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barnesbabee · 3 years

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𝓹𝓵𝓪𝔂 𝓭𝓪𝓽𝓮 - 𝓯𝓲𝓷𝓪𝓵

|| ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ || ⇜ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - 21

⟿ ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: No sensible person would turn down their boss if they looked good as good as Seonghwa. But maybe they would wish they had…

⟿ ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇᴘᴛ: CEO!Seonghwa x reader, bestfriend!Yunho x reader || Social Media!AU || no gender specified for the reader

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: (send me a DM or an ask to be added) @ateezappreciation @shinyddeonghwa @lilithpooped @cloudyyeonnie@yeosangmystar @wooyoung-a @sanisms @mingismoon @lovelyvitamin @anawwyd @annasbannas @im-just-trying-to-survive-man @uglychildd @oddlittlefandomist @hwahomie @jin-neck-shaft @lovelyvitamin @yeosangmystar @skmoonchild @lovelymultiwrites @sunwooyoung

Panic settled in the room as Seonghwa's words echoed in your heads. Yunho was dead, Mingi disappeared, San wasn't waking up and the body was gone.

And meanwhile, you were getting railed in Seonghwa's office. You felt sick to your stomach, not knowing what to do, or where to even start.

"Someone say something!" Jongho yelled, at the top of his lungs, finally breaking his calm character.

The silence in the room was heavy and you suddenly felt as if you couldn't breathe, as if someone was gripping your throat from the inside. As if on cue, San groaned and his eyes fluttered open.

"What the fuck?..." He groaned, as he sat up straight with the help of one hand.

San rubbed the back of his head with his other hand, hissing as he moved it up and down slowly.

You and Seonghwa ran towards him and knelt beside the man.

"San what happened!?"

San sat against the sofa, feeling too sick and too dizzy to sit up straight on his own. He took a couple of breathsm trying to recollect what happened before he blacked out.

"There really isn't much to say, right after Y/N left Mingi asked me to get him something from the kitchen and when I came back someone, I'm assuming Mingi, hit me with something in the back of the head. Next thing I know I'm waking up next to Jongho."

Seonghwa stood up, visibly stressed and irritated.

"Y/N I- I can't take this anymore. I'm tired, I'm stressed out, I wake up, go to sleep and go through the day stressed but I try to keep calm and be reasobale but I just can't anymore! I need to rest, I need time!" Jongho said.

His voice was shaky, his face was red and his eyes were desperate and tired. He had huge bags under his eyes, and he looked as if he wanted to cry, but was too tired to do so.

"I... I know. I know what you're feeling because I'm feeling it too, but the body is gone, and you know that if the body is found we'll all be questioned by the police and if he turns himself in he will also be questioned by the police and we both know that in either case they will be asking questions. The body is decomposing! They'll start asking why he didn't come right away, what happened between the murder and the confession, and it doesn't take much for Mingi to break! If he goes down he'll bring us with him!"

Your voice was unstable from crying, and you, just like every other person in the group, regretted helping Mingi. You should have stayed mad at him. You shouldn't have babied him and helped him cover up a murder. But it was too late, friendship and compassion won over you as if you were in a kid's cartoon where the power of friendship could overcome anything. But it didn't.

"Each of you get in one of my cars. We're splitting up and looking for him. Keys are in the ignition, let's go. The sooner we find him, the sooner it will all be over."

Seonghwa turned his back and started walking towards the garage, giving them no time to oppose themselves to the plan, or to complain at all.

Four motors roared in the garage as each of them left in their respective car to look around. He couldn't have gone very far, it had only been a couple hours and Mingi had no car and no money for a cab.

It was becoming increasingly hard for San to throw off Wooyoung. They had been spending a lot of time together and these past few days he had barely talked to the younger boy, making the latter suspicious that either San had gotten tired of him, or that he had found someone else. Either way Wooyoung was panicking and constantly blowing up San's phone, which was just the cherry on top. After the 10th ding sounded from his phone, San pulled over for a second and called Wooyoung.

"Heeey Woo." He said, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

"San what's happening? Please tell me if you're getting tired of me... Don't give me any hopes, because I really like you."

"What? No Wooyoung, I like you, like... a lot. Really. But I've just been busy with consoling Y/N, and there was a bunch of issues in some paperwork from my part-time job so I had to work on that as well, it's just been a very tiring couple of days, I'm sorry... Can I get back to you once I'm done? I need a little rest."

As far as Wooyoung knew you were still upset at Mingi.

"Alright fine, but I expect a nice homemade dinner once you're free."

"Of course baby."

San hung up with a sigh, relieved that he bought his excuses, and started the engine once more, resuming his search.

San was driving around the town, searching places with fewer people and hidden spots where rarely anybody went to. He ended up in a couple bad neighborhoods, which in retrospect it wasn't very smart since he was riding a Rolls Royce, but they hadn't been making good choices the past few days. Seonghwa headed back to the cabin where they had found the body, you searched every bridge and police station and Jongho went to his apartment.

It was minute 12 of driving around when you received a call. It was a group call with everyone involved.

"The body is back in the cabin. It's covered with all the leaves and shit we put here."

"Don't touch it, get out of there for now. I'm still trying to get to his house, anyone got anything?"

Jongho's question was met with a bunch of no's.

"Well I'm almost at his house and I can see- oh my God. I found him. I found him he's standing on a balcony and I think he's gonna jump everyone get here!"

Jongho hung up and you told Seonghwa the address. Thankfully you were close by and got there in no time. Jongho sprinted up the stairs and by the time you and San got to the house he was trying to talk Mingi out of it. Mingi was standing on the edge of his balcony, on the other side of the railing, but still holding onto it. Jongho was crying and begging Mingi to come to his senses and to come back inside, as he gripped his arm.

"It's no use Jongho, just let me go! This is not up to you!"

You and San got up to the balcony as well, trying to talk Mingi out of it.

"Mingi please! We'll get through this I'm begging you, we can't lose you too!" You yelled.

You wanted to stay composed but you couldn't help the tears streaming down your face. Even Jongho, who was usually very uncomfortable displaying his emotions, was crying and begging.

When Seonghwa got to the scene, he was terrified. He didn't know what to do, which was a common thing throughout the past few days, and it was killing him.

Everyone was pulling on Mingi's left side, trying to pull him up along with Jongho, so, without anyone noticing, he jumped outside the railing, and slowly walked towards Mingi without him noticing either.

Once he was close enough, he grabbed the man and pulled him up and over the railing, while holding himself stable with one hand on said railing.

However, Mingi's selfishness was bigger, and in the end, he showed that no matter what other people did for him, he was going to put himself first.

Mingi was mad, he thought his friends were being selfish and had no say in the matter, so while being saved, while going over the railing back into his house, he kicked it away with all the strength in his body, making him fall back.

Seonghwa, who was holding onto Mingi, failed to grip the railing harder and fell with Mingi, looking into your sad, panic-filled eyes as he fell to his death.

You bent over and watched the man you loved fall, in what felt like slow motion. His body hit the ground, and with an ugly cracking noise, Seonghwa's head split open.

You sprinted down the stairs, and once you got down to the ground people were circling the two men, taking pictures and gasping at the scene. You shoved away everybody in front of you so you could reach Seonghwa. His face was nearly intact, but the pool of blood surrounding his cracked skull told you there was no way he'd survive. His chest moved up and down quickly, for a couple of seconds, indicating the intense pain he was in.

"Seonghwa I'm sorry- I-I'm so sorry! Please... I love you..."

Just as the last three words left your mouth, you could see his lips twitch, before his chest stopped moving, before his eyes lost all of their color, before his body went limp in your hands. You stayed there, holding the face of the deceased man you once loved, your clothes soaking his blood and you cried out for forgiveness.

You didn't dare look at Mingi, but you sure hoped he was dead.

But he wasn't. And in the end. When the ambulance and the police came, they took Seonghwa to the morgue and Mingi to the hospital. Mingi ended up surviving after intense surgery, but not for long, because you would end up killing him.

"You don't get to live!" You told Mingi, as you stabbed gagged him and stabbed him over, and over, and over.

He died in a slow, agonizing way, just like you wanted him to. After all he put you, San, and Jongho through, after the sleepless nights, the constant stress, after staying the love of your life he still thought he'd get a second chance!?

You made sure he suffered, and you made sure he knew how much you hated him as you pierced your old, blunt, and rusty knife into his body.

San and Wooyoung ended up fleeing the country, and Jongho joined the military, both too afraid to face the reality and their past actions, seeking any refuge outside of their past lives. They did end up hearing about Mingi's death, and neither of them seemed to care. After everything, they just gave up on him completely.

You were arrested for Mingi's murder, but after confessing everything, and giving a couple touch-ups where you removed Seonghwa, Jongho, and San from the story, and after leading them to Yunho's body, the lawyer from your case pleaded not guilty, and blamed your acts on the heavy toll the incidents of helping your best friend, and the death of your lover, had taken on you, and the judge agreed that you should be under house arrest, with a government assigned professional that would assist you, take care of you, and report back to court.

Was that the end? Was that all there was to your life? That seemed to be the case... Sooner or later you'd end up joining Seonghwa however, you knew that much, you just hoped he was somewhere waiting for you.

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dreamwatchpro-wrestling · 2 years

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Dreamwatch 10.24.21(Match 3)

Oniki & Steel Johnson vs Carlos Moreno, Alex Alvarez, & Fernando Diyas

Hey, Old man Steel is back! This match on paper already seemed like a cool match-up to me. You've got the technical brawling style of Oniki & Steel Johnson against the fast paced, agile luchador style of Moreno, Alvarez, and Diyas. Styles make fights, you know! I recall the match that Oniki had against Moreno and Alvarez months ago that was excellent, so I'm looking forward to seeing those four men square off again especially.

My goodness this match was so hectic. Like, even for a match with six competitors this was an incredibly hectic match. Oniki seem to only be getting better with their ability to perform devastating tag team maneuvers, and they're even hitting harder. Hayato even pulled out the impressive turning senton atomico that he tends to use against high-flying opponents! I will say that the luchadors in this match were absolutely incredible! Fernando Diyas stood out especially, able to lead his team and pull off synergistic strategies as well as wowing with multiple moonsaults from the top rope! This team is starting to show signs of a group of top notch competitors.

despite stealing the show in this match, the skill and expertise of Oniki and Steel Johnson were a bit too much to overcome. After a very fun match, Steel Johnson managed to snag the win for his team with a straight armbar.

Hayato leans on Masato, hugging him from behind with his chin on Masato's head. Steel sits in a chair next to them.

Hayato: That's another win for us! Welcome back old man, I missed you!

Steel Johnson: Its been a while! Looks like we're still a pretty threatening trio. Those guys really ain't bad. Hayato, Masato, your competition is getting better. Be careful, get serious. Don't let anyone distract you from being dominating champions.

Masato: You're right.

Steel Johnson: Anyone, you two.

Hayato removes his arms from Masato and stands next to him instead.

Hayato: Uh right, yeah. Good point. A-Anyway, I'm not going to lie I'm... Kind of bummed that we lost that. I feel like if they won, or if we instead beat Diyas to win the match, they would've challenged for the belts.

Masato: That would've been a fun match up. Its cool seeing how good Moreno and Alvarez are at their age. Makes me want to learn a cool moonsault, too.

Hayato: No! 'Cause then you'll miss a bunch while you're learning and I'll have to catch you!

Masato: You've never complained about catching me before, you know.

Hayato has a shocked expression on his face

Masato: *snickers* ...Anyway?

Hayato: ANYWAY! Now we have no challengers. I've thought about making an open challenge. Maybe that will get a team to step up.

Suspicious looking reporter: Would this open challenge extend to people outside of Dreamwatch?

Masato: ...Wait a second.

Hayato: Sure! Masato and I are the best tag team on Earth, and I am down to prove that by beating any team!

Masato: Hayato, that's-

Suspicious looking reporter: You promise- I mean... Are you sure?

Hayato: Of course I'm sure! Why do you ask? Do you want to challenge me, reporter? What do you think, Masato?

Masato and Steel both have their heads in their hands

The reporter removes his fake moustache and tears off his pants to reveal Tomoki Kimishima!

Kimishima: AHA! THANKS FOR THE TITLE SHOT, YOU LITTLE SHIT!

Hayato: ...You didn't need to have shorts on under your pants you could've just kept the pants. Also I regret everything.

Kimishima: You can't go back on your promise now! I'm taking those belts and your shine from you!

Kimishima exits.

Hayato: YOU DICK

Masato: He left his pants...

Fernando Diyas: Dammit we almost won that one... But I'm not discouraged at all. I hear the crowd out there and they get excited for us. They got one win but we're going to get the people behind us. They know our skill, they see what we're capable of. We do prettier wrestling, and the next time we face off against them, we'll get that win, and Moreno and Alvarez will challenge them for the belts and take them. A late birthday gift for Moreno, and a gift for the people!

Moreno pats Diyas on the back

Moreno: I couldn't have said it better myself. I'm not discouraged, even as I get older. We'll only get better with time, all of us. And when the time comes, we'll make it to the top of Dreamwatch!

Diyas: I don't have to tell you this, but keep your eyes on us! We're bringing the excitement!

#Dreamwatch Pro Wrestling #Fire Pro wrestling #Hayato #Masato #Steel Johnson #Oniki #SEISHUN-GUN #Fernando Diyas #Carlos Moreno #Alex Alvarez #Dreamwatch 10.24.21

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revchainsaw · 3 years

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The Descent (2005)

Greetings and Welcome to the Cult Film Tent Revival. Come Worshippers and join me, Reverend Chainsaw, as we partake in the word of the Lord. This week we will be reading from the Book of Neil as we pray and reflect upon the 2005 film The Descent.

The Message

The Descent tells the story of a group spelunkers who find more than they bargained for when they attempt to explore a new cave system. Our cave crawling crew consists of 6 women, foremost of which are Sarah and Juno. Sarah and Juno have a history, mostly a friendship centered around thrill seeking and globe hopping, but a rift formed between them when while returning from a whitewater rafting trip Sarah lost her husband to a logging truck accident. Sarah was left with severe PTSD and Juno made it her mission to get Sarah her groove back.

Unfortunately this is not the fun and fantastic story of gal pals overcoming adversity. Juno's motivations are not quite that altruistic. She seeks to alleviate her personal suffering. Juno was in love with Sarah's husband and the two had been carrying on an affair behind Sarah's back when he was killed. Sarah does not know this, but Juno has been plagued with guilt. In an effort to pay penance for her wrongdoings without actually talking to her friend and confronting her betrayal, she feels she can make things right by giving Sarah a heroic accomplishment by exploring a barely known cave system in North Carolina.

The group soon discover that their are ancient carnivorous hominids who reside in these caves and they are being hunted. The women must overcome the dangers of the cave system, the beasts that dwell in the dark, and their personal demons if they are going to make it out alive. Unfortunately; in the midst of an attack Juno accidentally fatally wounds a friend and leaves her for dead. After being separated for some time and winding up in a cesspool of viscera Sarah learns from the dying girl that Juno had betrayed her. Sarah enters warrior mode and kills Juno and many of the cave dwellers before finally escaping into the Appalachian wilderness.

Now please stand and receive The Benediction

Best Effect: Captain Caveman vs the Teenangels

The Cave Crawlers are definitely a huge selling point of this film. Long before I had any interest in horror films I remember seeing the trailer for this film and with the minimal glimpses I saw of these troglodyte creatures was enough to captivate me, so much so that I remembered what was coming years later when I finally saw this film.

Best Character: Live Fast, Die Young. Bad Girls Do It Well.

Believe it or not, I like Juno. I think she was a flawed character, but that's what made her all the more human. She was a bad ass and a hero for much of the film. She was not ethically unambiguous but I wanted her to uplift Sarah, I wanted her to succeed. The fact that she did not is the aspect of this film that gives it it's greatest tragic edge.

Best Moment: Blood Bath

If anyone has seen the Descent before they will know exactly where I'm going with this. The Killing floor scene. Where Sarah finds herself in what basically amounts to a garbage disposal, a metaphorical pit of Hell. Sarah and a Cave Crawler end up in a violent conflict submerged in a pool of blood and guts before they eventually submerge out of sight. When after an uncomfortable amount of time passes the surface is broken, Sarah emerges triumphant and we the audience feel truly empowered with her.

Most WTF Moment: You Got Knocked The Fuck Out!

For many of the congregation the opening sequence will have cemented long held anxieties about driving behind logging trucks. This movie is like the Jaws of the logging industry. I had one moment though that hit me way harder. Maybe it is just that I'm getting old, but the danger of bonking my head in a particularly rough way, even from not so great a height, just hits me in a very visceral way. There's a sequence where one of the girls bashes her head on a rock and passes out. The force portrayed and the sound effect were very very effective and I let out a very guttural ouch. It wasn't even a kill and it sticks with me.

Worst Scene: Kill Your Darlings (or how I learned to stop asking questions and embrace excessive force)

I didn't know what else to call this because it's not so much a scene but a choice in the script. I found the fact that Sarah murders Juno to be a bit extreme. Maybe if she had simply chosen not to help her do to her feelings of betrayal, but she actively harmed her friend in an act that felt pretty petty, over a piece of shit cheating husband. I never understand why films portray "the other woman" as the villain in affair stories. I mean, yes, Juno betrayed her trust, but murder is a bit extreme, especially when we spent most of the movie watching Sarah struggle over the loss of her husband. There's no point in the film where Sarah wrestles with the idea that her partner whom she had been grieving over in such an extreme way was actually not a very good guy. Instead we are left to put all of our hate onto Juno. It also seemed like having Juno accidentally and understandably struck one of their companions in a fight with cave dwelling monsters seem like a cheap ploy to make us feel like she's getting what she deserves. The writers needed to make Juno more evil, and making tragic mistakes and having common human moral failures is not enough to make a cold blooded murder feel justified. In the end I wind up feeling more like Sarah is a fucking murderer than like justice was served, and since that's clearly not what the filmmakers intended, I think it makes the whole film weaker as a result.

Summary

The Descent is an excellent movie! It speaks volumes about the quality of this film that I can say "The Descent is great to look at" when the movie is this dark (and I don't mean the tone). The creature effects are excellent, the actors portraying them sell it, the characters are engaging and likeable as opposed to just being lambs for the slaughter. The sets are believable. I've already spoken above to the weaker aspects of the film so I won't spend anymore time here doing so. Please join these ladies for a spelunking trip next time you have the opportunity, and give praise to the Cult of Cult!

Overall Grade: B

#B #Grade B #The Descent #Neil Marshall #Monster #Cave #Cave Crawler #nocturnal #creature features #creature #creature feature #survival #horror #2005 #200s #2000s #(B)

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sabineelectricheart · 3 years

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Overcast Day

Summary: Dante had not spoken to Nicola in months, but when he receives a damning call, he rushes to his aid.

Rating: T - Suitable for teens, 13 years and older, with some violence, minor coarse language, and minor suggestive adult themes.

Words: 2000

Notes: I’m back on Piofiore. I still have some stuff backlogged, I hope I can post those during the coming months.

He is surprised when the telephone he keeps on his desk, that is usually kept silent, rings sharply, disturbing his concentration on his reviewing of the dry balance sheets in front of him. A grey cloud chooses exactly that moment to pass through the sun, making the noise that much more mysterious.

He is even more taken aback when a familiar voice comes out of the contraption, echoing with a pleading voice.

"Dante…You've…You've got to help me. It's Lili… Something happened… It was an accident, a terrible… We're at the hospital in Bari, on the fourth floor. Please, please, help me."

The line goes silent before he can manage to respond to anything it was said, and Dante stares at the telephone in shock, demanding it to ring again.

That was his cousin. That was Nicola. That was the one person he had not spoken to in months, all because of a stupid argument, and now, his cousin's fiancée was in trouble. Hurt, it seemed.

Dante does not know what to do for a second, just sits in his chair, staring at the dust floating on the claustrophobic air of his office. Suddenly, he jolts to his feet and then he feels himself grab his hat and coat, jumping into the automobile and ordering the driver to speed his way to Bari.

When he gets there to the first floor, he walks straight ahead to the receptionist desk, coming out of his daze.

"Excuse me, my…" Dante pauses for a millisecond.

He does not know how to word it, because she is not exactly family. A girl he knows from church? His God-inducted duty? The person he is in love with? The girl he thought he would marry ever since he was six?

"My… Sister-in-law is here, fourth floor I'm told, but I don't know what room. Could you help me?" He asks the wavy-haired woman with glasses falling off her long nose.

"What's her name?" She asks, popping her tongue.

"Liliana Adornato."

The receptionist looks at the constantly-changing patient log for the fourth floor. "Ah, Adornato. Fourth floor, room twelve."

Dante takes off, thanking the receptionist, and heads to the fourth floor. Once there, he looks up and down the halls, before finding room number twelve. A young man, with dirty blond hair, sits in a chair outside, hunched over, pressing a hand to his head.

Dante approaches with caution, before recognizing the face. "Nicola?"

"Dante! Oh, thank God!” The usually undevout man seemed to be falling back into old religious habits.

“Nicola.” Dante acknowledge, not quite sure how to proceed. “What happened? Why is Lili in there?”

“She was going out for the market, she wanted to bake some stupid pastry.” He spats the word. “A driver didn’t see her when she was crossing the street and ran over. She’s hurt, and in so much pain! They say… T-they say it's l-life-threatening."

Dante does not know what to say as a thought to mention their argument leaves him with shame burning on his face and disgust in his mind.

Don't talk about that here, it's not right.

He murmurs out, then, a timid 'sorry'.

"I'm terrified, Dante. I…I don't even know why I told you about this…hell, how am I going to tell Elena? Sister Sofia? The damn Church?"

Dante does not even know why he came. Maybe it is just for Lili. Maybe he is evil, and wants the assurance that this would not have happened if she had stayed with him. Maybe he is just human, and is saddened and scared for two people he loved more than life itself.

"This is of no concern now.” The younger man said, even-voiced. “It's best to wait for the final results before you panic."

"Right… Yes, you’re right. I knew that." Nicola sighs deeply, in a frantic mood his cousin did not remember he ever having. "They won't let me in… I don't know how long…"

The door opens as if on cue, and a man with shadowy stubble and square glasses steps out, wiping his brow.

"Mr. Francesca?" He asks for Nicola as Dante watches.

Nicola perks his head up and stands to his feet quickly. "Yes? How is she?"

"She's awake and talking a bit. She wants to see you." The medical doctor says.

Nicola nearly barrels him over and enters the room, leaving his cousin and the medic alone. Dante wanders over to the medic, peering into the room to see his underling kneeling down by Lili's bedside.

"How bad is it?" Dante asks him in a hushed tone, looking at the medic in full concern and seriousness.

"Wherever she got hit, it did some major damage to her internal organs.” The man explains with cold detachment. “If you want my honest opinion, I'm surprised she's even lasted this long. Many don't."

"So…” He stutters. “So how long do you give her?"

"Not long. Even less if the surgery was unsuccessful."

She is on borrowed time. Lili is going to die soon. Soon, Nicola's heart will be dead, too. Dread stirs in his body.

"Thank you." The medic leaves and Dante stands, hovering at the frame of the door. Should I tell him? It'll just hurt him more, right?

The argument comes back, nagging at his brain. He's right, you know he was right. You just didn't want to believe it.

"H-hi Dante."

The high, weak voice brings him out his thoughts and he found himself staring at the bed-ridden blonde girl with a smile. She looks absolutely dreadful and Dante feels positively awful, but seeing her still alive brightens his heart.

"Hi, Lili. How do you feel?" Dante tries to manage a soothing expression.

"As if… As if I am dying.” Her breath was wheezing. “I…I could be better."

"You're going get better though, right, Lili? You're going get better and then you'll get out of here and then you'll marry Nicola, and we'll finally have another member in the family." Dante tells her, trying to reassure not only her, but himself also. She'll overcome this, right?

"That's the plan." Nicola responds as Lili nods a bit.

"Great. I just wanted to see you, I'll be outside. See you around, Lili." Dante leaves the room, leaving the two alone.

"Nicola." Lili addresses, with a hint of seriousness. "I…I have to tell you… Something… That I heard."

"Yes?"

"T-they said… I only have… I am not going to make it, Nicola." Lili is on the cusp of bursting into tears.

"You’re not going to? To…to live?" He asks tentatively.

Lili nods her head.

Nicola is speechless, tears brushing the corner of his eyes. "You'll prove them wrong. I know you can!"

"Yes." Lili suddenly coughs and blanches, the small freckles on the bridge of her nose standing out in stark comparison.

"Lili?" Nicola asks, panicking inside. "What's wrong?"

"I-I don't feel good…"

"Do you want me to get someone?"

"No. I'll be…" She coughs. "F-fine. Believe me."

The blond man stands up. "I'll believe you when you get out of here. I'm going to go get someone."

"If it's time, it's time, Nicola. God waits for no one.” The blonde pointed out, as she was used to hear such things on the services held for the departed during the time she lived at church. “I've…I've thought about it all my life, especially with the way my parents were taken away from me, how we have lived our lives, so… S-so there's no way changing it! You can't have life without d-death, just like you can't have day without… N-night."

The colour in her lips suddenly leaves just as quickly as the colour in her face did. Death is just steps away.

If this was going to happen, if this was really near, reality seeping in, then Nicola decides he is going to tell her exactly how he feels.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." Nicola says quickly and perfectly before losing it. "And… A-and you're the… The… S-sunshine to my… Day… To my life. Please, please, Liliana Adornato, don't leave me. I love you."

"I-I… Love you… Too." She smiles, the colour in her lips still fading fast, with a sad look in her eyes.

Her hand reaches out slowly to him and she takes his hand in hers, raising it to her shaking lips. She presses her lips to the back of his pale hand and she smiles again.

"I…I heard that… That your dreams came true… Did they r-really?" She asks, weakly.

"Yes, of course, love. They…"

Nicola stops and looks at her, realizes it is too late. He searches her face with his eyes and finds no life there.

"No, no, no, no, no! This… It… Can't… Come back! Come back!"

His throat is tightening and it's making it harder to breathe. He gulps for air, tears pooling in his eyes and spilling over, squeezing the hand holding his and he screams.

Outside in the hallway, Dante hears it. His heart pounds in his chest and he almost panics. To anyone else, it could sound like his cousin is being murdered, but Dante knows what it is.

It is the sound of a heart shattering into a million pieces.

He races into the room, and stops halfway when he realizes completely what has happened. His eyes look between his cousin's sobbing face to his was-to-be fiancée's, her pale face still with the etch of a smile on it. Dante thinks she looks just as pretty in death as in life.

"Nicola, I…"

"Just go away, will you?"

"Let me…"

"I said go away!" Anger is taking him over, before it was sorrow, grief, worry. His cousin's different emotions are now like an invisible animal farm, multiple feelings penned up in a corral deep in his mind.

"No." Dante takes a deep breath and blurts, "You were right. I spent too much time on work, and I screwed up every relationship I ever had. I'm sorry."

Dante knows this is the most inappropriate time he could ever say this, but now he cannot take it back.

He breathed out, trying to recompose himself into an indoor voice. "And sorry about your loss. Our loss. The family's loss."

There is a silence between them, with only Nicola's sobs echoing in the air and then there are rushed footsteps. The nurses arrive to take away the body, as Giulia, Leo and some other members of the Family come into the room, having rushed from Burlone, too. The matron wails stridently, and the medical professionals try to contain her.

As the nurses are preoccupied with their other duties, Nicola is still in his kneeled position, and Dante knows he will not let them take him away under no pretence whatsoever.

He walks over cautiously and says in a quiet, soothing voice. "Hey… It's time to go."

His cousin does not say anything, as Dante lays a hand on his shoulder gently, bending down slightly and gripping his arm, pulling him up from the ground. Nicola lets Dante guide him up, clinging onto his cousin's shirt, as Dante is half supporting Nicola's grief-stricken body.

"I-I… I told you… I was right." Nicola says quietly.

"Shh…" Dante replies, drawing his family member closer to him. "Not here. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

Nicola falls silent again, snuffling a few times, sobbing freshly. "My… S-sunshine's gone…"

Dante feels tears well up in his own eyes, as he and his twin step into the hallway filled with sobbing Family members. She is gone for all of us, he thinks. It is like the sun is covered with clouds and cannot break from the darkness. It leaves everyone down and heartbroken.

He is smart, and he knows his place. He knows what he has to do, and he will perform it famously. No one will ever know that it shatters his own heart to millions of pieces.

No one will know that his sunshine is gone, too.

*_*_*_*_*

Piofiore Masterlist

#piofiore #nicola francesca #dante falzone

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v1rg1nvodkasprite · 5 years

Text

Profoundly Immoral and Wicked → Peter Parker (Part I)

Summary

After loosing hope and everyone he cared for, Peter turns to devilish actions while risking his own life and the life of the one person who hasn't lost hope for him.

Warnings: language, mention of death, angst, dark!spiderman, endgame spoilers

Notes: hey guys this is a new series that i'm starting. i really like this concept and it's not written enough honestly. lmk if u want to be added to my taglist here. i hope you enjoy!! x

I paced back and forth in the Avengers Compund, nervously waiting for any news to come through my police radio. It was around the usual time that Peter would cause trouble and now all I had to do was wait. "Maybe he's taking a break tonight," Clint said, taking a bite from the apple in his hand.

I shook my head. "He never does," I said, my gaze never leaving the radio. Clint sighed before taking another bite, shaking his head.

"Attention 486 units, we've got a 10-31 in progress at 97-41 Queens Blvd, Rego Park, NY 11374. Any unit in 10 or less," a voice came from the radio. I was quick to respond, unzipping my sweatshirt to reveal the white, skin-tight suit underneath.

"Need any help?" Clint asked, getting up from the chair and I shook my head. "No, I've got this," I said before junping out the window, my wings expanding to glide through the air.

I made my way towards the bank a quickly as possible not wanting the police to arrive before me. If the police got to Peter before I did, he would most definitely go to prison and I couldn't let that happen. He'd be put in the same place as the villians he defeated. He'd be killed instantly.

I perched on top the roof, observing Peter as he stuffed wads of cash into a bag from a broken ATM. After stuffing the cash into the bag, he shot a web to the next building, swinging himself up to the roof. I few after him, grabbing onto him as he landed onto the roof.

He grunted falling onto the ground as I tackled him. "Get the fuck off of me," he said, elbowing me in the face. I groaned, my hand going to my nose as it throbbed in pain.

"Peter, stop!" I yelled to him, sweeping my wings under his feet, making him fall. "Leave me alone, Y/N," he said, shooting a web at one of my wings pulling me down to the ground.

I got up, trying to fly over Peter but he pulled me back down, kick me in my chest. I fell back, the wind knocked out of me. I groaned getting back up, grabbing a Peter from behind, jumping off of the building and flying in the direction of where the Avengers compound was.

"Let me go!" he yelled, throwing his head back, hitting my face. I dropped him, groaning in pain as he fell in top of another roof. I dived down, landing on the building as I ran after Peter.

"Peter please," I called out to him. "Why are you here?" he stopped, turning around to face me. "Because I want to help you. You don't need to do this," I told him, my face full of concern. "I don't need your help. Last time you tried to help, Mr. Stark died and then May died! You don't get to tell me what's wrong from right when you let them die!" She yelled at me, furiously.

I shook my head, "Peter, you know that wasn't my fault. My dad died to save everyone else. I would've gladly taken his place," I said, a knot forming in my throat at the mention of my late father.

It hadn't even been a year since he died and a few months since May died. I remembered that night lividly. Some how, Harry found out that Peter was Spiderman and decided to kill May to get revenge on Peter for killing his father.

The plan was that Peter would try to distract Harry while I snuck up on him to pick up May and fly her away from the fight but the plan fell through.

Harry turned back to face me as soon as jumped out of the shadows and threw May away from him. I dived down trying to reach May before she hit the ground but was far behind her. Peter shot a web down to try to catch her, only for her to hit the ground as the web attached to her.

"But you killed May, you didn't even try to get her. You just let her fall!" he screamed, his throat becoming raw. "Don't you dare say that I didn't try! I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough. I cared about her so don't say that I didn't care or just let her die. I tried, Peter and I'm sorry," I yelled at him, starting to choke.

"She's dead and it's your fault!" he scream at me, shooting a web straight for my chest. An uncomfortable feeling shot through, all of my body cramping up, the web shocking me. Peter had used one of the many combinations my dad put into his suit, tasing me with his web.

I fell to the group screaming out as the jolts of electricity run through me. He stopped after a minute, looking at me for a few seconds as I laid on the ground, not being able to move. I couldn't tell what he was thinking as he watched me but it wasn't long before he short another web off, swinging away.

I waited a few minutes, finally pushing myself up as the rest of my body still felt tight. Of course, I had fought with Peter before and left with a few bruises and scratches but we never crossed the line like that.

I made my way back to the compound, deciding on walking instead of flying. I didn't trust myself to keep myself up as my wings felt like they were on fire.

As made my way up to lab in the compound, I suddenly collapsed. My heart beat was the only thing I heard as a surreal pain in my chest grew. I screamed out in pain as Scott ran to my side.

"Oh my god! Oh my god! Let me- fuck! I'm going to get someone," he said, running away. Seconds later, he came back with Bruce, the pain increasing. Bruce picked me and I felt like small in his arms as he carried me to medical lab, setting me down on the bed.

"She's having a heart attack, give her some aspirin while I set up the ACE inhibitors. Try to keep her calm, okay?" he said, before walking away. "You're going to be okay. Everything's going to be fine, alright?" Scott said, trying to reassure me but it sounded like he was trying convince himself.

I soon passed out, the pain overcoming me. Later, I woke up, my chest still a bit sore but the overall pain had stopped. "How are you feeling?" Bruce asked, sitting down next to the bed. "I'm okay," I said, sitting up. "Woah, woah. Lay back down," he said, pushing me back down gently but with his strength, it wasn't as gentle.

"I'm fine, Bruce," I huffed but he shook his head. "You're not. It seems like you have an atrial septal defect. You basically have a hole in your heart between the two lower chambers," he explained. My eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, "What does that mean? Am I going to be able to go on missions and stuff?"

Bruce sighed, nodding, "Technically, yes but I would t recommend it. The amount of adrenaline that fighting involves could damage your heart over time," he said and I nodded. "You should also take a break from chasing after Peter," he said and I shook my head.

"I can't, you know that. He didn't give up on me when Dad died so I'm not going to give up on him. You remember when I almost drank myself to death everyday. He was the one that made me go to rehab," I said and Bruce sighed. "Yes, I remember. Just take it easy, okay? If he takes it any harder on you, there's a chance it'll get worse. We're looking at you dying, Y/N," he said and I sighed and nodded.

It was still hard to wrap my head around the fact that Peter would ever use that on me. Even during the Civil War, he wouldn't punch me or use any of his webs on me even though I was fighting on Cap's side. I guess he had changed completely. It was going to be really hard to help get back to who he used to be.

taglist

@satanspaghetti , @rencontre-moi-dans-le-couloir , @thewinchesterchronicles , @b-i-g-i-r-l-b-i , @rexorangecouny , @harrysstyleseyes , @weakling-grace , @computersaysnot , @lilibellecms , @jonesyaddiction , @toogoateechild , @boomtownboy , @benders-diamond-earring , @rogertaylors-falsetto

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Afternoon Janis: Just about Janis: Won't tell anyone you didn't hit me up with the coveted Morning text, like Jimmy: No need when I'm there to do it in person Jimmy: Just use your imagination when you tell 'em how I woke you up Janis: 😏 Why bother when they so ready to do it themselves, like Janis: #yourinfluence obvs Jimmy: 😎 Jimmy: Yours is that the 🐶 won't shut up 'bout you #real love 💕 Janis: Dog, yeah? Janis: Not heard that one before Jimmy: Alright, you rumbled me, my sister too Jimmy: But what the dog's saying is nicer Janis: 😂 Janis: I did forget to invite her along, to be fair Janis: Forgetfulness gotta be catching 'cos Mia totally wanted to idk Janis: wax my bikini line or something, apparently Jimmy: I know this is fake but your dirty talk needs some work, mate Jimmy: Good to know that shit does happen at sleepovers though Janis: Grow up dickhead 🙄 Janis: probably try recreate game of thrones and pour it on my head, no thanks Janis: can't make that sexy, no matter how many dragons I add to the story, soz Jimmy: Niche reference 👍 Jimmy: I rolled up to say tah for not being a dickhead anyway Jimmy: It all went to plan Janis: You're definitely that kinda nerd, don't lie Janis: Duh Janis: 🥇 Janis: I told you Jimmy: Piss off am I Jimmy: You can't pretend that you don't know how cool I am now, Joan Janis: What, 'cos you took me to the pub I suggested Janis: Okay 😏 Jimmy: 'cause I didn't make a holy show of myself as you Irish call it Jimmy: at the pub you suggested Janis: You were alright Janis: Not too unbearable, like Jimmy: I love you too, baby 😘 Janis: 🖕 Idiot Jimmy: What you doing tonight? Jimmy: We should be seen together so people don't reckon I got what I wanted and that's it Janis: Or you were that shit I've had to ghost you Jimmy: Nobody's thinking that Janis: Alright ego 😜 Janis: but I'm up for doing something, long as it's not totally shit Jimmy: Is there like a party or something going on? Jimmy: More people the better, I reckon Janis: Undoubtedly Janis: I'll ask my cousin, not everyone he knows is a total prick Janis: up for the challenge, yeah? 💪 Jimmy: Like you said 🥇 Janis: 👍 I've hit him up, let you know the where and when Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: I'm on a half day so don't matter Jimmy: Time to make myself look #goals Janis: Sick Janis: weren't too dead were ya? Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You? Janis: Good Janis: 'Course not Janis: Lazy rich bitch anyway so you know Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: tah for saying it so I don't 'ave to Janis: Please, you're so gutted Jimmy: Maybe Jimmy: You'll just have to cheer me up tonight Janis: Yeah? Janis: Easy Jimmy: Easy for you to say now, yeah Jimmy: We haven't faked it for that long before Janis: Have a little faith Janis: 'less you're planning to make it hard for me or Jimmy: It'd be more fun but we've got a deal Jimmy: So don't fuck it up & I won't Janis: Fine 🙄 Jimmy: Saving your enthusiasm? 👍 Janis: Yeah Janis: basically got 16 years worth saved up, hope you're ready Jimmy: Challenge accepted, Jillian Janis: That's the worse one yet Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I won't use it when anyone can hear me, don't worry Jimmy: What's your name again though? Janis: You testing me Janis: watch me turn up looking like a bag of shit now Janis: enjoy, wanker Jimmy: Watch me 😍😍😍 even harder for it Jimmy: You're not gonna beat me, babe Janis: So am Jimmy: Like I said, easy to say now Jimmy: Harder to do when I'm chaining 🚬 to put you off Janis: 😒 I've handled worse Jimmy: I don't need your exes list, Judy Janis: Short list Janis: . Janis: like Jimmy: What? Jimmy: You only fake date Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: Fuck off Janis: I don't date Janis: waste of time Jimmy: Can be Janis: Is Jimmy: Pete'll be gutted Jimmy: Still, if you're as good in bed for real as you are when it's fake, decent consolation Janis: I'm sure Janis: aside from he probably fancies you more than he does me Jimmy: Me too, he's been name dropping you all shift 💕 Jimmy: Wrong again, Jennifer Janis: Lies Jimmy: I didn't know who he meant for half of it Jimmy: but yeah Janis: Brilliant Janis: Good thing he's not our target demo then isn't it Jimmy: No offense, Janis Jimmy: ain't my fault he don't know you Janis: Why would he Janis: He's like year above ain't he, idk Jimmy: How would I know? Jimmy: Not the one crushing on him Janis: You do keep bringing him up Janis: if you needed a beard, like Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: What do you wanna talk about then? Janis: [Party deets] Janis: There you go, can plan your outfit now Jimmy: What time do you wanna show up? Janis: Later the better, init Janis: make a scene but also, don't have to spend too much time surrounded by idiots Jimmy: You just know you can't hack faking being my girlfriend for too long Jimmy: but 👌 Janis: Bitch I can go all night Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: You'd be stretched to do an hour Janis: Bollocks Janis: When do YOU wanna go then? Jimmy: I'd go right now if they'd have me Jimmy: Better than being stuck at the CG Janis: N'awh, you really know how to make a girl feel special, babe 😘 Jimmy: 🎻 Jimmy: I'll do it tonight Jimmy: Do your best to wait patiently, Jodie Janis: 🖕 Do yours to keep up Janis: can't be too late if you gotta leave 9 though, are you sure Janis: lowkey might not even start before then Jimmy: I've sorted it with Cass Jimmy: I can be out as late as we need to get this done Janis: Didn't know it was her calling the curfew not your Da Janis: but makes sense, tbh Janis: cool then Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: He don't call any shots Jimmy: But someone's gotta look after my brother & he don't worry 'bout that either Janis: I wasn't trying to be funny about it Jimmy: Decent effort then 'cause you weren't Janis: Alright Janis: sorry Jimmy: 👍 Janis: meet there? Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: Let me know when Janis: k Jimmy: [Later] Jimmy: They want me to work over Jimmy: when are we going? Janis: Oh, don't worry then if it's gonna be too much hassle Jimmy: It's only a couple more hours Janis: When are you getting off now? Jimmy: 4.30 Jimmy: but I got some shit to do when I leave here Jimmy: part of Cass' bargain Janis: 👍 good girl Janis: anything i can help with or you alright Jimmy: you can get the dog out Jimmy: know you'd both love that 💕 Janis: Sure thing Janis: use the extra steps myself anyway Jimmy: Come and get my keys whenever Janis: Are the kids gonna be about Janis: they could come with, if they would Jimmy: you can ask 'em if you're feeling brave Janis: Just an idea Janis: might run off some energy lowkey exhaust the dog and them, like Jimmy: I reckon it's a good one Jimmy: They might not Janis: I'll try Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: If they're dickheads, text me Janis: Don't worry, I've got millions of cousins and shit, I know how to not get 'em killed or I wouldn't offer Jimmy: Weren't worried 'bout 'em Jimmy: Just you Janis: Oi Janis: I'm no soft-touch Jimmy: Only got your word for that, mate Janis: 😑 Janis: Proof'll be how well-trained this dog is Jimmy: You ain't got long enough for that Jimmy: I'm not fake dating you for years tah Janis: Christ no Janis: crash course, I'm that good Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: as long as you're more convincing tonight Janis: Name a time I haven't been Janis: everyone's buying it so hard Jimmy: I told you, that was lowest tier shit Jimmy: You have to pretend to like me for longer than a make out sesh Janis: I keep telling you I can, damn Janis: Can't prove it 'til we're there, can I? Jimmy: Alright, calm down Jimmy: take some pics on your walk, really milk how domestic we are Janis: Done Janis: she's very photogenic Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you can date her for real when this is over Janis: You're giving me her in the fake breakup, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: means you gotta give me something Jimmy: get thinking Janis: can I interest you in Grace? Janis: know what you're thinking, literally defeats the point Janis: but she just looking for a new fam Janis: bitch for a bitch Jimmy: nah tah Jimmy: One sister's enough Janis: Shit Janis: I got 3 Janis: worst luck Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: violin solo for each Janis: Grace is more like a fucking triangle solo Jimmy: brutal Jimmy: I don't reckon there's an emoji for that though 💔 Janis: 🃏 Janis: really lacking on the emoji front Janis: gutted, gonna complain Jimmy: get it done, Joanne Janis: talk to twitter whilst i'm there Janis: your account not dead now? Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: I ain't checked Janis: Bummer Janis: no new nudes for me 💔 Jimmy: I'll streak through the party Jimmy: make an entrance Janis: 😂 Janis: Twat Janis: There's no pretending to be 😍 over public indecency Jimmy: try harder then, dickhead Jimmy: thought you were 🥇 Janis: I don't want everyone to reckon I'm actually derranged, like Janis: be normal, Taylor Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: you know, one of us has to Jimmy: I get it, you don't reckon you won't be overcome with lust at the sight of me actually naked Jimmy: head in the game, girl Janis: 'Course Janis: who wouldn't be Janis: turning it into a casual orgy Jimmy: Mia maybe Jimmy: You're more her type Janis: Ugh don't Janis: idk what her problem really is Janis: 'cept she wants to wear my skin Jimmy: she's jealous Janis: Nah Janis: she's an only child and her daddy gives her everything so she's rolling in it Jimmy: but 'til he gives her money for surgery you're prettier than her Jimmy: & now you've got me so 🗡 Janis: Don't fuck her, yeah? Janis: It must be how she gets her power 'cos she's got no interest in actually being with you, she just has a list of like every boy in Dublin or some shit she's working through Jimmy: even if she has surgery, I have standards, I told you Janis: Good Janis: even if you're a bit of a prick, hate to see you go like that Janis: 🐍 eat you when she's done Jimmy: I'd rather my 🍆 stays attached to me Jimmy: more use than my head Janis: What's more #bae Janis: agree or disagree? 🤔 Jimmy: take it to a twitter poll Janis: I think they've got a bias rn though, after that pic Janis: say something dead brainy, babe Jimmy: too northern for that Jimmy: do it for me & say I did Janis: It's weird when you're #humble Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: gonna fuck with you when you find out that's the real me Janis: Coulda kept that in the vault, I'd never know Jimmy: Like I said, you'd find out Janis: You not planning on deleting me when this is all over then? Jimmy: Probably but there's still this thing called IRL Jimmy: Can't bin school off yet Janis: Oh, where I'm at my most social, 'course Janis: you barely knew I existed 'til now I think we'll be fine 😏 Jimmy: Don't be gutted Jimmy: I know your name now & everything Janis: Yeah was so sat there praying for the day Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what are you actually gonna wear Janis: not saying we should be THAT fake couple and co-ord but Jimmy: hadn't given it any real thought Jimmy: what's the party dress code in leprechaun land? Janis: depends who you are and who they are Janis: don't wanna be try hard Janis: probably can't show up in my gym clothes, though Jimmy: who am I & who are they, babe? Janis: you know who you are Janis: leather jackets ain't just for your baes, obviously Janis: idk who this kid is exactly but he lives in a normal neighbourhood so he's not like dead posh or anything Jimmy: there's your answer then Jimmy: easy 😍 Jimmy: only challenge is me finding the place Janis: I better hang about then after I've walked the dog Janis: probably more #goals to go together anyway Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: smoothie? Jimmy: You should eat so you don't get dead drunk again Janis: 'Scuse me Janis: I was not Jimmy: You were Jimmy: & don't bring a jacket so you can wear mine that's gotta be #goals Janis: Just mad it went unnoticed that I was in the dog walking 'gram Janis: too 💕 for them all, baby Jimmy: just don't get as pissed tonight Jimmy: you might let everyone know how you really feel Janis: You ain't my Dad Jimmy: Nah, I'm your fake boyfriend & I'd like it if you didn't out us Jimmy: that's it Janis: I'm not going to because I wasn't even drunk and I won't be tonight Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: if you're gonna chat shit, I've got work to do Janis: I don't wanna chat to you anyway if you're gonna be shady Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: Shady? Am I also slim 😂 Jimmy: top lingo, Janet Janis: 😒 you are that white Jimmy: take it up with my dad Janis: When can we have our first fake fight 'cos you're asking for it today, like Jimmy: a bit soon unless you wanna do a really hot makeup makeout Janis: Who'd want that? Janis: Shame Jimmy: the fans Janis: True Janis: but you said I've gotta show I can stand you when you ain't rocking my world so Jimmy: & you've gotta show you want me too more than just a once off Janis: Don't want much, do ya? Jimmy: It ain't about what I want Janis: You know what I mean Jimmy: I know you keep saying you'll do this easy Jimmy: So stop whinging Janis: I ain't Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you liked whelan's then, yeah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I'll probably go back Janis: good Janis: i knew you would, it's alright Jimmy: seeing as you know me so well you can find me a real girl to date when this is over Janis: ha Janis: jog on Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: it'd be a laugh to see who you'd pick if nowt else Janis: not a dyke, remember? Jimmy: didn't say you had to join in with us, did I? Janis: shut up Janis: what do i know about girls Janis: not a real one, am i Jimmy: what do you reckon you are then? My dream Jimmy: Piss off Janis: don't be stupid Jimmy: you're real Janis: You said it, not me Jimmy: What? Janis: 'you can find me a real girl to date' Jimmy: I meant a girl to not fake date Janis: whatever Jimmy: come on, Janis Janis: don't matter Janis: forget it Jimmy: don't wanna Janis: don't be a dick Janis: if you didn't mean it you didn't Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: So don't you be a dickhead Janis: What the fuck have I done? Jimmy: acting shady Jimmy: to use your top lingo Janis: 😑 you clearly don't know what that means Jimmy: nah I don't Jimmy: it's bollocks Jimmy: reckon you made it up just then Janis: not that deep undercover than we need our own language Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't sure I'd keep up Jimmy: proper cryptic you Irish Janis: 🖕 Janis: how's that for cryptic? Janis: gobshite Jimmy: 😂 Janis: I'm not finding you a girlfriend Janis: Ruin your own life Jimmy: Alright, leave me to my own devices so I can find another girl who prefers old blokes Jimmy: on your head Janis: If it keeps you from becoming a baby daddy, aren't I doing you/the world a massive service, really, like Jimmy: if that keeps you warm, mate, tell yourself it Jimmy: I'll be shivering 'cause left out in the cold 🎻 Janis: Catch me and Pete laughing at you whilst we fuck on a huge pile of money in our mcmansion Janis: #thedream Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: I've seen him concentrating when he makes a latte I don't need to think about his face when he's going at it Janis: 😍😍😍 Jimmy: get in his inbox to live that dream Janis: Can't be having my fake mans and real in the same place Janis: mixing business and pleasure always a no Jimmy: he won't say owt Jimmy: tell him you're down to cheat Janis: thanks for your permission 😂 Jimmy: don't care, do I? Jimmy: just keep it off the 'gram Janis: You might have endless faith in him but I don't Janis: everyone knows everyone's business around here 🙄 Jimmy: if you cheat I ain't lost owt Jimmy: go on Jimmy: save me a break up Janis: I don't think so Janis: I get to come out of this looking good, that was part of the deal Jimmy: We can change it easy Jimmy: & anyway who says pete ain't a trade up Janis: Nah Janis: Deal's a deal, I'm sticking to my side of it Jimmy: You've done it Jimmy: been proven those girls ain't my type Janis: If that was true we wouldn't be going tonight Janis: we ain't done here Jimmy: we ain't done for you Jimmy: but if you reckon you've got a better offer, take it Janis: Don't use this as an excuse Janis: you know I don't Jimmy: an excuse for what? Janis: For not wanting to help me out now we've sorted your side of it out Jimmy: I've said I'll do it Jimmy: like I said, not about what I want Janis: I know you don't want it alright Janis: it doesn't have to be much longer Jimmy: just don't fuck Pete Jimmy: I still have to work with him Jimmy: & I don't want the pisstake Janis: I'm not going to Janis: I've literally not spoken to him before Jimmy: then don't speak to him Janis: Um bit far, am I only allowed to order smoothies from you? Jimmy: CG isn't the only shit coffee shop around Jimmy: why come in after this? Janis: so I'm banned now, jesus Janis: fine Janis: I don't even drink coffee Jimmy: I can't ban you Jimmy: not the manager Janis: but you would if you could? Janis: well that's lovely Jimmy: so you would come in for coffee & a chat after I've fake dumped you? 👌 Janis: You're actually such a prick Janis: 1. I'M dumping YOU Janis: 2. You were actually serious that you're gonna delete me? Avoid me forever too? Very mature Jimmy: I'm gonna delete everyone Jimmy: not just you Jimmy: why do you care? like you said, didn't know each other existed before Janis: You're gonna have no friends, whole time you're here then Jimmy: hopefully Jimmy: what you're offering now, are you? Janis: no one good enough for you, yeah? Janis: not now I know Janis: don't worry Jimmy: you were the one warning me not to turn into 'em like a day ago Jimmy: didn't realise the real you was a cheerleader of leprechaun town Janis: Piss off Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: wear the uniform tonight though, the fans will love it Janis: It's going to take you ages you may as well try and tolerate it whilst you're here Jimmy: You don't have to outdo my dad on the fatherly advice Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: Exactly, you're not gonna leave your brother and sister here Janis: so it's years, not months Jimmy: that's assuming any of us are gonna stay here Jimmy: he keeps jobs slightly longer than girlfriends but don't go mad, like Janis: Yeah great, hinge your masterplan on his lack of Janis: I hope it all works out for you, really Jimmy: I don't need a masterplan this is my real life not a fake dating plot Janis: Fuck you Janis: Act like it then, you live here right now, get over it Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You've lived here longer Jimmy: where's your friends? Janis: What's it matter 'bout me? Jimmy: you're dishing it out like I gotta be living my best life Jimmy: sort yours Janis: Again, this isn't about me Janis: you're not me Jimmy: & you ain't me, sweetheart Jimmy: you don't know what I want so don't tell me Janis: Don't fucking talk to me like that Jimmy: likewise Janis: Fine, be miserable Janis: like you said, why do I care Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Fuck me knowing what you want, I hope you work it out Jimmy: I have Janis: Good for you Jimmy: dead patronising you Jimmy: Love that Janis: I'm not the one throwing out sweethearts like it's the 70s Jimmy: Nah, you're just the one judging me when all you know is my name basically Jimmy: starting to see your sister's POV now Jimmy: bit of a nightmare, aren't you? Janis: Go fuck her then Jimmy: I don't want to Jimmy: but tah for the permission Janis: Literally drop dead Janis: I never once judged you and it's fucking rich you taking issue when all you do is judge everyone here all the time Jimmy: just 'cause you're a girl don't mean you can talk me like that & then tell me how to talk to you Janis: like what Janis: you talk to me like a piece of shit Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Great Janis: Bye Jimmy: not bye, see you in a bit Jimmy: unless you're bailing Janis: you reckon i'm in the party mood Janis: really Jimmy: not what I asked Jimmy: don't matter how you really feel, does it? Janis: you're a sociopath, awesome Jimmy: no idea Jimmy: but alright fuck the party, don't bother me Janis: nah, 'course, nothing does Jimmy: nowt that's any of your business Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I'll still walk the dog it isn't her fault Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: you'll still need the keys Jimmy: won't throw 'em at you not very #goals Janis: I don't care anymore Janis: who am I impressing, like you said Jimmy: when? Janis: You know Janis: I've got no friends, I'm a nightmare Janis: 🎻 Janis: the list goes on Jimmy: that's not what they're seeing Jimmy: just me 🎻 Jimmy: you've impressed everyone else Janis: Please Janis: you're so smart now Jimmy: It don't take much Janis: Exactly Janis: Jig is probably up Jimmy: Bollocks Jimmy: you know it's working Janis: Yeah not now I hate you Jimmy: you didn't love me before Jimmy: but alright Jimmy: call it off Janis: I'm not coming out of this like this Janis: you don't have to see me Janis: I'll make it work myself Jimmy: 👌 Janis: just tell me how you wanna sound Jimmy: I don't care Jimmy: do it how you want Janis: is it wise to give me such free reign Janis: nightmare i am Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: don't matter Janis: You reckon I shouldn't care? Jimmy: I'm saying I don't Janis: No one's judging you anyway Jimmy: feel free to change that Janis: I'm not that much of a bitch Janis: thanks Jimmy: not on the 'gram anyway Janis: Fuck you Janis: I was being nice Jimmy: 'til I told you not to fuck Pete Jimmy: If I knew that was the dealbreaker I wouldn't have said nowt Janis: No, 'til you asked me to find you a girlfriend, called me not a girl Janis: then fucking agreed with my sister Jimmy: I told you, I never said you weren't a girl Jimmy: & I weren't serious about the girlfriend thing Janis: Whatever Janis: I don't even know if that's his name so it isn't about that Jimmy: alright Janis: It ain't alright Janis: I wasn't serious either you didn't have to take it like that and make it into this thing Jimmy: I seriously don't want you to fuck my co-workers Jimmy: that's all I said Janis: I'm not going to! Janis: I don't even want to Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: don't matter now Janis: Why not Jimmy: 'cause this is finished Jimmy: we don't need to keep chatting 'bout it Janis: Why is it a problem if I'm not gonna do it Jimmy: it ain't Janis: Then stop being a dick Jimmy: You stop being a dick Janis: dickhead Jimmy: You're the dickhead Janis: Oh my God Janis: stop Jimmy: just break it off Jimmy: I've got work to do Janis: Come on Janis: you're really dedicated now you don't wanna talk to me Jimmy: why would I? Jimmy: if we aren't going to the party what is there to chat about? Janis: well we could Janis: but fine Jimmy: you don't wanna either Jimmy: you hate me now, remember? Janis: Well you never liked me apparently so can't be offended Jimmy: yeah I can Janis: It's not fair, that's bullshit Jimmy: you hating me is not the same as me not knowing you Janis: maybe i'm being slightly dramatic Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: like I said, don't matter Janis: No Janis: Shut up being annoying Janis: let's go to the party Jimmy: I don't reckon that's a good idea Janis: Why not Jimmy: not in the running for an oscar, are we? Janis: alright Janis: i'll go by myself i guess Jimmy: that's a worse idea Jimmy: get it together, Jasmine Janis: Why? Jimmy: You're a pisshead & you need me Janis: 😑 Janis: well then you have to come Janis: I'm going Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: when? Janis: Whenever you've done what you've gotta do at Home Janis: I'm already on the bus to get the keys Jimmy: I just have to get the bribes in Jimmy: come with Jimmy: we can get drinks for the party or whatever Janis: I get it, all the sugar Janis: alright Janis: just don't try to palm me off with alcopops Jimmy: piss off would I Jimmy: I don't hate you Janis: tah 😏 you do reckon I can't handle my drink though Janis: which is just untrue Jimmy: you couldn't Jimmy: that's all I've got to go off Jimmy: prove me wrong tonight if you're that mad 'bout it Janis: What did I do? Janis: because I have evidence of YOU licking MY face, thanks snapchat Jimmy: FOR snapchat Jimmy: you were being nice to me when the camera weren't on Janis: How dare I 🙄 Janis: make it sound like I was tryna jump you Jimmy: nowt like that Jimmy: you were just Jimmy: fuck knows, mate Janis: ominous Janis: maybe i won't drink Janis: fuck's sake Jimmy: challenge turned down? 👌 Janis: 😠 No Janis: you got me paranoid now though Jimmy: not trying to get in your head so I'll win or owt Jimmy: nah Janis: 😒 Jimmy: for real though that weren't how I wanted that to sound Jimmy: it was fun Jimmy: you weren't a total dickhead like usual, that's it Janis: so what you're really saying is Janis: I should make a habit of it? Janis: cool Janis: I thought you meant I was white girl wasted then I'd have to kms, obviously Jimmy: I'm saying if I were gonna hate you, I couldn't then 'cause you were alright Jimmy: calm down Janis: Awh babe Jimmy: what the fuck is white girl wasted? Janis: If Gracie or any of her mates are at this party, hopefully not, you'll get to see Janis: the girls who are screaming 'this is my song!' to every other shit song Janis: and lose their shoes and shit and end up sobbing hysterically on a poor bouncer or something Jimmy: that don't exist up north, lasses drink like lads Jimmy: I'll have to take you Jimmy: learn something, Jemima Janis: you can't say the north has a better drinking culture than ireland Janis: that's literally all we're known for excuse you Jimmy: I reckon I just did Jimmy: am I gonna get cursed now? Janis: Think you're gonna get deported so you'll be buzzin' on that Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: they aren't gonna be at the party are they? Janis: Nah, would've seen all the annoying getting ready and pre-drinks stories by now Jimmy: thank feck as you 🍀 say Jimmy: fun as it'd be to get that angry vein going in Mia's head again Janis: Please never say that again but do 'cos I wanna hear wtf it'd sound like in your accent 😂 Janis: she's DYING for round two Jimmy: I'll whisper it in your ear later if you pretend I'm saying something #goals Janis: Deal Jimmy: Just don't piss yourself laughing I don't need everyone reckoning my chat is that bad Janis: 🎭 Janis: I'll be so into it it'll be awkward for everyone else Janis: 💪 Jimmy: yeah alright Jane fonda just try & look like you're dying for round two 😍💕 Jimmy: maybe there'll be a room we can fake fuck in Janis: What are house parties for Janis: besides easier underage drinking, obviously Jimmy: as long as Mia ain't there to listen at the door Janis: I refuse to fake an orgasm for her the cunt you'd have to actually just fuck me Jimmy: I'll just take you home if she shows up Jimmy: pretend like I'm anti-fucking in strangers houses Jimmy: like its a northern thing or summat Janis: 😂 Polite, very anti-you Janis: but it works Jimmy: there's only so much convincing fakery I could let you do before it'd just sound hot Jimmy: not part of the deal for me to be into it Janis: Yeah Janis: Only human Jimmy: 🐍 quota in these parts is full Janis: Truly Janis: Don't tell Paddy, he'll be fuming Jimmy: 🤞 Jimmy: better get more smokes if you're sharing Jimmy: remind me Janis: Should get my own, least pay you half Jimmy: call it my being a dickhead tax Jimmy: besides, people were into it Jimmy: new #goals Janis: You make it look good Janis: no one needs to know you get out of breath on a dog walk Jimmy: you give then you take away Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: next time tweet the first bit & leave off the second Janis: I already did that story, no caption necessary Janis: can't have you thinking I'm too nice again and going weird on me Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: Are we meant to do getting ready snaps or are you not white enough? Janis: God no Janis: 'less we're being all extra about how much we don't wanna leave bed, like Jimmy: we could Jimmy: I zip up your...dress? but you take off my shirt Jimmy: make it sexy Jimmy: 😂 Janis: 😂 Janis: this is just going to get confusing Janis: end up leaving half undressed but not in the intentional way Jimmy: no then? Janis: nah, we can Janis: means having to take less there so we can lowkey have a decent time still Jimmy: almost like you now Jimmy: 'cause that's a top plan Janis: Gimme time Janis: not a fan of almosts like go all in and hate me or you know Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: what are you wearing not heavy breathing way? Jimmy: in a* Janis: Thanks for clarifying Janis: I put a few options in my bag, I'd ask a girl but you know Janis: You'll have to do Jimmy: I am out of breath but 🚬 not burning desire Jimmy: piss off I'm better Jimmy: I'll tell you what looks hot Jimmy: 😍 not bitchy side eye Janis: #truelove Janis: #lastsalifetime #inyourlungs Janis: Good, can always get that from your sister if I'm missing it Jimmy: You're getting too decent at #s gonna have to dump you 💔 Janis: #damn Jimmy: Stop Janis: #gonnamissmewhenimgone Jimmy: #Janis please Jimmy: if you make me laugh I could keel over 🚬 remember Janis: When bae calls you a health risk 😍 Jimmy: #goals right Jimmy: love you so much its gonna kill me Janis: mhmm Janis: i told ya, just got the organ wrong Janis: no 💔 going for the lungs Jimmy: just leave my 🍆 out of it & like my head I ain't too concerned Jimmy: least I got a pair of lungs Janis: are you saying i have 🍆 envy Janis: cos that's even older than the dyke line tbh i expect better from you Jimmy: let me know when I streak through the party Janis: 😂 Janis: Will do Jimmy: don't say nowt if you don't 'cause 💔 Jimmy: it ain't my party to cry at Janis: Poor boy Janis: Just tryna seem nonchalant 'cos already meant to have seen it, duh Jimmy: try & seem 😍 like you can't get enough of it though Jimmy: tah very much Janis: Okay you want drooling Janis: got it Jimmy: if you can Janis: Don't doubt me, just your ability to bring it Janis: kinda cold Jimmy: where I'm from this is summer temps Jimmy: don't worry 'bout me, girl Janis: Then we won't have a problem Jimmy: nah Jimmy: & if anyone asks, I'm thinking 'bout you #muse Janis: I think they'll have more pressing questions Janis: like, what the fuck? Jimmy: that's how it is in 🍀 Jimmy: boring feckers Janis: 😂 Janis: maybe after you've been there and had a few Jimmy: I won't find them boring? Jimmy: or I will Janis: saying you taking your kit off would be craic and not a sign of something wrong Janis: they'll still be pretty dry Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: can I leave here yet? it's rivaling in the boredom stakes Jimmy: come back Mia, some mildly annoying shit you've done is forgiven Jimmy: nowt else Janis: Shh Janis: come meet me off bus Janis: #romance Jimmy: alright Jimmy: you sold it to me Janis: 💕 Soft Jimmy: give me the kiss of life if I look like I'm going Jimmy: 'cause you know I'll 🚬 & walk Janis: 😏 Janis: Giving the OAPs on here a show Jimmy: love our new audience 💕 Janis: always a bitchy one though, i 👀 you grandmia Jimmy: probably is her nan Jimmy: does she have a face like 🍋 Janis: Chewing wasps forreal Janis: though I think Mia just rose up from the pits of hell by herself so Jimmy: get her number for my ex Janis: 😂 Janis: so thoughtful Jimmy: her status updates have been harrowing mate Jimmy: reckon Barry's playing away 💔🎻 Janis: Oh no Janis: typical Barry move Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: near end of life crisis Janis: Stop making me laugh I'm getting looks Jimmy: payback for before when you near ended my life Jimmy: could be worse least I'm not turning you on with the mention of him Janis: War flashbacks, like Jimmy: you got it, JoJo Janis: 💔 Janis: I don't get it but you do you Janis: true love and all that, I guess Jimmy: You don't get wanting to fuck an old bloke? Jimmy: Me either Janis: 😏 OMG we get it, you're straight Janis: it's me they got the questions about, not you Jimmy: so far Jimmy: but Pete is gonna need consoling for his 💔 Janis: 🙄 don't drag me into this Janis: find yourself a girl and him a mans Jimmy: so nah to the threesome? 👌 I'll let him know Janis: You don't wanna see his cum face Jimmy: I'll look at the back of his head Janis: Alright, glad you've worked out the logistics Janis: be rude to make him stay under the pillow Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: in or out? Janis: whey Janis: long as it don't count 'cos threeways don't Jimmy: 'course Janis: 👍 Jimmy: #romance Janis: you know it Janis: real test faking it to that level, no matter how thick he is Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: we've got this baby 💕 Janis: Poor Pete Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: you see me yet? Janis: Hold on, lemme try and remember what you look like Jimmy: You ain't that good at faking it, Justine Jimmy: #unforgettable Janis: You'll be huffy when you find me chatting to the wrong white boy Jimmy: Nah I'll just smack him Jimmy: #goals like Janis: 😏 Janis: There you are Jimmy: 😘

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nanasrecovery · 4 years

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September 13, 2020

Well things have definitely changed a bit since my last journal entry, so this is gonna be a long one. I spent a week back home with my family, and the first day back was, as expected, my most anxiety filled day due to a full to-do list and just adjusting to another environment. I had errands to run for the little celebration I wanted to have for Alisa, Jungkook, and Bronson's birthday, and had some bottle drop offs to take care of as well. I didn't really have time to myself, except when I was in the car, which isn't exactly my most anxiety-free space to begin with (which wasn't always the case surprisingly). I enjoyed being around everyone and even making our own pizzas from scratch, but when it came time to eating, my social anxiety & ED took over (mostly ED). I let him convince me that I shouldn't eat even though I was starving. I knew exactly what was happening, but still, I couldn't get myself to eat. So I tried my best to enjoy the night, regardless of feeling uncomfortably hungry.

The next morning, the negativity continued. First thing I'm greeted by when I come downstairs was a multitude of questions from my mom like "why didn't you eat last night? Why didn't you go to your room and eat? How come you're not telling me how you're doing?" And I know she's coming from a good place as a mother, but this is the kind of thing I wanted to get away from when I moved to Henrico. My eating disorder and anxiety is something my mom will never fully understand, or maybe even try to understand. I've had several conversations with her before on ways she can help me, and I mean really help me, not the ways she thinks she's helping me. For example,

Really listening to me when I talk about my struggles

Not using her own struggle with anxiety as the cure for mine

Trust me that I'm making strides towards recovery at MY pace

But of course, sometimes I feel like she only hears what she wants to hear. What frustrated me the most was she said, "you know how I deal with my anxiety? I eat". And I said "well if you would really listen to me, you would know that I can't do that. If I could, we wouldn't be having this problem right now." And that immediately just made me irritable towards my mom for the rest of my time home, unfortunately. Regardless of that exchange, I was able to eat breakfast and finished my entire pizza from the night before for lunch.

I already had a feeling that being home was gonna help my anxiety a lot, and regardless of the negativity from my mom, it really was. I'm so thankful for Jaron and that he's so understanding and helpful when it comes to my anxiety. He said he would get a ride back up to Henrico just so I could stay home longer, and I'm honestly so glad I did. I've realized how much being home is healing for me, atleast during these current times. When things were going well for me in the beginning of the year, I loved being in Henrico, but after covid hit and things completely changed, I wanted to be back home even though I never wanted to admit it. But I can't dismiss the fact that home is where all of my favorite people are, and some of the anxieties I feel up in Henrico just don't exist when I'm back home.

The moment that made me really miss being home was my absolute favorite part of my week, and something I want to do more often. I had an impromptu picnic with Alisa, Jessa, and Bronson at Chesapeake City Park and it was literally the most relaxed I have felt in so long. Not having technology in my face the whole time, soaking in the sun and breathing fresh air in an open field just felt so nice, and I was able to eat half a sandwich and some pretzels in front of them, which is the most people I've eaten anything in front of in a long time. From that point on, I really wanted to try and make positive steps towards recovery.

I had asked on Twitter and Instagram if people had used CBD products before and what their thoughts were, and I received nothing but positive responses. Ate Jackie had some CBD products she had that she wasn't using so I picked them up and tried them out (yay for not having to pay). The gummies actually taste so good that I would totally eat a bunch at once if they weren't CBD haha. But at first I couldn't really tell if it did anything, but after use over the next couple days I felt the effects, and I'd say it did help mellow me out! I eventually needed a stronger dose and told John about it, so he went to a CBD store and bought gummies for me and some oil for himself (thankful for you, John). The new gummies definitely hit me harder, sometimes I feel like I'm high cause I'm so mellowed out hahaha. Either way, I'm glad that I've found a natural aid for my anxiety since the medication route hasn't been the best choice for me since ED.

Over the next few days I really tried to spend time with people while still giving myself time to rest. For one, I got into Stray Kids, which getting into a new group is a Serotonin boost in itself haha, especially when my biases look like this

How can I not feel happy when I look at them?????

But throughout the rest of the week I also soaked up my time with Deedee, Megan, and even Marc cause they always put me in a great mood. Definitely one of my favorite parts of being home.

Regardless of being stressed due to watching my nephews and dodging my mom's questions or overbearing tendencies, I was able to eat the most that I have in a while, which was really nice, but also brought on anxiety simply because my body isn't used to it. I am still super happy and excited about it nonetheless.

Friday night I had therapy, and after spilling out basically everything I had written about up until this point of the post, she really helped me organize my thoughts and worries, and I just always feel better after therapy sessions with her. She reminded me that sometimes it feels like we're fighting against our family, but we're on the same team fighting against ED, and showed me resources that I could give my mom to help her understand my situation more. She also helped me ease some worries about Jaron and I's current situation of planning on moving back home due to struggling finances since covid (which I'll probably go into detail another day).

My week back home ended with a visit to my Auntie. She texted me earlier that morning that if I had free time to stop by because she had something for me. I had no idea what to expect, but when I got there, I must say it was nice seeing family. She gave me a devotional journal, prayer card, and small vials of Rose oil, sat me down and basically said "the reason why I reached out was because I dreamt about you the other day and I rarely dream about family. And the dream was so dark and gloomy that I wondered why and felt like I should reach out". She told me about her struggles in life and how she trusted God and continues to learn and trust in Him. I told her how, even though the past year has been so difficult, it really brought me closer to God. Prior to going to their house, I was feeling really sad and anxious, but after leaving I felt so much better.

I made my way back up to Henrico, and man I missed Jaron a lot. Spending the past couple days with him has been really nice, and I've eaten generally well while being up here. Unfortunately it's hard for me to be by myself in the apartment all week and not feel super anxious, so I told him I wanted to stay back home for a bit, and of course, he understood. So I packed up some things and I'll be heading back down tomorrow morning.

This past week helped me see things in a new light, and how things will never go as planned, but everything definitely happens for a reason. My struggles are preparing me for the blessings to come and I'm going to be 100000x stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually after all of this is overcome.

Here's to more steps forward, no matter how small.

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