#btw I saw Jackson refer to his fans as 'loved ones' on twitter and I'm devastated that I'm probably not included in that | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yeslordmyking · 2 years

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Just woke up and prayed for God to get Jackson to Heaven for like an hour. Am I ever going to stop obsessing over things and people that will never have anything to do with my life? 🙄

#like you don't stop praying for someone right? but at some point you have to accept that maybe something is not part of God's plan #you can't beg hard enough. you can't force it through prayer. you can't sent enough unnoticed dms and verses #you can't make God change His mind because it matters to you and your little spec of a life that much #of course gripping hard to the hope that God will say yes when the time is right he will obey the gospel and enter Heaven #whenever I wake up I can't help but wonder if Jackson's done anything to bring himself nearer or farther from God and just panic pray #I still don't know if it's something I'm meant to care about and continue or just a silly wordly obsession I need to let go of #I've already tried letting go. But... who can just give up and accept someone they (delusionally) care about might not be saved?#does God really ask that of us? to just accept that for our loved ones? no way right....#btw I saw Jackson refer to his fans as 'loved ones' on twitter and I'm devastated that I'm probably not included in that #I'm not worthy of being considered jacky or ahgase or stan or fan of anyone or anything anymore....#why love anybody but God that deeply... no matter how much good and potential you see in them... right? God says don't be inspired by man..#so how can I dare to think highly about people and see good in them?#goodness this is torture. I keep saying I can't care anymore but instead I care MORE. I'm not supposed to. I was never supposed to...#I'll keep praying until I'm 9000% positive God doesn't want me to have a single thought or care towards Jackson ever again....#I truly hope that never ever happens until I know he's saved. then I'll relax. a little...#anyway have I mortifyingly embarrassed myself enough yet and exposed my shameful heart #gotta go. shame me while I'm gone. for whatever reason I keep coming back to my dead blog like there's something here for me....#laters gators #quoting mcu even though I'm supposed to not love that anymore either 🤪🤪🤪 k bye forreal

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