#but it struck me as I saw the valid criticisms
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Now we've seen Whitestone, I want to comment on Culture in Critical Role, and how there are some fundamental aspects of DnD which make it unsuitable for exploring cultural differences.
I've seen some very valid posts about how Marquet in C3 isn't used to its full potential as a cultural setting, among others because most of the PCs are not native to Marquet. But while I fully agree, I want to broaden the argument even further: neither were Wildemount, Xhorhas or Tal'dorei.
I believe that Dungeons and Dragons is ill equipped to explore cultural differences, because there are key aspects of culture that it actively ignores: language, food and weather.
To start with language. In almost all versions of DnD or fantasy, everyone speaks common. This solves one of the main issues in world building, because it allows the players to travel the world without the issues that stem from not speaking a language. However, language is one of the main tools people use to distinguish themselves from others. Language, accent, tone, vocabulary and even grammar change based on who you are, where you come from and whom you're speaking to. But because everyone in Exandria speaks English like the cast do, they have a uniform culture, whether they are from Wildemount, Tal'dorei or Marquet. Even Caleb, who comes closest to breaking this pattern, is not truly Zemnian, because Liam (and Matt) doesn't actually speak German. Apart from the German accent and some German words, he doesn't speak like a non native German English speaker would.
Next up, food. Apart from some quick mentions of breakfast or dinner, food is almost always an afterthought. The Bell's Hells do not stop for lunch, and rations are almost never a problem. However, food is intrinsically linked to culture. What food is served, when food is served, and with whom food is eaten differs from place to place and from class to class. Is the food imported or is it grown locally? Is food served at 6PM sharp or much later? Do you eat with the whole family and is there always a surplus or do you have to fight for the scraps? What is the street food like? What spices are used? How does Xhorhas' cuisine differ from Wildemount, given that they live in perpetual night? But ultimately, the pie in Marquet is no different from the pie in Byroden, because again, the default will be the casts' default.
Finally, weather. While it might seem arbitrary, weather influences almost all aspects of our lives, from our homes, to our clothes, to our relationships. Is it warm enough to sit outside during the evening? This will encourage parties and late bedtimes. It is cold and rainy? People will sit inside pubs to stay warm. Colder and warmer climates, hot and dry climates, each of these influence when people are active and how they behave. Apart from the extremes, like the snow in Eiselcross, or the heat in the Fire Plane, the characters never have to deal with rain, or mist, or cold. They don't have to take shelter, they don't wake up cold, they don't need to keep a fire going or set up tents. And as such, there is no difference between a warm and hot jungle surrounding Jrusar or a high mountain trail in Zephrah, nor are the people who live there different.
There can be much more said about each of these three aspects of culture, and there are probably more examples to be given. And this is not intended as a excuse, or a reason for Matt not to try better. But sadly, DnD as a system glosses over most of the day-to-day interactions that make a city a particular city, or a culture a particular culture. And the default will always be the players' default.
#critical role#cr meta#dungeons and dragons#dnd meta#I have no solution for this#but it struck me as I saw the valid criticisms#matt is good at differentiation between say nobles and common folk#but not between cultures#and dnd does not make it easy#for example#trent ikithon and caleb who speak with a notable zemnian accents#what does this mean for people's perception of them?#are they seen as smarter because they are from old blood?#or are they seen as stupid because they are from rural areas?#there is nuance there that isn't explored#same with imogen#is her southern accent native to marquet?#we can't even describe her accent without mentioning the in real life place were it is from#so how is this linked to exandria?
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What I really love about Robert Morstein-Marx's work is that he'll start with an "obvious" fact like "Julius Caesar overrode Bibulus' veto to force through his laws," and then he'll investigate the context to see how well our sources actually reflect that. Like, was there actually a veto? What does "forcing through legislation" mean? Did Bibulus even have the right to veto a bill in the first place?
Which brings us to today's chapter of Julius Caesar and the Roman People: What really happened in Julius Caesar's first consulship?
Let's go in roughly chronological order:
The first triumvirate wasn't really a triumvirate. "Triumvirate" is a legal term implying a group assigned to a specific task. Caesar, Pompey and Crassus were simply allies, in the same way Cato, Bibulus and Favonius were.
Caesar first proposed a very moderate bill to the Senate. Agrarian reform was sorely needed but constantly blocked for various political reasons. Caesar drafted a revised bill that aimed to answer Cato and other senators' objections, asked for feedback in the Senate, and...Cato started filibustering. Neither Cato nor anyone else had a specific criticism; Cato was acting solely to prevent a vote taking place. Caesar may or may not have threatened to have Cato ejected from the meeting, but in any case failed to get the Senate's approval.
Caesar then proposed the bill directly to the People. Usually tribunes did this, but consuls could, too. He invited Bibulus (his co-consul and enemy) to give his side of this story, and Bibulus flatly refused, at one point telling the audience "You won't have this law in my consulship even if you all want it!" This is both insulting and illegal: since only the People could ratify laws, Bibulus was essentially telling them he - supposedly their elected representative - was going to deny their legal rights.
Caesar attempted to hold a vote. Bibulus and his allies returned to the stage and started illegally interfering with the proceedings, whereupon a crowd dragged them away, beat them up, and smashed Bibulus' symbol of office - analogous to stripping a police officer of his badge, this indicated they no longer saw him as a legitimate representative.
At this point the story starts getting muddled. Suetonius, Plutarch and Cassius Dio claim Pompey brought in soldiers to intimidate the voters, but Pompey had no army at this time. It's much more likely these were veterans who'd been in the city for years, waiting for the land law to be passed, so they could retire to their farms. They would've attended primarily as voters, but Pompey may have asked his old friends to act as unofficial security, too.
Why would the vote need security? Because Cato had physically attacked Caesar and another politician the last time Caesar tried to publicly promote a bill. That had led to a riot which effectively cancelled said bill. Based on the fact that Bibulus and his men could freely approach the stage, were only pulled down after trying to prevent a vote from taking place, were not seriously injured, and Pompey is quoted as saying he'll act as a "shield" in case of trouble, Morstein-Marx believes the "security" were attempting to protect the referendum, not intimidate voters or start a riot. He also notes other signs indicating the bill would be overwhelmingly popular and thus didn't need threat of force.
The Senate upheld Caesar's law. Bibulus attempted to have it struck down on claims of violence, but to no effect. Some sources claim the Senate were intimidated by Caesar's men, but remember A) Caesar and Pompey didn't have an army, and B) it was extremely rare for the Senate to overturn the Assembly's vote on a law unless mass violence had occurred, and here it hadn't.
Bibulus then attempted to invalidate all of Caesar's legislation for the rest of the year on a religious technicality. The technicality in question was so obscure no one even knew if it was valid. Bibulus hoped that by hiding in his house ("Caesar's threatening me!") and claiming Caesar couldn't pass laws while Bibulus was watching for omens, he could effectively shut down legislation indefinitely. This had never been attempted because it was transparently stupid and against the spirit of the law, and in the following year the rule was amended to prevent further abuse.
Now, was Caesar's legislation therefore "illegal"? Even the Romans didn't agree on it at the time. There were also arguments over whether Bibulus had broken the law by not actually reporting any omens. But we know the overwhelming majority of the Senate treated Caesar's laws as de facto legal, including even Cato when it was convenient for him. The argument appears to have been dropped by 54 BCE.
Did Caesar run the consulship like a dictator, with armed gangs roaming the streets and a cowed Senate? Actually, no. Cicero's letters from this year show he was afraid of violence breaking out several times, but no indication that it actually happened. (Besides Bibulus getting dragged off the stage.) Nor do any of Cicero's later speeches or letters accuse Caesar of using military force during his consulship. Nor did the topic come up in the political debates of 51-49, when Caesar was attempting to secure his second consulship.
The triumvirs were not able to get all of their motions carried in the Senate, nor all their candidates elected to office. Several of Cicero's letters indicate rowdy and full Senate meetings (including one great exchange where Caesar tells his opponents to suck his dick and someone jokingly accuses him of being a woman).
Most of Caesar's laws were actually pretty good. His biggest achievement was the Lex Julia repetundarum, a massive anti-corruption reform that cracked down on bribery and extortion in the provinces. He also increased accountability in jury trials, and had the Senate's meeting notes published, making senatorial debates more accessible to the public. And though his agrarian reforms were extremely controversial, they did meet a real need of the urban poor, and provided veterans with their long-awaited pensions.
It wasn't a completely normal government, though. Bibulus' (likely false) claims of being confined to his house did win a lot of sympathy and get people upset at Caesar for ignoring him. And although the Senate ultimately upheld all of Caesar's legislation, and seems to have dropped the matter by 54, his treatment of Bibulus did sour his relationships with many senators and cast a shadow over his term.
Overall, Morstein-Marx makes a strong case that although Julius Caesar certainly had a...forceful personality, he was not a demagogue governing through mob rule, he did not use violence to control voters or the Senate, and it's not clear that he actually broke the law during his first consulship. He did alienate some powerful people and disrespect his co-consul, to be sure. He was hella controversial. And in later years, he continued working with Pompey, who did resort to political violence. But, just looking at Caesar's career in 59 BCE - we aren't looking at a dictator just yet.
(Based on Julius Caesar and the Roman People, by Robert Morstein-Marx, pp. 117-191.)
#jlrrt reads#julius caesar and the roman people#robert morstein-marx#caesarhell#julius caesar#marcus calpurnius bibulus#i'm not even getting into the provincial assignments or vettius affair#but robert does! go read him it's awesome#jlrrt essays
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about the anti post, tbf it wasn't in the ship tag so technically not crossing lanes but it was in the character tags and as a babs fan it can still be annoying going in her tag to see that kinda stuff esp cuz a lot of db antis are bigger dick stans and are more critical and negative towards her than him in subtle and not so subtle ways, you know?
anyway thank you for your response! it reminded me why i love their relationship so much! theres so much negativity surrounding this ship that sometimes i begin questioning myself, wondering if they're really that bad and am i missing something?? so its always reassuring seeing others who feel the way i do and view them positively :)
I hear you, it can be really hard to avoid this kind of thing, even when you're trying to stay in your lane and others are trying to stay in their lane, too. And, it really doesn't help when a lot of anti-Dick/Babs people come into our space to be jerks about it. (I don't know if it happens in reverse, I'm not in those spaces enough to tell, I can only say that I haven't seen it any time I wander outside of my corner. But if it does, that's not cool, either.)(Nor do I know the context of the post you saw, for all I know, it could have struck me totally different than it did for you.)
And, yeah, honestly, there does have to be room for everyone to like and dislike their own stuff, even if that means we come across posts we find annoying and it means that we find the complaining too much to be around. We have to have a little grace for disagreements, just as people who disagree with us have to have a little grace with us.
That said, you know what I find a thousand times more fulfilling? Yelling happily about what I like, because I don't want the entire experience of Thing I Like to be negative and when I see other people having fun, I want to join in on that fun, too--so, I would suggest that any time you feel frustrated by someone being a jerk, find your favorite comic moment or animated series moment or fic you enjoyed reading, and yell very loudly about how great it was and put that in the tag (both characters and ship) because then I'll see something happy when I go through the tag and it'll remind me why I love the ship, too! Or find your favorite Barbara moments and talk about her, because fandom does sometimes overshadow her and I would love to see more about her view of her life and relationships and family!
And, honestly, while plenty of people have perfectly valid reasons to dislike a ship--literally ANY ship, this isn't just about Dick/Babs, but it could just as easily apply to Dick/Kory or Dick/Wally or Dick/Roy or Dinah/Babs--there's always going to be a fair amount of ship war nonsense, where criticism isn't even about what the ship is really like, just that it's not the person's OTP. And then who cares! Use that energy to make positive content for the ship because that's a better use of your time! And you deserve to have a nice experience in fandom, too.
Dick/Babs is a great pairing, they're adorable and they're flirty and they love each other and they support each other and they're not afraid to have it out with each other when they need to and they just like being around each other. Whether someone OTPs it or just thinks it's fine enough/is a multishipper instead, it's totally great to enjoy a moment of theirs because they can be utterly delightful and nobody's wrong for loving them. 💕
#lumi.txt#dc#batfam#dickbabs#as a note: I have NO IDEA of the context of the original post#so like i'm not arguing against it or for it#i have no idea if it was fair or unfair or what#this is a very generalized take on my personal experiences in fandom
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Now, I didn't want to enter too much into critical and stuff, it is a silly ending and what not, but I can't help but unfortunately agree with some points some the critics are making.
So, Wilbur Ending critical on the way. Also Suicide topics mentioned.
If you 100% enjoyed the lore it's fine!!! I enjoyed parts of it too but there are parts that make me less happy. In the end everyone can engage with the media how they want and if they still prefer to view it as a stream they loved and was good to them they are totally valid in doing so.
I hate to make this about me but it needs to be explained what my relationship with C!Wilbur was and what made him on of my favourite characters of all time.
There are reasons why you might connect more with some characters than others, for example, despite enjoying the narrative of Exile and C!Tommy I couldn't truly connect with him as much as someone who suffered serious abuse in their life. I love C!Tommy, I can understand the C!Tommy to an extent, but some people they can see themselves in C!Tommy, in my case, at least for Exile, I cannot. However if there's a character I can connect with deeply is C!Wilbur.
With risk of sharing too much my family is known for having depression and anxiety issues. I very unfortunately have had family members killing themselves. I have an aunt who has a lot of panic attacks. I have a grandpa who had to stop working at 30 because of chronic depression mixed with PTSD. I have suicidal thoughts that I can't really stop and will appear very frequently and over the stupidest things. I can only make mental barriers to not act upon them.
When I looked at Wilbur I saw myself in a lot of ways, in the way that yes there were events that led Wilbur to suicide but he wasn't truly "well" his whole life and part of his downfall was his own head's making.
When Wilbur died in November 16th I don't think it romanticised suicide for me. It actually gave me encouragement on not doing it. I looked at the state that left the L'Manburg members and thought that was the same as a family destroyed by such an event. I also thought that if I was sad that C!Wilbur was gone and wanted him not to go that it meant that maybe someone will feel the same about me.
Another place where I felt so seen was with Wilbur's letters to Phil. The lying to your parents because you don't want to tell them you're not doing great. Because you don't want to be a burden, or because you don't to disappoint them, that's something I am familiar with unfortunately.
I loved Wilbur's portrayal of mental illness that felt so real. It had funny moments but it still struck in the themes that truly meant something.
This revival felt like a chance of saying "ok, you will never be 100% well, that's just impossible, but you can work to get better. And you can talk with other people and realise that your love for other people can be what makes you stay. You have to realise that you're not a burden on others and in fact if you don't want people you love to suffer you must try to get yourself better and happier." I really liked how after Wilbur got back things just didn't magically get good. That Wilbur didn't magically want to live. He didn't want to die because death was hell to him not because he felt like he truly found a reason to live.
Now, the ending.
I get it. I get it was a "escaping the narrative" thing. That it was a "Dream SMP lore was always silly" bit but here's the thing: Dream SMP was silly when it didn't matter. Like Sally being a fish. Wilbur's mother being a fridge. Those are things that aren't in the centre of the story and can in fact be ignored. It doesn't affect the serious themes the story is going for.
This ending however...
I absolutely loved Tommy's part. He touched in what needed to be touched. In a lot of ways this also felt like Tommy's second try. In Pogtopia he saw that Wilbur wasn't well, he wanted to do something about it but he didn't know what. He was a kid and it wasn't his fault but Tommy did his best. Now Wilbur's back and Tommy sees the patterns again, and he loves Wilbur. He knows that in the end of everything Wilbur would do anything to make him safe. And it's his brother at this point, and damn him if he won't try to make a person he cares for so much to be happier. To be with Tommy more and both have some good times. So he goes in again, and this time he gets to say everything to Wilbur! He recognises and he can truly say what he feels and how much Wilbur is hurting him by hurting himself.
And then Utah comes in.
For a moment the stream feels disconnected. Tommy is trying to talk about a serious issue, something that was at the centre of Wilbur and Tommy's characters, and Wilbur felt like he came from a comedy sitcom where you can just say the most outlandish thing to make something funny.
Some contrast in tone has existed in the Dream SMP before, sure. Even in reverse. Like when Wilbur was trying to talk about Fundy and how the situation made him feel and Tommy was making jokes. But in that time those actions by Tommy served a purpose. Tommy was trying to cheer up Wilbur. Ironically Wilbur was explaining Tommy why sometimes discussing something difficult helps.
This stream felt like the opposite of that. Tommy was trying to discuss something that not only affected Wilbur but also himself and Wilbur started talking about Utah. Tommy is asking him to stay and Wilbur is going, and I'm paraphrasing "I've made up my mind I'm going to Utah".
And why? Because he's fleeing the narrative? "He won't have to deal with people instantly picking aside" if he's going to the "real world" do I have news for him. His problems aren't going to be instantly changed by going to our world. I can guarantee that. He'll still feel like shit. He can still disappoint people he loves. In reality there's not much difference. What is he escaping exactly? In fact, I'm really upset to say this but you know how it actually comes across?
It comes across as the same as if he had killed himself.
Wilbur might say time and time again he's not killing himself but is there much difference? He suddenly went "far away" and Tommy might never see him again. Tommy is begging him to stay with him and this feels almost like the decision of ending your suffering but causing a bunch more to the ones you love instead. Wilbur says he loves him but he doesn't want to bring Tommy with him. And he doesn't truly explain it. "I was born in Utah" alright but how is that am explanation? What is he doing exactly and why doesn't he want others to know? He abandoned Tommy just as much as on November 16th. I've seen some people theorising he died at the sea in the storm and Utah is the afterlife and I can't blame them.
It's a plot twist literally nobody saw coming but my gods do I feel those posts about sometimes not having a plot twist and tying things in a cohesive narrative is actually better and if people figure it out it means it makes sense. Unexpected events can be good. I liked Wilbur and Tommy's interaction with Dream in Inconsolable Differences a lot! I wasn't expecting it but it felt true to Wilbur's character. And it was in the theme. This one doesn't feel like that at all.
I don't feel mad. I feel sad. It pains me that such an interesting topic, and one that was handled so well until now, feels like it was just cut suddenly. Like someone decided that it was getting too dark and that we need lighten up the mood so it stopped the conversation in middle of someone speaking.
I'm also still wondering if Wilbur did actually forgive himself or if he even tried. "But I never did quite forgive myself" implies he acknowledges it, but I guess it's a bit of an open ending in that regard. That I will let slide but the rest? I will need a good explanation to make me change my mind. And I desperately want for this to be bullshit and for C!Wilbur to come back in Volume 2 and Tommy to hit him in the head. But I don't have much luck.
#mcyt#dream smp#wilbur soot#tommyinnit#dsmp spoilers#suicide tw#critical#dsmp critical#?#“This isn't for us anymore it's fir him” and how is it supposed to be for him exactly?#long pot#this must have typos but I can't look at it amy longer#suicide ideation tw#dsmp analysis#just a bit#I am not as articulate as the meta blogs though ;-;
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Loki Streak: Sort of an Uberhood Challenge
I say "sort of" because I got to the end and realized I forgot about Downtown. There weren't any playable Sims there, anyway.
This was inspired by aledstrange's moonbeam trail challenge and "Stranger in a Strange Land" by pascal_curious.
Content warning: This features some dark topics (human experimentation, domestic abuse, you could maybe say Loki and Nervous were trafficked). I'll put more warnings in future chapters as they appear.
-O-o-O-o-O-
Some Sims believed that money could buy anything.
A luxurious house,
the finest foods and fanciest kitchen in SimNation,
only the best skill-building objects,
a fancy parlor and library to impress the colleagues,
very expensive lab equipment for scientific pursuits,
a test subject for some of the riskier experiments (albeit a supernatural one),
and even a husband.
Circe Salamis came from a rather wealthy family. While this had its advantages, it also had its downsides, one of which was the annoying tendency for other Sims to call her a rich brat who never did anything herself and only succeeded by the Salamis name. There were also her scientific critics who doubted the experiments' validity due to the strangeness of the test subject. So Circe found a way to shut them all up and get a non-supernatural test subject in one tidy move.
On the other side of Strangetown lived a woman named Gundrun, her son Loki, and her daughter Ermintrude (who insisted on being called "Erin"). The father, Bjørn, had recently passed away and their combined household income was not quite enough for the small family. The younger daughter was still in high school. The son was in the science career track, a noble calling in Circe's eyes, but Gundrun had little faith in his plans to become an inventor. His father had been an inventor and the salary wasn't great. And being new to the country (all the way across the ocean from Norssimskland), they had no family nearby to help out.
Circe and Gundrun struck a deal: in return for Circe's financial help, Gundrun would offer her son as a "lab partner" and husband. Circe would take the invented surname of Beaker (while Loki changed his name from Bjørnssen), so nobody could call her a product of nepotism.
Of course, she kept the rest of the Salamis money. She wasn't crazy.
Unlike Vidcund Curious, her ex-boyfriend, Loki didn't piss himself in fear at the suggestion.
He dutifully accepted the proposal and endured all that went with it.
-O-o-O-
Nervous was freshening up the kitchen and making dinner when he heard the screams. Circe was playing with the sanity vacuum again.
"Stop struggling," Circe commanded. "You should be used to this by now."
Loki tried his best to cooperate. He didn't want to mess up the experiment, but he was having trouble staying conscious.
This particular experiment always left him feeling a little out of whack.
He was sure that someday he'd get used to it. He was usually able to recover.
Mostly.
Every day, Nervous saw everything. The twitching, the drooling, the talking to an unseen psychologist; he'd seen and done it all before.
Nervous and Loki bonded over their shared plight and each could easily understand the torment the other Sim experienced daily. What Nervous couldn't wrap his head around was why Loki insisted on staying behind.
"We could go any time this week," Nervous whispered to Loki over dinner. "She'll be working overtime at the lab, and I think I've found a way to disable the alarms."
"I'll make something up to cover for you," Loki offered. "She won't suspect you're gone for at least a day."
"What do you mean, you'll cover for me? You're coming with me."
Loki gave a tiny wince of a smile.
Nervous looked Loki dead in the eyes. "Aren't you?"
Loki cast his eyes downward. Every cell in his body, though unthinkingly carrying out its biological programming, wanted to do nothing more than run away with Nervous and never look back at this failed experiment of a marriage.
But as much as Loki loved Nervous, he could never accept the invitation. Circe had paid a pretty simoleon for Loki. He couldn't back out of his end of the deal.
Nervous seemed saddened by his refusal to answer. "I know I'm not the easiest to get along with sometimes, but--"
"It's really nothing personal, Nervous. I just can't leave Circe."
Nervous sighed. "Of course not."
Loki glanced around apprehensively. "She's done so much to help my family. It wouldn't be right for me to leave."
Nervous seemed to understand, but Loki could sense that he wouldn't give up so easily.
-O-o-O-
The experiments continued.
Morale did not improve.
Loki begged Nervous to leave before they got worse.
"I can't go with you, but I'm sure you've met someone else that you really like enough to run away with."
Nervous shook his head sadly. "There's really no one else. Everyone else seems to think I'm crazy. Except for Pascal and his brothers, of course, but they're not planning on leaving Strangetown any time soon."
"You're really the only one." Nervous leaned in close to Loki. "And you're the only one I'd want to go with."
Loki hung his head. There seemed to be no convincing Nervous that he'd have a much easier time looking out for just himself, especially without the fear that Circe would retaliate for "stealing" her lab assistant. Why couldn't Nervous see that he'd be better off leaving without Loki?
"Am I really?" Loki murmured, his gaze planted on the stone floor.
Nervous tilted Loki's face up, forcing eye contact. His bony hand lingered against Loki's even bonier cheek. "I love you," he stated bluntly.
"I love you too." Loki squeezed Nervous's hand, blinking hard. "But they always say if you love someone, you have to let them go."
Nervous let his hand fall to Loki's shoulder. "Then I'll have to give you something to remember me by."
It was at that moment Loki had his first real kiss.
"You're not getting rid of me that easy." Nervous nuzzled his snub nose around the pointy tip of Loki's aquiline one, causing Loki's twirled moustache to tickle them both.
Loki smoothed Nervous's mohawk. "I wouldn't want to."
-O-o-O-o-O-
I have to split this into two posts and Loki's not even out of Strangetown yet. What did I get myself into.
#loki beaker#circe beaker#nervous subject#the sims 2#simblr#sims 2 stories#sims 2 gameplay#sims 2 pictures#sims stories#ts2 simblr#ts2#tw human experimentation#tw human trafficking#tw abuse
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First Love
Oh, where do I start with this tale of ours?
A chapter etched in memory, like shooting stars.
From the days of old, when we first crossed paths,
To the moment we met again, like fate's sweet laugh.
Grade 11, a year that marked our connection,
But fragments of before, clouded recollection.
You confessed a secret, a crush from afar,
Since grade 7, a flame burning like a star.
In buses, we sat close, no empty seats in sight,
You saved a place for me, making everything right.
Cozy moments and friendship began to grow,
Sharing stories of life, a bond we came to know.
I often wondered, why did you confide in me,
Your fears and struggles, for all eyes to see?
Did you not worry, I'd betray your trust,
Reveal your secrets, and turn them to dust?
You claimed no friends would listen to your voice,
Only I heard your tales, your pain, your choice.
Yet, confusion arose when I saw you, carefree,
Surrounded by friends, laughing merrily.
I dared to question, seeking clarity's light,
Were those friendships genuine, shining so bright?
You reassured me, shared with someone else too,
A friend who knew everything, just like I knew.
Time passed swiftly, a year danced away,
Our bond grew stronger, day after day.
You named me your best friend, though I hesitated,
For my circle was small, already dedicated.
A close-knit group, six hearts intertwined,
You were not among them, love undefined.
Even as we dated, that truth remained,
Yet we carried on, the connection unstrained.
In December, an unexpected request arose,
You asked me to date you, caught me off guard, I suppose.
Thinking it a joke, I shook your hand in jest,
Little did I know, you meant it with your heart's zest.
News spread like wildfire, both far and near,
We shouted it aloud, our story loud and clear.
I wanted to share, to amplify the fun we had,
But you asked me to keep it close, like something mad.
We embarked on our journey, love in the air,
Late-night chats and laughter, a tender affair.
I began to feel for you, slowly but surely,
Your flaws and insecurities made you more than worthy.
Yet, somewhere in the chaos, doubt started to creep,
The meaning of love, a secret I couldn't keep.
I didn't love you as deeply as you loved me,
An imbalance so stark, it was hard to ignore, you see.
I tried to nurture love, to make it bloom,
To match your affection, to escape impending doom.
But reality struck, and I knew it was time,
To admit the truth, the love I couldn't find.
So, I confided in a friend, who warned of our divide,
I asked him to drop hints, to let truth coincide.
You began to question, seeking love's validation,
And with each passing day, my heart sank in hesitation.
Days turned to weeks, and the doubts grew strong,
Until I couldn't bear it, the deceitful charade for long.
I became the villain, the one who wished to part,
Telling you that love had waned, breaking your fragile heart.
You cried, I vaguely remember the tears on your face,
Now even that memory fades, leaving no trace.
I gave you reasons to hate me, to despise my name,
And it worked, as intended, fueling anger's flame.
For everyone you knew, I became the villainous one,
A reputation tarnished, a battle seemingly won.
But I didn't mind the judgments, the critical stares,
For I was accustomed to them, weathering life's despairs.
I guided you toward anger, away from our past,
Crafting toxicity, a facade meant to last.
As I reflect upon this chapter, with mixed emotions through,
I acknowledge the story of us, both me and you.
It was flawed, it was painful, and it had its despair,
But it shaped who we are, teaching lessons rare.
May we find solace in the memories we share,
And grow from the ashes, knowing life is unfair.
Farewell, old flame, though I can't say I care,
It's up to you to reach heavens or knock on the devil's lair.
For it was a chapter in our lives, accumulating dust,
Now closed, as we move on, in each other's trust.
#relationship#lovers#breakup#hacker vibes#heartbreak#heartache#moving on#fuck you#just saying#fuck it
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I went from being on anon and not sharing that I was posting Seasons to being openly proud that I wrote it. Before I posted the first chapter back in October, I had finally gotten to a point where I was confident in my writing abilities.
It took far too long to get here. I'd convinced myself that I deserved nothing but criticism and ought to be embarrassed by everything I wrote. Plenty of people validated that feeling, so I took that as confirmation.
Surprisingly, my being anon had nothing to do with that. After making my writing private or deleting it entirely, I had a chance to really think about my relationship to sharing. (Which still needs work, as I'm about to go into.) It's a vulnerable process, but ultimately, I still want to do it. I love writing, but it's hard to find an audience, and did I actually deserve one?
It was nice to write without thinking about the perfectionism. That's likely what struck me: I always enjoy creating stories, but I get caught up in cycles of editing (still do) where I nitpick out of fear that nothing I create is good enough.
I looked at my writing and realized, no, I've been so hard on myself. This is good. These are interesting stories to me, and surely other people will find them interesting as well! I slowly took a few stories out of the private collection months later.
But then there was Seasons. :')
I was afraid that I'd be condemned for the content in Seasons. Every single story I create is self-indulgent in different ways. Some show an obvious love of steampunk, others show I like dragons, some are kinky af, others are introspective to the moon and back. They're not for everyone. They're for me. But I want them to be for other people, too, and that's okay!
Still, Seasons is indulgent in its vulnerablity and rawness. I have a bad relationship with my own trauma and how I have to live with it in the world being what it is, for one.
I didn't know if many other people would read it. I knew it was the kind of thing that likely wouldn't get published. It doesn't work for traditional publishing, and self-publishing can be specific about what's allowed. (Especially given the popularity of book banning in my country.) That's why it's up on AO3. I'd like it to remain there, free to read for those that might need the catharsis.
Anyway, people did read it. A lot of them have. I got asks about it on another tumblr account I created just to stay anon, and while those have since died down, and I do think the story has some weaker parts that might be the reason I've scared off a handful of writers, it does seem to get a lot of hits each time I update. People who don't usually comment sometimes pop in suddenly to say they've been reading a while or still are reading. It's really touching.
I don't need to to validate my relationship with my writing, but it does validate my relationship with sharing.
Perhaps that is what made it easier to feel comfortable with coming off anon in baby steps.
I'm anxious to finish Seasons and start sharing more of my other works! (And getting back to writing a few of them.) I'm proud of those novels too! :D
Oh, and an odd side effect, but my pride in Seaons has made me love my other works like Rascal and The Dragons' Cosmos even more. It's not Seasons, per se, just a general... feeling that the more I love one story, the good I see in others, and it keeps going.
Honestly, I know it's hard to believe people when they say it's worth being confident and saying positive things, that you should accept compliments, et cetera. Especially if you've ever been in any writing groups or fandoms where your work is the centerpiece for anyone's jokes. It gets reallllly fucking hard to overcome that. So I'm not going to say, "Oh hey, here's advice!" I know from experience no one is going to take it.
But I will say this: when I was active on twitter, I saw a lot of fairly well-known authors talking about imposter syndrome and a lack of confidence, as well as the humiliation they've gone through before and while in the industry.
To conclude: all that advice was right, is what I'm saying! XD
(please just let me post my lazy conclusion, tumblr, I beg of you)
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From theory into practice: Week 1 was the longest week all year.
For me this year started off with my body physically attending lectures and even fieldwork preparation but my brain still on vacation. Which isn’t unusual per say, in fact in my 3 years of studying this was the first fieldwork preparation I attended, and it left me gob smacked for sure. The reality of the amount of, not only theory we were covering and the relevance of the past 2 years but as well as the idea of implementing that and treating patients to my full capacity was a sad trombone sound effect moment for me.
Sitting in that lecture hall and presenting my groups analysis of that case study and what our clinical reasoning was for what we planned made me realise that this year was about putting theory into practice after all. I didn't what I knew or didn't know but I was confident I would make it regardless.
In the words of famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra:” In theory, there is no difference in theory and practice-in practice there is.” Now my interpretation might not be what he meant but I know this struck me because I’ve always been an academic and OT has forced me to not only adapt to putting that knowledge into practice but within practice to be able to think on my toes because we work with people and no matter how many books, articles, and research I do. The people I see will never be predictable and the sessions will not always be a free-flowing downward stream, the weather quickly changes in sessions and that’s the beauty of this quote. Without discounting theory’s role in practice, I understand now that practice on its own has knowledge.
On my first day, I was so prepared that I felt little to no anxiety waking up. Of course, that was short-lived because as soon as I got my SCI patient and went to the ward, HE WASN’T THERE !! I hoped the OT was going to say “oh okay then I guess you can chill today, and we’ll get you another patient on Wednesday “ but no I wasn’t that lucky, I got a CVA patient. Now I am familiar with this diagnosis, so I wasn’t stressed, that’s until I went to see her. She presented in a way I’d never worked with before because it wasn’t the right CVA, left hemiplegic I was used to, but this Left CVA patient was going to present in ways I had never assessed or treated before. That scared me so much my anxiety sky-rocketed almost immediately. So I dealt with it the best way I know, I opened up the cabinet in my brain filled with all that theory and assessed her the best way I knew how. It wasn’t smooth sailing because my first obstacle was finding a way to communicate with my patient and ways to understand when she was trying to communicate with me because she not only has oral apraxia but also responsive aphasia. I had a mini meltdown for 2 seconds in my head because I intended on doing my interview so theory had to take a back seat right here. I had to then use practice and what I had seen from colleagues at other placements to get through the session and still achieve my assessment aims and some background information. It was a productive session but the cog wheels in my brain were spiraling already planning our next session and how I was going to effectively communicate and treat my patient.
I spoke to my supervisor who had observed a good portion of the session and her feedback most definitely eased my stress after the session. She gave constructive criticism which I absolutely prefer, as well as went as far as throwing me little golden nuggets as to how I could overcome this communication barrier I was struggling with. Speaking with her helped consolidate and validate my observations of that session and I went home back in my little to no anxiety state. I already had ideas on how to use the facilities resources to help me treat my patient and I was on a roll. I planned my first treatment session to be a colour sequence matching game that I had created for another CVA patient I saw 2nd year. The beauty of creativity I didn’t know I had was comforting in this moment, this activity had been trialed and errored so this time I made a few adaptations to meet this client’s specific treatment aims and I was ready and confident. The session was a great success in my eyes, the client was actively engaged, I heard her laugh for the first time and I could see the gratitude and excitement in her smile when we finished the session. So, the next session had to be her choice from a few pictures activities that I had chosen, and she chose painting and that was what we were going to do for our last session of the week.
I went home motived and happy to plan the next session. Now I went into the third session expecting yesterday’s outcome, and Thursday was not like Wednesday. The session was successful, I was able to get more observations, more insight into my client’s condition don't get me wrong. All in all, I got a lot of information I needed in the session, but she was not as engaged and cheerful as she was the previous day. In that moment I told myself “Back to the drawing board”.
I still haven’t figured out why she chose the activity if she did not like it. My client was familiar with the activity, maybe she felt inclined to choose it among the choices presented to her. In theory when you give someone options and they choose to do something, they should be interested in it. Practice and reality say “Be willing to step outside of your comfort zone once in a while; take risks in life that seem worth taking. The ride might not be as predictable as if you’d just planted your feet and stayed put but will be a heck of a lot more interesting.” -Edwin Whitacre Jr. (Quotefancy: Edwin Whitacre, Jr. Quotes, 2023).
So, theory maps out the path we need to take in intervention, but practice shows us the how to get there and it’s my goal to help her not only step out of her comfort zone but expose her to things she may not know she could enjoy doing or even do for leisure. Another lesson learned this week alone about going from theory to practice.
Now going into the new week, I realized I don’t want to not be anxious when thinking about my treatment sessions or not consider whether my patient will enjoy her time with me. This is because “It is not enough to give a patient something to do with the hands. You must reach for the heart as well as the hands. It is the heart that really does the healing “- Ora Ruggles and I intend to uphold that because to me it truly defines what my goal in OT for my patients is all about. (The Healing Heart: The Story f Ora Ruggles, Pioneer in Occupational Therapy. 1962)
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19 and 20 for the ask list
What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?
Despite the fandom being relatively open to ideas, they are not necessarily open to most opinions or viewpoints.
I tend to stay quiet about so much regarding CATS and the fandom out of fear of individuals being judgemental and reacting negatively to what I have to say. It does come down to the idea that no one asked for my opinions or thoughts, so why should I feel the need to share them without prompt? I very much tiptoe around certain more touchy subjects (anything related to the current US Tour 6) constantly, and find it difficult to venture out to compare different productions, as it is either seen as an attack or me being unfairly critical.
For example, I started to talk in one of the Discords, for the first time beyond my introduction months before, about how I was not really a fan of the changes to the Jellicle Ball choreography when others were on the overall topic of the Broadway Revival. I had three or four other people start piling on me that I was being rude and negative for saying that Gillian Lynne got it right the first time around in terms of cat-like movement. I just stopped talking after that and seriously considered never saying anything again in the server. I have basically muted myself from stating my views again, lest someone get worked up. Another example is that I do not even dare to bring up the makeup differences with US Tour 6 or my opinions on the Revival designs in general as someone is guaranteed to become angry at me about it in that server. The separation between criticism of production facets and criticism of performers are one and the same in many people's eyes, which is not the case, at least for me. If I say I do not like someone's makeup, it should not be viewed as an attack on the performer themselves.
Perhaps my largest venture into actually expressing my opinions was the post where I wrote up a review on the US Tour 6 stops in Ottawa that I saw in person. I know it struck a nerve with not only people in the fandom, some who blocked me, but also some of the performers (who also blocked me)! I did not reblog the post because I felt that no one would appreciate my thoughts (outside of a handful of individuals), despite the amount of time I put into writing it. I did not even go into more personal opinions or feelings within it because it would have made it even more polarizing.
Someone who does not enjoy this musical is not going to take a week off work for vacation to drive five hours to see the show three nights. Someone who does not enjoy the show is not going to spend money tracking down and buying rare items for their collection. Someone who does not enjoy the musical is not going to spend time on social media trying to interact with others. My point is that I feel that anything critical I say is trivialized as if I have no idea what I am talking about or that I am a passing fan of the musical, and do not 'get' the musical like those with the valid opinions have, despite my passion for it. Circling back to the fandom as as whole, even differing headcannons can be a point of contention. There are some things or ideas I find bewildering in the fandom, but as long as they are not harmful, I do not see why people cannot express them.
Not everyone has to have the same views as someone else. It should be said that I have never once gone out of my way to negatively trash something related to CATS like I have seen so many people do, especially for CATS (2019). I think not being able to criticize aspects of the musical (with a basis for complaint) is detrimental to the community as a whole, as most discussions are either halted or never even started. If I want to say something based on my experience, there should not be apprehension in my mind, but for me there is and I think some other members of the fandom feel the same way.
It seems that people neglect that I am merely stating my own opinions and experiences and am not trying to convince or force others to my viewpoint or even to listen. If you agree or disagree, that is entirely up to you, and I try to present anything I say with as little bias as I can. I love seeing others state their opinions on how they see the musical, because it allows such varied interpretations the way it is presented. However, there is seemingly little appetite for differing opinions or views, and that is what bothers me the most. It is to the point where I feel separated many days from the rest of the fandom, and am very hesitant to even talk about the musical when that happens.
What is the purest ship in the fandom?
There is something so special about Platoria that I think it would be the purest (followed by Jennylorum/Jellydots).
I went into a very small amount of detail in how I think the Platoria dynamic in another ask, and could expand a lot on it. They are just two shy cats in love and it starts from a bit of mutual pining, before they figure out they both like each other and are willingly open about it, previously thinking that it was a one-sided attraction, despite it being more outwardly obvious to those around them.
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Could you suggest a couple of films one might enjoy if their favorite movie is Napoleon Dynamite? The more obscure the better.
I will admit I have not yet seen Napoleon Dynamite, so I am singularly going based off of the vibes that I am familiar with from clips I have seen (I want to see it though!)
Some films I like that I think have a similar vibe, in no particular order (not a lot of these are exactly obscure, but I still would wholeheartedly recommend them!):
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) dir. Edgar Wright - Fun flick overall and super unique is style. I can't praise it enough! Especially with the new animated adaption coming out.
Juno (2007) dir. Jason Reitman - Ok. This one is kind of contested (for valid reasons). I have my own criticism regarding how it frames abortion. But the biggest standout, for me, are the characters. Especially Elliot Page's performance. The soundtrack is phenomenal too.
Office Space (1999) dir. Mike Judge - A kind of silly and stupid white collar comedy, but lots of fun (I mean, it's Mike Judge, so of course it is).
Step Brothers (2008) dir. Adam McKay - Another stupid comedy movie, but it means a lot to me lmao. Best performance of "Por Ti Volare" unironically.
Moonrise Kingdom (2012) dir. Wes Anderson - I love the way Wes writes coming-of-age stories. I really need to see this again.
Rushmore (1998) dir. Wes Anderson - Goes without saying.
Me and Earl and The Dying Girl (2015) dir. Alfonso Gomez-Rejon - I wouldn't call this groundbreaking or anything. Falls a little too heavy on the pathos for me, but I have a soft spot for films that focus on young filmmakers.
Easy A (2010) dir. Will Gluck - It has been a while since I first saw it, but I remember having a good time.
The Way, Way Back (2013) dir. Nat Faxon and Jim Rash - This is more on the dramatic side of things, but since I am here recommending coming-of-age films, I feel like I have to mention it. No one ever talks about it, but I remember seeing it back when I was 11 and being very struck by it. Take that as you will.
#thank you so much for thinking of reaching out to me for requests!#I wish I could give you more 'deep cuts'#but things I would consider more niche are things that I haven't even watched yet!#and I am not the type to recommend things I haven't seen myself lol#asks#film recommendations
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The Painted Bird (2019)
Movie #1,078 • TWO FOR TUESDAY
The Painted Bird begins like this…
…and then proceeds to torture that child in pretty much every way you could imagine (psychologically, physically, and everything in between) for the better part of three hours. It is the ALL GAS NO BREAKS of films about the atrocities mankind unloads on one another. The main and perhaps only complaint I've seen levied against this boils down to just that: this is human suffering porn and human suffering porn sucks. I actually saw that phrase ("human suffering porn") used and it struck me (there's no shortage of shitty takes on this btw). That writer clearly had to make a distinction between this wonderfully shot black-and-white epic and something like Saw VI. To say, "I get that this Art, and I see how it checks off the boxes which makes something Art, but my mind can't parse any contrast between Jigsaw and Udo Kier." You can't really have it both ways, though.
Where torture porn exists purely in service of delivering those salacious goods, this strives to use those elements in service of delivering a message. Like any good war movie, this is stridently anti-war. And like the best war movies, it isn't political in the slightest. The Czech writer-director, Václav Marhoul, went as far as to use the Interslavic language (an auxiliary dialect used to facilitate communication between speakers of various Slavic languages) in order to obscure the actual location of these various Eastern Europe settings. One whiny critic actually wrote that "none of the film takes place in Germany [and] very little of the evil done to the kid has anything to do with Germans or Nazis." Like we needed to cut to a shot of Hitler pouting to understand why these people were living this way.
This movie is based on a 1965 book with a complex and fascinating backstory (its author is Jerzy Kosiński, who also penned Being There). It's pure fiction but what we know about the hell that was WWII suggests that all the gruesome elements aren't altogether fantastical. The parallels/similarities to the all-time classic Come and See (1985), at least on the surface, are instant and unmistakable even if they're not much more than "war seen through the eyes of a young boy." (Interestingly enough, Alexsey Kravchenko — who portrayed the boy in Come and See — plays a Russian military officer here, and one of the few "good guys" in The Painted Bird.) I don't think this is quite on par with Klimov's generational effort, but I'd still say it's a must-watch. As it turns out, this is simply a premium delivery system for the anti-war system.
For me, a grizzled vet of fucked-up horror, the worst moments weren't the violent and sicko outbursts, like when Udo Kier gouges a man's eyes out with a spoon. It was seeing the young boy striving to stay connected to some semblance of humanity in the wake of such things, like when he futilely delivers said eyeballs back to the man crying in the woods.
It was a fascinating choice to cast name actors, from all over the world, in small but important supporting roles in these various vignettes (the film is separated into seven specific chapters that could easily be viewed as shorts in their own right). Stellan Skarsgård doesn't utter a single line of dialogue and Barry Pepper, just one or two. There's the aforementioned Kier, and Harvey Keitel plays a priest. The late Julian Sands is a pedophile who gets eaten alive by rats. Like using the Impact font on the movie poster and inter-titles, this decision left me scratching my head, though not in a bad way.
But in the end this is child actor Petr Kotlár's movie. To subject someone as young as that to what we ultimately find onscreen isn't without a degree of moral ambiguity. That two stand-ins get a special shout-out in the credits alleviates some of this grief/guilt, but it's still worth mentioning. While I believe this is a much more valid complaint than simply stating you (an adult) were personally offended by the content, I choose to see this through a lens of bravery. He's really great in this without every speaking a word. I hope it doesn't/didn't fuck his life up.
I don't think this movie is begging you to look away. I think it's trying to make you look harder at what and why this could happen. Yes, all those Nazis we don't actually see, among many other things. It doesn't spell it out and never offers a concrete answer. The chief film critic of Variety walked out of this and in his "review" he willfully offers up a list of all the other films he's walked out of, among them:
I couldn’t get past the opening credits sequence of “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2” (which had already managed to cutesify my favorite song, “Brandy” by Looking Glass), as Baby Groot dances to ELO’s “Mr. Blue Sky” while the ensemble fights a space alien in the background. I’d enjoyed the original, but the Guardians had clearly gotten too cool to care, so why should I?
Everyone's hell is vastly different in the end. My 2¢? Let's try to relate, even when that seems so painful that it's impossible. For example, I would have walked out of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 also.
SCORE: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
#two for tuesday#war#2019#9#🇨🇿#václav marhoul director#petr kotlár#nina šunevič#stellan skarsgård#udo kier#harvey keitel#jitka čvančarová#julian sands#ala sakalova#aleksei kravchenko#barry pepper
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Pursuits
Hello, everyone! I am Chynna Louisha P. Tan, 16 years of age, and I am currently studying 11th Grade at SPUP. I am interested in playing the guitar and piano. I am quite a shopaholic and devoted to learning and doing the best I can in everything.
I have learned that you are unable to visualize what will happen 10 years from now just like that, as it is difficult to predict what the future holds for us. Because as a child, I always had this soft spot for subjects in the field of science. I saw my mother's books piled up in our cabinets and decided to meddle with them. The human body and how it works fascinate me. That is why I have always wanted to pursue medical technology. However, I had a sudden change of heart and had the urge to pursue the field of law. I imagine myself in the next ten years to have graduated law school, passed the bar, and have a stable salary enough to sustain the needs of my family, along with the expenses of the house I have always dreamed of residing in.
Concerning education, I am confident in saying that SPUP indeed, had helped improve my cognitive skills and communication skills, I am also able to think more critically as I continue to study here. I am also taught about the purpose of life and why it is reasonable to live. My bond with God is also strengthened as we have a religious education on which we can reflect. Hence, it is essential to where I am leading in the future.
At first, I was hesitant to take a strand other than STEM because I did not want to get out of my comfort zone prior to studying at SPUP; I was indecisive on whether to still choose Med or try up Law. However, it struck me that the love I had for Law outweighs what I have for Med, so I had the courage and motivation to try new things and continue my Senior High Scool education in SPUP. "Humanities and Social Sciences" is focused on studying people's cultures, politics, government, societal behaviour, etc. HUMSS strand is the best choice of strand for me as it is aligned with my interests and pursuits. In HUMSS, we are trained to be great at public speaking, express our thoughts into words, make valid and sound arguments, be aware of our surroundings, etc.
I am currently still torn between the courses Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Legal Management. Psychology would help me improve my analytical thinking skills along with systematically trying to understand why something had occured. Legal Management On the other hand, I think is the best Pre-Law as I would already have a background prior to entering the actual law school as it tackles about It supplies knowledge and skills in the elements of law and the legal complexities of the business environment. All this which is needed for studying Law.
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i saw this post a while back by someone who was most definitely transandrophobic but their point sorta struck me. they were talking about how people (idk who this was aimed at so im just paraphrasing) have internalized criticisms of radfem ideology in the wrong way and are just using it to pretend like men are unfairly projected as oppressors
which. i know that's a highly exaggerated and probably bad-faith thing to say but i was just wondering if they sorta have a valid point somewhere in there hmmm
I mean, there are definitely people this applies to- I wouldn't be able to point you to them, but I'm sure they exist. But to point this criticism at anyone trying to add nuance to the radfem idea of Men Bad is extremely reductive and disingenuous.
The reason radical feminism doesn't work is because they view "man" as a coherent, unified oppressor class- and while it's true that the people society sees as men receive privilege under patriarchy, receiving privilege is not the same as Being An Oppressor.
Particularly when discussing roughly 50% of the population in the context of an identity label, and particularly when that label becomes increasingly detached from the white, colonialist, and patriarchal understanding of itself the further someone gets from the "ideal" version of it as defined by patriarchy.
The idea falls back on the understanding of patriarchy as having this singular goal to oppress women and give men power- which is, at best, an extremely ignorant, extremely privileged way of viewing patriarchy.
Patriarchy's goal is to control.
Not just to control one half of the population, but to control the entirety of it.
It offers rewards for adhering to gender roles, and punishments for straying from it. It offers rewards for participating in giving others rewards and punishments based on those merits, and punishments for choosing to abstain or rebel against it.
Even within genders, a woman who adheres to the patriarchal ideal of what a woman should be: skinny, conventionally beautiful, dressed appropriately feminine, with all the right interests, the right job (or lack thereof), and upholding her roles as a mother/sister/daughter...
Will often receive a good deal of privilege under patriarchy compared to a male counterpart who fails to adhere to the patriarchal ideal of what a man should be: perhaps he's fat, not conventionally attractive, cross-dresses, enjoys feminine interests, speaks in a feminine manner, has a feminine job, and openly challenges/rebels against patriarchal expectations.
Tell me you've never seen a woman deride a man for having "feminine" interests (cough cough MLP), for being a virgin at "too old" an age, for not dressing appropriately masculine, for being sexually unappealing to her, etc. Tell me you think the above woman wouldn't be hired over the above man for the same job.
That isn't to say that woman wouldn't still face some impacts of patriarchy; she's still pressured into that role in the first place, she will likely still be paid less than a male counterpart, she likely still feels unsafe in certain situations a male counterpart doesn't, and she's still at an increased risk of certain violence due to her gender & presentation.
What I'm saying is not that women can escape the effects of patriarchy if they do a good enough job at adhering to it; it's that the patriarchy itself seeks to control all of us, and will, as a result, reward and punish everyone based on adherence to expectations.
Pitting men and women against each other is part of this; it distracts from the actual people in power who are making these choices, implementing these systems, and creating these rewards and punishments in the first place.
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cold, cold, cold
pairing: timeskip!tsukki x gn!reader
summary: there’s a little too much tension between you and your annoying co-worker at the museum after hours
warnings: 18+ minors dni, smut, semi-public (no one sees), light degradation (very soft imo), quickie
a/n: psa do not fuck in a museum.. as someone who has worked in multiple museums i feel need to say this,, also yes, ‘sherd’ is a word
Tsukishima was always around. Not that it was difficult working at a relatively small place. Something about him bothered you, but you couldn’t really figure it out. Maybe it was how he always seemed to sneer at you, or how he commented on your taste in music any time he stuck his head in your office, or how he never seemed to be in a truly pleasant mood.
At first, you had even thought he was kind of cute albeit a bit awkward. Then you realized he was just selective and a bit haughty. You couldn’t help but think it had to be a front. He was never outright mean to you, although he certainly didn’t stop himself from criticizing you. Much to your dismay, his criticism were generally valid.
You tried to ignore your own mixed emotions and confusion as you sat in the back of the frigid storage room gently dry brushing a sherd of Hagi ware from some long forgotten collection that had been neglected.
“Oh, you’re still here.” His deadpan voice struck some fiery chord in your heart, but you simply glanced up. “Everyone else left.”
“Yeah, I got caught up cleaning these.” You groan as you stretch back in your seat, bones creaking from having been hunched over for so long. “Why are you still here?”
He rolled his eyes as he adjusted the stack of papers and bag in his hands and sauntered toward you.
“An interesting song choice. You shouldn’t listen to music while you work, you know.”
You groaned quietly at his condescending attitude as you began shuffling the small piece back into its bag with its museum tag and a little info-note you had written for reference. He set his bag and papers on the table with a small thud.
“I’m allowed to listen to music. Besides, you do it all the time.”
“You’re allowed, but you shouldn’t listen to such bad music.” He chuckled, snatching your phone of the edge of the work table before you could react. As fast as you could, you jogged over to the sink to give your dust stained hands a quick rinse. With an overly contented sigh, he pressed the pause button. “Isn’t that better?”
You expectantly held out your hand. “Tsukishima.” You said sharply.
He cocked an eyebrow, but your angry expression only seemed to egg him on. With a wicked grin he held the phone up beside his head.
“What?” He asked innocently.
“Tsukishima,” you urged, “we’re not playing this game.” This was embarrassing, but you couldn’t figure out for you or him. “We’re not ten, just give me it back.”
“If you agree to listen to better music.”
You wanted so badly to wipe the stupid smirk off his face, but deep inside you felt there was something a little alluring about it. Even if this situation was laughable at best. Sighing dramatically, you reached up for your phone. “Depends on what you think is ‘better’ music.” Standing up and straining your arm, you didn’t even notice how close you had gotten or how close your foot was too a loose power cord on the ground.
He hadn’t been entirely steady in his stance, so when you came crashing into him, he went down hard into the cool concrete floor taking you with him. His hand that wasn’t clutching your sleeve was still miraculously clutching your phone. You wrapped your legs under his to trap him and clawed for your phone.
“Stop, this is ridiculous!” You whined, tugging against his iron grip.
“You pushed me over. You never look where you’re going.” He quipped back.
“I only ran into you that one time because you’re so freakishly tall!”
“You ran into me twice! Apparently you can’t count either.”
“Who cares?!”
“The curator should. If you can’t count to two, how can you count artifacts?”
“What are you even... just shut up, you’re always so-!”
The grip his fingers had slipped up a little and your ass flew back into his hips. Hard. When you shifted a little in an attempt to free your limbs from him, you felt it. His long cocking pressing sharply into your thigh.
You gasp and flinch just enough that he notices. His eyes widen and his mouth gapes open as he goes to apologize, desperately trying to get out from under you.
“This is what does it for you?” Your whisper is half full of wonder and half full of disgust. And he loves it.
“N-no, you were just moving around so much. That doesn’t mean...” A deep blush lit up his cheeks as he attempted to sputter out some coherent set of words.
You held back a chuckle as you sat back and stood. When you stuck out a hand for him to lift himself, he graciously took it, not meeting your eyes.
“I’m just messing with you.” He doesn’t trust the smile on your face though. “But if you wanted to fuck me you should’ve just asked instead of acting like an insolent child.”
Your hand tightened around his, keeping him locked close to you.
“I was not acting like an insolent child.” He mumbled, though he made no attempt to move back from you. The look splayed across your face was far from joking.
You didn’t know what you were doing. The phone thing had been annoying and embarrassing, but when you felt him harden up under you just from a little struggling and mean words it was like a switch flipped. You finally realized why you were so frustrated with him.
“That sounds like something an insolent child would say.” You breathe, maneuvering your fingers around so they were intertwined with his. His soft, shocked expression morphed as he made up his own mind about the situation.
“You want to fuck me so bad.” He chuckled, an overpowering look gracing his features.
You set your phone on the counter behind you and rolled your eyes.
“You can’t stand to not be in charge, can you?” You took his other, very pliant, hand into your own.
“I don’t care about being in charge when I know I’m right.” He said lowly, leaning into you.
“Mhmm,” you humored him, leaning in as well.
Before you could blink, a sloppy clacking of teeth and tongues knocked you back. Tsukishima grabbed your cheeks roughly. You clutched around his slender waist and pulled him into you. His hard cock strained against your front.
Normally so put together, his actions were so hurriedly messy now that he had you in his arms. Despite the fact that you didn't seem to get his humor or appreciate his critiques, he had found himself drawn to you from the day he saw you.
You brushed your fingers up his figure and into his light curls. The rugged tugs on his scalp make him moan into your mouth. His vibrations filled you with a sweet warmth, making you press even closer to him.
Finally, you tore him away by the back of his head. Panting unevenly, you struggled to get the words out. "Want you to fuck me." You breathed hotly into his ear.
"Here?" His condescending tone was marred by his shaking breath. "What a slutty thing to beg for."
"I-I'm not begging for anything." You growled, palming him roughly through his pants.
"So you don't want my cock, then?" His hands grabbed your ass and pushed you back just a few centimeters. "Is that why you look so desperate?"
"You're pretty cocky for someone who got hard over a little tug-of-war." You didn't move your eyes away from his as you unhooked his belt and unbuttoned his pants.
"I wish you would talk less." He groaned and tore himself away from you.
"Excuse me?" You were slumped against the empty counter behind you, incredulous as he rooted through his bag.
"Shut up," his eye roll was almost audible when he stood back and up and turned to you again. He held a little foil package in one hand, smirking. "Turn around and bend over."
The small urge you had to argue was strong, but the sight of his long cock weeping through his powder blue briefs was enough to make you easily comply. Swallowing the thick lump in your throat you clutched onto the edge of the freezing counter.
"Good." He hummed as he came up behind you. His fingers worked around your front to unbutton and rip your pants down. You craned your neck over your shoulder as he carefully opened the condom package and eased it over his long cock.
Shuddering, you relaxed toward the counter. His foot kicked between yours, spreading your legs wider. He watched with pure bliss as your hungry little hole clenched around nothing.
"Just fuck me already." You whined. Not being able to see him or what he was doing was creating a delightful mix of nervousness and excitement in the pit of your stomach.
"Well, I can't say no when you beg like that." He cooed into your ear. As you jumped back in surprise, he quickly slipped his thick cock head just past your entrance. You yelped at the sudden intrusion and tried your best to relax. "Sure you can take me?" He said lowly as he massaged your sides.
You scoffed. "Don't be so full of yourself."
"Alright then..."
In one smooth movement he bottomed out inside of you. As you screamed in both pleasure and dull pain, he clamped a hand over your mouth.
"You take me pretty well and I haven't even really touched you."
You muttered some agreement into his palm. Moving his hand away, he soothingly kneaded his fingers into your lower back, urging you to relax around him.
"Tell me when you can really take me."
"Please," you whined quietly, "move, please..."
He wanted to tell you to speak up, fluster you more than you already were, tease you until you couldn't form a sentence. But here and now wasn't the time or place. So instead, he started moving just as you had pleaded.
You cried out, desperately trying to quiet yourself although there was no one else there except the two of you, as he plunged in and out of your pulsing hole. Even though his strokes were fast and hard you could feel every inch, every vein and ridge. His little moans and gasps drew you closer and closer to the edge, but it wasn't enough.
With your hands trapped between your chest and the counter, you couldn't even move them to relieve yourself. Lost in your own pleasure, you barely noticed how your hips pushed back to meet his as he pounded into you.
"You're so good, please, fuck..." You babbled on.
Your little praises sent him over the edge. With your sweet encouraging, he sloppily thrusted into you, fingers digging deep bruises into your hips as he finally emptied himself into you. The syrupy pitched moan that left his throat made you shiver under him.
He slumped over you for a minute, holding you close. Finally, he pulled away, carefully pulling the condom off and neatly tying it up before tossing it into a nearby trash bin. With unsteady legs you pulled yourself and your pants up. By the time you turned around he already looked completely put back together as if he hadn't been mercilessly pounding into you a minute ago.
Chewing on the inside of your cheek, you didn't quite meet his eyes. "I didn't-"
"Come home with me."
"What?"
"I know you didn't cum, so if you want to you can come home with me and we can finish."
You couldn't help but smile at the blush that graced his cheeks. Trying your best to walk confidently on unsteady feet, you strode up to him and gave him a small kiss on the side of his lips.
"Let's go then."
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the misconceptions and mis-framing of penny’s death
i hesitated to make this post here for a good while; partially because i didn’t want to right when people’s emotions were heightened from the finale, partially because i’m sure some people are going to argue with me here and i’m not looking for a debate- if you don’t agree, please just scroll past.
i’ve made a large number of posts of penny’s death on twitter before, but some were based on my own heightened emotions, and they were all scattered over the course of a couple of weeks, so i’m making this psot to kind of gather all of those thoughts together, the most important ones, at least.
a quick disclaimer before we start- don’t mistake this as all being ‘oh you must just not really care that much about penny’. it couldn’t be more untrue. penny is a comfort character of mine, and a kin to boot. her second death was also the only in the show to really impact me, seeing as i watched v1-3 within a couple of days and didn’t give myself enough time to get attatched to any characters (and i just didn’t personally care for clover all that much). so, please don’t assuming this is coming from a place of not caring- it’s coming from the opposite.
i’ve tried my very hardest to look at what people are saying when they call her death inherintly bad writing, and honestly, i can easily see the validity to some of their points. there were a lot of flaws in the scene.
it felt very rushed and blown-over, but then again, the entire episode did, and i have to wonder if it was done on purpose to emulate the chaos of war- you usually don’t get time to process anything. i mean, in rwby’s case, cinder was winning a fight, half of the characters that would’ve moured her were in the void, and the other half was in another kingdom. that left jaune, who had to focus on fighting cinder. it’s the same as when ruby wasn’t given time to mourn yang.
it also was weird to kill her off two episodes and probably only, like, 10-15 in-show minutes, after she’d been saved from death by gaining a human body. i think it would’ve happened anyway, given the many death flags she had, but i’d have expected- and liked- for them to wait a little longer. it would’ve been nice to see her adjust to having a human body, that’s for sure.
and i can fully agree that framing suicide as a good thing is not...a good thing. but, that brings me to the first point when i say ‘misconception’. because, penny’s dead wasn’t suicide at all. and i have no idea why people would frame it that way it the first place.
first of all, if we’re going to start labelling sacrifices as suicides, we’re going to have to say the same about pyrrha, vernal, and probably yang even though she didn’t actually die (but she thought she would). but being killed in a battle while protecting people...is sacrifice. penny asking jaune to kill her quicker, so that she could make sure the powers went to winter, was sacrifice. it also meant that she didn’t have to die slowly and painfully instead. penny was not suicidal. she has never been suicidal. to be suicidal is to want to die. penny never wanted to die- she only ever believed that it was her only choice to save the people she cared about and the city she was assigned to protect. in penny’s situation, i imagine you’d have a hard time finding another way out of all the siuations she’s been in too. it honestly feels like people are only calling it suicide instead of sacrifice to frame the scene as worse than it was, and that rubs me the wrong way.
and now you’re probably wondering, ‘but blaire, if she’d let jaune save her, she wouldn’t have died’. except that everyone who thinks that is missing one critical factor- she would have died anyway.
cinder’s blow was a killing one. from the moment she struck, she was already starting to steal the maiden’s power. a little longer, and she probably would have. but the one thing a lot of people seem to miss is that, even though jaune was there, he would not have been able to save her. firstly, his aura would have been extremely low at that point, considering we see it shatter in this episode; he probably would not have had enough to fill another person. he maybe could’ve sealed the wound a little before his aura would have broken, and then cinder would’ve just kept going with no problem.
but, even if he somehow had been able to- his aura recharges pretty quickly, after all- another critical factor is that there literally wasn’t time. penny said so herself. as i mentioned earlier, cinder was winning the fight agaisnt weiss. and we’ve seen how long it takes for jaune to heal someone. with weiss, he was lucky; there were several other people there to protect him and weiss while he did his work. with penny, there was only weiss. the moment cinder saw jaune healing her, that would’ve been it. with both of them defenselss, she probably would have killed jaune on the spot, given that weiss never would have been able to stop her on her own, and continued to take penny’s power. jaune or not, penny would have died. because penny didn’t kill herself, jaune didn’t kill her, cinder killed her. this was a murder.
bu then, what was all that about penny finally making her own choice? was it not to die?
no. of course it wasn’t. how i ever believed that myself at one point baffles me, because the more i look back, the more it’s very obvious that it wasn’t the case. it’s almost funny, actually, because my current self would’ve called myself from two weeks ago stupid for believeing such a thing.
as i mentioned, penny has never wanted to die. and, in this case, it wasn’t even that she felt she had to for the greator good; she was dying anyway. her choice had nothing to do with death. her choice was who to pass the winter maiden’s power onto. because, if jaune hadn’t used his sword and severe’d cinder’s connection, the power very likely would have gone to cinder instead. she’d have the relics and both the fall and winter powers, and she’d have been near-unstoppable otherwise.
even the wiki editors somehow saw this more clearly than i did, but like i said, it’s actually pretty obvious. once you get the weird idea that penny was suicidal out of your head, it’s clear to see that the choice she was talking about was to choose winter. and it’s a damn good thing she did, because winter probably would have died otherwise, and the evacuees would’ve been left defensless agaisnt the grimm- penny wouldn’t have been able to save them, as we’ve established.
the last thing that everyone should consider is that we literally have no idea what could happen next. it’s hard to write this off as anything when we don’t know what effect it will have on the story and characters, or- though it’s a stretch- if penny will even stay dead. she is, after all, based off a character who dies and is ressurected on a frequent basis. it was the same case with pyrrha and clover’s deaths; both were dismissed as bad writing based purely on assumptions, only for the auidence to find out later that both deaths actually served pretty reasonable purposes; pyrrhas’s to set the stakes and give all of the character’s a reason to keep fighting, and clover’s to demonstrate how loyal-to-a-fault the aceops were, and that ironwood had no problem sacrificing his own men.
in the end, to call this a good writing choice is probably a stretch. but, it wasn’t a bad one either. there were just too many factors that weren’t considered, or were misunderstood, and the aformentioned rushed feeling of the episode probably did not help with picking all this out. these are realizations it took me days and even weeks to come to. what’s instead important is to look at the situation from as many different angles as possible, and to keep in mind that we can’t really say anything for certain about the consequences of the event. nuance is important! espeiclaly in media critisism!
i genuinely hoped this has opened people’s eyes, even if they already didn’t consider it bad writing. seeing crwby, and this show, undermined so drastically, has been pretty hard for me to see, especially when some people are using it to call crwby morally wrong. i’ve even seen people say it was transphobic, because penny was trans-coded, while totally dismissing may, a canonically trans character. and i know that crwby are getting death threats again, which is bitterly disappointing and enraging. stop. and stop enabling this behaviour.
also, if you’ve read over all of this and still don’t personally like the decision, that’s fine and understandable. i can easily see why people still wouldn’t. but i think it’s important to remember that not liking a writing deicsion doesn’t necceserily make it a bad one. kind of like how me not liking any of star wars doesn’t make it a bad franchise.
thanks for reading, and please remember to just...be nice. and if you’re still mourning penny’s death, which is understandable, remember to look after your mental health! she would want you to!
#rwby#rwby essay#rwby analysis#rwby v8#blaire rambles#my writing#penny polendina#rwby voume 8#tw penny's death#tw character death#tw suicide
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Anne was gnc but she also wanted to be accepted socially by more upper class people than herself and yes to do that she would have to conform more than she probably wanted to, and even if she didn’t care about being accepted by upper class people, she still would have had virtually no choice in the matter of femininity anyway. Women were simply not allowed to be masculine. The fact that anne lister lived as gender non conforming as she did is extraordinary
Anyway rip Anne lister you would’ve loved trousers
(Expecting these are from the same person... whoops if not) (Also I can't tell if you are trying to provide a different perspective than mine or not but ultimately my take is that if something like that made a woman miserable we shouldn't be praising it so unreservedly; the whole idea of right and wrong ways of being gender non-conforming as cox is presenting it is just so narrow and ignorant)
Yeah I mean I think one of the more painful things about the video for me was Cox using the IRL and fictional representation of Lister (actually iirc there was very little discussion of IRL Lister) as opposition to fictional Jo March in Little Women (2019) ... which is NOT a movie I enjoy and I wasn't on board with their Jo, and several of my issues with it ARE costuming related.... but like, Jo also wears dresses to dances and (barring That One Scene) in public with people who aren't her family and wears blouses and skirts in a way that is a bit more """"masculine"" (I hesitate to say this bc that was a very common combo in fashion for women but I think that was kind of the intent of the costuming with separates) and Abby criticized the hell out of this in a way that, although she's huge on the corset thing (and apparently completely ignorant of 19th century American dress reform, which although it isn't necessarily depicted in Little Women was something that appealed to Louisa May Alcott, which is a very very very specific motivation for how the movie was done....) seemed ultimately knee jerk based on her wearing trousers and finding that liberating without any respect for what the production was trying to do specifically regarding gender non-conforming women. Like this is also an adaptation where Jo's marriage isn't confirmed. These were intentional choices for a very specific reason that she spends the whole video dismissing.
Her whole idea struck me as "if you MUST be gender non-conforming, at least be as respectable as possible about it 🙄 real women never complained or were dissatisfied with their clothing, and nobody wanted to wear less restrictive clothing and/or trousers 🙄 and if they were interested, they'd be arrested, like these outliers! but nobody who was a real woman was interested in this and they knew to be taken seriously they had to be REAL women, so i am also blaming gender non conforming women for setting back feminism and preventing women's suffrage before everybody got with the program and dressed nice🙄 "
literally like if someone were to say "gay people didn't even want to get married before it was legal! we know this because very few gay people were getting married illegally, and those that did were silly people with unrealistic and uncommon wants and interests who nobody took seriously or respected anyway."
that is the sort of thesis she is hinging her historical analysis on in that video. and i saw people say e.g. "oh well it IS documented that suffragists wore nice feminine clothing because they wouldn't be taken seriously otherwise" like yeah it very much is! but like that is NOT the point, the point is WHY they wouldn't be taken seriously, and how that affected women at the time, and also, by ignorance and by discussing it only at the surface level, her takes on it appear to validate prejudiced, classist and racist positions within the suffrage movement that were extremely restrictive in what kind of women should be allowed to vote and what kind of women deserved to be taken seriously.
for the most part her video also doesn't discuss class or occupation at all which is a huge miss to me as i think nuanced discussion of that would not support her thesis as argued.
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