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#but im trying very hard to be positive
gayvampyr · 2 years
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“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.
#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and#‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but#often do coalign#it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma#which is very common for queer folks#it’s really not an ace-only thing#like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those#feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience#instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours#im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful#my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick#of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan#and it’s often aphobes who bought into that ‘aces are puritanical celibate straights who want ppl who have gay sex to die or think they’re#‘dirty’ or some shit. and it was literally 90% crypto-aphobes pretending to be aces to get people to adopt that into their belief system#the same way crypto-t/rfs pretend to be trans women who want to prey on the ‘innocent women’#and y’all will use those posts/screenshots as ‘evidence’ that whatever scapegoat you’ve selected is actually inherently bad/homophobic/#misogynistic/etc and not even#acknowledge the giant hole in your logic cuz you’re too busy trying to find a scapegoat#it’s the same tactics and y’all fall for it every time#text post#like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men#for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird#not showing interest in heterosexual relationships or sex is why this is so important#anyone that falls outside the scope of heterosexuality is part of this community whether you like it or not
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lilbugprincess · 8 months
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I'm thinking about aromanticism again, and my own place in it. Because I love love! I feel love! All the time! I adore reading about romance, I dive into stories with it eagerly. I love my family, my friends! I understand it, I show it... Let's go to dinner love. I thought of you when I saw this love. I want to kiss you love. I'd sleep with you love. I'll do whatever I can to help love. You make me smile just by being love. I'm happy I exist in the same time as you love. Let's get together soon love. Excuse me they asked for no pickles love.
But I see this... It's not a line, it's like this space of love that I don't touch. This... Part? This path that I see and I understand why others dive into it and I don't want to.
Sometimes I see couples hold hands over dinner and think, "that seems like it'd get tiresome". There's a look in their eyes that I don't think will ever be reflected in mine and I don't feel any loss. I watch videos of weddings... Brides and grooms crying at the beauty of their spouses, kissing, celebrating, such joy and enthusiasm, this desire to BE together, these displays, these feelings. I think it would be a little bit of a chore, expressing that. Feeling that. Being that close.
It's something wonderful, and I don't want it. I can't picture myself wanting it. So many varieties of love that I have but the one seen as the strongest is the type I don't desire.
In the midst of the pandemic, I looked at my dating app and I wondered if I would ever go on a date again. I thought, "maybe I won't. Maybe I'll never get married." And a weight lifted off my chest.
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lhrry · 1 year
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#aotv spoilers#ok you’re asking for my opinions let’s do it#i love louis!!!! im so proud of him and im so happy i got to watch him on his journey for so long and can’t wait for what’s to come for him#and i think my love for him and for his music and for my time in the fandím and for one d etc is what makes this a good watch and why i#liked it because otherwise i have my reservations to the movie and im not going to get into the babygate stuff#apart from the fact that louis trying to get freddie to hug him was extremely awkward and ive never seen less organic thing than the beach#scene and i find it funny they tried to push that as organic so hard#my issue is that it just had a potential to be a much better film is all sksmsk#it is good but it feels a bit rushed and kind of cheap in some ways and i get that’s the style of these biopics sometimes but#like it was such a shame the bg music was not really gold and was always exaggeratedly emotional because it made it cheesy and cheap and#kind of forced#i think it would have a great potential to get many people to say wow this is a strong talented guy and i think it is a great intro but i#think they undersold the movie so it’s not going to have a chance to reach an audience much wider than his current fanbase which is a shame#for his current fanbase it is a solidification and reiteration of his promo season and it is very clear where they want louis to stand and#what they want his image to be like and i think it’s absolutely amazing how they managed to show his growth as an artist and as a human and#and place him in a position where he’s now confident and secure and ready to embark on a new journey etc. although for the fans there’s#nothing new there and i think it’s worth considering how exactly they’re portraying and that they completely left out his relationships#aside from his family and the band#i think it’s important that it was noted he was undersestimated and pushed down and i think they made obvious how much he’s worked on#himself#i think it’s kinda clear they’re using it as a faith in the future promo with the new songs even though the doc ends with the end of the#tour#i think it’s interesting how many rainbow flags they chose to include without addressing the way his shows and fanbase look at all because#if i were from Gp id wonder what’s up with that esp when he only acknowledged the kmm project again#generally i think it’s a good watch that’s very transparent in what it’s trying to do for louis promo and image wise and it doesn’t tell#you anything new but it reminds you why you love this man so much while also leaving you a bit disappointed because this had a much#greater cinematic potential and a lot of it feels either rushed or underfinanced or forced and that’s a shame
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permanentreverie · 8 days
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#ok so mini rant session#i am doing a bit better today - little less distraught over getting fired from a job i thought i was doing pretty good at and i was trying#really hard and genuinely enjoying#and just more baffled because truly i had no warning and i was completely blindsided#i was in the middle of a 3 month trial and i would have a review at the end in which i would be offered a permanent position if it went well#and i thought i was making my way towards that! granted i was still making mistakes but genuinely not of such a great scale i thought it#called for my immediate dismissal#that being said i was still VERY MUCH IN TRAINING. i had only been there A MONTH AND A HALF learning COMPLETELY NEW SYSTEMS#and i was told that i had been there a few weeks already and that i wasn’t catching on quick enough. that there were some areas i was#understanding and others i just simply wasn’t#and i asked what areas specifically so that i could learn more and try harder#and they didn’t give me a specific answer.#ok and so. so. i have this insecurity.#that at first impression people will like me. that they may think i’m pretty or kind or funny or whatever#but then they spend time with me or get to know me and realize that that’s all bullshit.#that i’m actually not pretty and im mean and loud and selfish and lazy and rude and etc etc etc#MASSIVE fucking insecurity in that like that’s why i genuinely don’t have friends or a significant other#and that genuinely i’m just a Bad Person#and when i was fired? i was told ‘a persons true colours show after a few weeks’#so that’s MAJORLY fucking me up.#when i was hired i was boasted to about my boss’s hiring process and how she’s ’only been fooled twice’#and the morning before i was fired in a meeting my supervisor told everyone that i was doing quite well.#so yeah i truly had no fucking warning. at fucking all.#hurt and confused and angry and baffled and did i mention hurt#anyways if you’re still here i’m sorry i know this is not a good look for me
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formulahs · 22 days
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#just something i want to share bc all of this is very hard to digest#yk at the beginning of this year i met a sapphic couple who work in catering for f1#and the stories they tell are truly horrifying#one of them is latina and has a darker complexion so the almost all white crew would literally just ignore her#they’d talk to her through her gf whos white an european#and that is without knowing they are girlfriends cuz they know they’d be targeted for that too#they literally described the men they work with as nazis. like that was the word they used#and they said it goes the same from the kitchen to teams members they’re extremely bigoted#so like when i say ‘im not surprised’ i dont wanna sound like im trying to make people feel dumb for being dissatisfied or outraged or sad#i feel like it comes from a place of lack of faith really#like im sad. im outraged.#like i spend time with this sport ​i come here and sit in front of my tv and i talk ab it to people i love things like this will get to me#a sapphic couple cant share their relationship with their male work peers in catering bc they will suffer consequences#so imagine how annihilating it is to go against men in positions of power#imagine how tightly built the system is around them for them to apologize for them#so um. yeah#there’s so much we don’t witness so much that doesn’t get out#i was also talking to dad the other day bc hes a Corporate Man in somewhat of a leadership position#and he said so much gets swept up under the rug like it doesn’t even make it out of hr to the hands of executives to make decisions#and hes in a pretty evenly distributed market in terms of gender#so whatever happened or didn’t happen or continues to happen#im still faithless
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tshifty · 24 days
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#hmm some thoughts for myself and anyone who is reading lmao#ok so#having options? objectively a W. that's such a good thing truly.#and there are REASONS i decided to seek out options in the first place.#there was a VERY crystalizing moment where an event occurred and i then DECIDED. to gather other options.#and yall im gonna be so real rn. ive been kinda not great about applying. it has been overwhelming#and im truly surprised and flattered that ppl have reached out to ME. that's WILD lowkey.#i submitted for a couple campaign job banks and applied directly to a handful of positions#and mostly have been fielding ppl reaching out to me from the jobs bank which again lowkey wild#and of course that's just to apply. that isnt an offer. but it is something.#so ive already turned down 2 jobs. i have anothwr job offer rn actively.#i have another Highly potential thing rn. will learn more eow.#and of course i could also choose not to leave. i have a job rn. i MOSTLY really do like my job.#i love the org. i love the people. what i dont love is all the fucking melodrama.#i hate that they made me apply for a promotion to then REJECT ME for a BULLSHIT reason. and try to hire externally instead like WHAT???#and im not exactly overconfident yall but i am fucking qualified for this promotion.#they turned me down bc their internal expextations changed and they wanna hire someone another level above the job itself which is so not ok#so like. that is largely why im like wow ok. time to go#but it also hurts to think about leaving. and i dont want to piss ppl off also. bc i DO value them.#so yeah that's hard#but like this is also the year to jump if i want to in my line of work. the year to move.#if i wait until next year im lowkey fucked. so like. yeahhhhh.#part of me really Really wants to go. but part of me also wants to stay and just chill a bit this year#🙃🙃🙃#i dont want to choose wrong. i dont want to burn bridges.#i also dont want to be in an unhealthy situation AGAIN. been there done that Never doing that shit again#but idk what is gonna be healthy vs unhealthy it's all such a fucking gamble. includes my current job#what do i want?? i want to be fucking HAPPY.#i want to be surrounded by friends and community and enjoy life and make an impact where i can for good#i want to get a dog i want to be paid enough to not worry about rent i want to eat good food and travel and see the country
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mieltelecheycrema · 4 months
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yk no one really talks about the ending glitch thing (from what ive seen) in f and c like yeah its a whole blink and you miss it type thing but the implications !!!!
more in tags
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dog-girl-zezora · 8 days
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months
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Being high energy while sick feels insane. Like my brain is telling me I should lay down and rest but is also telling me I should run around in circles and break things.
#i think im getting better tho. i mean i still can feel my warped sickyness but idk my hormones maybe have me all fucked up#but like i told my mum i get these insane little hypomanic-esque episodes and she was immediately like could b ur hormones#i know a number of ppl like that. and i was like YES. thats obviously what it is but nothing comes up when i try to google things abt it#so there must b others out there. and it also implies that theres sometimes fucked up about my serotonin receptors bc when im like kinda#positively disregard i feel happy and i never feel happy. my typical emotional state is indifferent and apathetic#and then dips into light misery and very miserable but not like clinically depressed. but i was even like that while on vacation so even#removed from the stresses in my life i still am not happy. which is y its so hard when ppl r like do what makes up happy. relax#and im like. ok but like nothing works??? its either fucked up hormones or my lantent anxiety just keeps me from being happy#but whatever. im gathering so much data. when i go see a doctor im gonna pull out a spreadsheet and graphs and notes like a lunatic#bwahhh i wanna run. i have too much energy. fuck being sick. fuck having to work on a day off. fuck this#also fuck my menstrual cycle for being so short. like so short its sometimes not listed with the healthy range but only sometimes#just to make me think. i should probably talk to a doctor but. like its probably fine. its consistent so its fine#annoying. annoying. got u can tell when out of wack bc i post too much and cant shut thr fuck up lol#unrelated
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tryndei · 7 months
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"being asexual doesn't mean not enjoying sex or not wanting to experience that!!" alright now shut the fuck up
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skunkes · 1 year
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,
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sampilled · 18 days
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dress i ordered for my uncles wedding didnt fit, might kill myself
#tw ed#<to be safe ig. vent in tags#ohhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so upset about this i could actually cryyyyyyyyy#i have ruined my body#and now i just have to fix it on my own as well#trying to improve my relationship with food and get better from BED#at home#with only youtube videos and tiktok dieticians to help#i might actually kill myself#ive been trying so hard to be positive about this but idk if i can keep it up :|#i tried to talk to MORE THAN ONE mental health professional about it but they all shut me down cuz they were clearly uncomfortable with it#which... whatever im a big girl but why become a therapist if you cant deal with such a common issue WHATEVER#i am eating healthier and im more active than ive been since i was like 13 and its showing#just very slowly#which is good cuz fast weight loss doesnt last and im trying to like meaningfully change and stuff#butttttttttttttt iam going to be fat for the next 2 years at least#and thats with no setbacks and it just feels like :( like sad face emoji#i am going to be fat at my uncles wedding that i DONT want to go to i dont have anyone to bring as my plus one#and i hateeeeee my cousins and im DEPRESSED#but i dont wanna take antidepressants and i WONT#and i feel sick and anxious all the time and ive lost 40lbs but im still FATTTTT#because i fucked myself#i literally used to eat til i threw up#5000 calorie binges every other day and it has lowkey ruined my body fr#not jsut in looks like yea im over weight but in so many other ways too#it wrecked my confidence and im still young enough that my health is mostly fine i just know everything would#easier if i had never done it#and then tried stupid shit to UNDO it like brotherrrrrr yoyo dieting is NOT the move#starving yourself for days then binging is not the moveeeeeee
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mandalorian-general · 10 months
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Do you know hard it is to be a goth from Germany and not able to go to the WGT
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anonymusbosch · 7 months
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welp. meow meow meow
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minterim · 2 months
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just had my dad admit to me that even though he's fully aware of how much his alcoholism hurts me and my mum and brother he refuses to quit drinking outright because he likes it. cool
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libraryfag · 9 months
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OwO fellow doomer?
??????
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