#but also when it's very much unrequited and kinda sad... that's my shit
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Distance.
Summary; With the realisation that Eddie won't return her feelings, yn decides to move on. It doesn't matter how attached she has grown to him he will never feel the same.
Protecting her heart is what she needs to do, will Eddie finally realise how much he feels about her?
Warnings; Angst, manipulations
Likes or comments are always welcome and appreciated ❤ I don't give anyone permission to copy my work.
❤
For a few months now since growing close to Eddie and joining Hellfire Club, yn had begun to fall for the handsome metalhead.
He was kind, sweet and nothing like the rumours around the school made him out to be ( mostly told by that asshole Jason )
The crushing realisation that he didn't feel the same came when he began to crush on Chrissy and they struck up a friendship.
Chrissy was a sweetheart and lovely to Eddie but that crush fizzled out quick and now Eddie had turned his attention to a girl called Dianne.
They had been dating for a few weeks and every time yn saw them together her heart would break and she felt that sting of unrequited love.
Because to Eddie, she was his pal, one of the guys and not someone he would find appealing.
Dianne was pretty, smart and in a band which Eddie frequently gushed about.
Dianne also didn't like her very much and spent most of the time glaring at her or giving her snide looks while draped around Eddie or while she kissed him.
It was obvious Dianne knew how she felt and was making it clear that Eddie would never be interested and to get over him.
Then she put it into blunt words one day while Eddie was setting up for Hellfire and Dianne sidled up beside her before she could head in and the way she looked sent yn's heart racing.
It was a mix of anger and pity.
"Sweetie, this little crush on Eddie? You know everyone in Hellfire knows right? It's kinda pathetic crushing on him when he's with me. Don't ya think?"
Dianne says it so sweetly but with steel in her tone.
It's then that yn begins to look at how she has been acting over the last month. It wasn't cool to visibly crush so hard on someone that was taken and she knew it.
Shit did Eddie know and he was too embarrassed or just to kind to let her down gently?
Dianne sniffs and a few tears leak out and she feels mortified.
"Why can't you get it in your head that Eddie isn't interested? It's so sad for you sweetie, why do you want to be second best, don't you want to protect yourself from such embarrassment? Distance yourself?"
Second best. The word sticks in her mind. That's all she ever would be in this situation and she knows all she will end up is heartbroken.
Every day Dianne will rub it in her face more and more and The Hellfire boys would think she was pathetic.
She didn't want to be embarrassed and heartbroken, she had to protect her heart.
"Dianne you joining us tonight babe? Sweetheart?" Dianne brightens as Eddie approaches them, tears gone and she giggles.
"Of course, Eddie poo" feeling sick at what Dianne has said she turns to Eddie.
"I have to go, uh. Robin needs me and Nancy" she makes an excuse up quickly and misses the way Eddie's face falls as she rushes out.
She also misses the triumphant smirk on Dianne's face.
❤
Distancing herself was harder than she ever thought possible. She had created a routine with Hellfire, it made her feel wanted and accepted.
Now she didn't know where she belonged.
Robin and Nancy were great helps, so much so that through Nancy she discovered a love for writing again and joined Nancy working on the school newspaper.
It didn't clash with Hellfire which she didn't want to give up entirely as she loved D&D.
It did keep her mind off Eddie though and extremely busy throughout the school weeks, she still attended Hellfire meetings but didn't hang around after like she used to.
Eddie approached her as she was working on a news story with Nancy about Hawkins's fall festival this year.
"Hey, sweetheart?" she peers up and smiles at Eddie the smile slipping from her face when she sees Dianne at the Hellfire table looking furious.
It's not like she could avoid Eddie entirely. She gets Dianne hated her because of her feelings for Eddie but Dianne was the one who was in Eddie's affections, not her.
"Hi" he takes a seat and looks at her confused, glancing at the Hellfire table then back at her.
"You don't sit with us anymore. It's been two weeks. I miss... Hellfire misses you" she pauses and feels her heart skip a beat.
Was he about to say that he missed her?
"Sorry, Eds I've been so busy working on the newspaper. I never miss a tournament though so it's not like I don't see you".
He pouts and it's so cute and that coupled with his big brown eyes is adorable.
"You don't hang around after Hellfire now, can't remember the last time we hung out just the two of us" he sounds hurt and her heart tugs.
Nancy who isn't affected by Eddie's puppy dog look rolls her eyes.
"Eddie, do you mind we are on a deadline" Eddie nods still looking sad and she watches him go feeling rotten about everything.
She gets up to go and apologise to Eddie and approaches the table.
"Eddie" Dianne glares at her and before she can get a word in, Dianne stands up and begins to sob.
"Babe?" Eddie asks baffled by her sudden mood swing and Dianne points to her and says loudly.
"It's her Eddie, she has been sneaking about trying to break us up! I told her to back off, it's so obvious she has a crush on you and it's such an embarrassment"
Eddie stops dead in his tracks, Dustin and Gareth glare at Dianne and her heart cracks in two.
Eddie finally coming to his senses turns to her stunned.
"You have feelings for me?" With the whole school looking in on the conversation she feels sick with embarrassment and flees before Eddie can break her heart.
❤
Steve senses her mood as soon as she heads into Family Video. He gives her a big hug and chats her ear off about his latest dates
"She is super sweet but Kaitlyn is cute and I don't know what one to choose, help me out here honey?" He pouts and can't help but giggle at his overdramatics as he flops on the floor exhausted.
"Steve, date the one you like the most" he gets up and sighs.
"But both are sweethearts but both want just sex and I'd like more than that you know? he softens. How are you holding up? With the cafeteria fiasco?"
She shrugs.
"Totally embarrassed. That's why I went home and then hid out here, I know I shouldn't have feelings for Eddie but did Dianne really need to embarrass me like that?"
Steve scowls.
"No, she didn't honey, come on. It's getting late, I can drive you home"
❤
Eddie's mind was in turmoil, yn had feelings for him? How the fuck did he never notice?
Duetin, Gareth and honestly most of Hellfire took yn's side instead of Diannes after the lunch fiasco as they were furious that she was embarrassed like that.
So was he. Saying it to him was one thing but the whole school? It was too far.
He thought he was happy but something had changed for a while now before all of this and he didn't know what? It had been driving him crazy.
What the hell does he say to yn too? His thoughts were a mess.
As he passes Family Video he notices yn and Steve walk out together and Steve's jacket hangs around yn's shoulders as he wraps his arms around her.
The image imprints in Eddie's mind. Did she run to Steve for consoling and Harrington decided he was the better man for her?
Had Eddie lost a chance that he didn't know he had? Why did he feel so fucking wrecked inside?
Maybe because he loved yn too and like a fool he didn't realise it until the last second.
And now he was too late.
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DESERVE IT - PART TWELVE
Javier Peña x f!reader
Summary: you and Javi go on your date and that leads to other activities and some confessions too
Warnings: fluff, smut, oral sex (m!receiving and f!receiving), masturbation (m! and f!), ass eating (f!receiving) light spanking, nipple sucking, unprotected p in v, cum eating, to sum up i was horny for javi
A/N: I am so happy with how this story is going but also kinda sad it is coming to an end. I can't wait for their happy ending, besties ❤️
• PART ONE TO ELEVEN ON MY MASTERLIST
3.1k words
You ran home as if your life depended on it. You couldn't wait to get to your place, soak yourself in a warm shower and pick yourself an outfit. You were giggling like a schoolgirl and you didn't even care. After the talk with Messina, Steve and Javi himself you had never felt more sure of something, but now you did. You were going on a date with the man you loved, a man you began an unlikely friendship with and it evolved to a passion, unrequited at first, as you thought but later found out it was just as flaming as on your side. You two had gone through so much, it'd been only a year you had landed in Colombia knowing nothing than a few expressions in Spanish, and no one, but against all odds, Javi took you in. Of course, you were supposed to be just one of his many conquests, but you were honest, straightforward to him, and you admitted that if you hadn't been so hurt after your latest breakup you would definitely jump into his bed.
He took a liking on you, not only the usual liking he did when a girl was hot, but he actually liked you, and your voice, and your laughter and your brains and you got closer, until things went to shit, but that's history.
What mattered to you now, was that that whole cat and mouse catching game was finally over. Of course, there's a thrilling feeling about it, with it's ups and downs, it's tensions and certain moments, but in the end, it grows old, it gets tiring and all you wanna do is to be honest. And that was your moment with Javier. It was the beginning of something special, and the two of you could feel it. Of course, the ranch talk, the possible marriage, baby Peña, it all was some kind of inside joke, you never put much faith in it, though at the same time a part of you hoped really hard it would get to that point. But first things first, as you had told him, you couldn't plan a whole life without going on a date first.
It wasn't a big deal as you had already slept with Javier, but at the same time it was a big deal because Javi didn't take girls on dates, he fucked them and that was it, so if he was going to actually go through all those stages, it was because he had good intentions.
After your showered, you made sure to apply lotion, makeup and get your hair in a cute style, all so you could be pretty for yourself and mostly for Javi.
When Peña stepped inside the building, he was also in a hurry. He had to go back to the office and have a meeting with Steve, but all he could think of was taking you out. He would be lying if he said he wasn't excited, he didn't even remember when it was the last time he went out on a date, and that also made him nervous. What if he screwed it up somehow? Or what if you thought he was too old-fashioned… so many things haunted him as he felt the anxiety build up inside of him, but at the same time, a longing to see you, hold your hand and be seen in public with you was also growing. He didn't want to hide, he didn't want to keep you just for himself inside the doors of your apartment, but he wanted people to see his girl was beautiful, he wanted them to envy him and wonder how a guy like him could get a girl like you.
He wondered if you shared the same feelings or the same thoughts, and if you were also anxious. He also knew it was very recent and maybe even reckless to take you out literally a day after you broke up with your boyfriend, but Manu felt like a bump on the road and nothing more, it was like his participation in your life didn't even exist, besides, Javi and you had been dancing that tango for a long time, it was about time things got done.
He still stopped by a flower shop and got you a beautiful bouquet of red orchards. He didn't understand a lot about flowers, but he knew you found these pretty, and all the women in the world supposedly liked red flowers, so he figured it would be a good choice. He walked through the hallway and felt an urge to knock on your door, see what you were doing, what you were wearing - if you were wearing something at all and maybe initiate the date a little early. But at the same time, he wanted things to be classic, he wanted to follow the social rules and make you feel flattered. So he only smirked when he heard music coming from your apartment and got inside his.
Javi looked at himself in the mirror, he had tried several shirts before settling with his red one, and yet, he wasn't sure if he should go with that one. He wanted to look good, he wanted you to look at him and feel the same thing he felt when he saw you. Maybe it would match the flowers? Or maybe was it too red? He wasn't really sure, but he glanced at the clock and saw he was almost running late, so he just placed his watch back on, got his wallet, the car keys and went for your door, knocking on it hesitantly.
He looked around, hoping Steve wouldn't show up climbing up the stairs, or worse, Connie. He just wanted to get you out of the building and have a good night with you.
You opened the door on his third knock, you were just finishing getting your earrings when you finally saw Javi. He was standing there, looking like sin, with those tight jeans that hung so perfectly to his sexy body and that red shirt that made your core boil. You smiled big at him, leaning in and pecking his lips as you saw a blush spreading through his cheeks and he cleared his throat.
"Uh.. these are for you" he smiled softly and handed you the bouquet, which melted your heart. You weren't expecting it, but it was a very sweet gesture. He was just your sweet lovely Javi, there was no trace of that ruthless agent, or the guy who was a heartthrob and collected broken hearts and women around town. You loved that, because it was all for you.
•••
Javi was nervous.
And he was embarrassed about the fact he was nervous. It was crazy, he was on a date with you, the woman he loved and though you two knew that, it was still the beginning, you were trying to do things by the book, because you deserved it, but there he was, looking like a moron as he tried finding words to say.
He had drunk a whole glass of wine and still hadn't found something decent enough to talk about. Work? Los Pepes? Messina? Nah, he didn't want to bother you with it and he didn't understand why everything seemed easier when the two of you were just friends. It was like you didn't have that pressure, or maybe he was putting too much pressure on himself. He just worried you would snap out of the illusion being with him was a good idea and realize you deserved someone better, a better looking guy, someone who didn't have such wrong ways or someone who could actually make conversation during a date.
And as if you had been reading his mind, you placed your hand on top of his, giving him one of your reassuring smiles and chuckled.
"You're nervous, agent Peña…" you said sweetly and stroked his hand with your thumb "you know you don't actually have to be nervous, right? It's just me… your Y/N… your cariño" you blushed softly "and you're my Javi… and you don't have to try to impress me, let's just say you already won me over" you winked at him and watched as his shoulders relaxed and he took your hand in his big ones. His thumb ran across his bottom lip like it often did when he was thinking about something and he nodded.
"You're right, princesa… I was too worried about giving you a perfect first date, that I forgot we could just be ourselves" he admitted "I wanted you to see that I take you seriously, that I want you, for real, not just as a game…"
You thought it was adorable to see Javier like that, your heart was a melted puddle of love and affection for the man who stared at you with the biggest brown eyes you'd ever seen, seeking your approval and nervously hoping you were enjoying his company. If only he knew how much you loved him, he would know he was acting crazy.
Yes, you were excited about the date, but now that you were there, in public, holding hands and sharing a meal, you saw you were so much more than those vanilla couples who needed to go out once a week to remind themselves they were in a relationship. You were in front of Javier Peña.
You were in love with Javier Peña, and as far as you were concerned, Javier Peña was also in love with you, and there was absolutely nothing more you could ask from the heavens. So you simply moved to the chair next to his and hugged his arm, resting your head on his shoulder, loving how close he was and how close he would be, without you fearing him move away from you or push you away. He immediately softened up and lowered his lips, kissing the top of your head
"I'm just happy you decided to stay here, I know New York was a big deal but I promise I won't disappoint you and I will make your stay worthy" he said sweetly and your eyes met his, leaning in and kissing his lips.
Javier had the best lips you'd ever seen in a man, the way they just clicked perfectly with yours, being so soft and so smart, knowing exactly what they were doing, was something you would probably never get used to, and you loved every single aspect of it.
When you broke the kiss, your hand stroked his cheek gently, as your nose bumped against his softly, making the two of you giggle "I love our date, Javi… but I also know we are not an ordinary couple, we don't have to do what other couples do and it's fine by me…" you said as your hand went for his crotch, gently stroking it over his jeans as his eyes widened in surprise "we can just finish our night somewhere else, if you'd like, mi amor" you winked at him and leaned in, kissing his neck, lips just ghosting over his skin before you nibbled it gently.
Javi's tight grip wrapped around your fist, stopping your snoopy hand right there. He knew you could be one feisty little thing, but he didn't take you for that kind of tease… and he was loving it.
"¿Qué estás haciendo, mi amor?" He whispered against your ear as it was his turn to lean in and spread kisses all over your neck. You groaned and giggled, biting your lips before stealing a peck from him.
"I think we should go somewhere more private, Javi… like your car" you whispered to him and saw how his eyes darkened with lust and eagerness at your suggestion.
It only took him a few minutes to pay the check and you were soon inside his Jeep. You watched him drive, looking for a dark enough place to park, his handsome side profile already making you so hot and bothered because you could never wrap your head around the fact he was incredibly handsome.
You weren't sure you would be able to hold yourself back and ignoring completely any safety guidelines you began kissing his neck.
"Shit, baby?!" Javi groaned as he stopped the car abruptly, not being able to focus on driving and you touching him.
You giggled and slid your hand under his unbuttoned shirt. You felt his hot skin against the palm of your hand and knew you needed more. Your free hand went back to his crotch, his rough jeans were in the way and you were getting so impatient, you began unbuckling his belt.
Javi still hadn't found a decent parking spot, but he was so eager to feel you, he took his hand to your hair, stroking it softly as he couldn't get his eyes away from the road, but he also couldn't get away from your touch. You smirked and bit his neck harder, earning a ounce of pain from him and his arm running down your back, getting to your ass and giving it one smack
"Fucking slut" he said through gritted teeth and watched as you opened his jeans, his boner was so apparent your mouth watered.
"Javi, I wanna be your little puta, I need you…" you begged him, freeing his cock from his underwear and watched as he bucked his hips.
Javier groaned and cursed under his breath, you saw his tip glistening with pre cum, using your thumb to spread it all over.
Javi knew he wasn't going to be able to drive, so he just parked under a broken street lamp and gripped your hair.
"Wanna be my puta? Go ahead princesa, show me you can do it, muñequita…" he said with a tight grip on your hair, he was impatient and he didn't want teasing. You also didn't want to wait any longer, so you took your mouth to his long, thick cock, giving his tip small, little licks before taking his length down your throat as deep as you could.
His hand lifted up the hem of your dress, exposing your ass and caressing all over. He pulled your thin panties to the side and found the curve of your lips, running a finger up and down your slit, gathering your juices that pooled in your entrance. Javi threw his head back, your hand massaged his balls as your tight throat made him feel so good. His thick fingers got into your hot entrance and he pumped them in and out. He felt you squirm and the car was filled by nothing but obscene and erotic noises.
He wasn't going to hold back and let you know his hot load was coming, pleasure and bliss all over him as you willingly took all of it into your mouth and swallowed it.
He panted as you raised your head, you looked like a hot little mess for him and he could only pull you for another kiss, not caring if he could taste himself in you.
"Go to the backseat, querida" he whispered against your ear and waited until you got in position.
Javi followed you immediately, helping you get on your knees and hands and held your hips in place "now you're gonna be my puta, got it?" He whispered and smacked your ass a few more times, seeing the reddish shade spread but didn't give you enough time as he spread your cheeks and stuck his tongue into your cunt.
You whimpered at his ministrations, his tongue explored your pussy, going as deep as he could, finding your clit and suckling on it, feeling how your knees faltered but sustained your weight with his hand. His tongue moved up to your ass, touching your muscly ring and feeling it clench so sensitively at the unexpected stimulation.
"Javi" you could only whimper, but he shushed you, wetting your asshole and letting you relax, enjoying the new experience.
His hand found your clit, rubbing it up and down, feeling how hard it was and knew you were close. He shoved his fingers into you again, fingering you as fast as he could, thumbs taunting your clit and tongue into your sweet hole until you were nothing but a puddle of pleasure, shaking and cumming for him.
"My bed tonight" Javi said as he opened the door to his apartment and immediately pulled you against his body, kissing you hungrily as if he hadn't just fucked you in his car less than an hour before. He just felt such hunger for you, the way you put your dress back on in a sloppy way, not caring if your panties got lost in the backseat of his car, or how you couldn't stop touching him. How your hands wrapped around his cock in your beautiful bloody red nails and how you swallowed every drop of him. He just couldn't get enough of you, your post orgasm messy hair, your beautiful smile and your intoxicating perfume.
He loved every part of you. And he wasn't scared of admitting anymore.
"I don't think I'll make it to bed, Javi" you bit your lips, and went for another kiss, his arms wrapping around your body as he lifted you up and took you to the couch. He didn't want to wait anymore, as much as he loved to be in your mouth and have your taste on his tongue, he needed to be inside of you. He wanted to feel your walls squeezing and milking him dry, he wanted to cum inside of you. He didn't even know if you were on birth control, but he didn't actually care, he just wanted you.
Javier got on the couch, pulling you to him and touching your body, getting lost on you. He finally stripped you out of your dress completely, revealing your beautiful breasts, perky nipples that went straight to his mouth, licking and suckling on them, at the same time he helped you lower down onto his cock, loving how your soaked cunt took every inch of him.
He held you by the neck, having a firm grip on it as he watched you ride him, as if you were the most gorgeous piece of art in the world.
Javi threw his head back, hips bucking as you moved up and down onto his cock. He praised you, cursed under his breath, he wanted you whole for him, at that moment and forever.
He felt his balls quivering and the knot on his lower belly tightened as much as yours did too and you knew you were cumming for him again at the same time he came for you, his thick hot load spilling inside.
"Te quiero, Y/N" he whispered against your lips, kissing you once more, never getting enough of you. "I love you cariño" he whispered.
You smiled and tiredly rested your body against his, feeling a wave of happiness and pleasure ran through your body
"I love you too, Javi"
_____
A/N: besties, I know this isn't my best chapter, i just have the feeling I could have written it a lot better but at the same time it was the best I could actually write today, idk i had a weird, tiring, stressful day and to top that my head is killing me. I am just horny for Javi and I hope you guys liked this part at least a tiny little bit of it, because our series is almost over now 😭😭😭
#pedro pascal#pedro pascal x reader#pedro pascal x y/n#pedro pascal x you#pedro pascal fanfic#pedro pascal fanfiction#pedro pascal imagine#javier peña#javier peña x reader#javier peña x you#javier peña x y/n#javier peña fanfic#javier peña fanfiction#javier peña imagine#javier pena#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#javier pena x y/n#javier pena fanfic#javier pena fanfiction#javier pena imagine
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please tell about pierrot
holy shit this is gonna be maaaaddddd long i love you bryt
oh kay so. if u want easy to digest ver see my pierrot posters but ill go. bonkers and be abnormal and give u so much info under cut except i physically cant write serious tone rn so srry
picture this. it's the 16th century and commedia dell'arte is going nuts in italy everybody loves to watch silly little guys- one of which is the stock character pedrolino!! he doesn't wear a mask (unlinke many commedia characters) and has a loose white outfit, with ruff, cap, and large buttons down the centre of his shirt. he's a naive little guy- he's unlucky in love but it's endearing!! jovial! the youngest character!! pedrolino specifically is comedic and silly and happy!
ok now it's the 18th century and commedia dell'arte starts spreading across western europe. when it hits france, pedrolino becomes pierrot. pierrot being a diminutive of pierre, with -ot acting similarly to the spanish -ito which makes words smaller, often in the context of youth and endearment. in english, his name would be something like "petey" or "little pete". pierrot stays as a silly little guy, still the youngest role and a sideshow comedian, but don't you worry because he quickly becomes the sopping wet sad clown you know and love.
19th century comes along and BOOM. pantomine goes crazy in france and england. ppl cant get enough of watching these silly guys interact. jean-gaspard deburau, a famous mime, creates a rendition of pierrot during his time at the theatre des funambules, which becomes the stereotypical one everyone thinks of when they hear the name. he's pathetic, he's hopefully in love with columbine.
wait what? he's pining?? he's not being silly doing gags anymore? u heard that right folks there's a new storyline and it's a weird love triangle thing sorta kinda?? the melancholy recharacterization came with a new typical storyline of unrequited love between pierrot and columbine (columbine being his wife who is cheating on him with harlequin), though the story varies (sometimes they are not married, sometimes she is married to harlequin, etc). n e ways da general premise is that pierrot loves columbine, columbine loves harlequin, and harlequin loves columbine, so they both long for her affections and pierrot is a sad sopping wet lil bitch boy about it. very silly im love him anyways
oh yea deburau's super duper famous pierrot also switched up his costume- he got rid of the frilly collar/ruff (booooo tomato), gave him a skullcap instead of a hat, and made his blouse n trousers really big n wide-cut. he was no longer crude, timid, lazy, greedy, etc. etc. but rather a POET. a theatre kid. a melodramatic thing.
with pierrot being so intertwined to harlequin, naturally he was a pivotal character in the harlequin-centric "harlequinades", plays popular in england. however pierrot got displaced by the english clown :( dw tho he stayed popular in france
ok late 19th early 20th century. pantomime/commedia dell'arte makes a comeback????! oh em gee. new plays. many books of poems. 1884's pierrot lunaire saga was particularly famous, and was used as lyrics to a full orchestra composition. these poems are generally regarded as the first strong association between pierrot and moon motifs but they were seen before (supposedly around the deburau period) as a way to show he was "over the moon" in love with columbine.
oh yea pierrette also starts to exist during this time period. literally just female pierrot, who's sorta a rival for columbine but sorta not really? she's like. in love with pierrot, who's in love with columbine, who's in love with harlequin. they're all rlly dramatic about it. nobody wins (except columbine and harlequin lmaooo). they're both sad face emoji all the time and super melodramatic real for real.
ok now it's the 1920s. MORE PIERROT RESURGENCE. ppl in the 20s LOOOVEEED pierrot and pierrette. bibleots- french trinkets were super popular and were often pierrot/pierrette motofed, usually with moons. they were figurines, boxes, decanters, bookened, lamps, all sortsa stuff. their designs are a mash-up of all the previous iterations, typicalls looking very much like deburau's version but with a very prominent ruff added (WOOOOOOOO RUFF YAY) the modernism movement (art) has him as a reoccurring subject (picasso and dalí r some famous modernist artist who painted/drew him).
even charlie chaplin was a pierrot- little tramp, his most famous character and what u think of when u think of him was described in his biography as a type of pierrot.
david bowie described himself as a pierrot ! ! ! ! ! TWIGGY PLAYED A PIERRETTE IN HER FIRST MOVIE!! ggrarhhh
21st CENTURY HATSUNE MIKU PIERROT SONG. PIERROT IN FASHION.... pierrot was called a symbol for th epresent during covid...
anyways y yea im a huge fan. im abnormal about pierrot. thas a brief history. mwah kisses xoxo
oh also im making a game rn. commedia inspired. pierrot is in it. hoo ray
#ask#‼️mutual#pierrot#AUGHH#forgot to add but Harley Quinn also played quite a role in Mardi Gras and similar festivals like carnival and those in Venice#harlequin I mean#sorry I’m voice typing I’m kind of cooked
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TOP FIVE MANAGERBOY MOMENTS GO!
OGUGUGUUGUGH LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO
(putting below the cut bc it got long and also there are Spoilers for anyone who hasn't finished s5. much like with my lobby boy outfits post i didn't include any bonus or new crew eps here)
5: 5.1 merp and burble + 5.5 the bellhop
combining these bc i couldn't choose + i like them for the same reasons........ i love both of these episodes bc they're full of these "WHERE IS MY LOBBY BOY" moments from the manager lol. watching her desperately fight against the hotel and tear shit up trying to get to him is so sweet. you can tell she really cares abt him here which makes me very happy bc i feel like that wasn't always the case, but he's grown on her big time lol. there's definitely a sense from her here that she would keep on trying to get back to him as long as she's able to. also the way in merp and burble she continuously refers to feeling lost or like she's lost someone when she's trying to remember him......... it's rlly sweet
4: 4.3 - the habers
ik this is purely an observation by madam hotel but it counts. this is just a straight up admission from her that the lobby boy feels romantic love or something like it for the manager. it's sad as well bc i think this is kinda before the manager began to reciprocate any of those feelings, so it's a depiction of an unrequited, sad, confused sort of love. but it's love nonetheless. also the "it keeps him warm in his little closet" line is so sweet. it's so cute and a little tragic to imagine him sitting in the closet just daydreaming abt her.........
3: 4.18 - she's always been here (1)
i don't see many ppl talking abt this moment but it's one of my favourites with them. there's something so sweet and sad abt how the lobby boy just wants to help her and make her feel better even though he knows he can't. also him just straight up saying that he belongs with her auugugugh...... they're a set do not separate.........
2: 4.18 - she's always been here (2)
when they see what happens to the owner and they realise they're gonna be separated too........ MAN.......... literally heart breaking. the way they cry out for each other as they're pulled away........ the manager literally pleading trying to save him and screaming when he's gone, i think it's the most emotional we've ever seen her get abt like...... anything ever. she cares abt him so much. also the statement "i wish we were alone" from the lobby boy is so intriguing to me. to me it implies that he wants to be away from the hotel, that he wants to be somewhere where him and the manager (and maybe the owner idk) can just be by themselves without being constantly watched and tampered with and killed. it suggests a desire to be free from surveillance and maybe freedom from the hotel herself? i think it's the only time any of the staff have ever verbally expressed a desire to leave the hotel and i wonder if it's going to be revisited in s6.
1: 5.12 - the reaper's envy
they're literally holding hands........ the way the manager calls the lobby boy over telling him it'll be ok and then they HOLD HANDS............ collapses onto the floor. augh. not to get sappy but it's amazing how their relationship has grown over the seasons from the relatively cold uncaring dynamic that it was to something beautiful just tentatively growing bit by bit.......... to me this moment is the culmination of that growth so far. it was so cathartic after they'd been separated for so long too and seeing the manager's desperate attempts to get back to him :'-) man i love them so much........... it's so sweet to see the staff in general express genuine care for each other in this episode <3. the manager especially isn't good at expressing her feelings so this scene is probably the closest thing to a heartfelt expression of love that she's capable of, and i like to think that the lobby boy knows that
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What ARE your other XIV ships?
I don't' really have any npc/npc ships bc i just dont care that much if my ocs arent involved thats just how my brain works gjskbsflds but here's all my wol/oc ships:
K'oto is in a poly ship with Estinien, G'raha Tia, and Emet-Selch! It's not like a four-way thing where they're all together too it's just. They are three guys who happen to have the same boyfriend and all live together with him <3 They go on group dates and stuff but Emet excuses himself from cuddling and Other Such Activities that Estinien and G'raha like each other enough to let overlap unless it's solo time with K'oto bc he's literally only alive rn for him he could possibly not be less interested in everyone else!!! but aside from occasionally butting heads with G'raha out of habit he's nice enough to them when they have to interact bc he knows K'oto will be sad if he's mean </3 he is married to Emet and G'raha but he and Estinien are chill staying as just partners, Estinien doesn't really care about marriage or putting labels on their relationship it's just not his thing and thats ok <3
Eme is shipped with and married to Urianger, but was involved in a will-they-wont-they mutual "unrequited" love thing with Haurchefant where they both thought they weren't good enough for the other and so never took initiative and then......it was too late </3 if not for That though she would have married him but bc soulmate stuff she would have still fallen for Urianger eventually and they would've become a poly thing bc I hate making choices and writing breakups and also why would they break up. If you asked me to pick two guys in this game who wouldnt mind sharing a wife it'd be them! She and Urianger are also kinda. Open. Y'shtola sometimes Joins them as a third but it's purely physical, and I maybe sort of kind of have been tossing around the same thing with Estinien lately. I had a weird shower thought about Eme pursuing him to cope after the Vault that turned into 'ok yeah maybe not that early but after 7 years of watching him grow into the weirdest most pathetic quirked up elezen man imaginable she might kinda want him' but again. only physical. The only ppl she's been in love with are Urianger and Haurchefant. She's one of those "likes every kind of girl and one specific kind of guy" bisexuals
Adem is shipped with Erenville and they're just kinda vibing :) not married yet but they will be eventually....they travel the world together when Adem isn't busy with his goldsmithing apprenticeship under Godbert or Studium work! Adem is very stupid and nervous all the time but Erenville finds it SO hot. Trip and stutter more boy it's only making him want you more! Truly failing upwards
and then Coconut is shipped with and married to Thancred though it's only as of the end of 6.0 that things have really settled down for them, it's been a rough 7 years what with Thancred being. Thancred. Spent a long time cheating on her even once they'd made things official following the praetorium where he promised to be better for her......then kept doing it and even ditched her at the banquet for another girl after promising he'd be there to spend time with her then she thought he DIED.....then he came back and promised once again he'd be better......then the truth about minfilia came around and he got really pissy and started acting like a dick 24/7 and also STILL flirting.....etc etc etc until late shb where she reached her breaking point watching him treat Ryne like shit and also continue treating HER like shit so she broke up with him.....at the end of 5.0 tho he tried to propose and made his grandest most sincere apology yet and even though she took him back for one more chance she rejected his proposal bc she needed time to see that he was serious before that.....they were married.....then he did good for all of 6.0 and they got married in the 6.0-6.1 1 year timeskip :) things are good as of right now.......only time will tell how he'll do in dt. king of fumbling, thancred waters
#words of mimi#ocs#koto tia#eme#adem#coconut#emetkoto#estinikoto#grahakoto#emeanger#haurcheme#ademville#thancoco
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another fav trope
#enemies to lovers#yes but also#but also when it's very much unrequited and kinda sad... that's my shit#villains#fanfiction#spideyvenom#batjokes#eobarry#morgwen#catradora#flashpiper#coldflash#the flash and any of the rogues ig lol#megamind#clex#batcat
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Alright darling, you get my first ask EVER. Bear with me here 😂
I'm feeling some angst for the leader himself.
I'm thinking maybe he's fallen for his brother's BFF, whom he's also pretty close with (reader). But thinks that there's a Good possibility of feelings and/or relations going on between reader and the Broseph. SO he's kinda sad and mooey. You know the kind. Twisted gut, nail in heart type of angsty little shit we know Leo can turn into.
Somehow shit goes down (writers choice) and he finds out she (reader) is in love with Blue himself.
Fluff to the moon and back. NSFW if you wanna give it a swing. But I'm 💯 on cloud 9 with the fluff n stuff.
Feel free to alter to your heart's content 💕 I trust your judgement and skills.
Super duper Please and Thank you! And I love you and your writing 😍🙌💙
P.S. Bonus points if the BFF Broseph in question, is Mikey 🧡 (cuz we all know how physical and handsy that man can be 👀😬😂)
I’m so buzzing to be your first ask aghhhhh , so so excited!! I hope I did your darling blue justice! He’s always so hard to write for me!! But very thankful for all your help with me starting into the tmnt fandom
Unrequited , maybe not so much.
Leo x reader
The leader was quite frankly drained, things had been tough lately, not just physically but mentally! The trials and tribulations of being the one in command always was a stress. The pressure of every decision being on him. Honestly it was exhausting. They had been on patrol continuously and tonight the dysfunctional gang where taking a much deserved break. April, Casey and Vern were over visiting the lair. Already wrapped up in some playful banter , Raph and Casey tag teaming to really wind Vern up. It was nice to see his brothers relax.
Unintentionally , he found himself looking for her. (Y/n). She had come into their lives nearly a year ago now, by pure chance of course. He always found himself searching for her among the group. She had this disposition that he enjoyed, her witty banter and ability to meld really well with a variety of people always had him fascinated. When those electric blue eyes met her, he automatically spun his gaze elsewhere. He spotted her shoulder to shoulder with the youngest of the brothers. Mikey, on the bean bags as the two gamed. His stomach churned sickly and he couldn’t help but grit his teeth together. What right did he have to be jealous! He should be happy for him.
Over these past few weeks he noticed how the two grew to be closer and closer, hanging out on their own and not just with the group. Leonardo took that as a que to back off. No more late night conversations over tea, no more heated glances across the room, he backed off completely. Only engaging in cordial conversations if even. He could do that for his brother couldn’t he?
(Y/n) POV
“ I’m totally gonna beat your ass dude don’t even sweat it.” Mikey boasted, tongue between his lips as he leaned forward in the chair, the furious tapping of the controller indictating his panic. “ I mean ,sure.”(y/n) had him on the fence for about half an hour and he was fighting back ruthlessly. She couldn’t help but grin. “ that was sarcasm! I detected sarcasm (y/n)!” She couldn’t help but bust a laugh when his voice broke from panic.
She felt eyes and couldn’t help but look up, across the lair; there he stood. The blue clad turtle, standing so stoically alone, his expression solemn. When he noticed her match his gaze he spun away, swiftly walking into the dojo and closing the sliding door behind him. She sighed slightly , her shoulders slumping. It had been like this for a little while, this Iciness between the two. She swallowed deeply before turning back to the game.
“ ha! You where too busy gawking over Leo!” He shot her last minute, tricky little bastard.
“ SHHHH MIKEY.” She was aghast, horrified. Eyes darting around to make sure no one was around to overhear. “ relaaaaax (y/n) “ Raph clasped a big hand down on her shoulder, she couldn’t help but roll her eyes , slowly sinking into bean bag further as her hands covered her already reddening face. “ now look what you’ve done genius! “ she chastised Mikey and he raised his hands in surrender,the most innocent look on his face! He knew the big bara was behind. Raphael took a seat and extended a hand for the controller. “ it’s my turn (y/n) “ she handed him the remote and tried to ignore the shit eating grin on his face. “ don’t sweat it, I won’t say anythin’ “ he rolled his eyes at her scathing glare.
Almost crumpling in relief she couldn’t help but splay a hand on her chest. “ what are you gonna do about it tho’ I can’t listen to anymore “ he covered his ‘ears’ to emphasise his point. She slapped mikey’s shoulder playfully and he just laughed easily, jumping into the game with his older brother Raph. “ I’m not doing anything about it, I feel like he’s pissed off with me as is.” She did sadden at that, as the reality set in. He must have really hated her. The coldness, the dismissive nature anytime she would try and speak to him. Before she enjoyed his company, a guilty pleasure. He seemed to enjoy her’s aswell, from what she gathered. It was the kind of comfortable company, no pressure, no need for conversation. Just being.
It was a big reason she found herself falling for him. He was the being of serenity, a calm cool head who always gave her logical solutions to her problems. He was kind and gentle, soft spoken, god, he could make her heart swell.
“ yeah he’s been weird lately.” Raph mused, leaning back into the Bean bag as he whooped Mikey ass. She spun her head to him quickly, “ you think so too? “ he just nodded, too preoccupied in the game.
“ it’s alright (y/n) well be your wing men! “ Mikey chirped, Raph grumbled. “ I ain’t being shit.” She laughed, already feeling a little better.
“ I’m gonna go grab a drink, do you’s want anything? “ Mikey asked for something sweet where Raph asked for a bottle of water. She shrugged before pushing herself up and stretching her stiff limbs, already making her way to the kitchen.
Swinging the door open before colliding with a hard surface, wincing she looked up to be met with those gorgeous ocean eyes. She sighed before diverting her gaze, already feeling awkward. “ so sorry Leo!” He just nodded before turning to walk past her, still she stood there in shock, complete unaware , what could she have done now to deserve the silent treatment now? She was so fed up with this. Fair enough , she had a hopeless crush on him , she could live with that being ignored but she couldn’t live with him ignoring her all together.
“ have I done something on you? Leo?” Her tone low with a slight edge to it. He stopped, took a breath before he turned to face her. “ what?” She was getting more and more annoyed! Now he was playing coy? “ you know what I’m talking about “ she stood her ground. The eldest turtle stared at her, in somewhat disbelief. “ I just wanna know if I’ve done something to piss you off, you won’t even speak to me” her voice softened slightly. The blue terrapin could see her hurting , evident in her features. “ I’ve been busy.” He was Curt, abrupt and cold. She couldn’t believe how dismissive he was being. She wanted to throw something at him.
His brothers happiness would always continue to come first, he wouldn’t be an honest sibling if continued to grow the bond between him and the girl he liked. He’ll, he was pretty sure he loved her.
“ that’s bull shit Leo.” She took a step closer, fierce eyes set on him. It caused him to look back down at her, he was visibly frustrated, (y/n) could tell she was inches from breaking that stoic exterior. “ you owe me a reason! What? I’m not good enough to be your friend now or what? It’s that easy for you to just cut me out? Just like that?”
He took a step forward, forcing her through the kitchen door and closing it behind him. “ you are plenty good.” That deep rumbling voice was low and he met her challenge, they where inches apart. He lowered himself , faces so close, he could feel her breath on his lips. “ my brothers happiness comes first alright (y/n) , what kind of leader would that make me? If I continued to get to know the girl my brother has feelings for?!” It was her turn to be confused, the anger fell from her face, only to be replaced with pure shock. “ wait what?!” Her eyes where wide. “ don’t, (y/n) , you know Mikey has feelings for you.” It felt good for him, to get it off his chest, his shoulders felt light already, damn the consequence.
Only now, her expression, that look of complete confusing had him double taking. “ what, why are you looking at me like that?” He took a step back, his face mirroring her own.
Was he serious? “ Mikey doesn’t like me! He still has the hots for April! And even if he did why does that mean you have to ice me out?! With no explanation! “ she wanted answers , brows knitted together she glared up at him. Her anger preventing her from joining the dots on her own.
He felt backed into a corner, furrowing his brow ridge as he looked away from her, somewhat ashamed of his erratic behaviour. They both took a pause, just taking a minute before things got too heated.
(Y/n) watched as he looked away from her, she couldn’t help it, her vision became blurry as tears welled, she did her best to choke them back.” Fuck this.” She sighed, going to walk around him and leave, he took a gentle hold on her upper arm, brow ridge raising , why was she so upset? “Leo let me go, I’m going home, I’m fed up with these vague non-answers! “ she attempted to pull her arm from his gentle but firm hold. “ why do you care so much? So what i stopped speaking to you, why do you care?” Still, that deep
Voice was quiet. ‘ Go on, just say it’ was running through his head a mile a minute.
Her mouth hung open, tears streaming down her face from pure frustration. “ because I fucking like you okay? Is that alright Leo? Is that what you wanted to hear?”
She stopped herself, eyes wide from her outburst. His hard features softened, before straightening himself and reaching to brush that stray tear away with his thumb. She watched him, waiting for him to say something, the tender actions shocked her, wide eyes staring up at him. Slowly his massive hand came to cup her features, thumbs brushing along her cheek bones tenderly, her breath was staggered. “ I’m sorry.” Her Voice barely above a whisper. He shook his head and leaned down to connect his lips with hers, in a soft delicate manner. Relaxing into his touch, she kissed him back , her hands coming to grab his own. She lost herself in it, it was everything she imagined it to be. She broke the kiss and Leo rested his forehead against hers. Eyes closed for a minute before he looked down at her. She was visibly in shock and he couldn’t help but smile slightly, those gorgeous dimples of his deepening.
It made sense now. Why he backed off, this couldn’t be! All this time?
“ I like you too, if that’s okay.” He was sheepish, and she smiled so whole heartedly. Standing on her toes she wrapped her arms around his neck. He returned it, sliding his three digit hand around her waist and pulling her into his chest. Nuzzling his face into the crook of her neck. He inhaled deeply, savouring the smell of her hair, he never imagined this.
Y/n pulled back and glanced up towards him, he tilted his head slightly. This time she cupped his face and in a wordless exchange shared another kiss, arms looping around his neck and he deepened their embrace, sliding his tongue along her lower lip. She accepted, of course, kissing him back just as hungrily. He leaned down and gripped the back of her thighs, lifting her up effortlessly, the woman wrapped her legs around his waist. Savouring their passionate embrace, he walked with her, never once breaking their kiss. He sat her down on the counter and she gripped him with her inner thighs, playfully squeezing. She grinned against his lips, playfully nipping at them, he responded with a groan that made her hairs stand up all down her neck. Grabbing at her hips possessively, pulling her flush against him.
The kitchen door swung open, Leo and y/n practically jolted, head spinning towards the door, he raised his hands in shock before adjusting to lean on the counter. Her face was beat red, completely flustered. “ ohh where’s my swee- OH! No way! SCORE GO (y/n) “ Mikey was swiftly pulled back by his head, Raph scolding him before the door was slammed shut again.
Looking towards Leonardo, she laughed and so did he. Sighing the sexual tension off his shoulders and he leaned his brow on her shoulder. “ you know you are stuck with me now? Right?” He was slightly breathless, she could tell, he was very swept up in the moment. Bless, he seemed shy. (Y/n) nodded, grinned. “ I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
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Ok so I just drowned myself in soulmate komahina fics: and I have begun CATEGORIZING
Komahina in which Komaeda holds the unrequited love typically is one where Hajime is in a happy monogamous relationship with one of many other eligible candidates. This is because Hajime is a kind tsundere chad who becomes class-77s little pog champ by virtue of supporting them but also not taking their worst shit. Hajime is so able to function like a well-adjusted person (and does so flawlessly when he doesn’t have the societal flagellations of being an untalented person on his back) so everyone wants a piece of him. Komaeda liking him is inevitable.
So then the game becomes “getting Hajime to like him back,” and in unrequited plots where it’s doomed to fail, the nail in the coffin is usually that Komaeda is too distant, or too weird for Hajime, who becomes and upstanding member of society and pillar of support for his monogamous partner. I’m especially intrigued in the version of this where Hajime’s happy ending is heterosexual when it would’ve not been with Komaeda— it adds a kinda heteronormativity-reinforcing despair to it that makes me want to learn queer critical analysis and go fucking ham. And as to not reduce Hinata to a prop, his role this (kinda theoretical) story would be very worth examining too because I don’t doubt that that kind of story is also a real one.
Komahina where HINATA hods the unrequited love is a lot rarer, and I think it’d be rarest of all for it to be similar tot the situation above— purely because Nagito gets no bitches. For good reason, the man is rancid. However I think there’s a cool as shit angle to be taken if the reason for unrequitedness here is because of Nagito’s incredibly bombastic, extreme, and distant personality— he is polite and friendly, but he fears making deep connections. I almost think of falling in love with a mad scientist, musician, or other artificer that loves their craft so much that they have no time to reciprocate. Hajime, despite his apparent normalcy, craved feeling important and reliable. Maybe almost like an “I can fix him” kind of thing, where he could love a lost cause with all his stubbornness, but that feels too reductive. If Hajime’s pre-arc mindset is true it reminiscent of the horrible unsurity-about-the-future that plagues trepidacious students, maybe he’s more like a “finally, something to do— fixing him.” But in a way, it becomes two people chasing ideals that will not love them back. Kinda sad.
But then I realized that all this talk of Unrequitedness partially hinges on love being limited— monogamous, possessive, and with romantic love being held higher. The other factor is the unpredictable nature of love (it’s a fucking EMOTION, which depends on so much shit that it’s hard to track), but if one can love many people at once, and if love that isn’t just Romantic Love is elevated into the same esteem as romantic, then maybe we wouldn’t fear unrequited love so much.
The unrequited Komaeda / Hinata fics I read were a fascinating study on my perception of love. I don’t know how much of this applies to everyone and how much of it applies to just me.
#my shit#komahina#analysis#kinda#I wrote this all at once and barely checked it#rambles#long post#emotions are fucking weird#love is real and complicated and messy#fuck
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If you’re still taking au summary requests (if not it’s okay feel free to disregard this), may I suggest a superhero au?
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's literally just some dudes.
Blind Channel is band by day, a super hero squad by night 🦸♂️
..very late at night, since they play at concerts in the evening, which suits some members of the squad better (Joel) than some others (Olli)
Joonas' superpower is in his nails; that's why he has to keep them painted real pretty at all times 💅 They extract some kinda lethal poison, which is why he has to wear gloves while..well, while doing a lot of things 😳🙄
Joel's superpower hyperawareness is more a curse than a gift tbh. He is tired of being constantly aware of things. It keeps him from falling asleep, it makes him jumpy and paranoid, and he can't stand being aware of Porko expecially (for many reasons)
The t(error) twins are also telepathic, as in they can read each other's minds if they want to, which makes them a great team in action, but insufferable when they don't agree with each other's thoughts. There isn't much to read in Porko's mind though, and Joel's mind is mostly darkness and it makes Joonas sad so he doesn't like to use this power that much anyway 😟
Olli is a very, very bendy boy. Practically boneless. Great use when they need him to squeeze through tiny..cracks and..holes..... 😐
He's also a skillful healer (they don't call him the master of recovery for no reason). And he doesn't have to literally "kiss it better", but that's what he has managed to convince everyone anyway and they have just accepted it as his method
Tommi's superpower is literally death vision, which is funny to the other guys because Tommi is actually such a teddy bear with the most beautiful smile 🥰 In any case, he has to wear sunglasses most of the time so that he won't accidentally end up killing someone. The funny sunglasses they get as fan gifts come in handy 👍
So he's pretty effective in a conflict ya know? But using this superpower takes a lot of energy, and sometimes a good old fist-fight is more fun anyway 💪
Niko's superpower is siren song 💖 Fist fights? Nah, that's so old-fashioned. Our boy will simply sing you to submission ✨
And according to himself, Niko also has supernatural intelligence. According to the other guys, Niko is full of shit 😂
And Aleksi, ever the black sheep, is a master of social cloaking. That's how he ended up in the band in the first place, and so far no one suspects a thing..
He also happens to have poison immunity 😏
So whoever ends up writing this can come up with more specific details, but let's say they're fighting against some kinda dark force that's trying to take over the world or something like that? 🤔
And Aleksi's social cloaking could be A) he was just lonely and wanted friends so he decided to assimilate to this band who also happen to be superheros, or B) he's a spy for the enemy 👀 BUT!! the usual story: he falls in love 💀
The plot also includes such gems as Niko using his siren song to sing Joel to sleep 🥺, Joonas being happy about finally having a bed partner who doesn't die when he gets a little rough during sexy times 🥳, Tommi being sad about not being able to make proper eye-contact with his loved ones 😔, and one of the guys (who? 🤔) purposefully hurting himself so that Olli would "kiss it better" 😭
Good luck trying to figure out the pairings I have in mind for this 😂 Clue: as per the superpowers AU anon's request, it's not my usual Joel/Aleksi, Joonas/Niko, Tommi/Olli 😇
Additional tags: pining, MUTUAL pining, unrequited love, the love is requited they're just idiots
#blind channel#blind channel rpf#well this turned out to be both kinky and tragic#and i'm tellin' ya. this could have been WAY kinkier still#y'all glad i didn't give joonas the superpower of supernatural stamina or something like that#that would be a very different kinda fic lbr
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At The Point You Realize
Summary: Ryuji pining for Ren. It’s unrequited.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mild internalized homophobia.
Notes: I just thought it’d be fun to write some unrequited angst fics. Ryuji is the first victim...participant. It’s also writing practice! It’s a short read (1K) so please check it out!
***Alternate Ao3 Link***
Commission? Donate?
“Ryuji. You got something on your face.”
Ren’s a stoic guy, but when he rubs at Ryuji’s cheek with a napkin, he’s nothing sort of gentle about it. Ann snorts, calling him hopeless, but Ryuji can only focus on Ren’s face. The glasses make Ren’s eyes look wide, and it’s such an attentive gaze that the other is giving him.
So much so that Ryuji can’t help but scoff.
“Geeeez, what are ya, my wife?”
“More like your mother,” is Ren’s simple response. “Son.”
Seriously, Ryuji could’ve died from how that made him choke.
“D-Dude?! No! Don’t make that shit so weird?! I don’t mind ya looking after me, but...” Despite himself, he chuckles. “For real, I really, really appreciate it! I like it, even, but you can’t go replacing my mom.”
“It’s a joke,” Ren said flatly.
“We should probably work on your delivery, Ren,” Ann offers. “You’re sounding too much like Yusuke.”
“A joke!” Ren exclaimed, with only a little more affectation.
“A-Aren’t ya embarrassed at all?!” Ryuji couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “Seriously, dude—!”
Ah.
I really like him.
At some point, it became its own embarrassing thing.
“You’re such an idiot sometimes, Ren-Ren,” he hums, and Ren just blinks back at him. Ann smacks him.
“You’re one to talk!”
She’s right, but it’s Ren he’s focusing on.
“You’re really—caring? A caretaker? You’d make a good wife, for real...but you’re a guy, so that’s a problem.”
“Really?” Ann asked. “I think it makes him more of a catch, not that I’m interested or anything.”
Weirdly, despite not having any interest in Ann at all, it was a relief to hear her say something like that.
He hadn’t realized why that day, of course. He wouldn’t realize it the next day, either.
“I don’t think it’s dumb to take care of your friends,” Ren would say. Simple and sweet.
“For real? You’re not embarrassed at all?”
Ren shook his head, leaving it at that. Simple. Steadfast. There was no doubting he’d follow this guy to the ends of the earth.
I really, really like him.
--
Of course he always admired Ren. Despite being shat on, Ren was the kind of guy who always kept his cool. Even when facing down shitty adults. Even when facing down scary as shit shadows. Ren could reassure anyone just with a confident grin and a few select words.
It’s only inevitable that Ryuji really, really like him.
But at some point, you do realize there’s more to it.
It’s easy to like Ren. He’s not only cool but also trustworthy. Attentive. Such a great listener. It’s so easy that it’s insane to think he’s not all that popular at school just because of a stupid fake criminal record. Ren was the kind of friend that anyone would be lucky to have. He’s cool and smooth and—just. The best.
He’s just...also a guy. As likeable and awesome as Ren was...was it also normal to like him this much? To think stuff like, “if you were a girl, I’d totally marry you—actually I’d still get married to you if you wanted to?”
Ryuji’s not a smart guy. He’s not too great at thinking. And it’s so much to think about that he ends up swallowing lumps. And it’s so damn lame, seriously, what the hell was he even doing thinking about Ren like that?
It’s stupid.
He’s being stupid.
He could wreck their friendship if he got any stupider about this.
Even if he had realized it, he hadn’t accepted it. He told himself it was out of respect for Ren, but it was really out of fear.
(Wasn’t that so effing sad?)
But it’s fine. Ren’s his best friend. He’d do anything for that guy, and he’s more than happy to be the best man down the line. He’s more than cool with that. He’s happy with that.
It’s all a what-if, sure, and thinking about Ren married to some hot chick does make him want to die a little inside. Not to mention he doesn’t even know what Ren’s type was considering how cagey Ren got whenever asked... But it’s whatever.
It’s fine!
--
It’s not as fine as it could be with that damn Akechi though.
“Another long work day, is it? Ren?”
God, the fucking way that jackass even says Ren’s name gets Ryuji’s skin crawling. But since that jerk blackmailed his way into the thieves, Ryuji was very annoyingly told to hold his tongue especially since there had been that big nasty fight with Morgana not too long ago. Although Morgana didn’t like Akechi either.
And who the hell would?
Besides so much of Tokyo who didn’t see past that plastic fucking smile—
“Boss is just out on errands,” Ren was saying. Ever polite. Ever calm. What a cool guy. “I don’t mind working extra...”
Akechi laughs, making Ryuji shudder with disgust.
“You’re such a considerate person. I’d envy whoever had the fortune of marrying you, Ren.”
What the hell kinda thing is that to say to a guy?! Ryuji thinks, but when his eyes flicker to Ren—
“Ah.”
Something—happens.
“Do you really think so?”
...
Ren’s a hard guy to read. Ryuji doubts even the so-called detective would be able to fully pick up on it, but to someone who considers himself Ren’s best friend, he can see it as clear as day. The slight widening of Ren’s eyes, the subtle twitches in his expression and—most damningly, the way he tilts his head so that his fringe hides more of his face.
“Are you nervous?” Akechi asks cheerfully, chuckling into his hand. “What a surprisingly endearing side of you. You really are interesting, Ren.”
“I can’t believe you’re nervous!!” Ryuji had laughed, slapping him on the back. “It’s actually kinda cute, Ren-Ren!”
“Urf.” Ren had coughed a little before sighing. “Shouldn’t you be embarrassed to say something like that?”
“Y-Yeah, but...”
“Should I get you some water to cool down, Ryuji?” Ren had asked, back to cool, untouchable Ren-Ren, just like that.
Ren was blushing now. Akechi’s sickening smile broadens—except, in reality, it must look soft and warm to someone who actually likes him.
And Ren is the furthest thing from cool and untouchable right now.
“You’re too much,” Ren mutters, but when he smiles—oh. “The usual, right, Akechi?”
“Please do!”
Watching all this, Ryuji couldn’t say a thing even if he wanted to. He couldn’t even begin to think.
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men r stinky😡😡
summary: you have fallen for UA’s resident feral gremlin and think that your feelings are unrequited, but are they ?
tags: katsuki bakugou x gn reader, angst but like with a happy ending idk, overall garbage writing
It’s days like today that are the worst. Days where the sky is a dull shade of gray and the clouds can no longer hold the rain that falls over your head as you go running for shelter. Days where you can physically feel the dense melancholy energy weighing down the air around you. It’s hard to not feel sad on days like this, and it’s so easy to give in to your negative thoughts. Maybe that’s why I’m sitting alone in my dorm room covered in blankets trying to keep my mind from wandering to places It doesn’t need to be. ‘god I’m such an idiot’ I think as I change my position so I’m now hanging upside-down over the edge of the bed. I know I’m young, I know that I haven’t ever really gotten the chance to love someone, but god I’ve felt heartbreak. My only experiences with “love” have all been failures. There was Sam in 6th grade, she was my best friend and by the time I realized that my feelings went beyond friendship she had gotten a boyfriend. I remember watching them at lunch and feeling so angry at the time, but I moved on. Then there was Jay in 8th. I bumped into him at a movie theater that I frequented with my friends, I thought it was fate. I only knew him for a week but I was infatuated. When I told him I liked him he laughed in my face. Now here I am moping around in my room about some stupid spiky-haired boy with serious anger issues. It’s not my fault that I like him, and I honestly have no idea how it happened, I met him at the UA entrance exam and he was just so amazing. The way he moved was just so mesmerizing, and then when I found out we were in the same class, god I fell so fast. On our first day of school I made friends with Sero and Denki, and then later Mina and Kiri...and him, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like it. It’s so hard because I know that he doesn’t normally like people but he just always seems so cold to me. Sometimes I wonder if maybe I said something to him or if maybe I did something to piss him off, but now it seems like maybe it wasn’t something I said or did, maybe it’s just me. I let myself fall to the floor, taking my blankets with me. I always complain about how hard it is to be in love with Katsuki Bakugou, but honestly it’s so easy. I genuinely don’t think there’s a thing I don’t love about him, except for the fact that he doesn’t love me back. I love everything about him. I love his passion. I love the way that he never half asses anything he does. I love how much he cares about his friends, even though he would never admit that. I love how stubborn he is. I love his face, his name. “GOD!” I yell before curling up into a ball and pulling my blankets over my head, letting the tears fall slowly from my face. Loving Bakugou was easy, him not loving me back was the hard part. I heard a knock on the door, pulling me from my thoughts I quickly stand up and wipe off my tears with the sleeve of your hoodie. I open the door and am met with a very concerned looking Mina. “y/n! What’s wrong?” she exclaimed as she barged into my room and led me to my bed. “It’s nothing, I promise. What do you need?” She looked you over a few times, now definitely being able to take in my glossy eyes and disheveled appearance. “Well...I was going to ask if you wanted to come watch movies with me and the guys” she pauses and looks me over again “but, if you’re not feeling up to it I totally understand!” she pulls me into a tight hug and runs her hands through my hair. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but if you ever need anything you can always talk to me” you wrap your arms tightly around her “thank you for understanding, Mina. I can go with you guys I just need a few minutes” I chuckle awkwardly at the end. I wipe my eyes and quickly try to fix my hair. “there” I say once I’m satisfied with my appearance. Mina grabs my hand and we walk out of my dorm and make our way to the common room.
‘okay so maybe I shouldn’t have come after all’ I thought to myself as I sat in my spot next to Bakugou playing with my thumbs. I turn my head away from the screen to look at him only to find him already staring at me. He quickly looks away and stares intensely at the tv trying to play it off. ‘See, this is exactly what I’m talking about, it’s like he can’t even look at me!’ I quickly sit up from my spot on the couch and walked to the kitchen under the guise of getting more popcorn. “fuckfuckfuck” I muttered to myself while frantically wiping my eyes. “Oi, dumbass! What’s wrong with you?” I heard a familiar loud hothead call out to me. ‘shit’ I quickly plastered a smile on my face and cleared my throat. “n-nothing” I said trying and failing to sound somewhat normal. I sat there for a moment just glaring at the kitchen counter until i was suddenly turned around and pulled into someone’s chest. “w-what are you doing!” i yelled out. suddenly, i felt all my sadness wash away and turn into anger. after all of the indifference he has shown me, now he wants to be nice. “i was comforting you dumbass!” he yelled back at me. “well i don’t need your comfort, asshole!” i glared at him. “you-you never look at me, you never speak to me! i have been practically begging for your attention all fucking year and now you wanna show me it! what happened! what changed!” the words left my mouth before i could stop them, but once i got them out i felt worse. i had basically just confused to katsuki fucking bakugou in a fucking kitchen while looking like a goblin with ugly tears streaming down my face. embarrassment suddenly washed over me and i decided i’d rather be anywhere else then in this stupid kitchen with the guy i’ve liked for so long staring at me like i’m an alien or something. “i gotta go” i said and attempted to get past him but he was blocking the way out. “let me out asshole!” i tried pushing past him but it was no use, he was like a giant, spiky rock. “can you at least listen to what i have to say idiot?” he yelled glaring down at me. i scoffed and looked at my feet “whatever”. “i like you” my breath hitched and i looked up at him with wide eyes. “i didn’t know what to do so i tried to ignore it...and you, but for some reason the more i ignored it the worse it got and then i got this shitty feeling in my chest and i got sick of it so i went to shitty hair and he told me that i had to ‘man up and ask you out’ so him and raccoon eyes set up this stupid movie night to try to get me to ask you out”. you felt your heartrate accelerate at every word he said. this is the most serious you’ve ever seen him, but are you really gonna forgive him after all that heartbreak just because of some shitty little speech?......yes. no. maybe? “you know that doesn’t make up for how you treated me, right” you said sternly. “yeah, maybe i can take you out or something to make up for it or whatever” he said rubbing the back of his neck and looking anywhere but at you. okay maybe the whole tsundere thing is kinda cute when he’s not completely shutting you out. “i would love that” you smiled up at him and then got an idea. “but you know what would make it better” you looked at him with mischief clear in your gaze. “what do you want dumbass” in response you just puckered up your lips at him and he rolled his eyes but pulled you close to him and pressed his forehead against yours. “i really do like you, dumbass” he said before tilting your chin up and capturing your lips in a passionate kiss. after what felt like forever you pulled away, panting and looked up at him with red cheeks. he brought his hand up to your face and swiped his thumb over your cheek. “cute.” he said and then pulled you in for another kiss that was quickly cut off by a loud thud from outside the kitchen. bakugou quickly pulled away and looked outside and found a very frantic kiri, denki, mina, and sero staring up at him with wide eyes. “YOU IDIOTS ARE DEAD” he boomed.
sjrjgjgkkgjgkgkskakajajdhfhfjfjfjfhf i didn’t proofread this so i’m sorry if it is dookie. also i started this on my laptop but finished it on my phone so that’s why everything is lowercase at the end smh
#mha#my hero academia#my hero x reader#bakugou katsuki#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugou katsuki x gn reader
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Finally giving you the feedback you asked for. It's for the best and worst qualities ask game. Thank you so much for answering. I really enjoyed the reading. I guess it will be easier to comment on every part:
Best qualities
"dude idk if you've just been through a break up or what but this felt like such sad energy, especially when i put on the song i literally felt like crying. like who hurt you?? anyway one of your best qualities is being able to bounce back from a heartbreaking situation. i don't feel like you've overcome it just yet but when you do just know i'll be so proud of you!! i definitely feel like you two are separated right now. (if you haven't experienced heartbreak recently just ignore this part)" - yeah I mean I have never actually loved anyone deeply to have my heart broken, maybe not yet hah
"you're someone who might wear their heart on their sleeve and even though you're very romantic, sometimes you hide your emotions a lot and maybe you've been through a lot of unrequited loves in the past" - well that's true, I find it so hard to hide emotions and sometimes I can be pretty blunt with words. And that's why I might be just .. quiet and reserved. I take time to open up, but when I do I actually try to be authentic and maybe .. make myself transparent to others as well
"your ability to face unexpected changes and still try to get your shit together is remarkable" - honestly it's so hard for me to put myself together when things go not as I planned them to because I tend plan thoroughly and consider details, so I get either aggressive or devastated or all together, overall very stressed. I'll lie if I say that I can tolerate stress well.
"you're someone deeply emotional, sensitive and empathetic. you easily absorb the energy of a room and you're really receptive to whatever energies come your way" - hm have I said that I can be blunt? Actually it's easier for me to follow my mind and not my heart. Sometimes I'm the last one to figure out that internal state, the true feelings and thoughts hidden behind the deceitful facade) sometimes i do feel that there's something wrong but my intuition often deceives me. Yep
"you can be a bit mysterious at times, not wanting to fully reveal yourself or your intentions. but you're a loyal and supportive person.. even from behind the scenes" - usually I try to make my intentions obvious. I don't like to mislead people. But I do think that I'm a loyal person especially to those who are close to me. I kinda want to be helpful and grow with them so that makes me a bit opportunistic? anyways I wish them good
"people might see you as very dreamy and artistic as well. you're someone who can make things look easy when you do them and you might be really good at multitasking. you're someone who likes to have balance when you deal with things. i also feel that you have a lot of charisma and charm :)" - here it's true that I'm perceived as a dreamy person, maybe I want to be perceived as artistic as well, I feel there's something inside I should show and I'm working on digging deeper and finding this part of me. But I suck at multitasking. If I start doing lots of things I fail in everything. I figured out that I'm better at focusing on tasks separately and fully finishing one thing before another if possible. And I never had a situation in my life where I could consider myself charismatic or have charms to yk make sth the way I want, probably it's not about me.
"i feel like one of your worst qualities is that you have high expectations and they get let down so easily. it's kind of like you self sabotage things by having these really high expectations. it often leaves you feeling so sad and disappointed" - I agree that I often expect the best and the greatest and it often can't meet the reality but I can't help it for now
"you also might be a bit too forward when speaking.. it's like you move too fast with people. you need to be more self aware for this in order to deeply connect with yourself" - honestly I don't fully understand this part. If you mean that I'm too sociable or kinda superficial when talking? If so then I.. see myself as a reserved person who likes to connect deeply and selectively, but in order to do so I need to find the right person... so 50/50?
"i also feel like you might resist change or you have a fear of new beginnings.. maybe you like staying in the past and reminiscing? you get stuck in negative mindsets and don't recognize that what you have is good and you should be grateful for the things you have more often. you might lose hope fast when things come crashing down or you're someone who finds it hard to be your authentic self. it's like you lack the patience and drive to bring yourself into a more positive mindset and your inner child also needs some love and healing. you need to sit still, listen and take your time getting to know yourself. you are too much about outward appearances. start with your inner work, your value, your self esteem, your personality. you need to confront your fear of being alone and acknowledge the different limits you may have put on yourself because of that fear. lower your expectations but increase your standards. please understand your worth, your value, your purpose here on earth. there is no need to feel small or compare yourself to others. you deserve better than you think. seek out learning experiences and pace yourself. if you wanna get back into school or study then go study. just recognize that you have options in life and allow yourself to imagine positive outcomes <3 " - here this is a huge part with interwoven messages. Thank you so much for the kind warm cheerful words. It had some soothing effect and I felt very grateful to hear something like this from you. I'm really more on the blue sad side and tend to stuck in negativity. And as I have already said it's hard for me to accept changes. And I'm quick to give up on new beginnings, it's true. But again I'm so grateful you took time and wrote so many beautiful supportive words all of which can be applied to me. Thank you!
damn son well this one was kinda a hit or miss huh? either way i'm grateful for the honest feedback!! i like how you went in depth about what resonated and what didn't tbh i appreciate that, it'll help me improve c:
for the heartbreak part idk i just felt really sad or depressed energy so i assumed it was that. but you're very welcome for the end part bestie, i meant every word 🤍🤍
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On fandom and tragic romance tropes, from someone who's lived it.
Okay, this is kind of…. Idk a very specific vent and tbh one I feel kinda bad about because I genuinely don’t want to make people feel bad for liking reading/writing romantic angst or tragedy and it’s really less of an individual issue than an overall attitude in fandom.
Like, it’s absolutely okay to like not happy endings, and angst doesn’t have to just be for cathartic relief. Angst isn’t only acceptable if it’s to process trauma, you’re allowed to like it just because that’s your taste.
But at the same time…. I can’t help but have very personal feelings about how a lot of fandom spaces treat tragic romance tropes…
(this got really long but... it's something I've wanted to address for a long time)
I'm far from secretive with the fact that when I was 20, my girlfriend Emma (19) was killed in a car crash, along with her younger brother, mother, and aunt, and that a lot of my art and writing is purposefully about processing and accepting that grief. Fandom has been a very important part of how I’ve gotten through the last five years, which I’ll get into a bit more in a minute, but tbh it’s also been a lot harder navigating fandom and especially anything ship-related since Emma died, because of how people tend to romanticize a character tragically losing a partner.
And honestly, it’s not just fandom, it’s media in general. And mainstream media focus on tragic sob stories, shock factor, and BYG tropes is definitely a big part of the problem.
But as much as fandom pushes against mainstream overuse of such tropes, there is a good portion of fandom that falls into the same type of issue. And not just ‘fandom’ in the usual sense, but literary communities, poetry, etc…
The amount of times I see stories or prompts about characters tragically losing their partner, and that being the climax of the story, and then next to nothing about that character actually navigating their grief or being able to eventually start a new relationship or just be happy is just…. It makes me feel physically ill.
Like, people saying how tragic love stories are more interesting than happy endings. Or seeing a post about tragic pairing prompts and people saying things like ‘or they think it's unrequited but then A dies and B finds a letter confessing and they really loved each other but now it's too late’ and more people being like ‘YES YOU GET IT THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF’
Just… really, honestly. It's okay to like angst, even really tragic angst. I’m not trying to guilt anyone out of that.
I just….. Most of the time people just talk about it like ‘oh yeah I love some of that good tragic love story shit’ and the stories focus on the build-up and the shock/trauma of the death as it happens and then the excruciating reaction of the survivor and then maybe a time jump to show them happy again.
But very rarely do people take the time to actually handle the grief. People like the good cry of a character mourning their partner, but the vast majority of creators and fans rush through or skip over everything after the initial drama and aftermath. The ‘tragedy’ is the only part they focus on, and then the story ends and they move on.
And like. Shit. I liked that stuff too, I wrote some of it, years ago. And I’m not saying you can’t ever just leave it there, or that if you want to write tragic romance you always have to explore all the long-term emotional consequences.
But try to have it in mind, to consider what message countless grief narratives that end after the funeral, or maybe a few weeks or months later, teach people about real-life grief. This goes for any kind of grief narrative, but the one I see most, the one I used to ‘enjoy’ most myself, is romantic.
But, after having actually lived it? And knowing I'll have to live the rest of my life as the part of the story that usually isn’t told? It turns my stomach the way it’s often handled.
Like seeing people gush about how angsty a fic/idea is, and ‘OH MY GOD SO SAD CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW TRAGIC HOW DARE YOU. I LOVE SEEING/PUTTING THEM THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN’ gets a bit uncomfortable.
Not because there’s something inherently wrong with ever reacting like that, but because most often I can turn around and have the same people not know how to react when I tell them about Emma, not know how to handle the same grief they were just gushing over in fiction, when it’s real.
Grief is isolating enough on its own, but then it just doesn’t feel great when the worst thing to ever happen to you is a huge trope that people gush over, while very rarely fleshing out the actual reality of what it feels like to go through that or how to respond to someone actually dealing with grief, and eventually having to deal with your own grief.
Tbh it’s why I really just kinda have an aversion to the word ‘angst’ in general, and don’t really like to refer to my own writing as angst, even though I know plenty of people might think of it as such. So much of fandom's handling of ‘angst’ has come to feel like voyeuristic tourism of the grief I deal with every day, and will for the rest of my life.
Just, I know people are always going to like tragic angsty romance, and that’s fine, and honestly, it's not even an issue of individuals, but of how fandom in general treats it.
And again, I really don’t want to make anyone feel bad for liking it, and it has its purposes. And even when it’s not for catharsis, it's okay to just like sad stories just because.
I just… I wish more people would keep in mind that it’s not just a tearjerker story trope. People really go through this. And they then often end up feeling very isolated because people around them don't know how to react to their grief, because their grief makes things awkward and a mood killer.
Like, if you love this kind of angst (and not because you personally relate to it or find it cathartic, but just because, just for fun) but then feel awkward around people talking about their real-life grief, maybe spend some time with that, and think about the topic as a real-world trauma and not just a dramatic story trope. (this doesn’t just go for grief. Any kind of trauma you don’t personally deal with, if you love reading/writing it but avoid actually listening to people talking about their real-life experiences with it, think about why that is.)
I just hate seeing loss and initial dramatic grief responses being this shock factor/tearjerker trope, without ever really seriously addressing long-term grief. Especially when it doesn't even do a time jump or anything, and just ends on the surviving character being forever destroyed; when it focuses on the idea of how sad it is for your favorite character to have to spend the rest of their life alone.
And that’s not even folding in any kind of BYG/queer tragedy tropes in canon or fandom spaces.
And like… on a much more individual, less practical point, I just… there’s nothing wrong with angst but honestly (and especially for characters whose canon is in no way tragic) every time I see it I just want to scream WHY…. Why do that to them!? I’m not saying you have to stop, or that you’re not allowed to write trauma you don’t deal with personally. But I will never not cringe a bit at the ‘painful enjoyment’ of a character going through the traumatic loss of a partner. And it’s a sentiment I don’t really see people being okay with in regards to any other kind of trauma.
I don’t have actual numbers, but it sure feels like fandom treats stories about romantic grief very differently than most other traumas. Other trauma, even other kinds of grief, like a close friend or a sibling or parent, etc. tend to at least try to touch on a theme of recovery, or that the emotional turmoil being covered isn’t just a fun angsty trope to spend a little time in and then move on. And of course, this isn’t universal and plenty of people don’t handle these other traumas respectfully or as anything more than dramatic fuel, but this is the trend I’ve personally seen in over 10 years of tumblr fandom. And to that point, even when traumas aren’t respectfully handled I’ve at least seen people try to bring attention to that, with posts about how to respectfully handle disability or addiction or mental health or abuse. I can’t remember off the top of my head a single post like that about grief, let alone specifically romantic grief. It seems to be commonly accepted that while most kinds of trauma can be explored, but still handled respectfully, the death of a partner can just be done for the Drama. People tend to try to learn about abuse or addiction experiences before attempting big angsty stories addressing that. But doomed romance and a grief-stricken lover (it feels like, in my experience) are much more likely to happen on a whim.
Generally, it feels like other kinds of trauma, while still part of ‘angst’ also keeps a sense of awareness of how that narrative reflects real people’s experiences. It’s not just heavy because it’s big dramatic fictional angst, but because it’s grounded in real-life trauma that everyday people who come across it might relate to. Like... I just feel like a lot of fandom spaces treat ‘major character death’ and tragic romantic trope tags as just filters, like they’re needed because ‘not everyone likes angst, it’s just not their thing’ without really acknowledging that it’s a real trauma that everyday people deal with, where (again, often, but of course far from always, and certainly not in mainstream) other tws and tags like assault or substance abuse, people understand that people they interact with might really deal with those issues and they try to not just use them as dramatic fodder and to portray them respectfully.
But grief, especially romantic grief, seems different. The number of people who will come across a fic or edit or piece of art about a tragic love story, and will have had that personal experience of losing a partner, is much lower than people with real experiences with abuse, or addiction, or mental illness. That’s not a bad thing. I wish none of you ever have to know what that feels like.
But because of that, tragic romance ends up seeming like this distant thing. Like it’s only in dramatic tv shows or movies or literature, or lives solely in angsty fandom spaces as a way to get out a good cry. It seems grand and Tragic, off in its own world of dramatic emotional story tropes.
It’s solely pretty dark edits put to song lyrics, or striking art, or beautifully written prose that rips your heart out. It’s Tragic Romance.
And there’s nothing wrong with that inherently. But for many people, it seems like that is what it becomes: fiction. An angsty trope.
I genuinely hope that’s all it ever is for all of you. I wish I could ensure that that good angsty hurt will only ever be a trope you visit when you need a good cry.
But it’s not just fiction.
It's not just angst for sake of drama or fun or poetic storytelling. It’s not grand or romantic or beautifully tragic.
It’s unbearable. It’s physical pain.
That’s not exaggeration or metaphor. It sneaks up on me out of nowhere and it literally feels like someone is crushing my chest. I’ve nearly broken my hand punching a wall because I needed to make something hurt more than this thing in my chest that isn’t even actually there but it hurts so much.
Tbf I think a lot of my attitude towards this really stems more from fandom trends from when I was younger, and I think a lot more people actually try to flesh out grief more these days. But I just remember so much tragic romantic fic and fandom love from when I was a teenager that didn’t go deeper than ‘look how heartbreaking this is it’s so sad, I wanna make everybody read it and cry and it’s just fun and a story, oh my god I couldn't live with that’
no, of course I don't have a few specific old fics or posts from like superwholock days in mind, that I used to gush over too, and now just the idea of makes me feel actually sick
Idk… like I said. I don't at all want to make anyone feel bad for liking that type of angst, and I feel kind of bad for criticizing it. It just…
It hurts seeing basically your exact situation on angsty prompt lists with people gushing about how good it hurts. Especially when the same people would be (and have been) deer in headlights when they find out you’ve lived the same thing. (Again, this goes for any kind of trauma trope, but most others I’ve seen at least some kind of discussion about before)
Just please, try to be mindful of not just how you write stories about grief, but how you talk about death angst in general. (again, certainly not everyone, but more and more) People know to not just romanticize abuse trauma or addictions or mental illness, and to research, and ask for advice to try to be respectful.
And it’s much more common for someone in fandom spaces, in their teens or 20s or 30s to deal with those sorts of trauma than having experienced losing a partner.
But we exist. And while there is plenty of media out there showing tragic young romance, there is very little (in my experience, after nearly five years of desperately looking) real-world acknowledgment and support, or proof that you’ll be able to survive that kind of loss and still be happy, and even less so if they’re queer.
In a couple of months, it will have been five years since Emma’s death. From day one I have not been private about my loss, whenever possible.
And in five years of saying “When I was 20 my girlfriend died.” to new friends, classmates, potential dates, fandom spaces, therapists, grief support forums, etc… do you know how many other people have told me that they also lost a partner as a young adult, whether queer or straight, by accident or suicide or illness?
Zero.
No one. I’ve had people say how they lost a best friend or a sibling or a parent. And those losses, those kinds of grief are certainly not any less traumatic than the loss of a partner. But even in real life, they’re different. Losing a partner, especially at a very young age when it’s likely your main romantic experience, has different emotional effects, and can be harder to find people who directly relate.
Five years. Zero people dealing with the specific facets of grief as me.
The ONLY times I have ever heard about stories like mine in real life are either the rare article or essay or celebrity story, of which I can probably easily count on two hands.
All the other representation I’ve found is in mainstream fiction and fandom.
And of those stories, those fics, that art, the vast majority have had the partner die in the last half, probably closer to the 75% mark, of the story or arc.
If I’m lucky, that last 25% will focus on the immediate aftermath and grief (especially in fic, while a lot of media might give you a few scenes, and then move on to other character arcs).
If I’m really lucky they’ll show some kind of time jump, to say ‘see, they’re still haunted by their lost love but they’ve tried to move on or can pretend to be happy’.
And so much fandom reception is centered around ‘it’s soooooo SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD MY POOR HEART IT HURTS SO GOOD. LOVE ME SOME ANGST’, or romanticizing the idea of being unable to live without them, and if they can, it’s often never really putting focus on all the pain it took to process their grief.
Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this individually, or that you shouldn’t gush and scream over fic or art or prompts that hook you because of angst. But it adds up really quickly, especially when, even when getting good genuine support from people, you still see no one else actually living with that feeling like you. The only place you find it is stories, and then you see people mostly excited over just how beautifully sad it is.
And that just feels… I can’t explain it honestly.
Just, think about how you react to or talk about fic or prompts or art about a character crying over their partner’s body, or attending their funeral, and think about whether you’d feel appropriate doing the same if instead, they were dealing with abuse, or addiction, or self-harm.
Again, that’s not to say you can’t ever gush or key smash or such, but is it all you do?
You don’t have to stop enjoying angst and tragic romance. But think about how I just said that.
Enjoy.
Do you only ever act like you ‘Enjoy’ it (and yes, this includes the ‘I’m such a masochist I just love to cry over them, it’s emotional release that doesn’t trigger me’ reaction), and romanticize it?
It’s fine to, sometimes. But do you also appreciate it, and try to understand the real-world weight of it? Do you know what you’d say to a friend if they told you they’d lost a partner?
That ‘love me some good angst’, Dramatic grief, being the main fandom attitude doesn’t just hurt me or others who have lost people close to them, partners or not.
A big part of fandom, and of just society, has no idea how to deal with grief, their own or others. It’s not a light conversation topic, it makes people feel awkward, or walk on eggshells around you, or tell you how they can’t possibly imagine having to go through that (btw, y'all don’t say this to people. About grief, or trauma, or disability or anything like that, just don’t. I’m begging you. And a rant about that kind of thing is for another day but... )
And then, when people inevitably face some form of major grief themselves, they feel ashamed for not handling it ‘right’.
It hurts, to try to find some acknowledgment of your grief, and only ever see stories that show just the first few weeks or months; the feeling of it never possibly being anything but constantly excruciating. Stories that end on ‘they were alone and sad and that is what their story, their love, will live on as; Tragic’. Or, that skip all the work and the doubt and the backsliding, and just show years down the road, when they’ve got a whole new life, and that grief, that love, is just a sad memory that they have ‘moved on’ from. Just a tiny trinket call back.
It feels impossible to survive, to ever be happy again, when you never see grief being treated as more than a tragic story point. And then, as you try your hardest to keep going, to process and heal, and connect to new people, while not forgetting the person you love, not letting them just become your tragic backstory, you see people gush over tragic love stories, over how romantic it is, over how characters loved each other so much they couldn’t live without them. (Thankfully a good bit of fandom seems to be pulling away from this, but it’s still common)
And, if that’s what it is to lose a partner, your soulmate… then… then how am I able to keep living? Even as painful as it is? If true love means not being able to live without the other person, does that mean I didn’t, I don’t, actually love them enough? Am I selfish for still actually wanting to live the rest of my life, even with this pain of the person I love being gone?
Would people read my, our, story and ‘enjoy’ it? Would they find this romantic? Would they scream over a prompt based on the worst event in my life, and have a good cry, and then move on, thinking how sad and beautifully tragically romantic that story would be? Would this person I love and miss more than anything, become just a Tragedy? Just an angsty sob story to gush about how wonderfully painful it was? Would it become about only my pain and heartbreak, and not about the cruelty of this other complete, unique, independent person who was robbed of their entire future?
Maybe that seems melodramatic or putting too much weight on tropes, or fandom. But remember.
Five years.
Zero real people saying ‘I’ve been there too’.
The only places I have seen my grief reflected (beyond a rare celebrity interview, or article) is in fiction, and mostly in fandom.
For over a decade I’ve seen people key smash and gush over angsty ships in fic and art, and I was one of them for a long time.
And then, when it became real life for me, all too often (not always, of course) people wouldn’t know how to handle my real grief. Even when I didn’t want to grieve, but wanted to remember all the reasons I love Emma. My real-life moments of ‘fluff’ that I cling to, become uncomfortable when they know the ‘angst’ to come.
And I don’t blame them. I’m not angry at them for not knowing what to say, for walking on eggshells. They’re not cruel for that, they’re not unsympathetic, it’s not that they just don’t try.
Because, if I’ve found so few real-world stories about this kind of grief, after looking so hard for so long, how can I expect them to have had much more luck?
If the only places I find stories about grief never focus on the reality of life after the funeral, and the process of not moving past, but learning to handle grief, then how can I expect broader fandom to know how to be comfortable around the ugly, boring, repetitive, not at all romantic parts of that grief?
Just, yes. Write, read, love your angst. But please just remember that ‘tragic love story’ happens to people, and while plenty of people might not want to read it because it’s just not their thing, or too depressing, there are those who see those dramatic prompt scenarios, and personally relate to them (I quite often say the events around Emma’s death read like a heavy-handed soap opera, or Queer Tragedy movie, and had had plenty of people agree, even before hearing all the details. And I have literally seen multiple prompts of ‘best friends secretly have feelings for each other, and then finally confess, only to get a short bit of happiness before one dies tragically’)
Write, read, love your angst, your tragic love stories, just please, be as respectful of grief (in any form, but this is mostly a shipping issue in my experience) as you would be (or should be) of other major trigger warnings. Gush and scream about the big dramatic ‘romantic’ tragedies, but don’t then ignore the raw, uncomfortable, vulnerable, cathartic explorations, or the real people dealing with real loss.
Because damn y’all, I’ve seen ‘I just love a good romantic tragedy trope, yes please rip my heart out’ said so many times, with the same tone as saying ‘That fake dating trope, that’s the good stuff’.
I’ve seen people gush over how much more interesting and beautifully cruel it is for young love to end tragically.
And I promise you. It’s not. It just fucking sucks. It’s not romantic or tragically beautiful or poignant. It’s devastating. And it goes on for so much longer than that last quarter of the story.
My grief is more than an angsty prompt. Our relationship, my love for her, is more than a dramatic sob story, more than just awkward sadness that kills the mood. Emma’s life, her memory, is more than my tragic backstory.
I want to be able to find my story in more than just fiction, I want to be able to get support from people who live with similar grief.
But I also want to see grief in fiction, in fandom, become more than a final character arc or Tragic love story; used for dramatic effect; grand and huge for a moment and then never fully processed, or mentioned again; just tragically romantic and heartbreaking and soooo good and angsty.
Grief is one of the only things we will all have to face throughout our lives.
I’m not just asking you to respect my grief or the grief of those around you. But your own future grief. I don’t want you to get there and feel like your grief is wrong, or means that you didn’t love someone ‘enough’ because it doesn’t manifest in a certain way.
Learning to accept grief; to be comfortable around raw, unpoetic, grief; to not hold up certain expressions of grief as Romantic or Poetic, but just honest, will eventually be personally useful for all of us, as much as I wish it wouldn’t.
I want my grief, everyone’s grief, to be seen, and understood, not just romanticized and dramatized.
My love story, Emma’s love story, isn’t beautifully tragic. It isn’t more interesting or poetic than a happy ending. The pain that I will carry with me for the rest of my life is not romantic.
But it is important.
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phf rants
as i’ve made clear im rlly impacted by this book. dont mind my lowkey venting
damn this is long
mista's coldness towards fugo / the stadium scene as a whole
it really really hurt me to see mista treating fugo, his old partner, his old friend like a dangerous enemy. i know he had his valid reasoning, but that very specific kind of angst shatters me. mista had his gun pointed at fugo for the entire stadium scene, not wavering for even a second. the worst part? it seemed like mista was trying to purposefully incite fugo to snap by right out insulting him and his stand, saying he was glad when fugo didn’t get on the boat. it seemed like he was egging fugo on just so he had an excuse to kill him, to get one more thing off his list of concerns. fugo as a person meant nothing at all to mista. when mista said “kill these traitors, or we’ll kill you” i wanted to cry. mista goes on about hoe fugo is a massive threat because purple haze is unhinged and can wipe out the enitre population if he wanted. fugo politely corrects him, as PH only has 6 capsules and can only attack 6 times in a day. did i see myself in that scene and feel fugo’s pain of just wanting to be left alone and not have to think about the past or the future, silent and melancholic during intervention and just feeling like the only way out is to kms right then and there? thats a secret ill never tell. phf makes me smad.
there were some little details in purple haze feedback that got me thinking as well. in the 6 months between fugo’s leave and his cold reuniting with mista, fugo was playing piano at a bar. Most of the people who bring this up refer to it as just some cool trick he could get because he’s a rich kid. he is not. in flashbacks, it’s shown that bruno only knows how to cope with distress by isolating himself and bottling everything up. god, did i feel that. sheila e’s life goal was to kill illuso (to avenge her sister) and swore her life to giorno after finding out he killed him, it’s ironic though because in reality fugo had killed him, and in the first part of the book, they weren’t exactly friends.
another part that really just made me wanna sob and bash my head into a wall was seeing fugo’s pure self hatred. since he was a child, he had it drilled into his head that if he couldnt produce results, he was worthless. after being disowned and thrown into jail with no future, he was completely hopeless. even after bruno came and took him in, he was never free of his liabilities. no matter what he did, he couldnt help seeing himself as some monster, failure, and burden. (kinnie moment) it worsened when he had to abandon bruno’s gang, his only saving grace was bruno, his light, hope, and acceptance. now he was stripped of that, gripped in fear knowing too well that betraying passione would end horribly. deep in his heart he wanted so badly to join them, to join his found family, but the logic he had drilled into his own head of knowing that betrayal was foolish and futile wouldnt let him have his way. hes back on the streets, just like how he was (or wouldve been after getting out of jail) after being disowned. he got a piano gig at a bar, and let himself wallow in grief and depression for 6 months. throughout the events pf PHF, we still see him clinging to memories and trauma. they say “what you let consume you will define you”, and i couldnt begin to describe it any better. putting all of the guilt and blame on his own shoulders, feeling he deserved it all and more.
either i wasnt paying enough attention (this bitch got some rereading to do) or the purple haze distortion scene was kinda underwhelming. his character arc felt kinda rushed, like most of the book was establishing his bad state and constant flashbacks, and then all of a sudden he has confidence in his abilities and believes in himself. of course, im overjoyed he did get growth, and had a happy ending (depends on how you interpret it). stan fugio
vittorio’s fascination with pain really got me feelin. hgghhhhhhhh hh hnnhhhhh. he describes it well, wanting to feel his life force/energy in the form of pain so that he didnt ‘go extinct’, and the writing of it just saying straight up ‘cutting himself’ ‘hurting himself’ ‘self harming’ made my skin crawl. as someone who suffers with shit like that its both painful and relieving to know a character who has similar habits, whether it’s for the purpose of activating his stand or just to cope.
2 times in phf, fugo does some kind of suicide attack. of course, he survives both. it’s never made clear whether or not he intended to die/didnt mind dying as it was a way of accomplishing his mission, but either way it got me heavy breathing. the last one especially, when he bites a virus capsule to kill volpe. did he know he’d grown and purple haze would miraculously save him with his own genius plan, or was he going out with a bang? luckily for me it wasnt really gone over like ‘hey you couldve died from that are you doing ok mentally’ or else i mightve felt nauseous reading it. im all for angst, but idk how much more i can take when its day 87 of quarantine and im numb as fuck just waiting to break down.
angelica’s stand night bird flying (is probably not that complicated im just fuckin dumb) made fugo and everyone else hallucinate/dream. in fugo’s dream, it was pretty much an ideal au. he was permitted to see his grandma when she was near death (preventing the professor scene), met bruno (fisher boy with fisher dad) on a boat and they became friends, nara went back to school and was doing good overall, abba remained a cop but didnt do any bad things, the whole group was all just good friends having a fun time. god i would licherally sell my body and soul for them all to be happy like that and all live.
the concept of abandonment also messed me up, just the feeling that everyone say fugo as someone who abandoned the group in their hour of need out of selfishness made me wanna cry angry sad depression tears. hes a good man! let him be ok and happy i will fight all fugo haters no cap
every time i think back to the fugio restaurant scene i just. idk man it hurts me. the pessimistic bitch in me says that it would be unrequited and fugo would only be more sad because even through his efforts, he’s just another pawn working for giorno. on the other hand, it makes me soft n giddy because?? omyfucking god giorno asks fugo to call him giogio when NOBODY ELSE IN THE BOOK had referred to him as that. the fuckin “if grief anchors your feet, let me share it” part makes me wanna jusyt. complete my kin transformation into fugo and be a sobbin g shaking mess in his arms as he tells me its all gonna be ok. was that a vent? absolutely. anyways, its pretty damn special for the don of the mafia to invite you to breakfast at a fancy restaurant before the place opens and its just the two of you. giorno fixes fugo’s injuries and tells him that he’s proud of his growth, and that he knew fugo could do it. dude?????? if i didnt already know i was a lonely affection/affirmation/attention starved bitch that wouldve done it for me.
holy fuck that was longer than i expected it to be. i do feel better tho
#phf#purple haze feedback#fugo#pannacotta#pannacotta fugo#fugo pannacotta#jjba#jojo#mista#guido#guido mista#mista guido#giorno giovanna#giorno#giogio#fugio#vent#rant
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in another world — peter parker
Setting: ending of infinity war to the moments after
Gender: Neutral
Contains: blood, could be seen as platonic? or unrequited/y’all are fucking dense? i tried keeping it open o: or even as a set up, cursing (oops, already cursed)
Word Count: 2.3k
Summary: You didn’t think you’d know anyone after dying. But when a mysterious man led you to a group of familiar faces you didn’t expect to see your best friend.
a/n: I finally got this out. Also, still writing the literal 3-part series (maybe more, depends) but I’m a lazy piece of shit so uhhhhhh. [reposting from my old account :3]
Let me know if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes or if I accidentally say ‘she/he’ instead of the gender neutral ‘they’.
Feedback is appreciated!
Enjoy!
❝ no matter the dimensions we’re in
we’d always find each other
right? ❞
You gripped your side as you felt the blood start seeping through your uniform. The fight was long and brutal. Lives were lost and more importantly, the Avengers had lost.
Leaning against the edge of a tree, too weak to move, you watched the scene before you. Each one of the Avengers struggling to come to terms with what just happened. Fear struck you when a sudden feeling came over you the same moment Bucky called out to the captain. It felt like it was out of the movies created from a poem. The sudden disappearance of each fighter, people calling out for loved ones, and those who died alone.
Natasha came up from behind you asking if you were okay. You looked up at her and nodded meekly, your face glazed over in horror. She put one of your arms over her shoulder.
“Come on, let’s group up, and we’ll get you checked out.” You nodded your head again as the two of you stumbled towards the rest of the Avengers who were still alive. Steve sat on the ground next to his fallen friend when he saw you approaching with Natasha. Worry cast over his face once he saw you limping towards the group. He pushed himself to stand up and walk up to the two of you to make sure you were alright.
Your breathing was even, as even as it could with your injury. Nat watched your chest rise and fall, to see if there were any abnormalities in your breathing pattern. It was smooth, you breathed in through your nose and out your mouth. But her eyes furrowed when she noticed that your breathing hitched, and your chest heaved, slightly jerking as you struggled to let in air.
“Guys?” You gasped out, looking at each of the older Avengers. You looked down at your legs but they weren’t there and you fell to the ground, Nat holding on to you as she tried to soften the impact. The numbing pain that alerted each of your nerves caused your body to go into shock. Your mouth gaped open, your breaths quick and sharp.
“Kid, you’re gonna be alright, okay?” Steve bent down, his voice cracking as he struggled to keep it together.
Nat smiled at you, caressing your face, a pained smile etched on her face. “You’re gonna be okay. We’ll fix this okay?” You wanted to cry, you knew what was happening. You wanted to believe them but, you didn’t know what to expect.
“I love you guys,” you croaked out, then looking away as you faded into dust.
Thor clenched his jaw in anger and looked away from the two clamber over the pile of ashes. At himself or at Thanos? He didn’t know.
***
Your eyes snapped open, immediately taking in the yellow-tinted sky. Looking to the side, you felt yourself laying in what seemed to be water which was also tinted yellow. Slowly, you sat up but you weren’t soaked like you thought you’d be. Then that’s when you recalled the earlier events.
You died.
“Is this heaven?” You mumbled to yourself, looking around. In the distance, you saw an odd piece of architecture, four pillars with an arch. Frowning, you slowly approached it.
“You probably don’t want to go towards that,” a voice said. You turned around only to see an older man donned in a peculiar navy blue tunic adorned with a red cloak on his shoulders. His beard reminded you of Tony’s and the white hairs on the sides of his head made you think he was an older man. But his facial features and lack of wrinkles let you think otherwise
Tilting your head, you asked, “And why’s that?”
“Just have a bad feeling, everyone did,” he replied. “Odd that you decided to walk towards it.” You looked back towards the pillars then back at him.
“Everyone?” You wondered. “Who are you?” Your eyes narrowed at the man who came out of nowhere. Though, if you were dead, you didn’t have to worry about dying again. The man shifted his stance in front of you before speaking.
“I’m Doctor Stephen Strange, and you’re (Y/n) (L/n), right? Full-time Avenger and full-time student,” he responded. You continued to glare at him as you pulled off your mask.
“Yeah, well that was supposed to be a secret,” you muttered and then walked towards him.
“Peter talked about you,” he said. Your eyes widened and you looked up at him.
“Wait, Peter? As in Peter Parker?” You asked somewhat excitedly. But then you stopped and frowned. “Wait, he died too?” Strange looked to the side, his head bobbing side-to-side in a ‘sorta-but-not-really’ manner.
“We’re not really ‘dead’,” he put quotes around the word dead. “Come on, I’ll explain as I take you to everyone else.”
You purse your lips as you reluctantly followed the man who began to explain where you were.
It seemed as if the two of you were walking in place. All you could see was yellow, and the sloshing of the water didn’t help. But anytime you looked back, the four pillars grew smaller and smaller. It was hard to wrap your head around the fact that you were in a pocket dimension. Hell, alternate dimensions, in general, was what shook you the most. But to be in a dimension that was really just the soul stone? It just felt impossible. But it gave you a sense of relief, you still had a fighting chance somehow.
“So do you guys have a plan?” You questioned, breaking the silence that came after Strange finished his explanation. He didn’t seem too much of the talkative type, especially considering you were years younger than the man. “How’d you even find me?”
“Not really, unless the rest of the group created one while I went off to find you,” he replied. “And Parker’s spider senses, as he calls them, sensed someone else came.” You nodded your head. It made sense after all.
“What about the rest of the universe? Are they okay?”
“You’re just full of questions, aren’t you?” The man quipped. You stopped in your steps, appalled at his rudeness.
“Sorry I’m always curious, asshole,” you muttered loud enough for him to hear before continuing to walk with him. He rolled his eyes but then eyed you carefully. He was surprised at how well you were taking everything. Strange also respected at how you cared about the rest of the universe even if you were ‘dead’.
Strange sighed, he knew he probably shouldn’t be as much of an asshole as he usually is. Especially with someone as young as you. “The other half from the snap is here, you were among the last. The ones who died after the snap from car accidents and whatnot are also here. Seems only fitting since they come here too.”
More hope. Which made you smile. “Great, that means after we kick Thanos’ ass everyone can go back to normal.” Strange chuckled at your response.
The walk to wherever the two of you were headed continued. Along with Strange, the sound of the water sloshing about accompanied you.
Small figures in the distance entered your vision that slowly grew bigger as you continued to approach them. You wondered how in the world Strange was able to navigate this pocket dimension but when you were able to recognize a few of the figures as you got closer, you didn’t even bother to ask. Bucky grinned at you and placed his hand on Peter’s shoulder, gripping it tightly as he shoved him around a bit.
“Look at who’s here, Spider-ling,” Sam crossed his arms. Peter would’ve corrected him but he couldn’t. He just stood there, mouth gaping at who Strange brought. He didn’t expect you to be the last person to arrive. But there you stood, smiling. Neither one of you moved. “Close your chin, boy! Unless eating flies is what you really do because of your powers.”
Bucky laughed at Sam’s remark and patted Peter’s back hard enough to push him forward.
“Ow!” Peter looked back at the older man.
“Look,” Peter began walking towards you as he pointed his fingers towards the two men, “just don’t tell them I thought you were Jesus.”
“Oh, we’re so telling them,” Sam chuckled. Bucky smiled in response as he watched the two of you interact. Wanda rolled her eyes at the two’s antics, her lips perked upwards but her eyes still glazed over with a hint of sadness. Vision wasn’t in the dimension they were in, no one was able to find him.
You grinned at Peter as he slowly approached you and your little handshake you had ensued. Being best friends meant that you had to have a handshake, if you had one with Ned and MJ, you did with Peter. But then Peter pulled you in for a hug. You were stunned for a moment but promptly hugged him back.
Murmuring into your hair, “I’m so glad you’re here, I thought I’d be alone.”
“I mean, you have everyone else here though,” you chuckled.
“Yeah, but you’re my best friend,” he let go of you and looked into your (e/c) eyes. “Along with Ned and MJ, but we’re crime-fighting buddies.” He nudged you with his elbow and you laughed. For a moment, you kinda wished you made him stay on the bus, or that you should’ve gone with him. But you knew if you saw him die or vice-versa, it’d fuck the two of you up.
“Speaking of our guys in the chairs…” You trailed off, looking towards the other people who occasionally eyed the two of you now and then.
“They’re alive,” Peter responded. You nodded, a pang of guilt and pain pulled in your chest.
“That’s good but,” you paused, making eye contact with Peter once more, “they probably think we’re dead, huh?” Peter took in a deep breath, knowing very well what you mean. The pain he saw in Tony’s eyes as he said he was sorry would probably stay with the olderman forever. He already knew of his PTSD and anxiety attacks, his death probably just made it worse. And to think of how your friends and the rest of the Avengers felt?
Peter didn’t respond, but he didn’t need to. You already knew how he felt as you were surrounded by the other Avengers as you faded away.
“Oh, hey! Is that a new person?” A new voice called out, the two of you guys looked away from each other to look at who was talking to you. A man, who seemed to be human, wearing a red leather jacket looked down at you two. “Ah, you guys dating?”
You and Peter looked at each other and exchanged faces. Slowly, you burst out laughing. Peter chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck and glanced down at you who seemed like you were having the time of your life. To Bucky and Sam, they couldn’t really tell if you were being overdramatic just to be overdramatic, or if you were just covering up the heat that might be rushing up to your face. Out of embarrassment or awkwardness, they still couldn’t really tell.
“Me and this kid?” You pointed at Peter with your thumb. “No way.”
“(Y/n), this is Peter Quill-”
“Please, call me Star-Lord.”
Peter rolled his eyes but continued, “And the other guys are part of the Guardians of the Galaxy.” You took in the faces of people before you, an alien who seemed like a bug was beaming at you, a tree who seemed bored out of his mind, another humanoid who had what seemed to be red tattoos, and a green woman. An odd group.
But it didn’t stop you from saying, “Guardians of the Galaxy? Half of us are dead.” Though it was meant more like a joke, Quill flinched. “I’m joking, sorry. Too soon.”
Looking at Peter, you couldn’t believe the situation you were in. Maybe you should’ve been more scared of what was going to happen. But with the last words Nat and Steve said, what Strange informed you, and being in the presence of Peter Parker, you knew you’d be okay.
Before you knew it, one of the Guardians jumped on over to you and grabbed your hand, her antennas began to glow.
“Woah!” You pulled away, glancing a Peter with a plea for help. “What are you doing?”
“I can feel emotions,” she replied. Peter gave you a reassuring smile so you slowly gave back your hand to her. “You feel lots of love, love for-”
“Okay, we’re done here,” Strange interrupted. “We’ve gotta create a game plan.”
Quill began, “Or, I’ll create-”
“No.”
The green woman smacked Quill in the backside of his head and you laughed at the scene before you, glad that the situation you were in was glossed over. For dying, all of you guys seemed pretty relaxed. But I guess it doesn’t really matter. I mean you had Peter Parker right there with you, and that’s all you really needed. Your best friend by your side while all of you created a game plan.
“Hey, I’m glad we’re in this mess together,” You said to Peter.
He nodded his head and let out a heavy breath. “Yeah, me too. Who knew we’d find each other again.”
Letting out a laugh and lightly punching his arm, with him feigning hurt, “I mean, no matter the dimensions we’re in, we’d always find each other, right?”
“Yeah, always,” he responded.
“Are-are you lovebirds done?” Strange narrowed his eyes towards the two of you.
“We’re not-!” You both said at the same time.
“Together, we know.”
#peter parker x reader#peter parker x male!reader#peter parker x neutral!reader#peter parker imagine#marvel x reader#avengers x reader#a.writes
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