this might be ooc and i'm aware fear not! but i lovelove to imagine post-fall ™️ will and his broken mind suddenly becoming very attached to hannibal in a physical sense so he's just a snuggly monkey like how cute would that be? the answer is very. it would be very cute. hannibal would be like: i see you're taking the beginning to blur thing very literally...okay by me.

us: give all alters emoji sign offs for communicating

also us: can’t sign off bc we’re so frickin blurry all the time ( >Δ<)

Hello! Is there difference between blurring and blending?

For us, yeah there is.

When we’re blurring or blurry, it’s hard for us to tell who exactly is fronting. We may feel dissociated or foggy, and we can’t pinpoint who we are. In our system this tends to happen more when we’re in a brain fog, exhausted, overstimulated, or triggered, but sometimes we can feel blurry for days at a time.

Occasionally after we’ve been blurry for a while we can kind of tell who had been fronting in hindsight. Usually the memories from the time we spent blurry are vague, hazy, or just missing. It’s generally an unpleasant, disorienting experience.

However, when we’re blending, we feel like a temporary fusion of multiple headmates, which doesn’t have to be unpleasant or disorienting at all.

For example, at this moment I know I am Parker and also Cecil. We can think and act as one right now, and we are as I type this post. Neither of us are co-conscious, which is a term we use for alters who are witnessing the world and perhaps interacting with the fronters, but have no control of the body and can’t interact with the outside world. And we’re not exactly cofronting, which is a term we use for when multiple alters are working together at the front as separate entities. We’re blending, blended. I am functioning right now as Cecil-Parker combined.

Eventually one of us will leave the front and we’ll stop blending. This is a common experience for our system, but I’m not sure how common it is in DID or even plurality in general.

My apologies, but I don’t really know of any resources to link that could better explain the differences between blurring and blending… just talk a bit about our system’s experience. Perhaps our followers might have some ideas?

💫 Parker and 🖋 Cecil

Blurriness sucks, but please remember that occasionally struggling like this is a normal and documented part of the disorder! To help you survive your trauma, your brain learned to try to put in front whoever it thinks will help the most in that situation. Sometimes it gets it wrong, and sometimes it doesn't know who would be the "most useful", so it throws multiple alters to the front.

If you're blurry right now, it's alright. Your name doesn't matter right now, what matters is that you take a deep breath, make sure to rest (blurriness is exhausting!) and know you will be okay. The blurriness will pass in the end, even if it takes a long time to do so. You will be okay.

Do people talk often about mistaking yourself for other headmates? That's something I think definitely gets lost in translation when talking to singlets, the way that identity becomes a mess as a system. It's not just "I don't know who I am," it's "I don't know who I am so often that I have a process for figuring out who I am, but sometimes that process produces the wrong result." And it's not just "there are a bunch of us living in one body," it's "when you have more than one person living in one body, it can be hard to have any sense of self that doesn't involve being part of a collective." I'm just saying that I think "blurry" is easily misunderstood as one half of a binary where the other is "I completely know who I am," when really "blurry" is an umbrella term for any sort of experience that falls outside being completely sure who you are. Or at least, that's how it is for us.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go make a new PK proxy, because I mistook myself for a different system member for several days.

Hy! I recently finished God of War Ragnarok and one of the task caught my fantasy. So I tried to draw the picture in my head that I imagined. Anyway, it was a good task to get to know the drawing board. I welcome opinions on what needs to be improved.

Bringing the sunlight

Hills and woods near?

Just straight up having the weirdest collection of blurry conversation in headspace where no one even really knows who they are but still are definitely having Moments, giving us gems like:

“no braincell, just trashcan”

“that’s a horrible way of asking me to move in with you”

and

“so THAT’S why I have daddy’s issues”

and

“we should sleep in a cave, that will be safe tonight”

and

“really love this song we’re listening to” 

*oblivious to everything else*

When color combinations with background and text are really bright does anyone else find the text blurring in and out? Or is that a me thing???

aaron bushnell knew exactly what he was doing. he states his intentions with total lucidity and sense of purpose. he knows what he's about to do is extreme--he says so. he speaks calmly, but he's clearly terrified. he takes a deep breath after pouring the accelerant over himself. he has to psyche himself up to light the flame. he struggles with the lighter. he says "free palestine" normally once before he starts to scream it. even through his agony he manages to say it one last time before he stops being able to speak at all. this is a man with total conviction. he wanted to help people, in any way possible. this action was a moral one, and any news outlet painting this as simply a mental health issue is a disservice to his memory. he knew what he was doing when he burned himself in uniform. he knew that there was a chance that sacrificing his own life could go on to save many others. this was the ultimate act of selflessness, and it should be treated as such. may he rest in peace.

sign you see when entering hell

Angel/Demon Mating Dance (all the turtleneck madness drove me to... whatever this is. Enjoy.)

(yes, it is inspired by this:)

just out of curiosity bc some people I know with glasses can just go a few hours or a day without them and be chill but I need them on all the time or I’ll go crazy

i beg you to love me, say that i'm enough, but you tell me— why are you like this? i think there's something wrong with you.

for @shestrying

thanks to @acelania for finding the unknowns!

in image / desperation sits heavy on my tongue, tumblr user tullipsink / mary oliver, ‘north country’ / virginia woolf, letter to violet dickinson / in image / blythe baird, from if my body could speak / Alice in Bed: A Play' by Susan Sontag (link in comment) / lynee rae perkins, criss cross / elena ferrante, Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay' (trans. Ann Goldstein) / rainer maria rilke, from rilke’s book of hours / in image/ in image