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#but im also mad because i shouldn't be invalidating myself like this because we've also become switchy
elibeeline · 1 year
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Oh thats. Stupid. I found a new trigger from something that shouldn't have been as traumatic as it was
#i dont remember if i told this story#so way back to this holiday in september in gran canaria#there was a night where i woke up to sniffling#and i could hear it from the main room and i thought my sibling was on the other bed (in the same room i was in)#and this was at like 2am and my phone is useless because my provider cant get me signal on this island#so i think there's some creepy ass intruder on the sofa just sniffling away (because thats all i hear)#and im freaking the fuck out on how to get me and my sibling out of this apartment and to the other part of our group on the same floor#bc we all have separate rooms spread out in this hotel#and i make up this whole plan on how to sneak out without the intruder noticing#im ready to drag this kid out of bed and run for our lives with nothing but my bag with my purse and phone#and i go to wake him up and realise the body-shaped thing i saw on the other bed was the fuckers blanket#and they'd gone to the main room. because they were snotty. and couldn't breathe lying down.#so there i was. trembling with adrenalin. ready to get the fuck out. and this poor kid had just woke up ill.#but the issue is now i hear them sniffle and im back to thinking there's a creepy intruder waiting for me to leave the room#it didn't help that when i woke up this morning the blanket had been dropped on the sofa like someone was sat there#like they had a knee up and it was draped over that#but i feel so stupid because there wasnt even any intruder. and i cant ask the kid to stop sniffling bc wow way to make them feel guilty#for being ill and not being able to help it#but im also mad because i shouldn't be invalidating myself like this because we've also become switchy#without me realising the correlation until right now as i make this post like 'ah yes that is what the system helps with and is for'#and 'wow trauma makes me dissociate? crazy'#but i feel just. ridiculous :((
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