn’t need to find this wonder man or heretic demon for Pops’s sake, he was not one to turn his back on adversity, as Law would soon find out, if he hadn’t figured that much already. In some aspects, Ace was a straightforward kind of man, easy to figure. Then, if anything, his companion’s lack of capacity to appreciate his company and the aid light and heat provided was all the more reason why he should stay. What kind of lesson would Law learn if everything he found unpleasant walked away with a gesture of his tattooed hand? Though older than Ace was, he might become a spoiled brat just yet.

Besides, pride and duty aside, to stay around Law came with the fulfilling reward of knowing he'd be bothered. Wasn’t that fun?

By accepting the canteen, which looked like a peace offering, Trafalgar Law accepted Ace’s company in what was now a joint enterprise of unclear nature  - were they joining forces to find this doctor still or to get the hell out of what, with every new obstacle, felt more and more like a floating mousetrap?

With a quenched throat, Law threw the canteen back at Ace, who promptly caught it in his hand as though it were a baseball, and gave good use to his voice, letting the intellect hidden under that curious furry hat his new friend thought looked too much like a baby seal for his taste shine through. He’d noticed the absence of women and children and in reality the island was scarce even in the young adult male department. To call it the opposite of Amazon Lily sounded about right. Talking about unnatural demographics!

Ace would have answered Law in all politeness had the Surgeon not made the mistake of talking of Pops and things he did not know or could ever hope to understand - what did he know of Whitebeard? That’s right. He knew nothing. It was not for Law to say if the use Ace was giving to his time would turn out to be a waste and, even if it was so, it was still Ace’s own time he was wasting and no one else’s.

His bitchy friend was already on his way to the curious building of questionable taste but Ace, who’d already placed the canteen back in his bag and positioned it on his back, didn’t move, forcing Law to peek over his shoulder, at least, if not force him to stop altogether lest he proceed all alone. 

If he did go for a peek, he’d find Whitebeard’s son frowning back at him and it could not be clearer his calm was an illusion, achieved with no small effort. No longer a little boy with fire on the tip of his tongue, Ace’s temper was not as volatile as it used to be. He could rein in his bad disposition before mild offence, which was arguably the best way to classify Law’s remark, unfortunate but not insulting.

“Careful now, Traffaroo. You don’t want to be speaking of Pops, do you? Nothing’s a waste of time for my father’s sake, you got that?  And it’s not like I owe you shit but no, no one knows I’m here. Especially not Pops.”

The moment he said it, Ace thought of his crew, still performing maintenance on the Moby Dick, not too far from this island. His absence should come as no surprise since he’d announced he’d be taking Striker in order to do some personal business; but what of his delay? How much time had passed since his departure? No matter. They would be fine and so would he... and Ace would return with a doctor for Whitebeard, the promised one or not, even if it was Trafalgar Law’s sorry ass he had to drag onto his raft and kidnap... He hoped things would not come to that - Law hardn’t earned his blind trust yet.

Ace’s words were a warning that, once uttered, lifted his mood and brought back a cheeky smile to the face and some wit to the tongue. “You should get along with whoever owns this place. Guy with a big-ass sword, guy with a big-ass building... Sounds like you’re compensating for something” 

Finally, Ace caught up with Law. “What about your crew? Do they know you’re here?” Like Law, he noticed the black birds and, just like he did as well, did not give them attention with a prolonged look or a pointing finger. Maybe it was a dumb thought, but Ace gave it voice, still. “D’you think those work like surveillance Den Den Mushi?”

The crows were awfully quiet and still, not there to attack the intruders, meaning there had to be another use to them. They could not be normal crows. If they were, then there should be other animals around, squirrels and lizards... Species which were lacking. Ace’s hypothesis was that the birds might be acting as eyes and even ears to the boss of the weird creatures they’d encountered thus far, which could explain why traps came so quickly whenever they roamed outdoors.

Before Ace could come up with a joke about the foul smell coming from Law’s insides, the facility came full into view. For the love of God! This island was making Ace’s work as a comedian too easy! “Oh, come on! Tell me that’s not compensation!” 

At the sudden movement of the ground, Ace grabbed his hat as a reflex, followed by a clumsy seizing of Law’s clothes. But the ground did not open for a second time and thank heavens for that, for the sake of variety. Funny enough, instead of the bottom opening up, it was the top that was closing in on them. Never a dull moment with Traffaroo!

Jokes aside, the ancients had spoken of their fear of having the sky crashing upon them on several accounts and it was not hard to give them credit. It was a scary thing to be suddenly engulfed in darkness, as though there was no escaping closed spaces where the sun didn’t shine. At least neither of them suffered from claustrophobia.

Ace lit up the moment Law spoke but there was no need for his fire to show the way. “The birds”, he said to his grim company with narrowed eyes and a clear tone of accusation in his voice.

A while later, Ace and Law were facing the mighty aubergine phallus with its appendages, the shape not so noticeable up-close. Now, Law might have expertise around balls and feel at ease picking a favourite but that did not mean Ace was eager to do the same. Luckily, the younger man stopped himself in time before provoking the other with this kind of remarks - from what he already knew of Law’s sharpness of the tongue, something told Ace things would follow a route of no return if he gave him an excuse to be lewd. Not only that, there would be no winning... Ace kept his mouth shut about it.

“You’re not the boss of me!” No, no, no. It was not fear. Ace had decided he would not separate ways were it not truly necessary. Without them having the island figured out, adopting the divide et impera tactic could prove to be a fatal mistake. Besides, what made Law believe there would be a way of meeting halfway, even? “Step aside, Roo!” He added, urging Law to give him some space inside the elevator.

No buttons to push. No music to listen to. No movement... And then, when Ace was starting to wonder if this was no more than a static box to trap trespassers inside, the elevator began its crazy ride. Surprised by the sudden jerk, Ace shouted something about being fed up with this shit and grabbed hold of another jerk - his pal Roo, who’d unwillingly bump against him. All Ace could hope, apart from wishing this unnerving trip would stop soon, was for Law not to vomit on his shorts.

“Get off me!” Ace pushed Law away the very moment the door opened, obviously ignoring the fact it was him who was decided to grab Law in the first place. “I hope the crows didn’t catch that... You alright?” He patted Law’s shoulder with some sympathy for his upset stomach and stepped out. As someone used to having his body adopt strange positions when the digestive system was filling up, Ace had more resistance to all those abrupt motions.

The room they were now in was... The very opposite of what Law’s room must be like, according to Ace’s imagination. It was as though someone had puked rainbows all over the place and they had stubbornly pasted themselves to the walls, coating them. A children’s play room, the one Ace could be glad he’d never had. 

He glanced over the pictures on the walls. They seemed authentic enough, drawn by children and not adults trying to pass as children though, by now, the idea of them being forged was not that crazy, not after the turkey and the Bigfoot, the gigantic ball and the eccentric construction. While there was nothing special about them, Ace was sure that, for the shortest amount of time, he’d seen a wave of ginger hair before it disappeared. (Where to?)

He was about to tell Law of this - any minimal thing, any slight impression might be of utmost importance - when the same ginger head reappeared and this time it was lock on, targetting Law and throwing sponge balls from the pit placed in a corner of the room at him. 

Ace shrieked. What? It was not every day that you were confronted with a maimed cyborg child. The shock subsided and was replaced with something like sadness, akin to it. The first child they met in this island and it was not... whole; healthy. Somehow Ace knew, in his heart, that any other children they might find would be in a similar state, with limbs entirely amiss or mechanical parts in their place.

“No!” He chastised Law even before the Surgeon of Death moved. “Don’t attack her!” His approach was different. “Hey, little girl” Crouching across from Law, elbow supported on the raised leg, Ace gave the child a smile. “Did uncle Traffaroo scare you? Come here” His hand beckoned her to as much as his words did. “It’s alright”

Law might disagree, say this weak form of fighting back was not a fear-induced reaction but a learnt tactic, a command, as though the child was yet another foe, a short-legged, part-tin pawn meant to delay them before the cavalry arrived; yet Ace did believe the girl had to be fearful, if not of them, then of whatever it was that was going on in her life. He’d rather not harm this child or any other.

This pacific approach did not work and Ace made the stupidest face when eleven other kids appeared out of nowhere, from the already mentioned ball pit, from behind the bookshelf, from under big duvets covering bunk beds... forcing Ace to retreat back to Law. Though they were children, there was an army of them, equipped with prosthetic arms, legs, clockwork eyes, metal in lieu of flesh... One of them had no head on its shoulders. It was not a pretty or peaceful sight to behold.

“Hm, Roo? I think we found the kids” No shit. “You’re the doctor. What are the odds of these being happy kids who’re able to enjoy life thanks to the miracles of science and not a sacrilegious fusion of people and kitchen appliances?” Before Law had the chance to answer, Ace addressed the kids. “We mean you no harm. Why are you here?” All that was left was for Ace to ask them ‘take us to your leader’ to complete the stranger in a hostile land cliché. “Where are the women?”

Little Sister

Idk here’s another fic guys lol bc 301 followers!!! I have the same amount of followers as the default number of views on YouTube!!!! Wowie.

Zoe sees Connor high and wonders if it helps him, and could help her. Or Zoe get high with Connor

Warnings: swearing, drug use, verbal abuse, shitty writing about being high and blunts in general bc I’m a goody goody™ 
•••••• 
“I’ll fucking end your fucking life, Zoe, don’t you fucking test me!” Connor yelled through his door, which he had slammed just seconds before. His sister, the victim of his verbal attacks, slammed her door as well, sitting on her bed to practice her guitar for the jazz band concert next week. Connor ran his fingers through his messy, dark curls, deciding he couldn’t deal with this bullshit anymore. He flopped to the ground, looking through the bottom drawer of his bedside table, retrieving the small tin box he was looking for. He pulled it out, feeling better already.

He wanted to quit, but whenever his family treated him like shit or he got angry he had to calm down, and this was the only way he found that worked. He recalls the other methods he’s tried and how they all ended up with law enforcement bringing him back to their front door at ungodly hours as he unlocks the box and grabs a lighter and already rolled blunt. Needless to say, he sticks to getting high in his bedroom, or sometimes climbing out the window to the roof. Pinching the unlit end of the blunt, he brought it to his pale lips, feeling his anger and stress float away with the smoke he exhaled. He sighed happily, already feeling much better and forgetting about what it was that Zoe had done to piss him off this time. He’d already finished one entire blunt and was as high as a kite. Not being able to control his thoughts, and not knowing it was nearing one in the morning, he opened the window. He swore as he struggled to climb out the window.

“Connor? It’s like 1 A.M., what the fuck are you doing?” He heard Zoe ask from her now opened window, her voice croaking from having just been woken up by the sound of her lanky brother stumbling on the roof.

“Nothing. Just needed to get out of the fucking house,” Connor replied, his words mixing together slightly, and would’ve sounded much more rude if he wasn’t giggling so much.

Zoe sat up and turned her bedside light on, wincing as her eyes adjusted to the light, “Are you high right now?”

“No I’m Connor,” he giggled back. Zoe sighed, getting up to find a hoodie and shoes, throwing on a pair of flip flops.

“I’m coming out there, you need a babysitter when you’re high, there’s no telling what trouble you’ll get into.” Zoe said as she put the hoodie on and pulled her hair up into a high, loose ponytail.

"I don’t need a babysitter I’ll be fucking fine!” Connor said, a little too loud. Zoe winced at his volume slightly.

“Shhh, what if mom and dad hear you?” Zoe tried shushing Connor.

“They’re fast asleep, and too bitchy to hear me anyway,” Connor grumbled, giggling a bit slightly. Zoe had seen Connor high on a few occasions, the first time being the weirdest for her. She’d never seen Connor so giggly . Sure, she’d seen him giggle and laugh before, when they were kids of course. Usually he never showed a positive emotion, and he definitely never giggled. 
Zoe pulled the latch on her window and unlocked it and, as quietly as she could, climbed up onto the roof. It was chilly and windy tonight, and she could hear the faint sound of Nirvana being played too loud in the earbuds that hung out the neck of Connors shirt. Connor was a pretty big Nirvana fan, but high Connor was the biggest Nirvana fan. She settled a fair distance away from him slowly, seeing that he was wearing black sweatpants and a grey T-Shirt. Connor turned his head, seeing Zoe get comfortable on the hard rooftop, noticing how she still kept her distance away from him.

“Heyyyyy, Zoooooooo, nice of you to join meeee,” Connor giggled out. Zoe held back a giggle, trying to not encourage Connor.

“Hey, Connor.”

“Hey, Zoe,” Connor said, mocking Evan by putting on a grumpy expression, “Why’re you so fucking serious, Zo, just chill out.” He giggled again, laying back and resting his arms under his head.

Zoe rolled her eyes but smirked a bit, looking back at her brother. She reached into his window and grabbed the water bottle on Connors bedside table under it, “Here, sober up.”

“Nah, fuck that, I’d rather stay fucking lit,” Connor swatted the bottle away from Zoe’s hands, managing to get it to fly right back into his room and bounce on the floor, “besides, I’m like totally ninety percent sure that that water bottle is just straight vodka,” Connor giggled again. Zoe sighed, giving up and deciding she better just sit and watch to make sure Connor didn’t hurt himself. She sat on the roof, a little closer to Connor now, but neither noticed it, cross legged, deciding Connor was too high to bother listening to her no matter how hard she tried to get him to sober up. She stared thoughtfully at her brother, as he attempted to put his hair into a messy bun, and wondered what he felt like high. She knew that he obviously had less control of his thoughts and actions, but she was curious as to how freeing and calming it really felt. Did it really help Connor deal with his anger problems and facing their family? 
~~~~ 
It had been an hour and Connor was still wide awake, and decided he wasn’t as high as he was. He got off the roof and climbed back in his window to roll another blunt, Zoe following him in and watching him carefully as he did so.

<I> Maybe it does help him feel better, </I> Zoe thought as she fiddled with the hem of her hoodie, before speaking up.

“Does it actually help? Like does it really calm you down?” Zoe pointed hesitantly at the blunt. Connor looked up, seeming slightly nervous now. He had never really talked about why he smoked, and how it calmed him down and how he thought it actually helped.

“Yeah, I think so,” He answered, seeming serious for the first time all night. Zoe nodded in reply.

“How?“ Zoe asked

“Well, I smoke it, and the bad shit goes away,” Connor said sarcastically, and went back to grab the tin box and set it on his bed, taking out the weed and things he needed to make the blunt, Zoe watching each step quizzically. “Do you wanna try to smoke it?” Connor asked hesitantly, not really sure how he felt about his little sister smoking, but noticing how she stared at his motions. "Sure, why not,” Zoe shrugged, fiddling with the hem of her hoodie again as she thought again about how it might feel.

“Okay, do this,” Connor showed Zoe how to light the blunt, Zoe following his directions, “Now put it to your lips and inhale slowly, and exhale.” Zoe did so, exhaling and feeling stress and anxiety she didn’t know she held being lifted away. She sighed as she exhaled, feeling surprisingly calm. She He liked it, not enough that he would do this often, but enough that she thought about enjoying getting high when she needed it. They both felt calm and happy without having to worry about anything.

Connor looked at his sister as she took another hit, Zoe not noticing that Connor didn’t light and wasn’t smoking his own blunt. He had sobered up slightly and was watching his little sister carefully. Connor didn’t want to risk him getting high and Zoe hurting herself while high because Connor couldn’t protect her.

After a while the blunt was gone, the room was considerably more smoky, and Zoe’s eyes were very red and bloodshot. Connor watched his sisters movements, taking note of how he fiddled with the string of his hoodie, but not in a nervous way. She fiddled with them happily and playfully as she hummed along to the song playing, Connor chuckling because he knew for a fact Zoe had no idea what song it was. Connor laid back on the bed, after he put the tin back in his drawer, and thought about how Zoe probably had her own issues too. He felt protective of her in the moment, as he thought about how this feeling of absolute calmness might be new to her. She was probably the calmest person while high that Connor had ever seen. Zoe wasn’t as giggly or funny as Connor was when he was high, although Connor noticed she was definitely more sleepy. Zoe was more quiet and thoughtful it seemed. Connor froze as she yawned and laid down on the bed, curling up next to him. He looked at his sister, seeing how frail and small she looked right now. He smiled, kissing her messy hair protectively and mumbling an ‘I love you, Zo’ before turning to shut the light off.

am I going to be called a creepy stalker if I would say that I want you to answer all of these? ;;-; if you can't, just answer a few random

oh my no!! that is so sweet, i’ll try to answer all of them ; v ; 

1. What is you middle name?

Sophie! When I was young I didn’t really like it, but now I kinda love it.

2. How old are you?

I’m sweet 16. A lot of people think that I’m about 20 because I look older

3. When is your birthday?

March 29th!

4. What is your zodiac sign?

A fluffy Aries B ) 

5. What is your favorite color?

Aah I don’t have one I guess. Black of course, it’s witchy and edgy. Gold. I love golden jewelry. A burgundy! I have like ton of lipsticks in burgundy shade. It’s my fave trio.

6. What’s your lucky number?

18! I had an 18 as my number in school for like nine years and 18 is the age of majority in Poland. I’ll get my septum piercing and tattoo at 18 : D 

7. Do you have any pets?

I have a black old cat that is really mean and hates me : ( But we are thinking with my mom about a dog! Shiba Inu probably ; w ; 

8. Where are you from?

Poland. I really don’t like my country ah

9. How tall are you?

About 160 cm or something around 5′2. I’m smol 

10. What shoe size are you?

Europe 37/38, US 7 and UK 4 1/2 

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

I don’t really know. I wear just two of them. A black laced flat ballets and black oxfords. I’m going to buy classic adidas superstar shoes for Jo cosplay.

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t have dreams lately : (

13. What talents do you have?

I can draw, sing, play some instruments. But I don’t really call them talents, just hobbies that I’m good at : > 

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Sometimes my dreams are prophetic and often I have a feeling that something is gonna happen if someone will do something? Like I once told my mom not to park our car in one place, she didn’t listen and she slightly crashed into other car

15. Favorite song?

Oh god. I don’t have just one. I love My Chemical Romance, Princess Chelsea, Postmodern Jukebox, all musical soundtracks. Now I am listening to The Squip Song from Be More Chill on loop

16. Favorite movie?

The Double [2013], Submarine [2010], Dunkirk [2017], Heathers [1988] I like weird movies and aesthetic movies. 

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

My genderbender. Kiddin’ Someone that likes the same things as me. Not all of them, but you know. I have a thing for blonde guys and girls. And I love dark colored eyes. But I think I’ll love anyone. They just have to have this thing.

18. Do you want children?

Hell no. Eventually I’ll adopt one. JUST ONE. 

19. Do you want a church wedding?

Nah, I don’t even can. 

20. Are you religious?

Nope. I believe in things I want to, but not in god. I believe in reincarnation for example : )

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

Yes. When I was around 3 I broke my leg. And in May 2018 I’m going to have an operation : ( 

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?

Naah. I’m a good child.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

Nope. I mean some polish comic artists. Does this count?

24. Baths or showers?

Baths. I love to sleep in my bathroom in bath full of hot water.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

A colorful ones ; ) 

26. Have you ever been famous?

Idk. I have some ‘fans’ in Poland and some people call me their ‘senpai’, but I can’t call it being famous.

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?

I want to be a famous comic artist or animator ; ; I think everyone wanted to be famous at least once in their lives.

28. What type of music do you like?

Anything that is edgy enough ; ) 

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

No, ew.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

Three or four? I like to have my head high when I sleep.

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

On my right or left side of the body. I can’t sleep on my back because it hurts me.

32. How big is your house?

I have a big flat I think.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Nothing actually. I know it’s not healthy but I can’t eat in the morning : (

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Never, but I would like to ; ) 

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, but my hands are too weak for that : ( 

36. Favorite clean word?

‘totally’

37. Favorite swear word?

simply ‘fuck’ in a lot of variations : )

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?

almost 50 hours, I was watching Gotham : D 

39. Do you have any scars?

On my right leg because of the splints in my leg when I was 3. And a little hole-thing??? On my nose bridge because of chickenpox!

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Never. I am chubby and in Poland if you are chubby it equals being ugly ; ) 

41. Are you a good liar?

The best one >: )

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I think yes. I can sometimes tell what kind of person someone is just by looking at them. We don’t have to talk, I’m just guessing correctly by their attitude.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

Yes, a lot of them actually.

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I don’t think so. I can imitate other accents really good if I practice so you can’t hear that polish accent.

45. What is your favorite accent?

I think russian, french and australian? 

46. What is your personality type?

Hmm. I am an introvert. I am really shy, I’m not good company at parties because I’m too scared to do funny things. But when you get to know me better I’m kinda funny person, I’m REALLY sarcastic and mean in that funny way. I’m just a little bit scared of people : ( 

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

I have that one dress that was made for me and it was 400 pln, something around 112 usd 

48. Can you curl your tongue?

Yes I can!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

Totally an innie. 

50. Left or right handed?

Right handed. I wish I could use both of my hands : / 

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Fucking yes. I scream really loud when I see them.

52. Favorite food?

Italian kitchen is my fave.

53. Favorite foreign food?

Only Italian. 

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

Both. I’m living in mess until I decide that this is too much and then my room is so clean you could eat from the floor.

55. Most used phrased?

I don’t have one I guess. I USE A LOT OF CAPS LOCK but in verval conversation there is none : / 

56. Most used word?

‘actually’ ‘totally’ 

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?

minimum one hour 

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I’m a little narcisstic ; ) 

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

suck ; )))) 

60. Do you talk to yourself?

A lot. Sometimes it looks like MPD.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

A lot yes. I am actually singing only to myself : )

62. Are you a good singer?

I think yes???

63. Biggest Fear?

Death and darkness

64. Are you a gossip?

A little. Everyone likes to talk about other people I think????

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

Is The Double dramatic? I guess so.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

Hmm I like short, but long hair can have a lot of cool hairstyles ; ; 

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

Not really. But I’m gonna to learn all of them : D 

68. Favorite school subject?

Math and English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

Introvert : ( 

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

No, never. But I’d like to! I want to see cute fishes : ( 

71. What makes you nervous?

People.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

Freakin’ yes. I can’t walk in the dark alone because I’m so scared. I can’t even go to the bathroom in the middle of the night : (

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Sometimes

74. Are you ticklish?

Very. Please don’t try to tickle me EVER.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

Never, I hate rumors. It is so stupid aaaAAAA

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

I don’t think so.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

Ye. On my friends parties ; ) 

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Never. And I don’t want to. 

79. Who was your first real crush?

A random boy at school idk.

80. How many piercings do you have?

Only ear piercing but I can’t really wear earrings : ( 

81. Can you roll your Rs?“

Oh yeah. I can roll my Rs really well. 

82. How fast can you type?

I don’t know. Kinda fast. Faster than my friends? 

83. How fast can you run?

I have asthma so. I can’t really run a lot. 

84. What color is your hair?

A greenish-bluish??? I’m going to buy a dark sea-green hair dye ; ; 

85. What color is your eyes?

Kinda green-gray I don’t really know. Sometimes they are blue.

86. What are you allergic to?

aAHHH a lot of things. Pollens, animal fur, apples, walnuts, hazelnuts : (

87. Do you keep a journal?

Naah. I’m keeping everything inside my heart and brain. I don’t need to write my thoughts on a paper

88. What do your parents do?

My mom is a dancer and she teaches modern dance in dance school. And my father is an acoustician.

89. Do you like your age?

Not really. Most of teens my age are so stupid ((AAA)) and most of my friends are older than me. 2 years, 4 years older, sometimes even more

90. What makes you angry?

People. When I lost a video game and when I have an artblock. When someone is hurting my friends > ( 

91. Do you like your own name?

I thinks so. I isn’t my favorite, but I don’t mind.

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Can we stop. I really hate children aAAAAAAAA. And if I adopt a child they’ll have a name so??? I don’t really have a choice. 

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

A boy. Girls are so annyoing until they get old. I know it by myself. I feel annoying too. And boys are stupid, but they aren’t that bitchy like girls : / 

94. What are you strengths?

I don’t know. I’m creative and If I decide something you can’t change my mind. 

95. What are your weaknesses?

My health : D And I’m really afraid of people in real life. 

96. How did you get your name?

Idk. My mom just liked Veronica. 

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Ye. My grand-grandmom was from noble family. We even had some fancy crest??

98. Do you have any scars?

I already answered that question ; / 

99. Color of your bedspread?

Grey/white. 

100. Color of your room?

Black and white : ) 

DONE AAA thank you sweet anon. You are not creepy I love you. Also sorry for any mistakes I am stupid and can’t talk in english correctly : ( 

So I binged Boku no Hero Academia (SPOILERS BELOW)

So I binge watched and binge read this entire series up to date in about 4 days straight. And let me tell you; this is some good shit. 

It’s a very refreshing and welcome change of pace to a lot of other big shounen. 

To start off, the protagonist, Izuku, starts off as a average guy who wants to become a hero- typical underdog plot, it’s fine. You know what I really enjoy about him? Everything.

I like that right off the bat, he has to train like hell to even start to be able to use his powers. I like how his powers have logical limits. I like how he gets around his quirk’s double edged sword in the beginning with strategy. This is the only shounen lead I’ve seen use strategy constantly and doesn’t have a craving for fighting in some form. I like his design because he doesn’t just have black dots for eyes. I like that he isn’t crazy ripped. I like that he isn’t afraid to cry. I like that he’s both striving for the top and improving himself in just about every way, not just in power. 

The art in this series is great. Personally, I find it to be my aesthetic. I like how the women don’t have huge knockers, though this series certainly isn’t the first to not have it. 

I like how the quirks and designs are unique for each character (except one, but that’s an acceptable gag). Because of their personalities and appearances, I like all of the 1-A class. 

Except Bakugo. 

Holy shit, he was such a cunt. His irrational anger at pretty much everything and him pulling a Leeroy Jenkins was more than annoying. It really bothers me how he never, ever got payback for him bullying Deku for years. Every time he opened his mouth, I just felt so irritated because he would never chill out for even a second, it seemed like. Eventually, his dickishness did tone down a little and I could acknowledge him being smart. I’ll probably never outright like him, but I can tolerate him a lot better now. Bless Kirishima for giving this boy some much needed friendship. 

For story, I’ll just go by the arc. 

Entrance Exam Arc -  Battle Trial Arc

Kind of slow paced. The first time I watched the series, I didn’t get past this because things were just so slow. 

Anyway, just exposition, character introductions and reasons to hate Bakugo. 

Unforeseen Simulation Joint Arc

Very dramatic. I like the fights in this arc. Tomura genuinely creeped me out after I got past his weird design. And his quirk...ouch. Poor Aizawa. 

Sports Festival Arc

VERY good fights and even more characters. It was during this arc that I finally acknowledged Bakugo’s intelligence and started tolerating him. 

I respected Uraraka’s fight with him. It reminded me a lot of Sakura’s fight when she cut her hair. Both girls were seriously outclassed, but tried their damndest try to win through cleverness and strategy. Both still lost, though. I appreciated Urararaka’s endurance, attitude and strategy. I’m sure that it would’ve worked against someone else. Good try. 

Ok, Deku vs Shinso is the only instance of an asspull win thus far. What happened to make Deku break out of the brainwashing just didn’t make sense. I hoped that the author would explain it down the line with All for One, but nope. 

Todoroki’s subplot was interesting. First and foremost, his dad is a dick when it comes to being a father. Experimenting with your own kids to try and project your dream onto them? Stop. Just stop. If you can’t beat All Might with your own strength, then you’ve lost, it’s over. Also, don’t tell me that Todoroki isn’t almost an anime Zuko. Because he is.

I liked Deku giving him some spur of the moment therapy and it was nice to see Todoroki surpass his trauma, if even for a short bit. The art and animation for their fight was stunning. 

Bakugo vs Todoroki was certainly epic. I’m pretty sure that Todoroki could’ve won if he’d used both sides. But I understand him stopping at the last second. A motivational speech from Deku isn’t going to magically erase a lifetime of trauma, I’m afraid. 

Sidenote: I really like Hatsume. She reminds me of Iruma from Danganronpa V3 but less bitchy. 

Field Training Arc

Gran Torino is neat, but cliche. The badass grandpa mentor? He’s this exact trope. 

Stain and Tomura’s interaction was...okay? I guess? It was an interesting conflict in ideals. It also made me realize how much of a manchild Tomura is. 

Wasn’t expecting Iida to have a revenge arc going on. It gave character depth I just wasn’t expecting. Sad that he got stomped immediately. Didn’t expect Todoroki and Iida’s bond at all, either. It’s nice that he’s reaching out, I suppose. 

Stain’s quirk was oddly specific. Deku being un-paralyzed first because of his blood type made me want to call bullshit. But I just..can’t. We knew Deku’s blood type from his profile. We knew that Stain’s ability works with blood. It’s just crazy specific. Anyway, Stain’s death was disturbing. 

End of Term Test Arc

On some level, I knew that Deku and Bakugo would get paired up. Them being able to compromise on fighting and running was a surprise given how stubborn Bakugo is ;especially with Deku. It was nice that Deku went back for Bakugo when he literally got stomped. It’s amazing how he doesn’t hold a grudge against him. 

Wasn’t expecting Yaoyorozu to have a subplot about her lack of confidence, though I had noticed it earlier. Her and Todoroki’s teamwork was neat. I didn’t see him to be the type to give a motivational speech. 

School Trip Arc

Oh boy. When shit hit the fan in the woods, I could feel how scary that would’ve been. Here you are, in the middle of the night, in the woods, probably alone or with 1 other person, surrounded by a CLOUD OF POISON, all you can hear is explosions/screaming/silence and you know that you’re a sitting duck because you don’t know where anyone else is or how strong he enemies are. 

Deku’s fight against the guy that killed Kouta’s parents was a nice show of strength. Fukami’s raging dark shadow was a nice way to get rid of a villain. Overall, I liked it. Just 2 things: 1) Bakugo saying “Don’t come, Deku” was ominous. Nice. 2) I feel like Dabi may know Todoroki somehow. Not like “heard of”, but know him, even if Todoroki doesn’t know him. 

Hideout Raid Arc

Let me tell you; this arc was beautiful. Bless Kirishima and his friendship with Bakugo. Yes please. And the Pro Heroes charging in on the League of Villains was hype as fuck. Everything about that just made me hype in a way that I hadn’t been in months. 

The play on words with All for One blew my mind. “All for One” as in “all abilities for one person” = Stealing quirks so that belong to one person only. 

All Might vs All of One was...beautiful. His determination, the visuals of him cradling the last of his power just for this fight, everyone finding out his secret, everyone cheering him on anyway...Almost got a little emotional there. 

Deku’s mom was being logical in those last chapters. I’d be wary if my son’s school kept constantly being hunted down by just about everyone and he kept getting injured every time. But through the power of Kouta’s sweet letter and All Might begging (this was also nice), she caves. 

Hero License Exam Arc

Man, everyone in this is just interesting. Not much to say except the Shapeshifter using Uraraka’s appearance was smart, but not smart enough. 

The whole Rescue Maneuvers thing was very necessary. It’s cool if you’re strong, but if you don’t know how to actually save anyone, you’re not even a hero at that point. Case and Point- Bakugo. Sure he could see who should be prioritized, but I don’t think anyone would be comforted by the way he handles things. Also, it’s hilarious that there’s actually a job of being a Professional Victim. 

Internship Arc

Of course Bakugo wants a fight. Of course. A least he’s not doing it out of irrational anger this time. 

The big 3 are kind of hilarious. It’s Kaede, Sasuke and Vault Boy. Jokes aside, Nejire is the definition of Innocently Insensitive and Tamaki is kind of adorable. 

Nighteye is perfect. I love his dead serious attitude and love of humor. His process of hiring Deku was neat. It’s funny how they’re both huge nerds when it comes to All Might. Look at all that merch!

Eri is cute and I can already see the fandom calling her “an innocent, sweet cinnamon roll to be protected.” Overhaul is intimidating and he reminds me of Law from One Piece. With his ability he could literally annihilate you. Damn. 

Kirishima and Fat Gum’s alliance (even though Kirishima got stomped immediately) was sweet. More than that, I just like the fight itself and Rappa’s attitude. And Toga is joining the fray, well, this is going to be messy. 

 AND THAT’S ALL CHAPTER TILL NOW! 

Whew, that was a lot. 

That said, I really do like this series. It’s my new weekly read. 

Dealing with antis...

No fandom is safe, first of all. You will always find one unhinged individual who goes ABOVE AND BEYOND to let their hatred be known and act upon it in ways that disregard laws. That’s what you’re dealing with. They CANNOT be reasoned with; they are unreasonable inherently. You aren’t changing any minds, just walk away. So, there are a bunch of anti’s on twitter, and I see their shit pretty constantly and see how it hurts the LOVEs who hate to see Nu’est slandered. However, it can be easy to get carried away when emotions are involved so I’m going to suggest that you take some deep breaths and don’t disregard what you know. These days, we’re always on the lookout for conspiracy, or that our safe house has never been safe, or that are loves are ‘problematic’, but don’t really sit and think about what these things mean.  First of all, call out culture is toxic. Idols are human beings. One mistake, one lack of smile, one nap that was too long and wham: they become problematic to fans. It can be that petty. It can also be serious, and it’s never fun to discover when someone you admire has done awful things, but it’s up to you whether it’s too much for you to deal with and not some blowhard on the internet who surrounds themselves with bitchy yesmen and think they’re cute.  When it comes to NU’EST, literally nearly every claim I’ve seen is so hilariously dubious (and utterly, totally, and completely lacking in any shred of evidence...whereas we have far more evidence of these guys trying to be the actual fucking good people they strive to be) that it’s funny to me that people even consider this to be earth-shattering.  Minhyun ‘stole’ a bike from the trash as a kid. Here in the states anyway, taking something someone else has clearly void their rights to...we call it upcycling. No pun intended. He’s not an iljin; he’s a damn kid. Even today he’s just a loveable, aggressively handsome, dorky and funloving musician I would go to war for. He’s an adult now, ffs. I pushed a kid down the stairs for looking up my dress in middle school, wanna call me a gangster? Please.  Baekho only showing appreciation and preference for fans who bought him expensive gifts. This is an actual claim. We’re supposed to find this appalling. Ok, listen. A fan buys you an expensive gift, and you don’t show adequate thanks for that: which is worse? I guarantee you one equals a lost and hurt fan, the other equals someone looking to start a fight. Baekho ADORES his fans. Every one of them. Don’t buy into people suddenly creating twitter accounts overnight to make claims against the contestant of an elimination show. Don’t be that gullible. I could go on and on about these dubious claims, but I’m telling you to exercise some logic here. If you can’t stand to see it, simply BLOCK THEM AND MOVE ON. Dedicate your time to love; it’s more important than hate any day of the week. Don’t let bullies tell you what to do, because if they treat people as kind as Nu’est poorly...they sure as hell don’t care about you either. Respect yourself more than that.