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#but She won’t judge me
sonlikesleep · 1 year
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Ex libris design, that i hope to then actually carve in wood
this is actually an assignment for my engraving/printmaking class (that i should have completed by now :_)), i just decided to have a bit of fun with it^^
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even-disco-baby · 8 months
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YOU — “No. There is still a chance.”
DOLORES DEI — “You think so?” Her voice is weary.
EMPATHY — Everything about her is weary. She is the Innocence of weariness, of heroically borne suffering.
CONCEPTUALIZATION — That is the picture you have painted for yourself, at any rate.
YOU — “You looked back. That’s the memory, the moment, that I can’t stop returning to. You looked back. I had a chance, for just that moment…”
DOLORES DEI — She meets your eye, gaze still forever cast back over her shoulder. Time stops. The stars are stilled, the ocean silent. There is *nothing* beyond this memory. Nothing at all. All of infinity is contained in this single moment when anything and everything was possible.
“Oh, Harry…” She sighs, soft as eiderdown. “We never had any chance.”
And just like that, the wave of time collapses under its own weight, obliterating everything. This moment was six years ago. She is gone from here. Gone, gone…
PAIN THRESHOLD — You cannot leave. There was nothing outside of this moment, and now there is nothing at all. It’s all gone. There is no point. I’m sorry. I can’t do this any longer.
VOLITION — Please, don’t say that…
“Okay. Well, fuck me, then.”
“How would *you* know?! You gave up! You didn’t even try!”
“We *must* have had a chance, at some point… Doesn’t everyone get a chance, if nothing more?”
“How could you say that…?”
DOLORES DEI — “Because it’s true,” she says, matter-of-fact. “There is no moment in time that you can turn back to, no branching paths, no infinity. There is only what happened. I looked back… and then away.” She closes her eyes, turning her back to you.
“The moment ended. *We* ended. That is all.”
SHIVERS — A wave crashes against an unseen shore, ocean spray tickling the back of your neck. You shiver, but no one shivers with you. You are alone in this intersection. Why are you here?
“Why can’t *I* end?! Why can’t this all just stop? Please, make it stop…”
“Ended? I’ve barely even started! I got a chance to start completely over as somebody new! I don’t need you anymore! You’re just dead weight to me now.”
“No. That wasn’t the real ending. We’re a part of something so much bigger than this intersection, telling a story that encapsulates all of history! There’s *more* to this, it *means* something.”
“Then… What am I supposed to do now…?”
DOLORES DEI — “No, Harry.” She turns back to you again now, and she looks… sad.
“We were not metaphors. We were people. Our narrative was not intelligently designed. It simply followed the patterns of history, because those are the only patterns we *know.* We tried to create something new, but we failed. There is no narrative reward for our failure, no satisfactory ending. There is only the immutable past and the unknowable future.”
RHETORIC — There is no assurance of what is good or deserved or what may bring relief. There is no assurance of punishment, either. There is no assurance of anything. Not even of a future. I don’t know what to say to make this bearable.
VOLITION — Even so… As long as you live, *something* is promised. Can you live with that?
I can’t, I just can’t do this anymore…
I can. It’s enough.
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I can at least try for a little longer…
VOLITION — That’s all I ask. That’s enough.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#dolores dei#suicide tw#ummmmm haha *twirls hair*#sorry this isn’t more of the dolores saga im really trying to get back into the swing of things 😭#this is smth that won’t make it into the saga but that i was thinking about nonetheless#im not too fond of the whole ‘’dora is literally dolores dei’’ thing tbh#i feel that the mundanity is what makes their story impactful#and also just. makes it feel like somebody is kinda going overboard on projecting onto their proxy ex. lmao 😭#idk like the metaphor gets a little TOO metaphorical for me. but that’s just my onion. im an rgu fan so who am i to judge#anyway this is more my take on the harry/dora story#which is that dora was Just Some Guy and ultimately we have to live w the fact that we’ll never get the full story#because she literally exited the narrative#we can speculate about what her and harry’s relationship was like and how much of the blame is on each of them#dora’s lack of class consciousness vs harry’s violent misogyny etc etc#and like. it’s not that there’s no value in examining those things bc there definitely is value in it#in examining what patterns you DO see repeating in your life and in the world around you#that is what politics is really… examining the system and all its moving parts#but ultimately the past is immutable… our perception of it changes as we gain new context and understanding but what’s past is past#and there is no way of knowing with any certainty what the future holds#that’s where the overlap of all of these political and personal conflicts is for me#and why it comes back to harry questioning whether it’s worth it to even live#it’s about whether or not you can live with the grief of the past and the uncertainty of the future#i want to learn to live with it… to work toward building a future that i want to live in#anyway. coughs
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*marlene and Dorcas arguing a serious matter*
Dorcas: Marls are you arguing with me or my boobs? Cuz my eyes are up here.
Marlene, still staring at Dorcas’ boobs: I—
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dimitrscu · 6 days
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I hope this isnt rude to ask but I see you talk about ocs but do you ever write about them?
it’s not rude to ask. i do write about them only i don’t post it anywhere. from what i’ve seen people are kind of weird about non tarnished ocs and to be honest it makes me a little anxious lmao
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detentiontrack · 5 months
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Turns out my parents invited my grandmother to thanksgiving…….
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skinreflectsthesun · 6 months
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thegirlwondcr · 5 months
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I like to think that when Emma first moved into the Manor there’s a lot of generic girl stuff in her room that she initially rejects and is like ‘oh cause I’m a girl, that means I like nail polish?’ at Bruce then he catches her at like 3am going through the collection trying to figure out which to put on her nails first :,)
Also there being stuffed animals just cause Bruce has adopted kids when they’re a bit younger, so she also rejects that and is like ‘I’m not a baby’ but then she get’s overally attached to one and keeps it on her bed 24/7
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ongsasuns · 9 months
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jorvikzelda · 2 years
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the worst part of being a star stable adult is having to go over to the “kids 9-12” section of the book store ever so often and just praying the cashier assumes it’s for a younger relative
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chibelial · 1 year
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How tf should I take it when a girl is legitimately attracted to my self harm scars idk what to feel about that
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strohller27 · 1 year
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#okay. so given the response of one of my supervisors it seems like I’m the one being the asshole in the work drama#which. if having a stress response so bad I wake up one night feeling like I’m having a mild panic attack is being the asshole then. yeah.#fair I guess#I’ll admit I am judging this person rather harshly but…let’s look at where that’s coming from shall we?#she gave me extra work that I attempted to say no to and felt completely ignored about#when I tried to meet with her and her supervisor to refuse again I was told I had to participate anyway#which made it feel like I was being ignored by two people#and my stress response is basically: a) get so flustered I can’t speak b) cry or c) both#so hearing ‘yeah I’m so sorry I gave you extra work. would you please suck it up and deal with it tho? I’d really appreciate it’#causes me to shut down and go ‘okay I must be required to put my entire life on hold for you. got it.’#so I’m the asshole for that and for assuming that this lady sees our team as a problem to be fixed#and for assuming she thinks the team is not responding to her on purpose and thus it’s *our* fault she’s not getting participation#(when let’s be real here…I led a team training and had no problem getting the team to participate…who’s fault is it really???)#honey her words and her actions are both giving me that impression#and I’m not the only one saying it. so maybe I’m the asshole but I’m not the only asshole#but that’s fine. if I have to be the asshole in this situation I’ll play the damn part#as long as this shit gets resolved. the team may need me to play the bad guy#at this point I won’t feel like it’s really resolved until she experiences some consequences for her damn actions#she needs to learn that just because she’s team leader doesn’t mean she gets to do whatever the hell she wants#with no regard for how her actions affect others goddamn it#also as long as I don’t get fired for this because if I do I am going to raise absolute hell#I’ll take a second to think about it like ‘how would you feel if someone was criticising your work?’#and I’ll think ‘well. first off I wouldn’t disrespect my team members so hard and if I did I would deserve a swift slap in the face’#‘and second off. I would feel so utterly terrible for just making someone do extra stuff that wasn’t in their job description#especially if they weren’t my direct subordinate. and if I ever did that I do hope someone woulf sit me down and say hey. not fucken cool.’#and I would apologise and come up with an actionable plan that didn’t involve disrespecting that person’s autonomy#because I feel like that’s a common courtesy I was not afforded in this situation#so yes. if I ever start acting like this girl slap my cheeks and tell me to wake the fuck up and stop being rude#and I will face the music without making others suffer for it
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naseemah · 2 years
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lieutenant-amuel · 2 years
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AJAJDJJDKF PEAK OF COMEDY I SAID
AMUEL WHY
DON’T MAKE THEM HAVE A SERIOUS CONFLICT PLS
They have disagreements 😔
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drdemonprince · 7 months
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If you’ve never been all that disobedient before, you can and should start really, really small. For example, you can wear the slightly revealing or gloriously trashy-looking garment that makes your mom roll her eyes and sigh despondently every time she sees you put it on. You will feel judged and disapproved of when you put it on, but that is fine. Your goal is to sit with the uncomfortable feelings and continue with your desired behavior anyway.  Saunter down the steps in that highlighter-yellow Garfield crop top with your chest hair flowing over the neckline, and harness as much courage as you can muster. It’s okay if you feel like a beacon of sin. Just keep it moving. Your emotions are not the target here. Your behavior is. You can feel however you are feeling in the moment so long as you keep acting like you’re free.  Do you have a favorite TV show that a partner or roommate vocally hates? Try watching that show around them without apologizing or defensively joining them in mocking the program. At first, you probably won’t be able to enjoy the show while in their presence. You’ll feel self-conscious about everything they find annoying or cringe-inducing about the show, and so focused on their reactions that you can’t relax. That’s okay. Allow those feelings of embarrassment and guilt to exist and pass through you without giving up. In time, you will be able to ignore these reactions more, and enjoy the activity.  You want to see the needle of discomfort moving down just a little, like Link’s body temperature meter in Tears of the Kingdom when he puts on a breathable outfit in a hot climate. You’re not gonna go from roiling hot to frosty cold in an instant. But after a certain point, you won’t be actively in pain anymore. Things are just gonna slowly suck less, bit by bit, until they are finally okay. That’s true of most major life adjustments, I find.  Probably the best way to develop self-advocacy skills while growing in your distress tolerance is simply by telling other people no. Do this without explanation or hedging. Nitpicky aunt wants to hear all about your dating life? “No, I don’t want to talk about that.” Unreliable ex-friend wants you to do them the tiny favor of moving their entire home gymnasium into a new third story walk-up? “No, I’m not available.” Manipulative shift supervisor wants to cajole you into sticking around for another three hours to close? “No.”  As many advice columnists smarter than me have already intoned, “no” is a complete sentence. “No” requires no explanation. “No” is not subject to debate. “No” can be repeated over and over like a broken record if a disrespectful person acts like they can’t hear it. And you can walk away at any time to make your “no” physical and impossible to argue with, when someone has proven they don’t respect your boundaries. 
you can read or listen to the full piece for free here
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reztruck · 5 months
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Told my writer colleague about my story but I chickened out on not telling her it was a queer story.
Why is it two guys? Me: For fun…
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labradorite-princess · 5 months
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This is eating me alive.
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