#but im so frustrated like every single day my whole morning + afternoon is gone just with friccin household chores | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chokememrstark · 7 years

Text

A Dangerous Game // Samifer

Chapter: 13/15

Words: 2871

Summary: Sam comes across a very interesting book that describes a ritual in which one can play a game with the Devil. His curiosity is sparked and even if he doesn’t think he will ever actually do it, Sam soon finds himself face to face with this very entity. Things take a very unpleasant turn, but despite that, Sam is going back, as if something pulls him towards Lucifer.

abuse, violence, bullying, black magic, no hunter!au, a lot of angst, a lot of hurt/little comfort

Note: Because I feel I need to add this: Dean is pretty much a complete asshole in this story, so if you’re uncomfortable with that you might want to reconsider reading it (or tell yourself he is completely ooc, fine with me too xD)

Note²: There is a lot going on in this chapter, I apologize in advance for the angst ^^

AO3 Link

Thanks to @sassysupernaturalsweetheart & @brieflymaximumprincess for their wonderful beta reading and keeping me company while writing this story ♥

Tagging: @spnyoucantkeepmedown @samlicker83 @wait-what5 @xantcear (if you want to be tagged, just drop me an ask or contact me via IM)

Sam slept for almost fourteen hours straight this night, waking up way past two in the afternoon with what felt like a nasty hangover. His head felt like it would explode when he opened his eyes and the bright daylight hit them, so he quickly covered them with his blanket, groaning in pain. Apart from the horrendous headache, Sam experienced an extreme nausea, which he was barely able to control.

“What the hell…” he growled into his pillow, fighting with himself to not throw up right now into his sheets. Something was wrong with him, but he was unable to think at the moment, yet alone figure out why he felt this way.

It took almost an hour before Sam finally managed to crawl out of bed, only to rush to the bathroom and empty his stomach right away. When he was able to get back on his feet, legs shaking and holding onto the sink, what he saw in the bathroom mirror looked like a corpse. He had dark rings under his eyes, which themselves were completely dull, and his skin was much paler than usual, almost white.

“Shit… I’m getting sick…”

A sickness was the most logical explanation Sam could come up with and even if is wasn’t that, he had no strength to actually care right now. He brushed his teeth to get the disgusting taste out of his mouth, then dragged himself back to the bed. Within seconds, Sam was out again, his weakened body unable to stay conscious.

When he woke up the next time, it was around six and Sam didn’t wake up by himself, but by an agonizing pain in his chest, that made him feel like he would explode. It only lasted for a few seconds before simply vanishing, but this short time had been enough to make him break out into cold sweat. He only lasted a few minutes awake before, once more, drifting into a sleep that was more or less a black out.

When it was long dark already, Sam’s eyes fluttered open again at the sound of knocking on his door. He didn’t recognize the voice because everything sounded like it was muffled through a pillow, but he still forced himself up and slowly made his way to the door to unlock it. His hands were clawing the wooden door as he opened it, shaking and weak. He barely recognized the figure in the frame was his brother’s before collapsing in front of him.

“Sammy? Sammy, stop playing games!” Dean’s voice was confused, then angry, and he knelt down next to his brother. He poked the younger one with a finger, feeling the fever he had and finally realized Sam wasn’t pretending. “Shit!” he hissed.

With a lot of effort, Dean managed to pull Sam back onto the bed and got him out of the pants that were sticking to his skin. His brother’s breath was short and his chest moved heavily, but no matter what he tried, it was impossible to get him to wake up. Eventually, Dean went to the bathroom and took a cloth, holding it under cold water and then carefully laid it onto Sam’s forehead, in hope of it helping with the fever. Their dad was gone, so the Impala was gone too and the next hospital was two towns away. He decided that, if Sam wasn’t better in the morning, he would call an ambulance. For now though, Dean had little choice but to let Sam sleep and hope for the best.

Sam didn’t notice anything his brother did. Instead, he was trapped in a nightmare that kept repeating itself and that made less and less sense every single time he went through it. He heard an unfamiliar voice shout at him in a language he couldn’t understand and shouted back in the same way. The man who shouted at him was tall, with short, dark hair and seemed to be furious with anger and then, without a warning, he was pushed and fell. The fall felt endless, all the while Sam was screaming from the pain on his back - a burning and crushing, as if his skin was torn apart, almost torturous in its intensity. When the fall finally ended, all he could see was fire and he screamed again as flames began to consume him, begging for mercy and release from this hell. Then, it all started again and whatever he did, Sam was unable to do anything else. He was forced to live through the same scene again and again, with no way to escape.

In the morning, Sam finally woke up again. He still felt hot, but it wasn’t as bad as during the night anymore and when he turned his head, he noticed the wet cloth on his pillow. Narrowing his eyes, Sam pushed himself up with his elbows, only to be met with a sharp pain in his head. He gasped and grabbed his head, finding the pain gone as quick as it had come. The noise he made, however, was enough to alarm his brother and soon after he fell into silence, heavy footsteps were outside his door.

“Sammy?” Dean ripped the door open and rushed to the bed, immediately laying a hand on his brother’s forehead. Sam pushed it away angrily.

“Stop screaming!” he groaned. “My head feels like a train hit me.”

“You were burning last night, what the hell did you do? Do you want to die and get me into trouble or what?”

“Yeah, that’s your only problem, of course!” Sam scoffed. “Screw me dying, you could get into trouble! How horrible!”

“What did you take, Sam?” Dean asked again, frustrated and ignoring Sam’s protest to inspect him. “Crack? Coke? H? What?”

“Oh, shut up!” Sam pushed Dean away this time, with more force than before. “I’m not doing drugs, you idiot! I got a virus or some shit, that’s all.”

“You were half dead, Sam!” Dean protested. “I swear, if I find anything in your room I’m gonna -”

“Yeah, yeah, I got that from dad already! I’m gonna get the beating of my life, bla bla bla. Thanks for picking me up, but now leave me the hell alone, I wanna sleep.”

“You ungrateful bastard think I’m just going to do what you say?” Dean provoked Sam, who felt a hot sting in his stomach as anger built up in him.

“Leave. Me. Alone!” Sam was shouting at the last word, which had a weird effect on his brother.

Dean actually flinched and gave Sam a confused glare. For a moment he opened his mouth to talk back, but shut it again without a word and turned around to leave. As soon as the door shut behind him, Sam fell back onto the pillow and closed his eyes. The hot feeling in his stomach was gone again, but when he had shouted at Dean, something interesting had happened to him, too. It had felt like a short electric shock that rushed through him, a little like when he had held Lucifer’s hand, but much less intense, so much that be had barely noticed it.

“What is happening to me?” he asked the ceiling, of course without getting an answer.

He had slept for over a whole day, without eating anything and had experienced the worst nightmares in his life. Was it because of what had happened between him and Lucifer? What if this was the reason and he wasn’t the only one who was affected by it? At this thought, Sam darted up.

“I need to talk to him,” he said. “Now.”

Carefully, to not cause himself any more unwanted pain, Sam got on his feet and locked his door again. He thought about it for a moment, then took his blanket and wrapped it around himself, rather than getting dressed, and reached under the bed for the candle. He had pushed the razor into the wax the night before and now lit the candle, then cutting into the same finger as before to let the blood fall into the flame before closing his eyes.

Lucifer? Are you there?

Sam opened his eyes, meeting Lucifer’s in the mirror and let out a relieved sigh.

“You’re alright,” he whispered.

Lucifer, however, eyed him very closely and what he saw wasn’t satisfying him apparently. He leaned forward and gave Sam a strict look.

“What happened to you? You look like you have seen a ghost, or worse.”

“I feel sick,” Sam admitted and held his head with one hand. It was still hot and he felt a little dizzy, but he had to stay quiet or otherwise Dean would find out what he was doing. “I slept since now…”

“I would hope so, it is barely morning,” Lucifer huffed, but Sam slowly shook his head.

“I mean, I slept until now since I sent you away. Dean says I have a fever and was burning hot last night and I had horrible nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Lucifer’s interest was sparked at this, but not in a good way.

“I… argued with someone,” Sam remembered and closed his eyes to concentrate better. “He spoke some weird language, like me. A tall, black-haired man, maybe in his thirties or something, I can’t remember…”

Lucifer didn’t interrupt Sam, but the more the boy spoke, the more his skin lost its color .

“We argued and then… he pushed me,” Sam shook his head slightly. “I never felt such pain in my life. It was horrible, as if I was torn apart and my back was ripped open. And then there was fire and everything started over again.”

Sam opened his eyes again, expecting Lucifer to provide some kind of explanation, but all he saw was the most terrified face he had ever seen. Lucifer’s eyes were completely empty and wide and Sam’s heart ached at the sight. He had never seen Lucifer even close to this and all his own pain was blown away looking at him.

“Lucifer?” he asked quietly and crawled closer to the mirror, without even thinking about it. Seeing Lucifer like this broke his heart. “Lucifer, please talk to me.”

“I… I am fine,” Lucifer said slowly, but his expression still didn’t change.

“I’m sorry I told you, I didn’t mean to -”

“No,” Lucifer finally blinked and turned his head, looking at the visibly scared Sam. “You couldn’t have known. Your dream… it happened.”

“What?” Sam’s fear turned into confusion. “What do you mean it happened?”

“Sam… what you saw was one of my memories.”

Eerie silence filled Sam’s room as he tried to wrap his head around this new information. Even after minutes, he couldn’t believe what he had just heard.

“Your memory…” he eventually whispered, still in shock.

“You must have gained access to it when we touched, I’m sorry. It must have been overwhelming.”

“It was, but… you said it’s your memory. So, it happened to you?”

“A long time ago, yes. It’s not a pleasant memory, as you might have noticed. No wonder you are sick, a memory this strong would have undoubtedly already ended your existence if you were anyone else.”

“And why not me?”

“I thought about it, but I couldn’t find a solution,” Lucifer sighed. “There is something that makes you stronger, which is why you survived this experience. Why you got it in the first place, however, I don’t know.”

“I was worried you might go through something similar,” Sam admitted a little embarrassed. “I wanted to know if you were alright.”

“That’s very kind of you, Sam,” Lucifer said, giving the boy a soft smile. “But I feel well.”

“You… didn’t experience anything?” Sam was a little disappointed for some reason.

“In fact, I did. But it wasn’t something unpleasant.”

“What was it?”

“It was like a vision of children playing on a field in the snow. They were laughing and had a lot of fun. It was… rather calming.”

When he heard the words, Sam smiled contently. He knew what Lucifer talked about. At the age of five, he went to a pre-school in a different town. This winter was the first that he had experienced snow and the whole class had spent the whole afternoon on a nearby field, playing and sledding. It was the best day he could remember.

“I saw one of your memories, am I right?” Lucifer asked, already knowing the answer.

“Yeah. It was the best day I ever had in preschool,” Sam said. “But why do I have one of your memories and you have one of mine?”

“It must have happened when we touched, somehow we exchanged them in the process.”

“Weird,” Sam huffed, but still kept his smile. “I wonder why you got a good memory and I got a bad one.”

“I don’t have many good memories, Sam,” Lucifer smiled sadly. “Your memories consist of sixteen years, mine of eons. If you would have gotten a good one, I would be very surprised.”

“Can you remember a good thing?” Sam was wondering, honestly. “I mean, I read a lot of lore in school and libraries, but I don’t think most of it was actually true.”

“If you are referring to me being an angel before becoming the Devil, your lore is correct,” Lucifer said, pausing for a moment. This was a very personal topic for him and usually he wouldn’t speak about it. Sam, however, was genuinely interested in what he had to say it seemed and didn’t want information to use them against him. So, eventually, he continued. “I was an angel, I had brothers and yes, I fell. What you have experienced last night was my memory of it.”

“Of your… fall?” Sam was shocked. Yes, he had read of Lucifer’s fall from Heaven, but he never imagined it being like this. He had imagined a war, fighting, not what he had experienced.

“My brother cast me out, at the will of our father,” Lucifer noticed Sam’s confused glare and nodded. “Yes, I am talking about God. I never told anyone about this, but you have seen what happened, this is different. Michael, my older brother, did it. I begged, pleaded, asked him why he was so blind to see the truth I had seen. But he wouldn’t listen. Michael was the loyal son, he never questioned an order, never questioned our father’s words.”

“Your own brother cast you out of heaven?” Sam was close to tears.

“Father ordered it and Michael obeyed, yes,” Lucifer confirmed. “When an angel falls, their wings will burn to ashes. That was the pain in your back you experienced.”

“It must have been horrible,” Sam’s voice was thick from a sadness he had never thought he could feel. He wished he could take everything that had happened back; take the painful memory away from Lucifer.

“You cannot fathom the true pain, Sam. Be glad about that,” Lucifer sighed sadly. “It has been a long time since I thought about what happened, but I have received my punishment for the treason I have committed. You know my consequences.”

“Becoming the Devil, yeah… say, Lucifer, do you regret what happened?” Sam caught the surprised glance from the other, smiling slightly. “I mean, that you did what you did. Would you rather be back home?”

“No, I don’t regret what I did,” Lucifer shook his head. “My punishment did not fit the crime, I did not lie when I did what I did. In fact, I never lied before I fell. I refused to love humans more than I loved my father and my brothers, for this, I was punished. When you experience such a huge injustice that it shatters your world and your faith is destroyed beyond repair, you do what you have to do, what you feel is the right thing.”

“I know what you mean,” Sam sniffed and wiped a stray tear away from his eyes. “I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. It’s not fair that you are punished for wanting justice.”

“You don’t have to feel sorry for me,” Lucifer answered with a sad look on his face. “I am what I am, it has been like this for almost as long as your world exists. It’s how it was supposed to be.”

“Still,” Sam shook his head. “You don’t deserve this. Being punished for loving someone is just wrong...”

Lucifer stayed silent, but Sam understood. He was a proud being, Sam showing pity towards him was scratching on this pride and he wouldn’t admit it.

“I should try to sleep a little more,” Sam mumbled after a while, his head beginning to hurt again already. He was glad Lucifer was safe and didn’t suffer, but he was still very tired.

“You should rest, yes,” Lucifer agreed with a calm voice. “I am grateful for your concern, Sam. I really appreciate it. Now look after yourself and get well again.”

“I will, promised,” Sam smiled. “If you don’t mind, I will talk to you again when I feel better.”

“I am looking forward to it.”

Sam put out the candle between his fingers and smiled at the mirror.

“Goodbye, Lucifer.”

“Goodbye, Sam.”

#samifer #sam x lucifer #sam winchester #spn lucifer #a dangerous game #chapter 13 #series #myfics #some bonding woohoo #angsty bonding but bonding XD

10 notes · View notes