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#but sometimes i just really get slammed with 'oh yeah roy fucking ROCKS i LOVE that guy'
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listen we all know who im obsessed with. it doesn't take rocket science to figure it out. but i've got to say. roy kent truly is just. such a character. truly a stunning example of peak blorbo material. just look at him. look at everything about him. that sure is. a guy. and not in the like generic "that's just a guy" way in the indescribable "wow. what a guy" way. what a guy. i love him
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bamfdaddio · 3 years
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X-Men Abridged: 1968
The X-Men, those ever-so-slightly exhausting mutants that have sworn to protect a world that hates and fears them, are a cultural juggernaut with a long, tangled history. Want to unravel this tapestry? Then read the Abridged X-Men!
(X-Men 40 - 51) - written by Roy Thomas, Gary Friedrich and Arnold Drake. Drawn by Werner Roth, Don Heck, George Tuska and Jim Steranko
Did you know Frankenstein’s monster was an android, sent to earth by aliens as an ambassador?
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My English Lit professor LIED TO ME! (X-Men 40)
Whereas last year served up a cohesive narrative by making it all about Factor Three, 1968 gives us a hodgepodge of clumsy and confusing storylines. This might be due to the different writers at the helm: last year was all about Roy Thomas, this year we’ve got three dudes pulling it in different directions.
What doesn’t change is the prose. So much purple prose.
Anyway, this year is all about THE DEATH OF PROFESSOR XAVIER and THE RETURN OF MAGNETO! (If you think this is terrific foreshadowing and not something that kills all narrative tension, boy howdy, you’ll love reading comics from this era.)
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The best kind of foreshadowing drags you into an alley, punches you in the nose and steals your shoes. Fuck subtlety and proper twists. (X-Men 41)
Anyway, Xavier is acting all out of character: cranky, angry, impatient, barely using his powers for immoral purposes… He pushes the X-Men to the brink and continually sequesters himself with a troubled Jean.
Meanwhile, Bobby and Hank’s date with Zelda and Vera is interrupted… again. At this point, I just have to believe that Zelda and Vera are embroiled in some torrid lesbian relationship, while Hank and Bobby serve as their beards.ANYWAY, their date is interrupted by the Grotesk, the last remaining heir to an advanced subterranean species who have recently been slaughtered by an earthquake machine of human making. Look, how many underground societies does the Marvel Earth even have? Did these Grotesks live next to the Molemen? I…
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In defense of Grotesk, spinning him around like a fucking bola is one of the top three things I´d like to do with Angel too. (X-Men 42)
The X-Men try to stop the Grotesk from sinking the Eastern seaboard into the Atlantic, and in the end, the Professor sacrifices himself to stop him, paying pays the ultimate price!
OR DOES HE
To make it even more tragic, apparently Xavier was dealing with some mysterious illness that neither human medicine nor mutant powers could cure. But before he died, he somehow transferred his powers to Jean. (Either pretend this happened or retcon it him awakening Jean’s latent telepathy.) Anyway, Chuck wanted to prepare them for the return of… Magneto. (Also Pietro and Wanda.)
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Quicksilver crashes Xavier’s funeral, unsure whether he should ask the X-Men for help. He doesn’t. Meanwhile, Magneto somehow has duped some hapless time-displaced TikTokker into filming the grisly affair. (X-Men 43)
What follows is a sort of confusing crossover with the Avengers where the X-Men mostly get sidelined in favour of some drama involving the House of M. Wanda has some temporary mental damage that only Magneto can cure? Also, Pietro hates humans now, which, given the state of the world in general, I can only concur with.
Magneto captures the X-Men in customized cages, designed to be unescapable, but Angel escapes by simply pushing the right button. He flies off to get help, stumbles upon a weird and ultimately meaningless side quest and finally returns with the Avengers!
But! Magneto turns the X-Men against Earth’s Mightiest Heroes! Just kidding: the X-Men pretend to go along with Magneto’s mind games, but this was all a plot concocted by the heroes to make Magneto feel like he’s winning. Instead, the heroes attack and drive Magneto back. Toad, who finally is fed up with Magneto’s abuse, emancipates himself and defies Magneto, kicking him out of the helicopter he, Wanda and Pietro flee in. Magneto seemingly falls to his death in the water.
OR DOES HE.
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First of all: why would Magneto just make a non-ferrous aircraft? Second of all: why would he then BRING IT ALONG? Big mad. (Avengers 53)
Following Xavier’s death, Foggy Nelson reads his will. The Professor bequeaths the school to the X-Men! Fred Duncan, Professor X’s FBI liaison is also there! And then! Juggernaut briefly returns from the dimension of Cyttorak, stirs up trouble and is then sucked back into the ruby of Cyttorak thanks to a Professor Ex Machina from the grave. This somehow convinces Fred Duncan that the X-Men should split up, fearing they may be too big a target for evil mutants and thinking they might be better at responding to threats spread out over the continent.
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Yeah, Angel will be so much more effective when he isn’t part of a team of much more powerful individuals. (X-Men 46)
So, the X-Men split up! In NYC, Bobby and Hank battle Warlock, the most forgettable villain ever, when he interrupts their date. They also get into a fight with hippies because of… poetry?
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Yeah! Put the slam in poetry slam, odd beatniks! *aggressive finger snaps* (X-Men 47)
Jean and Scott ‘go undercover’ in California, with Jean becoming a model and Scott ‘pretending’ to be her superjealous boyfriend. So, instead of actually forming a relationship, they just pretend to have one? Fuck, these two are exhausting. Jean also forgot she attends a university, apparently. Which is just as well, because it means boring Ted and his boring brother disappear from the narrative.
They are attacked by an increasingly silly string of villains and it’s obvious that nobody really knows what to do with this book. They even skip an issue: the preview for issue 49 is something completely different than what we’re getting.
The year ends of a sort of high note, however, introducing two familiar faces. Mesmero,a hitherto unknown follower of Magneto, is amassing an army of would-be mutants by… hypnotizing them? Through their… X-Gene? Among them is a curious gal named Lorna Dane, who is rocking the brown hair. Bobby saves her from her drone-like state and keeps an eye on her while the rest of the X-Men investigate Mesmero.
Lorna meanwhile takes a shower, washed out the cheap dye and is revealed to have green hair. (Fuck yeah! But also maybe buy better dye?) Bobby and Lorna are captured by Mesmero and his cronies, and Bobby warns the other X-Men telepathically. They let themselves be captured by Mesmero too, figuring it’s the easiest way to find his lair. There, Mesmero awakens Lorna’s latent magnetism powers, and bestows on her two sweet titles:
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Somewhere in Kenya, Storm is upset and doesn’t know why. (X-Men 50)
And, in another shocking twist (gasp²), Magneto’s alive!
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You say ‘aura of unspeakable evil’, I say ‘prime dom top daddy’. (X-Men 50)
He fights the X-Men while Polaris tries to determine who she holds allegiance to: the father she just met or these other randos she just met. You’d think she would maybe not want to hang out with the raving demagogue, but hey. Maybe it’s magnetic attraction. The X-Men flee, forced to regroup, and we end the year there, with the ‘innocent’ Lorna Dane under Magneto’s thrall.
Didn’t you take Art History? Oh! Issue 50 has the familiar logo for the first time, created by Jim Steranko!
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So one cape tassel goes over the shoulder and one goes under it? Why is there a little skull with horns in the middle? Why the strappy sandals? Mesmero, sashay away. (X-Men 50)
Ugliest Costume: It’s a toss-up between Mesmero and Polaris, but since I assume Mesmero designed Polaris’ outfit, we’ll just give it to him.
Best new character: I didn’t think she’d earn it, because I’m not the biggest fan of Lorna Dane (most writers use her as a plot device, rather than a character), but otherwise this would go to Grotesk and that’s never going to happen.
Most audacious retcon: Jean is able to psychically penetrate Juggernaut’s helmet, which used to protect him from Charles’ influence.
It’s also kinda funny how after years of retcons where Polaris, Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver sometimes are and sometimes aren’t Magneto’s kids, how it is right now is the same as when it started: Lorna is Magneto’s daughter, the twins aren’t.
What to read: Nothing. This is not a great year.
Death proof: ‘Chuck’ kicks the bucket for the first time.
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a-proud-fangirl · 7 years
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Truth or Dare and Something More
For Royai week day 3 - Catalyst
Summary: The Mustang unit goes drinking one Friday evening. Who knows what might happen during a game of truth or dare? (FFN)
Rating: M
Word count: 3,195
A/N: Okay the events in this story are somehow based on real events (e.g. drunk!Riza = me when I’m drunk). And this is another Royai + Team Mustang story bc aren’t they squad goals? Anyway, please leave a review! It’ll make me happy :)
The team usually hang out at Madame Christmas’ bar every first Friday of the month. They drink and drink until dawn comes. Before, Riza does not involve herself in the boys’ antics. Roy guessed that she grew tired of Jean calling her at three in the morning to pick up Roy so she began staying at the bar while the boys drank. Usually, she helps Madame Christmas in handling the bar, or she catches up stories with Vanessa and the other girls. But that Friday evening…
“Give me more of those!” Riza shouted at Jean, who was pouring her another shot.
Kain looked worried for his superior officer. “Take it easy, Lieutenant Hawkeye. You will-” But his words were interrupted by the lieutenant. She moved closer to Kain and hugged him as she covered his mouth. “Shhh, little Kain. Hush, hush, hush!” She began rocking him back and forth, and the sergeant major’s face went read as a tomato. “Everything will be alriiiiiiight,” Riza said in a singsong manner.
Falman, who was also drunk, cannot stop laughing. “I am now in love with drunken Hawkeye! She’s the complete opposite of sober Hawkeye! Why do we not get to witness this every month? That’s sad, sad, sad, and sad.” He banged his fist on the table, causing some of the drinks to spill.
Roy looked at Riza and he smiled softly. “That’s the reason why she usually does not drink – she gets drunk easily.” He must be staring at her for a long time, as he heard Jean whistle. The smoker gave Roy a knowing smile.
“Wh-why are you looking at me like Jean?!” Roy sputtered. His stammering caused Jean to grin widely. “As if you didn’t know how Riza acts when she’s drunk.”
“Well, Roy, how do you know that I know what a drunken Riza looks like?” Jean raised his eyebrow and smirked.
“You go out drinking with her and Rebecca sometimes,” Roy replied as he drank his beer, and Jean’s eyes widened.
“You go out with Rebecca?! How come you didn’t tell me that, Jean?”  Breda exclaimed. Jean pointed a finger at Roy. “Hey, man. That’s foul!”
Roy rolled his eyes and sniggered. “And that’s one point for me.”
“Why are you all so noisy?!” Riza removed her arms from Kain and sat straight, spilling some of her drink on Roy’s shirt. “I can’t enjoy the peace and quiet.”
“Let’s make this interesting!” Breda suddenly said. All eyes were on him. “Let’s play-”
Falman groaned. “Oh no, not truth or dare.”
“TRUTH OR DARE!” Breda stood up with his fists in the air. “Hey, Vanessa! More drinks here please!” He said as Vanessa laid new bottles of beer on the table.
“Come on guys, it’ll be fuuuuuun!” Jean exclaimed upon seeing the sullen faces of Roy, Falman, and Kain. Only Riza looked as excited as he and Breda were. Roy had a very bad feeling about this.
“Alright, same rules apply,” Breda sat down and cleared his throat. “Since I suggested this game, I will be the first one to spin the bottle and ask truth or dare. If you guys choose truth two times in a row, your next turn has to be a dare. If you don’t do what is being asked, there will be a penalty. And lastly, what goes on at this table stay at this table. Not a word of this to someone else.”
“WEEEEEEEEE! Okay!” Riza placed her arms around Roy and Kain. “Why do you guys look sad? Let’s be happy!”
Falman heaved a sigh. “Fine, fine. Let’s get to it.”
Jean high-fived him. “See? That’s the spirit! How about you two?” He glanced at Roy and Kain, who were still trapped in Riza’s arms. “Sure,” Roy said, and Kain gave a thumbs-up.
“Yes! Let’s begin.” Breda grabbed one empty bottle on the floor and placed it on the center of the table. He spun the bottle, and it was really going fast until it finally stopped. The bottle pointed at Falman.
“Truth or dare?” Breda immediately asked.
“Uh,” Falman started to speak. “I’ll choose truth.”
Breda looked at the ceiling, as if it would provide him the question he would ask. Then his eyes brightened, and he placed his gaze back at Falman. “How do you feel about sex in groups?”
Riza started laughing, “It sounds interesting!” she shouted, and Roy had to cover her mouth. “Quiet down, Ri. You’re not the one being asked.” She was so drunk; he wanted to take her home. Also, the feeling that something will happen in this truth or dare game still hasn’t left the pit of his stomach.
Falman looks like he’s going to be sick. “HELL NO DUDE,” he exclaimed. “What shocked me the most is Riza’s interest in it,” Kain said.
“She’s drunk! She does not know what she’s saying,” Roy immediately said in defense.
Jean grabbed some nuts on the bowl and threw it at Breda. “What kind of stupid question is that?! Why are you thinking about group sex? Do you want the six of us to-”
“What the fuck, dude? Stop it right there,” Breda threw some nuts back at him
“Truth or dare should probe people. Like, get to know more embarrassing stories and facts we didn’t know. Find out some juicy stuff,” Jean wiggled his eyes at Roy and Riza, with the colonel wrapping his arm around Riza and her somehow leaning on him. Roy wanted to get out of there, but Riza keeps on drinking.
“Come on, Jean. My question was fine. Falman, you’re next.” Breda said. Falman sighed, relieved that he got an easy question, and reached to spin the bottle. This time, it pointed at Jean.
“Ohhh. Now this is interesting,” Roy suddenly sat up straight, and Riza followed suit. “Yes, because Jean is a very interesting person. Especially when he’s with-”
“Oh, so now suddenly you’re sober, Ri?” Jean cut her off. Roy laughed at the sight of him squirming on his seat.
“Truth or dare?” Falman asked. They wished that Jean would answer truth, but he replied otherwise.
“I have this gut feeling that you guys wanted me to answer truth, but on offense I trust my gut feeling,” Jean explained. “Dare.”
Kain shrugged. “Well we could still get the truth from a dare,” he pointed out.
Roy’s face lit up. “Hey, Falman. Make that dare about Rebecca Catalina.”
Jean’s face became as pale as snow. Riza chuckled. “You know, you’re cute whenever Rebecca comes up in conversations. Your face goes from normal to oh shit,” The four men roared with laughter as Riza was able to imitate him, while Jean began sulking in his seat. “You like her, don’t you?”
“And I thought we’re friends,” Jean sighed in defeat.
“I won’t tell heeeeeeer,” Riza chided him. “Come on, don’t you trust me?”
Jean shook his head. “The drunk you? No.”
Falman began to smirk, and Roy had a feeling this dare would be really, really fun. “Okay, then. I dare you to call Rebecca right now and tell her that you like her.” The remaining people in the table guffawed as Jean slammed his head on the table. “I am raising my white flag in defeat,” Jean said. “I’d rather do the penalty.”
“What? No!” Falman exclaimed. “It’s so easy, there’s the phone near you – you can easily reach it – dial her number, and tell her what you feel for her.”
“It’s in the rules, right?” Jean pleaded. “There’s a penalty when you won’t do the dare.”
“Yeah,” Roy agreed. “But sometimes my friend,” he leaned closer to the table. “You have to break the rules.”
Jean groaned. “This is so unfair! I hate all five of you.”
“You’ll love us when you two get together,” Kain added. “Now, do it.”
Riza stood up and tried to walk to the phone, but she failed. Roy was immediately on his feet. “Where are you going, Ri?” he asked.
“I should be the one who will dial Rebecca’s number - to be sure that Jean wouldn’t dial a random phone number and pretend.” With Roy’s help, she was able to go to the phone. Riza handed the phone to Jean after dialing Rebecca’s number.
The five people tried their hardest to stifle their laughter. Jean gave them the middle finger. His eyes suddenly widened. Rebecca must’ve answered.
“Uh. Hi, Becca. It’s me,” Jean stammered. The rest of them leaned forward to hear their conversation. “I just wanted to say that, uh,” he took a deep breath. “I’ve been falling in like with you for months, okay? Bye!” Jean slammed the phone back and placed a hand near his chest. He looked like he ran a marathon.
“I am so, so proud of you,” Breda moved towards Jean to give him a bear hug, but Jean pushed him away.
Kain looked confused. “You said the last part so fast; I didn’t understand some of the words.”
“He said I’ve been falling in like with you for months, okay? Bye!” Riza explained as she and Roy returned to their seat. “Falling in like? What’s that supposed to mean?” she pondered as she took another swig on her mug.
“Isn’t it obvious, Ri?” Jean reached for the bottle. “Okay, my turn!” He spun the bottle, and when it came to a stop Jean stood up and waved his arms in victory. “Oh, the time for my sweet revenge has finally come!”
The bottle pointed at Riza. Roy covered his face with his two hands. He had a feeling that what Jean would ask of Riza is something related to him as well.
“Yay! It’s my turn!” Riza cheered as she moved forward and placed her elbows on top of the table. “Truth!” she said with confidence.
It was now Roy’s turn to be become as pale as snow. He tapped his fingers on the table as the four men huddled and had a hushed discussion. Riza pointed the men as she whispered in Roy’s ear. “They looked like idiots,” then she shrugged and grabbed her mug, but Roy was fast enough to get it from her.
“You’ve been drinking too much, Ri,” Roy said. “I should get you home.”
But before Riza could protest Breda cleared his throat. “That won’t happen under my watch,” he said; they were finished discussing their “plan”.
“So, Riza,” Jean started to speak. “When was the last time you and Roy kissed?”
Riza blushed and gave them all a small smile. Roy found it cute, even though he knew that there was no answer to that question because they never kissed. Riza’s answer surprised him.
“Weeeellll we only kissed once. It was after the time Roy and Maes had a drink, about two to three months ago,” she said bluntly. His eyes widened and mouth formed a wide O. The four men were looking at both of them with eyebrows raised.
Kain was the first to speak. “You didn’t know?” Before Roy had the chance to reply, she spoke again. “He was drunk. Maes called me to bring him back to his apartment. Then when he arrived he kissed me as a “gesture of thanks” in his own words. Afterwards he puked on my shirt.”
The men began to laugh loudly, but Roy sat there trying to recall when that happened. Oh shit, he thought. He finally remembered. It was what Maes called as the “best night ever” because that was when Roy was drunkest. He didn’t remember the kiss, thought. Dammit! He cursed in his mind. Out of all the things he cannot recall.
“It was the best kiss I ever had, even though I hate Roy for puking on my shirt,” Riza continued as she faced him and began hitting his chest. “I hate you for vomiting on my brand new shirt! I could shoot you, but I won’t because you are a good kisser.” Then she smiled sweetly. All of her words were slurred, but he understood every word she said. He envied drunken Roy for having a chance to kiss her.
Jean nudged Breda’s arm. “See, that’s how you ask questions.” He had an evil grin at his face. “And because there’s one guy here who said that sometimes, you have to break the rules…”
Roy groaned, placing his head between his hands. Karma is really a bitch.
“Let’s give Roy his dare!” Jean exclaimed, and the men cheered.
“Woohoo!” cheered Riza as she yawned. “I can’t wait to see what Roy will do.”
Jean cleared his throat. “Settle down boys. Oh, and girl. Roy Mustang, I dare you to,” Jean looked at Kain. “Drumroll, please!” He did what he was told.
“I dare you to kiss Riza Hawkeye for five seconds.”
What kind of dare was that?! “Foul! Foul! Foul!” Roy shouted. Riza was quiet during the whole noise; her droopy eyes show that she already feels sleepy.
“No, it isn’t foul,” Breda said. “Come on, Roy. We are the only ones here at the bar. And we all know that Madame Christmas and the girls knew about the sexual tension between you two.”
“Ooohhh, sexual tension,” Riza murmured as she took a gulp from her beer.
Roy heaved a sigh. “Can I opt to do the penalty instead?” Why did he bother to ask? He knew what the answer would be anyway.
“No!” shouted the four men. Vanessa and the other girls stopped cleaning the bar to watch. “Come on, Roy. We know you wanted this for years.” Vanessa said.
Even Madame Christmas, who was about to head upstairs, tried to convince Roy to do the dare. “I’m going to bed girls, make sure that the bar is clean. Oh, and tell me tomorrow how Roy-boy’s dare went!”
Roy squeaked. “Not you too, Aunt Chris.”
“Why don’t you want to do it?” Jean asked. “If this is about the anti-fraternization law, let me remind you again that nobody sees us! You both are with the company of your friends.”
Roy shook his head. “No, it’s not just that. I have reasons,” he started counting in his hand as he explained. “First, I don’t want people watching,” hearing that made Vanessa and the girls leave. “Last, your first kiss with someone should be special.”
“But it isn’t your first kiss,” Kain rebutted. “Riza said that you two already kissed months ago.”
“Yeah, we did,” Riza murmured.
Roy shrugged. “I’m drunk when that happened, meaning I don’t remember the kiss,” he pointed his thumb at Riza. “She’s drunk now! She won’t remember any of this tomorrow. When we kiss, I want her to remember.”
“Fair point,” Kain said.
As the four men were about to have another one of their hushed discussions, Riza suddenly shouted. “Oh for heaven’s sake.” She pulled Roy close to her and kissed him.
Roy cannot comprehend what was happening. Her lips were soft and inviting. Despite being drunk, she was a good kisser. What more if she was sober? As he was about to deepen the kiss, she pulled away. He missed the feeling of her lips on his right away.
Riza laughed. “Are you guys happy now?” she asked the men. “He did the dare! He-” Riza turned green, and a split second after she began vomiting on Roy’s shirt before passing out.
“Are you alright?” Jean asked him.
Roy stood up and carried Riza. “Yeah, we’ll go ahead. I have to bring her back to her apartment.”
Days have passed, and he cannot stop thinking about it.
Roy didn’t really mind the vomiting part – he thought of it as his way of making up for all those times she brought him home. He was still thinking about the kiss they shared, and he is sure that she didn’t remember it. The next Monday she acted like nothing happened last Friday night, that she wasn’t drunk, that she didn’t play truth or dare, or that they didn’t kiss. A part of him was glad she didn’t remember what happened, but still he cannot deny that a part of him hopes that she remembers the kiss.
Later that afternoon, they both found themselves alone in the office. The rest of the team went home. Awkward silence filled the room, and in that moment Roy felt the ghost of her lips on his. He absentmindedly touched his lips, wishing that there would be another moment wherein he could kiss her again.
He heard Riza clear her throat. “So, Colonel,” she started to say. He looked at her from his desk; she was looking at the papers on her desk, but her hands were clasped together. “Lieutenant Havoc told me about the events last Friday night.”
Roy raised one eyebrow as he heard her take a deep breath. “I’m really sorry, Sir. I wasn’t aware of my behavior. I’ll never do it again.” She looked at him and her face was stoic, but Roy can see in her eyes that she was somehow embarrassed.
Riza clearly did not expect him to laugh. “Why are you being funny, Lieutenant? You look cute when you’re nervous.” He laughed until his stomach hurt, hitting the top of the table with his hands.
“I am not making you laugh, Sir.” Riza rolled her eyes. “Can you please acknowledge the fact that I am apologizing for my inappropriate behavior?”
There were tears in his eyes as he began to speak, traces of laughter evident in his voice. “Are you forgetting that I know how you act whenever you get drunk? So your actions do not offend me in any way – I somehow expected those antics to happen.”
“B-but Jean said we, uh, we…” Riza averted her gaze to the floor. Her cheeks began to redden. Roy finds it amusing, but he feels like he too was blushing.
“We kissed?” he asked her. What a very awkward conversation. She nodded. “Yeah, we did. I also found out that it was our second time. Why didn’t you tell me?”
Riza already found the courage to face him again. “What would you do if I told you then, Colonel?”
“Ask you if you want to do it again?” Roy sounded like he was confident, but deep down he was trembling. “Properly, this time. I want us to have our proper first kiss.”
There’s something in Riza’s eyes that makes him want to walk straight to her desk and bring his lips to hers. The way she looks at him makes him feel weak and small but he loved the feeling. “You’re confident, aren’t you Roy?” She asked.
“For you, I am.” He gave her a small smile. Time seemed to stop for a moment. Their eyes were locked on each other – yearning and love for one another and evident in their gazes but none of them acknowledged it out loud. It wasn’t the right time.
Riza broke off the eye contact. “As much I want to, Sir, not today. There will be a right time for it.”
He hates how she was always right. And as she left the office to head home, he can’t help but wish that the right time will soon come.
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