under the shower ~~~~~

plane doodle page!

( @glitchisbroken and @stuttering-jellyfish)

Photo: Suliman Alatiqi/2023 Nature in Focus Photography Awards

* * * * *

Animal Portraits winner: Inspector Booby by Suliman Alatiqi Brown boobys spend a significant portion of their lives in the open ocean. Their clumsy nature on land earned them their namesake, derived from the Spanish word bobo, which means stupid or daft. They are excellent foragers of the sea and plunge-dive to feed on anything from anchovies and sardines to squid and shrimp. The photographer watched this individual dipping its head underwater at short intervals and got in position to capture a close-up portrait of the bird from the perspective of its fated prey [Robert Scott Horton]

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"How, indeed, could it be possible for a man, who is limited on six sides—by east, west, south, north, deep, and sky—to understand a matter which is above the skies, which is beneath the deep, which stretches beyond north and south, and which is present in every place, and fills all vacuity?"

~ St. Gregory the Wonderworker (c. 213-268)

haha wow your lethal company guy is pretty big

*clears throat. pulls out badge.*

this is the FBI. Feral Boobie Inspector. Gonna need to see them.

*lookin hard at the badge. can't decide if feral was intentional, or if anon misspelled federal*

WELP! Seems legit.

Consider donating to my ko-fi ;)

“Shell I Eat You?” by Sankhesh Dedhia. Winner, Animal Behaviour.

“This stunning action shot captures a rarely-seen natural history moment, where the legendary Arrowhead of Ranthambhore fishes out an Indian Softshell Turtle from the lake for lunch. A tiger’s diet in the wild can be very varied as the felid can prey on pretty much everything on its turf, even a turtle, hence proved!”

The Nature inFocus Photography Awards highlights the power of wildlife.

“Lights Will Guide You Home” by Merche Llobera. Special Mention, Animal Behaviour.

“A Love Like No Other” by Afroj Sheikh. Winner, Animal Behaviour.

“Inspector Booby” by Suliman Alatiqi. Winner, Animal Portraits.

“The Bonobo and His Pet” by Christian Ziegler. Winner, Animal Portraits.

“The Rarest of Them All” by Sergey Gorshkov. Special Mention, Wildscape & Animals in Their Habitat.

“Giants in Peril” by Lalith Ekanayake. Special Mention, Photographer of the Year – Portfolio.

“Easy Like a Sunday” by Bharath Kumar V. Special Mention, Animal Portraits.

“Raiders of Hives” by Pranav Mahendru. Winner, Young Photographer.

Midnight Pals: In the Barn

Harlan Ellison: listen up you chucklefucks Ellison: it only happens once in a lifetime that an author emerges fully formed like athena from the forehead of zeus Ellison: tonight you are going to hear from such an author Ellison: a bold new truth teller who will put you all to shame Ellison: a man named Ellison: piers anthony

Ellison: that's right, piers anthony Ellison: when you hear this story, it's gonna blow your tiny little peanut minds King: Poe: Lovecraft: Koontz: Barker: Barker: so Poe: no no clive Poe: just no

Piers Anthony: ok guys you're gonna really love this story Anthony: just let me top off the tank first Anthony: [huffing a pair of panties like dennis hopper huffing ether in Blue Velvet]

Anthony: ok so there's this earth where a disease has contaminated all the animals Anthony: so people gotta turn to human lifestock Agustina Bazterrica: yes yes Anthony: for milk Bazterrica: Bazterrica: oh yeah i guess you could do that Bazterrica: do they use human livestock for meat too Anthony: what? why would you think about that Bazterrica: it just seems the logical extension to the premise Anthony: Anthony: i guess Anthony: now if there was human lifestock, it would be pretty messed up to have sex with them right Bazterrica: yeah that would surely be a huge taboo Anthony: messed up Anthony: but also Anthony: very very interesting

Anthony: so this guy is a milk inspector and his job is to inspect milk production in different dimensions Anthony: you know, to make sure that nothing unethical is happening Anthony: cuz we wouldn't want to do business with unethical people Anthony: we have really high ethical standards here about that

Anthony: so he goes to the dimension where there's no animals Anthony: BUT Anthony: everyone's drinking milk Anthony: they LOVE it Anthony: it's like a huge thing Anthony: and this guy is all "wow, how strange" Anthony: "i wonder where all the milk is coming from" Koontz: i know! i know the answer! Anthony: no you don't dean, sit down

Anthony: so everyone loves milk Anthony: and there's all these barns everywhere Anthony: where they produce milk Anthony: but what animal is making the milk? that's the question Anthony: the answer is man Anthony: the most dangerous milk of all

Anthony: so they got these human livestock women Anthony: with big milky boobies Anthony: and the milk inspector is all "gosh, if i go into the barn, i might see a naked girl" Edward Lee: i like this guy Lee: highly relatable character

Lee: bro Lee: bro how big are the tits Anthony: oh they're real big Anthony: like Anthony: like big ol' melons Lee: Anthony: something wrong? Lee: no bro Lee: i mean Lee: i mean i guess that's pretty big

Anthony: it makes you think, tho Anthony: is the way we treat animals any better than the way these farmers treat their big mommy milker hucows Bazterrica: do they eat the livestock people Anthony: yeah i'm not getting into that Bazterrica: but Anthony: big mommy milker hucows

Anthony: [pantomiming] big mommy milkers Ellison: goddamn Ellison: you assholes hear all that? Ellison: like the goddamn shakespeare of our time

Holy rogues headcanons Batman we've reached a part 5! Thanks again to everyone who likes my silly ideas! Here’s some more!

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5] [part 6]

- Joker has a license but it's one of those joke chuck e cheese kids print out licenses 

- Harley has a “federal boobie inspector” badge, Ivy does not find it as hilarious as she does

- Joker makes his goons carry around headshots he can autograph and give out

- penguin writes "tweet tweet" with a penguin emoji on the end of all his tweets as a sign off. If it doesn't fit, he adds a second tweet to put in the sign off

- Oswald also is the kind of person who tweets goodnight and good morning to his followers. Twoface criticized him once for it and was blocked. Tbh Oswald blocks anyone who “harshes his space”

- Just to upset Riddler, Scarecrow talks about electronics like "the computer", "the internet", "the email". He'll be like "oh I guess I'll have to message you through the email" and Riddler has a meltdown

- Joker is constantly trying to start nicknames for himself that no one agrees to. The one name he gets off the ground gets credited to Batman

- At one point, all the rogues agree to doing a documentary series with a bunch of college film students (it's basically what we do in the shadows but with rogues). They frame it like, "a day in the life of *insert rogue here*. Twoface/Harvey's starts off with, "firstly, we'd like to clear up the rumor of any possible.. personal relationship with Bruce Wayne.." and as he starts rambling about how completely professional the rumor is, the camera zooms in on a half naked Bruce trying to sneak out of the back office window. Harley shows up in every episode via schengens and keeps waving at the camera. Scarecrow declines for his privacy but still ends up in most of Riddler's episode, judging him in the background and half of their interactions become meme clips and reaction gifs. Catwoman surprisingly agrees to let them follow her through a heist but she also takes the time to clear up the rumor that she has a friendship with Bruce Wayne, which is CLEARLY ridiculous according to her.. and the camera again zooms in on a cracked doorway that shows Bruce playing with her cats. When he notices the camera, he again tries to escape out the window and falls

- Scarecrow retweets Riddler memes

- Penguin consistently tries to go on podcasts and talkshows to prove he's not doing crimes and either accidentally admits to something way more illegal than what he's defending or he'll make an embarrassing meme out of himself trying to relate to youths

- Oswald also has a TikTok but it's the equivalent of older celebrities getting one. He has no idea what he's doing but he is trying SO hard! Selina is constantly goofing on his content hardcore on her account

- Ivy breaks into the botanical gardens & random establishments with plants to take care of them

- Riddler has travel boggle in his car

- Harley had a steampunk cosplay phase in early college and is super second hand embarrassed about it.. until she learns Ivy also had a steampunk cosplay phase and high key indulges her by putting on stupid sexy steampunk outfits

- Riddler orders a lot of late night Chinese food and the restaurant totally knows it's him but also like he never robs them & he's a good tipper. But he saves the fortune cookies for Harley, who eats them like chips when she visits. (she and Ivy come over to do puzzles with him and sometimes Scarecrow). But Riddler puts out a bowl of fortune cookies for her and she loves them so much

- Riddler is banned from several establishments because he refuses to apologize for various arguments

I don't think this guy's Federal Boobie Inspector badge is legit...you know what...it's my last day at big boobie inc. who cares, let him through.

«Either the fairies or the police had had a hand in it.» Must be the fairies… Hugo does not openly state that Claquesous was a police agent, and that is why he mysteriously disappeared from police fiacre, but this sentence implies it. Javert is not part of this scheme, he is disappointed (or rather, “irritated”), but he must have been aware of such occurrences: “Javert did not accept such comminations, and would have bristled up against such compromises; but his squad included other inspectors besides himself, who were more initiated than he, perhaps, although they were his subordinates in the secrets of the Prefecture, and Claquesous had been such a villain that he might make a very good agent.” Actually, many things irritate Javert after the Gorbeau affair: Montparnasse was not caught, Claquesous was taken by fairies disappeared, the main victim (Jean Valjean) was not arrested, “that booby of a lawyer,” whose name he has forgotten, was nowhere to be found. A triumph turned into a disaster! Even the fact that Éponine was ultimately seized did not console him.

We have some prison anthropology here and find out that an elaborate communication system exists between the different prisons of Paris, both male and female. The example of Brujon demonstrates that prison confinement doesn’t prevent criminals from plotting crimes outside the prison. “To be in prison for one crime is no reason for not beginning on another crime. They are artists, who have one picture in the salon, and who toil, nonetheless, on a new work in their studios.” From theatre metaphors, Hugo switched to those connected with art. First, he denies criminals creativity, and then all he does is compares them to some creative professionals! Very logical.

Oh, more COINCIDENCES! Our old acquaintance Magnon (the one who persuaded Gillenormand that he fathered two children with her) ended up assisting Patron Minette. And am I missing something? Do we already know why the house on the Rue Plumet is significant? Or why Brujon and Co are inquiring about it?

I love how Éponine is presented as a thread that connects different plot lines! She and Azelma are released from the Madelonettes (and probably they have to live on the street), and she was soon sent to check out the house on the Rue Plumet, and returned with a biscuit, indicating that there is nothing of interest there. But Hugo hints that it is not the end of the affair: “This miscarriage had its consequences, however, which were perfectly distinct from Brujon’s programme. The reader will see what they were.” I hope I will.

Philip Graves Headcanons (SFW):

How Does He Smell?:

- When he smells good he smells good. Usually he only smells this great when he's on leave since he has access to his finest collection of colognes. This man spares no expense! He just has to have the newest Creed or Tom Ford scent. He usually sways toward warmer scents like vanilla and cinnamon but is also a sucker for cleaner scents. He starches his dress shirts when he irons them so that scent of fresh laundry always seems to follow him around. He doesn't smoke but will occasionally vape from time to time and so some of the fruity scents he exhales sticks to his jackets. If he moves the right way he just smells sweet and fresh. This man might as well be a dryer sheet!

- When he smells bad he smells bad. To be fair, it does take him a while of physical exertion and/or extended periods of stress to get to that point. After a rough day in the field expect him to smell like sweaty, stale polyester and whatever he's been rolling around in. If you get too close you might catch a whiff of his body odor (which isn't as strong as some of the other guys, P.U.!) but it's acrid in a rotting citrus-y kinda way. He's just a hair's width away from that gross onion smell you'd associate with B.O. but thankfully, either he doesn't have that gene or his love of sweet scents keeps him from reaching that point.

Additional Fact: His socks might as well be a bioweapon, especially after he's been in the field or he's had an intense workout. He's been to a dermatologist, he even uses foot powder, but for some reason his feet just smell. He swears he doesn't have a foot infection but whatever that smell is can't be normal.

What Kind of Deodorant Does He Use?: This guy uses Native brand deodorant. The scent is "Buttercream and French Vanilla". When he gets it he tears the packaging off so that none of his guys know. He's not self-conscious, alright? It's just a secret or else everyone would totally copy him!

What Does He Wear?:

On base, when he's not out in the field, he sticks to a gray t-shirt and black sweats with generic black sneakers. Occasionally he'll wear a beanie if it's cold or a black cap if it's hot but mostly just prefers to wear his sunglasses (even indoors). He's got a different pair every week but he finds he mainly likes polarized sports glasses and aviators. If it gets really cold he'll wear his service boots with his favorite, black pullover. When it comes to his athleisure wear on base he's not as picky compared to his regular wardrobe. As long as there's no holes or tears it's perfect.

At home he dresses to the nines. Whether it's to go to the grocery store or head to his favorite bookstore/coffee shop, he's always dressed up. He prefers a classy look. You can usually catch him outside in slacks, Oxfords, a nice leather belt, and light colored button-downs. He irons everything to a crisp so he can look on point. Depending on how fancy he feels like being, he'll throw on a tie and matching cufflinks. Can't forget the sunglasses either.

Additional Fact: Because he has to wear socks all the time he's got a really stupid foot tan. That doesn't stop him from wearing his sandals during the summer.

To bed he wears what you'd expect for a bachelor to wear. Sweatpants without any boxers underneath. Although, he only really feels comfortable doing that at home. On base he'll wear a gray tank top and some basketball shorts.

For Halloween he'd argue that he's an adult and that dressing up is for children. But! If it was a funny costume idea he'd say yes. He'd be that one guy who shows up to the party in an inflatable t-rex costume with his tactical vest on top. Or he'd wear a completely low effort costume like a t-shirt that says "F.B.I. - Federal Boobie Inspector" with matching sleazy aviators.

Who Is His Favorite Person?: Shadow Company Sergeant Dipaolo. They had gone through so much together. He was one of the only people he could trust.

What Is His Favorite Food?: Salad. He knows its weird but he loves fucking salad. He doesn't care about the toppings or the dressings but his salads have to have fresh lettuce and tomato. He swears he's not a health nut but he knows he doesn't have much of a leg to stand on when he knows he eats like a literal rabbit.

How Does He Sleep?: He tends to sleep on his back but will occasionally sleep on his side. If he has a nightmare he'll curl in on himself into the fetal position. He's a decently heavy sleeper, light noises won't wake him. However, a loud noise or jostle will instantly shock him awake. He sleeps with as many blankets as he can get his hands on because he gets cold very easily. He sleeps better with a partner. Their presence is warmth and safety. He prefers to not sleep entangled in each other because the slight jostling of his partner wakes him up. That doesn't mean he's not a cuddler, he just likes to roll over and slip into sleep after he's gotten his fill. Despite LOVING his super expensive Tempurpedic mattress back at home he can sleep virtually anywhere. He's pretty sure at one point he really did fall asleep standing up during a transport.

Additional Fact: He's used to running on little to no sleep but will get addled and aggressive much more easily. Lack of sleep worsens his mood significantly and makes the likelihood of a breakdown more likely.

Biggest Insecurity: He's got imposter syndrome big time. He totally deserves everything he has! No one in the Shadow Company knows that he's really a fraud who's holding everything together with duct tape and string. He's really nothing special, just your average white guy with a gun but no one else seems to see that. Everyone sees him as a great commander who looks after his own. He had been so much happier as a sergeant, he didn't want to be a commander, but Shepherd pushed him. How could he say no when saying no would've exposed him for the weakling he truly is?

Best Trait: The gift of gab! He could talk anyone's ear off, flatter the bone out of a dog's mouth, you name it he can say it with the grace of a seasoned politician. His mouth has gotten him in so much trouble and yet it's his biggest asset.

Additional Fact: He's had a few singing lessons to perfect his easy cadence. If he's happy or excited (or been drinking) he's not afraid to belt out a few lines from his favorite songs. He's a mega fan of Michael Bublé and tries to imitate his style of singing, but mixed with his southern accent? Yeah...he's not quitting his day job anytime soon.

the one where Jim becomes a father (47062 words) by aurinkomoukari Chapters: 4/4 Fandom: Slipknot (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jim Root/Reader Characters: Jim Root, Reader Additional Tags: Age Difference, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Pregnancy, super duper totally unplanned pregnancy, wear a goddamn condom during a threesome if you don’t wanna get knocked up by a DILF lmao, Misunderstandings, MEN HAVING………………… FEELINGS 🥺, jim becoming a dad for the first time, deliriously happy DILFs, Dad Energy intensifies, Pregnancy Kink, Breeding Kink, YUP DADDY JIM HAS A HARDCORE BREEDING KINK 👀, Possessiveness, Dom/sub, Teasing, pussy-eating, Jim Root - Federal Booby Inspector, ITS NOT GOOFY I SWEAR, Spanking, Biting, Hair-pulling, Passionate Sex, a very tight squeeze, FELLAS…………………. ITS DIRTY 🥴, self-doubts, Depression, pregnancy is a GODDAMN BITCH, fucking Google man, very doting Jim ❤️, Dad Meltdowns™, Concerned Dad Jim, CUTENESS!!!!!!!!, vroom vroom, jim treating u like a queen 🥹, spoiling your loved one when she’s carrying your child, Praise, DADDY JIM LIKES U THICCC 🍑, Dick-Riding, the mysterious case of the disappearing orgasms, Restraints, Sex Toys, Temperature Play, Ass Play, Overstimulation, a DILF lending a…………… helping hand 😏, hardcore body insecurity, Lap-sitting, Pussy Worship, Fingering, Mirror Sex (kind of), Masturbation, Cum Marking, Bonding, Nesting, BABIE STUFF!! 💘, fucking iPhones man, Snooping, Spiraling, Implied Cheating, THE PLOT THICKENS 👀, Sorrow, Heartache, emotional & physical pain, premature contractions, going into labor doesn’t always happen the way you imagine it will, Tiger Dad Jim 🐯, BABIES!!!!!, Jim meeting his daughter for the first time ❤️❤️❤️, TEARS!!! MANLY DILF TEARS!!! 😭😭😭, Spoiler Tags in End Notes Series: Part 6 of don't let dilf Jim near your daughters, folks Summary:

Jim gets you pregnant. A DILF becomes, well, an actual DILF. And you're about to find out your boyfriend is full of surprises...

Lupin III x Mystery Skulls

I did a crossover of my two favourite things and I did have an Au story for this after I got into mystery skulls a few years ago. Yeah I made the deadbeats Jigen and Gomemon for plot lol.

The story:

Lupin and Fujiko were on a heist of their lives in an old Mansion that had a treasure that was sought out by rare collectors: The Moodstone of Madame Maude. It was worth a fortune and it’s the only one of its kind to exist dating back to the French Revolution. The Mistress herself hid the gem away from people in this very mansion to keep people from getting to it,and people had lost their lives trying to get it with the booby traps hidden in the house! But that never stopped Lupin the third! After crossing the floor with hidden spikes,he snatches the moodstone and placed a decoy in its place. But luck was not always on his side when Fujiko was around! She kicked him from behind and he fell into the trap door! She laughed at the way he fell and he took it in good humor..when suddenly the walls sprang towards him with spikes and impaled him! In shock,Fujiko ran with the stone,and Lupin watched her abandon him. Filled with rage,Lupin becomes a ghoul to hunt down Fujiko to make her pay for her wrong doings. Stealing gems isn’t the only thing Lupin is good at! He will not stop until he gets Fujiko’s heart! With a snap of his fingers, he spawns his companions Goemon and Jigen (who are alive but these are his undead henchmen he made with his new powers). Meanwhile Fujiko reluctantly teams up with Goemon and Jigen to stop Lupin’s ghoulish rampage,but they get an unexpected ally to help them..POPS?! Inspector Zenigata wanted to help after he hears what happens to Lupin,and Dammit he did say he would chase him to the grave! Will they stop Lupin’s hellbent chase to kill Fujiko and steal her heart (literally!) or will they watch as Lupin gets his revenge and become an actual phantom of a theif?! “ In death do us part.. Isn’t that right Fujicakes.?”

Sorry if it’s long I had a good idea that I might write on here and continue,or maybe someone here can continue the idea of they like it! But yeah after I listened to “Hellbent” by the Mystery Skulls and was watching Lupin the Third Part 2 I had made this idea! Hope you guys enjoyed it!

Watching totally killer right now and there’s a scene where the mc sees this guy wearing a shirt that says “FBI Federal booby inspector” and she’s like “that shirt is so problematic” STOPP STOPPP KILL MEEE THATS SO FUCKING STUPUD WHO IS WRITING THESE MOVIES

Animal Portraits winner: Inspector Booby by Suliman Alatiqi

Brown boobys spend a significant portion of their lives in the open ocean. Their clumsy nature on land earned them their namesake, derived from the Spanish word bobo, which means stupid or daft. They are excellent foragers of the sea and plunge-dive to feed on anything from anchovies and sardines to squid and shrimp. The photographer watched this individual dipping its head underwater at short intervals and got in position to capture a close-up portrait of the bird from the perspective of its fated prey

Photograph: Suliman Alatiqi/2023 Nature inFocus Photography Awards #brown #boobys

Always hilarious and sad when some Gen Xer who affects an air of being above it all and has a blog that's all naked chicks but, you know, in a way that's supposed to be artsy and about "freedom" or whatever, gets incredibly triggered by political posts and then has to rush to comment on five of my posts about how they're not triggered at all and they totally don't care and in fact anyone who *does* care is an idiot who takes life too seriously and also liberals suck but I'm not triggered YOU'RE THE ONES WHO ARE TRIGGERED HAHAHA I'M A FEDERAL BOOBIE INSPECTOR 🤣🤣🤣🤣🙃

Shhh, little idiot, I get it. You're not smart and you're just here to complain and masturbate and you had a think and it triggered you. Now that your tantrum is over, you can just lay back while I hold this pillow over your face and push down delete your idiotic comments attempting to goad me into a weird argument and block you for all eternity. It's okay, little internet stranger, there will still be boobs and your pretend disaffected persona and warm sand to hide your head in tomorrow. You made Diogenes proud, I guess, you little gadfly. Nighty night.

“Federal Boobie inspector…? Well, I guess if it’s the law…” Mei no.