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keanureevesisbae · 4 years

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So Henry, you want to start a YouTube channel? - Chapter 1

Summary: Twenty five year old YouTuber Sandy Choi has no idea that one of her five million subscribers is the one and only Henry Cavill. When he asks her to help him out with starting his own YouTube channel, she falls more and more in love with her. But she should’ve known that dating one of the most desirable bachelors, does come with a prize.

Henry Cavill x Sandy Choi (ofc)

Warnings: None

Wordcount: 3.7k

A/N: If you want to be on the taglist, please let me know xx

Masterlist // Channel introduction // Previous chapter // Next chapter

It is finally done. I somehow finished the final edits of my newest novel. I mean, I love the book with all my heart and I do think that it’s one of the best books I’ve ever written so far, but if I have to read it one more time, I’m going to scream. In about a week, the advanced reader copies will go to the first beta readers. It’s a nerve wrecking part, but it does mean that the moment my book is going to be on the shelves, is one step closer.

To celebrate this glorious event, I decide to go my favorite cafe and edit my next YouTube video. Other people meditate, do yoga or get some exercise in to relax. For me editing is my form of relaxation.

Never in a million years would I have imagined that I would have five million subscribers. Five million people around the globe enjoy watching my vlogs, while I highly doubt I’m that interesting. Sure, I nowadays do photoshoots, some editorials and I still dance quite a lot, but besides that, I’m homebody, who writes a lot and to get out of the house, visits cafes.

I grab my backpack and start packing my laptop, the charger and my AirPods. I’m tempted to bring my Nintendo Switch with me, so I can play some Animal Crossing (I’ve been kind of neglectful of my island, sorry Tom Nook), but I leave my Switch in its charger.

Before I leave my apartment, I take a quick selfie, to upload for my Instagram Stories. It’s just a simple mirror selfie, showing off my outfit. Since it’s pretty hot outside (it’s July tenth and London has been trapped in a very intense heatwave), I opted for some high waisted denim shorts, a simple white crop top and some matching white sneakers. I do bring a white blazer with me, since the cafe usually has its air-conditioning on and I don’t want to freeze to death.

To be honest, before I got famous on YouTube, I never was impressed with my looks, my style or my life really. I had to celebrate my twenty first birthday alone, to realize I was pretty much wasting my life. Because of the weather, my plans to travel back to my family were cancelled and when I was staring at the cupcake with one candle on it, I realized I barely had memories from my time in college and I was already in year two.

I started to document certain moments in my life, but with all the footage I had of one whole week, I could make a two minute video out of it. But everything I filmed, had to be extravagant and then I asked myself: why does it have to be extravagant to be important enough to film? I should live my own life like I’m the main character, not a side character. I should romanticize life more. All of the sudden, I began noticing how beautiful the sky would look when I went outside for a walk, how the flowers start to bloom when it’s spring and how cozy certain cafes are.

When I uploaded my first YouTube video, I barely had subscribers, but all of the sudden more than thousand people thought my life was interesting enough to watch and a whole year later, I had 200k subscribers. I always figured that it would stay around that number, but once I graduated, published a book and moved to London, my subscriber count went up with a rapid speed. My 500k subscriber hit was unbelievable, my one million subscriber hit was beyond me, but hitting five million subscribers… It’s weird and thank God I have now reached a certain plateau, because seeing my subscriber count going up with the speed that it went back in the day, scared the living shit out of me.

Once I’m at my favorite cafe, I order a cappuccino and some vanilla cake, before I sit down and get ready for some editing. I used to spend way too much time on editing my videos, but now I finally have found a way to be more efficient.

Time ticks by. I see multiple people leave, I order some ice tea and another soda to keep hydrated and finally I take my AirPods out and put them in their case. I’ve been here for a few hours now and I maybe should leave. I don’t want to overstay my welcome here.

Before I can get up, my phone rings and I pick up when I see it’s Lacey. We met on the plane to London. She went to UCLA, but moved back to England after she was done with school. She told me about what she was going to do in London—becoming a librarian and honestly, that’s a dream—and somehow we hit it off. She was my first and only friend here in London. Of course, through her I met multiple people that I like, but I’m always a bit awkward around them, just like I’m shy around practically anyone I have never met.

‘Hi La—’

‘I have a new fling and he is having a party tonight,’ she simply interrupts me.

‘So much for a hello,’ I chuckle. ‘What fling was this again?’

‘This is the guy I met at the zoo.’ For someone who is a librarian, she meets an awful lot of guys. When I think of a librarian, I think of an older lady with a pencil skirt and grey hair in an updo, but not Lacey, who rocks short skirts like no other. She usually has a new guy every week, but the guy from the zoo… I don’t know if I remember correctly, but I think he is around for more than a week.

‘Hasn’t he been around for like two weeks?’ I ask her.

‘Yes, he is.’

‘And you aren’t tired of him yet?’ I start to pack my bag, while I clutch the phone between my ear and shoulder. ‘What was his name again?’

‘His name is Jackson and he is such a handsome guy, so you want to join us for the party? You can say no, Sandy, because this guy has parties every other week.’

‘I just finished my deadline for the new book,’ I say. ‘I think I just want to chill at home, to be honest.’

‘Totally understand. You are one a hard working woman and I know that parties can be pretty stressful for you.’ I can hear her smile through her voice. ‘I’m really proud of you for finishing that book, always remember that.’

‘Thanks, Lacey. Say hi to Jackson from me and tell him I’ll meet him soon. If he is still around then, of course.’

Lacey starts to laugh. ‘Oh, this one will be still around. I really like this guy and every morning, he sends me a good morning text, including a bad joke.’

‘That is oddly adorable.’ I wave to the barista’s as I leave the cafe. Shit, it’s hot. Like I’m stepping into an oven. Thank God I packed my white bucket hat and I put it on, to prevent my dark hair from frying my brain.

‘It is. Oh, he is calling me. Love you, doll.’

‘Love you too. Have fun tonight.’ I hang up the phone, while I move slowly through the streets of London. I’ve never really been a party type. For me it’s always a chore, never a pleasant event.

Being heavily introverted as I am, I enjoy my time reading on the couch, being by myself. Sometimes I wished I had an animal to keep me company, but my landlord is an asshole and prohibits any sort of pet. Maybe one day I can finally move out here, find myself a better place and become happy there with a nice dog.

Maybe tonight I can film my newly updated evening routine. I haven’t done that in ages and a lot has changed since the last time I did it. For a second I’m doubting my earlier decision of not going to the party with Lacey, but I shake off that thought.

Tonight I’m staying home.

As usual.

⟢⟡⟣

Who needs an alarm, when the sun can wake you up, nearly blinding you in the process? I roll around in my bed and am about to drift away again, continuing the beautiful dream of me being wrapped in Henry Cavill’s thick arms on this Sunday morning, when my phone rings.

Groaning I push myself up, grabbing my phone from the nightstand. I sigh deeply when I see it’s Lacey who video calls me. ‘Why on earth do you want to video chat with me?’ I ask her with a sleepy voice, still groggy from just waking up. I rub my eyes, hoping that that will wake me up. After I filmed my summer night routine, I fell fast asleep and when I look at my alarm clock, I slept a whole nine hours.

Well done, Sandy.

‘I have been trying to call you since five a.m.. Why aren’t you picking up your phone?’ Lacey asks impatiently, looking genuinely annoyed.

‘Sometimes I wonder if you even hear yourself. I was asleep at five a.m., as a normal person does.’

Lacey rolls her big doll like eyes. She actually looks like those porcelain dolls, the same ones that my creepy neighbor back home collected and put on display for the entire neighborhood to see. Blonde curls bounce around her face and for someone who partied the entire night, she actually looks really good and is way too awake. ‘I have a story for you and normally I don’t want to talk you into feeling guilty, but for this occasion I’ll make an exception.’

‘That doesn’t explain why you want to video chat with me.’

‘Just wait.’

I sit up straight in bed, placing a pillow against my back, so I can lean against the headboard. I pull my knees up to my chest, to lean my arm on. ‘Tell me, Lacey, what happened?’

‘So, I arrived at the party around eleven and Jackson was waiting for me at the door. He was being a true gentleman, kissed my cheek and when we walked inside, he kept introducing me to people, saying how at the end of the night, I was going to be his girl. To spoil the end for you: I am his girl now and we had steamy sex back at his place.’

As fantastic as that may sound for her, why does she the need to share this with me? I mean, I am happy for her that this Jackson guy is a nice guy and if she is actually going to date him, that’s great, but I don’t want to hear it. It’ll make me feel even more single.

‘Anyways, while Jackson is introducing me, I feel someone is staring at me. So I look around me, only to find one guy watching me. I try to squint you know, to see who that guy is and I think to myself: wow, that guy looks an awful lot like Henry Cavill.’

I start to chuckle. ‘How much did you have to drink at that moment?’

‘None, totally sober. Jackson pulls me with him and eventually introduces me to his friend Henry Cavill.’

Oh my God, I think I forgot how to breath. ‘You are telling me that the guy who you met at the zoo, who is probably more than just a fling to you and threw a party last night, is friends with the Henry Cavill?’

‘The same Henry Cavill you refuse to follow on Instagram, because you can’t handle that much gorgeousness on your feed.’

No need to attack me like that, I think to myself. I just woke up and was hit with the realization that I could’ve met Henry Cavill last night, but I didn’t want to go to a party. Tip for next time: always say yes when this Jackson guy is throwing a party.

‘Moving on with the story, Henry—yes, I’m on a first name basis with him—kept gawking at me and finally he asked me if we knew each other. I shrugged, telling him how I’m just a simple librarian, that usually doesn’t mingle with hot celebrities. Later on, I don’t know how exactly Jackson, Henry and I got to that topic, but I casually said something along the lines of that I’m friends with the Sandy Choi. Henry nearly loses all the color in his face and Jackson starts to laugh his ass off.’

Where is this story going? What the hell is going on?

Lacey starts to laugh out loud and manages to add: ‘Jackson tells me that mister Henry Cavill is a huge fan of yours and literally drops everything whenever you post a new video and how he had an almost heart attack when you mentioned him in your July first vlog. According to Jackson, he has been questioning your comment saying that you haven’t had your fair share of Henry Cavill today ever since.’

This isn’t happening. This honestly can’t be happening right now. Lacey is totally messing with me. ‘Sure.’

‘I can see you are questioning my fantastic story, so let me show you this then.’ She shares her screen with me and shows me a picture of her, this Jackson fella and Henry fucking Cavill, looking insanely handsome as he usually does. His hair is slightly growing out, revealing some lovely curls of his and he is wearing a white blouse. The buttons are hanging on for dear life. I’m mentally kicking myself. Why didn’t I go to this party? I mean, I would’ve probably embarrassed myself, but still: I could’ve admired him from a far. In real life.

Lacey stops sharing her screen with me and smiles widely in the camera. ‘And Jackson mentioned something about pressuring him into following you on Instagram and sliding into your DM’s, but mister Cavill is petrified of doing such thing, so… I decided to give him your number and I think he already texted you.’

I swipe the video chat away, while I start looking through my Whatsapp chats. I see I have some messages from my manager, my editor, my dad and an unknown number.

‘Did he text you?’

I click on the chat, ignore what it says and press on his profile picture. ‘It’s him,’ I say. ‘It’s really him.’ I admire the photo for a second. His thick and strong arms wrapped around his dog. God, I was dreaming about something like that just minutes ago and now all of the sudden, he has my number?

‘What did he write?’

I check the chat and see that the man wrote a paragraph, instead of multiple tiny texts. That is absolutely adorable.

‘I can see you and your grin,’ Lacey says, reminding me that I might’ve swiped away the video chat, she can indeed still see me. ‘Come on, Sandy, read it to me. I deserve to know what he wrote, since I’m the reason he has your number and texted you in the first place.’

She has a valid point and to be fair, I’d probably share it with her anyways. Best to do it now. ‘Hi Sandy, I swear I’m not a creepy stalker. I’m Henry Cavill and I met your friend Lacey at the party last night. She was kind enough to give me your number. I have no idea what she told you about last night, but I just wanted to let you know that your vlogs really help me to get through my days and that you are truly an inspiration to all young people out there.’

‘This is legit the cutest thing that has ever happened!’ Lacey squeals.

Though I agree, I keep staring at the text. This is what he thinks of me? He thinks I’m an inspiration to all young people out there? My videos help him through his day? ‘I’m going to hang up,’ I say to Lacey, ‘and figure out what to text him back.’

‘Wait,’ she says, ‘you’re not going to tell me what you texted back to Henry fucking Cavill?’

I pull up our video conversation again and shake my head. ‘No, I’m not. Thank you for giving him my number, Lacey, but please don’t make a habit out of it. Thank you. Love you. Bye.’

Before I can hear what she has to say, I hang up on her and look at his text again. My heartbeat is finally normalizing again, though my palms are still sweaty. I need to text him back, because that is a polite thing to do.

But what do I text back to a man like him, especially after he told me such a nice and lovely things? I mean, how do I top that? I can tell him the things I told Lacey whenever we would watch something that he starred in. I could say that I thought he was hot in the Witcher or that they should’ve included shirtless scenes of him in Mission Impossible. I could—

Oh my God, he is online!

I nearly die of panic, throwing my phone away from me on the bed. Maybe hanging up on Lacey was the dumbest thing I could’ve done. I need her help. She knows what she could say to him.

Lord knows how long I’m thinking about a response and I know that I should text him back. I finally wrote something and before I can regret it, I press send.

Sandy: Hi, Lacey indeed told me about last night. I honestly can’t believe that you watch my vlogs and that they help you get through your days. Hearing kind words like these from any subscriber honestly means the world to me 😊

And now we wait. He wasn’t online when I pressed send, so I probably won’t get an answer from him any ti—

Ping.

He already answered? Oh no, no, no, I have to let this moment sink in for a second. He can’t already texted me back. Please, let this be my mother, telling me I need to take my cod liver oil, please let this be her.

Henry Cavill: Do I want to know what she told you?

This sounds cheeky, I can handle cheeky. I can answer to this. I’m an adult woman, who is just texting with someone who is a fan. I can handle fan encounters.

Sort of.

Besides, I can think about the right response, so this is only in my advantage.

Sandy: Just that you are a big fan of my vlogs and drop everything when I post a new video.

Henry Cavill: Right, that’s not too bad, I guess.

Sandy: And that according to your friend Jackson, you almost had a heart attack when I mentioned you in my vlog and you have been questioning my fair share of Henry Cavill of today comment.

Henry Cavill: Great…

Sandy: It’s kind of flattering to be totally honest with you.

Henry Cavill: I’m just dying of embarrassment, give me a minute.

I can’t help but to chuckle. It’s weird, that I’m actually talking to Henry Cavill right now. Who would’ve ever thought that that would happen to me? I decide not to share the Instagram and sliding into my DM’s story that Lacey shared with me.

Sandy: I hope that Lacey haven’t told any embarrassing stories about me.

Henry Cavill: Just that you went to Mission Impossible: Fall Out three times in the cinema and that you commented all those three times that there wasn’t enough of me in it.

Okay, now it’s my turn to die of embarrassment. I feel like he is sparing me the need to fall into a deep hole of embarrassment, since he doesn’t mention Lacey adding to it that there wasn’t enough ass and the lack of shirtlessness on his part, because I said that all those three times as well. I know my friend and I know that she told him that.

Sandy: Right… I’m sorry.

Henry Cavill: It was pretty flattering and good for my ego 😉

⟢⟡⟣

Henry—yes I’m on a first name basis with him now as well, but I have yet to change his name in my phone—and his texts have caused tiny disasters around my apartment.

I burned my pancakes, because he kept distracting me with texts, causing the fire alarm to go off. Because I wanted to shut the thing up, I had to stand on a chair, but my brain was still with those texts, so I nearly broke my neck when I fell off it.

While I was filling the kettle with water, I forgot the tap was still running, causing the thing to overflow with water. I stubbed my toe not once, not twice, but three times on the same table leg.

But despite that, talking to Henry has been such a nice thing all morning and the first half of the afternoon. He keeps on complimenting me on my editing, saying what his favorite moments are in my vlogs, while I on my term share about the favorite moments of his interviews, his movies. It’s obvious that we are fans of one another, so having it out in the open, doesn’t feel weird or uncomfortable.

But nothing prepares me for his latest text.

Henry Cavill: I’m going out for a walk with Kal, since it’s cooling down now. You want to join us?

I know I should answer him and I should answer him now, but I keep pacing around my living room. Going out with him on a walk, means talking to him. Like using my vocal cords to communicate with him, talking to him. Am I ready for that? What if I disappoint? I’m probably going to disappoint.

I take a deep breath. You didn’t went to the party last night, so you should go now, Sandy, I tell myself. You can do it. He is inviting you, meaning he wants to hang out with you. That is a good sign.

Sandy: Sure, I just need to get ready. I think I’m ready in about thirty minutes.

Henry Cavill: I’ll share my location, so you know where to go to, okay?

Taglist: @flhorah // @henrythickcavill // @toomanystoriessolittletime

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #so henry you want to start a youtube channel #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #henry cavill x sandy choi

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cloveroctobers · 3 years

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ANNA-JULIA “AJ” (JONES) JARLETT

IG bio/info: @/annajj9x_ | 20.1k followers| Athlete | hey peeps can you stop asking me to throw it back cuz the answer will always be no! K thx take it easy 🏳️‍🌈🌻🏒🐶

21 years old

From bath, England

Hockey player as her profession for the past three years

Her position is defense

Their team name is “rowdy alphas”...yeah some team names just didn’t make sense or they’re cringe for no reason at all

Was raised by her mom,(her mom was a teen mom & had her at 17) maternal grandmother, and her paternal aunt (dad’s younger sister, who’s more like a big sister to her at 28)

They’ve made her into the person she is, literally

Her grandmother has a bed and breakfast that they all live in

the house is Victorian style—almost as if they walked right out of charmed! Instead of a big pink house, think yellow AND purple. It was hideous but homey and charming on the inside

growing up in a house with multiple temporary strangers wasn’t odd to aj at all, in fact it felt like the norm. There was always someone around to socialize with so that was quite nice

Her father was a pro baseball player & passed away due to a automobile accident

she has his smile & freckles

aj was also involved in the accident at the age of 6 & miraculously survived with intense injuries

Has scars as a reminder

used to have night terrors because of the accident...it took awhile—years!!! for them to subside

they’re all vague memories now (but the pain is something she’ll always remember) but she preferred it that way

she’s named “Anna” after her mother’s old best friend/roommate and was supposed to be aj’s god mother but she went missing during their uni years

the name“Julia” came from her paternal grandmother who she gets her wide doe eyes from

her athleticism definitely came from her dad

Her mother luckily liked to document things so there’s a bunch of home videos of her dad in them & pictures/scrapbooks that her mom has for safe keeping

She’s more of a klutz, tiny, and wears huge prescription glasses

extremely close to the three most important ladies in her life, so she’s always been able to be open with them about anything!

when she first expressed her interest in liking both genders around 17-18 her paternal aunt was all smirks, “i knew Britney Spears was so your type, yeah?”

more like shakira but Brit was just as pretty

her mother was a “cry baby” so ofc she burst out into tears squeezing aj’s limbs and peppering her face with kisses. She didn’t view her child as anything different... as she shouldn’t & was glad that her daughter trusted them with this significant moment in her life and wanted to be as supportive as she could

got books, watched Ted talks and everything but knew she could come to the source even tho aj was still figuring it out herself

her grandma dipped her head at the new info sitting at the round kitchen table, “been there. had a few broads in my life after and during my marriage with your no good grandad. Thank goodness the bastard died before you even got to meet ‘em.” “Mum!”

what felt like the biggest weight on her chest was lifted. She knew they’d understand but a part of her had a little bit of doubt, she’s heard so many horror stories where those like her didn’t have the support she has and that made her extremely sad to think about

i see her as a person that has/had many friends in secondary. She’s always open to chat and her being on a few sports teams helped her out in her case

very competitive in anything that she does & will guarantee that she’ll beat you. (“ You wanna race to the car from here?”wins. “Who ever cleans the most dishes the fastest gets the last slice of pie.”) majority of the time she’s right but if she loses?? oh don’t let her lose to you, it’s a pity party for the rest of the time ur in her space. Such a sore loser omg

stays active, always working out + has a gym membership and makes sure she goes at least five times a week

she’s very strong, loves leg day & working on her core

she’s about 5’10

loves wearing “gf jeans” since they’re super comfy but doesn’t mind skinny Jeans with rips in the knees every now and then

trainers and chucks are her go-to sneakers

has no issue shopping in the men’s section ‘cause who’s gonna stop her? Nobody that’s who

owner of over a 100 graphic tees + vertical stripped shirts are also her favs, SWEATPANTS/joggers?! How many does she have? A lot. Snapbacks? Plenty. Will she wear them backwards? Obviously.

Physical touch is her love language. She’s comes from a family that has no issue showing their affection by touch. There is NO such thing as personal space and that still stands with aj when it comes to relationships, she sees no other way

It’s what she shows and what she wants in return, if you’re not touching her in some sort of way, then automatically she thinks there’s something wrong or that she did something

Is the jealous type. It has shown in relationships and ruined a relationship or two

Has cheated on a significant other out of pure jealousy & is not proud to admit that

Does have a wandering eye but feels now that she truly understands herself when it comes to relationships, she’ll never act on it again

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I get libra tendencies from her so that’s what I’m sticking with. She likes to keep the peace (unless she’s jealous) , idealistic — always looking on the bright side of things, outgoing, romantic, and professional— especially when it comes to her team; her true leadership comes out, yet she can be indecisive, hates confrontation, self pitying — if things don’t go perfectly how she imagined/planned it to, the world is ending and everyone is out to get her, and can be unreliable—never on time

September libra to be exact

if she’s really in love/taken a interest in you then she gets nervous: blushing, sweaty palms, cracking her knuckles, tongue tied—the whole 9

she’s already defined as a puppy by her coach but when she’s in love? She’s a lovesick puppy!

her fav holiday is Valentine’s Day

thought she was going to be a pro skateboarder growing up but it took one bad fall where she thought she was paralyzed for her to choose something else

she likes her weed on occasion

Obsessed with all types of cheese except cottage, “can I put cheese on this?”

more of a jumpsuit kinda girl or dressy top with jeans & hoops on a night out

has a solid group of mates outside of the hockey team, they’ve all met and hung out a couple of times, as they should since aj feels they’re going to be stuck with her for awhile so why not?

They’re a riot when they all go out, let’s just say that there’s never a dull moment

fav color is periwinkle

enjoys ASMR, mostly in the mornings when she’s waking up. You know how people love podcasts? (Sorry seb & Nicky, she still wants to be on the show soon!) ASMR is her thing

loves tangerines, you can count on it that she’ll have one on her, “where did you pull that from?” “I’ll never share my master plan.” “You’re such a tit.”

Definitely prefers “fresh squeezed” orange juice & will make her own, she has the tools & the strength 😏

Very rare for her to get sick ;) & if she does she’s a complete baby about it

Will fight that she’s sick before she admits it, trying all sorts of horrid remedies & vitamins

loves summer & all things that come with it, the number one thing is leaving bath for however long she can for a new place to enjoy

when she arrived to love island, she was thrilled for the weather. Yes she was looking for love but most importantly a nice get away & that it was (depending on your route that is lol)

closest with seb, vieve, elladine, and tai but don’t tell the others that! (She doesn’t care if you tell Yasmin, honestly)

just because her & seb “dated” and it didn’t work out doesn’t mean they can’t be friends right? It was almost automatic for them to be platonic after it was determined there would be no romance between them, almost like sibs! like those celebs like to say—except this time these two won’t turn around and actually find romance

vieve came with seb so...but no shade aj did like vieve. She gave great advice (while seb sometimes didn’t say the right things unintentionally or what aj needed to hear) when needed, especially from a medical view and is very sweet

elladine was the one who had all the tea & ideas to match, she’s quite organized and always down for DIY’s and could suggest almost anything. If you needed someone to help you get things tidy or match/find your Aesthetic, she’s the friend you call to help

tai was the one she could be a “bro” with, sure elladine has her competive side (or controlling, depends on how you view it) but tai was the one you can run to for much needed “bro hugs”, partying, going to the pubs, playing sports with or against, checking out/flirting with babes, etc...

it was not long after the villa that aj had a revelation with her sexuality & fully owned and labeled herself as a lesbian

She was happy being in relationship with someone else or with herself, life was short and she was young so there wasn’t time to dwell and stress over things so what the hell?! Live your truth the best way you know how ya know?

probably smells like sweet citrus, almond flower, and sea salt

on chest days, she’s a sweets snacker. Loves gummy bears (also with vodka) , swedish fish, sour patch kids, etc...basically shit that sticks to ur teeth

put all her chips into hockey, while it was advised by her Counselors & mum not to do so, aj went about it anyway. She thought about the pros and cons but knew there was nothing else for her. So there were more pros than cons. She was meant to play sports, its what felt right in her soul

Made her feel connected to her father, when she’s on the field she feels that he is with her

scrunches up her nose when she’s frustrated or confused about something

Doesn’t always grasp concepts right away, she’s a soft dummy but most of us are and that’s okay! We’re all smart in our own ways

Feels like sunflowers are always around her especially if she sees them wherever she is. They must symbolize SOMETHING, therefore she loves them

spf queen. All about it, get with it or let the sunrays ruin ur skin that’s on u

loves a good filet mignon medium-well & is probably the only good thing she knows how to make alongside a salad, baked potatoes, & her oj

sucker for romantic-comedies...it’s basically her life duh!

If she has a dog, it’s a Dalmatian or Great Dane. She needs a companion that’ll keep up with her

loves kissing, it’s her favorite form of intimacy

Quarantine life included the push up challenge for her. Gaining a few pounds in muscle and fat, bothering seb via ft, viewing old letters she wrote to her dad, spending time with her fav ladies since they were now restricted from having guests in their home, and letting boredom consume her + she hated the whole lockdown that came with it, she hated being indoors for long periods of time but she knew that’s what partly needed to be done

Posts a lot of beach, park, outings with her friends & team, moments with her fav ladies, workout videos, and guests at the b&b with their permission and if only she befriends them along the way. She’s just as active on the socials as she is in rl but she’s not obsessed with it, she knows how to live in the now. She’s all about balance!

I also feel like she never keeps her phone charged and it’s always dying on her! She had a car charger but...that’s a jungle. She needs to invest in a portable charger stat

crushing on/finds attractive: Jared Padalecki, Keanu Reeves, Barrett Doss, Camilla Luddington, Sandra Bullock, Adrian Kempe, Harry Kirton, Anya Taylor-Joy, Haley Lu Richardson, Naomi Osaka, Ming & Aoki Lee Simmons

who does she listen to? Shakira lol!! Bea Miller, Dua Lipa, Daya, XYLØ, Elley Duhé, Stela Cole, Aloe Blacc, Maroon 5, Lewis capaldi, Charlie Puth, girl in red, Hayley kiyoko, king princess, dodie, & tessa violet

Anthem: Icona Pop — we got the world

#litg #litg3 #litg s3 #litg aj #litg mc #litg oc #litg seb #litg genevieve #litg elladine #litg tai #litg yasmin #litg headcanon #litg moodboard #I felt like the pressure was on for her so sorry if this sucked lol #litg headcanons

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jaegercentral · 3 years

Text

⠀⠀⠀ “PROLOGUE”

selene set her phone down on the bathroom sink, rubbing her face (hands washed ofc). this is really happening, huh? she thought. walking out of the bathroom, she cleared her throat which was previously worn out from crying. selene, with her test in hand, sat on the couch, waiting and waiting and waiting for haru to come home from work. the time was 8:28PM and she had nearly fallen asleep until she heard the quiet unlocking of the front door. selene sat up and saw her boyfriend walk in, paper grocery bags in hand. “little help here?” he chuckled, seeing her focused gaze.

he snapped in front of her face to get her attention and she shuddered, nodding harshly. “yeah, of course.”

he rolled his eyes at her in a teasing way. she was always a little dazed. he found it cute.

he then looked down at the coffee table, seeing a little rectangle box wrapped in pink wrapping paper. “what’s this?” he reached to pick it up but she got to it faster. haru looked up at his beloved girlfriend and frowned. “hey? what is it?”

“it’s nothing!” selene pressed her lips together. “okay fine it’s a pregnancy test.” haru’s eyes widened to the size of an american quarter and he smiled softly.

“are you pregnant?” she nodded and he set down the groceries, pulling her into a hug, stroking her long black hair.

“what are we going to do, haru? aren’t we too young to start a family?” she sobbed into his shoulder and he patted her back.

“well, we can talk about that after i make dinner. is that good with you?” selene sniffled and mumbled a quiet ‘yes’. haru grinned and ruffled her hair. selene sat down at their small dinner table. soon they would have to add another chair. “okay. how about..i make your favorite dish?” he made jazz hands, waiting for her reaction—at least a smile.

selene looked up at him and tears filled her eyes again. the smaller man rushed over to her, pulling her into his embrace. “no no no, don’t cry. you’re okay, baby.”

haru helped her stand up, leading her over to the couch. “i’m scared, haru.” she curled up into a ball, feeling comfort in the way his arms were wrapped around her. he was her home.

“i know, i know.” he caressed her hair, kissing the crown of her head. the young couple sat still for a while, holding each other. selene stopped crying but only because haru started.

“no, you can’t start crying too! that’s my thing!” she huffed, wiping his tears.

the boy suddenly started laughing, which shocked selene. “and laughing is my thing.” she giggled and kissed the tip of his nose.

selene pressed down on her thighs and finally stood up. reaching for his hand, she sighed. “okay, let’s do this.”

haru took the girl’s hand and stood up with her. “what? make dinner?” she punched his shoulder and he feigned hurt.

“you know what i meant.” the girl rolled her eyes and yanked him towards the kitchen where they spent the next 45 minutes fixing a meal.

*six months later*

“i don’t know, tora. he’s just been pretty distant lately.” selene rested her hand on her stomach, where her bump had grown even larger.

“do you think he could be planning something? that’s why he’s been extra busy?”

“i guess? there isn’t much that kindergartners do so i don’t think he’s too busy with work.” her best friend snorted, finding her retort kinda hilarious.

“oh, well i have to go, selene. kou just texted me, asking where his phone was. ttyl!”

“yeah, thanks! bye.” she hung up, sighing heavily. selene looked down at her bump. “you’re a real pain, y’know.” she poked at it like it was some kind of jelly.

the front door of their apartment opened harshly, and selene flinched. their apartment doors were always so loud. we should probably get that fixed, she reminded herself. there stood her boyfriend, arms full of bags of candy. halloween was always his favorite holiday. selene smiled at the dorky boy who was still struggling to reach the marble island.

“i’ll get it.” she spoke, arms stretched out to reach for a bag. haru turned away from her, trying to keep her from doing any heavy lifting. “hey! let me help you!” haru thought she looked like an angry penguin when she stomped towards him.

“no! the doctor said you can’t do any heavy lifting until after you give birth!” he had set the bags on the island and selene looked at him like he was prey. her hands gripped onto the counter; she was ready to lunge at him. haru’s face as she chased him was priceless. it was a weird mixture of worry, fear, and joy. “oh shit!” he exclaimed, losing his balance as he tripped over one of the shoes she threw at him.

“i don’t care what the doctor said. i’m helping. besides, from the looks of it, the candy can’t be THAT heavy.” she tried reasoning, but when she lifted the variety bag, it tore open and spilled all over the kitchen floor. “well i guess it can, huh?”

haru, with a hand on his hip, gave selene an ‘i told you so’ look.

“you look a lot like your mother right now.” selene pointed out, painfully bending over to pick up a hershey bar that fell seconds ago.

“now that’s just sad. and wrong. she’s all old and wrinkly now.”

selene’s face went 😟 as she saw the small figure behind her boyfriend. with a mouth full of chocolate, she spoke, “babe you should shut up right about now.”

“no! i still have more to say.” selene glared him down, nearly making the poor man pee his pants. like his mother once said, if you value your life, never make a pregnant woman mad.

“who’s old and wrinkly, haruto?” his face suddenly lost all color as he heard the familiar, sickly, sweet voice from behind him. “and do tell me what else you had to say. we’ll be around for dinner so you have time.”

“oh it’s nothing.” the boy rubbed the back of his nape, a scare smile painting his face.

“right, mhm.” haru’s parents practically adopted selene after they started dating since hers were absent for most of her life. for people who are supposed to be parents, they sure stopped caring about selene after the wife finally got pregnant. “selene, darling, how are you? is the baby healthy? how many months along are you?” the aforementioned girl blinked harshly, trying to process what she asked.

“um, i’m good, so is the baby. and as of three weeks ago, i’m six months.” haru’s mom walked up to her, tucking her hair being her ears.

“poor girl. you must be in so much pain. plus, my little dweeb of a son must be making it worse.”

“oh, so much.” selene exaggerated, watching as haru frowned. he knew she was joking, but it still hurt him. he could be doing so much more for his girlfriend, but no. he’s been spending so much time trying to plan the perfect day to propose to her that he didn’t take the time to understand how she must’ve been feeling. horrible and lonely, he would’ve guessed.

“anyway, are you guys ready to go? i think it’s almost an hour until the reservation is actually valid.”

“i am, but i don’t know about haru.”

haru feigned an offended look, his hand pressed against his chest. “are you kidding me? i went to the grocery store in this suit.”

“well, haruto, don’t you know that that can cause creases and wrinkles?” his father asked, checking his watch.

her boyfriend shrugged, running his hands through his hair. “i do, but i just wanted to be extra prepared.”

“now that that’s settled, why don’t we head out?” selene offered, haru handing her her shoulder purse.

they all agreed, following after selene while haru locked up.

*45 minutes later*

as the clock hit 6:47, the group pulled into the restaurant’s parking lot, exiting the car. they were seated at a small round table, with a waitress named harlowe.

minutes passed by, they ordered, they ate, and then they left. it was now 8PM and fatigue was starting to take over selene. they waited by the entrance for their car to be driven back to them. while waiting, haru’s anxiety was kicking in. right now. do it. right. now. haru kneeled down and selene raised a brow. “are you tricking me again?”

haru shushed the girl and looked down, rethinking his words. “selene, i’ve known you for six years now and i think this has been long overdue. i’ve known you were the one for me since the moment you walked into the gym, bumping into the door, announcing your role as a new manager. and i’ve loved you ever since.” people were starting to crowd around the couple and normally, selene would’ve been scared out of her mind, but now she didn’t care because she was finally having her main character moment. “now here’s the scary part,” her boyfriend whispered. “miyasaki selene, will you be the roxanne to my max? my forever and always? will you marry me?” selene giggled at his “a goofy movie” reference and eagerly nodded, grinning like a child at disney world.

haru smiled with her, pulling her into a bear hug. he wiped her tears that were unbeknownst to her and declared his love to her as he slipped the peridot ring on her finger. “you remembered?”

“i remembered.” back when they were in high school, selene begged him that when, not if, they got engaged, he would give her a peridot ring instead of a diamond ring. she always believed that worth was subjective and haru knew how much she loved her birthstone, so he got the ring custom made.

“you’re perfect.” she exclaimed, basking in the attention they were receiving from the bystanders.

*three months later*

“haru, you asshole! if you don’t show up within the next 10 minutes, i’m divorcing you.”

“don’t worry, babe. i’m right around the corner!”

“don’t ‘babe’ me, just show up!” she violently screamed into her phone. the bloodlust was practically oozing out of her and if her fiancé didn’t walk faster than 2mph, she would make sure that he would never see the child that she was on the verge of giving birth to.

the door slammed open, and there stood her fiancé. it felt like déjà vù but selene was NOT in the mood. she just wanted the pain of being in labor to end.

after around 27 minutes of pushing, screaming, and selene cursing her fiancé in her head, the baby popped out of her. “it’s a boy!” the overly cheerful doctor exclaimed.

“well no shit, we saw in the ultrasound.” selene retorted, finally able to breathe again.

“i apologize for her.” haru smiled at the doctor who looked like she was about to start crying. as soon as they cut the umbilical cord and did whatever they do to newborns, they gave selene her baby, afraid she was going to snap at them again.

selene and her boys slept on that very hospital bed for the night, relieved. her baby was healthy and the love of her life was there to see. he was definitely happy that selene wouldn’t divorce him. they weren’t even married yet!

*two months later*

“bye, haru!”

selene kissed him on the cheek and haru kissed her and hikaru back. “bye, selene! bye, hikaru!” he waved and closed the door, going off to the school.

“why don’t we go on a walk to the park? well, i’ll be walking and hauling your cute little ass around, but it’ll be fun!” she claimed, clapping her hands together.

selene gathered all of hikaru’s baby food, diapers, clothing etc. and put it in the baby bag in his fancy, new stroller that his grandparents bought him. changing into some leggings and a graphic tee, selene and hikaru left the apartment, and went off to the park.

it was half way into their walk that selene received a call from an unknown number. “hello?”

“hi, we are here to inform you that your fiancé has been involved in a car accident, caused by a drunk driver.” selene covered her mouth, tears streaming down her face like a waterfall. seeing his mother cry, hikaru started wailing loudly. “ma’am? are you there?”

the, now, widowed mother regained her composure. “may i ask which hospital he’s at?”

“highland hospital, miss.”

“thank you, have a nice day.” selene placed her phone back in her pocket and sprinted in the direction of her car.

[at the hospital]

selene, holding hikaru on her hip, paced back and forth around the room, waiting for news.

suddenly the door opened, revealing the man’s parents. their eyes watered at the sight and his mother ran over to embrace the poor girl. his father took a seat at the bench and sobbed quietly into his hands.

haru’s right arm and leg were severely broken and he would’ve definitely been required to have surgery. across his face and shoulder were extremely long wounds that were still bleeding. he didn’t look like your fiancé anymore.

hikaru was still confused about what was going on, for he was looking around the room, watery eyed, for his father. he couldn’t recognize the man on the bed, which added to the sadness.

within a fraction of a second, the machine that was taking and recording his vitals started beeping and doctors started rushing in, pushing everyone else out. now, there she was. sitting outside of the icu room, she hugged hikaru tightly and prayed to whichever god was present to save her fiancé. she couldn’t lose him. not yet.

but death is natural. and although it takes some too early or too late, for the right or wrong reasons, it’s still natural and destined to happen some day.

and that’s when she received the news. “miss, we’re sorry to inform you that the patient has unfortunately passed away. we give our condolences.” suddenly, every single noise in the hospital drowned out and everything went black.

“hey! we need a doctor over here. my daughter-in-law has collapsed!” was the last thing she heard before losing consciousness.

*a day later*

the light was blinding and coming back way too fast for selene’s liking. she searched the room for her family. not even hikaru was present. only the doctor. “w-what happened?”

“oh, good. you’re awake. apparently, you went into shock and collapsed in the middle of the hallway after hearing the news of your fiancé dying.” she was suddenly reminded of the news as her eyes glossed over. she let out a small ‘oh’ at the thought and cleared her throat. another doctor burst in and yanked the man aside.

“gee, aaron, who kicked your dog today?”

“aaron?” selene looked at the man again and looked for any familiar features.

“that’s dr. aaron to you.” she fiddled with the blanket which was uncomfortably thin. the female doctor ordered him to leave the room and sat by her side.

“sorry about him. he’s not good at interacting with anything but his body pillow of ariana grande.” selene grimaced at the thought and she laughed.

“it's fine. everyone has their flaws, i guess. do you happen to know where my son is?”

“oh, hikaru? what an adorable little boy. he’s in the waiting room with his grandparents.” she caressed selene’s arm. “my name is zoey, in case you were wondering.”

“thank you, zoey—i-sorry, dr. zoey.” zoey shook her head and laughed.

“don’t worry, i’m not like that uptight little shit named aaron. you can just call me zoey.” she beamed at selene, showing her gummy smile. she was about to leave, but quickly turned around and snapped and pointed at her. “right! i came in here to tell you that you’re okay to be discharged right about now.”

“thank you, again, zoey. you’ve been a great help!” she nodded as a ‘thanks’ and left the room. selene went back to fiddling with her blanket. he can’t really be gone, can he? i mean, it all happened so fast.

it took her a while to finally come to terms with the harsh truth that her fiancé was dead and she would never see him again. the next couple months would be the hardest, despite what she thought.

prev | masterlist | next

A/N: ngl, i kinda sobbed when i wrote this. and OMG :0 this chapter is 2,578 words long- that’s like the longest thing i’ve ever written without any guidance or prompt. so congrats to me! and i promise that this is the longest the actual word by word text will be in this fic. i’m too tired to write any more stuff so 👍

#haikyuu smau masterlist #hq sakusa #sakusa smau #hq x reader #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa x reader #pure angst #pls cry with me #i hate myself #haikyuu smau

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kaylorrehabcenter · 3 years

Text

Gold Rush and Happiness are Sisters

Gather round everyone and witness the clown try to prove that Taylor Swift wrote songs about a married (now pregnant) woman in the year of our lord 2020.

Also this is a seven page doc in my google docs so like. Get a cup of tea and some popcorn.

Ok full disclosure this is…..mostly me clowning. Like seriously. Don’t take my words as the word of God, this is just my interpretation and how I listen to the songs. And as a (former? Idk man) Kaylor I’m going to want to make these songs about my ship. Acknowledge your biases kids.

Also like. I change my mind a lot, but for a while this theory that Gold Rush and Happiness are connected has been stuck in my head and I wanted to write it down and post it in case anyone else got something out of this.

If you read my last post on Gold Rush (here!) you’ll know I don’t think of it as a happy song. To elaborate further- I think it’s Taylor catching herself looking back on Karlie/that time in her life (Because I think Karlie is emblematic of the 1989 era for Taylor and is thus tied to the pain that came out of that, along with her ties to the masters heist) and reminding herself it wasn’t good and ended for a reason.

“Gleaming, twinkling/eyes like sinking ships on waters/so inviting, I almost jump in”

“But I don’t like a gold rush”

The sinking ship line makes me laugh. I like to think it’s Taylor saying she’s literally sunk our (dead) ship, but that’s mostly regressing to 2015 tumblr humur.

To the actual analysis, she almost jumps into these waters, maybe it’s literal (don’t text your ex kids, write a bop like closure instead) or maybe it’s more metaphorical. She almost allows herself to think the good times were the only times. Maybe there’s a desire to move back to nyc, capture the magic that she may have felt during the era.

“I don’t like that flying feels like falling till the bone crush”

But that’s the thing. It feels like flying at the time, but it isn’t a feeling that can last. These relationships built on temporary promises (we’re assuming here Taylor was a side thing for Karlie, not that serious and built not to last, even if there were genuine romantic feelings on both sides, which I think there were to some level) won’t last, and will hurt when they do end. At least, this one did.

“Everyone wonders what it would be like to love you”

Everybody wants who she’s singing about and is imagining what it would be like to be with them, they think it would be a fairytale. Hell, Taylor probably thought their relationship would be a fairytale against her better judgement. Karlie is a celebrity and a model no less, yes she has other things going for her (Koding and investments), her brand and her success in the fashion world depends to some degree people desiring and fantasizing about her.

“I don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch”

The funny thing about that, Taylor’s the only one who knows the pain of that relationship, of being a side thing and never committed to. It’s draining. It's difficult. She isn’t allowing herself to jump into those waters.

“I see me padding across your wooden floor/with my Eagles t shirt hanging on the door”

I point out this line mostly because it feels like a Delicate call back (Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs). Am I reaching though? Probably. Also as someone with parents about the same age as Taylor’s (give or take ten years), I like the Eagles reference. Stream Hotel California for clear skin <3

“At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit”

Taylor was the first person to call Karlie out on her “I’ve tried!!” bullshit, how cute. <3

Besides this line being very iconic, it also shows to me that Taylor’s been frustrated with Kar even when she was busy giving her heart eyes. She’s a frustrating person to be around even when you are “turning her life into folklore”.

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?/With your hair falling into place like dominoes”

Damn that’s a gay couples lines you got there Tay. Wonder if you’re wondering what it must’ve been like for Kar to grow up in the model industry, and all of the pressure and exhilaration that entails. From a male’s perspective ofc.

I also take the dominoes line to be Taylor saying what must’ve it been like to have this easy idyllic childhood. Maybe Taylor is the first time Karlie’s been with a girl outside of a hookup and didn’t have to go through the pain of realizing she was into women until later in life. (Not that that’s not painful, it’s just different, and allows you to have a perfectly straight childhood/teenagerhood)

“And the coastal town we wandered 'round had nеver seen a love as pure as it/And thеn it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it could never be”

Maybe this relationship never existed in the way she thought at all. You know Carrie Fischer’s character in When Harry Met Sally and how until she meets the right guy, she spends the whole movie insisting that whatever married guy she’s seeing really loves her!! And he’s gonna leave his wife for her!! That’s what these two songs make me think about, waking up and realizing they were never going to leave their wife, you were projecting this whole story onto someone else, but that doesn’t mean there was no value in what happened.

“And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it/'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea/'Cause it will never be”

The coastal town seems an obvious Rhode Island reference, to get more specific it reminds me of when Josh and Karlie visited Taylor at her Rhode Island home in 2014 and Josh looks peeved as hell. 1, 2 Also if I remember correctly, enty has a blind where he says there was a huge fight between Josh and Taylor which ended in Taylor not wanting to be around him again. Just interesting to note. (And if anyone has the receipt, please send it my way!)

Taylor may have been projecting this fairytale narrative at the time of being able to make it work, of being friends with Josh even but it didn’t work and the fairytale is left to be folklore, never made real.

The outro is the same as the intro to the song, implying to me that while she’s telling herself it was bad, you weren’t happy, she’s still catching herself missing it and what she had with Karlie. She left a part of her back in New York see, and she can’t stop her mind from retracing old footsteps.

Now, onto how I think Happiness and how I think it connects. I’m about to audition for the national team in the reaching Olympics. Wish me luck. :)

A bit of a preamble though, I don’t take this song ~super~ literally. Depending on what day of the week it is I think it’s probably her divorcee rpg simulator or her closing the book on her ex situationship gf on her own terms ~in a straight way~. So not to discredit this whole ass post but. Take with a grain of salt.

“Honey, when I'm above the trees/I see this for what it is”

See that bold bit? That’s the main connective tissue between these songs. She’s finally woken up and now that she’s this far removed from the relationship she sees what it was. To add to the pain of it all, this is especially potent if you wonder if Karlie gaslit Tay into thinking this wasn’t a big deal, they were just fucking around when Karlie has literal Softest Love Song You Are In Love dedicated to her.

“But now I'm right down in it, all the years I've given/Is just shit we're dividin' up”

This seems to me to be a masters heist reference. Karlie since Lover, is musically tied to this event in Taylor’s life, it’s what I think is keeping Tay from making a clean break from her so to speak.

“Showed you all of my hiding spots/I was dancing when the music stopped”

This seems to be a Rep era/dwoht reference. Yes, Taylor constantly references dancing, but the hiding spots (loved you in secret! you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis!) combined with the dancing when the music stopped (I'd kiss you as the lights went out! Swaying as the room burned down!) brings out the full kaylor clown in me.

“There'll be happiness after you/But there was happiness because of you/Both of these things can be true”

This is probably some of the most gut wrenching lyrics Taylor’s ever written. Damn, imagine having that written about you. Anyway, the point here is the thesis of this whole damn post. Gold Rush is Taylor catching herself daydreaming about the happy parts, and reminding herself about the bad to make her snap out of it. Happiness is her coming to terms that both parts of that relationship were true. Things aren’t that simple.

“Haunted by the look in my eyes/That would've loved you for a lifetime/Leave it all behind”

This feels very Cruel Summer doesn’t it? “I love you ain’t that the worst thing you’ve ever heard?” These lines make this relationship read as two things to me. One, it was very one sided, and Taylor/the narrator, was obviously left behind at the end of it when she was heavily invested into making this work. And 2, it was doomed from the beginning. Again. Big cruel summer energy here.

Or it’s a divorcee rpg simulator 3000. Now with extra glamour and opportunities to dramatically drink wine in dressing gowns.

I don’t have a lot to say about the second verse of the song that. Karlie has a nice smile, Gatsby reference, dig at whoever the next person to take Taylor’s place as a side fling (or a dig at Josh, or a baby reference since that’s what the Gatsby line refers to). The only other thing worthy of note for this post is the line following the Gatsby reference.

“No, I didn't mean that/Sorry, I can't see facts through all of my fury”

is the next line, where she regrets what she just said and admits to saying overly harsh things and overlooking the truth of the matter when she’s angry, which to me feels like a big Afterglow/Me! reference.

“There'll be happiness after me/But there was happiness because of me/Both of these things, I believe”

I think a lot of what Taylor’s doing emotionally in the chorus is legitimizing this relationship for herself. Yeah, Josh and Karlie will have a happy life in Florida with Ivanka and them, but Taylor also made Karlie happy too and she doesn’t want Karlie to forget it.

It reminds me of the way she talks about August, that she genuinely loves James/Karlie, and thinks they have something. But she’s just the pit stop on the commitment highway, and the depth of her feelings for the other person will never be acknowledged. It’s exhausting you know?

“In our history, across our great divide”

“Guilty, guilty reaching out across the sea/That you put between you and me”

Nothing to see here, just a nifty parallel. Karlie doesn’t want wrinkles in her new life see.

“There is a glorious sunrise/Dappled with the flickers of light/From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind/And there is happiness”

This bit (which has some of my favorite imagery in this whole dang album!!!) reminds me of the end of the Wildest Dreams mv where she runs out to the car with the lover following her after the big charade of pretending not to care as much as she does, while knowing you aren’t the one that got picked.

Interestingly, if you look at the shot of the four characters together near the end, the outfits parallel the ones worn by Kar, Tay, and Josh at the 2014 Met Gala. This was of course the one where Tay and Kar got ready together and Karlie proceeded to spend the night with Josh and where Tay just looks. Miserable. (see here!)

The line also parallels Wildest Dreams lyrically.

“Say you'll remember me standing in a nice dress/Staring at the sunset, babe”

Which you know. Worth noting.

The last line (And there is happiness) seems to point to there being happiness in leaving the bad situation just as much as there was happiness in the situation. It’s Time to Go anyone?

“I can't make it go away by making you a villain/I guess it's the price I paid for seven years in Heaven”

A series of thoughts. One, I love the first line where Taylor acknowledges anger isn’t going to make it better. There’s only so much being angry in this situation will do, and it’s not like Taylor’s record is clean here either. (I mean I assume. We know she went psycho on the phone anyway)

Two. Seven years in heaven is both a play on a famous game/turn of phrase (Seven minutes in heaven) but one of the more bold references to Karlie in her whole damn discography. Do I think they’ve been together for seven years straight? Not really. But do I think Taylor saw an opportunity and jumped on it? Yep.

“And I pulled your body into mine/Every goddamn night, now I get fake niceties”

No thoughts head empty this line is a sucker punch and I love it. If anyone needs me I’ll be watching her perform ikywt on the vsfs and crying to yail.

“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness”

Oh look! Another Gatsby reference. Or Taylor calling Karlie out on profiting off of her association with Tay after they clearly did not end on good terms. (Folklore themed maternity shoot anyone?) I mean, whatever floats your boat.

A bit on the green light metaphor from Gatsby, because it’s worth noting even if I don’t have much more to say on it here.

“Situated at the end of Daisy’s East Egg dock and barely visible from Gatsby’s West Egg lawn, the green light represents Gatsby’s hopes and dreams for the future. Gatsby associates it with Daisy, and in Chapter 1 he reaches toward it in the darkness as a guiding light to lead him to his goal.”

Yes I copied that from Spark Notes. No I am not sorry. I have an exam tomorrow and I’m writing about a dead ship on a dead social media website. Sometimes we do what we must do.

I love the ending of this song, I really really do, it feels like taking in a breath of air and finally feeling free of the weight you’re carrying. It feels like a final goodbye, like Tay’s getting closure on her own terms and I truly love that for her. Bb’s stepping out into the daylight. <3

There is happiness

In our history, across our great divide

There is a glorious sunrise

Dappled with the flickers of light

From the dress I wore at midnight, leave it all behind

Oh, leave it all behind

Leave it all behind

And there is happiness

So, what was this whole seven page post for then?

Gold Rush and Happiness being connected has been a theory rattling around in my brain for forever and I’ve wanted to write it down for just as long. The tldr of it all is pretty simple, Gold Rush is about her reminiscing about the good parts of Kaylor, and pulling herself out of it, reminding herself it was bad and bad for her. Happiness is her legitimizing the relationship, and moving on while acknowledging there was bad and good in their story. It just took me seven goddamn pages to articulate that.

If you’ve reached the end of this. Damn. Thanks. Go get a snack or something, you deserve it after reading this.

#<3 #hope this entertains y'all like i said been wanting to write it down for a while #hope i explained my points well!!!#kaylor lyrics #kaylor analysis #gold rush analysis #happiness analysis #oh and let me know if the links work!

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ryttu3k · 3 years

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Finishing up SoNY, ‘bad’ end and final thoughts!

But first, the early game over.

Wow, she just gets shot. Not even slurped? That’s rude as hell XD;;

And on to the ‘bad’ end!

Beginning is much the same, ofc.

“You’re too in love with weaving a good story and establishing a seductive narrative to let facts get in the way.” Foreshadowing for the ‘good’ end, maybe?

God that Embrace scene gives me literal goosebumps.

Alright! Last time I did Danse Macabre and Retributive Justice, let’s try The Risks of Swiping Right!

lmao god I’d eat this guy too. Back to the ghost club! That legitimately is a really neat scene. ...Ooh yes so that’s where the girl was from.

Panhard just lowkey dying at the mental image of Katherine Weise in a fast food restaurant is so good.

The sweet scene between Julia and Dakota hits a bit different after the ‘good’ end XD;;

Went to the park, reminisced, and helped out the guy. That was sweet ;_; High-humanity Julia, this time!

‘Fairy God Mother?’ is great but ‘Vin Diesel?’ is objectively the funnier response.

“Shining even more brightly than usual, Aisling.” Samira got a cru-ush~

Poor Julie. It’s probably been tough without Sophie around :(

Huh. Interestingly, refusing to lie to Mia results in Julia actually feeling genuine loyalty to the Cammies (for now, at least).

Believing Agathon is still alive = more optimistic = different dialogue! See, this is how you make choices have consequences, game!

Oooh boy time to meet Adelaide XD;;

“She uncrosses her legs in a strangely seductive motion. In her mind’s eye, it probably looked like Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, but in reality, it had all the grace of a tracksuit Slav squatting.” *snickering*

Fight me, Adelaide >:(

‘sup Nastya. Went with the slightly less disruptive routine here XD Huh, she’s an aspiring DJ! Julia is deeply confused as to how being a DJ and being head of security works together.

lmao Julia referring to Hope as a girlboss. That phrase has lost all meaning to me...

The conversation between Julia and Father Leonard is still really interesting. Man, you know who I want Julia to talk to? Anatole. Interesting insights into balancing being queer Catholic vampires there for sure.

lmao oh my god I want to fight this street reporter.

‘I can almost feel my brain losing its wrinkles.’ *snort*

Yeaghhhh the Abyss bit is still so creepy...

Oops. Being honest regarding Tamika and Torque’s relationships gets a fail :(

Oh, or not XD That works! Also, uh, apparently the giant albino ghoul alligator is real, according to New York by Night. He’s Calebros’ pet.

“Because I think I have a pretty good nose for people’s auras. And when I take a good look at you... ...somehow, I have a feeling you’re a surprisingly decent person. Whatever way of unlife you choose, I hope you don’t change it. And that you remember my advice.” :)

“I know.” Oof.

“Hi.” “WAAAH!” lmao sorry Princess XD;; Just trying to imagine Qadir’s face as he tells Julia to find a 1990 glass statue of Scrooge McDuck... dying...

Oh she’s so a Toreador XD Low art options are a fantasy book, an anime DVD, or a video game... those can all be arty, though! And went with the anime DVD called ‘Ririsu no Daibouken’... that translates to ‘Adventures of Lilith’. How on the nose XD “The cover says ‘Lilith’s Carnal Carnival’.” Oh. Yeah, that’d do it XD

“This 90s original video anime presents us with a tale of five big-bosomed samurai warriors travelling through America in search of General Hastavista, The Incubus King. Don’t let all the titillation misguide you: the main draws here are peerless direction, a nearly avant-garde editing rhythm and dialogue that coyly comments on traditional gender roles in anime. Once you see the animation in the final battle, you’ll understand why it never fails to set a sakuga fan’s heart ablaze!”

She’s my new favourite.

“So can I know your name now?”

“Hmmm... Let me think...

No. <3″

I need to stress that the heart appears in the dialogue box. Like. The actual less-than-three heart.

Didn’t investigate the rat this time, so Qadir did and I die. “Glad you’re alright, little guy.” Qadir...

Still not over the drunk blood doll rats.

Kaiser’s still a goddamn creep and this time Julia is not going too far. She still has her humanity, dammit. Final set of traits:

Loyal to the end

Glass half-full

Not into a bad cop schtick

Honesty is the best policy

No more human, still humane

Onwards to the ‘bad’ end! Oops, and Dakota still did the Single White Female thing XD;;

Man I’m still really curious who the ‘good friend’ is!!

Okay! Time for end game!!

So that’s the good friend, huh? “Let me phrase it differently, then. You’re not Ecaterina the Wise, the Agitator of Prague, a Brujah elder causing turbulences all over the world... are you?”

Mention of Christof! Mention of Christof doing shady shit :| Poor Hana.

“An immigrant from Eastern Europe comes to New York City, takes the position she always expected to find herself in, is molded into someone who is no longer herself.”

Julia and Dakota representing Carthage is kind of neat.

I want to say the mention of St Jude is a reference, but I’m not sure what to XD;; Is that from Redemption? Christof could have been the one to tell Hana that.

“Like a two-person human centipede loop or something. An Ouroburos? Or an, uhh, Mobius strip?” No, that’s the other traditionally Sabbat clan XD

That‘s. That’s a hell of a reconciliation XD “Yeah, let’s give it a try. By the way I’m on the run for my unlife, want to go to California and try to find utopia?”

Julia, wear a fucking mask XD

“Hey.”

“Yeah?“

“Do you love me?”

“... Of course I do. For now, at least.”

I still don’t know if I love her. Or even if I can love anyone, for that matter. I’m a fucking monster, after all. I don’t even know if we’ll exist next month. The prospects are not looking good. But although I can’t see myself in the rearview mirror right now...

...I will remember this image of us leaving the city, somewhat melancholic, and somewhat hopeful, forever. And maybe the meaning of this image will be clarified with time. Or maybe I will just force a more positive description on it, and that is what I’ll believe.

No matter what happens... even if oceans of blood lie before us, I will make this a cherished memory.

Whatever possible salvation still remains for me... ...it probably lies in the eyes of another.

Oh dang I have chills.

So the ‘bad’ ending is about the subverted compromise. Julia resigns herself to letting the compromise about the truth of Callihan’s death go ahead. ‘Catherine’ is a walking compromise to hide the Ecaterina’s real deeds. But while Hana is still stuck in her role for now, Julia refuses to accept the compromise she’s made, both the one relating to the investigation and the compromise she made of her own views and morals. It might blow up in her face, yeah. But damn, she’s going to try.

So, final thoughts! For the sake of completion, this is what I said about Coteries:

And of course this is the part where the game all falls apart :-\

Just… god. This is probably the biggest problem with CoNY, and the reason I didn’t bother getting it until it was like… 60% off. The bulk of the game is great - the writing is intriguing, the design is stunning. But the choices themselves are so limited it’s barely worth even getting it at 60% off!

You have three choices of characters, with their own opening chapters and own individual scenes with their touchstones. You have four choices of coterie members, and three sidequests. You can probably get in at least three full story arcs and a sidequest or two, but you’re only ever limited to two of your coterie members showing up at the not-yet-endgame.

So let’s say you decide to play all three protags, which, indeed, is encouraged (there’s an achievement for it). You are going to repeat coterie arcs and side quests, because there simply aren’t enough for three unique playthroughs.

And then you get to the end and literally everything is scripted. You get attacked by the SI. You get rescued by your two coterie members (and then never see them again, despite the game being called Coteries of New York). You meet Torque, you escape the SI, Sophie reveals her plan to Torque, you go to Ellis Island, Adelaide kills Sophie (and despite the fact that you’re given multiple options there, none of them work), Arturo does his spiel, end of game. You don’t even get to choose between ending up blood bound or going “no fuck you” and at least dying with a bit of dignity!

I just. I really want to like it, and there genuinely is a lot there to like! But uuuugh the ending. Like damn at least give the poor protag the option to choose what happens to them!

Anyway. Not sure what’s next. To get all the achievements, you have to finish with all three protags, so that’s three full runs and a lot of repetitiveness (compare to, say, Bloodlines or Night Road. I have eighty-five hours on Night Road and there’s still stuff I haven’t seen!), so I can’t even just… rush it through up to the meeting with the touchstones on the third play. Nope. Gotta finish it :-\

Final rating: 6/10

8/10 characters, 9/10 atmosphere, 8/10 story aside from ending, 3/10 story ending, 2/10 replayability. Final consensus: get it on major sale if you can, otherwise, you might as well just watch an LP. I might do that instead of doing a third run, although I at least want to do a second.

I ended up revising that 6/10 to 5.5/10 after finishing all runs and getting the achievements just out of how goddamn repetitive it was. So, how does Shadows measure up?

Absolutely continued with all the things I enjoyed about CoNY (characters, atmosphere, and writing), and of the bits I hated (cookie cutter protagonists, lack of real choice, repetitiveness, the godawful ending), every single part has been completely improved.

Instead of three fledglings so similar they even have the same internal thoughts, we have Julia, who’s got such a distinct voice that she becomes the most memorable game protag I’ve seen in years, and I’m including non-VtM games in this. This is absolutely her game, and it’s just... absolutely fascinating to read and watch.

Related - actual real choices. There are five key choices that determine the ending, and every single one has actual consequence in-game. You get different dialogue. Different introspection. Different philosophies. And this carries across - if Julia believes Agathon is alive, she’s more optimistic about her relationship with Dakota, too. And of course, both endings are completely distinct and incredibly written - the ‘good’ ending where Julia gives in to her most Lasombra instincts, plays the game, wins it, gets power and respect at the expense of her humanity and avoiding all those wraiths... or the ‘bad’ ending when she listens to her morals, reconciles with Dakota, and leaves for California, uncertain, but hopeful.

Not a lot of repetitiveness. Yes, by design, you’ll probably do two playthroughs. The main plot is much the same, but there are enough options there to get multiple dialogue options and stuff. And for the little sidequests, you can actually get all in with just the two playthroughs, only repeating like... two, I think. Still, I wasn’t feeling actively bored like I was midway through my second run of CoNY!

Loved seeing more in-depth backstory and development for the coterie members. Agathon’s section was particularly fascinating, literally getting into his head.

And just. Atmosphere and music is so, so good.

Final rating: 9/10. Thank you, Draw Distance, you hit it out of the park.

#vampire the masquerade #vtm shadows of new york #ry plays sony

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garyrennell · 4 years

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LOVE ISLAND THE GAME S3 — MC TAG💛🏝

hello, beautiful people💕 since S3 just started, i came up with the idea to make an MC tag so everyone can show off their gorgeous S3 MCs🙈obvs inspired by the MC tag @mrsgaryrennell made for S2. this is the template if anyone wants to participate💙 enjoy✨✨

FULL NAME: Halley Hawthorne.

HOMETOWN: Swanage, England.

AGE: 21.

STAR SIGN: libra⚖️

OCCUPATION: scientist (specializes in biology, mainly physiology related). she has a second job as a photographer, and hopes to make a living out of it in the future.

SEXUALITY: bisexual queen🌛🌜

NATIONALITY/ETHNICITY: british.

LANGUAGES: english and finnish. she learned finnish because she studied abroad for many years.

IMPORTANT PERSONALITY TRAITS: she always says the first thing that comes to mind, which can sometimes get her in trouble haha. she’s very mature, loyal and caring for other people, specially her loved ones. she also hates drama and never stirs the pot. what characterizes her the most is her never ending sex jokes and references lol (basically like Maura from Love Island UK lmaoo), which means choosing all the crackhead options✌🏻

STYLE: chic and sober clothing, but with lots of accessories. she mainly wears black, grey and white colors, but she’s not goth lol she just thinks she looks great in those colors haha. she also loves silver jewelry and very high heels. lives for ripped jeans for sure. her makeup is mainly nude, and she likes having her hair loose.

ABOUT MC’S FAMILY (PARENTS/SIBLINGS/CHILDHOOD/ETC): her family are her father named Scott, her step-mother named Maggie and her older brother named Isaac (yes, after Isaac Newton). most importantly, her brother is her best best friend. her parents are space geeks (my previous MC would be proud omg) so they named her ‘Halley’ after the scientist and comet☄️

HIDDEN TALENTS: she knows how to play the bass very well, and also wins every connect-four game she plays lmaooo.

CELEBRITY CRUSHES: John Boyega, Chris Evans, Tyler Hoechlin, Gary Rennell ofc, Crystal Reed, Avan Jogia, Kaya Scodelario, Emeraude Toubia and Danai Gurira.

FAVORITE DRINK (ALCOHOLIC AND NON-ALCOHOLIC): alcoholic: loves champagne and fruity cocktails, and gets drunk very easily lmao. non-alcoholic: likes smoothies a lot and would drink them all day, also milkshakes and juice🧃

FAVORITE TV SHOW/MOVIE: favorite shows: definitely Sex Education and (don’t judge her) she still likes The Walking Dead😂 favorite movies: Wonder Woman and the classic León: The Professional📽

FAVORITE DISH: sushi sushi sushi🍱 she’s also an ice cream addict🍦

FAVORITE VACATION SPOT: Firenze, Italy🇮🇹 (not biased ofc🌚)

IDEAL DATE: likes casual dates but in pretty places, like a fancy movie theatre or a good restaurant. take her to an amusement park, and she’ll be buzzing🎢 adrenaline is key.

WHO’S HER INSPIRATION: Simone de Beauvoir, Gloria Steinem and Annie Leibovitz💅🏻

BEST FRIEND: Seb🤘🏻

LOVE INTEREST (FOR NOW): Camilo, but she also has her eye on AJ🏳️‍🌈 she’s still waiting for her rugged man tho.

PICTURE OF YOUR MC AND FACECLAIM: she has grey eyes and wavy strawberry blonde hair. her faceclaim is Abigail Cowen✨

i’ll leave here my MC tag for S2 in case you guys haven’t met Minni yet (i love space girl so much omg and i still have so much to write about her💕🪐) and i’ll be tagging just this people so they can spread the tag too🙈: @mrsgaryrennell, @ariendiel, @batgirlassociationofgothamcity, @therealityofthematteris, @honey-girlie, @bubblelaureno, @garyandhisnan, @spiltrice, @kingkassam, @nuggobby, @iamgaryrennells, @bobbysmckenzie and @bobsqueen-ofboops💫💫 ofc if not tagged by anyone you can do it anyway if you want to, just say I tagged you😉💙

#aaaaa i’m ready to stan you guys’ mc’s already lol #i would’ve tagged even more people but i have to leave my pals people to tag too hahaha #i hope everyone gets to participate yasssss #i’ve had this on my drafts for weeks omg #but i obvs was waiting for everyone to be able to play #love island the game #litg #love island game #litg season 3 #season 3 #halley hawthorne #tag #mc tag

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nerdzzone · 4 years

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Light After Dark: Chapter Four

Summary: Brooke Harris was trying her best to be grateful. As the world tackled the COVID-19 pandemic, she was healthy and safe and so was the rest of her family, but her dreams had very quickly been crushed by the economic fallout. Trapped on the quaint island of Jersey with nothing, but free time to wallow in her mistakes, Brooke’s mental health was taking a hit, but when she collides with a handsome stranger she starts to realize that the future might not be so bleak and there might still be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x OFC

______________

Once the ice was broken, the floodgates opened. Despite the fact that neither of us had much going on in our lives of quarantine, we spoke almost every day. Sometimes on the phone, but mostly by text. It felt so natural with him. I wasn't sitting around for hours trying to compose the perfect message, I didn't stress about whether or not a certain text was worth sending. He put me at ease and it was making the whole lockdown experience much more interesting.

April. 20. 2020

Me: I've started watching your show

Henry: And what do you think?

Me: I'm only about three minutes in. Is it going to scare me? That was a very intense start...

Henry: It has some unsettling moments, but I wouldn't say it's scary

Me: If it gives me nightmare then you better be prepared to talk to me in the middle of the night when I'm afraid

Henry: Ha ha I promise I will, but it's not that bad. There's some gore, but not much that will haunt your dreams

Me: Alright, I'll keep going then

Henry replied with a thumbs up emoji and I returned my attention back to the show, but I was messaging him again before much longer.

Me: You look so different with that hair

Henry: Different in a good way?

Me: Well it's not a bad look, the whole rugged thing is quite sexy

Henry: I'm glad you like it 😉

Me: Not a huge fan of those eyes though

Henry: The contacts were awful to wear, but it did make it easy to get into the role with how different I looked by the time I was done hair and make-up

Me: I can imagine. Were those pants as uncomfortably tight as they look?

Henry: Well...We did go through several pairs...because they kept ripping...

Me:

Me: Careful Henry, I'm trying really hard to rein in my thoughts before I start objectifying you...

Henry: 😂

Henry: I won't tell anyone if you do 😉

Me: Stop distracting me, I'm trying to watch a very serious show

Henry: Alright, but just wait until you get to episode five

Me: Why?

...

Me: Henry? Why?

...

Me: What happens in episode five?!

****

April. 25.2020

Henry: My mother would like to know if you do savoury baking as well as sweet

Me: You told your mother about me? How cute

Henry: I wanted to get ahead of any rumours of assault that may have come out after our first meeting

Me: Are you sure you weren't gushing about the amazing woman who knocked you off your feet?

Henry: I believe it was me who knocked you off your feet

Me: Physically, yes. But emotionally, it was definitely the other way around

Henry: And what makes you think that?

Me: Whisking me up into those big strong arms trying to impress me, wanting to check over my ankle as an excuse to get your hands on me. Clearly, you were enamoured

Henry: Ah, yes, you've caught me. When I meet a woman I'm attracted to, the first thing I want to do is touch her ankles

Me: Back in the Victorian times that was quite a treat

Henry: Men tend to aspire to a bit more than that these days 😉

Henry: But I will admit you captured my attention as soon as you stopped hyperventilating

Me: Not my best first impression...Perhaps you should raise your standards

Henry: Well, it's quite flattering when a woman literally forgets how to breathe at the sight of you

Me: Ha ha very funny 🙄

Henry: Are you ever going to answer my question?

Me: Yes, I do savoury baking as well from time to time

Me: I actually made calzones tonight

Me:

Henry: I like your dinosaur apron

Me: Ha I forgot I was wearing that

Me: It would seem the best gift for a baker is novelty aprons, I have a whole variety of them

Henry: Very cute. You and the aprons 😉

Me: Awe, shucks. You're sweet. Anyway, why did your mum want to know about what I bake?

Henry: She was trying to make focaccia bread and had some difficulties

Me: I told you bread was hard

Me: Best tip for focaccia is to not over handle it. Don't knead it too much because you want to keep the air in. Letting it rise in the pan you're going to bake it in helps so you don't have to move it

Henry: Great, I'll pass that on. Thank you

Me: You're welcome. I'm here for all your baking kneads 😂

Henry: Very funny 🙄

****

April. 30. 2020

Me: I finished your show

Henry: And what did you think?

Me: Let's just say I'll be sneaking into your house to steal that script

Henry: 😂

Henry: I'll make sure I hide it somewhere safe then

Henry: But I'm glad you liked it!

Me: I did! Honestly, I don't watch or read much fantasy stuff, but it was really intriguing

Me: And I did enjoy episode five 😉

Henry: I thought you might 😉

Henry: I had to dehydrate for three days to look like that

Me: ...what? are you serious?

Henry: Yes, it makes your skin super thin so it just sits on your muscles and they look extra toned

Me: Okay, I don't like it now! That sounds super dangerous

Henry: Ha ha well, it's not absolutely no water for the whole three days, you taper it off

Henry: But it does get quite miserable by the time you're ready to shoot on the fourth day. You can practically smell any water nearby 😂

Me: 😒

Me: I still don't like that

Me: I've seen you in person and I very much doubt that those muscles don't look sufficiently massive on camera without silly tricks like that

Henry: It was a small price to pay for such an iconic scene

Henry: It's right out of the video game. I should have had my feet up on the front, but the bath was the wrong shape and that would have gotten a bit too graphic for our rating

Me: Ha! Not a fan of full-frontal?

Henry: I'll admit I've come quite close, but no, no full-frontal

Me: When did you come quite close?

Henry: During the Tudors there were quite a few racy scenes

Me: Hm, which episodes exactly?

Henry: Ha ha you'll have to figure that out for yourself I'm afraid

Me: Darn, well it was worth a try 😉

Henry: It would hardly be fair for you to see that much of me without returning the favour

Me: There might be a few videos floating around the internet that you could track down

Me: Kidding, by the way. Just realized that we probably don't know each other well enough for you to know I'm not that kind of girl

Henry: Would it be wrong if I was a little disappointed?

Me: Yes, don't be a dirty old man

Henry: Old?!

Me: I did some research, you're going to be 37 in five days 😲

Henry: That's hardly old and, not to be rude, but you can't be too far behind

Me: Never try to guess a woman's age, Mr. Cavill, it gets you into trouble

Henry: I said I wasn't trying to be rude!

Me: I'm 30, I'll be 31 in August

Me: Practically a baby still compared to you

Henry: You keep telling yourself that

Me: Careful what you say or you won't get the amazing birthday cake I have planned for you

Henry: Sorry, sorry, I'm old and you are far more youthful

Me: 😚

#henry cavill fanfiction #henry cavill fic #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x ofc #Light After Dark

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nevermindthewind · 5 years

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the beach house on crack: a love island au

alright lads so basically i’ve been binge watching love island and got to thinking about how jake and amy would be if they were in the villa bc you know it’d be spicy af so naturally i called up my resident brit @fourdrinkamy and the two of us wrote up some (4k words of) headcanons!!! If you dont watch love island then 1) culture yourself 2) it’s a british reality tv show that’s like a better version of the bachelor

“The premise of Love Island is simple. A group of attractive 20-somethings are made to couple up and share a bed—regardless of whether they have a romantic connection—in a villa on the Spanish island of Majorca. New cast members and challenges are introduced to make things difficult and they are made to recouple.” - time.com (oh + the winning couple gets £50k)

keep reading below the cut for some reality tv/brooklyn nine nine madness!!!

· so jake and amy are part of the original ten in the villa, obvs, along with charles, terry, gina, sharon and rosa and a few other randos who we don’t care about

· when jake comes in amy thinks he’s cute in a goofy sort of way but she doesn’t step forward (therefore admitting she would want to couple up with him) bc she wants to keep her options open and what not but jake thinks shes a BABE so he decides to couple with her anyway

She’s not mad about it though, he seems like a good time

charles choses rosa and she is Not Pleased bc he seems like a goober (he is)

Terry picks sharon and they become like the jack and dani of the season (kinda)

· Charles and jake instantly bond and have one of the best bromances in love island history

· Gina is the biggest pot stirrer the island’s ever seen and is constantly trying to get terry away from sharon but he doesn’t ever budge

· within the first few days its clear to amy they’re just gonna be buddies but that’s fine bc while he likes orange soda in his cereal and is possibly the messiest man she’s ever met he’s really funny and they’re really good at all the different competitions and she’s got the perfect wingman for when mr. right does come around!

· jake doesn’t mind either bc amy’s super chill and also wants to join the police academy so they can talk cop movies which is dope and also they smoke the competition when it comes to challenges

· Amy loves that they get given water bottles and forces Jake to drink it in its entirety x3 daily

· The first set of new guys/girls comes into the villa and while amy and jake both try neither of them feel anything so at the first recoupling Amy chooses to stay with jake so they both can stay and try to find someone

Rosa choses the new guy marcus much to charles’ disappointment

· jake gets everyone in the villa to start making title of your sex tape jokes and it becomes a running joke and the public gets it trending on twitter

· Over the course of the next week or so they have become each other’s best friend in the villa and often find themselves hanging out one on one even when they don’t have to, to the point where everyone else is questioning whether they actually like each other or not

· The islanders get a text from the producers (“I GOT A TEXT”) saying each couple has to pick two other couples they think are the least compatible and whoever has the most votes will get dumped from the villa, but even though jake and amy are in a friendship couple the rest of the couples think they have such good chemistry they don’t receive a single vote

· jake’s thinking the same thing and confides in charles after a few drinks and charles convinces him to say something to her

Charles is already a self-defined “melt” for jake & amy

THATS WHEN TEDDY COMES INTO THE ISLAND dun dun dun

Amy’s instantly drawn to teddy and everyone is excited bc she finally found someone she’s interested in

“He’s 100% my type on paper”

jake is genuinely happy for her ( “how do i look? Is this lipstick too much?” “you look great, ames”) but at the same time is a sad lil puppy

That night they recouple and amy chooses teddy and the public are sad bc jake and amy belong together!!!!!

Gina recouples with jake to keep him around bc she’s his mate le duh

amy’s all excited that night because she finally has someone to cuddle with but teddy just??? rolls over and goes to bed??? uh okay…

Also he snores. Big time.

Charles brings his sleep apnea machine and between that and teddy’s snores no one can sleep

On the brightside no one can hear the couples who are ~doing bits~

(A/N to clarify: in the villa, everyone sleeps in the same room which has six double beds & you share a bed with whoever you happen to be ‘coupled up’ with at the time)

· The jimmy jabs is totes one of the competitions they do and jake lets amy (and therefore teddy) win bc he knows how bad she wants it……and because he still likes her

· The heist, on the other hand, is something jake comes up with on his own and eventually everyone in the villa starts swiping things from each other

· Eventually this super hot girl sophia enters the villa and jake is SMITTEN

Jake in the interview room: “Looks like the gods have finally answered my prayers…”

iain the narrator: “Yes, the gods. Or, our producers wanted a bit of action so they asked our intern to find out your type.”

· Pimento enters the villa the same time as sophia and he and rosa are instantly drawn to each other and poor marcus doesnt stand a chance

They become co-presidents of the do bits society within like a day, even doing it in the middle of the day

Jake walks in on them doing it TWICE in one day and just silently backs out of the room, it’s not like he needed sun cream anyway

· sophia gets to pick two guys to take on a date and one of them is jake and amy is v jealous bc teddy is a dud (not that she’s going to admit that to anyone apart from in the talking head…just yet)

“I just don’t get what he sees in her honestly? Oh god…am i jealous of sophia?! Noooooo…”

Iain the narrator: “Yessssssss…”

· Amy’s been trying to get to know teddy, but it turns out the guy is a total snoozefest, which she tells gina and rosa one day while they’re getting ready

“All he ever talks about is pilsners. I dont even like pilsners!!!”

“Also, I dunno if you guys noticed this but the guy wears mesh underwear. Like why? Is it medical? How do you even ask that?!”

· Jake and sophia immediately hit it off and in the same episode it becomes v clear amy is over teddy and his lack of a personality

Theres a recoupling where boys pick and jake picks sophia and teddy picks amy but amy is Not Pleased

· A group of the islanders (led by Jake) creates a game where they take a shot every time Teddy chooses a pilsner to drink

charles is pissed by like six pm

· UH OH THERES A KISSING CHALLENGE

The islanders play snog marry pie, so basically the boys line up in a line and the girls pick a boy to make out with and one they’d want to marry (and one they want to throw a literal pie in their face)

Sophia snogs jake ofc and then says she’d marry some rando (again who we don’t care about)

Amy, however, chooses to marry teddy - “i’m marrying you because i think we’d have cute babies who would go to code camp” - AND KISSES JAKE. jake is surprised but also not upset?? And when amy pulls away jake seems to lean in for more!!!

Cut to sophia in the talking head like “HANG ON. why did she kiss jake and why did he look like he was going in for more???”

Sophia gets pissed off at jake who’s genuinely confused

“It was just a game?? Like i’dve kissed anyone bc that’s literally the game”

“Yes jake but you clearly went for more. And you didn’t have to slip your tongue into her mouth.”

Jake tries to clear his name but sophia’s not having it

“If you liked amy you should’ve just told me, not made out with her in front of me and the whole damn country”

She storms off after that leaving jake alone on the swinging couch

Cut to jake smiling in the talking head: “amy kissed me…”

NEXT TIME ON LOVE ISLAND…

Just kidding i don’t have enough follow through to make two posts so we’re just gonna do it all now

· After all that ~drama~ sophia goes to sleep on the couch but jake, ever the gentleman, tells her he’ll take the couch and she can sleep in the bed

Teddy and amy still share a bed…i mean it’s not like they cuddled before anyway…

· Everyone in the villa gives jake crap for his bedhead and amy crap for her old lady glasses

Jake def makes the glasses/penis comment and iain makes some snarky narrator remark

· Jake and Amy kinda dance around each other most of the day and then they hear Gina announce “I GOT A TEEEEEXXXXXT”

“Islanders, tonight there will be a recoupling. The girls will choose their partner. The remaining boy with be dumped from the villa immediately. #choosewisely”

Everyone in the villa immediately turns to jake and amy

· After a proper gassing up from gina, rosa, and charles jake finally goes over to amy

“Hey ames, can we go for a chat?”

Amy tucks her hair behind her ears as she gets up heheheh

Gina, rosa and charles don’t even try to hide the fact that they’re watching the entire conversation unfold from their spot on the day bed

· They go to the hanging couch (the best spot in the villa in my humble opinion) and jake finally tells her how he feels!!!!

“Look, i dont wanna be a jerk…I know you’re coupled up with teddy and it’s going really well. It’s just…”

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen at this recoupling and I think I’d be pissed with myself if I didn’t say this. I kinda wish something could happen between us…romantic stylez. And i know it probably will never happen because you’re happy in your couple but…”

· Before either of them can say anything more they’re cut off by terry announcing he has a text!!!

“Islanders, it is now time for the recoupling. Whichever boy is not chosen to recouple will be dumped from the villa immediately.”

Jake and amy just kinda stare at each other for a few seconds before amy finally gets up wordlessly and walks to the bonfire

· In classic love island fashion, amy has to choose her boy last, so it’s down to just teddy and jake. Whoever she doesn’t pick has to leave the villa.

Everyone, e v e r y o n e is visibly stressed. Charles is full on crying, and rosa is clutching pimento’s hand so hard it may or may not break by the end of the night

Teddy, god bless him, looks completely at ease. Jake keeps scratching the back of his neck and wringing his hands

· Finally amy takes a deep breath.

“I chose this boy because…he makes me laugh. He’s a good friend, and he knows me better than anyone in the villa. Also – he’s probably gonna make fun of me for saying this – but he’s, like, really fit. I don’t know, I just would be so, so sad if he left the villa. And I want to give us a chance to go beyond friends.”

At this point the camera flips to jake who is giving her the smallest, sweetest smile and then to teddy who’s finally catching on.

“The boy I choose is…”

*dramatic-ass pause*

“Jake.”

· THE MUSIC SWELLS. JAKE WALKS OVER TO HER AND GIVES HER THE SWEETEST KISS. EVERYONE CRIES, EVEN ROSA.

Amy smiles as they pull apart.

“So, a lot of change around here, huh?”

He kisses her again. :’)

· The first night they sleep together they don’t kiss but they do spoon

Jake is almost always the little spoon and at first he gets crap from the other boys when they see this but he doesn’t care because being the little spoon is the best!!!!! He gets to wake up in amys arms like hellooooo

· Amy and jake are surprisingly affectionate??? Not in a weird way like charles and genevieve but amy just always seems to have a hand on his knee or what have you

For the record, amy was NEVER like that with teddy.

· Amy has a STRICT no-sex rule in the bedroom bc hello they are on national television her abuela could be watching!!!! + it would be super weird to do bits in the same room as charles…of course jake completely and utterly respects this and doesn’t even question it. If he has to go 6 weeks without sex even though he’s sharing a bed every night with the hottest girl he’s ever seen then so be it

· UNTIL it’s announced via text that The Hideaway (a private area/bedroom in the villa away from everyone else but still not the cameras Obviously this is love island) is open and the islanders get to choose a couple to stay there for the night. Having had to put up with their blossoming love and flirting 24 fucking 7 everyone else unanimously screams “jake and amy!!!! It has to be Jake and amy!!!!” and they just grin at each other

· The bed is so big and covered in rose petals & there happens to be a very handy bowl of condoms on the bedside table…at first they just talk about how nice it is to get some alone time and just hang out….which of course turns to kissing and then making out and then………under the covers they go (for those who don’t actually watch the show it’s literally like seeing sims wahooing but irl) (maybe we see a cheeky black and white shot of amy moaning)

· The next morning amy wakes up with the BIGGEST grin on her face and her hair all mussed, and she kisses jake awake “morning, baby” and he immediately pulls her into him and kisses her back

Jake’s talking head: “Last night? Last night was….it was amazing. Stupid good. That’s all I’m going to say.” our boy!!! Cannot!!! Stop smiling!!!!

· When they get back to the main villa they naturally segregate into boys and girls and the guys immediately ask jake “how was your night? Did you get any??” “oh my god, did you FRENCH???” “charles, no nothing happened”

· (in true Jamie style) he goes over to the day beds with amy and lets her cuddle into his chest and asks if it’s okay if he tells people what happened in the hideaway - he’s a gentleman!!! And he’s always going to respect her boundaries!! Amy tells him of course that’s okay, people are going to find out anyway and that it’s really sweet of him to check with her…and she laughs to herself when jake goes back over to the boys and she hears charles scream “I KNEW YOU WERE GLOWING”

· Rosa and Gina casually-but-not-so-subtly ask amy “so did you shag? Tell us everything” and amy just smiles….rosa and gina look at each other like noice, they’re so proud of her!!

Rosa later confides in amy “the amy i knew two weeks ago would nEver have done that with Teddy…i’m happy for you, santiago”

· CASA AMOR. the boys have to sneak out of the villa (jake goes into full on spy mode rolling around on the carpet) and get shipped off to a separate one that has 6 new girls in it and then 6 new boys enter the old villa to shake things up (reality television at its absolute FINEST YALL)…the producers’ twist? Fucking Constantine Kane gets put in the girls’ villa - amy’s eyes widen out of their sockets when she sees her most random ex enter. He of course is still so in love with her, or so he claims, and tells her how excited he is to couple up with her and share a bed and win her over and get married and have babies with her. Amy naturally is like no way jose and spends the entire time trying to avoid him (with the help of rosa) hiding everywhere she can fit and sleeping on the sofa at night (and, also naturally, she worries that Sophia 2.0 is with jake right now and she realises it kind of makes her sick to her stomach thinking about jake kissing another girl….maybe she likes him even more than she thought she did?)

· Just to mess with him, jake gets a text that has a photo of constantine trying to kiss amy and poor bb gets beside himself with worry…

Jake’s talking head: “I mean Amy can do whatever she wants, I’m obviously not going to stop her from being with another person - we’ve only known each other for what a month…” [he looks away from the camera and rubs his face with his hand] “But I really like her…so it just kinda…sucks.”

· OBVIOUSLY he has nothing to worry about and his face!!!!!!!!! Just lights up in relief!!!!! When amy walks back into the og villa during the Most Dramatic recoupling without bringing back anyone from the new one!!! She rushes over to him and cups his face with her hands and kisses him hard in front of everyone

· “I missed you, you know” “I missed you too” “Hey I have to ask…that guy you were with-” “You saw that?” “I got sent a photo…nothing…nothing happened between you, right?” “Yes - I mean no. Things did happen. In the past, on the outside. But I was young and I regret it so much - i tried to avoid him the entire time in casa amor. Honestly all I could think about was how much i wanted to be hanging out with you” “really?” she moves to sit on his lap, wraps her arms around his next and kisses his cheek. “the only person i want to be in this villa with is you” “i could say the same thing about you, ames” and then they get straight back to kissing :’)))

Iain: “nope, that’s definitely not a tear in my eye”

· One morning the islanders wake up to the delightful sound of babies screaming bc you guessed it!! baby challenge!!! (i.e. towards the end of the summer, the couples are given plastic babies and have to look after them for a day)

Amy is SO excited and throws the covers off running towards the cribs (after Charles and Genevieve) screaming - “We made a baby! Oh my god I have a baby!” leaving a half-awake dazed and confused jake still in bed

Jake & Rosa eventually bother getting out of their respective beds, definitely not as excited as the rest of the villa, but jake will admit his heart flutters a little seeing amy cradling a plastic baby to her chest so attentively

“Jake! Look we have a little girl!” “awww she looks just like you, Ames” “we have to name her” “Nakatomi” jake answers immediately, to which amy whines “jaaaake take it seriously! I’m not having a daughter called Nakatomi” “fine, i’ll compromise on Holly”

At first jake is a little apprehensive about having this new Responsibility (and he’s not about to blurt out all his dad issues on national television) and so he keeps his distance and mainly lets amy take care of their new offspring in the morning (“amessss why does it keep crying?” “i cannot Believe you would call our baby it, peralta!”) That is until the girls get sent off on a Mommy’s Lunch, turning the villa into daddy day care….

He knows how much Amy loves this little baby so he decides he is going to take this seriously and it doesn’t take long for him to realise that??? This is kinda fun??? He takes Holly on strolls in her buggy around the villa and plays with her in the pool with charles and terry and (tugging at the public’s heart) sits on a day bed with her and tells her just how awesome her mummy is

When amy gets back, her heart completely MELTS at the sight of her new bf with their little one……and they end up talking about how they’re the best parents in the entire villa nay the world (“our kid is WAY cuter than terry and sharon’s” “oh for SURE”) & then of course win the challenge

· For the Final Date extravaganza they go on a helicopter ride and ngl even Amy is beside herself with excitement…they’ve spent the last 6 weeks talking about their favourite action films etc. and now it’s like they’re in one! They definitely act like literal children/real cops pretending they’re on a manhunt for a fugitive (instead of appreciating the view like normal people)

They get treated to a romantic dinner afterwards followed by dancing with live musicians and that’s when they FINALLY say those 3 words to each other….(well 5 if you count “noice, smort”)

· AND THE WINNER IS…..jake and amy obviously this is a b99 x love island au :’) they’re so sweet and humble about it & amy makes jake promise on live national television that he’s not just going to spend all their cash prize on sneakers. They each end up with over a million followers on their instagrams, where they regularly post photos of each other on date night/ at premieres/ evenings at home…and also video sagas of them pranking each other which starts with amy pieing jake’s face unexpectedly and escalates into fake proposals and frozen shoes….and maybe some *light* tasering

· Of course they end up getting married for realz and a baby announcement follows not too long after that…they are utterly the nation’s sweethearts (and Charles keeps doing interviews to the press saying he’s the one who brought them together in the villa from the beginning)

#ive never been more proud of a piece of work than i am of this #fic #my writing #headcanon #peraltiago

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coffee-obsessed-writer · 5 years

Text

When You Least Expect It Part Ten

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Mama Mia (OFC); Dee (OFC); Briana Buckmaster

Masterlist - Contains Chapter Links & Wardrobe Collages

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part ten is from the Both POV. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.

Spotify Playlist : Songs in this chapter - “How Will I Know” “Can’t Say No”

Beta’d by @closetspngirl who has contributed so much to this fic! Thank you for not only indulging my lunacy but encouraging it with gusto! I don’t know what I would do without you!!!

Chapter Summary: Jensen decides its time to put an ex in their place and while its another month closer to the festival, Y/N is starting to feel the pressure of getting everything done and calls on some reinforcements. But when a call comes in that shakes both Y/N & Jensen badly, they will have to figure how out to navigate this new threat.

Chapter Warnings: Eh - not much - a little angst, a little floof.

WC: 10.8K **with lyrics. Lyrics NOT written by me in bold, italic.

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online.

Tags are open if you want on, or wanna hop off.

Sleep was not her friend. For hours after Y/N received the call warning her to stay away from Jensen, she tossed and turned relentlessly. She couldn’t get the voice out of her mind… it was Dee; there was no doubt there. The only thing she questioned was if she should tell Jensen. The back and forth arguing she was doing with herself was only making sleep more elusive. As she watched the minutes tick by on the bedside clock, Y/N grew more and more frustrated.

With only two hours left until her alarm was to wake her for the airport, she got out of bed. Her suitcase had already been packed for her coast to coast trip, and for the first time since taking the job, she did not want to go. What she wanted to do, was rewind the clock to the night before and relive her date with Jensen.

It had been a fairytale evening, and for a girl that rarely believed in those kinds of stories, she felt herself longing for the prince to return with her lost slipper. Y/N was tired but yet energized with how to handle the direction everything was taking. The confrontation with Nathan, Jensen having to step in, the date, and now his ex deciding it was her turn to stir up trouble.

She had to tell him about the call, and soon. It was only fair. He came to her immediately after his conversation with Jared. Didn’t she owe him the same favor? Y/N decided she did. Not only that, but above all else, Jensen was her friend. She had to tell him that Dee had been calling… what made her sit up and take pause though, was that Dee had to know Y/N would say something. So, why make the call?

Because she’s jealous and freaked now that she saw you together, her subconscious spoke up softly. That little twist in her stomach that came with instincts kicking in churned now and she knew that had to be it. Dee was jealous and scared. The idiot lost a damn good man and when she realized the error of her ways, it was too late. While Y/N didn’t subscribe to the kind of games some women liked to play, she knew the playbook well enough. She would never stoop to that level, but one thing was for sure; this was a move that Dee would come to regret making.

Daylight finally broke and going on no sleep, Y/N got into her favorite pair of Yoga pants and Zeppelin t-shirt, threw on her black Birkenstocks and put the suitcase near the door for when the car arrived to take her to the airport. She figured Jensen would still be sleeping, but she couldn’t go another minute without doing something about the call she got the night before.

Bringing up the messaging app on her phone, Y/N went to Jensen’s messages and bit her lip as she smiled seeing the last few he’d sent her, before sending one of her own.

<<Hey. Last night was fun. Sad we can’t do it again tonight. Getting ready to go soon, but was hoping we could talk later. Call you when I land.

Y/N sighed and tucked the phone away again, feeling a little better, that she at least put that out there. She had the whole flight to Seattle to try and figure out what she wanted to say about it. At that moment, she felt childish and that she was overreacting. They were adults, after all. So what if Dee called and tried to warn her away from Jensen, it didn’t mean she had to listen. Y/N sat on one of the island stools and let her head rest on her arms folded in front of her on the granite countertop.

“I just wanna sleep,” she whined, tired from both lack of rest and overthinking.

A soft knock came at the door. She looked up curiously before double checking the clock on the stove. The car was more than an hour early; unless it wasn’t the car service…

Y/N was suddenly nervous as she slowly walked towards the door. After Nathan, and then the call, she was more than a little on edge. She stood on her toes and looked through the peephole of the front door and felt a swell of relief, then immediately exhilarated. She unlatched the deadbolt and lock on the handle and opened to see Jensen standing there.

“Hey, Trix. Heard you needed a ride to the airport,” he said, leaning nonchalantly against the door frame with one foot kicked over the other. “Thought I would give ya a lift.” He pushed off with his shoulder and stepped inside, softly closing the door behind him.

“You’re insane,” she chuckled. “Why are you not home sleeping?”

“Figured this would be the last time we saw each other for a while--”

She shook her head and gave him a rueful smile. “You just saw me like, four hours ago.”

“Five, actually. Now I probably won’t see you for a month, so, let me take you to the airport. Gives us another couple hours to hang out.”

“Geez, I dunno… I’m startin’ to think you might like me a little bit…” she teased, which provoked him into grabbing her wrist and playfully pulling her into him.

He wiggled his eyebrows. “Maybe just a little.” Jensen gazed down at her, his green eyes soft while he studied her face. “Did you sleep at all?” he asked quietly, suddenly concerned with how worn out she looked. “You look tired. If the traveling is too much, just say so. We can send someone else out to take care of all this.”

The phone call came forward in her mind. Shit, she thought, I wasn’t prepared for this so soon…

“No, it's fine. I need to go, especially to Jersey. I just didn’t sleep well,” she breathed and had the sudden urge to lay her head on his chest. She pushed past her anxiety on how he would react and did it anyway. His arms instinctively ensconced her shoulders and his chin rested on her head as he held her.

“Why not?”

Y/N could hear his heart beating in his chest, slow and rhythmic; a sound that she would come to find quite calming. She was about to tell him about the call, but she didn’t want to ruin the moment. Right now, just wanted to be there, in his arms and hear his heart; not talking about exes and phone calls, again.

“Oh, you know… thinking too much,” she said, covering the truth for the time being.

“Well, at least you can snooze on the plane.”

“Exactly, no big deal,” Y/N said and looked up at him. “But I sure am glad you showed up to take me. Now I don’t have to tip the driver.”

“Oh, gonna just use me as a taxi and not even tip me? Wow. Rude. Honestly, I thought your father raised you better than that,” he said, his deadpan expression holding out, but her wide grin and peek-a-boo tongue gliding along her bottom lip finally made him crack a smile.

“I’ll tip you, Hollywood. No worries. Just not gonna be in cold hard cash,” she purred and stood up on her tiptoes to leave a long kiss on his cheek.

“Well… when you put it that way…” Jensen said and she could have sworn she saw a flush of color touch the height of his cheekbones.

“So, any chance there’s time for a coffee run before we gotta be there? Maybe even a bagel?”

“Well, coffee yes. But a bagel? No. Now you’re just being unreasonable.”

She groaned, rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically. “You’re gonna make me beg? For a bagel?”

“Oh, darlin’,” Jensen chuckled as he leaned down and kissed her softly, “if I wanted you to beg, it would be for a whole lot more than a bagel. But no time for that now. Come on, let’s go grab some coffee.”

Y/N just stared at him, giving him that ‘I-can’t-believe-you-just-went-there’ look. Jensen flashed her an impish smile, clearly as payback for her innuendo, then grabbed her suitcase and headed for the door.

Twenty minutes later, Y/N had a coffee and bagel in hand as Jensen directed his truck towards the airport. It was quiet, but not in their normal, comfortable sort of way. She needed to talk to him about Dee, but it didn’t feel like the time; either that or she was just procrastinating and avoiding the inevitable. He hadn’t brought up the text message she sent either, but as they drove down the freeway she could feel his eyes wander over to her.

“What?” she asked and nibbled at the bagel.

“Nothing,” he said and shrugged with his expression. “You’re just quiet. You’re never quiet.”

“Just tired,” she replied, trying to be casual and shrugged it off.

“Nah, it’s more than that. Come on, spill it. What’s up?”

Y/N kept her focus on the bagel, as she ripped off a small piece of dough and ate it. “Did you, uh… did you happen to see the text I sent you?”

“Oh, yeah. I got it just as I was getting to your place and then I forgot. What did you wanna talk about? Is, whatever it is, why you seem... not yourself?”

She nodded slightly, as a defeated sigh escaped her lips. “I kept getting these calls, on and off for a while now. Honestly, I thought they were Nathan, or maybe even my brother.”

At the mention of Nathan, Jensen’s entire body tensed up. “Nathan’s calling you?” he asked through tight, pursed lips.

“No... it wasn’t him. I thought it was for a minute though. So last night when they called--”

“Last night? When last night?”

“After you brought me home. I went to bed and the same number called. I finally answered it.”

“If it wasn’t Nathan, then who?”

She cast her eyes down on the bagel again. “I don’t have any proof other than the voice, but… I’m pretty sure it was Dee.” Y/N swallowed nervously and then hesitantly looked in his direction. “I wasn’t sure if I should tell you--”

“What did she say?” His eyes were still set straight ahead, and he was white-knuckling the steering wheel.

“I don’t remember word for word, but the gist was to stop seeing you.”

Jensen’s mouth pulled into a thin line, and she could see him biting down on his bottom lip. “I need you to try and remember, okay? Please?”

Y/N thought back to the call but didn’t want to reiterate it word for word. She tried to think of a way to make it not seem so bad, then immediately got mad at herself. Why should she protect Dee, or make this easier for her in any way? SHE was the one who not only called but broke Jensen’s heart, left him for someone else without a word. Y/N’s need to avoid further conflict fell by the wayside, and she told him everything.

“She basically said to stay away from you, and that she saw us last night at the concert. The way I act around you is disgusting and I am out of my league with you. Also, I should go back to the cesspool I came from.”

Jensen fought the urge to pull the truck over and call Dee right there. Instead, he re-adjusted his grip on the steering wheel. “What else?” he asked through gritted teeth.

“Nothing. She hung up after that.”

“Are you alright? I mean, after what happened with Nathan, and now this…” he trailed off, and though the anger wasn’t prominent in his expression, she could feel it coming off of him in waves.

“I’m alright. Just annoyed I guess. I blocked the number. What pisses me off is that she thinks she has the right to say who deserves to be in your life. What right does she have after what she did to you?”

That made the corner of his mouth tug into a small smile. “I guess what Jared said was true,” he sighed and finally took his eyes off the road briefly and turned his head to look at her. “I’m sorry she’s putting you in the middle of this.”

“Please, after what Nathan did? This is nothing.”

“But it’s not nothing, Y/N. I don’t care about what she did to me. I do care, however, that she’s bringing you into it just because she’s changed her mind. I’m pissed at myself for believing that she just wanted to be friends again and for letting her back in at all.”

“Sure does sound familiar,” Y/N mumbled and noticed Jensen smirk at her words. “Don’t be mad at yourself, Jay. You were just doing what you thought was best. I wasn’t even going to bring it up. I did because you were so upfront about talking to her and I don’t want to see her fuck with you, again.”

Jensen glanced over at her and smiled sweetly. Y/N saw that it wasn’t completely genuine, but she didn’t take it personally. She just hated that he would beat himself up for a while, though it wasn’t his fault.

“Listen,” he started and glanced back at her before looking back at the scant traffic before him. “I need you to know that I have zero interest in her--”

“I know that.”

“You sure? No doubt in your mind?”

Y/N wrapped the bagel and put it back in the bag before unbuckling her seat belt, and sliding across the bench seat towards him. The moment her hand touched his arm, she felt his muscles relax and heard a breath of air sigh from his lips. Taking his right hand off the steering wheel, he moved his arm so she could tuck into his side. Jensen’s arm wrapped around her shoulders and held her while he drove down the freeway.

“Zero doubt,” she sighed and for the first time since she had gotten the call, she felt calm and relaxed enough to sleep.

Jensen went with Y/N as far into the airport as he could, having to say their goodbyes before the security checkpoint. They kept it short and sweet, not wanting to draw attention for Jensen’s sake. He made her promise to call when she landed, and she made him promise not to commit a felony where Dee was concerned.

He watched her go and was struck by how much he was going to miss her. Jensen leaned back against one of the large columns and waited until she disappeared into the sea of people coming and going before finally leaving the terminal.

Once he was back in his truck, he took note of the time and decided it was now or never. He pulled out his phone and brought up Dee’s contact, and hit the call button. It took only two rings for her to pick up, and she was already wide awake and overly exuberant answering the call.

“Hi, Jensen!” she said before he could even draw in a breath. “This is such a nice surprise!”

He chuckled as pleasantly as he could. “Hi, Dee. How’s it going?”

“Good! Just getting ready to leave. I have an early call today, so, thought I’d get a jump on the day. You’re rarely up this early, what’s going on?”

“Oh nothing, just heard you were in town and thought maybe we could meet up for coffee today. Catch up a bit.” He tried to keep his voice as even-keeled as possible, but the frustration he felt towards her was slowly winning out. “If you’re free that is.”

“I could be! Especially to have coffee with you. Around one ok?”

“Yeah, perfect. Name the place.”

“There’s a cool little cafe around the corner from where we’re filming today, called Cuppa. They have this amazing Brazilian blend, you’ll love it!”

“Sound great. Meet ya there round one,” he replied, not wanting to get roped into small talk. “I gotta run, but, uh, have a good day on set and I’ll see ya then.”

“Ok! I’m so excited! So, glad you called, by--”

Jensen hung up and tossed the phone aside, his features set in a scowl. He had a few hours where he could calm down and recenter himself before seeing her. He’d promised Y/N he wouldn’t be too harsh, but there were a few things he was itching to say. Jensen had never been the kind of guy to be purposefully cruel, and it was going to take a lot of willpower on his part to stay that way. But… Y/N asked, so he had to try.

Later that afternoon, he found himself sitting in the back corner of the terrace at Cuppa. Dee was right, the Brazilian blend was great and he made a note to get some for his place. At least this wouldn’t be a total waste of time, he thought as he brought the mug to his lips.

Just as he was setting it back down, Dee appeared from inside the cafe and found him in the quiet nook of the patio. He stayed in his chair instead of standing as a gentleman should, and watched her through narrowed eyes as she nearly floated across terrace.

“Hey,” she smiled brightly, before pulling out a chair to join him. She re-adjusted her oversized-brim hat and rested her clutch on the table. “You look great! How have you been?”

“Not bad. Yourself?” Jensen asked, trying to soften the way he was looking at her, but it was a hard thing for him to control now that she was actually there in front of him. The sight of this one woman, someone he used to love and care for so much, was now making him feel anger and regret. It was an odd sensation because so much of her was the same--from the wide-brimmed hat she wore to the color of her lipstick--she was physically so familiar. But emotionally, she felt incredibly different and Jensen was struggling to understand how he had loved her the way he did.

“Oh you know, livin’ the dream,” she chuckled.

The waitress came around and took her order. Jensen told her he was fine, and she went off to retrieve Dee’s request.

“I was so surprised to get your call today! I mean, it was a great surprise, just unexpected. Figured you would be getting ready to leave for Vancouver.”

“I am, in a couple days, actually. I just heard you were in town and like I said, wanted to catch up. How’s, uh… what was his name again? Greg? Gordon?”

“Grayson. And, we broke up,” she replied with a heavy sigh. “It just wasn’t working out.”

“Ohh,” Jensen said with a frown. “That’s too bad.”

“It is,” she sighed, and looked up at him from under the brim of her hat with sad, wide eyes.

She knew just how to look at him to get the maximum response. Back when they were together, she could use this same look a million different times to get what she wanted. All she would have to do is look at him as she was then, pout her lip and he’d cave to her. Not now. Not anymore.

The waitress appeared at the table and placed Dee’s coffee before her, then asked if they needed anything else before walking away.

“Well, I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you,” he said, unsure of when he wanted to segway into why he really called her here. Part of him wanted to see how long she could go on this way, batting her eyes and trying to be sweet; part of him wanted to let her know that this was never going to happen. Part of him wanted to really make her understand that he wasn’t going to put up with her drama. And if that meant he had to be firmer than he would like…

“...Jensen?” Dee said, waved her hand in front of his face. “You still with me?”

“Hmm?” he asked, snapping out of the fog of thoughts that clouded him. “Yeah, sorry, drifted for a minute. You were saying?”

“Just that… I should have known Grayson wasn’t right for me. I was so stupid…” she trailed off, pouting her bottom lip slightly and allowing her eyes to fill with regret.

Jensen nearly choked on his coffee, but recovered and placed the cup back to the table. “Well, you know everything happens for a reason, Dee.”

“It does,” she said and leaned across the table to cover his hand with hers for a tender moment before leaning back in her chair. “It really does. That’s why I was so happy you called me today. I was really hoping to see you so we could do just what we’re doing. Catch up, talk face to face. Maybe…” she trailed off again and shrugged timidly.

“Maybe, what?” he asked.

“See more of each other, I’m hoping.”

Jensen let her request hang in the space between them. He leaned his elbows on the table, and reached across for her hand, giving it a slight squeeze. He knew if he gave her enough time, she’d give him the perfect opportunity to say his peace.

“Oh, sweetheart… that’s not gonna happen,” Jensen replied in his most condescending tone and yet continued to hold her hand, but in no way that could be construed as loving or sweet. “You see, I am already seeing someone and last night, you called her. You had the nerve to tell her to back off from me. This, just two days after you were telling Gen that you wanted us to get back together.” Jensen bent his head to the side slightly and smiled, but there was no humor behind it.

Dee’s expression fell as she slowly pulled her hand out of his. The radiant smile she had been wearing broke into pieces as Jensen’s quiet admonishing continued.

“You had the balls, to call Y/N, tell her to stay away, that she was out of her league. Then--”

“I know what I said,” Dee bit back, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Did you think she wouldn’t tell me?”

Dee shrugged again and averted her eyes. “I was pissed, okay? I saw you two at the Jazzfest and it pissed me off. I was drinking and I made a phone call. Sue me.”

“You know, I may have bought that, but it wasn’t the first call though, was it? You’ve been calling Y/N, on and off, for weeks. This is just the first time she picked up.”

Dee didn’t respond, she just sat and stewed, feeling her anger grow each time she heard Jensen say Y/N’s name.

“Oh, but how she spoke to me on New Year’s, that was okay?”

“That whole night is a little fuzzy for me still, but from what I do remember, she tried to be civil.”

“Oh, well, good for her,” Dee scoffed and drank her coffee, if for no other reason then to have something to do besides getting chastised by him.

“What I don’t get is, why? What the hell do you gain from this? Why would you tell Gen--”

“How do you even know about that?”

“It doesn’t matter, Dee. What matters is your delusional enough to think any of this would work. We’re done. You left. Eventually, I got over it.”

Dee leaned into the conversation and lowered her voice, biting back at him. “YOU were supposed to propose. You had the ring! But then, what? Chickened out? I did what I did because I thought it would help you along to finally make it official. It was supposed to be you and me forever! But no, you had to go and meet someone else!”

Jensen sat up straighter, his expression a mix of confusion and anger. “What the HELL are you talking about? Who said I had a ring?!”

“A friend of mine saw you in the jewelry store. She said you left with a ring box,” Dee replied smugly. “If you had just proposed… none of this would have happened. We wouldn’t have missed out on a year together,” she hissed and sat back in her chair again.

“Wait a fucking minute…” Jensen paused to collect himself, afraid if he didn’t that the other patrons would get quite a show. “... are you telling me you left me for that guy, solely to provoke me into proposing? What the hell is wrong with you? Do you know what that did to me? You leaving, without a fucking word?” With each thought, his temper was rising along with the volume of his words. “Do you care what that did? NO! ‘Cause why would you?!”

“Jensen… I…” she stammered, taken back by the height of his anger.

“Yeah, go ahead, I dare you to try and justify anything. Just for the record, I did have a ring. I bought one two months before you left. I never gave it to you because I wasn’t sure if you were the right one. Something in my gut told me to wait… best fucking decision I ever made. Wanna know why? Because you leaving me, led me to a woman that doesn’t play games. She doesn’t fuck with people’s feeling for sport. She’s good and genuine, and kind. I’ll be damned if I will let you fuck with her, too!”

Jensen stood from the table and reached for his wallet to leave money for the coffee. He stopped and put it back in his back pocket. “You know what, buy your own damn coffee.” He started to walk away but hesitated and turned back, leaning down so his lips were only a few inches from her ear.

“If I find out that you came within ten feet of Y/N, or that you tried to contact her again in any way--or me for that matter--I promise that you will be sorry that you ever met me. Got it?”

Dee straightened her back and turned to face him. Their eyes were locked, and Jensen’s lips snarled into a warning smile when he saw the utter indigence on her face. “Don’t push me, Dee. You won’t like how I react.”

“I hear you loud and clear,” she replied flatly. When he turned to walk away, she didn’t bother looking over her shoulder. She knew he would leave without looking back.

Dee waited at the table for a few minutes, casually drinking her coffee, rattled by the conversation that just took place. She did her best to collect herself before reaching into her clutch and pulling out her phone. She searched her contacts, found who she was looking for and hit call. Two rings, and he answered.

“Hey, it’s Dee. I need you to do some digging for me,” she paused and waited for him to reply. “Yes, the name is Y/F/N L/N, all I know is she’s from Seaside, New Jersey. Call me back with what you find out.”

Dee ended the call, drained the rest of the coffee from her cup and rose from the table just as the waitress returned. As she left Cuppa’s garden terrace and made her way back to the set, all the kinds of ideas were starting to come to mind. Some she thought were doable, others may be taking it too far. All she knew then, is that she wasn’t completely done with Y/N yet.

A month of travel, twelve-hour work days and unending conference calls had left Y/N tired, cranky and ready for a vacation. The work that was starting to pile up was overwhelming, and while she had a supportive team of people around her, it was still adding up to be more then she could handle.

In a momentary breakdown, she called on two of the people she knew she could count on, that wasn’t currently filming in Vancouver. Jensen’s schedule had been impossible to try and get around, and she refused to spend the time she did have on the phone with him complaining about how much work there was. Thankfully, Briana and Mama both answered her distress call and after a little bit of rearranging, were due to arrive in Austin the next day. They both insisted on getting themselves to the townhouse, so Y/N wasn’t running back and forth from the airport. For once, she didn’t try to fight them on it.

Y/N wasn’t exactly surprised that they became fast friends, as they were similar in so many ways. Watching them interact was the kind of entertainment that Y/N didn’t realize she needed at that moment. The first night the three of them spent in the townhouse, working, laughing, eating and drinking, was the best help Y/N could have received; both for relieving the stress of work, and the emotional support provided.

The hours ticked by and when the first bottle of wine had been finished, Y/N went down to the kitchen to grab the second bottle. As she was rifling through the drawer for the corkscrew, her phone began to vibrate in her pocket. She fished it out and saw Jensen’s name on the screen.

“Hey there stranger,” she greeted, tucking the phone between her ear and shoulder while continuing to search for the gadget. “How’s it going?”

“Not too bad, how’s things back home?”

“Oh you know, a hot mess. But at least Bri and Mama are here to wallow in it with me.”

“Bri and Mama are in the same room and I’m missing it? That seems wildly unfair,” Jensen groaned.

“You have no idea. Rehearsals tomorrow should be a hoot,” she chuckled and finally found what she was looking for. “You guys done for the day?”

“Nah, just taking a dinner break. I wanted to tell you there was a slight change of plans.”

She froze mid uncorking and sighed. “Oh no… what?”

“Nothing bad,” he laughed. “Jared’s party… not August. They had to shuffle some things around so it's weekend after next.”

“Wait… that means you’ll be back before Comic-Con, then?” Y/N felt a burst of excitement flood her chest. “Really?”

Jensen laughed softly. “Yeah, really. In fact, I should be back by early next week. So, maybe we plan that second date. Whatcha say?”

Y/N bit down on her lower lip and inhaled deeply, trying to be suave and cool when really she wanted to flail and scream with all the pent up giddiness he stirred in her.

“Well, I haven’t found my grass skirt yet, but I am sure I can make that work.”

“Atta girl, Trix. So now, what’s this about rehearsals tomorrow?” he asked in a low, playful voice. “What kind of rehearsals are we talking about? Seems a little early for rehearsals, no?”

“Well, with Mama here, we’re going to head over to the Rollins Studio Theater tomorrow night, and run through a few things. She can see the layout of the stage, meet the musicians and stuff like that. Bri is going to stand in for one of the other girls and we have a couple local dancers coming from the troupe I found here.”

“Are you singing?”

“In the routine, yeah, I am. Mama’s condition to bring the troupe out was that I do a number with them. She’s dyyyying to direct me for a change, so this should be a whole lotta fun. I’m sure she’ll want me to do something tomorrow, but I am going to try and talk her out of it.”

“Yeah, you know that won’t happen. And, what’s worse is, I’m missing it. Have I said that this is incredibly unfair?”

“Once or twice…” she giggled. “Hey… Jay?”

“Yeah?”

A loud burst of laughter came from above, followed by two sets of footsteps coming down the stairs. Y/N sighed softly and knew that she’d have to cut the call short.

“I’m really glad you’re coming back early. I miss you,” she mumbled the last bit, wanting desperately to tell him how much, but just glad she was able to say it at all. Despite how well their date went, not seeing him for nearly a month was making some old anxieties settle in.

“I miss you too. Promise, you’ll see me soon.”

“Gonna give me that boy scout salute bullshit again?” she laughed.

“Nah. I’ve moved on to pinky promises,” he teased.

Mama and Bri appeared in the kitchen and stopped when they saw Y/N on the phone. Both with their brows raised in curiosity, then whispering to each other followed by hushed giggles.

“Well, I have an audience now, so I’ll let you go. Talk soon?”

“Absolutely. I’ll call you tomorrow, and you can tell me all about your pajama party. Night, Trix.”

“Night, Jay.”

Y/N ended the call and slowly put it back in her pocket before meeting their inquisitive gaze.

“Well?!” Bri whined.

“Well, what?” Y/N laughed nervously and went back to opening the wine.

“Oh no, you are not gonna play coy with us, girlie. Pour the damn wine and then spill your damn guts. Miss Bri and I were just talkin’ upstairs and agreed it’s been way too long since you gave either of us an update.”

“Life’s been a smidge busy,” she said just as the cork finally popped.

“I couldn’t care less how busy you’ve been. Last we sat and talked about Mr. Dreamy was way back in January, and you made me a promise. Did you fulfill it?”

“What promise?” Bri asked, looking excitedly between Y/N and Mama.

Mama raised her thick brows inquisitively. “Well, you gonna tell the girl or am I?”

“Fine. Mama made me promise to come back here and tell Jensen that I was interested,” she replied quickly, hoping for no follow-ups, but knew she would be disappointed.

“Annnd…” Mama prodded. “There was something else in that promise.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “And kiss him.”

“Ohhhh…” Bri giggled and excitedly clapped her hands. “Well, Mama, I am happy to report that she kept her promise. Saw it with my own two eyes!”

“Oh Lordy, thank ya, Jesus!” Mama raised her hands to the sky and bowed her head. “And.... now, tell me all about it.”

“Mama…”

“No, now you listen. That boy is downright delicious. You can’t tell me that you kissed him and not give details,” Mama said, crossed her arms over her ample bosom and turned to Briana for support.

“Boy is he…” Bri mused and then cleared her throat. “And Mama’s right… I mean I saw that sweet little kiss at the bar, but I know you two went out to Jazzfest and I’m not real happy I didn’t get an immediate phone call when you got home.”

Y/N flashed to the call and subsequent brief drama with Dee. Deciding to leave that out, for the time being, she apologized. “I’m sorry. It was late and I had to leave early the next day.”

“Please tell me you invited him in…” Mama pleaded but could see by Y/N’s expression it was her turn to be disappointed.

“Are we going back upstairs? Cause I could really use some of this wine now,” Y/N said and exhaled deeply.

When neither Bri nor Mama turned for the stairs, Y/N grabbed three fresh wine glasses from the cabinet and filled them halfway. She drank two big gulps of hers and could feel both sets of eyes on her as she did.

“No,” she managed to squeak out after finishing most of the wine. “He didn’t spend the night.”

“Jesus wept,” Mama moaned and pulled out one of the island stools. “What in heaven’s name were you thinkin’?”

Y/N was quiet. She didn’t know how to answer, exactly. When she didn’t respond at all, Mama kept going.

“Suga, you gotta stop being so scared and let the man in. I’m glad you two are finally gettin’ on the right path, but you gotta be bold. Take the initiative. Ask the man to spend the--”

“June!” Y/N barked suddenly, catching Mama off guard.

“Using my Christian name… that’s my sign to shut up…” Mama explained to Briana in a hushed tone.

“I’m sorry, Mama, I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just that I know… okay? You don’t think I want to sleep with him? Ask him to spend the night? Of course, I do! I like him, a lot. I want that to happen… but…”

“But what, honey?” Bri asked, and lovingly laid a hand on top of Y/N’s.

“I’m scared.” Y/N felt her entire body fill with relief at the admission. Scared didn’t begin to cover it really. There was a whole host of emotions that began to flow at the thought of being more intimate with Jensen. That kind of vulnerability seemed like pressure she wasn’t completely ready for.

“After what you’ve been through, I can understand that completely,” Mama said. “But you use fear as a cloak to shield yourself. You can’t do that forever.”

“No, but I can take it off slowly.”

“Touché. But… allow me to play devil’s advocate… this man likes you, clearly. You want him just as much. What’s it gonna take for you to trust him enough, to let this guard of yours down?”

“It's down, trust me. I’m just not ready to bare everything, okay? I know we have this crazy chemistry, I feel it every damn time the man looks at me. But, what if we sleep together and he’s disappointed. Being with someone like him…” Y/N snorted a laugh and refilled her glass, promptly taking a large gulp. “His ex… I hate the woman but damn, she’s… she’s gorgeous and worldly, and... I can’t live up to that.”

“Honey…” Bri started and stopped when Y/N’s expression pleaded with her to do so. She held her hands up in relent but continued with another thought. “Trust me when I tell you, Jensen is the most regular guy you’ll ever know. He’s just some down-home boy, who likes to play music, make people laugh, cleans up real nice and just wants to love all over you. He’s not anything like what most people perceive him to be.”

“I know that,” Y/N replied quietly, keeping her eyes glued to her glass while her fingers toyed with the stem.

“Ok. So then, what is it really?” Bri asked, trying to encourage her to open up and talk through whatever it was she needed to. “Because let me tell you, I don’t care who he was within the past, he’s only got eyes for you right now.”

Y/N looked up and met their gazes. She felt the sting of emotion at the corner of her eyes and furrowed her brow trying to decide if she could actually say the words that came forth in response to Briana’s question.

“Because, if we sleep together, that’s it, I’ll be gone. I’ll fall in love with him and then everything will fall apart.” A stray tear or two fell, but she was able to keep her emotions in check.

Bri put an arm around her and rested her head on her shoulder. “You don’t know that.”

“Maybe not, but that’s what I’m afraid of. And for as far as Jensen and I have come, as much as I care about him and trust him; part of me is just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Y/N, you listen to Mama now, okay?” Mama said, leaning across the counter and squeezing her hand. “No matter what comes at you, you can handle it. And if the other shoe does drop, well then, you let it go, put on your best stilettos and keep on fucking walking.”

“I just don’t know if I’m that brave, Mama. Look, I love you both for being so supportive, but honestly, I just want to get the work done and get some sleep. Talking about all this right now just feels overwhelming and tomorrow is going to be a long ass day.”

Mama and Bri exchanged a look of empathy for their friend when Y/N cast her eyes down to her fingers that were still fidgeting with the stem of the glass.

“Alright, Y/N. That’s alright by us. Come on, let’s get the bottle, another round of snacks and finalize these last minute changes, ok?” Bri hugged her a little tighter and got Y/N to smile.

“Yes, that I can do,” she said and swiped at the last tear that fell to her cheek. “That I can definitely do.”

The next day was more running around including meeting with the equipment rental representatives, dropping off some new plans to the city planner’s office, as well as swinging by the seamstress’ shop to pick up the dress Mama insisted Y/N wear when she performs with The Corsettes. Once the trio had completed all the tasks and had a quick lunch at Salty Sow, Y/N brought them over to the Rollins Theater and introduced them both to the local Burlesque troupe that agreed to join them on stage.

Mama was in her glory putting them on stage and talking with the musicians that came to sit in to play for the rehearsal. While she was putting her magic into action, Y/N brought the dress and accessories back to the dressing rooms, with Bri following close behind her.

“How ya feeling today, honey? Any better?”

“As far as…?”

“Just overall stress. I know you’re feeling the pinch of things, so if you need to delegate anymore work, I’m here for it. I cleared everything, booked myself a luxurious room and I’m staying in town til after Jared’s party. So use and abuse me, okay?”

Y/N chuckled and hung the dress up on the back of the door. “You’re amazing and I’d be lost without you,” Y/N smiled and hugged her friend. “I promise I will delegate. But I feel okay at the moment. I guess I’m just tired… it’s been a long few weeks.”

“Weeks? Try months, but yeah, it has been especially for you. You are kicking some serious ass with all this. You know that, right?”

Y/N shrugged. “I guess. I mean everything is on schedule, I think. Event planning isn’t exactly my forte, and I tried explaining that to Jensen when we first met, but…. you know him.”

“I do. Get an idea in that man’s head and it’s impossible to deter him.”

“Exactly. Stubborn as a mule, that one.”

They both had a good laugh at that, as Bri walked over to unzip the garment bag. “Holy mother of shit!” she exclaimed as she carefully removed it from the bag. “This is what you’re wearing?!”

Y/N nodded. “Mama insisted.”

“Well? Let’s see it on ya!” Bri said, more than a little giddy as she removed it from the hanger. “Here, you get dressed, I’ll go see if she’s ready for you.”

“Nooo, no. This is for dress rehearsals. Tonight is just the start of her putting a routine together now that she’s seen the stage. I just brought it in--”

“To try on and walk your cute little ass out on the stage. I will accept no other answer,” Bri interjected. “Now, please,” she sang cheerily but with that tone of ‘you best just do it’.

“And they call me bossy,” Y/N mumbled, then winked at Bri when she gave her that chastising raise of her brow.

“Five minutes, or I come and find you…” Bri warned as she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway.

“Yes ma’am,” Y/N chuckled and waited until she was gone to let her smile fade away.

Y/N squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and took a few deep breaths. The last couple of weeks had felt overwhelmingly hard, and she wasn’t sure why. Yes, there was a lot to do, and yes, she was doing most of it on her own now that more than half her team was working in Vancouver; but it was more than just that.

It was everything; Nathan showing up, Dee’s interference, Jensen’s… presence. She found it hard to focus on everything she needed to when really all she wanted to do was just take off with him to somewhere quiet and deserted; where it could just be the two of them and they could finally have peace and time to explore what it could be like being together.

Peace and time brings peace of mind, her mind sang out unprompted. It was her father’s mantra, especially when he was a few beers in and wallowing in his despair. He would repeat it to himself over and over when he was trying to ‘right the ship’, as he would say.

“Dad, help me out here,” Y/N whispered to the empty room. “I just need some kind of sign that this is right, that all of this… is where I’m supposed to be. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, daddy, and I’m scared. I don’t just mean the work, I’m talking about Jensen, too. Please…” she pleaded, closing her eyes and swallowing hard. “Just the smallest hint of a sign…”

The room was silent, not that she expected anything different but she wished for it harder than she’d ever wished for anything before. A few minutes went by before she was finally able to pull herself up and change into the dress. She decided to forgo the accessories, for now, hoping that both Mama and Bri would be appeased by at least seeing the dress on her.

As she made her way onto the stage, she exhaled slowly and adjusted the bodice of the dress. She was surprised by everything that had been done already and felt a little bit of relief knowing that so much was being handled without her having to oversee it all. The musicians were getting set, Mama and the dancers were huddled in a loose circle and getting to know each other, while Briana was sitting at the piano that was on stage left.

“Well damn, girl,” Bri said and whistled as she swung her legs to the other side of the piano bench. “You look amazing!”

“Thanks,” Y/N smiled. “Not the complete ensemble, but if you think my feet are getting in those boots tonight, you’re sadly mistaken.”

“Just the dress is fine. Gonna be a few though till they’re ready to anything that we could help with,” Bri stood from the bench and motioned for Y/N to sit. “Why don’t you play something. See how the acoustics sound in here.”

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” she agreed and adjusted the dress so she could sit easier. “What should I play? You gonna sing for me?”

“No, not tonight. I’ll go up in the back row, see how it sounds. You sing whatever you feel, honey.” Bri gave her a wink, and it did not go unnoticed by Y/N that she turned and gave Mama a knowing glance, too.

Y/N felt like they were sharing some kind of secret, but pushed it aside for the time being. Y/N didn’t know what to play, really. She hovered her hands over the ivory keys and waited until she saw Bri pick a seat in the back of the theater and sit down.

Since they had become friends over the past six months, Y/N made it her mission to hear every song Briana had recorded and fell in love with each and every one. Something moved her to pick one of those songs, and her hands found the proper starting keys.

Y/N played the melody from Bri’s cover of “How Will I Know?”; maybe it was all the talk of being with Jensen, or maybe, a residual question left over from the earlier prayer she sent up to her father. Either way, that was the song that first came to mind, so that’s what she played.

When the first few notes from the piano filled the theater, then followed by the soft tone of her voice, everyone on the stage stopped what they were doing and turned to watch her play. She didn’t need the mic turned on that sat on top of the piano, her voice carried through to the back of the quiet theater easily.

“Oh, it's you, I know… You’re the one I dream of Looks into, my eyes, take me to the clouds above How I lose control, can’t seem to get enough When I wake, from dreaming, tell me is it really love…”

A couple of the musicians on the other end of the stage picked up the beat on drums and percussion, falling easily into the soft, rhythmic tempo of the piano. They kept the instrumentals mellow, while still adding more depth to her already rich tone.

Y/N closed her eyes and started getting lost in what she was singing. Her mind completely forgot about the people around her, as she sang the lines of the song more to herself than anyone else in the room.

“How will I know, if you really love me? I say a prayer with every heartbeat I fall in love whenever we meet I’m asking you, what you know about these things?”

“How will I know, if you’re thinking of me? I try to phone, but I’m too shy, can’t speak Falling in love, is so bittersweet This love is strong, why do I feel weak...”

She transitioned into the second verse, thinking about Jensen and all that has been happening around them, to them… and when the chorus came around again, she could feel herself sing the words with a break in her voice. Y/N was using the music to speak and expel the overall feeling of desperation to understand how she would know that everything would ultimately be okay with Jensen. That she could take that step and let him in completely without losing herself in the process.

Falling in love, is so bittersweet This love is strong, why do I feel weak...”

The last note fell from her lips, and with it, the weight of her question. Her fingers landed on the last two keys, and the moment the reverberation from them stopped, the small audience on the stage, and the one out in the theater applauded. The sound of it pulled Y/N out of her mental space and back to reality, where she finally noticed how many people had been watching her sing. She felt a rush of embarrassment flood her face, her cheeks burning hot with knowing there were at least twenty people scattered around the theater just saw her perform so raw.

Jensen watched from the vestibule of the theater.

The moment that he had hung up with her yesterday, he knew he needed to come home. He hadn’t planned on coming back until the morning of Jared’s party, but there was something he heard in her voice that went beyond her being tired or overwhelmed. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was, but something in his gut was telling him he needed to come back. Not just to help with her workload, or even to bear witness to Briana and Mama Mia meeting for the first time. Though, if he was being honest with himself, it was the cherry on the sundae.

He sped from the airport to reach the Rollins Theater before Bri said they were due to arrive, but of course, traffic got in his way. Once he finally got there, he quietly came in through the main doors, and that’s when he heard her voice. From the first note that touched his ears, he felt like he had the wind knocked out of him. There was something about the sound of her singing that always made him feel that way.

Jensen peeked in the one theater door that was propped open and saw her there at the piano. Everyone else that was on the stage had been frozen in place as she sang; just as he was there by the door.

“Hey!” Bri said in a rough whisper from his right side. When he turned, he saw her there mid-row, watching Y/N sing up on the stage. “You made it! Come sit!” She patted the seat beside her and Jensen made his way down the row of seats to meet her.

He bent down, kissed her cheek in greeting and sat on the plush red theater chair. “Did she find out I was coming?” he asked nervously.

“Nope, doesn’t suspect a thing. Thought you were gonna be here earlier.”

“Traffic,” he grumbled but didn’t remove his eyes from the stage. “What is she wearing?” His eyes widened with excitement when he realized she was in costume. He thought back to that first night when he went to the rehearsal at the Bamboo and how quickly smitten he had become with her. Now… he was far beyond smitten.

“Mama apparently is making her wear it for whatever routine she puts together. I saw it and made her put it on.” Bri giggled and lightly elbowed him in the arm. “You’re welcome.”

Jensen laughed softly and gave her a nod of appreciation, but didn't want to respond. He just wanted to listen to Y/N sing and get lost in the sound of her voice. The way each lyric projected from her lips, and the way her fingers brushed against the ivory, it was as if she were painting with sound. Her talent filled him with an enormous rush of feeling and as the song carried through the auditorium effortlessly, each word felt like magic to his ears. She was soulful and raw, and he found himself falling more and more in love with her.

That realization hit with a force that physically knocked him back; something that did not go unnoticed by Briana.

“You alright there, buddy?” she chuckled quietly. “You’re looking a little green. Jet lag got ya down?”

“N-No, it’s… “ his thoughts broke off and he went quiet.

Bri studied his face for a minute, and when she came to understand his wistful, yet petrified expression, she sat back and smiled wide enough to bring out her cavernous dimples.

“Well, ho-ly shit. Jensen Ackles… you look me in the eyes and tell me… do you love this girl?”

His attention snapped back to Bri, surprised at how easily she could read him. “What? No. Huh?” he scrunched his face and shook his head, stuttering any response that tried to leave his mouth. When he turned back to the stage, and once again heard her voice, he knew he couldn’t even pretend to hide it anymore. This time, when Jensen turned back to Bri, he simply nodded.

Briana’s larger than life smile faded into something softer, and she put her arm around his shoulder. “You gonna tell her?” she asked.

He shook his head slowly. “Not yet. I need time to sit with it. Make sure its… real.”

Just then, Y/N finished the song. The last couple notes reverberated off the plush walls of the theater prompting the people on stage to applaud. Bri stood and did the same enthusiastically before she shuffled behind the seats and down the aisle. Jensen stood from his seat and slowly made his way out of the row and down the aisle towards the stage.

He watched as the recognition of his presence hit her. For him it felt like slow motion; from seeing her smile as their eyes locked, to her moving in his direction, he watched her and the flutter of excitement came alive in his stomach. Jensen didn’t realize how much he needed to see her. After a month of just phone calls and FaceTime, the idea that he could touch her again was bordering on overwhelming. He wanted to grab her and kiss her, sweep her up off her feet; but given their audience, kept his need to touch her in check

“What are you doing here?!” she asked, through a wide, cheeky grin. “You’re supposed to be in Vancouver!”

“Guy can’t change his plans--” he was interrupted by Y/N throwing her arms up around his neck and embracing him tightly.

Time seemed to stop for a second. Jensen hugged her back with all he had and relished in the scent of her hair, the softness of her skin, and how easily she fit into his arms like that last, perfect piece of the puzzle. He could feel her body relax into his and felt like he could close his eyes and stand there just holding her forever.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered before loosening her grip on him and pulling back just enough to leave a kiss on his cheek.

“I am too,” he rasped so only she could hear, before taking her by the hand and taking a step back to take in the costume she was wearing. “Boy am I glad I came home,” he said. “I would have been very upset to miss this…. Look at this dress!” He whistled with approval.

“Tell me she doesn’t look like an absolute treat in that!” Mama bellowed from the stage.

“Damn straight she does,” he said and winked at Y/N, then turned his attention to the tall, voluptuous, older woman on the stage. “Well, well, now there’s the woman I’ve been waiting to see!” Jensen called up to her. “Be right back,” he whispered to Y/N before heading up to see her.

Mama left a big, sloppy kiss on his cheek and hugged him so tight Jensen thought his back might crack. “It’s so good to see you, Mama,” he said when she finally let him go. “Glad you’re in town. Hope Y/N took you around to see the sights.”

“She’s workin’ on it for sure. Quite the city you got yourself. I can see why Y/N fell in love with it,” Mama said and glanced at Y/N with a soulful smirk. “In fact, I was planning on meeting up with some friends of mine that live in the area and taking in some sites tomorrow. So you’re timing is impeccable!” Mama pinched his cheek playfully.

“I’m doubly glad I made it time then,” Jensen chuckled. “So what are you thinking of doing here? Gonna get this one back up on stage?” He motioned his head towards Y/N who had rejoined them on the stage.

“Oh, darlin’, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t blackmail her into singin’ at least one song tonight. I got the number down, but just need to teach this talented lot the moves.” Mama shimmied her hips, causing a roar of hoots and hollers from the small gathering of dancers behind her. “Whatcha say you go grab a seat and I’ll get this group ready to go!”

“Sounds damn good to me!” he said with a wide grin.

Mama turned back to the band. “Y’all said you know ‘Can’t Say No’ so let’s roll with that one!”

Jensen went to walk off stage, leaving the matronly diva to do her thing and paused to where Y/N was standing near the piano. He took her hand and gave it a tender squeeze, before pulling her closer to leave a kiss on the top of her head. “Break a leg,” he whispered.

The way she smiled at him then--her lips pursed together, one corner of her mouth tugging up into a smirk--made him feel physically weak in the knees. Jensen felt like there was something different in the way her eyes danced when she looked at him; he couldn’t help but wonder if she was coming to some of her own realizations, too.

For now, he tried to let it go and remember that they weren’t alone and that he needed to sit with the feeling for a while. A moment later, he was sitting in the front row and watching Mama put everyone in their places. She sent Y/N off stage left and another woman off stage right. The band was warming up, various instruments playing various notes and Jensen wondered how any of them could truly concentrate on what they were doing. Finally, they found their pitch and quieted, before Mama counted the band off to start the number.

The music began, and the minute Y/N stepped on the stage to start singing, Jensen’s phone began to ring. He quickly reached into his pocket to silence it, regardless of who was calling, so he wouldn’t disturb the rehearsal. But across the screen flashed SAFEGATE, the security company who installed the alarm at the townhouse. He got up, answered the call, and swiftly walked up the aisle towards the vestibule of the theater.

“Hello?” he answered when he was clear of the auditorium.

“Hello, Mr. Ackles?”

“Yeah, this is he. What’s going on?”

“We’re calling to let you know that the alarm has been triggered at the property located at 87 North Piedmont Point. We’ve notified the local authorities and they are currently en route.”

“Oh, shit. Ok. Thank you, I’m on my way.”

Jensen’s body tensed, and he felt his gut lurch. ‘It’s a false alarm,’ he kept telling himself. ‘No big deal, it’s just a false alarm…’ He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, trying to calm whatever was prompting the feeling of dread that was washing over his current mantra.

From behind him, the theater door creaked open, and he realized the music from the stage had stopped.

“Hey,” Y/N said, stepping into the vestibule. From inside the theater, the music started up again. “What’s going on? I saw you run out. Is everything okay?”

“Uh, I don’t know. That was the security company. Apparently, the alarm was triggered at the townhouse. I’m going to head over there now. I’ll call you--”

“The fuck you will. That’s my home, Jensen. I’m going with you.”

“Y/N--”

“No. Wait here, two minutes. Let me change and tell the girls. I’m coming, and I swear if you leave without me…” she drew in a deep breath and was ready to give him what for, but he held his hands up in relent.

“Go change. I’ll be right here, waiting.”

Within ten minutes, Y/N and Jensen were in his truck and headed towards her home. Neither of them talked, both nervous about what they were going to find at the house. As Jensen pulled into the development, and circled around towards home, flashing blue and red lights could be seen reflecting off of windows and trees. The driveway and curb were blocked by several police cars, forcing Jensen to pull over and park a few houses down. Once out of the truck, Y/N took his hand and squeezed it tight as they nearly jogged down the sidewalk towards the activity.

By the time they reached the front lawn, they could see the front door was open, and cops were walking in and out. Jensen could feel Y/N’s nerves grow, and when one of the officers began to approach them, she tightened the grip she had on his hand.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, this is a crime scene,” the officer said, holding his hand up to stop them.

“This is my home,” she breathed, clearly panicked. “What happened? What triggered the alarm?”

“It appears someone broke in, ma’am. If you could just wait here--”

“Are they still in there? Did you catch who did it?” Jensen interrupted angrily.

“And you are?” the officer asked indignantly.

“He’s with me,” Y/N bit back defensively. “Can I please go inside? How bad is it?”

“Alright, if you could both just calm down for a minute,” he said. “To answer your question, sir, no, whoever broke in is long gone. Let me just check with the detective to make sure it’s clear for you to enter and you can go in to grab a few necessities. No way you’re going to want to stay here tonight.”

Jensen’s stomach bottomed out, and by how pale Y/N seemed, he thought hers did too. Jensen released her hand and embraced her as the officer turned and sought out the lead detective. He held her to his chest, and she put her arms around his waist.

“It’s gonna be alright,” he whispered and kissed the top of her head. “Whatever it is, it’s going to be--”

“You can go on in,” the officer called from several feet away. “I’ll bring ya through so you can get what you need.”

Jensen felt her swallow hard and then peel herself off his chest. He sighed, and took her hand again, leading her towards the front door. The minute they walked, he heard her gasp. The mess in the kitchen alone was staggering. Walking slowly through the first floor, Jensen found himself in the living room, standing behind Y/N with his hands on her shoulders as they surveyed the damage. He closed his eyes and swallowed hard, trying to push down all the anger and rage he felt at whoever had the nerve to do this.

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txladyj-blog · 4 years

Text

This Time Around - Chapter 25

A Daryl Dixon x OFC collaboration written by @xmistressmistrustx by request of @txladyj-blog

Rating: Explicit

Relationship: Daryl Dixon/Original Female Character

Tags: Friendship, Friends to Lovers, Awkwardness, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Crush, Fluff and Humor, Angst and Humor, Mild Smut, Strong Language, Eventual Sex, Eventual Romance, Slow Burn, Canon Divergence, Some Canon Scenes and Dialogue

Chapters 28/?

Daryl was rarely around long enough in the house to be roped into chores but when Carol was on a mission there was little he could do to escape. She’d throw him an unimpressed expression that told of dire consequences should he take another step towards the door. He knew better than to argue with Carol, she always had a way of talking him around and more often than not, he admired her headstrong and determined attitude.

The task in question on this occasion was the dishes, having piled up from breakfast and he’d tried to beat a hasty retreat, hot on the heels of Rick and Michonne as they raced for the front door. But her voice saying his name in the stern manner she used when he was in trouble split through the air and halted him in his tracks. He turned just in time to catch a dish towel that was flying through the air and to see her motion towards the huge pile of dripping dishes on the drainer. He sighed, not bothering to hide the fact that he’d rather be doing anything else than household chores and started picking up bowls and drying them.

“How is Jess?” Carol asked casually while flitting around the kitchen and screwing the lids back on jars at the kitchen island.

His suspicions spiked straight away. It wasn’t as if he’d forgotten about the fact that he’d kissed Jess. That he’d kissed her and she’d kissed him back. That she seemed happy about it and so was he and he’d lay awake during the small hours thinking about how it was the best kiss of his life. But how could Carol know about that? Why was she asking about Jess all of a sudden? Why did she assume he knew about Jess’s current state? Paranoia consumed him as he cleared his throat and attempted to keep his answer flippant and breezy.

“She’s alright. Why?” He grunted.

She carried three coffee cups to the sink, turned the faucet on and rinsed them out. Steam from the hot water that no one now took for granted swirled up into the air and she made quick work of using such a precious commodity.

“That attack. The way she ran afterwards. The dark circles under her eyes.” She explained as she passed him the first cup to dry. “I’m concerned about her.”

“She’s fine.” He reiterated quickly, almost cutting her off.

“She’s skittish too.” She continued, very deliberately opting to bombard him with conversation on the topic. “I don’t think I’ve seen her settle into a task for a while. She doesn’t stay here long. Why is that?”

He dropped his hands, a coffee mug wrapped in the dish towel and glared at her. Now visibly irritated, his veil of indifference was thinning considerably and he found himself becoming uncontrollably and increasingly shifty.

“Why you even askin’ me? I ain't her damn keeper.” He snapped.

“No, but you are her person.” Carol pointed out. She shut off the water and balanced the remaining two coffee cups on the drainer.

“Person? What are you talkin’ ‘bout?” He questioned, confused by the term she’d used and what it meant. The timing of the conversation was still causing him concern and he was starting to wonder if anyone had seen them at the gate of the fairground the night before.

“You’re the one she trusts. Has she said anything to you?” She wanted to know.

“No, alright?!” He retorted “Why the hell d’ya think I know so much about her?! What’s with the interrogation? Shit.”

Daryl didn’t normally lie but it was a small mistruth to placate her and stop her from firing questions at him. Hoping she would change the subject or even better, cease talking altogether, he continued to dry the cups and thudded them on the counter with more force than was necessary.

“OK” Carol hushed with a small and telling smile. “OK.”

Guidance on the complex and treacherous issue that was the relationship between Jess and Daryl was something he couldn’t deny he needed, but he was not about to broadcast his feelings to the world and run around asking everyone for advice. If there was one person he could confide in, it was Carol, but the timing was off and he was still reeling from his actions the previous night when he seemed to experience a surge of pure courage and a personality transplant from absolutely nowhere which led him to commit an act that was so out of character, so unheard of that he shocked himself as well as Jess. He needed to process it, to figure out what it meant and being a private person, he wanted to keep it very much under wraps. It wasn’t as if Carol had never referenced there being something more to his fondness of Jess, he’d even admitted as much and as far as he could tell, she’d not breathed a word to a soul. The more he thought about it, the more guilt he felt for being so snappy and argumentative and therefore, decided to give her something to satisfy her curiosity.

“Look, she’s just havin’ a hard time sleepin’. I’m keepin’ an eye on her though.” He admitted.

“Good. She must talk to Denise if it’s anything more than that.” She advised.

“I know. I know that. I can take care of her.” He felt the need to point out.

Taking care of a friend, something he’d not had to deal with in his life due to his friendship group being incredibly small, was made all the more complicated by that friend being someone he’d crossed a line with, someone he’d discovered had feelings for him and someone he’d kissed. For a long time, all he’d wanted to do was take care of her and saying it aloud almost made him smile, but he hid it behind his stoic mask.

“So, you admit, you are her person.” Carol smirked at him as she leaned on the counter and took the dish towel from his hands.

“Whatever.” He shook his head before turning to walk away from her.

“Have you kissed her yet?” She asked out of the blue.

Daryl stopped and held his breath before it dawned on him how guilty it made him look. He sighed once more and closed his eyes momentarily. “What the hell?” he whispered to himself. Glancing over his shoulder, he noticed her grinning back at him. “Leave it alone, Carol.”

Her wide smile only grew larger when she saw a glimmer of shyness in him, the kind of shyness that a person shows when they have a precious secret that they want to keep to themselves, but also want to announce from the rooftops because it fills them with excitement and glee. He’d not said yes or no and so, she knew, she didn’t have to press him any further. Not yet, anyway.

Jess was exhausted. But this time, it wasn’t a result of nightmares. It was because every time she closed her eyes, her thoughts wandered to Daryl and how he’d made a move on her and kissed her. In her wildest dreams she imagined scenarios in which it would happen, each one feeling more unlikely than the last, like it would never materialize in reality and she only dared to entertain such ideas. Then, he put his hands on her face and brought his lips to hers and her world changed in a split second. She’d tossed and turned, sat up, got a drink and tried to write it all down in her journal but only got as far as three words before her head started spinning again and she failed to fight yet another beaming grin.

‘Daryl kissed me.’

But underneath it all was the creeping doubt that it had all been a mistake, that he would admit he didn’t mean it and that it wasn’t going to happen again. She wasn’t the girl that got kissed or was wanted by men like Daryl. Or, by anyone that she could recall. The idea that her feelings may be reciprocated for once in her life was too far fetched for her to pin too much hope on. But she had a nice memory nevertheless and no matter what happened, she would always remember that Daryl Dixon had kissed her and not only did it make her weak in the best of ways, it gave her perspective. Now Daryl had shown her, after such a horrifying experience at the hands of disgustingly eager strangers, that tenderness and desire from the right person could do wonders to help her move forward.

Following a short visit to Deanna’s house, Jess wandered slowly towards the gate holding her bow in her hands and squinting at the splintering wood at the ends. It was wearing away and soon, she would need a new one. The weather, being immersed in water while hiding in the stream with Daryl and continuous use had taken its toll and she accepted that sooner rather than later, she would need to try and replace it. She picked at the wood with her fingertips, discarding the sharp bits as she walked, until she came to an abrupt stop in front of a battered pair of boots. Slowly, she raised her gaze to find Daryl standing inches from her.

“Uh, hi” She uttered. Her nerves lit up and her whole body was rapidly engulfed with a shaky sensation. Her voice was nothing more than a whisper and she quickly noted that she must have appeared totally terrified. She swallowed hard and pulled herself together.

He looks gorgeous. How dare he.

“Hey” He said in his usual raspy tone. If he felt anywhere near as uneasy as she did, he wasn’t showing it. Jess tried not to panic but having never dealt with such a long awaited and much coveted situation before, she had no idea how to proceed. Her mouth opened and closed again and Daryl just watched at her blankly as she gawped at him with her bow gripped so tightly in her hands that her knuckles were turning white.

Say something. Oh my god! SAY SOMETHING, JESS!

“Nice weather today. Better than yesterday. Was...too hot. Way too hot.” She blurted out. The words tumbled from her lips, laced with regret and embarrassment. She didn’t know what she was supposed to say or how she was supposed to act and she was self-aware enough to know that if she let her instincts take over, she would end up babbling about the weather for hours or running away like a scared animal.

The weather. Smooth, Jess.

“Yeah real nice.” He replied. He pushed his lips into a thin line and nodded subtly at her and with that small gesture, came her first clue that he was a little unsettled after all.

“Are you… are you OK?” She tried, not sure exactly what she meant but going with it anyway.

“Yeah” He answered as he quickly looked over his shoulder towards the Grime’s house. “M’fine. You?”

“Mmhmm” She hummed. It was high-pitched and she almost ran at how gawky and inelegant she was presenting as.

“You sleep?” He asked.

“Uh, N-No. At least it wasn’t because of the nightmares this time.” She paused, shocked at her intense and sudden need to address the issue hanging over their heads. She figured it didn’t have to be a huge conversation, she just needed to know where she stood and it would mean she could go about the rest of her day without feeling terrified of looking him in the eye. “Look, about last night-”

“-Don’t” he warned

“Don’t what?” She asked in surprise at how quickly he’d stepped in to put a stop to her touching on the subject.

“Just…don’t.” He repeated.

Jess was baffled, did he really expect her to be able to just carry on with her life without some kind of explanation or clue as to what such a lingering and passionate kiss did or didn’t mean to him? He wasn’t a great talker with anyone else, but with her he was different. He told her things that he didn’t tell anyone else. She was sure he trusted her, so the flat denial when she tried to address the issue was hopelessly confusing to her. She knew better than to ignore him and keep talking, but she wasn’t about to let him get away with saying nothing. The man she loved had kissed her and initiated it, she needed a snippet, just something to go on before her mind went into overdrive and she involuntarily began to prepare for some kind of eventual speech in which he would say that he didn’t mean to kiss her and that he didn’t like her like that. Or, would he? She hoped she wouldn’t have to deal with the agonizing disappointment of a one-time thing.

“Will you just answer me one question? Please?” She pleaded.

He carefully studied her face, his vision skimming down to her lips. The same lips he’d kissed so eagerly the night before. Time passed as he focused on them but he didn’t care, he loved how he’d managed to silence her and make her giggle and smile. He loved the way she clung to him and the small whimper that escaped her, making him wonder how he’d even managed to instill such a good feeling in another person. He had the mind to kiss her again there and then if the town wasn’t full of curious eyes and gossip addicted ears. He also hadn’t thought about what would happen now and every time he tried, he came to the same conclusion; that Jess could do a lot better and shouldn’t be wasting her time on him.

“Was it… a mistake?” Her voice was low and her tone laden with trepidation, as if she was about to hear something she really wasn’t going to like. Daryl wanted to grab her and shake her for not being able to see what he did when he looked at her and he hated that she seemed to be assuming that he regretted his actions. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t know how. But she did deserve an answer to her question. He stepped closer to her with his head dipped and one hand resting on the handle of his knife at his belt. He checked the street over her shoulders before shifting his gaze and looking her in the eye through his messy hair.

“No” he whispered.

Her eyebrows shot up and her mouth fell open. He was right, it wasn’t what she was expecting at all and he thought, for a split second that he saw a brief flicker of fear cross her features. Jess’s head quickly filled up with more questions, more reasons to push him to just tell her what he wanted, what it all meant from his point of view. But it worked both ways, if Daryl was expected to disclose such information, then so was she and she would then be forced to admit her true feelings for him ran a lot deeper than that of a small crush. Still, she was gobsmacked. Rendered almost speechless from his tiny, one-word, hushed answer. He wasn’t lying and she knew it. He wouldn’t lie to her, especially not while looking her square in the eyes. No, it had to be something else; maybe he’d lost his grasp on sanity and finally succumbed to the horrendous things he’d seen and done to survive at the end of the world. Maybe he wasn’t in his right mind and some kind of head injury had affected his judgement. She had no idea, but there had to be some kind of explanation as to why Daryl had kissed her because, in her opinion, the chances of him feeling the same way about her were slim to none.

“Oh.” She uttered, pinning her lower lip under her teeth. “Okay.”

I should ask him what he meant when he said it wasn’t over. But that’s two questions and I only asked for one. Can I just ask two? Is that how this works? God dammit!

Then, she saw the corner of his mouth curl up into a subtle and devastatingly sexy smile and she dragged in a deep breath. Other than that, she couldn’t move, couldn’t speak and could just about blink. Her mind emptied of thoughts. She could have stood there for hours just looking at him smile at her like that. The shy way his eyes flickered around before falling back to hers stirred butterflies in her stomach. She would have given anything to have the means to snap a photo of him in that moment.

Daryl couldn’t believe what he was seeing. She was immobile and gazing up at him like he’d grown an extra head. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open. He thought it to be adorable and couldn’t help but smile at her when he pondered that she really was shocked by what was happening. Unexpectedly, he felt as though he had a certain amount of control despite not having a single clue what he was doing. He’d managed to swerve a conversation he couldn’t yet have without making her angry and he’d also managed to somehow get across that whatever was or wasn’t going to happen between them, he didn’t think kissing her was a mistake.

When she finally managed to speak, it sounded like her voice had all but vanished. “This is awkward. I don’t want it to be awkward.” She expressed quietly.

Still smiling, Daryl began to back up while still keeping her eyes locked with his. He briefly scratched at the back of his neck and shifted the crossbow strap on his shoulder.

“Don’t make it awkward then.” He smirked before turning and walking towards the gate. Rooted to the spot, Jess stayed where she was, reeling and trying to understand when everything shifted and why Daryl was so casual about it all instead of reacting with revulsion and terror. Having lost control of her feelings, her facial expressions and apparently, her very mind, Jess headed over to Aaron and Eric’s place.

She didn’t intend to spend more than an hour or so visiting Aaron and Eric, but their couch happened to be so comfortable and her bones were so heavy with fatigue that she was soon fast asleep with her face shoved into her screwed up jacket. Eric covered her with a blanket and left her to it while Aaron explained to him that the attack was having lasting consequences for her, namely that she was finding it hard to relax and sleep.

After two hours of nightmare-free sleep, Jess awoke and blinked the slumber from her eyes. For a second, she forgot where she was and instinctively went to grab for her knife until she recognized the room and thumped her head back on her jacket. The absence of a nightmare didn’t mean the absence of a dream and she closed her eyes and willed herself back to sleep so she could slip, effortlessly back into the world inside her subconscious that meant she and Daryl were alone in the apartment she had before the turn, entwined on the couch as cars beeped and revved their engines in the traffic below. The turn hadn’t happened and Jess was curled against his body, reading a book on her side while he spooned her from behind and snoozed peacefully with a hand rested on her bare thigh below her shorts. The windows were open and a breeze billowed against the drapes, a breeze that brought with it the smell of summer and the rustling of bright green leaves in the trees below. On the nightstand were cups of steaming coffee that had been put off in favor of ten more minutes of just being still and together. It was the perfect picture; Daryl’s vest hung on the back of a chair in the kitchen, a dragon door knocker on the front door chosen by Jess and on the coffee table were the keys for his bike and a pack of cigarettes. His hair was messy from the pillow and his face was totally relaxed when she gradually rolled over to look at him. She traced her fingertips along his exposed upper arm and he stirred, his eyes opening and his face breaking into a soft smile. He tried to speak but nothing came out, his brow furrowing at the lack of sound. Jess attempted to ask if he’d lost his voice but she too was noiseless. Both of them were unable to speak but after a few seconds, neither of them cared when he kissed her soft lips and she dragged him closer, flush with her body.

Slipping back into such a fantasy turned out to be nigh on impossible once she’d left it but her stomach still fluttered with the idea, with the wish that one day, something similar might happen now she had known the sensation of his kiss and his fingers holding onto the side of her face. Such a wish was a dangerous one so soon, but it was the price she had to pay for being in love with him. She groaned against her jacket and pushed up from the couch, her eyes immediately meeting Eric’s, who was sitting on an armchair reading opposite her. He made a comment about her being like a narcoleptic but assured her that their home was always open to her if she felt she could sleep better. She thanked him after half listening and rubbed at her eyes.

“Are you hungry? We’re about to have lunch” he asked.

She nodded silently and he got to his feet, taking her hand and hoisting her up from the couch. He beckoned her to follow him, the smell of something appealing wafted through her nose as she approached the kitchen. Then, she stopped at the door, unable to proceed any further. Her body language closed up and she solemnly lowered her head. When Eric enquired what was wrong, she mumbled to him that she couldn’t bring herself to go into the room. Aaron, who overheard from the kitchen table, didn’t need to be told what the issue was before he was racing towards the doorway and placing a hand on her shoulder in comfort. It was the first time she’d been near the room she was attacked in and everything was still a little too raw.

“It’s okay. We don’t have to stay in here.” He soothed “Eric? Why don’t we take everything outside and eat on the front porch?”

“Right. Of course. It’s a nice day, may as well.” He chirped back.

Jess, touched by their understanding and effort, mouthed a noiseless ‘thank you’ to Aaron and retreated to the porch, where she noticed that Daryl had volunteered for guard duty on the gate. It was rare to see him on guard duty at all, let alone during the day and not in the tower and she thought it typical that after their kiss and her detailed dream, he was going to be standing there, right in her sight line as she ate lunch with her friends.

Cutlery clinked against plates and regular conversation was had between Aaron and Eric while Jess pushed her food around her plate and glared across the grass verge in front of the house at Daryl, who was leaning against the fencing at the top of the gate, smoking a cigarette and keeping a close eye on the road that lead to the town. He knew she was there and looked over at her occasionally, at one point playfully flipping her the bird which she quickly threw right back at him.

Aaron and Eric swapped a grin at Jess’s more than obvious vigil and Aaron cleared his throat loudly in order to capture her attention. Jess turned her head to see them both displaying wide smiles. It dawned on her that the whole time she’d been sat with them, she’d not only failed to utter a single word, she’d also not even looked at them. She huffed a huge sigh of annoyance and slammed her knife and fork down on the table, making them both flinch.

“Why’s he gotta do that? Why is he on guard today? Why pick today? He’s never on guard during the day.” she babbled.

“Why’s that a problem?” Eric asked.

As she spoke, she picked up her fork again and stabbed aggressively at the salad on her plate

-Stab- “Why is that a problem?! Why is that a problem, Eric?! Have you seen him?" -Stab- "Do you have eyes? He’s over there, minding his business..." -Stab- "…and looking like a damn snack. Could have at least covered the arms up." -Stab- "Lord above.”

Reaching the end of her sentence, she shoveled a huge forkful of food into her mouth. Chewing messily, she wound the piece of metal cutlery around in the air and sighed at the sight of Daryl, harmlessly standing on watch. Eric couldn’t help it, he burst out laughing with raised eyebrows at her blatant honesty and wiped his mouth with a napkin before dragging his chair closer to the table.

“Um, have I missed something here?” He inquired.

“Oh, yeah.” Aaron answered “ Jess is in love with Daryl” his tone was nonchalant and he barely even looked up, figuring that if Jess was willing to be so blatant about her thoughts then he was allowed to speak the truth. Jess paid it no mind and continued to stare at Daryl.

“Wait… what?!” Eric exclaimed, baffled by the fact that no one seemed to be making a big deal out of something that sounded very much like a big deal to him.

“Mmhmm” Jess hummed casually while shoving a carrot in her mouth on the end of her fork. “And it’s hell.”

Eric blinked at her and slowly looked to his side at Aaron, who was finishing up the last of his meal. He met his eye and received a careless shrug that signaled to him that if he wanted to know anything more, he should just ask.

“Well, I wasn’t expecting that. Has anything happened between you guys?” He wanted to know.

Somehow, she became even more still as a white lie formed in her mind. She peered down at her plate and sheepishly reached out for her drink without even looking up. She gulped water down and placed the glass back, aware that she’d taken a long time to answer.

“No”

She almost choked on her drink when she spat out the word. Something had very much happened but she didn’t want to betray Daryl’s trust by telling anyone and also didn’t want anyone to know anyway in case it all fell apart and she was left embarrassed and feeling like a fool.

Aaron, who picked up on the shifty way in which Jess replied to Eric, put his fork down and studied her expression.

“Did you do it? Did you kiss him again?”

Eric jolted and his head snapped to the side at Aaron before swinging back to Jess, who was looking extremely guilty.

“You kissed Daryl?!” He exclaimed.

“Yes. No. Yes. Ugh.” She complained. Her shoulder blades hit the backrest of the chair and she crossed her arms over her chest, irritated and defensive. “I don’t want to talk about it.” she snapped childishly while jutting her lower lip out.

“I’ll explain later.” Aaron assured Eric while Jess scowled over at Daryl, who by that point, had noticed her interest in him and turned his back in order to conceal a small laugh.

That night, Jess ventured to the pantry to stock up on the basics. She took her time, picking items from the shelf and arranging them neatly in a box held close to her body with one arm. It was a weekly routine, sometimes two weekly if she ate at Aaron and Eric’s and managed to make what she had at the fairground stretch. More often than not, she would take advantage of the soups and various meals some people would make in large quantities for the community as donations to the pantry. Such gestures would keep her fed for a couple of days without having to tap into her own supplies too much.

The vegetable patch at Alexandria was thriving and Jess had even helped herself to a few bulbs and cuttings for growing at her own home. She was attempting to grow bell peppers and tomatoes again, along with some choice herbs much like she did when she was staying in the city. So far, she was seeing results and as long as she devoted enough time and patience to them, it would be one less thing she needed from Alexandria.

When Daryl appeared in the pantry’s doorway, her heart jumped but outwardly, she was calm and collected, leaving her box on the opposite side of the room to the shelves and marking off what she’d taken on a sheet of paper attached to a clipboard for Olivia, who needed to dash home temporarily and left instructions as to what needed to be done paperwork wise.

He hovered around her, deliberately picking up things he didn’t need but Jess didn’t need to know that. Carol had provided him, involuntarily with a list of very specific items that she needed after he’d volunteered to visit the pantry when he saw Jess walking along the sidewalk with her box under her arm. He felt like an idiot. Like a middle schooler who had no idea what he was doing around the girl he liked. But the temptation proved to be too much and he wanted to see her, needed to see her even just for a few minutes and had snatched the list from Carol’s fingers quicker than he’d meant to.

Gathering what looked like a rather odd collection of canned goods to Jess, Daryl arranged them on the table beside her and it was when he chewed on his bottom lip that she figured he was trying to say something.

“Headin’ home?” He asked.

“Yup.” She chirped, keeping her voice a little higher than usual because she felt it made her seem a little more casual than she felt inside. “Been here all day. Getting kinda anxious.”

A full day spent at Alexandria was unusual in itself, let alone after such a brush with death and the horrible memories that remained when she looked at certain parts of the town. She sometimes cursed herself for not being able to just move on like everyone else. It was the end of days and people saw disturbing things all the time but Jess couldn’t understand why she found it more difficult than most to just carry on with surviving without being plagued by the attack.

“Need me to sleep with ya?” Daryl questioned.

The words that were said and the way those words were processed in Jess’s mind were very different altogether. So much so that she could do nothing but stare at him for a few moments, a small blink being the only part of her that moved. Everything in her told her not to make a comment, to just answer the question, but she was trying to act normal to prove that his lips on hers had not been adding to her anxiety and heightened sense of unease.

“That’s one hell of an offer” she giggled nervously, hating herself for being unable to keep the dirty-minded statement in her head.

Daryl shifted his weight and cleared his throat before performing a split-second glance over his shoulder.

“One thing at a time, girl” He told her, a thin smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “C’mon, you know what I mean.”

Just like that, as if a spark went off inside her, her cheeks rushed with hot embarrassment and her eyes locked open as wide as they would go. She rapidly dropped her vision to the floor and now it was her turn to chew her lower lip and frantically try to gather her thoughts before she made the situation anymore difficult to deal with. She wasn’t a flirter but until then had figured she’d not done a terrible job. But it had been subtle and playful and the kind of flirting that went on between good friends. Or, was it? She was questioning everything since he’d kissed her. Every word, every move and every time he’d looked her in the eye. She wished she knew if it was something more than just a kiss to him, but wasn’t betting on finding out any time soon.

Daryl had to consciously try not grin at Jess’s extremely obvious blushing. Her ears and nose were even red and the notion that it had been because of him was strange to him but it didn’t come without a tremendous sense of accomplishment. He loved it when she blushed.

“Huh. Right. Um… no. I uh, I should be okay.” She mumbled to the floor as she wandered away from him and began to potter uselessly around the makeshift pantry. She pulled a piece of paper from her pants pocket and unfolded it, pretending to read it in great detail and using it as a shield before stuffing it noisily back into her pocket. Daryl observed her with interest when she gradually worked her way back to the table with a single can of tomatoes and placed it in her box. She picked up the clipboard, added a line to the tally by the item and left the inventory on the surface.

It wasn’t as if Daryl was confident with women. He found them baffling, sometimes downright weird and generally kept people behind a boundary, including the fairer sex. But Jess, he knew. He was used to her and after stepping over his own boundary, he knew her just a little bit more. For the first time in his life, he was sure he’d met someone that was as clueless about affairs of the heart as he was and having accepted long ago that it would never happen to him, the last thing he could have ever predicted was to find himself so drawn to a nervous nerd that saw him as so much more than a violent redneck. With Jess, he felt a confidence that he wasn’t aware was present in him but it only went so far and he was wary of pushing it for fear of scaring her. She was like a precious, nervous deer in the woodlands, one wrong move and she would bound off into the distance and he would lose her for good.

But he still had desires and one of those desires was to watch her pink cheeks and fidgeting hands, to watch how flustered she became around him all in the knowledge that she did actually like him the way he liked her. Now he had proof that he’d heard for himself, he was seeing a reaction from her that he’d not seen in any other women he’d encountered.

He leaned across her, inches from her face. The smell of leather lingered under her nose and she wanted to take a step back but she was rigid, her curiosity keeping her pinned where she was. Daryl collected the clipboard and braved lifting his gaze to hers. Blue eyes peered nervously back at him, surrounded by a soft pink glow that was growing more intense. He stopped moving and she could the delicate lines in the blue of his eyes.

“Why ya blushin’ so bad?” He whispered. A part of him was genuinely curious while another, more prominent part of him just wanted to admire how endearing she was when she was shy.

“Because you’re… an asshole that’s doing it on purpose.” She uttered. Her eyes were suddenly everywhere but on him, quickly darting about the room and trying to find something to focus on that wasn’t going to fuel her bashfulness.

He knows what he’s doing and he’s enjoying it. He’s enjoying watching me squirm. What a bast-oh who am I kidding?! I’d squirm for him any day. If only I could figure out what the hell it is that he wants. Wait…is he? He is! He’s moving closer! Oh, dang. Don’t look at him…don’t look-shit. I saw chest above that shirt button. Delicious, tanned, Daryl chest up close. I have to move or I’m literally going to melt. Move, Jess. Move, move, move!

Daryl had indeed, moved closer to her. With his breath now tickling her face she thought about what it might look like to anyone passing by the pantry, which was essentially just a garage at the back of someone’s house and was more often than not, a hive of activity. Luckily, night was descending and the streets were fairly empty but anyone going about a patrol or simply breezing past would get an eyeful of Daryl, gradually closing the gap between them. The game, whatever that may be, would well and truly be up.

“I ain’t doin’ nothin’, Jess.” He pointed out.

She finally found the gusto to step back and summon up some kind of mask for how vulnerable and confused she felt. As was normally the case with Jess when she was with Daryl, she used humor.

“Shut up and go wash that vest again.” She jabbed.

He stayed where he was but actually picked up the clipboard and pen, checking out a few items and raising an eyebrow at her over the metal clip.

“Sure, mom.” He commented.

Jess merely rolled her eyes and tugged her gloves from her coat pockets. She wiggled her fingers as she shoved her hands inside, one, followed by the other as she looked up at him intermittently.

“I get that shit from Carol. Don’t need you lecturing me too.” He complained.

“I’m not lecturing.” She argued with her hands held in surrender “I mean, I should because soon you’re going to start smelling like a frickin’ morgue with the heating left on. But I guess the Walkers don’t detect you as easily so maybe we should find a way to bottle that stench and sell it for some magic beans”

Feeling braver after her teasing of him, she smirked and tapped her leg with her fingers. Bravery didn’t always come with some element of nerves.

“Don’t make me shut you up” He warned.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna do, Hmm?” She goaded, stepping closer and prodding his shoulder. “C’mon”

“Stop.” He warned.

“No, c’mon, what are you going to do about it?” She laughed with another nudge on his arm with the back of her hand. In one, long stride he’d left the table and was back in front of her, looking down at her with a most serious expression that told her she may well have genuinely annoyed him with her childish attempt at thawing the awkward atmosphere. His lips parted and Jess was ready to skirt around him like a dodge ball, grab her box and flee into the night.

“You don’t shut up I’ma kiss ya again.”

His stare was so concentrated and penetrating that once again, her feet felt like they were made from cement and she could only gawp back at him, clueless and hoping that he wasn’t as angry as he looked.

“I’m sorry.” She croaked.

He stepped back, realizing that he’d given her the wrong impression and that his seriousness about kissing her again if she started to babble had wrongfully been translated into him being mad at her. It occurred to him that he needed to work on his communication skills if he wanted to get anywhere with her, but was it all worth the effort when she could, and probably would, eventually do a lot better than him? A new group could arrive tomorrow, as a recruiter, he could even be the one that brought the one person that was perfect for her inside the gates. To him, she deserved more. She was worthy of someone that knew what they were doing, that knew how to devote themselves to someone else and be a good partner. Someone who didn’t have needless violence, multiple arrests and skills acquired by questionable means in their past. Someone who wasn’t covered in scars, mental and otherwise. Despite all the doubt, he would have been a fool to think he could stay away from her even if he tried and not having her in his life wasn’t even an option.

“Don’t have to be sorry.” He said, backing up to the table.

“I don’t?” She questioned. Her tone was unsure and she couldn’t figure out if he was playing down his anger through guilt or if she’d just taken it the wrong way. He picked up the few items he’d gathered and clutched them to his body with one arm.

“Nope.” He grunted as he walked to the door. He paused, glancing at her and noting that the white glow front the street light outside the garage cast on her clothing made her look like some kind of assassin but her face, her soft, innocent and totally mystified features was as it had always been; the one thing that made him stop and really see her. He left her with two, short words that did very little to cure her perplexed state of mind.

“I ain’t”

Dangerous situations were part and parcel of Daryl’s life in the apocalypse and when he really thought about it, he could successfully conclude that even before the turn, he’d been conditioned to normalize things that the average person would have avoided. He’d been arrested countless times, had more fights than he could ever even begin to count, lost himself in drugs and followed in his brother’s footsteps towards a world full of biker gangs and untold illegal activity. But none of it scared him. Fear was a useful tool to Daryl and it had been since he was a teenager.

Recruiting was more often than not left completely up to Daryl and Aaron and the two of them worked together to cover certain areas of the map while out looking for other survivors. Red zones which boasted thick, bold red lines through them on every map available in Alexandria, were no-go places. Risky groups, herds of Walkers and evidence of ritualistic or cannibalistic activity were found in such places and Deanna had set a non-negotiable rule that no one should enter into such territory unless they had no other choice.

But Daryl didn’t play so well with rules and Deanna had made it more than evident that she was furious with him when he returned one day with intel that there was a small group living in woodland that was well into one of the red zones. He’s scoped them out, returning every day for over a week to monitor their activity and take stock of the small amount of supplies they possessed. The group was formed of two males, a female and a small boy and if he didn’t already know better, Daryl would have swept in and taken the child, bringing him to the safety of their walled community without a single question. But the world had changed and things were not always as they seemed. Bait was everywhere and human beings were not above using children for all manner of horrendous things when their survival depended on it.

Having spoken to Aaron behind Deanna’s back, who immediately went to inform Jess, Daryl set off one day with a large truck, food, water and photographs of Alexandria in the hope that he could lure the apparently harmless group back with him and provide them with a chance at living instead of just existing. Jess was sworn to secrecy after being told that if Deanna found out Daryl was bringing people back from a red zone, there was no telling what she would do. It did nothing for her anxiety and for twelve hours straight, she wandered aimlessly around the fairground, firing off arrows into targets and training the shakes from her hands. What if he never came back? What if one kiss was all she was destined to get from him? What if she never found out what it meant to him? What if Daryl was gone, how would she go on without him?

There was a good reason why Daryl did not go straight to Jess when he arrived at the gates with the new group in tow. He had something to attend to first and Deanna to deal with before he could even think about leaving the safe zone again. After a long argument that was quickly put to rest when Deanna set her eyes upon the bright blonde, frightened four year old that was waiting in her hallway with his mother, father and uncle, Daryl left the house and headed to the Grime’s home garage, where he kept his bike and various tools and parts that he’d collected. He settled on the long, wooden bench at the back of the room and left the door open.

Carl, having seen Enid and her boyfriend sitting by the pond, was making tracks to his house, where a plethora of distractions awaited and he could bury his head in something that didn’t involve having to watch the girl he had a crush on with someone else, someone he didn’t even like. When he spotted Daryl in the garage, he remembered the advice gifted to him by Jess; that he should watch Daryl because he was the perfect example of how to treat a girl. He ambled into the dimly lit room and ran his hand over the handlebars of Daryl’s bike as he went. The air smelled like polish and car wax and he could see a compound bow on the wooden table in front of Daryl.

“Hi.” He called out.

Daryl glanced up, his hands still over the bows frame.

“Hey. Y’alright?” he replied.

Carl moved closer and rested his arm atop of a tower of metal drawers.

“Yeah” He shrugged.

The intuitive part of Daryl noticed the teenager’s low mood, sagged shoulders and mumbled tone. He wasn’t happy about something and as recent conversation with both him and Jess had revealed, the source of that unhappiness had to be one thing; Enid. He waved a hand at the space on the bench beside him.

“Sit ya ass down.”

Sitting down on the seat beside Daryl, Carl took in the items on the table, a compound bow, wax for the strings, car wax, cloths and a box of small maintenance tools.

“Shouldn't that be in the armory?” He inquired.

“Yup.” Daryl grunted, seemingly unbothered by the huge rule he’d broken by bringing the weapon to the house instead of the safety of the armory. He sat back, slid the bow across the table and positioned it in front of Carl. Then, he picked up the wax block and handed it to him.

“Ya gonna sit here, ya gonna be useful.” He told him “Here. The strings need waxing.”

Not totally confident and sure about what he was supposed to be doing or how, Carl gingerly took the wax and turned the bow around so the strings were facing him. Hovering his hands over the weapon, Daryl stepped in, unhooked the cables for the cable slide and began to explain all the parts that he needed to use the wax on. Before he knew it, Carl was almost done with his task while Daryl watched over him and explained what each of the accessories and elements on the bow were used for.

“I thought you liked your crossbow” Carl commented as he carefully maneuvered the wax block around the peep sight, taking care not to cover it completely.

“I do.” Daryl answered. “This ain’t mine.”

“Really? Then whose is it and why are you cleaning it?”

Carl was always inquisitive and wasn’t afraid to ask if there was something he wanted to know. Sometimes, it was much to Daryl’s annoyance but he always let it slide, remembering his own curiosity at that age and how he had to repress it to avoid a beating for being too meddlesome.

“It’s gonna be Jess’s.” He revealed with a quick side glance. Carl smiled and suddenly, Daryl felt quite exposed.

“Does she know?” Carl pressed.

“No and you ain’t gonna tell her.” Daryl confirmed as he opened the tool box and began rummaging inside. The jarring sound of metal on metal rang through the garage as he selected what he needed and began tightening the screws on the frame of the weapon.

“I won’t tell her. So, it’s a surprise? You got her a surprise?” He was persistent and Daryl had previously been faced with Carl’s determination. He knew better than to try and divert the subject or not answer at all. It was at times like that that he had no choice but to give in and answer what felt like a constant barrage of questions already.

“Yeah. Guess so.” Daryl grunted in response.

“Why?”

“Use that” Daryl instructed, pointing to a small paintbrush laying on the surface by Carl “Get to dustin’ the frame down, around the bolts and screws.”

The teenager did as he was told, but his eyes kept flickering across to his unwilling and unknowing mentor who was busy thinking about how his current situation reminded him of hot, dusty days spent contorted around motorcycles when he was a child while his brother barked orders at him and smoked cigarettes way too close to the gas tank.

“Why?” Carl repeated.

“Jesus, kid. I dunno!” Daryl snapped. “She’s been kinda down lately. Thought she’d like it.”

“So, you got her a new bow because you want to make her happy.” Carl surmised, excited by the prospect that he’d caught Daryl right in the middle of preparing a surprise for Jess and thus proving her theory that he was indeed the one he needed to be taking notice of.

“I didn’t ‘get’ her a bow and it ain’t new. One of the guys from the group I brought back gave it to me as a thank you. He had two. I know she’ll like it and she could use a little good news.” Daryl explained impatiently while trying to concentrate on what his hands were doing.

“Have you given her any other surprises?”

Daryl dropped his arms onto the table and downed tools. A loud sigh escaped from his lungs and he side glanced at the eager boy.

“Why you grillin’ me ‘bout this, man?” he wanted to know.

“I’m not. I’m just…curiou-.”

“-Curious ‘bout what, Carl?” Daryl shot back before Carl could even finish saying his sentence. Detecting that his questioning was having the opposite effect to how he’d intended it, he tried to explain but with Daryl staring at him as if he was going to use him as target practice to see if the compound bow worked, what came out was not what he planned.

“Nothing. Nothing. I was just wondering why you’d surprise her like this. I-I guess I’m trying to figure something out and Jess told me that you were a…uh…nevermind.”

Turning to face the worried kid on the bench beside him, Daryl narrowed his eyes, now completely losing interest in the bow and focusing all of his attention on what Jess had apparently told him.

“Jess told ya I was a what?” He demanded.

“Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” Carl quickly shook his head.

“Carl. Tell me.” Daryl continued to push.

Aware he was not going to be leaving the garage without having disclosed something that Jess made him swear not to tell anyone, Carl groaned with frustration and threw his head back, closing his eyes for a second before looking back at Daryl, who was leaning towards him with one arm braced on the table.

“I’m not supposed to say.” He started “But she told me to watch you. How you treat her. Said you were a good example of how to treat a girl.”

At his admission, Carl saw Daryl blink and flinch slightly as if he’d been struck. It was obvious that he was quite surprised by such a thing being said by Jess and his eyebrows furrowed as he looked down into his lap and tried to figure out what that could mean.

“She said that?” He eventually asked. “How long ago?”

“Before you got shot.” He disclosed “Are you going to tell her I messed up and told you?”

“She ain’t gonna be mad, Carl.” He assured him.

The air left Carl’s lungs and he nodded solemnly at his inability to keep the secret that Jess had trusted him with. Although, he couldn’t understand why it was such a big secret in the first place if there was nothing but a friendship between her and Daryl. But her wish was her wish and he wondered if he would have to face her wrath or if Daryl was right. He seemed to know her better than anyone and if he said she wasn’t going to be angry, maybe she wouldn’t.

Daryl didn’t have much else to say on the matter, his thoughts were too consumed with what Jess had been saying to Carl. He knew she liked him, he’d heard it himself and being told that she thought him to be a good example for Carl and one to watch meant more to him than he could have imagined. Such a complimentary comment stirred a strange, fuzzy feeling in his chest and as much as he knew he should keep it to himself, the temptation to confront Jess about it was strong.

Jess was surprised she hadn’t worn the grass down due to her pacing back and forth for hours on end. From one target to another, from one training patch to another, back to the diner and then to the gate to check the woods for any arrivals. But there was nothing. Her body felt heavy with dread. She hated that Daryl had gone on what sounded to her a lot like a suicide mission and refused to let her have a say in the matter or go along with him as backup. The thought of losing him had not left her terrified mind for a single second and at one point, she found herself standing outside the gate, fully armed and ready to go and find him, until she realized that there was no way she could possibly figure out what part of the red zone he was in and Aaron would have preferred to endure her torturing him before he gave up Daryl’s location and sent her out into the same danger.

She must have checked the area outside the gate at least a hundred times and she was starting to hate the fact that she cared so much. Life was easier when she’d just met him and he was nothing more than an angry, sour-faced redneck who everybody steered clear of. But it had happened fast and if she was honest with herself, a piece of her heart became his when he threw a pack of pens at her from the top of the RV.

At dusk, a tuneful rapping on the metal frame of the gate had her springing from her seat at the bottom of the Ferris wheel and she darted across the long swaying grass in the orange glow of the evening with her heavy boots leaving crushed, green footprints. Although her mood had been that of a roller coaster all day and the prevailing feeling that kept simmering on the surface was anger, it vanished in a split second when she saw Daryl on the other side of the gate.

She didn’t open it right away, choosing instead to observe him through the honeycomb-like pattern of the metal fencing. He was holding something behind his back but Jess was concerned with one thing and one thing only.

“You’re alive.” She uttered.

“Yes, I am.” He rasped back with a hint of a smile.

Then. Once she’d heard his voice and was sure he wasn’t some kind of mirage or hallucination, she unlatched the gate and stepped aside. Daryl walked in keeping his eyes on hers and whatever was behind his back obscured from her view.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” She asked, irritated.

“Mmhmm.” He hummed with a small nod. It was apparent that she knew exactly what he’d been doing and therefore, he didn’t bother to question her. “Small group. One kid.”

“A kid, huh? Good. That’s…good.”

About to launch into a barrage of scolding sentences that would convey just how incensed she was that he’d gone off on his own into such dangerous territory, she was soon silenced by his next words.

“I um… brought ya somethin’.” He mumbled sheepishly.

The lines in her forehead dropped out when her face softened at the sight of his shyness. Daryl had given her things before. Small things like gum, candy and a sharpening stone for her knife. But this time appeared to be different. Never before had he shown such bashfulness at passing something onto her. She blinked in surprise when he drew his hands out from behind his back and held up a compound bow, complete with all the accessories she could need. It was sparkling, practically brand new and she thought of how great the timing was; her own bow was falling apart.

“For-for me?” She squeaked

“Yeah…” he grunted “…the group I picked up. Guy used to own an archery club. Had two of these. Handed me one as a thank you but I got the crossbow. So, now, it’s yours. I know your bow is gettin’ kinda old.”

He held the compound bow out, moving it closer to her and hoping that she would just take it so she would be looking at that instead of the nervousness that was written all over his face. He wasn’t sure whether to tell her that he’d lovingly cleaned every inch of it and had Carl wax the strings and as a result had geared himself up so much that the simple act of giving her a gift was now blown massively out of proportion in his mind.

Her fingers curled around the weapon and he didn’t realize, but he was soon mimicking her expression. A broad smile as she tested the bows weight and examined all of its different parts.

“Look at this thing. It’s amazing.” She chuckled. Stilling for a moment and catching his eye “you’re right, my bow needs to go into retirement. This is so cool.”

A short exhalation escaped him and he briefly looked down, soon peering up at her though his hair.

“Glad ya like it. Carl helped clean it up for ya” he told her. It was as if his heart was making the decision for him and his head wasn’t allowed a say.

“Really? Thank you so much.” She beamed.

He moved closer, wrapping his fingers around the bow and positioning himself at her side but further back.

“Here, lemme show ya how to use this thing. S’a little different to what ya used to.”

Gentle instructions in her ear told her to hold the bow up and her skin broke out into goose pimples when he threaded the arrow into place, covered hands with his and settled his head over her shoulder. He could smell her recently washed hair and feel the warmth of her body next to his.

He explained where to put her hands and that she needed good posture. The words were enough but Daryl wasn’t about to pass up the opportunity to lightly position his hands on her back and shoulders and noticed when she held her breath. Even with her jacket and protective clothing on, a multi-layered barrier between them, she felt the electricity of his closeness spark through her veins. She turned her head slowly to meet his unsure but determined gaze and managed to release the breath she was holding in a jagged but controlled exhalation. For a second, she thought he might say something when his mouth opened slightly and his eyes seemed to flicker with a rapidly passing thought, but all he ended up doing was nodding at the target. She fired the weapon with a lot more ease than she’d expected, satisfied when the arrow landed in the circle framing the center target.

“Not bad” He offered.

“I’m just a natural at this.” She commented.

“Yeah. Right.”

Neither of them had moved but Daryl did drop his hands for fear of putting her off her shot. There were still mere inches separating them and Jess toyed with the idea of asking him about the kiss again and trying to establish exactly what his intentions were at that moment. It meant she could move on and forget about any possible potential between them, get over her disappointment and focus on being his friend. But he’d warned her off of mentioning it and had done so in a way that could not be mistaken. Then, he’d gone on to tell her that he wasn’t sorry, but what that meant also remained a mystery to her. Deciding to keep quiet on the subject and avoiding a possible argument or awkward situation, she braved a thin smile. Jess didn’t deal well with not knowing where she stood, but in that moment, stood that close to Daryl, she didn’t want to be anywhere else.

“This mean I’m a good example of how to treat a girl?” He shot at her from nowhere.

Dread crept into her bones and her eyes grew noticeably wider. Where could he have got that sentence from and why was he saying it to her so brazenly?!

“What?” she croaked.

His face broke out into a shy laugh and he took a step back, putting some more distance between them that did little to quell Jess’s feeling of suffocation when it dawned on her that Carl had blabbed when she specifically asked him not to.

Daryl shifted his weight from one leg to the other and she noticed a tint of pink across his cheeks. Saying nothing, she was more transfixed on how she was going to wriggle out of this situation with his dignity intact.

“You got the kid interrogatin’ me, Jess.” He smirked.

“What are you talking about?” She questioned, needing clarification and clarity on the situation.

“You know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout. What ya said to Carl.… ‘bout me.” He confirmed.

Her heart sank and her hands grew sweaty as she clunked her new compound bow against her thigh. Her mind was swimming with ideas that would enable her to talk her way out of it but all of them were far fetched and ridiculous. Going with what seemed to be the most believable at the time, she adopted her best casual tone.

“I-I didn’t mean… I meant for him to uh… to watch you and Rick. Y’know. Men like you and Rick.” She explained with a nonchalant flick of her hand in his direction.

“That ain’t what he told me.” Daryl argued.

Jess turned away from him, shielding the incredulous and enraged expression that was quickly forming on her features.

“I’m going to strangle that kid” she muttered to herself. Doing a small double take at him, she noted how amused he appeared. Smiles were not one of Daryl’s trademarks, at least when it came to other people, but he was more likely to smile in Jess’s presence alone and that was something she’d been willing to take the credit for. His smiles were rarer than her own, usually stifled and when he did allow one to slip, it never failed to drag a lustful breath from her lungs. She loved to see him smile, there was no doubt about that, but in that moment, she wished she could drop down into a hole in the earth and be rid of yet another awkward situation that she really could have done without. “He’s love-struck and confused.” She said breezily.

“Only thing he’s confused about is why the girl doesn’t see him.” Daryl surmised.

“She does see him, just…as a friend right now.” She corrected

Just like you with me. Or not. I don’t know because you won’t talk to me about it.

“So, him watchin’ me is gonna do what exactly?” He continued to dig.

Her patience was wearing extremely thin and she was just about done with feeling nervous and clumsy all the time. There were so many unanswered questions in her head and she didn’t know why, but so many embarrassing outcomes had come hurtling towards her and she was reaching boiling point. Why was this happening to her? Why was everything so complicated and confusing and why the hell was Daryl so determined to watch her squirm?

“Daryl” she snapped in a warning for him to cease his line of questioning.

“What?!” He cried, holding his hands up with his lips still slightly curved.

Jess turned her back to him, swooped down to collect her old bow and quiver of arrows that she’d left on the floor and stomped off towards her home.

“I have shit to do. I have to go. Thank you for the bow.” She threw over her shoulder.

“Jess, c’mon.” She heard him plead from behind her.

“Let yourself out, I’ll lock the gate later.” She added.

“Alright” He huffed.

Inside the diner, Jess heaved in deep breaths after setting her bows and arrows down on the chair in the corner. In front of her was an upturned wooden box that doubled as a small table. The name of a local farm was written on the side of the box in black and it matched three others of varying size that she possessed. On top of the box were two, heavy mugs.

Not only did Jess have the aftermath of her attack to contend with, which meant her anxiety was heightened anyway, everything else was getting very complex and every move she made was starting to feel like it would snowball into something huge. She was scared to do or say anything wrong for fear of the inevitable humiliation that would no doubt arrive. But aside from that, she still harbored the unspeakable idea that Daryl could have failed to return after his solo mission into the Red Zone. It gnawed away at her so much that she’d been forced to sit with the reality of it for the entire day; she loved him and losing him would destroy her. He’d left without a word to her as if she didn’t matter. Jess was aware that she hardly ever mattered to the objects of her previous desires, but this one had kissed her and this one she had fallen for and this one was different, so different that he battled her nightmares and made her feel like it was a good thing to be who she was.

Exasperation began to elevate in her chest and she picked up one of the mugs, mindlessly throwing it against the far wall with such strength that she could have pulled a muscle in her arm. The ceramic object collided with the brick wall and exploded, sending shattered clumps of polished, white pieces all over the place. Even more annoyed by the mess, she found herself looking down at the second mug in her hand and automatically yelling curse words as she launched it at the same place on the wall as the first. More and more mess coated her bed, bookshelf and rug and she could only stare at the faint scuff on the brickwork while her temper calmed.

Outside the diner, Daryl leaned against the wall and smoked a cigarette to the concerning chorus of swear words that were filling the room beyond the wall. He had no idea how angry Jess was, that she was even capable of such a noisy fury or how she’d even arrived at that point but he did realize that his probing around what Carl had told him had been the fuel thrown on the proverbial fire. He was under no illusions by that point that Jess had indeed told Carl to watch him and use him as a good example, but he had no more plans to discuss it. The knowledge of her opinion of him alone was gratifying enough and he knew it would keep him awake in the best way when he closed his eyes and tried to sleep that night.

Inside, things had gone quiet by the time he’d finished his smoke and he decided that he’d better check in on her well-being. It was either face the angry woman in the diner or spend the whole night wondering if she was charging through the woods in the dark, chopping off the heads of Walkers and screaming curse words at the moon.

He knocked on the windowpane as he passed and headed to the door, where he found Jess standing in the doorway with one hand on the handle and her mouth open like a trapdoor.

“I thought you left. Why haven’t you left?” She asked with sheer disbelief.

Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse. He heard me.

“Heard smashin’. Wanted to make sure you were okay.” He told her.

“I just dropped a couple of cups.” She quickly informed him in the hope that he would turn and leave her alone. It wasn’t often that she wanted to be away from him, but her mood was so unpredictable after such a dreadful day, that she really felt the need to relinquish her desire to be with him for one night now that she knew he was alive and well.

“Right.” He nodded.

Her body language was speaking volumes to Daryl, even if her voice was not. She didn’t bother to invite him inside and eventually leaned against the door frame, sighing loudly as if his mere presence was irritating her.

“You mad at me for somethin’?” Daryl asked

She grit her teeth and exhaled quickly through her nose as she glared at him. It was written all over her face and Daryl wondered why he’d even bothered to ask. She was quite clearly mad at him.

“No” She spat. “Yes. I’m lying. Yes. I’m mad at you. I mean, really? Going into the red zone alone, Daryl? That was stupid. Fucking stupid. I would have gone with you.”

There it was. She wasn’t only mad because he’d questioned her about Carl. She was mad because he’d gone out alone and to somewhere out of bounds without giving her a say. He didn’t know when he started having to answer to her and check with her about things, but it didn’t phase him. In fact, he found it to be a good thing that she cared so much, he just wished he knew why.

“I was fine” He reasoned.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” She demanded.

“I knew you’d give me a hard tim-”

“-You’re damn right I would have! Does it ever occur to you that something could happen to you?!”

“Not reall-”

“WELL IT DOES TO ME, DARYL!” She suddenly shouted at him, cutting him off again and jabbing herself in the chest with her index finger. “It does to me…you could have died.”

“But I didn’t.” He gently reminded her.

“That’s beside the point!” She raged “I gave up doing distance runs! Because you said you cared! I did that for you! Alexandria needs you. Your group needs you. You are needed, Daryl. You’re always worrying about me getting hurt but it works both ways! The Red Zone is red for a fucking reason! You’re not supposed to just run into the lion’s den without any backup. I mean, even Iron Man needed backup at one point!"

“Jess, I was fine.” He tried.

“But what if you weren’t? What if you got into trouble and needed help? You can’t just do that. You can’t. You say you care about me; then why don’t you give a crap that I care right back?! I was here the whole day worrying about you. You ruined my day. You asshole. Then you got me a bow and that was nice because you’re a good guy, y’know, it was sweet of you. But, no! you still ruined my day. There are people that care about you. Rick, Carol, Judith...me! You fucking idiot-”

He swooped down to her and crashed his lips to hers. It obliterated every thought. For the first time since their first kiss, Jess’s mind was firmly locked into the present. The worries of the day evaporated like rain on the hood of a car on a hot morning and she had no wish for the kiss to end. Drunk on endorphins, she sensed his tongue trace the crease of her lips, testing, teasing and asking for permission which she soon granted. His only desire was to touch her, to move his hands under her armored layers and feel her perfect softness. But self-restraint was one of his greatest skills and his hands remained holding either side of her face, thumbs stroking her jaw and cheeks in a messy yet deliciously craving and sexy caress. In moments the kiss had become firmer, he savored her lips and the quickening of her breath that matched his own. Jess could only hope that such a kiss was a promise of much more to come and it was a thought that scared and excited her all at once.

Reluctant to let his lips leave hers, he pulled back slowly, bit by bit and found that when he took his time, Jess reacted with a bravery that she hadn’t displayed before. He liked the way she clung tightly to his forearm with one hand and held the other one flat against his chest, over his heart. What he liked even more, was the way she tilted her head to him and went back for two more, shorter kisses, both of which he did not need to initiate but was more than happy to oblige.

Her lips were pink and shiny when she stepped back and took a deep breath to ground herself and settle her pounding heart. She swallowed hard and gingerly looked up at him. One of his hands had found its way into his pocket, while the other one fiddled mercilessly at his side and it was an indication that he was not as fearless about the whole thing as he was letting on.

“Are you…” Her voice was rough, as if it had been vanquished from her with a kiss. “… are you going to do that every time I talk too much?”

Daryl was wandering back up to the path, licking his lips and flashing her yet another breath-taking half smile as he looked back.

“It’s workin’, ain’t it?” he commented simply before finally turning his angel-winged back to her and making his way to the gate through the overgrown grass. “Lock the gate behind me”

--- tagging as requested ---

@lilred254 @woundmetender @lonewolf471

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