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blackopals-world · 11 months

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I've Found Home

Fem!Yuu and Twisted Cast

(Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8)

Implied relationship

She moved on. She had to and had every reason to. She had someone who relied on her.

Warnings:hurt-comfort, Angst to heal your soul. Healing those and abandonment issues. Happy ending I promise. Don't read if you are not ready to cry. Did not proof read, wrote this late a night, sick and half asleep. Sorry.

Move on.

Forget.

There was no going back.

You chose this.

You wanted this.

After three years of living in another world Yuu couldn't adjust easily to her old life.

A life that no longer exists. So she began building a new one.

She found a good price on a place near the mountains. Private but not isolated. She had the money after her book deal.

People would never believe her story so she wrote fantasy novels. She felt closer to her friends this way but more lonely all the same. She couldn't share the truth with anyone and could never talk about them as though they were real.

Still, she could write new stories with new characters to forget.

Life had been quiet. Eat, sleep, write, watch TV, read and do it all again. Sometimes getting food deliveries, read fan mail and get a call to two. It was decent life. Something Idia would love.

He's probably taken over STYX by now. I bet he and Ortho are doing great together.

Nevermind, she could probably cook something. Eating instant meals was probably ruining her health. Vil would kill her if he knew.

...

Food can wait. She wasn't that hungry anyways.

The garden! Yes! She had to tend the garden! She had ordered a spring bundle to plant.

The tag said it had some tulips, mums, begonias, and specialty white roses.

Nevermind... forget it. She should take a nap. A lazy day never hurt anyone. Even beasts can afford to sleep.

...

Yuu decided to leave. She couldn't take this anymore. If she got one more reminder she'd collapse. Their faces were ingrained in her mind and guilt burned under her skin.

Life was funny you know. You don't know what come next.

Yuu certainly didn't.

She hiked up the mountain trying to forget every time Jade would drag her to go foraging with him. Every late-night walk she had with Malleus. Every magic carpet ride with Kalim.

It wasn't fair! Why did she have to go through this? She wanted to see them again. What did she do to deserve this?

She was good! She was kind! She just wanted to go home! Is that so wrong? She worked hard! She made a name for herself! She should have the life she wanted and be able to enjoy that life.

But she missed them...

Unknowingly Yuu had dropped to her knees and crying. Only the forest could hear her and perhaps it took pity on her.

(Warning: If you are sensitive to child abuse or dead animals please don't read on.)

When her tears were gone and her cries faded there was a response.

A different cry. High pitched and gurgling. The kind that every woman knew in an odd instinctual way. The kind that sets off every alarm in your head and makes every hair stand on end. A baby.

She ran towards it praying to God that this wasn't a mountain lion. It wasn't though.

She found a small shack off the path. It was surrounded by trash. Must have been occupied by squatters. Said squatters seemed to have vacated at least a few days ago.

Yuu muscled open the makeshift door. The crying had turned into unfamiliar cracking breathless howls. Their voice must have given out a while ago after who knows how long. Hours, days...any longer would mean death.

Yuu searched and found a bunker of sorts under the floorboards.

She found a soggy bare mattress, a few scattered crayons, a ball and-oh God, that smell. It was a rotting cat. Poor thing must have been here for weeks. There was an empty cat food bowl nearby. Little drawings littered the floor. Ones of a smiling child with a smiling cat.

The whimpering cries continued and drew Yuu forward. She found them curled up in a corner. A rope was tied around their leg. It was a child. They were wrapped in soiled clothes, had matted hair, and emaciated.

Yuu felt her heart break again. This poor baby. Who could do this.

He looked at her with fear and hope. He wanted-no needed to be saved. He was probably no older than 3. He had no understanding of what was happening to him. His tears had marked his face as the only place was covered in a layer of dirt.

"Hey, is okay I'm here to help. I'm going to take you away now. Is that okay? We'll get you some food." Yuu tried to keep her voice even to not scare him.

The boy crawled over to the place of the dead cat. And began shaking it.

"Nina!Nina!" He wailed trying to wake her up.

He didn't know she was dead. He didn't even understand what death was.

"I'm sorry Nina can't come with us." Yuu said pulling him gently by the back of his ragged shirt.

But children don't understand these things.

"Nina! No! Nina!" He yelled horsey.

"Shh, it's okay. Don't worry I'll come back for her later. I promise." Yuu hushed.

She could bury her in the garden. He clearly loved her a lot and the poor kitty deserves that much.

After untying the rope Yuu lifted the boy into her arms and carried him home. He made almost no noise as he buried himself in her arms.

Yuu promised herself that she'd never let something like this happen to him again. He would never be abandoned again, he'd never go hungry again, and he'd be loved. She'd love him, she swore it.

"My son." She whispered to no one at all but I affirmed everything she felt.

He needed a name. The case worker didn't have one for him on file. She got to choose one.

For a writer she struggled to find one.

Mal, Elliot, Leo, Cecil, Bishop, Ali, Jacob, Carter, Azure, Jess

Only one name stuck

Grimm

"Grimm! It time for bed. Grab a book if you want me to read it to you." Yuu said walking up the stairs.

Grimm scanned his bookshelf for one of his favorites. The titles were: "The Rose Queen", "The King of Beasts", "The Wishing Star", "The sea witch", "The Sand Serpent", "The fairy Gala", "The Little Robot", "Magic Cat", "The beautiful Queen", and "The Underworld and back again"

Grimm had a favorite right now. The newest among the children's book collection Yuu had written. She pulled it off the shelf and ran back to bed.

Yuu could barely keep up these days. Grimm was fast but Yuu had practice.

She pulled the covers over him and read the title as Grimm snuggled up with his favorite stuffed animal. It was another merchandise stuffed animal. It was a big gray cat with a stripped bow and purple crystal around its neck.

Grimm named it Nina and took it everywhere. Along as it comforted him Yuu said nothing.

"The Lonely Dragon: Once upon a time there was a powerful dragon prince who lived in a land far far away." Yuu began.

"But the dragon isn't lonely forever. He meets the lost princess and they become best friends! Oh and the Silver knight comes in stop the dragon here!" Grimm interrupted leaning over his mother.

" Well if you want to tell the story." Yuu sighed.

When Yuu finished Grimm asked her something.

"So the dragon isn't lonely anymore?" He looked at her with wide eyes.

"No, he has many friends and rules over a nice kingdom," Yuu said in a hushed voice as shifted his pillow to make him lie down.

"What about the lost princess?"

"The lost princess found her way home. She said goodbye to her friends and is where she belongs now."

"But is she lonely? Without all her friends?"

"She used to be but now she has a home. She misses her friends but she's happy."

"I wish I could meet her. I'd be her friend and she'd never be lonely again."

"I know, I'd bet she'd be so happy. Goodnight, baby."Yuu turned off the light as she kissed Grimm's cheek

"Night Mama." Grimm said kissing his mother back.

When Yuu left the room she kept the door open just a bit so Grimm wouldn't be afraid of the dark.

She took a deep breath. Maybe she shouldn't have written the Lost Princess series but it was so well loved these days what could she do?

Still, she could relive those days for just a brief moment and smile.

She made her way to the study to go back to writing her new book when a knock came from downstairs.

Yuu cautiously made her way to the door and pressed an ear to it to listen to who it might be. Forgetting she had a peephole. A familiar voice called her name from the other side.

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thebibliosphere · 8 months

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Hi there, ive come from your post about ADHD and emotional disregulation, firstly thank you so much for putting it into words, its such a complicated part of how i deal with emotions and i havent ever been able to articulate how to why.

Secondly, in that post you mentioned how you've used stress as a motivator and how eventually your stress regualtion broke, i was wondering if you'd be willing to talk about that? (If not, its not a problem)

I feel like the same thing has happened to me but until i read your post i had no idea that something had... snapped? I suppose? I struggle with motivation all the time and in the past id have a week or a few days left and id be able to suddently push myself very hard to complete whatever it is before the deadline, just barely making it in most cases. However now it seems that i can't find that motivation anymore, deadlines come and pass and i can't being myself to work on anything, and i just end up spiralling into shame and guilt. That motivation was the only thing that I was able to rely on sometimes for things like uni, and i conviced myself that it was just me growing lazy or trying to get out of responsibility as to why the "last minute panic-mode" doesnt work anymore.

Again, if you don't wanna tackle this can of worms or if it's something youd rather not post online i totally get it, its no biggie! thanks so much for making the original post as well, it means a lot

Hello friend, thanks for the message. I'm sorry you're also dealing with this.

The good news here is that I've already talked about this using the rubber band analogy my therapist gave me. (Stress is like a Rubber Band)

If you don't have the mental bandwidth to read all of it now, the tl;dr is "stress is like a rubber band; it can stretch to hold numerous things in place when you need to, but if you do it too often or keep adding more and more strain under the band, the elastic eventually becomes brittle and snaps, taking your mental and sometimes physical health with it too."

I've been in intensive therapy for this for roughly three years now, and trying to piece my brain back together after my last bout of stress-induced productivity gave me a total mental breakdown.

It's... odd not being able to use stress and having to actively avoid it to avoid a relapse. But it is doable. Medication would help, but alas, I've got weird health issues and am unmedicated at the minute.

(And just in case that sparks anyone to go, "Oh, you do all this unmedicated! Wow, that's so inspiring!" as sometimes parents do to me on here as they then tell me they don't want to medicate their kids, I've unfortunately also written a post about what that kind of success looks like from an unmedicated perspective and the kind of suicidal ideation I deal with on the regular because I cannot take meds. It is not pleasant reading, but it is necessary for some folks, specifically anti-med, "if you just tried harder" people.)

A book you may find helpful is Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski. It was very validating for me to read about other people going through the same things, and made me feel less of a "this is a personal failing on my part" and more of a "Oh okay yeah, no stress literally breaks people."

It helped soothe some of my own internalized "I just need to try harder" and helped cement me on the path I was already going down with my ADHD therapist toward changing how I view myself and how I manage my ADHD.

I hope that helps! If you've got more specific questions or I didn't touch on something in my old post, I can try to answer them :)

#chronic health tag #adult adhd #adhd

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thecherrytarot · 2 years

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𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐚 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞.

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!!

the messages that i got weren't exactly "dark" dark but they are something that you need to work on.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

𝐗𝐗𝐈. 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞

You may be someone who is way too comfortable in your comfort zone. You may like to stay in your own little space, it's not only because of the 'fear of the unkown' but also because many of you might be simply put, lazy. You may take forever to finish the projects that you have started. Whenever someone confronts you about it, you have excuses ready. Don't get me wrong, it's not like you don't completely want to avoid it, you want to fulfil a big goal and complete that project, but you’re not taking all the steps necessary to get there. You may go for the quick and easy path to achieve it, but it won't lead to the outcome that you wanted and feel demotivated. You feel like you don't have any motivation to do it or think that these things are not worth the effort. lf you are studying for an exam you might say "umm do i REALLY need this degree/job?!" or things like that. Sometimes you may be so close to finishing your project but for some reason you lose focus and slack off. You may act like a 'know it all' but majority of the information you have is incorrect or just wrong. like for example you know those people who believe in the 'psychology' facts that they see on tiktok/reels which are obviously are false and the person who made it didn't even bother to check those facts? similar to them (for many of you this also might be your "source of information"). Some of you are still emotionally attached to a past relationship and want to move on but find it hard to accept. You may feel like something or someone is blocking your energy and the possibility of you being that something or someone is really high.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬

Many of you might have a saviour complex. You might meet someone who is 'broken' or has issues with the things in their and you might think that you can fix them and change them for the better. Knowingly/unknowingly you might be attracted to people who are like this (especially those who have issues with the mother figure of their life) and try to take care of them to feel special (?) like "oh xyz doesn't talk that much with others but they are so talkative when they are with ME" kinda vibes. I feel like when it is your turn to open up, you are very subtle about it and keep it short. You don't like to open up that much but expect others to open to you and depend on you. (Like here no matter how hard i try keep getting message about the other party and very little about you) While this doesn't sound so bad, you might suffocate the other person with all the smothering. You may often mistake your possessiveness or jealousy with care and protectiveness. However this isn't exactly a bad thing it just depends on context and intentions of both the parties.

𝐏𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

𝐗𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬

TW : mentions of mental illness, alcoholism, insomnia and anxiety.

It was so hard for me to even say the question while shuffling the cards like i could feel the intense energy of this pile. I had to stop and mediate before continuing and when i got this card things made sense.You may be a patient of mental illness (especially maladaptive daydreaming) or may show some symptoms of it. The card that i got signifies having unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol addiction etc. For some of you, your coping mechanism might be being obsessed with celebrities/fictional characters. You may suffer from insomnia due to overthinking, anxiety or having a loud mind.You may not like your surroundings and avoid your reality by imagining the one you created in your head (maladaptive daydreaming) Night time might be your favorite time because thats when you feel like you can really be yourself. You may have gone through may emotional ups and downs and may hold grudges against people. You may not realize it but the 'bitterness' inside you has turned or is turning into poison and it's slowly killing you. You may have had some terrible experiences that caused mental distress, and instead of dealing with them you push them down deep into your subconscious. When you do feel those emotions resurfacing you do certain things to distract yourself from the pain like for example alcohol consumption to the numb it.You feel like there are dark clouds blocking your sunshine. These 'dark clouds' might be your paranoia which is blocking your 'sunshine' due to past experiences.

thank you so much for reading this!!!

#free tarot reading #pac tarot #pac reading #bts tarot #jungkook tarot #love tarot reading #general tarot reading #fs tarot #tarot reading #fs tarot reading

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kaepop-trash · 2 years

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can we get the first time johnny and y/n hook up in no time to blame

Next Time

It's finally here! Maybe Johnny is just the slow burn guy. Or maybe it's just me being in a lazy headspace lately. This was not edited in hindsight.

Requests for this are still open!

Warnings: Explicit Sexual Content, Sex, Making Out, Oral (female receiving), Touch Starved Characters, Friends With Benefits, Soft!Dom Johnny with a Tendency Towards Hard!Dom, Hints Of Degradation Kink, They're Both In Love With Other People, It's Just a Little Complicated And Messy (Intentional).

WC: 4.9k

"How was your week at work?" Johnny questioned as they were halfway up the elevator ride. The mundane question felt strange after the silence that had jelled between them since the cab. It made her look up at him, wide eyed and lost, to meet the usual warmth of his gaze.

A breath passed and she swallowed the ball of nerves in her throat, willing herself to match his demeanor. "The usual. Nothing to be worried about." She shrugged, her eyes turning to wander the small space. "How was yours?" She asked the moment she remembered her manners.

"The same." He pursed his smile, "Nothing to be worried about."

She could only nod in response. It was hard to come up with something to say back, not when her mind was churning.

"Did you cook that octopus yet?" He questioned after a moment, once again speaking like this was just another day they were hanging out.

The question made her look up, the words initially drawing no thoughts before her mind gathered back and recalled the previous evening.

The supermarket had fresh octopus that you had to buy in bulk. Johnny had agreed to take half when she had asked.

"No. I was thinking about cooking it tomorrow." She explained.

"Did you have a recipe in mind?" He asked, lifting his back off the elevator's wall. It dinged to a stop at his floor at the same time.

"Not really, I was just going to see what I had." She spoke after they got off on his floor.

"Great." He turned to her, walking with his back to his path. It made her realise that Johnny was a little drunk. "You can make my half for lunch tomorrow instead." He smiled, turning around to walk properly after.

Oh. It took her a beat to get what he so delicately implied. They stopped at his door, his keys jangling while she began to fidget with the hem of her dreas. He pushed the door, holding it open before turning to her.

(Y/N) took a step closer, "Do you want to have it spicy?" She questioned with a devious smile, already knowing the answer.

"No." He stated, following behind her into the apartment.

She switched the light on, taking her shoes off. "It's a pity really," Once discarded, she stood back straight and brushed her hands on her hips . "That you have the tongue of a toddler." She clicked her tongue.

Johnny finished taking off his own shoes, standing up so close to her that she had to crane her neck up. The closest he'd probably ever stood to her.

Oh.

She raised her head, noticing how low his chin fell just to meet her gaze.

Oh.

He raised a brow, "What's a pity is how many of your taste buds are damaged for you to be okay with eating as much spice as you do." He mumbled.

She laughed, the reasoning one she hadn't heard before. Her pat on his chest was meant to push him back. In reality it gave her enough time to slip into the living room.

"I'll make your bland octopus. Don't worry about it." She nodded, looking around like she needed to. Like she didn't know his apartment better than her own new one.

"That's alright." He stepped closer, carving a place out in her personal space one again. So close. The heat from his chest was close enough to be felt through her dress. (Y/N) crossed her arms in a subconscious attempt to curl into herself.

"I'm not worried about anything." Johnny mused, his tone as casual as it was on most days. Even though today was a far cry from most.

"Good." She answered.

"Are you?" He asked.

She considered the question. Wondering how she could answer it in a way that didn't sound burdensome.

"No I just." She paused, thinking over her words before giving in to the truth. "I hate change." She confessed, those three words leaving her feeling more exposed than she expected.

Johnny circled around to stand in front of her with a curious gaze. Cupping her cheeks in his palms, he lifted her head and met his gaze with a warm smile.

"Hey, it's still me." He moved his face closer, "I haven't changed. I'm not going to. It's us. We're best friends, remember?" His hands landed on her shoulders to give them a reassuring squeeze.

Her cheeks dusted pink, the words never failing to assuage her. She gave him a smile, stepping closer.

"That isn't going to change. Never. I promise you." He smiled with a nod meant to convince. She nodded back, some of her nerves disappearing.

"Johnny." Her voice was fragile, mind toying with a difficult question. Her heart jumped when he hummed, giving her the gentlest smile that gave her unprecedented butterflies. "What if we regret it?" She whispered.

The question scared her for strange reasons. One one hand it felt like a necessary thing to ask before they did something they could never take back. On the other, as she only just realised, she was scared that he'd agree and want this to stop.

"Then we don't let it ruin our friendship." His gaze didn't waver.

There was something about his words, how he chose to frame his declaration. Of course, it was something a person like Johnny would do. He didn't claim to control what they might feel later; but he could say with certainty what he'd do about it irrespective. It made her look at him with a renewed clarity.

Johnny with his eyes furrowed from concern, one hand on her arm and the other against her neck. His thumb stroked over her pulse in soothing circles, waiting for her to speak.

Except, she didn't know what to say. So her hand reached out for his face but she lost her nerve and settled for his chest. Without looking up to him, she gave him a nod. Worried about how he'd react, she was taken aback when he snorted with mischief in his lilt.

"You have an important mission to look forward to after all." His thumb brushed right under her bottom lip, "You promised that octopus will make me like seafood. This could be the real make or break of our friendship." The mix of his actions and words left her dizzy, like two different people had suddenly combined into one.

His words, nonetheless, did what they were intended to do. It was easy to fall back into rhythm with him. Even as the tempo seemed to be changing into something yet to be appreciated.

"And you don't want it to be spicy?" She questioned. Her own words did what she wanted them to. He looked taken aback— if only for a moment.

Then he stood up straight, arms still on her shoulder. "How bad can it be?" He asked like it was a dare, one hand reaching over so he could use his fingers to run through her hair.

It was hard to focus long enough to even form a response. Each time his nails grazed too close to her scalp, her senses melted away further.

"I guess we'll have to find out." Was all she could form, fighting against the urge to close her eyes. A pleased smile formed on his lips at the words.

He took a step closer, already cosy in her personal space. She felt her insides squeeze. This close, it was like she was seeing Johnny Suh in a whole new light.

Had he always been this irresistible? She wondered, suddenly forced to confront the realisation she has been holding off.

Slowly, through the past months, the idea she held of this man had chipped away the more she got used to him. His each action, words and disposition turned so familiar that she could slowly begin to see them in a newer, closer, light.

Each gaze he gave her, each time his fingers found a new part of her skin to innocently toy with. It was like a slow unravelling of the Johnny she had once known. Like he was chipping away at her mind to make just enough space to fit in this new side of him.

"I can work with that." He stated, leaning over to kiss her forehead. A newly minted type of intimacy that hadn't existed before was sealed with it, one she surprisingly found herself taking to like fish to water.

When he drew back, one hand slid down her arm and stopped to thread their fingers together. He looked down at it with a sad smile, his mood suddenly turning solemn when he looked back up.

With a distant gaze he pushed her hair off her shoulders, dragging his fingers through the back of her head till her eyes fought to roll back. He kept up the efforts while she fought back her urge, both silently watching the other for several moments before Johnny parted his lips.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice dropped lower.

She hummed, having closed her eyes just moments before. He stayed silent for another moment and it gave her the window to focus on the sensation of his skin against hers.

"Do you miss being held?" It was a simple question. One that made her eyes shoot open with a jolt.

Combined with the look on his face, the words made her feel irrevocably vulnerable. Her speechless look must have been an answer enough because he smiled with meek solidarity.

He tightened his grip on her back, tugging her towards him with a gentle grip. Her breathing broke into a fit, rising till it felt like she was gasping.

He was embracing her. In a way that he never had, Johnny held her against him with an extremely soft hold. A hold that nonetheless bled a certain amount of destitution that tugged at her heart.

"Yeah, me too." He chuckled once he pulled away, cupping her cheek to look at her with fragile eyes.

So close. She could see the mole on his cheek, one she had seen countless times before but never observed. Her senses blurred at the corners like she was looking at an old picture. Like a photograph that was fading at the corners from age. In this light Johnny looked like a relic: beautiful and just out of reach.

She dared to inch her fingers to his neck in retaliation for the thought. Silent understanding passed between them with a nod from her. One that made closing the leftover gap a little easier as she embraced him.

Her head rested against his chest, arms circling his waist with a reassuring squeeze.

"I get it." She confessed with a whisper. And being here, in the comfort of his embrace, she meant it too. In fact, she now knew that this was one of the things they both shared a mutual understanding of.

Pulling away just enough, she took the chance to kiss him. Something sparked in her as he seemed to melt into her, all their doubts and hesitation giving way to something entirely new. As she dragged her tongue over his, all trepidations began to evolve into the electric need to finish what was started weeks ago.

Johnny's thoughts bounced between being clouded from desire and razor sharp from sensation. "Bed." He groaned against her lips, biting his tongue like anything beyond the single word would give away his swirling apprehension. He pressed his pelvis against hers, a vulgar attempt at making his case.

They stumbled back a few steps, wadding towards their intended destination. The sound of her knocking against something made him freeze. Johnny pulled back just as she groaned, concern replacing every other emotion in his eyes as he looked down.

"I told you this coffee table is too high." Her bottom lip jutted out. "I always hit my knee." Eyelashes fluttered as her eyes opened.

He kneaded her calf where he assumed the impact happened. The displeased pout that formed on her lips would make him laugh at her on a different day. But today he needed to force an amused smile.

"You're just too short." His eyes refused to look away from her now swollen lips, glistening and flushed thanks to him.

"Asshole." Her gaze was scathing. It did nothing but entice his most closely guarded desires.

"Are you all talk, or do you know how to bite too? I've always been curious about that." He let the long held question out. Her brows lifted in surprise and it only made the smirk that emerged on his face more triumphant. "Just bark then, I suppose." He shrugged, hand slipping into hers as he guided her without distraction this time.

"Which one are you?" She asked as they walked into his room. He watched like he was studying her, noting the way her eyes fell to his bed and she swallowed. When she turned though, there was no panic in her eyes.

Johnny licked his lips, caging her between him and the foot of his bed.

"Nothing like you, I'm afraid." He promised, using a single index finger to push her into his bed.

Tossing his last shred of shame out the window, his eyes raked over her frame. He watched her chest rise and fall faster with each swipe of his gaze, his fingers clenching the bedsheet. His bedsheet.

Johnny took a moment before he let his thoughts get ahead of him, brows furrowing from necessity, “How do you feel about this? You're okay?" He asked what he believed was the right question to ask in this situation.

"Yeah." She nodded, "Of course." A tiny chuckle slipped through her lips, like she thought asking that question at this point was ridiculous.

"Of course?" He mocked her, "Is the choice that obvious?" He gloated, lifting one knee to press into the mattress beside her.

"Yeah, I mean." She stopped, looking him over with a kind on intense attention that heated his skin. Johnny didn't think he could get shy, yet he could feel the blood rise from his neck till his cheeks radiated warmth.

Her lips slowly parted as she thought over whatever was making her eyes glaze over. Then she pursed her lips and snapped out of it, breaking eye contact to look down at his chest. "Look at you." She pointed at him, "You should have been the one in the magazines. Despite those dreadfully ill-fitted sweatshirts you always wear." She quipped, lips twitching at a corner.

Despite the obvious compliment the words were, Johnny slightly deflated. Like he was expecting something else. Something beyond an appreciation of his outer shell. But it wasn't what this was, he reminded himself.

"You can't judge the clothes I wear on my off-duty days. 'In the magazines', huh?" He wriggled his brows at her, leaning over just enough to let his knuckles slide up her torso. “You aren’t so bad yourself, baby.” He downplayed his thoughts exponentially.

"Ego is not a good look on you, I'm afraid. A big head will throw your proportions off." She tried to keep her tone neutral, like her cheeks weren’t visibly red despite the dim room. "You stand behind the camera, all your days are off-duty days." She reminded him, biting down on her bottom lip when a hand slid between her thighs, coaxing them apart with gentle strokes.

"You need to watch your tongue." He hummed. His hand slipped under her dress, cold fingers against balmy skin causing her to wince. Johnny smirked, "You're lucky I'm being generous with you tonight." Despite the lack of force in his words, her stomach churned at the warning.

"How generous do you think you're being right now?" She hummed, raising a brow in a rush of daring.

Johnny smirked like he'd been waiting for her to ask that all night. "Want to find out?" He questioned, almost stumbling when she nodded.

With a surge of daring, the bolder of his two hands cupped her heat, thump pressing into the fabric. Her hips jerked up, a desperate whimper slipping past trembling lips.

The inhale Johnny took promised to leave him a little light headed and he was compelled to give up his high ground, leaning down completely till his chest grazed over hers.

"I've decided I'll be nice to you today." Johnny spoke against her ear.

"Why? Are you usually not?" Her whisper trembled against his jaw. When she squirmed, he had to bite down on her earlobe as caution against whatever sound threatened to leave his lips. It made her moan in a way that threatened every resolve he had.

"No. I'm not." His words were clipped— a last ditch effort at being civil. "But that's something we can worry about later. I don't have the patience to discuss this at the moment."

"Discuss what?" She swallowed.

"Boundaries." His lips brushed over her jaw. Johnny buried his nose into her hair and this time his deep inhale did deliver it’s threat. White spots exploded at the back of his eyelids like fireworks.

"John." (Y/N) said with a hint of curiosity.

"Later." His teeth nipped at her flesh. "I promise."

Her hand came to his chest, gripping at his t-shirt, “No Johnny, listen just–” She paused when her voice turned breathy. "Can you please just–" She clenched he fist tighter.

This time he heard it clearer, right under the surface of the anxious tremble in her voice, the delicious sound of restless desire.

He pulled away, arms hoisting him up. For a breath, he just looked at her. "You keep babbling like this for me, Peanut. " He smiled when she pawed at him lightly, "And I promise to make you feel so good." He mewled when her other hand came to cover her face. “Do you want that?” She nodded quickly, squirming against his chest. "Such a good girl." He cooed, kissing her forehead.

The words did something to them both. Johnny dropped his arms, keeping himself propped on one elbow. The other tugged her hand away from her face. "And how does a good girl like you want to be fucked?" He asked.

“God, please.” She groaned, “Any way, do what you want. Just–” She held her tongue again.

“Just what?” He asked, partially hating his own need to keep up the teasing.

“Johnny.” She whined, hand coming up to his neck to pull him towards her.

But the man wouldn’t budge, focusing on his well earned reward.

“Just what, baby?” His voice was softer but no less resolute. "I can do anything till you tell me what you want."

“Just fuck me Johnny.” She spat out, eyes colouring with an intoxicating mix of arousal and shame before she squeezed them shut. It had an unprecedented effect on him and Johnny decided to hold onto that for later.

“Someone needs to be taught how to ask nicely.” He mused. Her brows creased in distress and he finally decided to put them both out of their joint misery. The sound of his belt hitting the floor made her eyes open, seeing how he had stood up without her notice. “Later.” He growled, fingers doing a quick work of his own clothes before his hands gripped the bunched up end of her dress.

He gave her a look that accurately conveyed his demand. She lifted her hips off the bed and he yanked the dress off like it had committed a personal offense.

Johnny dropped to his knees like it was second nature to him and he couldn’t really comprehend where his generosity was coming from. Maybe change was going to be commonplace between them both.

Before the last item of clothing could even hit the floor, she was squirming against his tongue. He shelved his gloating for a different day, focusing instead on earning each jumbled sound coming from her throat. He listened to the way her moans increased in frequency, growing more urgent as her thighs squeezed his head tighter.

Right as her fingers clenched his hair in a death grip, he slid one conclusive finger into her.

"Oh my god, Johnny." His name melted into a whine against her tongue as her core did the same against his.

Any ounce of self-control he had left dissipated when he felt her walls squeeze his finger in waves of her climax. The groan that he let out against her was involuntary, but the way it made her paw at his shoulder caused him to take note.

"Too much?" He asked, pulling away once she came down from her high.

Their eyes met just as his tongue poked out to lap his own lips clean. He would have dismissed her scattered inhale as a consequence of her orgasm, but he felt her clench against the finger he still had in her.

"Just look at how your cunt is drooling for me, (Y/N)." Despite his honest effort at keeping himself in check, the words stumbled out with reckless abandon. She clenched again and Johnny had to wonder if he'd underestimated her after all. He needed to wait to find out, he chastised himself.

"Are we good?" He asked the deliberately vague question, scrambling to his feet when she scrambled to nod.

He sighed when his pants finally came off, the space only getting tighter by the minute. He gazed at her through his hair, catching the slow slide of her tongue over her lips.

"Like what you see?" He couldn't help himself from asking, expecting a quip from her like he was used to. Instead she swallowed, looking up to him with wide doe eyes and a distracted nod.

Stray thoughts intruded his mind, images of her eyes tear streaked and her lips around his twitching cock. The image dug itself into his heating skin before he could swat it away. He had to push it down with a personal promise he kept repeating like a prayer.

Next time.

With that, he couldn't afford to waste anymore time. His knees dug into the mattress and his hand pushed her legs open wider. A single breath was spent appreciating the view under him. Then he lifted her hips into the air and mustered some leftover control to stop himself from burying into her in one go.

It would have been easy for him too, "So ready for me, aren't you? I wish you could feel how creamy you are for me right now, (Y/N)." He groaned, her rapid clenching only spurring his uncontrollably filthy tongue on.

"Just," He gritted his teeth as he pulled out slowly, "Perfect." He groaned, pushing a little further in. "So eager to swallow all of it aren't you?" He asked, scoffing when she whined again. Yeah?" He questioned, fist clenching into his sheets when she nodded again. "Such a greedy little thing." He spoke before he could stop himself.

"Johnny please." The plea was a quiver above an outright sob. A fresh wave of liquid need pooled in his veins and he slammed the final inches into her.

She jerked against the bed, hands slapping onto his balmy shoulders. Her lips formed an 'o' and their eyes briefly met before another thrust made hers roll to the back of her head. Johnny lost count of the number of things that were burned into his memory, every thought in his mind evaporating till the only thing he worked on was the pistoning of his hips.

On a better day, he'd take his time to enjoy each scrape against her insides. But for now he let two fingers tug against her clit.

Next time.

When her legs began to shake, he took one of her hands off his chest to bring to her clit, a silent order to keep up the effort. She followed through impressively and Johnny could focus his hands on angling her waist in the way that wrung the most obscene sounds from her.

He wasn't sure of anything once he felt her began to shake from her climax. Her walls convulsed around him and that was the rhythm in his mind as he gave into his own release, sighing as the condom around him filled with his warmth.

His body slumped into her, pulling away almost immediately when the weight audibly knocked the air out of her.

Johnny winced, rolling away onto the bed. "Sorry." He sighed when his back hit the cold sheets.

"No, that's alright." She responded between her still stabilising breaths. It made him turn to take in the sight of her chest heaving, not feeling like an imposter when he did so.

Several moments passed as they silently gathered their thoughts and breaths, coming down from the highs of their impulses.

"Johnny." She called him weakly. Looking up, his eyes met her sheepish ones and the man couldn't help the rising panic in his chest.

That one look was enough to remind him of the elephant in the room, the one he shockingly did not think of till this very moment. He watched her silently, in wait for the dreaded next lines.

"I'm hungry." She said, grimacing at her own words, "Sorry."

Johnny blinked, wondering for a moment if he perhaps misheard her. He hadn't expected those words at all, the relief making a short laugh leave him. He got out of bed, lips splitting into a grin the next moment, one that came from relief and endearment.

(Y/N) wadded through his kitchen with practised ease. There was a comfortable silence because she knew where everything was and because they were both justifiably exhausted. The only things that were different was the large t-shirt that brushed over her thighs as she moved; and the way his unwavering gaze on her made her skin glow with warmth.

"There." She placed a plate in front of him, walking around to join him. Gingerly, they picked up a sandwich each.

Johnny groaned with a pleased smile growing on his face. "Oh this is good." He spoke with a stuffed mouth, the childlike appreciation making her laugh and blush.

He sat up straight with his eyes zeroing in on the sandwich, like he felt he owed it the attention. The movement made her eyes fall on his chest, swallowing dry at the sight.

"Where's your shirt?" She tried to sound casual about it, eyes falling to the plate nonetheless.

Johnny shrugged, "I don't really wear a shirt to sleep. I used to wear them around when you stay over to be polite" He spoke between his bites, voice muffled as he swallowed.

"Why stop now?" She only partially joked, not sure if she could get used to the display.

With a small scoff, he dipped his head to look at her face, "You're just going to have to get used to it, Peanut." He quirked a brow.

She hummed, chest erupting into fizz that popped in her ears. "I can do that." A gulp followed with her words. "There are worse things to get used to." Her efforts remained focused on sounding nonchalant.

"Like what?" He questioned, sitting back and causing her gaze to follow him back up.

She pressed her tongue into her cheek, toying with her answer for a second. "This alter ego of yours that comes out in bed, for one. That might be a more challenging learning curve."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Johnny mumbled, lips curling into a smirk before he even finished his statement.

"Okay." She said, mostly because she did not feel equipped for this conversation yet.

"It can come out in other places too." He pinched the corner of his mouth between his teeth, "I'm not picky."

"What a terrible thing to say to someone right after pulling out of them." She joked, relieved to see him laugh at the mention.

Once he finished eating, a hand was extended to put his index finger under her chin, tilting her head higher.

"That was a good sandwich." He complimented, leaning over to brush a kiss at the corner of her mouth. "That is something I'm picky about." He added just to be cheeky, lips covering hers immediately after.

Her hands remained frozen by her side for a second, taken aback by the gesture. But she felt herself lean into his chest soon after, new instincts beginning to form around him.

Her hand came up to his chest, now cold from being exposed to the air. His hands in turn slid up her thighs, pushing her t-shirt higher till he stopped at her waist.

His tongue slid over hers and she moaned into his mouth almost immediately. Her cheeks turned hot but she could only pull him closer to her, wanting more. That admittance alone made her dizzy and her fingers clenched the hair at the base of his neck.

Johnny pulled away with a stuttered groan slipping past his lips. Opening her eyes, she met with a gaze that promised to swallow her whole. It made her squirm in her chair, only inching closer towards him.

Then he squeezed his eyes shut, took a breath and opened them, the light returning to them. "We should sleep. It's late." Johnny sighed, like he didn't want to follow his own advice. But he was right, and she tried to nod without letting her disappointment show.

"Yes, we should." She nodded to herself mostly, refraining from adding the last part of her thought. Like she was still wary of over assuming.

There was always next time.

Character from: No Time to Blame

Send me an ask about any scenario from this you wish to read and I'll try my best to write it.

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cienie-isengardu · 7 months

Note

Liu Kang must've been tripping balls if his best solution to Shang Tsung is to shove him into a life of poverty. Liu can claim he wants to reform them but his actions are contradicting his words as it seems like he more or less gave up on Shang and Quan Chi the moment they were born and made their lives terrible as a way to prevent their rise to power which didn't work at all.

Like just put Shang in the White Lotus and raise him yourself so you can keep an eye on him. Shao Khan got a better shot yet Quan Chi is slaving in the mines and Shang was struggling to survive.

The most weird thing about this situation is the very idea that Shang Tsung's new incarnation is bound to be evil and Liu Kang must either reform him to prevent that or let him live in conditions that limit his opportunity to grow, let alone learn magic - instead of assumption that people are born with a clean state as evilness is not inherited trait. Double so, as Liu Kang is said to craft destiny of each person, so why not just make his ex-enemy a fundamental good person or at least temper the traits that originally lead Shang Tsung to evil path in the first place, the way Fire Lord tempered with Rain's godly origin to make him less arrogant or switched Kuai Liang's power from ice to fire. He did make differences to people's original characterization and backstories (Shang Tsung himself was a human born in Earthrealm previously) and we are supposed to believe Shang Tsung couldn't be molded into a good person without putting him into harsh living conditions or couldn’t be placed in loving family to temper his behavior and surround him with people helping him to stay on right track?

At the same time, Liu Kang says Black Dragons are bad guys in all timelines and from previous game we know Kronika used Shang Tsung as a backup if she needed energy from collected souls, so I wonder if there are some rules or difficulties that Liu Kang couldn’t overcome and some characters are in fact by nature aligned with evilness? Thus his attempts to keep Shang Tsung as far from any power? I literally spent all day thinking about it, the conflict of nature vs nurture and how this affects Liu Kang’s reasoning for making these certain decisions, but I too think he could just put Shang Tsung between Shaolin Monks and personally oversee his progress, actually making a real effort to teach Shang Tsung to be a good person - but that of course would demand from Liu to overcome his own prejudices.

Truly, why Shao Kahn get the better deal out of three, I don't have an idea.

(And let's not forget the character intro like this:

Shang Tsung: "The squalor I endured as a child-" Geras: "Do not lie. I know the truth."

and I’m not sure if the authors made their mind, did Shang Tsung was born into poverty and neglect - as story mode implies he is on his own, using deception to survive or we should go with his official bio, he cheated because due to laziness and insincere nature thus ended in that misery because of his own flaws and we are blaming Liu Kang way too much for this mess? But the again, Quan Chi working in mines doesn't sound inspiring much either compared to Shao Kahn's new life)

#mortal kombat #my replies #shang tsung #liu kang #man i would love to see shang tsung as shaolin monk #but really are we here to believe he was destined to be evil and nothing could be done about that?

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practically-an-x-man · 4 months

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2, 18, 22, and/or 26 for the injury prompts (no pressure)

Oooh alright, let's see what we're working with...

2. “Someone get the medic. Get the medic!” 18. "Stop. No. Wake up. Wake up! I said wake up!" 22. “Shit. Shit, that’s a lot of blood.” 26. "[name]? [name], this isn't funny. Stop... please..."

(Injury prompts)

I'm actually thinking I want to try something for Eris this time around. We'll see how that goes, this is my first time writing a piece for them.

____ Battle Wounds

Word Count: 1.9k Content Warnings: depictions of war/fighting, graphic injuries ____

They said war was Hell.

If so, Hell was a very fun place to be.

Eris tore through the battlefield like a hurricane, all whirling blades and animalistic snarls. He was a force of nature, a force of terror, violence and discord incarnate. He carved his name in the battle lines, slashed through his enemies with a grin on his face, ripped through their formations like a bullet. He wreaked havoc.

She'd never claimed to be a good person. She hardly counted as a person at all.

"You countin', Flag?" she taunting, startling him by kicking off his shoulder and leaping forward to slice down the next adversary in her path. They didn't know which side they were fighting for - only that it was Rick's side.

"You're kind of terrifying, you know that?" he remarked, ducking back as a bullet whizzed past his ear. Eris grimaced. Guns. She hated guns.

"Yeah, cause you've got such a problem with a little blood." they fired back, plucking a throwing knife from their belt and promptly burying it in the heart of the shooter. "I think that one makes ninety-six. What're you up to?"

"You know I don't count. Those are people's lives."

Eris shrugged.

"You'd be on someone else's count if I didn't kill that guy," he pointed out. He opened his hand, and the bloodstained knife whistled back into his hand. It was out of her fingers in another moment, buried in the skull of another soldier. "Or that one."

"Truly the pinnacle of morality." Rick drawled, though he lifted his semi-automatic back up to his shoulder.

"Right, 'cause you're going for only nonlethal shots." Eris fired right back, twirling their spear in a lazy circle, "They'll all get a purple heart and walk away just fine, because that's how war works. We'll all play soccer at Christmastime and send each other gift baskets."

As he spoke, he darted out with his spear and slashed down another adversary.

"Ninety-eight."

"Metahuman!" someone shouted from across the battlefield. Eris winced.

"And thus signals my exit." he said, dropping into a theatrical bow, "Since your frail human body is a lot less resistant to bullets than mine."

"Frail?" Rick echoed, sounding half-amused even as Eris sprinted to put distance between them. Gunfire followed her, the surrounding fighters all finding a unified target as she bobbed and weaved across the uneven earth. She cut down any soldier who stood in her way, then plucked a semi-automatic from a dead man's hands and turned it against the array of shooters behind her.

The gun kicked against their shoulder as they fired. They were sure they'd find bruises from its relentless jackhammering. They hated guns. It pulled all the grace out of war, made things too unpredictable. Survival and victory became less the mark of a skilled fighter and more just a deep stroke of luck. There was far more blood and far less honor in a death like that.

He spent the cartridge and tossed the gun aside, then kept moving. His spear was back in his hand in a heartbeat, and he almost smiled at the comfort of a more familiar weapon. Eris turned, weapon in hand, and prepared to face his next opponent.

Something struck her shoulder hard enough to make her stagger back. Then came another- two, three, six, barreling into their chest and stomach. Eris stumbled, the spear falling from their hands.

Another bullet whizzed past their ear, missing by an inch. Another caught his thigh, making him drop to a knee. It was the sound of fireworks and rainfall, explosions and impact. Her body felt like a live wire, buzzing with adrenaline and pain. It hurt.

That was new.

Fresh gunfire rained down, and bodies dropped around him. Somehow Eris was still upright - mostly, though his entire body was screaming for mercy.

At least his spear granted mercy. It was a quick death. This, being pumped full of lead from these humans and their machines, would be anything but.

"Eris!" There was Rick's voice, and a clatter as he cast his gun aside. Her mind felt slow, sluggish, hardly processing the sight as he ran up to her. His hands fell to their shoulders, those amber eyes of his passing over their body in a cursory, worried glance. He had such pretty eyes...

"Shit. Shit, that's a lot of blood." he muttered, enough to make Eris glance down.

"Blood? My blood?" they echoed, dazedly, "That's not..."

Rick's rough fingers caught his jaw, keeping him from catching a look at the wounds. Strangely, Eris found himself grateful. It felt... bad. He was in pain, and felt strangely hollow, and cold...

In a heartbeat, Rick had scooped her into his arms and was sprinting across the battlefield. At least she wasn't so cold, being wrapped in his arms like this. It was almost nice. If they weren't in so much pain.

"Someone get the medic!" Flag shouted, his voice oddly hoarse. Normally he was so much more composed out on the battlefield. It was part of why she liked him. "Get the medic!"

"I don't need a.... need a medic," Eris mumbled, shifting a little in his arms, "M'a fuckin'... metahuman.... m'fine."

"You're not fine. You need a doctor." he muttered, "Who's frail now, huh?"

"Lemme go, I'll get back out there."

"Not a chance in hell."

"Rick."

He didn't respond- or if he did, it came out muffled and warped. The world was starting to blur around her now, everything going hazy at the edges. At least the pain had eased some. They couldn't feel their wounds- or anything else. Rick's face above her was hidden in a cloud of fog.

And then she was jarred, dropped onto a table, and the pain was back. Eris groaned, wanting to crawl out of his traitorous skin. Pain like this didn't happen to him. He was so careful, so skilled. He'd been shot before, but this was something new entirely.

Something bit into their skin, teeth and claws ripping into their flesh. They might have screamed.

"....sealed over... healing... have to..." Words drifted through the fog of pain. They caught glimpses here and there - a nurse in fatigues, a gleaming scalpel, scarlet and crimson on every surface. Then the pain was back, a leech burrowing in deep.

Then... gentler fingers, rough and callused, tracing down his face and over his collarbone. That was nicer. Easier. Not so bad. A distraction from the knifelike agony tunneling into him.

And then he could feel himself sinking lower. The pain, the soft touch, faded away around him. The fog deepened, welcoming and blanketing him. She wanted... she wanted to sleep...

Sleep was good. Sleep meant... no more of this. No more bullets. No more guns. No more blood or knives or pain. It was only fun when it was his to dish out. This was horrible. He wanted it to end.

"Eris- stop. No. Wake up-" Rick's voice, through the fog. And then- something sharp and bright across his face, enough to make him groan. "Wake up! I said wake up!"

"Fuckin'... slap me?" she muttered, dazed and squinting through the fog.

"You're not leavin' us just yet," His voice, his drawl, that Southern twang. So different from Eris' own voice, an accent preserved for centuries. Rick's voice was so... gentle, but frightened, a strange combination. His fingers were wrapped around Eris' own, his grip tight but the sensation oddly muddled.

"Hate guns." he mumbled, his body tensing as another wash of agony rippled through him. He'd never felt this cloudy before. He wondered for a moment if he was dying. She thought she might've been. It wasn't as frightening as she imagined. She'd been alive so long already.

"Yeah, I'm startin' to hate 'em too." Rick agreed, squeezing their hand as he spoke, "Hang in there, darlin', we're almost done."

"Done with...?"

"Gettin' the bullets out," he answered, his voice trembling but oddly patient with her, "You started healing around 'em. They've got... three left, I think."

She only made sense of about half the words. Pain stole the rest from her. There was only one real thing in all the world, and that was Rick's hand in hers. Everything else had dissolved into smoke.

"Hang on, hon... almost there."

"Almost gone."

"What?" His voice had spiked with panic, bright and hot like fire, and only then did Eris realize what they'd said. Rick's hand tightened around their own. "Eris, hang on- what do you mean by that? Talk to me."

They opened their mouth to respond, but no sound escaped. The cold had returned, the fog settling deep into their bones. Hundreds of years, dozens of wars, and here they were... pulled from the battlefield for the last time.

At least Rick was here. That made things a little easier. He was the one bright spot, the one flicker of sunlight through the clouds.

"What did you mean by that? Eris?" His voice again, rough with pain and fear, "Eris, this isn't funny."

No, it wasn't funny. But it was nice enough. He couldn't feel the pain anymore, the knives and needles digging into his abdomen. He couldn't hear the sounds of the battlefield, the beeps and groans of the infirmary. Her heart began to stutter and slow, taking the chill and ache with it. The last thing was Rick's voice, all fuzz and warmth, and that was... that was a good way to go out. She was past due.

"Eris, stop... Please..."

That much shook her from the fog. Rick Flag did not plead. He didn't have that... that wavery, crying sound to his voice. Rick was strong, he was sturdy, he was reliable. He was steady, an anchor in the chaos. He didn't get rattled like this.

Were things really so serious?

It made her pause.

Just a little.

Just enough.

"Got a heartbeat!" A woman's voice. They didn't recognize it. "You're lucky they're so regenerative, or they'd have been gone by now."

"There you go, darlin', come on," There was Rick, a little less panicked. His rough fingers stroked their cheek, the touch a blazing fire against her frigid skin. Her other hand was gripped tight in his. They could feel it. Real. Tangible. Alive.

The pain in his chest had dulled to a fuzzy ache, tingling as his skin began to knit itself back together. Eris blinked, watching the world come back into clarity before him. He turned his head and found Rick's worried face, streaked with blood and dirt.

"Told'ja, Flag, m'a fucking metahuman." Eris croaked, smiling through cracked lips, "Don't look so scared."

"I hate you." he muttered- though his grip on her hand never softened.

"You don't. Couldn't if you tried."

"Watch me. You keep pulling stunts like this, and I'll..."

"You'll what, cowboy?" he taunted, that smile widening to a grin. He was feeling a little stronger now - not quite enough to sit up, but at least the fog had lifted from his mind. He caught a few glances at the nurses and found them all wearing the same interesting expression: relief and confusion in equal measure.

"Well, I..." Rick trailed off, shaking his head with a low sigh. He squeezed Eris' hand, clasping it tight between both of his own. "I don't know. But don't do that again."

#my friends!!!#answered asks #my ocs #oc eris #my writing #oneshot #ficlet #angst #angst with a happy ending #whump #the suicide squad #rick flag #rick flag x oc

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hmshermitcraft · 10 months

Note

For the weekly theme: first dates!!!

Hi Mod 🎀! This time I got inspired by your response to my previous ask, so I wrote a lil blurb that's set in the Hermittown Fae!AU as well! It's also poly!teamZIT, just because I feel like their chaotic energy fits this prompt a lot

Tango is still a fiery Blaze with a love for tinkering with weird inventions, Zedaph is some sort of satyr/goat creature who knows wayyyy too much about the human body for someone who never went to med school, and Impulse is a demon with a calm demeanor, and a love for gold (but he loves his partners even more!!!)

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Zedaph, Impulse, and Tango have always been a team. They just seemed to understand one another without words. They hung out a lot together, sometimes working on Redstone creations, or sometimes just enjoying one another's company on lazy afternoons

So it wasn't really a surprise when their love for one another started to turn romantic. No one really remembered who started the topic, who proposed a date, or who mentioned that a meadow near Tango's mansion was full of flowers this time of the year, but all those things led to the current moment - the trio enjoying a delightful picnic, watching as the sun slowly set behind tall trees surrounding all of Hermittown

But the peaceful atmosphere didn't last too long, unfortunately. Soon enough Zed's ears twitched, catching the softest, quiet rustle of clothing ripping on tree branches. He alerted his partners, and all three of them looked towards the path leading from the town itself to Tango's mansion

Sure enough, a group of people stumbled from inbetween the trees. They paused, shocked at the sight of "fellow humans" peacefully picknicking in the middle of "very haunted" area

Impulse wanted to laugh at how much "ghost-hunting" equipment they had on them. Between all of them, they enough knick-knacks to put even Mumbo's curiosity shop to shame

The wannabe ghost hunters definitely lacked good manners, as instead of backing away from what very clearly was a date, they started to set up their weird machines. A choir of beeps and clicks soon filled the clearing, all of the machines going haywire from being so close to Zed, Impulse, and Tango. The dials and buttons soon flashed brightly, all pointing to the direction of the picnic blanket

Oh hell no. The humans will soon realise that the throuple was not sitting on a particularly active spot, but in fact they WERE the very reason why the equipment was going crazy in the first place

Tango didn't think twice, he grabbed his partners' hands and made a beeline for his mansion, abandoning their food. Maybe those stupid humans could follow them into the building, but they sure as hell were NOT prepared for what awaited them there. Tango's current priority was to get all three of them to safety, consequences be damned

The trio quickly rushed through the door into the mansion's main hall, up the stairs, and onto a narrow balcony overlooking all of the ground floor of the building. A few quick spells cast by Impulse made sure he and his partners remained hidden from the humans, unseen and unheard. The trio held their breath, waiting for the mansion's self-defence mechanisms to kick in

But none of those traps (or fun inventions, as Tango and Zed called them) managed to showcase how they worked. Before the humans even got close to them, one of Tango's pet Ravagers (magicked invisible by Impulse, to protect them from humans) chose that exact moment to stuff her face into one of the flower pots at the bottom of the mansion's staircase. Poor thing got a faceful of pollen, and then proceeded into a sneezing fit

Who would have thought that the roar-like seezes would be so effective in spooking the annoying humans! Tango almost fell down from the balcony with how hard he was laughing. Impulse kept on snickering as well, while Zedaph watched in wonder as the humans tripped over their own feet and equipment in their haste to leave the mansion's main hall

Ever since that day, the town, and especially the mansion, started gaining a reputation. People stopped seeing that area as a supernatural hotspot where they could take a selfie with a fully lit up EMF reader next to them. Instead, a veil of mystery wrapped the whole town, as the outsiders accepted that nothing bad will happen to them, as long as they keep their distance from the town's odd inhabitants

As thanks, the Ravager herself got plently of head scritches and treats from all the Hermits, but especially from Zed, Impulse, and Tango

And later on, during their wedding, she was the one carrying the box with matching netherite rings down the isle, towards the beaming throuple. It was a lovely throwback to their eventful first date

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

~🌠

The three are unapologetic about the reputation they gave the village because of their date. Impulse still wonders what the humans must've thought of than, but he's not found any posts about it. Clearly, they scared those humans perfectly.

Thankfully, their wedding has no interruptions by annoying, curious humans. Not any that aren't invited, anyway. The other occupants of the town were very happy to scare people away from the wedding day.

#hermitshipping #ask #impulse tag #tango tag #zedaph tag #poly zit #🌠 anon #mod 🎀#weekly theme: first dates

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noodles-n-soba · 1 year

Text

A general's intuition

CW: Didn't proofread~, bad jokes, a lot of time skips

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Masterlist

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Your eyes had enjoyed the vast views of Sumeru city, marked up by greenery and complex architecture. Situated in the middle of nowhere, you wiped a drop of sweat off your forehead while sighing deeply. Why did you take on that commission that'd send you to your own personal hell again? Of course, curiosity killed the cat.. And this time you were in fact the cat, about to get demolished by heat. The desert had nothing to your liking, it was too hot, too empty, too misleading, and there were barely people to talk to.. You were not too much of a stranger to the idea of nobody talking to you, but to put it simple.. It did not help to get you further in your investigation..! Currently you were sitting under the shade of a palm tree, patiently awaiting the sun's department so you could continue wandering in the evening shade.. It was annoying, you constantly felt the need to fall asleep each time your mind decided it was time to rethink stuff.. Eyes automatically closing. Gosh, this heat was working on your nerves and body.. Irritating.

The last few days you had been sent out to the desert to do more and more commissions, only to arrive at the scene and find out everything was already dealt with. You still got paid fully even though you barely did anything, even protesting about the matter at hand to Katheryne, but she smiled while saying it was okay. You didn't know who managed to do all your tasks, but you wouldn't necessarily attack the person for stealing your duties.. If you could laze around a bit and get paid anyways.. You weren't lazy! That wasn't the case.. This mysterious person just caused your life to become a tad easier.

Before you knew it the heat had taken over your head, you dozing off while thinking about everything and nothing. Even though this person completed your commissions, your main goal was still unsolved.. And you weren't planning on asking anybody to help you, you had to be the first and last one to witness and undergo such a thing. You dreamt of black screens, nothing really more.. Sometimes there were thoughts that even appeared in your sleep, consciousness somehow returning while you were in your personal resting space.. A phenomenal experience, but you did nothing. This sounded like some weird spiritual Akademiya thing, in no way you wanted to get involved with those pigs.

Never interested in the Akademiya, not even reconsidering going there after being spotted by some dude who called himself a teacher on the Akademiya.. Your gut feeling always told you not to go there, and you weren't mistaken. You made the right choice to follow the path of Adventuring. You made friends along the way , learned all sorts of other things.. Cultures, fighting techniques.. Yes, how great. If you were signed in for the Akademiya you had probably been writing papers right now in a room with nothing. This way of living would give you an feeling of freedom, not an open window that would allow the wind to come through in your room. You slowly got woken up, sun burning straight into your face. You cringed as you sat up, stretching arms and legs. Had you really been sleeping so incredibly long..? You were supposed to leave when the sun touched the horizon.

"You seem lost and exhausted, am I by any chance correct..?" The voice seemed so calm, but it made sure your body flinched and flopped around as you tried standing up rapidly to face whoever was standing next to you. You tried reaching out for your weapon, only to realize it had been taken away. The moment you finally stood on two feet, fists ready for hand to hand combat.. You realized that the man standing in front of you didn't mean any harm while giving you a dry face expression. You awkwardly lowered your guard, looking at your weapon in his hands. "... I'm not lost, I'm exhausted. Can I have my weapon back.. I had to depart way earlier.. I'm in a hurry actually.." You notified, holding out your hand and expected to retrieve your weapon back in no time.. But he simply kept staring at your face, not budging whatsoever. ".. State your business." He then brought out, you squinted in irritation while stretching your arm even further to hint him that you were waiting for him to place YOUR weapon in YOUR hand.. ".. Say, Mr. Wanna know it all, how about you hand me over my iron and I'll leave. You got no business with me here, I don't have the entire day." Your hand grabbed the handle of your weapon and tried pulling it towards yourself, but he held on pretty tight. "Injustice must be punished, so now.. (Y/n), what are your true motives. I don't believe you are doing commissions." His set of scarlet red eyes caused you to shiver, directly staring into your damn soul for a second or two before you subconsciously let go of your weapon. ".. You are the one who has been finishing all my commissions aren't you..? Why are you doing all my work...!?" You snapped rudely, he remained as calm as he was before as he looked further into the desert behind you.. Sand, sand.. More sand. Yes. Still, he knew this place better than everyone.

"You're trying to get past something that has been locked up for a very long time, you might pose a threat to the people of Sumeru." You had enough of it, with an almost invisible to eye movement you snatched your weapon out of his hands and pointed your finger to him. "If you'd just ask me officer..! Because you know for sure that you are allowed to know everything..-!" "Cyno is the name." You immediately gulped, eyes wide open while you slowly started realizing who you were dealing with. THE Cyno, ex General Mahamatra.. Oh, yeah, you were messing with the wrong one. Not even a minute and you sat back on the ground completely defeated, looking over the oasis you were currently at while you sighed.

".. Since I don't have any choice or escape plan.." Quite reluctant you told the guy about you planning on searching abandoned Ruins that were originally closed off for the public, searching for merely one object which included a remote like mechanism.. Nothing more or less, simply that. The words sparked some interest in him, lowering his own polearm as he extended his arm out to you. ".. I'll help you. That way I can keep an eye out for you... If I see you having any ill intentions, I won't hesitate to make sure your hands will never feel the item you're looking for.. " Of course, an indication that he'd cut off your hands.. Eh.. It's not as if you were going to blow up the entirety of Teyvat to begin with.

Days had passed, underground tunnels that had been followed led to nothing but piles of empty boxes and stone slates which didn't spark your interest. How hard would it be to find a REMOTE. COME ONN..! You hated how spiders would crawl out of small places once you pushed a single vase, or how there were those stupid primal constructs which were activated once you walked past them.. You were a great fighter but if you had to be honest, you didn't even needed to do anything.. Since Cyno would take them down in one single strike.. Every single time you heard the well known robotic clicks, he'd already pull you back.. Standing in front of you and told you that you didn't need to do anything.

… You thought you had imagined it, your chest just used to reverb the harsh sounds of the mechanisms… But the moment you came across a few Treasure hoards, him pulling you close to him the moment they circled around you.. You realized that your heart was beating so hard-. Eyes wide open you were frozen, hearing him letting out an annoying 'tch' before he let go and tapped your shoulder. ".. Not exactly the right moment to freeze in place." He mumbled, you immediately broke out of your thought bubble and unsheathed your weapon on the spot.

How long would it take? Well, if you told the tale to someone else you wouldn’t even try going into details.. It took you too long to find it… But you did enjoy your time in Sumeru with Cyno. A couple of months later, you weren't actually actively trying to find your item, but basically climbing ranks in Sumeru's adventure system. Staring at the blue sky, enjoying the fact you could just casually float in a small pool in this hot desert temperature.. What a life. The fact you finished your commissions so quickly every day, no stress at all and you could just.. Chill around..! What a great day again.

"(Y/n), are you done." Nearly drowning in the water you tried sitting up straight, hair ruined and looking like a gremlin once your feet were on the bottom of the pool created by nature itself. "What is your problem…" You squinted, seeing Cyno standing there.. No, he was the one looking like a gremlin.. Jesus. A tiny gremlin who RUINED YOUR SUNBATHING MOMENT. He nudged for you to come over, irritated you swam towards him and climbed out of the pool. "Look, didn't you notice the sky changing color. Why does it think it is that powerful huh?" Confused you looked at the guy while drying yourself with a towel you had prepared. "What do you mean, it's a.. Shade of green.. That's odd though. But why is it powerful..?" Cyno stared you straight in the soul, face expression as blank as ever: "Since it's always looking down on us."

...

You threw your towel with mach 3 to his face as you put on your shirt, shaking your head in disappointed. "You understand? Because the sk-" "Cyno, please.- " He blinked a few times.. Sighing deeply as he picked up your weapon for you and waited till you were done before he handed it over. "Hey (Y/n), I got another one that you will definitely understand." You glared at him once more before you snatched your weapon out of his hands. "... I'm tired of your jokes.." You admitted and rubbed your forehead. He silently waited till you gave him consent, knowing you would eventually do.. and guess he was right. "Go ahead.. But it's the last one. I'm hungry and I wanna have dinner. Also, it's on me today.." You notified with a soft smile on your face, Cyno shook his head. "No. Not necessary. Anyways, I'm sure we'll settle this matter later. (Y/n), do you know why I want to reshuffle the alphabet?" You cringed as you held your weapon tightly in your hand.. Why were you standing still here.. Why weren't you walking back to the village yet? The sun was already setting, and him telling stupid jokes wasn't making it better. "Well, beats me. I don't know." With a small shrug of your shoulders you started walking, there was no reason staying here if you weren't in the cooling waters of an oasis. "It's all for the sake of putting U and I together.. Forever."

You nodded, not understanding his joke again.. But you just let it slide, he'd try to explain it anywa-

"Did you understand. I just said that because I'm in love with you, so I will put u.. Y-o-u but with u as in the letter.. And I.. Me, Cyno.. Together. Just as a coup-" Noticing how your eyes were wide open, pupils constricted and body completely frozen he slowly quit talking. ".. That one was pretty good." He placed an index finger under his chin, nodding afterwards to confirm his own comment. ".. You.. Are in love with me?" Your face turned a shade of red in an instant, covering it with your hands and looked off to the side. "Feelings are to be spoken off, don't you agree (Y/n). Though, I don’t mind if the feeling isn't mutual." You shook your head firmly and grinned.. "I don't think you've got to worry about that.. What about a dinner with a few candles..? And let's look at the stars at this evening.. Sumeru's sky is surely really pretty at night.." You couldn't stop smiling, continuing to hop over to the direction of the deserts village. ".. So, can I assume the feeling is mutual somewhere..?" Cyno's eyes lit up, catching up with you in a few seconds. "… Eh?" You blinked a few times, he sniffed disapproving. ".. You're being careless, I'm one step ahead.. So.. I can protect you."

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 3 months

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hello,

I've sent in a couple asks before so you may recognize my story but I just have to ask. I was an artist, worked my whole life to be close to good and I even made it into one of the top art schools in my state. Before I applied and even for half of my first semester, I admit I became lazy and greedy. To create art wasn't something that came from the heart anymore, I only cared about being "good" and drawing what was most popular or what I knew would get the most likes on my personal account. It got to a point where I faked my skills and traced all because I was to unconfident in myself. I lost everything and it made me really look at the kind of person I was becoming. I hated myself and it was the worst I'd ever been in terms of mental and physical health. for my second semester I purposefully took on a large number of classes and worked myself into exhaustion. I remember for one class I completely fumbled the final and embarrassed myself in front of the chairman of the department, everyone, and I felt so ridiculously small. I felt like I didn't deserve to call myself an artist, to be there, to even be alive. I attempted suicide over five times and shut down completely. At that point, I dropped out and told myself this wasn't the path for me. I left, began to pursue psychology, but part of me still wonders: what if I'd stayed? To be an artist, a real one, is painful. You love the work and the methods but it kills you to create something truly unique. No artist I've ever met is ever happy or content, we simply move on to the next project. Despite everything that's happened, I now wonder what I could've created had I stayed. Why did I leave? Why couldn't I handle it? Why did I do this to myself? Who am I now but another 20 year old who's flailing through life as if she knows what she's doing. Am I truly content being a psychologist for the rest of my life? Why didn't I stay?

I don't know what to do and whether or not going back would be a good idea. I think stepping away at the time was the right decision. If I continued the way I was going, I would've killed myself or worked myself sick. But, can I say the same now? The person I am now isn't the same as back then, so would the me I am today be able to handle what I couldn't back then?

It's so complicated and I don't know what to do. I look up to true artists who were able to overcome and create their own stories, become the people they wanted to be. I want to do the same, I have a message to spread and a story to tell, there's so much I want to express but my words will never do what I feel justice. Why can't I do this? Do I deserve the pain of an artist and the beauty of fruitful work? Will i become another invisible person in an unkind world dedicated to work I dont care about and money to keep me comfortable? What do I do?

Hello anon,

I wanted to begin by saying that I am so glad you’re here, and I’m so sorry things felt (what I imagine) so unbearable for quite some time for you.

I think you’re absolutely right that who you are now, is not who were back then. Just going by patterns of behavior alone, it seems you’re taking care of yourself in a way you didn’t have the tools for before (and that’s not a knock! We all have to learn skills that speak to us and those might be as varied as we are as individuals - if one thing worked for everyone, we’d all be doing it. And of course that’s not even getting into the other important factors like resources, access to mental health care, and a support system).

Which I think helps segway into potential next steps - in that first I think it’s important to acknowledge that stereotypes of the “tortured, suffering, starving artist” are just that, a sterotype. While the creative process can invoke a full spectrum of feelings, not all of them venture into the sphere of painful and strained (and that’s speaking as an artist myself). I also think it’s important to do away with the notion that unless you check off a social-cultural check box of say, art school, you aren’t an “artist.” This is where I copy and paste Picasso’s lovely quote:

“Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.”

And I think that is a problem I’ve seen among many people who want to be creative but aren’t sure if they have the “skills” the “degree” etc. And while of course, depending on what you’re hoping to do with your art, it would be imperative to study and have some training - but who gets to define what your goals are? You. Who gets to say how you study and learn? You. You have the power to decide for yourself moving forward how you’d like to be creative. And the best part? You already are. Everyone is.

Now you get to decide how you want to create (does it have to be in the same medium as before? Could it be multiple mediums - mixed media, writing, poetry, ceramics, embroidery, digital art? You don’t have to stick to one format).

And in what environments (getting a degree? Taking local community classes to practice seeing how it feels to be in a classroom for it again? Online courses if the social aspect feels overwhelming? Free courses online in case you’re worrying about “wasting” money?)

And what you’d like to do with it (are you wanting to sell it? Are you wanting to share it? Are you hoping to process something during the creative process?)

Nothing says you couldn’t get your current degree in psychology, while you do any and all of the things above. Because the beauty is, you can have a “comfortable” situation with your job, and still be creative. But it never has to be an either/or, or a waiting for all the stars to align kind of thing - you can tap into your creative side at any time, and see where it leads on not only your artistic journey, but you’re healing one as well.

Regardless of what your next steps might be, I wish you well,

- Mod Kat

#trauma talks #tw suicide attempt #mod kat #tw sui

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devsgames · 1 year

Text

What You Should Know Before Promoting Your Game On TikTok

I'll assume you, reader, know about what I did of Tiktok going into it:

- It's a social media website for short form video

- Apparently the algorithm is good for content creators and discoverability, moreso than other platforms

Checking out numerous "how to market your game" talks, articles, social media posts, etc. etc. this was generally the consensus from everyone. If you want people to see your game, Tiktok is the place to start. Now, after adopting it, I've had numerous problems with the platform and how it works which I genuinely wasn't aware of going into it, and which I personally believe people who advocate for using Tiktok didn't properly advertise as part of that.

The Engagement is Good (I don't know why)

I will say that the engagement on Tiktok is good. I've had a couple posts 'blow up' and apart from me trying to structure them as any other Tiktok you'd come across on the platform I couldn't tell you why it happened (as is the nature of social media). I wouldn't continue using Tiktok if it wasn't at least making people *aware* of my game, so that's saying something.

There's zero depth

Since it's, well, short-form video, don't expect to be able to adequately answer anything

The Userbase is very lazy

Tiktok is a platform that thrives on minimum effort for a user. You open the app and there's already a video in front of you, and you are expected to just start scrolling and consume as many of these videos as possible. This is a problem for content creators in that you as a creator are expected to pick up the slack.

For example, I made a Tiktok showing off some of the painting in Bombing!! 2: A Graffiti Paradise and posted the game name in my profile, expecting people to - like I tend to do on any social media thing I see that looks cool - click a profile and seek out more info if they want to know more.

Instead I got a LOT of comments from people saying "What's the game name?" or "When's it coming out?". Despite the fact it was information that was a Google search away, it wasn't easy enough because the UX doesn't expect you as a user to actually do the work to find information like that out yourself, and the chance of someone looking at your other videos to see if you've already given a similar answer is slim to none.

Expect to spend a fair amount of time replying to very simple questions that viewers could easily discover by Googling (or be like me and give up outright).

In-Profile Links are locked until 1000 followers

Anyone will tell you that when marketing on social media the key to getting people to take action on your game is to give them a path of least resistance - make it foolproof and stupid easy for them to take action and they'll be more likely to do it.

With my game, my goal is to get as many people to add it to their Wishlist on Steam. However trying to promote a game and not being able to simply provide a link to your store page feels detrimental in this respect as people are now expected to search for the game online and add it to their Wishlist thereafter (and remember how I said lots of people won't even put in effort to check your profile to find out what your game is called..).

If you're just starting out on the platform then you'll have to spend quite a bit of time building up content and a following to unlock access to the feature, and potentially miss out on opportunity to have people take action on your game in the interim.

The Userbase is activelytoxic

This is my #1 complaint about Tiktok. Among everyone who says 'use Tiktok to promote your game', none of them mentioned how much work is involved in comment moderation or trying to ensure that people generally aren't just bashing you and your work in the comments.

While content about your game might be getting engagement, a lot of that engagement will be people trolling or being rude. Like, I'm a queer creator posting queer content online. I have a baseline expectation to get hate for my work, and I'm not new to social media on the whole so this really isn't my first rodeo, but the amount and speed of the hate has certainly been surprising and overwhelming to even myself.

To take an example, I had a Tiktok where I painted on a wall with a spray can in Bombing!! 2 that took off a while ago. Probably half the comments on that video have been fine, innocuous people asking questions about the game and engaging earnestly, while the other half was filled with people saying "looks like shit" and variations of "piss".

I think this speaks to how the userbase of Tiktok is probably riddled with fourteen year olds who haven't developed the whole "don't be mean for no reason" part of their brains yet, but it's still a lot to deal with.

So from there you have some options:

1) Prevent all comments on your videos (not great for a platform that probably prioritizes discoverability based on engagement)

2) Moderate all comments coming in through the Comment Filter feature ([Privacy -> Comments -> Filter Comments] on the site)

3) Read every comment yourself and delete all the nasty ones (uhhhh no thanks?)

4) Give up

Obviously, none of these options are very good.

I'm currently attempting to moderate all comments via #2, but even then I'm not convinced it's necessarily going to stop comments from getting on my nerves. I imagine I'll eventually just resort to #1 or to giving up entirely as in #4. We'll have to see.

The point here is that the Tiktok community is astoundingly hostile towards creators and I'm genuinely shocked no one has ever mentioned this as part of the whole "you should use Tiktok to promote your game" spiel. If you're planning on using Tiktok be prepared mentally and emotionally for the fanbase to be toxic as hell, as it's certainly an inevitability.

I've not seen great responses from Support

I value a platform a lot based on how reliable it seems to follow up on reports about hate comments, and so far my experience on this front from Tiktok is so weak.

On one of my videos I received a comment saying "I'm going to paint so many swastikas [in your game]". I reported it as a hate comment (because uhhh it is) only for support to reply that it didn't violate community guidelines. Naturally, this doesn't convince me that the Tiktok support team would step in if something even more severe were to be sent my way, which has me on my guard.

It's incredibly time consuming without a dedicated marketing person

My final complaint is that all this work has you performing the role of a comment moderator and content creator, all on a social media platform in a format that can't easily be cross-posted to other platforms like say, an image or text could be. A screenshot takes maybe fifteen minutes to capture and post on Twitter and Tumblr and Instagram respectively.

A Tiktok however, requires recording a video in a specific vertical resolution (or editing it to be that way), sending it to your phone, editing it using Tiktok's proprietary editor for Text-To-Speech or caption capabitility. In my experience depending on the Tiktok this usually takes about an hour for one video. On top of this, I'm not posting Tiktoks to Tumblr or Twitter or even Instagram because the platform and what users want from it is so intensely specific to its case that it doesn't feel like something that's super applicable elsewhere.

I'm not a marketing person (or maybe I'm just stupid and old now), but at the end of the day all this is a lot of work to expect a developer to do alongside building a damn video game.

I like Tumblr or Twitter because you don't often have to do crazy elaborate amounts of work to find return, you just need to be consistent. I can maybe see the argument if you have someone on your team who just manages and promotes on Tiktok all day, but for someone like me asking me to spend an hour a day making one video for one website is...quite frankly absurd. I suspect this is another case of people aiming their game dev advice of "well-rounded and fleshed out teams of people with time money and resources" and not "one or two people already stretched thin on everything".

---

Anyway yeah, this is all stuff I wish I knew before I picked up Tiktok expecting a very different experience, and I'd advise anyone considering adopting the platform to promote their work to be aware of this before doing so.

#gamedev #advice #tips #tiktok #marketing #gamedevelopment #game dev #game development #indie game #indie games #indie dev

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isittherightword · 7 months

Text

For a long time when I looked at myself after leaving residency I really saw myself as a failure. As a person who set out on a path and got swallowed in the fire of it all. Someone who fell short, who wasn't enough, who was pathetic and too weak to finish what they started. I saw myself through my parents eyes. I internalized the messaging and have long believed I was all of those things. I stopped seeing myself as a person who had finished medical school, graduated at the top of my class, who was brilliant and driven. Without that certificate I have long felt I was nothing.

Over time my narrative softened, I decided I was perhaps lazy or not cut out for hard work. I made jokes about my 8 step skin care regimen and liking sleep and having hobbies. Underneath that narrative was the undertow of self loathing and inadequacy that I had never truly let go of. But at least it wasn't the violent berating of my early California days.

The inability to fully release the narrative that I am a failure and lazy and a shameful cautionary tale of squandered potential I believe directly coincides with the thread of hope I had of being a daughter who was deserving of love from her mother and father. The belief that I was nothing, I now realize, was me seeing myself through their eyes instead of my own. Like Kendall Roy says, "the poison drips through."

I've been in California for about five years now. In that time I've painted, I've planted, I've nurtured, and I've healed. Most importantly, I've learned to love and be loved. It started with what a friend of mine calls the nuclear winter. I cut off many so-called friends who took advantage of my lack of self respect and boundaries. Many of them were broken the way I was, and mirrored the way my parents failed to love me. They made me feel unworthy, they drained me, they secretly rejoiced when I struggled, and kicked me while I was down. There is nothing that tells you better who your friends are than who stands by you when you have little to nothing to offer. A second group of my friends couldn't be near me as I unraveled from the inside out. It was too intense. I probably needed too much and took to much that not everyone has to give when they themselves are trying their best to stay afloat. I hold nothing against those friends, in fact, as I've healed, some have returned to me.

There were just a precious few who stayed through the storm. There were a few new friends too who came along as well. They all had one thing in common, they loved me for me, despite me having little to nothing to offer. They didn't judge me or see me as a failure or at fault for walking away, for the events that lead up to my final departure from my life. Some, all, really, saw me as brave. Brave, self aware, and strong. "Good for you for realizing medicine wasn't for you" they told me. "What they put you through was an injustice" they said. "You're so brave for starting over, not everyone would have the courage to do that" they said. "People change careers all the time, it's normal" they shrugged. "You're one of the strongest people I know." "I'm a better person for knowing you." "You taught me so much."

I heard these things, but I never believed them really. The encouragement gave me strength nonetheless to keep rebuilding, stone by stone. I was never alone, even though many of my friends were far away. My guardian angels put wonderful people in my path, to support me, spiritually, financially, emotionally. Not all of those people remained in my life, but I do owe so much of my survival to them.

The main thing I learned, from being forced to rebuild is how to be loved outside of what I had accomplished. The people in my life saw my value without the titles, the enviable job, the accolades. This was a new concept for me. Something I'd never experienced before. The love I grew up with was always conditional. Contingent upon good grades, the right test scores, the right skin tone, the number on the scale. I grew up believing that the only thing worth loving about me were my accomplishments. Otherwise, I was a bad person, unworthy of and impossible to love.

My friends, the real ones, who survived the nuclear winter, fed me a different narrative. I initially had trouble believing their encouraging words, but I did allow myself to be loved in spite of no longer having the titles, the accomplishments, the accolades. Allowing that unconditional love in was the gold that sealed together the cracked pottery of my soul. It was in their love that I found my horcruxes, and started to piece myself together again. I began to rebuild my self worth, or perhaps build it in earnest, for the very first time.

To get to the place where I was able to receive and reciprocate that kind of love took a lot of work. Just before I left, I checked myself into a partial inpatient psych program. I learned about toxic shame, and realized I was suffering from complex PTSD. That label helped me make sense of what was going on in my mind and body- contextualized the nightmares, the inability to do yoga without overwhelming grief, the reactiveness, the flashbacks. I read books about racial trauma, childhood trauma and toxic shame voraciously. When I was finally able to afford it, I stayed in therapy, I did what I could to cool small pieces of the white hot lava of my trauma. I heard from an old friend early on in my journey, who at one time was just as fractured as I was deep inside, who told me that he did EMDR. He talked to me about unearthing memories of physical abuse and realizing the toxicity of the environment he grew up in. As a result of the difficult work, he was able to maintain a stable loving relationship for the first time in his life. That conversation was a lighthouse on a long journey through darkened seas. The first sign of land, however far away. He showed me healing was possible. He congratulated me for being brave enough to try. I went to his wedding just over a year ago. Last month, he came to mine.

3/?

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luxmaeastra · 9 months

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Rigelus had gone to Lemuria, past the Haldren Sea in the mountains of Pangera. It was a beautiful place with a city carved into the mountain. Rivers snaked through it, many joked it was the sister city to Lunathion.

Rigelus had told Bryce he'd write and bring her back one of their famous salt scrubs.

Then the news had come of scrimmages and war. The demons that lived there, that had defected from Hel - that had mated with the locals...they'd plunged the entire region into war.

The death tolls were high, every week more and fae or mortals dying.

--------

Rigelus stared at the piece of paper, the quill in his hand. The dirt and blood under his nails pronounced with how hard he gripped the quill.

He'd been here for months unable to leave, and if he could he was too invested now. He knew somehow that this would be his Ordeal even if he wasn't fae. Hadn't the Fae got that word from the Asteri? When Asteri came into their powers and they had to earn that Seed of Magic in them.

He would die here he was sure. It had been months and he had gone past horror to numbness. The atrocities didn't make him flinch now - not when it took all his energy to not give in.

That Dark Asteri power demanding he subjugate and dominate others. He would die here and he never told her. Somehow it didn't terrify him now or maybe he just knew she wouldn't feel the same.

Connor was nice, he was good for her. Even if he was a little possesive of her but then wouldn't he have been too if -

Rigelus shut the thoughts down, the ones that lead to those dreams. Of her in his bed, of the way her lips would feel. The things she'd say as they spent a lazy in bed. The things they'd do when they whe weeks and years to go.

He set his quill to paper and began to write. He didn't know if it would even reach her. Or if he'd get any response deliverer if she decided to reply.

The note was short:

Bryce,

I don't think I'll be able to get that salt scrub for you. It's been...chaotic here to say the least. I probably won't make it. I just wanted to say I love you, that I've been in love with you since we were 6 and you gave me my first soda.

Or when we were 9 and you showed me Jelly Jubilee for the first time. Do you remember you let me hold it when I had a nightmare? Our parents had been at some swanky party and I missed mine. I can remember how she smelled - floral and citrus...like you.

Or maybe I fell in love with you when we went to our first Ball and I danced with you. You looked beautiful, still takes my breath away whenever I think about it.

I've been thinking of those moments, of you since I got here. I - don't wait for me (not sure if you even were). If you were waiting, don't. I don't know the type of person that's going to come out of this war. I won't bullshit you and say I'd be too damaged for you. But I - I don't know when I'd ready to face you if I get out of this. I don't know if the person who leaves this nightmare will be the same one you know.

I hope I still love you in the end of this...I'm not sure if I will. If it's easier to just send this in the universe and pray to Urd our paths cross again.

Love,

Rigelus

--------

It had been years since Lemuria. He survived, he made that drop thinking of his mother. He survived so why did he feel he came less than whole?

He spent all his time in the archives, working on understanding the way magic moved through the world. His hands still shook sometimes, the Lotus Tears helped to calm those tremors. The drug helped him to sleep, keep those nightmares at bay.

He stood in the ballroom, staring out on the fancy people. His eyes falling on the male with, the Malakhim that had newly been freed. What had his father called him?

"Orion. It's nice to finally meet you. My father talked of you -"

"Yes. Well. He did bind me."

Rigelus blinked, not sure how to respond to that. Orion turned as he saw her in the crowd. He didn't bother saying goodbye as he moved toward her kissing her with a smile.

Rigelus wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing he just felt numb. No anger, no pain, no rage - just nothing.

He exhaled and looked to his father who rose an eyebrow at him. He rolled his eyes and moved down the dias striding toward Bryce. Might as well get this over with.

//7 years since they last met? He left for a summer trip to Lemuria at 18?//

He hadn't come home. Bryce had waited each and every day for him to come home like he said he would, he had made that stupid promise to write to her and bring something back for her. There had been a hope and a desire that he would come back, that he would be back in her arms.

That hope died when he didn't, even the letters didn't come and she was left hollow and raw. had he lied, had he lied to her so she would look stupid as she pined after some stupid male. She had been an idiot to hope, to dream. An idiot to think of the possibilities.

It was why she ended up with idiot after idiot, what she had with Connor never grew into anything but a one-sided pining. She released him from that when she felt bad for leading him along, when she knew she could not give him what he wanted.

Hunt though, meeting Hunt had been different. She did not live in the delusion that there would be anything like her parents, she accepted that relationships would be nothing but maybe carnal. Maybe that was why her father didn't like him, but she honestly didn't care.

Bryce smiled when he approached, allowing him to kiss her when they met within the crowd. Her hand touched his arm as she moved to stand by his side. "Where have you been hiding?"

Her attention turned towards the direction he came from, her body frozen when she saw him striding towards her. A lump formed in her throat, her grip tightened on Hunt's arm. "Rigelus..."

#Muse | Bryce

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whitesandbrowns · 9 months

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Reflection and Restart

I wish I could just leave a voice note instead of typing this out, but anyway.

My name is Kruti, I am 21. I am a graphic designer or more like wanna be graphic designer. I am preparing for my dream design uni while working for an internship and doing freelance work. It was my birthday week. last sunday I turned 21. Looking back I had great time and made lots of memories, not just on that day but the previous entire year too. I have come really far. but somehow no where near to where I want to go. I always wanted to do a lot of creative things ever since the beginning. I even started planning everything out last year. I was preparing for my dream design uni and I planned out everything I needed to do to get me where I wanted to be. But I just didn't. For some reason, I got lazy, made tons of excuses and I didn't do anything at all. I still have come farther than I was last year, but have not done even a single thing I thought I wanted to do. Yesterday I just got tired of all the excuses. I have been missing deadlines on both the major projects and people were just losing faith in me. this was the last thing I ever wanted to do. I realized I am here because I chose this path. I wanted this. I enjoyed this. I wanted to learn so many things and do so many things out of curosity and not worry about how much effort it will take me, but instead I gave up every single time the task required even a little more effort than the usual things. I started taking weeks for the things that I could easily do in hours. I never understood why I did that. But all I wanted to do was DO THINGS than just THINKING ABOUT THEM. I mean what is the point of having great ideas if they are not executed. So once again I am here starting a 100 days challenge. A 100 days challenge where I push myself to every limit I have. And produce the work I always wanted to produce. Because I owe it to myself. My younger self, and my older self. I think I have really good potential and I have been wasting it till now. So hopefully I wont do that anymore. Will keep you guys updated from tomorrow.

#100 days of productivity #100 days of getting better #100 days of self discipline #100 days of studying #get motivated #motivating myself

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laeteria · 2 years

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Searching the lost: alike and yet different

Similarities between Kujo, Yuki and Nagi

It may be weird, but I have always thought about the fact how similar Kujo, Yuki and Nagi are. It may be weird to hear it randomly, but I actually put some thought in it. It may not make sense though, or maybe I'm overthinking things, but hear me out.

I've said it before, but I wrote this way back (and with that I mean June 2021), so it might be a bit wacky or maybe it doesn't make any sense. It was left incompleted, so everything after Yuki is what I've written recently. I've no clue what direction I wanted to take this, so it may have a different approach at the end.

Basically… I was too lazy to rewrite everything, so I continued on but there's no way I remember what I wanted to write back then, so it's a big mess. Also the reason why I changed the title.

BEWARE OF SPOILERS!!

Kujo Takamasa

You may be thinking, "how can you compare people like Yuki and Nagi with this man?". Oh well…

Kujo worked for Zero, the legendary idol, together with Sakura Haruki. The further you get in the story, the more you will notice how much of an impact Zero had in Kujo's life. After all, Kujo had worked for Zero for such a long time, but what happened after the disappearance of Zero?

If you know the story, you know that Kujo basically becomes obsessed over Zero. So obsessed to the point that he wants to create another legendary idol and it doesn't matter if he has to tear families apart to reach his goal. He lived his life for Zero and with his disappearance, he didn't know what to do anymore. He had lost his path.

Like I said before, he was so obsessed with Zero that he wanted to create another legendary idol and at some point he thinks he can produce an idol that surpasses Zero. Not only that, he even dares to call Haruki a traitor, because Haruki didn't do anything to keep the legendary Zero "alive".

In story/season 2, he even goes so far as disguising himself as Zero and making the life of the other groups difficult. They are not worthy of the legendary Zero, that's what Kujo wanted to say. In his eyes, no one could surpass Zero.

Sadly, Kujo's bad side overshadows his vulnerable side greatly. Everyone sees him as a man who tears families apart for his own goals, but in reality he's quite the tragic character.

Like Tenn said, Kujo lost his job, group and dream all at once. It was a big loss for Kujo and he never really got over it. The only way to cope with his loss, was to search for Zero. When he realized he couldn't find Zero, he decided to create a legendary idol himself to project Zero on his self-produced idol. Everything to keep the legendary idol "alive", but most importantly himself. Even if it meant to hate the person he dedicated his life to.

It's definitely not an uncommon thing to start hating the things you used to love. There are different causes to start hating the things you used to love, but most of the time it's because your outlook on life has changed. Another cause can be the fact that the thing you used to love doing, doesn't satisfy you anymore or it's lacking in a way. In this case, Zero himself is literally missing. There's nothing (more like no one) to feed Kujo anymore.

❝ I had a nostalgic dream. I dreamed Zero was singing at Zero arena. Back when supporting him made me happy. ❞

Kujo isn't a bad person, he just took a wrong turn in life. When he talked about stage direction with Tsumugi and Nagi… he was literally beaming and reliving his time as Zero's manager on the spot.

Yes, Kujo does a lot of unforgivable things, but we shouldn't forget how he decided to visit Haruki in story 4. It was a very touching reunion and he didn't want to go at first. He knew that Haruki didn't have long, but I think he distanced himself from Haruki on purpose, because he knew that he would suffer again. It was a dream that was shared between the three of them, but as time passed, it was time to draw the curtains.

Behind his shady and dark character, there is actually a very lonely person, who's basically trying to keep walking his path in this cruel world.

Orikasa Yukito

Yuki is a member of the group Re:vale and he has been an artist for many years. Before he formed Re:vale with Momo, he was in a duo with the same name back in the days. They were nothing more than indie artists.

Yuki may look like a gentleman, but he's absolutely not. Maybe in the beginning when you just get to know Re:vale, but it is actually Momo who keeps Re:vale functioning. Yuki is not really sociable actually. It may not look like that, but it is a fact.

Let me get to the point, have you ever thought about the fact that Yuki could have ended up as a Kujo 2.0? For the people who are confused: both Kujo and Yuki lost someone who had a big impact in their life. It was Zero for Kujo and it was Banri for Yuki.

When Banri left Yuki without saying anything, Yuki was devastated and he blamed himself for not being there for Banri. He set out to look for Banri and gradually he became "empty", just like Kujo. The more he looked, the more he felt like he couldn't find his partner. Yuki was ready to take his own life, but fortunately for us, his laziness won. After several failed search attempts, he decided to shut himself in his own apartment.

I'm pretty sure that Yuki would have become obsessed over Banri just like Kujo did. Actually, he already did when he just kept looking for Banri. Yuki also got to the point that he started to "hate" Banri, because he couldn't find him, and thus decided to kill him, but he didn't know where Banri was, so the plan was no more. It all sounds funny, but it's actually really sad.

The only thing he wanted was to see his partner again. Yes, it caused a lot of stress for Momo when Yuki restarted as the new Re:vale, but could we really blame Yuki? It was just a sign that he was still not over the fact that he didn't know where Banri was. It's not easy to let go of someone who you have spent a lot of time with after all.

Who caused the fall of the original Re:vale? It was no one other than Kujo, the person who still struggles with his own loss.

Kujo's goal was to make original Re:vale the next legandary idols, but Banri knew that Kujo was not the man who would make a safe and free environment for his idols. That's why Banri left Yuki behind after the accident, to protect him from Kujo. Yuki was already planning to work for Kujo since Kujo said he would pay for Banri's medical bills, but Banri knew that Yuki wouldn't hesitate to take the offer.

After that came a dark and depressing period for Yuki, but he got out of it eventually because of Momo. What would have happened if Momo wasn't there? It wouldn't have gotten an happy end, I think. At the same time, it makes me wonder how Kujo would react when he meets Zero again. Will he react like Yuki did to Banri…? Will he finally be able to settle down with himself? These are questions we can only ponder on right now.

Rokuya Nagi

The last character I'm going to talk about is our lovely Nagi from IDOLiSH7. To be honest how can it not be Nagi. I know. Nagi is such an important character in the series, because he's not only supporting the members like no other, but he also has a lot of similarities to other characters or differences that make him stand out.

The important person for Nagi was no one other than Sakura Haruka, the composer of Zero and the person who worked alongside Kujo. What a small world we live in. Haruki basically thought Nagi how to be humane and how to love, since Nagi wasn't really in an environment to receive love himself. He had known Haruki since he was small and Haruki taught him lots of things. It was as if nothing could go wrong, but Haruki's health started to deteriorate and that's when Haruki decided to leave Nagi's side...

One day they will still be next to you, but the next day they will take their leave quietly. Zero disappeared without saying anything, leaving nothing behind, except his legacy. Unlike Zero, Banri and Haruki left a letter to the one they care for. Zero has everything he wanted and he left, while both Banri and Haruki left due to their health to not burden the others around them. If you're gonna te me that Zero is not healthy, then this is the time to do so, lol. Anyway, as you can see, there are already a lot of similarities between Yuki and Nagi.

Just like Kujo and Yuki, Nagi had lost the person he cared the most for (at that time at least). But… he didn't look for Haruki. Instead he fulfilled Haruki's request. This made me think… did Haruki perhaps anticipated this and taught Nagi to be the current person he is, so he wouldn't fall into despair? Did Haruki maybe know that this would do Nagi good in a way? We shouldn't forget that Haruki was close to Kujo and how he probably saw how Kujo fell into his current state.

Just like Yuki, Nagi got to meet Haruki again and it certainly was a tearful reunion. Sakura Haruki's time was coming to an end. So. We first had Kujo not being able to reunite with Zero, then we had Yuki actually being able to reunite with Banri, and now we have Nagi who reunited with Haruki, only to say goodbye soon. The story is sure very cruel. It's difficult to say goodbye. We all know it.

❝ Even if our youth ends someday and we go separate ways, there’s nothing sad about it. ❞

This was what Haruki said to Kujo in the past. Even when the main cast meets Haruki, he never stopped thinking like this. His view on life hadn't changed. That's just how Haruki was. Haruki basically teaches the people around him to cherish every moment and to accept the things they are. What is "ours" will one day become "everyone's". Nothing to be sad about and Nagi understood Haruki's way of thinking. That's why he never lost his way like Yuki or Kujo. That's just how important Haruki was to him. What was once Haruki's is now Nagi's and that's how Haruki lives on.

Regarding part 5 (again)

I believe that Yuki and Nagi are supposed to be an alternative version to what Kujo could have been as character. They are totally different from each other, but at the same time they went through a similar experience. It's also crazy how you can connect their stories logically... Here is a random table. It doesn't add anything, but have fun.

Okay, so I have been talking about how Yuki and Nagi were in the same shoes as Kujo, but can we please talk about how part 5 literally pushes this idea in our face, but with TRIGGER? This is bizarre, especially when you think about Tenn being Zero, Gaku being Kujo and Ryu being Haruki. Something makes sense in all this nonsense, but I can't put my finger on it.

The person to disappear seems to not want to burden someone. I know we don't really know Zero's reason of disappearance, but I can place this situation in Tenn. Friendly reminder that he voluntarily cut his ties with the Nanase family, because he wanted to help his family and most importantly Riku.

The person to search for the missing person seems to be fixated on the missing person. Despite not knowing everything and/or not agreeing with the decisions the missing person has taken, they never seem to really leave the person alone. Gaku is always bickering with Tenn, but at the same time he's the person who looks out for him the most. Not so excessive like Kujo, but in his own way.

The person close to the other two seems to bring them to the right path. It's not always easy and sometimes they fail, but they never stop supporting them. That's exactly what Haruki did and what Momo did to Yuki, but this is also what Ryu does with Tenn and Gaku. He's someone who can't be missed and even when he's not around, his words will find their way...

If this is the first post you've read from me and you're interested in this whole TRIGGER thing, maybe you're interested in reading this.

Thank you for reading my nonsense again and I hope to see you next time as well~~

#Am I maybe dumn…!?#idolish7 #aninana #Ainana #Re:vale #TRIGGER #IDOLiSH7 thoughts #orikasa yukito #Rokuya Nagi #Takamasa Kujo

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