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#beyond that. there is so many thoughts. nick and i even have a whole relationship timeline
hychlorions · 2 years
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out and about ;)
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ON HEARTSTOPPER
Ever since the show's release, there are memes going around on Twitter, with queer people assigning a piece of LGBTQ+ media they grew up with as their Heartstopper. Luckily for me, and for other queer kids and teenagers, my Heartstopper is, well, Heartstopper. 
The comic was first published on Tumblr back in 2016 but the characters of Nick and Charlie were much, much older, appearing in Alice Oseman's debut YA novel Solitaire. I didn't know why and how I stumbled upon Heartstopper, but I have been reading a lot of LGBTQ-themed young adult novels at that point and my then-newfound love of graphic novels was already introduced by N.D. Stevenson's Nimona. It had a lot of things that appealed to me – teenage kids, a sensetive look at queerness, fast-paced plot and dialogue – and so I downloaded it and read it. It was a moment of a lifetime. 
By then, I probably never realized that it was integral to my discovery of my identity. I was only at Volume 1, just a short narrative of Nick and Charlie's friendship until they inevitably kissed at the end. But it made me feel warm and happy. I never really knew exactly when I started reading it. I looked through the downloaded files on my phone and discovered I saved the first volume just a week before my fifteenth birthday. 
At that point, I was starting to come to terms with the fact that I liked girls. I had a crush on this girl a year or so before I started reading Heartstopper, but I never realized what the feeling was until the new school year came. It was terrifying – it kept me up at night, it made me wonder if the signs have been there all along, it made me realize that the fluttering heat in your stomach and the sheer willingness to make your friend happy are not normal experiences of a stone-cold heterosexual.
I found company in books (I was always a massive bookworm). I watched coming-out videos on YouTube. I talked, in some depth, about queerness with my friends. I listened to Hayley Kiyoko, Troye Sivan, King Princess. I had a standard queer realization – cute girl sits next to me, I realize that my identity wasn't I thought it was, I blast Girls Like Girls to myself when I'm alone. 
And Heartstopper showed all of that -- all the messy, confusing, and hopeful parts of queer discovery.
Nick thought he was straight his whole life – until he got sat next to openly gay, anxious Charlie. He took 'Am I Gay?' quizzes in the darkness of his bedroom. Nick struggled to fit in his idea of what queerness is until he managed to find his place and label his identity. 
I admit, I have only recently gotten aware of the parallels between my life and Heartstopper. I just realized how Heartstopper has been pivotal to my own coming-of-age, to my own anxieties about my identity, to my own Nick-like moments of discovering my sexuality. 
Heartstopper transcends beyond the 'boy-meets-boy' narrative that most YA queer novels have, even though the comic is marketed as such. I'm not saying that cute budding gay relationships are not important -- they are and more should be made -- but Heartstopper simply touched on many things and issues that I never anticipated. This was probably the first time I read about a non-white trans girl whose story is not marred by trauma and despair. There is a steady, lesbian couple who, although facing homophobia from peers and classmates, stood strong by each other until the very end. There are accepting teachers and parents and siblings. There is a nuanced discussion about mental health and eating disorders as the comic progresses. There are wholesome, fluffy plotlines -- I do, in fact, think that those are the lifeblood of the comic -- interpersed with realistic, hurtful scenarios, like an abusive closeted boyfriend, school bullies, homophobic family members, and struggles with one's own mental and physical health.
Heartstopper is brilliant, from an objective, comic-making perspective, but it's also emotionally impactful to the people who read it, especially LGBTQ+ children who are still having a difficult time in finding their own place in the world.
For something that tells experiences that are so specific -- Oseman grew up in southeast England, and Heartstopper is set in the same town, schools, and environment -- Heartstopper is massively relatable. I was -- still am -- a teenage kid who moved to a bustling city and studied in a large public high school in the Philippines. The Heartstopper kids studied in same-gendered private grammar schools in a relatively small town in England. Still, Tao's words to Charlie at the beginning of the comic and the show, telling him that Nick is straight and should let go of his hopeless crush on him, mirrored the same speech one of my friends gave to me when I told them of my own hopeless crush on another girl. Despite of the fact that our reasons of changing schools are obviously different, I empathized with Elle and the difficulty she faced in finding friends in a new environment. I found kinship in Nick in regards to working on his sexuality. I felt my feelings echoed when Darcy said she "liked girls a bit more than she's supposed to". Tara's feelings after coming out was painful and heart-achingly relatable. I even found Isaac's (one of the new characters Oseman made for the Netflix adaptation) occassional disinterest hilarious and 'me-coded', as the "kids" on Twitter would say.
Tao spoke to me the most, however. For someone who is the only cisgender and heterosexual member of their immediate friend group, Tao's uneasiness towards change and his brash overprotectiveness over his friends resonated to me a lot.
I think that's part of the beauty and charm of Heartstopper. Sometimes you directly related to one of the characters and the struggles they faced and the happiness they earned, but I personally found bits of myself scattered throughout the comic, the show, and the characters. It's oftentimes funny and, in a few moments, gutting -- I have heard homophobic tirades from older schoolmates against a friend of mine, and I had no idea what to do or what to say. Classic, Catholic homophobia still resides within our school, a different flavor than what was shown in Heartstopper, but still, as usual, brings the same element of hate and incites a wavering feeling of guilt and anger within queer students. Only just recently, I've read a homophobic speech from a batchmate of mine, hidden under the guise of preserving the sanctity of marriage.
Queerness can feel isolating. I have spoken about crushes and attractions on other girls with friends -- I even alluded to those on my own Twitter posts as I had gotten more comfortable -- but I have never really said anything about how alienating it is to be young and Filipino and queer. I'm sure a lot of my friends relate, but these discussions of our intermingling identities are a bit too deep for a bunch of kids who haven't even graduated high school yet. I went on a panic when my father was moments away on discovering that Girls Like Girls was playing on my phone. I felt a deep sense of melancholy as I watched my straight classmates just openly declare their crushes out loud, with no fear of weird stares from onlookers. Just around a year ago, I became withdrawn when a friend mentioned briefly that I liked girls online to complete strangers, when I was still insecure about my identity. And I had no one to talk to about those things.
Heartstopper is one of things that could save people from the feeling of loneliness. Authentic queer media is already so rare, and optimistic, teen-focused narratives are even rarer. It provides a grounded look on what it means to be a part of the LGBTQ+ community, where kids find strength within themselves and amongst their friends. 'Heartstopper' doesn't have a grandiose coming-out-moment with Nick. It doesn't have romantic gestures as big as the Eiffel Tower. It doesn't wallow in gritty events and let the characters be unnecessarily traumatized and hurt. Despite the fact that Heartstopper feels "smaller" than most teenage-oriented media, it still captures the overwhelming feeling of "every little thing is important when you're a teenager". Nick coming out to his mother as bisexual is a quiet and peaceful and loving affair, but it's also freeing and liberating and an important step into his acceptance of himself. Even quaint milkshake triple-dates are crucial events, especially when five out of the six attendees are not completely cis and heterosexual. Queer people being allowed to live silent, tranquil lives is, personally, one of the biggest and powerful statements Heartstopper has to offer.
I'm just idly waiting for the announcement of the season two renewal of 'Heartstopper', rewatching my favorite bits of the show. I am but a simple Heartstopper fan, anyway, and there are people who can provide more impactful analyses and anecdotes about the show and the comic. Still, it's a bit of a relief to talk about these feelings for a while, like I finally let myself exhale for a long, long time. Perhaps I needed a show like Heartstopper to finally accept these emotions within myself, to process the experiences that made me me these past few years.
Heartstopper is not the end-all, be-all beacon of queer representation in media -- it still centers around two British middle-class cis white boys -- but it definitely is a step in the right direction. There are still more stories to mold, to tell, to take flight. Positively speaking, we can only really go up from here -- and I hope those stories become the Heartstopper of other, younger queer kids.
I wrote this months ago (probably obvious because of the "season 2 waiting" bit LMAO since Heartstopper has been renewed for two more seasons) but I think it deserves to be posted!
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hacash · 2 years
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ted lasso 2x09 thoughts
ARGH
those are it. those are my thoughts.
Ok, slightly more coherently…
Sam’s getting recognition! Sam has his own chant! I love that for him. Love it all. It’s obviously so good that Sam is becoming an in-universe hero when we’ve loved him from his first scene - however, that also comes with the caveat of not wanting him to move anywhere from Nelson Road. I’m curious to see where they take it though, because I obviously can’t see Toheeb Jimoh leaving the cast before the show finishes, but at the same time this offer is so good for him?? I don’t know I don’t know I don’t know.
(If, on the other hand, Toheeb is being written out because he’s going on to star as a lead in another show where we could see more of his beautiful face and stellar acting every week? I would find that acceptable.)
Screeners’ reactions for this episode had me thinking something cataclysmic and dreadful was going to happen between Sam and Rebecca with them reuniting and it hitting the papers - and it ended up being fine?? Of course she’s torn about him leaving. Even if they end up never being together again Sam clearly represents something wonderful to Rebecca - possibility and the sense of being treated right - and those feelings don’t just go away.
I expected a bit more reaction from Ted about the whole Sambecca thing, but that little look in his eyes after their conversation did have me curious - does he disapprove more than he lets on? is he secretly pining for Rebecca already? only time will tell. also I did notice Ted was once again basically saying whatever Rebecca wanted to hear and agreeing at every single line - he might be going to therapy but he’s not out of the people-pleaser woods yet.
Another bombshell next year? OH COME ON. If that’s not a prediction of some sort of confession of love I will go out and buy a hat just to eat it.
SHARON. How I am going to miss thee. But it was a lovely and understated farewell to a character that I’ve really come to love - Sexy Mother Fucker; he stole my move, yaas - showing how much she and Ted have helped each other grow and I just *tear*. Also I’m a Tedbecca shipper through and through, but Jason and Sarah do have such lovely chemistry together.
Also the pub regulars basically pleading for free therapy? Aww.
Higgins luring Ted back to read Sharon’s note with a well-chosen letter based pun? I love this man to the ends of the earth.
I FUCKING KNEW THAT HIGGINS KNEW EVERYONE’S BIRTHDAY. I PREDICTED THAT SHIT.
Roy and Keeley…I’m sorry, I’m emotional and anxious and hopeful and I do not think they’re going to break up. Relationships go through messy spots and people struggle, and the mark of a good, communicative, grown-up relationship is that you take time and discuss your issues and move past them. Keeley and Roy’s relationship has always been characterised by that maturity, and I just don’t see a couple of ill-timed romance confessions breaking that down.
(If anything, we might get a discussion from Roy about Keeley trusting him - I’m guessing there’s a fair bit of time lapsed between Jamie’s confession and her telling all to Roy, and I can see that being the sticking point that upsets Roy, that she hid this from him for some time. He clearly didn’t feel at all upset by what happened with Nate; it’s the - arguably fair - point that Keeley didn’t let him know that her ex confessed love for her that I think is going to be the issue.)
Also, the ‘are you married’ question - coupled with the fact that we keep seeing Roy on his knees in front of Keeley - makes me think we’re going to get a proposal next episode.
Also I love that we’re seeing more of Keeley’s psyche beyond the ‘cute and supports everyone’ façade - her mother’s experience with ambition and not being able to achieve it is a really interesting little snippet, not to mention the reason she bonds so much with Nate and is able to see how someone seemingly ‘undeserving’ should be able to realise their dreams.
also her and Rebecca’s ‘bleargggggh!’ competition! and Ted thinking he was going to be on the cover of Vanity Fair! return of Biscuits with the Boss!
ok, deep breaths now
NAAAAAATE
WHAT ARE YOU DOOIIIIIIING
Is it bad that I sort of liked the whole thing with Keeley? Not in a ‘yes I want this to happen’ sort of way, but because it makes so much sense that Nate (particularly Nate in his current state) might mistake that level of bonding and emotional support as something romantic. We know Nate is insecure and hasn’t had much of a social life in the past, and that he idealises Keeley for her basic kindness and decency: much like Jamie in 2x10, he’s mistaking Keeley’s kindness as something more…it’s absolutely gutting to watch, and also so human and real that I can’t help but take my hat off to the writers for it.
(Honestly, there’s been so many posts on tumblr about how toxic masculinity fucks men over to such an extent that when they receive kindness and friendship for a woman they immediately think romance - but yeah. this show does tick all the boxes.)
I did see the kiss moment coming a mile away and was really worried that Nate was going to be…uh, very entitled about it, given his current state, but the fact that he wasn’t - that he was immediately horrified and realised he’d fucked up and stumbles away muttering about how he ‘is worried about it’ and ends the scene spitting at himself in the mirror again and looking absolutely disgusted with himself - well, in a way that just hurt more. (I mean, I’m relieved Nate wasn’t all bolshy with it because his reaction does show there is still some of the old Nate still there…but still, owch.)
And then that text from Trent…
Next episode is going to hurt like hell, isn’t it? I absolutely cannot wait for the showdown between Nate and Ted, it’s been a long time coming…like I’ve said, while I think ultimately Nate is going to have a redemption arc, because thematically it makes sense and would send some pretty iffy messages if he doesn’t, I don’t think it’ll come until season three. Right now I just want to see Ted get angry after several seasons of suppressing his anger, I want a full-blown emotional hash-out between them both - basically I want Jason and Nick to have me sobbing before 9AM.
My one question is: are we going to see Nate realising what he’s done, or not? Was this a pragmatic, doing-this-for-the-sake-of-the-club betrayal or a blind, lashing-out-in-frustration betrayal? In short: is Nate Lando or Anakin in this scenario?
I’m very curious as to what show people who say this ‘came out of nowhere’ have been watching. Nate’s been heading for some sort of implosion since mid-season, and we all knew it was going to hurt some innocent bystanders.
I’m saving something light and cheery after all the angst, so let me just say: cinema has never surpassed, and will never surpass, the scene of the Richmond boys dancing along to Bye Bye Bye. Almost made up for the fact that they were criminally underused in the rest of the episode, and quite frankly this had better be redressed in the season finale.
and WE FINALLY SAW COLIN DRIVING THE LAMBO. I don’t know what I find funnier: the fact that it’s some neon lime green monstrosity that every fourteen-year old boy would have dreamt of owning growing up (should my new Colin tag be Colin ‘I Need To Rethink My Relationship With My Car’ Hughes, or Colin ‘More Money Than Sense’ Hughes? enquiring minds want to know…) or as was pointed out to me by @kamillahn, the look of absolute terror on Colin’s face as he begins to drive. Colin, hun, please just buy yourself a Fiat. It’s not worth it anymore.
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kevindayscrown · 3 years
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The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.
Part 14 Free
Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.
Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. Head over to the directory to find the previous parts and the fanfic version here.
The semester started off on a good note. Kevin and Eric returned to campus together as planned with classes starting the day after that. At that point, everyone had heard about their ‘break up’ before the winter holidays so they were equally surprised to see the two of them come back to campus together.
No one had much to say except their respective teams; the Exy players looked almost smug, as if the couple’s make up was their doing. On the other hand, the Ice Hockey players were a bit more hesitant to accept this new reality.
Kevin knew that there were no happy endings. Even if the two had gotten together, the world around them was still the same. Kevin himself still had many battles to fight on his own.
“Are you for real, dude?” One of Eric’s teammates asked the captain. They didn’t even bother to be discreet; they’d been waiting for Eric in the parking lot, all five players of their starting lineup.
“Caleb, this isn’t the time,” Eric said sternly. Kevin’s own expression was almost dismissive, but he still strained an ear as he finally got out of the car.
Kevin cared little for Eric’s teammates but that part of him that knew Eric cared for them still sought for their approval. Then again, when was Kevin not chasing for someone’s approval?
“Yes, this is the time. You aren’t going to waste your last years in college fake dating this asshole,” Caleb Richards, center player said, glaring at Kevin with eyes narrowed.
Kevin couldn’t really blame them, but he did believe the way they went about this was incredibly idiotic and not worth his time. Which was why he decided to hook an arm around Eric’s waist and pull him closer, all while staring at the ice hockey players with an unimpressed and unfazed expression.
“Not that it’s really any of your business-,” Kevin started, with a tone that was almost polite, as if he were talking to a host of a talk show, “- but Eric and I are dating. Now, if you excuse us, it was a long drive from Atlanta, and I believe we both need rest.”
They were all left staring as Kevin helped Eric pull his suitcase out of the trunk of the car. They both thought they were done talking about this for now but Nate Wilson, right defenseman spoke up,
“Finally.”
This had both Kevin and Eric staring at him. The blond that was staring back at them only grinned slightly and then walked over and punched Eric in the shoulder, hard enough that it made the taller goalie wince.
“We were really tired of seeing you moping around all the fucking time.”
Eric looked as if he was about to protest but one raised eyebrow from Bryce had him shutting up. Kevin was amused, the tension leaving his body. This was perhaps the most civilized conversation he’d ever had with the players of the Ice Hockey team. Not that they’d ever have reason to try and speak to each other. Kevin supposed that his relationship with Eric was perhaps the first and only bridge between the two teams.
“We really went all mother hen on you, huh?” Nick Matheson, left winger, asked with a toothy grin.
“Yes, a little bit,” Eric said, still rubbing his arm on the spot where Nate had punched him. However, there was a rather fond smile on his face and Kevin could almost tell he was fighting hard to keep a balance between his figure as a Captain and his role as a friend and part of this group.
“Well, pizza is on the way. Might as well stick around,” Bryce suggested and glanced at Kevin, giving him a small nod that said the invitation was open to him as well.
Kevin thought about it for a moment as he turned and glanced at Eric. The goalie gave him an encouraging smile which Kevin did not return, but the slight light to his eyes was enough.
“One condition,” he said as he turned his gaze to the Fox Tower behind them for a moment.
Kevin knew there was a high probability that he would regret this later. For one, it was hard to fit both teams in one dorm room, even if not every ice hockey player in the line up joined them. Somehow, they made it work.
Andrew looked as if he’d rather be anywhere else but here, but the fact he’d agree to come at all was a wonder only Neil could have achieved. The two of them settled down on the couch in Eric’s dorm room, keeping to themselves.
However, the rest appeared to have an easier time adjusting. Dan and Matt were already dedicated in a conversation with Nate and Nicky had no problems talking Caleb’s ears off, who seemed to be less than amused by the whole situation.
Eric walked over to Kevin with that stupid puppy smile. Kevin would never dare admit that he was, in fact, very attracted to that smile.
“Seems to me like all this time spent fighting each other was for nothing,” he said with a hum as he slipped an arm around Kevin’s waist. Kevin stood still and watched the interactions between the two teams.
“Perhaps. It doesn’t matter.” It didn’t. The rivalry between Exy and Ice Hockey players was something that went beyond the Palmetto teams. It was common, expected and sometimes encouraged for the spectacle of it. But the Foxes were known for being… unconventional. If anyone were to break these ‘universal rules’, it was them.
“I’m proud of you,” Eric suddenly said. Kevin froze for a moment and then glanced at the goalie, wanting to tell him that he didn’t need patronizing. The expression on the other’s face, however, was genuine.
Kevin’s expression must have been a questioning one because Eric was quick to start explaining after that.
“I think you don’t really recognize how much you’ve achieved. I’m not talking about Exy, I’m talking about-,” he made a general gesture with his hand, as if having a hard time finding the right words. “- this. I may not know the whole story, but I know it was hard for you to come back from your lowest point. The fact that you are clearly working on it is more than enough.”
Kevin remained silent for a moment, not sure if he’d ever heard such words before in his life. The only one who’d gotten close to them was Wymack, but the coach was not exactly known for being good at handling emotional situation, even if he had his own way with words.
He hadn’t known how much he’d needed to hear them until they finally came from someone. Kevin wasn’t okay. He was far from it. But that was fine because Kevin was trying. Once, he’d accepted that he would always be property.
Now, Kevin was free and had to deal with the aftermath. Which was fine. He could do it. He’d achieved and faced worse things in his life. He just needed time and space. Having people like Eric around him could only help him.
“Thank you,” Kevin finally said. He’d always known to put up a front but at that moment, it felt almost ridiculous to try and hide from Eric. Or from anyone, for that matter. If anything, his vulnerability only made him stronger.
Eric smiled at that and leaned in, kissing him softly on the lips.
Happy endings may not exist but at least Kevin had this new reality that he knew how he was going to officially introduce.
“Get up,” he told everyone as he closed the pizza boxes and grabbed the slice Nicky was nibbling on from his mouth.
Nicky groaned and tried to reach it again. “What the hell for?” He demanded. Kevin grinned slightly as he dumped the slice into one of the boxes.
“I think it’s time we return the favor to the Ice Hockey team and bring them over to our court.”
The Exy players did not need any more encouragement, except perhaps the twins. Eric managed to get his teammates to also go along with this and then turned to Kevin.
“Who are you and what have you done to Kevin?” He teased. Kevin only shrugged as he followed the others, watching them piling inside their cars.
“I guess I’m full of surprises.” Kevin said and smiled at Eric for only a passing moment before following the Monsters to the Maserati.
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normal family christmas ~ nikki sixx;the dirt
word count: 1434
request?: yes!
“Can you do a Nikki Sixx x reader one-shot where the reader is his wife and they have a 3 year old daughter and it’s 1996 and they host Christmas dinner at their place and her parents, her brother (older by 3 years) and his wife and 6 year old son, her 2 friends and their husbands and 3 year old daughters, Tommy, Mick, and Vince come and it’s just cute and fluffy? Nikki and the reader adopted a dog, a male Golden Retriever they named Buddy, a year after their daughter was born.”
description: after all his years of partying and drugs and touring, nikki never thought he’d have just a normal christmas with his normal family
pairing: nikki sixx x female!reader
warnings: swearing
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Years ago, Nikki would’ve never dreamed of an actual Christmas celebration with family and friends and kids. Hell, he had never expected an actual Christmas in his whole life - his dad had split, his mom was a colossal bitch, and she could never keep a stable job long enough to be able to afford Christmas presents. Nikki’s Christmases were always sad, lonely, and present-less.
Then (Y/N) came intot his life, and gave him his beautiful daughter Mia. It was a struggle to adjust to fatherhood. Nikki could barley take care of himself, let alone of a child. But the moment Nikki looked into her eyes and saw his own looking back, he vowed to be the best father ever to Mia.
With a wife came her family and friends, and with a child came actual, happy Christmases. This Christmas, that included inviting (Y/N)’s family and friends for dinner, as well as Nikki’s bandmates.
Nikki’s heart raced with nervousness as the time neared for everyone to arrive. He was in their room, fumbling with the tie he had picked out for the occasion. Nikki was far from being a tie person, but he figured it was the right attire for this situation.
A small knock on the door brought him out of his thoughts. (Y/N) poked her head into the room. “Are you ready, hun? Mom and dad just arrived.”
The mention of his in laws made Nikki’s heart rate spike. “Yeah, I’ll be down soon. Just gotta fix this.”
(Y/N) slipped into the room and eyed Nikki’s outfit. “Why are you dressed so...proper?”
“Well, I figured this was the right way to dress with everyone coming over.”
(Y/N) rested her head on Nikki’s shoulder and smiled at him through the mirror. “Just be yourself, baby. Everyone who will be here, you’ve met already. You don’t need to impress anyone.”
She kissed his cheek and headed for the door. “Whatever you decide to wear, do it fast. I will not hesitate to have dinner without you.”
Nikki smiled at her as she left. She always knew how to ease his nerves.
About ten minutes later, Nikki was descending the stairs into the living room. He had decided to leave on the button up shirt, but now with one of his sleeveless shirts on underneath, complete with his ripped up jeans instead of the uncomfortable dress pants he had originally chosen.
His father in law was sat on the floor, playing with Mia and the new dolls she had gotten from “Santa”.
“Hey Nick!” he said when he saw Nikki.
“Hey Mr. (Y/L/N),” Nikki responded. He bent over to kiss Mia’s head. “Mrs. (Y/L/N) helping with dinner?”
“Of course, you know how she is. Can’t leave poor (Y/N) alone.”
Nikki laughed as another knock came on the front door. Before he could even more, Mia was up and racing to answer the door. Her voice trailed back to the living room as she exclaimed, “Uncle (Y/B/N)!”
(Y/B/N) and his wife, Jane, and son, Christopher, entered the room, Mia in her uncle’s arms.
“Hey munchkin,” he said, setting her back on the ground. “Merry Christmas, Nikki.”
“Merry Christmas you guys. Hey Mia, why don’t you go play with Christopher in your play room?”
“Okay!” Both children raced out of the room.
Shortly after, two of (Y/N)’s friends - Tonya and Chrissy - arrived with their husbands - Dan and John - and their daughters - Jessie and Luna. The band boys were the last to arrive, fashionably late as always.
The more people that filled his house, the more anxious Nikki felt. Not because he didn’t like having all these people around, but because he didn’t want to screw this Christmas up for (Y/N) and Mia.
He felt a wave of relief wash over him as (Y/N) called, “Dinner is ready!”
The kids raced to sit around Mia’s small plastic table, the proclaimed “kids table, while their respective parents got their plates. Their four year old golden retriever, Buddy, was laid on the floor next to Mia, but they all knew there was no use in telling the kids not to feed him, especially Mia.
After grace was said, John spoke up first to make conversation, “So guys, any plans for new music in the new year?”
“John, I’m sure the boys don’t want to talk about work right now,” Mrs. (Y/L/N) said.
“Actually, we have an album in the words for next year,” Vince responded. “We’ve been using our time off to write, next up is just recording and figuring out melodies and all that technical stuff.”
“Must be hard on your families for you guys to be travelling all the time” Mr. (Y/L/N) said. “I don’t know how (Y/N) does it.”
Tommy and Vince shuffled awkwardly. Nikki was the only one of the four in a stable relationship, not that Mick cared much about his marital status. Tommy, on the other hand, had just went through a very public divorce, and Vince had just lost his baby girl. The word “family” was a very touchy topic for the two of them.
Luckily, an exclaim of excitement from Luna pulled everyone’s attention away from the question. The kids were giggling together as Buddy licked up whatever Luna had dropped on the ground.
“Luna, baby, don’t feed the dog,” Chrissy scolded.
“It’s fine, Chrissy. Mia feeds Buddy all the time. There’s no use in telling her not to,” (Y/N) said. “That boy is spoiled beyond his wildest dreams because of Miss Mia.”
The three year old smiled innocently at her parents before going back to devouring her food. Nikki and (Y/N) shared a look across the table and Nikki couldn’t help but smile at his beautiful wife.
The dinner small talk continued and, soon enough, the plates were being cleared away. Anything that could fit in the dishwasher, (Y/N) piled in there. The pots and pans used for cooking were the only things that had to be hand washed, and (Y/N)’s mother had gladly took over that job so that (Y/N) could join everyone in the living room.
The kids were playing on the floor while some Christmas movie played on the TV screen. Nikki sat on the couch with (Y/N) cuddled under his arm, his father place to be. The sounds of everyone talking just seemed like a dull murmur to him at that moment, which he was fine with. He wasn’t part of the conversation, and that’s how he liked it.
One by one, everyone began to leave. The kids were starting to get tired, and it was starting to get late. As they were the last to arrive, the boys were the last to leave, hugging (Y/N) and kissing Mia on top of her little head before telling Nikki they’d see him in the new year to work on the album.
With everyone gone, (Y/N) convinced Mia to put her toys away and go to bed. When their daughter was tucked away for the night, (Y/N) joined Nikki in their room. She shed herself of her clothes, leaving her in just her bra and panties, and pulled on the button up shirt Nikki had discarded after everyone left. She crawled into bed next to her husband and curled into his arms.
“I think tonight went well,” she said.
“I think so, too,” Nikki agreed. “I never realized how many people we knew.”
(Y/N) giggled. “It doesn’t feel like a lot until you put everyone in one room, or one house I guess.” She looked up at Nikki. “Were you okay with it, honey? You enjoyed today, right?”
“Of course I did.”
“I know the big family gathering isn’t usually your scene - ”
“Hey,” Nikki cut her off. “Baby, I loved tonight. I loved having everyone over and getting to have a normal Christmas with family and friends and home cooked meals, just as much as I’ve loved having a beautiful wife and daughter to celebrate Christmas with the past three years. I never thought I’d ever have this in my life. Actually, I thought I’d be dead long before now. I was just nervous about ruining tonight for you and for Mia.”
“You’d never ruin anything, Nikki,” (Y/N) told him. “Everyone loves you, myself and Mia especially. Just having you here to spend the day with, that’s all we really need.”
Nikki smiled and kissed her forehead. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
“Merry Christmas, Nikki.”
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catflowerqueen · 3 years
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And even more thoughts on the future in “Have Brain, Will Parent” as I procrastinate on the actual chapter (and other paperwork I have due this week), I really doubt that “Robbie” would create “Hollis’ Hot Streak” like Raz did in canon—in part because he knows more about boundaries and the consequences of messing with peoples’ brains given his upbringing (*cough* Aunt Cassie’s stories about what happened with his [literal] Aunt Lucy *cough*), but also because he wouldn’t have as many issues with the interns? 
For one thing, I was discussing this with Flamyangelwings on the original “Prompts from the Mind” thread and we were thinking that “Robbie” probably wouldn’t even be an intern in the first place—either he tested out with Lili, or he just plain wasn’t interested in it/Helmut didn’t give parental permission. So while I could see him hanging out with them as yet another attempt to socialize him since the whole summer camp thing didn’t work out and the Aquato family needs time to pack and actually travel over for the ensuing custody battle/bonding with their long lost child, the relationship would be different.
They would probably be kinder from the get-go—some of them having likely seen or heard of him from all the forest cryptid stories/him living in the Motherlobe before being shipped off to camp, as well Hollis maybe making it an official assignment for them to help with his reintegration into society, but I’m not so sure he would really care about their opinions in the same way he did in the game? Not to mention the fact that the Casino mission might not even happen unless he decides to mess around in the mail room and uncovers “Nick’s” body.
The only way I can maybe see something similar happening is if that lady who was trying to pick up the mail room slack before Raz came in was the one to uncover that package to “Truman,” and they found the casino keys that way. Meanwhile one of the interns decided to show “Robbie” the Mental Connection technique after class hoping to impress him, since apparently it is considered “advanced,” but the explanation they gave was similar to Norma’s and he still ended up doing it in a way more akin to his circus/running around in the woods instincts. He would stop there, quickly reversing any singular connection that attempt made, and then bow out or ask for a better explanation of what he was actually supposed to do (but still probably find his way superior, even if he never actually utilized the technique), and it would be one of the other kids who gets the idea to try and use his method to change Hollis’ mind (with absolutely no input from “Robbie,” who could have told them what a horrible idea that was).
Hollis would then go find him and drag him along on the mission since she thinks his presence might be “helpful” for some reason (really, it’s that one of her worries that gets dragged into the giant net that created the whole gambling addiction mess involves him, his welfare, his socialization, and possible PR backlash if people find out he was living in their woods for so long without the psychonauts knowing about it or doing anything to help him, so she now has a mental connection between him and “risks” and “rewards” and “casinos” somewhere. She isn’t entirely sure how he fits in, but she is sure he does somehow, so he gets dragged along, too).
Either that, or he would accidentally get dragged along because he followed one of his squirrel friends into the jet and was playing around in it/was retrieving something of his that he forgot in there after the Rhombus of Ruin thing and no one bothered to check that the jet was empty before taking off, so he kind of just got dragged along.
He might still get a little lecture/warning afterwards about how it is a bad idea to enter minds uninvited, and how just because it worked and was helpful this time doesn’t mean it should be something he does often/without permission, but it would definitely be in a gentler and non-blame assigning way because, as stated, this time the entire mess would not have been his fault. In addition to the fact that he sort of kind of got dragged along unwillingly, whether by her directly or because they didn’t realize he was in the jet before takeoff (and if it is the latter case, he will probably get an additional lecture about informing adults of where he is going/what he is going to do before just deciding to take off on his own, and this one will be way more exasperated than the first one because it will be the hundredth time he’s heard it—living in the woods like he did and with so much freedom for so long means that this particular lesson is having a much harder time sinking in. Not helped by the fact that the Whispering Rock fiasco undid all the progress they’d made in the months beforehand since there weren’t actually any adults around he could talk to [Ford doesn’t count, assuming he even ended up talking to him at any point beyond bothering him in the camp store] and he did have to run around and save everyone on his own/with minimal help from his estranged siblings).
Also, the real culprit may or may not actually come forward to accept their guilt. (I’d put high odds on it being either Gisu or Morris’s fault, though.)
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jaskiers-sweetkiss · 3 years
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Heartbreak Girl
Pairing: Carrie Wilson x Reader
Word Count: 1.7K
Warnings: some swearing
A/N: This is my submission for Day 1 - Favorite Song for @jatpx5sos week! It’s also my first Carrie fic which I’m really excited about! I dont have just one favorite 5sos song so I chose Heartbreak Girl because it is an absolute bop. Let me know what you think and send me an ask if you want to be added to my taglist! 
Masterlist
___
You couldn’t exactly say you were surprised when you got the text from your best friend informing you that her boyfriend had just broken up with her. You’d seen the signs: their disagreement after the pep assembly, their interactions at the dance, and the way Nick was suddenly very interested in Julie. You knew it was only a matter of time before they broke it off again.
So no, you weren’t surprised when you got Carrie’s text a couple of days after the dance but you were supportive.
You were in your car minutes later, on your way to the grocery store to pick up Carrie’s favorite ice cream and some chocolate. Not long after you were pulling through the security gate before being pulled through the front door, ready to hold your best friend while you ate cookie dough ice cream straight from the container and marathoned all her favorite movies.
“Thank you for coming,” Carrie sniffled once you were safely tucked into the privacy of her bedroom.
“You know I’d do anything for you Car,” you replied honestly, pulling the ice cream out of the grocery bag and handing her one of the spoons you snagged from the kitchen earlier.
You settled down on the bed next to her, handing her the ice cream while taking the tv remote and beginning to flick through the various streaming services.
“What do you want to watch first?” You asked, looking away from the tv for a moment to look over at her.
You didn’t wait for an answer before turning on Mean Girls. Carrie and Nick had been on-again-off-again for long enough for this to become a routine for the two of you. You always started with Mean Girls, and then moved on to the rest of her comfort movies.
You laid back into the pillows after that, tossing a comforting arm around your friend’s shoulder. You stayed that way for the rest of the night, sharing the cookie dough ice cream and a variety of other snacks and occasionally talking.
It was bittersweet, you thought as Carrie laid curled up to your side as you lounged against her pillows, Clueless playing in the background and empty ice cream container long forgotten. On one hand, you were absolutely livid that Nick had broken Carrie’s heart once again but on the other, you couldn’t help the way your heart warmed when you looked down at the girl beside you and the intense desire to never let her go.
Alright so maybe you had a crush on your best friend, but even if it wouldn’t destroy your friendship you couldn’t tell her. She just got dumped and it would be beyond unfair to dump those feelings on her.
She’d fallen asleep sometime during the third movie and she looked so peaceful, no worries about stupid blond-haired boys in her dreams. You didn’t want to wake her up but you had a curfew to make and you knew she’d be pissed if you left without saying anything.
“Car, I have to go,” You whispered, shaking her lightly as the credits for Clueless rolled in the background.
“Please don’t go,” she pouted, wrapping an arm around you in an attempt to keep you there.
“My parents will kill me,” you said apologetically, pulling her arm away from you but holding onto her hand for a moment longer. “But I’ll be by your side all day at school and I can come over right after.”
Carrie nodded, looking up at you from her pillows as you stood from the bed, her hand still in yours.
“Thanks for being such a good friend,” she said sleepily, squeezing your hand before letting go completely.
You felt your heart drop along with her hand at the words but you shook off the disappointment. Your friendship with her was much more important than whatever feelings you might have.
___
As soon as you arrived at school the next day Carrie was glued to your side. As soon as you stepped onto the pavement of the parking lot she was swooping in, slipping her arm around yours.
“Good morning my bestest friend in the whole world,” she said cheerily, a smile plastered on her face.
You could tell it was all for show, however. You could see right through the exaggerated smile and haughty look, you knew her too well and for too long to fall for the persona she’d created for everyone else at school. She was still hurting and if you couldn’t fill the hole Nick had left in her heart then you’d at least do your best to help mend it.
“How’d you sleep?” You asked, using your free hand to sling your backpack over your shoulder.
Carrie shrugged, “Good I guess.”
You nodded silently as you walked arm-in-arm towards the doors. You noticed her hesitate when you reached the threshold of the building, afraid of what might lie inside the doors, but you didn’t say anything, merely turning to give her a reassuring smile before tilting your chin up and walking confidently through the doors. Carrie mimicked your show of strength, pushing her shoulders back and her chin up as she entered the school, fully embodying the appearance of the Queen Bee she’d made herself out to be.
Nothing seemed out of place as you walked through the halls to your lockers, crowds parted to let you through. From the outside, you and Carrie must’ve looked like the picture of poise and you could tell that was reassuring your friend. The façade wasn’t shattered until you were nearing your first class.
Carrie nearly froze when the two of you turned the corner to see Nick walking in the opposite direction. Rather than show weakness, she quickly shook it off, reaching out to lace her fingers through yours, letting your hands hang between you rather than keeping your elbows linked. You squeezed her hand gently as you steered her through the door of your English class and out of the Nick-infested hallways.
The rest of the day proceeded similarly, Carrie holding onto you either through linked arms or linked hands for support, especially if Nick was in the vicinity. The worst was music, the only class you didn’t sit with each other in since Carrie was a vocal student and you were a pianist. Fortunately, though, Mrs. Harrison decided today would be a good day to assign a duet project and you and Carrie were able to partner up. Before you knew it, the final bell was ringing and Carrie was practically dragging you to the parking lot, desperate to get as far away from the school as possible.
“So I was thinking we start with Legally Blonde, and then Bring It On, followed by Mamma Mia,” Carrie rambled off her movie list as you walked arm-in-arm to your cars.
You laughed slightly but nodded.  
“Sounds good.”
You separated briefly and only to drive your cars to her house. Carrie linked your arms once more when you arrived, marching assuredly up the driveway. There was no falsity in the confidence she embodied in her own home, though she now also wore her vulnerability on her sleeve. You felt lucky that she trusted you enough to let her guards down, you got to see a different side of her than pretty much everyone else. Maybe that’s why you fell for her.
The rest of the afternoon and evening went similarly to yesterday, with the two of you snuggled up to each other talking through the movies. You’d both seen them so many times that you could practically recite them from memory.
You took it a step further when you got to Mamma Mia, you having pulled Carrie off the bed when Dancing Queen started. You danced around her room wildly as you sang through the rest of the songs in the movie until you were laughing too hard to breathe and your limbs felt heavy and you collapsed once more onto the bed.
“I wish I had what they have,” Carrie said mournfully as you watched Sam and Donna and Sophie and Sky celebrate their relationships.
“You’ll find it someday,” you said softly, trying to reassure her while also desperately trying not to picture her with someone else. You weren’t sure your heart could take it at that moment.
Carrie scoffed, rolling over to face you. “I’ll never find someone as good for me as you.”
“W-what?”
Carrie peered at you, a mixture of sadness and hope and something else you couldn’t determine.
“I wish I could find someone who’s as good for me as you are,” she repeated, switching up the phrasing as if that’s what you were struggling with, not the fact that this felt like some kind of confession of forbidden love.
“I- well… why not me?” You stuttered out, a burst of bravery you didn’t know you had in you pushing the words out of your mouth. You figured you never would have said it if you hadn’t been so caught off guard by her words.
“Y/N don’t be stupid, you’re not into girls,” Carrie huffed, starting to roll away from you but your arm shot out to grab hers, halting her movements.
“Caroline Wilson I have been in love with you for like two fucking years!”
“You what?!” She practically screeched, jumping up until she was sitting on her knees on the mattress, pulling you up until you were doing the same. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because you had Nick and I couldn’t ruin our friendship,” you shrugged, your words coming out calm despite the pounding of your heart and the butterflies flapping around your stomach.
“I would’ve ditched Nick in a heartbeat if I’d known I could have you,” Carrie confessed and when you looked up she was much closer than you’d remembered. Your lips were mere inches apart,  your noses nearly bumping each other. “Can I?” Carrie breathed out, voice barely audible over the pounding of your heartbeat in your ears.
You’d barely nodded when her lips were on yours, softer than you could’ve ever imagined and tasting slightly of her favorite strawberry lip balm that you’d seen her apply earlier.
“So does that mean you’ll be my girlfriend?” You asked quietly when you finally parted.
“Yes you idiot,” Carrie laughed, her smile the biggest and brightest you’d seen in days and suddenly you were being pulled into another kiss.
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Beautiful mood board made by the lovely @bright-molina!!!
___
JATP Taglist: @meangirlsx @morganayennefertyrell @n0wornever
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Text
Burning Up [1/4]
Summary: When she applied to be the secretary for managing partner Rosé McCorkell, Denali hadn't expected to end up working for the biggest pain in her ass, nor did she expect anything beyond a professional relationship.
Word Count: 4,365
Note: Originally titled "Work Wives".
Prefer reading it on AO3?
Denali stood in front of the familiar panelled wooden door, a brown leather folio clutched to her chest and a fresh cup of coffee in her right hand. She was dressed in a cream sleeveless blouse and a black pencil skirt finished off with nude heels. She stared hard at the frosted glass with a name embossed in gold lettering across it.
Rosé McCorkell, one of the three managing partners in S. Child, a top law firm in New York City. She was also a major pain in Denali’s ass for all of the six months that she had been here as her secretary.
Steeling herself for her usual morning meeting with her, Denali took a deep breath, knocked on the door and waited. Seconds later, she heard the usual clicking of stiletto heels on hardwood floor before the door opened to reveal the woman that was her boss.
As much as she was a pain in the ass, Rosé McCorkell was undoubtedly a stunning woman. Standing tall in her black heels, she wore her auburn hair in perfect curls, dressed in a form fitting navy power suit with the blouse unbuttoned just low enough that Denali could see the deep curve of her cleavage. Catching herself before she stared for too long, she snapped her gaze back up to Rosé’s face and plastered on a smile, hoping that the other woman hadn’t noticed her staring.
“Good morning, Miss McCorkell, I’m here to go over your schedule for the day.”
Rosé stared back at Denali for a moment, causing the younger woman to squirm a little under her gaze, before deep red lips stretched into her trademark smirk.
The same smirk that drove Denali absolutely crazy for reasons she didn’t want to think too deeply into.
“Of course you are, come in.”
———
7 months ago.
Denali sat outside the interview room, waiting for her turn to go in. She was surrounded by other young candidates, each of them looking well groomed, neat and manicured. Most of them were in blazers, suits, the whole shebang and here Denali was dressed in a simple white blouse and black dress pants, her blonde hair pulled into a high ponytail with black pumps on her feet.
She hadn’t really thought too much about it when she had come across the ad and applied for the position. She just needed a job after graduating from college, but now she wasn’t too sure on whether she had made a mistake applying to be the secretary of a managing partner at S. Child. Denali had thought it would be an easy job. After all, a secretary just needed to be organised and have a good head on their shoulders, right? She hadn’t thought it would be a challenge, but looking around her now, with so many tense faces and how the place screamed money, she felt like she was out of her depth.
Maybe it wasn’t too late to duck out…
“Miss Denali Foxx.”
Denali cursed under her breath for not noticing that the previous interviewee had already left the room. She stood and walked to the door, feeling the eyes of the other candidates eyeing her outfit in disdain. Bracing herself, she knocked on the door and waited for a second before entering, coming face to face with three women seated behind a lacquered wooden conference table. Denali took note of each one as she sat in the lone chair before them.
From the website she had briefly scrolled through, she could recognise the three managing partners - Jan Sport was on the left, followed by Lagoona Bloo in the middle and Rosé McCorkell, the managing partner that she was applying to be the secretary of, on the right. From what she had gathered, all three of them were charismatic, intelligent and ruthless in their own rights when in the courtroom.
Lagoona opened a manila folder, cleared her throat and smiled warmly at the blonde in front of her. “Good afternoon Miss Foxx, thank you for taking the time to come down for this interview.” Denali smiled back at her, feeling a little more at ease at how friendly Lagoona seemed.
“Good afternoon, and thank you for having me.”
Lagoona nodded and introduced the three of them, then began the interview by asking her questions, with Jan interjecting a few herself. Denali had managed to answer most of them confidently, only ever stumbling once. All the while Rosé, the one who would decide whether she would be hired or not, had remained silent, simply choosing to flip through the thin file that held Denali’s details, barely even sparing her a glance.
After about ten minutes of back and forth, Lagoona asked her final question, then turned to look at Rosé.
“I think that’s about it from us. Do you have any questions for her, Rosé?”
Denali gulped, trying not to let her nerves get the best of her as the other woman finally looked up at her, folding her hands and resting her chin on them. After a few excruciating seconds, Rosé leaned back in her seat, eyes still trained on the blonde woman before finally speaking.
“Yes, why should I hire you out of everyone out there? From what I’ve read in your file, you seem to be the most inexperienced out of all the candidates. Were you hoping to somehow find a sugar daddy here? I mean you clearly have the looks for it.”
There was pin drop silence at her question. Lagoona had her face buried in her hands and Jan was struggling between wanting to laugh and wanting to strangle Rosé. Denali however sat stone still as Rosé stared down at her, her expression bored as she waited for the blonde to reply.
Denali’s mind was blank for a second before rage filled her veins.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
Resisting the urge to slap the woman in front of her, Denali reigned it in and instead plastered on the sweetest smile she could muster.
“Well as inexperienced as I am, I can guarantee that if you hire me, you wouldn’t be hiring a cookie cutter suck up that wouldn’t be able to look past designer labels or waste their time trying to be someone they’re not. I can also guarantee that you wouldn’t be hiring a pushover who would go crying to their mother when the job gets tough, and knows that their worth is much more than just a few flimsy pieces of paper that won’t tell you the things that really matter.”
Denali stood, smoothing the wrinkles in her skirt before looking Rosé in the eye.
“And the statement about me wanting a sugar daddy? I’d rather a sugar mommy than a sugar daddy, though from what I see, there aren’t any worth my time here anyways.”
Figuring that the interview was a lost cause, Denali nodded her thanks to a stunned Lagoona and laughing Jan, completely ignoring Rosé, and turned on her heel to leave when she was stopped by two words.
“You’re hired.”
———
Present day.
Grinding her teeth as she glared at the desk in front of her, Denali had to tell herself to calm down as the source of her irritation smirked in her direction. If there was one thing that Denali could not stand, it was Rosé’s way of constantly pushing her buttons. Oh, there was no denying that the woman was good at her job, but the way she seemed to ooze confidence and acted as if she owned the damn place? God, that just made Denali’s blood boil.
“Is something the matter, Nali?”
Denali clenched her fist at the sound of Rosé's nick name for her. It was as if the older woman knew that it riled her up whenever she called her that. Looking up at Rosé, Denali bit back an insult and instead forced herself to smile at her. “No, Miss McCorkell, nothing’s the matter at all. Everything is perfectly fine.”
Staring down at the defiant younger woman for a moment from across her desk, Rosé winked at her. “If you say so, baby.”
Denali gripped the pen in her hand tightly. She breathed through her nose, mentally counting down the seconds till their meeting was over and done with as she wrote down every point that Rosé had said. Quickly going over her notes one last time, she looked back up at Rosé. “Is there anything else, Miss McCorkell?”
“Rosé.”
Denali blinked.
“What?”
“My name. I’ve told you to call me that from the beginning.” Denali rolled her eyes internally as she shuffled the loose sheets of paper into a neater pile. “And as I’ve said before, I’m much more comfortable calling you Miss McCorkell.” She heard Rosé’s low chuckle and the sound of fabric shifting. Denali looked up and immediately dropped her pen.
Rosé was suddenly much closer to her than before, leaning against the solid oak desk between them, an almost predatory look in her eye as she watched the younger girl seated in front of her.
“I wonder why.”
———
“So have you and Miss McCorkell fucked yet?”
Denali glared at Kandy as she walked back to her desk. She threw her pen at the girl and missed as it clattered to the floor, leaving the other girl cackling. “No bitch, and that’s never going to happen. What the fuck even makes you think that?” Kandy sat on the edge of Denali’s desk, a shit eating grin on her face. “Besides the fact that every time you leave her office, your face is always so flustered-“
“Because she always pisses me off-“
“-it’s also the way she stares at your ass, like she can’t wait to get her hands on it.” Denali rolled her eyes and retrieved her pen from the floor. “No, she doesn’t. I’ve never seen her look at my ass before.” And Denali was pretty sure that she would have noticed that, seeing as she’d been Rosé’s secretary for a while now. Plopping herself in her office chair, she opened her folio and started to go through her notes, pulling out a stack of colourful post-it’s from her drawer to help with her organisation. Not to be ignored, Kandy carried on as if the other girl wasn’t trying to ignore her.
“Girl, you don’t exactly have eyes on the back of your head, do you? Trust me, she wants to tap that.”
Denali resisted the urge to strangle the Latina sitting on her desk. Sure, there was always some tension in the room when they were together, but that was more from the fact that Rosé loved riling her up. It had been that way since day one, and sometimes Denali questioned her decision to have accepted the job offer, but the money and benefits were too good to pass up for a fresh grad. She shook her head as she replied dismissively.
“Even if she does, I’m not interested.”
Kandy looked at her in disbelief, one brow cocked. “Are you sure? She’s got a great pair of tits.” Well, she couldn’t argue with that. Denali had noticed Rosé’s ample breasts seeing as the managing partner loved to wear outfits that featured them in a daring, yet tasteful, fashion. If she had met Rosé in a bar, she would definitely have approached her.
Of course, she wasn’t going to tell Kandy that.
“Look, no matter how great her tits are, it’ll never make up for the mouth that she has on her.”
Kandy tutted, picking at her nails. “I’m pretty sure her mouth would be preoccupied when the two of you-“
“KANDY!”
“I’m just saying.”
Denali sighed, rubbing her forehead. God, this conversation was giving her a headache and digging at thoughts she had been trying to avoid herself.
“Listen Kandy, if there is one thing that I would never ever do, it is to sleep with my boss-“
“Denali-“
“I don’t care if she’s staring at my ass, I don’t care what she thinks of it-“
“Girl-“
“Me fucking Rosé McCorkell is never going to happen.”
“Well, as enlightening as this conversation is, it might be a little inappropriate to discuss my preferences in the office, don’t you think?”
She froze at the familiar voice behind her as Kandy quietly excused herself.
Shit.
“Cat got your tongue, Miss Foxx?”
Fucking shit.
Denali slowly stood and turned to look at her boss, who had an amused expression on her face and a file in hand.
“I believe that you left this document behind in my office.”
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Denali moved to retrieve the file from Rosé, trying her best to regain her composure.
“Right, yes- Let me photocopy this for you right away, Miss McCorkell.”
Rosé smirked and leaned in, her lips almost brushing against Denali’s ear.
“Strictly off the record, I do think you have a very nice ass.”
Face flushing a bright red and rendered speechless for a moment as Rosé pulled away, Denali stammered out an excuse before speeding off to the copy room, leaving behind a chuckling Rosé in her wake.
———
Denali was waiting alone for the lift at the end of the day, tapping her foot on the floor as she watched the numbers on the screen climb higher and higher.
It had been a long day, and she was still trying to recover from the embarrassing situation that had happened in the morning. She had spent the whole day actively avoiding her boss, something that wasn’t too difficult to do since she had a long list of tasks from her. Every time she had to drop something off at the older woman’s office, she made it a point to do so when she knew she was out for a meeting or when she was engaged in a call so that Rosé wouldn’t be able to say a word to her.
If she had the opportunity, Denali knew that the managing partner would say something to further humiliate or incite her.
Also, the statement that Rosé had made about her ass was still fresh and in the forefront of her mind, and something Denali had completely not expected. She knew that the two of them butted heads all the time, and that Rosé loved to challenge her secretary and pass along little comments and nicknames just to get a rise out of her. She had suspected that was the main reason that Rosé had hired her, because she was someone who fought back, but that comment about her ass? That had blindsided her.
She didn’t want to admit it, but everything Rosé did and said had an effect on her, and had been for some time now, but that was something that was entirely inappropriate.
Denali shifted her weight, watching the numbers get closer to the floor she was on when she heard the faint clicking of stilettos behind her and shut her eyes, praying to whoever was listening that the person approaching wasn’t who she thought it was, or that the elevator would arrive just before she did. Thankfully, the latter happened as the lift doors opened and Denali quickly stepped into the empty cab, immediately pressing the close button while pointedly making sure not to look up. She let out the breath that she had been unknowingly holding in as the doors slid closed, but her relief was short lived when the doors slid opened again, revealing the very same woman that she had been hoping not to see.
Fuck.
Nodding in greeting, she stepped to the side to give Rosé space, and also to put as much space as possible between the two of them. Rosé nodded back, and stood next to Denali, facing the doors as they closed and the lift slowly descended.
“So where has my little secretary been hiding the whole day?”
Denali’s hand twitched at her side. “I’ve been at my desk the entire day, Miss McCorkell, completing the tasks that you assigned me to do.”
“Is that so? So the little mouse that was scurrying in and out of my office wasn’t you?”
Swallowing a retort, Denali replied with as steady a voice as she could. “I don’t know what you mean, Miss McCorkell.”
Rosé turned her head, an eyebrow raised as she looked down at the squirming girl. Before she could say anything, the lift dinged and a group of people entered, forcing the two of them to take a step back. Denali breathed through her nose, then noticed how close Rosé was to her now in the confined space, so close she could smell the expensive Chanel No. 5 perfume that she loved to wear. Her heart was racing, and she wasn’t quite sure why. Maybe it was the fact that Rosé was now standing close to her, or the fact that her words were replaying over and over in her mind.
Denali stilled when she felt a finger touching the back of hand. She looked down to see a perfectly manicured finger lazily tracing her knuckles before looking up at the owner of the hand, and felt all the air in her lungs escape.
Rosé was staring down at her, eyes a molten hazel and lips curved into that same infuriating smirk that drove Denali insane. She felt the other woman’s fingers slowly slip to the palm of her hand, the light touch causing heat to pool in Denali’s middle and her breath to shorten, and all the while Rosé never took her eyes off her. The younger girl swallowed and bit her lip, noting how the older woman’s heated gaze fell to her throat and then her lips, her palm tingling as Rosé continued to trace patterns on the sensitive skin of her palm.
Seconds later, their little bubble was broken when the lift dinged and people started to shuffle out. Rosé withdrew her hand, and made to leave too, but not before whispering in Denali’s ear.
“Never say never.”
Winking at the frozen girl, Rosé exited the lift, her hips swaying with each step as she left the building.
Denali was fucked.
———
The dynamics of their relationship had changed since that day. Rosé didn’t try as hard as before to get a rise out of Denali anymore. Before it seemed like she was aiming to piss her secretary off, but now it was the opposite. It was as if she was repeatedly trying to fluster her, dropping little teasing comments, purposely brushing their fingers together when passing Denali things, constantly staring intently at her with a knowing smirk on her face. It was slowly driving Denali insane.
She could handle it when Rosé was trying to piss her off, but this? This was completely different and she didn’t know how to handle this kind of attention from her. Denali always found herself blushing to her roots and stammering in response to these new interactions, which seemed to further amuse and encourage the redhead. With each interaction, Denali also found herself questioning everything.
Why was Rosé acting the way that she did?
Was she bored and simply wanted to find something to entertain her?
Was she just toying around with Denali and her emotions?
Sighing as she filled the cup of tea for Rosé’s potential new client, she shook the thoughts out of her head and walked back to the meeting room where he was waiting. Pasting on a polite smile, she pushed the glass door open and set the cup of tea on the table before a greasy looking man that looked as if he was in his late forties.
“Here’s your tea, Mister Tate.” The man smiled back at Denali, taking the cup of tea and sipping from it, all the while giving Denali a once over, much to her discomfort. Putting the cup down, he made a face. “Oh dear, there’s no sugar in this at all, is there?”
Denali blinked. He hadn’t mentioned any sugar earlier, and she had assumed that he wouldn’t need any. “My apologies, Mister Tate, let me get a fresh cup for you.” Reaching over to take back the cup, she was stopped when he grabbed onto her wrist, a sly smile on his face. “There’s no need to bother, it’s fine. After all, I have a sweet, pretty girl like you to entertain me while we wait for Miss McCorkell to arrive.”
Not another one of these men again. Forcing herself not to drop her smile, Denali replied in a tight voice. “Thank you for the compliment, Mr Tate.” She tried to politely tug her hand back to disengage his grip on her wrist, but before she knew it, he was on his feet, an arm slung over her shoulders.
“Mister Tate? No need for formalities, just call me Jim. After all, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around more often now.” Her stomach rolled at the pointed look he had in his eye, the widening smile on his face making him look even greasier. She knew his type and the implications behind his words, and had to force herself to hold in her disgust. As much as she wanted to knee him in the balls, she couldn’t do that here in the office, especially since he was a potential client of Rosé’s.
Swallowing the bile that was rising in her throat, Denali struggled to maintain being civil as she attempted to step out of his grip.
“Mister Tate, if you would kindly please let go of me, I-”
“Come now, Miss Foxx was it? Where’s your sense of hospitality? You forgot the sugar for my tea, but you look like you’ll make up for it-“
“What is going on here?”
The blonde felt a sheer sense of relief flood her when she saw the managing partner standing in the doorway of the meeting room, though the furious look in her eye was something unexpected.
Denali had never seen her this angry before.
The man however seemed completely oblivious to the rising anger of the other woman, and instead smiled at her. “Miss McCorkell! I was just getting acquainted with your lovely secretary here.”
Rosé glared at the man. “Mister Tate, I believe that my secretary doesn’t like your arm around her, and unless you’d like to lose that arm, I suggest that you take it off her.” Looking surprised, the man listened and took his arm off Denali, and she moved away, not wanting to get caught in the crossfire. Her eyes darted between the two as he stammered. “Miss McCorkell, we’re all adults here. I’m just having a bit of fun. Isn’t that why you keep her around? She sure is a stunner-”
Big mistake.
Rosé took a threatening step towards him, fists clenched and eyes glinting with unbridled rage at what he was implying.
“Get out.”
He gaped. “I- I beg your pardon?”
Rosé sneered, looking down at the now pale and shaking man.
“You heard me, you daft man, get out! I don’t need scum like you in my office, and I certainly don’t need your money. Now get out before I call security!”
Gaping like a fish out of water and scrambling to leave, the greasy man grabbed his bag and hurriedly left the office without looking back as Rosé kept her eyes pinned on his retreating back before turning back to face to her secretary. Denali gulped, and instinctively made to apologise, but was stopped when the older woman moved towards her and gently took her by the shoulders, examining her. “Denali, are you alright?” She asked, sliding her hands down and stopping to hold her wrists, rubbing soothing circles into her skin.
Denali hadn’t noticed, but she was shaking, and Rosé’s motions were slowly calming her down. Taking a shaky breath, Denali smiled weakly at her. “I’m fine, Miss McCorkell. Thank you for stepping in when you did.”
Rosé nodded. “Of course, how could I not? But are you sure you’re alright? Do you want to take the rest of the afternoon off?” Denali laughed drily, waving off the offer. “It’s alright, I’m fine now. It’s nothing that I’m not used to.” Rosé’s thumbs stopped moving and she frowned at Denali.
“What do you mean?” Denali blinked. Maybe she shouldn’t have said that.
“I mean I’ve had my fair share of creeps before-“ She explained with a fake laugh, trying to lighten the mood when she saw Rosé’s face darkening.
That wasn’t good.
“You mean here? In my office?”
“Well, er-“ Rosé stepped closer into Denali’s space, raising a hand to cup her face as she stared into the younger’s eyes, voice low as she demanded. “The truth please.” Denali swallowed, feeling the slightly murderous intent that the other woman was exuding, which contradicted the gentle hold that she had on Denali. Hesitantly, Denali nodded.
“..yes.”
Rosé clenched her jaw, taking a second to process what Denali had confirmed, before stepping back and letting go of her secretary. Denali could see that her hands were clenched into fists that Rosé quickly stuffed into the pockets of her suit when she noticed Denali looking at them, as if wanting to hide how she was trying to not lose her temper.
“I want their names.”
Denali frowned, confused. “Wha- Why?”
“So I can tear up their contracts. Anyone who touches you is not worth my time.” Denali’s eyes widened. This sounded like a rash decision, and she didn’t want to cost Rosé or the company money. Breaking contracts meant loss of income, which wasn’t worth it. Not when it was just a simple matter of harassment that she should be able to handle herself. “But Miss McCorkell, it’s not worth it, I can-“
Rosé shot Denali a sharp look at that, cutting her off. “No buts. I want their names on my desk by the end of the day.” Denali swallowed and nodded stiffly as Rosé held her gaze, eyes hardened before softening as she sighed. The managing partner turned to leave, but stopped at the doorway to give her one last meaningful look.
“Denali, don’t ever think that you’re not worth it.”
And she left, leaving behind a wide eyed and blushing Denali staring after her.
———
I have been hung up on the idea of writing a fic with a flirty boss Rosé and feisty secretary Denali. The sexual tension just writes itself.
I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. (:
xoxo Vera
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vhsrights · 3 years
Text
first “i love you” / love confession - @sapphicinephile
Love Isn’t Bound by Languages - Jemily
WC: 1612
IT’S FINALLY DONE. :)
“Kiss the cook? Don’t mind if I do, but only if the pasta turns out good.” JJ made strong eye contact, hoping that Emily caught on to the weight of her words.
“Oh, well then. I guess I’ll be getting kissed tonight. Lucky me.”
The door settled into place with a soft click and JJ walked to the side, removing her coat and shoes. She had brought the ingredients for their wine and cooking night. Fresh tomatoes, herbs, and pasta rustled around in the tote bag. They had opted to make pasta that Emily had suggested, remembering her time watching the cooks in her childhood kitchen. JJ had readily agreed because she was never one to turn down food and wanted to see Emily’s prowess in cooking. Speaking of the brunette, she wasn’t visible as JJ moved slowly through the apartment.
Warm candlelight engulfed the room in front of her. The skylight windows provided an unrestricted view of the world beneath her. It was humbling in a way that Jennifer couldn’t describe. She stood high in this tiny apartment, watching the people below her bustle about their lives, unaware of her gaze. Pulling her eyes away from the outside, JJ meandered around the apartment’s living room. Her eyes slowly perused the sparse art that was on the wall. It gave the apartment an air of grace, but one that felt fake and inauthentic to the woman that she knew lived within its walls.
“Jen.” The way that her nickname sounded, full of elegance, drove more butterflies into JJ’s stomach.
“Em, hey. I got the groceries. Are you ready?”
JJ turned around and was met with Emily. The woman looked unexplainably gorgeous in her casual flannel, t-shirt, and sweats combo. JJ felt her thoughts stutter as she took in the brunette. She couldn’t move as Emily glided past her, her gait full of confidence and aimed towards the kitchen.
“Hey, Jen. You coming?”
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that.” JJ turned around and followed Emily while blushing.
She was glad that it had been cold outside, giving her an excuse for her tinted cheeks.
“Alrighty, so first things first. Here is your apron.” Emily pulled out an apron that had “It’s not burnt! Just Crispy!” and JJ laughed. “Hey, I thought you’d like it.”
Emily fake a pout as JJ grabbed the apron and tied it around her waist, still giggling. The cloth somehow still managed to hang loose. Emily noticed and ignored her rapidly beating heart before speaking. She hid her hands in her pockets as they fidgeted increasingly harder to keep her guise of calmness.
“I can help you tie it, Jen. Here, I got it.” Emily pushed off from the counter and circumvented the blonde.
She grabbed the string of the apron. Her hands barely brushed against JJ’s waist yet sent jolts through both of them. Not wanting to prolong their closeness for fear of her heart’s desires, Emily deftly tied the bow. Luckily, or “unluckily”, there was a second set of strings to be tied around JJ’s neck. Of course, she had picked the apron with two sets of ties. Silently reprimanding herself, Emily pushed JJ’s hair to the side. Her hands hesitated as she worked up her nerve.
Stop making this weird. The longer you wait, the more off you’ll seem to Jen. Get it together, Prentiss. Jeez, you’re like a teenager with a crush.
“Em, you okay? Can you tie it?” JJ could feel her heartbeat in her throat, trying to suppress her nerves from bubbling up.
“Yeah. Yeah. It’s done.” Emily made haste in finishing the knot and answering her, pulling away to soothe her racing heart.
She grabbed her own apron and threw it on. This one didn’t have two ties. Lucky Emily. JJ began to giggle once more as she pulled the ingredients out of her tote bag, leaving Emily confused.
“What?” She truly had no idea what JJ was giggling at.
“Did they have a sale at the punny apron store?” Emily looked at her with ample confusion. “Kiss the cook? Don’t mind if I do, but only if the pasta turns out good.” JJ made strong eye contact, hoping that Emily caught on to the weight of her words.
“Oh, well then. I guess I’ll be getting kissed tonight. Lucky me.”
Two could play at this game. The words were no different from their usual banter. However, where they were, about to cook, made it a whole other playing field. Neither woman was one to back down from a competition. The two moved easily around the kitchen, shifting past each other as if they had been doing it for years. Emily’s straightforward instructions left nothing to be desired and helped the women accomplish their dish in the perfect amount of time.
JJ may have nicked herself with the knife a couple of times, but what’s art without a few hiccups. Italian music serenaded them softly from the background. It was like a scene out of a cheesy romantic movie, one that Emily pretended to hate but secretly loved. Both women stole plentiful yearning looks at each other. They caught each other’s eyes and were quick to tear them away.
“Jen, can I get a taste of that?” Emily rested her hand softly on JJ’s hip, leaning over her side to sip the sauce.
“Sure. Here.” JJ felt the warmth of Emily’s body behind her. She had to focus to keep her hand from shaking as she lifted it for the brunette.
Emily tasted the sauce and all but moaned at its illustrious flavors. JJ was extremely thankful that the brunette was standing behind her. Her cheeks had flushed at the sound and her body froze. God, she is trying to kill me. She set the spoon to the side and turned her focus back to the food, as much as her mind would allow. They worked in perfect harmony for the rest of the time; joking, laughing, dancing, and cooking together.
Emily eventually plated the food with JJ’s help. The women marveled at their creation, eager to dig into the dishes. They high-fived before separating one final time. JJ set the table and Emily did some basic cleaning in the kitchen.
“Rossi could never,” Emily smirked mischievously as the two sat down to eat.
“Oh, of course not. We are the new Papa Pastas.” JJ encouraged the joke, thinking to their older teammate’s staunch relationship to pasta.
The food not only looked enticing, but it also tasted heavenly. Both women didn’t speak for the rest of the dinner time, enraptured by their dinner. Emily and JJ occasionally glanced over at each other, conveying their content and other emotions. Neither own wanted to acknowledge the beautiful domesticity of the moment. This was something that both women wanted to do for the rest of their lives, held back by the barrier of unspoken words. Time passed on and the women moved from the table to kitchen, easily washing and putting away dishes for a later time.
Eventually they settled on the couch, heavily poured wine glasses in hand. The evening had gone perfectly.
“Wow. That was so delicious. I think that I owe a thanks to your mother’s cooks. That recipe was perfect.” JJ sipped her wine as Emily watched her with love in her eyes.
“Absolutely. They make me remember that simpler time. My world was so small, and they helped me get through each day.” JJ beamed, noticing the ease and tranquility that had erased the lines of strain and overworking from Emily’s face.
“Speaking of world, I have a question.” Emily thought of her question and smiled.
“Go for it, Em,” JJ spoke, with her interest peaked.
“If you could shout one thing from the rooftops, in any language, and to everyone in the world, what would you say?” Emily watched the light grow in JJ’s eyes.
The blonde’s eyes widened and her mind froze. She had been learning Italian in her spare time, trying to build the courage to use with Emily. She had only needed to learn one phrase, but the rest were useful as well. Now was her shot. Waiting a short second before inhaling deeply, JJ spoke the only phrase in Italian that she fully understood.
“Sono innamorato di Emily Prentiss.”
Emily stopped. Her brain went into overdrive. Translating and retranslating the phrase, hoping that it meant what she understood it to be. I am in love with Emily Prentiss. Her heart was beating in her throat and her thoughts were hazy. She set the wine glass down and looked at JJ, really studying her. She only saw love and admiration, not finding the joke or deceit that she imagined. This was really happening.
“Sono innamorato di Jennifer Jareau.”
The words rolled off of her tongue smoothly as they had done many a time before. Except now, Jennifer would actually hear it. JJ let out the breath she had been holding. I am in love with Jennifer Jareau. It was unbelievable, but her mind began to whizz through things to say.
The only thing that came out was, “Really?”
“Yes. From the first time I spoke to you, and so much more since then.” JJ couldn’t help but smile with all of the hope and love that was bubbling out of her.
“It was the same for me. I fell for you, so hard that I guess I didn’t see you falling for me too. So, can I?” JJ pointed at Emily.
“Can you what?” Not realizing that she hadn’t taken off her apron, Emily looked down.
Kiss the Cook.
“The pasta was beyond amazing, so I have to keep my promise.” JJ giggled and Emily rapidly agreed.
Emily pulled JJ in for a kiss. Their lips met and the world stopped around them. It was the perfect end to their night.
That night, JJ and Emily truly learned that love isn’t bound by languages.
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plaidbooks · 3 years
Note
I was going to request a Nick fic, but I see you have a lot coming up so I’ll chill ☺️ Instead can I request a Rafael one where him and Liv actually do have some sort of secret thing going on, but reader starts as a new detective with SVU and her and Rafael have an instant connection.
To Love Again
A/N: Heya Anon--never feel hesitant about sending in a request! Even if I’m backed up on someone, I’ll gladly take any request haha!. Anyways, this got...a lot more angst than I meant for it to, whoops. I hop you enjoy (and there’s a small possibility for this to get a sequel, depending on inspiration).
This also jumps perspective, between Rafi and reader. Just a heads-up.
Tags: implied smut, angst with a happy? ending, mentions of sexual assault (no details given), alcohol
Words: 2650
Taglist: @the-baby-bookworm @beccabarba @thatesqcrush @itsjustmyfantasyroom @stardust-fray @permanentlydizzy @infiniteoddball @ben-c-group-therapy @glowingmess @whimsicallymad @averyhotchner @mrsrafaelbarba @detective-giggles @dianilaws
It had started one drunken night, by mutual agreement, after a rough case and an even rough loss. Rafael and Olivia had gone out for drinks, to take the edge off after getting back the “not guilty” verdict. To show that they weren’t mad at each other. To show that they could work through the arguments and disagreements they had through the whole trial, the whole case. And the night had ended with Rafael waking up in Olivia’s bed. It was awkward at first, but they had talked about it; they cared for each other, but not in that way. It was simply…stress relief. And it didn’t happen again. Not until another rough loss, about two months later.
“We’re both single adults—we’re being safe about it. Who cares?” Olivia had said one day, and Rafael had agreed. Like they said, they cared about each other. Just not in that way. Who cares if they found relief in each other’s bodies once in a blue moon? It didn’t go beyond that, which was fine with Rafael; his heart was too shriveled up for a relationship, anyways. This was simpler, easier.
 **********************
There was a knock on his office door late in the afternoon. Glancing up, he called out for whoever it was to enter, curious as to who was coming to meet with him. He had no appointments at this time, though it wasn’t rare that people stopped by for one thing or another. He quirked an eyebrow though as you entered his office; he had never seen you before.
“Mr. Barba? I’m here to drop off some signed statements from the Jackson case, and to pick up a warrant for Wilson’s apartment,” you said shyly, coming to stand in front of his desk. You held the paperwork out to him, and he took it from you, that eyebrow still raised. You swallowed nervously as his bright green eyes roamed over your face.
“And who are you?” Rafael asked. His voice was light, a conversational tone.
Your cheeks burned in embarrassment. “Oh! Detective [Y/L/N]; I just started with SVU a few days ago. Sorry, I forgot to introduce myself,” you replied, smiling sheepishly and holding out your hand.
His lips twitched up at the corners, and he took your hand, shaking it. Olivia had told him that she was getting a new detective soon, but he didn’t know she already did. Nor that you would look so….
“You said the Wilson warrant, correct?” Rafael asked, pulling his hand back, flipping through files.
“That’s the one.” You watched his fingers run over the pages on his desk, flicking through the paper. Your face grew warmer as you thought about what those fingers would feel like against your skin, moving down your body, pushing under your pants….
“Ah, here it is,” he said, breaking you out of your lewd thoughts. He passed the folded warrant to you, and you thanked him, face now completely on fire. His eyes were sparkling with mischief, as if he knew exactly where your mind had been. “Would you like to get a nightcap with me tonight, Detective? Get to know each other a little better?”
Your breath hitched. “I-I’d like that very much,” you replied, smiling at him. “I’m off at 8 tonight. Is that alright?”
Rafael nodded. “Of course. Meet me at Forlini’s after you’re off.”
You turned to leave, warrant in hand, then you remembered that your new business cards had come in, with your personal cell phone number on it. Taking one from your pocket, you handed it to Rafael. “Here’s my number…if I’m late, feel free to text. I’m the new kid, so don’t be surprised it I get stuck with OT,” you laughed, and he smirked, tucking the card into his pocket.
 ***********************
You made it to Forlini’s shortly after you got off; no OT, not tonight. Rafael was already sitting at the bar, a glass of amber liquid in front of him. His suit jacket was off, hanging over the back of his chair. His sleeves were rolled up, showing off his forearms, and you had a moment to stare before he turned and saw you heading over towards him.
“Detective,” Rafael greeted, nodding towards you, a grin on his face. “What are you drinking?”
“Ah, vodka cranberry. I’m on call tonight, so only one drink for me,” you smiled back at him. You could hold your liquor well enough that one drink wouldn’t kill you. But that was it; you didn’t want to mess anything up, especially this early in your new career as detective. You worked too hard to get here.
Rafael nodded in acknowledgement. “Fair enough.” He waved down the bartender, ordering your drink onto his tab.
“Thank you,” you said, to both the bartender and Rafael as you were handed your drink. You both sat in silence, sipping your drinks, eyeing each other. Rafael was, well, attractive. You had heard about him, of course; when Olivia had sent you to get a warrant earlier that evening, everyone in the department had a warning for you about his sass, his sarcasm. But he seemed nice enough, and those eyes…those forearms…those fingers….
“What made you decide to go for SVU?” he asked, bringing your attention back to him.
“I’ve, uh, I’ve always wanted to help people. And so many of my friends were…assaulted when I was younger, back before we knew what the word meant. I’ve seen firsthand what it can do…what it does to people. And if I can help even one person reclaim their life, then it’s all worth it.” You didn’t mean to go so in depth, but once you started talking, you realized you couldn’t stop. And something about Rafael seemed…comforting. Like you wanted to tell him your whole life story. Maybe that’s why his conviction record was so high.
He nodded along with you, his eyes boring into you, watching you intently. “That’s a noble cause. You do realize that there’s a lot of grey areas in this job, though, right? And that the justice system doesn’t always win out?” He said it matter-of-factly, his voice unwavering. But there was a slight sadness underneath, tinting his eyes as he said it.
“I-I know…. We won’t always get our guy. We won’t always win. But the fight is worth it, if only to validate the victims, to put the behavior in the spotlight, to make it easier for the next victim,” you sighed, “because there will always be another victim.”
Rafael noticed how your voice had changed and decided to go for a lighter topic. “So, who’s your partner?”
“Uh, Fin, so he can keep an eye on me. And also Carisi—he tells me it’s because it’s getting colder and Fin doesn’t want to leave the warmth of the precinct,” you answered, smiling slightly.
“Stuck with Fordham, huh? I don’t know how you’re going to stay sane with him. He’s started shadowing me, and I already have a headache just thinking about it.”
You laughed, and Rafael chuckled. “Come on, he’s not that bad. A little excitable…. That’s cool that he’s shadowing you, though. Getting some hands-on experience.”
“Yeah, cool for him. Though, I have to admit, he has some…decent points every now and again,” Rafael conceded. Then, he gave you a sharp look, “you are to never tell him that I said that.”
 **********************
Conversation flowed easily between you two, and you ended up staying much later than you thought at Forlini’s, simply chatting with the counselor. You switched to water after your one drink, making sure you had a clear mind in case you were called in. But by 11pm, you still hadn’t received a call, and you were getting tired.
“I think I should head home…I got work in the morning,” you said reluctantly. You didn’t want to leave; you were having a lot of fun with Rafael. You had no idea why the other detectives had warned you about him.
“I’ll walk you out,” Rafael replied, finishing his drink and waving the bartender down. You waited while he paid, thanking him again for your drink. And then he was leading you out of the bar, his hand on your lower back, sending electricity through you.
“Thank you for tonight, Rafael; I had a lot of fun talking with you,” you smiled at him.
He grinned back at you, waving down a cab for you. “I had a good time, too. I’m excited to work with you.” A cab pulled up, and he opened the door for you. You brushed past him, and he grabbed your elbow, turning you back to him. His lips were suddenly on yours, the kiss gentle, innocent. You froze for a moment before you kissed him back, savoring the taste, the feel of him against you. Pulling back, you both looked at each other, panting slightly. It took your brain a moment to catch up to what just happened, and now that it did, you panicked, mumbling a goodnight, and climbing into the taxi, leaving Rafael standing on the sidewalk.
 *************************
He wasn’t sure what had come over him, what had possessed him to kiss you in front of Forlini’s. This was…different than what he had with Olivia. With Liv, it was all stress that was shoved down, down until it burst out of both of them. There were no feelings when it came to sleeping with Liv, just primal urges, actions. But sitting in Forlini’s, talking to you, Rafael felt….
That was just the problem, wasn’t it? Rafael felt, something that hasn’t happened in so long, he almost forgot what it meant to feel, what it…felt like. And you had returned the kiss! But then, before he could even attempt a next step—whether it was an apology or inviting himself over to your place, even he wasn’t sure—your eyes had gone wide with surprise, and you had fled. And now, Rafael was at a loss for what to do. He had your number; should he call you? Text? Should he apologize? Or should he lay on the charm, try and slip into your pants, your bed? And what the fuck was he going to tell Liv? Sorry, we can’t sleep together anymore cause I’m fucking your new detective? But that wasn’t even true yet! Sighing, he went back into Forlini’s, ordering another drink.
 ************************
Thankfully, one of these situations had fixed themselves…though, it still fucking hurt. Olivia had come into Rafael’s office late one night, a few days after the incident at Forlini’s, closing and locking the door—the tell-tale sign that they were going to discuss some…personal matters.
“We can’t do this anymore, Rafa,” Liv had murmured, her voice soft. Even in his secluded office, the walls had ears. And while she was being vague on purpose, Rafael understood immediately.
“What’s changed?” he asked idly. He wasn’t…mad, but he was a little surprised, and hurt. He had enjoyed having a warm body in his bed, rather than his hand.
“I’ve…” Olivia dropped her voice lower, and Rafael had to strain her ears to hear her. “I’ve started seeing someone.” Rafael nodded, keeping his face neutral. He was happy for his friend; she deserved someone who loved her, cared for her. But he couldn’t stop the jealousy that cropped up. Not so much at her, but at the fact that she had found someone.
“Well, it was fun while it lasted,” Rafael smirked, going back to the motion he was currently filling out. He thought back to the kiss with you, and his heart constricted.
“Are we okay?” Liv asked, her voice low.
Rafael glanced up at her, his eyes softening. “Of course, we are. I’ll always care about you, Liv. And I’m happy you found someone.”
Olivia nodded once, her hand rubbing Rafael’s shoulder lovingly, before she left his office. Sighing, he pulled out his phone, your card, and typed in your number.
 ************************
You didn’t know why you answered your phone when an unknown number called, nor why you gave him your address when you learned it was Rafael. You weren’t entirely sure why you let him into your apartment when he showed up 20 minutes later, nor why you opened the bottle of spice rum when he asked if you had alcohol. But the most confounding thing to you was when he kissed you again, you didn’t stop him. In fact, you escalated it, pulling his shirt off.
Groaning as you woke up, you froze as you felt strong arms around your naked body, a warm chest against your back, a heavy breath tickling your neck. Oh fuck, you didn’t…no way. But the soreness between your legs, your naked body against his, and your memories of the night prior were slowly coming back to you, and you grimaced. You were not the type of person to sleep with someone you had just met, drunk or not. It didn’t matter that you found him attractive, or that from what you remembered, the sex was phenomenal. This wasn’t you, so what happened?
“Morning,” Rafael’s voice was still thick with sleep, husky in your ear. His lips brushed over your shoulder, his arms tugging you tighter against him.
“Uh, morning Rafael,” you replied softly. But he heard the hesitance in your voice.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his breath warm on your skin.
You sighed, rolling over to look at him. “This…I don’t know how to say this…” you trailed off, and he furrowed his brow. “I’m…I don’t just…sleep around with people….”
Realization swept over his face. “Oh. I’m…I’m sorry. You seemed…you seemed okay with it last night. And I used a condom—”
“No, I’m not blaming you, I promise.” You sighed, looking away. The sadness, the regret on his face was too much for you to bare. “I mean…I like you, Rafael, but I don’t know you.”
In the softest voice, he said, “this is…this is all I know. I’m so sorry.” He rolled over, pulling away from you. He got out of bed, moving around your room, grabbing his clothes, and pulling on articles of clothing as he went.
You watched in silence, your heart breaking. What did that mean? “I’d like to, though…know you, that is.” Rafael turned to look at you, his brow furrowed once more. “But let’s take it slow, go out on a date or two, learn about each other.”
“A date?”
You smiled softly at him. “You have been on a date, right?” you joked.
“…not in many, many years.”
Your smile faded and your heart strained for the man—that kiss at Forlini’s and last night made so much more sense now. You wondered when the last time he felt genuine love was…and how badly it must’ve ended for him to be this broken over it.
“Then I’ll remind you. We’ll go slow, take baby steps…that is, if you want,” you said.
Rafael nodded, his head barely moving, and he blinked away the tears that threatened to form. “I’d like that. You’ll…you’ll have to be patient with me,” he warned.
“Lucky for you, I have all the patience of a detective,” you grinned, and his lips twitched upwards. “Let’s start with lunch. Today work for you?”
He nodded once more, then left your room to let you dress. This could work; you’d teach the counselor about love again, let the walls around his heart down, let him feel again. Rafael was, of course, afraid of being hurt again; he felt like his heart still wasn’t fully put back together. But after this many years, he alone obviously wasn’t enough for the job. Maybe he needed someone else to help. And he trusted you, more than he thought he could after everything he’s gone through throughout his life, especially since you had just met. Sure, he was terrified about all of this. But for you…for you, he was willing to try.
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etoileholland · 3 years
Text
wrapped in red | chapter 2; a wonderful Christmastime
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word count; 3k
warnings; none
a/n; ah the Christmas dinner scene :) this chapter takes place immediately after where the first one ended, which was right when you met Tom, which is still two years ago (if you read the first chapter you’d know what I mean) anyway here it is!
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When the Uber pulled up to Tom’s family home, you noticed how modest it seemed, even though you knew he was famous. You didn’t dare point out that you knew he was a somebody, the poor kid was already stressed out enough, and he should have one day where he doesn’t feel obligated to be “Tom Holland”
He got out of the car first, before jogging over to your side to open the car door for you. He wished the Uber driver a happy Christmas, and then closed the car door.
“Tom,” you turned around to face him, “are you sure your family won’t mind me being here?”
“Trust me, they can’t stand the idea of someone spending Christmas alone.” When you scoffed lightly, he continued talking. “No, seriously. One year, my mum had to make a last minute Tesco run for some cranberry sauce, and when she was waiting in the queue to check out, she started talking to an older woman who told my mum she was spending the holiday alone. When my mum heard that, she invited the woman over for Christmas dinner right on the spot.”
Tom held out his hand, and led you closer to the front door.
“Okay, but that’s seriously dangerous. What if she was a killer?”
“I’m starting to think everyone to you is a murderer until proven otherwise. I think you’ve been watching too much true crime.” He joked. “But if it makes you feel any better, my dad said the same thing.”
You rolled your eyes playfully at his first comment. “He has a point.”
“True.” Tom clicked his tongue, “but then on New Years, as a gift to us, the woman gave us our dog Tessa. So it worked out well in the end I suppose.”
“That was nice of her.” You responded as you watched Tom walk up the small steps in front of the door.
“You ready?” He asked you, and even though you were beyond nervous, you gave him a thumbs up.
You stood next to Tom as he knocked on the door. He shifted his weight from his left leg to his right leg, and when nobody answered the door right away, he raised his hand to knock again. Just before he was about to, the door swung wide open.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” A woman, whom you presumed to be Tom’s mother exclaimed. She quickly embraced him, squeezing his torso lovingly. As you watched the display of familial love, you felt a pang of sadness inside you. It quickly dispersed when the woman looked over at you.
“And who is this beautiful angel with you, love?” She asked politely. “I didn’t know you were bringing a guest, actually I didn’t even know you were flying in.” She stretched out her hand for you to shake. “I’m Nikki, Tom’s mum.”
“Y/N.” You answered back, gently shaking her hand.
“Well  come in love.” She stood back and ushered the both of you into the house.
Upon entering the house, the first thing you noticed was how warm and inviting it was inside. From the entryway of the house, you could see into the living room. The fireplace was lit, setting a lovely ambiance to the room, and the Christmas tree in the corner of the room was beautifully decorated. Some jazzy Christmas music was playing from another room, it sounded like Bing Crosby, but nevertheless filled the air with cheer.
Nikki looked at you fondly for a second, and then beamed a smile back at her son. “So, how did you two meet?” She inquired.
“Well, it was serendipitous.” Tom lightly bumped his shoulder with yours, getting a small smile from you. “I bought some presents last minute in Spain while my flight was laid over, and when I finished, I got a text saying that my flight was going to board soon. So I quickly left the mall and made my way back to the airport in the nick of time. But then as I arrived here, I realised the gifts weren’t wrapped, so I looked up gift wrapping places and that’s how I met Y/N.”
You listened as they spoke, and followed them into the dining room. There was someone setting the table, from the looks of it, he also looked around your age.
“That’s so adorable, it’s almost like out of a Hallmark movie.” Nikki commented while she adjusted one of the table settings.
“And then, as I was talking to Y/N, she told me she was going to spend the holiday alone-”
“Oh dear.” Nikki exclaimed as she placed her hand over her heart, nearly dropping the fork off the table she was straightening in the process.
“So I invited her over to dinner.” Tom finished, glancing back over at you.
“I am so happy you invited her,” She looked at her son, “and I’m happy you made it.” She glanced at you, smiling once more. Before anything else could be said, a dog came running up to you and Tom eagerly.
“Tessa, love!” Tom exclaimed, kneeling down to hug her, while also petting her. “Y/N, this is Tessa.”
“She’s adorable.” You commented as Tessa licked the snow off your boots, while she wagged her tail eagerly.
“Tom, son, is that you?” A man who donned an apron popped his head out of the kitchen. When he saw his son, his face lit up.
“Yes dad, it’s me.” Tom stated as he went to hug his father. A few more people emerged from the kitchen, plus a pair of boys who looked similar to each other.
Must be his twin brothers, you thought.
“Love, let me introduce you to everyone.” Nikki placed her hand on your shoulder softly. She proceeded to introduce you to Tom’s father, and his little brothers. As she pointed out who was who, it was nice to put a name to a face.
“And that’s Paddy, our youngest.” She gestured to the young boy with many freckles, the same curly hair as his eldest brother.
“You’re very pretty.” Paddy commented, his cheeks turning red. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Thank you, you too.” You smiled.
One of Tom’s little brother, whom you learned was named Sam, popped back into the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready in 10.” He hollered from the room.
“Make yourself comfortable in the living room, love.” Nikki tugged lightly on the sleeve of your jacket, and when you realised she wanted you to take it off, you nodded. Shimmying it off, you gently handed it to her.
You made your way into the living room, which smelled like sugar cookies. They had a beautiful house, no doubt about that, but something about it felt so homey. Yet, it made you remember how cold and clinical your childhood home felt, a thought that you kept trying to suppress.
Out of the corner of your eye, a red bauble on the Christmas tree glistened in the light. You lightly shuffled over to the corner of the room to look at the decoration. On it, was Tom’s name in glittery paint, and the year 2001 painted on it. It looked like one that you made in primary school, the kind that parents loved to receive. Sadly, the same couldn’t be said about your parents, since anytime you brought some artwork home that you lovingly made in school, it was always discarded in the trash.
While you were in the living room, Tom was met with many questions regarding you as he helped Sam in the kitchen.
“She’s pretty.” Sam commented while concentrating on perfecting the Christmas pudding for dessert.
“Yeah, she is.” Tom added, leaning back against the countertop.
“There’s something about her that I really like.” Sam remarked.
“Like what?”
“She seems nice, and down to earth. I think she would be good for you.” Sam spun around to look at Tom.
“True, but I don’t know much about her. She could be in a relationship with someone else for all I know.” Tom crossed his arms in front of his chest.
“If she was in a relationship with someone else, she sure as hell wouldn’t be here.” He wiped his hands on a tea towel. “I know you like her too.”
The corner of Tom’s lip turned up into a small smile. “I do, you’re right. I just don’t want to get my hopes up already.”
Sam knew his brother enough to know that his heart has been broken many a time, and it made sense that he was hesitant to like someone new. However, Sam was blessed with great intuition about people, and so for him to say that he liked you already meant a lot. He walked over to his brother and placed his hand on his shoulder. “She seems really nice, so far mum likes her, and so does Tessa, and you know she’s picky about people. Well, they both are.” He patted his brother's shoulder, taking a step towards the door.
“Dinner’s ready.” Sam stated to his family, and went into the living room. He saw you admiring the Christmas tree, a small tear landing down your cheek. He watched as you wipe it away, and then turned to face him before he said anything.
“Sorry,” you sniffled, “I’m fine.” You answered half convincingly.
“Dinner’s ready.” He said softly, leaving the room. You followed him into the dining room, where everyone else was already sitting. There was a seat open next to Tom, and his mum.
After a prayer, the food was being dished up. There was a roasted turkey, some vegetables, cranberry sauce, roasted potatoes, and of course the Christmas pudding, all of which looked delectable.
As you ate into the turkey, you now knew why Tom loved Sam’s cooking, it was superb.
“Sam, you’re an excellent chef.” You mentioned once you finished chewing.
“Why thank you, Y/N.” He nodded his head to you, and continued to eat.
“So, love, not to sound intrusive-”
“You already do.” Tom muttered under his breath.
“Why were you going to spend Christmas alone?” She asked concernedly.
Everyone looked up from their plates to you, eyes wide in curiosity. You gulped before answering. Even though Tom’s family was more than gracious for having you over for dinner, you still didn’t know them enough to tell them your whole life’s story. And, considering how depressing the truth was, you didn’t want them to think differently of you. So, you decided to tell them a half truth.
“Well,” you gulped, “my parents are out of town.” It wasn’t entirely wrong, but it sure as hell wasn’t entirely right.
“I’m sorry, what for?”
“Mum.” Tom interjected. You looked over at him, noticing that his jaw was a bit clenched.
“Sorry, darling.” She said to you, “it’s just a shame that they would leave you alone on Christmas.”
“Tell me about it.” You muttered under your breath, mindlessly poking at the food on your plate.
The rest of the dinner went along well; it was mostly questions about yourself, the usual ones such as “what are you studying?” and “what’s your favourite artist?” you know, the usual questions. When his family wasn’t asking about you, they were asking Tom questions about how filming went, and how Spain was.
Right before dessert was served, the Christmas crackers were popped. Once people started to read the jokes, you laughed at how bad most of them were.
“I’m not even going to read this one aloud,” Dom commented, “It’s bloody rubbish.”
“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad darling.” Nikki replied as she peered over his shoulder to read it. “You weren’t kidding, it’s not even funny.”
“Told you.” Dom dramatically tossed the joke behind him. “Someone hand me a piece of paper and a pen, stat!” 
Once dinner was finally over, and much funnier jokes were written for the crackers, the family made their way into the living room to open their presents. They have a tradition to open the gifts after Christmas dinner, so even though Tom missed most of the day, he made it home in perfect timing to open his gifts.
“Love, I’m sorry that we’re going to open our gifts in front of you.” Dom said with a frown. He looked over at his wife, his eyebrow raising slightly.
“We should probably open our gifts tomorrow, yeah?” Nikki asked the boys collectively, “It’s impolite to open them in front of guests.”
“Oh, no. Don’t worry about that at all.” you reassured his family. “You should open them.”
They all looked at you once more to judge your facial expression, but when you gave them a smile, they began to distribute the gifts.
Gifts were exchanged, to each other, and even though you weren’t part of the family, you felt as though you were.
You saw Harry’s eyes well up with tears when he opened up the camera that Tom bought him, and him immediately snapping pics of everyone and everything.
Tessa loved her little sweater, and Dom and Nikki loved their matching sweaters.
As you sat there on the sofa, hot cocoa mug in hand, you broke out into a smile the whole time, so much in fact that your face hurt from smiling.
So this is what a loving family is like, you thought to yourself.
Shortly soon after, Paddy began to grow tired. He was rubbing his eyes, a yawn escaping his lips every other minute.
“Love, let’s go to sleep.” Nikki helped Paddy stand up. He leaned against her, he was about ready to fall asleep standing up.
“Goodnight Y/N, happy Christmas.” Paddy yawned once more.
“Goodnight little one.”
You watched the young boy and his mum walk towards his room. Looking up at the wall clock that hung near the mantle, it was nearly 10pm. You could’ve swore that the clock was wrong, clearly you haven’t been there for four hours, but once you checked your phone you realised it was indeed 10pm. You were having so much fun that the time got away from you, which wasn’t something you were complaining about. However, you didn’t want to overstay your welcome, so you were about to call an Uber for yourself when Tom offered to drive you home.
Everyone told you goodbye and wished you a happy Christmas, Tom’s mum even kissing you on the cheek.
“Happy Christmas love, thank you for having dinner with us.” She placed a hand on your shoulder and leaned in to whisper, “I hope you come spend more time with us soon.”
“I will.” You whispered back, smiling to her. She handed you your coat, helping you put it on even, and watched you and Tom leave to take you back home.
The ride home back to your apartment was quiet, but a comfortable silence. Tom, intently paying attention to the icy road ahead, would often sneak little glances over at you when he thought you weren’t paying attention. About 15 minutes later, he had pulled up right in front of your apartment complex. You lived right around the corner from the gift wrapping shop, so you weren’t kidding when you said you literally lived down the way.
“You live in a nice home.” He commented as he opened the car door for you. It was a home on N Audley Street, in Mayfair, which is one of the more expensive places in London to live. Very posh, he thought to himself.
“Thank you.” you kicked a small mound of snow over that had accumulated on the ground by the front step of your porch. “But I’m actually in the process of moving out to a uni apartment. It’s kind of a shame, really. This apartment is worth a small fortune, and I almost feel bad for wanting to sell it, but it’s not the same apartment as I remember, if that makes any sense.”
“No, no. it makes complete sense. Sometimes there’s a lot of memories attached to a particular place.”
You hummed in agreement to what he had just said, glancing over at him once more before making your way to the front steps.
“So, where are you going to Uni at?” Tom asked curiously, doing so as he brushed a bit of snow off his coat.
Without missing a beat, you answered, “Oxford.”
“Wow,” he breathed out, “that is kinda far. I can see why you’re selling the place now.” Tom followed you up the stairs and stood beside you on the stoop. A voice in his head told him to at least give you a kiss on the cheek, but he decided against it as he didn’t want to potentially ruin his chances later on down the road.
It wasn’t until you took a step closer to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek that he began to blush profusely.
“Whoa-”
As if you knew what he was going to say, you pointed up towards the top of the door where a piece of mistletoe hung. “That’s why I did that.”
“Oh.” He answered almost disappointingly, “makes sense.”
Trying to hide the fact that you were flustered after kissing Tom on the cheek, you unlocked your front door and opened it slightly ajar. You placed a hand on the doorknob, and the other on the door itself. “Thank you for everything.”
“You’re welcome.” He replied, still beaming from the kiss. He took a step back and headed down the steps towards his car.
You turned around to look at him, noticing how handsome he looked from behind. “Happy Christmas Tom.” You called out to him.
“Happy Christmas to you too.” He smiled, waving as he got into his car. You watched him as he drove off, waiting until he was around the block to go into your own home.
The apartment was dark and nearly empty, with a few boxes piled up near the door. Any other time this would have made you feel depressed, but not tonight. You were still glowing from the wonderful Christmas you spent with Tom and his family. As you made your way inside to get ready for bed, the memories were replayed in your mind. And for the first time in a long time, you could finally understand why Christmas was as adored and cherished as it was.
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the third chapter comes out next week! please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in it ❤
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amphtaminedreams · 3 years
Text
Farewell to Spooky Season, AHS Style: Lookbook no.12
Hi to anyone reading,
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Happy belated Halloween!
I capitalise it because if I'm gonna recognise any day as sacred, it’s the spookiest one of the year! Halloween 2020 obviously hasn’t been as exciting as usual, parties and club nights being banned has meant there’s been far less opportunities to dress up, but I still managed to get out for the night before they announced the upcoming second lockdown and do a couple of spooky movie nights (and carve a pumpkin!)!
I originally intended for this lookbook to be last minute halloween costume inspo but I was lazy and didn’t manage to get it out on time-a lot of these looks minus the makeup and maybe an accessory or two could work on any day or night out so I thought I’d go ahead and post it now anyway. Celebrating the fashion moments of American Horror Story is something I’ve wanted to do for a while; it’s probably not the first show you’d think of for sartorial inspiration but Mr. Ryan Murphy has fucking fantastic taste in stylists and the first five seasons of AHS in particular, which I’ll be focussing on in this post, have given us SO many amazing looks. The man may be guilty of many things-subjecting us to the character of Will Schuester, trying to turn Richard Ramirez into a thirst trap, embarrassing everyone who raved about how good Scream Queens was when he wrote season 2-but costume related laziness is not one of them. We see more consistency in a Ryan Murphy character’s wardrobe than we do in their story arcs and I respect that because honestly, as much as I love joining in when it comes to ripping into his ability to cohesively bring an AHS season to a close when it airs, I’d probably be the same; if you put Lady Gaga in front of me and told me to write her lines I’d probably end up getting overly invested in what her character was going to be wearing in the scene too. 
So! Enough Ryan Murphy bashing from me! I’ll get on with it! Starting with 3 season 1 inspired looks:
Murder House: Elizabeth Short, Tate Langdon and Violet Harmon
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-striped jumper from caitlinlark on Depop, kick flare jeans from ellagray-
When it comes to reflecting on season 1 of American Horror Story, all I can say do is thank the internet overlords that Tumblr has moved on from the romanticising school shooters and wearing normal people scare me tops phase to instead collectively taking the piss out of the “GO AWAY, TATE!”, “YOU’RE ALL THAT I WANTTT! YOU’RE ALL THAT I HAVEEE!” exchange. 
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In terms of fashion *moments*, whilst season 1 doesn’t stand out as much as the seasons that come after, Violet and Tate’s wardrobes did give birth to a bit of a 90s grunge renaissance with their oversized knits and faded jeans and layering of textures. It did also give us good costumes in the form of Alexandra Breckenridge’s Moira O’Hara and Mena Suvari’s portrayal of the Black Dahlia, Elizabeth Short; unfortunately, I didn’t have a slutty maid costume lying around so I did the best I could at giving the outfit Elizabeth wears when she makes that fateful visit to the Murder House a modern, more party appropriate update.
In terms of season rankings, Murder House isn’t my favourite. It starts off really great but lulls a bit towards the end and I could never get behind Violet and Tate as a couple because you know, one of them is a school shooter who sexually assaults the other’s mum, and that’s a hurdle that I think most couples might struggle to get over irl. That being said, it was the season that started it all and showcased some of the most innovative writing and directing on TV, and it opened up a spot for horror on primetime television which as far as I know was kind of unheard of before then. Back when I first watched it, I had no idea what to expect not only because I’d never seen horror in a serial format but also because it seemed to be able to get away with the kind of storylines you’d expect network executives to fire people over. It introduced us to Jessica Lange and Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters and Denis O’Hare who would go on to make the show what it is today and more importantly, through Jessica’s glorious portrayal of Constance Langdon, provide us with an endlessly versatile meme format for this trying time.
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Asylum: ‘60s Lana Winters, ‘70s Lana Winters, and Sister Mary Eunice McKee
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-afghan coat from louisemarcella on Depop, red AA skater dress from julietramage, pink gingham co-ord from zshamim-
I think we can all agree: Asylum would’ve been a perfect series of television if it wasn’t for the completely unnecessary alien storyline. Like, I get that they fit in with the whole good vs. evil theme as a kind of non-biblical alternative to the idea of a higher, all-powerful being but there was already so much going on that it just wasn’t needed. Aside from that, I think the general consensus amongst watchers of the show is that Asylum has the best writing of any season and I think I’d tend to agree. It’s not my favourite because it’s too depressing to rewatch but if we’re talking the first time round, this is the series that had me hooked. Lana Winters?
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Iconic. 
Sister Mary Eunice? Iconic. The Name Game? Iconic. Remember when you couldn’t go a day on Facebook without seeing that one photo of Naomi Grossman as Pepper used as the go to “what I really look like” photo in one of those “expectation vs. reality” style posts on your newsfeed? Those were simpler times.
Because this season was mostly situated within the hospital, we didn’t get that many proper outfits but when we did, they were stunning; if I had to state my absolute favourite AHS character of the entire show I’d probably go with Lana Winters and the part her wardrobe played in her characterisation would 100% play a part in that. The late 60s/early 70s was such a wonderful period for fashion and through her character we get to see both of those explored a little. Of course there’s also *that* Sister Mary Eunice scene with the red slip dress and suspenders too which yes, could be a perfect halloween costume, but I also strongly believe should be a perfectly acceptable outfit for any day of the year. 
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Coven: Misty Day, Madison Montgomery, and Zoe Benson
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-chiffon dress from rags_to_riches on Depop, pinstripe corset from hanpiercey, and tennis skirt from mollie_morton-
I hate to be a basic bitch but I have to say it: Coven is my favourite season of American Horror Story. Once you get over the complete waste of Evan Peters’ acting capabilities that resulted from the *choice* to have him play Kyle, the unnecessary rehash of the Evan/Taissa pairing from season 1 in what I can only assume was an attempt to capitalise on the popularity of the questionable Tate/Violet relationship, and the subsequent sacrifice of any interesting character arc we could’ve foreseen for Zoe Benson beyond her obsessing over a resurrected, non-verbal frat boy, it’s a perfect season. A supreme (heh) balance of horror, humour, and character drama, as well as the stunning aesthetics and forever quotable dialogue, make it my go-to season if I’m ever considering a rewatch. And if you disagree, let me jog your memory with the most mainstream (not to get all “normal people scare me” and suggest AHS is not a mainstream show, I literally just mean in the sense that even those who have never watched the show will have seen this)  reaction GIF set any FX show has even spawned:
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Buzzfeed employees had a field day, Emma Roberts enthusiasts (I mean me) finally saw her cemented as the pop culture icon Scream Queens has since showed us she deserves to be (because not enough people have seen Unfabulous, Nancy Drew or Scream 4) and the gays everywhere rejoiced at the year’s worth of meme fodder they’d been provided with. It was Madison Montgomery’s world and we were truly just living in it.
And the fashion! I mean, Stevie Nicks meets 21st century teenage witches! Come on! 
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Freakshow: Dandy Mott, Maggie Esmerelda and Elsa Mars
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-olive green satin skirt from morganogle on Depop, headscarf from tonijordan, platform sandals from elliefewt, PVC skirt from bethpin_, corset top from sadieflinter, beret from house_of_erotique, flame detail platform boots from mad_rags_vintage-
When people talk about the declining quality of AHS, they usually point to Freakshow as the beginning of the end, but I have to completely disagree. I wasn’t a fan the first time round but on rewatch it’s probably the most emotional season of them all; no, there aren’t as many “horrifying” moments as in other seasons and Elsa is probably Jessica’s worst performance (which is still an incredible one by anybody else’s standards), however it makes up for it with the most sympathetic bunch of characters yet, and on the flip side, also one of the most amusingly depraved with Finn Wittrock’s Dandy Mott. Fans usually argue that the season went downhill once *SPOILER* Twisty the Clown was killed off but for me, he really primarily served as the catalyst for the far more interesting devolution of Dandy, who, imo, is the show’s strongest villain to date, rivalled only by Bloody Face. Then there was the episode Orphans too which made me cry buckets, the sole AHS episode to do so. 
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We got a lot of great fashion content in this season too: the theatrical opulence of Elsa Mars’ wardrobe, “Maggie”’s nomadic fortune teller costumes, and all those twee suits we saw Finn Wittrock in. Highly underrated if you ask me. It seems an odd choice for me to use Elsa’s Dominatrix look as an inspiration for one of my looks here when we have that Life on Mars performance outfit and all the extravagant robes Jessica got to waltz around in for reference buuuut I didn’t really have anything to do the vibrancy of either of those justice so I went with the black leather option which is much more me. Am I saying I moonlight as a dominatrix? Maybe. Lol, no. I wish. It’s not for lack of trying. WHERE ARE ALL THE GENUINE TWITTER PAYPIGS AT!? Your girl wants to insult creepy men and get some new clothes out of it xoxo
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Hotel: Hypodermic Sally, Liz Taylor, and The Countess
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-silk white bralet from xlibby_maix on Depop-
Hotel is another season that I liked a lottttt more upon rewatch, once I knew I was okay to tune out the (completely predictable and utterly nonsensical) Ten Commandments Killer storyline that so much of the season initially seems to hinge on. I love Chloë Sevigny but the fact that her and Wes Bentley’s wooden John and Alex Lowe are positioned as the protagonists at the expense of the far more interesting Liz Taylor, James March and Hypodermic Sally really does a disservice to what is an otherwise great season upon initial viewing.
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The visuals this season are magnificent and I think if I had to pick one character’s wardrobe to steal from the entire cast of AHS characters, it would be The Countess (a toss up between her and Misty Day tbh, so I kinda just settle for low-key channelling both). No fucking idea where I'd wear any of her clothes to but I’d make it work. Liz Taylor and Hypodermic Sally have some amazing looks too-there’s just honestly so much to choose from; that being said, this post wouldn’t be complete without a specific ode to the vampire goddess Elizabeth Bathory, who is everything I want to be in life minus the murderous qualities:
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Everything. EVER-Y-THING. LOOK AT HER!
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Lady Gaga is really a fucking goddess isn’t she. And people were claiming before they’d even seen it that she couldn’t act? A patriarchal society doesn’t like women that can do it all. Just saying. 
Anyways!
That’s it for now! I hope you enjoyed the post if you did read til the end! Sorry I couldn’t get this out before Halloween, I was typing and Picmonkey-ing madly from 2 in the afternoon on the 31st but I taking fucking forever to get ready and had to abandon all hope of getting it out on the day by 4PM. I’ve got so much content planned and it sucks because a couple of them are lookbooks which now feel completely redundant given we’re heading into a second lockdown, but maybe I should just do it anyway? The grunge inspired moodboard I just did seemed to get a good reception too so I’ve got some more of them planned. 
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As always, hope everyone is keeping well, and feel free to inbox me with any suggestions, queries or even just to say hi if you need someone to talk to! I check here quite a lot so I should see it. Lots of love to everyone in this time!
Lauren x
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Text
Here’s that Meta-Ficlet of Scoobynatural starring Daphne/Fred parallels to Cas/Dean. You could read it on AO3 instead.
“Hey, man, so like…” Shaggy trailed his words off as the dude halted in his steps. His shoulders were large and intimidating but his face made him seem softer and more approachable. It was easier speaking to the guy, Castiel, when faced with his - well, face .
Castiel, but the other two dudes called him Cas, raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Shaggy?”
“Can I call you Cas, man?” That wasn’t the question Shaggy had intended, but it was equally as important. Shaggy might not have been born Shaggy, but Shaggy was the name he preferred. That didn’t mean that was true for Castiel. Castiel might have only preferred people he knew to call him Cas, and did Shaggy even know the strange little guy beyond his name?
That seemed to give Castiel pause. He hummed, turning to look at Scoob who had totally stopped to watch the conversation. Castiel turned that all-seeing and comforting gaze to Shaggy with a smile. “Yes, you may. I have no preference if you wish to call me Castiel or… Cas .” His eyes sparked for a moment as he continued, and it was the liveliest Shaggy had seen the man on their hunt for the ghost. “I have been told that nicknames are means of showing affection, though, so I understand if referring to me as Cas seems too intimate for our newly acquired acquaintanceship.”
Blinking rapidly, Shaggy nodded. “Like, I think I get you, man. Sometimes those names are just who we are, though, dude.” He chuckled, looking to Scoob and gesturing between the two of them. “Like, me and him? Man, we weren’t born Scooby and Shaggy.”
“Ra,” Scooby intervened enthusiastically. “Ri rame is Roobert.”
“Scoobert?” Castiel furrowed his brow, and his head quirked in a peculiar manner. There wasn’t much about this little trench-coated dude that wasn’t peculiar, but Shaggy wasn’t one to judge. He knew what people thought of him. He was peculiar, but peculiar wasn’t bad .
“Rhat’s re.” Scooby pointed to himself, grinning before he looked to Shaggy. “Raggy’s ras ramed Roville.”
Again Castiel nodded slowly. “...Norville?” His frown deepened. “I… had assumed most nicknames were derivatives of forenames.”
“Not always,” Shaggy shook his head, placing a hand on Castiel’s shoulder. “But like, sometimes we just pick new names, dude. Cas is a nickname since someone else nicked your name.” He chuckled before pointing to himself. “But me? Shaggy is my name, dude. It’s the name I chose.”
“I… see.” Castiel said, even though it did not seem like he saw . Shaggy could understand. Names were pretty complicated sometimes. Or, like, the feeling of names could be complicated. “And what if…” Castiel began before pressing his lips tight together. As if he could trap his thoughts within his skull.
Scooby and Shaggy looked at one another before turning back to Castiel. “Like, what if what, dude?” Shaggy raised his brow in inquiry and felt it reflected in Scooby beside him.
“What if one does prefer the… name that has been nicked?” Castiel looked to Scooby and Shaggy, his eyes looked totally blue under the mansion’s candlelights. “I sometimes feel as if… Castiel is no longer who I am. But… Cas feels right.”
“Rhen rou are Ras.” Scooby grinned, tail wagging as he spoke. “Right, Raggy?”
“Like, totally right, dude.” Shaggy matched Scooby’s grin. “If you feel like a Cas, then you’re a Cas, man!”
Cas smiled softly. It seemed to reach his eyes this time which made Shaggy feel like he appreciated the talk. “Thank you, Shaggy. Scooby.” He gestured to the both of them in kind.
Shaggy laughed easily. “Like, of course, man!” He grinned as Cas turned to continue their ghost-hunt. Then he totally remembered what he was trying to ask in the first place. “Yanno, it really seemed like you and that Dean guy are super tight. That’s why I call Scooby-Doo, Scoob.”
“Yes, I… suppose that is similar.” Cas spoke over his shoulder, continuing down the hall. Shaggy and Scooby walked behind him a short distance. The arches of the mansion were downright creepy and the windows were awfully spooky, but Cas was a big guy. It was like walking around with another Fred.
“When the gang splits up, Scoob and I always go together, right Scooby-Doo?” Shaggy offered a grin to his bestest buddy in the whole wide world.
Scooby returned it easily. “Right, Raggy. Rou and re always ro rogether.”
Shaggy threw his arm over Scooby’s neck, pulling him into a momentary hug. “That’s because we’re the best of buds, dude.” He looked to Cas’ shoulders. “That’s like why I was surprised that Dean didn’t wanna go with you searching for the g-g-ghost, man.” Shaggy could not help the involuntary stutter at the thought of the ghost.
Cas’ movements stopped and Shaggy nearly bowled him over. Shaggy and Scooby scurried to right their footing as Cas spoke. “I suppose that is because Dean wishes to spend more time with your friend Daphne.”
“Daphne?” Shaggy furrowed his brow. “Don’t get me wrong, man, Daphne is totally cool, but like why would he want to spend time with Daphne and not you ?”
There was an odd movement to Cas’ shoulders that Shaggy couldn’t place. It seemed Scooby was more insightful since he looked on rather pityingly. “Dean is… attracted to your friend and would like to… shoot his shot .” Cas’ gaze turned to one of the curtains that a stray breeze had caught as if that were a real clue.
“Like, I don’t know what that means, man, but if you mean he wants to take Daphne dancing then he’s outta luck, dude.” Shaggy spoke apologetically. “Fred and Daphne are pretty much a sure thing.”
Cas turned to face Shaggy and Scooby again, eyebrows raised to his hairline. “I was under the impression that Fred and Daphne were not in a romantic relationship with one another.”
Shaggy shrugged. “Nah, but they’re totally it for each other, man.”
“Rotally it.” Scooby nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, like, it’s always a will they or won’t they, but we always know they’re gonna. One day.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Totally crazy since they both know how into each other the other one is.”
Cas thinned his lips again, gaze flickering around the hall before coming back. “What if they don’t know?” He asked softly, stepping forward and eliminating the space between himself and Shaggy and Scooby. “What if Fred doesn’t know if Daphne… thinks about him in that manner? It’s not a sure thing for Fred, because how could Daphne ever ---” his words are stopped abruptly before he continued in an even softer voice. “Daphne knows what she wants. She always goes after what she wants. If she wanted Fred, then she’d already have him. Because he’s already hers.”
Shaggy blinked again, sharing his startled expression with Scooby before turning to look at Cas. Man, now he did look pitiful and Shaggy understood what Scoob was picking up. “Man, are we talking about Fred or are we talking about you , dude?”
“I just think,” Cas began with a sigh, “Daphne Blake is a very accomplished person. If she wished to pursue Fred, she would.”
“Man, I think you’re like, selling Fred short, dude.” Shaggy frowned. “Freddy is awesome. He drives the Mystery Machine and he puts together clever gadgets and doohickeys to catch ghosts.”
Cas tilted his head, looking a distance away. “Then perhaps Dean is Fred in this scenario.”
Scooby nodded sagely. “Reah. Reddy rust roesn’t row rhat Raphne rikes rim.”
“Totally, dude.” Shaggy agreed. “Freddy totally  doesn’t know that Daphne digs him. It’s like Cas said.” He gestured to Cas as he continued. “Cas - er, Daph - could totally have anyone she wants, so if she wanted Freddy she’d go out and take him. Fred doesn’t think that Daph wants him, yanno?”
“But that’s not true.” Cas spoke firmly. “Fred is the only thing that Daphne wants. And Fred knows it.”
“Then, like, what’s stopping them, man?” Shaggy shrugged furrowing his brow and feeling a little out of his depth. Scooby didn’t look too much better, either.
Cas sighed and his heavy shoulders seemed to weigh him down. “There has been… many choices that Daphne---” he cut himself short and sighed again, “that I have made. That has been me choosing something else over Dean. It’s not because I wanted to choose anything other than him, but…”
Scooby shook his head sadly. “Rou rhose rhem ror rim.” He placed his front paw on Cas’ arm.
“Yes,” the strange dude with his strange name and sad eyes looked so much like a sad puppy. And sad puppies were Shaggy’s weakness. “Something like that. I’m afraid after not outright choosing Dean for so long that… that he no longer cares that I do choose him. That I only want to choose him.”
“You know, Cas,” Shaggy started small, “when the gag splits up, Daph always goes with Fred.”
“Fred asks her to.” Cas answered despite there being no question.
Shaggy snapped his fingers excitedly. “Totally! Because Fred wants Daphne to go with him, ya dig?”
Cas furrowed brow softened and his sadness began to dissipate slowly. “I… Fred chooses Daphne too. They just choose differently.”
Shaggy and Scooby offered one another a shrug before nodding to Cas. “Sure, man. That . It sounds kind of confusing when you say it like that, though, dude.”
“I dig it .” Cas’ soft smile stretched into a grin. “Thank you, again , Shaggy and Scooby.” He looked to the two of them and his sad blue eyes became sort of like summer skies that reminded Shaggy of picnics by the lake. “You two are very dear to me.”
“You’re our friend too, man.” Shaggy slung his arm over Cas’ shoulder. “Now come on. Usually Scoob and I forget ghost-hunting, and go snack-hunting .”
“Reah. Rive rangerously.” Scooby piped up from Cas’ other side. Together the three of them continued down the hall, monster momentarily forgotten.
🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕
“Dean?” Cas asked carefully, admiring Dean’s profile from where the man sat within the heart of the Dean Cave.
Dean removed his gaze from the television screen to raise a brow toward Cas. “What’s up, Cas?”
In front of them, an older episode of the Scooby-Doo show played. Cas had presumed that Dean would have wanted a break from the show, especially given how he hadn’t gotten to realize his fantasy of ending up with Daphne. However, the hunter had been adamant about binging the show in memoriam of their time spent in the cartoon.
After taking a moment to collect his thoughts, Cas continued. “Why do you think Fred and Daphne aren’t together?”
The question must have surprised Dean. The beer he was lightly sipping on sprayed out of his mouth and dribbled on his chin. It should have been unattractive, but Cas was drawn to watching the amber liquid trace Dean’s face.
“Fred is such a tool , Cas.” He scoffed. “He’s dumb, blond, and the only cool thing about him is that he drives the Mystery Machine , which---” Dean excitedly leaned toward Cas, “did you know it’s actually Shaggy’s van? Like, what the hell? Fred has to take someone else’s car to be cool ?”
“I think you’re selling Fred short, Dean,” Cas smiled softly, watching as Dean’s amusement flickered into confusion. “Fred is a very determined man, and clever too. He is inventive and kind. Considerate to a fault, considering that Shaggy does not wish to drive the Mystery Machine and would prefer that Fred take care of it.”
Dean rolled his eyes, hiding his scoff beneath the rim of his beer bottle. “Yeah, that van must be such a burden on him.” Something passed behind green eyes and Dean’s demeanor shifted. “You sound pretty invested in Fred there, buddy.”
Cas sighed, shoulders feeling heavier by the moment. “I suppose you could say that.”
“I didn’t, uh…” Dean trailed off awkwardly. “If I’d have known, we coulda split up so you got to go with Fred, yanno?”
Squinting his eyes at Dean, Cas raised a confused brow. “What?”
“Well, I mean,” Dean started, “Sam got Velma, and I tried with Daphne, so…” he gestured with his hands in a motion that Cas couldn’t understand. “If you wanted to, yanno, shoot your shot or whatever they call it nowadays with Fred, we coulda---”
“I do not wish to engage in intercourse with a cartoon character , Dean.” Cas huffed in exasperation.
Dean’s cheeks flushed, drowning his freckles from view. “It’s not about having sex with them!” He huffed in his own defense. “I’m just sayin’ gettin’ to first base with Daphne Blake was my dream as a kid.”
“And now?” Cas pursued. “What do you want now, Dean?”
“Now I just wanna survive until tomorrow , Cas.” He answered much too earnestly and softly. “But for a moment I could forget I was in this life. Forget that I live in a world where I have to face demons and gods and monsters, and I could pretend that I could just kiss Daphne Blake.”
Pursing his lips and averting his gaze, Cas nodded. “I see.” He spoke gently before pushing himself up to stand.
Dean furrowed his brow, looking from the show to Cas again. “You done for the night, man?”
“Yes, Dean.” Cas offered a half-smile, something he knew that humans felt more comfortable seeing stretched across his inhuman face. “Good night.”
“G’night, Cas.” Dean called to him, but he already began to make his way out of the Dean Cave.
Perhaps that was why Fred never went after Daphne. It had nothing to do with their compatibility nor her attainability. Perhaps it was just because Fred was looking for something else. Daphne lived in a world of ghosts and monsters, and while Fred could never be Fred Jones without his mystery-solving and trap-making, maybe he was holding out for the hope that one day he could have more .
Too bad Daphne Blake wasn’t enough.
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How would the companions react to Sosu wanting to break up? How would they deal with being without them?
Cait:
She just knew it would happen. She knew that something as good as you..she didn’t deserve it, she was just surprised it took you this long to figure it out and decide to leave. Nonetheless, she was still hurt by how effortlessly you suggested “taking a break”, how she wished you would’ve at least cried or sounded a little choked up. As a matter of fact, a piece of her really wanted to punch you, beat you to a pulp for hurting her all over again, even if she thought she wasn’t worthy. You shouldn’t have ever given her that much hope damnit. She let you leave though, nose not bloodied and all the teeth still in your mouth. Dare she admit it, it was probably because she still loved you..no matter how bad you just hurt her. However it was only the beginning of yet another spiraling for cait. Psycho, jet, buffout and tons of drinks were to become her future. She would destroy herself, but she’d at least have some fun before she did.
Curie:
She was..confused at first. Yes that was a good way to describe it. “I-I’m not sure I understand..I-is there..is there something I did wrong?” She asked you with a soft look to her naturally gentle eyes. With a sigh you’d explain to the best of your abilities, trying your hardest to not cave in when you saw a small tear roll down her cheek. It was over and she knew it. She didn’t understand why but..she knew it. So with a shaky inhale, she’d compose herself, nodding in acknowledgment before furrowing her eyebrows and leaving the room. It was only whenever she was in private, she allowed herself to yell, sob and cry her heart out. After the break up, Curie as expected, would immerse herself even more into her studies. To make herself feel better, she decides that you not being with her has made her even better with her work but truthfully? She misses you terribly.
Danse:
“Danse..are you listening to me?” You’d have to repeat, trying so hard to keep up the stern tone you had initially used to break up with the man. He heard you, he couldn’t believe it though. With wide amber eyes, resembling that of a kicked puppy, his mouth would part- words refusing to come out despite how hard the man tried to form them. Eventually he just settled for taking a couple strides closer to you, a large hand grabbing your arm just as you decided to start walking away. Not knowing his own strength, the ex Paladin would probably end up leaving a bruise from how desperately he tried to pull you to him- just wanting to pretend he didn’t hear what you said at all, that maybe you didn’t say it and he could embrace you. It couldn’t be over so easy? Right? It didn’t matter because in the end you still withdrew from him, walking away even as tears streamed down his face. Was it because he was a synth? Did he fail you in some way? Were you just bored of him? The Paladin didn’t even want to know, instead he’d spend quite a few of his days hunting down ghouls and mutants, daydreaming of a way to make things right, his nights would be spent restless, the usually stoic man silently crying as he clutched a shirt you forgotten at his place, unable to stop himself from yearning for you beside him. He was once again, alone.
Deacon:
It hurt. Like, bullet to the asscheek kind of hurt. Deacon though...luckily for himself he was a master of putting up fake facades. As so, the man would brush you off, agreeing with roll of his eyes behind his shades. To be honest, his nonchalantness bothered you. However the minute you left, deacon fell apart. His days would be just a little more darker, even if you were still at his side as “friends”. Sure, he’d still cut up and make jokes with you but on the inside he was hating it. He really was starting to like you..no, he loved you. It no longer mattered though and that fact rendered him sleepless.
Gage:
Had you been anyone else, he would’ve put a bullet between your pretty eyes. Those same eyes he let himself fall deeply in love with...the very thought made the raider sick. He had shown you a piece of him that was never revealed to anyone else and still...you left him? Anger was certainly one thing he felt, boiling within his gut and exploding the longer he thought about it. In his mind you betrayed him. To make matters worse, you had the audacity to cry as you told him you no longer wanted to be with him..like you had the right. Deep inside though? Gage was hurt beyond repair, he really loved you..come think of it, he still does love you but he was smarter than to let himself get burned twice. Because of you, Gage would harden even more than he already was. He was still loyal to you as his overboss, fighting beside you..but it ended at that. Even if one day you decided that it was all a mistake, that you wanted Gage back, he would glare at you and turn on his heels to get a drink- which is bad considering he wasn’t one to fancy drinks.
Hancock:
His blackened eyes would blink, showing no emotion for once. Did he hear you right? Whenever you affirm that yes, he in fact did, Hancock would end up showing an emotion you never seen before, which was something to say considering he had always been an animated man. For once he showed true anger, slamming his hands against his desk and muttering for you to get the hell out of his face. He never thought he would’ve acted such a way, looking back on it and regretting it later..but he didn’t know what else to do and in the heat of the moment it made the pain he felt feel the slightest bit better. As you would assume, once he realized the magnanimity of the situation he would shed a few tears, rebound as many nights as he could and do all the chems he could find- yet none would help.
Macready:
The man felt completely helpless, baby blue eyes growing wide like a radstag in power armor headlights. He..he was open with you, let himself be completely vulnerable! Damn he even let you do the whole mutfruit thing..seriously though, he was only open like that with one other person. He didn’t expect to lose you too, yet here you were, breaking your relationship with three simple words “we’re through Mac.” He was so shocked he couldn’t barely say anything in response, finding his words to fizzle out to a pathetic cry when they finally formed. You had no pity on him though, just sighing and turning on your heels, leaving him to grieve yet another love lost. Once he pulled himself together he vowed to just focus on keeping a steady flow of caps going, even if that meant continuing to protect you no matter how bad it hurt. Don’t expect him to be nice though.
Maxson:
The words you spoke knocked the breath from his lungs. As the leader of a powerful military force, Arthur prided himself in being an amazing tactician. As good of one as he was, he didn’t see this coming. It certainly wasn’t what he was expecting when you requested his company in private, hell he was expecting maybe even a little quickie or something , not this...but it didn’t matter what he predicted, what was done was done. You just flatly told him “it’s over.” Before he knew it, Maxson’s tough exterior deteriorated to nothing- blue eyes filling with terror as he realized the thing that made him feel human, no, the person, that made him feel true love was going to leave him. He begged, dropping to his knees even- feeling absolutely pathetic..but it didn’t help. After the whole ordeal, Arthur would feel truly hallow, choosing to drown himself in duty and alcohol. If you still chose to stay in the brotherhood, he’ll be pretty darn petty, putting you on power armor cleaning duty or sending you to deal with mirelurks..but once he finds himself in his bed with another person, feeling like he wanted to die, he’d make it his mission to get you back.
Nick:
The moment you told him, he just nodded. It hurt too bad to say anything in his opinion, but he fully understood why. Even if you didn’t come out and say it, he knew that it had to have been hard..hard to wake up each day and roll over to see what he was. He was barely passing for being human, wires and other things poking out, he was painfully aware of it. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t think of any other reason why. It would hit him hard though. He’s certainly not the kind to try for rebounding, he already worked as much as possible so..he didn’t know what to do.
Old Longfellow:
Much to your surprise he wouldn’t have much a reaction, waving his hand with a dismissive gesture toward the door. Was he really telling you to get out? Yes he was. So he just watched, a deep frown shaping his features as you obliged. Like usual, he’d pour his afternoon drink, a far off look in his stormy eyes as he cast them down onto the amber liquid. It would only take a couple minutes for him to realize just how much he already missed your company. However it was at night when he no longer had your warmth beside him to cling to that he finally let all his emotion out- shedding a couple silent tears as he rolled to the opposite side so he wouldn’t have to stare at the emptiness next to him. Strangely enough though, to everyone else he wasn’t any different- acting eerily as though nothing happened.
Piper:
Automatically she’d start giggling, thinking you were just messing around. “That’s real funny blue, jokes on you, you can’t leave. I’m pregnant!” She started cackling, trying to return the joke..however her boisterous laughter subsided to a horrified grimace whenever she realized you weren’t laughing with her. Were..were you not joking? As quickly as she began to laugh, she stood up from her desk, walking up to you and scanning your face for any indication that you were just kidding. How she hoped you were..alas, you were not. For once she was rendered speechless, looking down at the darkly colored nuka cola on her desk- finding it unreasonably hard to look you in the eye. Whenever thud of the door closing registered she flinched, the sound ripping her from her distracted conscious. It was then she’d she’d a few tears, quick to wipe them away with her gloved hands and fight them back. She was better than that for fuck’s sake. Nonetheless, she’d do her best to avoid you after that.
Preston:
Shock wouldn’t have even begun to describe what he felt. From the very moment you sat him down, a solemn look in your usually bright eyes..he knew something was wrong. Even then he wouldn’t have guessed that your next words would’ve been “We’re done..” The very moment he registered what you said he found himself fighting the glassy blur of tears obscuring his vision and threatening to spill. He wouldn’t allow it to happen though. Instead he’d just ask a shaky “why?”. No matter what answer you’d give him, it still wouldn’t help ease the painful ache he felt deep within his chest. Days turned to weeks, weeks even turned to months and he just couldn’t shake the pain you inflicted. So to help dull it, Preston would start indulging in drinking, submerging himself deep into minutemen work when he wasn’t drunk..in conclusion, the poor man was lost.
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Book Review: You Deserve Each Other by Sarah Hogle
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So...this ended up being much more of an offbeat romance than I was anticipating! The originality here was inspired, entertaining in a way that paid off eventually, so I'm not complaining but STILL I cannot let this observation slide: the first hundred pages or so left me completely boggled as a reader. Irritated even. I wanted to scream at the romance situation so many times! I couldn't understand how or why two people who were as miserable together as Naomi and Nicholas seemed to be would be in a relationship together. Let alone be engaged to be married. They both seemed to loathe the idea! Hating not only the life they were leading as a couple but each other, too. In that regard, You Deserve Each Other was as backwards a love story as love stories can get--with an affianced couple hell bent on needling, torturing, and sabotaging each other and their impending "I do's." It reminded me a little of To Have and To Hoax by Martha Waters in that respect. Still, nobody can encompass a love-to-hate-to-love trope quite like Nicholas and Naomi. I won't lie, I had to strap myself in because their relationship was bumpy and loaded as hell. (So having her name their secluded, woodsy home Disaster was fitting.) Disastrous as their dynamic could be at times, I couldn't help but laugh at their elaborate schemes. Even when their behavior was beyond wicked. They were vicious, sarcastic, egotistical, borderline unlikable characters...yet compelling and sympathetic people with relatable struggles all the same. It was a crazy combination that shouldn't have worked but did. I can't explain it better than that. The ridiculous lengths these two took to get the upper hand were insane, though! Downright immature and selfish at times. They weren't communicating, weren't listening, and weren't being understanding. Nick's demanding overbearing mother, Deborah, didn't help things along, either. (She made Emily Gilmore look like a saint in comparison, and that woman is Chanel No. 5 scary!) Worse, neither knew what the other wanted nor needed. However, all of that did change substantially over time once Nick and Naomi let their masks slip free. Once they finally stopped pretending with each other. It was that slow erosion of facade, revealing the realness of personhood and vulnerability underneath, however, which gave this book its unique sparkle. And allowed me to root for the main couple at the end of it all. The most interesting thing about this book for me was this, though: appearances can be deceiving. It took me a while to realize the story was being told by an unreliable narrator. (In my opinion, anyway.) Readers were only privy to Naoimi's state of things and it soon became obvious that her point of view was narrow. Limited. Even a bit distorted. Her insecurities about herself, particularly with regards to her career and how she was weary of not receiving the support/understanding she needed from her fiancé about it, marred her interpretation of his intentions. His actual feelings. I didn't recognize the effort he'd been putting into saving their relationship until she did. It hit like an epiphany, which was well done. I genuinely thought Nicholas and Naomi despised each other at the beginning (and, hey, maybe there were times they only thought they cared about eighteen percent or so) but the thing is they didn't. Love was under the surface the whole time. The problem was that when they first met they weren't being authentic. So, later, two years after the honeymoon phase ended, we had two people who were forced to remove their Everything Is Great pretense and become acquainted with reality. With their true selves. Only then could they grow back together--stronger, better, healthier than before. Love is never all sunshine and roses. It's about honesty and openness. It's about confronting problems, making compromises, accounting for the other person's feelings, being heard, believing you're seen and wanted. These are the things that Nick and Naomi learn to navigate in their relationship over the course of the novel, and if you
stick with it despite the initial distance between them, the immaturity, then I think you'll find their evolution to be all the more wonderful for it. A witty, creative, and engaging debut all around! A reverse whirlwind, if there can be such a thing in romance. (If there can be, Hogle slamdunked it.) Just know your sides will be aching from laughter by the time you finish. 3.5/5 stars
**Goodreads
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How it is to kiss the FO4 Companions??? Like the thing you wrote for how it is to hug them! I love that ask sm ;;;;;
There will be 2 categories on the majority of them (platonic and romanced), both because I love them all and to make up for the lack of content :^)
Cait
Platonic; Cait isn't a huge fan of kissing unless it's a bridge into much steamier situations, especially with people she isn't romantically interested in. In fact she has a bit of a distaste in them all around, rolling her eyes whenever she sees a couple kiss or make out around the wasteland and punching any snarky asshole who dares to ask for one. That form of intimacy just makes her feel queezy.
Romanced; Kisses still aren't Caits strong suit even when in a relationship with Sole, finding them awkward to initiate and even more awkward to receive since she's not used to them in a traditional sense. She does attempt to incorporate them into her relationship, as long as Sole doesn't make a big deal about it. The only time she feels as if kissing is needed, if not required, is during sex. Though she does try to use them more, mostly to get out of verbally expressing her admiration for them.
Favourite spot to kiss; collarbone
Codsworth
Platonic; His lack of a mouth is the downfall of when he wishes to reassure Sole with a peck, resorting to gently tapping one of his eyes against their cheek while making the sound of a kiss. Sole more often than not returns the gesture with a small peck on the mainframe of his body, which fills his little body with a warm sensation which he finds completely unmatched.
Curie
Platonic; Much like hugging, kissing becomes a big part in Curie showing her affections for those she meets. It takes a few moments for her to finally understand the concept that if done in the wrong way, kisses can be seen as highly inappropriate and should be left for those she knows personally or others with similar tendencies. But not many people complain about her affections because it's impossible to get mad at her for long.
Romanced; when reassured she's allowed to kiss Sole whenever and wherever after they begin their relationship, she exploits it, while maintaining a professional-ish standpoint to avoid embarrassing them too much. But who could hold back from showing their lover just how much you love them?! Definitely not Curie. Her kisses are short and sweet, just like her and often taste like sweets, which she has a mild addiction to.
Favourite spot to kiss; cheek
Danse
Platonic; He used to believe kisses to be an activity done strictly between a romantically intimate couple, and is therefore taken aback immensely when he's gifted a kiss on the cheek from Sole as a token of thanks after he assisted them with building up a small hut in sanctuary. He reminisces on it much longer than he'd care to admit, but grows fond of the expression. The only place he's only give Sole a kiss though would be the top of their head, mainly as a reassurance that they did good.
Romanced; Still few and far between. He's a professional and puts a lot of importance in his outward appearance as someone who should be respected, but still be able to be interacted with in a kind and big brotherly manner. This means kisses are reserves for secluded areas only, which he only deems to be their house in sanctuary. But when receiving a kiss from Danse, you have no reason to complain about the gap between, because the man makes sure to make each one count. His lips are surprisingly soft and warm, making Sole melt immediately while their breath is SNATCHED.
Favourite spot to kiss; forehead
Deacon
Platonic; He's never much of a kisser, much more of a hugger. Though he will acquiesce to keep in character whenever on missions for the railroad. Aside from that, he simply finds kissing to be something done mostly for romantic purposes. Though he does joke around with kissing Carrington whenever he (begrudgingly) helps him.
Romanced; As opposed to his platonic nature, the man loves giving and receiving kisses, taking every chance he can to surprise Sole with a peck or two throughout the day. While keeping his mischievous nature by aiming a lot of them on Soles neck and jaw, disappearing as quick as he appeared once he achieved in making them all hot and bothered.
Favourite spot to kiss; neck/jaw
Dogmeat
Loved (because we all love dogmeat and dogmeat loves all); German shepherds aren't the slobber-ist breed of dogs, but don't underestimate dogmeats affection or you will be in a very messy surprise. Kisses can be expected every time you hug him, as well as being his method of waking you up. He also loves receiving kisses just as much! Turning into a giant wiggly worm of excitement whenever Sole even makes the sound of kisses, which never fails to grab his attention.
Favourite spot to kiss; all over the face
Hancock
Platonic; John is a very affectionate person and has no qualms in showing it. Though hugs are his go-toos for any new comers. Once he gains a personal connection, kisses are almost always garaunteed. Most of them land on the cheek and forehead, and often leave the area he kisses warm to the touch. It's also just super convenient for him to kiss because there's no problem with a nose getting in the way.
Romanced; if dating the John Hancock, one must simply be ready for a lot of affection, regardless of the setting. And his biggest show of affection that's deemed suitable for public areas, is of course, kissing, which Sole soon finds out. His lips are textured, as is his tongue, which only works in his favour to make Sole a hot mess by the end of it. Kisses with him also have a small taste of whatever chem or drink he had just had, giving Sole mild effects each time.
Couldn't figure out how to input this in but he'd totally take a huff of jet and blow it into Soles mouth while they kissed.
If Sole was into that.
But who wouldn't be tbh.
Favourite spot to kiss; lips
MacCready
Platonic; Mac is a big kisser! Mostly on the forehead, to signify his approval or a non verbal way of saying "good job" to sole. The only time he'd refrain from it is whenever hes in the presence of a tough looking character, not wanting to come off as someone who should be taken lightly.
Romanced; Once again, he's a softie for kisses. Give him one and he will without fail return the favour. Still being a child t heart and unable to contain his pure joy, he often has spurts of complete admiration and puts a ton of small smooches all over Soles face, especially if they had to leave for a period of time. He's a bit of an amateur to the whole deep make out sessions and is pretty messy when tongues and teeth get involved, but he tries his best!
Favourite spot to kiss; between the eyebrows
Nick
Platonic; He's rather cautious of letting anything get near his face, the missing metal casing on the side of his head being a concern and the risk of accidentally cutting someone causing him to be cautious around any physical contact. To circumvent this whenever he wishes to grant Sole with his approval, he puts a gentle kiss on the top of their head, if they were comfortable with it.
Romanced; ever so the gentleman Nick Valentine is, he asks Soles permission to kiss them whenever he wishes, their answer always being in his favour. His lips are cold to the touch, sending shivers down Soles spine each time. More often than not his hand would cup the side of Soles face to anchor them in, wanting the moment to last as long as it possibility could.
Favourite spot to kiss; back of the hand
Piper
Platonic; As a big sister she loves annoying Nat with big smooches, but aside from her she never physically kisses other people. She does have a huge habit of blowing kisses, usually out of spite to disapproving townspeople and the Mayor. It's also one of her only methods of successfully flirting. But aside from that, she never turns to any shows of affection to get information, and before Sole, she had no interest in dating.
Romanced; Pipers kisses leave an impact, her lipstick marking Sole regardless of how quick she makes them out of hesitation. She gains confidence quickly with her kissing though, her firey passion showing by the way she pulls them by the collar to catch them in a kiss, this confidence only appearing if someone else shows interest in Sole.
Y'all can't change my mind that she is a jealous baby who will go above and beyond to show that Sole is hers >:^(
Favourite spot to kiss; lips
Preston
Platonic; Though raised in a household where there was no shame in giving platonic affection by the means of group hugs and the occasional peck on the cheek (mostly by his mother), Preston has a great respect for people's personal space, so unless initiated by someone else he refrains from hugging or kissing someone regardless of the situation. He refuses mouth to mouth kisses however, uncomfortable with he thought of doing an act such as that with someone he's not romantically interested in. His go-to is the cheek, the forehead for younger individuals.
Romanced; His kisses always taste like coffee, since the man practically lives off of it, making each kiss pack a small punch. He reserves heavier sessions and the more passionate kisses to the solitude of their own quarters, resorting to small kisses in various places on Soles face to 'boost morale' as he calls it.
Favourite spot to kiss; nose (He finds their little nose scrunches adorable)
X6-88
Platonic; absolutely not. While he has little to no comment on if someone were to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, one should not expect anything of he sort to be initiated by him. The only exception is when it is customary, in which he as required to place a kiss on the back of someone's hand, but he has no motivation or reason to do any other form of physical affection.
Romanced;
He grows a fondness to kisses when he begins them with Sole. Though at first unsure on the purpose, mentioning the health risks. But when Sole begins gifting him small pecks, specifically on the mouth, he feels this... fascinating warmth run through his body, quite intoxicating. He quickly begins to return them, seeing Soles reaction bringing a similar warmth.
Favourite spot to kiss; temple
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