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#but i did some thinking and honestly as a creator myself if i put all the things that scared me most
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mi Opiñion
you guys i love how genuinely horrifying and terrifying tmc is but i think we should give alex kister credit for not wanting us to all thirst after his media because. He put all that work into scaring us shitless all for us to yassify satan. like can you imagine making a terrifying religious horror that gave many seasoned horror fans nightmares and working hard to terrify everyone out of their wits only for them to go “thats hot bro 🤪”
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art · 5 months
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Creator Spotlight: @jdebbiel
Deb JJ Lee is a non-binary Korean artist based in Brooklyn, NY. They have appeared in the New Yorker, New York Times, NPR, Google, Radiolab, and more. Their award-winning graphic memoir, IN LIMBO, about mental illness and difficult relationships with trauma, released in March 2023 from First Second.
Below is our interview with Deb!
Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?
That implies I am over my art block, but I’m still in it! I think about Kiki’s Delivery Service a lot and how she had to stop doing a thing, and that you can’t really force it, and you have to let it come back to you. It’s a pretty humbling moment, realizing there is more to life than just drawing. I’ve been trying to consume other content like reading or watching movies—anything that is not drawing-related—and to trust that it will come back to me. I think not being afraid to do the small pieces before committing to the big pieces is helpful. Because big pieces are what I am known for, I dig myself into a deeper hole, thinking that each piece has to be bigger than the last one. So yeah! Relaxing and doing the small things before overcommitting to a big piece is the best way to go about it for me.
Which 3 famous artists (dead or alive) would you invite to your dinner party?
I feel like these are all artists that I have second-degree connections with! Jillian Tamaki, Victo Ngai, and Tillie Walden would be my picks!
What are your file name conventions?
…What file name conventions? I mean, I don’t have specific file name conventions, but I actually have a public Google Drive archive! But I usually put “djjl_whatever-the-title-is_final,” and I would always know it’s the final and legit version.
What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?
I did an illustration for the whiskey brand Johnnie Walker. It’s so wild because I only had four days to finish it, and it usually takes me a week and a half if I rush. And honestly, it’s probably one of my best pieces from this year, which is funny. It was for the Mid-Autumn festival, so I made it as Korean as possible.
How has technology changed the way you approach your work?
I only use my iPad to draw everything now, and if I want to pretend that I have a steady workstation, I’ll use my Cintiq. I still am not as comfortable on the Cintiq as I am on Procreate, but it’s still pretty solid and nice. That’s the good part about technology. The bad part about technology is how AI art has been messing things up for me. I’m currently in a lawsuit about AI art as a class rep. Some of my stuff got turned into AI art late last year, so I have to give a deposition at some point. 
What is a convention experience that has stuck with you?
Honestly, they’re all good! I feel like Lightbox Expo has been really nice because it’s truly been a convention for artists. I feel like that’s where most of my audience is, and they’re all around because their purpose is to be better at art. That’s where a lot of original artists do well because they’re getting art they’re inspired by, not so much fanart. I like the Lightbox Expo because it encompasses the pure love of art very well. 
Top tips on setting up an Artist Alley booth?
Use a Y axis, not just your X axis! Take advantage of it! Branding is also something to think about. It is definitely something I’m getting better at. Having an assistant is also very important. I’ve also heard that 8.5x11 to 12x18 inches is usually a good size for prints, but I also provide postcard-sized prints because sometimes people don’t want to commit to a larger size. 
Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?
You know this is so funny. I’ve been following @alicexz for over a decade on Tumblr and other platforms. I’ve followed her work since high school, and we’ve only recently become peers. I found her, and we met for the first time in real life, and she recognized me. And then I found all my drawings from when I was in my Alice phase, back in high school, and I was like, “Yo, this is when I was trying to be you so badly!” and she was cracking up and was like “Wow, this is so good!” It was such a sweet moment. I wanted to take a picture of her holding my drawing up. It’s really nice because now we’re peers.
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Deb! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @jdebbiel.
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evertomorrowart · 3 months
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Best of YouTube 2023
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Yes, I did spend the first week and change of January on this. I wish I could have had it done for New Years, but too many people came out with incredible work in December, so waiting turned out for the best.
What these creators do are a huge influence on my life, I would honestly have difficulty doing what I do without them. That isn't to say that my favorites of the year are *only* on this image--It was almost impossible to narrow down my favorites. Many creators I wanted to include couldn't fit on a single page, and too many of them made more than one video I wished I could draw too!
But, to all of you, thank you for what you do. You're an inspiration.
For those who don't know, further is an explanation.
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At the bottom center is an artistic masterpiece by Defunctland: "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History." Over the last several years, Defunctland has risen from delightfully-entertaining commentary on decommissioned theme park attractions to occasionally dropping profound statements on the creation of art itself. "Journey to EPCOT Center: A Symphonic History" is worth treating like the cinematic experience it is: No second screen, you sit your ass down in front of a TV, set down the phone, and then you *watch it.* Any Disney, theme park, or independent film fan needs to pay attention to this one.
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Bottom left is Caelan Conrad with their piece "Drop the T - The Deadly Consequences of Gay Respectability Politics." While I do think they've done more visually or artistically-daring pieces before, "Drop the T" is one of the most important videos released on YouTube in today's current climate of hate. We as queer folk (and our allies) need to understand how integral every identity of the queer experience has been since the start of the Civil Rights movement (and before!). While we are not identical, we *are* inseparable, and we deserve having our real history easily accessible.
TERFs and other conservative mouthpieces need not reply. Your opinions are trash. 😘
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I cannot stop watching and rewatching this video by @patricia-taxxon, "On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People." It's not just a defense of furry fandom and its eccentricities, it's a thoughtful and passionate analysis of what the artform achieves that purely human representation can't. Patricia goes outside of her usual essay format to directly speak to the viewer about the elements that define furry media (the most succinct definition I've ever heard) and just how *human* an act loving animal cartoons really is.
As an artist who can draw furry characters, but never really got into erotic furry art, this video is a treasure. Why did I choose to have her drawn as a Ghibli character, hanging out with one of the tanukis from "Pom Poko?" Guess you'll have to watch, bruh.
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Philosophy Tube continuously puts out videos that I would put on this list--I'm not even sure that "A Man Plagiarised my Work: Women, Money, and the Nation" is the best work she released in 2023. However, this video got many conversations going between myself and my partner, and the twist on the tail end of the video shocked us both to such a degree that I had no choice.
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At the very tail end of the year, Big Joel released "Fear of Death." On his Little Joel channel, he described it as the singularly best video he's ever done, and I'm inclined to agree. However, for this illustration, I ended up repeatedly going back to a mini-series he did earlier in the year: "Three Stories at the End of the World." All three videos are deeply moving and haunting, and I was brought to tears by "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot." While it may be relatively-common knowledge that the original Gojira (Godzilla) film is horror grappling with the devastation America's rush to atomic dominance inflicted on Japan, Big Joel still manages to bring new words to the discussion. Please watch all three of the videos, but if, for some reason, you must have only one, let it be "We Must Destroy What the Bomb Cannot."
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Y'all. Let me confess something. I hate football. I hate watching it, I associate seeing it from the stadiums with some of my worst childhood experiences, I despise collegiate and professional football (as institutions that destroy bodies and offer up children at the feet of its alter as a pillar of American culture)--
I. L o a t h e. Football.
But.
F.D. Signifier could get me to watch an entire hour-plus essay on why I should at least give a passing care. AND HE DID IT. I might think "F*ck the Police," the two-parter on Black conservatism, or his essay on Black men's connection to anime might be "better" videos, but this writer did the impossible and held my limited attention span towards football long enough to make a sincere case for NFL players--and reminds us that millionaires can *in fact* be workers. That alone is testament to his skill.
Sit down and watch "The REAL Reason NFL Running Backs Aren't Getting Paid." Any good anti-capitalist owes it to themselves.
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CJ the X continuously puts out stunning, emotional videos, and can do it with the most seemingly-inconsequential starting points. A 30 second song? An incestuous commercial? Five minutes of Tangled? Sure, why not. Go destroy yourself emotionally by watching them. I'm serious. Do it.
Their video Stranger Things and the Meaning of Life manages to to remind us all why the way we react to media does, in fact, matter. Yes, even nostalgia-driven, mass-media schlock. Yes, how we interact with media matters, what it says about us matters, and we all deserve to seek out the whys.
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Folding Ideas has spent the last few years articulating exactly why so much of our modern world feels broken, and because of that his voice continuously lives rent-free in my brain. While the tricks that scam artists and grifters use to try to swindle us are never new, the advancement of technology changes the aesthetics of their performances. Portions of Folding Ideas' explanations might seem dry when going into detail of how stocks work in This is Financial Advice, but every bit of it is necessary to peel back the layers of techno-babble and jargon and make sense of the results of "Meme Stocks."
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Jessie Gender puts out nothing but bangers, her absolute unit of a video about Star Wars might be my new favorite thing ever, but none of her work hit so profoundly in 2023 than the two-parter "The Myth of 'Male Socialization'" and "The Trauma of Masculinity." There's so much about modern life that isolates and traumatizes us, and so much of it is just shrugged off as "normal." We owe it to ourselves to see the world in more vivid a color palette than we're initially given.
Panels drawn after Kate Beaton and "Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands."
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"This is Not a Video Essay" is one of the most intense and beautiful pieces of art I've ever put into my eyeballs. Why do we create? What drives us to connect?
I don't even know what else to say about the Leftist Cooks' work, it repeatedly transcends the medium and platform. Watch every single one of their videos, but especially this one.
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The likelihood you are terminally online and yet haven't heard of Hbomberguy's yearly forrays into destroying the careers of awful people is pretty slim. Just because it has millions of views doesn't mean that Hbomberguy's "Plagiarism and You(Tube)" isn't worth the hype. Too long? Shut up, it has chapters and YouTube holds your place, anyway. You think a deep dive into a handful of creators is only meaningless drama? Well, you're wrong, you wrong-opinion-haver. Plagiarism is an *everyone* problem because of the actual harm it creates--the history it erases, the labor it devalues, the art it marginalizes--which you would know if you watched "Plagiarism and You(Tube)".
Watch. The damn. Video.
In fact, watch all of them!
Thanks for reading this if you did.
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idkfitememate · 3 months
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Since anons are putting diffirent types of animals for the baor!creator, what if theres like a snake!creator? I kinda thinking of Baizhu white snake(what was her name again?) and the one who find them is Zhongli, well more like Snake!creator found him instead, this how I was thinking they met.
Zhongli just sipping some tea right? enjoying the sunlight and the chitter or Liyue habor, then suddenly theres smiley/squsiy texture slither around his leg(he panics cuz I heard he hates slimey texture? smt along those lines ig), he looks down and see, a spotless and shiny ass snake slithering around his leg, they made eye contact, but the snake only continues slithering, Zhongli face is disgusted since well, slimey, but he was gentle when removing the snake and helding it face to face, they both held eye contact, before, the snake lick his nose, and Zhongli's thoughts after the action 'holy shit that was adorable' after that, you can always see Zhongli with a snake slithering around his arms, and shoulders
MEME:
Zhongli: 'I only have this snake for 5 mintues'
Zhongli: 'If anything happens to them, I kill everyone in this Habor and then myself'
Her name (Baizhu’s snake) is Changsheng! And I love big snakes so… Reticulated python! The larges recorded was 32 ft and 9 1/2 in (9 m and 98.22 cm)! Itto is about 6 ft 4 in (1 m and 93.04 cm), so a Reticulated python is around 9 and 9/10 Itto’s ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა!
Hearing screams and feeling something running across his leg was not how Zhongli wanted to spend his time.
The way this man was considering just spearing the damn thing beneath his was… it was honestly scary. Children ran from the sight of his glare.
Whatever it was it was long. And slimy. And it moved his pants legs up so he could feel it on his skin.
Not fun.
He finally had enough and looked underneath the table, grabbing what he held thought to be the head.
And he did grab the head!
It required both hands, however.
Because what he pulled up was probably one of the largest non magical snakes he had ever seen in his life. And he’s lived a long ass time mind you.
His first genuine thought was ‘Changsheng’s cousin?’ And then he realized how dumb that sounded.
And then you licked his nose.
New best friend.
You couldn’t.. wrap around him. But you followed him. Closely. People of the Harbor honestly thought it fit Zhongli to have a regal snake following him as a companion. He was slick and snake like, after all.
Despite your… largeness however, Zhongli did like it whenever you wrapped around him to the best of your abilities. It was nice to feel the squeeze of a fellow reptilian.
When he found out that for some reason you could stomach human foods and liquids? Oh you know this man was on top of having you try out different teas and seeing if you tell the difference.
And when Hu Tao met you? You became the scarf of her as well. She loves patting your head and tries her damndest to get to understand the importance of selling coffins and getting people into them.
Seeing you preform tasks for the Funeral Parlor isn’t unusual, but the one place you can’t go is the Bubu Pharmacy. You and Changsheng fucking hate each other.
Snakes are super territorial after all.
She’s not allowed around Hu Tao or Zhongli, you’re not allowed around Baizhu or Qiqi.
Fair is fair but you really wanted to meet Qiqi and Baizhu.
Xiao has mixed feelings about you. On the one hand: Yay! Zhongli is happy! On the other: Zhongli is getting softer and softer damn-
That all changed when you wrapped around him.
Now the Adeptus protect you.
The way you would swallow a mob or thief in front of them and they’d just stare because you technically just committed murder.
Yeah, your everyone’s - minus Baizhu and Qiqi - new best friend.
Sorry if this is bad, I didn’t much know what to do… I feel bad- Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed it though ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა!
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antimony-medusa · 7 months
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Please Consider The Implications Of Assigning Every Character Dad In The Tag, I Am Begging You
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Okay so we have to discuss something here.
I know a lot of people are coming in QSMP from DSMP, where the primary fandom focus, so to speak, was on underage creators. In that setting, and in an environment where people are heavily against shipping, assigning people into a family dynamic makes sense. I have my woes about the flattening nature of family dynamic but seeing a few teens and a few adults and going “siblings and parents” makes sense.
Not every environment in this world is that environment though, and sometimes certain dynamics in an open environment has *connotations*. In the same way that if you have a parent helping a child bathe that’s one thing but two adults in the shower is an entirely different tone, in the same way that an adult threatening to punish a teenager is either corrective or abusive, depending on the setting, but an adult threatening to punish another adult tends more towards “kinky”, if you have Grown-Ass Adults who are like 12 years apart in age and you are insisting they have parent/child pseudo-adoptive relationship, you did not necessarily make it automatically platonic, you just made it kinky. Looking at an older man and going “Dad” and getting the warm and tinglies about that and the idea of them taking care of you when you are an adult— there’s a term for that. That’s a Daddy Kink. That’s where Daddy Issues jokes come from. That’s not a thing where the first or only read is platonic. Platonic reads certainly exist, but for your broad open audience of the whole internet it’s not necessarily the first thing they think of. It’s literally fine but guys. Please. I’m dying here.
I have no problems with a daddy kink, it’s one of the myriad ways to navigate the mysterious knot of impulses that is human sexuality. You can even do kink in a non-sexual way, and plenty of people interact with kinks like fearplay, vore, bondage, hypnosis, predator/prey— I could keep listing them here— you can interact with that in a way that is honestly non-sexual. But that doesn’t mean it’s non-kinky. You are doing a kink. It’s fine to be doing a kink. I am an adult talking to adults about this. Kink is fine. But like, you have GOT to realize at some point what you’re putting in the tag.
I’m fine with shipping! I’m fine with kink! I just would like the kink on my dash to acknowledge that it’s kinking on something!
If you find older people strangely compelling and you want to trust them and you want to call them dad and have them take care of you/a different character you’re focused on, that is fine. If you want to focus on the relationship between a “parent” and their “little” who are both adults, again, fine. Honourable way to navigate the world. We all have fun here.
But I am BEGGING you to realize that certain dynamics have connotations when everybody involved is adults, and constantly going on about how someone is dad-coded or dad-shaped when you are not like, 15, it has a *vibe*. It has a vibe is all I’m saying! And it’s not a platonic vibe!
If you are looking at someone who is 21 fucking years old and you are focused on finding them a dad from an assortment of men who are just over a decade their senior, you are either infantilizing them like whoa or you are doing a daddy kink i am sorry to tell you. If you are constantly talking about how someone who is a decade older than you is dad(dy)— like, please. This is inescapable. My kingdom for people who approach my guys without this lens. If I have to see you doing this to Niki Nihachu I’m going to throw myself into the sea.
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victimsofyaoipoll · 8 months
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Round 2
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Propaganda Under Cut
Allura
Lots of people (myself included tbh) ship klance (Keith and Lance). In s8 the creators made Allura/Lance canon (but then they killed her off and left the ending ambiguous it was weird). Anyway the fandom treats her like she's the most terrible bitchy woman ever but all she wants to do is end the war and avenge her destroyed home planet. Yeah she wasn't always the nicest or always the best, but you could argue some other characters in the show aren't either and they aren't treated near as bad as allura. people really just hate her bc Lance liked her. I don't think allura/lance are good together, but I still liked her as a character and thought she was interesting and had a lot of growth during the show. she DEF is not evil like some people portray her as in fic or talk about her in captions on posts. I've seen people say that they HATE her and that she's the worst and I'm like ??? let her live (well sort of ig she is dead now). lots of fic writers use her as the villain which is so interesting to me bc the show literally has villains like use them. anyway allura so perfectly fits the bracket description she deserves better.
I hate to acknowledge my time in this fandom but I hate the way the fandom treated her more. Allura was treated like shit no matter what side of the Great Ship War you were on because she was always a threat to the biggest ships (klance and sheith). At best she got put into Background Lesbian or Consolation Prize Shallura (Space Mom-zoned) (She was not a motherly figure btw. She was just Black). At worst she was violently demonized for being ~racist~ (kinda not cool with the alien race that blew up her planet for a few episodes), complete with misogynistic language hurled at her (she got called a bitch sooo much). Allura was a good and cool character and the show did her dirty but the fandom was somehow worse.
i apologise for speaking the dark magicks, but amidst the voltron fandoms many, many transgressions, there were a particular subset of people who just hated this girl. the infamous klance wars of the 2010s kept this perfectly fine childrens cartoon character in the sights of shippers everywhere, and she (and her voice actress im sure) were subjected to years of petty squabble blown up to global perportions. ive seen hate, ive seen rants, ive seen fanfics that made her homophobic. girls been through the ringer, and even though voltron was never the show its fandom wanted it to be, i believe allura deserved better
Mary Morstan
a controversial one i know, but it’s tumblr. how could i not? anyway shoutout to the writers for CANONICALLY killing her off for the non-canon ship. she was so cool honestly poor girl
Oh god where do I start? Constantly being turned abusive? Killed off (in canon!)? Constantly being removed from fic? I cannot stand the way she's treated, but it's 100% impossible to find Johnlock fic without the "umsympathetic Mary Morstan" angle. It's infuriating!
The fandom insulted Mary at every conceivable turn, refused to acknowledge her narrative importance or impact on the other characters, called for her death repeatedly, and even SENT DEATH THREATS TO HER ACTRESS because she had the AUDACITY to be a morally gray female character who was married to John (they did not care about the moral grayness of the male characters, but she was irredeemable, apparently-presumably because she was a "threat" to the main fandom ship). And though she was definitely sacrificed on a SPECIFIC mlm ship altar, she was still tangentially victimized by OTHER mlm ships too! For example, this fandom was willing to make up a character WHO LITERALLY DID NOT ACTUALLY EXIST to ship with different male character (who was morally...way worse than she ever was), as well as create swathes of content about two men who had maybe one canon interaction in the whole show, before even thinking about the possibility of making content for this character or even just talking about her in a way that wasn't overtly misogynistic and degrading. When Mary died in-story (in what, in my opinion, was an unnecessary, bullshit way), her death was, to this fanbase, not actually about her and was just seen as "proof" that the two male leads would now get together (they didn't). And this STILL continues to this day. People reduce her to "selfish bitch," completely ignoring any of her complexity by claiming that she's incapable of caring about anyone (despite helping to save lives on more than one occasion, as well as dying in an act of sacrifice) and insisting that any of her positive qualities MUST be completely fabricated. I've seen a lot of female characters get mistreated by fandom for a mlm ship's sake, but I don't think I've EVER encountered an example as bad as this one.
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this was quite a while ago so my memory is hazy but it still sort of bothers me, so
AITA for making a quick comment about a ship dynamic(???) i didn't like in the ship tag?
before you jump on my ass, this isn't pro/anti stuff. literally just a matter of preference.
not going to mention the specific characters or media in question for pure anonymity's sake. i'm just going to assign arbitrary names to the characters in question for readability. let's say Albert and Bartholomew, or something. and the ship name can be Fucking BartBert I Guess.
"Bartholomew" had a traumatic experience in his childhood that had a very large impact on his mental state, let's say. as a fan of. um. "bartbert". i had noticed a trend in fan works of this ship depicting an AU version of Bartholomew that had never had this traumatic event happen to him. not that there's anything wrong with that, really. i just found it sort of strange and i was more interested in the canon character, additionally i found it sort of comforting to think that Bartholomew was worthy of love scars and all, so to speak. so i made a short post in the tag expressing pretty much that. along the lines of "why is there so much fanart like this? can't he be loved the way he is?" or something like that, and tagged it as bartbert because i wanted to see other people's thoughts on it. in retrospect it could've been read as dismissive or inflammatory i suppose but i really didn't mean it like that. i was just a little bit annoyed and confused by it.
fast forward a little while and this person comes into my notes saying something along the lines of "for some reason i can't reblog this on my main, but it's because people have been nice enough to make fanart of the AU that i made." i didn't think i knew this person at all, so i essentially just responded trying to assure them that i don't know them and wasn't trying to attack their art or them personally or anything.
i'm not sure exactly what happened after that because it's been like 2 years but in essence, i had actually blocked their main a few months before, because they had been posting about that AU and i didn't like it, so i just blocked and moved on like i usually do with stuff like that because i didn't want to see it in the tags. i probably didn't even realize at the time that they were the creator of the AU. but this person pointed out that i had their main blocked as like, evidence that that post i had made was a personal attack against them, or something like that?? of course i didn't mean it in that way, i had just blocked their main months ago and forgotten about it, and i wasn't even really trying to be rude but they blocked me before i could try to explain myself.
i remember this whole thing pretty vividly because i was at the zoo with my family that day and feeling like i was being accused of something i didn't do, or being called mean or being picked on by someone with a much larger following than me presumably, just for making a single post the night before was really stressing me out on what was supposed to be a fun day. in addition i ended up leaving the fanbase for the work in question entirely pretty soon after because i didn't want people to think i was weird or mean. it's sort of colored my recollection of the work in general, which sucks because i do still really like it.
in retrospect i'm honestly not sure if what i did was wrong or not. i suppose i shouldn't have put negativity in the tag but also i feel like you should be allowed to express negative opinions the same as positive ones, right? as long as you aren't being a jackass about it. although at the same time i can sort of see their perspective because i think if i saw a post like that about something i had made i might've jumped straight to being defensive about it, too...
but anyways it's one of those memories that creeps up on me while i'm trying to go to sleep, so,
was i the asshole?
What are these acronyms?
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beyondthebackup · 6 months
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On Curiosity, Killing & Cats
[illustration: @nnenteyn-new // telegram // bootsy]
Rating: E | Words: 4,502 | Pairing: BxL
@dnkinktober Prompt: Humiliation/Degradation (Day 7)
Summary:
A is dead, and Roger insists that allowing B to succeed as L is dangerous. The first generation of Wammy’s project is at an impasse and L is - was - curious.
Read on AO3 or under the cut. I hope you enjoy!
Author's Note:
This is technically my first attempt at fanfiction not written specifically for this rp blog. It's also my first time writing L and sharing any smut I've written publicly although I'll be honest, this ended up more plot-heavy than I anticipated and it's relatively tame compared to my private stuff.
All that said I want to thank @ourflagmeansdeathnote @dykelawlight @lightyaoigami @neallo and @brothercrush for being fantastic writers/artists themselves and inspiring me to put myself out there! (And all the other great creators in the dn fandom, I will look desperate and uncool if I tag all of you)
This is an uncomfortably long stretch of silence, even for L.
He observes Backup through the cracks of his sugar-dusted fingers as he busies himself with an assortment of pastries on a serving cart, inspecting and then devouring each with the practiced efficiency of an assembly line.
Honestly, L expected him to say something first.
Backup's file describes him as 'extroverted, energetic and talkative', but he hasn't spoken. He is maintaining eye contact. A little too well, actually. Paired with that flat expression, it's all a bit disconcerting...though L is not entirely unaware that others might think similarly of him.
L gulps down a mouthful of frosting and pushes the cart toward B, who is seated on the other side of Roger’s desk.
"Would you like some?" he asks, mid-chew.
Backup does not break eye contact, but he does finally speak.
"Why are you here?"
His tone is light and mildly curious, as if L were an acquaintance he bumped into at the grocery store.
L could ask himself that very same question. He did not have to be here, he did not particularly want to be here, yet he had indeed chosen to be here.
"These are extenuating circumstances."
B tilts his head. "You mean now that A's dead?"
Straight to the point.
Still, Backup’s flippant attitude does little to remedy the atmosphere.
A, the first child taken into Wammy’s House, has committed suicide at the tender age of 18.
L is not much older than them, and yet…
"Now that you are next in line to take over as L in the event of my death," he clarified.
"There is some debate about whether or not that should remain the case."
Backup is quick to open his mouth, although he doesn't seem all that surprised - before he can start, L lifts a manila folder pinched between his thumb and forefinger.
"I read your file."
B averts his eyes with a pout. "Oh, that…"
"…Well, it makes sense you'd want a well-behaved successor. The whole point of being a detective is to lock up people that break the rules, after all."
L shifts in his seat and wedges his thumb into the corner of his mouth.
It's a ridiculous oversimplification - Backup can't be serious, so is he…mocking him?
"…Is that the point?"
"I dunno, I'm not a detective. You tell me. Is it acceptable for L to break the rules?"
Yes, B is definitely mocking him…but with enough subtext to pique L's interest.
"That depends. Wammy's House is Watari's project, not mine. Breaking the rules here does not necessarily mean anything to me."
"What?" Backup scoffs, more animated all of a sudden. "Shouldn't you take being L a little more seriously? Isn't it your choice who succeeds you in the end?"
"Watari has requested that I make the final decision, yes."
B's eyes narrow.
"No one here can beat me. They would've done it by now."
"That does appear to be the case."
"Then what? Aren't you going to tell me that I can't be L if I don't behave?"
So he was expecting this.
The truth is, L still isn't sure why he's here. He hasn't made a decision, and interacting with B so far has only left him all the more unsure.
What is he going to tell Backup?
Pondering this, L reaches for a small dish of ice cream. He is deep enough in thought that he doesn't notice B finally breaking eye contact to follow the movement of his hands.
He does not notice B's patience fraying, the thinness of his veneer as he watches him nurse the cold off his teaspoon.
"…Do you still expect me to prove myself to you?" he asks quietly.
Now, there is no mistaking it. Resentment hangs from every word.
"Do you want me to grovel?"
L pulls the spoon from his mouth and meets Backup's eyes again, brow furrowed and stern.
"No. This isn't about me."
That's when L sees B smile for the very time.
If you could call it that - his upper lip twitching suddenly with disbelief, parting to reveal the beginning of something toothy and joyless.
"Bullshit,"
"A's dead because of you, you know."
A is dead because of you.
L swatted away that very same thought the day he got the news. He dismissed it because he knew it was illogical, and here Backup is actually saying it to his face. It's absurd, and L allows that to show on his face.
B is undeterred, however. He drags his chair closer to Roger's desk, plants his elbows on the surface and leans in close, eyes widening to take in the moment with full clarity.
"You don't believe me? Do you think people kill themselves for no reason? He's dead because he wasted his entire life trying to become you and failed. Do you think it's fun here, L? Is it even fun being you?"
L likes to think he is not so easily provoked, but if this is Backup's goal, he has succeeded. L did not come here to evaluate the efficacy or ethics of Watari's program, especially not at the behest of someone who is so obviously trying to get a rise out of him.
"What is it that you want from me, Backup?"
"What do I want?"
"You aren't trying to convince me that you should be my successor. If that isn't what you want, should we end the conversation?"
L is curt, but resists the temptation to be overly passive-aggressive. He understands the power dynamic - there is no need to stoop to Backup's level here. This is enough.
Dishes clatter, pastries hit the floor and in seconds Backup has vaulted over the desk and is upon him, seizing his throat with both hands.
Perhaps even more startling than the abruptness of B's attack is its sheer ferocity. L's gasp is cut off as B presses both thumbs into his neck, just above the windpipe. His grip tightens steadily and L feels a rush of genuine fear.
This is not a mere moment of blind rage because a moment has passed, and the look on B’s face is in fact indiscernible to L. Those dark eyes fixate on his and betray nothing but resolve.
He is in danger.
L grabs at his forearms, clawing into them to little effect. He cannot speak, and even if he could-
He asked Roger not to interfere with their meeting.
L is here out of curiosity.
Curiosity and perhaps, deep down, a small (and obviously misguided) sense of responsibility for this place and the orphans raised in it.
Honestly, he prefers not to think about it much.
But A is dead, and Roger insists that allowing B to succeed as L is dangerous.
The first generation of Wammy’s project is at an impasse and L is - was - curious.
It's not that he never considered the possibility of an outburst. That would be understandable, warranted even. L asked Roger not to interfere with this meeting because if B had something to say to him, he wanted to hear it.
But this is different.
L struggles and B draws closer, forcing him to shrink back, sink deeper into Roger's leather armchair. It wounds his ego to be caught so off guard, but L can't even remember the last time he was touched by someone other than Watari.
He spends much of his time isolated from others, and even when he isn't, no one would dare violate his personal space like this.
It isn't just the violence that is alien, the danger, but his touch, and L finds himself paralyzed by it all. Frozen by the fact that B is smiling again, and this time, he seems genuinely happy.
"This is what I want, L," Backup sighs. "That look on your face."
Dread settles into the pit in L's chest and he steels himself to kick at B as hard as he can. It takes more than a few attempts to knock him off balance, but he manages, and with some distance between them, L scrambles out of the armchair.
B is fast, L is flexible, B is strong, L is stubborn.
As B grabs L by the hem of his shirt, L turns to take another swing at him, and in the fray the two of them are sent tumbling to the ground.
So begins the undignified floor wrestling match between two young geniuses.
...Unfortunately, it appears B is the better of the two at wrestling.
L manages to knock the breath out of B more than once, but it makes little difference. He finds himself pinned underneath Backup's oppressive weight while he snickers like a child at play.
"Shhh...relax. Relax! Just stay there! Stay there. I realized something important. I won't hurt you. Calm down. Listen."
"What, Backup?" L snaps as he drops his hands, exasperated.
B grins impishly at him.
"You're a disappointment!"
L stares at Backup in utter disbelief.
"Me?"
"Now that I've met you, I know my entire life has been a waste of time!"
L's stomach drops as he assures himself these are only provocations. Why else would Backup be so gratingly cheerful about it?
"I wasted it trying to become you. A died trying to become you.
But you're just a loser! Another worthless human being! You're weak, you're pathetic, and worst of all, you're boring!
World's Greatest Detective. You!? Are you serious!? Look at you!!"
L stiffens and braces himself to shove B off. He doesn't need to listen to this, Backup is obviously the kind of person that takes pleasure in spite, this is fun for him, this is a waste of time-
"A was better than you, you know," he goes on, voice dripping with contempt. "I actually respected him. I bet everyone was hoping you would die so he could replace you. Too bad."
Backup lowers himself down onto his elbows and cups his hands around L’s face, relishing in it when he feels him flinch.
How many people have seen L like this?
His sneer has vanished. L does not move - he is fighting panic, fighting his racing heart and the goosebumps dotting his skin, he is fighting the confusion that follows the intimacy of skin-on-skin poisoned by the malice on B's tongue.
B's heartbeat is equally frantic, but it doesn't show on his face. L is not nearly as skilled as B in this regard and finds himself all too conscious of his own labored breathing.
"You were my entire life," he says. “I spent all this time waiting for you, thinking of you...only for you to be like this. A died because he wasn't good enough. And now you're here to tell me I’m not good enough."
"No."
"Do you think your life is worth more than all of our lives combined?"
"I never said that."
"You said this isn't about you, but that's not true, is it?
My life has always been about you. A's, too. You're the reason why this place exists. Why I exist.
I exist because you're not good enough, either.
No matter how many cases you solve, you're no different from me. You're a tool. An object. You exist to be used.
That's why you're what...20? And Watari already has an entire orphanage of kids ready to take your place when you die! He doesn't believe in you either."
"That's enough," L cannot take it anymore, he cannot listen to another second of this, he cannot spend another moment on this floor pinned under him, being touched by him, his skin is crawling and he cannot breathe and the air is hot and his stomach is tight and he feels his heartbeat in all the wrong places.
L wills himself to snap out of it, he needs to get B off of him before-
Abruptly, B sits up and directly on top of
"-!? Do you have an erection!?"
B exclaims as if he doesn't know the meaning of the word and all the color drains from L's face.
Do not dignify that with a response. It is involuntary and nothing to be ashamed of.
"Is this turning you on?"
"No."
B bursts into a fit of cruel laughter and L only tenses underneath him, awash with humiliation. L does not often care what others think of him, but he has never felt like this before, so utterly degraded by someone who should respect him, and he's laughing at him, at his- why does he have an erection?
"No?" B echoes. "What's this?" Sliding easily down his thighs, L jerks back from his hand when he feels it rest on the crotch of his jeans.
"I knew it! You're a pervert!"
"And what does that make you, exactly?" L hits back.
"This isn't about me," B draws out L's own line. "Why are you so easy, anyway...? Oh! I get it - I bet no one's ever touched you, besides that disgusting old man. Why would they?"
It's amazing how that talkativeness of his rears its ugly head in a situation like this.
"You're a virgin, aren't you? You're probably touch starved...even though you're older than me and rich and everything. Aww, it must be so lonely being L!"
“Get off of me," L hisses.
"You sure that's what you want?"
With a sharp exhale through his nose, L squeezes his eyes shut for a moment...for just a single moment of peace. He needs to think, he needs to move, and he needs to never admit that B is right and he isn't sure if that's what he wants, because he is excited by this.
He doesn't have the time to intellectualize it. He can break his rule and call for Roger. He can shove B off of him. He can stop this, he could've avoided this entirely had he smothered that curiosity, taken the file at its word and never met one of his so-called successors.
L can feel B's gaze burning through him, but at least he's not talking in that perpetually amused voice and at least he can't see that sadistic excuse for a smile. There is something wrong with B and there is something wrong with him for feeling like this is the first time in a long time someone has managed to surprise or challenge him.
He doesn't have the time to intellectualize it and therefore doesn't have time to convince himself that this is wrong.
It is wrong that he feels relief when B does not wait for him to answer and dips his slender fingers past the waistband of his jeans. Again, he only rests his hand against L's growing arousal. He does not provide any friction, does not move.
It takes all of L's willpower to fight an upward twitch of his hips, the weight and warmth of Backup's touch promising pleasure and yet refusing to follow through.
"Oh, L..." B hums. "You are just a man, after all."
The World's Greatest detective pinned underneath him, shirt inched up past his navel in the fray, so clearly out of his depth. And it was easy. So fucking easy.
"Is this the one thing Watari won't do for you?"
B delights in watching the pink flush crawl up the back of L's neck to his cheekbones, that jaw set so tight he just knows he is gritting his teeth. He can't even look at him, turning his head to the side as if B would ever let him off that easy.
"Look at me," B says sweetly.
L does not.
"I said, look at me," B grabs L by the chin and forces him face forward. He suddenly takes L's clothed erection into a light grip, wringing a quiet gasp out of him. The detective's eyes snap open to glare at Backup with equal parts resentment and desperation, filling B with a deep and twisted satisfaction. He knows that look all too well.
"Do you hate me, L?" he asks, eyes softening with something resembling infatuation. It makes L all the more confused and uncomfortable and frustrated that B will not just get this over with.
Over the course of this conversation, L has learned at least one thing about Backup. Responding in the affirmative is likely what he wants.
This whole thing must have been to get a rise out of him, and L is playing right into his hands.
Because he's...enjoying it.
"I have no reason to hate you, Backup. I have no reason to feel any particular way about you at all,"
His assumption is proved correct when B immediately digs his nails into L's jaw.
"Your dick disagrees."
"It's involuntary."
B's grip on L's erection slacks again. "You don't want me to touch you?"
L's glare darkens.
"Say it."
L curls his toes, wondering if it would be enough to clamp his thighs around B's hand or if his aim all this time really was for L to discard his dignity. Resisting B is an uncomfortable, laborious, painful experience...but would sacrificing his dignity, his better judgement for a single moment of carnal satisfaction be worse?
I want you to touch me.
L tries the sentence out in his mind and it makes him wince. He's imagining B's grin splitting wide again, that sharp laugh, and the way his cock will throb when the humiliation sinks in. He imagines Backup following through, apparently capable of giving him the release that he has never been interested in seeking out until now.
This has awakened something in him. The wrongness of it all is what makes L want it, and he isn't sure if anything will ever feel quite this wrong again.
What's that saying? Curiosity killed the cat?
L will never see this cat again. Not ever.
Does it really matter if he makes a mistake now?
L sucks in air through his teeth and finally, recklessly relents.
"I want you to touch me," he mumbles with just enough conviction as to not feel entirely pathetic, to allow himself some illusion that he is in fact in control.
"...You fucking pervert," B giggles. "I didn't actually think you'd say it. You're shameless, that's so gross..."
Even so, it seems to do the trick. B massages him slowly through his underwear, free hand finally releasing his jaw to take a fistful of L's hair and yank his head back.
"I'm barely 18, what is wrong with you?"
"That's not-!"
"Shut up," B palms him with more intention. He can feel L twitching around his fingers as he pulls the fabric around his length, pleasures him with the barrier that exists between him and what he actually wants.
"Hhn-" With all pretext shattered, L slowly lets go. This friction is not nearly enough or he wouldn't be squirming like this, chewing down on his tongue wishing Backup would just get on with it already.
"Aren't there cameras in here? What will the old man think of you?"
"Just get on with it..." L sighs with marked frustration.
"I was trying to give you plausible deniability by only going this far. You'll have to say please if you want me to actually touch the hard-on you got from being degraded by me."
"You are ridiculous," L seethes.
Plausible deniability. Right.
"I assure you I'm quite serious. Having your successor get you off is going to be your fault."
"My fault? I'm not the one who started this."
"You're going to blame me? Even when our power dynamic is like this? You're not a good person at all, L. You can't take responsibility for anything."
Another ragged sigh interrupts L's retort as B gropes his cock, offering him delicious pressure and friction but refusing to give up on the tease...until he feels a wet spot growing, at least.
B wets his lip with his tongue. "I don't think I even have to go any farther. Treating you like the garbage you are and just a little bit of attention is all it takes."
"Please," L forces out.
"Please what?"
"More. Please just...touch me more."
"It's not enough?"
"No."
"Okay, I'll do what you say. I'm obsessed with you after all."
True to his word, Backup releases L and pulls his jeans and underwear down past his hips, exposing L's straining, leaking cock for the both of them to see.
"You just said that I was worthless."
"You are. I hate you more than anything, and nothing would make me happier than watching you suffer. That's the kind of person that's going to get you off for the first time, L. And I'm doing it not because I want you back, but because I know you'll never forget it..."
B finally wraps his hand around L's erection and of course he is lying about not wanting it, he wants this desperately, he is coming undone inside in ways that L could never imagine, because he does not know him.
He has nothing to do with him.
Hatred, lust and love are not all that different after all.
L tries to quiet his mind, to avoid internalizing anything B is saying. For whatever reason being spoken to like this and treated like this is the most arousing thing L has ever personally experienced, and he should treat this as something being done in service of him.
That's what it really is. It has to be.
At the end of the day, no matter what B said, he would still be B and L would still be L.
B leans in close, still stroking L all too slowly, too lightly, and yet it is enough to force unsightly little mewls from L's lips. He shudders when he feels Backup's lips pressed against the shell of his ear.
"I want you to remember this feeling, L," he whispers.
L swallows hard and bucks up to meet B's movements.
"I want you to remember how desperate and helpless and low you feel right now, and I want you to remember it was me that made you feel this way."
The friction is maddening. So simple and yet so intense. L feels his inner voice quieting, fading, he feels dangerously human, dangerously like simple flesh, like B said, just a man...not the world's greatest anything.
"No one is ever going to care about you as much as I do. I thought of you constantly for ten years. Yet now that I know you...I despise you."
L is panting as B fists his cock, speaking with such vitriol as to be certain L could not fool himself into thinking it was an act.
"I despise you so much. You make me sick. And you're getting off on that? Off on my misery..."
"N-no-"
"You are. I know because I got off on A's misery, and I'm getting off on yours, too. I know exactly the kind of person you are.
Depraved. Disgusting. Fucked in the head. You hide behind your title and the law so no one ever finds out you're just a pathetic fucking cock-sucking degenerate that would be better off dead!"
L groans deeply and hates himself for it. He doesn't understand himself, he doesn't understand this, why every word is pulsing through L's hips like lightning, why it feels so good to be reduced to this when most of his life, his efforts only earned him universal praise.
"What would Watari think if he saw you right now, L? He'd be so disappointed in you. Why would you do something like this? It's inappropriate, it's dangerous, you were warned, right? Don't you know better?"
"Stop...stop saying his name..."
"Don't you know better, L? Say it."
"I-I know better..."
"So why are you doing this?"
"I...don't know-!" L cries out in frustration, moans rolling out of him in choked out intervals. The pleasure is piercing him, becoming unbearable, mutating into something frightening, something about to burst.
"Tell me why!" B demands, releasing L altogether. At this stage, he can't bear it, and the levy breaks.
"Because I'm a pervert! I'm disgusting and I'm pathetic and I want you to touch me, you're right about me, B! You're right..." L whines. "Please don't stop, I can't take it anymore..."
This wipes the smile off B's face which makes it all the more painful...he is staring at L incredulously and for the first time L becomes aware that B is also panting, his skin is just as hot.
He presses his forehead against L's and stares at him in silence for a few beats. It drives a vicious chill up his spine and he knows, deep deep down,
even if he never saw B again,
he's made a terrible mistake.
"I'll never let you forget about me, L."
And so he reaches back between L's thighs for the final time with no intention of holding back.
L jerks under him, thighs trembling as B swirls his thumb over his sensitive head.
"Keep your eyes open, slut."
Even as his mouth hangs open, moaning freely to keep B from becoming restless enough to return to his teasing, it's not enough.
Backup is so focused on him, so unwilling to look away that L is forced to endure the intimacy of sustained eye contact while he is this vulnerable. He feels stripped bare, like Backup is staring right through him.
No one should see him so unguarded, especially never someone like him, yet he obeys, he obeys and lets B see everything, his drawn-out groans as his orgasm creeps up on him, the drool beading at the corner of his mouth, the hopeless lust in his tired eyes.
He feels humiliated. Degraded. Disgusting. But most of all, he feels alive.
All thoughts cease as L arches his back and white hot satisfaction washes over his entire body. He reaches for B's forearms, gripping onto him as he cums hard all over his hand, an undignified mess left behind on the both of them, proof that it happened.
Undeniable.
B lets out a shaky breath and watches L sink into the floor with wide eyes. The memory and the image burning into his psyche where it would never leave him. Where it strengthened his result to become a murderer
and destroy L.
L would never forget this feeling, but neither would B.
With A dead, his new purpose in life is clear.
He will be the one to make L grovel.
B is still lost in thought when L reluctantly opens his eyes to face the aftermath. Luckily for him, B is not looking back at him but at his own hand.
L is confused until Backup sticks his cum-covered fingers into his mouth and begins to suck them clean-
No. L has to get out of here right now before this gets any worse.
Fine, Backup. You win.
I'll break my rule.
"Roger!!!" L shouts at the top of his lungs.
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pomrania · 5 months
Text
If you don't already know, @prokopetz is hosting a thing this month, where people are making 200-word RPGs. Here's some I thought were cool, and my commentary on them; in order of how they showed up in daily compilations. Disclaimer that I'm finding these entirely based on the compilation posts, which only show the title and the creator, so there's a chance I'm missing something I'd thought was really cool, simply because I didn't remember what it was called.
Bun Chaos by @nyalaholic This one just seems delightful. I always love stuff where the literal premise is "you are little creatures, and causing problems on purpose"; and everyone loves "stats that rhyme" (or at least I do, and that's what's most important when we're looking at my opinion). A thing I particularly thought was cool, was using a d20 to put a "time limit" (really more of a "rounds limit") on the game. Also, how the points are for the group total, because what really matters is "how much chaos was caused" and not "who did what".
Crushing It by @writemeasandwich I would never play this game myself, because folding paper into any shape more complicated than a basic paper airplane, makes my eyes glaze over, and also I have slow reflexes. However, I am glad that it exists, and it seems like it would be tremendous fun to watch; probably also to play, for people who don't have my particular issues. I enjoy the bit about "more dots shown is better, unless it's the most dots shown, in which case you want to avoid it".
Knock Knock, Cthul-Who's There? by @bookoramaenderteeth This one goes on the list because I absolutely ADORE the premise, it's just so GOOD. And also I like the mental image of just calling up some unrelated person and having them listen to the stuff you came up with.
Raccoons and Goblins by @kaninchen-reblogs Honestly pretty much ANYTHING where you play as raccoons and goblins would prolly make it on here. The gameplay seems pretty generic, which, there's only so much you can put into a thing when you're limited to 200 words, but 'generic' also means 'functional' (absolutely not a given with these kinds of weird games). Within that though, I love how the "goblin" actions all start with G, and the "raccoon" actions all start with R; incredibly basic stuff that just makes my brain happy. I like the bit about most of the 'actions' you choose are from your own list, plus one from the other list.
VAMPIRE DANCE FLOOR (not sure if it's supposed to be all caps, or if that was just to emphasize the title) by @danacarajb First off I always love stuff where there's various 'traditional' monsters; that's like a cheat code for my brain. But aside from that, the STRUCTURE of this is fascinating, how each type of monster has a different win condition, and WHAT the win condition is for each of them; they're all things that make sense for that type of monster, AND work within the mechanics. I think this is my favourite of the games from the first day, but I genuinely can't say how much of that is from its own quality, and how much is because it aligns with my tastes.
And I think that's where I'll stop for now, to post it, because I don't want this to just stay forever in my "I'll finish it eventually", and also there's a nice clear cut-off point of "this is the stuff from the first day".
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xiaq · 1 year
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What was your relationship with HP in your childhood and what did it mean to you?
Warning: long answer is long.
I read the first HP book when I was 10. It felt like coming home. I was a deeply awkward, anxious kid dealing with bullying at school. I felt wrong and out of place and like everyone except for me had a manual for how they were supposed to navigate life; without the manual I was certain I would never catch up.
Books were a fucking haven. And THIS book. This book was about a kid that I empathized with so much. Except he's bullied and feels out of place because he IS out place. He's meant to be somewhere better, with people like him, who (for the most part) treat him kindly and with respect. And suddenly he's able to make friends and excel at his studies, and he settles into this fantastic world where he fits, and he's bright and likable and he has a purpose. It was just. God, it was everything I wanted for myself. AND there was magic and a train and a cool castle.
I think the first two books were already out when I started reading and I read the rest as they were released (re-reading them all multiple times in between). The friends I did manage to make also adored the books. I went from "playing Harry Potter" on the playground to writing fanfic to going to midnight book releases and meeting up with friends to see the movies as they started coming out. The final book came out shortly after I started high school, and the final movie came out when I was in college. I went to that midnight showing with a good portion of my friends and we all cried like babies at the end. Because it was over. This thing that had sustained us for so long. This thing that marked our childhoods.
You have to understand that Harry Potter-related expectation was a constant for the majority of my life. Since I was in elementary school there was always a new book to look forward to every year or so. And when the book series was completed, there was the next movie to look forward to. And then it was over (and with such an unsatisfying epilogue). That's when I really got involved in fandom (outside the fic I wrote amongst friends in a the group journal we kept and passed back and forth during studyhall, ofc). And fandom was the most accepting, glorious, place for an anxious queer kid just starting to come out of her shell as college afforded her the freedom to realize that maybe the very narrow (private Christian school k-12) concept of normalcy she'd been afforded until that point wasn't entirely accurate. And it continued to be glorious. I went to cons and got merch and put my House in my online dating profile and 3D printed custom HP cookie cutters and joked about having a HP themed wedding some day and my friends and I loved our nerdy little world that made us happy. Until Joanne ruined it.
And I'm honestly not trying to be dramatic, but when something has been so intrinsic to your life and your social circle and even, to an extent, part of your identify, it's fucking devastating when you find out the creator of that thing is a bigot and actively using her platform to target people you love. I stopped supporting her (buying books/movies/merch etc.) a couple years back, and I was content in embracing the concept of Death of the Author (or, as I've previously termed it, "we've killed the author and are now rifling through her stuff to keep the good bits and throw out the bad"). But now, in light of her continued escalations and the recent TV series announcement, and the conversations I've been having with friends (particularly Jewish and trans friends), I do mean that the very concept of Harry Potter is ruined for me. My, now decades, of nostalgia just...aren't enough to supersede what feels like an irresponsible attachment. Before, I wanted HP's social presence to live on in spite of and without JK Rowling. Now, it's becoming more and more apparent that the entertainment industry is going to squeeze as much money out of the HP world as possible which will, by extension, continue to give her a platform and money with which to actively support her shitty dogma.
So. Here I am, too sad to pick up my HP books for my annual summer re-read, or start the new fic a writer I love has just posted or open the document to work on my own HP fic. Which is not at all a condemnation of folks in fandom who ARE able to keep reading and creating and loving the world while thumbing their nose at her. I just can't right now.
So I'm stepping back and blocking the tags and ignoring the show and trying to let other worlds consume me.
Anyway. That's what it meant to me. Sorry for the tiny violin moment but your ask made me sit down and confront the fact that I'm dealing with an extremely weird sort of grief I haven't ever encountered before.
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thatdeadaquarius · 1 year
Note
Sobbing and crying just saw your post of us sounding like a Sim, and I am DYING.
What if it went the other way? They can understand us, but we can't understand them!
Us : hey so what the fuck is happening why tf am I in genshin impact
Them : OMG ASKSKSKSKS FEDERRRALL MEERKK TREEESO! (Omg it's the divine God I'm shittinh myself oml) or whatever idk)
Us: excuse me what the fuck did you just say about my mother? (US mishearing or maybe the words are randomized? Who knows)
Everyone just being confused and frustrated on why you can't understand them. Is it because they aren't worshipping you enough? Maybe some friendship level BS where obly those who are lvl 10 can understand u or smth? Who knows, certainly not the Creator.
I highkey am thinking about writing smth for this now but having it be for like each archons reaction or smthin but who knows. I just wanna see a bunch of divine beings confused outta their mind in like whatever cities square and it turning into a "holy game of charades"
Also happy early birthday ajdjdjkdkdkdk
I”M SO LATE SO THANK YOU FOR THE BDAY WISHES LMAO SORRY KARMA MY BELOVED
AHHHHH U INSPIRED ME BY THE ARCHONS HOLY GAME OF CHARADES-
AND OH NO LVL 10 ONLY FRIENDSHIP UNDERSTANDING-
(づ  ̄ ³ ̄)づ here have a hug for your patience- sorry karma!! :')
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LMAO this inuyasha gif- obviously everyone else guessing what ur doing and the 2 others r like ppl like Venti or Kaeya who r just fucking with ppl by joining you lol
OK BUT WHO DO U HAVE LVL 10 FRIENDSHIP?!
BC I GOT NOBODY 😭
ITS RLLY HARD TO DO OKAY-
I HAVE TO PUT ACTUAL EFFORT INTO THE FEW THAT ARE LEVEL 4-5 
ID BE SO FUCKED-
Oh no.
Oh god (you??) no.
What if you had the highest friendship with little d**ks like Scaramouche.
noooOOOOOO
He’d be like, “Eh, I don’t feel like translating today.” 💀
Also I’m rolling with the idea that 
perfect understanding = lvl 10,
Most words 7-9
Some words 5-6
Kinda ?? they get 2 words per sentence or smth 3-4
Basically nothing 1-2
Anyway ornery bitches like Scara/Xiao/Alhaitham/Rosaria/Diluc (all for diff reasons like diluc/xiao would just be overwhelmed and dont like ppl that much lol, whereas haitham doesnt give a fuck lmao) would kinda suck to have as translators
OH NOT THE PEOPLE WHO WOULD JUST LIE ABOUT WHAT U SAID ON PURPOSE TO DECEIVE THE MASSES LIKE Heizou/Yae Miko/Kaeya/Venti 
They pull something like “oh well the god of gods said I could have the last slice of cake/an extra glass of wine hehe”
For different reasons these people would also be ROUGH translators: FISCHL OH NO- , Zhongli, Albedo (he simply would omit “unnecessary details”, cyno, ITTO PLEASE, Raiden (puppet) bc shed take stuff too far/too literally u would never be able to communicate jokes, Razor (im sorry bbyboy), Shenhe
THE CHARADDEEESSS
THE CHARADES OF THE GODS 
You may or may not get another title of a jokester god bc of these SILLY charades 💀
The people u have higher levels of friendship with giving hints LMAO
“Uhhh….. Oh! Oh! Greatest Lord wishes to see a dance performance!” 
Nahida’s sweet voice rings out in Yujing Terrace, her tiny hand waving in the air like an elementary student who’s really excited to answer. …Which isn’t that far off honestly.
“Hmm, I disagree Buer, I believe the Hundun Emperor is saying they wish to take a bath perhaps. I am also attempting to use context, as it has been a long day for them.” Zhongli is in his classic “majestic thinking gentleman” pose, and you’d admire it more if it weren’t for the fact that they don’t seem to be getting what you’re saying.
You hadn’t yet found someone with a higher friendship level than 2 or 3 (hey, don’t blame yourself, you really have to put effort into friendship levels to get them anywhere and you were still busy screwing around in Sumeru when you got spirited away).
So needless to say, most people were getting “the, me, I, you, etc.” rather than the actual important keywords you needed them to, hence the godly charade game now.
As you “hold” something, you throw your hands up in the air, still keeping your hands wrapped around nothing. You think if somebody told you last week that you’d be playing charades with the archons in Genshin Impact so you could actually communicate with them… well you don’t know what you would have done. Maybe just gave them a really awkward laugh.
“Oh! Are you asking for a weapon? Akitsu Mikami, my emperor, we or our nations will surely provide protection from any harm that might befall you. Hm, I suppose we should offer something anyway… I wouldn’t want to displease them…” Ei mutters to herself, having taken over her puppet once more for the occasion.
She and Buer, still retaining their authority status, had asked for the area to be cleared in order to try and get closer to communicating with the Divine First, or you.
“Ha! What idiot would try to hurt the All-Parent in their home, unless they wish to get thrown?” Venti cheekily says, as you don’t understand him, but judging by Zhongli’s clenched jaw, Ei’s sigh, and Nahida’s giggle, you can guess.
You give your own sad sigh… it’s already been 3 hours. 😭
How hard is charades for 4 archons??
Well… apparently very hard.
You put your face in your hands, and you hear the (retired) archons start to debate something, you can tell it’s getting a little passive-aggressive between Venti and Zhongli by their tone alone. 
…Okay, now it’s just aggressive.
The archons eventually give their attention back to you so you can go back to your charades lol
You tried opening your mouth and closing it, very obvious, they can’t go wrong. 
…Turns out they can. 
Somehow you find yourself with a hot tea brewed by the geo archon. 
(Venti attempted to offer you Dandelion Wine, or Osmanthus Wine even, and only god, well you now, knows where he pulled them from. Ei swatted his head, he looked so offended, and his cheeks were all puffed up, heh.)
Giving up, you just try to motion for them to stay still, your hands gesturing like trying to calm a wild animal.
They give you questioning looks, and you begin to walk off, they all seem to immediately start discussing something with each other. All of the gods look very conflicted, and after a minute of you getting further away (yes, you’re almost home free, Xiangling here you come! ) Nahida skips to catch up with you.
She gives you a beaming smile, and you can’t bring yourself to not return it. She's so much cuter in real life, even the official art didn't do her justice.
You make your way towards the restaurant, finally.
And apparently you’re happier than you thought to smell the savory scents flowing out of the kitchen because your stomach growls loudly.
You’re too hungry to even attempt to stop it, no one will care, except Nahida’s eyes go wide. She begins to sputter, and flail her hands desperately trying to charade an apology at you.
…you were just trying to tell them you were hungry. 💀
Ask box open again! :] 🎊
Pspspspspssubliminalmessagingyouwillsendthatdeadaquariusanaskpssppspspspspssss
✨️Hope you guys got smth out of this rough draft✨️ ♡
:D hope u guys have had a good weekend!
My senior art exhibit is april 6th so wish me luck and prayers (from any religion im not picky pls)
Safe Travels,
💀♒️
♡the beloveds♡
@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist
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peninkwrites · 1 month
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(putting my very long, very personal ramble under a readmore so folks can avoid it) (this won't include any of my plans for going forward or for my writing but I'm not going anywhere so don't worry about that. love to you all.)
A little disclaimer: If you have zero context for what I'm talking about, apologies for not explaining in depth, but this post won't be relevant to you otherwise. All you really need to know is that it seems that Wilbur Soot is an abuser, and Shubble came forward and talked about it recently. He was not named, but from what she shared, I believe that was who she was talking about. I don't say this to speculate, and if you disagree, I'm not here to argue over it, but it's enough for me personally to not to want to support him indefinitely, save for Shubble explicitly saying she wasn't talking about him.
Additionally, these thoughts are some incredibly personal and self-centered rambling. It does not reflect where my priorities lie, with supporting Shelby for coming forward above all else, but other people have said that much better than I have, and this post is really just a place for me to vent some of my feelings.
I prided myself on not falling prey to “parasocial relationships.” I didn’t get invested in the personal lives of content creators, only in their creative works. I thought this protected me somehow. I knew next to nothing about Wilbur Soot’s personal life, but I admired him deeply as a writer and empathized with him as an artist. I projected so heavily onto his character and did so for over three years. When I waited for his final dsmp stream, I felt panicked. Like my survival hinged on how he ended this story, and then he ended it in a way I could live with, and I thought I could go on loving this story and these characters for what they had been, no matter how messy the rest of the endings to follow were. His character was mine in so many ways. He had some of my problems and I gave him some of my own. I used him to process quite a bit. And now that part of myself is irrevocably tainted.
When the stuff came out about Dream, I was upset, but not betrayed. I never followed the creator and he existed only as a character to me. All I grieved then was the community his actions destroyed and most importantly the people he hurt. I planned to continue writing for the DSMP, even as I refused to follow any content involving him. It felt like a pause, not a full stop, while I ensured what I was doing did not show him any support. I also gave that character no pity and therefore the man behind him no pity, I had no personal investment in his character.
Now my response is visceral and bitter and I don’t know how to go on writing, because this character meant the world to me. I don’t know how to write about a character I truly love and see myself in, knowing the person who also loved and saw himself in that character, who created that character, has done horrible things. I don’t know how to write any of these other characters I have loved and cared for for over 3 years because he has poisoned them. All of it turns my stomach now and I feel so betrayed. The thought of his character is tainted because it’s connected to his voice and his face. I cannot separate the art from the artist both because it was the inclusion of the authorship within the story which affected me so strongly, and because there are things within the text that I look back on now and can only see that this person was always this way. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking of c!Wilbur’s line when he found out about exile, “he didn’t actually hit you though“ and his horror when c!Tommy responded that he had, that for some reason that was the turning point. The implication that it was only crossing that line, that particular type of violence, which made something wrong. Fucking disgusting.
I’ve tried to find another story before now. For the last few years, honestly, I’ve looked for something to latch onto the way I have with this one, but nothing feels the way this did. I know I’ve been clinging to something gone or at least mostly gone, both the community and the story, but I haven’t known how to let go when nothing makes me feel the same way, even when the feeling has faded and changed so much with time. This was never supposed to go on this long. Honestly, the reason I started posting mcyt stuff to my sideblog instead of my main was because I assumed I would get over it in a few weeks, delete the posts, and move on. Three years. 40 works. Over a million words. Just. Fuck.
I loved these characters so much and I’ve wrapped up my writing in them for so long it’s hard to separate the two. At this point, it feels like these characters are what allow me to write, separate from the main story, but a place where I could work things out for myself as a person and try new things as a writer. And I’ve tried so hard to feel the same way about the QSMP, but maybe it’s because we’re out of lockdown so I don't have time to watch much, or I’ve just changed more than I’ve thought, but I haven't gotten attached the way I did even when I look at the stories being built there and can see the heart in them, the storytelling, the care, just as much as the DSMP if not more. There’s no good reason for it, it just hasn’t locked into place the way this story had, having been the perfect storm of circumstances. The DSMP came to me during one of the worst years of my life, and I have loved it so much I miss that time even with all the bad it carried too.
And now this thing I have been holding onto can only make me angry, hit me with grief and disgust. Fuck, the only plan I’ve had for an original novel in years is a loose adaptation of TDDD. My senior thesis was largely a novella about two siblings with a complicated relationship, the older fatalistic, the younger brave to the point of ignorance. So even that original project has poison in it now. All of it, all of my fucking work, all of my growth as a writer, all of my writing for over three fucking years has poison in it.
I’ve felt lost as a writer for a long time and the only thing keeping me anchored was these characters. And I don’t know how to cut them away from myself and I don’t know how to cut him away from what’s left when his writing, his character, undeniably gave me so much of a spark. When I’m happy, I write. When I’m sad, I write. There's so much bad in the world right now, but I could always fall back on writing. And now my main means of escape is the grief. Far more than ever before. I know this too shall pass and all that, and this hasn’t actually stolen my ability to write, but right now it all feels so ruined. I don’t know how long it will take for me to be able to look back on what I’ve made and not feel like this. I'd maybe moved on in some ways, but not all. There was so much left I wanted to do.
If you’ve somehow read this far, know that I love this community with my whole heart. I never quite made friends with any of you, even as I wanted to, and it's felt too late for a long time now. My beloved mutuals (and followers that are mutuals in all but name) I have found so much joy with you, in what all of you have created. I wish I could hold onto that above all else, even if I’m not quite sure how. I’m not going anywhere, to be clear. I won’t delete my blog and fall off the face of the earth or anything. I still love what all of you create and care about, even if things have changed and our interests don’t always align anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to detach this story from the creator, to love any of it the way I did or even love what I myself created again. I don’t really know why I’m writing this or if I’ll even post it except for the fact that you all are the only people who could understand.
Again, this was a deeply personal rant, not a statement about the situation as a whole, nor do I think this situation's impact on me takes an ounce of precedent over the person actually involved. The most important takeaway from this is what Shelby has shared, the importance of believing victims, to do what we can to protect ourselves from abuse that doesn’t seem obvious, and to look out for each other. Take care of yourselves, everyone.
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art · 2 months
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Creator Spotlight: @jijidraws
Jiji Knight is a latina pinup illustrator. Her work is overall geared toward thick ladies and dedicated to fat positivity out of a purely selfish need to create art she wished she had seen growing up. She often features sexy and soft macabre themes on vibrant or sweet colours and takes great joy in making folx feel good about themselves with her work. She holds a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Illustration and operates out of her very sunny hometown of Las Vegas.
Check out our interview with Jiji below!
Have you ever had an art block? If so, how did you overcome it?
Oh my gosh… I have art blocks all the time. My favorite way of overcoming it is by making fanart. Funnily enough, that’s something I don’t do in my own work anymore. But there are still IPs I return to that still bring joy to my heart. I love returning to drawing Sailor Moon like when I was in first grade. Or I’ll even look up the last fashion week and start drawing the fashion week outfits from the Paris or New York show. Stuff like that is what gets my creative juices flowing.
What medium have you always been intrigued by but would never use yourself?
Resin. Resin art is so stunning. People make the most amazing and beautiful sculptures using resin, and I don’t think I could ever bring myself to play with something so complicated. There are a lot of ways to cure it, and sometimes, it doesn’t cure properly…I already work with enough chaos as it is! I respect resin artists, but I don’t think I would ever touch it. I’ve admired it from a distance. There is an artist I follow who does these resin layer paintings. So they’ll paint a layer of resin, then cure it, and paint on top of the cured layer. They build up these amazing paintings using resin…I could never. Maybe one day!
What is one interaction you had with a fan of yours that has stuck with you over the years?
I still remember…It was my first and only Flame Con in New York. I had a fan come up to my booth. They didn’t say hello or that it was nice to meet me. They started to cry! They cried, and the first words out of their mouth were, “I’ve never seen myself in artwork before.” So, of course, I started to cry! So we were just crying across the table at each other. It was just one of the sweetest interactions, and it really sticks with me still to this day.
What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?
My latest collaboration with the artist Missupacey. We’ve been collaborating for two years now, and our last collaboration was for Midsummer Scream. It was two very cute clown girls, and I designed our T-shirt. It was one of the most fun projects we’ve done in a long time. We love doing collaborative work because it keeps working in the art industry fresh—being able to bounce ideas back and forth. So we do it where someone picks the color palette, and someone picks a theme. We’ll get references together, put them on a big board, and send each other sketches. It’s really nice to work with somebody else.
How has technology changed the way you approach your work?
Honestly, it changed everything. I mean, I used to draw for myself a lot. And while I still do that, I now predominantly draw for my Patrons. For a while, I was drawing for the internet. So I was drawing stuff people wanted to see in terms of plus-sized versions of characters—a plus-sized Poison Ivy or a plus-sized Sailor Moon. My Patrons have allowed me to start drawing for myself again. But technology, for a while, essentially dominated what direction I was taking with my art, so I’m grateful to take some of that power back.
If there is one thing that you want art enthusiasts to remember you by, what would it be?
Body positivity. I would love for them to remember that there is an artist making work that is making people feel good about themselves and about the way they look at themselves.
Top tips on setting up an Artist Alley booth?
Have a method of taking money, have a method of displaying your work, and have a way to take a break. I have a plastic picnic cover that costs like a dollar at any store. All I have to do is clip it to my display grates, and it covers up my entire display. I feel secure enough to take time for myself in a 10-hour workday to eat something, go to the restroom, or even take a moment to breathe and reorganize my inventory. So it’s so funny that this one-dollar piece of plastic is like the most life-saving item in my display of items.
Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?
@mayakern comes to mind. She is another body-positive artist who expanded into making body-positive clothing. She’s amazing, and just to see someone else out there promoting body positivity. Maya’s been doing it longer than I have, I believe. It feels good to know that I’m not alone. Her work is always stunning, and I love her body-positive DnD characters and the fact that she’s still plowing through the clothing industry. For example, she’s expanded from skirts to button-downs and even custom-wrap shirts. I love to see what she’s doing, and it inspires me to pursue different avenues with my own work.
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing, Jiji! Be sure to check out their Tumblr blog over at @jijidraws.
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chaospikes · 1 month
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Dungeon Meshi Shipping appreciation
Hey guys, did you know I like Dungeon Meshi? It has such a great wealth of characters that are all so fleshed out and interesting! Characters that have so much love and care put into them, from main ones to even background ones. I wouldn't consider myself a hardcore shipper but it's always so nice seeing creators who love a ship dearly and that love bleeding into their works!
Ships are all about chemistry, they are all about having fun with your blorbos, normally beyond canon. Maybe most won't get that chemistry, maybe only you will get that chemistry and that's fine, I just think that with the way how the characters are written, they could have an interesting relationship with almost anyone in the manga.
We've got cute ships like Farcille with the way Marcille was willing to sacrifice everything for her, I personally also like Laimar just because seeing the progress of their relationship and seeing Laios feeling genuine joy at Marcille slowly coming to understand him, Labru with the amount of shenanigans and probably difficulties these two would have to go through to make things work and even some lesser know ones like for example Marchil with bantering and potential angst due to differing lifespans there is or Chilshi with seeing Chilchuck's overall admiration for him bgbgdbg.
Shipping in dungeon meshi is honestly really fun! Lesbian ships, gay ships, straight ships and everything in between and beyod... they are all really good and interesting! Yeah, this is just me gushing about how good Ryoko Kui is at writing characters and how she manages to make even shipping secondary or even background characeters fun with lots of potential dynamics and stories with plenty of meat in its bones.
Anyways, love is love and remember, it's all about having fun with our blorbos.
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13thdoctorposts · 10 months
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Sacha Dhawan Panel Part 1
Please note this IS NOT word for word, but so you can get a general gist of the panel.
Whovians of all ages got to ask him questions.
This post is just Sachs’s part of the panel there is a seperate post for Michelle’s panel and Michelle and Sacha’s panel.
How do you over come embarrassment?
Being part of Doctor Who, I do think I struggled with quiet a bit of anxiety and I kept it quite private, but weirdly doing Doctor Who allowed me over come it a little bit probably because of the nature of the character where he’s gotta do these confident crazy things so you throw yourself in the deep end. But it immediately felt, being a part of Doctor Who it’s such a welcoming community, not just you guys but also the people who make it. I felt they allowed me to over come my anxiety a little bit. It’s not that it will ever go away but I was just encouraged to be bold and fearless and yes I was doing it in my performance but it made me realise with my anxiety in real life those who are suffering from anxiety lose confidence in themselves so I guess playing the Master allowed me to find my confidence again and not really care to much about being embarrassed and embrace it and from that magic can happen.
So you just met the greatest Master of all time, she just left the stage
Sacha: Oh wow, 😂
What was it like following her?… I mean you are like the second greatest.
Sacha: before Doctor who, yeah I was an actor but I felt like the average guy on the street, when you get the call saying not only are you coming into Doctor Who but your coming into play this iconic character, it’s absolutely terrifying and initially your like how am I going to do that, where do I start? And then people are telling you oh do you know who played him before, people like Michelle, Derek Jacobi, Eric Roberts, John Simm and then I’m like… me? This dude? (Points to himself) so it’s really nerve racking so I started watching little bits and then I though ok I’m not going to be as imaginative if I just think about all of that, I have to approach it like I would any role and over the last couple of years I’ve tried to be just be bold and make crazy choices and sometimes it doesn’t work and that’s cool cos something even better happens. So once I let go of the prestige of the role it really freed me up and I had a lot of support from the creators to put my own stamp on it which they kindly asked me to do it. And it’s only now having done it and stepped off the Whoniverse that you can really take it in sometimes, I’m like how did I do all that, you know from getting the costume to being in the TARDIS, to working with Jodie, having some of those intense scenes. I look back and I think was that me that did that, so yeah it feels great to be able to be a part of it and sitting with you guys.
What was it like going from something like Doctor Who into something like Wolf?
Sacha: It was actually the producer of Doctor Who who was working on it. It’s great I always like to keep challenging myself and playing different people, that’s what I really get excited about a project where I go, that person is completely different to me, I have a moment of panic and wonder how am I gonna play it, I love the idea of just chipping away at it and the ahhhh… that, that’s who that person is. Whether it be a psychopath or a police officer, I think the more complex they are or the more challenging they are going into it the more exciting I find it. Even with the Master I always try to find some truth in it. With the Master I was really interested in the relationship with the Doctor I think that was the real kind of hook point for me.
Moderator: You master was the first time where I actually thought the Doctor might not get out of it, even with Simms you know the Doctor would figured it out but I honestly didn’t see how it was going to happen. That was the terrifying part of your portrayal
Sacha: I was chatting to Chris about it, I felt what I liked about playing the Master, well my version, he was already in such a dark place he had nothing left to lose so it was like to die for the cause and bring down the Doctor with him then it was a win for him so that made him utterly terrifying.
Do you think you can take me on? (Kid is dressed as Darth Vader)
I think you could take me on actually, I’m a bit scared of you.
Does the 4 heartbeat tap on the microphone
Sacha: oh yeah the tap
Moderator: now your scaring me
Sacha: I’m not sure if I want to take you on or to be your best friend
Does the 4 heartbeat tap on the microphone
Moderator: I think that’s psychological warfare
You’ve played a lot of different characters which did you enjoy playing the most and why?
Sacha: I’d probably say the Master actually, it’s the only character I’ve played that has such an emotional range, and then he also appears in so many different time periods, there was so much range to play and also the character has so much fun doing it so yeah playing the Master. Even going back to do the Centenary Special I couldn’t wait to get back into it again.
Did you come up with the choreography for Rasputin on the spot and by yourself? And did you enjoy it?
Sacha: I did yeah, I didn’t plan anything I was gonna do I just couldn’t wait, it was such a big scene. Such an emotionally charged scene. Between me and you I was in London and I was listening to that song constantly just kind of like jamming out, feeling it on the tube so when they played the music, what’s amazing when we came to do the scene filming in the amazing studio and they blasted it through huge speakers so you couldn’t help but just go for it and you know, listen, you put me in front of an audience and I’m going to throw some serious shapes, I loved it and I’m really glad people responded to it as well.
Sacha who do you like better Daemon (the moderator) or Michelle?
Moderator: easy answer
Sacha: You know what, we did the zoo interview, it was lovely doing that interview because we were in lockdown and everything. I can say this now I was a little bit intimidated meeting Michelle, it’s the first time we’ve meet and even though I’ve played the Master, I’m just like the average guy now and I think my god she played Missy! So I think I adore you both. But coming away this, being in NZ I’ve come away with a little soft spot for Michelle I think she’s so sweet.
Given that you’ve been able to travel around the world and meet a bunch of different people have there been any colloquialism that you grew up with that you’re surprised aren’t else where and are there any in NZ that you don’t know or understand?
I think it’s amazing that I’m literally on the other side of the world and I think you guys really get British culture don’t you? It feels oddly like I’m home from home.
Moderator: we’re still part of the commonwealth remember…
Sacha: oh yeah… I don’t know are there some colloquialism that I should know?
Moderator: um…. yeh, nar… sweet as…
Sacha: what other colloquialism are there let’s hear them
Moderator: Yeh, Nar… which is yes, no but then there Nar, Yeh, or we might go Yeh, Nar, Yeh.
Questioner: it means whatever the last word is
Moderator: Sweet as
Sacha: Sweet ass 🤨
Moderator: no not sweet ass, sweet as, like in sweet as sweet thing
Sacha: oh sweet as, I get that
Moderator: chur bro
Sacha: Cheers?
Moderator: no Chur, it’s like a cheers, or a sweet as. Now the word mate
Sacha: I say mate a lot
Moderator: mattttte, Nar mate, now what else have we got?… it’s gone to custard. A nik minute.
Sacha: nik minute? 🤨
Moderator: there was their guy who was a bit of a skateboarder and he said “I took my scooter to the Dairy and went inside nik minute someone stole it” and it became this meme, and now it’s a thing.
What do you think are the motivations for your Master?
Sacha: in terms of the story?
Yeah
Sacha: For me it was the timeless child and all of that and realising the Doctor wasn’t really one of us, and was regarded as so special when it felt like it should have been me. So that, the origins of all of that was really the main motivation. And like I was saying earlier I’d already lost so much I really got nothing else to lose so why not go out with a bang. So I think one of the motivations was to create chaos and even though it seems kind of messy, underneath it all it was extremely organised and it felt like the Master, even though he presents himself as chaotic there’s a lot of… he’s incredibly intelligent underneath all that, so there’s so many different things and the relationship with the Doctor was a huge part of it for me, you may have noticed it was very playful, chaotic, but for me it was very emotionally charged as well, so those things together were a really interesting concoction.
Moderator: here’s a question for the audience, doesn’t the timeless child mean that prior to the timeless child’s existence the gallifreyans couldn’t regenerate? Doesn’t that mean technically the Doctor created your ability to regenerate? How did that happen? Were you subjected to a bunch of experiments and injected with DNA?
Sacha: so partly yes, that’s the thing, they are strangely connected in a way, the thing that really frustrated me (as in the Master) was like the part of her in me, in terms of our story anyway so I was really frustrated.
With your master I got a a vibe of split personality, mentally unstable did you approach the role with a mental health spin to it?
Sacha: I think the character is certainly complex so I wasn’t afraid of leaning into that to be honest, I think I found it really trusting and made him very bold, imaginative, intelligent I couldn’t label him as one specific thing but I utilised a range of different things and just made sure not to be afraid of going there and I did want people to feel slightly intimidated by him.
You came across as really unhinged but when you’re watching it, it’s almost like you kinda feel for the guy but at the same time he’s destroying the universe.
Sacha: yeah, that’s the thing I wanted that and by the end of it you kind of realise he’s just a damaged young boy really
He just needs a hug
Sacha: yeah, lol, that’s really the stem of it I think, he’s totally unloved and incredibly lonely I think, his purpose is to constantly chase the Doctor and once the Doctor was out of the picture and he was the Doctor it didn’t really give him the happiness that he thought it was going to be because he had nothing to chase anymore.
Iron fist is the first time I remember seeing you on screen how did you get the role and how did it feel to became part of the marvel universe?
Sacha: yeah it was amazing, when you audition for Marvel you don’t it’s Marvel because they are really secretive they give you dummy sides, the script is made up, so it’s only until you get later down the process you get “it’s the new marvel show” and I did this thing where they said to me how is your martial arts, and I said it’s amazing and I had never ever even done any martial arts in my life and the most embarrassing thing happened I was in New York and my screen-test, my final audition for iron fist and it went ok and then they said oh before you leave our big stunt coordinator wants to see your martial arts and I thought oh my god, and asked them to give me 5 minutes so I could go get my trainers and I was thinking what do I do. And guys if you could have seen me in that test, when you’re under that much pressure because you want the part, you should have seen the kicks, (demonstrates on stage… they are terrible, lol) and I could see the stunt coordinator was like this guy can’t even throw a kick, but I was filming Sherlock at the same time with Benedict Cumberbatch and we had a fight scene and I had footage on my phone so I showed him that, and asked him to just give me the chance, I’ll learn, and luckily he gave me the chance and I learnt, I spent about a year or so learning. It was amazing.
Did you get really recognised after that?
Sacha: yeah I did a little bit, it’s such a big franchise, it was the first step into me being able to play characters I never thought I would be able to play, I always thought I’m always going to be limited by how I look, we don’t really get to play those kinds of interesting parts, I think the world is shifting slightly so to be able to play a marvel villain or the Master in Doctor Who it’s pretty iconic. And it’s only when I get to chat to your guys I think oh wow, and I feel so incredibly honoured to be a part of two amazing universes.
Who’s your favourite Doctor?
Sacha: My favourite Doctor? I really like Matt Smith. I think he’s great.
Audience: what about Jodie?
Sacha: Jodie is amazing. But if I had to work with another Doctor I’d say Matt Smith I think he’s again, he’s so playful and so sharp I’d love to be able to do scenes with him he’s such a good actor and a really nice guy.
If you had your own TARDIS and the chameleon broke what would you like your TARDIS to be stuck as?
Sacha: I don’t know, I’d have to think on what that would be… I don’t think a police box can be topped honestly.
Moderator: I’d go with a kombi
Sacha: or a mini like Mr Bean drives
Do you have any funny behind the scenes stories?
Sacha: they told me everything was really secretive (on Doctor Who) and I didn’t tell anybody anything and I was also filming a show called Dracula at the same time and I went to dinner with Steven Moffatt and in my head I just presumed he would be working on the show and I must admit my knowledge of Doctor Who was a little lacking and so somethings I didn’t realise the importance of, so we’re having dinner and he said “oh you’re filming Doctor Who” and I was like “yeah yeah yeah, I’m doing Doctor Who they’ve given me this like tissue compressor eliminator thing, you know” and I could see in his face he was like oh my god he’s playing the Master, and I didn’t realise, then I got a call from the BBC saying “could you not be telling people” “I was like yeah but it Steven and they were like yeah but he doesn’t work on the show anymore” So yeah I gave it away some.
Moderator: so you’re the Tom Holland of the Doctor Who universe.
Sacha: yeah, lol
I love The Great, we’re a little behind here in New Zealand, but I thought Rasputin was even funnier because of the link to The Great. Was there actually a link did they do it deliberately?
Sacha: no, there wasn’t, I remember reading it and thinking god there’s such a connection, but no, I think Chris always felt Rasputin would be.. is the perfect kind of Master, the perfect kind of person for me to be disguised as, he’s quite evil, quite manipulative, so yeah it was pure coincidence.
Do you have any any weird or funny fan interaction?
Sacha: they have all been pretty good, I think I had in a picture line up someone said can I pick you up, is it alright if I carry you and I was like “yessss please”. The fan interactions, were the one thing people spoke about but didn’t quite prepare me for is just the community and the fan base is so amazing on Doctor Who and it’s like on Twitter if anyone says a bad word, I don’t have to do anything because I’ve got my own security! Everyone’s great, I’ve had great fan interaction.
That’s it for part 1 of Sacha’s Panel, part 2 will be up soon, and I promise Part 2 will be worth the wait.
Also if you ever defended our little Spy Master on Twitter he’s seen you and appreciates you!
If you wanna know what went down in the other panels they are linked below
Michelle
Michelle and Sacha
VIP Panel
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theintrovertbean · 8 months
Text
My statement about the drama
Hello!
This post will be about the whole Rai drama that they orchestrated against @asrabounding. But first, I would kindly ask anyone who hasn't read the post by @iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia, aka brainrot, to do so. It can be quite triggering, so please, be mindful of that and make sure to put yourself first. The same warning applies to my own post.
First, I want to apologize. I did bad stuff, and I've been doing my best to mend my mistakes. I'm very sorry about the things I've done, but especially about the things I could have prevented. My friends got hurt because of something I was a part of and could have avoided if I wasn't scared to stand up for others and myself.
This is going to be a long post. Sorry about that too, but this whole drama was simply a lot.
Brainrot's part perfectly sums up what happened, but since I was there from the beginning of the drama, it would be fair to add some things from my own POV. It isn't nearly as professional as brainrot's statement, and it's more about my personal experience, which I think shows how this drama affected the well-being of the people involved. Again, this is my experience, but we all share the feelings.
The first time I posted from this account on Tumblr was in July 2022, and Rai reached out to me on November 1. Apparently, I was too intimidating, but as it turns out, Rai just needed me (and other people) for their plans. They specifically wanted to involve mainly Nadia fans, so it was only a matter of time before they messaged me.
Why Nadia fans, you might ask? Well, we could sit here all night and take guesses because no one knows for certain. Rai only pretended to like Nadia (because wanting to kill her is enough proof that they didn't like her), so their reason must have been something psychological. But again, we can't know for certain. Sadly, their actions put us Nadia fans in a bad light, and their friendship was never genuine.
I have a guess that Rai had been stalking a few bigger creators for a while and just waiting for one of them to make a mistake. Asrabounding (AB from now on) happened to be the unlucky one.
Honestly, I didn't know AB at all. We never interacted, and the first time I ever heard about him was through Rai. At the beginning of December 2022, Rai told our server about AB and how he and his girlfriend were harassing their "boi," Panda, who was completely incapable of taking care of himself, at least according to Rai.
I spoke to Panda a few times during the drama; he is nothing like Rai described, which You can tell by the screenshots as well. He is overly friendly and tends to overshare, and I would say he is pure evil, but that adjective would be far too generous in his case. I also have to add that there is no evidence of Rai and Panda being two different people. I've looked through my DMs, and a few servers that Rai is/was in and found zero traces of them ever having a conversation. I also asked around, and no one has ever seen these two interact with each other. Once, we even asked Rai to invite Panda to their server because we all wanted to get to know him, but they immediately refused, saying he is too soft and all kinds of weird things to say about one's partner. I suppose it would be hard to text from two accounts simultaneously.
The private server that Rai created was made in November, around the time when the drama began. It's crucial to mention that none of us knew AB. This allowed Rai to portray AB however they wanted.
There are screenshots in the pdf from the DMs between Rai and me. They told me quite a few things but purposefully left out important details. The screenshots Rai sent me were always sent in a way that would make AB seem like the worst person to ever exist. I (and the server) also received altered versions of AB's art, which were edited in a way to make it seem like AB was making Asra whiter or orange. Additionally, Rai maliciously gathered personal information about AB and his loved ones, which is both legally and morally wrong.
The call-out blog happened and didn't gain much attention, which was quite disappointing to Rai, but failure didn't stop them. They recruited more people for the sole purpose of hurting AB. We retreated to Rai's server until the previous drama, where Rai popped up every once in a while to stir up our anger and disturb our conversations.
Then we arrive at the latest drama. Rai's efforts paid off. One of our friends did a call-out post, and things went crazy. I don't have to describe what happened because it's in brainrot's statement, but there is one thing that I really want to highlight. Rai did nothing. Everything we did was because of them and their "boi," and they just watched us all get burned.
At some point, brainrot presented us with an opportunity to make peace with AB. Two of us even volunteered to talk to him, myself included. Rai didn't even react while everyone else was looking forward to ending the drama. Actually, Rai was unusually quiet. They gave us an excuse for being less active and just left us to deal with their mess.
When brainrot left, I almost immediately reached out to him for two reasons. 1. He is my friend. I was concerned about his well-being and wanted to make sure he was alright. 2. I was physically and mentally sick of the drama and considered leaving the server myself. There were days when I could barely function because of the anxiety I felt. I was a mess. Everyone was, but never Rai. I felt like I was in the middle of a battlefield, watching my friends get slaughtered while the person behind it all, Rai, was having the time of their life far away in a luxury tent. I desperately wanted to end that.
On multiple occasions, I muted the server for hours and sometimes even days because I could not deal with Rai. There was a clear hierarchy, and Rai would constantly try to compete with us and bring us down. Everyone else was behaving like normal human beings, and then Rai would randomly show up to pollute the air with their "hee hoos" and disturbing stories they claimed were true.
The same person who said they were gathering courage for months to text me never showed any care, remorse, or fear during our nine months of "friendship." Also, the very same person would go around texting random people on Tumblr, checking how intelligent and "mentally stimulating" (they said that, not me) they are, and trying to figure out if they hate Dorian and/or Asrabounding. They were also looking for people in a more vulnerable position, such as those who were new to the fandom and/or lonely. When everything on the list was ticked off, Rai invited them to their server. For privacy reasons, I'm not going to say an exact number, but about ten of us were "recruited."
Brainrot and I talked a bit, we both vented, and we eventually reached the point where I said that I would talk to AB just to end this madness. And so I did with brainrot's help, even though it horrified me, but I knew I had to do it for others. I expected AB to be just as Rai presented him to us, but he wasn't. The AB I was talking to was kind, understanding, cooperative, and tired of everything that had been going on. It often made me wish I met AB sooner than Rai. Our conversations with AB were and still are civil and friendly, and I am nothing but thankful to him. We compared our notes, then brainrot and I went back to DMs for a while to discuss everything.
We realized that 1. Everything Rai said about AB was a lie, and Rai just wanted to hurt him. 2. Rai lied to us and used several manipulation tactics on us. 3. Our friends were unsafe.
To include a lie, once, Rai texted me to ask if I wanted to know their legal name. They told me that they were named after a character from an anime. Later, I found from a friend that Rai told her their name too. It was from the same anime but a different character's name. This was just one example.
So we made a plan, and we had to act fast. I quickly gathered a few screenshots from the server that we could use, then we texted everyone involved about the news. Thank gayness, everything instantly clicked for the vast majority of our friends. It was tough, exhausting, and very emotional. Being betrayed by someone we considered a friend was no joke. Honestly, have never felt so much anxiety in my life. It was suffocating.
Then, three of us deleted every channel in Rai's server (every member had maximum permissions). In the meantime, we made a server of our own, a safe place where we could heal together, continue our friendship, and discuss what we were going to do next.
And that's how we got to brainrot's post. I created a document and put in whatever screenshots I had from Rai's server and my DMs. Then I asked everyone to send me all the screenshots they wanted us to include, and I put those in too. That pdf is the fruit of multiple days of work and immeasurable disgust. Even putting it together almost made me throw up more than once. It was available to everyone involved (our friends and AB as well) from start to finish. They were all free to make edits, give suggestions, and add screenshots if they wanted. AB added the anons he received and a bunch of other screenshots. Brainrot wrote his statement, and I did the group's, which is one of the reasons I didn't want to make another one. In the meantime, we found out more about Rai, and it was not pretty; the screenshots prove it all.
This wasn't the first time Rai tried to take someone down, and they bragged about it multiple times. They were also quite proud of how they were able to manipulate people. I mean, just look at what they said about how they got together with their "boi." We know of two people in the fandom who were hurt by Rai. From what I know, unlike AB, they weren't content creators. My assumption is that doing the same thing over again wasn't giving Rai the same thrill anymore, so they wanted to target someone bigger. Bigger drama = more pleasure for Rai.
There was one person who got kicked from the server because they didn't hate Lucio. Rai provoked them to make them act out of character, which resulted in a kick and ban. There were others that Rai wanted to kick out but didn't because they were still needed for the drama.
The things Rai sometimes said about characters and the people who like them were sickening. They constantly described Lucio as a mass murderer and a r*pist and harassed anyone who didn't agree with their opinions. Rai also headcanoned that Lucio SAd Nadia during their marriage. And a lot of other things...
We had to tiptoe around Rai all the time because being kicked out of the server wouldn't have been a big deal, but being separated from our friends against our will was not something any of us wanted. That small but loving community we created for ourselves (Rai excluded) was why we stayed on that server in the first place.
But also, we were scared. Whenever Rai was present, they turned us into an angry mob. I don't know when we started to feel this way, but we were uncomfortable and wanted out. However, when we looked at each other, the angry mob was all we could see. Even when an individual was in doubt, the others still put on their angry mask, and that one person felt alone. I often felt like that too, but we all knew what Rai was capable of. We were already hurting, and we didn't want to unleash the angry mob against us. If Rai were to come after any of us, they would most definitely twist everything in a way to make themselves seem like the victim(s).
Soon after the server was gone and I was no longer talking to Rai, I realized that the hate I once felt wasn't my own.
Once again, I'm sorry about what happened. We all are. I apologize for the hurt I caused to everyone and take full responsibility for my actions. I never intended for things to escalate things this far, and I regret everything I've done. The things we did were not done with a clear mind. If it wasn't for Rai and their mind games, none of us would have done anything like this.
And Azi, I'm especially sorry to you. Despite everything we've done, you treated us with kindness and worked together with us to make the fandom a safer place. You have no idea how much this means. I'm thankful for the chance of getting to know the real you.
I also apologize to my followers for bringing drama onto my blog. While I'm open to questions about what happened, I would like to get back to writing my silly little headcanons like I did before. I'm an open book, but simping for Nadia is why I made this blog in the first place. The good thing is that now I'm able to do the things I've always wanted without Rai constantly reminding me why this and that is so bad. And who knows, maybe you'll see me bring some Nadia content to a different platform as well...
Our friend group, I apologize to you as well because I didn't protect you when I could have. Things would have been different if I wasn't so scared.
Azi, Brainrot, and friends. Thank you for everything. Your support and cooperation helped all of us through these hard times, and I hope we can continue to heal together.
I don't expect forgiveness from anyone because what happened is truly horrible. While countless lies and manipulation were involved, a simple apology won't undo the harm we caused. We have been doing our best to make up for our mistakes and will continue to do so in the future as well. However, please, please be careful. Rai is still a threat, so if you see them anywhere, just run. Protect yourselves and, if you can, others as well. Please, stay safe and learn from our horrible mistakes.
-Eszter
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