I've been lying to myself. I told myself to move on, but my mind, body, and soul can't. For the first time in a long time, I felt reality reality of hugs, kisses, and true emotions that I thought were frozen, but I lost the one person God has chosen. The nightmare became vicious and ferocious. Destroying our emotions. We fell and become broken. I still feel the connection. Something my heart can't continue to reject. This is so depressing I lay empty and restless for losing the love that always kept me breathless.
138 notes
·
View notes
I'm empty, soulless, and broken. I don't know anymore, I don't feel anymore, and what's left of me is pain. Hidden pain, I hide behind the smile, yes the smile that only wishes for happiness and peace in my mind. Yet I'm blind. So in the dark, I cry, one day life will be done with me like a common whore on the street. I whither away wishing to see my little brother someday. Who am I? I've forgotten as I grow empty and rotten. This world is not for me, one who is dark, lonely, and empty.
10 notes
·
View notes
The Master: Neither mad nor broken
I really dislike it when people call the Master "mad" or "manic" or "insane."
When people do this, they're often trying to evoke the character's sadistic glee, energetic cruelty, penchant for performative melodrama, hamminess, mood swings, ridiculously complicated plans, etc. But, because people aren't using those words, but words associated instead with mental illness, it's very easy for statements about the Master's "madness" or "manic energy" to come across as "He's nuts."
The blurring between sadistic glee, energetic cruelty, performative melodrama, etc. and being nuts implies that sadistic glee and all those other traits are hallmarks of mental illness. To call the Master "mad," then, reinforces the popular conception of mentally ill people as similar to the Master: mean, nasty, destructive, violent, and loving it.
This is, of course, complete bullshit because people with mental illness range widely in what kind of people they are, just like people without mental illness. In particular, the pop culture concept of a mentally ill person as violent belies the fact that mentally ill people are statistically much more likely to be victims, rather than perpetrators, of violence.
Relatedly, I also really loathe characterizations of the Master as "broken."
You see this a lot with other people talking about Sacha Dhawan's portrayal of the Spymaster. Hell, I'm pretty sure even the actor himself said something to that effect about the character in an interview.
Giving the Spymaster a general characterization as "broken" ascribes his thoughts, feelings, and actions all to his unwhole state. If he was unbroken, he would be whole, right, happy, and good. But, because he is "broken," he is also implied to be defective, wrong, miserable, and bad. He is wrong and bad because he is "broken." He is also "broken" because he is bad.
As I've noted at length before, Sacha Dhawan plays the Master as neurodeviant and quite possibly mentally ill. [I'm using the term "neurodeviant" instead of "neurodiverse" because it seems fitting for a character who would relish declaring himself a deviant!] The character's neurodeviance and mental illness are neutral traits, neither good nor bad.
However, when the Master is called "mad" and "broken," his neurodeviance and his mental illness are marked as defective, wrong, and bad, along with all of his other character traits. His deviations from the norm are seen as intrinsically deleterious, even though his neurodeviance and his mental illness aren't necessarily so.
It's very ableist.
Instead, I'd say that the Spymaster is a really unhappy person, quite possibly experiencing major depression and definitely suicidal inclinations. Between his incorporation of the Matrix and the Cyberium, he has overtaxed his mind and discombobulated himself. With the once fixed tenets of his life now in flux, he doubles down on sadism and violence as a way to prove to himself that he's still the same as ever. His desperation, confusion, and terror persist, however.
He's also neurodeviant [autistic at the very least!] and mentally ill, but these traits do not arise from him choosing to be a really mean-spirited, manipulative jerk with horrendous coping mechanisms. Instead, his mean-spirited jerkiness and horrendous coping mechanisms affect the manifestations of his mental illness and neurodeviance.
@natalunasans @sclfmastery
37 notes
·
View notes
I think this is a cautionary tale that real life does not make good story. It tries too hard to tell a “real” story. A good story needs extremes, contrast, exaggerations, and catharsis. Real life seldom has all of them at a go.
Memory is a 2023 American drama film starring Jessica Chastain and Peter Sarsgaard. The film is written and directed by Michel Franco. It also stars Merritt Wever, Brooke Timber, Elsie Fisher, Josh Charles and Jessica Harper.
2 notes
·
View notes