#but seriously this feels like torture and I don't know what I did to deserve this
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I just wrote all of this in the tags because I feel like my thoughts don't matter and I shouldn't make anyone read them but no, I'll write it in a post instead.
I just had a really fun realisation (that was sarcasm)
it doesn't matter what name I go by - as soon as I start associating a name with myself/identifying with it, it feels gross.
I thought it was because I associate my real name with mainly negative memories (and also because of gender stuff)
but no. even when it's something that only my friends call me, something that's only been used in a positive context. even when it's something silly like a username or tumblr url. as soon as it starts feeling like 'me' it's bad.
if I hear or read or think about any of those names/usernames, I feel nauseous. I feel afraid. I feel disgusting. the name doesn't matter because *I* am disgusting and bad.
so that's great. and I don't know what to do about it. guess I should write this down for my psychiatrist appointment (because if I don't I will forget but the problem won't go away)
no name no pronouns please pretend I do not exist 🙃
#literally it's so fucked up. my niece used my name today and I just felt this wave of disgust and like.. shame?#my friend used the name I use online and I felt like I wanted to puke. I love you please don't use my name I'm disgusting please don't#address me it'll make you realise I'm bad. somehow#the concept of me as a person is so repulsive to me that I can't think about myself without feeling like I should dig a hole and bury#myself in it#fun! I thought these thoughts were getting better for a while! but nope they're worse than ever before! please kill me haha I'm joking#but seriously this feels like torture and I don't know what I did to deserve this#I can't even be here anymore. it feels tainted. it feels like people have gotten to know me and its getting to close to the inevitable#point when you will all realise how bad and horrible I sm#this stupid website has really helped me over the years and now it feels like I am not allowed to be here anymore and i don't know how to#cope with that#anyway. I'm fine blah blah blah goodnight#personal#*too. of course I made a fucking typo because I'm bad etc
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Hello lovely,
I saw your post that your requests are open, so I will give it a try =)
Imagine Bucky and reader are best friends but they have a huge argument and now they don't talk to each other for days. She's feeling really bad, missing him. He is her most important person and now without interacting with him for days, she's feeling lost and lonely and heartbroken. Maybe she has not a super power and is only a normal human, helping the Avengers with IT or something. Due to the argument with her best friend and not talking to Bucky (Bucky ignores her completely) she begins to feel it not only mental but also physically. She can't eat probably and at the end falls deathly sick.... With a fluffy happy ending and a worried and protective Bucky
Please. That would be nice.
Take care honey
oh my goodness— my heart 😭❤️ the angst is gonna hurt, but i’m such a sucker for it. i had so much fun writing this one, thank you for requesting and i hope you like it🥰
Love Hurts
♡ Pairing: Beefy!Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader
♡ Summary: You and Bucky get into a heated argument, things are said and done and now he won’t speak to you. You don’t think you can handle him ignoring your existence.
♡ Warnings: language, mentions of bucky’s trauma, heavy angst, malnourishment, depression, anxiety/panic attacks, minor injuries, hospitalization, suicidal ideation, self hate, literally hurt just writing this
main masterlist
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT | MATURE CONTENT 18+
Your nails bit into your palm, denting the flesh— threatening to pierce the delicate skin. It was all to hold yourself back, distract you from the words that wanted to burst out.
It was becoming a sickening routine, Bucky was reckless and had yet another near death experience on his recent mission. The anxiety and the nerves stopping your body from functioning— the dreaded wait for his jet to arrive back at the compound. You shouldn’t have to be used of receiving the call that he had yet again made a reckless move— but you were starting to discover a pattern.
It did nothing to ease the panic that swirled in your chest every time he left for missions. You’d sob, throwing up everything you had eaten that day— unable to stomach anything with the idea that Bucky was on a mission. You never found your anxiety to be so severe— but when Bucky was even mentioned about going on a mission… it spiked.
That’s where you found yourself in his room, watching him pace the space— avoiding your frustrated stare. You weren’t angry at him per say— you were angry that he didn’t value his life.
“Seriously (Y/n)— you get so worked up over nothing. I’m here and alive— isn’t that enough?” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up in frustration.
You pressed your nails tighter to your palm, yet the pain couldn’t stop your thundering thoughts.
“You’re here and alive now, until you do some stupid shit like this again and are dead!” You hissed, trying to keep your voice low but you didn’t know how much longer you could control yourself.
He glared at you, squinting his eyes in anger and then rolling his eyes.
“Oh for fucks sake— can you stop fucking babying me? I can handle myself!” He raised his voice, his metal arm whirring.
“I’m not babying you— I’m just scared you’re gonna get yourself killed. Do you care about your life at all?” You asked him aggressively, your voice raising just a tad.
He took a long pause, staring at you with his face void of emotion— only annoyance.
“Not really.” He admitted.
You were taken back, although you had these conversations with him a time or twenty. It was an ongoing process to get him to slowly love himself— his past as The Winter Soldier torturing his soul. He was so convinced he wasn’t deserving of anything, not even a roof over his head. It was a struggle to help him, but you weren’t going to give up on him.
“You realize if anything ever happened to you I—” Your voice broke, needing a breath, “Buck I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”
You thought you saw his eyes flash with guilt, but before you could linger on the look for too long— his face was hardening again.
“That doesn’t sound like my problem.” He mumbled out, making your eyes widen.
You were extremely taken back from those words, your chest aching painfully— him not knowing what effect those words had on you.
“Are you fucking serious?” You asked him, your face morphing into a hurt expression, mixed with anger. “Can you just do your job without trying to kill yourself?”
His face grew red with rage and he was stomping up towards you— his face inches from yours.
“I am doing my job— very well in fact. Unlike you who just fucking sits here doing nothing!” He defended himself, his breath hitting your face in warm pants.
“Doing nothing? Buck— why are you like this?” You puffed your chest, not backing down from his towering form.
But your words seemed to have hit a nerve, as he shrunk back slightly, narrowing his gaze at you.
“Like what?”
You furrowed your brows, slowing your racing heart from the shouting— you weren’t sure you had said anything bad. Did you?
“What?” You squeaked out, nervous now.
“You said, why am I like this… like what?” He pushed, stepping closer to you now, his face still red with anger but you could see the hurt in his eyes.
You swallowed and wondered how to convince him you didn’t mean anything bad by what you said. But you were almost positive it would be an impossible task to get Bucky to listen.
“Buck, I didn’t mean anythin—”
“What— you think I’m not capable of doing my job? You think I’m still the monster hydra made me?” He spat, his chest rising and falling quicker.
“No, no Buck listen—”
That was definitely not what you meant, you could tell he was spiraling and you were still confused as to why. You would never make him think that.
“After 70 fucking years I finally have a job that I like— that I enjoy doing— I fucking help people! I’m finally doing some good and now you’re telling me I’m not capable of doing it?” He boomed, his chest puffing into yours and your stumbled back slightly. “You think I’m only capable of being a monster? Huh? Is that what you fucking think?”
You were growing scared now, the look in his eyes wild with something and you didn’t like how close he was to you— you knew he’d never hurt you but your fear overwhelmed your senses.
“Friday— call Steve and Sam in here now!” You shouted into the room, and Bucky’s eyes squinted painfully— his metal arm whirring again.
Bucky only saw one thing— you didn’t reassure him that he was thinking irrationally. You didn’t correct him that he wasn’t the monster. Instead you called for help, that you were clearly scared— because you thought he was a monster.
He was at a loss for words and just stared at you, almost through you— as his breathing was only getting heavier at the sight of your fearful eyes.
Not even minutes later, Steve and Sam were busting through the door, taking in the scene and separated you and Bucky.
“Hey— what’s going on?” Steve asked in between the two of you. “Buck, what’s wrong man?”
You couldn’t seem to find the words and just stood speechless as well— the fight startling you. This was one of the worst ones, and it was also one that still left you confused. You cursed yourself for not being careful enough with your words— but it was almost impossible to get through to him when he was on the brink of having an episode.
Sam walked closer to you, his facing morphing into concern as he took in your shocked expression.
“(Y/n)? You okay? Did he hurt you?” Sam whispered, keeping his words only between you two.
You slowly shook your head but still didn’t respond verbally.
“Okay, okay that’s good. You wanna go get a drink from downstairs? Why don’t we take a breather okay?” Sam suggested softly, big brother mode kicking in at the sight of your frazzled state.
Without another word, you left the room with Sam— missing the devastated look from Bucky.
Steve waited until the door shut, then his attention was back on Bucky.
“Buck, you gotta talk to me man— what happened?” He asked softly, watching his friend slowly relax, but it wasn’t from being in a relaxing mood— his body and mind were just exhausted from the argument.
“I fucked everything up. That’s what happened.” He mumbled, turning away from Steve to sit on the edge of his bed.
Steve followed behind but stood in front of him, shaking his head— ready to argue.
“You didn’t mess anything up, arguments happen. You guys will work it out. I know how much you mean to each other.” Steve pointed out, watching Bucky’s face unchanging.
“You didn’t see the way she looked at me— she’s scared of me I—” He shuttered, his breath shaky as he remembered your look, “I fucking scared her.”
Steve’s chest ached, the state of his friend breaking his heart. He knew Bucky meant no harm, and he almost for a fact knew that you knew that too. But Bucky for sure didn’t believe that himself.
“I didn’t see what you saw, but I can guarantee you that she’s not afraid of you. This is (Y/n) we are talking about. You are her world Buck.” Steve tried to convince him.
Bucky shook his head, running his flesh hand through his hair.
“I think I just need to stay away from her for awhile.” Bucky came up with instead.
Steve immediately started shaking his head, knowing that was the last thing he needed.
“Bucky I—”
“Please Steve… I just need some space.” Bucky pleaded, his body sagging in exhaustion.
Steve couldn’t find it in himself to argue with him anymore about this. Maybe he did need some time to himself, to cool down and gather his thoughts. Also Steve wasn’t going to force him to anything ever. After the years his pal went through— he would never make him do anything. He had enough things decided for him, and Steve wasn’t about to stoop to hydra’s level.
Meanwhile down in the kitchen, Sam was getting you a glass of water— standing across from your seated form at the island. He slid the cup across, sending a worried glance at you.
“(Y/n)?” Sam snapped his fingers getting your attention.
You were shaken from your state of staring, but even snapped out of the trance— the anxieties still swirled within you.
“Yeah sorry… I’m here.” You whispered, grabbing the glass and taking a tiny sip.
Sam gave you a quizzical expression, watching you start to slip back into a mindless stare— so he spoke up.
“You wanna tell me what happened?” He asked, genuinely curious what had went down.
He knew— hell everyone knew you and Bucky were extremely close. Best of friends, always there for one another— dancing on the line of strictly friends to lovers. Truthfully, Sam found it completely obnoxious and just wanted you two together already.
“I don’t really know… I think I said the wrong thing— I didn’t mean to make him upset.” You confessed, keeping your eyes on the countertop, not risking a glance to Sam.
“Hey, don’t beat yourself up— mistakes happen. I’m sure he’ll forgive you.” Sam told you.
You shook your head, gripping the cup tighter.
“God I hope so… I don’t know what I’d do without him.” You whispered pathetically, tears welling in your eyes.
Sam reached out to rub your arm comfortingly, trying to relax you so you didn’t start crying. He hated to see you cry— made his heart hurt.
“It’s been a long day for everyone, why don’t you go head upstairs and get some sleep. I’m sure things will have blown over by tomorrow.” He suggested and you finally met his gaze, smiling weakly and nodding.
Without saying goodbye, you stood up and headed to your room. Taking Sam’s words and playing them on repeat in your head.
Tomorrow is another day, tomorrow would be better.
God had you hoped that was the case— it only was the beginning on the torment.
You had slept in longer than usual, but overall felt refreshed. The first thing that came to mind when fully waking up was Bucky. Immediately you headed downstairs to find him— needing to talk with him— apologize.
Making it down to the kitchen, you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding in at the sight of him sitting at the island— sipping at his coffee. You furrowed your brows, thinking he'd be done with his coffee by now, since you had slept in. Your chest ached with guilt with the possibility that he didn't sleep well.
You took a deep breath before making yourself known, although you were sure be could sense you in the room— considering he was a super soldier.
"Morning Buck." You announced, walking around the island so you could face him.
He kept his gaze down at his coffee, finding the cup more interesting than you.
Okay, that’s fair. You thought, you most probably deserved that reaction.
“You sleep okay?” You asked again, picking at the skin on your nails nervously.
Again— he didn’t even lift his head. In fact, he wasn’t even acknowledging you. You waited several minutes for a response, the silence becoming thick with tension and you couldn’t stand it.
“Bucky?” You tried, and this time he lifted his head.
Your heart twinged in your chest at his bloodshot eyes, clear evidence that he hadn’t gotten good sleep. You hated yourself for causing him the stress, especially knowing he was just starting to actually get hours of sleep. It was huge progress compared to his nights either screaming awake or just staring at the walls. But now you had to go and ruin all that progress. You felt sick to your stomach— disgusted with yourself.
“I’m really sorry about last night… I didn’t like how ugly it got and I’m sorry if I said something to upset you— you know I’d never intentionally hurt you.” You told him, picking more aggressively at your nails, causing to nail beds to bleed.
You swallowed nervously when he didn’t answer right away, instead staring at you with… what was that? Disgust? You didn’t know, but you hated the look altogether.
“Bucky, please say something.” You pleaded.
Bucky lowered his gaze to his coffee again, taking a minute before he stood up and looked your way.
“I just need some space.” He told you quietly.
You were relived to have him finally talk to you, but to hear him suggest space between you two— you could almost feel the knife digging into your chest. You tried to keep a neutral expression but otherwise felt your bottom lip quiver.
Without giving you time to respond, Bucky was walking out of the room— leaving you standing there speechless, lungs begging for air. You didn’t want your mind to go immediately to that thought, but you couldn’t ignore it either— he hated you.
“Hey babe, I need you to help me out in the lab tod—” Tony came busting into the room, but immediately shut up once he saw your broken expression. “Honey, what’s wrong? You alright?”
You nodded your head, lying to him and yourself and started waving him off with the fakest smile.
“Yeah— yeah I’m good. Just need to uh— need to get some things done.” You told him, your eyes darting all around the room, the familiar feeling of panic seeping into your being.
Tony gave you a ‘really?’ look and stepped closer to you.
“(Y/n) I’m not blind— I can see you’re upset. Talk to m—”
“Seriously Tony— I’m fine! Just leave it alone!” You told him a little too aggressively.
His face was taken back and you felt guilty immediately, cursing yourself for hurting everyone.
Why are you such a fucking issue? Your mind screamed at you.
You didn’t waste another second and sped walked out of the room, needing to calm yourself down before you ran into any one else. You were spiraling and you needed to just relax— take a deep breath. Maybe you just needed one more day and things would be back to normal.
Yeah… just one more day.
You had hoped that was the case as well… but as always— things only got worse.
Bucky refused to talk to you or even look at you. He’d given you the cold shoulder for almost two weeks now. He would get up and leave the second you entered the room. He couldn’t stand you it seemed.
You couldn’t keep hiding your hurt. At first, you had done a good job at hiding how you were really feeling. Saving the sobbing and attacks for when you were alone in your room. As the days lingered on, you found yourself weak and drained— you didn’t have enough energy to put up a charade anymore.
The whole team were sending you worried looks, and attempted to talk with you. But the second they’d try— you’d bolt. The subject was too sensitive, too raw. You didn’t want to talk to anyone but Bucky— and he hated you.
You had missed so many meals, forgetting to eat with your mental struggles throughout the days. You had been getting no more than two hours of sleep. You were so stressed, so stuck in your own mind that you couldn’t function. Even when you had managed to remember to eat, your stomach would knot up to the point that you were throwing everything up. You were gaunt, basically a real life zombie. You needed help— but you needed Bucky more.
You were laying in bed staring unknowingly into space, it had been hard to focus with no food or sleep in your system— so you had only managed to lay here. Even that was exhausting, no matter how much you laid around— your mind wouldn’t stop the assault. Your anxiety had never been this bad, you were a prisoner to it.
Knocking at your door had you jumping, your heart racing— and for a moment you forgot where you were.
You’re in the compound… yeah that’s right.
You slowed your breathing and swung your legs sluggishly over the edge of the bed to answer it. You weren’t prepared for the sudden dizzy spell, your vision spotting with black and white specks. You tried to blink it off, but suddenly you were toppling to the ground.
You fell to the floor with a loud thump, luckily landing on your front, your hands somehow catching most of your fall— you could already feel the throbbing in your palms.
You didn’t hear the persistent knocking, or the door open. You didn’t even hear the voice speaking from the doorway. It was when a hand landed on your shoulder that you were gasping, forgetting your surroundings once again.
Your eyes met Steve’s and you swore your heart was about to beat out of your chest.
“(Y/n) are you alright?” He asked you, hovering his hands over you— not sure what you had hurt.
You furrowed your brows, looking him over.
“Steve what are… what are you doing here?” You asked genuinely confused.
You watched Steve’s eyes widen and he swallowed nervously— his expression growing more concerned.
“(Y/n) it’s okay… I’ve got you.” Steve hushed, and he was pulling you into his chest, hugging you protectively.
You were still confused but then you tasted one of your stray tears, and you immediately came to your senses. You were crying in Steve’s arms… but why? You were having gaps of time missing from you, this wasn’t the first time this had happened— you just didn’t seem to care.
“Steve… my head hurts.” You slurred into his chest, sagging against him.
You were grateful that he was here, you desperately needed someone around. You were just hoping that someone would’ve been Bucky.
“Okay, let’s get you to Helen. She’s gonna take care of you, okay?” Steve asked you, and you could only give a weak nod.
He knew there was no way you were walking there, so he hoisted you up into his arms, and cradled your head as he started to the med bay.
You just stared blankly at his chest, not really caring if Steve were to throw you off the roof of the building. You just didn’t care.
Steve had gotten you down to her, and she checked you out. Alerting Steve that you were extremely malnourished, dehydrated— an insomniac. She kept listing off all the things Steve was afraid to hear. The whole time he was sure you didn’t hear a thing, although you were in the room— you were just checked out.
Helen eventually left, and Steve took his opportunity to speak with you. He pulled up a chair next to the hospital bed and grabbed your hand.
“(Y/n), what’s going on? You can talk to me— you can’t keep doing this to yourself. Please… just talk to me.” Steve whispered, pleading with you that you would stop torturing yourself.
“He hates me.” You mumbled.
Steve’s eyes widened and he frowned, knowing what you meant. He knew he let this go on for too long.
“(Y/n) he doesn’t hate you. He just needed time to himself, so he co—”
“I didn’t mean to hurt his feelings, I don’t even know what I said to hurt him but I—” You rushed out, the heart monitor beeping frantically, “I’m a horrible person, I didn’t mean to— I didn’t mean to!”
You wheezed out, clutching your chest as you couldn’t catch your breath. Your cheeks glistened with a steady stream of tears, your wheezing only growing by the second.
“Okay, okay (Y/n)— I need you to slow your breathing. You’re okay, he doesn’t hate you. Just take deep breaths okay— even if you can’t just try. I’m here.” He tried to coach you, but this wasn’t his thing.
Now he was starting to get mad at his friend, Bucky shouldn’t of let this go on for this long.
You followed his chest rising and falling, staring at him as he tried to calm you down. Your breaths were heavy and painful sounding. Steve was about to say something but stopped himself when he saw your eyes look behind him.
He turned and saw Bucky standing in the doorway— his face paled. Truthfully, he looked like he was going to be sick.
“(Y/n)?” He whispered, his heart breaking at your state.
He had ran into Helen in the kitchen and was informed of your condition— he didn’t believe it and had to see for himself. He was shocked to find you like this.
Your tears only edged on from his appearance and you shook your head in shame.
“I’m sorry Bucky! Whatever I did, I’m sorry!” You sobbed and Bucky ran to the bed, kneeling down and taking your hands into his.
“Doll it’s okay, you’re okay. I’m here— I’m here. I’m not gonna leave you… I’m sorry.” He rushed out, shushing your cries, watching you slow your breathing at his words. “There we go, just keep breathing with me. I’m here, you’re okay.”
He kept repeating himself, making sure you knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
Steve knew you were in good hands and slowly snuck out of the room— knowing you two needed to talk.
Bucky tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear, letting his fingers trail down your cheek to your jaw. You couldn’t help the way your face leaned into his touch, it felt like it had been forever since the last one.
Your breathing had slowed down, and now you just stared up at him— eyes glossy with more tears. You felt so many emotions. You felt relived, but also angry and hurt. Above all— you needed to know what you did to upset him. The guilt still ate away at your heart, and even just the memory of the argument had your chest aching.
“What did I do?” You whispered, making his eyes shoot up to yours, concern painting his face.
“You didn’t do anything.” He told you, and you furrowed your brows.
You were still anxious— he hadn’t answered your question. Even more so— if you didn’t do anything then why did he ignore you?
“Then why?”
“Why what (Y/n)?” He dared to ask, and you scoffed— ripping your hands out of his.
The anger was approaching.
“Why did you shut me out?” You wondered, and he only let his eyes cast down to the bed— making you angrier. “You ignored me for two weeks! Two fucking weeks you just acted as if I didn’t exist! Do you know how much that fucking hurts?”
You were breathing heavy again, but this time it wasn’t from panic— it was the full force of all your anger bursting out.
He lifted his eyes to you, and you saw how broken he looked. How your state had affected him.
“I could never do that to you Buck— I would never do that to you! You’re my everything! I don’t trust anyone as much as I trust you!” You raised your voice, while he stayed silent. “If I didn’t do anything then why would you— why—”
You broke out into a sob, covering your face with your hands. You felt good getting all the built up anger out— but now you felt extremely guilty. The pitiful face of Bucky staring at you, causing your heart to hurt all over again. It didn’t matter what happened, you always ended up hurting others.
“(Y/n) I’m so sorry I— god I fucked up. I didn’t ever mean to hurt you, please know that. You’re my other half, and no one has ever been there for me like you have.” He spoke through a tight throat, swelling with emotion.
You uncovered your face and just stared at him a little longer, still incredibly hurt from his actions— but you knew you couldn’t stay mad at him. You so badly wanted to forgive and forget— and just wrap him in your arms like you both needed.
“It’s hard to explain what’s wrong with me to someone when I don’t even understand what’s wrong with me— I just know I’m fucked up. I’m broken beyond repair.” His voice broke, his own eyes welling with tears.
You didn’t have it in you to keep up an angry facade, and so you reached out and took his hand in yours. His face almost immediately lit up, his breathing slowing at your touch.
“Try me.” You whispered, watching Bucky take a deep breath before he spoke again.
“The night of our fight…” He started, and you swallowed in having to remember that night. “I had never seen you look at me like that.”
You stayed silent, afraid to open your mouth and have a sob escape. You could feel it bubbling up— the memory playing back through your mind.
“You looked at me like you were scared. You looked at me like I was a monster.” He confessed and it all made sense to you now.
It wasn’t about what you said, it was your reaction that disturbed him to no ends. Even if you couldn’t control your reaction in the moment— you still felt guilty for causing him pain of remembering the hydra days.
“Oh Buck…” You whimpered, trying to pull him close— but he pulled away before he could reach your embrace.
“No— you don’t get to be nice to me after what I did. I promised I would never hurt you and I did— you’re in here because of me! I don’t deserve your forgiveness!” He raised his voice, and you weren’t scared of him— just concerned.
“I wasn’t scared of you Bucky, you just caught me off guard. Things were heated— I’m not afraid of you and I most definitely don’t think you’re a monster.” You tried to convince him.
“I really hope you’re not lying because if you were afraid of me… god I don’t know what I’d do. If you never wanted to see me again— that’s fine. Whatever you want, but I can’t live knowing you’re afraid of me.” He whimpered out.
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
He nodded his head, knowing damn well you’d never lie. That was one thing he loved about you— you were so honest. Keeping it real with him, even if he didn’t wanna hear it. He could count on you for the truth.
“I still don’t deserve your forgiveness.” He argued.
“Well too bad, I’m forgiving you anyway.” You finally told him and he felt his chest expand.
Like he could finally breath.
“Why?” He wondered.
You knew it was the line you two had been dancing on forever— but you knew if there was ever a time to say it. It was now.
“Because I love you.” You admitted quietly.
His eyes widened just slightly, and his breath stuttered. He had always had a feeling what you two had was more than friends, he just never spoke up about it. Of course he loves you too— god he loves you so much. That’s why the thought of you being scared of him was enough to pull him away. He couldn’t bear being around you if you were frightened by him. He couldn’t live with himself. More importantly he now discovered, he really couldn’t live without you.
“I love you so much.” He confessed back as your tears leaked down your cheeks.
You pulled his arm, and he let you pull him to the bed— close enough where you could cup both his cheeks.
“Don’t ever do that to me again, please. I need you Bucky— life is not livable without you.” You cried, kissing his forehead to which he leaned into your lips.
“Never again— I promise.”
This time, he wouldn’t break it.
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TAGLIST: @engie115 @kmc1989 @ghostofwinter @silverfire13 @goldylions @potatothots @billy-reads @hanihoney88 @skittle479 @hereticdance @mentalidrainedfangirl @natashassandwich @marvelogic @soul-system @alinasmcu @almosttoopizza @lilbabygirll @sebastiansstanswhore @yujyujj @jasminocano
#bucky barnes#sebastian stan#the winter soldier#marvel cinematic universe#reader insert#buckybarnes#marvel imagines#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes angst#protective bucky barnes#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x female reader#hurt/comfort fic#james buchanan barnes#beefy bucky barnes#theleggymeggy fics#fluffy#heavy angst#I write so much sadness I swear im okay#thank you for requesting!
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congratulations again, sweetheart! 🤍🤍 you deserve all the recognition you receive and then some! i’m so so excited to send this one in!
prompt: “wait a minute, are you jealous?“ with our beautiful boy eddie munson!
you’ve got me
pairing: eddie munson x (f)reader
warnings: minors dni, literally just fluff, jealousy, established relationship, a tiny touch of angst maybe, mentions of the towns cruelty towards eddie.
etc: first off ilysm and let me smooch you, second this boy was made for fluff and softness ok. idc how many smutty things i write for him, he deserves a soft love!!!
The look on his face could kill any enemy, wound any child, make someone walk on the other side of the sidewalk if they saw it—it’s a look you’ve never seen come across his normally soft features. The grumbling that accompanies the look, the “I know they say ignorance is bliss but, seriously? Him?!”
And then it clicks.
“Wait a minute,” you interrupt his continued protests, grab his wrist pulling his attention back over to your table, to you. The deadly scowl gone as he looks at you. Those soft features back. “Are you jealous?” You have to bite back the smile that wants to spread across your face.
“What?” He pulls his wrist from your hold, eyebrows pulling together in a don't-be-ridiculous-glare. “The day I’m jealous of a Hawkins whistleblower will be the same day I get a lobotomy.” He’s making a face as he picks at the food in front of him. There’s a tint of red on his cheeks and you can feel his leg bouncing underneath the table.
He’s totally jealous.
And it was cute, too fucking cute. Because if it was one thing Eddie didn’t have to worry about was someone stealing you away, let alone some jock swaying you to their corner.
You had simply stated that he, the blonde the whole county loved to watch shoot balls into nets, did look better in the new uniforms the school had finally bought. Your eyes had lingered for too long and Eddie had whipped his head around and sent the table a death glare.
The kids sat behind your table cowering at the abrupt mean look and ranting, and raving, that had been almost shouted out across the cafeteria to the aforementioned blonde.
This was the first time you had seen him jealous and you kind of…loved it.
The way his eyes keep flashing up at yours and then back down to his food nervously as he tries his best to put on that mean poker face he uses when he’s playing Dnd—the most unconvincing thing you’ve ever seen, but still the most adorable.
“Eddie,” you say his name so soft, so sweet that you can see the way he melts from it. How his shoulders relax, how his leg stops bouncing. And when you reach over to wrap your arms around his neck, he’s still not smiling, still has that grumpy look on his brows and it makes you smile. “You make jealousy look hot.” You joke, give him your best teasing look.
And that’s what makes him smile. What finally cracks the veil of torture he’s putting himself through mentaly, thinking you’re going to run into the arms of a jock.
You’re leaning closer and placing a kiss to his cheek, “I’m yours, Munson. Men in tights aren’t really my thing.”
Wrong sport, you know. But it makes you laugh when he says, “I could make them work.”
You sigh dreamily, making a show of looking up as if you’re imagining it. “Yeah, just rip some holes in them, muck them up a bit, so sexy.”
Eddie’s laughing against your lips when you press yours to his in a chaste kiss. It had taken him a whole year, and a couple business days, for him to even allow you to hold his hand in public, let alone kiss him. Public displays of affection were something he couldn’t wrap his head around. But constant belittling might do that to you, make you think no one would want to be seen with you.
Which makes this situation—as adorable as it was—bittersweet.
When a whole town tells you you’re a freak and you’re made to feel like one. Undesirable and looked at under a microscope of cruel words because people were ignorant, it was hard to believe when affections were real or just a joke.
But this was real. Your love for Eddie. It always had been and it always would be.
“I love you,” you whisper. Brush hair away from his cheek to place your palm there. “Y’know that right?”
He nods, lips pressed in a tight affectionate smile.
“Gross. Get a room!” Mike is gagging from down the table.
Before you can send the kid a scowl there's a handful of pretzels being thrown at him by Eddie, making the group of you laugh.
#eddie munson#eddie munson fluff#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson imagine#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson blurb#eddie munson fic#eddie munson x f!reader#eddie munson fanfic#eddie munson oneshot#blurb week
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“You don’t seem too nervous…” The villain circled them lazily, looking the hero up and down as they took their time to walk around them.
Tied to the chair and a little too drowsy from being drugged, they found it quite irritating to stare back at the villain. Besides, the lights were too bright and the room was a little too dirty.
“What are you gonna do? Torture me?” they asked, slurred even.
“Mmm…a little old-fashioned, no?” They came to a stop behind the hero, leaned down and grabbed their jaw, fingers digging into skin like claws. “You know I like it better when you stay pretty.”
The hero’s heart started to burn and they really couldn’t tell for how much longer they could take this. They had been flirting for months now and the hero was seriously falling for their enemy.
The touches, the words…sometimes the hero was quite sure they were going insane. And falling for one’s enemy was exactly that — insane. Not even would the hero suffer but the villain would too. No matter how many solutions the hero tried to come up with, it never was the future they craved.
Maybe it was the one they deserved. Being unhappy and burying their feelings…
“Hm…aren’t you a sweet thing?” The villain’s lips nearly touched the other’s neck lovingly. But it wasn’t enough for the hero. They wanted more.
“Aren’t you gonna ask me some important stuff? You’re fooling around.”
“Hm.” The hero felt the breath on their neck and for a second, they decided to close their eyes and actually enjoy the close proximity between them. “Fine. I need some information regarding…a few projects.”
“You know I’m doing shifts outside, right? You know I’m actually not chained to the desk all day, right? You know that I’m the last one to get information on those projects, right?” The hero turned their head until they could see their enemy.
“And yet you’re my favourite.”
“Touché,” the hero answered. They had to smile. The villain walked around them once again until they were — thank god — standing in front of the hero. They looked good. Way too good.
The determination on their face was easy to find attractive.
“I…I really like you,” the hero said. They had to smile like an idiot, they couldn’t help it. However, the villain’s face suddenly changed from playful to bitterly serious.
“Don’t say stuff like that,” they said.
“What?”
“Don’t say stuff like that,” they repeated. Their eyes were glued to the ground. “We’re work-buddies, nothing more.”
“Work-buddies?” The hero wasn’t sure if they should be offended or sad. And yet, they could see a blush on the villain’s cheeks.
“Or enemies, if you prefer that.”
“We almost made out a week ago,” the hero reminded them. “We’re not work-buddies. You flirt with me constantly.”
Was this all a game to the villain? Did they play with feelings that easily?
“Flirting and being in love isn’t the same thing,” the villain tried to argue but the hero was already shaking their head.
“I didn’t say I love you.”
“You wanted to say it, though” the villain said. “Because you do love me, don’t you?”
“I’m not allowed to date my colleagues. You know, since we’re work-buddies.”
In this moment, even the villain realised that they would not get any information out of the hero today, even if they tortured them till the end.
"Please Don't Say You Love Me" by Gabrielle Aplin, requested by @writing-on-the-wahl
And thank you to @thepenultimateword for this cool idea!
#writing snippet#heroxvillain prompt#heroxvillain snippet#heroes and villains#hero#villain#hero x villain#heroxvillain#an answer for an ask#request
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ahh congratulations on the milestone!!! you truly deserve it 💗 this is such a cool idea, i’m so excited to see what you write 💗
can i request smut 3, 22 and 27 pls? :) i really hope i did that right lol
hii babes! thank you so much! and yes you did it perfectly!
3, 22, and 27 = please kiss me, show me how much you need me, and do you think you deserve this?
bully!eren x nerd!reader
cw: dom!reader, pussy eating, sex in a classroom, squirting, whiny eren, and eren has a weird way of showing his feelings, reader wears glasses
leaning against the cold locker you picked at your nails, bored as ever.
as your glasses slid and halt at the end of your nose, you shake them back up just to see a face not inches away from yours
"shit!" you gasp, sliding up on the locker you were leaning on as he corners you in
"what the fuck are you doing?" he snarls, your features twist as you try and remember a time you pissed off eren intentionally
"what do you mean?" you relax, feeling angrier than frightened until he slams a hand onto the locker next to you, successfully closing you in
"last weeks quiz" he answers simply. you feel your shoulders tense as you recall him cheating off you, it's nothing new, except...well...you failed.
"you don't flunk quizzes, y/n." his jaw clenches down, eyes burning wholes straight through your frames
"well thank you" you chuckle, hiding how you desperately want to get out of this situation with humor
"don't try and be a smart ass now."
"what was so fucking fascinating you failed us both?" he asked, you were hoping he'd think you put the wrong answers on purpose and just erased them at the end. because that would've been a lot better from the truth.
"i-" you tuck your bottom lip in, fuck, you're probably so red right now
"holy shit" he remarks, you feel yourself sinking into the metal behind you as he barks laughter into your face
"who was getting you so hot and bothered?" he asks, you turn away from him as you refuse to play into his torture
"oh, don't say it was-"
"armin."
eren was obviously taken aback by your statement, thinking it was him you'd be so distracted by. he felt the warmth pool to his cheeks before he could even digest what you just said
"oh." he slips out, disappointment thick on his tongue as your head shoots up from the lack of teasing
"what's so good about armin?" his question shocks you but you scoff before crossing your arms and looking up at him
"okay, well, first of all, he's not a dick...he's extremely smart, handsome, and-" suddenly you're being pushed to the room next to you, stumbling into the vacant art class
"what the hell" another pull and you're against the wall with his lips on yours, once you process what's happening you push him off you immediately
"eren! what the fuck!" you snap, wiping your lips off as heat pools your cheeks
"fuck- I'm sorry I-" he stutters over his words, placing a hand over his eyes to delete himself from this conversation
"what's...wrong with you?" you say a little more genuinely, eren...just kissed you? and now is, what...embarrassed about it?
"y/n, please I'm just- youstartedgoingoffaboutarminandimsorry" he says in one breath as you stand there, shocked.
soon you spit out a laugh, not taking him seriously until you watch him stare at the floor with shame
"oh, you're- you're serious?" you say through tears while walking towards him.
"so you being an absolute dick to be for the past, what, four months was just an act?" you yell,
"I'm sorry"
"do you know how much you embarrassed me? made me look like an idiot?"
"do you think you deserve this? me?" you coo, going up to him as you even notice tears forming in his eyes
"aw, now you're gonna fucking cry" you taunt at him and he looks up at you finally. your eyes moving to his red ones, glossy and plump from the kiss you shared not moments before
"no, I wouldn't deserve you" he chokes out, you feel warmth pool in your panties. uncomfortably shifting as you decide to take a turn with this altercation
"show me..." you whisper, he stares at you, confused as you speak up again with more force
"show me how much you need me" his eyes blow as you move to kiss him, hands cupping his tan cheeks as your glasses squish into his face, your lips lap together frantically as you move to undo the belt he has on
with that, he follows and strips you of your jeans and spins you around, laying on the desk
moving to your soaked panties he rips them off hurriedly and moves to lick up your pussy, you've always heard the tall tales of the monster cock and unworldly fucking but never gave it the time of day, now you're living it.
your back arches against the glossed desk as you feel yourself unwinding already.
"fuck, eren" you moan out, moving to grip your own tit through your shirt as he continues to suck your clit until your cream spills on his face
he laps at the essence until satisfied and moves up to your face where his pupils were spinning and his chin was shining
"please kiss me" he slurs, deep voice rasping against your face as he waits for your move
you move up and kiss him, teeth knocking together as you move your lips rapidly
you feel his head nudging your entrance as you buck your hips toward it, he slides it in bit by bit as you try to relax as you take in his (now proven) monster cock
"holy fuck" you whisper, he kisses your temple as he thrust the rest of himself in, you moan into his tee shirt as he snaps his hips into yours, reaching down and rubbing your clit as he moves toward your ear
"I'm gonna make you fucking squirt on my cock" he says as if it's already set in stone, and honestly, with how he's treating you right now, you're gonna say it is.
"you terrify me ya'know" a hard thrust. "talkin' about armin like that" another. "like you fucking like him" again. "I'll treat you so well, you deserve it, especially after everything I did"
"I'm so sorry" he says but it goes through one ear and out the other
"eren," you move to try and catch his eyes with the pace you're being fucked at
"this is the perfect apology" you moan, he moves to kiss your cheek as you daze out, he rubs your clit again, pressing on it from time to time to tease you slightly
"fuck fuck eren-" you whine, feeling your orgasm approaching rapidly
"me too baby, fuck you keep sucking me the fuck in" he groans, speeding up his pace as he haphazardly rubs your clit
"fuck! fuck!" you can no longer control your moans, the bell rings out and you're forever grateful as you both scream freely when you cum
(as promised) you squirt everywhere, and you're laid limp on the desk as you feel a kiss on your head and the muffled chatter of students in the hall
he moves to kiss you again, finding your lips so addictive as he gets more before saying,
"c'mon, we gotta get to class"
an: ahhh! I hope you liked this! also, thank you so so so much for requesting! I was so stoked to see your request and I'm already having a lot of fun writing these <33
#eren jeager#eren yager#eren#eren yeager#eren yeager oneshot#eren yeager fanfiction#eren yeager imagines#eren yeager fic#eren yeager x reader#eren yeager smut#eren yeager icons#eren yeager headcanons#eren jaeger smut#eren jaeger fanfiction#eren jaeger x reader#eren jaeger imagines#eren jeager x reader#eren jeager imagine#eren jeager attack on titan#eren jeager smut#eren jeager imagines#eren jeager headcanons#eren jaeger#aot x y/n#aot x reader#aot smut#eren smut#eren smut headcanon#eren x reader smut
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Am I the only one who cringed when Emily said that innocent Sinner line? Not only is that like cringe worthy but it doesn't even make any sense.
Seriously what innocent Sinners? I get it was more they don't deserve to be genocided but the way she's speaking is sounded like these people weren't awful when they were alive.
Literally none of the Sinners we've seen are 'innocent'. Angel Dust was a gangster and sexually harassed Husk and is shown to be a violent murderer. Alastor is a serial killing slave owning cannibal and who legit tortures people for fun. Niffty is a sadistic knife wielding maniac and a stalker. Husk was a former Overlord whose probably done his fair share of violence. Sir Pentious and Cherri engage in gang violence for property and are terrorists. The Vs are self explanatory.
Seriously what innocent Sinners? Also this redemption stuff feels shallow because legit none of Sinners even repent for anything. Nobody regrets anything. Angel only joined the hotel because he hates being raped.
The show doesn't even address the uncomfortable implications of redeeming Sinners because if Angel goes to heaven at some point, there is a huge possibility a lot of his victims are up there and if this were not written by Viv, this could be an interesting conflict but knowing Viv she's gonna hand wave the problem. None of the Sinners even feel remorse for their actions and Sir Pentious getting randomly redeemed proves that repentance isn't even necessary because as far we are aware, he didn't regret anything he did while he was alive and he still got sent to the golden gates.
#hazbin critical#helluva boss critical#helluva criticism#hazbin critic#spindlehorse criticism#vivziepop critic#anti vivziepop#rant#vivziepop critical
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Willoughby: Please, Ms. Dashwood, just let me explain! Maybe then you'll hate me a little less. You see, when I first met your sister, she fed my vanity, and so I kept paying attention to her for my sake and didn't care about her own feelings at all.
Me:... In what universe is this little speech meant to help you?
Willoughby:... and I never had a lot of money, but that didn't stop me from behaving like I did and surrounding myself with rich friends I could take advantage of. I knew I had to marry someone with money to support the lifestyle I wanted, and I also knew that your sister was far too poor to provide that kind of money for me.
Me: Seriously, why are you still talking?
Willoughby:... Then I realized I actually cared about your sister! And I was going to tell her, but then my one rich relative, who I'm supposed to inherit from, found out I seduced, impregnated, and abandoned a young woman. She threatened to take me out of her will unless I married the woman, but I couldn't possibly do that! And since that meant I would be denied my inheritance, I would have to marry someone rich because I like expensive things. So, I broke up with your sister and prayed I would never have to see her again.
Me: I would love nothing more than to jump into this book and strangle you.
Willoughby:... I remember the day I left your sister. I saw her heart break, and I hated myself for it! I was tortured!
Me: You deserve to be tortured.
Willoughby:... When I found out you were both in town and that she still cared about me, I realized I still cared about her, but by then, I was engaged. So, I decided to avoid you, but I also followed you around the city quite a bit, and I'm so lucky neither of you ever noticed me watching!
Me:.... I have no response to this....
Willoughby:... How miserable I was during that time! In love with your sister but engaged to another! And when we met at the party, your sister, so beautiful, wanting an explanation and my fiance jealous. What agony I was in!
Me: You did this to yourself!
Willoughby:... Your sister wrote me a letter. Remember? Well, my fiance saw it and was suspicious, so she told me what to write as a reply. I hated to do that to your sister but I was already engaged and I needed her money! Don't feel bad for her, though. She knew I didn't love her when we married. So, Ms. Dashwood, have I made you hate me a little less? Do you see that I actually did love your sister and suffer for all the pain I caused her?
Elinor: Yes, you've redeemed yourself a tiny bit.
Me: Elinor, you are a better woman than I.
Willoughby: Well, it's time for me to go and continue my miserable life. I will never be happy in my marriage, but it's nice to know you wish me well. Marianne is completely lost to me, isn't she? Even if I were to ever become free of my marriage-
Me: Are you serious right now?!
Willoughby: Alright then, I will return to my own life and continue in dreadful suspension, waiting for the day that Marianne marries another. Goodbye.
Me: Again, you did this to yourself.
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Jungkook
𝐒𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐬 𝐓𝐨 𝐋♡𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬 [Part 1 Teaser]
"Are you seriously having a boner right now?"
Tags/Warnings: Fuckboy!Jungkook, Fuckgirl!Reader, Angst, Misunderstandings, Friends/Enemies to lovers, Very suggestive, adult, hurt and comfort, smut, did I mention angst? It's worth it in the end tho promise, Jungkook is such a MENACE in this
Length: ~700 Words
𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐢𝐜.♡
-> Masterlist
◇━━━━━━━━━━X♡X♡━━━━━━━━━━━◇
That longing for you isn't just sexual for him. Absolutely not. But he can't really be mad at his dick for being very happy to witness the sight of you in your simple black leggings, shaping your legs into what he can only describe as the intro to a lot of his dirty fantasies.
All of them involving him either taking them off to various degrees- or simply ripping them open if he's feeling particularly eager.
"Are you seriously having a boner right now?" You whine, sitting down next to him on his couch, and he just laughs, no shame felt by him whatsoever. He's always like this, and he loves that he can be like this with you- though it's also pretty frustrating, considering that nothing he does, no route he chooses, no plan he comes up with seems to lead him anywhere with you.
"It is in a semi right now, actually." He bluntly replies after calming down, leaning against the side of his couch, watching you with a smirk you can't help but be affected by. "Wanna check?" He wiggles his brows suggestively at you, and you shake your head.
"Absolutely not, keep that thing in your pants, sir." You huff, taking the remote from the table to zap through the various channels, trying to ignore his eyes on you. Maybe hanging out with him was a bad idea, especially since you should technically be packing your things for the upcoming move. But he's asked so nicely, and you're way too weak compared to him, mentally and physically- so honestly, you deserve this torture now.
It's always like this. And if you weren't such a liar, you could have it a lot easier with him.
Or you wouldn't have anything of him at all.
"Sir, huh?" He hums, as if to test that word out on his tongue, the wet muscle moving over his fresh piercing next to his older one on his lip, eyes looking at nothing. "Nah, doesn't have a good ring to it for me." He shrugs, adjusting his legs- as if to proudly flaunt his still very much half-hard dick underneath his grey sweats in your face. "Never really been into that whole Daddy-Sir-Title calling honestly." He confesses easily, arms crossing as he watches what you've chosen for now on the TV. "Call me daddy." He suddenly asks you, and you look at him with wide eyes.
"What? No!" You deny, and he rolls his eyes.
"Sucks dick daily but can't call her best friend Daddy, you're really something." He jokes, and it makes you a bit nervous- because he's right. That doesn't fit your story at all. And you'll need to keep it up for at least another week, before you can leave and he'll forget all about it in half a year. "Come on~!" He whines, playfully kicking your thigh.
Your body is so soft, every touch giving him a teaser of what he could do. More things to think about. More food for his inner thoughts. How his fingers would press into your flesh, how your ass would look riding him, how your tits would barely fit into his palm.
"Why would I say that?" You ask him, and he shrugs, smiling again.
"I wanna know if it.. feels any different if you say it to me." He shrugs almost innocently. "Because, you know, feelings and all." He tells you, and everything freezes for a second.
You need to escape. You don't like where this is going at all.
"Your feelings are in your dick, Daddy." You snap at him in a way you hope displays confidence, but the look on his face makes you stop in your tracks for a moment, as he seems to process what you just said. And after a moment, his eyes seem to warm up way before the corners of his lips can follow up to display a smile, before his head falls back, looking after you as you walk into his kitchenette.
"It really does feel different.." He mumbles to himself as he watches you search through his freezer, probably for icecream. But it doesn't feel different in a sexual way-
it more so makes him curious as to what you're hiding from him, your avoidance of things like this by now terribly obvious.
#bts imagine#bts fanfic#bts fic#jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook x reader#jeon jungkook imagine#jungkook imagines#bts jungkook imagine#jungkook x reader#jungkook x you#jungkook x y/n#bts jeon jungkook imagine#jeon jungkook imagines
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is it just me or the way Wyll blushes and hides the pic of Mizora in that xbox ad doesn't sit well with you as well?
so Mizora traps him in a contract, owns him via contract, can boss him around, yank his invisible leash, and, if he disobeyed or if she dies, he either dies as well or immediately goes to hell for an eternity. I'm a way, he's her slave. as far as he knows, he can get out out of the contract by sacrificing himself (or he can sacrifice himself to save his dad).
sure, you can go behind Mizora's back and save Ravengard, buy we'll go with Wyll Doesn't Know That for the sake of my point.
and canonically Wyll dislikes Mizora and her company. he wants to get rid of her. he hates that she turns him into a devil. he hates how he looks. he hates everything about that.
and what Larian say in that xbox ad? oh, Wyll actually blushes and keeps the implied sexy pic of Mizora and it's implied that he has a crush on her/would have sex with her.
AND Karlach, who was also a slave with no means to get out, who was sold to slavery by a person she trusted and protected, elbows Wyll and goes, "what, you don't want it?" Karlach who KNOWS how it feels and who wants to kill Gortash for what he did to her, and Mizora is Wyll's Gortash in a way.
so first we have Halsin being a sex slave for three entire years and he feared for his life every single day. yet, that info is hidden very deeply and is easily misseable, and its written in the manner of him victim blaming himself with "i was a young druid" and he chuckles as he says that and it's presented in a way way as if he had fun? as if he was there willingly? as if it's all a big joke and not a big deal?
like, i know it's a big topic, but why is only Astarion's trauma taken seriously? why is Astarion's story written and loudly told in a way that we know that Cazador tortured him in every way, including rape, and not once it's treated like a joke? but when it comes to other's slavery, abuse, and trauma, it's suddenly treated like a joke?
Halsin's story is generally badly written/portrayed & he deserves way better, and maybe I'm reaching with this because neither Shadowheart's or Gale's stories show their captors as something good (still not as detailed as Astarion's though), but somehow that slips/gets dismissed when it comes to others.
I think Larian should stop with memes and hehe haha teeheee and be serious when it comes to others' trauma, not just Astarion's.
#wyll#halsin#mizora#astarion#bg3#karlach#baldur's gate 3#natisplaying#i should edit that feedback i wrote on halsin#and send them#well forgive me for caring about halsin so much#and for his trauma being written like it's a joke to brush past#meta#bg3 meta#i guess#merry crisis!#larian studios
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Fuck it, Possessed qPhil headcanons
It starts out slow. Little quirks that pop up or intensify and sail over his head. They're harmless, or seem justified after all. Like his impulses to steal shiny or neat things activating more often. His aggression towards threats like the Purgatory workers or Feds growing to proportions usually unlike him. It flies under his radar, and under the radar of everyone closest to him. Ender King is methodical and careful with the start of it all, and it works. His influence begins to fester inside Phil more and more over time.
The process of the possession is the worst part. It stings like dragon's breath. Every nerve in his body is on fire, his wings in ten times the agony as they're already so sore. His eyes flash between their usual ocean blue and a fierce, foreign, violent purple. Blink and you'll miss it, but his pupils occasionally thin into draconic slits. The hallucinations get worse, so much worse, and so much more vivid. He loses track of time so easily, hours worth of it. The progression is convincingly sentient, it strikes when he's alone like it KNOWS he's vulnerable and there's no one around to witness the way it tortures him, temporarily immobilizing him as every inch of his body burns and aches like it's soaking in acid. His own tears start to vaguely sting and splashing his face with cold water in an attempt to ground himself is a MISTAKE. Oh god, he's in so, so much pain... And that's what makes him succumb in the end. He can't take the burning of his wings anymore.
He feels.. so.. hollow. So empty inside. Like this deep, inconceivable void has opened up inside him and is devouring every inch of his being until nothing is left. And... it feels so right. It feels so deserved...
No, this is definitely deserved. All that guilt he felt before is gone. That must mean this is him finally being punished for all his failures, right? For being so weak?
He doesn't want help, he's perfectly fine. Why are you looking at him like that? Please, as if you could do anything about this anyway. Don't make him roll his eyes. You couldn't fix this even if he let you. You think you stand a chance against him, The Angel of Death? You'd never win.
His temper is so unstable. He snaps at people he'd never snap at. He yells, he never yells unless it's in jest or at the Feds. He lashes out. He'd NEVER seriously lay a hand on any of the others. He'd never so much as genuinely threaten them. What's come over him? And why won't he answer the others when they ask?
He isolates. He deserves to be alone. Also he can't be bothered with those two needy children, can't a man breathe for a bit? This infection inside him festers more and more, the longer he's away from the things that could tug at his heartstrings or prod at his memory.
So many things have become a blur. Did he say that? Did he do that? When did that happen? What's this "abueli" sign mean? Who's this "Missa" you speak of? What do you mean we're friends? I've never met you in my life. I think I'd remember being friends with a man with a mechanical arm.
The sunlight hurts. It hurts SO much. Keep it off him, keep it away from him, don't bring him outside.
His insides feel like they're withering. He can't eat it comes right back up. Even bending down or moving certain ways hurts. It's like he's shriveling up and decaying from the inside out. No he doesn't need help.
The longer you watch him, the more obvious it becomes that he's fighting a parasite inside. And it's agonizing to watch. There's nothing you can do, you don't even know what's wrong with him, and he won't tell you. But he can't hide the way he's losing control of himself. It feels like you're watching him die right in front of you. The immortal you've always thought of as both an unstoppable force and unmovable object. Dying.
The moments of clarity are the worst. The way awareness hits him like a brick. He's abandoned Chayanne and Tallulah for who knows how long. Has someone taken them under their care in his absence? His friends have seen him in such a pathetic, terrifying, unsavable state. He's mortified. Has he hurt anyone? What destruction has he wrought? Where has he been? How long has it been since he was last in control of himself?
He can't bear looking people in they eyes anymore. Even looking them in the face is a challenge. It borderline disgusts him. It makes him viscerally uncomfortable.
He's terrified to see his reflection. He knows the changes aren't all in his head. They aren't just behavioral.
Something startles him. Suddenly he's on the roof of the nearest building, or in a tree. But... he didn't shoot his grappling squawk. He didn't even have the tool in his hand. Did he just.. teleport?
He doesn't startle again. He is no longer flight, he was never freeze. He is always fight. Even when it's unnecessary, even when it's an ally that surprised him, he swings. He almost immediately comes to his senses every time & quickly moves so he misses. But there's no mistaking that those swings are intended to be precise and lethal.
His vision starts to change, like the way the world looks when you possess an enderman in spectator mode. It's a gamble if his vision is normal or not every time he wakes up.
Eventually he stops sleeping though. And stops talking to Rose. Stops showing up at the Sanctuary. Chayanne & Tallulah keep going though. They've been talking to her, desperate to find a way to bring their Papa back into control for good.
He stops eating too. Ender King He doesn't need to. He's slowly becoming a skeleton of himself. How.. ironic, given the Ender King's state last Phil saw it in person.
It's convenient that depriving Phil of sustenance and sleep makes him weak enough to keep controlling with ease. :) It keeps him too weak to resist. :)
Phil always has a shred of awareness of his situation and surroundings even when Ender King has full control. He knows the harm being carried out by his hands. He knows the vile things being said with his tongue. The guilt is so unbearable. He wants it to stop. But he's so weak. And this is his punishment for being weak. He doesn't deserve to break free of this possession until he can do it himself. But the longer he stays under, the weaker he gets...
The longer he's subdued, the more convinced he becomes that this is deserved, escape is futile, all is lost and it's hopeless. But is that him thinking that, or one of the many ways EK is keeping him complacent? Preying upon his insecurities and flaws. Stupid greedy insecure old crow.
Other Phil headcanon sets:
Set 1
Set 2
Set 3
Set 4
Set 5
Set 6
Set 7 (Eggza Edition)
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absence makes the heart grow fonder ● choi beomgyu
MDNI! warnings: dom!beomgyu, sub!reader, plot around divorce, slight angst, dollification, praises, pet names, unprotected sex, breeding, possesiveness, hardcore sex, body worship, lots of dirty talk, slight dacryphilia, kind of a make up sex
beomgyu didn't know how he got here. all he knew was how his feelings had changed. maybe it was because he grew as a different person, maybe it was because you were no longer the the bright sunshine in his life you once were. constant arguments, calling each other names, sleeping separately more than together. all marriages were doomed. they were all destined to be end up with divorce.
what was the last time he saw you. he didn't remember. maybe the day you both decided to divorce and the day you packed up all your belongings and left him for good. where did you stay all this time? he never bothered the ask. maybe this was why you were always mad. you wanted him to show a sign of care but then again he cared so much before his feelings faded.
seeing you in the court room, he felt his heart pulsing more intensely. he didn't want to admit but he missed you. you sitting in front of the judge with your lawyer, him not bothering getting one since he wanted to give your whatever you ask for the last time. he just wanted to get over with it, agreeing to whatever you were going to say, no defending himself. he sat alone on the desk that was given to him.
he never let his focus leaving you for the entire court. it was clear that judge was going to rule in favor of you, just as he planned.
yet something made his whole world to stop. all those insense feelings he had, him desiring you, his lust and love all came back to him with a simple act you made.
in the whole seriousness of the court you untied your hair to redo it. you put your hair tie between your teeth while your hands movements were trying to gather all of your hair. his heart stopped. he remembered the very first time he fell for you. what a memory to cherish. the disoriented girl trying to tie her hair. he immediately falling in love and asking you out. you looked like how you were just then.
"i don't wanna get divorced. i still love her." he said without a second thought, judge taken a back with surprise of the situation, so were you. "i still love you. let's just leave here without waiting to finish. just one more chance, don't i deserve it after all these years?" he continued and his words did convince you. maybe a little too easily but you wanted to go back how you were so desperately.
he walked towards you offering you his hand. you gladly took it and stood up to walk away with him. were you crazy or stupid for this? probably. yet it didn't matter. his absence making you lose your mind every second, how were you supposed to manage throughout your whole life?
when you arrived to the home you had missed, he immediately pushed you against to wall. "don't worry, we will talk." he said before he started his devouring the poor you with his lips. his drastic kiss showing how much he missed you. his pretty wife, his darling, his reason to live. how did he forget all of this? how did he let it happen? even weeks without you and your body were torture so he decided to make it up for the lost time by using you however he likes. he was a selfish lover and you were the giver yet your selfish lover managed to make you cum almost every time. you completed each other in everything.
his lips finally left yours to let you take a breathe. he started to undress you and then himself. his cock hardening with the view of your naked body as if he was a teenage boy seeing a woman naked for the first time.
a kiss on your neck "i've missed you here." on your chest "i've missed you here." on your tummy "also here" on your thighs "and here" before him pushing you to closest surface. you laying on the floor when he sits on your knees. his hands holding yours and pressing them to restrict your movements. "just stay still and look pretty, yeah?" you nodded. "that's my good fucking girl." he said while positioning your hands above your head.
as you felt his weight disappearing, him spreading your legs followed next. "no more foreplay, i can't wait." he said before pushing his cock into you. you bounding with his every harsh move. "you take it like a good girl but having a hard time to staying still, i see." you tried to defend yourself before he interrupted. "shhhh. be a doll, don't speak. and don't worry i won't get mad. i think my pretty wife deserves prizes, not punishments after all this." he said while not stopping his brutual pace.
your walls swallowing all his lenghts, leaving you like a mess. "so thight, wet and warm for me. it is just like you are made for me. ughmmmphh! just like that pretty little thing." his praises taking you to haeven, felling so full with him, sweet moans escaping from your mouth...
"shit! you are being such a good girl for me~ how stupid i am for almost letting you go" your eyes started to tear up, you didn't know if it was from pleasure or from the idea of tearing you apart. his absence made your heart grow fonder to him. and with all the pleasure spell you are under, you couldn't even imagine him not being in your life.
"you cry the prettiest, all for me, right? that's my sweetheart, all mine." his thrust fastened. "all mine." he was being so ruthless yet you liked it. "all mine and only mine." his possesive language made you even more wet for him which made his thrusting easier for him. "mine."
"i am close. will you let me come inside?" you nodded pathetically. "that's it. my wife also wants to be my breeding slut." he said before starting to use his hand to rub your clit so that he could feel you cumming around his cock before he emptied himself.
a tie formed on your stomach and you felt your orgasm hitting and making you shake. that made it for him just as you finished he emptied all his seed into you.
as he fell right beside you you tried your best to calm your breathing. you wanted to speak now. didn't want to wait.
"beomgyu, we still need to talk, you know?" he turned his face to yours. "yeah, i know. i wanna talk, too." he smiled. "it may sound cliché but we can go to a couple's therapist. we fought a lot but we love each other. always have and always will." he added. you agreed.
trying to get up and speak at the same time you murmured your words but it was clear enough for him to understand. "i remember suggesting this, once and you saying ours has no hope, impossible to fix." his smile faded. "i do, too. and i am so sorry for saying that. i was actually stupid for believing in that." he said before also getting up and hugging you. "should we order something?" he asked with the intention of aftercare. "yes, i am starving." you replied.
you believed everything will be alright, so did he.
#txt smut#txt hard hours#txt hard thoughts#beomgyu smut#beomgyu hard thoughts#beomgyu hard hours#beomgyu angst#txt angst#txt imagines#beomgyu imagines
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Silas asks #3
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Concept: I've put multiple asks into one post to avoid too much loose posts on my account! This way, you have more to read too<3
Warnings: a little nswf indication, death, indication of suicide, torture,
— ☁️ SILAS AND HEDWIG...! i also thought of them 😌 yanderes that are ruthless to everyone but has a soft side for their darling >>> silas reminds me of a huge teddy bear tbh 😓 he's probably so touchy if only you allow him to. grrr... the thought of sitting on his lap and snuzzling on his chest 😡
Omg yes he does :(( He's so addicted to you, never keeping his hands to himself. He doesn't care if it's only holding your hand or making you his, he loves to be close. Sitting on his lap and cuddling into his chest would be the death of him. Oh, he'd love it so much :((
— Y'know the urge to draw silas is cat ears is something brewing maybe even adding hedwig and jerry (small chance for dr.kry but its still there) to the list who knows not sure to go with my demons or nah
NO. SHOO. LEAVE. NO KITTY EARS ON SILAS
— How would Silas feel about a motherly type of darling? When he comes home from missions injured she absolutely insists on attending his wounds. And when he's sick, she takes care of him, nursing him back to health. She can't just stand by and watch someone else suffer after all!
He'd love it so much! He'd fall for you so badly. If you had any chance to escape before, now there's none. He'll watch over you like a hawk. He knows he doesn't deserve a kind soul like you, but he's so selfish that he'll keep you for himself.
"Thank you so much, baby, but, ouch, you shouldn't ... shouldn't do this. You shouldn't patch me up. I know you want to take care of me, but that's my job! I should take care of you, baby. Not the other way around. But ... thank you so much ... I love you."
— I just read your peice about attempting to escape Silas, and AHHHH Silas REALLY pisses me off!!!.......... And that's how you know you have a very well written villain!!! I thoroughly enjoyed reading that, and can't wait to read more in the future! Keep up the good work (◠‿・)—☆~🥀
haha thank you so much!! there will be more of Silas stupid behaviour in the future, don't you worry!
— What would happen if reader died or became seriously ill after Silas puts them in the basement for a while?
He'll be so sad and regret everything he's ever done. If you survive, he'll be much, much more careful. He'll never do that again. He nearly lost you! Silas can't imagine a life without you.
But if you died ... he'd break apart.
— Gosh seeing how Silas reacted to darling being sick. But like when it comes to me. I can alread imagine how he would be. Cause my immune system sicks I get sick easily...Then there's the fact that I'm clumsy af, I always have random bruises or cuts and don't notice them until I'm in the bath.
Silas would be in constant stress, my friend. You'd give him a heart attack.
— When Silas says he's gonna torture us as punishment at the end of "You Can't Hide From Me" What kind of torture? Like physical, psychological, etc?
I wanted to leave that up to the readers interpretation, but I thought maybe some kind of psychological. When he says that he'll make them know only him, he'll break them down until they don't remember anything but him. He'll destroy them.
— Oh, I’m going to torture you. Badly. What did Silas do to us?
...next question.
— What is Silas’ body count?
Let's say around ten. He's been out and about, tried different things here and there, but nowadays, he only wants you. And he makes sure you know that with how far beyond he'll take you :]
— How many people has Silas killed?
Maybe around thirty? He does half the dirty work himself and half he sends out his men to do.
#yandere#yandere x reader#yandere drabbles#yandere x you#yandere imagines#yandere mafia#yandere oc x you#yandere oc x reader#yandere mafia oc#silas oc#yandere headcanon
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DUMBLEDORE RANTS
I've thought that witnessing Marauders fans blame all the deaths on Dumbledore is annoying enough, until I saw DRACO fans blame Dumbledore for all the wrong choices and stupid decisions that DRACO made HIMSELF????!!!
That person said it was Albus's fault for ignoring Draco's issues, for turning a blind eye on whatever happened to Draco in HBP and only lend a helping hand at the end of HBP.
And I was like???? 😦😦😦🤡🤡🤡??? Seriously???? Can you use your brain? At that time of the story, Dumbledore was a leader of an army and he had a mf WAR to deal with, he had plans to complete and had many other people (children, women, men) to protect. He needed to find out what was happening between Harry and Voldemort and turned that information into something useful that could make his side win the war.
He was old as fuck and still had to worry about several things, he sacrificed himself to make a way for the other, for a ray of hope. He was weak, sick and injured after destroying a Horcrux and coming through all the things in that full-of-inferiors cave. Yet he still made an unsual effort to control the situation and did his best to save as many people as he could. And you still think that he had any free time to worry about some brats putting himself in a fucked up position?
I don't say that everything happened to Draco was all Draco's fault. I know he's just a spoiled child who became cocky, rude, selfish and rac*st because of the environment he grew up in and a secret desire to satisfy his parents's expectations. I know he isn't evil at all and didn't deserve all the bad things happened to him. BUT Draco wasn't the only one who was in danger. Every other students, other children were also facing the same war. Did you see what happened to Dean, Seamus, Nevellie and their families? Did you see what happened to other creatures like the elves and goblins? Did you see what happened to Order and Ministry members when Voldemort chased after them and tortured then killed them brutally? Dumbledore was losing HIS PEOPLE one by one, the war became very dangerous for his side and he couldn't hesitate anymore, he must do something, anything to make it better.
And despite all of those terrible things, Dumbledore still cared for you all precious Draco 😀. He had a plan for saving that boys soul, soothe him with warming advices while Draco's wand was still pointing at his neck. All the things he told Draco at the moment before his death are to make Draco not feel guilty about his actions. What else do you want Dumbledore do to help Draco? How else could Dumbledore help him if Draco rejected even his favourite teacher, the one he used to respect - Snape? Things happened to Draco wasn't only because of his fault, but it also was NOT DUMBLEDORE'S.
You think they would win the war without Dumbledore? You think your favourite character died because of him? Shut up you idiot 😊😊
I'm not even a Dumbledore defender, I know that old man also made mistakes in his life but I swear those ppls and their Dumbledore slander start being annoying as fuck. NOT EVERYTHING is his fault ok???? Urrggggg I'm going to get mad because of those ppls, they start losing their sanity for real 💀💀💀, they should be banned from social media for the peace of the world 🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗
#albus dumbledore#professor dumbledore#pro dumbledore#he didn't deserve all of those hatings#you think they would win the war without Dumbledore?#then you're idiots#this is just about some of Draco fans#i didn't even mention how ridiculous of the Marauders fans#rant post#hp fandom#harry potter fandom#harry potter#draco malfoy
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I'm a little sensitive because I got into another car accident (I am okay. It wasn't bad, but considering I almost died in a much worse wreck, it did bring up some very unhappy feelings in me), but I absolutely hate the way this fandom talks about the car crash scene between Steve and Billy. They're completely insensitive and cruel about it, and I was much more sensitive about it then than I am now because that episode aired like a year after my own wreck.
But stick with me.
The scene itself was set up to make the "heroes" look cool and badass, but it doesn't actually feel heroic. At all. There's this season long failure to recognize and respect that there's a person trapped inside the possessed body the heroes are fighting, and as such they don't care what happens to that body. They would not have acted the way they did with Billy if it had been one of their friends that got flayed. So, that in itself makes everything feel less heroic. It actually makes me feel worse about these characters that I am "supposed" to love.
...but add onto that, people portray Steve slamming into Billy's car with a car that has no value to him as this "triumph over evil" scene. Worse, there are Anti posts with hundreds of notes either praising him or saying he should have finished the job. That doesn't vibe with the set up of the scene, and it treats Billy as the villain because it was his body in that car. The fandom also strives to portray Steve as someone who wouldn't hesitate to murder someone, as if he had the opportunity to really think about it before crashing into Billy. That's not the reality of it.
Billy would have never wanted to intentionally crash his car or seriously use it as a weapon. He may drive recklessly and he may have joked about hitting a few kids once, but that doesn't mean he wanted to hurt anyone especially while he was possessed. There's ample evidence that he didn't want to do any of it. He said The Mindflayer made him do bad things (kill people) which obviously traumatized him, and then there was ample evidence that he continued to fight against the possession.
The car was one of the few things Billy had that represented his freedom away from his abusive home, and that gets totalled in a scene that fans get downright gleeful about and for what? What does it really say about their favorite characters or even about Billy? Billy sat there in the car revving his engine with his lights on, crying. The Mindflayer took everything from him. This was just one more thing. What's so triumphant or heroic about any of it? As soon as the cars collided, The Mindflayer had full control again and Billy was marching towards his death.
Not only that, but the scene of Billy passed out in his car in flames just screams tragedy to me. I know how painful a car wreck can be physically and emotionally. I couldn't move on my own after my wreck without excruciating pain, so I know how much his body was screaming at him to stop even though The Mindflayer wouldn't let him. It's an extremely upsetting, tragic scene to me because I know he's feeling everything while having control over very little. That's what car accidents feel like. You don't have control, and it feels horrible.
I just can't comprehend why that scene in particular is the height of fun entertainment for so many when it's so painful to me, and maybe it's because I take it more personally but maybe it's also because Billy isn't treated like a person who deserved better than the horrific amount of torture and pain he went through.
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Chapter 10 coming Monday July 10, 6am CT/8pm KST
I know the last chapter was only a week ago but I am so excited about the start of something new for the tiniest pack! If you dont like torturing yourself with the sneak peek, then keep scrolling. Otherwise,
Sneak peek below the cut
"You made a nest?" Yoongi asked softly, his whole chest warming at the thought.
"Yeah, it was stupid."
Yoongi put his hand over both of yours and stopped your fidgeting. "It wasn't stupid. Your instincts told you what to do to feel better and you followed them. That's so good of you. It's sick that they wouldn't want that for you. They're wrong, not you."
You looked up at him and tried to blink back the moisture in your eyes. "I'll help you with Eli. What do you think he wants?"
You shrugged. "If she kicked him out, he might be here to yell at me."
Yoongi looked puzzled. "Why would she…is he Lykos too?"
"He's a beta."
Yoongi looked thoughtful for a moment. "What do you want to do?" When you looked confused he elaborated. "Do you want to talk things out with him? Or would you rather have him out of your life?"
He watched your face as you thought it over silently. It seemed as though you were wrestling with various thoughts, only to utter, "he's my brother."
"I know that, but people who hurt you don't deserve a spot in your future just because they were a part of your past. If you never want to see him again, I'll make sure of it."
You gasped softly and raised your eyebrows. Yoongi chuckled, "not like that! I just mean I will protect you from him and make sure he doesn’t bother you again."
"Why?" You wondered innocently.
You'd forgotten his hand was holding yours until he gave them a squeeze. "Because your future safety and happiness are important to me."
It took a moment for the shock of his sincerity to clear from your eyes but when you did you answered, "yes, I think I'd like that. To have him out of my life, I mean."
"Lets go talk to him then," Yoongi agreed with a small smile.
You both got out of the car and Yoongi told you to stay behind him as you approached your brother. You did as he said, only peeking at Eli from around Yoongi's arm.
"Y/N, are you okay?" Eli asked, trying very hard to look at you and not the alpha in front of you.
"Do you even care?" You asked in return.
"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't want to throw you out last night but I had no choice. It's my life. You have to understand," he pleaded.
"If you want to protect it so badly then I don't know why you brought me into it," you spat back. "You could have left me alone if that was how it was going to end. I told you I don't need you and I meant it."
"Maybe you're right. I was just trying to be nice. You're still my little sister."
You shrank to hide yourself more behind Yoongi and he took his cue. "Not anymore. She doesn't want to see you again. Just stay away from her," he said evenly, with no obvious threat, but his seriousness was evident.
"Who even are you?" Eli scoffed.
Yoongi glanced back at you briefly. He wished he could say he was your alpha, but he didn't have that authority. Not officially. "I'm just helping her. So she doesn't need you in her life anymore. Please leave."
Eli shook his head. "Are you the alpha she went looking for last week who wasn't there? Is that how you're helping her? By disappearing?" Eli smirked at the slight flinch of Yoongi's upper lip. "At least you're real. I half thought she made the whole thing up."
Yoongi felt you lean into his back and stood firmer. "You don't need to worry about it. Just go."
"Fine. I honestly don't fucking care. I just came to bring her stuff. If she wants to act like a dog, that's on her." Eli shoved your bag into Yoongi's chest, and only that and you behind him kept him from throwing a punch.
"I hope she throws you out, too," Yoongi called to Eli's back as he walked away. "Asshole," he muttered before turning to you. "You okay?" You nodded and reached for the bag, but he held onto it. "Get to work. I'll keep it for you and pick you up after work."
You looked at him strangely, but didn't refuse, simply turned and walked into the library, giving him one last look over your shoulder before you disappeared through the automatic doors.
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WARNING;
we're about to seriously yap and put out some hot fucking takes about Phantom of the Opera, so if you're sensitive to that/don't wanna hear that, scroll.
We finally finished POTO, and what I can say; hot take; This is a fucking nightmare that just DOESN'T deserve the fame it has. It's awful . /Hj The writing itself is okay, it can be really good at times, but I hate the way it's framed; having Leroux litteraly self insert himself as the narrator, which could've worked, but for me, it just doesn't. It would've been great, had that narrator not litteraly been himself, but because it's him, it not only takes away from the realism he tried to built via this, but also comes ass as SUPER, SUPER annoying at times. The story itself is just cluttered, way too cluttered; the unnecessary details, events, attempts at shifting narratives that could've been better done/explained quickly and more efficiently, it's a lot. Some examples are the "Rat Catcher"; entirely unnecessary additional, why the fuck was he even there (It was so bad, we started cackling mid class because it was so fucking random)???? Or the random "apparition" added, again, for no reason. None of these were mentioned before, nor explained whatsoever; the "apparition" litteraly being wrote off by LEROUX HIMSELF as "something I cannot explain". Which, in my opinion, is extremely stupid. I don't care if it's for the "mystery factor", because, considering there was already far too much going on, and plenty of OTHER mystery elements, adding something just because with no purpose was and IS obnoxious. All it does it make the story you're trying to tell more convoluted, which was exactly what we felt while reading. Yet, the MAIN issue, the characters, and by extension, the message Leroux is so DESPERATELY trying to convey with them. I am going to say the hottest fucking take known to man; I fucking DESPISE Erik, and litteraly, ONLY kept reading because of the fact I knew he'd die at the end, and I wanted that satisfaction (was so disappointed his death was so vague and lame...). I understand why people can feel bad, at least, PARTIALLY, but the amount of fucking love and DEFENDING I see for him is ACTUALLY INSANE. Erik is
A. A fucking murderer
B. A stalker
C. An abuser
D. A manipulator (And, gaslighter, by extension)
E. A thief
F. An (ALMOST) terrorist (litteraly tried to blow up the entire opera)
G. A liar
H. A kidnapper
And
I (This stands for:). An incel (This one's more of a "joke", as the rest are all litteraly book canon, but he is literally an incel; he checks all the boxes), and yet, people out pour him with support; the amount of apologists is crazy. I've even seen people compare him to THE CREATURE (Frankenstein) which is just NOT CORRECT AT ALL???? They have similarities, yeah, but the amount of differences is insane.
1. Erik is a litteral millionaire (Yeah, I did the math for the amount of francs he got then for American dollars, now, and it was at LEAST, like 2 million...)
2. Erik IS human, biologically; yeah, he was treated differently, but he still had the COMFORT of knowing he was a human, that he was, in at least some form compared to the Creature "natural"
3. Erik was raised by his family (yes, they were abusive, and I'm not saying they weren't, but he HAD PARENTS, AND AN EDUCATION; I think, idar if he was educated or not, but my point still stands: he had a family)
4. Erik, despite the novel trying so hard to say otherwise, was HIGHLY respected; HE LITERALLY WORKED WITH ROYALTY????
5. Erik HAD FRIENDS???? Once more, not only did he work with royalty, he had the Persian/Daroga, which, again, despite how much the novel tries to say otherwise, was very clearly a friend; very clearly someone who DID care about him (if he didn't, why would he save his life even AFTER LITTERALY TORTURING PEOPLE???)
6. Erik, AGAIN, is denied humanity nearly as much as it's painted; he litteraly mentions how he wanted to be normal, and so, applied for a normal ass construction job at the Opera, AND GOT IT NO QUESTIONS ASKED???
#1/??#phantom of the opera#POTO#phantom of the opera erik#poto erik#erik poto#erik the phantom#opera ghost#rant#i fucking despite Erik#Frankenstein
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