#but now I DO experience the desire to be masc and androgynous as my gender shifts and that doesn’t mean im faking it
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I’m starting to see myself in a different way. I’m becoming a lot more confident with my appearance. I’m also feeling more comfortable with being a woman, but I’m not completely sure I feel about that.
I’ve considered myself to be genderfluid (and trans masc) for about two years, but now I’m less sure. I haven’t really changed things about myself, other than adding a name and pronouns. I didn’t change much about myself because I lived in an unaccepting state. I started thinking that I’m genderfluid because I don’t like a lot the expectations that are pushed on to women and I also wanted to seem more masculine. I know that any person can dislike gender roles, I’m just talking about my own feelings.
I also wasn’t liking my appearance. I’m a very large person, which I was insecure about at first, but now I’m more comfortable about that. I still want to look more masculine or androgynous, but now I’m thinking I really like being a masculine/tomboyish woman. I always thought it was fun to mess with gender roles.
For while, I felt that I was truthful about being trans, but now I feel like that isn’t entirely the case. Sorry if this is a stupid question, but is it ok to feel like that maybe you aren’t trans? I feel bad for being a “fake”. But during the time I considered myself genderfluid, those feelings felt real. But for close to a month, I’ve just felt like a gender non conforming woman, and that makes feel happy.
Maybe I have some dysphoria, but I do like being a woman. I used to desire getting hormones, but I’m sure I don’t any surgery. I know those aren’t required to be trans, I’m just talking about my own experience. Maybe I’ve mistaken some of my insecurities for dysphoria.
No matter what, I still love the trans community. You choose to be your real selfs, even though there is lots of people against you. I wished I learned to be more confident sooner, no matter who I am. I really want some advice. I hope I explained myself well and that I didn’t hurt peoples feelings.
#by the way I’m bisexual#I’m also autistic#need some lgbt advice#need advice#lgbt#lgbtq+#lgbt community#transgender#transmasc#genderfluid#questioning gender#no transphobia#no truscum#tomboy#masculine women
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Meant to post about this earlier in the day and I forgot:
I had an appointment with my doctor this morning bc I'd been thinking about stopping my Testosterone shots. There were a lot of reasons, but the biggest were that I had a bunch of stress with arguing with my insurance (every year or so I have to re-prove that I'm trans) and that I felt like I'd gotten what I needed from being on T.
Back in 2017 when I started T, I identified as fully transmasc. I was only two years out of Alabama at the time, and my knowledge of gender binary/fluidity was still pretty limited (I legit didn't know that trans dudes were a thing until I was 18 bc people in the south kinda don't talk about it). After 6 years of testosterone, I'd had a lot more time to learn and experiment with my gender identity and how I felt about different things; I learned more about nonbinary and gender fluid identities, and I got more of an idea of what makes me comfortable.
I'm still not 100% on a lot of my gender stuff, but getting the opportunity to be on T really helped me figure myself out. Before that, all I really knew was "not cis woman". And in basic binary terms, I had originally thought that must mean "trans man". I've since come to learn a lot about gender as a spectrum, and noticed a lot of my own tendencies and desires revolving around fluctuating throughout that spectrum.
I definitely think gender fluid is a more accurate descriptor for me now than transmasc. There are days when I feel pretty masc, sure, but there are also days when I feel pretty femme, and days when I don't really feel like either. "Fluid" really is a great descriptor for me, because that's kind of how it feels: there's more gender there some days than others, and it isn't always the same type. I think my ideal presentation is as an androgynous body that can present as however on the spectrum I'm feeling at that moment, without struggling to maintain one or the other. One of the other reasons I wanted to stop T is because if I was feeling more femme or neutral on the day of my shot, there was a possibility I just wouldn't do the shot at all; when I was feeling masc, it was "heck yeah time for the man juice", but when I wasn't it felt uncomfortable, and I couldn't place why until recently. I thought "this is something I want, it's supposed to make me feel better and validated", and it was upsetting for a while when that wasn't the case.
This is probably a bit rambly, I'm not great at composing my thoughts into words (ironically, I like to write stories). I mostly just wanted to put it all out there and see if it clicked with anyone.
I've been looking at different pronouns lately, too. I've been using They/Them, but I've been considering Ve/Vim. I'm not 100% on it, but I feel like They feels too strictly neutral for me and I want to find something else. Idk what I'll settle on just yet.
I think I'm a lot more comfortable with my identity than I used to be, and even though I'm nowhere near entirely sure of it, I think I'm getting closer. I may never really know exactly where I stand, but I'm starting to think that's ok.
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thank you for sharing your experiences with gender!! people judge me for wanting hormones/surgery to make my body look more androgynous only to decorate it with more traditionally feminine things. reading your journey has been very reassuring, and with time i've been noticing more and more ppl feel this way; reclaiming femininity not as a woman but as a genderqueer/nb person. i know who i am, however i'm still discovering new things everyday and i just think it's amazing and wonderful even if it's complex for others to understand.
it's kinda funny how you can help others just by being you, but i hope you take pride in it, you deserve it!! :^)<3
WAH I LOVE YOUu yeah i know some people observing from the outside might not understand the desire to distance yourself from femininity just to return to it, but for me, doing so was a way of being able to express myself on my own terms and in my own style, whereas being feminine before transitioning felt like fulfilling the role set out for me at my birth, doing what was expected and normative and cishet, which is something i always rejected as a gender nonconforming person. physical transition has opened up so many possibilities for self-expression for me, i’m so so fucking glad i no longer have to dress boring and masc all the time just to be seen as who i am, androgynous and gnc and genderqueer etc, now it can be effortless and intentional and fun.
it is so lovely and touching to be able to help people like that, i know i’ve talked about this before, but my transition has been inspired by other people too, i started hrt largely because of one of my best friends who is a trans woman on E, and i was inspired to get surgery and take T because i saw other genderqueer people doing it online and it helped me realize that was an option for me and something i wanted. helping other people by sharing my gender stuff online places me within this cycle of trans love and inspiration. i’m happy to be a part of it and grateful for this platform!!
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I don't really like the essentialized way some people talk about being a lesbian on here... I mean, I have identified as a lesbian for some years on this website, and this felt particularly OK to do at the time. It gave me freedom to experience and develop my love for woman without obsessing with labels and dissecting my attraction, basically just living as a wlw instead of discoursing about it. Like I had a good time being a lesbian and butch androgynous looking at that time. I eventually fell in love with a man, which spiralled me into rethinking my own desire even though I never used the lesbian identifier as restrictive to an innate born this way sexuality... If I now comfortably identify as bisexual, be it as a woman or nb masc, I feel like I partaked and supported wlw, lesbian, bi or queer woman, even nb people, during my time outwardly expressing almost only same same attraction as a woman. Idk why it's such a big deal that I could switch or explore my same or other gender attraction as a bisexual woman after feeling like lesbian was more attuned to my desires and life at the time.
Like I miss feeling butch, androgynous, focused on woman and outwardly proud of it. I want to make clear that my same sex attraction, my bisexuality and queer gender identity was and will *Always* be super important to me and how the outside world sees me, but I feel like it has to be a conscious choice and I am allowed identity freedom and fluidity that is usually denied to wlw and especially bisexual woman. Wow I just feel like I was always mortified and revolted by the intense homophobia and misogyny that lesbians, wlw and bisexual women face :/
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I do grow weary of performance
Being non-binary during a pandemic is sort of... Nice actually?
I will be the first to admit that when I was seeing dozens if not hundreds of people every day, I was using my internalized ideas of what it was to ‘look masc, look femme, and look androgynous’ to try to maintain a certain aesthetic around other people. Not hyper-masculine, or hyperfeminine, but still sort of fancy and somewhere in the middle. Let’s just say that I had a short cropped undercut, some very dramatic but gender-neutral outerwear (more punk than anything), and about 40 black band t-shirts I rotated through.
I still love this aesthetic, but there’s less of a need to put it on everyday if I’m not even leaving the house. It’s not like I’m not going to walk around my apartment in a fun-colored jacket covered in patches pins and spikes, because that is how I signal to other people my interests, not to myself. Suddenly, my appearance is almost exclusively for myself, and although I had always tended to make a point of only dressing and grooming how I wanted to, no one is immune to peer pressure. In this time of social distancing, if I should shave, bind, wash my hair, or get dressed at all, becomes purely a matter of my desires in the moment.
It’s nice.
But I’ve also noticed a freedom to be able to try certain aesthetic things that, were I to be seeing people everyday, I would likely forgo because it would make me too self conscious. A problem many non-binary people face is not feeling comfortable to perform gender too closely to how they were assigned at birth, because that leads inevitably to being coded wrong, being misgendered, and sometimes even gatekeeping from the queer community. At least, that’s my experience. I have some old dresses I like to wear around the house. A cute skirt. I’ve been growing out and painting my nails pretty colors. Maybe even some days experimenting with makeup. I know I should get over my internalized shit and just be fully the person I want to be whenever I want and reject the performance of gender altogether, but for now, to be able to experiment in the absence of o̵̰͔̜̯̽̆̆̈́t̶̥̰̉͜h̸͍͖̝̀̃̇̈͊ȩ̸̳̥͙̱̏̈́͋̀̆ŕ̴̹̏͑̌ ̷̹͚̠̭̯́̆͝p̵̯̅̀̇ę̸͒̈́̓̾ö̸̥̩̲͉́p̶̼̊́̎l̸̢͈̄̀̉̈́ę̵͕̠̞̀͂̚̚͝ is nice.
The past few days, I’ve even been teaching myself to french braid my unkempt mane of pandemic hair. I really like it, actually. Maybe when this is all over, I’ll keep braiding my hair.
I feel like a viking.
#textpost#queer#nonbinary#gender#journal#blog#lockdown#performance#peer pressure#coding#audience#viking#hair#hygiene#aesthetic#social norms#self conscious#original#voidcore#personal#journalcore
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HRT diary - Day 6 - Sep 29 2019
Should have written this stuff out sooner but, I figured there wasn’t really any rush!
I’m a genderless trans masc enby.
For the past 6 days I have been applying 50 mg of testosterone cream to my inner thigh in the morning before I get dressed. I used H-E-B’s compounding pharmacy and got a 90 day supply for $40.
I should note the other medications I’m on I suppose - 80 mg/day of Straterra, a norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor for treating ADHD, and Blisovi FE for oral contraceptive. I’m hoping to get off the contraceptive and get a copper IUD at some point. The Straterra recently increased in dose, which may throw a wrench in my ability to notice emotional/energy changes from the T - drat! That being said, I was on a low dose of Straterra for a month and a half or so before starting the testosterone and didn’t feel all that different. I’m hoping it won’t affect my experience significantly.
So far I have only noticed one difference, and it came on faster than I expected: a change in appetite. I have been waking up hungry. This hasn’t happened in years. This was particularly surprising because, at the same time, Straterra has caused me a lot of nausea, and my weight is kind of down right now as a result, around 139 from my typical 146. Seems to be that eating plenty of food is helps the nausea a lot.
There’s another difference I’m not sure about, and will have to keep an eye on - seems like my pores are already becoming more visible. Nothing too bad yet though, and no more acne than usual. I’ve been extra thorough about keeping washed. We have all pillowcases in the house cycling through the wash pretty much constantly right now. I do NOT want the acne.
The feature I most desire to change is my voice, so that’s the one I’ll be trying to measure most consistently with each update. I use a shitty free iPhone app called Voice Pitch Analyzer. It averages the hz of a minute of material read aloud and recorded and assigns you a gender based on range like so:
I don’t expect this to be like... an accurate analysis. I have no idea what data it’s basing these labels on or how the pitch analysis works, but it seems to at least score me about the same each time I take it, which is androgynous leaning towards male. I also understand that I probably read in a pretty forced way. Ok. As long as it’s measuring *something* with *consistency*, I can get the info I need out of it, which is whether I’m changing. This is something I’d like to measure somehow but not spend money on, so if any of you have app or method suggestions besides just, recording myself and listening to it over and over, let me know.
I am trying not to read to hard into any of the giddiness I feel this early on. I’m still expecting to really ask myself how I feel and if I like how I feel 2 weeks from now - that’s when I expect to actually notice *something*. For now though, I’m getting a ton of delight just from the fact that I’m finally here, doing it, inspecting my chin, testing my voice, comparing the selfies. It’s happening!
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Hi! I think I might be genderqueer, and I like to wear traditionally feminine things (makeup/dresses/high heels) but it also makes me uncomfortable because I don’t want people seeing me as a girl (I’m afab). If there a way to wear what I want without being read as female? Thank you!
Lee says:
Honestly, if you’re afab and pre-medical transitioning, sometimes you have to make a choice between passing and presenting yourself in a way that others will perceive as feminine. There’s just no way around that.
It’s totally a valid desire to wear makeup and dresses and high heels, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to do “feminine” things or present yourself with a feminine gender expression, and in an ideal world you’d be able to be recognized and respected as your real gender regardless of appearance.
Gender expression isn’t the same thing as gender identity:
The genderbread person
Separating Out Gender Identity from Gender Expression
What is gender expression?
So choosing to present yourself in a way that’s typically feminine like wearing dresses doesn’t make you any less valid as a non-binary person. It’s fine and valid to be non-binary and still present in a masculine or feminine way. You don’t have to have an androgynous appearance to be non-binary. So I’d like to make that clear before we continue..
Passing involves someone unconsciously and rapidly taking in a bunch of factors about your appearance, your voice, and your demeanor and then automatically mentally assigning you a gender. Some features are more important than others in this mental categorization; facial hair is often a bigger indicator than hip size, for example.
This isn’t like a conscious checklist people go through every time they see you; society trains our brains to automatically and unconsciously take in gendered features and categorize them as feminine or masculine to spit out a binary gender association.
But when you’re visibly gender non-conforming, or androgynous or just visibly non-cis, that tends to throw a wrench in the works and you can tell because the cis people start to like stare at your chest or something and you can see the gears turning in their heads as they try to figure out what gender you are- or more accurately, they want to figure out what gender you were assigned at birth and/or what genitals you have.
There are some afab people who haven’t medically transitioned and can still wear heels, makeup, and a dress and not be gendered by female by strangers. Binding, getting short hair, voice training, and sometimes fake facial hair and masculine makeup (in stage or cosplay settings usually) can help, but many afab people won’t be able to not be seen as female while wearing a dress even if they’re doing those things. There are lucky folks who just have the right genes and naturally look masculine enough to wear what they want and still pass- they do exist!- but that isn’t the case for most folks.
So if you’re on that line of passing vs not passing where you aren’t being consistently gendered as male or as female, those little gendered features and cues add up because people are consciously scrutinizing you. And the cues of “dress, high heels, makeup” are going to tip you into being read as a girl if you’re afab and on that middle line of passing.
It’s really hard to pass as non-binary- I’m also nb and I’ve found that strangers who can’t tell what gender you are sometimes refer to you with (maybe randomly chosen) gendered pronouns and gendered terms anyway because they’re stuck in a binary mindset and don’t know what else to do, or they become hostile and you find yourself getting shouted at when you enter the women’s locker room so you go to the men’s locker room and then they tell you to leave there too.
This isn’t always the case, but yeah, it is hard to pass as non-binary so not wanting people to see you as a girl might mean compromising on them seeing you as a boy. But that’s my personal experience- and if you want to try to pass as non-binary then go for it, but you may want to lean towards the masc side of androgynous if you’re afab and don’t want to be read as a woman so if a stranger feels like they “have” to pick a binary to gender you as, then they won’t be as likely to pick female.
So if you’re not interested in medically transitioning, which is valid, you may find you have to counter the characteristics about your voice/body that are read as female by going towards as masculine gender expression. The clothing you wear, your hairstyle, all that is part of passing too, and the accumulation of traits is more important overall than just one single one. The links below have tips on passing as male:
How to pass as male
Guide to being read as male
Passing tips
Transmasculine passing tips
FTM passing tips
Passing and presentation
Masculine body language
How do I know if I’m passing?
If you’re constantly passing (and obviously hormones help with this) you can often get away with “bigger” things and still pass. When you’re pre/non-HRT, the small things add up because they have to counter the unwanted feminine/masculine things about your bod, but when you’re passing more consistently then something like wearing makeup will stop being cuing that automatic misgender because they’re going to read other gender cues that they deem as more significant.
Testosterone FAQ
Top surgery
Facial masculinization surgery
Body masculinization surgery
Hysterectomy and oophorectomy
Bottom surgery (genital surgery)
But- if you do end up passing, either through changing your presentation and/or HRT, and strangers do see you as a man wearing a dress instead of as a woman wearing a dress, you’re going to face some toxic masculinity and misplaced transmisogyny. So there are safety risks there too because you could be harassed.
As for right now, you might have to choose between not being seen as female and your ideal presentation if you’re a pre-everything AFAB person and you tend to get misgendered when you wear makeup, heels and a dress. Either choice is valid, but there is a choice.
However, you don’t have to fully do one or the other, and it’s possible to wear heels and makeup on some days, then present yourself in a typically masculine way on other days to pass.
All that applies to strangers though- if you surround yourself with supportive friends who will respect your non-binary identity, you should be able to wear whatever you want to around them and they shouldn’t gender you as female because they understand that you aren’t, no matter what you wear.
You may have to explain your nb identity and the difference between gender identity and gender expression, but there are people out there who will love and support you even if you don’t have them around you just yet.
Having that network of social supports who will always gender you correctly will help even if you can’t get strangers to do so, and we have a Dysphoria page with tips on coping with dysphoria which may be helpful for the times when you don’t get gendered correctly.
#Lee says#passing as nonbinary#passing#gender expression#nonbinary#ftm in link#Anonymous#transgenderteensurvivalguide#trans#transgender
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just gonna answer some more anons about the plus size reader stuff below the cut so i don’t clog up the dashboards of all of u lovely followers and then regular service will resume!!!!
Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Yay!! Im so excited! Thank you for being willing to write for poc! Readers and im excited to read the fic you linked! As a plus size girl myself, Whenever I read fics where the reader is I cant help but feel more confident about the parts of me Im self conscious about. Also im so glad you write with us in mind ❤️❤️ and Ive got even more admiration for your work! That anon must not realize most fics are small figure based 🙄 im sure they can get over it. They were being rude.
representation is important!!! i have life experience of writing for characters with dysphoria and chubby characters and lots of others so seeing them represented makes me feel happy, and i’m glad i can do something for other ppl too!! just pls remember that i am white and i may very well fuck up so pls do not be afraid to call me out!!! <3
Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Oh geez, there's plenty of reader fics I don't read because they don't apply to me (like of a specific gender or sexuality) but I just skip them and move on. There's still plenty of stuff out there! I also don't like going into detail about Reader's physical appearance, unless, like you said it's specifically asked for.
bird meme “i am uncomfortable when we are not about me???”. i like to write vague stuff so as many people can connect to it as possible! that’s why if i get an ask that’s very obviously for someone’s o/c or whatever i prefer not to answer it bc i want my content to be enjoyable for lots of people!!!
Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Ive read your terzetto fic about a million times and even though its about a chubby reader you still dont describe the body THAT much like???? Anon just say you're fatphobic and move on
and its like. specifically THAT chapter. the body praise self-conscious chapter. i havent reviewed the others in a while so there might be more bigger readers but like, not all of them?! i try not to over-describe even for plus size reader’s bodies bc people carry their weights and stuff so differently! haz and i wear the same size in clothes but we carry our weight differently in different places so we look different!! i want people to Relate!!
jojotrashcan said to pr0sciutt0:Nat!! I just want to thank you for including a chubby reader in your works! As a certified fat gal (tm) it’s hard to identify with works of fiction, and it’s nice finally having something that reflects my body type! So just like a huge thank you from me! You know this already but I love and appreciate all you do for this community, and it always disappoints me to see someone send hate to some one who works so hard for us! Keep your chin up b/c I appreciate seeing diverse fiction!
i love u!!!! idk if i’ve mentioned before but what i want to do when i eventually Get Better At Not Letting My Mental Illness is work in a publishing house, specifically a YA imprint bc i’d like to make a push for more diverse heroines in ya lit!!! (i also wanna WRITE diverse ya heroines but u feel me, one thing at a time)
Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:So God forbid someone write for different body types and races I low key just glaze over some fics cause you can tell who it's for even just with little hints of the body or skin type. Can't a girl a plus size girl be loved too by her fictional favorites :(
no . . . fat people . . . MUST BE UNHAPPY. ONLY WAY.
bubbleu said to pr0sciutt0:Let also include the fact that if in most even kdramas , anime, or any type of tv show or movie if it's a big girl she usually ends up having to lose weight for guys to even like her or even look her way so how dare people be inclusive in fics for fictional people you do you boo I'm happy you're writing for anyone literally fuck that puto
these people are not happy that i’m like a size 18 and my fictional boyfriends still love me. its SO RARE to find a fat gal character where her desire to lose weight isn’t a driving character force. and its always always always framed as a good thing. nobody addresses the original body dislike and just says “WOW IM SO GLAD YOURE NOT FAT ANYMORE” like that isnt gonna leave a lasting scar on the person’s psyche i just
Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:F the hater, all my big ladies deserve to fantasize about their hot JoJo spouses too!
this is a BODY POSITIVE space. chubby gals and guys and nonbinary pals. skinny gals and guys and nonbinary pals! hyper femme, hyper masc, androgynous, ones with body hair or traditionally ugly features or visible disabilities or scarring or anything - ur jojo spouses love u
Anonymous said to pr0sciutt0:Anon mad that fat people enjoy stuff smh
local anon unhappy that they have found one fic that is not about them
babyybitchhh said to pr0sciutt0:Anon is an entitled ass and I implore you not to let that message get to you. As you said, mentally replacing words to better match your own physical descriptors is super easy but considering that you’re writing these scenarios for free, no one has the right to complain anyway.Like, at the end of the day its still YOUR writing even if your fulfilling a request and the author will always have final say on the finished product. Consider only writing chubby/fat reader from now on tbh ; )
i am pretty much usually imagining a chubby reader or a reader who looks like me. thats why i do it!!!! i honestly just cant imagine going into another writer’s ask and being like “hey you have given me this piece of backstory about this fic you wrote and i HATE IT, IMMEDIATELY DENOUNCE IT???
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Guys i want to cry I'm so fucking overwhelmed in a good, happy way!! I have been a whirlwind of emotions and questions and realisations and I feel like I'm really starting to figure things out and become myself and it all started from a video i saw on facebook about nonbinary genders and i decided to track down the maker of this video to try and find more content and instantly just fell in love and related to this person and their journey so much and it made me question everything i knew about myself. and this person has since reached out to me and offered to chat with me about my gender stuff and it's like YOU ARE MY IDOL YOU ARE THE REASON I'M EVEN THINKING ABOUT THIS I OWE YOU MY LIFE AND NOW YOU WANT TO HELP ME EVEN MORE??? So I'm just so blessed and i believe i have been sent an angel from queer heaven to take me on this journey.
Anyway while im out here having a million realisations a day I figure maybe i should start tracking and recording my thoughts and feelings and "aha!" moments. So here are some things:
- it turns out my lifelong attraction to and fascination with gnc people, particularly androgynous and masc presenting gnc (david bowie, la roux, gay and trans men) is not a sexual preference but my soul crying out to be like them. ofc im drawn to and attracted to them duh that's so obvious now. I spent so long a) wondering if there was something wrong with me preferences and then b) wondering if i was like...fetishising trans and gnc people but no actually in the same way i spent ages being drawn to and interested in gay culture as an "ally" turns out i was just responding to the call of my people
- one of my main worries in all this was my experience of dysphoria and how it doesn't match the traditional narrative ive known theough popular content and trans/nb friends. i have never hated nor wanted to reject my femininity, my womanhood, or my female body. but i had never let myself explore any other option or way of presenting. I fantasised about it a lot, and often would dream of or about of being a man. and it never even occurred to me to try dressing masc or binding and im wondering now how much of my love for "girly" stuff was actually just patriarchy instilling it into me. like yea i still like makeup and dresses and look great in them but god it felt so fucking good to just wear a button up and binder and thick eyebrows today!! I got so many compliments! I couldn't stop taking selfies! I kept stopping to stare at myself in reflective surfaces!! I dont remember EVER feeling that way about myself
- i spent a lot of my early teens wondering if i was ace because i had no desire to explore my own sexuality, and obvs part of that was being GAY AF but also I never really explored my body and i wasn't comfortable doing so. nowadays i am and i dont feel dysphoric in that respect but in terms of letting OTHERS touch my body that's a whole other story and i always put it down to just regular old anxiety or body insecurity but i realise now it was dysphoria and i didn't even know it, i just knew SOMETHING felt wrong.
- i actually have a very distinct memory of beinh like really really young, maybe 4 or 5, and wanting to pee standing up and thinking that because i was pretty good at it that made me a boy, i also very distinctly remember finding my clit and not knowing what it was and thinking it either was or was going to grow into a penis - and i was cool with that.
- ive always related very strongly to trans and nb issues and i always just put it down to being humanitarian and having good queer influences growing up and then later being part of the queer community but im rly starting to see why i related so strongly
- i also rly distinctly remember my mum calling me into the lounge when i was like 12 because there was a 60minutes special avout trans kids and even though i never related it to myself at the time i was SO CAPTIVATED and it really stuck with me
- in the same way I ID'd as bisexual for a long time due to comphet, I'm wondering how much of my identity as a woman has been forced upon me. The further i let myself fall into trans and nb stuff the further i feel from womanhood and i thought i would be sad about it but it's almost a relief?? Like i was pretending without even knowing i was.
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